Morning Good - The False Prophet - Episode 316

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

Ben Herwitz joins the show for today's episode. He and Michael talk about severe OCD, the Fox Soul Network, and getting into fights on the train. Thanks to Ben for coming on the show, check him out on previous episodes and follow him on Instagram @benherwitzcomedian or @daddy_herwitz. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.If you're in Florida, you can see Michael Good headline June 5th at Alex's Underground Comedy Club in Orlando. Tickets at alexsundergroundcomedyclub.com.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. All right. I am unconsensually podcasting with Ben Hurwitz at Hotel Room. Also, could you hold up higher on here? Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, we're just on the road watching a little. Gutfeld talking about Tyrus, the black giant. I don't know how else to describe the guy. He looks so much like Thados. You said he failed. You don't know how black he is, first of all.

It's very confusing. I don't know how I would do if I was mixed race. I don't know if I would like, I don't know which way I would lean black. I was going to be black as a kid. Like, I really wanted to be black before, like, I found out what it was. Like, I remember, dude,

I would do like little, like, there's a school project and I was a big ACON fan and so I did a parody of smack that it was called Asteroids come in through the sky, asteroids and I was like dressed like what I thought was a gangster was

and my brother just walks in the room he goes Michael you're not black and you're never going to be black and I remember like crying like hurt my feelings I was like you don't know that you don't know that I'll never be a black guy yeah I think it was just because

I was like a white suburban kid I was like it I one time tried to make a movie called Gangsters versus skaters when I was a kid

I was like the skaters will win because they're more athletic and the gangsters are always just chilling on the

corner which obviously would not uh well it's just not also not true no I think I would have

done black faces I think it would have gone to that like I remember on the corner of my house I was like it was a brick house

I was like writing graffiti and stuff like that I just write like the word gangster and stuff like that

I was just like yeah I was like this would be a sick movie there'll be lots of shootouts and because also where I was from

like there weren't a lot of black skateboards. I didn't know that that was like a thing. And the gangsters also didn't have to be black. I don't know how I was going to figure out all that stuff. Yeah, there's Mexican gangsters. There's even white gangsters. There's a lot of white gangsters. And when you were thinking about being a black person,

we started this with Tyrus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You weren't thinking of Tyrus. No, no, no, no. It's probably the furthest thing from what you were thinking of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd be a guy who kind of looks like Andre the Giant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember. the day they told me I was going to grow any taller and I thought it was like a negotiable thing. They're like, so you're not going to gain taller. I was like, no, I don't agree with that. I think I'm going to be told. When was this? When did they tell you you were going to be tall? I was probably like, yeah, you're probably like, yeah, you're probably like, how do you know that? Like, how do you know? I'm not like, I don't know. You're probably done. You got mad about it? Yeah, I was pissed, dude. Yeah. They showed you, oh, the charts. You remember the charts? They'd be like,

this is your age. This is your height for your age. Like, there's all that shit. Yeah. God, I remember being pissed. My brother also told me he told me your penis stops growing in the second grade. Which isn't true. No, it would be very funny that was grade related. God is like once you hit this grade, he's like, you get held back? Your penis still grows.

Yeah, yeah. If you're Billy Madison, it's in your 30s. Yeah, yeah, Billy Madison back to school and his penis started growing. Yeah, I was so like, I used to get mad about that because I was like, I don't know, it's weird because you never like, you never see your dick grow because it just grows. like the rest of your, you're never like, wow, my dick is like getting bigger.

It's true. Always look the same size. Get what grows proportionately. With your legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember one of my friends, he bragged about this. He was like, yeah, I went to the doctor and they told me I had like a really big penis. I was like, what?

He said, no, they told you, like, they put a tube on it and, like, tested it, and they're like, you got a big penis. Yeah, well, there's also never happened. But I was like, yeah. Oh, some guy in our town shout out a, what's his name? bald guy beard Orlando Florida he was like a super anti-gay pastor I think he like supported conversion therapy

stuff and he got caught texting a little boy it's like those are one of those things where you're like man yeah obviously but you're also just like you're like what was this did you have the darkness in him or did he like I don't know you're like did he

or was that like his route to get him in I don't know sorry right, was that his route to, how did he, how did he get in with these kids? I got distracted by the Jeff Foxworthy commercial. Yes, let's pause for saying with that. So, Foxworthy's doing a Fox special. Is he a special on Fox?

Yeah, that's what it said. Jokes on me. Yeah, so it's just a one-time thing. I hope he really jokes on me. He's like, I'm a fucking idiot. He's like, I shat my pants today. The joke's finally on me. Yeah, yeah.

You might be a fucking dumb ass if you shit your own pants. I'm a loser. I suck. Did you hate his? stand-up? I never really watched it. I never really watched it. Like, I think I got a book of You Might Be a Redneck If and then, yeah,

I mean, his story's crazy with Ron White. You know, that whole thing, right? Well, that he, like, discovered him. Yeah, so that he, like, Ron White fucked a comedy club waitress in Texas. Right, right, right. Right. And then she, you can hold it closer. Sorry. Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold it closer to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But

he fucked a comedy club waitress and then went on stage and was like, I bug this fat bitch, blah, blah, blah. and then she got promoted to like the Booker for the whole chain in Texas. So he got booted from Texas. Was selling weed and starting a pottery factory in fucking Mexico. And then Ron White was like, how would you like to do this thing called the blue car foxwood? Blue collar comedy tour.

And he's like, all right. And then he just jumped back in and then. World famous. World famous, yeah. At like fucking super old. Well, we were watching those last night. I was showing you the Stanhope. The night at the Improves are so.

funny. It's just everybody was required to have a mullet. And I was thinking about, like, I think my next hair style would be a feathered mullet, like a really well-kept one. Because, like, everybody does it now? Do you want to do that now? Yeah, like just an inset. You should wear the like the suits, too, the shirt and

tie. Oh my God, dude. Metallic blue shirt and tie. Sleeve rolled up, dude. With a mullet? Yes. And then I'm still talking about whatever I'm talking about. Yeah, you're talking about how you had sex with the trans person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. with a mullet.

Yes, yeah. With a blue, like, with one of those, like, what are the piano ties? Oh, my God, yeah, yeah, piano key necktie, dude. Oh, that'd be so fun. Well, 22, because I realized it was like, they had, they still had good jokes because they had jokes on that that they would use later in a special. But you watch it, you're like, oh, you actually can ruin a good joke with cheesy delivery. So I'm like, you could do, you wanted to do a special and then do it evening and they brought, we do the same jokes. And you're like, there's something different.

about that vagina and they're like yeah it's a it was a crazy yeah as I was saying like that's what I got me like not into stand-up

was seeing those guys in suits yeah yeah I mean like watching Seinfeld do it and Seinfeld I like Seinfeld the TV show but watching him do stand-up in that show you're like

I don't want to do that no I also watch whatever he's doing to be fair so we took a clip of his act but it was really bad it was from the Netflix is a joke

It was him just being like a cracked phone screen. I mean, am I going to look your phone screen? And I was like this is, but it's like almost like the jokes are, it's like the livery is like just the style is kind of outdated. I don't know. It's super outdated. Yeah. I like everything he has to say about standup, but I can't really even watch the standup.

No, because you also know he thinks he's better than everybody. That too. Yeah, yeah. And he has great advice and I take it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't like watching him. No, it's not fun. Yeah.

what's this is gone Tulsi Gabbard this is a new show now Tulsi I love when Fox always gets like a couple black panelists and they're like see what the other guy

was like they're like we're like come on here we got Tyrus on here we got yeah they're just showing clips of random black guys yeah yeah yeah

he's black and on our show he's old and black yeah yeah yeah and yeah and yeah this news anchor's black too

oh who's this guy New York has been held hacked by bad cops gosh She's not even that hot. I mean, I would have sex there, but that doesn't say anything. Yeah, it's like the whole, it's a whole channel of black guys and hot blonde women.

Yeah. Oh, that would be so sick, dude. If just like they fired everybody, it was just all black fox. It was called black fox. I told you before, I, like, it's a very long story, but I like, there was a guy who, I met in L.A. who was a producer, who, music producer who, like, made some songs with Kanye who, who, got a deal with, he was, he was a rapper himself and he's represented by Dame Dash. He got to deal with Dame Dash

who started making TV shows for Fox's attempt at BET. Okay. Can I tell you about this? No, no, yeah. So they actually did have a black fox. It was called Fox Soul. Okay. And they started it during the pandemic and big surprise, it died during the pandemic. Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah. But I like helped this guy write some episodes. Like it was the George Floyd thing happened, but they were like, oh, yeah. We're going to, we're going to,

We're going to cancel all 25 of Dame Dash's TV shows. I helped him write some of the episodes. I was in an episode. And he wanted to do like curb your enthusiasm, but for being a rapper in L.A. That was the idea. It doesn't sound... It's retarded.

Yeah, it's not good to work at all. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of fun to work on. It was very bad. And no one in it was an actor. None of them were trained actors. Yeah, yeah. You can't do an improvised TV show with no actors.

No. Well, that's like Jeff Garland's, like incredible at that. And you've heard that story with him in the shop, right? Were you there? He did a set of the shop? Dude, so we were all,

he was like bounced around the village and we were talking about how he like, he just had weird, like, he was on Rogan one time. He like famously bombs a lot. Yes. And he was talking, he's like, he's on Rogan,

he's like, yeah, I see a guy with long hair and he's not funny. He's like, long hair guys just aren't funny. And then he's like, he did say something about, he said the people who fuck the stool

aren't funny, which I do think is kind of, it's not 100% true, but it can be true. And Rogan's like, I fuck the stool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it cuts to Rogan, just hump of the stool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, did he not say it? He just cut to him to me. Yeah, I just cut to him. Because he was like, yeah, if you're acting out sex on stage and you're like, well, that's not like, I just don't like blanket statement. No, you can be very funny acting on sex on. Yeah, of course, yeah. And then we're all talking shit about him.

And then he walks in the door of the comedy shop and then starts talking to us. And we're all like, we're all looking at each other. Like, we're all full of shit because we're like not saying anything to him right now. and you had just been talking about it? Yes. And then he goes on stage and then I don't watch his set but I go on like two comics afterwards. I was like oh by the way we all were just talking shit about him

and then he walked in and we were all like hey good to see you. Yeah, yeah. We're so full of shit. The audience loved it because they were like it was like an inside behind the current. Yeah, yeah. We're like yeah, we literally are all yeah.

That looks how it works. Who is that lady? She's a Texas dem it sounds like. I love this. They found the most retarded looking lady with like ginormous glasses and like a bug looking face. The fox is such a joke.

It's, uh, you know what I want to watch? Have you seen, uh, what's that movie about the orangutan who gets into a hotel? You know it's on? No, no. Somebody just told me about it. I'm like, this seems like something I would... I've never even heard of that. It sounds like a movie you would make. Yes, it's like a me movie.

It's like, I mean, the listeners are going to hate this, but it's like, uh, it's got Jason Alexander. Can you look up a orangutan hotel movie? With Jason Alexander? this was supposed to be a really Jewish area there's like three Jewish channels three Jewish channels. They didn't even have Jewish channels in New York.

Yeah, that is weird. Yeah, we're in the middle of nowhere right now. Oh, these are all religious channels. They're not going to get me. Dunstan checks in. Dude, that's, it's just, I'm so in on this. I'm like immediately, like, people are like, oh, it's actually like a good movie.

Like, it's funny. Dude, I remember, uh, enjoying the one where the, it was like airbud for hockey and it was a monkey playing hockey. You remember that one? Yes. Yeah, that was funny.

Yeah, he's snowboards too. It's like chimps. And he's with the guy from friends. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Chimp, I forget what it's called. It's like chimp, I mean, you don't need to know.

I could look that one up too. Primate. Yes, most valuable primate. Something like that. No, it's most valuable primate. Yeah. MVP. Yes.

Yeah. And it's another Jewish. the Hampton Synagogue. I guess there's a lot of Jews in this part of Virginia? Virginia? That doesn't even seem possible. Did you... So you grew up. This is where the Confederates beat the Union in a major battle in the Civil War. Why the fuck would there be seven Jewish channels here? Well, you know what it is? It's the Israel is now conservative things.

Now they're like, they're like, okay, come on. I guess so, yeah. I haven't purchased it so I can't watch a ninja assassin. Wow, of course they choose something fun. And they're like, you're stuck watching Fox here. Jesus. Yeah, wait, wait, what was your, so you were not raised Jewish at all, right? No, no, no. Your mom was Jewish?

My mom, she's adopted. I really don't have any family. I should expand on this on stage. Like, I kind of allude to it and I don't really get into it that much. My dad was disowned by his family, formally disowned. For being Jewish? No, no, no. His parents are Jewish.

That would be very funny. Rebellion. Yeah, they're like, hey, this kid's too Jewish. Yeah. We can't keep this kid. We're Jewish, but he's really Jewish. No, so like he basically does, I never met his parents, but they're Jewish. My mom was adopted.

I never met her parents. Her adoptive parents, the ones who adopted her were Jewish and her birth parents. She had 23 and me done. So she's like 75% Jewish. So I'm Jewish as fun. Why they gave her up? She was too Jewish, yeah. She's looked into it a bit more.

It sounds like her mom was like an alcoholic, maybe a drug user. It would have been, she's aware that she might have had a twin or at very least had a sibling like around her age. And it wasn't easy for that chick. No, yeah, yeah.

So she lucked out. She got adopted by a good family in Chicago. Wow, because there's so many bad ones out there. It's like, especially in Chicago. It's a rough place. It's a constant story, yeah. Yeah. So she got adopted by a woman who was like very, like a lady who was an investment banker who was like in her late 50s.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she died pretty soon after her. She died when my mom was young. But like, I think it was pretty good. Yeah, that has to be such a, I mean, it's like terrible to abandon your kids. But it has to feel when you're like a severe drug addict, it has to feel like such a weight lifted when you're like, all right, that's one. Yeah, it's got to feel so nice in some way. to be like, all right, I don't go worry about that anymore.

You knew it's, I think in that case, you just know it's going to be better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Than whatever's going on with you. Yeah. Well, because you have a kid, but you, were you made married when you got? Yeah. So my wife actually got pregnant right before we got married. Oh, shit.

Okay, you guys were engaged? We were, yeah, engaged. We like, we didn't have like a real wedding or it was, there wasn't a lot of pomp and circumstance. But, like, we found out that she was pregnant. And we actually had to move the date of our wedding. It's a long story. And then we were going to move to New York. Found out she was pregnant.

Found out we could actually go stay at my buddy's place for two months in New York all within like a month. And we're just like, holy fuck. Everything's. So we're like, we're going to try driving across the country to move to New York. We're going to move the date of our wedding. And you're pregnant. That's so much.

We drove across the country while she was pregnant. Whoa. First trimester. But she was like nauseous and shit. Yeah. That's fucking terrifying. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Is it like, uh... She was, literally driving over the Rocky Mountains in a snowstorm, swerving, pregnant. That's crazy. Dude, that's so, so, like, how did you guys find out? Did she just, like, peed on a stick? She was, like, feeling different. Yeah.

And then all of a sudden she's pregnant. That's wild. Dude, I have a friend who has OCD, you know or two. She'll come talk about on the podcast. But she has an IUD, used a condom, and then had such bad OEC. She thought she was pregnant. And then she bled on a, the pregnancy. She had her period on the pregnancy

test. So it's like, obviously you're not pregnant. And she's still like, I don't know. I know this person? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was I can't, tell me later. I'll tell me, I'll tell you. That just shows how crazy OCD is. You're like, you're clearly not pregnant if you're having

your period, right? Can you, how does that work? Do you have severe OCD? You got like really bad OCD? No, it's pretty tame. Like, with the herpy stuff was where, like, really, like, I was just so convinced I had herpes. and then, by the way, for the listeners, I tested again, I'm good. But, like, I think it's, like, based around, like, really little things. At some of it's, like, I don't know.

Like, a lot of it is, like, there's, I have no money, and that's what I should be worried about, but I'm not worried about that. It's, like, other shit. Like, I think with me, it's, I'm trying to think of, like, my biggest OCD thing. I guess some of it was, like, I'm trying to think, like, a common one that I had recently. Like, the herpes thing was. definitely like a big one where I was like I have herpes of herpes um I don't know like the weirdest ones I had I had a harm OCDs like I thought I was gonna like murder my family really yes so I was

doing like a like a kid no this is like I was doing a lot of coke and I uh yeah I had exam week I stayed up all week studying and then went out and did a bunch of coke and then I like basically just having these like just intrusive thoughts like you just have like a thought where you're like which is not your your your thoughts are like your thoughts are like your thoughts are like your Your thoughts are like a server. They're like, you want this? And you're like, no, no, no. But I didn't realize that your thoughts are just not.

They're just made up and you can let them go and all that shit. Yeah. But your thoughts are like, what about this? What about stabbing your mouth? And you're like, no. But some of the OCDs is like, oh, so I clearly want to. I want to. Yeah.

So I would take like knives and hide them in the, um, uh... How old are you? I was like, 22. I would take knives. I'd hide them in the garage. And then my ex was staying with me. I was like, to lock yourself in your room because, like, what if I'd go crazy and, like,

murder you? and for somebody who doesn't know what OCD it's like they're like you're going to want to murder me like no I don't want to murder you like so that I don't murder you yeah it's like you think you're like a werewolf or something like what if I wake up in the middle of the night

it was only with people I liked that I was like worried that the people you love the most you're worried you're going to like hurt them wow but it's just because you have passing dot like it happens to the babies all the time like my brother has a kid and you see the baby you're like what if I drop the baby

I think about that all the time with my kids yeah constantly but you're not like I want to drop the baby no but I've thought about it Like, oh my God. There's so many horrific things that could happen with a little kid. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

You have to watch them like crazy because it's like, I mean, I was talking to somebody whose kid broke their leg because they didn't pay attention for like two seconds. And the kid just like walked weird and then just broke. It can happen. Or they fall off a play structure or something. It can be a shit show. Yeah. Yeah. And then they're just eating everything.

They're just eating everything. They're slipping. My daughter will be like set up the step stool because I want to go. I want to go over here. She doesn't know what she's two. She doesn't. what she wants. She doesn't know why she wants anything. So then you set it up and then she flies

backwards off of it. Why did we even say, what you have to do is be willing for the kid to cry for a second and not have the opportunity to fly across your apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which you can do. You just have to put up with them screaming for a second. So is that to teach them

that they... No, it's just so they don't do some stupid shit. They always want to do something insane. Yeah. A lot of the time you're like, okay, don't let them do that. But my wife's always like putting her up She was once to like eat sitting on the counter facing us. This counter is like four feet off the ground. I'm like, she's going to fly off of this fucking.

Yeah. Let her scream and leave her on the floor. Right. Why the hell are we putting her on the top of this counter where she could just lean forward. I've seen her do this. Yeah, yeah. She's like intentionally fallen off of the toilet before. These kids like don't know what the fuck they're doing.

It's so weird that like the concept of gravity takes so long for them to understand. I mean, I think they have like an implicit understanding. but they don't understand it the way we understand it. Yeah, they don't know how hard it is. They have no idea. They know it exists, but they don't know that it's going to, like... They have so few reference experiences. I fell on my face last week, and it hurt really bad.

It hurts really bad. But it's like, I think they just... Yeah, they probably have to fall a little bit to be like, okay, this thing is really a strong force, and I got to... I don't totally... I don't know, like, the developmental psychology, but, like, I don't think that their memories are as, like, hard and fast the way that adult memories are.

Yeah. Like, if something happens to them, they don't always retain... Sometimes they do, and they'll shock you that they remember something. But I don't know if they totally remember, like, when I drop this, it falls and breaks. Yeah, yeah. They don't always remember things like that. Yeah, they're like... Not yet.

Yeah, yeah. Well, because it's like, I remember, like, my sister, she put something in her nose, and then we called the fire department because, like, the whatever can it be there? So the fire department showed up. And then she liked it to fire department so much, like, next day she showed something else up her nose. And then being empty. Yeah. Because, you know, they gave her, like, a fun hat.

This is the best day ever. Well, you don't have the same kind of logic either. You just don't understand what a hassle that is for your parents and for the fire department. You just think that was fun. Yeah. Do you think a birthday? You should have like a kid day like that where you can just, everybody treats you like you just do it. On your adult birthday?

Yeah, yeah. That would be awesome. You get one a decade where you get to just be like. Every 10 years. You just get to go into like a restaurant and start putting your hands in people's food. And just like start putting ice cream on your page. Start crying. Yeah, yeah.

Throw food. Yeah. I haven't had a cry in so long. In public, or just in general? In general, I'm a big crier, and then, like, it's not, it's not, like, I'm in tuned. It's emotional instability, because it's, like, I'm crying in, like, Spider-Man when, like, James Franco dies. I'm like, that's not me being a developed person. That's me just, like, not sleeping enough and watching something.

On airplanes, that's, like, the hacky thing. Which a movie on an airplane, you're just crying immediately. Dude, Iron Claw. You've seen that one? Yeah, which one? How do I know? It's the wrestling one? The sexy wrestling, Zach Ever.

front one. Yes. Oh my God. You were crying during that? The second he took a shirt off dude. No, I was like, yeah, because I mean, I have a lot of friends that have killed himself and I was just like, and then the fact he has like no brothers at the end. All of his brothers died. I love that they're like, curses are funny because I had a friend that talked about that. She's like, it's such a curse that all our friends died and I was like, and there's a lot of them are drug addicts.

It's not really a curse. It's like, and like in a wrestling family like that, it's like, I think there's a domino effect. Like when somebody dies, maybe it influences other people's behavior to be a little more reckless like it doesn't really work the way I don't know I don't think it really works the way

you want it to like ever since I've met people that have died not met people I'm just like I met a dead guy but it's like I think I actually did the opposite and went a little caution to the wind which is like crazy

because it's like I've had like a friend that took a fentanyl pill and died and then I used to be so careful about like testing things the only thing I really do now is ketamine sometimes but then I just got in a habit of randomly just somebody has a bag and I snort ketamine and I'm like oh this isn't good because like

Yeah you don't know what kind of quality it is Yeah that one's pretty safe Like it's weirdly like the least contaminated Yeah I've done ketamine Yeah I mean's intense Yeah I love it but it's A buddy who has my one of my childhood friends Who I haven't talked to for a while

That's a whole other podcast That's because he's in a K-hole He's still drawing He might still be in a K-hole No he's like he kind of lost his mind a little But he's just like too much of a hassle He was posting things online he was commenting like 17 times

and I'm like I can't fucking deal with it. Yeah. Like I just up my ass. Do you think it was from the ketamine? No, no. He has severe OCD like very, very, I don't think he was thinking about killing his sister or anything. Yeah.

Or parents. Okay, let's use up. I wasn't plotting. No, he might have been. But he, like, he couldn't even go into his house without like doing all these weird little rituals. Like a lot.

Yeah. He would like tap his foot seven times and go, And he would say kids' names we went to school with. He would go like, O'Sheen Lewis. Oh, sheen Lewis. This is in high school. Yeah, that's bad. And he was on medication, too, it wasn't working.

And then he would, like, get into his room and start touching things. And, like, he had to do all the shit just to get into his house. And now this guy, he does very well as a digital marketer. He makes a ton of money. He, like, is a nomad. He, like, lives in different Airbnb. He was living in Airbnb's for years. Whoa.

Just in Airbnb's. That's wild. He thinks he's seeing UFOs now. Okay. And this is a good, I shouldn't be. I stayed with him in one of his Airbnbs, though, near L.A. He was staying kind of on the way to San Diego. And he just had medical grain ketamine.

Yeah. And we snorted a ton of it. I think the amount you're supposed to, but it felt like a lot to me. It was like ounces of it. Yeah. And I've never been more high on anything in my entire life. I like, he was like, let's go for a walk. And I'm like, walk.

I'm like, I didn't think I have legs anymore. Yeah, well, I think it's more addicted than people say it is, because it is like alcohol. Like, it's very alcohol-like in the sense that it gets you fucked up. You disassociate. Like, you don't even know who you are anymore. Yeah, which is what attracted me to it. Because I was like, oh, I'm not worried about anything. I'm just like trying to explore my own brain and stuff.

But I think there's a thing with it where it's like, it just feels really good and definitely is an addictive thing. Like, I think, like, I don't know. Some people hate it. Some people were like, I hate this shit. I could feel like, or I could, the thing is, I think you disassociate so much. You don't even know who you, like, you don't even have a sense of self. But I could see someone going like, I'm losing control and I don't like the feeling of not. Right.

I'm like, you're so far gone. You don't even know the control is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't even know if you can have that thought, but I guess you can. But that's why I like that. You need to be that high. If you take a little bit of it, it's probably not the same as taking a ton. Yeah, well, also, it's weird because the medical grade thing is weird because, like, if you do a recreation of those to kettle

It's actually less than the medical dose. It's way more powerful. They're like shooting people up for like an hour. They're cahling for like an hour. I've done a tiny bit of ketamine with acid before. And I didn't even notice the ketamine. Yeah, yeah. But like that vial of ketamine, that fucked me up.

Yeah, because what you do is you pour the liquid and then you, did you do the thing when you pour the liquid and then you heat it up and then you shard it? No. So you just like licked the liquid or what you do? He told me just to put it all in my nose. Oh, yeah. there's like the spray thing. The spray thing, yeah. Yeah, so what you can do is, like,

how they make, like, powder or ketamine or crystal is, like, they take the liquid and then they put it in a microwave and then it turns into glass. Oh. And then you, so, like, we see a bag of- And you snored it? Yeah, yeah.

Like, powder. Like, it's like, yeah, but you should really do that. But, um, yeah, that's what Steve-o was like. Steve was, like, doing, like, he had a really fun, like, going out story. It was like, they were going to, like, give him his intervention or something like that. And then he just took all the ketamine and, like,

put it in a thing was like, I'm going out. And they just snort it all. It's really funny too, because because I like ketamine, I would never do PCP, but they're in like the same family of drugs because they created ketamine to replace PCP. They used to shoot people with PCB for surgery.

I didn't know that. Crazy, yeah. So I was like, oh, I would never do PCP. But you're like, I wonder if, like, in a theoretical world I would enjoy that. But then, like, all the reports of it are like... PCP. I've read, like, police reports on PCP.

I mean, dude, people, like, rip their penises off. Yeah, yeah. There's a guy from Wu-Tang. Who was, I mean, they got like a million members, but he like, uh, did PCP and cut his dick off. And then it's like somebody who got a bad tattoo. He's like, that's just what I wanted to do all along. And then you're like, shut up. You definitely didn't not want to have a penis.

Just stand behind the fact you ruined your life with drugs. No, that's great. What you did. Because it's just, they say it's just a darker version. It's like your thoughts are, it gets way more creepy and demonic. Well, they're like ripping fucking parking meters out of the, you get like superhuman strength. Yeah, yeah. And you don't feel pain.

anymore. That's a bad combo. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, because it's an anesthetic. Yeah. One of them I read this, like, I think they were chasing after like a homeless guy who had broken the law or something. He's naked. And he just ripped his penis off and threw it at the police. That's so nuts. Nuts. And then another one, they cornered a guy who was naked. These guys are always naked. Yeah, yeah. Everybody's just naked on PCP. He's on the roof of a building. They corner him, but everyone's like pointing guns at him from different angles. He just jumps, like spread eagle jumps,

lands, I guess, face up on a police car, and jizzes on everybody. Now you're selling it. That's kind of a hero's journey. So there are all these like SWAT team guys wearing like bulletproof vests just covered in this guy's jizz. What a range, dude. Yeah, I don't know who he actually like came on or not, but he did jizz. Oh my God. I'm sure the person who wrote the report was like being dramatic.

But the guy landed, splat, probably hurt himself badly, and came at the same time. Wow. I'm surprised you could come on like a disassociative because it's like you're so numb. That's what this thing said. I mean, it was, there are like kind of public like Reddit style police forums. Right. They aren't necessarily legitimate. I don't know.

Maybe these people just made all these stories up, but they were good stories. Yeah, because I watched Hamilton Pharmacopia, Hamilton Morris, the vice guy. He did one on PCP and it was really interesting because there was this guy who was like, a functioning PCP addict and he was like, he's just in a disassociative, so ketamine and PCP and then he like just started wearing dresses and he's like, it's because of this

the PCP angels told me and you're like, that's the kind of shit where you're like, dude, drug brain's so dumb. It's like you gotta realize like that none of this is real. Like there's some helpful thoughts. Like when I was on shrooms and I told him myself, my friend looked identical to me and I was going I was like, I'm becoming this guy

and he made a lot of mistakes and I was like, oh, I don't want to become this guy. I was walking behind him. I was walking in his footsteps. So that was like a good realization. And I, you know, I think I really did like,

in a lot of ways, put my life on a better track because of that. But people are like, yeah, I saw like a, I don't know, I saw like a weird thing. And now I'm part of the nation of Islam

because I took acid. And you're like that. No, no, no, no, no. That's fucking not at all. What you did. That's garbage,

yeah. No, if you become like a black Israelite because of the drugs, yeah. You're doing something wrong. Well, this is how,

this is how it works. It's like you do, you're really religious, you do no drugs, and you do a lot of drugs, and you become really religious. Yeah, that's true. Such a cycle,

but it's, yeah, I don't know, it's such a weird thing because it's like, there's a lot of sober, non-religious people. I think it's like,

I don't know. It's, it's fair. I mean, we were talking about my sister. I got to talk about this real quick. It's so funny. My sister,

who's an influencer, Lexie Good, she is now getting called out by like just random people are like she's a false profit. And I'm like, my 24 year old sister was a profit to people. Well, it's like, and I was like, if you want to make somebody a real profit, start calling them a false profit. Dude, I would love.

You're just promoting them. I was a little jealous. I was like, I don't like backlash, but I'm like, she's getting this kind of attention on the internet. That's ideal backlash. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People are going to look her up because of that. I know.

Yeah, yeah. I'm hoping I'm like, start connecting her to me. So I get some of that. You need to somehow start propaganda that you're a false. profit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, her TikTok bio says, what's it called, like, aspiring cult leader. So, like, I get why she's getting those fucking people doing that shit.

But, uh, I mean, LA, I'm sure as Tommy, how many people are, you said everybody's starting a cult there, right? I mean, sex cults are kind of like a right of passage in L.A. Yeah. People definitely start sex cults. Well, like, Beekram Yoga basically was a sex call. Yeah, yeah. You've seen that documentary. You're aware of it. I'm aware of it. Yeah, yeah. That didn't.

I was just trying to fuck everybody. That nexium thing, I think, started in L.A. There's a lot of, like, well, there's a lot of, kind of horned up, very insecure, desperate failures in L.A. No better breeding ground for a sex called. 100%. People who want attention. Things haven't gone the way that they wanted them to go.

Maybe there's, where's the answer? They've left their family. They were Catholic or some normal religion, you know, Protestant. They moved to L.A. They're like, there's got to be some other answer. And then some, you know, some guy with like a Napoleon complex tells him he can fix everything. And then before they know, they're just getting fucked by this guy in like a remote part of Southern California or whatever. Yeah.

For me, it's, I just hate roundabout ways of people getting pussy. Like I was talking about like, I was talking about that guy who like fucking one of these guys, not going to say what TV show he was on, but he started a woman's retreat where they're, like, washing their feet, and they're wearing masks, and then at the end of it, they're just, like, clearly, I'm like, just fucking, it disturbs me. It's, like, guys that, like,

fake gay to get pussy. Like, there's, like, Brooklyn guys that are like, oh, I'm, like, and I'll do it a little bit to an extent. Like, the lesbian at the show tonight. Yeah, oh, yeah, some lesbians. He's kind of the female version of that. Yeah, lesbian slapped my ass. I let her, I was like, this would be a fun show, slap my ass, and then, yeah,

what was she talking about? She's like, she's like, with another girl and then she's like, she seemed like she has had three ways with a lot of, with her and a girlfriend and a guy. Yeah.

A lot. Yeah. And the other one was hot. So I was like, yeah, like, I've had a three son with another guy there.

So I'm like, I'm an ugly lesbian lady. Sure. I don't care. Yeah. But I'm happy our night. I didn't go that way.

I think that would have been one more thing to worry. I told you. I'm just like, you know, I'm tired. We've had a long day. Like we're in this hotel room.

You can see the hotel room. I don't want two lesbians in here also. Yeah. Yeah. That's a long fucking night. You're not coming on the road with me anymore. No, this is actually good because I have tried to drink glass and I'm like, because you don't give. I'm like, this is good.

I had like one beer at dinner. That was the first beer I've had in like a week. I was like, this was a. You said you never do that. Yeah. I never just have one beer. Yeah. But I was like, yeah, no, I like.

That would have been. And there's a fun story you get from that. probably good life experience for me trying to ignore a lesbian three way in the room but uh but yeah kind of nice to avoid it for sure it also just can't be fun all the time dude like I just had the sugar mama in town and I was like

dude she's getting me fucking caviar and I'm like I can't do that no it's it's not healthy for your like your reward system gets thrown off you need have some days where you don't get everything that you could have ever wanted totally every taste and sensation yeah getting blown on ketamine

it's nice to not have that happen every day. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, it is to have that. I mean, it's great to have it happen. Yeah, but you're like, I should earn this. You don't want to get desensitized to it. You want it to feel good. There's no. There's no desensitizing the fake tits and caviar. I have zero. I was like, this is awesome. But yeah, no, no, I am like trying to like really fucking work my ass off and move ahead. And it's like, yeah, no. And it's also like the feeling like shit all the time too. You're like, yeah, I just being hungover. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's one thing I realized it was I can't go to the gym hungover. Like, I would occasionally not go if I was hungover. It helps if I was hungover, but you're like, oh, I can't go because I'm hungover. Then you go and you're like, oh, I can just do the same things. I think writing is tough hungover. I think stand-up isn't quite as good, you know. And also hangover snowball. So like one day of hangover is not the same as seven consecutive days of being hungover.

you can't even function. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like on stage, you can't function the same way. There's no way. No, yeah. And luckily, I did have a day job where I could be hung over at. Canvas for a charter school. They don't even know about this.

So I'm just like, dude, the other day I just went to the hood. And it was just like, dude, it was just me smoking cigs with like construction guys and hanging out with like cool black. I was like, this is awesome. This is like so sick. But then the one guy on my, it was very funny because I think I was telling you, there's a super cool, very nice gay guy. But we're just in the hood and he's like smelling flowers and like putting them. in his hair and I was like how am

you're so not racist that it's impressed because like in my mind I was like I was like I don't know like I don't ever go into the hood I'm like I'm gonna get jumped but I'm like if I start

picking up flowers I just I don't know I mean a hood teenager threw ice at me the other day but I was like whatever I was assumed he was trying to hit my friend what do you mean through ice at you we're in a Chipotle

and I was in like the Bronx and these kids were having ice fights and I was walking walking away and just the back of my head got hit by an ice and I'm like, okay, what am I going to do? Am I going to fight for hood teenagers and get my ass kicked? Or am I going to convince myself that he meant to throw it at his friend and go? Now, those little hood kids are always trying to fuck with adults, always. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Especially white guys. Yeah, no, I had a kid one time I was in a movie theater. I was walking by. This kid spit from like the level above me and hit me. And then I like hunted him down. I was my ex. And I didn't know how to curse it like a kid. I don't want to be like, you fucking little bitch.

I'm gonna fucking kick the shit. I was like, you should not do that to other people. I was like, what even was there? Did he care? No, no. He was just like, I don't know, yeah. I mean, I have obviously a fantasy of pulling a gun on somebody and not using it. I have fantasies of like trying to get back at those little kids. Can I, can I like say the F? Can I say crazy words? You can say fagin on here.

I used to run with my daughter. It's all the listeners. Half the comments are you can say fagg. It's all in context. I used to run with my daughter. Like I'd push her in a jogging stroller. And I had this happen twice in Astoria, which is not even like a rough,

you don't even rough area at all. Very nice. But there's like little, there's little like aggressive kids. There's like little fucked up weird kids in every neighborhood, I guess. More than one time I had kids, like as I'm running,

they just yell. They go, fag it! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fag it. You just want to turn around and beat the shit out of like a young kid. Yeah, yeah. And you can't do anything.

No. That's where, like, I don't know, dude. What would... I always want, like, an egg. Like, I always want an egg, like, for when I get cut off by a car, I could just throw... Oh, just, like... Just travel with a dozen eggs. Yeah, and then just throw one, because, like, people will fucking do that.

I had some guys, they suck my dick, you that they'd drive and buy. And it's, like, but also, like, I... I was drunk at a wedding, like, four years ago, and there was, like, a guy on a bicycle who was, like, a grown man, who was definitely straight. This is Florida. I think he was wearing, like, a trump shirt or something. And I was just, like, nice bike, fat. it and I just drove away and I'm like

25 at the time. I was like I get the car when you're in a car it is fun to yell things at people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was sure that guy wasn't gay. I mean, hopefully he wasn't a closet of gay guy. But it was one of those things

too where you're like, when you have a car, it's just so like I don't know, but like we would have that as oh my God, I'd be on a bicycle. I don't one guy we were on, we were driving by and this guy's like oh, you fucking homos. And then his license tag was this Christian radio station.

It was like Z88.3 safe for little years. I was like and he just screamed to me. But it's such a weird like, I want some kind of weapon. Like I don't know what you can use. I was talking to some girl at my work and she's like, what you should do is just wear like a construction vest and just have a hammer all the time?

Because it's like, like, do you feel like, what do you like with fighting? Like, do you feel like when you're with your wife and there's a crazy guy on the subway, do you feel like I could fuck that guy up? No, I feel like it's a losing battle, no matter what. Yeah, yeah.

Because you don't know if he has a weapon. You don't know what could happen. Yeah, and it's like so hard. It really confuses my masculinity because I'm like, who am I if I can't defend a woman on the train? Yeah, yeah, it's true. No, it's like you're kind of always better off not doing anything, which means you're all helpless. Yeah. Everybody's helpless.

I look around and I go, like, if a woman was like getting attacked by a man, I would get another guy and be like, I'm like, you go do me. Hey, we have to do something. Yeah. That one. My dad would get murdered in New York. My dad has, like, balls. And I think he would walk up to, like, anybody and just be like, hey, hey, you.

And then just, like, get his ass. You would get stabbed, for sure. Yeah, it's smart. Like, smart people on the subway, like, don't even make eye contact. Yeah, yeah. Don't look at anybody. Why the hell would you look at anyone? You ever get to, why are you following me?

I get that a lot where I'm just, like, walking behind a crazy guy. He's like, why, why you follow me? No. I'm like, oh, I'm just walking. And you're like, I'm not. And then now he really thinks he's like, it's definitely. a government agent because that's exactly what a government agent would say. You're just like, I've never had a, like, a paranoid guy like that. Oh, I get them a lot. I mean, I've also been there

for seven years, so. Yeah, I haven't had too much of that. I mean, there are weird dudes who, like, make eye contact with you, start talking to you, et cetera, but like, no, not the, are you following me, I don't think. Yeah, yeah. I, uh, trying to get, do, my ex had somebody just take a chain and just slam it next to her head, like a thick chain and just fuck it in a train car? Yeah, yeah, I'm like, that would be the scariest experience in my life. Like women in New York, it's so crazy.

I don't know, I'm, I'm, it's kind of funny, because I think I told you, I'm going on a date with this woman this week who's 6 foot 9, and, like, she was like talking about dating, because we matched on a dating app and then she found me again on Instagram, and then she's like, I just was really nervous, I just wanted to make sure you're a safe guy, and I'm like, you're

a foot taller than me, and like, you could probably fuck, it's just so funny that, like, It's only that big. You have to, like... She's bigger than Tyrus. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know, but it's like... Has anybody tried to fuck with a woman that big, ever?

I guess so. I don't know. They made women that big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a wild thing that, like, I don't know. I guess it's just... But it's got to be somewhere in your psyche, too. Like, even if you're stronger than the men around you,

you probably still are like, oh, guys are... Because guys can still be conniving. Like, a guy could still drug you or, like, do something like... Maybe you get more attention because you're so big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, people fuck with you because you're big. Dude, why have friends like that? That, like, dude, all my friends that are jacked,

getting to fights all the time, like, people try to fight because they're so big. That makes sense. People, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you been any fights? Not really as an adult. Is that your water? I'm gonna get my water real quick.

I think that's mine, yeah. Do you see it? No, I've never, I don't think I've been in, like, a real fist fight as an adult. Yeah, I've been in, like, a few as an adult. I've never had like a fair fist fight. It's either been like broken up or like, I don't know.

I have like a retainer right here. And I'm like, dude, I don't want to get punched in the face and just like mess up my whole mouth. I don't know. But I want to learn basic fighting just so I can like, like, have you taken classes and stuff? Yeah, I boxed in L.A. After one class where you like, I could do. Because there's a lot of guys that like took two classes and they're like, dude, I ate. No, I like kind of learned how to do it and like did a little bit of sparring, not much.

And I know how good some people are at that and how easily they could beat the shit out of me for sure. Yeah. I think if you do it right on some level, you learn how fucking horrible. Like how even if you keep getting better at this, you will just die in a fight against someone who actually knows how to fight. Yeah, well, and I wrestled in high school and I always wore the ear pieces

because I thought cauliflower ear looked stupid. And my brother's like, you're so shit. And I'm like, you're so right, dude. If I had, like, you just look tough. If you have a cauliflower ear, like, you just look, I don't respect you more. They do.

I might get a fake cauliflower year. However, it's weird, though. It's actually saw a guy on the subway the other day with cauliflower ear, and I'm like, this guy's,

is this guy like still wrestling? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's an adult wrestler? When do you stop? Yeah, when do you hang up the leotaur? Yeah. When he was in, like,

good shape and had like the really point, I'm like, this got like an elf? Yeah. Or is he still fighting? what the fuck is it? It's a weird kind of adult to be. Yeah.

Yeah, well, I wish, I mean, like, I fell on my face like a week. I think I told you about this. I slid down the railing of a subway, a hand railing. No. I slide down the subway hand railings all the time. Oh, yeah, okay. And I just completely ate it. But I looked good for, like, because I looked, I had like a little bit more edge to me.

And I'm like a cool scar, like, oh, just one, like, cool skull. Yeah, yeah, no, the scars can be cool. I'm sorry that has become like a hipster trend. Like just getting like a one scar. So you have someone cut your face? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that could work.

Yeah. Like the opposite of plastic surgery. Just have someone mangle your face. But you look like somebody, I think the mustache and then like you're like a straw. You look like somebody that I think people wouldn't, like you would fight or who? Yeah. You look like you look like you're secretly very tough. Like you look like you're the guy that like when you take the glasses off, you're like, sir, you don't want to do this.

I don't know. I mean, I've enjoyed boxing. I would do more stuff like that, but I don't want to fucking fight anybody, really. And no one really challenges me to fights me. It's just because I'm not out. I did, like, when I used to live in Chicago, I was much younger,

and I would go out and get fucking shit-faced in the north side, and I lived on the south side, which is like a little rougher, and I would take the train out there. I was in a nice part of it, but you're taking the train. Past a certain train stop,

there's no more white people. Yeah, yeah. There's all black guys, and they're scary black guys. And I had guy, like I was, back then it was kind of like when the, um, smartphones were relatively new. This is a long time ago. So like people didn't look at their phones on the train because people would steal them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

People do the exact opposite now to, to deter crazy people. Right. You're like, I'm going to look at my phone. Yeah, yeah. Back then they were like, don't look at your phone. They'll steal your phone. Yeah. So I would like, like, one time I had a newspaper out and this guy just ripped the newspaper out of my hand and went like this to me.

Ooh. And we're like in one of, we're on our one. way to the roughest part of America. Shireak. Jesus. And he did that to me. And I was scared. He didn't do anything.

It's such a funny thing to steal an informational thing. He was just trying to fuck with me. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, he didn't need. It was a free newspaper that I got on the fucking subway. Yeah. And another time, I was just waiting for the bus. So I would take the train to a bus to get back towards the lake.

And I was waiting for the bus. And another dude who's even scarier with a duffel back. a heavy looking duffel bag, like ran up on me, like he was going to swing the duffel bag at me, and then stopped. Oh. So these guys,

like, if they see a white dude, they're like, I have to fuck with this guy. That also has to feel very fun when you see, like, a white guy who's nervous. Petrified white guy. I just don't love it if him stealing these.

Like, you're going to get none of the fucking local news today. And it was like, I'm going to be learned all about the local geographic politics. It was like announcements about like, uh, black box improv shows. It was just like

I'm gonna check this shit out Not even a location on it Motherfucker Furthest thing from a real newspaper That's so fucking funny There's no way he even looked at it He probably just threw it down I love kind of people like that

They're like I'm just bad to be bad He didn't want He didn't want the newspaper He just wanted to, he was like Fuck this white guy trying to hide from me Yeah Yeah And I'm gonna take his stupid newspaper

And now he has to look at me Yeah And people would just walk out like kind of schizophrenic sort of guys would just walk on a train cars and be like, man, I fucking hate white motherfuckers. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, I'm looking around.

Like, there's no other white guys here. Hey, me too. Yeah, yeah. I'm not the people. I'm not white. Yeah. I should have started like speaking Spanish or something. Yeah.

Chicago is scarier on the subway than New York. Oh, yeah. For my limited experience. I was there for like two years. And I was much more frightened on the subway in Chicago. Do you think that will be a technology ever where you could tap a button and change your skin color? That's a good question. I mean, in the post-AI era, when my kids are my age, maybe, maybe that's just what's going to happen.

Because you could dye your hair, and like I get that there's stuff with blackface and stuff. But like, I think we're really at a place where like that could end, if you could choose your own race, it would end racism. Couldn't it? Yeah. I guess just the skin want to do it all because there's like, you know. Well, but if you could be a chameleon, if you could be like that, um,

the character Jennifer Lawrence played in X-Men. Yeah, if you could be like, what do you call her, mystique? Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. mystique of race. Yeah. Then there's no more racism. Yeah. Does that make us all code switching pieces of shit if we're just like... Totally. Oh my God, dude.

You go into like a Chinese place. You go out. Oh, I'm Chinese. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You go like this and you go like, hello. Yeah.

And it just does it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It like, it's weird they didn't catch on. Like, I've had a transracial woman on. And like, I don't see anything morally wrong with you. You had her on?

Yeah. Yeah. Where'd you find this chick? It was, what's it called? It wasn't Rachel Dolez. No, no, but it was like people like Rachel Dolezon. It was Lady Martina Big, also known as My Laca Kubwa, which is her African name.

Also, like, second largest tits in the world. What? Yeah. She's a white woman who identifies as black? German woman went fully black. Her husband had the same thing. Second largest tits in the world? Yeah.

What does that even look like? You're just speaking to a pair of tits at that point. Basically, yeah. You just invited some tits who think they're African on your show. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. They doubled his bongos. No, she like, it was just one of those things that I was like, I don't know.

It's like, you can't. I don't know. It's like, I think she might be crazy. But like, in some way, I'm like, yeah, sure, just like, if you could dye your hair, I get how you could like, I get how you're not now a black person. but I get how like if you want to get really tan you are transing in a way

like you are right right so I get how like especially the whole looks maxing stuff now it's like it's I would guess we're 10 years away from the transracial thing and I don't think like I don't see anything morally wrong with it like unless you're like now if you now start going like my people and stuff like that's totally different right but I think like

I mean Michael Jackson literally trans like there's no that guy became a white guy yeah yeah that's true Yeah, it's like, and it's so crazy Because you look at him You're like that guy, that is a A weird one, but that is a white guy now Yeah, he really

Like, what do you think his whole thing was behind that? Why he wanted to be white? Because he said he had Villaligo But like you don't just now die You don't get a couple white spots You go now I'm gonna be all white I mean to some degree If you have Vidaligo as a black guy

You have to pick Which way you're going Which way you want to go Yeah, yeah And he just decided to keep being a, or to keep transitioning towards white. He probably felt some shame and or, or, again, I said this in the card. He really, maybe his dad thought that, like, told him his skin was too dark and his nose. He said shit about his nose, obviously, because he changed his nose.

Yeah, yeah. His nose is too big. I think that's what people have speculated. But he probably felt a sense of shame about it for some reason. And maybe the Vitiligo was just winning and he's like, fuck it, I'll just be white. Now, what am I going to do? Die my skin black? I can't do that.

Yeah, because then you can do blackface. You're like, yeah, you still can't. Sammy Sosa did the same thing. You know, the baseball player? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like a white, like a vampire now. He looks crazy. Yeah, it's such a weird, but it's also not like a, like,

I get that there's cultural stuff, but it's such a not like, I don't know, it's like you dye your hair. Like, I get that there's obviously cultures and I understand racism. Actually, I understand it better than anybody. I think I'm an expert. But I think it is a, think, too, where you're like, you should be able to choose how you look. And then I think at some point that stuff won't choose your race. Yeah, I just think it won't be a big deal at some point where people

be like, oh, okay, yeah, this is just a guy who, because it's like, you know, you don't know how, how much that would offend? I think it's great. Yeah. But there are a lot of people who would be like, that's the most preposterous that you, if you choose your race, then who the hell am I anymore? And you're like, you're maybe a human being with your own story. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and the answer is you probably, if that's your attitude, you're a loser. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. If all you are is your racial identity. Yeah, exactly. I feel no, I wanted to be a black guy as a kid.

But I think, too, like, because people do it in minimal sense. Like, a black woman will dye her hair blonde and put blue contacts in. Right. And that is a new race of person visually. Basically, not, yeah, yeah, as a person of black skin, you're not really supposed to look like that. Right, yeah, but there's nothing wrong with it. I go, okay, you, I actually think it's bet. No, I'm kidding.

I think everyone should have blonde hair and blue eyes. Yeah, just do it. But it is like, I don't know. It's like, yeah, you should feel like choose your eye color and stuff like that. Like, I do see problems with it with insecurity because it is like, hey, you should be happy with who you are and how you look. But like, I don't know. It seems not that outside of racial history. It doesn't seem that much more dramatic than a hairstyle if it's just a visual style.

Because it's like, it's a part of your body. So it's like if I decided to grow a beer, or not a beard that's covering, I don't know. This is a weird argument, I understand. This is not where you're definitely not on the same page. No, I think it's like it's a physical possibility in like the virtual reality, you know, like there's a lot of technology now that would allow for that to possibly happen. Yeah.

I don't know when, but at some point people might be able to do that. And then what does that do to society? I don't know Maybe it is just a great thing Yeah I mean I think we should There will be it But I think the argument people make is They go now my whole history

Is gone Right But you could still tell your history Like it's like Back when people used to have races Right It was like this Now

I was a Thai lady boy over there And now I'm fucking I'm a Dominican guy over here Yeah, but that's party No, that's cool I'm, this is my thing I think history is long enough We need new races

We need green people We need blue people We need people we need people We need to start We've we've I've had enough with every race Not not not with like their behavior Or anything that

I'm talking about their behavior Yeah I've just I've seen enough I go I've seen enough Chinese guys I've seen enough white guys I need to see a blue person I want to meet a blue person

I want a new culture around blue people and green people. This is like the mystique thing. Yeah, yeah, dude. I'm just, man, dude, if people just started becoming blue and then that's just like doing their own thing,

I don't know, it's an interesting idea. Because I don't think, what do you think would be outside of traditional racial colors? What would be a color that would look attractive on somebody? Red would be kind of scary. Red's too much.

Again, mystique looks good. It's a little much, though. In person, being face to face with a blue person is a lot. Dude, pink would be beautiful. Like a pink woman? Well, that's basically white. No, no, no.

I mean, like pink like a fucking, oh, like like Kirby pink. I don't know fuck Kirby, but like. So a woman's just like a wet ham, like a boiled ham? Just some Patrick Starr's walking around. No, I mean, it also depends on whose skin, whose color you're changing. Right. So white people would have to go pink. Right, because that woman you had on as a guest, if she went pink, the way to think she's black,

She would be Kirby. Right. Yeah, because she's a good giant tithe. Yeah. But I'm just thinking about, like, I've been on mushrooms before, and people's skin looks pink and glowy. And, like, that's kind of like a cool look. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a sparkly pink person.

I mean, good work. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, black is good. Look, we all agree. It's all good. We're just saying if we were having to choose new colors. Yeah. Green, I think, is out.

Nobody's going to be green. Green's not going to work. Yellow's too much. purple? I think purple, blue, and pink. Some shades of purple and blue and pink. Could be interesting. Yeah, because I feel like I've seen

cosplay a woman and you see like a woman. No, it's true. I kind of had a thing. Avatar's kind of hot. The Avatar chicks are kind of hot, like a blue lady. Yeah. I went to some music festivals long,

you know, 10 plus years ago and like was hanging out with people who like body painted a little bit. That can look pretty damn good on a lady. Right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's true. Yeah. That was a thing for a second. And like the 2010s for some reason, everyone was body painting. Oh, the glow parties? Yeah, yeah. I think there was a Sports Illustrated issue, a swimsuit issue, where people had like body paint on.

Do you remember this vaguely? Yeah. And people were just doing it. And that looked good. So yeah, there you go. Well, that would be ideal, right? You like have mixtures of colors. Ooh.

Not just, we don't have to pick one color. It's just like a sporting event. Or a piece. You're a piece of art or whatever. You just have a bunch of shit on your. your body. Oh my gosh. That's much more interesting than one color. I think I've discovered a new fetish.

The body paint stuff, that looks pretty good. Not a lady. No question. It does happen in other cultures like in like, what's that? African tribe. African tribes. Definitely. And India, there's an Indian festival where they paint their base. Oh, yeah, that looks very pretty. Yeah, yeah, I could see

that. The Indian, you know, have you seen the Indian dudes in New York who dye their beards? Yes, you know what that is. It's Tamarind or something. What is it? So it's not Indian. I guess it could be Indian. So it's there's some thing that references Muhammad possibly having an orange beard. Oh, that's what that is?

Yeah. So people... It's Hanna. They dyed their be be beards with Hanna. Yeah, it might be Hena. I'm not sure what they is, but like a lot of bodegas or like whatever, you know, places that brown people are in. Because I

my specific example is a 7-Eleven on McDougal. And those guys would all have these orange beards. And then it the tough part was they didn't speak English. So if you try to get something behind the counter, it's very much like a crane claw machine where you'd be like down, down, up, no, no, left, drop.

And then they get like a gun. But yeah, I thought, I thought that was a race of people for a little bit. Because I talked to my dad about it. I was like, yeah, these Indian guys have like orange beards. He goes, yeah, some of them have like ancestry that's like, and then I looked up its neck,

no, they're just dying. No, they all orange. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're not all redheads. I just thought, I was like, I was like, New York is full of, surprise. Sometimes Indian guys have red hair. I just thought it was a thing.

Yeah. Yeah. We're at like an hour right now. What do you want to promote? Let's see. What should I be promoting? Really just my Instagram. I've been posting more Daddy Hurwitz on Instagram. Hell yes. Yeah. He's a

fucking hilarious comedian. One of my favorites. Love this guy. If this comes out Sunday, okay, June 5th Orlando. I'm headlining. Alex's underground comedy club. There's tickets in my Instagram bio. There's an 8 and 10 o'clock show.

Spread them out evenly. Like, if, I don't know how to even promote this, but basically, just please don't get too fucked up. I'll get fucked up with you after the show. After the 10 o'clock show. Go, yeah, if you're going with friends, make sure you guys all buy tickets to the same shows. I'll see how tickets are looking,

because if they're looking low on one, then come to the other. But I assume the 8's going to be a bang or so. I guess now I'll push for the 8, and then the weeks come if the 10's looking low just buy either but please come out invite your grandma invite everybody invite fucking I invite a hinge date

invite the creepy guy from your building I just need to pack out the room and thank you so much thanks man