Morning Good - The Coolest Kid Ever - Episode 125

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

Thanks to Igor Martinez and Luis Lopez for coming back on the show. You can find more funny stuff from them on earlier episodes, and for even more than that, check them out at their links below.Igor is on Instagram @theigormartinez. Luis is on Instagram as well @luislopezcomedy, and you can find more info on dates and booking at luislopezcomedy.com.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? Did it call it the podcast? Morning good, really? I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right, we're here with Igor Martinez. What's up? And Luis Lopez. Hi. And we were talking candy at the beginning. I feel like there was always that story that, like,

Everybody said there was razor blades in candy, but how would they even do that I was thinking about? Oh, you mean like in Halloween? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, would you have to, do they think they're... Dude, that is a concoction. Because then you also have to... That's got to be, like, like, personal candy. Yeah, yeah, which who the fuck is, like, making their own candy?

Like, I've never had snacks on Halloween. Either apples or, like, pre-made candy. Right, right, right, right, like company, like, manufacture. Yeah, you don't get, like, a zip-block bag full of homemade taffy. Yeah, that's disgusting. Yeah, I'd still fucking eat it. Really? Yeah.

I think the homemade shit's probably the best. No. It's got razors in it. Well, yeah. If somebody was actually being genuine about it and like actually was like, oh, like. Man, that person would have nothing going on in their life. Yeah, yeah, I'd be like, I'm going to make candy for every kid in the neighborhood. Just people around.

But they must be so good at making candy that they're like, they need this. They don't know it. You have to have a level of confidence. I would say that, though, but then some people are so confident in their cooking and they fucking suck at it. You think really? Yeah. Yeah. a lot of people that are like, this is my

famous, you know, mashed potatoes, blah, blah, blah. And you try and you're like, this is really bad that I'm going to keep eating it. Because I'm not one of those people that, like, I will eat something and pretend I like the whole thing and eat the whole thing. Fantastic. I'm not going to, like, throw it out, yeah.

More like whack potatoes. Oh, shit. I need a soundboard. I'm so upset by that. I literally can't get you nothing and I'm upset that he gave me so much. That sucked. Boo. But I do this a lot with Michael.

We, we, uh, we support each other a lot. Yeah. On your terrible jokes. No, no, no. I call him a big dick motherfucker all the time. Yeah, it's wonderful. Yeah. And he's saying something I had to me and I'm still like, hey, man, is it cool if I possibly

go to the early half of the show? I know. No, you suck my dick now. Yeah. Yeah, that's you tricking me. So you can just turn a sharp corner on me. But I guess the other way to do it would be to take razor blades, put them in the candy and then reseal the candy.

Yeah. I've done I've done some like Nice good ninja work with hiding drugs in candy Dude I know so what was your scenario with this So I know a story that's going very bad I had like one of those exacto knives You know one of those? Oh yeah yeah yeah so I so like right you know So we had like the you know the Walchers gummies

Yeah yeah yeah yeah so like right where the like what where the fold is I would slice just a tiny bit And I would put those like little little molly capsules in there So I would just throw them in there and then I would get like But those are clear containers aren't they the the the yeah I thought you could see inside of them well you talk no the welches welches wellches are like fruit snacks

yeah the fruit snacks oh oh okay I thought you were talking like the clear ones okay I know what you're talking about I was thinking of gummy bears like the oh no no no no but that well the actual it's my blue oh I see what you're saying yeah yeah yeah it's blue yeah yeah yeah usually blue and I just threw the pills in there and then I would take like I would cut tiny tiny little pieces of tape just to seal the like seal the actual slit

and then fold it back over this. And then you give that to kids on Halloween. Yeah. Dude, that would be funny. Dude, we love your candy, mister. There's a part of me that wants to rate, like, havoc. Because, like, I have OCD and occasionally I'll drink Gatorade, and I'll feel weird afterwards, and I'll be like,

what if somebody drugged this Gator? Just some random guy. I bought it from the store, right? And I'm like, what if somebody drug... By the way, I've also gotten a gayterade from a homeless guy, which is the most insane thing I've done. There's this homeless guy who stole it. He's like, I built a relationship with him through barking. And he's like, hey, man, can you please just buy this Gatorade off me?

like you don't have to get one from the store sealed, I swear. Well, has he ever bought a ticket from you while you were barking? No, no. Well, then what's there's no, back and forth? I did have a lot of people that were always like, yeah, I'd love to check out the show. It'd be like, I'll be like, it's $10.

They're like, I'll make it happen. And I'm like, you don't have shoes on right now. I was like, just 0% chance that you don't have a house and you're going to pay to come to this comedy show right now. That's how big of a fan he is, though. He's like, this is my main priority. He's like, I'm going to go suck dick for money. And then come to see, you better fucking kill.

Because I will stab you in the neck with a fucking screwdriver. You're just up there trying new? It's like, what do you guys think of this? He's like, no, man. Bring out the A. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, imagine that a guy's sucking dick

and he pays him out. He was like, what are you going to do with that by crack? He's like, no, I'm going to go to the grizzly pair. Wow, that's actually worse. He's like, oh, here's another five. Please spend it on crack. You're going to need it after that fucking show. Yeah.

But what were you sneaking in the, oh, yeah, the gatorie thing? But I, yeah, I drank it. I was fine. But, like, I'll drink Gatorade occasionally and be like, oh, did somebody drug? But, like, there is a joke. From that one instance. No, before that.

It's just like an OCD thing. You just think that, like, you're, I don't know, weird stuff. But it's like an irrational fear, obviously. But the thing is, like, I... Yeah, yeah, a little bit. But it's... Ooh, if I don't turn off all the knobs, all the dicks will go in my ass. Yeah, that's a funny OCD.

Just get... No, dude, you're just gay. Yeah. It's not going to be a little gay. It's also funny to be, like, super gay. Well, there is, there is... Like, that guy only sucks six sticks at a time. He's super gay.

There is, there is a symptom of OCD that is people think they're gay. That's a very common thing. And it's funny that the therapist is like, it is funny that therapist is like, nah, you're not gay. You got O.C. Like, no, I'm getting, like, no, no. Trust me. No, you're just diseased.

Yeah, that's what I said. But it's like people will, like, they'll think because they have, like, a gay thought that they're... Because, like, the whole OCD is you're fighting with your own thought. So there's people that, like, I have a friend who had OEC for like a year. He thought he's like, no, I was like, he's a very progressive guy. So like he would have no, like, he's from an area. I'm not going to say where, but like where that would be accepted.

Where it's like, oh, yeah, you would be maybe even more popular there because of being gay. But he's like, now, yeah, it turns out just OCD. I don't think he went as far. That would, that would suck to, yeah, go as far. Like, banged five dudes. Turns out just my obsessive. I would have banged one, but I'm also OCD in other ways. So I had to bank five.

But it's like, I know like four people to OCD that have had that, like that, that fear. But, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's also like a weird thing where you're like, am I like, like. It's also funny to admit to your therapist. You're like, I'm terrified of being gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then you're also like, am I OCD or am I homophobic or am I actually gay? It's like a fucking conundrum.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, there's no, there's no end to it. But the Gator, right thing, there is a part of me, though, that wants, I have like a Joker level of chaos. A part of me wants to go. I would never do it, but just load. Gatorade bottles with like one tab of acid. Yeah. Just, just...

See what happens. Yeah. I mean, you never know who it would happen to. Give one person a really good story. Yeah, just rock their world. Hopefully, it's not like a child. I don't know. Well, the only people that would do that would be like homeless people.

So you just make them more crazy. Who just drinks an open Gatorade bottle? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Then it gets sold back to me by... Yeah, exactly. And now it's just you enjoying it again. Well, you guys have seen Chuck the child's play.

Yeah, yeah. Chuckie. You know it. I know what Chuckie is, yeah. So, yeah. So in the first one, in the original one, there's like this serial killer who ends up, like, in a department store, opens the box and, like, somehow, uh, he does voodoo to be... Yeah, he transfers his soul into the, into the doll. Got it.

So that's how he does it. But in the remake, I found out, it's, uh, it's like an Amazon style corporation that has sweatshops and the sweatshops would put together these dolls. And the dolls would have safety protocols. and it's just one disgruntled employee who turned off all the safety protocol on one doll? Oh, okay, so it becomes violent? It's like an AI?

Kind of, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he kills himself afterwards, but then he sends this doll into the wild, which is so much crazier because it's like that seems so much more realistic. Yeah, that's why we need unions. I don't know. Would you read?

Otherwise, the guy wouldn't be a set. This is your pro-union platform? You all see, Jockey? You want that to happen? But yes, I'm Prop 42. But that's all it takes. It's one fucking employee who's pissed off. He's like, man, I'm going to fuck some people up.

Oh, yeah, yeah. But bleach and gatories. Yeah, you could easily do that. I also, I don't know why I thought the idea of the sweatshop and like, it's an Asian man that puts his soul into Chucky. So Chuck is like, I am Chucky. You're like, what? Why does he sound like that? I am chokie.

Yeah. The voice actor is still awake. Yeah. Yeah. Of course. That's Scarlet Johansson. I think she played the trans woman That's what people got mad about, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just saw a clip from what's the thing where he does blackface? That's a lot of life. That's not a one thing. Robert Downey Jr. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He does blackface.

And I was like, this is fantastic. Pineapple Express, not Pineapple Express. Tropa Thunder. Yes, I saw that there. I was like, that's insane. That wasn't that long ago, too. I will make this argument, though. I've made it multiple times this podcast.

He's technically not doing blackface. because blackface, when you put on black makeup and you pretend to be a black person, he's pretending to be a white person pretending to be a black person. So it's not technically... Wait, what? Well, his face is black and it's not normally.

So that's blackface. Well, to an extent, if you're a... Like, there's a lot of other arguments for that. So, like, if somebody, like, is playing, like, a chimney sweep, you wouldn't say they're doing blackface. I like, you guys pictures of him in blackface. I've always been doing this.

Look bad at Pod 103, 103, and I was still making this argument. Well, I love the idea of this coming out When it first happened with Robert Donnie Jr. And Michael being on technically. Technically. He just DMs. He was like, yeah, that's what I would say.

Yeah, yeah, appreciate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, finally. Yeah, yeah, finally, yeah. But, I mean, I've always said they need to, way more white face needs to be done because it's so fucking funny. They did it in a movie recently. Eric Andre had this movie called Bad Trip

when under the radar, hilarious. I think I think you might be, either somebody else something or you're or this is a reminder. Yeah, yeah, he does, they do like white chicks at some point. I'm like that they need way more of that. I forgot about white. White menstrual shows, I'm so on board. White chicks are so funny.

Oh, it's amazing. So dumb, it's so funny. It's also scary. Like, they looked scary. Oh, for sure. Have you seen? Yeah, they're black guys. Did you, well, did you ever watch?

That's why they're scary. But like, but like, whenever you see black face, like Robert Downey Jr., Jimmy Fallon, it's like, it doesn't look as scary as like what. I love it. the idea of Robert Downey, or like, I like the idea of Jimmy Fallon on set, just like, ah, it's like, oh my God, sorry, I thought you were a real black person. Thank God. Just like, ooh.

Yes, yes. Have you seen Atlanta? No. Have you seen Atlanta? No, I've heard it's great. Yeah. Well, there's an episode where the main character or Donald Glover plays a white guy, and he dresses up in all white face.

And it is like, I mean, it's supposed to be creepy. I think that's the intention. But it is fucking really creepy, man. Really scary. Yeah. Well, because white is also a scary color on my face is like the grudge, the ring. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess it's a good point.

I remember when I was a kid, I told people, like, what's the scariest movie you've seen? What, what? Are you either of you guys scary movie guys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking, I love scary movies. I have a, I have like a love-hate relationship with them. But the first... I like them where they're so spooky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they scare me. I went with a bunch of girls to, go see the ring when it first came out. Power move. Yeah. But, uh, like, you know, when the very ending when she's like kind of like about to come out when she when the lady realizes why she is not going to get killed, but then she has to tell her friend. Right. Because he's about to get killed. And like that like that, like, that kind of climaxes. The girls that I was with were like, oh my God, this is, I don't want to see this anymore. I'm going to go outside. Like three of them were and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go.

I'll go out with you. Make sure your guys are okay. Because I was fucking shitting my pants. I did not want to see that shit, man. You see it in theaters? Yeah. I've seen very few things in theater. I saw paranormal activity. I think that was the only one I saw in theaters. But I think for the most part I never saw it because it's too scary to see things in theaters. Well, I've learned, I watch Hereditary. Have you seen that? No, I haven't seen like,

because my girlfriend now doesn't watch scary movies, so I've, like, missed it, like, a generation of scary movies. Because then I'm like, I'm not going to watch it by myself and I'm not going to watch it with my dude friends. Well, it's, I can understand why people don't go to movie theater, but when it's like a packed movie theater, dude, it is a wild experience.

because there's a point where there's a still there's a still shot of the of this person in bed and there's like a hidden thing and then like also everybody's just looking at this and then all of a sudden one person goes like oh my god and the one person's like what happened

like holy shit and then like everybody's like in pockets everybody's realizing what's happening what's happening on screen that was a really fucking cool experience yeah I'm definitely ruined the movie for me now but yeah it's okay I probably won't see it

I remember when I was a kid I was brach shit I don't know It's yeah Yeah I guess you can I don't know

It's hard because like We're watching something We were watching Nope Which she hated Did you guys see Nope? Oh Is it good? I loved it

Yeah I'm big into alien stuff I'm I believe almost all of it Which is great Like I'm a crazy person When I believe all the alien stuff Or all of Nope All of Nope

I think that movie actually happened Like great movie Like yeah I wrote it You're like yeah Okay I know I know the truth

I know this is a real thing But No, no, I'm deep into the... I'm too far into the UFO stuff. I'm like, yeah, the abduction in 1943, blah, blah, blah, blah, all this crazy shit. But I thought it was fun, and... But I had to tell her when the pop-ups were, but I don't remember, like, when the pop-outs are. You know what?

I'm like, I feel like this might be one, maybe. The what? The pop-outs. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. So she's hiding. She's, like, covering yourself? Yeah, yeah. And then you gotta be like, it's not scary right now.

Yeah, yeah. But then it's by the time the pop-out, you don't know the exact second the pop-out is. Sure, yeah, yeah. I guess you could Google it. Oh, if it's just the two of you, I thought you meant like in a movie theater. But yeah. No, but you always know when it's gonna happen.

She'd be like, it's over. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You fucking pussy. Leaving me out here by myself. I also, I like scaring people's a black. You're fine. Yeah.

Do you guys have siblings? You're your only child, right? No, I have an older brother. Okay. Do you have siblings? Yeah. Did you guys ever scare the shit out of each other and do that? No, my brother was like six years older than me.

Oh, shit. if I scared him, he'd just, like, beat me up. So I would just leave him alone. I did... Damn, yeah. I did one where... A bunch of pussy's here. Yeah, dude.

Well, you have a sister. Dude, I'd fucking beat the shit out of her. That's my point. I won't say, though, when I had a girlfriend, I was living with my girlfriend. I would be scared out of her, too. I would scare the shit out of her. Oh, it's so much fun.

It's so fun. Yeah, it's like... I do that to my girlfriend. Oh, that's like, she's like, promise me you'll never do it again. And I'm like, no, it's the most fun thing in the world. Whoa, whoa. You thought you were going to die Because you're a woman

And you're scared of Dudes Yeah It's scary I scare it even unintentionally Like I'll just come home at night And she's like hello And I'm like hey

She's like is that you And I'm like yeah At this point yeah Now I used to do it though My brother We scared really bad I like That's so funny

That even a robber Would be like No it's not what you're thinking it Yeah Yeah exactly Well the robber would be like Yes It's me

I don't think you're Care for who I am But it is me I did with my brother One time I Every night his job was to take out the trash And so And he's so

Every time he does it Like my dad would see him like running back Yeah So he's like I mean it's scary Take out the trash So one time I hit it like in the trash can And just that was the most I scared anybody

Because it's like I had a mask on and everything Because like I can't imagine the heart attack I think he said he's never been that scared in his life because it's like, dude, imagine like you're like it would be the cool as you like that cabinet right there you're reaching in the cat

Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like, it's a great, it's self-fulfilling. Is your brother black? No, no. Because if he was, he would have punched his life. Yeah, yeah, I've seen the video, I've seen the video. I've sucked the shit out of you. Wait, how old was he?

This was, I was, we were like both really young. Okay. Like, we're probably like, he's three years older than me, so I was probably like eight and he was like 11. Yeah. Make sure the math added up there.

I'm fucking stupid. Dude, I would, I mean, because my dad was out of the house, I was, one of my man jobs was to go downstairs and turn off all the lights. Oh, shit.

And I was like, fucking 10, 11, 12 years old. So I would go downstairs. I would turn off the furthest ones first. Yeah, I would do that. Yeah. And then like,

I'd hit the one in the kitchen and then sprint up the stairs. And then my mom's room was right there. So she'd see me. She'd be like, everything okay? Yeah, everything's fine downstairs. Nothing, nothing.

Nothing. That's so funny. That happens. Every night. Every night. And she's like, you okay? Like, you should be used to this lady. Every night.

I do this every night. Every night. For years. It's terrifying. I still think about that all the time. Like, why? All the time, dude. Why don't you fucking, that's parenting 101.

Don't put your children in scary situations. You should. Yeah, they're also. Look at you now. A flourishing. Yeah. Are you scared? I'm still scared of the dark.

I'm not scared. Everybody's like, oh, you're scared. It's like, well, sometimes, yes. It depends where the dark it. You know what I mean? It's like. Yeah. If I'm in an alley.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I prefer there to be light. Right, right, right. Yeah, or, yeah, exactly. But I was scared, I remember as a kid of, like, just like a painting in my house. Like, you ever have any of those paintings? I mean, this painting, this red-headed woman.

No, not like a relative or anything, but you're just scared. Yeah, I was like... That's another thing. It's like, you just have to live with this. You just have to be scared. It just exists there, yeah. Your parents are going to take your fucking advice on the decor.

Yeah, yeah. And I remember when I was a kid, I was, like, finally they moved it and put it in the garage. And I walked by it every time, be like, fuck you. You can't scare me anymore, and you're in the garage. I was so proud of myself. Did you feel good every time?

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's just like, would you ever flick your parents off behind the wall? No. Oh, really? No, no, no. I just, in my brain. In my head. I would go, like, behind the door and just, like, really give it to him, yeah.

This guy's, you're the coolest kid ever. Damn, I'm a sum 41 shirt on, dude. My parents are the worst. Yeah. It is so funny because my parents were, like, literally the best parents I could have asked for. And I literally all the time was just like, they just don't get it. Yeah. I would like argue about them, like, about why I should be able to do drugs.

And they're like, what? No. Yeah, come on, man. You know we can't say this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, look, pot is better for you than alcohol and you guys drink. I mean, come on. It's like, we're 40.

Yeah, yeah. You can understand this? Yeah. That's my favorite thing. You ever like, you ever like randomly see like a teenager, like a kid who's like 16? and then he's just like such a child and then you remember like oh dude I thought I was like a grown man

I was like that's ridiculous that I was just like I could figure this out I'm like no you're so dumb it's so crazy oh yeah yeah I would think that I'm smart yeah exactly and I was like yeah I thought I could do anything well I think for it wasn't like that I could do anything it was more that like I

wasn't gonna die you know I think that's what that's what it was like an air of like invincibility around you well no because it was like my mom thought that like anything I did it was going to result in me dying. Yeah. And I was like, I think I'll be okay.

Yeah. You know, I'm not going to like... Well, that's a fair assumption to make still. Yeah. I guess. Yeah, because we are... Yeah, whenever I look at a 17 year, I'm like, duh, God, you're sure.

But honestly, who like dies? A lot of my friends. I mean... Just about everyone. But it is funny too because, like, I was the opposite. A lot of my friends. Yeah. Let's talk about that.

I mean, three, I guess. Not a lot. But it was funny, though, because in high school, I was literally all the time, like, guys, this is how people, I was like, although we were like crazy and all doing grug stuff, people try to drive hammer all the time, be like, guys, this is how people die. Yeah, this is like the main cause of death. Have you ever seen a commercial? Yeah, exactly how everyone dies all the time. Yeah, there's a guy who's like painted like the, you know what I'm talking about the guy painted as the brick wall comes up. Dude, do you remember, do you remember the first time you learned about death? No. No. I think it was always. just there. Oh, really.

I remember, inherently. Yeah. I remember it being, like, really impactful because this one kid died in my school. So they had that thing where they were, like,

do an announcement. Yeah. Had like a moment of silence for everybody. He fell off the back, the emergency exit on the bus. Oh, wow. Yeah. That's right.

Yes, he was in the whole school bus just sees him. Kind. Well, I don't know if they were like, where they're facing forward? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't even notice. It's not like,

it's the next day on the same route. They're like, the fuck is he doing there? Oh, yeah. He's all wet. The driver's like, fuck. But I remember being like,

I'm not understanding death of being like, yo, like he doesn't have to go back to school. That's fucking sweet. Thomas got to go to heaven. It's like he graduated early. This is crazy. Oh, school sucks, man.

Yeah, I wish I was dead. Yeah. We had, yeah, I didn't, I think my first death was like my goal. Oh, I guess my goldfish died, which it's so funny because when you're a kid, you think, that's like for it. I think almost the point of having a

goldfish is to teach kids about death. Because it's like they're going to die. I mean, I had like five bunny rabbits run away. But like it's like it's like that Louis bit. Yeah, remember that Louis bit? When he's like it's like, it's like a, the death of an animal is like a dry run for grandma. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you remember what happened to fucking little Timmy? No, grandma. Yeah. Well, the worst thing I was told when I was a kid, I was told that all my action figures have,

are alive. Just by somebody who's like, they're all like, they're like, yeah, they have, because I would always like throw my toys around. My mom be like, you're going to like hurt his feeling. I don't know if it's my mom or somebody would tell me that like hurt their feelings, but then when we get run over and I'd be like, no, Batman.

Man, it's funny that things parents say just to stop you from ruining shit. Yeah. And some of it just sinks into like your little child's soul and you're like, okay. They have no idea. They just did that. Yeah. It's terrible.

It was so, dude, it's so hard to remember. what a child's brain is like. Oh yeah, yeah. And then your grandma died. It's fine. I've already deal with Batman. Teddy Bears died. I'm good. I can handle this. I don't even know grandma. She's going to be chilling with Batman. She didn't even fight crime.

So late. Dude, there was a guy at my there was a guy like my first job after graduating who died in an elevator. Like the thing opened, but it kept falling. Oh my God. But it opened for like half a... It opened.

It hit the floor, right? And then the door is opened. And for a second, it just kind of stood there like normal. Yeah. And then as people were leaving, it started falling. And he was, like, third to leave. So he couldn't, like, it started falling. And it couldn't decide whether they'd go in or out.

So it just crushed him. There was, like, security footage of it. And you just see him just, like, freak out, start crunching. And then just disappear into nothing. This is, does this recent? This was, like, six, four or five years ago? There's a video I just saw of something just like that. Oh, really?

really? It's crazy, dude. Is it just like a black and white security film? It's kind of like it's not, I think it's in color though, but it is, it looks just like a security film. And it kind of zooms in and then the one guy in front of him just like skips away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, you saw one of my old bosses

that. You knew this guy? Huh? You knew that guy? Yeah. Luis has his job now. Fong. Position opened up. Yeah, that's horrible. Because like, how do you work in the same? Because like, I know a lot of people who like, they've had a family member like dying a house and they're like, we're fucking moving, which I get.

Yeah, yeah. But your job, we can't move the company just because one guy died in the elevator. Or what kind of job was in? It was, uh, well, I worked in like sales place. So I was like a sales like rep. And he was one of the managers. He wasn't like mine, but he was like one of the managers. So I like knew him like vaguely.

Yeah. And then, and then they fired me. And then later I found out that he died. And I'm like, this is why you shouldn't fire people. Yeah. Yeah. You're losing a lot of staff this week. Yeah.

multiple ways. Yeah. I think for me, it was like my, my, my, my, my, uh, my fish died. And then my, uh, I think my grandma died around the same. She died when I was like in ninth grade. It was sad, obviously. Yeah. Um, but for me, it's been, it's been good warm up because then like the last

people I know they've died have been the closest with. So it was like I was getting prepared for all of, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, not, you're still not prepared for. Right. Right. But, yeah. Yeah.

But we had, we had two kids died at our high school. Um, they got burned by, they had a gun deal go wrong. They were like in, they were like 15 and they bought guns from like a guy. And the guy, somehow it went wrong. And this guy like killed these two kids and then like burned them in a storage unit and then threw them on like a jogging trail. And like a riot down. That's crazy. And that still didn't work to fucking like not get caught.

What do you mean? Like the guy still got caught. No, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wow. You got any punchlines on that? You just can't. Dude, you can't get away with murder.

Uh-huh. You can't get away with murder. You say that. But I've heard a lot of people. people say that it's like the number of people to get away with it are like insane like these guys were obviously just not smart because like why would you burn a body on a you know what I mean it's like it I think it's because a lot not a lot I think these guys were trying to show a message though because they were like a specific gang and they like put

their gang initials like oh yeah yeah they were like you fuck with us this yeah you fuck with us and you're in junior high it's over for yeah we're tough we can kill kids yeah I uh what's called yeah no death sucks there was one time at a little league tournament that we had where they had to cancel it because they found a body in the river like at the end of the field. Oh my God.

And we were like, so when can we play again? Like nobody really cared. Everyone was just like, how long is this? It was like next week and we're like, all right, we'll come back next week. Jesus. But you grew up in Portland, right? Yeah, like I said it's out of it, but yeah.

I think there might be no differences or no further states from Portland and Florida. Like, I think we're both... Geographic. I know Alaska, obviously. Oh, sure. Geographically and culturally, like, I think we're both

hated for different reasons. Yeah. Yeah. You're hated on the two liberal side, we're hated on the two conservative side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, uh, but you know, here we are, buddies. Yeah. I mean, I don't care about it. Do you want to know, one of the best ways I heard to get away with murder recently was you, first

of all, you don't dig, you don't bury somebody horizontally. You bury them vertically. Oh, so that way they have to find one specific little head area. Right. Well, also because I think supposedly from what this person told me there's like radar that they can sense

it's like a dot rather than a line Oh, got it. So then that's genius. And then this here's the other thing, which is funny. That's a big, that's a lot of digging. That's a lot of digging. That's what I told this person because they were like,

no, it's not that much digging. It's just like six feet. But then the other... Make sure that she's not a hot white chick. Yeah. Yeah. Try to make them ethnic in any sort of way. Put them in blackface.

not wrong bitch yeah that would be funny I just completely make it look like a different person just dye their hair blonde but then the other thing is when you bury them right I think you bury them a little bit deeper

so vertically but then you bury a dead animal on top of them so then with the so like maybe like a foot of dirt in between them so that if the dog sniffing dog uh

they think it's the they dig it up they dig up the dead animal like oh no it's just a dead fucking posse or something this girl you smash I was like Fuck

I'm inside you right now Yeah My buddy told me what he thought he was so genius He's like you take an icicle I think somebody said this on like a TV show You stab somebody You said the weapon It melts away

Yeah yeah Like the disappearing bullet thing I don't think What's the disappearing bullet thing It's the same thing A bullet made ice Oh But that would just immediately evaporate

Because it's too hot Well I don't think that's a You learn about guns in Portland You liberal pussy I don't think icicles You probably slip off your hand Yeah they're not that sharp Yeah

Like they'll break They're not gonna like break the skin I think Yeah you'd have to sharpen the icicle And hope it doesn't melt in that like three seconds That you're getting ready to stabs it Yeah yeah Remember when it was like dead cold here And sheets of ice were falling from buildings

And like almost hitting people Yeah That was crazy Yeah yeah It's the same thing but with icicles I guess Death by still Yeah it's a bad way to go

what was it like growing up in Portland now that I've lost momentum That's fine It's pretty normal I don't know I grew up in like The suburbs so it was like Wasn't like dangerous or anything It was just safe

Nobody was like rich or anything So it was just kind of hung out Went to school Did the same old stuff What game did you play? What do you mean? Did you play manhood? No I was always

I was like such a fucking loser See you see you went from like What did you mean? No I went because I didn't know what you meant Yeah And then you explained And then I understood

That's how conversations work. Those kind of games. Those kind of games, huh? Is that what you want? You sound what you want. You closet is homosexual. I'm hunting men with my mouth. No, I heard about it.

And then I always, it always sounded so fun. But I was always, like, too scared to, like, sneak out. And, like, my parents were always, like, downstairs doing gay shit. So it's just like, I'll just miss out on this part of my life. Was it a... See, I think we would do manhunt, like, on... Why was in the Boy Scouts, too? So you do manhunt, like, in Boy Scouts.

because you be deep in the, your, your eyes opening. Like, I didn't get molested. Okay. I have to explain this. Because the amount of kids that get molest, I have to explain everybody's like. Yeah, of course. It's okay. It's not your fault.

I'm like, I mean, it is. If you were in the woods. Church boy, you know? Yeah, no, no, I wasn't in that. If, if, if you had to fuck either a Boy Scout or a church boy, who would you fuck? That's a great question. I know. I'm like, oh my God, I have something.

When you say Boy Scout, do you mean like a boy or can they be like an Eagle Scout? Okay, the highest of each one. Like this fucking kid is at the point where he's giving the body of fucking Christ, this other fucking kid has like all the badges. Okay. So that means they're both kind of older then. No, no, they're just like prodigies. So I have to ruin a budding genius?

Oh, you have to ruin a future for sure. Here's the question, right? Yeah. So, because none of us are pedophiles, I have to say that on record. None of us. None of us. Not a single one of us. Nope.

Not me. One of the three of us is. No. It's like, what is it? It's like, as a straight male, I would rather the, I would choose the altar boy because I think they're more effeminate and more a ladylike. But. Oh, yeah, the scout kid has like callous tans and everything. Right, but as a not pedophile, I'd want to fuck the less subservient person.

Because morally, it would be better to fuck a Boy Scout that's scared of bears. And the other question, too, is, you know, who knows what they're getting themselves into more? You know what I mean? I asked this thinking that nobody's thought about this before. But it's thought about this. Question. Who's cuter? Equal, equal cuteness. Oh, damn it.

But then it also depends. wearing their outfits. So do you like a boy in an Eagle Scout outfit or in his little roby ropes? I love the idea of somebody never listening to this podcast and not understanding what our sense of hearing. I get how this. Genuinely discussing this? I get how this makes you lose your job several times. I forgot. I can see why this people in HR would be like, I don't think we should hire. It is so funny though, the defensiveness of I'm not a pedophile that's like half this podcast. Because it's like one of these things, it's like the two things you, you, you You say, I am not a pedophile and not a racist.

But you repeat that a thousand times. Because, I mean, the audience knows me now. So definitely, Boy Scout. But it's crazy. Like, it's, that speaks, I think that speaks volumes about a person where it's like, you can't even fathom. Like, you can't even play in this little playground, no pun intended. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't even just, like, let your mind wander into this area. Dangerous topic. Like, you, you say anything on it, and it's like, everybody's like, I think Boy Scout, now that I think about it. Because then you can just throw them off a cliff and then that happens. I'm not around Boy Scouts that much. My mom still likes to go to church a lot.

But also, as a priest, though, you have a better defense because you're like, I would never do that. I'm Father O'Huland. You trust, just dumb-ass kid over me? I thought I'm just me, though. Or am I in the position of power in this? What is it? Am I just the guy? Don't overthink.

Then I fuck the other. Don't overthink, though. The toughest question. Look, the only reason I'm answering this is because I hate people that don't do would you Rathers. They go, oh, I'd rather do none of them. Obviously, none of us want a fucking child. But I hate people that will not play the game. I would love it if neither was still

an option, but I was like, I'd still fuck the boy Scala. Or none of them. Like, nah, B, B. Definitely B. Well, that's why I love fucking talking to you, because you are a lot of would you rather's. And it's like, yeah, all right, let's think about this. That's most of who I am. Yeah. And it's like, that's fun. It's like, it's okay to put, like,

it's like people who are like, I couldn't, I couldn't even think about that. How would you get away with murder? That's the same that's an equivalency. And they're like, I could never think about that. It's like, well, are you a pedophile? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only reason you're concerned. Yeah, yeah.

Also, I'd go with the church boy because he does the, oh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You got a soundtrack. Why is that? Oh, got it. You got a soundtrack ready to go on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's the fucking boy scop going to do? Dude, he's just going to fucking, on my honor, I will do my best. Oh, yeah, bird call. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck you, man. I was proud of that.

You should be, yeah. That's the only thing is, like, now when you, like, go into the, the pedophile scenario, then it's like, well, now, you know, it's like, well, I'm afraid of the dark still. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the top part about that. Yeah, as adults, we should be able to weigh out the pros and cons of each. Do you ever think, I think about this, though, do you ever think that? Do you ever think that molesting little boys is less bad than molesting little girls? Yes, and I think it's because I'm sexist because this cop, is that where you're,

Dude, that wasn't even I was gonna ask. But I love that he just goes on. Yeah, because it's like, so first off, the... Well, you said, it's what? It's worse? I think girls is worse.

Well, I don't know, it's tough because either is like horrific, but molesting... One of them you're gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you're going to hell. Yeah, yeah. No, but it's one of them,

you're just fucking cool. Yeah. Well, that's, that's the weird part of it because it's like, in some ways, that boy is going to be half... Both have to be very... It ruins their life,

but that, the woman, she sometimes can come out more. I think it's maybe harder for guys to come out with that information. You know what I mean? Because, like, I think there's a lot of dudes that get molested, but never tell the story. I mean, obviously women, too, but the dudes never go because they're like, nah, I don't want people, like, because it ruins the whole image of how they're an empathetic pedophile, dude. No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not the pet, and this is me talking. Not a pedophile, but what was your actual question?

Um, do you ever think that pedophiles will be accepted in society? in the future. You know how they would do it? So there's all these rich pedophiles, right? And they're always like, no, I didn't want to ask it. The way it turns around is it becoming cool. Like if somebody who is like who just owned it enough to the point, they're like, you don't do that when you're a fucking loser?

And they're like, I don't, am I wrong this whole time? Was that the, because people are so group thinking. It's absurd. I catch myself doing it like somebody, I'm not going to say, It was somebody who was talking about somebody saying something racist. And I didn't think it was racist. But I still went, yeah, man, what a racist. And I'm like, wait, what am I doing?

I don't actually believe this, but I'm saying this thing. Right. So your theory is that group thought will make you believe things that just aren't even true. Right. I do think outside of group thought, the pedophilia is bad. Yeah. But I don't. Yeah.

But if enough people think it, then you could be pursued. Yeah. I think that, yeah, you got a whole population of people to kill a bunch of Jews. Right? Yeah. A plus on that. Pretty good work. If that's your line of work.

If that's your line. If that's where you're going for, very successful at that. But it's like, so I think the easily, the popular, people are such cheap that you could absolutely, if you got leaders to just start twisting people's brains on it. Yeah, yeah. And being like, no, yeah. No, that's, because like when I was a kid, I didn't understand why pedophilia was bad. I didn't under it.

When somebody first five, they're like, yeah, some adults have sex with kids. And I was a kid. I was like, you mean like a lady? could blow me? That's cool. You don't realize anything. And then you're taught why it's wrong by society. So if society could twist the logic in another way, then they could brainwash the whole population.

I mean, because it's like it was societally accepted for a while. And that's because society promoted it. Like in medieval times. Yeah. That's why I think it might potentially in the future go back because I'm like, we've been there before. Yeah. So you could just get there again.

Are you trying to like wait it out? Because you know what I wonder. I should have to see where the tide turns you can make you move. I got this kid dude who's just fucking getting older by the minute. Change rules. But I wonder

But was it open in like those days? That's the other thing. Are you praying for a time machine right now? No. But I don't think it was. I don't think it was like an open thing where people are like

Oh yeah, he's fucking kids. Okay, so I took like either Greek or Roman debate class. I wasn't paying attention because I don't care at school. But this is the part you remember. Yeah, because it was... Petophile details.

One of these dudes was just, like, banging kids, and I don't remember... Like, a lot of these, like, philosophers would do it. Yeah. I wasn't paying attention enough to understand if society agreed with it or not. Right, right, right. Because I think they had to, like... Our debate was, like... It was like...

I don't remember Socrates. I don't care. I'll say the wrong name. Their reputation... Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was, like, Socrates or something like that. They're like, oh, he bangs... And one...

One side of the debate class had to defend Socrates. And then the other one had to, like, obviously, be like, no, he's a pedophile. Yeah. But it was so funny because there were people like, he's like, he's teaching these boys' knowledge. And like, that's a real debate class. But then also that goes back to the... That college is useless.

That goes back to the same, to the argument now, though, it's like those guys, if anybody was in a position of power. Right. They were such a position of power. But I think it was tough because some of them occasionally would speak and then they'd get killed by the mass. Like, you know what I mean? Then they'd be like, oh, you're wrong. I also love the idea of the professor's like, see, look, there is an argument for banging your students. It's okay.

He's like... Yeah. I wonder I wonder the same question as you was like where is there a time period where it was not cool but I think like okay so there I think as far as like a 15 year old dating

like a 30 year old that was accepted I believe until like probably the 50s or 60s. I think that's accepted right now in like Japan. Yeah yeah yeah a lot of places yeah in certain states obviously you could do it but I don't think that like

yeah I don't think it was like, oh, this just happens behind closed doors. Nobody cares. Like, no people would marry people that were like 15 when they were 30, like, all the time. Like Romeo and Juliet, I think he was a pedophile, right? Well, I think she was like 13 and she was like 11. Yeah, I think it was, they were both like children. But at that point, like, you know, like a difference between like 14 and 18 is kind of huge.

Yeah. And the difference between like 32 and 36 is like nothing. Yeah. Yeah, it's always funny to realize how young people were back then. I'm just picturing William Shakespeare just like this like kid. He's like, and then the women is going to. He killed her himself And she killed herself

Just like some 15 year old She's a fucking Adam Sandler's a fucking Adam Sandler is the Shakespeare Of our generation So Now we get it Yeah

I feel that with rappers a lot Because I was listening to Like I was listening to Ready to Die And then Who is this? What is this? That was Biggie

Oh okay And in it I hear all the lyrics And it's like It's obviously like a great album And then I looked it up I was like Oh he wrote this

When he was like 20 years old. Yeah. I was like, that's insane. And then I watched the, like the VMAs where like Snoop Dog

goes to, it's like in New York and they win the award. And they go to the West Coast. Yeah. And then he's like, crowd booed them. Yeah.

And he was like, you guys don't love us? Yeah. And I was like, oh, he's like 19 here. Yeah. That's insane.

It's also so funny that like, regardless of whatever your art is, we're all still like artist. Because his, his whole thing is he's being like, like this very. abrasive angry guy, but he's literally saying like, you guys don't like us? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's me and Doc, you don't like us? Yeah, yeah. The whole place. The whole country. The whole country loves you. I'm literally trying my hardest. You guys are the worst. That's literally what it is at the deep down, but he just makes it talk. He's like, the East Coast don't fuck with Dr.

And I'm like, you're just sad. Yeah. Like, it's okay, man. that's how I feel whatever because that's the other thing at the end he goes like we know where we are he's like fuck you guys

and then I'm like that's how I feel whatever I'm in Brooklyn and a joke bombs I know you guys don't like this yeah you guys are fucking pussy that's what it is yeah yeah it is

yeah it is funny also like the I was like the consistency with rap it's like in all music it's so funny how like it goes like you just

it's almost impossible that's why I think Kanye is one of the greatest because he the amount of time he's made relevant music Yeah. It's good because it's like, look, I love Ice Cube, but fucking like, like, I like some of his 2000s hits, but you're like, okay, is it, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eminem has dropped off more than anybody else in the planet. But he was so high. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if you listen to some of his rapping, it's like, oh, technically, like, technique-wise, skill-wise, like, this is, there's no one better than him right now. I kind of agree with that. It's just he, what the content of it sucks. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be like a really good joke writer, but they're talking. about something that's boring as fuck.

Yeah, I mean, I think it's, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that he got rich and he got off drugs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's what's keeping Kanye awesome is because he's fucking insane. Yeah. Like, it's like there is, he actually cares about what he says. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. Especially like the, that is really funny.

It's unfortunate. Yeah, but it's like, dude, when I, like, when something like controversy comes out about Kanye, like the thing that just happened, I get so excited. I'm like, oh my God, I think he's going to drop another album. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think it's just like a publicity stunt. Yeah. But he's just crazy.

He is crazy. And it's so funny because I almost, I followed him for longer than you should. I was like, still making points. Still making points. And then like this week, I was like, can't back these points. Well, someone told me this, they were trying to do this as a joke and they just ran the premise by us. And we were like, that's fucking great is that it's funny that he's like, the Jews run the banks, the Jews run Hollywood. And then Hollywood and the banks.

Just both cut him out. Yeah. Just cut him out. Yeah. So it was like, you kind of approved his point. Yo, for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's the same thing as Alex Jones when they're like, all right, we're going to silence Alex Jones.

Like, you made him a million times stronger now. Now everybody's like, yeah. It's crazy. He has to pay a billion dollars, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does he do that much? I think it's like $900 million. I have to pay $30 to those families because...

About this pod? No, because I, in theaters, saw the Alex Jones movie, and I just bought it on my laptop. So that money goes from to Alex to the kids. What movie? He had a movie. movie? The best movie created by me. I'm telling you

buy it on YouTube. I'm telling you watch it on YouTube. Yeah, so my money goes to the fucking Parklanderick? Yeah, you're doing your part, but it's more fun. It's more fun. Yeah, it's more fun. Yeah, it's more fun to do it go-fund me. You can watch Alex Jones be crazy. I also, my buddy. What is the movie? Wait, what did

it come out with a movie? Half the movie is him, like, defending everything. It's kind of funny because he's like, okay, so Parkland, I've been wrong a few times, okay? He's like, but the U.S. government lied about WMDs in Afghanistan. We lost a thousand lives. They're not getting sued.

I'm getting sued just because I said, and I'm like, point, point, point. I think so. It's a point. It's not a point that defends him at all, though. It's just pointing out that other people also do things wrong. Right.

Like if I murdered someone that was like, fucking Hitler murdered a bunch of people. He never went to court. Well, they killed himself, man. It's a little different. That is true. That is true. But you would guess that Alex Jones did Parkland

based off the amount of money he has to pay. Oh, yeah. It's insane. It's wild. But now the problem is the president. Because like, so the Kanye thing is like now, so I followed Kanye up until he, because I was like, look, I do think that like the Democratic Party does use black people's pawns a lot of the time. And I agree with that point of it. And I'm like, no, fuck you go.

You're just going to use me to get your vote. I'm like, I respect that. I've never voted Republican, but I get that. But then he, then the last week where he's like the Jews run everything. And he said, George Floyd, Fenton, all that. But then that's all the part I think is. Didn't know he said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Spentin' all the name of the guy's kneecap. Yeah. That's ridiculous. Oh, it's wild. That's why I've said this in the podcast before, but I watched The Dark Night Rises, and Bain kills somebody by putting his D on somebody's neck. You're like, it's a move that Bain from Batman,

dude, maybe a police officer should not be doing it. That's so funny. But that's what I was like, okay, but then it's like, now it's like George Floyd's family suing Kanye for $250 million. They're trying to. I'm like, that's a bad press. It's like let people say crazy shit. It's like...

That is kind of... First of all, I will say that every time a song by Kanye comes out, I'm like, this is going to be the one. This is going to be the one that stinks. And I haven't found it yet. It's not happened yet. It's not happened yet. Dude, what if he makes a sick album, but all of it's anti-Semitic?

But it's really good. He's like... The Drew Control the Media. I don't know how you did it do. Dude, he fucking... With like a sick, he does auto-tune so well. It's like, the media. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, he fucking made an incredible gospel album. I don't care what anybody says. That Jesus is King album, like, if you listen, it's short, it's like 35 minutes. It's fucking so good. Beginning to end, it's unskippable,

10 songs, so fucking good. I love that. And it's like, that shouldn't be fun. Like, that shouldn't be a good album. Right, yeah.

It should. I listen to some of it's like, I'm not religious, but he has some songs where he's singing about God and you're like, oh. Yeah, it's crazy.

Dude, he has a song is like, uh, closed on Sunday. You're my chick for late. Like, that line alone is like, it shouldn't work,

but it's just so funny and it makes no sense but dude I think that's like that is the thing that is across everything that's happening I think one of the biggest things that like sums everything up is

I think free speech is under attack a lot I've never been to sit on a podcast no I'm okay I'm okay no I don't it's like it is just like but it's like you see all these things and they're like why are they getting sued

oh because they said that shit that's a wild yeah yeah that is wild it's like but what it's supposed to be able to like disagree with stuff Yeah, yeah, and it's so funny because then they're like, we're trying to send a message to people that

it's like, what message are you trying to say that you can't say certain? Right, right, right, right. And then, yeah, I mean. There's some Game of Thrones quote, somebody said, I heard Alex Jones say it. But, because I wanted to, I tune in all the time

just in the trial because I'm like, what is he saying about this stuff? And it's so funny because he's like, yeah, trial's bullshit. There's more important stuff. So basically the UFOs are coming. Like, he disregards it. But what he says is,

it was either him or somebody else, but it's like a point on the, on his crazy. I still will say him out of his fucking mind. He's wrong about a lot. He's right about some things, but fucking crazy. But he brought, it's like a Game of Thrones quote where it's like, if you cut out another man's tongue, it's like, that doesn't make anybody think you're right. It just makes it look like you're afraid of what he has to say. Like nobody thinks that he's wrong now. They think that you're just scared of what he has to say.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like any anti-Semitic person now is like, oh, yeah, they're like, oh, Kanye was so right. You know, I mean, now those people have way more reason to be anti-Semitic because they closed, because the banks closed them out. And it's the same thing with, like, people who think that Parkland was a hoax. It's like, now they're like, oh, now it's definitely a host. Why are they spending this much money to sue Alex Jones for saying this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird.

Somebody, I saw on Twitter today. Somebody was like, anti-Semitic check, type into your Google search bar, Jews are blank and see what comes up. I'm like, what? It has nothing to do with this. Yeah. But I was just like, I just thought of me, it was like, why are we, why is the people fucking losing their? their minds. And honestly, what, what, Jews are sexy? That's not

something anyone's ever Googled. Yeah. All right, you passed. No. No, but it's not even like, but you're weird. But also somebody, somebody brought this though. I'm not going to say their name, but they were coming there, they were saying they're like, look. Did they say this on the pod? No, no. But they were like, they were like, look, I.

That's how I guess who it is? They're like, what Kanye West is saying is obviously anti-Somatic. But he's like, but people are asking my opinion on it's like, this is a crazy guy rambling. So, like, to assume that he's like this, like, this isn't, like, rooted in, like, actual thought. This is like a homeless guy going crazy. But I do, like, I do think it's wild to say, I'm going diff con three on the joke.

That is kind of a threat towards the Jews. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, I also just kind of like, like, bars, son. He can't get away with the bad of these. It's just like so funny. That's just a funny line, you know? Yeah. Yeah, it is wild.

But there is a thing, though, it's like, dude, I don't think you should be at all. Like, I think what he's saying is fucking nuts. But it's like, no, he should have people like being like, this is why that's wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. It is very funny to say that, like, I get the bank they might run, but it's like, also like, you're like, all right, it's like, Jews run things. It's like, well, it's like, and they just started doing well now in his, you know what I mean?

It's like, they're running things they would, I think they could have figured out the, you know, I, I get, right, right, he probably thinks there's some war between. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I get it. But it, um, but it's like, just, I don't know. It's just, and not even like when I say like, oh, like free speech or whatever, it's not even like stand up. Like stand up is like, that doesn't matter. Like somebody says in a club, it's like, it's fucking meaningless.

And then like somebody posted online, it's like whatever. It's like it's, I think we've come to the point where it's like it's understood that these are all supposed to be jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like, it's very well understood now. But it's just weird that, especially because like there's actually like actual media news outlets who are like not really doing that greater research and they're saying shit. And then they're like, and then they just don't follow up on stories. Oh, for sure. I don't they get fucking, you know, why don't they get persecuted?

Why don't they get fucking, I guess, punished or whatever? But it's like, no, because that's quote unquote, the source of news. Right. So now that we think is Kanye's news. This is fucking shit, run everything. Kanye West, you know. That, that will, I mean, I guarantee you, I give it a week before Kanye is on Info Wars. And that will be, dude, that'll be Kanye.

The most downloaded podcast of all time. Kanye and Andrew Tate and Alex Jones just letting it rip Who is Andrew Tate? He's a former kickboxer who now is like doing a lot of like Women are dumb things This is he's one of these guys

He talks like this So he's like look Look I'm a man And what that means is I make a lot of money And you're the woman you go in the kitchen Okay So he has like He says sex and stuff

But because his podcasts have like Women with him like 15 year old kids Are like he's the coolest Yeah But he's just like He's just some guy saying a lot of sex sex of shit, but also, like, I saw him like Pierce Morgan's thing. Is it Pierce Morgan's that name?

I don't know. The British broadcaster. And it was like... Oh, sure. Who's like, this guy's like, I'm going to have an open discussion with his Andrew Tate guy. And it was so funny because it was not an open discussion. Like, I'd say something to be like, yeah, well, and it wasn't making any sense because, like, what he said was one of the crazy thing he says, he goes,

I'm not attracted to women who were the age of 25 because they've been fucked a lot by then. And then the guy's like, that's sexist. And he goes, nah, it's against 25 year olds. It's not against women. He's like, well, those women are 25, so that's sex is technically. And I was like, no, it's sex is for other way. But like,

yeah, the whole interview was very weird. And like, I'm like, I think Anderate's fucking crazy, but I don't think, I don't know if you should be kicked off. The way that's, that, dude, the fuck, it feels like the left is doing themselves a disservice by the approach that they're taking to towards making these people look bad.

Like, they can make these people look bad if they have like an honest, realistic discussion. Dude, yeah, it's like, now you're shunning these, exactly. I'm like, dude, if, you just, want to Let them fuck themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. You want to know how... Well, they'll be like, you're a pedophile.

It's like, oh, so, yeah, so, yeah, so, you know, elaborate. About kids, how cute are they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Elaborate? Yeah, yeah. They'll just sink themselves, you know? They should have Sasha Barric. That's their best weapon.

Yeah. Sasha Barricone. Just get Sasha Barricone to interview these people, trick him into saying wild shit. That's how it works. Yeah, instead of just like being like, yeah, yeah, because he is, uh, he's ridiculous. But it's, like, also like the things he says, I'm like, oh, okay, well, well, well, that was taken out of context. But I've also seen

in context videos, I'm just saying wild shit. I'm like, is it all like stuff against women? Yeah, yeah. It's all just like he's like, he's like somebody who didn't get fucked and then now he's getting fucked

but the pain hasn't gone away. He's still like, he's like, no, I shouldn't have to. Like, it's like very flustered. Like, he's clearly angry at women. Yeah. That is always the funny insult thing

and they're like, oh, this guy is sexist so he probably hate, he probably doesn't get pussy. It's like, nah, there's a lot of those dudes that are super. sexist and get massive amounts of pussy.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, because that's... I gotta be sexist there. Yeah. Well, that's always the viewpoint of somebody that's like, yeah, well, I can say this guy doesn't get the thing that he wants.

It's like, no, there are people who... Yeah, it's not like this across the board. Now, there are people who don't get pussy, and then they're sexist. Yeah, yeah, they hate women. Yeah, yeah. That's why I was thinking like... All those guys gay.

Just call it gay guys in cells. You know you want to fuck with me. in cells. Yeah, yeah. They're like, I don't know. I'm going to go to your pussy. Fuck all the time whenever they want. Well, that's what I've decided the new Spider-Man, right?

So, how? Hear me out. Okay. Peter Parker's this nerdy guy, right? They had Tobin'Guire kind of nerdy. He was a little more awkward. Andrew Garfield, the worst. They took a hot guy and threw glasses on him.

Tom Holland, hot guy. They're like, he's a nerd. The next Peter Parker needs to be just zits on the face, ponytail on the back. Just the nerdiest, like, really? That's a lot. Yeah. But he's like an inset.

He's going into like the cafeteria and like shooting kids with his web. He saves a woman and then he starts helping her. Oh, fuck off me. The city should be filled with him and then want to fuck me. He's like not even funny. I don't give a shit about Dr. off the plus.

I need to get back at Chelsea. Where's she fucking that guy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just like a dark, like a really fucking dark Spider-Man. Yeah.

Spider-Man's never really had. Because he did that already. They have the, uh, what's called into the spiderverse. The animated one? Yeah. That's not that dark.

But he's playing. No. God, you're such a racist. I like that. Oh my God, you're so racist. That movie was great. That movie was incredible. That was awesome, yeah.

They're like emotionally touched me. John Mullaney was in it for some reason? Yeah. He was a pig. He was a pig, yeah. Nick Cage was in it. Dude, that, I, I don't know why, but I fucking hate John Malini. I agree, and I don't know what it is.

He's good at comedy. He's good at comedy. I don't like it. But he's good at it. Yeah, of course. It is a, I'm also, because I'm a piece of trash, I see people in suits talking to me, and I'm like, do you think you're smarter than me?

I'm not going to call you dad. Whatever Mr. Merlaney, this doesn't matter anyway. You're not my real father. But it's like, I have the same thing with like, it's not racist, but it's countryist against some British people. I just feel like they're talking down to me. Sure, sure. But also, sometimes I will talk.

them, they're like, yeah, you guys are a bunch of idiots here. I'm like, all that's also fair. I'm also wearing a sum 41 shirt. Why no, it's under it? A Billabong Florida shirt. So, I get it. I'm not the most intelligent guy. British people are idiots, too. You just have to bring up, like, the soccer team they don't like, and they're just short circus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's retarded. Yeah. But I'm, I'm also, I agree with that.

But I'm also, I'm more, and there's also more of it there because of the incest. Yeah, exactly. You're all just stay on an island. Do the teeth. It's all their teeth. Yeah. Alex had this joke where he was like you think

British people have terrible teeth and that's why they sound like that yeah teeth tripping on each other who's fucking idiot

I heard this bad fucking British accent I heard the so first off but when somebody's cockney I love it though and they're like

hey we're gonna eat drink you some bees it's like I like I like that guy who's like I relate because that's the opposite of the suit guy

right I like an every man I relate to that more I originally didn't get into stand-up because of Seinfeld. I was like, who's this nerd in a soup going to talk about Cheerios or whatever? Fuck that guy. And then I saw Nick Swartzon with a teacher

talking about diarrhea and I'm like, hmm, this is hard. I was like, that's what we're getting to it. Now we're getting to it. But someone told me the British accent was actually, I've heard that they had our accent. This could be totally... I've heard this.

And then they wanted to differentiate themselves after the colonies were set up. And so then they started... The dialect started changing. So the American accent here is actually the original English accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, it's like people act like stuff can't change that fast.

But like look at the difference between like a valley girl or the broie way that I talk compared to like my grandparents. You know what I mean? It's like you can completely change an accent and like two generations. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I heard this fucking just like just the most basic white woman walk by the other day in front of the comedy club. And she's just going to, she's talking to her friend and she goes, she's making fun about me for having a sweater.

But it's like, I don't understand because she has a sweater too. that's the whole conversation that was the whole dude I died laughing she was like am funny I'm hilarious the little snippets you get her so oh oh my god

I hope I hear those right before I die yeah I heard some of the ones I've heard I saw a woman the other day full mohawk and she goes look I'm not a liberal which is weird

because I was like I would expect you to be liberal your woman and she had these like that's not a crazy thing to say but this woman had her shoes were four feet tall not heel

They were duct tape blocks to her feet That were literally three or four feet tall Then I saw What was it? Fucking My favorite one I heard a woman say I'm a therapist too

N word She was a white lady No no no no no That would have been better Yeah And then I heard this one woman go She goes

She goes Yeah it's only hot outs I What was it? I heard some guy Who was it? I heard some guy who was putting some block on his kids And he goes, yeah, you know, it's actually, you're more likely, the sun is stronger when there's clouds in front of it or something like that.

That makes no sense. No. I think you're more likely get sunburn if there's clouds out. Yeah, yeah, because you don't think that it's sunny. Right. But you're not stronger. Right. Yeah, but they're kids.

You're not going to explain UV rays to them. That's true. That's a good point. So you're the idiot in this scenario. I guess. And then another one I heard is this guy, this woman goes, she goes, yeah, it's only hot outside because of the sun. And I was like, right, that's it. Yeah.

We're all so unrelated besides the other one. But we're running out of time. What do you guys want to promote? I want to promote Igor. Yeah. Yeah, just follow me. The Igor Martinez, Instagram, Twitter, Venmo. I'm still promoting Igor.

Oh, okay, sweet, yeah. Not Luis Lopez-Lopez. Comedy. Oh, okay. Yeah, on all things, including Venmo. Nice, good plug. And thanks for letting it fly. A lot of people get up tight on here.

You guys, you guys, you guys made a fun. Yeah. Please cut out the N-word. The best part is, before I say that, people are going to think it was in there because you said cut it out. Oh, let's keep it.