Morning Good - The 2023 Christmas Special - Episode 201

Episode Date: December 25, 2023

Chris Kinback and Ryan O'Toole join the show for this special holiday episode. They talk about rub and tug establishments, accidental hate crimes, and quality late night television.Thanks to Ryan and Chris for coming back on the show and thanks to everyone who has tuned in throughout the year. Hoping everyone has a fun holiday with lots of laughter.Check out more from our guests at the following links. Ryan is on Instagram @itsryanotoole and hosts his own podcast, The Ryan O'Toole Podcast.  Chris is on Instagram as well @chriskinback.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, good, good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. Good. All right. We're fucking. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Yeah. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.

Shit. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Oh, but good. Okay, okay, we're good. Shit. Yeah, yeah, let me just demonetize this immediately by just saying the dumbest shit.

All right, we're going. We're here at Chris Kimbeck. What's up, dude? And Ryan O'Too. This is the goddamn Christmas special, dude. Yeah, this is. People, if you're... This is coming out Sunday.

I hope you're leaving your family. You know this is for... This is you're on the way to get more alcohol. Yeah. Christmas happened. You got drunk. Yeah. But you ran out of booze.

And you're like, let me drive... Not in Massachusetts. They don't... No boo sales on fucking Christmas in Massachusetts. Oh, really? It's funny. Blue laws, yeah. I like that you think people are going to be listening to this.

Like, where you envision people listening to it? I give you a platform and you insult me. Insults me. He walks into my house for the first time ever for 13. He immediately takes a shit in my bathroom before he even says. Dude, I almost did that, bro. I literally, I was like, I was like, dude, I can't just take a shit. I tell you establish yourself as the alpha in the room.

You just go right for that. And then I'll be like, yeah, somebody go flush that. Yeah. Be like, somebody take care of that. That's not my problem. Just leave it in there. What shit in the shower, dude? Yeah.

Oh, dude, I kid did that on my basketball team in high school. Yeah? We're playing like North Middlesex. No, we're playing some team in the middle of fucking nowhere, Massachusetts. And we got smoked by them or something and he was pissed. And he said he had like stomach issues or something. So in the team, in the shower after the team, he took a shit, was like telling us about it. It was like joking around.

We like, yeah, I took a shit in the shower. We're like, I don't. don't know how that, I don't know if that's going to work out well. And it did not. Like, obviously, the janitor found it. And then that is the funny part because you're like, fuck this high school, but really just like some Mexican guys. Yeah, some guy had to clean it up. Were you still there? Did they, did you find out after you got back?

No, we found out. Well, he was telling us. And then on the bus ride back, we were just like, oh, that's not good. And then we found, we all got called down to the principal's office the next day. Yeah. At school and they're like, who's shit in the shower? We're all like, that one person didn't fucking point. You guys all snitched?

I think so. Yeah, I think everybody was like... And what did you got fucking blown out to some middle of nowhere? Yeah, we had no integrity. We had no integrity. It was the coach's son too, so we were all... She said, I'm a spart of shit. I didn't get in trouble at all.

I think he got suspended for like a couple games or something like that. But then it was just the know... It was just known as the guy that shit in the shower for the rest of it. It was not a bad thing to be known. It was pretty alpha. Dude, it is very alpha. It's also... It's funny to get charged.

How old was he 15? He was a freshman. I think I was a senior. He was a freshman. See, it's funny to get charged with shit, though, because it's such a weird thing to you're like, no, this is your shit. Because it's like, you have to claim, you mean, like, you could easily deny it. Be like, no, that's not what my shits look like.

Right. And then he claimed he had like stomach issues or stuff. And after the game, it's like, well, there's a bathroom, right? It's in the locker room. It was just no defense for it. And it was just like, yeah, what can you do? Yeah, at some point he had to be like, yeah, I did it because I was pissed at that team. Fuck that team.

I shit. in the shower because of that. From ages like 13 to like 23, shit is like a weapon. Like in high school and college, there was always people doing some sort of shit wars. Yeah, shit on cars and stuff.

I remember like shitting in bags and leave it? Like remember when, who was it, Billy Madison or something? Yeah, and then everybody wanted to do that. Someone did that to me at my aunt's house one time.

And I remember it was like the bag was lit. I knew what it was though. You know what I mean? And it like went out. And I'm like, I never found who did that. And I was like, I was searched in the,

streets. I was like asking people and shit. Like nobody fucks it. Nobody fucks a rhino tool with shit. I don't know if it was me and my aunt. I don't know if they would fucking with me and my on. Or maybe it was just random people. Yeah, yeah, it could have been that. So it's probably what it was, you know, but. Yeah, or maybe it's like not directed because you could just do this as like a joke and then you find out it's like a Muslim family that moved into now. Right, right. Like there's so many like Franks. That was the kid. That was the guy who did it. Dude, I forget where it was. It was in like, fuck, dude. It was like, I want to say it was somewhere down the salt shore a couple weeks ago. These kids were playing ding-dong ditch on like some

Asian dude who like just didn't understand it at all. This guy moved fresh from China. And they ding-dong ditched his house and he came out with a gun dude. That's the thing. You do it to the wrong people. And this guy got in trouble. And I'm like, what the fuck's that?

Like, what do you? That's part of playing the game though. It's like you run that risk of like I might get my ass. That's why it's fun. That's like ding dog ditch is fun or like prank calls and shit. That's fun. That's part of the excitement of it is some fucking crazy guy might pull out a gun. And it's ironic.

He didn't shoot him. His name is also ding dong. My buddies did one. Hopefully it's past the statute of limitations because they never, I don't think they ever got caught, but they took a shit on some like, memorial in the town that was like a big memorial of something.

And it happened to be... They've really done its job as a memorial. He has no idea. There was some big important statue. And they shit on it, just like out of the blue. Like, I mean, you know how kids are. You know how kids are. And it turned out, I want to say it was like a Jewish thing.

And it was right before like a big Jewish. So it looked way worse than it. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was still a terrible stupid thing to do. But then it was like in the newspaper and they're like, who would do this on this date? Especially. And they were like, oh, it happened to be Hanukkah.

They wanted to come out and be like, hey, I did it, but it wasn't, it wasn't because of that. But also you can't, you get it. No, you're going to take it to the grave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My shits are not anti-Semit. They're semetic shits. Yeah, yeah.

They're actually pro-Jewish. Yeah, that's a hard fucking thing. Yeah, like I said this story a thousand times But a similar thing happened at like This college where these guys This fraternity was peeing off a balcony And some guys walked by Like veterans walked by and got pissed on

Just because they were like in this stream And now it's like this fraternity like pisses on vets It's like that's not what it was at all There's something so disrespectful about any bodily functions Oh yeah Somebody out like pissing or spitting and shit like Yeah, sometimes you don't even mean it Like the other day I went and spit in the street

and there was a guy walking right by and he went like that and I was like, oh shit, that would have been really bad if I just spit on a guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it would have been. Yeah, exactly.

And then he definitely would have been a race that you can't spit on. The odds of him, the odds that I was going to hit a white guy. Yeah, it would have been bad. It's one of those things, though, too. It's like, it's also like that guy, if that happened and he clocked you in the fucking teeth,

he's not wrong. Right. You know, where it's like, so many people get into like physical issues, and shit and it's over bullshit. But it's like if you piss shit, spit, like, do anything like that? Yeah. Come on.

Anything. You were in the right to like, that's so wrong. Yeah. You know what I mean? There's a guy smoking, ripping butts on the subway the other night. Yeah. And everybody's just, it was like a guy that it clearly, he's been doing it. Yeah.

He's been doing it for a while because there's like a pile of butts right next time. So everybody's just kind of like leaving him alone. He's ripping butts. Some guy lights and incense. He's trying to like save the day. And he's like, here. And he's trying to, like, talk to, like, talk reason into the crazy homeless guy. He's like, here, I lit some incense.

So it doesn't, like, smell up the train. And the guy's like, fuck you. Yeah. You think I give a fuck? You're asking to get stabbed is what you're doing. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, what do you, like, go to another car if that's an issue. Exactly.

Also, it's like, the problem with the smoking on the train, it's not the smell. It's the fact that you're like secondhand smoking people. Like, there's nothing to do it. Nobody's like, oh, it smells. I mean, maybe a little bit. No, no. you should, it is like, well, then again, I've smoked on the train before, but it makes sense why people get mad, though, because it's also like if you're paying for the train, you shouldn't have to deal with that shit.

Totally, but additional smoke is worse. You know what I mean? It's not like you're getting rid of the smell of a shit. Like somebody's shit, and the guy's... And the train's disgusting no matter where you get on or anything. Right. Well, that's the thing I know, I have... I keep getting a fucking tonsillitis.

And now I have to be that fucking pussy. Is that contagious? No, no, no. Tonsolitis? You have to get your tonsils taken out? I do. Yeah, yeah. Like a fucking child, dude?

I remember that was cool. That was awesome in like. Like, middle, like, maybe like, like, elementary school. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I've had five grown men say that shit to me. They're like, dude, you're gonna get to fucking eat ice cream. I'm like, fuck you, dude.

It's like getting chicken pox right now. Yeah, I'm like, what am I fucking 10 years old? What's from your console? The perks will be cool. It will be nice to take hydros. How'd you get it? It's just like, it just, I just keep getting, my, my tonsils keep getting infected.

And, uh, my favorite was, so I got like a whole argument with somebody about this because, like, everybody keeps saying the same shit. They're like, oh, maybe you should be like licking random chick's ass. Yeah, I defend it. I keep saying, fuck you. I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want.

I should be like random shakes. I would never stop doing that. That's who I am as a human being now. And then I looked it up. It's like, can you get like this? And it's like absolutely. There's like a giant list. It's like so bad.

And I've been defending this for like years. I'm like, dude, licking assholes are cleaner than pussies. None of this is. There's no science to support any of this. But I've been just making these arguments. And then I read like one article. I'm like, this is really bad. It is funny how we think like a woman's asshole is for some reason

better than a guy's asshole. Dude, it is. They take a little more care of it because they know it's in play all the time. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. My asshole's never, I've never had to worry about it being. You know how to lay it with your bottle? You know?

No. Really? Yeah. I don't know that I, I'm not opposed to it, but I wouldn't encourage. Yeah, I'd be self-conscious. I'd be like, you don't want to do that. Yeah. Who's that for?

Yeah. Like, are you getting it? If you're not getting anything out of it, don't do it. Right, right, right, right. You know, I think it feels great. But I get, like, if you haven't experienced it, you're not just going to be like, just stick your ass. Yeah, please.

You never got a dick in your ass. Yeah. You haven't lived. You don't know what you miss it, dude. Although sometimes you get a massage and they'll... Sometimes you get a massage, by the way. Acting like we're all getting jerked off. They get really deep in, they get really deep in, they get really close in there.

And sometimes you feel bad about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever gotten a massage? Like, which not the massage is. Yeah, yeah. Just like any massage, they get kind of... I guess they don't get that close to your asshole if it's a regular massage. He's like, you know when the Chinese women start.

They're professionals. They know what they're doing. You know what I mean? It's like, I go for a fucking full body massage right the fuck now. I'll tell you. I'll give you. I'll give you full body. I'm all set with that. I could go for giving a full body massage.

Really? That's what I like. I'm joking. Okay. I'm bad to say. You're calling me gay for you get my butt hole in. Did now you're like, I love giving dudes. I love giving dudes.

Yeah. Well, it's like, I've never, by the way, I've never. That's why you came over here. Yeah. I was like, oh, I thought I was here for the, to give the full body massage. Oh yeah, it's free. Free. No, probably.

You don't even have to pay me. I'll pay you. Get you lunch after this. Do you mind if we talk about that, by the way? No, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've never gone through a rubber. You said, oh, please.

I love what you said, oh, please, with a cup of tea like it's a project you're working on. Well, I just assumed we'd all been to a rubber tug before. You're telling me you have, you've never, you've never been to one. I bet jerked off by Dominatrix, but that's it. Oh, what is that? I've probably got like 500. It's a woman that says mean things to you. while you're kicking you off.

Oh, that's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. But that story's been covered. I want to hear about, okay, so you said you've never been to one. No. That's crazy. New York?

You've never been to one? Doesn't interest me. It really doesn't. Really? Yeah. I've never been a fan of hand jobs, dude. Oh, I love hand jobs. I've never been a fucking, like, obviously I'll take one.

I'll fucking. It's just like, yeah, it's just like, you know what I also. I love, so first of all, you look artistic as fuck right? You look such a New York, like you know what's going on. So when you talked about, you haven't gotten a Robituck in New York City. You sound like you haven't, like you guys are so uncultured.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You look like you know the neighborhood so well. Yeah, yeah. You guys haven't been to like a good, uh, coffee shop. Yeah. Do you go in there? Like, what do they do? They usually just offer it, right?

You can usually pretty much tell right away. Like if, if it's, uh, if it's, uh, if it's a sketchy, well, usually they got to buzz you in, which is the first thing. Most places, why would they, why would they have to buzz you in if they're not doing something sketchy? Usually it's on like the second or third floor of like a business building.

And, yeah, you can usually tell pretty much right. I mean, yeah, you can tell right away what kind of place it is. Although, so the one I just went to when I went in there, they, um, a friend of mine was like, I'll give you 50 bucks if you go in there. I was like, that's the easiest 50 bucks I've ever, I've ever got in my life. Well, you could just say who it was. He was on the, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's irrelevant to the story.

But somebody was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like, if you go in there, I'll give you 50 bucks. I was like, yeah, why would I not want to get a massage? That's such a funny, like, dude, I can't believe he's going to do this. Some people just so not risk takers that they get, like, blown away by certain things. You're like, you're going to get jerked off by a stranger. How great would it have been if it was a sting operation? He gets popped for solicitation 15 minutes later.

And he knew about it, yeah. Dude, I would say that had to be the fucking worst because you know when that, like, massage parlor got shot up. now, but I do remember that back in the day. It was like, imagine how shitty that's to be like the news shows up, but you're just a guy getting jerked off in like a towel. You're like, oh, fuck. I was just here, mine in my business. So you go in there.

Yeah, so. That would be the most shameful thing, though, to get busted in one of those. Because it's just very, it's pathetic to be. Yeah, yeah. You know. So, yeah, the one I allegedly went in the other day. It was, like literally 12 hours. Yeah, you can tell.

I'm having a tough time remembering it was so long ago but yeah you could tell you could tell what it is and this one was unique because I never had this happen before the lady that gave me the massage was very professional about it

not doing it nothing weird usually they start doing stuff weird pretty quick in like if you're yeah they'll be like telling you how how handsome you are and stuff like that and they'll be

like playing like they'll be really close to your asshole. Yeah. Like to the point where it's unnecessary how close they are. Yeah. But you're kind of like, okay,

this is happening. But with her, it was very professional. I had the towel on, had the towel on the whole time and everything. And then at the end, they bring in a ringer to fucking finish it off.

Okay. They bring in somebody from the, just from the street. They just pick up anybody. It's just like a crackhead from a Dougal story. He's like,

I'll fucking jerk you off. The black dude in the wheelchair. Yeah. My hands are good because I've been rolling all day. I got an extra grip on these. So yeah, that was something I'd never experience before.

Well, that's harder because then you didn't choose which one. Is she pretty? Not as pretty as the first one. The first one was like cute and the other one I was just like,

fuck. You're already committed at that point. I'm not going to be like, yeah, yeah, bring the other one back in. How much extra does it cost? So at the end, it was like,

I mean, it was like 60, but you tip them like 60, It was like 60 bucks with massage and then 60 bucks tip. Do you go out almost half of it paid for? Yeah. So at the end of the day, I was like, well, that was stupid. I fucking lost money on that.

Do they like... Can you dictate like speed and stuff like that? Can you be like... Yeah, you can get into it as you want. Depends how... How good is the English? Because that's got to be hard when they're like... They're doing the wrong.

I mean, I think hand jobs are the universal language. No matter what language you speak, everybody speaks hand jobs. Yeah. everybody knows like what's going on like yeah they have like the words down like they didn't speak great English but they have the see that's the thing

the only reason the reason I haven't gotten is because I feel like those places I worry if they were like what they're there you know what I mean is held in a basement yeah now that I'm saying it out loud I guess it doesn't sound that fucking well everyone will forget about it after it's not like it's recorded for the whole yeah I guess literally anyone

in the world to see so you guys don't know it's Nobody will even know about it. But, I mean, they are prevalent around. I mean, they are like a thing. They are a thing that exists. So it's like, I've heard the red door. Yeah, that's also crazy too because it's like, I don't know the morals behind this.

But if they are like there, like, if they are there in order to get citizens. What's the whole traffic thing? People say it's like they're there and then they're like sending money back home. But that's everybody. That's what every illegal is doing. They're all here and they're working different jobs and shit like that. That's just a job. Yeah.

Who really kills? Here's a question. If a guy... To have a guy... What's worse is having somebody living here legally, jerking you off,

giving money back home, or some guy who has to, like, clean shit out of the toilets and send money... I don't know. I don't know. I'd rather jerk a dude off. Actually, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

Would you rather jerk a dude off or, like, clean toilets? I don't know. If they don't hate it, if they're like... Who hates being jerked off? I look at it like the other way around. If I was doing it to, like,

chicks all day? Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna be like... That's not a fair comparison of... I was fingering girls all day. I mean, every guy. I mean, eventually, yeah, you get some hot girls. You get some gross girls.

But it's like, you just do it. Yeah. No, no. I've talked to like prostitutes about stuff. And they're like, sometimes they're like, oh, yeah, no, sometimes it's fun. Sometimes it's not. Yeah. There's also a weird line because I met some girl on field and she's like, oh, yeah, I've done

sex work. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, oh, I've fucked somebody from, she's like, there's this guy I wasn't that into, but I was like, hey, pay me 200 bucks. I'll fuck you. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

I guess there's a weird level of that. I think strip clubs are like that too, where it's like, they can probably decide. They can be like, okay, this guy's hot enough for me to want to fuck it. You know what I mean? It's where those things do where it's like, okay, he's hot enough for me to want to fuck him. But I don't have to like push it with the other guy. Now, there's going to be other guys who are like, please, I'll give you $800.

And you're like, fine, I guess I'll fuck you. Because that's the thing. It all sounds like fun and dandy, like, only fans, girls are like prostitutes or escorts until you got to fuck a guy that's like repulsive. Yeah. And like, there's probably a lot. But, I mean, out of the three guys here, who's fucked a woman who's repulsive? Yeah.

You know, the only way raised my hand. I'm a pure, purebred, clean bloodage. Only 10s. Yeah. Only 10s. Only 10s personality, why. You know what I mean? Charitable donation brads.

Yeah, humanitarian. Good vibes out in the world. Philanthropists. Yeah. Yeah. So then you get, you absorb that off of them after you. And that's how everything's, that's how my life's going right now, you know? You look fucking awesome about it.

You got gloves. Thank you. Those aren't. Pit fibers. What kind of glass are there? I have no idea. I got him at some store. Yeah, it looks fucking good. Yeah, I caught a glove in the past game the other day, dude. Fucking, I shoved off fucking 12-year-old to fucking snatch some fucking game-one equipment, dude.

Now I'm not going to drop nothing. Did his dad get bad? I don't know. I told him I didn't get a fuck. It's funny that it was shit-faced. It was a game that passed got smoked. They played the chiefs on Sunday. Yeah. I mean, I guess they got beat, but I wouldn't say they got worse performance.

But it is weird to, like, throw your stuff into the cruise. crowd like you're, I feel like that's something you do after a win or after you did yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Oh, they were all pissed off walking off the field. Yeah, you can see it. But at least they did. At least they did that. They walk right by me. I'm like, it's one thing you can always tell. You can tell. It's why I like going to the games. You can see the players who really give a fuck. You can, you know, like, my seats are like right where they walk into the locker room. So like you can really like observe the players, you know. I have a video on my phone actually. It showed my buddy. It's on my other phone.

But it's the, I have Aaron Hernandez as a video of them. Uh, the last game you ever played when Baltimore beat us in the playoffs. I go, I watched it the other day. I go, oh, shit, this is the last time Aaron Hernandez ever played a football game. Really? I'm just filming him. I was like, because I was guys were walking on.

You could probably sell that to like some sort of news or documentary. Maybe it was just like a. Have him sign it. Yeah, what's he been up to you? It's going to be a free agent now, right? Yeah, yeah. That is crazy, dude. That, um, yeah, Hernandez was a, uh, what was the, I forget.

So he played the last game and then in the off season was, was when all the investment. So he had probably already done all his filthy shit. Yeah, yeah. And then he... You guys film me in about it. I'm not a sports fan. I'm not a big murder fan.

So a tight end for the Patriots. You gotta watch this document. Who is really good. He was a really good... Was he the one having gay sex? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's probably contributed to it.

And the CTE and everything. Drugs? Smoking fucking angel dust. Wait a second. Yeah, he was the coolest, man. I'm confused. Gay sex contributed to him murdering somebody? He was closeted.

He didn't want people to know. And then I think it was like coming out. Yeah, but who know. I mean, yeah. Dude, it's crazy. The kind of shit, if you want to fuck dudes and can't be open about it, the kind of shit you do is, like, insane. It's like the weirdest, like, pitted thing. Like, the amount of people that are, like, closeted.

Oh, this guy's nuts. Murder trans women or, like, it's fucking wild. It is crazy, dude. Or you be a cool guy like me and accidentally do it and say, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, I'm not going to murder it. Yeah, it is wild, dude, that people are that afraid of it, that, like, they'll find out. But I don't know if that was the reason he did that. I mean, I just think he was a crazy person.

Yeah, I think since he was, as a kid, he was a, he was a, he was a, Yeah, yeah, yeah. The quarterback on his high school team said they were fucking too. Yeah, yeah. That came out. I don't know if I believe that fucking. Yeah. I can see, I'm, they're like interviewing him on Channel 4 and shit.

I'm like, this guy's fucking drooling off of perks right now. Like, why are we listening to this? I'm like, I'm literally sitting there. I go, this guy's been like out of his fucking, and then a cool, I think like, he got arrested for drugs, like right out. I go, why he would just interview in junkies who went to high school? It's like the guy that blew Obama. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He got an interview. Yeah, there's always that guy. Everybody's like, every conservative friend another guy. I think you fucking can't prove that he didn't do it. Yeah, but I'm like, it's so easy. I would so. If I was gay, I'd be like, yeah, I totally sucked. Oh, how much of that suck if you were like a super celebrity and everybody's like, yeah,

I blew that guy. And then like, all you need is a couple people to say it. And then people are like, where there's smoke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the Obama shit, I have no idea. But like, hearing it enough, I'm like, probably he was blowing dudes. Well, the reason I think he's by is because he, like, that, he wrote a letter that, like, literally, in the, like, in the, oh, I forgot about it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wrote a letter that's like, I've only had sex with men in my fantasies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what we all said. Which is fine. What the fuck if he's gay? It's like, you know what I mean? It's like, honestly, what is he care for?

You know what I? I mean, I can't speak for anyone, but it's like, if he is, what the fuck's he care? Gay people already vote for him and anti-gay people don't vote for him. Right, right. Especially now. Yeah, it's like, who gives a shit? Yeah, that would have been like edgy back in the day, but now it's like, yeah, who really, especially now he's done with all this stuff.

But yeah, it is weird, like, especially in politics or even in, like the NFL, like if you're like a big alpha dude, you can't come out as gay. Yeah, I mean, it makes sense why it would be an issue like for certain people. Like I'm just thinking of football players, for example, it makes sense why you're around dudes all day. Exactly. Yeah. Well, that's like, that is like the thing that is funny though, because the NFL, I think they always like, they'll get mad at players for like saying something fucked up on Twitter. But then if somebody's gay, they're like not going to take that player probably.

Right. That's a thing, right? I don't know a lot of a football. It could be weird. Like the one NBA guy that came out as gay, I think like wasn't getting signed on any teams, but he also kind of sucked. Yeah.

Jason Collins did. Yeah, people were like, do we really want this whole thing? And then he was like blaming it. It's like, oh, I'm not getting signed because I'm gay. It's like, well, there was like a couple seasons you hadn't been signed by anybody before anybody even knew you were gay anyway. So it's like. Yeah.

No, that is the thing in every aspect. There's always like, I've heard like comics do a similar thing where they're like, oh, yeah, I didn't get them. because I'm gay. You're like, I don't know. That's what it is. Yeah. Right.

It's a convenient. But there's also like, yeah, but you know it's also happened where, you know, people have had a legitimate fucking gripe, though, too. You know what I mean? You also can't say it's someone hasn't got fucked out of something because they. Oh, for sure. Yeah. So it's like, like, yeah, obviously, you know, people will fucking use anything for an excuse.

Yeah, yeah. But I just, I just hate how, like, I hate how masculine football is and then how fucking fuck. Then don't watch. What do you give a fuck for? That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, I'm saying,

masculine. They showed Taylor Swift on the jump-upon of the game. Let me finish the sentence, you fucking bitch. What I'm saying is, I have fucking masculine they are about, like,

it's a masculine sport, but then the fucking PR side of it is so fucking gay. Like, they're giant pussy's about certain. They're like, so-and-so posed with a gun, so-and-so said a tweet.

That's the shit that annoys. Yeah, like, you can't even hit your wife without them getting all for that. That is fair. They're giving you painkillers and fucking crushing dudes 20-foot.

But I'd say it's like, it's like such a... Let Ray Rice live, man. That's not what I was said. I guess by argument it completely collapses on itself. They're really weird about like tweets and people posting videos like guns. It's a billion multi-billion dollar business. Remember the NHL was trying to be woke for a little bit too? They were trying to make teams wear like the rainbow flag.

And like in different countries, they were like, no, we don't fuck. Like Russians and stuff were like, oh, fucking no. And then people were like trying to get mad of them. Like, dude, this guy was born in the Soviet Union and raised in Russia and you're mad that. Yeah. bad that he was. Gabe, right? Right.

It's like, he's not like protesting. He's like, no, I just don't want to wear a big rainbow on my fucking jersey.

And they're like, you are, uh, fucking homophob and he's like, I guess. If you put it that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's like making people do weird shit that they don't want to do is, uh, yeah, it's strange. Yeah. But yeah, it is,

there is something maybe that closeted gay people enjoy is the idea of like hiding it, you know, like, like that, at Louis bit where he's like, oh, I'm so good. Like, my parents are so mad. Yeah, I'm breaking my mother's heart.

I'm breaking my mother's heart. And he's like, where now it's like so out in the open, but like back in the day. No one gives a fuck if you're gay now. Yeah, but maybe they miss that like the Kevin Spacey and like Travolta and shit like that. I mean, it's such a totally different time. They miss the fucking. Well, that's the point part too. Because Trifolda got like seriously blackmailed by the Church of Scientology for being gay.

Yeah. Because like what it is is like you go in and you confess all this shit about yourself. And then they hold that against you. And they go, if you ever. probably recorded. Oh, really? But now he's like, oh, God, now it doesn't fucking matter if I'm gay.

He's like, why he's out of Scientology? No. No, he's still. No, he's like, what's Scientology's views on gays? They're cool with it? No idea.

It's not a real religion. It's just a cult. It's like literally a manipulative cult. Like all it is is like a fucking money-making scheme. Yeah, kind of like the Catholic Church. Yeah. Yeah. I guess.

I mean, I'm not disagreeing. I just, I don't have strong opinions. I used to be so just like fucking, fuck Christianity. Now I'm kind of like, The second people start shitting on something, I become such a doucheon. My parents still believe in that. But I would argue, I'll argue my dad about Christianity. I'll be like, it's a fucking scam, all this shit.

But then the second, like some liberal person's like, Christianity's bad. I'm like, you shut the fuck up. Did you go to church? Yeah, yeah. Were you, do you go to church? Not really. I did when I was like, with school, I went to a Catholic church until like

sixth grade the first time. Yeah. And then after, no. But I didn't like go like, Sundays and stuff you didn't have to go. No fucking way. That shit, no. I went. Yeah, we would go which, which

Catholic? Catholic, yeah, yeah, yeah. Massachusetts, what are you? Just a regular Christian, what are Protestant? So my this is kind of a mega churches out in Florida. That was the thing. I always thought everyone was just Catholic. I didn't realize until like, I remember like Protestant like Kennedy got his head blown off, you know what I mean?

I thought we were the cool one. No, no. Another Louis bit where he's like, teaching his kids about religion and he's like, yeah, there's a lot of religions, but the Catholics won. So play it accordingly. Yeah. So my mom is like Catholic and then my dad's like not a specific kind of Christian, but he believes in like mind ever matter. So we would go to like

the Christian science stuff and that shit's wild. That I could kind of get behind because that like helps you out in life where I feel like Catholicism just like makes you feel guilty makes you like, it's like don't do this, don't do this. But those like, even though all those people are weirdos, it's like the power of the mind and like the power of like positivity and shit like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is a better angle to go through? No, no, no, no, no. And it's so funny too because like at the front of the Christian science church, they have a giant sign. Like, this is not Scientology.

Like, just like trying to fucking like. Yeah, yeah, because it's like. They're probably pretty similar. Well, it's like, it's like, they say they're not Christians too. No, no, they're Christian. So what it is is like they believe that like the woman who started is the woman named

Mary Baker Eddy. And what she did like back in like the, whatever, some time between, 1800 and 1920. I have no idea. That's like a fucking century. But she was like basically like, oh, modern medicine sucks, so we should like

pray to deal with all of her problems. But times have changed. Now modern medicine's pretty sick. Right. Back then she was probably pretty accurate. She's like, oh yeah, the leeches and vodka is and fixing us all prey about it. The blotted medicine's pretty sick. What's this podcast sponsored by Pfizer? Get out of my fucking house right now. Guys, we got to believe it. You got

to trust that the I mean, the pharmaceuticals They're crisp You get a nice fucking Xanax high You're like, this is perfect Yeah, it's pretty fun But yeah, it was It's a lot of like, yeah, don't just use your mind

Don't get treated Like I think, which is beneficial But it's like it goes too far Because then it's like You know, I went to a camp And then I like fell off a mountain bike And I'm like bleeding all over the place And they're like

We're gonna pray this away And I remember- Why do they care? That's my whole thing is what the fuck Like the whole like My thing with religion is like What the fuck the people give a fuck for. Like, why not, like, why does it have to be so organized? Right. Why does it matter what other people are, like, you believe whatever the hell you want, but why do you need other people?

Like, you say, you fall off a bike. What the fuck does the church? It's like, it's not like they give a fuck. Like, do they want, so you don't use no band-aids, none of that shit? No, no, no, no, we use band-aids and stuff like that, but they'd be like, medicine's a crutch, so like, you know, you're not going to, like, the, uh, like the, and I don't know, maybe- But about, like, coffee in the morning if you say- No, no coffee for them either. No, no, oh, this is the thing, where it's like my dad's aspect of it is he's not like anti-medicine. He picks and chooses what he wants to use.

Yeah, so he's like, this is mind over matter. He's like, I believe you shouldn't rely, which I agree with. It's like you shouldn't rely on fucking drugs and stuff like that. Depends, honestly. Yeah, like it's telling a schizophrenic to like pray about something.

I mean, I rely on drugs every single day. Yeah, what do you take? Oxycod and first thing in the more, 10 milligrams every day for the last 22 years. And look at him. doing great. So fuck everybody that thinks it's a problem. I am trying to like wean back a little bit too because I'm prescribed anxiety meds and like I'm pretty careful about it.

But sometimes you just go through like a phase where you're like, give me a little extra more or a little bit, a little bit extra today. Today's a tough day. And then you're like, oh, every day is a tough day. But I only take it for like sleeping. What happened when I took it recently is like, so I took it two nights in a row. The first night I had fucking tonsillitis. So my shit's been like swelling up ginormous. Also, I went to a gay doctor. That was hilarious. by the way.

I went to the gayest doctor I've ever... It sounds like a bit. I went to the gay doctor to fix my tonsilitis. Next thing you know. Let me open that throat. Oh, he fixed it all right. Dude, it literally was like

the most cartoonish gay man I've ever seen in my life. He goes, he goes, hello! And like immediately, he goes, he goes, oh my God, your throat is like so swell. If you could see it right now. He literally goes, he goes, look, I would love, I mean, I would love,

I would love more than anything. If I could, like, drain your tonsillitis, but I can't, I can't do it. So we're not to send you to the hospital. I know. You wonder if people like that are actually like that or if he's on some med. Like, if you have access to every med in the world, like, maybe he's a little juiced up on like everything. But doctors? Are you kidding me?

Doctors and nurses? Yeah. Because if you're enjoying your job that much and being a doctor doesn't sound like that much fun. You're looking at some dude's asshole who has a rash on it, you know what I mean? But he's having, you know, he's just bouncing back between the rooms like, hello? Like he was like, yeah, it would be too if my dopamine was the fucking at an all-time high every single day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he ended up like, he for sure crossed lines because he was like, okay, so imagine like you had like a rash on your leg, right?

And imagine it spreads. And this guy's just like rubbing my leg. I was like, this is totally unrelated. Was Oscar Aiden your doctor? But, no, like literally that, that gay. And then, I mean, I thought it was funny. I had a good time. But he, I went to the ER or whatever.

And they're like, you got to get your tons taken out. they put me on Meditsin, didn't work. Came back two days later. I was like, my throat was fucking swollen. Like, I could barely breathe. So I was like, what I'm going to do is I'm going to take a Kalanapin, NyQuil, and an edible, and just pass down. Jesus Christ, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have all that stuff at home? Yes. Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've been working on, like... How do you feel the next day? So this is what happened. I took all that, and I was like, I'm just going to go to sleep.

And I'm watching, like, the naked gun or something to fall asleep. And then I just, I just don't fall asleep. So I just wake up in this, like, I'm just like, I gotta get to the ER. So I just go to the ER just like blasted. And that was the weirdest experience. You never slept? No, I got into the ER probably like 1.30 a.m.

And then I ended up staying there until 4. But that was the crate. Just being like that fucking high in the ER is like a great. Oh, that's at night. There's like tubes and stuff. A lot of beeping. NYU Langone or whatever. Yeah, and I was just telling them, I was like, they're like, so, uh, they're like asking me questions.

I'll be honest. I'm high as fuck right now. I was like, I don't know what's going on. But then, what was it? The next night, I was like, okay, I'm going to, like, stop. I don't want to take anxiety meds to go to sleep, you know. I'll only really take it if I'm sleeping in a new location for, like, the first night or two. Yeah.

Dude, I think we may have, I drank out of that. You're such a fucking piece of shit. What was in there? Was that just water? Yeah. Okay, I must have it. You have yours over there. Ah, shit.

This one tasted like tea. That's why. You didn't taste like tea. It's a can of water. But you had tea and then had water shot. You've been backwashing the tea. You've been spitting the tea in there. That's disgusting

I gotta run I'll see it I'll see it better shit to do no offense yeah yeah yeah I hope you gotta I gotta go

yeah it definitely doesn't hurt my ears maybe maybe maybe um no they'll ask me to be on it if like they don't we say what it is

yeah I'm going to Seth Myers as like a third person removed from the person that's actually there yeah just going to catering steal mad shit

that's what I'm gonna do let me know what the craft service brought you should see what I fucking hit this week with craft service let me know what that's like up there Give him a piece of my line. What channel is that?

Is that NBC? I don't know. It's definitely NBC. I don't know anybody that watches. That's just a network of Jesus' name. Dude, I saw a live taping of it. It was the worst experience. That's what I'm about to watch.

I'm about to watch a live taping and then I think I get to go back and meet him. Let's make sure and never on this show ever. I will say it's right now. I will never do set higher. But maybe they'll add. Maybe they'll need me to be on it. Except he's like a stilist fan and he's from Massachusetts or something. Oh, he's from Matt.

He's from Mass. Yeah. I'll have to bring that up. He's a condescending cunt. All right. Well, thanks for having me. Yeah, of course. Thanks for going out.

Tell them what I think of him, please. I will. You guys keep rocking, you know? Don't let me not be in here. Stop this from being a electric podcast. Trust me. Yeah, no, I'll keep rambling about tonsillitis that I realized halfway through wasn't going anywhere.

But I was like, maybe the gay doctor will make this into a story. But, uh, it's just a relevant story. It's going somewhere. All right. Thanks, dude. See you. But, yeah, I went to a live recording that. It's the creepiest shit in the world.

Because it's like You fake laugh For like probably like 30 minutes You practice Yeah there's like an electric sign right Yeah Yeah And they practice it

And then they record a bunch of them in a row And he comes out and he literally looks like a fucking It looks like you're like in a wax thing You just look so perfect You know what I mean Where it's just like this is not a real human being This guy's like a robot Yeah

And Yeah I don't know I don't have real issues with him But I just I don't know I don't like layday besides I like Jimmy Fallon He's the one everybody hates. I think I went to his show one time

Yeah, yeah. He just seems like a nice, everybody shits on him. They're like, oh, he's fake. I'm like, dude, I don't care if he's. He's just like a nice guy. Like, I just don't like condescending, kind of.

I just never got into any of that shit, dude, you know? Should I sit over here in this couch? No, no, no, this is perfect. Actually, yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, I don't know if your head's gonna get cut off there, though. Yeah, I just sit here. My thing is, like, you know, the late, I just never really got into that stuff.

You know, like, I don't watch it. I don't watch it. I will say this. When you're, like, drunk in the back of a cab, or, like, even in the morning, if you're, like, taking a cab, it's kind of, like, very soothing. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it is always on in cabs. It's always on, dude. Yeah, it does give me a little warmth. I'm like, oh, here's Jimmy Fallon. He's playing with puppies or something like that. Sure, he's a giant alcoholic, but that's fun. I don't know, I don't mind that. Jimmy Fallon's an alcoholic?

Oh, yeah, yeah. This is like, I'm not, like, the one outing it, but it's like, it's, like, public. No, he's, like, drunk all the time. Oh, yeah, yeah. You should just fucking... But why wouldn't you be, you know? Turn that light off.

What are you paying the electricity around here? What do you think this is? Jesus Christ. It's bad enough. I already have Tesla's fucking setup in here right now. Got Nikolai Tesla. I got a fucking... All the fucking lights going on right now.

General Electric in here. All right? Fucking cell phone's charging. Take it easy. Have fun. Let him know I think he's a gay bitch. Let him know I think he's a gay bitch. Let me know what the craft service setup is over there.

That top lock might be locked, too. yeah yeah have fun yeah yeah yeah just leave it just leave you just get out of here you're slowing out of my house yeah yeah um but you know Conan was the one that was the shit

Conan's fucking incredible that dude his his podcast is the best dude and his yeah yeah because he lets just people he's always been the best at like just I feel like he doesn't like try to be something you know what I mean no yeah kind of just like

goes with it and he's just so naturally funny and shit. But even that, I never really watched his show. But, like, if I'm watching clips on YouTube or some shit, I always watch his. Because he's funny when he talks to, like, comedians or athletes or author. It doesn't really matter who he talks to. He's just always the same and he's so funny.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The other guys, I don't know too much. Like, I've never watched Seth Maya's show. I've never watched a full episode of any of these shows. He just has, like, a cunty condescending this tune. I never really, I mean, I fucking Colbert's the same. He's just kind of a condescending cunt. fucking, what's his name?

It is so cliche, like unsuccessful comedian shitting on everything. You're like, fucking, John Oliver's fucking bitch. People shit it on this. Who cares? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's like one of those things where it's like, too, it's like, oh, this is the same show. It's like, you're gonna like do something about what Trump said. But Fallon doesn't do that. Fallon, for the most part, I mean, leaves what I've seen.

He's just like, let's have cute puppies on. And then, but Myers is like, Trump is doing this. And then Kimmel is like, can you believe Trump is doing this? And then John Oliver's like, I cannot believe it Trump is. doing this and you're like this is the same fucking show

a thousand dollars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I know it's, yeah, I hear you. But, um, it's, it is so funny too because it's like, uh, like, they make you like, and I fucking hate Donald Trump, like, I don't like it, but it is, they do they push you there, they push you there too. With the, especially with the fucking Georgia thing, or the, the Colorado thing they just have, but you see that? Yeah, like,

what are they saying? People can't vote for them there? Yeah, yeah, I'm like, it's crazy. Dude, you just look like you look like you're so scared of being a loser. You're like, oh, I mean, we can't let them vote for this guy. Like, well, now you... You'll be able to vote for whoever the fuck you want. If you want to vote for Fidel Castro or some lunatic, I think you should be able to vote for literally whoever you want.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Isn't that, like, the point of having the First Amendment? Dude, I might... I might get a mailing down and let an audience member fill it out. I feel that'd be kind of funny. Oh, that'd be cool? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be kind of like...

It'd be douche, like, crowdwork viral video, but I'm like, to just me being like, hey, who wants to fucking vote for... Yeah, yeah. I don't, like... I don't know. As I just said, I don't... I don't know. I changed my mind

every day about this shit. Sometimes I really care a lot. Sometimes I'm just like, I mean, my whole argument always is like, you don't want me arguing your side. Like, I did a podcast recently,

and this woman's like, oh, you would care if the issues matter to you. I was like, there are issues that matter to me, but the second I'm arguing something, I'm the boner podcast guy. I will decredit whatever movement you're doing.

Yeah. You know, it's difficult for me. It's like, I know, like, the things that piss me off in the world, it's like the presidents

aren't going to fix. So it's like, the fuck do I care for. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't, they're all like, you know, I know it sounds, you know, everyone always says it. But it's true. They're all bought and paid for it. So, like, they don't, they have their own interests, you know. Yeah.

You know, it's like, they get paid. Their salary's not even that much money. And then all of a sudden they're like worth hundreds of millions of dollars and have this influence. It's like, yeah, you know, it doesn't really matter if it's Trump or Hillary, a Biden, some other dickhead. Like, it really doesn't matter. Yeah. Well, and I'm also like, I'm starting to care less.

I'm starting to even get the point where I stopped caring about aliens, which is hard for me. Because that was like... What do you mean you stopped caring about aliens? Dude, I was so invested in the UFO stuff, and it's been such a slow thing that I eventually was like, okay, this is now to the point where it's getting boring.

Like, it was like, things would drop. The Tucker thing was fucking crazy. I don't know if you saw that one. Dude, he had this fucking interview. Tucker Carlson? Yeah, he's big into UFOs. And there's this fucking shit where... Why does everyone hate him?

So I think he's... I feel a lot of people like him, though. He is like... This is like him. He's like... I like that he gets kind of wild sometimes, and he's like, the CIA assassinated JFK. That's what happened.

He's not wrong about that. No, totally. And then he's like, UFOs are real. And I'm like, that's fun because there's not a ton of, like, newscasters that are going there. But what's annoying is he had like Alex Jones on. And his whole thing is just like, he's too obsessed with like the cancel culturey bullshit

in a complaining way where he's like, and that stuff's not even really around anymore. No, and we're all guilty of it. I just complained for five minutes by the fucking NFL. But he's like, he had Alex Jones on and goes, a lot of people say Alex Jones is crazy. Is he as crazy as a man cutting his penis off? I wouldn't say that, but that's normal now.

So you're like, it's like, what? I don't understand why Paul, the kids just drop the train. It's like, who gives a fuck? People are cutting their dicks off. It's like, it's, maybe there's a rare population that is cutting children's penises off. But I think that's like a, that's a, that's not a kids' dicks? That's what they're talking about?

No, but that is always the slippery slope argument where, like, there is some, there are people who advocate for kids getting transgender surgery. Yeah. And I disagree with that. But it's like, that's like a case-by-case issue. That's not a who are we voting for for president. But the political commentators will be like, this is the same guy who thinks they should cut children's penis. It's like, well, this is totally different than the fucking border. Yeah.

But what is it? So that was funny. But, like, the thing with him is like, dude, let me show. I'm just going to play this fucking UFO video. Because this is the wildest. should I've ever seen it my fucking land. I'm an alien believer in the sense of I think there's other communities and extremely complicated societies out there who probably know we're around and we don't have a full idea on them. Do what he said in this interview is fucking wild.

The second thing that bothers me is the UFO story. And, you know, the more you dig into that and talk to people with actual knowledge of it, again, that's another story where there are some, you know, fanciful ideas floating around that are just, you know, there's no evidence. that they're true. But if you talk to people who, you know, have actual knowledge of it that they gather. Let me just get the crazy part. It may be true that's so radical that, yeah, well, as we both said, we don't want to tell the people we love most about it because, like, why would you, you know, disturb someone like that? So I kind of get that. It's too long of videos. What he says is this. He goes, the truth behind UFOs is so dark that I have

not told my wife. And the other guy goes, yeah, I refuse to tell my kids what I know about UFOs. the U.S. government. He's like there's a spiritual component. And this is what he says is fucking crazy. He goes, he goes, I understand why he's like, I don't agree that the government shouldn't tell us about this shit, but I understand why they don't tell us and that they are somewhat

complacent in something. So my conspiracy brain's putting it together. This is how wild I'm getting with it. If this is, so I was also like, a month ago I was fully off this. I was like, oh, these are just government drones. Because I go 50-50. Some of some aliens, something's not. They probably are, though. Some of them probably are.

Some of them. But this is what I, after seeing this video, what I think it is is the U.S. government has an agreement. This is fucking wild. I believe this. The U.S. government has an agreement with aliens that they can have some of us. Like, they're like, we'll give you guys like 50 a year or something like that.

Because I like, with that video the way he described it. And maybe, also, maybe Tucker Carlson's just full of shit. This is like. Yeah, but can't aliens just take. people anyways. It's like I don't think we could beat aliens. Like if it came down to like a... No, no, no, but I'm saying they're going. They're going. We're not going to wipe you guys out

because we need you guys for some reason. But we won't cause any problems. We need like 50 test subjects like a year or something like that. And then we have some sort of agreement with it. Because the way he describes the videos, he goes, the truth of it is so dark. The U.S. government is complacent

in something. And I can't tell my wife even what this is because it would just It was so earth shattering. Who's that? Who says he can't tell his wife? Tucker Carlson and the other guy. Oh. Do they like work for the government or something?

I think they're just in, maybe he's just... There's probably a lot of other things those guys can't tell their lives. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I told my wife, that blowjob I got from my receptionist, it would shatter her world. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Watch these news people out there and it's, I'm like, these people are fucking out of their mind, dude. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and maybe he's just completely wrong, but I was like, sometimes you're like just, way you hear somebody say something, you're like, this is just spooky and this feels really real the way the person's talking. You're like, this sounds kind of like what, and if you read

between the lines, I'm just totally guessing. This is, by the way, somebody told me tomorrow, there's evidence that the aliens have never existed. I'm not, there's not enough for me to be aware of any real scenario here. Just the way he describes this is like, oh, it sounds like, it's like the U.S. government is like, yeah, take, you know, this many people a year, don't don't wipe us out and they're like yeah we don't want to wipe you out but we just need like i wonder what like the north korean government to deal with aliens is or like yeah i don't know yeah yeah like i don't know uh belize or like luxembourg or something yeah yeah i don't know because like that would be interesting if it was like uh what if the aliens just like they're

really interested in like i don't know um like acidic jews yeah yeah yeah like a random yeah yeah like it's like fast like they're scientists are pretty much like they're interesting creatures over here, you know what I mean? Like, what if it's something like that? You know, like, regular, like, Americans, like, white people, black people don't give a fuck to them. You know, like, it's just whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't fucking know, man. And I, like, it's, I don't think we're ever going to get a fucking, even remotely an answer. Like, it seems like we're getting closer, but that's why I got kind of bored with it. But I was totally off it until that video, because I had a friend who's in the Marines and he's like fucking psyop. He's like, it's a sciop.

He's like, I think this is all bullshit. And they're all just trying to, like, manipulate us. Yeah, well, I'm sure there's also a government agenda around all those things, because, like, why so many documents redacted? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, so it's like, I don't know, either way. Yeah, that's why I kind of just tuned down. I was like, I'm going to go see the new Willie Wonka movie. Yeah, yeah, 100%.

Which was fucking fun, dude, with Timothy Shalameen. Yeah. It was too much of a musical, though. I don't like musicals. Is it like, is it for little kids or is it for like? I don't know, man. It's kind of like, because, like, Bobby, well, you. wasn't really for little kids, right?

No, no. It was like, I didn't see it, but I think that's sort of like it. This was, I would say, just like a movie you go see. Yeah, it's kind of a kid's movie. It was like, I thought it would be a good idea that I didn't get it high as I thought I would. I thought I'd just be baked as shit. And I was like, oh, I'm just kind of high watching this. But it was perfect, like, right before bed movie.

Like, me and Patty went to go see it at midnight and I was like, or like 1030. And I was like, oh, dude, I just had great thoughts that. You know, I just like, I slept. Didn't take any sleep in pills. I was like, I'm going to sleep fucking great. just zoned off to fucking Wonka Land and Hugh Grant's incredible dude I love that guy

Dude literally there's like all these arguments Where they're like you need little people to play I'm like dude he was don't change He was just an animated little guy And I hated the singing until the Willy Wonka Or the umpalupa song came on I was like dude I love those little fuckers Yeah he's fucking great

He has like a little like You know like the Batman has those wings So he can like fly around and shit He could do all this like cool shit I was like this is a fun movie Hell yeah But getting high and going to the movies is so fun. It's my favorite thing to do in the world.

You know, like getting high, like the older, like, remember how exciting and doing stuff getting stoned was, like, when you were, like, a teenager? Oh, it's amazing. It was such a crazy adventure. Yeah, yeah. Getting high and going to the movies is probably the best thing. Dude, because it's like, as an adult, like the equivalent of version of that is, probably the funnest thing to do high.

And you can't do it too much because you feel like a loser. Like, there is that moment where you go, okay, I'm getting high and going to the movies too much. But it's like, it's like a great, especially because I keep getting six. I can't drink or anything. So I'll go, I'll get high and go see a movie, and it's like, it's so much fun. You go into the regal and you're on these, like, the escalators are fun, everything's colorful.

The lighting, the lighting, the lighting, the semi-retarded guy behind the counter, and you're like, I need butter on my popcorn. He looks like he can't understand a word you're saying. 100%. I got to, I'm about to piss my pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, I think we're also like, uh, we're at 50, dude, we'll call it there. You sure?

Yeah, I don't want to kill it, you know? No, no, dude, it's a fucking, this episode I almost wasn't going to do because it's like Christmas. I don't know if anybody's even going to listen to. No, hey, no, what do you mean? We got to give some people some Christmas advice, dude. All right.

We got to talk about Christmas, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, piss and then, I don't know what I'm going to do for... What are you doing for Christmas? I'm going to listen. I'm staying in the city because I found a new apartment and... Yeah, I don't know. I'm excited about that.

Man, this... I don't know how people do one-person podcast. You do this shit, right? Yeah, dude. Jesus fucking Christ, dude. I don't have enough thoughts to... most of my thoughts just loop. It's like if I try to do a one-person podcast,

I'd just be thinking the same thing for like, I don't know, just me being like our aliens real is, am I going to be okay? Am I going to make it in comedy? Are aliens real? Yeah, but it's like, if I was listening to that,

I don't know, now I'm just looking at that poster you have in your room with that woman with, who's that woman in this poster you have in your room? There's a woman with nice boobs right there. She looks very half, Indian.

Beautiful Indian. Really? Yeah. Well, Indians are like technically Caucasian. Technically what? Caucasian? Oh, really? Yeah.

I think I made... By the way, this is so funny because they can't hear you. So all they're going to hear is me being like... Indian, huh? Yeah. Huh? What? Yeah.

Some of them are. I mean, but there's a lot of Indians that have a very, very dark. Yeah. Well, I'm excited, too, with the... I'll be honest, there's a... I don't mind Chris. in New York City. You want one that's fresh and doesn't taste

like whatever? No, no, I'm good. I got mine here. I'm about to finish it. Yeah, so Christmas in New York City. Like, dude, the other day, because, like, for people that don't know, I'm house sitting right now, which is great. Give the address passcode and invite everybody over.

Dude, the house sitting is fucking great because I'm like, dude, I have a place to myself. Besides, the other night where I took too much edibles, and I'm just in the loft, just scared to walk down this ladder. Because the person has, like, a loft, and I'm sleeping up there, and I'm just freaking out. But it's by Central Park. So, dude, I went running in Central Park.

Oh, hell yeah. Dude, it was amazing. It was beautiful. It's like, especially like, just listening to Christmas music and running in the park. It's,

it's, every time I go into Central Park, by the way, for those watching Central Park walking tours, come check me out every Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Oh, fuck yeah. Fucking, dude, like, every time I walk through there, it's such an experience, you know, it's like,

it's one of those places. It's like, it's amazing that that place is in New York City. Oh, yeah, like, it's my favorite place. Every time. I used to not like it

because in my mind, I was like, everybody's like, It's such an escape from the city. And it's not really. You still feel like you're in the city. Yeah. But it's like at night.

And even during the day, dude, it's so like, I don't know. New York City just really grow on me a bunch. Now, I fucking love it here, dude. I'm not leaving for a very long time. It's like this place is fucking... It's a great place. Yeah. It's like there's a lot of faults.

There's a lot of bullshit. But it's an amazing city to live in. Yeah. And it's like the fucking community, dude. It's like so many comics let me fucking crash with them and shit. And I'm like, this has been like the best experience. Like, that I've had... I mean, it fucking sucks dick to, like, you know, be sleeping on an air mattress,

broken up with all the ship. And I'm like, now that I'm kind of on like a better side of it, I'm like, dude, this has been like the most growth I've had as a human being and especially as a comedian. And it's also like, but I was just running through the party the other now. Like, this is great. And I'm like, dude, Christmas is going to come around. I'm going to be, I'm doing shows on Christmas. I'm going to not get fucking hammered, but I'm going to booze a little bit.

I have some white Russians. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. It's definitely like, same. Like, I'm going to make sure. Like, I got a little Christmas Eve Suarez I'm going to go into in Christmas Day. I'm definitely gonna have, like, I was thinking of white Russian because I'm like, I'll fuck with Eggnog.

Like, sometimes I'm not the biggest fan, but like white Russians. They're so fucking good, dude. Oh, that's so goddamn good. So one of the most underrated drinks you could get as a white Russian, I think. Oh, yeah, dude. Especially this time of year. Like, Christmas is the best time to drink that shit. Yeah.

Me and my friend were talking about going to see that new Chris movie. It's called like Silent Night or whatever. It's like one of those badass. We're like a shoot-em-up Christmas movie. And we're like, dude, it'd be so sick to bring, like a full mini bar. Just be like shaking up white Russians in the movie theater.

But it's like, this is probably like I have but my ideal Christmas is like I'm hosting a show Christmas Eve. I'm like, dude, drinking a white Russian on stage, just doing crowdwork with some random people who aren't with their families.

A bunch of Jews and Indians. Like, yeah, yeah. Maybe a couple Asian guys that don't celebrate. I'm like, this is fucking. Yeah. I'm fun, dude.

Yeah. That's my favorite time to do comedy is like the holidays. Like especially the time from like Christmas to New Year's. Like that week is. Oh, it's busy. It's so fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so fucking fun. People are in a good mood. People are having fun, getting drunk. And it's like, and I say, I don't really drink on stage, but like, I'm like, Christmas Eve,

I have a couple and just, like, get the vibe. And then it's also like, Christmas is great this year because I wasn't looking, I forgot about it. Sometimes shit's great when you totally forget about it. It's like in like five days. I know, I know.

Yeah. And then you're like, oh, fuck yeah, dude. This is like right around the corner. Yeah. Yeah, enjoy it now because I'm like, I'm not a big fan of, after the holidays. Like I think that's the toughest part.

January and New York City is fucking horrendous. So is February. Yeah, February sucks. And the beginning of March sucks. I'm doing dry January. Yeah, I'll probably do the same. I probably won't touch. I was talking about that last night with someone.

I probably won't touch a single beverage. Unless something sick happens. Like in my mind, I'm like, I do it every year. But I'm like, every time I do it, I go, that was great, but I'm never going to do that again. But then a year goes around, you get kind of a little less productive. And you're like, it's easy for me. Like, I used to always go from, it would be the end of football season to baseball season,

that time in between. The only tough thing was St. Patrick's Day. But I'm like, if I had a couple beers on St. Patrick's Day, I wouldn't be myself up about it. But I really might, like, after New Year's, maybe even before. I don't even know if I'm going to drink on New Year's. But after New Year's, I'm going to be off a booze for like a while. Few months, definitely. I'm due for it.

I used to do it all the time where I'd take five or six months off. Yeah. For me, it's like my adventure. Especially with podcasting. It's like, yeah, something fun always fucking happens. It does do something like, yeah, I know what people say, like, obviously you can't drink too much. You can get lazy and stuff,

but I can speak, like, in a creative way. I'm not saying I do creative stuff when I'm fucked up, but I do get a different view creatively when I'm drinking. Yeah,

100%, yeah. And it's like, it goes because like, every time I've taken a month off drinking, I've looked and I've gone, I did not get as much done. I lost weight and I saved money,

but I don't get as much done. Which is necessary, though, sometimes. Yeah, totally. Yeah. It's the easiest way to lose weight

is if you just stop drinking, You could still eat like shit, but stop drinking and you're going to lose weight. Oh, yeah. Well, and that's, that is the funny part, too, now is me trying to figure out how to lose weight in my face. That's the most sad breakup shit is doing fucking chin. I think I was telling me, but this is fucking chin exercises. I'm like, I'm going to get a fucking jawline and show that ex-girlfriend. That's what makes a jawline as exercises?

Well, no, no, it's like cutting out alcohol, but then you could put a tennis ball below your chin and do, like, crutches. I feel like that's just damaging your Adams apple. Dude, you do, like, three of those, you're like, this is the saddest thing. Yeah. I'm trying to get it. Like, there's certain things where you're trying to look good. you're like, this is so lame that I cannot fucking do this. But if it fuels you, though, and it's, it's healthy for you.

Yeah. That's all that. And I think my only reason for one to do dry January is so I could work on, like, screenplay shit. Because there is a thing where you're like, oh, it's Saturday night. I had a spot and I'm going to go drinking. It's like the next morning, I'm going to lose a couple hours if I drink. So that's why I... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, that's the main influence with it for me is like, I mean, I kind of had vacation this week. You know, I went to a wedding. I went to the fucking Patriots game and I drank. But the next morning's, a rough for me. You know, and that's like the thing

you gotta factor in. Well, but also what happens is, dude, I end up like, with tonsillitis, it's like, I take two weeks

off of drinking every other week because I keep getting fucking tonsillitis. So I'm like, at this point, it's like, I've already taken a month.

That is the most alcoholic thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't drink equal to a month. Yeah. After you've already been talking about, yeah. You're not up your off days.

After you've been talking about doing clonopens, Nyquil, and edibles all over the, the place, dude. But yeah, you're right, that is the most boozebag thing to do. Like, when people add up their days, dude, well, from fucking Tuesday to Friday, I didn't drink

anything. And then Saturday, Sunday. Yeah, yeah, it's good. I've been on both sides of that conversation. I've been on the side where I'm trying to justify my drinking. And I've also been on the other side where somebody else is like, yeah, dude, it's not like I drink every single night. And you just kind of nod, and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're fine. They totally do, dude, you know? It's yeah, it's fun having friends who are boozebags.

Yeah. But that's, dude, let's fucking, we're at a fucking, uh, 57 minutes. What do you want to promote? Ryan O'Toole podcast. It's Ryan O'Toole. ITS Ryan O'Toole on fucking everything. Central Park walking tour. Just go on my fucking Instagram.

I'm putting all my shit on there. That's my New Year's resolution is to be more professional with my social media stuff and let people know what the fuck I'm doing. So follow me on Instagram. I'm sure it'll be in the description of this video or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Paxson always puts it on there.

Thanks for having me on here. It's always, I always have so much fun just. talking about the most retarded shit with you. Oh, it's a great time. And I said it, you know, I mentioned it on my podcast. Ryan Luton, a podcast available, whatever you listen to a podcast. I said, like, oh, I'm doing morning good podcast. It's the best podcast to watch when I want something stupid on television. And I mean that respect.

I respectfully. It's, I can just watch nonsense where I'm like, okay, like, I don't have to think. You know what I mean? And it's like, I could walk around and write it, do something and just listen to total bullshit. Yeah, you might as well just throw it. on veggie tails or some retarded kids show. No, no. I'm a big fan of the program. I'm fucking a fan of the program. No, thank you.

Thank you. Also, thank you for thank you a fuck ton for listening. Also, it's been crazy recently. We're like, I've been kind of like, this was a really fun one. I've had some really fun ones, but a lot of these episodes have been so last minute because I don't have a place. People don't understand, like, I'm running around with my podcast equipment from like...

Yeah, you told me you thought you lost it on the train. Yeah, dude, I'm like running around town to like my storage unit. I'm running around. Like, I'm like, oh, whose house was I sleeping at four nights ago exactly. I went to Paddy's and like Brooklyn at like midnight last night

and none of my shit was there so it's like these episodes have been like all different locations all just me trying to crank them out but with the new year it's gonna be like and I like I love having you on but I am I do have to mix up

a guest a little bit so like moving forward it's like I am gonna have I mean you're still gonna come on all the fucking time but I am gonna have like more like planned out episodes where I have like more shit I mean I don't know

it's a mix sometimes it's fun just to fuck around but yeah it's also easier to just have like a setup so it's gonna be like yeah, I'm going to be putting the perfect amount of effort more into it. I don't want it to be contrived. I still want to be fucking around.

Is that in New Year's resolution? A little bit more effort into like just organizing stuff. Just so like Kid Back's not leaving 20 minutes into the fucking episode. But thank you guys. Oh yeah, follow Chris Kinback, whatever his actually he doesn't get that. I hope he embarrasses himself in front of Seth Myers.

Oh, also. Also. I hope he gets hit by a car, dude. You know. I hope he's mic up and he says something. wildly inappropriate, and then he can't have a career after us.

North Korean, South Korean, I can't tell the difference. I was also really funny. There's an episode a couple episodes ago. I just want to justify this. Patty,

like, got an argument with a woman, and I'm just over-exaggered. On the show? No, no, just off the show. And I over-exaggerated the story. I'm like, yeah, then you hit her

because you hit women and stuff like that. And I never corrected it. So anybody, there's no... There's no... Cut this part of it. Don't put this in here. Keep the view as fucking...

There's no part of... It's so funny, because I listen back to it. I was like, there's no part of this that sounds like he doesn't hit women. And we just move forward. And I'm like, no, I'm completely kidding. No, he's not.

I know the story. Patty hit a... Because you know what you're doing it? You're like, yeah, of course, you're horrible and then you hit women and stuff like that. And then he just blazes over it. So Patty DeFino just not hit women. That's bullshit.