Morning Good - The Day I Stopped Not Trying - Episode 151

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

Nick Tilleli joins the show for the first time with Joe Mahoney. They talk about new alcoholics, the Long Island guido era, and the Tate Academy.Thanks to Nick for joining the show for the first time. Check out his and Joe Mahoney's links down below for more info.You can find Nick on Instagram @nicktilleli and some of his stand-up on YouTube. Joe is also on Instagram @joemahoneycomedy. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right. No cans. What? I like the no cans. What do you mean? Like no headphones.

Oh, dude, fuck it. By the way, we're here with Nick Colelli and Jelleli and J. Joe Mahoney. What's going on? Dude, my Vizel line out. Oh, you're good. The headphones take me out of it.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it feels like less conversational. The worst thing to do, these ring lights suck, too, because now it feels weird compared to, like, us just hanging out, which I want to be more natural, but yeah.

I like headphones a lot because I don't have to look up, I kind of just listen to the conversation throughout the whole time as as opposed to having an... You don't like making eye contact? I don't make an eye contact. Good for autism. Yeah, well, that was like, do we were meeting a comic downstairs.

I felt, I'm weird with eye contact. I'll time it out now and I'll be like, all right, I've looked at you long enough to like look away. You did the point from down the hall because that's weird when you're like, see someone coming down the hole and you're like, when do I start looking at them? Oh, for sure. Because I can't just eye you down and then walk towards me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have like an oscillating fan mechanism in my mind.

I go like, one, two, three. One, two, three. Yeah. But it was also a female comic and you never want to stare too long at them. Oh, for sure. You never want them to get the wrong idea. It's like the sun. The worst is I'll have female comics come to do the podcast.

Yeah. And because I have this dresser here, right, or it's like a coat rack. And I have to put it in front of the door to get out of the way for filming. But it just looks so creepy when I'm just alone with the woman in my apartment. And I put the, I block the door with like a thing. I'm like, yo, it's not. It's not. It's not.

I swear to God. I'll make sure the door is like. Yeah, yeah, right away. It's a weird thing. I have to think, too, where like everybody has this in New York where you're walking behind a girl and you can feel her walking faster. And you're like, I'm not, you have to walk past them to make it look like you're not following them. Right. If you're like on the same pace.

Yeah. I did see I hate that too because I have to speed up I had a moment last night where this woman She was walking faster than I was and I had to walk faster So I just kind of moved to the side and let her pass me then started following her and I felt her go did he do that on purpose? Yeah Like I'm gonna like first of all I mean not to sound like oh that dude but like she wasn't you weren't really that attractive Yeah You know yeah you must want to just yell that out yeah you're not that hot even if I was a rapist you would be last on my yeah Oh, relax.

Yeah. You're fine. She's like, what? I was just looking. I don't know. Yeah. I mean extra directions and they go, I have a boyfriend.

You know, like they kind of act like you're hitting on it. Oh, yeah. But also, to be fair, anybody asks me for directions and I'm like,

I think they're homeless. Like, I think everybody's homeless that tries to ask me for shit. Oh, okay. And it'll be like, uh,

but I'll have the same thing where I get really about big, I can talk. And they're like, I was literally just asking you you directions. I was like, oh my head.

But, but, you just feel like somebody's walking behind me. And you always have to look. And then I'll have that where I look and it's a black guy and I make eye contact. Before I knew who it was, I just felt somebody following me. So I'm not, I couldn't see what race he was beforehand,

but now I see what racey. And now I have to overdo it to like not look uncomfortable. Wow. Maybe this is just a me thing. You get those Florida spiky senses. I can feel, but it's like I have to go over the top to prove I'm not racist now. But maybe I'm overthinking.

Maybe he didn't even think I was racist when I turned around. But I was just like, do you feel somebody walking behind you? And then if it's a white person, I'll walk. I'll be like, okay, well, now I can socially. Yeah. Socially, I could act however I want now. Yeah. Yeah.

When you see a white person, you almost relieved. Like, oh, I could fuck that guy out. Give him a high five. But I've done that too. Or like, I'll have a black guy like, like expert directions, but I'll have headphones and he'll interrupt. And I'll assume I'm like, I don't have a dollar. And he's like, no, dude, I want to.

Dude, I had that happen. I'm like, I'm just racist. I'm like, there's no other way for me to describe it. This was me being racist. But it's a numbers thing because statistically, that's the majority of people I say no to. And so my brain goes, uh-oh, he wants a dollar. He has got like a nice watch on.

He has a suit. Yeah, it's just a black guy. You're like, no, it's drive. Briefcase. I'm like, I don't have a dollar. All right. I think I've done that. Yeah.

Well, also, like, they call you like, they just call you a racist if you don't give them a dollar now. Oh, for sure. homeless people that's like their go-to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's, uh, yeah, that's, I always just say I am racist. Because I'm like, then you can't win the argument with it.

Yeah, I'm like, I'm racist. That's just who I am. And then you walk away, yeah. But it is. Like, jury duty. I hope that's clips. Someone just copies. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, we're four minutes. We've already said so much shit. I'm like, ah, yeah. Right into it. Hey, it's your podcast. You're just who I am.

Yeah. Well, I was, I thought I was before I had this one thing where I, uh, yeah, it's like sometimes. Now, there's no defense. I'm not even going to defend, yeah. No, let's let them. I mean, everybody is racist at certain moments. And you're like, I did something. You know what I mean? You're like, I did something racist.

But that doesn't mean that, yeah. There needs to be way more words. First of all, racially insensitive, the most underused term. Because most things are racially insensitive. They're not racist. Right. Racist. Now, when a black guy asked me for a dollar or asked me for directions,

and I assume that somebody's asking, that is right there. I don't think that's insensitive. It's just racist. But it's also, it's, it's, it's mathematically. You say that, though, but I see a lot of white homeless dudes. Yeah, but they don't...

But, like, who's exed me? It's my experience. And maybe, like, I'm more aware of a white homeless guy because I'm like, what happened? But, like... What happened? We're supposed to be thriving.

I'm like, here, get it on your feet. But I don't know. I just... I clock... But I also live... I always lived in predominantly black neighborhoods. So whoever was homeless

was just in that area. And they'd be the ones who asked me so statistically in my mind those are the numbers that I'm racking in not to say there's more white homeless people out there but no one even in New York no one will say there's more white homeless people they'll always say

black people are the ones who are impot where oh dude every time we're in a room together It's such a tough discussion because I'm like Technically they aren't and it's it's racist Yeah I know It's like white guys you can't not talk about race Yeah Sorry guys it is racist though to say the other side of it

To be like oh everybody's homeless equally you're like no technically this is a community that is right yeah yeah yeah but not by choice there's no yeah yeah yeah like Indian are there Indian homeless people you just don't see this much you're just in India and then there's like an Asian there's the Asian lady with the bat with the bot with the cans

yeah yeah can I say that's like a testament to their work ethic even when they're homeless are like we gotta make a buck just counting they don't ask for money and they sell cigarettes yeah sell Lucy's they're always doing some I was telling you about this because before when I was saying this neighborhood kind of bothers me because it feels really trendy. Because I got here really early and I just kind of like stood in the sidewalk and I was just like looking at all the

people that are around here. And it's all like you could tell that like these are attractive girls who watch sex in the city and they're like we all walk in threes and drink coffee and kind of whatever bullshit they're talking about. And I was getting really disgusted and annoyed. And then I just saw a Chinese lady reach into a garbage and pick out bottles. I was like, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. It's like some real moments here, you know? Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, feel at home. Yeah, that is the thing. There's a lot of that like, dude, I'll hate, like, random people for no real. Like, I'll just see a group of women walking together and, like, just act kind of very, like, uh, trendy and it'll just annoy me. More like, I'll see, like, a guy who's like,

just a finance guy just walking down the street. I'm like, look at this fucking finance douchebag piece of shit. And I know nothing about this guy. Right. I've just already decided that I hate him. Which is the racist mechanism in the brain working, but on white people too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's like, well, also, it's also, it's a certain time of day. I kind of hate a lot of people. So if it's 9 a.m. and I'm like walking out of my apartment. It's like you do kind of have this thing where you're like, you're not ready to interact to anybody.

Like if my mom was in my apartment right now, I'd be like, oh, this is fucking, it'd be exhausting. You know what I mean? It says you're just exhausted to be around people. I hate a state. I hate a mom the N word.

I hate certain aesthetics of people where I'm like that choice that, like it's such a small choice to make but that tells more about your personality. Like this girl, it's not sunny out and she had sunglasses that had cat eyes on them. I'm like, you're a cunt. I can guarantee that you're a fucking piece of,

of shit. You probably are. Yeah. That's not... Because you put those on to project some type of view into the world and when you're doing that, I feel like you're a scumbag. Oh, for sure, yeah, yeah. But also the hard part is everybody is somebody else's douchebag. So she sees you with the Ralph Lauren Polo shirt and she's like, he

had to wear the polo. Everybody hates somebody else. But I totally get what you're saying because I have the same shit where like... It's funny because like there's always there's people that have like... They'll have their whole face pierced with all these piercings or like face tattoos and they're like, I don't care what anybody thinks. No, you care what people in your

community think. You're just trying to dress like this to impress somebody else. Yeah, you still join some kind of tribe. Yeah. You know, you're the tattoo face guy. You're not like a... There's a lot of people like that. Nobody, yeah, nobody tattoos are faced because they really don't care. They tattoo their face because they like want to... They want to be scary. Yeah.

Tattoes are fucking expensive too. So you're putting down a lot of money to not care. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You're full of shit. Yeah, you do care. Yeah. That is funny. That's an image. The guys in prison just get swastikas to fit in. Yeah. We don't really. comes down to it. It's like, it's like, you're really just, that is the ultimate form of peer pressure is joining a neo-Nazi group. Right. And everyone says you have to when you're in prison and white.

They say you have to be with the white area and, you know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah, I have a friend in prison. I'm like, I don't want to ask him about it. You know, because I don't know, you know, I don't mean, like, I don't want to ask about it. But like, I do want to know if he's, because conversational wise, he's like not talking about, you know, he's like, he's like made fun of neo-Nazi. So I'm like, I assume he's not in that. But you just get like, wait, what's your friend do. I'm not getting into it. Oh, come on. I can't get into it. You can admit you're racist,

but you won't talk about your friend of jail? I can't get it to do. But it is one of those things that you're like, he says he's like, I assume he's not associated, but you wonder how you survive outside of that because like everybody talks like you have to do it to survive. Well, without having to say what he did, is he now

in there for a real long time where he's out now? He'll be out soon. Oh, okay. How long is he, did he serve? I'm not, I can't. I can't. Oh, really? That much. Okay. Serve. Serve. Serve the Nazis.

Serve the Nazis. What are you? Like, thank you for your service. Yeah. Thank you. Don't clip that. No.

What about, can you become like a wigger though in prison, too? Yeah, but I don't think you get accepted. I think that's probably the least, you don't know what I mean?

But I don't know. Because I would think you could. That would be hilarious. Like you have the whites, the blacks, and the wiggers. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But it's like, I feel like, I don't know how it works because, like, I never understood the authenticity yet because, like, white guys that try to act black, occasionally are really accepted by black guys. But occasionally they're just very much not. So it's like, it's a weird thing because occasionally I'll be like, I'll see some guy who thinks he's black. I'm like, I bet you black people don't even like you. Right.

And then he gets out of the car with like 10 black guys. I'm like, oh, they do. That's weird. Yeah, well, because he had a car. Yeah. Yeah, that is. I will see that where there's a white guy wants to be black. And you could see that black guys are using him for like some aspect.

You're like, oh, man. He's getting his dudes. Yeah. Dude, there was something that white guy. He wants to be black. I remember he came out with me. I was drinking a white call. He's like,

bro, you're a white call. That shit's so white. I'm like, you're a white person. What are you doing? I said that. It is funny because whenever I see that,

I'm like, look, I don't know who I am as a person, but I know I'm not a black guy. Like, I have enough knowledge to know what race. But really white dudes say that now. That's so white, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. But it all, it all depends on how you do it. Like, you know, somebody's eating cliff bars. I'm like, that's white as hell. Yeah.

But I was still like, you clip. You know what I mean? It's like, you can joke about it. Right. But there was, he was like, genuinely trying to diss me.

He's like, bro, you're fucking white as hell. I was like, all right, man. Titans is du reg. Yeah. But nothing's funnier than that. Like, Chad Hanks is the funniest guy in the world.

He's so hilarious. Oh, yeah. I know. It's so crazy that's Tom Hanks' son. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I knew a guy who, you probably know him too.

He, before the pandemic, he acted gay. I thought he was like a gay guy. And then the pandemic hit, and then he started acting black. And I was like, what did what happened? I was like, this is so confusing. But some people would jump things like that. You know what I mean?

They'll find something they like. And then like, they'll be like, I'm not in that anymore. And then they find like a new trend. You said we might know this person? Gay to wigger. Yeah, I'm not getting into it, man. Wow.

So much that we need to unpack here. I'll tell you. I'll talk about it afterwards. Oh, that's fair. I'm not from gay to, he acted gay. For sure. And he wasn't gay. Yeah.

And then now he's just, and now he'll act. He'll act homophobic. That's hilarious. Like one time I was like giving somebody a hug. He goes, I didn't know we was hugging and shit. And I'm like, what? I like how he's trying on marginalized groups, coats. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna be a woman next. Yeah. I don't know anyone acted gay when they weren't, though. I never heard of the boy. If I were to guess what happened, he's probably secretly gay. And then he's like, all right, I'm gonna. Maybe that was the real him. And then he's like, yeah, I'm gonna, but I'm telling you it was like.

Throw him off the set. I'm telling you it was like a six months difference and randomly just completely put on a different voice. Interesting. It's mind blown. Is he a white guy? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay.

What'd you think he was? I thought it was, like, he was a black guy who acted gay and then he doubled down on, like, being like a thug? No, no, no, no, no. It was the other way around. He, he wanted to be, he was totally white guy, wore like deep V's acts very effeminate, very gay, and then COVID hit, and then randomly was black and homophobic. And it was, you know, it was.

He'd go the other way around. Yeah. The vaccine, it'll do it to you. Yeah. Yeah. normally it is like you end up like uh you're like in the say where you're uh you're a tough guy and then you yeah soften up you don't normally go from one to the other right right like you're like recluse and then you're like this is what yeah or you're the fun is you ever know a guy who has like

really high pitch voice in like middle school and then randomly in high school he's just like over corrected but he over corrected for so long that his voice is now deep because he put that on for so long yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah the high pitch kid yeah yeah because he got bullied so hard that he's like all right, I can't go to school with a high voice. Like, he literally had to be like, oh, we don't go to the snow. Yeah, I have a cousin who's like that. He's, uh, my mom's, like, best friend's son.

He, his whole life was just like, like, like, like, this. And, and now, but he, I know his voice isn't actually like this because you could tell he's like, when he's ready to talk, he has to, he purposely has to make it deep because it's still so, because I know, I know, I'm like, what a burden to carry for the rest of your life.

Yeah, you have to fake how you talk forever. Adam Gable. That'd be so only Adam Gable's fakely that voice. He's got a fake. You gotta put on a fake voice. Wow, like Batman. Oh, man. That's brutal.

Yeah, just, just own it. You know what I mean? High pitch Eric. High pitch Eric. Just pull one of those. Who's this? Howard Stern.

Oh, just some guy on high pitch boys. And he's gay, right? Yeah. Just be gay, I guess. Just be gay. Yeah, that is always the thing, too. It's always when you're not.

It's like, I have a problem. I've thought of this before, but like, a gay guy that dresses, I'm like, dude, be gay as hell. Have a good time. Wear some sequence stuff, something fun. But then you see like a gay guy that's like, or straight guy who's like acting gay to get pussy.

And that's the most infuriating thing to me. Like, you know, like, you see it a lot in New York where it's like some straight guy who like dresses like, he's like, this is how cool I am with gay people that I'll dress super gay. To get girls. Yeah. Yeah. It's like disarming.

For sure. Yeah. Yeah. I never know if it's like a feminine dude though, which I don't know if it's better or not. Like sometimes like, I feel that like if you want to call it toxic masculinity side of me, where I just see a guy acting completely, like, feminine, but he's also trying to get pussy.

And I'm like, well, you got to pick a side. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, either trying to fuck this girl or don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree. But I don't know how much those guys are actually successful with pussy. Like, I see them hitting on girls. They're surrounded by attractive women, but I don't know how much of them are actually getting laid.

Well, there's a weird thing where a lot of girls will fuck out of their political views. Like, girls really will want to fuck some, like, a really, I've talked to, like, really liberal girls. I know like the liberal comic because she had these jokes about she just wants to get fucking railed by a Trump supporter and that's like her like her fantasy is that's honest

That's good Yeah I'm like I respect that honesty Because it's like yeah And you wonder if there's the other way around Like I didn't that's for sure a thing Like I know some like really conservative dudes And they're like I just want to fuck some hippie bit Like really badly

And it's right right right My ex was a feminist It was like we were the best It was the most toxic But it was like the best sex ever We used to get into like We used to get into heated to political debates And then like

I'll never forget this We were talking about I think it was, we were talking about Trump at the time and something, oh, Jesse Smolot. As soon as that happened, we used to work together and it was up on in the break room. She was immediately on Jesse's side. She was immediately on Jesse's side.

And I immediately wasn't. And I was like, that's such fucking bullshit. We fought all the way back to her place. I remember we turned it back on when we were at her place and we got into this thing. And I stood up and we were by the computer chair. And she goes, you know, she was mad at me. She goes, I don't even know if I really want you here.

And I'm like, yes, you fucking do. And I just, I started choking her from the computer chair. And we, we had the best sex. Oh, you were, you already fucking. I thought that's like how you met her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was very confused. I was like, he just choked this woman in for the reason.

Yes, you do. That show was so funny too. I think Chappelle is what I had to bit about it. We were talking about it's like, for sure, there's no way these racist MAGA guys would know the show Empire. Because that isn't it like his whole stories? They were like, hey, that's right. Guy from Empire. And they're like, why would they watch that?

Yeah. But a lot of people do. I really want to get a justice for Jesse's shirt because now it's so funny to have a shirt that says that. Right. It's like old school. It's kind of like, but people still remember it. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. That's like to believe Just Lane shirt. Oh, that's awesome.

I want to go on those. Those are fun. Do you guys think it's racist to have a sexual preference in a certain race? No, because I've brought it. So like, I think it depends. If you're like, this is a tough question because I was like, if you reverse it. So let's say there's a black girl.

It's like, I'm not really into white guys. I wouldn't call her racist. And I understand there's a lot of shit where people go, oh, okay, well, you can't say that because of this is it. Like, I understand why I can't say the N word. I'm like, I understand. I get shit. Like, I'm like, I understand why the...

I don't listen to it. I don't hear to it. I understand the concerns. I'm not going to give in, but it's like, I was like, you understand. Like, I understand because like history things change. Like, on paper, I'll say this a million times. Blackface is not bad on paper. It's because the history of blackface that you're like, all right, there's a reason why if a white guy

wears make it. Or blackface, it's not funny. when a black guy wears white face, it's hilarious. You know what I mean? Like, I get that. So, like, if a black woman, but that's a certain... If you're impersonating a famous black celebrity, that seems like it's not racist to me, yeah.

No, no, I don't think it's always racist. I think it's like, right, right. I think it's like, so it adds this extra tone to it that's a little like in. But that's a separate conversation from... Dating one. Yeah, because dating is so... It's such a like... Because if you're like, if a black woman was like,

I don't... I'm not into white guys. I wouldn't say it's racist. So I don't... don't think, it just sounds worse when a white guy says I'm not into black girls. But on paper, that's the same thing. So morally, if one's not wrong, then the other's not wrong. Now, saying the sentence out loud sounds way worse if a white guy's like, I'm not into black chicks. I'm not into black chicks. Or if you're really, you know what I think it is? I think you could say, I have a, I don't know why my mind. I'm like, you know what? You can say, I'm just more into what. But then if you're weird, then if you're ranking of it's weird or two, you're like, white chicks are my number one, then Asians, then Indians. That sounds worse than if you're like, have you ever been with a black chick? No.

No. Yeah. Have you? No, I just had my girl go up in blackface. Yeah. That's the same thing. Yeah.

But yeah, I don't think it is right. Because it's like, I think if you picked out one specific race and said I'm not into them, that's different than saying I'm mostly date this. It's all about how you phrase. If you say I just end up dating white people, then it sounds better than I only date white people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also it's like, I think guys care less than girls, too. I think girls have more of a preference. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Girls are like, oh, I won't. Asian guys or something like that.

Yeah, sex is the equalizer for men. It's like, we could fuck you that, like, transcends racism at that race at that point. Yeah, because you also do have racist white guys that will fuck black. That's, like, for sure, I think, too. You really? Oh, yeah. Interesting. They're going to fuck Beyonce.

Yeah, yeah, because, like, there were slave owners that fuck their slave. So, like, any of that, like, oh, I fuck black. It's like, that's still race. Yeah, Thomas Jefferson was a good guy. Yeah. I think if you just naturally graditate, graduate, what's called? Graditate.

Graduate. Graduate. then it's not racist. But if you're like, if you were just like, look, I just, I don't fuck Thai chicks. That's my one rule.

Then it's like, that sounds pretty racist. I think it's all about how you phrase it. Yeah. Well, because Thai chicks are dudes, so. Yeah.

It's the one to weed out. Yeah. That's my big question for the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ask it every time I'm on here. But I saw you guys,

so you guys are both, you don't drink at all, right? No. You still smoke weed though, right? Yeah, I still smoke weed. Do you? I spoke weed saw a movie last night. I forgot how much fucking fun.

that is. Oh, wow. Yeah. What'd you see? Dude, I saw Megan. Oh, dude, it was awesome. I thought it was going to suck me up. But I was like, let's get high and watch it. We'd just make fun of the whole thing. And we went to go see it. I was like, this is fun. Like, it was like, sometimes when something doesn't take itself too seriously, it's a good time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, it's like a bad movie. It was like a, the room kind of thing or it was like, you're watching it because it's bad. That's what I thought it was going to be going out. Oh, gosh. And then I watched it. I was like, oh, this is actually just a fun movie. Oh, cool. But see, smoking weed watching a movie is my favorite because you're so in. Like, I feel like I'm distracted when I'm not, like, you know, when I'm just, like, sitting there my phone or whatever. But when I'm high and watching the movie, I enjoy

every aspect and I catch every part of the movie that I'm supposed to be like, oh, I knew that that was the director's choice. Maybe I'm a turntino watching this thing. Yeah. Because that's my, that's been my favorite. Like, I don't know how you like, I know you're doing dry January. I don't know how you like being high and with people, but that's not really my favorite. I don't like doing that. No, it sucks. I was with my one buddy who I get along very well. And we were both, now we did make fun of the movie when we could. Because he's like my friend, we go make fun of shit together, like everything. You're just like, we're just going to shit on stuff.

It's going to be fun. But the parts we shit on, we're still like, you know what I mean? You're going to have some shit that's like inaccurate or like, you know what I mean? You're going to make fun of it. But it was like, and the best way to go in movies is like, you have to get so high walking in. You're scared. Like, that's the best way. You walk in and like, I didn't notice it until we're going up the escalators.

And I was like, I don't know if I can do this. And then I'm like, that's how you know what's being the best shit. And then we go in and I was getting scared because they had trailers for other horror movies on there. And I was getting scared at the trailers for other movies. That's hilarious. And that's what I was getting. I was like, I don't know if I can. I know.

I was like, I was a horror movie. I didn't realize. Yeah, it's like a thriller. But yeah, it's a horror movie. And then I was like, we saw like one commercial for a movie.

And I was like, dude, I was like planning on my bathroom breaks. I'm like, yo, I'll go. If it gets too scary, I'm going to say,

I have to go to bed. So I was holding and pissing. I was like, I'm gonna wait till it gets scary and I have to leave. Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Yeah, and I'm a grown man. It's still happening to shit. You ever pissed so much of the movies?

Do you start thinking other people think you're like a terrorist? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not fair enough. And that's me sober, so I can't smoke weed. Dude, I hit one of the most ridiculous thing is, you know, when you're, you ever have when you're kid, you ever have when you're kid, when you're, you get a boner when you have to pee? When I was a kid, I'd have that. I always, because, like, you know, I think so. Yeah, yeah, you haven't. I had that one time I was going to see Inception.

I remember I was scooting through the aisles, and my dick typically scraped the back of some guy's head. Wow. Because how close the seats were, and this guy just turned around as most uncomfortable. That's hilarious. Just you're knocking a bunch. Yeah.

Because when you're also like, when you're a kid, it's like you don't like, you don't know about boners. You wear athletic shorts everywhere. Yeah. You just get boners in them and you just have to deal with it. Yeah, it's part of the thing.

It's something you live with, right? Yeah. The bell rings and you're like, oh, shit, I talk. Yeah. Yeah. Now I never have that problem. I'm like never having to deal with that.

Like random boners. Yeah, now it's the opposite. Now I have to, like, try harder to get a bone. Yeah, I know. It's sad. But we're watching that movie, and, yeah, I'm going to the bathroom, a bunch to piss and shit. And then I come back at one point, and I was so high that, like, I went to the wrong seat. And I'm walking to, it's so dark in the movie theater.

And I'm just, like, I'm staring. I walk, like, probably, like, four feet away from this chair. And I'm staring at this person in the face. Like, it's like a black woman. And I'm, I'm like, this doesn't look like my friend. And, like, it took so long for me to notice that I wasn't looking at my buddy. Because you were really high in a dark. And I'm just like staring.

I'm like, that's not... So you're not racist? Yeah. I could have find one in a movie. I guess that is. Wait, how would you be at a movie and facing somebody or which they sit next to you? So this is when I'm coming back from the bathroom. Oh, you're looking at.

And I'm going to the wrong seat. And I remember I was like staying. My buddy's like, you were staring at this woman for like two minutes trying to figure out if it was me. So I'm just like, I'm so close. I'm like, is that my buddy Jake? And I'm like, I don't know what's going on here. And then by the time like, because you're high, sometimes you don't notice how long you're staring at someone. you're like, it's either been three seconds or I've been looking at this woman for two minutes.

Apparently, it's been two minutes. Wow. She didn't flinch. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. But it was one of the, yeah, it was a fun movie, though. How you navigate and being sober, though? Weirdly, dude, it's like I pound o' duels at a rate that I don't even drink at. Like, I don't drink.

At home? Yeah, it's like I have a craving, like three days into dry January. Because I took two weeks off of drinking in December, and it wasn't a problem at all. I was just sick. I was like, I don't really want to drink. No issues. But the second I'm told I can't, then I'm immediately like, oh, because you're sick. Yeah. Yeah, but now, now I'm like, I can, now that my brain's saying you can't have a drink, it's like the most I've craved alcohol. But you drink all do is at home alone. Yeah, yeah. Well, now he has to. That's what he's doing?

No, but I would never, uh, what's it called? Like, uh, I would never like crush beers like that alone. But it's like, I don't know why I feel this like, you need to. But, um, somebody brought up this like, dry January is the most alcoholic thing you can do. because you're not quitting alcohol, but you're like, I'm going to take a month off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, takes a month off,

it just looks. Right, because you're saying yourself, like, every other day throughout the year, I'm usually fucked up. Yeah, yeah, you're like,

I'll take a month off. And then I'll be okay to, you know, yeah. Look, I got discipline, but then, like,

you're fucking pounding old duels. Yeah, and it looks so much worse. Yeah. I thought those are more for, like, social pressure in public, but I don't know,

it makes sense. It's like, you're we're weaning yourself off of drinking. But it's like, I think mentally I'm like, because there's something about like I have that sort of like thing where it's like I like doing something like smoking a cigarette vaping, drinking a beer. There's that sort of feeling that you're putting something into yourself. Yeah. It's like, oh, it's like oral. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What are you trying to escape? Yeah. I don't know, man. I think it's just racing thoughts. Because it's always at night before I go to bed and I'm always like, I'll drink beers in this lawn chair and watch like breaking bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like my mind in the morning and the night, it just fucking flies. And, yeah, I don't know. It's really aggressive, too. I feel also after I do sets, it's a lot.

It's like going straight from stand-up and going to get sleep is like the hardest shit ever for me. But don't you feel like sometimes a bad set? You're like, at least I can go to sleep. Yeah, I can sleep way. Yeah, yeah. When you crush and you're like full of energy. Yeah. Because it peaks and then it goes down.

I get a little depressed sometimes after having a really good set. Because I get in the same night? Because I'll go up. I'll be like, oh, this is sick. I killed. Usually the next day, maybe. But the same night. Yeah.

I'm the same with you. I start to crash. just to come down and be like, is all I'm doing, just killing on a Monday and no one knows me? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You start to go with that other shit.

You're like, oh, fuck, dude. But then if you bomb, you're kind of like, oh, that sucked. And then I can sleep great. I'm supposed to sleep, yeah. Yeah. But, like, what kind of drinker are you, like, prior to stopping?

So I used to be, like, four days a week. I used to be for, like, a while. Wow. Like, age 18 to... Like Thursday through Monday or any day? I would say, age 18 to 20 so freshman year of college I was drunk five days a week and then sophomore year I toned down to like four days a week and then three or four was like a while so it was like

when I first moved to New York I'd probably drink Friday Saturday every Friday Saturday I drink and then Wednesday I would drink and then occasionally like a Monday or Tuesday I would drink a standard college but yeah that's yeah and that was like a year out of college and then I like I went her brother's bachelor party and just got wasted for three days in the QS. And then I had like, a serious life adjustment where I was like, dude, I got to start. So then I started doing like, before I did dry January, I would probably drink twice a week occasionally. How would you black out? Twice a year. Oh, that's not bad. No, no, no. I was never like blacking out. Oh, all right. I would say like before dry January, I was drinking like twice a week, sometimes three and sometimes once.

And sometimes I was none. Okay. So I was pretty like standing. But I'm also, I'm not doing dry January again because I'm like, I don't know. I don't like setting weird rules for myself. Like I think if I was like, it was becoming an issue, then I would do something. You don't see enough negatives to drinking to stop. For sure. Because most people I know that quit drinking, they're like, it's not moving me forward. Right.

I'm basically just pissing in my own mouth. That's, yeah, that's how I was. Every time I would, and it would be, it wouldn't, it was not that I would drink frequently, but every time I did, it was, it was one, it was one worse decision after another. And in that moment, I'm like, I'm like, I'm. I'm like, yeah, just fucking lets this what I'm gonna do. And then you're hitting up that person, you shouldn't. And then you're, you know, you're doing, it's just, and because I keep justifying.

I'm like, I'm young. I should be doing this. Go, go, go, go, go. And then I just keep going and going and going and going. Yeah. Now I hear you. That's, uh, yeah, I mean, if you don't want to stop, don't stop. Yeah, yeah.

But, yeah, I don't have, I don't really have that. Like, I used to, I would say most of the drinking things is just me saying something dumb. Like, I had a friend. I think the dumbest thing I did recently wasn't that big of a deal is like some girl had a lip tattoo. And she's like, yeah, I got that silly lip tattoo. I'm like, yeah, that is really fucking stupid that you got that.

Like, I just didn't have the awareness. So I just went all in. I'm like, yeah, that's fucking retarded that you got a lip tattoo. And she's like, I was just saying it's silly. I'm like, oh, my bad. Mr. Honest you're honest. Yeah, but I'm one of those people, the next day I'll hit somebody up. And I'm so sorry.

I said that they're like, I wasn't even, I don't even remember that. That's so funny because I feel like, weren't you in a relationship and you stay stupid things of girls. I don't feel anything. Yeah. I'm like, I'm not going to fuck you anyways. Who cares? Yeah, yeah.

But for me, I'm like, I'm like, I don't know. I feel like a dick. Like, I'm obsessed with, I think it might be me thinking people I'm a dick. Because, like, you figure out, like, what is the real altruism behind this? Because part of you is like, do I actually want to be a nice person or do I just not want people to think I'm a dick? Right. I don't know. You didn't apologize.

You know what you want. It's the second one. It's like, I want people to like me. So I go obsessive about it. So somebody will hit me up. And, like, the next day, I'll text, even like, the little as shit, like, I'll say something to a comic. And then four days later, I'm like, fuck, they probably took that the wrong way. Right.

So I'll go back and have to say some shit. And you're, like, worried about it, yeah. I stopped doing that because I realize every comic is only thinking about themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially comics, yeah. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. That's why you're thinking about it because you're just thinking about yourself.

Yeah, I'm not thinking about how I actually get their feelings. I'm just thinking about, like, oh, will this person like me or not? I've been practicing that. I've been practicing like, I'm not going to feel insecure around anybody. And then you get to watch people who are, like, who you thought were your friends, watch them actively not listen to you. and just wait. They're waiting until you're done

so they can now say that thing. Yeah, and it's amazing. Because I've been the same way. That's like getting sober. And then I'm like, okay, I need, like, then the real work begins. You know what? Real quick, the one thing that I do hate, I think the first thing they should say in AA

is just because you're an alcoholic doesn't mean everybody's an alcoholic. Because a lot of friends I know get sober, they immediately, like I've been told I have a drinking problem by so many people that just got sober like a month beforehand. That's just like the immediate thing that happens. I've never seen you super hammered, but maybe you're just really...

I'm very business. Like, bro, when I go to comedy shows, I don't drink at all. And then I go back home to Florida and just black out with my friends from them. Oh, true. Yeah. I don't even think I had a... I just, a drinking just didn't work for me. Like, it just led me to that.

Like, I'm sure I don't even think I'm 100% done. I just know right now it's actively been good not to, you know, but I'll see what happens later. Like, I might change my mind later and be like, all right, I feel like I can get to this place, but, you know, I don't even know how much people are 100% alcoholics either. Dude, everybody acts like it's a black and white thing. Like, I remember my brother got in trouble because he got like a minor in possession of alcohol. It's like he got caught drinking underage and he had to take like an alcoholics course.

And I remember he sat me down one time in high school and he's like, you're really showing the early signs of alcohol. And all this shit, he's like, I was like, no, I might drink more. He's like, you're either an alcoholic or you're not. There's no in between. I'm like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. There is so much in between. You know what I mean? It's like everyone's like, oh, for sure.

It's like there are a ton of people who like, you might black out and drive your car every weekend. That's completely different than a guy who once a month gets drunk and says something stupid. You know what I mean? It's like these are, to say there's no middle ground in between is like wild. I agree with you. I'm sorry. Yeah. But it's like if it doesn't work for you, it's like don't do.

You know what I mean? There's all that part too where people are like, anybody who's quitting drinking, other people are also a dick to about it all the time. They're like, what are you a pussy and all the shit? It's like, no, I'm just, this is what works for me. You know what I was shocked by how little people called me a pussy. I was waiting for that. You're on defense already. It took a while.

It took a while to get over it. Oh, really? It took a while to get over it. I was like, I was like a little insecure first, but then I was just like, whatever. It's funny because I would... It's a lot harder to eat healthy.

Yeah. It's hard going to a party eating a banana. Yeah. I was surprised how many people came up to be and be like, fuck, I wish I could do that. Like, they were like... And I'm like, I'm like, I can't do like you said, well, this is the steps that you need to get...

I would just stop. I don't know what to tell you. You know what I mean? But somebody else people, they just get too into like, the, it's like, it's like,

they're almost like a motivational video. Like, which those things are hilarious, bro. I've started watching those just for fun on. My buddy sent me this guy. Which ones? Just like the,

the crazy motivation guys on Instagram that are almost making like no sense. Those guys are crazy? Yeah. You're telling me Andrew Tate is not. He'll take this away from me. Yeah. Dude,

there's this one guy. He has the funniest shit. He goes, he goes, what I do is, most people only have, one day and one day. I have three days and one days. So my first day starts from 6 a.m. to 12. My next day, that's the end of that day. And the next day is from 12 to 4 o'clock. The next day is from 4 to 10 o'clock. He's like, so there you go. I have three days and one. So after this

many weeks, I have a thousand days. You're like, this is bull. None of this makes any fucking I know. I woke up at noon yesterday for today. Yeah. Yeah. They always have weird rules. They're like, I don't drink water before 4 o'clock because I'm going to be thirsty. It's the mindset. I want to have. You're like, what are you fucking doing? I don't get the waking up early thing, though, because you're still, if you're still sleeping the same amount of hours, then there's no difference. Unless you have

like a, you know what I mean? It's productivity. Like, I feel like you get more. Yeah, but you can do, you can produce a night. Yeah. I mean, as long as you don't like. What are you getting done at night, Joe? Yeah, clipping up, making these clips, you know? Yeah. I just, I feel like, I get what you're saying, though. I feel like if you're waking up at 2 p.m. and then you go to sleep at 6 a.m. It's like, right, well, that's

my cycle. And then I'm fucking tired by like eight. Yeah. do comedy, though. It's different. We work at night. Yeah, yeah. The thing with those motivational guys, it's just that. Like, all you hear from them is like, you have three days in one day. And it's like, all right, well, you're not, what key to success

you're giving me? How'd you make money? Like, no one no one just tells you. You never know how they think, but it's always some weird thing. He's like, well, you know, I'm an entrepreneur. I do public speaking. Yeah. What? What do? What do you? How'd you acquire this wealth? What I, how do I acquire? I wake up 8 a.m. every day. I pray. And then I drink coffee.

I do. Well, like, like, what, like, what physics did you do. I stopped celebrating my birthday. I don't believe in birthdays anymore. What is this? All these weird rules for success that make zero sense. You know, the only day I celebrate the day

I stop not trying. Yeah, they don't celebrate. Yeah. My buddy was joking about that guy being on, like, court for like, fucking like a kid. And he's like, technically, she does the three-day schedule.

So she is 30 years old. I don't care for it. She's learned so much in this amount of time. Yeah, yeah. That should's so funny, because all those videos are like that kind of nonsense. They're trying to be like a guru before they've like earned their like way. Like they have nothing to back it up.

Yeah. Well, it's funny because you see those guys like, I'll listen to like motivational daily on Spotify while I'm at their gym and just and it's hard not to laugh at it because it'll be Arnold Schwarzenegger talking about Michael Jordan. And I'm like, why aren't you talking about your own success? Yeah. Why are using Michael Jordan as the reference? But I'll, I'll hear it. It is motivating, by the way. It will kind of hype you up a little bit.

That music that starts off stuff, you got to understand. I'm like, what do I got to learn, you know? But they always use the inception song, like the... Yes. They do use the inception song. It's like, believing is not.

Whenever I watch those Michael Jordan things, though, where he like, you know, they work so hard, like Kobe and stuff, I'm like, but then like as a comic, you're just like, all right, I'll go do like the 3 p.m. open mic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's only so much you can do to grind.

Yeah. And then some people that are too in the grind mind state are just annoying. It's like you have to find that balance with being silly but also working hard. It's like a weird thing. Because like I've had it where like I'm before I said, I'm like listen to like Eminem and I'm like bob in my head. And I go up and you just fucking bomb because I'm like, who do I think I am? You're too serious. Yeah.

It's true. It's not creative and shit. Yeah. One of the things about funny though, too, there's a vice thing where they were, they're following Andrew Tate, which is annoying a shit that they're like the dangerous rise of Andrew Tate. It's like, who gives a fuck. You know, they're so. But it is funny because Andrew Tate is doing this thing now where he's, starting like a, he has like a men's cult. It's basically, it's basically, he like a Mahoney.

Oh, yeah. What? I'm not in that. Are you part of the, you part of the Tate Academy? I get his emails, but listen. I don't know how he send them from jail, but he's the master. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, it's project, it's like Project Mayhem from a fight club. And, uh, yeah, it's this one where he has these dudes. He literally has these, like, random guys from all around the world. So it's like some guy from, like, Yugoslavia and then some guy from, like, France. Yeah. And then he has him just fight professional UFC fighters. And he goes, so what you guys are going to do today?

Okay. You guys are going to fight a professional UFC fighter. And you might think I'm not prepared for this. He goes, well, tell you what? You should always be prepared for this. And then he just got this guy just get the shit. They had no idea what they're in for right? Yeah. And you got them all to meet up and fight. Yeah. It's so fucking funny that he's just like doing this crazy. I think it's hilarious.

Because for me, I don't feel any sympathy. It's like, if you're a kid and you get a follower. Yeah, if you're a kid and you get inducted into a cult, you're like, oh, well, you know that's why i never joined a frat i want to do anything on my ass for yeah yeah yeah yeah for free yeah i did and then you have to pay yeah i did the fraternity but my

room i was like if they make me do anything degrading i'm like leaving this boy you know what i mean because i'm like there's a lot of them like drink puk and i'm like if i ever had to do that i'm not doing that and i'm just leaving because you know what i mean it's like we have more fun shit where they're like here's a bottle of vodka you guys go finish in the woods here's a compass find your way back fun shit like that and i'm like that's i i don't like that's scavenger hunt kind of thing But like any shit that would have been like either gay or like that degrading out of it. Like I'm not doing this.

Well, you find it, I found out visiting colleges that it's like a necessity to be. It's almost like kind of jail in that sense. Like if you don't join a frat, no one's going to fuck you. Like the girls don't find that. Come on. You read the game. Yeah, I know. But also.

Who has the patience at that age? Yeah, I know. I did. I needed to. I would visit frats. I would visit my friends. And if I didn't say I was part of a frat because I had this ego. I'm not gay.

I'm not. that's been part of a frat. No, I was in the midst of conversation with like two girls, they're like, what are you from? Like, oh, no,

I'm just, they just walked away from me. Oh, you had a frat party probably, right? I was, but I don't, I don't know. I assumed like,

oh, I'm a cool guy because I'm here. Because it's college. Everyone's fucking. But that's my point. Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean?

We had a mixed at our school. Like, because I, my freshman year, I didn't do a fraternity until like the second. I got kicked out of, I pledged a fraternity for two weeks

and they were like, no, you're not cool enough or whatever. Really? Wow. Dude, I didn't get any.

That's like my biggest fear, too. Yeah. It's not good. It was like 20 kids that got dropped. And I remember I was like, yeah,

that's cool. And they're like, oh, like you're not like, you're handling this really well. I was like, yeah. Maybe you are cool.

Yeah. Wait, you're back in. You're back in. But I was like, it was one of those where like they like, they were like,

they kicked out like 20 kids from the pledge school. They let in 60 and kicked out like 20. I think mostly to just like show a message like And I had to join a different one I didn't really care but it was funny because I was like One dude was so crazy remember this one guy Because you'd interview the older brothers in the fraternity

You'd be like hey you know what do you You know about your life And this one guy was such a fucking douche I remember this guy was talking to me He's like yeah my motto is this is a killer Be Killed World And I'm like dude you're fucking 20 years old What are you talking about

This reality show yeah And the guy's like he makes up this whole story It's definitely not true Because he's a preppy frack guy And he's like yeah I've stuck a gun to a man's head I was like, no, you haven't. Wow, yeah.

But I, anyways, I got kicked out of that one or whatever. And then I joined a different one. Was it less cool? What's up? Was the other one, like, less cool or something? Yeah, I joined the pussy. I was like, I'm the coolest guy at this one. Who cares about it?

No, no, they're probably about like equal. Jewish frat or something. Yeah. You could join the Jewish if you weren't Jewish, which is always weird. I'm like, I understand that because technically all frats are Christian. Oh, really? But it's just weird. Jewish frats are like very Jewish oriented.

Like the Christian part of Christian fraternities are like not that oriented. But it is kind of weird to join a Jewish, you know what I mean? It's like joining like a black fraternity if you're not, you know, it's weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think you can.

But that's cool. Yeah. How was the other one that you got in? Oh, it was a blast. Yeah, yeah. I was the same fraternity as Dan Carney. And it was. Oh, really?

Yeah, we had a great time. Yeah, a lot of cool kids. But, uh, but it's like, so my, So the second half of my first semester of college, I was not in a fraternity. And you still hook up with chicks, but occasionally you'd be talking to girls and she'd be like, oh,

and then just like walk away. So it'd be the occasional thing. But I also like, I had a weird thing where I was like, I don't, maybe it's a mental thing, but I was like, I don't even want to fuck a girl that only cares about fraternities.

But I think I was probably only saying that because they weren't fucking. Oh, you had a girl that, like, you weren't in the right frat frat. They wanted to fuck it. Yeah, that was a thing too. So it's like you came and win anyway. Yeah, yeah.

There were girls who would only fuck guys from like two fraternities. That was like their little status thing. The one that didn't accept you, whatever. Was it like the mixers were probably good though. Yeah, yeah. It's a great way to meet. Like, I met my girlfriend at a fraternity.

Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah. I always going to see what those girls are at now. Like, I'm always curious. I've seen those girls like exist in frat worlds where they are like, I only fuck these groups of people. But like, that's great when you're 19.

What's 30 like for you? Some of them, the hard parties are crushing it so hard. Yeah. You always want to be like, this guy's going to be a loser. This girls had some of them are the greatest. Like there's one chick who's like, some of those girls are just IG models. And look, I don't know what that's at 30, but at 26, they're still crushing. Like, they have like more followers than me doing standup.

Yeah. And I'm sure they're making bank on only fans. I know some girl who's like in like, dude, she's got like probably almost a million followers. She was this chick from high school and she was like not cool in high school. Everybody's like, she was hot, but everybody's like, I don't want to fuck that weird girl. Oh, she's like the weird goth, hot chick or like. Not goth, but just not popular. A lot of the popular girls in high school weren't hot.

Really? You know what I mean? They were like, I don't know if you had that. I had a lot of hot girls that weren't popular and a lot of popular girls did like, like there'd be like some hot girls that weren't popular. But yeah, yeah, there'd be girls that are popular, but not hot. They're like just, they just had maybe like a big ass or big tits or they're just in that friend group. Well, they got they had tits earlier than everyone else. So they were established as the hottest.

And so they tried to carry that. But you could tell them like, wow, these like when you take it for like, of course, yeah, still fuck you. But realistically, I was like, you were kind of the actually the ugliest people. at this school. Yeah, and then the makeup at like 16, 17, even then I was like, you're not, this looks fucking bad. I got you. They tricked everyone. Did you guys go see those? Yeah,

oh yeah, Jersey Shore was popping. Yeah, Florida had the same thing where it was like, I'd be bring a girl like prom and then she just looks like Donald Trump and just looks fucking insane. Yeah, it's all kicked on and shit. But, yeah, some of those girls are crushing it. Yeah, like, there was this douchebag fraternity where like, they, by the way, they were a fraternity that they had a, like, no, there was one that had a fight club

and they'd actually have their pledge just fight each other in like the basement and they took it like way too seriously. My friend was like, one of my roommates was in the fraternity in freshman year and he said some dude took an ice chunk and smashed another dude in the face and he had to get like stitches

because they were just like, wow, that's savage. And I remember some world of talking about it. She's like, do you want to join Delta? I was like, no. She's like, why are you too scared of the hazing process? I was like, yeah, I don't want to get the shit being out.

Yeah, that doesn't sound fun. So the girls are either impressed by that. you want to stick something up your ass Yeah yeah No I don't want to do that That sounds like prison But these one dudes They started this thing

It's so fucking lame It was they try to do a reality TV show And like failed at it Oh brutal And it was the saddest thing It was just like in our college town And they were like They're trying to like a Jersey Shore thing

And it was just terrible But it's like that was the thing too Is we had like a lot of that A lot of like Guido culture Like is Miami and New Jersey But it's like there's a lot of like Crossover from that That show came out like when I was in college

and my buddy was from Jersey and like he was not a Guido at all. He was like a stoner like sublime kind of kid but like anyone would be like you're from Jersey Jersey show for four years. Yeah. It was brutal for him but yeah. I was long island

I was way more Guido than him. I didn't get it I didn't get shit. It was long what island Guido? I wasn't Guido but like I felt like that's where most Guidos came from because of the Gadi show remember the Gadi's? They had fuck they used to live in I think it was, I forgot.

Like John Gotti? John Gotti's kids, they had a reality TV show before Jersey Shore. And people used to act like them. They looked like how Pauly D. is. They were like that before, but thought they were mobsters more than trying to be DJ guys. And those were the kids that I noticed in my school would emulate and shit like that. But I was in high school at the time. Yeah, Jersey Shore didn't start it.

It was like responding to the movement that was happening. It was bubbling. Yeah. There was like that YouTube video of My New Haircut. You guys remember that? That video was so fucking funny. Yeah, that was gags. Not now, Chief.

I'm in the fucking zone. Yeah, with the pajama. We were that for Halloween freshman year. Girls were all over. It was nuts. Yeah, yeah. Cheated. It was crazy.

You cheated? It was the first time I ever cheated. That's funny to cheat it like it cost you. Yeah. That wasn't me, Joe. That was Joey. It was great. I was like, I could be, I could kill it if I was this.

But I don't know. I couldn't do it. The tape up and everything. I was like, oh, girls, like, actually like this. I did, like, a character day at school when I was, like, dress a different style. And I did that where I did, like, the spray tan. I did, like, the blowout hair. And I was, there was a part of me that was, like, this would be kind of fun.

I thought it was going to be goofy, but girls were, like, into it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I tried that, too. I was like, I had to be Italian, so I dressed up as Christopher Columbus. The ultimate weed out. I actually went the other way. I fucking, I, I hated those guys so much, and I was Italian.

I was like, I'm going the total opposite. I shaved my head. I made myself look like such a fucking idiot just out of like trying not to be associated with those people. You know? Yeah. It was too much of a sellout kind of thing. I'm also that way too where like something will be in style

and I'll purposely try not to be into it. I can't do it. But then I end up doing it anyways. Like I thought when I first saw a skinny pants, I thought it was the lamest love. I know. And for like 10 straight years, I was like,

no, I'm not going to wear it. And then you do it when it's not cool anymore. Yes, yes, starting to fade out. That would be with joggers. I thought joggers were so douchey. I'd see like fraternity guys who wear like,

like joggers, they'd be vaping. And I'm like, you fucking cool. I know. And then randomly, I was like, my girlfriend got me a parent. I tried them out. I'm like, these are pretty good. They're so convenient. They don't get wet when you walk outside.

Yeah, they're awesome. They fit nice. They look good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they go up over your shoe. I would have a sweatpants that they just like drag on the bottom of my foot. And I'm like, fuck, you know? Yeah, yeah.

But it's cool. You're like, nah, I can't do it. I agree. I'm the same way. Fuck early adopters. They get the early technology. It doesn't really work yet. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like the same kind of thing. No, yeah. I always hate somebody that's like the first of something. Yeah. But then I'm the last to it. Right. That's not,

I protested TikTok for so long. I protested even Instagram. I was like, I'm not going to Instagram. That's for chicks. And then eventually I'm like, all right, well, now that's the only one.

Now I'm spending hours of my day trying to promote my Instagram. It's something I didn't want to. I had a friend make my Instagram from me because I was like, I don't want to make that shit. He's like, you got to get on it.

I'm like, yeah, sure I guess. Yeah. And then now it's like where the whole world lives. I just kind of gone to Spotify. I'm fucking late. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, I know. I hear you. TikTok. I'm not really, I don't really do the, I don't really look through TikTok. That's why I joined some of those conservative ones. I'm not conservative.

I'm like, I want to join something to be the first to it. I was like, because my, my shit's not political. You know, I'll fuck around. I'll make fun of everybody.

And like I'll join a conservative platform because maybe it'll take off. Like rumble or the Andrew Taylor. Yeah. Yeah. But those things, they never end up because they don't have, The nerds all join the liberal ones. Like, they're the ones that know how to actually do shit.

And all that, like, I decided for true social because it was like, oh, Kodak Blacks on here. I'm like, all right, let's see what this is all about. Right. And then it ended up being, it was like, I was on a wait list for and I'm like, yeah, fuck this. I'm not going to. Yeah. I know. I thought like Rumble would be good at you.

I posted something. Yeah, it's nothing. I thought it was too much ass and get distracted. Dude, it's insane. It's so aggressive. It's like. Instagram could be like that too. Yeah.

That's next. I got to be honest. Fucking too much. My Instagram is the most weird thing Because most people Instagram explores Like asses and stuff like that Mine is like

It's just a lot of people With Down syndrome Because like they're just fun to watch Dude yeah Wow you watch That's funny I never thought to do that You watch Downscentrum video

You like people who pick up their own shit I have a theory About Forrest Gump Okay He's a slow right Yeah But he's not But he has like a lot of autistic

Abilities Right Right And like back then Everyone was like There's a lot of retards There's a lot of like Slow people

Like, I had a retarded kid in my sixth grade, you know what I mean? In your class? What? You're taking the same classes? Yeah, he was like, he was like retarded. He wasn't autistic. No, he was like in my, yeah, fuck you. He wasn't a couple of my classes.

Wait, turns out everyone was. Yeah. Hmm. But anyway, but now it's everyone's autistic. Right. Yeah. What happened to the, it's like, it's like retard 2.0. It came out.

A forest is like the crust. He was like the hybrid. He was, I think he was like getting the, he was getting the parents ready. Yeah. This is going to be, they're evolving. This is going to be the new retard. It's going to be, they're going to have powers and shit like that. They're not going to be the president.

Ex-Men. Yeah. Oh, we will for sure have an autistic president, 100%. I guarantee we. Yeah. Well, because like I had a bunch of retards. Well, I just think that we evolved. Like, we didn't know that there was different branches of, like, we just labeled kids retarded

because we just had a weird voice. No, no, you feel like they were different. He's like, you'd peg a, what's it called? You pay a dodge ball at some kid's head. And if you didn't catch it, you'd be like, ah, it's just the fucking nerd or whatever. And now you're like, oh, no, this kid's that or that. You know, because that's what it was.

It was like, they're a football. You're like, oh, I guess he's retarded because he can't catch a football. But it's not like... Isn't it making excuses for people? Yeah. I don't know. You don't think that, like, retards have changed. No.

So I think that, like, I think the thing is you, I do see less down syndrome people now than I feel like I used to. Because I feel like I used to see him all the time. I think maybe... disabled people. Well, like low, super low IQ,

you know what I mean. But, but yeah, there's always something where you don't know exactly what it is. The guy just has like some sort of,

he's mentally challenged, he's retarded, but you don't know what it is specifically. You know, like you visually, down to him, you look at him in the face.

You're like, also I love about how nobody knows exactly what to call it. Like, I was talking to somebody recently, they're like, he's mentally, uh, mentally,

uh, mentally retarded. And I was like that you went all the way to try to figure it out. He just landed up there. Yeah. Another one of my friends' dads, he goes, he goes, this guy's daughter's, he's got the thing where their faces all look the same. I was like, Down syndrome.

That's it. Asian. That's it. But he knew exactly what I was talking. I was like, yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. My dad's still the most of Mongoloids. Really? Yeah. Well, you know, that's where the whole Asian thing came.

There's always a worst slur at what? No, not Asians. Yeah. This podcast is something else, man. They're reverse Mongloids. Well, don't they Mongols? They were Mongols. No, that's where that came from.

It's like a race. Yeah, it's a racist thing. So, like... Gangus Khan fucked a lot. No, the guy who started labeling retarded people as mongloids, he literally was comparing them to people from Mongolia.

And that's where that came from. It's like the word. It's like Indians and Native Americans. Yeah. Yeah. The guy just... Wait, what? I agree to that.

I have no idea what you were saying with that. I was very confused. Yeah, you're just like labeling people the wrong thing. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, like, really, the guy saw a guy with Down syndrome and was like, you must be from Mongolia.

In person, like, no, that's my son. They're like, yeah, but somewhere down the line. They just assume their ancestors fuck somebody from Mongolian. That's why they look similar. So they thought Down syndrome kids were Asian. Yes, they thought they were Asian genes in the Down syndrome. Which is weird. They were so dumb.

But this is not adding up. We gotta do more math on this. These guys are not. But I think to your point that we don't see more down syndrome people in the, I think in the city, this culture, like they can't, I don't think it's like back when you're in a suburban area where it's a little bit more peaceful. This is too much for a kid with Down syndrome. Right. So if you had a kid

with Down syndrome, you're like, I'm getting them out of the city. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know? I think they got to have just one town. Do you imagine a full town syndrome? That would be awesome. It's like a theme park almost where everybody working there.

That'd be cool. It's like midget town. I wouldn't eat a thing in that town. There's a midget town on island, so it'll be like that. Oh, there is a midget town. What? What? Columbus?

I don't know. I don't know who started it. We looked it up. Gary Coleman? What? Well, the midget town. We looked it up. We did look it up when we did the podcast.

When we had a podcast. That one podcast. that one episode. We had a midget game show. We got a lot of it. Wow, that was a different episode. Different episode. Yeah, we try to start a podcast,

but every episode we just talked about midgets. That's the media people with Down syndrome. You guys weren't even remotely talking about it. I think I just threw it in the mix. There is a movie going out. We're really high. We're watching the trailer for like the other movies that are coming out. And there was one where Woody Harrelson...

It's so funny that you ever see a commercial for a movie? You're like, I already know what this full movie is. It's Woody Harrelson's like a basketball coach. and he gets a DUI. So he gets to, instead of working for the pro team, now he has to teach the Special Olympics basketball team. Oh, that's great. But I'm like, I know across the board what this movie is.

Like, he's going to work with the kids. He's going to be like, you know, kind of like off brand at first. Yeah. Then he's going to get an offer to play with like the actual team. They're going to want you back. And they're going to go, he's going to go, I don't want to. And his coach friend is going to be like, you want to work with these retards. He's going to go, you don't call him that.

There's a whole scene where he yells at him and goes, Yeah. They have more heart than you'll ever have. Right. And this is my friend. Yeah, these are my friends. They won't have more brain. Yeah.

But it's not a comedy, obviously. No, I think it's not like that Johnny Knoxville. By the way, I'll see it. But I'm like, I already know what it's going to be. It's going to be one of those heartfelt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is amazing, by the way. I can't help recognize it.

Like, you get three guys with microphones, black people, retards. Yeah. And fucking pussy is the only thing we'll talk about. Yeah. No one you keep asking me to be on because I'm the only one willing to throw yourself. Yeah. willingly, though, you're like, yeah, Asians are like, whoa, Joe, I don't...

That's all I got. I'm not clever. Luckily, I think my listeners, because I have the bone on the front, people be like, yeah, we're not taking anything you say seriously. Because I always worry about it. And they're like, no, we know you're just trying to be silly for like an hour and you're going to say... Oh, I was being serious. I haven't made a joke this whole entire time.

I was like, finally. We have to be open. Jokes now, yeah. That's funny. Yeah, I mean, like, well, if you're, if you're, this is how you are now, you're not going to start attracting... people that aren't going to get it. For sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And also, everybody has, like, fucked up thoughts, but that doesn't mean that's what you believe. You know what I mean? Like, just because you, like, think something in one moment.

That doesn't mean you... Yeah, I'm making it weird, but... Yeah. By the way, this is just me trying to defend what I've said for the last hour. I know. Yeah. Yeah.

That's fun. Yeah, just throwing it out. Because I, as long as I mentioned is because earlier you were saying, like, uh, your girlfriend would say to you, like, uh, you know, like, my, my family follows you.

And I'm like, God, let it go. Who cares? But now I'm like, oh, I get Yeah, yeah, I get why you don't want this. That's funny. That's great. They must be cool. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, yeah, I mean, you're just literally putting like, and now my dad listens to every single episode. No shit. So he's heard ones where I'm literally talking about jerking off for like 15

straight minutes. Nice. And then he always comment on something else the episode, but I'll be like, I remember what I talked about at the beginning of the episode. So you've heard this whole thing. That's hilarious. That's great. You've got a big comedy fan too? I don't know. So he like, in general, he likes stand-up. but he's not he was never like deep and he never really showed me stand-up I well I found stand-up of my own like I'd watch the comedy central half hours just on TV yeah I was like oh I was like I didn't like when I first saw Seinfeld I was like dude this guy sucks like I hated

Seinfeld I was like I don't want to hear some guy in a suit be a nerd talking about airplane food yeah yeah and I saw Nick Swartson with a t-shirt talking about diarrhea oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he really enough also I think dain cook got me into stand-up like I know like everybody shit's oh yeah yeah it was like my buddy I was at a wakeboarding camp because that's what you're doing in Florida. Yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah. And the dude like on... Which one's that? With like the sale? No, it's like you put you strap into your feet. Oh shit. That's cool. Okay. Yeah. What was it called? What was the name of the camp?

I don't remember. Sick. Seas. Yeah. And those guys, I was like, these are the coolest guys I've seen in my life. Because like, I was never good at football. So I'd see some guy with like long hair and sunglasses on on like a boat like doing cool shit. I'm like, that's the man right. Yeah. Yeah. I was never like football's not cool. I got to football too, but I was like, this guy's cool, and I could do this because I, you know. Right. But he played Dane Cook on a, first I heard Dane Cook was on a boat. It was like through his speakers there. I was like, this guy is awesome. Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Wayboarding camp was sick, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, how old were you when you went to weightboarding camp?

Uh, waitboarding or wakeboard? Wakeboarding. Like, the wake is like the, uh, the water, you know, the water makes a V behind a boat. And it goes, wapa. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, I did that when I was like, uh, I did her like competitions and stuff like I was so bad at it, too. Oh, no shit. Like, I could get up and stuff. So, like, it was, like, impressive for, like, family friends and be like, you could do the wakeboard.

But in my head, I was like, I'm going to be pro. Did you water ski? Not real. Yeah, a little bit. That's like, nerdy compared to wakeboarding. I thought so. I always thought, same thing with, like, I thought snowboarding was cool. Snowboarding school and skiing.

Yeah, yeah. But, um. True that. Yeah, no, I went to the camp for a little bit. And then I would enter competitions and stuff like that. Because, like, I knew people that were, like, I had kids in high school that I was friends with, they were like pro wakeboarders. And like,

if you win a competition, you win a full boat. No shit. There was kids that were like, yeah, I have a lot of friends that are like professional wakeboarders,

professional surfers, shit like that. You just retire. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you always end up doing something else. Like you end up getting into like construction

or something like that. But, uh, yeah, it's still like a sick. I mean, to be in high school, dude, there was kids that like had their own house

and they were wakeboarders. Fucking, that's epic, yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. And chicks of a fuck it would be called like wakeheads. they were like, yeah, these dudes had this like house.

They had a boat and jet skis. And people would go over there and just do drugs and shit. You'd roofy a wakehead. Yeah. He wouldn't need to. But why would you roofie them? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I thought it was a play on words, wake.

Oh, because they'd go to sleep. Oh, I get what you're saying. Even my puns are too edgy. Yeah. Cosby can never fuck a wakehead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't cancel for a pun. We were both confused.

I was like, wait a minute. That's for a fun. Yeah, that's fun. No, that, as a high school or having your own place, that's got to be a fucking... Oh, he's insane, dude. He got to be a champ.

And these guys, I remember this one guy, I was friends with... He did, like... He was telling me, he's like, yeah, dude, last night, I, like, did a bunch of molly, a bunch of acid, and then I just ruled the jet ski

for hours on the lake. I'm like, that is the coolest. And he's like, and he's like, he's there any more peaking in life than, like, being on acid on it. Dude, he's like,

I just felt like I was going through a color vortex. Now, by the way, that could have got either way. He could have got into a dock. He just died. It could have been a terrible end. It's like 10 miles out.

Yeah, but what an epic way to fucking live your life. That's crazy. Yeah. Probably just parked. He's just like, bro. Yeah.

It's like on a trailer hitching. It's like, not even moving. He's like, it was insane. No, but see, I'm grateful my life

never got that good when I was young because I would strive for nothing. Dude, that is, that is my life. I've talked about it before. It's like,

you, yeah, It's, what happens is like, also like, my high school was so much fucking fun. Like, I for sure peaked in high school. I mean, college was fun, too, but I'm like, life has just been fucking. Oh, really? I'm not like that depressed, but there are some days that I'm like, damn, dude. I love to be just fucked up on a boat right now.

Yeah, for sure. I haven't been on vacation like eight years, but it was, I was like, oh, this is the way you live. Jamaica, you know what I mean? Like, they get it. I don't care. Be poor. Who cares? You're on the beach.

I never went on vacation as a kid. I never had money to do. anything. I can never get really fucked up. I didn't I was just like smoked cigarettes, went to the woods. So you don't know. I never went to college. I never, my life sucked all the way up. You should have to getting good now, right? It's been going excellent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're loving it.

That's what I'm saying. But I think about those people back then, if like, if that was me, if I had those moments or everything was just crushing it for me, I'd be the biggest loser right now. For sure. You're talking to him. It's so funny because it's like, my parents had money. So it was like, my childhood was awesome, dude. I would like, me and friends would do drugs and go to the country club. It would be the most fun shit ever. Wow. Now you're sitting in a lawn chair in your living room. Yeah. I don't have a couch in my apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how much I really like

comedy. Yeah, I gave up that life to do stand-up. Yeah, you kind of did, right? Because you could be there still. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I don't know what would. I always wonder how I would probably like work for my dad, but I think I would just disappoint him constantly. Like, yeah, I'd be working for me. He'd be like, you're right. You try to be nice about it, but I'm like, there's no way I would contribute anything to his business. Yeah. What's the business? He works in real estate. Oh, okay.

Yeah. And by way, my parents aren't like loaded, loaded. I thought they were loaded and I moved to New York and I realized like what money is here compared to where I was from. I was like, oh, my parents were like average. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. Because the rich people here are like insane.

Like the rich people here, I'm like, oh, it's really insane. It's evil money out here. It's different when you have money in like a suburban area. You just like you're well off. For sure. Over here, they do, they just like deals, you know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's funny too, because I'll have people that, like, live in, like, New York in, like, an apartment and they'll move to Florida and get a house.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. As long as you're not in, like, Miami, it's like, you could live, if you were, you could have a house as like a CVS worker here. Like, it's like, I don't, I don't know why some people would choose to live in Manhattan. I know. And they should on Florida. They're jealous. Yeah, yeah. But I'm like, I don't know why you choose to live in Manhattan if you live so, if you, if you're not doing something. Oh, for sure. Creative. Or something where you need to be here. It's like, well, I hear that in Florida, like, the amenities is what, like, like, like, like, the prices is out of control for when it comes to even New York or real estate and everything else is a lot of money out there like grocery shopping and shit like that all that stuff,

extra stuff is what really prices at people out. That's what I've heard about. Really? So you're saying because groceries are more expensive there? Groceries are more expensive there. Look those Hawaii. The cost of living, even though real estate is down, is what's jacked up in other states. That's what I've heard.

Yeah, I don't know that's. I mean, maybe like Miami, but like I go back to Florida and I go out for food and it's just way cheaper. really. So like a lot of shit. Yeah. It depends to the parts. Like Miami is probably equal with what are beer is like three bucks. Yeah, dude. When I go to bars, I spend no money there. And I think I think that's another reason why to stop.

Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. Oh yeah. New York, it's going out here is the most expensive shit on the planet. Yeah. It's like I've never gone out in New York. It's spent like less than $100. Like ever going out. Sober, I still do that walking, just walking around grabbing food every now and then. Yeah, it's insane. Snack or whatever. I'm fucked. Yeah. It's nuts. Yeah, I think they, people hear shit on Florida.

It seems way more fun. Yeah. Well, it just, it sucks in some ways and it doesn't suck in other ways. Yeah. It's also like, I think the thing with Florida is like there's so much, nothing going on and that sucks the same way New York is like,

you know what I mean? It's like, New York, it's like all concentrated fun compared to like Florida. It's like you got to go to like Miami or Jacksonville or something like that. I know. You ever leave New York and he's too much here and then you like go to the start and you're like, oh, this is boring.

And it's like you can't win. Yeah. Yeah. But the one thing I do. do think that, I mean, the weather is just kind of what rules

about Florida. Like just being, yeah. Oh, yeah, no. Yeah, but we're also, we're about to wrap up.

What do you guys want to promote anything? At Nick Tilelli, N-I-C-T-I-L-E-L-E-L-I on social media. That's really it. I don't think I want to because of what I said.

At Joe Mahoney comedy. I can live with it. Yeah, at Joe Mahoney comedy. That's my Instagram. Perfect. And we're going to cut all this stuff out

and just keep the racist stuff. we all said. I'm not going to cut real. I'm just cut after four minutes. I'm just releasing us being like, yeah, what time a black guy has

from birth directions? And I said, I don't have any money. So, yeah.