Morning Good - The DMT Realm Ain't For You - Episode 154

Episode Date: February 5, 2023

Christophe Jean and Michael Almanzar join the show for today's episode. They talk about the new Chris Hansen show, expatriating to China, and unfaithful Dominican uncles.Thanks to Mike for joining the show for the first time and also to Christophe for coming back on and being a great guest as always. Check both of these fellow Floridians in NYC at their links below for more funny stuff.Mike is on Instagram @mkealmanzarcomedy and Christophe is on Instagram @chrisjeanofficial. Make sure also to check out his official Snapchat series called “One Question”.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love Dirty Mike and the Boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. It keeps to give you a boner, too. They also have like a separate product. What about Hymns? By the way, we're here with Christop. Oh, I'm retarded. And Michael Alamazar.

Yeah, what's up? Chris, John, welcome to the Michael Good Morning Good podcast. I'm here with my boy, as always. My mom and Zahar. Yeah, I'm here with my boy, Chris. I'm a boy, Michael. Yeah, I'm also a boy. I love myself.

There's a couple boys. Yeah, dude. Me and Mike are way back, dude. Me and Mike go way back, bro. I think we've almost been friends for a decade almost, right? Wait, you guys. Are you from Tampa? Six or seven years.

No, no, no, no, not Tampa. Orlando. Okay, yeah. Six or seven years. Because I met you when I was like, probably, 20, like, I was probably 20 or 21. Yeah, same. Yeah. Yeah. Where are you from originally? I grew up

in Naples. Oh, shit. Yeah, we're all Florida guys. Yeah. Was it, was it all old people in Naples? Because every time I've gone to what's been, my grandpa, like, runs a bar there. Not anymore. Yeah. But he's still alive. Is he dead? No, no, he's still alive for a little bit longer. But the bar

just got wrecked by, there was some sort of hurricane. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of them, but I'm like which one? I can't even remember how recent it was. Yeah, no, it was, what was the name that one. Not Irma. It was the one after Irma that got named after Irma. Whatever the most recent one was. The recent one, that fucked up a lot of South West Florida. It's like underwater and shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. South of Tampa, it's like over. It's all Lambos just being pushed down the street by water. Golf carts. Yeah. I mean, those are probably the worst and best people to get hit by a hurricane. Oh, old people? 100%. One, it's like they're old, they have disposable income.

They can prepare for it. I pictures of the apartment flooding and then just float it, but like the smallest amount of water in this stinks, Matt. They're so feeble. Like, literally like an inch of water can kill all of them. Yeah, they drown because they can't

turn themselves over. They're drowned in two inches of water. Yeah, like a glass of water that spilled on the floor and kill an old person. So, like, the only people who survive, they have oxygen going in their nose. Dude, that would be sick. They just look like the Navy Seal

when you see them like, with just their heads slightly above the water. They're like, thank God, Gladys is emphysema. was she was. Yeah, dude. But also, it's like if they die, they only had what two years left anyway. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. For sure. Like they had the least amount of time to live. And it's like they're rich old people. What are they going to do? Golf more? What do you got to? What's see your grandkids? Fuck you. Yeah. I would like to hear an old person admit I want to die. Because like a lot of them probably do, right? But they don't, there's sad when you get that. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's sad. They're like, I'm ready for God to take me. Oh, my grandpa. Sort of kind of said that He was like Last time I saw him Yeah And then he died after that Yeah He was I was fucking around

Like grandma You look good as fuck dude And he's like I'm almost done with this world Yeah Dude shut up We're on vacation I was

I didn't say I was like Grand Papi Expectation Yeah We're We're We're

Being got this fuck at the beach dog I got a margarita I got a damn paloma I think I was like holding some whiskey What is an embaloma? What's the embaloma? A paloma. I don't know A paloma is like

It's a great fruit I genuinely thought you were making up with us A pluma plate Alolores I got a lot of hotepa Oh Pocopo machu Pitchu

No it's fucking it's grapefruit and tequila it's grapefruit I think it's

grapefruit juice grapefood soda like ting if you ever have Ting or squirt It's called squirt In America it's called squirt It's delicious

Squirt I think Squirt is one of those It's like a glass bottle I always see those Those are the Joritos Haritos Haritos yeah

Joritos Joritos Jarritos Can I get a Casadillo Jarritos? I'll take the tamarindo. Look at those sizzling vaginas.

You fucking idiot. But it was a lot of old people? Yeah. It was not as many as you'd think. Were you the only Dominicans? No, actually, dude, we were weirdly as fuck. We had like a Dominican cultural club. It was like five families.

Oh, really? And we'd go to the park sometimes and just be annoying. You guys are pretty good at that. It's just grumpy white, dude Like, they're so fucking laugh Yeah, yeah Baseball, and my ears hurt. How's that possible?

Yeah, dude, it's all just boom boxes And stick ball. I love the old guys, they don't have like a boombox With a fucking, what do you call it? What a record player? Dude, what do are Dominicans do? What are they up to? What are they up to?

Cheat on their wives One. They cut heads up chickens with machetes. They do. They plantanos. A lot of plantains. It's whatever Puerto Ricans do, but better. What do they do, Puerto Ricans?

Whatever Mexicans do. But worse. Yeah, I mean, Dominicans, they share an island with Haiti. Yeah, we do. But they're not nearly as black. There's more sun on the other side of the aisle. Every Haitian is black. Like one out of three Dominicans are black

I met a white Haitian once To freak me out dude And I was like what are you And he's like no For real I'm a zo And I was like what? It was weird He was saying I'm a zo

So he's a South Florida guy I don't know something like that I forget it was Yeah yeah But he was like he was like Sapole Bulipola palapaloo He was saying some

I'd like to apologize Some Haitian terminology Yeah Yeah But he was like Yeah I'm just born and raised I was one of the French people that stayed in they didn't murder my family.

And he didn't mix in. And he didn't, yeah, no one was fucking with that white penis. Yeah, I mean, he'd have to go like three, four generations of only... Because if you're in a sea of big black cops. He's like, I'm gonna stay in Haiti.

Yeah, who's fucking the white family in Haiti? Yeah. No, thank you. Yeah, that's crazy. Can you imagine staying in Haiti as a white guy? And then you're like, well, I don't like black ones. Yeah.

Fuck my cousin, I guess. I'm just gonna fuck my cousin, Margo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How do they sustain whiteness in hate? That's crazy.

I mean, that's more impressive. It's probably on the line. Yeah. Like, I believe, you know, like, that's really racist. That they're the only white people in Haiti, and they still found a way to fuck other people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They probably had a... He sends his come to, like, America. He's a Russian mail-order bride. Yeah, yeah. Flyer in. She's like, oh, good, I'm in fucking Haiti. That was so good. Imagine if you got bought online by a white guy and you're in Haiti.

Oh. What the fuck! This is worse in Siberian! This is just hot Russia This is trash I love Haitians I love the hate I love the people I've been there though

Worst place People great place horrible Yeah yeah It's my whole point Yeah yeah it's not a great And just a hurricane's wrecking it Talk about hurricanes earthquakes Because I heard it was the deforestation

Right so when a hurricane passes through It's gonna create mudslides and shit Yeah There's no roots holding this shit That's a slur Haitians cutting down all the trees Yeah, dude, that's who you never mind, go ahead I'm not gonna make new slurs

I am not making new slurs I was on the database I never heard this Calling white people who think they're black Afro-Saxons Afro-Saxons Whatever happened to wiggers Yeah, that's the word

It feels so weird I cringe every time I hear it Yeah, Afro Saxons Sounds like the guy who's too afraid to say Yeah, you mean you right now? It sounds bad, it sounds bad. I can't do it on a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because what if somebody switches the W in the end?

Yeah, what if they had that? What if I switched the W? Mike's in my peripheral vision. I just don't slip. Freud slip? Anglo Saxon is the original one, right? Yeah, AngloSat. I never heard this one in bleach boys for white people.

Dude, every white slur sucks. I'm sorry. I just know snow roaches. Trash. That's totally, I love snow roaches. Snowroaches is bad. I'm just saying like they're the none of them, you know what I mean?

They're trying to go for an impossible standard. For sure. You know what it is also? But they're funny. But they're funny. I think it's funny when you combine two things. I guess Snowroaches isn't bad. But will catch on?

No, no, none of them will catch on. They're too funny. They're like, Whiteslars are like urban dictionary sex things. Yes, exactly. Yes. Nobody's going to use them. No one's doing them in real life.

But we're all going to kick him. Who's mung diving? Why would you even write this? Oh yeah. You're fucking, yeah, you're doing the, you know, the Tibetan dick slam. No one's doing that. No one's doing that. It's just a funny thing to put online.

Oh, mayonnaise monkey. I'm like, it's 17. I've already hit you with my car by the time you get that. It was funny. The website I saw this all, though, because the website, it's at the racial slur database, and it looked so professional. Like, it looked like a Webster's dictionary. Like, the font, they put so much time into. It's just an open micer. It's just an open micer's pet project. Damn, but we're down to the.

disease. Yeah, you fucking zilloh heads. That's for real estate agents. You zool-ziger. That would be a funny thing to show a job that you're like, like, oh, I can create websites. Yeah, I'm proficient in C++ and Java.

Yeah. Did you already check the time? I know. My girlfriend texted me. I'm sorry. Oh, okay, my bad. I'm like, damn, this one's been going on a minute. This is going on a minute.

This has been a long. 40s. No, where can we go from here? Oh, we're all this slurs thing. I found the funniest thing. I saw an article. It was titled, Are the DMT entities racist?

Oh, I saw that. It's on Reddit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, they called me the N-WRourg. This guy went into a DMD trip, but like the elves,

like, turn around and like, look at him, another beep. Holy shit. Yeah, well, maybe, you know, they shouldn't go. The DMT room, what were you? Yeah,

Unless you're smoking Why don't you go back the way you can? 10,000 years of slave. They say it's crack, buddy. I know you're smoking it out of a crack pipe. Well, that ain't crack. Yeah, dude. Maybe they are racist.

I don't know. Have you smoked DMT before? No, I want to, but I was really like, I was thinking about it because I've, I was listening to a weird, I was listening to a podcast and they're like, you know, we could all just die one day. And randomly, you hear that every day, but you don't think about it, but randomly you're like,

No, really, we can't. Like, randomly you have a realization. Like, we could die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, I was like, I think when I'm like 30, I want to make sure I don't have like any serious mental illness and then do it. True. And you want to activate something.

I know, I know. I think it's probably just my OCD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, I would want to do it because. What, you have ADHD? Yeah. All that. Yeah, you're going to go to the DMT elves and be like, what did they say?

Yeah. I was dating with something way cooler. That would be so annoying. Like just being really insecure in the DMT realm field. Yeah. The elves don't like either. Like he's fucking nerd. This guy's gay.

Yeah. I think I've had like not, I don't know, dude. I felt like, um... You did it? Yeah, I've done it a bunch of times. Oh, shit. But one time I did it and I didn't do that much of it, but I felt like this voice that wasn't my voice talking to me.

And it did make me kind of feel bad. It was like literally, it was going, it was going, what are you doing? I'm smoking drugs. That's your fucking... I'm like, I'm looking for answers. They're like, you're not going to do that by smoking drugs. I like that idea. A DMT who's like basically like a football coach in high school.

He's like, what you doing, boys? Smoking a rapers in there? You're doing fucking drugs? It was very like... Cut it out. Yeah, dude, it was very just like a guy going like, what did you see visually? What is your problem?

It was just like kind of like, like, like, pixelated red and blue patterns. You know, because I didn't smoke that much. Right. When that happened. But I heard like a distant voice that was not my own going like, what are you doing here? I was like, I'm like trying to figure out who I am. And they're like, my fucking smoking DMT? What was your dad talking to you?

He thought it was what I was like, la, la, wah, blah. You guys get on drug, shout out of abortion. I did one time take acid and I was, I took acid alone in high school. And I was just being like doing like, yeah. you know, a field trip into my backyard. Yeah. Like two in the morning and I'm like, you know, just doing my thing in the backyard.

And I stepped in dog shit. And my dad comes outside because he smokes pot. And sometimes he likes to go out on the porch and smoke pot in the middle of the night when he can't sleep. So he comes out and he's smoking pot. And I'm like, you know, I'm on like a head full of acid. And I just stepped in dog shit. And my dad goes, uh, what are you doing out there?

I'm like, oh, I'm just hanging out of here. I go, stepped in dog shit. And then my dad goes, uh, How do you know where it ends and you begin? Oh my God. That's fucking evil. And I was on acid. I was like,

but then the next morning I go, oh, he was saying I'm made out of dog shit. Yeah. With your head, you're like, what does it mean? But he had to say it

in such like a psychedelic riddle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, how do you know where it ends and you begin? But, but he didn't know. He had no idea. That's funny.

He had no idea I was on acid. I've never had, like a really mind-blowing thought. Like most of them are like... Probably ever. Just at any point of my life. Yeah, I've never had a real deep thought before. Sand out 24-7.

I have a buddy who used to do that. He would take acid and I was like, don't you get anxious and stuff? He's like, no, I just do a bunch of Xanax. He's like, dude. He's like, I'm not going to let them teach me shit. I've done that once. And like, well, I did a bunch of acid.

And I couldn't sleep, so I took some Xanax. Yeah. And then I'm still seeing. all these crazy patterns, but I'm high on Zan-S. And I just don't care. And I was like, I'm on like, level 18 sector 9 pleasure town. Like, it's no fucking sense.

I'm watching porn. I'm on acid. I'm on Zana. I'm like, and I came, and I was like, this is, I was like an 18. I was like, this is the greatest night of my life. I loved it.

I was like, this is awesome. Yeah, because I've heard the Zanax, I've taken, it cancels it. Yeah, I've heard, I've taken X at the very end of an acid trip. I've only on acid once, but I've only on acid once, but I've never taken it during. But it's a totally cancel or you just care less? You just have like, it kind of mutes that like psychedelic thought pattern, I think is what I've heard, where you're like, where am I? But my son is the, is the growth of the trees within my soul. Like, and you take on

Xanax and you're just seeing crazy patterns and you're like, whoa, you know, like, it's just kind of high on Xanax. Well, that's kind of like if you smoke a bunch of pot, I always have that where I smoke pot and then I'll grab a beer. Yeah. And then it kind of levels out the pot of it. Like, it makes you less high. Yes, it neutralizes it. Besides, it said the opposite. Because if you drink and smoke pot, then you're like, that always makes me nauseous.

Yeah, people puke on that. Yeah, but it's weird. If you do the other way around, you're fine. I used to always do that. I never had any puking issues. You'd smoke. If I take a bong rip after like eight beers, I get so dizzy. Yeah, everyone throws up and they get dizzy.

I remember my buddy, he did that, and he just went pale. Yeah, like, as soon as he hit the weed, his whole body just went like, it went white. And he was like, too. Very scary. I said, Jerome! And he was like,

pleasure meeting you. He goes over to his mom, like, have you been smoking pot? Mother, I'd never do such a man. Tirol, get your white ass back in the house. Smoking that damn white boy, reaper. Spank the white off of you.

Make you black again. Why have you invested in a... Instead of walking in a street line, she'd like, dance for me. He's dance for me. That's... I know you're high. Dance.

No rhythm. Through the robot. Dude, that's sick as hell. Dude, what if we'll pot turn black people what? I'm investing in it right now. Yeah, then the CIA wouldn't have a problem with it. Then Nixon would be all for it. These are good points.

Think about it, man. War on drugs. I'll occasionally do that. Just get revved up about the war on drugs. None of it matters. I'll be listening. Dude, man, they fucking, they're fucking, they're trying to get us to brainwash us, man.

Yeah. What am I? What? Not anymore. Yeah. Like, they, in the 80s, dude. Oh, for sure. The 80s, they were like, oh, is that like a grain of crack?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to, you're going to prison. Forever. You're in prison for the rest of your life, buddy, with the rest of your black friends. You're making a license place with the rest of them. I thought I was fucking. It was gravel.

I'm a mason. A free mason. No, he was a slave mason. That's also on the T-shirt, free mason. That's a black guy who doesn't know what the free mason are. He thinks it's just... He thinks it's the freest friend, Mason. Free my dog mason.

You know, free mason, bro. You got caught with a brick, free mason. We're joking about it about getting a free tait shirt, like a free-hand-dirt, yeah, dude. What do you do wrong besides put, you know, traffic of several women? Oh, I just went up my way, on microphone, explain this. I have no idea what trafficking is. I've been saying it wrong for like 40 episodes.

Can you imagine sex trafficking? I thought it was moving prostitutes over like a state line. I think it has something to do against their will. is, I believe. Yeah, but it's like, I didn't realize because, like, I think I've defended sex traffickers unintentionally on there. And I'm like, actually, it's not that,

no, it is really bad. There's room in the trunk. Yeah. What was your point? I thought that sex trafficking meant transporting prostitutes from one state line to the other. And I thought that human, like,

kidnapping stuff got mixed into that. So I thought, I was like, look, if somebody's just driving there, I thought if you literally were like driving a truck with prostitutes, because I'm like, I'm like, we all get trucks to go to prostitutes. I was the idea.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I thought that the against their will was just getting brought into it. The umbrella term of- It is kidnapping. It's like a form of kidnapping. Right, right. No, now that I know what it is, it's terrible and you should never do it. I was out here. I was, I've been sitting on a dumb joke while you're talking.

I was like, is they've never been stuck in sex traffic? It's like, please whores from the world. Stop rubbernecking, you sluts. That's when you get roadhead in gridlock traffic. Everyone's getting head But yeah I thought But now it makes sense

I thought for a while Because like there was like There was some like cop who got in trouble for like It's just like Yeah but it was like he went to it It says it was weird Because the title was cop involved in sex trafficking Yeah

Operation and I was like Ooh and then I looked and it was like The man solicited a prostitute And brought her like a white clause And I was like Well That doesn't sound that bad I was like he was 12

Yeah yeah no no She was she was 18. She was like, this is weird. Yeah. But it was like, she was,

like, I guess she was, sometimes you could fuck prostitues, and they are, you don't know that necessarily. Yeah,

but if you're also with the cops, then you probably know. You're like, you're like, yeah, this is the house where we know guys

can have a man. I'm just going to go to have sex or process. Yeah, there are just a 28-year-old Romanians in there. I don't know.

It's just like a thing they do, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Flop house vibe. It's got like a sorority, really. why they choose to live that way.

It's strange. And they have one guy who's kind of, I guess, the man of the house or something. Yeah. They're manager. Like in a jip-way? Yeah, if you pay him, you get to fuck them. That's not a prostitution. I'm paying a guy and a fuck a lady. Yeah, I'm paying a lady. If he sucked my dick, then that's

wrong. That's gay. The money's changing hands. It's fine. It's the economy. It's pussy laundering. I'm a pussy laundering You laundered the pussy but it still stinks What the fuck What's the deal?

Lundering money What is it smelly money? Why is still covered in blood? What is it Indian money? What the hell? Money, dude yeah I love the Indian American community I think the Indian American

community With a regular Indian community India can fuck up The Indians who made it over Those are the cool ones They're the cool guys You know chicken teakamasala's like not really Indian It was like made in the 70s

Oh really? I mean General So's chicken Yeah, it's kind of like that Yeah, I mean sesame chicken I don't think they're munching on that In fucking You know Beijing Yeah, no probably not

I'm trying to think of a Chinese city I fucking couldn't This is one of those things where like Some guy Yeah but that's kind of like its own thing too Every time I say Hong Kong I think it's in Japan Yeah

But I know it's in China, but I'm like Hong Kong And I kind of wait for people to be like That's Chinese I mean that sounds Chinese I mean that sounds Chinese I'm like every time someone says Hong Kong I'm like you're a discos saying Ching Chong That is almost a slur

Yeah it's very close Yeah Japanese more eyes and z's right I think Japanese is like always just kind of like Owa or like longer like oh sounds like Yoto Tokyo You know Right It's more like that whereas

Tiziki sounds Japanese Tiziki. Tziki sounds... It's Greek, right? Yeah, but it sounds Japanese. Tzzii. Now I can't even... Now it's one of those words

that's not even a real word anymore. Zizki. If I said my name is Jimmy Taziki, you'd be like, that's a Japanese man. What's your real name, Jim? You don't have to fuck around. I don't have to fuck around.

You guys are talking about... It reminded me of... I watched... I just started watching, totally unrelated, but it was just like 10 conversations ago. Yeah. But Chris Hanson's new show.

Oh, yeah, he is a little. Take down. By the way, I had to subscribe to like a cop website, basically. It's called True Blue. Yeah. Which is where they have all of the cop shows. And I forgot how much of a fucking dick Chris Hanson is.

He's so mean to those pedophiles. He's so mean. It's like, it's like there's this one guy who like, I mean, obviously, do not fuck it. It's a terrible thing to do. How do they even get it in? It sounds like a lot of work. I'm just saying. He sounds like a lot of work.

These pedophiles. How do they even do it? But, but, but he's, This guy who's like, he's like this like, it's never a rich guy. It's always like the fattest loser on that show. Yeah. They're fat poor people who are just living a horrible life.

And the guy's like... And all he wants is a little bit of kid pussy. To get him through his trucking shift. He's been trucking across America for weeks. It's not me. It's the man. The one thing he's looking forward to. And you take that from him, Chris?

That, that... There's no bigger disappointment in somebody's life than that. Like, imagine if you pair of, paralleled that to you going to think you're going to get late and then the job show up. Like, legally, like, you're so excited. Like, for Mike the same. Yeah, another changes for you.

Right, that we're going on? Yeah. You know, you're throwing out to like 70s rock because these guys fuck it. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. I'm not weird. It's cool. He blows his paycheck on Mike's hard lemonade. He's like, fuck, I spent the last 20 on this

12 pack of Mike's hard, but it'll be worth it. Yeah, it'll be worth it. Instead of, like, a bouquet of flowers and chocolates, it's just like a bunch of just gummy bears. It's a bunch of Nintendo S games. Yeah, sorry, no, he's a dickhead, though. Yeah, the guy shows up.

Not to be sympathetic to pedophiles, but we're kind of being sympathetic to pedophiles. Because you have to be, you have to have such a horrible life, besides like Epstein, but like, yeah, you have to have such a horrible life to get to the point where you're doing something that horrible. It's like, all those people are horrible people.

Yeah. But the guy's, like, handcuffed in the bedroom. And he's like, so what's going on, huh? Are you married? He's like, no, my wife died last year. And I've been so lonely. And Chris Hansen's like, Chris Hansen goes, yeah, I understand that. I'm sorry for your life, but still.

He's just like, but still, come on. It's like, obviously we know you should never be a pet, but it's just funny that it's like, is Chris Hansen just talking to the guy. But it's funny for him to be like, I'm not a pedophile. I'm grieving. Yeah. Yeah. The key to immortality is kid pussy.

so I'm like, you do black magic. Yeah, my wife needed a kid's pussy transplant. Feel closer in spirit. If she had a 12-year-old boy's asshole, she'd still be alive. Kind of do black magic with his butt. Yeah, I'm a witch doctor. I need to drink his piss to bring her bed. Yeah, sorry, what are you saying?

I just love that connection. Well, it's what I do because every episode, knows he says they're 15, which is disgusting, but they should be luring in people that are trying to fuck 8 year old. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like they should get the worst. That's scarier. I mean, they should get all of them off. Even a stupid pedophile would be like, this 8 year old's eloquent, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Eight year old is typing a lot. We did a, in a 15 year olds level. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They know, no kids so hell. They're like, I know, mm-mm. We talked about fun. Yeah, they're just talking about literature.

He's like, ah, you don't rerum me or Juliet until sophomore year. I know that. Well, shit. This kid does not know. Yeah, you don't see all the pedophiles that like figure it out and they're like, no.

Yeah, I want how many they go. Good try. Yeah. I know a child when I talk about it. All the biggest pedophiles won't fall for it. So you're really only getting the worst of the worst.

Yeah, yeah. The people who were like, you can try it one time. Yeah, the guys you don't even get laid anyway. Yeah. You know they walk out of like the cop's office after that full episode. They see another pedophile.

He's like, oh, man, it's your first rode? He's like, you have no idea what you're doing, pal. It's like shifting in and out of the house. It's like catch your lease. He let them back out there to get better at being a better episode. I was thinking they should do like a couple months down the road. Like, you know how like, uh, what's that you, Dr. Phil?

Yeah, yeah, where he zooms in. He's like, I'm doing great. Yeah, yeah. Stop fucking kids. That's phenomenal. Yeah, for now. I'm just masturbating to get my little pony again. Baby steps.

Cute little baby steps. Oh god, I'm relapsing. It's like a vape version of pedophila. I'm just stuck it in the pacifier. What's the, yeah, what's the, what's that fake heroin? Methadone. Yeah, yeah. Methadone for pedophiles.

Snorting just baby powder. Yeah, yeah. It's what the thing on it would be. It would be like that. I guess it would be like 18 year olds, I guess. Yeah, probably would just be porn. That's like basically that. I mean, you watch porn, you're like, schoolgirl.

Like, it's normal. You're like, yeah, it's that, and that's her dad. Yeah, like, that's fine. But also, for them, though, that's like when somebody sees a Marvel movie and they fuck up the character. Like, those guys gotta be so furious when they're like, no, it's not what they act. Oh, my God. Yeah, she would not talk like that. How was she driving?

Everyone knows her backstory. She can't say her R's right. I wonder how bad it gets with, like, blur, the line porn. Like, is there like school girl porn why she like her has to be.

But I don't know that's... Like Japanese stuff it's not that hard. Yeah, all of it. But you watch like Japanese milk porn. They're still got the high pitch

voice and that throws me off. Like, what are you? That one, you have to watch the sound off. And then the male voice goes so much deeper. It's like opposites. Yeah, they're like Dragon Balls. You care.

Yeah. God just have sex with you. Yeah. I like that idea is them animated the voices. They dub it. But Miss, you are my teacher. I'd still like to have sex. I'm not the first one to say it.

It is still bizarre, though. They blur the vaginas, but then still will show eels. And buttholes. They'll show buttholes. They show butthole. It's weird. Because you've always had a Japanese game show where they took a porta-potty, and it had like an alarm.

And randomly while people were shitting, it would boost up. in the whole world. Oh, yeah, yeah. And that was a prank over there. He's sick, fucks. There's like 10 Japanese guys just a jerk. They just dropped their briefcase. The greatest thing happened.

He's writing in his diary. The greatest thing ever I've seen. That is a country I'd never go to China, Japan. I would want to check out, though. It seems pretty sick. I don't know enough about China. to say I would go or not. I feel like

Japan you don't have to do any research. Right. It's like where should I not go? Yeah. It's like Japan. You're like, I'll go to Tokyo. It's fine.

But I'm sure if you go to like Beijing. You know, if you go to like a major metropolitan area, I'm sure they account for tourism, you know. There's a lot of stuff

to do in China I heard. But I, but you have to see the wall. You have to research that, yeah. Yeah. See the wall. You could set a rice field on fire. Yeah.

That's very fun. I wonder how much farming they're really doing in China. I mean, maybe a decent amount. Are they, are they export or importing all that? What are they, is it factory? You know, it's a huge country. So it's probably, yeah. I picture just, I mean, whenever I've said this before, every time I picture a country, I picture like three glimpses.

Yeah, three glimpses. Like, like, visually, I see the great wall. Yeah. And then I see, like, kids in a factory. Yeah. And then I see, like, a Chinese guy just yelling. With like a baton, just some guy from the CCP just knocking me out. That's how I'm going to die. It's just some guy. It's just like a, yeah, some sort of weird authoritarian thing. And then it's a factory and then it's a great wall. Yeah. But also, I know people have been there and like my buddy, Ben Frank, who's a comic. Ben Frank?

Yeah. Wait. What? He sounds a little. No, I was sorry. Ben Frank. You're friends with Ben. No, no, no, no, no comment.

Nothing. Ben, Frank. It aired to the Anne Frank dynasty. His mother was Anne. A little slutty in that, in an addict. Yeah, let's just say she got down with her cousin. The Frank family. Yeah, go ahead.

Ben Frank, what do he do? No, no, he lived in China for a little bit. And then he left, he said it was getting creepier. Like, as he was, like, his last... He lived there, like, middle through COVID. But COVID apparently was weird there. I thought the whole place shut down, apparently it was, like, weirdly open in some places.

Yeah, no, they were like, this is all according to the plan. Yeah. We need to die, but these people need to stay alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they were like, okay, we make perfect virus. Destroy America. It seems like it was... It was specific places that would get shut down.

Oh. Like it was like one city would get totally shut down. They had that whole... Interesting. I remember seeing like there was like those speakers, like stay in your home, you know? Yeah. This guy said he was doing comedy the whole time.

Yeah. That's crazy. Essential work, baby. Yeah. Anyway says that. It's to expats. Chinese people. They're really stressed out.

There's no good hamburgers. They need to fucking laugh. Yeah. The supply chain. What is it? Is expatriate, right? That's what's right. They used to live in America.

Now they live in a different country. They're expats. So it's like guys who like work, because we weren't stationed, or were they stationed over there? Or how does that work? Well, they probably just,

I don't know, they usually go there for work or, you know. But I think if they, if they like leave permanent, like you get a new citizenship and you like, you throw your password in the garbage or some crazy shit,

then you're like an actual expat. That's what I thought it was. I don't know. Like your ceremony where you're leaving forever. It's like an American person who lives in China. They're not like tourists in China

and it's not Chinese people. They're like, no, I'm a permanent resident of China. Oh, okay, okay. So you don't have to be a patriot. You could hate it. He's also over the Fourth of July for some reason. Maybe a nationalistic term, you know. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Like, are you a self-identified patriot? Like, if I go over there, and I'm like, I fucking bleed right away. I'm like, I live in Beijing. I'll still storm the cow, but I don't get that. I'm throwing the fucking Chinese cat, man. That's my favorite they do. I'll put chopsticks.

riding their Nancy Pelosi's eyeballs. Yeah. I'm my F-250 on the damn silk Who? Where's the Chinese Nancy Blas? I know she exists. Where's the Chinese Nancy Pelosi? She needs to pay. Yeah, there's one of you of all of us.

That's how God made it. Where's the big titty? Grandma locked a fuck of China. Where do you guys keep your Barack Obama? I know he's Yeah. Imagine a Taiwanese guy. She's Tiger Woods.

You guys have got out like Manny Pagio's like a senator in the Philippines now? Really? Yeah, I mean, he's the boxer, right? Yeah, and now he's just like a guy. I don't know nothing about the country, but I just assumed there was not a lot of competition going on. I just, I don't know why. This is me just glimsy, by the way. I just pictured people getting shot in the face for smoking pot.

That's the only thing I know about the Philippines. Is that Philippines? Yeah, yeah, they're weird. Oh, yeah, they're very hardcore on that. I remember the new guy who took over. I don't know if he's a dictator, if he's whatever, but he was very much like, if you do drugs, I'll fucking kill you.

I remember what I'm saying. So if you know a drug dealer, beat his ass. Yeah, I think they're like, report anyone you know as a drug dealer, they'll be executed, you know. Dude, Trump, Trump, does it? Trump said that recently. About drug dealers? Yes.

There's a video of him where he comes out, and he's like, I was over in China, and I asked them, I said, why don't you guys have a drug problem here? And he said, well, we execute drug dealers. and I go, we're going to do the same thing if I'm president here. Yeah!

We're going to fucking kill him! Which is so weird because then he... I mean, I guess Kodak Black was in jail for something else, right? I think rape. We always forget. We always forget. I was... For like a month I've been listening to music.

I'm like, it's the best. Kodak, great music. Yeah, yeah. Incredible songstress. Yeah. But it's like weird to pardon that guy and then randomly be like, no... Like, it's...

No drug dealers. Yeah, yeah. You won't have rap music. Yeah, I mean, if you want the black vote. than free Kodak if you want the white vote, say you'll execute. What if he goes, I'm going to only arrest all the white drug dealers? Only let black people sell drugs. They're better at it.

They're the greatest drug dealer. But your nephew who's selling fentanyl, he's got to go. He's doing fentanyl all the white folks. That's what they're doing, folks. Get the fentanyl off the golf course. I said there's good people on both sides. Selling fentanyl, I'm doing it. Yo, I'm gonna pause.

I gotta piss so bad. I have a P2. All right, we have a nice, uh, pipin? You charge your vape and suck it at the same time? Yeah, dude, I can charge and suck at the same time. Oh, yeah, dog. Multi-sucking. Dude, I can't have vapes anymore.

Every time I hit one, I get super sick. Yeah, they're great. This happened like three days ago. Like, I, I'm ending dry January. I'm done with it. I had my first couple beers last night. Hell yeah, brother. I, at 12.05.

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, The time I was like... It's like Christmas. Yeah, I was like, I could do. I was so excited. I made myself some chicken figures. Oh, shit. He went all out.

Yeah, yeah. Chicken fingers and beers. Oh, it's amazing. Unreal. But, yeah, I did that. But I'm getting sick now. Not like fully sick, but every time I hit a vape dude, my lunch. I think you vaived for some reason.

Because I will. Like, I'll buy one and I'll vape it, throw it out, and then I feel horrible when I call it. Oh, do you like cigarettes? Yeah, I do. I mean, I went a while, but I, I, I, I was, I was so craving one today. But I was like, no, Michael, can you can't answer? Yeah.

Be sponsored by big tobacco. Yeah. I mean, there's the Lucy. Yeah, but I think that's like, uh, lozenges. Yeah, yeah. I would love to just be like, whatever the worst products are. We'll fucking, I'll promote it. I don't care how many more.

Black and Miles, hit me up. Yeah. Yeah. What? I want nicotine gum, but like a big, like, big league chew. Yeah. Oh, that sounds good. Yeah.

Like a gumball machine. Yeah, a gumball thing of nicotine. I'll fucking shove that on my ass. That's amazing. It's just like, like, chew that's wrapped in gumball. Black and all in your teeth. You ever do chew or dip? Dude, it makes me nauseous.

I couldn't do it. I like it better than the Zins. I like actual dip better. I haven't done a Zinn. I've only done dip. It's not good. It's like, really. Do you like cigarettes better than vape?

No. See, then you... If I start drinking, I want a cigarette. Yeah, dude. A little smoking girl. I want a little cigarette. Can I please get one? Excuse me, Mr. Smokers?

Can I please have one cigarette? I'll give you a dollar. Ooh, Maboads. My baguette. Those are cowboy killers. They kill all the cowboys, we don't kill me. Three or four drinks, I'm like, it's time for a cigarette. Yeah.

Daddy needs a sickie. Awesome. My best dipping was my, uh... My best dipping. My best dip story. I fucking threw my lip. I got lightheaded, bro. Did dip. Double dip ranch and honey mustard. I went crazy. That's out of control. Double dip.

But I live with my brother during COVID. And his roommate was like kind of like a like a southern boy. Yeah. And he would go like, he would go fishing and stuff. And I'd never fished, but then he's like, let's buy fishing poles. There's nothing going on in the world. Let's at night we'll grab beers and get drunk and go fishing. And in the morning, what's the best? Dude, in the world just stopped. It was amazing. That sounds, dude, I wish it was, I wish COVID came back.

Yeah. I wish I was fishing and just drinking and smoking cigarettes. It's amazing. And I didn't have to have a job. And God was. Dude, that was sick. We're just getting paid so much money. And then, yeah, $1,200.

The more. So much money. Yeah. Dude, to me, that's the most money ever. $1,200? Yeah. This is six months rent. Well, I got, I got pandemic unemployment.

Oh, there we go. That was the shit. There we go, baby. Yeah. Let's go. I got to get a PPP loan. Oh, yeah. Just walking doing nothing.

But they, dude, in the morning, because you can't just drink it, you know, 9 a.m. We would go out there with, like, just coffee and dip. Yeah, dude. And I was like, oh, this is just part. Like, you're just half asleep, but you're just getting that little stimulated buzz. You're like, oh. That's greatest. Yeah, I would go fishing in, like, in the morning.

But when I smoke pot, I would, like, just drink, like, six cups of coffee and then smoke a big joint. And then you'd be, like, on a boat. like, eh. That shit was the best. You ever? I smoke cigarettes then. You ever people call them doinks? You ever hear that?

My feet smell really bad. Not for cigarette for your joints. I took my shoes off. That's fine. I can't smell. I know my stink. I don't realize how bad my feet smell and I took them off because my feet were a little hot. Yeah, I got my long socks on right now.

It's like a Frito smell. Shut up. It's good. No, that got me good. See, I don't mind. Oh, what? That was. not a fake gag.

That really got... Dude, I'm at. I don't mind. It's not as, but nearly as bad. Yours has a cheese smell. I remember. Your mother has a cheese smell. Her fucking pussy does.

Smell that. Is that French cheese. Way better than... Way better than yours. Well, no. We're just smelling each other shoes. You want to buy those? That smells fresh.

They don't smell better. That smells so good. Thank you very much. Did you just... Did you just buy these? Yeah, did just buy. Yeah, you fucking cheater. Oh, yeah.

Fuck up, bitch. Dude, you get. Actual toes. You see? Oh, that sounds like your shoes. Did you just wash your feet? I think it's a gay thing we've ever done on the podcast. The same time I did?

Uh, I do like, just like that 30 seconds ago. Bro, it was probably his own fucking feet that I spent. Tears smelling his people. I apologize for my feet that were your feet. Well, you know, stanky. Bro, no. Your shoes smelled like, bro. Your shoes smelled like you.

Fritos, brother. That's disgusting. That's not bad, though. I like fritos. It's like I was walking around Okay, but be fair, let's put that in a different perspective. Let's say you smell the pussy that smell like Fritos. That would be disgusting.

No, I'd be... I'd be... I mean, if I put some nacho cheese on them, yeah, I'd fucking eat that. That said Danny Brown line. Stank pussy smelling like cool ranced Doritos. I was like, yeah, if it's stinky, I'll eat it in the shower. Yeah, that's what he says. That's what he says.

He says, even if it's sour, I'm a lick it in the shower. I love that song. So good, dude. Yeah, that's called I Wivis. It's about like if your man doesn't eat pussy, I will eat your pussy. Yeah, he loves eating pussy. He's like put a towel down, bitch. Like he makes like eating pussy, which is normally like, you know, sometimes I get in my head about it.

Like is this, you know, is this emasculating? Right, yeah, yeah. I'm like the girl. You fucking look another woman's pussy. You might as well suck a dick, you know. I have that go. I got Polly Walnuts in my head. Yeah.

But then you hear, Danny. me, I don't talk about it. I'm like, I'm actually a thug. It's a real drug salesman activities. I'm actually a gangster. But I wonder if girls are like that. When you're in their pussy, they're just like, that's right, bitch.

You like that shit. You're little pussy. That's why I like that my hair is not long, because then she can't just grab my shit. I'm fucking. I bet that. I also, I don't like that. I like that.

I heard that. slaps with faith and spits in my mouth. Finger my nose. Smell it. I've heard that you're the horniest boy. Oh, I am the horniest boy. I'm a sick fuck. I'm a sick fuck. I like, I like's a quick fuck.

Dude, Michael will be like, oh, look at the shape of that tree. Like, what are we even, like, what are you even horny about right now? Wait, you know, I have a thing of this. You're, you're slightly bald, right? Yeah, I'm balding, I would say, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty nice. You know that balding is your.

your body releasing more testosterone. Yeah, you have too much testosterone. That's why you're so horny. No, but it's a genetic, because a lot of men in my... The Dominican stereotype that the Dominicans cheat. It's so, like, all my uncles have cheated. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's just like, it's a genetic thing that we're just... We're just too horny. I'm like, I can't have... I have a condition. I have to get out of her pussy. Because, my father, he did all her pussy.

my grandpapi he'd get other pussy Is that what Dominican Is that what Dominican I've heard you do Hispanic before You always kind of do Mexican That's what I'm from Dominican It's like

I had to get a pussy I don't know how it I want me to do Not fuck I got a fork Oh I hate it I have to mind Oh that sounds

That sounds awful That just sounds made up right there They almost sound Italian. You're like, Oh, I get the lady. I love to get a pussy. Dominican women, they sound the most sing-songy when they talk. Like,

they're the old ones. Like, my grandma was always like, what for the Jose? Come on, no, I got so. Don't drink so much wine every night. It's like, it's like,

that's how my grandma talks. That sounds better than the boomboxes. Yeah, yeah. Well, you think that's better than their music? Uh, yeah, yeah. Maybe that's why they play loud music or actually be considered. No, that's what I was saying.

Yeah, I don't hear their fucking grosses. I see, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man, man, man, me, me, me, me, me, me, wait, what's all?

You sound like you're doing the fucking... It's just, that would slow down. I got it. I genuinely. did think Dominicans were black forever until... I mean, they kind of are. Right? Some of them are black. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same social turns white, though. Mike's basically black. I'd say, Mike.

I thought you were black until like an hour ago. Yeah. Because, like, aren't... Isn't it where, like, some are black? Like, some Mexican people are white, some Mexican people are Mexican. They're black Mexicans, too. There's a million of them. At least, like, one million. There's Chinese Mexicans. Yeah, there's fucking every kind of bad. Every flavor are wrong.

Yeah. They'll give you diabetes. Yeah, it's wild God curses many among us There's also Japanese Brazilians Those are the weirdest ones I've heard that's a huge thing That's a big thing

Why is that a thing? They went over there to make cars or something I figure what it was That makes sense Beef They both have good cows See this again my brain just pictures The most

I picture just a Japanese businessman With his face And just a Brazilian ass Like everything is I diminish cultures To like three images It's just like a very like strict Like

Yeah Yeah Like like Like fucking Japanese business guy with a big BBL Yeah Just in his like Like He opens his briefcase

Looks at a document And then just puts his head Just right in between the ass jeez That's awesome All right We're gonna break up a couple god What do you picture When you hear

Let's see Let me picture one India You have three images Be honest Don't be like A man in an office with which I'm not saying that's not there.

Oh, no, no, okay, okay, okay. Dosa cart. What is that? It's like we didn't make the, the cart, and it's like a little weird. A food stand? It's like a food stand. They put like a weird flatbread thing.

Oh, yeah, I've seen those on TikTok. Dosa cart. Those are good. I don't know what this is. It's like a flatbreadty sandwich they make really fast on the streets. Dosa cart, River Ganges, bus rape. Yeah.

And big elephants. Big elephants. Yeah. I think of like, like, you know, like the slums and like a dirty rink. and like a guy just kind of standing there and he's thin and he has a mustache. These are their great walls of China. It's so horrible. What about the Taj Mahal?

I'm not saying. I went to school with Taj Mahal, actually. That's my doctor's day. That's funny. It's impossible because it's like obviously I know that there's like it's a regular country like anything else. But in your head, you picture just three fit. You picture like when you first hear of country, you take it three things.

Right. Yeah. What about, let's do. But also by region, like this one lady was me, Bangalore. No, I shouldn't do the accent. Bangalore. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.

Bangalor has a lot of tigers. That's a thing. Oh, yeah, Bengal tigers. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. They're Bengali. Yeah. Where's, I don't know where Bengali is.

In India. Somewhere. Yeah. But some of them don't have tigers. They have. fucking... The thing that trips me up the most is that some of them

are Hindu and some are Muslims. I don't know why that blows my mind. Yeah, they're like, it's like half and half. I had no idea. It's like a small percentage

like three percent of questions. For me, I was like Indians, Hindu. No, there's a lot of Muslims. I mean, they're right by Pakistan. I know, I know. Pakistan. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And ethnic-wise, it's kind of the same. Like there are people in Pakistan that look exactly the same as people in India. People wear in Pakistan? Yeah. Maybe. I don't know. I think,

I might be one of those, I don't know. I'm speaking completely. Like Kumel, I don't know. Njiani. He's like, but he's also a cryptozoologist, yeah. Is he?

No, he's not. Neither Hindu nor Muslim. You're digging the cryptids. He's like, wow, this is great, Bigfoot. I can't do, that's kind of my Kamel impression.

That was, that's a great. It's an impression. It's a Kamele, not Shani impression. He's a Kurdistani. He's Pakistani. It's like, wow. Yeah.

but he uh german yeah yeah i mean he he's pakistani but like the thing is like isn't it one of those border lines that was like drawn up by britain or whatever by britain and then it's like really it's like whatever they split people who speak hindi in the middle you know i don't know i'm pulling this out of my ass but like i know that i know that happened in africa they're like no that lines the congo and they're like well i'm from a tribe that's not well i don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not apply to me.

And they're like, you're from the Congo. What the fuck? Like, whose rules are. Here are some drums. You're from. You need a passport to go to your neighbor's house. Put these tambourines on your feet. Yeah.

You ever see the hay? Oh, there's one. Congo. What do you picture? Oh, Congo. Congo? Bongo. Chichichungo.

This is a terrible exercise, by the way. It's the worst. I mean, it just shows exactly how little I know. Yeah, yeah. It was like Democratic, I could not. I did a whole presentation on that. I dressed in the... What?

Traditional blackface. Traditional. I used my grandma's makeup. She did it for the same project. Authentic lips. Yeah. But I did like the grass skirt and a spear. Yeah.

Coconut braw. Sometimes they chucked these. And that's why they call them Spear. I'm like, what do you do with his beard? Just hold it? It's just a PowerPoint of a guy throwing a spear. Dude, but I googled it.

And these were the images I found. So I was a kid, I was like, well, I mean, this is what I'm gonna do. It's like the kid who dressed up like George Washington Carver. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He got kicked out of school because he put on, like, you know, peanut butter on his face. Yeah.

And they were like, you can't fucking. And he's like, what? I just love peanut butter. And they're like, Peanut Butterface. You're banned from everything. He's like, I'm just eight years old.

I didn't know like, why this is bad? Why did your, and their parents were like, I don't know, he was having fun, you know? He's having a good time. Yeah, yeah, he was having fun. It's getting to have fun anymore? I did like, like, we, I looked up,

I did like a lot of research. It was a research project. Yeah, and, but image-wise, it was, because there was two tribes that were, like, fighting because that's, like, a lot of what's going on. In the Congo. Yes. Yes.

Yeah. And, uh, I was about to mix up Rwanda, not the Hutus and the Tutsis. That's Rwanda. Hotel Rwanda. I know that, Don Cheadle. Yeah. Welcome to the Hotel Rowan.

Machete to the face. You can never leave. Yeah, Hotel. Yeah. Living in a pet. Somebody told me that song's about heroin addiction. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, something like that.

Because it's like the knife is like the needle going in. You can never, you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave. So you can kind of quit. You can check out. I think it's like when you do heroin, you're kind of checking out. Yeah, yeah,

you can never leave. Like, you're always going to be addicted to heroin. Yeah. They could also be an AIDS allegory. Because, like, you're checking out because you're getting fucked in the ass. Not everything's about AIDS. You can't leave.

That's checking out. You're checking out of reality. Yeah. You're like, you're going to take your ass? What are you mentally insane? Yeah, they're stealing knives, big black cocks. It all makes sense. I thought, I tried that as a bit for a while.

It never worked. But, like, the idea that they thought mental illness was like a, or they thought being gay was a mental illness. Wow. I picture it's just like the brovious guy, like, like, a guido, like, boy, you're telling me you don't like pussy? You've got to be out of your fucking mind. We got to lock this guy up in a goddamn loony.

But who doesn't like... He's got a straight chick. He's going to be grabbing cocks. Yeah. It's so crazy that, like, in the soprano's like, eating pussy's gay, but it looks like Gabagoole. That's what like Gabagal, why would you not eat it? Yeah, but so he's eating hot dogs now.

They also kiss each other in the cheeks, which is pretty gay. I mean, the Italians are the gayest homophobes out there. Absolutely, yeah, yeah. 100%. I mean, Hispanic's probably next. Yeah, yeah. That is so funny. Like, is the Hispanic man doing like machada.

Ants Arabs, they hold hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw this video of like I remember in school we were watching this video about like cultural things in some Middle Eastern country and it was like these guys hanging out. First it was a picture

of like some it was like Mahmoud and George Bush like holding hands. What? And then it's like, gree? And then later it's like two guys in like full like desert garb where you know you wear the big white headscarves and stuff and they're like lying on each other's

laps. You know, like, lying on... The vice president and the president. Yeah, yeah. He's like kicking his feet. And he's like, what do you on photo? You know, whatever. Whatever fake holiday they have.

No, whatever fucking, I don't know. I don't think they give each other gifts for it. I don't know anything about Islam. I know nothing. There's one where they get really hungry. Yeah, that's... That's not making fun of Africans. They don't eat during the day.

Yeah, yeah. It's a... Passover. No, no. That's Jewish. That's Jewish. No, Ramadan is like a month where you don't eat during the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You only eat at night. That's fucking dope. I believe. Which is like, you know. What about, I think there's probably alternatives to that now, though, because could you get, like, vitamin infusions that equal food? Yeah, I mean, it's going to be like, they ever see, like, the way, like, Orthodox Jews get around stuff? Like, you know, not the normal, not taxes, but get around. I mean, they'll get around.

I mean, they'll get around. I can't finally. on the internet I gotta put a he we're on text day on Saturday

what do you want me to it was it was they get around like so they like need to turn on the lights yeah so what they'll do is they'll like they'll like

have someone else do it for them like some yeah like they'll hire some toilet paper thing right where like you can't rip your toilet paper they'll have pre-ri-ripped toilet paper

or like things like that where there's like these little tricks and there's like these Rube Goldberg which you wonder why I invented them the name gives it right away they do like a thing where they set like a thing in motion

and that turns on the lights and it's like well I did something mechanical I didn't do anything electrical God knows yeah that's what you've done yeah yeah that's wild

there was something you were getting at before that though well you're saying with Ramadan like I'm sure there's like some tricky way right that it's like they hold like a bunch of food in their mouth yeah right with yeah they're like hamsters looking at the suns stand. They erectly eat bacon.

It's in my head. It's fine. It's my butt. Yeah, dude. They're just fucking, like, shooting up, Sunny D. Whatever, whatever way they get around it.

Is there a world where you do heroin? Yeah, all the time. No, I, honestly, I've tried, like, percocets for fun. I smoked opium. What was that like? Really? It was, like, um,

this kind of, uh, Microsoft's cool. Downer thing going on. And then like, I have never had a good reaction to anything with opioids or opium. I've tried Kratum, percocets, opium, none of it made me feel good. I mean, I felt ill. I felt like it was going to throw up and my skin itched.

Right. And I remember telling an ex-heroine addict, I was like, this is what happened when I tried perketeer my skin it's the best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I heard they like scratching each other and stuff. Yeah. He's like, yeah, it's like, you're in a fuzzy blanket. I'm like, no, I felt like my skin was covering ants.

I hated it. And I didn't feel that high. I've tried Xanax, too, for fun. And I hate it. What? Really? I hated it. I like it.

I'm like melted in the kind of like it. Like I felt like a like a like I had a lobotomy. I hated it. I love. Seattle. Speed. Cocaine. You ever accidentally do too much Nike?

MDMA. The greatest. Actually do what? Too much NyQuil? Yeah. And stay awake. Yeah. Too much.

No, guys I don't remember I took a. Oh yeah. I did this. I used to do robo trip when I was like a teenager. Oh really? What's that like? So it was like my first time doing it. I told us before.

You know, fuck you. You're gonna listen again, you bitch. Yeah, fucking pay pig. Yeah. You'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, little morning good sluts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, never mind. Yeah, yeah. I was gonna say, join the Patreon. You know, you want to pay for it. Buy my coffee.

Yeah. Get on our only fans when we talk about this. Yeah, yeah. What? Yeah, get on our only fans, dude. Yeah.

What were you gonna say? But we, I remember I took, like, it was the equivalency. It was like nine. musinex, but I looked it up and I realized there was, there were ultra strength. So it was an equivalency of 18

Mucinex. Dude, we went to the country club, me and my buddy. And by the way, it takes an hour and a half to kick in. Which is very confusing because I was like, I guess this doesn't work. And then we met two girls here they were our age, and we just got fucked up. I mean, like, dude,

next level fucked up. Yeah, it's like we went paddleboarding, and I was seeing double. Like, I was always seeing double of everything. Yeah. Go to the sea. Yeah. The thunderstorm happened. Yeah. Hit the waters.

Yeah. And, yeah, the thunderstorm happened. So the, you know the racquet club? Do you know the racquet club? No. Winter Park? Yeah, yeah. No.

Okay. Well, how about you learn anything to you? Then come back on the podcast. Yeah, sorry, sorry my family doesn't own, you know, whatever. People get cold insurance. But, yeah, then the lifeguard comes out and, like, threw us in the boat. And I was covered in rashes and shit. Oh.

Yeah, because it has, what's it called? Tylenol in it. Oh. So it makes you, like, blotches. chain red and uh then this lifeguard just put like a warm blanket around me and i was just like on drugs and i remember he got me like a milkshake and uh so it was like i have no idea how do you deal with that it's like a grown man you're like this 14 year old is so fucked up on cough medicine and uh we're not gonna tell his parents because they're cool yeah yeah it's like a milkshake get him a blanket so i was just

like uh and as well those conversations where i tell everybody i'm like i'm never doing drugs ever again like a week later obviously i'll take half the music yeah i did that guys for muconix from me now I have a tolerance of musinox I would do triple the amount I throw it in clarend in yeah and then we had a forward exchange doing like two months later and I was like well I gotta get high with him

because he's smoking pot so he would smoke pot yeah I did one time where I took mucon X and that was the funniest thing because this guy we gave him bong rips for the first time because he'd only where is he from Hispania Hispania Oh wow

he's like I let to the monghis He's a gay Mexican That's what people from Spada. You know what? Fair. Fair. They're literally gay.

Yeah, it's a good boy. Like, our tortillas are different. They have egg than them. We have dinner at 10 o'clock. You had dinner at 10 o'clock every night. Martha Polonia. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Fuck those guys. They're a bunch of assholes. Spaniards can look my ass. Yeah. They were racist to Michael. They were. They were really. I heard them talking shit.

I went up because I stayed over there. And it was so funny because I remember the guy just being like, no, blah, Spanish. No, no, blah, Spanish. Like, clearly impersonating me. I know that one. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh! He'd do, like, a full act out of me, like, no, I'm gonna'ubleu, and I was like, I just know that you're making fun of me right now. Um, shut up, Spain. Yeah, yeah, fuck you. If you're Spanish watching this, fuck off. Fuck you, great, great pork, though.

That was like, Harmoni Barrico? Oh, that's not really good. What is this? The Barrico ham, you ever see that? The Serrano, Aberrico. It's like all they do is eating nuts all day, the pigs. Yeah, the very expensive pork. I have no idea what you guys are talking about.

You've never had a Moni Barric? You're at the racquet club, and you don't know. Embarico ham. No, I don't know. I can't fucking learn something, dude. It's just very expensive ham. It's really good. It's like prosciutto, you know, that kind of...

Oh, by the way, I don't emulate any of the class that I was given. Like, my... You seem to rebel to pretty hard against it. Aggressively. Yeah. My parents don't use any bad language. Wow. I can't say a sentence without cursing.

Yeah. Are they Christians? Yeah, yeah. Like, devout? Not, my dad's like, he's like... He doesn't pick a specific set. He's not like, I love this. He's, like, just in general, like...

Jesus is... Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's non-denominational? I would say for the most part. You're not Catholic or anything fun? No, my mom's Catholic. Are you Catholic? What? Of course. I'm non-numerational.

No, I'm Catholic, yeah. Yeah, you're Catholic. That's a bad joke, but yeah. Yeah. But what was I getting at? The Spanish kid? Yes, you were giving him bong hits. Yeah, and I remember he was so high in my house,

and I was yelling at him because my parents were coming home. Oh, shit. There's nothing he did but laugh. Like, for like, 20 minutes. Yeah. He's also a witch. But I remember he's just laughing so hard And then I was like I was getting

I was just getting more mad at him He's laughing hard Yeah And then recently I tried putting myself in his shoes I'm like could you imagine being in Spain And he was way old with me He was 16 and I was 14 Imagine being in Spain

Yeah And you're baked And there's a 14 year old Spanish kid just scream against you That would be the funniest thing you can imagine My Familias Just getting more and more bad How do you say parents in Spanish

Uh Padres? Padas? Yeah That's for both Yeah it's wildly for both Even though it sounds like dad Two daddies. Everyone who's Mexican has two dads.

Very progressive. Isn't Dominican the most homophobic of the Spanish? I think it was recently made illegal to fuck dudes if you're a dude in DR, I think. Made illegal recently? Illegal. They had no laws and they're like, we're tired of these games. They have like a vice squad. Bussy police

What's your way of getting around it? So you can't have gay sex Can you look this off? I'm very curious now. Let me see. Let me find a gay Dominican porn. Gay Dominicans. Let me see. Are you allowed to be gay in the DR?

Gay. I hope so. I hope it goes to a porn website. Front on you see Wikipedia. LGBTQ rights in DR. What does it say Wikipedia? Is this 404? Do not.

They do not enjoy the same rights as non-LGB residents. I like enjoy. I've always liked that term for rights. They can't enjoy the rights. They can't enjoy the rights. You don't really enjoy gay sex. You guys? You see a black guy voting?

You're having fun. You're welcome. Yeah, well, yeah, you bet you're having a fucking party. Support for same-sex marriage was 25%. And so 75% of the country is like, no, hummus, having the metrimonial. I remember seeing this guy from Ghana.

What do you call it? Gannon? Guy in, not Gyanese. A knit? No. Yeah, let's talk. No. No, but whatever a person from Ghana is called,

he was like a pastor. And he was like, he was like talking to this gay guy, this gay British guy. He was like, oh, it's actually no, it's quite nice being guy. Oh, actually, I love this. Yeah.

He's like, just like, stay out of Ghana. He goes, you go, you go. He's like, just talk to me. Wait, I'm going to think of a different. It might be the same interview, but he goes, he goes, gay men don't exist. I'm gay, he's like, you are not gay. You are born with a penis.

It is for urination and women. Not for poop, but whole. For men ass. Yeah. You've seen the guy who goes, it is so painful. They have to take drugs. You mean paupers?

Are you ever they eat the pooh-poo? Yeah. They eat the pooh. They suck. They make like ice cream. Dude, that was so crazy because he just plays like massive amounts of paper. They call this fisting.

It's like a showing fisting. He's done his research. He's like that's the gayest thing. I've never done anything again. I'm not a show to a group of guys fisting. this is too disturbing for the children. Just me now. Just me.

Can I fist my wife? You must fist your wife. It is in the bubble. That you punch your wife's pussy. Did you see that thing about that the woman whose baby came out holding the IUD? Oh, I've seen it's legit.

Is that real? She said it's real. That sounds like the beginning of a Marvel movie. That sounds like bullshit. Dude, that would be sick. I'm really pissed that the Daily Wire isn't doing more of that. Like, I know they have a couple of them,

but I want to fully invest in just conservative media. Movies? Yeah, yeah, we're like... Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've seen Rob Schneider is a big proponent. I don't have you seen that.

It's robbing like, you know, some people want to make different kind of movies. Where the Jews are villains. And he's also body so out of the ones. woman. Rob Schneider seems pretty Jewish. I don't know if he, I don't know. Yeah, I think it's, he's also Asian.

He's also Asian. People got really mad at him for doing Asian face. Wait, he's not Asian. Yes. His mom is, um, Filipino. Yes. But, because everybody got mad at him for Chuck and Larry because he did like the most Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so small-old. They had, like, five actors, like, stretches face back just to his eyes in the location.

There's just clothes pins on the neck. Let's see. Rob Schneider, 59 years old. Nice. Uh, known for Deuce Bigelow, American Gigolo. Nice. He recently, yeah. My favorite movie.

That movie rules. It's got a heart in it. He's like, look, everybody just wants to have loves. Yeah. They had a lady with a cock for a nose. He's a quarter Filipino. A quarter? I mean, his grandmother was Filipino.

He was abusing that quarter a little bit. Dolinos are like half Mexicans. That's very, very non-Asian. The chugularia Asian face is like, they basically put pocket pussies on his eyes. And they're like, isn't this what an Asian guy looks like? I don't know. That's pretty bad.

I mean, he's, yeah. He's Jewish and cats. fuck. Nice. A quarter Filipino. A quarter. So he should be able

to do yellow face. That way, it was beyond. Yeah. Yeah. No, they're like, okay,

so you're getting married. What should your character be? I don't know if I'm fucking racist in Asian. So is there any reason for him to be? No. No. Yeah. Because it would be fun.

I would also like if he went up the first time and Adam Stanley's like, no, this is in Asian. We need more. We gotta get him more. Yeah, I can do Adam.

I can do Adam. I can do Adam. I can do Adam saying I have a sex. Ooh, oh, yeah. Oh, there's a tiny little pussy.

I'm going to give it a leg. Yeah. I'm trying to remember what he sounds like. No, I can't do. He's also like the angry at him. He's like, go in your home.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're not Asian.

I can't do. Not Asian and yes. That's him being like a tyrannical director. Bro, be more Chinese. That would be funny if we were finding out those horror stories. Like the stuff we found out. about Kubrick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sandler was doing out on the grownups two. Again! Yeah.

Be fatter and dumber, Kevin James. That's great. I need you to really shit your pants. Yeah. Yeah,

dude, grownups too was a nightmare to work on. Right, that'd be so good. Yeah, it's like, who's that guy

who lost, it was I-hard, Huckabees. I don't see that shit But the fucking director is known for more than I Heart Huckabees What else is he? I don't fucking know We do gotta wrap it up, sorry

Yeah, wrap it up, Mike, say something funny Hey Siri Who directed I Heart Huckabees? Let's see What is this dips he gonna say? David O' Russell? David O' Russell, he lost his fucking shit Wacky and wonderful farce

That examines the multifaceted fallout of an environmentalists existential crisis suffered while battling a giant department stores dubious intentions whatever you fucking nerd yeah it sounds yeah British theory yeah I don't know I can't I can't anymore with like the indie movies

sometimes I'm like what do we what are we doing the one movies certain indie movies you go are you just trying to be Indian movies Bollywood I'm over Bollywood if you get it you can sing a dance that elephant is not talking

and there's he's not using that gun properly. Imagine like there's a Bollywood X 824 combo. It's just like Moonlight but it's two gay elephants. I had no idea what moonlight was until the guy was getting jerked off on the beach.

And I was like, oh. I didn't know it was a gay movie. Yeah. So Mexican Kai calling him Negro. Yeah, I mean, Moonlight's, I liked Moonlight a lot. No, it's a really good movie. Yeah. I remember I just liked how it looked

and how it was paste and how gay it was. Frankly, that was Like, what, he's a thug, he can't be gay There's no way Precious is a terrible film Yeah, I'm not on black gay movies Yeah, is she's... I thought she is.

No, dude, she has like three children. Well, she also gets raped every single thing. Oh, no! Yeah, that's what's so precious. They're little miracles. That's horrible. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about that one.

I like that we were on the little thread you plugs. Yeah, follow me online. Follow me at precious.com. A brightbart.com. Precious fan fiction. Daily storm.

No, seriously, though, I am on parlor. You know, Chris Jean. Look up Chris Jean on Instagram. Um, you can follow me, uh, brazers. Bang bros.

Oh, you don't have any. New Biles, which is like, it's, it's more fancy and artsy or that one. New Biles, it sounds like, like, artsy black porn. It's more of, um, really, ballerina porn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's hot ballerinas. Like, wayfish women. It's like, it's like porn for girls. Yeah, it's almost like.

You're not the horniest guy. You watch lady porn. Yeah, it's like the lady is good. You know, like a fucking queer. Yeah, I've seen, uh, My friend was recommending me, Joe Jack's friend of the podcast, he was recommended to me some porn

that was literally like boyfriend and girlfriend who love each other. That's so gross. I'm like, this is gayer than gay. I've watched gay porn. This is less gay. Yeah, that's literally disgusting to me.

I've enjoyed gay porn. Yeah. And this is less gay. Best gay porn, pigboy.com. He's fissing Brazilian dudes like, like punching their butts.

Whoa. Like it's a speech. He's like trying to become a boxer. But, but Mike Almansar comedy on Instagram. Plugging a gay porno in the middle of your plug.

That was all. It's good. Good stuff. All right. Thanks guys. Thanks. Bye. Can we just delete that one?