Morning Good - The Boys vs. The Algorithm - Episode 281

Episode Date: August 17, 2025

Zach Russell and Joe Gorman join the show for today's episode. They talk about the Joe Gorman Comedy School, high geisha culture, and doing ketamine at work.Thanks to Zach and Joe for coming back on the show. Check them out on previous episodes of the show and hit their links down below for more.Zach is on Instagram @zachrussellcomedy and co-hosts the Overshadowed Podcast, although that might be ending soon. Joe is on Instagram  @joewgorman and hosts the Super Selli Joe's podcast. He's also on PSN and Xbox Live @joewgorman as well if you want to game with Joe.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They call it the podcast? Morning, good, good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to morning. All right, we're here, Zach Russell. You probably heard that beautiful. I don't know if we caught that beautiful voice, but I think we did. And Joe Gorman. Hello. You sure it's not too dark?

yeah man okay I should have figured that before I started I'll go check again we'll get it in post dude I'm always worried about this shit I could be your little OCD gremlin if you want me to Yeah yeah yeah we're fine

Can we check the footage It's fine I kind of like I kind of like Over time Making the podcast worse quality By the end of it There's gonna be no video

Yeah that's good It's reverse Honestly like I've had to go the other way Yeah no We gotta get this whole era Of video podcast It needs to fucking die It needs to just be

It needs to get back To be in an audio first medium Yeah. Yes. Like now everyone's worried about the YouTube algorithm. Even though they still just listen. No.

You know? Yeah, it's crazy that this is like something people might watch. And of course, because Michael's little tutsies. What are you? I'm definitely not pandered

to these guys. You are, you are though. Yeah. You're like, oh, why don't you come on my little tutzies,

fucking internet guy? You know what was a really bad idea for me to show my foot that early? These guys are none and then leave, but they're on the next thing. I got a guy who downvotes all of my YouTube videos

because I don't show feet. Really? And I'm like, whatever, you fucking terrorist, dude. I'm not gonna, if anything, I'm gonna go, like, fully, like, clothed, you know? Yeah, yeah, you're gonna be wearing a job. Yeah, I'm also very insecure about my feet. Yeah, I'm insecure about my feet anyway.

Really? Yeah. Even sucked? Especially, well, like, no, not sock, but, like, just like, I just like, barefoot. Are you guys talking about my feet over there? You should show up to every comedy club, worried about that? Oh, my God. Absolutely.

Yeah, every time Mike texts me, he's like, hey, you want to do my little tootsie pod? Yeah. That's what it is. The Tootsy pod. Gross. How many licks? What? Tutsi talk.

Tutsi talk with Michael Good. Well, he was saying this is, he was asking this is a plug talk type episode. And I said, I'm definitely the Adam 22. He's Linda the plug. No, no, you're the slut. You are Len of the plug. I'm just like, I'm the random slut they interview. Yeah.

And I'm like, is you really like tight, but like not like a bad way, like a sick way. Like Michael Good has beautiful women on the pod, but never with me. I never get a little taste. Yeah, no, me neither. Yeah, Michael. What are you talking about? I had Gigi on two weeks ago with you. Yeah.

We said beautiful. I mean, I was like, yeah, I'd like to see some tits. And I'm like, well, Joe is good enough, I guess. Yeah, that's a... How out of place would it be if I just had, like, a big-titted only-fans model on this pot? It would you wouldn't fit. It would be so cool, though, for me. It would be sick.

It wouldn't fit. It wouldn't mess up the theme. The vibe. The vibe is off. What would you ask her? Pretend Joe's an only fan. How are you going to interview her? I would probably excessively just talk about how cool I, how, like, cool I am with that stuff.

I would fucking, I would totally do it. Here's my problem, man. No matter the size of my fucking pants, my dick just won't fit me, man. You ever had that fucking issue? Yeah. What's up with that? Like, sometimes I'll just like take a fucking, you know, I'll go to a urinal, I'll try to take a piss, and the tip of my dick just keeps hitting that fucking

cake. A little cake, yeah. That's not the cake I want. Yeah. I have to wear maternity pants. I know. People call me gay just because my hog's so big. Yeah.

Yeah, I think all that would happen. I would definitely catch myself, like, just talking. I'd be like, yeah. That's what I do when I pander. I'm one of those cool comics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm cool. Yeah.

You didn't know I'm cool? I'm cool. Yeah. Or I don't think I would go full JJ where he just has it. And he's like, I are fucking jerked off to you right before you showed up today. Like he goes so,

you see the clips of him with an only fan's model. You're like, this is, he's basically jerking off while talking to. Yeah, an only fan's model is like the one time you don't want the host to familiarize themselves with your work. Yeah, yeah. But it's like,

And who would be flattered by that? Oh, this disgusting human being jerked off. That's how I think whenever I see a beautiful woman. And I said being, but I heard human bean, and that's about right. Yeah, I used to call it human beans. Like, it's like, oh, damn, like eating bean soup. It's like, oh, is this a human bean? And they're like, no, fucking retard.

Yeah. So people just don't get it. Yeah. I like that this pod doesn't chase the algorithm. We don't chase any. The amount of effort is... The algorithm chases this pod. Yeah.

I just sent it to my producer. and then I'm like, it's so good it'll get out there. It is so good that he will just say. I'm very imposed to this. He just, he out of his heart is just like, this needs to be out there. I'm like, this is a dud.

Don't throw it out there. And every single week he goes, this is what people need to hear. This is a banger. One man's dud is another man's reason to not kill himself that week. Yes. I do hate chasing like the algorithm and shit,

which is what a lot of comics are doing right now. It's true. Speaking of, what do you guys think about Gaza? I think it's cool. I think it's fucking cool. I do think the Great Wolf Lodge they're going to make there.

It's going to be pretty sad. The Great Wolf Lodge, I don't know. What is this? Into the Riviera. Yeah, they're going to, America's going to take over Gaza, for sure. I did see the video, but how would we do that if we're blackmail? We're not trying to take over the algorithm. This is too topical.

This is too topical. This is too juicy. Hey, man, it's like we have an obligation as comedians to also be political analysis. It's true. Yeah. We do. Yeah. How much longer until Michael has, like, politicians on the pod?

Dude, give it a week. Vance was here last week, right? He was. With G.G. Yeah, I'm like, that's cool. Can you go ahead and take your shoes off, Mr. Vance? Let's get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.

Ice Schmeiss. Yeah, I really don't give a fuck. Show your fucking feet, bitch. J.D. Vance is the first time of ICE President has been younger than me. How old is he? He's like a year younger than me. He's like 39.

Wow. You're 40? I'm 40. You're good looking 40. Thank you. I'm turning 41 in October. See, I really don't know with him because sometimes he says he has a kid. He doesn't have kids.

He says he's 40. He could be 19. I don't know. It could be anything, dude. In what scenarios do you say you have a kid? And how do you find it helps? When I'm just out of comedy show, it's very funny to say, like, I have a kid in the car. Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.

You made a post one time where you said something about your son. Oh, what did I? Probably. I do like saying shit like that. Like, you know, like, oh, I lost custody of my kid or my kids dying, you know, funny shit like that. I had a cancer one of people took way too seriously. I did, like, a selfie using, like, the bald filter on, like, Instagram. Or, that's it at him.

And I literally, let me pull it. It's something so retarded that the people that believe that, I don't know how they believed it. Yeah, because it's like, it's fucking goof. Like, I post ones where it's like, you know, I had like a picture of I got a headshot done and one of them they were like, okay, now put on like this suit for like a more professional thing. And I posted that and like I quit comedy forever and now I'm in real estate.

Yeah. Which is like what you do when you quit comedy apparently is you get into real estate. Yeah, yeah. Like all these fucking people are now like realtors. Yeah, well, the fans are a realty. Yeah, it's like those are the only two. kind of jump back and forth between those. It's suicide, reality, or only fans.

Those are your options. You know it's really funny? It's really funny the people who posted a bunch of their comedy on Instagram and they quit comedy and they took down all the comedy posts. Because they're just like, what the fuck? They're just like, that wasn't good. That was that. What a phase. This is the bald one. I said, hey, guys, doctor just said I have cancer and I'm going to

die immediately, which sucks. But if someone could cash at me $200 for muscle relaxers and tickets to three doors down live, that would be a great last gift. That's a good post. Cash app dirty South vape god 96 And some people thought it was legit They're like dude I can't believe you have cancer

I can't find your Venmo dude Yeah yeah I can't believe three door down Three doors down tickets are going for that low Yeah they're so crazy That's awesome That's so fucking cool dude It's so fun to lie on the internet

Oh yeah Because like the internet is full of lies anyway So what's one more little lie What's one drop in the bucket? Yeah it's like come on There's like worse things to lie about And like I lie about shit that does not benefit me.

You know? Like, I just lie about like dumb shit. And even if it does, I really, I don't care. And people are like, Steve Renaziz. He said he was in 9-11. I'm like, I don't care. That's fucking funny, dude. It's like, I like the idea of him with,

it's very funny to lie about being in the 9-11 terrorist. People are like, his son-inage lied and said he was hate crimes. Well, that's, that's vulgar. Because he was like, he was getting some innocent, good white boys in trouble for that. What? That's not right. I knew that guy in San Francisco. Wait, with the Hans,

Manage one? I know Hassan Monage in San Francisco. He taught comedy classes, so you know he's evil. Yeah, it's true. He did the San Francisco Comedy College, which is like a huge fucking rip-off. I can say that now that I don't live in San Francisco. Yeah, yeah, yeah, or else you'd be burning a very

important bridge. All comedy colleges, all comedy classes, like all that shit's a fucking rip-off. Oh, yeah, 100%. It's a huge rip-off. Like, the only teacher is to do drugs and get on stage. That's the only way to get good at comedy. Yeah, you got a class. No. It's not about that in the first day. It's got a sick.

I just do a fat line of fucking Coke on the, I put a pile of coke on the table and said when you're, when you're good. It's like a one hour seminar that you do. It's not a full class. And it's free. I love the idea of him taking a tie. Like you wearing that suit with those sunglasses on. You roll it up. You tie the tie around here to make a tourniquet.

And then you're playing stranglehold by Ted Nuget and then just shooting heroin and then just going to sleep. And that's the comedy class. Class. Yeah. And then you just butcher Mitch Hedberg jokes to them for like an hour. How hard could that be? Yeah. I said,

I want a guy off of me a frozen banana. And I said yes. Fuck. Yeah. God damn it. Well, it's so weird because that song sounds like such a drug song, but Ted Nuggedge guy. Yeah. Oddly straight edge, oddly pro-government.

Yeah, but then the song's like, bannambring. Like that stranglehold is such like, I don't know, just sounds so heroin-y. Am I wrong? Such a left-wing. anarchist's groove. Yeah, it really, it feels like that. It can't be Republican and jam like that? Yeah, it's weird. Yeah.

And is he like, I can't find evidence of this. This really annoys me. Didn't he say it's okay for him to date a 15-year-old? And I can't see it any. He has infamously dated many minors. And it's like, it's actually my legal right as an American citizen. That's what I thought, but I can't find it. He's partnered with the internet.

Yeah, he partnered with Google. Well, I mean, like, he probably fucking got in good with Trump and Trump's been scrubbing the internet of everyone's pedophilia. Yeah. Like everyone. Like every single rock star. Cleaning up the streets. It's like, what is it?

Dark Night Rises where he's like, I can get you a clean slate. It's like that, like a full clean record where. Yeah. Yeah. I did hear an interesting one. So people, some people think that Trump is doing all this wild shit with the government because he's being blackmailed. By who? Well, like Massad or something.

Something where he's just like being blackmailed. So he's like, all right, I got to do all this stuff that's like fucking crazy. And then there was a guy, Eli Swede. wing is a comic and he's like he's like his fucking kids really that we just let him get away with fucking kids if this is like the consequence of him not to be it out there

I don't know oh you're saying if he has to do so much to like distract people from the fact that he's fucking kids just let him just be like all right we're just let the man have a little treat yeah we'll throw him one here and there let him have it yeah for the greater good for the greater good it is

necessary and justify the sacrifice a sacrificial lamb if you will yeah Well, I say this, I don't know that he for sure fucked kids. God sacrifice his son. Why can't you? Yeah. For the good of America. Yeah. That's a really good point.

So Trump so loveeth the world that he sacrificed his only begotten son. Yeah. Baron Trump. Yeah. Oh, dude, that guy, it's not even molesting. That guy's like 12 feet tall. It's like fucking slender man. Fucking Baron's a fucking monster now, a Frankenstein fucking freak.

Yeah, you can get him. That's fair game. Yeah, we should have killed him when we had the chance when he was small. now he's a fucking Goliath. You'd have to rape him on like a ladder. Like how the fuck does that even work? The hardest fucking, that's like the final boss of child rape. You have like a helicopter.

Come me out of this part. We're just going to blur your face. Digitize your voice. Yeah, just have it to be barren sitting here like frowning. Hey. Hey, wait a minute. You have like a hell switch too. I'm just picture like a like a helicopter.

You ever see like the old Batman. We have like the rope ladder that comes down. Yeah, yeah. You're just rope laddering down. I think he's 18 now, right? He's in college, yeah. Baron Trump's like a fucking adult. Speaking of, uh,

do you know that fun fact about the song, Mother? Do you tell you know about that? Apparently Mother's about Tipper Gore. Yeah, we're talking about Danzig. Oh, Mother! Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's not Tipper Gore?

Yeah, like All right. If Ronnie James Dio sang it, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Stop fucking censoring my music, you bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's a funny part too

is we're talking about it's really funny when people protest certain things that are like, just kind of reasonable. Yes. Like, I didn't see anything

she said that was that crazy. She's like, I think we should not let our kids listen to music and put a parental advisory sticker. Shut up, bitch. Mother. I had to fucking cut your throat. Yeah,

like, what the fuck? Telling me not to listen to fucking. Oh, don't listen to this fucking cool thing. Yeah. Shut the fuck up, bitch. What the fuck are you doing? This is every 80s rocker. There's like,

maybe my four-year-old shouldn't listen to satanic music. It's like, shut up. Shut up, bit. Like, come on. It's cool. You want your kid to be a fucking dork? You want your kid to fucking sing the alphabet song?

I'm like, fuck no, dude. Come on. But it does sound a lot like a chimo song. Yeah, we were joking about that. Tell your children not to walk my way. Yeah, just like a pedophile driving his van. He's like, oh, hell. I'm the opposite of Mecca for children.

Don't even turn towards me. I'll know when you're facing east. I'll come for you. With my hard nipples on the album cover. gonna take your daughter out tonight, going to show her my world. Yeah, it sounds, yeah. Going to show her my world.

Well, kids are going to find out about this shit. He has a van on the side. It just says, my world. They're going to find out about this shit sooner or later. Wouldn't you want to hear him from a cool force? You're talking about Rocky Raw. They're doing molesting kids.

Oh, yeah, that too. They're going to find out about penis every once in a while. If they're fucking, if they're hot, they're going to find out sooner or later, you know? Might as well be with Danzig. Yeah.

I'd rather you do it with Danzig, honey. And the Ugos, you know, they're just going to fucking do the deed. Do what? The deed. What is that? I was implying they were doing. They were the one,

the ugly ones were going to rape. Oh, they were going to. And the beautiful ones were the rapese. Yeah, yeah. See, you know that. Two types of people in this world.

You know that if you took my comedy seminar. I know. Yeah, that's day one. Day one, dude. I got a whiteboard. What does Joe, what does Joe Gorman's comedy club look like?

So let's say you get the class, right? Yeah. You make enough. money that you buy the building. Now this is Joe Gorman's comedy club. Yeah. What is, what's that place looking like? Oh my God, an opium den. Yeah. An opium den, a brothel.

You know, like that. Japanese guys, so you're Japanese. Japanese guys didn't, they didn't do opium. No, no. It was the China man. Right. The opium. Japanese, they were just too busy raping. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Comfort women.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was cool. Damn, dude. Japanese culture fucking rules, dude. It is pretty cool. They're like, oh, we make a rape are very accessible oh it's not a rape a woman it's a

comfort the wife do we get too busy in the battlefield we need a comfort woman take a little Korean, take a Chinese woman, take a little peepin I like you're not squinting but your eyes are you're slowly

your eyelids got heavier during that well it's like I because I embraced my culture it's all the honor wing yeah yeah yeah the honor well up within and come out to a rito peepie. Damn, dude. Japanese culture fucking rules, dude. Did you ever read memoirs of a geisha?

I did. I lived it. Can you hold it? It's a fantastic book. It's a great book. What's about? It's about a geisha and her memoir is doggy. So, a geisha, are those the people with the fans? They're basically prostitutes. They're high class. They can be high class prostitutes, though. It's like, it's a prostitute and somewhat an aristocrat.

Yeah, it's like the high, they're like basically like high class call girls. Yeah. Yeah, escorts. Like, you know how, like, you know, like when you... Wait, I kind of love Japanese culture because they respect the whore now. This is like a beautiful thing. Yeah, no, they definitely do.

Wow. And there's a system where... Remember in the book, there's her, like, Hatsumoto is the mean, like, is the antagonist? And then eventually, maybe it's not her, but her sister, somebody ends up becoming an actual prostitute, and the geisha looked down on them. I rock it down on you.

Wait, wait, they look down on... Why do they look down the other person because the gaysia don't always have sex, Like, you could sell your virginity as a geisha to someone for, like, an incredible sum of money. Like five yen. Oh. Yeah. Like, upwards of six.

And then you might have, like, one other sexual partner who's, like, paying for it. But it's, like, a shogun or something or an emperor. Shogun's like the elite soldier, right? Like a warlord. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But some high up, or in the book, it was, like, this guy who owned a big electrical device company. Sony. Yeah. I own the Nintendo. It was the maker of the PlayStation. Dude, this is so, I don't know,

this is so interesting to me. You got to read the book. It's a great book. You got to go to Japan, dude. Get a little Gature of your own. I just heard the little thing in my head, like the, like, the, like,

what does it call it? The Shammeson? Like the, the Japanese guitar? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I know, the flutes. Like, yeah. Or like,

like, when Samurai Jack comes back from commercial. Yes, yes. That's what I just heard. I just know exactly the sound. I can't do it, though. Yeah, no, this is, I, I, I, I was, and they also put on shows. They put on, like, you know, these, like, like, Shen Yun shit. And, like, they know all these dances.

Yeah, yeah, they do hours, live at the Aparo. It's very funny. Rive from New York, it's a gay show. It's sending them in the rive. Fecharine. Hot-O-em-Mosio and Kogal. I love her. Oh, a very brutal woman.

Do they think their ass cheeks or paint in white, do you like the face? Their whole body's pain. They dip them in pain. By their ankle. Yeah. Like Achilles.

Yeah. The Gatia heel is like the one, it's the one yellow part on their body. I have always wanted to touch it, they come immediately. I have always wanted to fuck one of those clown chicks. Like Harley Quinn? It's like a new culture.

It's like a subculture. It's like clowns. There must be some walking around here. This is kind of the neighborhood. Yeah, this is the mecca. this is the... It's that in, like, Hasidic Jews in your area. Well, I guess they're all clowns on the way.

You know what I'm saying? Free Palestine. Guys. I'm using that. From who, Joe? From fucking who? I guess the rule of the Jews. Keep it at too specific.

Oh. You want a more vague? Or I guess that would be more specific. No, it's Jews. There's Jews. There's the acids that are like, hey, we're pro-Palestine. Oh, yeah. But, like, they're like pariahs in their scene.

Yeah, there's everybody on every side. Yeah. It's a very nuanced discussion. It's a very nuanced. Thanks for coming back to the Michael Goodpodge. Do you know what? You know what? I was being a giant badge there.

I was like, actually, technically. Actually, people are dying. But, you know, I do think a lot of anti-Semitism in New York is rooted on how many, how often Haasid's double park in Williamsburg? 100%. It's brutal. And the landlord's where it starts. landlords too.

Yeah, but whenever I drive through there, I'm engaged to a Jewish girl. I'm a big, Jew lover, but I go to Williamsburg and I'm like, you're a fucking Nazi. Yeah, when you get to Brooklyn. Yeah, yeah. I'm fluid like that.

Yeah. You go over the Williamsburg Bridge and like, now entering Brooklyn, Oe-Ve. Did you see that? No. They actually have that. Does that bother you? It does.

Why does that bother you? I want to fucking rear end the car in front of me when I see that shit. That's crazy, dude. What is this? that should say Asalam al-a-le-com or something that would make me more comfortable

as a Japanese American She'd say Alu Akbar What do you want it to say Welcome to Manhattan Al-Aqbar That would be awesome I would literally Dude if I could get a billboard

And said welcome to Manhattan Al-Aw Akbar I think I would spend my whole life Just trolling that hard Because Ron Mondami wants to do that He truly does He really does He wants Shireola law

wants to say Alu Akbar. Yeah, that's what I've heard. Zoran Madami, 2025. I sound like you're saying that against him at first. No way, dude, I think it's cool. Zora Mamdani for execution publicly in the Times Square. That would be fucking cool.

We need to bring back public execution. We should do Times Square hangings. Oh, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. For anyone. Is the Elmo like warming up the crowd at the beginning? And then they're doing the things where the black guys do the backflips.

Yeah. And they really, and they drag it out. And people like, When are you going to hang him? Hold on one second. One more time with the bucket. We got to go around with the bucket one more time. I just fucking flip and hang him.

I've been here for two hours. Yeah, it's like, come on. Dude, I got to get back to work. Come on. Let's do it. It totally, sorry to catch you up, but it would be one of those things where it's show drawn out. Yes.

Oh, yeah. Just another New York scam. Another fucking hustle. It would be like a five hour thing for like 30 seconds. It's like New Year. Yes. It's like, it's going to be like New Year's where you have to camp out for it. People would wear diaper.

to the hangings. And then you find out you didn't get the best ticket. Because you didn't buy like the VIP. You're like, oh, you actually are like 500 rows back now because you're like, I didn't know the difference between the two wristbands. But it would be cool if like you were like working one of the skyscrapers in Times Square so you could just like look out the window and see it. That's always the move.

I'd rent out my office for that. Yeah, you ever work? Do you work in the city? No, I'm remote. Okay, nice. But if, have you ever worked in like a high rise building there? It is cool. It is very cool.

It makes you feel like, damn, I'm kind of making it a little bit. You're like, I don't like this job, but this is awesome. Right. Like, it's like you can like look out. Like I, the last time I worked in an office, I looked out and you could see like the Empire State Building. You could see everything. And like it always make you feel like, I'm doing something right. Yeah.

Just to be in New York and have someone let me in here. That's how I felt at Blackstone. I worked in the mail room at Blackstone before it got fucking and. Not Black Rock, Blackstone. Blackstone is a, what do you call? Subsidiary. Yeah. They broke off from Black Rock.

And they're the ones that got shot up. It's a building that got shot up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, still think it's funny, Zach? Yes. Michael could have gotten killed. He could have gotten shot in his little head. Imagine that.

They shoot him in the head and then violate his body repeatedly. That's some good aim. That's a tiny little head. Oh, thank you. No, I, um... You like that? People say your head's tiny? Yeah, because I feel like it's been looking recently.

Thank you. Oh. Yeah. I feel like it's been looking big recently. So I got smaller because when I was bigger, my head looked like it matched me. my body. At least for me it did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got some angles now, dude. I know, but it's like I'm this little petite princess now and I get this giant head compared to my petite little, cute, supple, uh, child. What do you think was more important? Was it diet or exercise?

Uh, I don't want to talk about it. Let's go back to the juice. Yeah, yeah, I'd rather talk about, yeah. You're talking about Blackstone? Yeah, well, it's like, yeah, I, it is so funny. This is how fucking gay I am. I literally was like, that could have been me Because I worked there like five years ago.

That's fucking funny, dude. You're one of the things they used to barricade the doors. Get the postal worker. I'm not furniture, guys. The CEO is using human shield. Running through the halls. Yeah. That was the crazy part. I was like, I would get mail that was like supposed to go to the CEO.

I'm like, I could just throw this out. It's crazy they're giving somebody who's retarded has made this mail right here. That's tight. But they keep you in check because they're like, buddy, it's a federal crime. Yeah. You get a big 12. That's an old wife's tale. Yeah, you can white.

You can drive drunk, you can open mail. This is the case of the finders versus the keepers. Yep. Did you... I'm sorry, I didn't offer you, Walter. You just made one yourself, though. Yeah, I made a big fat... That's a fucking big cock move.

I like that, yeah, man. He's like, I like that. I do respect that. Make yourself comfortable, man. Kick your feet up, baby. Relax. Stick around. Yeah.

Take yourself. Insist. Put your feet behind your head. Take a load off. Relax your asshole a little. bit. Yeah. We're all friends here. Let me shoot a load off. Because Patty used to do his podcast here with a bed.

Oh, yeah. It used to be in his room in a bed. And he was like, he's like, I really felt uncomfortable. He didn't even realize it until he invited the first female guest. He was like, who was the first female guest? He slept out here? No, no, no, no. He would just bring his bed out here. He just bring it out for the pod. But he didn't realize that afterwards when the podcast was in his room, his old apartment. He's like, it was kind of awkward around invite a girl over and he had a podcast is in my bed. No way. That's like the fucking best move. It's like, oh, yeah. He has 10 locks on his door.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The lens cap is like, shit, right, that lens cap's been on for a long time. Yeah, don't worry about. No, I got on cameras all over this room. I'll be asking the questions here. It's a hidden camera kind of show. Yeah, yeah, it's somewhere. That's cool. What a fucking move, dude. I should invite a woman to my bed. Yeah, he brings promising starlets in.

Yeah. He has him sit on a weird couch. You want to get past at the grizzly pear? Or as I call it, the jizzly pear? I'm going to turn your fucking grizzly pear into a jizzly pear, dude. That's what I would say to a woman. Man, what a beautiful thing to say? What's a vial.

Jisley? That's the name of my comedy club. The one is on Opium Den. Oh, yes, the Opium Den Comedy Club. The sister club of every fucking major comedy club. Where is this? Is this in the city?

Is this in another country? Yonkers. Yonkers. You got to take the, you got to take Metro North to my club, dude. Get to the opium. Yeah.

I don't cover any expenses. You have one free spoon of opium per for every four tickets. First hit's always free. That's how you bring, that's how you get the regulars. The repeat biz. Yeah. Everyone gives out shots. You can give out opium.

I do. I do. That is one thing. I'm always like anti-I-I-I-I-D-I-D-I-D. I don't know. I did like Oxies when I was like a teenager because it was very cool. Oxy's are fucking fun, dude. I only had that when I got my wisdom teeth out or something. And I remember taking double the intended dose. I think it was like the normal dose, but they're like, you're a kid to take half. And I just lounged in a recliner in my basement. Like, this is listening to music. I'm like, this is the best feeling I've ever had. Nothing better than doing drugs and listening to music. Yeah. It's true. And like every generation has, like every generation loves doing drugs and listening to music. It is a constant. Put a topless girl on your shoulders.

You've made it. I'm going to say this, though. Kill me now. This is an opium opinion. I think opiates are like such a refined palate drug that I think as a teenager, I could not respect them because they're painkillers. If you don't have actual pain in your life, you can't. Like, I remember be like, this is fucking lame.

I was like, I don't even feel that disoriented. I was like, mentally I don't feel super foggy. I was like, this stuff sucks. But then as like, now you're like, I'm detecting notes of fulfillment. Yeah, yeah. I feel like now if I did about self-actualization. Yeah. It's like, that's what they should teach you and dare.

Yeah. It's like, look, do these drugs when you're 25 and have shit going on. Like right now, it's like you have like no frame of reference. You don't even know what misery is. Yes, like, will be miserable later in life. And that's when you need drugs. Yes. High school is when you should be doing like sex.

Sex, but I'm saying you could also do certain drugs in high school. Like nobody's going to appreciate you as an adult if you take cough medicine to get high, like DXM. Yeah, that's true. So if you want to take like 20 mucenex, you'd be like to appreciate you. No one's going to see you for who you are. Even though you're worth it. I don't know. Yeah, I didn't have to go to a drug dealer.

Look at that. You just went to the store. I think that's creative. It is, it is, what's the fucking word? industrious for a teenager to go, you know, hit three CVS's. Oh, yeah, dude. You really had a day. You ran some errands.

We went on a journey. Yeah. I remember I took like, I think it was the equivalency to like 21 Mucinex or something like that. Wow. And then we just like fucking hawking up all this shit. Dude, we went to the country club and then it took for, it took like two hours to kick in.

And then we went paddleboarding. And then we were just tripping balls. On Mucinex? Yeah. The country club. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, we used to go to the country club so fucked up on drugs. Did your dad have, your parents remember? Yeah. Yeah, it was so funny too, because in our mind we're like, why are they mad?

Like, the country, they'd see us walking to these fucking kids. And we're like, why are they mad at us? Like, we bring them so much business. And it was like, we buy like one pizza. And I'm like,

we're like their biggest customers. We're keeping lights on in this place. Yeah, we're just like, a lifeguard's putting a fucking towel over me while I'm like, shaking on drugs. And they're like, you're like, I write your checks, basically.

Yeah. Damn, I wish I went. I never got to go to it. I've never been to a country club. I got kicked out of me. Are you going to take me? I'll take you with my parents. Get 21 musies in each of you.

Let's do it, dude. Let's fucking go. I'll grind up the muses. We'll do a line of mucinex. Yeah. Just carpet bomb the big blobs in you. I've always wanted to ride and drive a golf cart. Dude, a woman died in like a country club near in Maryland

driving a golf cart. It like flipped over and it fucking hit her, crack, cracked her neck or something. You know what? She had to be very, was she so fad that it leaned one way? No,

no, no, is she the golf car driver, dude? It was in, it was in L. Yeah, it just blew up. She just put it in a park

and she hit the explode button. They fucking put a hit on her. No, I think she careened off the side into like a ravine. She careened into the ravine. Korean. And Abdul-Jubon.

Oh, I think you're saying like she, as in like South Korea, like Korean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The opposite of a Tokyo drift is a Korean. Korean Korean.

Yeah, that she died. I got kicked out of the New York Athletic Club recently. My friend was having... For what, masturbating in the showers? Yeah, they don't let you do that. You're not going to the right clubs, buddy. Fucking, that's a rookie mistake. I wasn't wearing the right attire.

Really? Really? Yeah, yeah. Well, my friend was getting married, and so some of the wedding party was staying there for, like, the weekend. and it's a very, it's like a dress code country club situation. I think I had like Converse on or something, but I had otherwise nice clothes. Okay.

But a guy came up to me immediately, and it was like, you gotta leave, you can't wear those shoes in here. Converse? And I was like, I bring you so much fucking business. That's why.

It is so funny. I look at your building every time I walk by here every two weeks. That shows the difference between a Florida, a central Florida country club and a fucking, I had my friends show up with like wife beaters. And I was like, yeah, whatever,

who gives a fuck? Yeah. And then I'm like, And then I'm like, they would have tased him. Yeah, they would have been shot in the face. I would have amazed him and detained him. I want to, I want to be like rich enough that I go to it. And they're like, you can't wear that here.

You can't wear this like John 360 shirt. Yeah. Is that a Christian skateboarding trick? Yeah. John 360. Dude, he hit a John 360. That's where you fucking like. You're trying to say John 360?

No. What's 360? I'm unfamiliar. He's actually, it's like, you go to hell. Oh yeah But then you come back Yeah, right Yeah, it's a round trip

You go to hell and come back And then you're cool about it Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah It's just a quick tour Yeah Quick tour at hell Just a quick little like

Looky Lou Yeah, just see what's going on down there Um, no, I'm just having, I just had a memory of me I was the designated driver

one time when my friends are golfing at this country club That sucks Yeah What we did was I would just Do you need a DD on a golf cart? Well, we had to drive back

Unless you're a Korean I don't think so What is it? DW designated, whatever. Anyways. DWK. Driving well career. Just pulled over by a cop immediately for being Asian.

He goes, yeah, I know you haven't done anything, but I know you're going to do something. So you're already, but you're in Minority Report, Part 2. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The albino bitches told me. You were about to kill a lot of people. I just had this vague So I was driving my friends There so instead of drinking

They were all getting drunk on the golf course I was doing so many whippets On the golf and I remember literally rolling around In the putting green like just on my pack While they're just putting around Be the ball, Michael Be the ball But like wippets don't last that that long

That's why I was driving home So they would last a minute So they were drinking beers I was just You can DD on Whippets Yeah That's the moral of this story We would do that in high school

The DD would do Whipids because it lasts like a minute. And I will say this. I keep getting these ads for this WIPPIT lawsuit where it's like if you've done Nitrous Oxide, you can sue these companies. For making you retarded. Yes. My thing is I had so much fun on Wippets that it literally feels morally wrong for me to sue them. Like it feels incorrect for me to be like, they gave me so much.

Yeah, I genuinely feel like, who am I to double dip in that well? That's what I feel like. I bet you there's people that are suing them. You can't have your wippets and earn too. Yeah, exactly. It's terrible. It's like, I guarantee you. It's wrong. It's wrong for them to do.

Because I guarantee there's people that, this is how fun Whippets are, there's probably people that are suing that company for more money to buy more Whippets. Absolutely. Yeah. You ever cracked a cold one? No, I've never done it. Yeah. I did Whippets when I worked at a coffee shop.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Because it's like we have like the, you know, it's like we have like all those like, whip like, you know, the fucking compressed air. Canisters. Yeah, and the canisters. So instead of making whipped cream, we would just do like fucking whip it stirring closing. Yeah. sometimes during opening.

Yeah. Like fucking 4 a.m. Just a nice start to the day. Yeah. It's like, it's a pre-Zin lifestyle. You know, you need something.

It's like, I got a fucking register. I got to like, you know, count up the cash register and stuff. I better take a little whip it to take the edge off of being awake for three minutes.

Yeah. I threw mine out like, I think it was like five months ago. I had one. Drugs are really meant for like young. Like it's like it's good to do drugs in your like 20s and 30s when your body is like young and elastic.

Are you a drug do or no? I still do drugs occasionally, but not nearly the volume that I used to. Yeah, like what? Like, I mean, I'll smoke weed. I'll do shrooms. How often with weed? Okay, weed daily. Okay.

But weed doesn't count. Shrooms may be like... Disagree. I mean, I do daily, but I think it counts. Really? Yeah. It's just, you know what? I think it's just because it's so legal and prevalent that it almost kind of becomes a

background where it's like, oh, well, it's like not quite a cigarette, you know? Yeah. Shrooms, I'll probably do like, you know, twice a year. Oh, that's like really good numbers. I think that's really good. I think I do ketamine almost every month. And I'll do Coke whenever anyone offers it. Whenever anyone, I don't care who it is.

It could be somebody I hate, but if they offer Coke, I will never turn it down. I will never. I really don't like it. Really? Yeah. Well, you're probably just not doing Coke with the right guys. Michael, why don't you call your guy? We'll do it right.

This is the right guys. This is the right guys. This is the right guys. This is the vibe. Yeah. This is the vibe. I will say it's really funny because I quit doing Coke like probably like seven years ago. Damn.

Just Pepsi now? Just Pepsi now. Hey, that's why we have you. We'll clip that. Clip it. That's a good one. That's a good one. Never been said.

Never been said. Totally original. I just quibed because the hangovers were troche. I get horrible anxiety the next day. So when I do coke with people, yeah. Or when I'm hanging out of people doing coke, they're like. Curious. Yeah, people are just like, hey, I was like,

yeah, I haven't done Coke at seven years. They're like, yeah, man, I'm quitting, too. They started immediately, like, doing this thing where they're trying to not look like a Coke hit to me. I'm like, I don't care. Like, but also every- Yeah, and everybody thinks I still do Coke where, like, everybody's like, we did so much blow last night.

Like, I didn't touch it. They're like, dude, I've done Coke with you like 19 times. I'm like, no, I'm just around and you don't notice. Right, they just assume. Yeah, they don't notice the guy not asking for the bag. It's a good place to be. Yeah. I mean, you feel like a big tough man.

Yeah. Are you more generally anxious or generally depressed? generally depressed. That's probably why you like cocaine. And weed. Yeah. Like all the... Escapeism.

Yeah. Alcohol is more anxious. See, I don't drink. I don't drink. You don't drink? No, I don't drink. We are... This is the same guy right here.

Me and you? Yeah. Well, you don't like weed. No, I do. Okay. Yeah. Well, let's fucking smoke. Fucking prove.

Fucking prove it, dude. Fucking clue to the fucking ball, man. How much, how much time we got? We got time. I would smoke pot. You want to fucking get high? we'll get a little high. Dude, let's see where this goes.

Let's see where this goes, man. Are we getting high right now? We're getting high at home. You might have to, you might get demonetized for us. I don't care, bro. This is like early Rogan, dude. It's really, I mean, it's fucking,

really Rogan. So my philosophy with drugs are, like, I try, like, the only drugs I will buy is weed. Yeah. And then, like, anything else that's offered, I'll take. But, like, I try not to buy, like,

I know if I buy Coke, like that's the end. I used to have a Coke guy. Oh, the night. I think you're like, that's the end of everything. No, it's just the end for me though.

I know, like, I would like spend all of my money on it. Um, I used to have a, I had a, I had a Coke guy that a friend of mine hooked me up with. And I never knew his real name.

So he was saved in my phone as Dr. Snow. Oh, that's a sick name. And I would call Dr. Snow and he would say like, you know, uh,

you get like, um, like five for 60. And like I would get like five for six. like 60 bucks. That's for that's like Frozone's drug dealing brother. He would like hook it up.

Wait, that's like $10 a gram. I know. It was really fucking good. Like, what was, he must have been, it was definitely stepped on.

Yeah. It was 100% stepped on. That's insane. And I would, I would do, and eventually like I cannot, and during the pandemic, I was like,

I'm not doing this shit anymore because I was like, how would you ever quit cocaine when was that cheap? You should have been selling cocaine. No, it was like, I was doing too much of it.

That was the problem. And I was like, this isn't good for me. Like, as opposed, like, all the other should I do. Yeah, yeah. Was your, was it, did it cause any relationship rips? No, not really, because I would just do it by myself. But that's the other thing is, like, I was just like doing Coke.

That's not good. And then, like, you know, you know, Catherine, my old roommate, Catherine Henson. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So she had a ketamine hookup. So I was like just doing ketamine too. I was doing like a ton of ketamine. And then I'd take like the Coke and I'd mix it with ketamine.

Calvin Klein. I'd do it all together. I love that. But then I would get like, it was too, I was like doing it during work, you know. Dude, I can't imagine you had to me at work. What are you Elon Musk? Yeah, no, but like, then people were like messaging me on. Why haven't you invented a rocket?

Yeah, I mean, like, people were, yeah. People would message me on Slack and be like, hey, Joe, can you take this call? And like, I'm in my fucking. Sorry, I'm in demon mode right now. I'm totally demon mode. You know, just like out. Joking on your own tongue. I love it.

Dude, I love fucking drugs, though. Like, drugs are fucking great. Yeah, well, for me, I, now, now, the last episode, this is kind of the conclusion of my white boy summer, so everything's going to tone down a notch. And then immediately the weekend's coming around. I'm like, but what if it... But what if it wasn't? Why is white boy summer ending so early? It's mid-August, buddy. I know, in my mind, I'm like, I need to lock in. And then I sat around... School's out for summer. You know, I thought I invented that song when I was a kid?

That's so funny. I randomly was just singing it. And I must have heard the song at some earlier part of my childhood. Yes. Because randomly, I swear to God, I remember being like, schools out. for the summer. School's out for a... I'm like, oh, fuck, dude, that should be a song. I just somehow blacked out the memory. Maybe it was molested while that song was playing, so somehow it swapped in.

But I feel like... Maybe Danzig got you. Yeah, dude, maybe... Alice Cooper raped you. You didn't even know about it. I had a... Alex was related to him, so, hey, maybe we keep those rumors going around as revenge.

Yeah, dude. Nobody breaks Michael Goods heart. No. I had like a gum surgery or something. or maybe, maybe this was also wisdom teeth. It was a wild oxy weekend for me in the recliner, but I was watching Spider-Man 3 or, I don't know, some bullshit Spider-Man,

and I fell asleep kind of with the oxy, and then I woke up thinking I had dreamed the entire plot of Spider-Man. I'm like, I gotta write this down. I got a blockbuster here. Yeah, and then a big robotic rhino and Paul Giamani's gonna be in it. It was that one.

Oh, that was like the really bad one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really enjoyed it. And I actually also wrote it. So don't tell me that. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry to shit on your dreams. Yeah, but I remember. And then somebody showed me that song.

Like, no, that's a song. I'm like, no, I thought of it. Like for years, I was like, no, that's my song that I thought of myself. Nice, dude. And then, yeah, I guess I was wrong. But how did Alice Cooper get into my head? Yeah. Careful, Michael Good.

Be careful, dude. That's also, it's so funny because in my mind, when I think Alice Cooper, I think of the wild stage performances, because he's known for like decapitating himself on stage. Being a real performance artist is kind of like a like a mansinson's pretty. You cut off his own head. Not like literally, but like he would have, I'm sure, like a dummy or something. Oh, prop head.

Oh, it has to. It's an actual person. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like a fucking like he. The prestige. Like where he's like killing clones of himself. It's like an Al Jazeera video where like it's like he has a journalist and he just cuts off his head on stage. Death to America.

Yeah. Cooper's new thing is fucking edgy. But it's so funny to be doing shit like that and like, you know, doing like kind of like satanic looking things. And then just be playing, no, my teachers. Yeah.

I don't know, yeah. Yeah, I think he was like, I watched a Manson documentary one time thinking, that was another thing too that I was like, Manson is so not cool to me. Like I don't,

really? Marilyn Manson or Charles Manson? Charles is fucking cool. Charles Manson's very, he also wrote for the Beach Boys, which is all, which is so fucking funny. Charles?

Yeah, Charles Manson would write songs and send him to Brian Wilson. Wow. And he was, like, stalking one of the Beach Boys for a while. Wow, that's crazy. It was very cool. Damn, Charles Manson was, and he never actually killed anyone. Prolific. I'm still cool, man.

I just don't like it too high. Whatever, man. You're all gay to me. Charles, uh, yeah, I don't know. What were talking about Charles? You never called him like Charlie or Chuck Manson? With Charlie, Chuck, I like Chuck. Do you want anymore?

You good? You see that screen save where that ruins the podcast. It is so funny immediately. It's been two minutes and I'm like, what were we talking about? What was the thing? Charles Manson. Yeah. I don't know nothing about Charles Manson except that cool tattoo on his forehead.

It's a very cool tattoo. Very cool. Was it even a tattoo or is it like a star? He actually turned into that S. Remember when that S? That's how I covered up my swasties. Whenever the teacher came around, I would S it up. And then I'd draw another S next to that.

I did think I invented that. The swastika? No, the S? The cool S. It's like, but like, it was one of those things. Like, I don't know, like, a kid showed me and then like I was like showing other people. I bet your memory is worse as a kid. You probably just forget random things like that, maybe.

You forget everything as a kid. Well, you're getting so much information about the world that you don't really know yet. But like you guys grew up on the East Coast. Yeah. And you know about the cool S. Yes. I grew up in the Midwest. And I still knew about that.

But there was no interesting. internet to fucking like be like this is how you draw this. So how the fuck did that shit spread? Somebody started it. Yeah. I'm telling you it's probably Van Gogh. It's kind of like street jokes where it's like some things just like they spread. People have a cousin that lives somewhere else.

It's like I guarantee somebody's cousin came out to California. It was like, check out this cool ass. And then it just, yeah. What I'm curious about is all the lost letters. We only have the S. What about the cool B? Ooh, what about the cool F? Yeah.

That is walking wild. Yeah. There's a cool alphabet There's a cool alphabet That's a cool alphabet We're not that's In Atlantis Underwater right now

I wish I It's probably on the shroud Of Torin or whatever That's trying to draw us on my hand How would I can't even do the ass Remember the cool ass? Yeah I can do the cool ass Draw a cool ass on my hand dude

The shroud of Torin is like The lost scrolls of the Bible right Or Christ What? No it was the shroud Jesus of the rap day Okay Chodrew swast to go my hand The problem is

I think we all know what side of the conflict Joe's on. Why did I know? Ukraine. He's with the Ukrainians. Who are Nazis? This is going to scare me because I'm high. I'm randomly just going to be like, am I going to start a cult that kills people?

Oh, what? Why does this make a lot of sense? Oh, dude, this is, I don't like, I don't like being high and looking at a slu. Don't look at it, Michael. Stop looking at it. Why did you make me smoke this bond sack? I'm so scared. I'm not a Nazi now. I know. I'm just kidding. This guy's an anti-drug ad, dude.

For the audio listen, I'm going to think I took a huge hit and then baby, like, air-locked it to my mouth and then blew into Michaels. I like that you could really do what was happening as soon as I drew the cross. It took me a second.

I think I'm literally high already. I think it took me, like, a second to figure out what was going on. Sometimes. And then next thing you know, there's a swelisk on my hand. It doesn't get much better than that, man. Damn, that shit's something.

You know what? You know, this is I'll say. How much fun did you have? Oh, I had a blast. That's all that matters. If Joe had a good time on my couch, who cares if he drew a hate symbol on my hand? Is it a hate symbol? It's the friends you met along the way.

Yeah. It's all about the journey. We had an incredible journey. Is what the hate feedies about. Yeah. Damn, this is like a crazy podcast. You're getting high. You're fucking drawing hate symbols on my hand, dude?

He drew it, dude. You said, hey, you want to see something cool Joe? And I'm like, all right. I'm going to draw a cool S. And I was like, my name. Michael, that's not an S, that's a swastika. And you said, Hyle Hitler. Actually, if you look at it, it's two S's.

Yeah. Roll that footage back. Show him drawing the fucking swastika. Time stamp at 30 minutes in. Send me the footage. The funny part is you could make the argument that a whole portion of this podcast was cut out. And that did happen.

It did. And then you're like, Joe, I need you to make this up and make it sound like you did it. There's such a huge time jump. Yeah. Yeah, whenever you edit something, you're like, they probably just think we're saying the worst stuff on here.

Oh, yeah. It's impossible. I just let it go. And then sometimes people are like, can you actually like remove this? Yeah. And I'm like, no, I can't. See, my rules you can cut out.

If you give my, sorry, good job. No, I was just going to say I and my podcast, which might be ending. Oh, no, why? It's a lot of work. Come on my podcast instead. I would love to. Yeah, you want to be the third mic?

Yeah. All right. Alex Thomaselli's out. You're in. Who's the other person? Alex Thomaselli. Doesn't even matter anymore. He said he's out.

Who's the other person? He said one. You're the one. You're the one, Mike. Who's the two? Michael Good. Oh, Michael Good. Yeah.

I didn't know this. You guys have a podcast? Yeah, we're starting. I guess we do now. I guess this is like the new thing. This is actually the soft launch of our new podcast. This episode. It'll be us on the front going like, and it's called like Bird Brains or something.

Damn, that's actually a fucking great name. Numb skulls. Yeah. Bird brains is actually a great name. I love. Is this actually happening? Bird brains? Is this fucking happening right now?

Are we doing this really? I think we are. I'm not sure. We have what's called a verbal agreement in the entertainment. On three. One, two, three. Brains. Nice.

I love it, dude. I love the podcast. Michael's the boss. Oh, thank you, man. Is that because I have this on my hands? Yeah,

because you have the song. Your crow mother. Your mother crow. The, what is it fucking, I love the podcast angle of, like, guys, it's always guys they clearly think they're smart,

but they want to like, like, what is it called smartless? Like, Jason Bateman and, Oh, God, that one. And they're like, we're a bunch of fucking knuckleheads. Look at us. What's the concept of Jason Babens?

It's just called SmartList because, you know, they're just like, look at us. We're just a bunch of goofballs. We're clearly not smart guys. It's like Jason Bateman and Sean Haynes. And who's the name? Who's the third guy? You know, the guy who talks like this. Just BoJack Horseman.

Will our name. Yeah. It's Job. Yeah. You're funny, too. I love, sorry. I do love podcasting later than people and just being like,

these guys aren't real podcast. I started like two years ago. I mean, podcasting is fucking gay. Yeah, I don't even know where we're doing it. But as time goes on, the gayer becomes a star one.

I know. So it's nice we got in on the relatively straight floor. This is true. I think I'm also like, I think I forget, I think every year goes by and I still think of two years

to podcasting. I think I've been podcasting for like six years now. Yeah, eight years. It's a Sisyphian task. Yeah. You push that boulder up the hill and you forget how long

you've been at hell. Yeah. I feel like my current podcast is the one that's actually going to last. Nice. You've had some, you've had some real potential hitters, though, right? Some highs, some dizzying highs and some disgusting lows. Yeah.

I call him the, he's a gas digital princess. I think so. GDP? Yeah, the GDP. Highest GDP in the room. See me at Skankfest, New Orleans in November. Hell yeah. It actually is going to be relapsing on his alcohol.

I think I can make that announcement now. Oh, wait. Fuck, I shouldn't have shown my hand of the camera. That's the best a shot that it's going to be. So it's not yet. They're going to zoom in. Enhance. Thank God.

Thank God you filmed it in 4K. Wait, it's reversed though. So I'd be like, it's the Hindu because the camera doesn't the camera reverse? No, no,

you need some swirlies for it to be Hindu. I've seen Hindu. It's, it's cursive. And it's always like a real swastika looking swastika. They're like, oh,

that's actually a Hindu symbol of peace. Yeah. It's like, I don't, well, the re- what about the guy with a little mustache you drew next to it.

Yeah, yeah. Well, he was actually their Buddha. there's different versions. Like Thai Buddha is skinny guy. Do you think, yeah. Oh, really?

Yes. And then fat Buddha makes no sense because he sat under that tree for 49 days. That fat Buddha is an actual Buddha Buddha. It's like some other fucking divinity in Buddhist culture, but it got lumped in with the Buddha. Okay. Because the Buddha, the one you're referring to,

the one that sat under the tree. You would have to be spelt. Oh, yeah. The Thai one, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And like that's like, but like the one that's, So the Buddha where you're like, oh, rub my belly for good luck and that's a sign of wealth. That's actually like some other Chinese deity that got like roped into Buddhism.

Just because of all these Chinese restaurants. And what's the cat? What a god is that? The cat is just a, that's the Egyptian god of death. I was going to say God of war. And they're saying bye bye. This is like a cool Heil Hitler right here. Yeah.

It's like I'm not really doing it. I'm knock it off. Yeah, I'm just a kitty cat. Yeah. Yeah, but if you get a freeze frame of the cap, though, you're like, what the fuck is he signaling? Check the bottom. Tesla? It was funny that I, on silence, saw the Elon Musk thing.

And I remember just being like, it looks so crazy. Like, I was on my couch. No, it looks pretty crazy. I wasn't listening to speech. And then I was just like, whoa, that was like a, yeah. Autism or not, you know, he knew what he was doing. He knew what he was doing. Autistic people know angles.

Yeah. And he knew what angle he was doing. That is. And it was not acute. No. It was offensive. There's like this wave of like, really. fucking racist autistic people now.

Like hate-filled. And I wonder if it's actual hate-filled or they just... A fixation. You know, it's a hyper-fitt. They're trapped. They're hyper-fixated on the genetics. Do you think all autistic people want to be hyper-focused on Legos or trains or skull-size? It's not their fault.

Yeah, yeah, it's true. What if Hitler had autism? I think he did. He definitely had... I did a podcast about his wife with Ben Kirshenbaum. Okay. Which is funny because at one point he's like, hey, we've been doing this 50 minutes. I'd just like to clarify.

I'm Jewish. Hitler's really bad. He did a lot of bad things to my family. But, you know, all right, back to the jokes. He just was like, I got to put my stamp on there. But no, Hitler was, he like couldn't get hard. He had a fucked up weird penis like Epstein and... Poor guy.

Weinstein. And... Some others... I mean, Hitler was apparently Jewish, so maybe he's just one of the poor Jews disaffected by a mangled dick. Yeah. Circumcision gone wrong. But yeah, he couldn't really come.

He had a fucked up dick. He would just have a woman like whip him and be... Are you serious? Yes. He did BDSM stuff. Are you sure? Are you sure that's not just like a smear campaign by the Jew media to make him seem less cool?

Got to go again. They're like, what if he was just like... This happens every time. He was actually like the coolest fucking guy. But then like this Jew and media was like, oh, we can't have any of that. They say he has a fucked up penis. Say he fucked his cousin. Maybe he was just a really cool guy on Crystal Math.

I think it's out there that he had a small penis. Prana of Bahari is a great joke. He's like, don't make him sympathetic. Now I feel bad for the guy. Don't tell me how a small penis. I'm like, oh, well, that's too bad. He's an every man. Yeah.

Yeah. He overcame so much. He's a cautionary tale. You know, this is wild. We all know the term cautionary tale. Yeah. I use that with somebody, one of my girlfriend's friends. No, one of my girlfriend's sister's friends.

I don't want to implicate her in the car. I was like, yeah, he's a real cautionary tale. And she's like, wait, what's that? I'm like, if you don't know what it is, you are it. Yeah. You are the fucking someone's cautionary tale. She never heard that phrase. She's like 32.

You never heard of like Aesop's fables and shit? Like that's all that shit is. You know what I said? Or even like someone who's life went the wrong way? You're like, oh, cautionary tale. That Brenda. Yeah. That's what I call my sidebush.

But she had cautionary tale. Shit. That tail is cautionary tale. I run out of the main thing. I got my cautionary tail on the back. Yeah, that's my... That's some caution. If shit hits the fan, I get that tail that's on the caution.

But he had a crazy. I remember, because I, I have like, I have like, some Hitler jokes. I'm like, let me learn about him. He had a really dark childhood. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah. Wow. Well, first off, no PlayStation. No wonder. Didn't have Tinder back then. No wonder it turned out the way it did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I didn't have Tony Hawk Pro Skater, who knows what I would have done. Damn, dude. No, I think it was like his dad was like incredibly abusive and like, like, like, yeah, like really like abuse, very like, just abusive father. And then like, I think abusive, like, all of his brothers died or something crazy like that. He had like a bunch of brothers die when he has a kid. I don't have a lot of notes on this, but it's been a while. Yeah. I'm trying to remember what, like, stoked his, uh, his anti-Semitism.

It was something like, you get into art school. Yeah, but I think that, you know, he was biased against him because his dad and also they like screwed over his dad somehow in business or something. I mean, is, yes, dad probably had a bad idea for a business and they're like, no, we're not going to give you a loan for, I don't know, the fucking sham wow or something. You'll see. Everybody that Hitler knew in love is dead now. It's not crazy.

That's so sad. I know, right? That's what I was thinking. Hitler family. That's a different Wikipedia page. People that no one love Hitler are still alive. And I take solace in that. You are a little pro-Hitler, though, it seems.

I'm not. I can't help but detect a little bit of the little of Hitler. No, no, no. What gives you that? Just the way you're fucking sheepishly grinning right now. Like, what do you mean? I like Hitler. I totally don't like him, dude.

No, he's gross. Ew, Hitler's gross. That's actually a great thing to do something that's really high. Be like, do you like Hitler? And they're going to be like, no. But then you should keep pressing. And they start grinning because they just look evil. Because it's like, it's such a funny thing to be accused of.

And you're like, no, I'm not. Well, I'm smiling. Like, you're sort of villain. You know, you're crazy. Yeah, I think it was people did take, sorry, he did take lessons from comedians for speechmaking. Nice. He's very, he's very animated with his hands. What's the deal with all?

Austria. Let's deal with all these Jews. Isn't it crazy? It's not ours? Yeah. You ever notice that? Wait, I do like this. Though three of these descendants were sons of Adolf's nephew, Willie, Willie Hitler.

That is just the funniest name. That's awesome. Willie Hitler, yeah. I couldn't find the brother. I think he just said his brother died and stuff. Isn't it fun? Yeah, that's right. Hitler was his last name.

Hitler was his name. And it's like, but we can't, we don't really go around calling people Adolf anymore. Who was like the last? neither one were to. What was his middle name now? Danger. Did they do middle name? They didn't have middle names in Germany at the time. Middle name seems very...

If you had a middle name, you got put on a train. Middle name seems very 1960s coded. Yeah, they did not. Two's not enough. It's all about keeping up with the Joneses. It's free love, man. It's all about keeping up with the Joneses, Emily's Sackafats. They have so many names over there.

So I have no little names. offense. Uh-oh. You don't? Is that what you caught? You said I was a little Hitler-coded. No middle name. That could be it.

You don't have a middle name? Nope. No, no middle name. Your parents never gave you a middle name? No, I'm changing it to fart, by the way. I'm 100% when I find the time I'm legally changing my middle name to fart. No, you're not. I bet you buy this time next year my middle name would be fart.

Nice. I'm literally saving up for it. Actually, I think it's like 40 bucks. Zach, what's your middle name? Daniel. In the Den with the Lions. It's a full middle name. I was Michael.

I'm a far changing. who killed the devil. Yeah. My middle name is William. We have very biblical middle names. William. Joseph William Gorman. Is William biblical?

Yeah. I guess not. What's Will do? Actually, I guess no. How did I think about it? No, there was no Will in the Bible. And then Will asked if Jesus could come over and play, but he had to heal people's eyes. Do I start going by William now?

I like that. Do you think before Jesus put mud in someone's eyes to heal them of blindness, right? It was actually cow manure. do you think right when he did it though they were like what the hey what the fuck yeah yeah yeah because you might have trust the guy what are you doing yeah because that seems like the worst way to heal me trust me yeah yeah where there a couple guys he and that's why he needed 10 dudes to be like just fuck let him do it yeah yeah fucking let him do it it's you're gonna you're gonna really like what you see yeah that's all that's all that's all that i want to ruin the surprise

you're gonna love the way you see fucking wild to blind your whole life and then see like that's nuts they're probably terrifying yeah imagine like maybe you picture the whole world is something vastly different yeah and then you open your eyes you're like no no no that's my wife oh my god fuck me

that's my camel yeah yeah wait because that's a great point because when you're a kid your brain is so undeveloped that you can't really have anxiety I mean you have some anxiety yeah but like not anymore dude I'm high the cut no I'm fine I'm cool I'm chill

welcome back to smartless two, three dumb guys hanging out. We're just a bunch of dumb idiots, but we think we're smart actually, probably. What's your point about blindness? As an adult, it just has to be terrifying because you can just like, I don't know, as a kid, do you think, I don't know, do you think adults have more anxiety

than babies? Because babies are crying all the time. But babies are crying because they have no frame of reference and no other way to communicate. It's just emotion. I mean, it is an emotion, but it's also a thought emotion. Yeah, it's something that you create yourself, whereas like a baby reaction. to what's happening in real time.

Anxiety is like just something that's like created in, I don't know, through experience, really. Like, because babies are, I guess they're probably not worried about the future. They're probably just like startled. The same way somebody yells at you, you're not really anxious. You're kind of just like for a sec. Is that the same, I guess you'd say that's being scared and anxious is different? I think so.

Yeah. Yeah, because you can't get, I mean, I think the runaway nature of anxiety where like you can make it worse and worse just by thinking about it makes it different, you know? The emotion is just the instinctive thing you feel. Right. Yeah, for example, like, I heard some

the anxiety is what you make persist. Yes, like I heard somebody scream outside last night. A baby would hear that, then immediately stop crying once the sound is done. Versus me... Well, to cover its mouth. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a good point. But me, I'm now freaking out for an hour because I have anxiety about why was somebody screaming outside? Is that true? Does that bother you? Yeah, a little bit. I was like,

is somebody getting raped? Am I not going to be the hero there? Then I realized Joe was asleep, so everybody's, everybody's safe. The baby monitor, I put the nanny cam and the teddy bear. I put in Joe's room. Make sure he's not raping. Shows I'm snoring. Oh, you know what I was just talking to somebody about?

Uh-oh. The mosquito ringtone. Did you guys have that? The what? There's a certain frequency that only kids can hear and adults can hear. here. So they would do it in certain places as at, when kids would loiter,

they would turn this thing on. So the kids would be like, oh, this sound sucks. I'm getting out of here. But in school we'd play it on our cell phones and all the kids start laughing the teacher have no idea what's going on. Hmm. No, dude. It's crazy. It's like a certain high pitch. I bet I can hear it. Yeah, you're a child at heart. Isn't that? You're young at heart.

What was that? Yeah, you can only hear it over the age. Like, you stop hearing it after what, like 25 or something? Yeah, it's like the Polar Express Bell. Well, I think because I'm a child at heart, I'll hear it. Yeah. Let me know when you're playing it. Frequency. No,

hang about this. You'll know when I'm like. I won't tell you where you're playing. Put the microphone by the, by the. Yeah, so any listener can fucking go nuts. Can activate like the kids in weapons.

Yeah, we'll make this. I haven't seen you yet. I haven't either, but I know kids activate. Oh, man. I heard it. Oh,

you did. I'm a little boy. Take me to Never, Neverland. I'm ready. I'm going to tell my, actually, that's what they should do

for music that kids aren't a lot to listen to. They should just have the adult frequency. So adults can't hear the ringing in the backgrounds, but kids actually can't even listen to the songs. The music sounds bad to me. That's hilarious. The gangster rappers are required. Dude, that's audio censorship right there. That's awesome. That's redacted audio. Yeah, there you go. Don't release that.

That's a bad thing to put out there. Tip or Gore, I don't know what she's up to. Tip or Gore, take note, bitch. This is how it's done. Only kids can hear. That's so funny. Okay. I played this earlier. So do you want me to show the one. Okay,

here we go. Can you guys hear it? This is an ad for Walmart. You're right. I can hear that. Kids can't hear that. Okay, it's one minute long. All right, I can hear that. I can hear that. Commonly given to 20 to 20,000 hertz. There's, are we waiting? Is this it?

I hear it. What is this an intro for like, hey, thanks for? I hear it. Oh my God. Okay. I can hear that. I hear it. That's 15,000. I can hear that? Can you hear that? No. Really? You don't hear a You don't hear a ringing?

No, are you guys fucking with me? Yeah, I hear it. I hear it. I'm a little boy. I hear it. Guys, I'm the only man here. I can hear it. Yay.

You know what? I could just be so high that I hear a ringing. Yeah, maybe you guys both, maybe you both have tinnitus. How about that? I definitely have tinnitus. How about you're always ringing? I hear that.

All I hear is a sweet beat that I want to wrap over. Okay. I'll be playing three sounds to see if you can hear this. This is 30 seconds. Be patient listeners who are getting bored now. This is fun for us. We're high. I'm getting bored.

Sound one can be heard by anyone of any age. Sound two can only be heard by kids and adults with really good hearing. I can hear that. I can hear that. Can you hear that? Yeah. And sound three can only be heard by kids. Can you hear it?

Oh, it's very faint. Oh, I couldn't hear the last one. I can't hear that one. I actually, wow. I think that was the tone. I have perfect pitch. Wow, I'm a man. Oh, that one.

actually hurt. That one hurt my, I think that killed the last child cell I had in my ear. Damn. Yeah. Yeah. You know when you hear a ring in your ear evident, like a note? Evidently, that's some like little hair dying in your ear and you'll never be able to hear that exact tone. You clearly watch Children of Men. I don't know. What's that? That was the, that was a Clive Owen movie where a bomb goes off next to him. And then it cuts to like Julianne Moore smoking a cigarette. And she's like, do you know that ringing? That means you'll never hear it that frequency again. Oh, well. I didn't know that. And I was like, fuck. There's also fun facts that aren't in that movie that might have made its way to me.

Don't call me out for watching that. One, I haven't. You love that movie. I haven't, never seen it. You were telling me all about it. No, no, no, you're thinking Treasure Planet. That's a good one, too. That's a great movie.

Box Office flop. Which was that? They lost millions of dollars. Yeah. It's the Treasure cyberpunk robot thing where the guys on like a mechanical wind surfer. I think I remember this show. It's so good. That era of animated movies, none of them did well, but they were all.

really cool. Like treasure planet, Titan A.E. Okay, I don't know if I saw it. Oh, that was another good one. What's Iron Giant in that? Iron Giant? I'd say so, but I think that might have done okay.

It did okay, but it didn't do as great as they wanted. What is the premise of Iron Giant is like, what if my friend also was a gun? Yeah. That is so sick. What if my best friend was a gun? Yeah. The best friend could kill people.

Yeah. But like everyone that tried to kill him. Yeah, yeah. That is very much a school shooter. It's very cool. be, yeah. Oh, Garth, you've always been cool. Don't go to school tomorrow.

You stay. Tell your mom, you're sick. We, I hate to, I hate to ruin the excitement. What's wrong? We're over an hour. Oh, we've been having so much fun. I know we have. You do an hour strict?

Yeah, he's very strict about it. That's crazy. But I do have a lot of things I got to get to today. Like what? Like what? I got to claim my whole apartment because none of my... I don't think any... anywhere.

This is like an all-dude department, though, so there's no need to- What do you have to do here? I got to clean it. It's getting gross. You got to scrub the walls? Don't you have a cleaning service come by? Yes.

Just get a cleanser-hood. No, this is Michael in a French maid outfit doing a Spanish accent. It's kind of a pan-European cleaning lady. That is weird. I must be really high because for a second I thought, I just pictured me in a maid outfit, but for somebody that I pictured like a sexy tan-latina ass on me.

I'm like, that's hot, but then I realized it was me and it was not hot. Dude, I had a wild dream last night, kind of reminiscent of that bizarre world. No, Tim Dillon was my boss, but he was also a comedian. He was like the VP of sales of this company I used to work for, and he was also the comedian, Tim Dillon.

And he stole my car, and he went to get a sick, like, not sick, but it was different, hairdo. I didn't think it was that cool. And he came back, and it was like just like locks, like kind of like a long perm. It's very funny.

Very strange. And then I didn't want to call him out for stealing my car because I was like, well, what if he ruins my reputation in the comedy world? True. He's like, this kid got all bent out of shape because I took his car for the day. Yeah. And then, yeah, I was just trying to hide from him. And there was also, you know, violence, guns and stuff.

I'd never let anything happen to you. I appreciate that, dude. I appreciate that. Yeah, you guys dream about Tim Dillon or what? Never, dude. I don't dream anymore. I dream that I've opened for every comedian. And then I wake up and I'm like, oh, yeah, I guess I'm not opening.

No, I dream I'm having, like, some inner person. personal, like, curb your enthusiasm conflict with them. I'm having a comedy of errors with them that's not at all related to comedy, and I'm like, this is going to affect comedy. That, yeah, that's fair. Mine's normally going. I had a dream that Shane Gillis banged my ex-girlfriend where we were together. That's awesome.

And I was just like, damn, the guy I have to hate the most is like the most up-and-coming guy right now. Damn. If Shane Gillis banged your ex-girlfriend, you should have immediately eaten out your ex-girlfriend's pussy while it was still fresh. Get his powers. Yeah. Yeah.

What percent of comics do you think? would, as in people who don't have a full career, not full-time comedy, would let Shane Gillis fuck their girlfriend. 85% of the comics. In return for what? Just to say it happened?

No, just like, hey, he's like, dude, I'll totally, I'll throw you some bones. I'll throw you some bones. If you let me, hey, sorry, bro, I got a back of a chick. Yeah. Dog, your girlfriend. I'm trying to put myself in these shoes right now. You get said, 100%.

But I don't know if you'd honor it. It's a good point. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but I mean, I don't know. In this scenario, I always brought out the scenario of Rogan, you have to suck Rogan's dick, but you get to do the podcast. But this is the thing. You are, uh, he clicks play right after you swallow the cum. So it's like, you have to do Joe Rogan after after. Everyone's like, he can't even handle his cum.

He's choking on it. He's never had cum before. Jamie, pull that up. Yeah, Jay, pull that up. When Jamie says pull that up, they show a different image on the, that, but it's just, you have to keep it together. Well, it's just you sucking his dick. Pull out a picture of the

LA homeless encampments, and then it's just in the room, it's just him sucking your dick, and it's like, oh, look at that guy, go at it. Yeah, you're like, why is every guy so nervous on Rogue? And they just sucked him off. So, man, you ever been hunting? Yeah. I really like animals.

Yeah, I did. Yeah. Yeah, I love to watch the life leave a beast's size. Yeah. Of course. Wiping your lip Yeah, where can they find you guys? Zach Russell comedy

Potentially still overshadowed underscore podcast Which you guys are welcome to come on if it remains Oh, mama me, dude And you can find me online at Joe W. Gorman on all social media That's also my PlayStation and Xbox Gamer tag If you're fucking crazy like that What games you play and they can spar with you on?

Oh shit, well, I always play Fortnite, but right now I'm replaying the Mafia trilogy to get ready for Mafia, the old world. So if somebody wants to gift me that on PlayStation, be my guest. Might have to show a hoof for some generosity here, a little... Oh, shit.

Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. It was more than a hoof. For Mafia, my God. And my podcast, Super Selly Joes, which... I gotta come back on. Yeah, anytime. And you're also welcome to come on that as well. We're running it now. Well, yeah, we have taken it. We've officially rebooted now.

It's a rebrand. Yeah, as the crazy birds. Yeah, bird brains. Bird brains. Bird brains. Oh, that's the pro like, ooh. Yeah. Do we have to be Chinese the whole time?

Yeah. I was not what I was doing. I was doing like a guy who's like being dumb, which is actually the opposite of Chinese. Michael, you said ring a ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I did not do that. You said that just now. Yeah. I got to cut this off before you guys.

A bunch of, I'm saying this with the swaps to come in. Yeah, that you drew. I did not draw that. All right. Thank you guys. Thank you.