Morning Good - The Joe Paterno of the Comedy Community - Episode 96

Episode Date: July 10, 2022

Thanks to Jake and 2 Pull Papi for coming on the show. They're both great comics with a lot of funny stuff to check out, so make sure to follow them for more.You can can find Chris on IG @chrisbazemore_ and Jake @jake_timothy.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. Love Dirty Mike and the Boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to Morning. We're here with Jake Timothy. I don't know why I expect more out of you. Some people get on there like, yes, what's up? But I don't know why I was. I think I'm a, this is my ninth time on this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Chris Baysmore. I was never right, right? Yeah, you did. I fuck up every name. No, that's cool. I'm used, I had someone the other day call me Chris Baseball. And, like, thought it was the coolest thing. Like, said, hey, your name is baseball?

Like, wanted to know, like, history about it. Like, who's your pops? Like, I don't fuck it. First off, I don't know. And secondly, like, that's just such a weird stance. Yeah, yeah, to be excited that your name would be baseball. That should be your, like, stage name. Chris baseball.

I just come out with baseball. I should come out with like a catcher's outfit. Yeah. Just throwing. You know, back in the day when... Like Mr. Pants. Every punchline, you throw it at him. Strike!

I say that, that's like my Shucky Ducky. Yeah. A hamburger. If we was in the 90s, you'd realize someone would take that for sure. Oh, yeah, dude. Well, that's a tough question. You ever seen Hamburger? You know what's that?

I think he's better than Shucky Ducky. He's one of the Def Jam guys who had like a cat phrase who it just like it caught on it the second he did it yeah is it his name's Alonzo Jones and he goes they say Lanzo Boden I was like wow he changed a lot he changed his whole thing he's fucking great though

yeah and instead of swearing he just says hamburger oh okay like in between like for every curse word no just instead of like damn or like god damn he says it in that his first death champ said he's like I say that instead of saying like goddamn or whatever but also

death jams not it doesn't have to have to be clean It was on HBO, right? Or was it on? Yeah, it was HBO. Yeah, you'd have to be clean. But it was like a personal choice. Yeah. And it honestly made it funnier.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it was just, it was wild. You got a Def Jam, you just have it. It's just such a wild time of comedy. And then all of a sudden, you got him who changes the energy of the room by just going, hamburger. Yeah. And, like, sitting on it and just letting the crowd just digest it. Yeah, and he's wearing a cowboy hat.

He looks ridiculous. Yeah, no. There's so much happening. Dude, I think about, there's always that part of me that's like, I just want to start wearing ridiculous shit. Like, I was watching, I went to go see the Elvis movie today. And my favorite, dude, no, okay, I didn't like Elvis at all. I was not into him.

But then I saw Pillhead Elvis with his cool Las Vegas outfit. I'm like, I like that version of Elvis. Like a guy who went to see the movie dressed as Elvis? No, no, no, no, in the movie. He's not only the bad quality of Elvis. That's a funny way. He mimics only the bad qualities of Elvis. He's like, yeah, you know, I like, do it.

This is what I do. Yeah, I take this part. But, like, yeah, like, you know what I'm talking about? He had that white outfit with, like, a cape on it. Yeah. It's like his most famous. Yeah, yeah. But it's, like, cooler than, like, the leather jacket greaser Elvis.

Like, I like that. He has to fucking gut at that point. Yeah, too. Was he ever really a leather jacket guy, though? Yeah, yeah. Like, when he first was, like, coming out, he was, like, cliche greaser, like, with the comb, like that look. Yeah.

And that was just kind of boring to me because that was, like, a cool guy in the 50s. And I'm like, I don't know. Yeah, I went to, when I went to Memphis, I went to Sun Records, which, like, they discovered him or whatever. Yeah. And I like how, like, they kind of skip over the parts where he, you know, steals black music. They just, how do they address that in the movie? Oh, it was, there wasn't a black person in the movie. No, I'm kidding.

It just don't even. It was just handled, though. Yeah, yeah. No, no, they went through, like, the whole thing. Like, they were like, he's learning it from other people. And then he's doing, it literally showed him doing the same songs like that. And it was, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, you want him to still look like a super...

I just can't wait to, you know... Well, they didn't address him with the 14-year-old. Yeah, yeah, they didn't get into that at all. Well, of course they wouldn't. You get into that. They should. Yeah, they should. They definitely should, but why...

It's a musical. This movie is... When I saw the trailer, I was like, they're not going to do anything negative about this. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, when I saw the trailer, I thought it was epic because I was like, oh, look, they did make... I want to see it because I want to see the superstars of it. Yeah, yeah.

But then I'm like, they're going to... going to avoid all the good shit that I really want to know. Yeah, yeah. Like, how did he get off the, like, having a 15-year-old? And he just stole music. They just didn't care. No, it was just a different time. Well, the thing she said, I was reading an article

about it. So she said that they met when they were 14 and he, like, kissed her and, like, they had a relationship, but he's like, I'm not going to fuck you until we're married, because I don't want to fuck. Oh, that was the stance. That's his wife. Yeah, yeah. He's got a finger. Maybe, I don't know where he drew the line. They got married with

I think she's 18, right? No, she was 16. When they got married? When they got married. And she said, she said she loved the movie. She did? She's still alive. Yeah, she's only 70, like 75 or something.

Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, she, I mean, it makes sense. I guess she's like, right? Yeah, this doesn't make it. Oh. Oh, yeah. You know what's going to be the Oscar movie when fuck it? The Art Kelly fly off it?

That's going to come out? Wait, I thought they're doing another one. I feel like, no. What they will eventually. Oh, yeah. And that's going to be someone's trapped in the closet too. Yeah.

That's going to be someone's Oscar. I don't know who's going to take that role. Maybe Michael B. Joe and I take it. That's going to be a fucking Oscar. Yeah, that'll be. And they're going to immediately address the 50s. He just went to jail like two days ago, right?

Yes, 30 years. 30. That's crazy. A 30 piece. I mean, I don't even know. Wasn't there Michael Jackson? That was the craziest reversal for me. Because I remember when I was a kid,

I think I was talking to you about it. I saw pictures of Michael Jackson, like when he was like, creepy looking and I asked him almost like what's up with that guy she goes he's a weird guy I don't know like that was all I knew about Michael Jackson I knew nothing about his music until he died because I was 12 and I think I was like 12 when he died and then that's whenever he was like okay like I was like the pedophile Michael Jackson died like that's how I knew him completely yeah that's crazy you had the I think the people held him up the most where they seen the transition yeah so they'd still remember the good time it's like when you're a fan of a team it's like oh you know the Chicago Bears in 85 oh yeah Yeah. I'm just going to hold on to that. They don't care about the Chicago beers now. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, no, this is when.

I guess it's easier to, like, defend that guy and prop him up if you literally see him as two different guys. Yeah. That's how it should be. He went through such a crazy physical transformation. Yeah, I think it's his white side. Yeah. As soon as he turned white, he started being a pedophile, which is on brand. This is what I was telling him.

You're not. You watched to catch a predator. They never do it. It's always white dudes or occasionally Asian. This is what I was telling him the other days. The guy's market. Yeah. From the time I learned who Michael Jackson was until just for the rest of my life, I guess.

I always knew, like, one, he's, like, the most famous person ever, and everyone loves his music. Easily. But I also just knew he was a pedophile. He's like, I learned those things at the same time. That feels like a weird thing to tell something. I didn't know a kid. That adult didn't sit me down. Let me tell you about this guy.

But it's like, I just knew both of those the whole time. And so until he died, or until like two years ago when that movie came out, I was like, I guess no one cares. Yeah, in the black community, we didn't address it at all. So like, it was always like rumblings about it, but we just kept it under wraps. You never like, we never associate, like that would be like the fourth thing we would mention. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not like, it doesn't go one and two, like you guys. It literally would be like, oh, you know, the pop star, the moonwalk.

We might even throw the fact that he burnt himself. Yeah. Yeah. Then we'll get. We might even go Joe Jackson, you know, because he got beat, a little sympathy. Yeah. Then lead it into the whole pedophilia part. And then we're like, then allegedly.

Allegedly. Yeah. And this is the extra stuff that some people believe. You know, some people. Yeah. It's a conspiracy, actually. Dude, I was literally told that he died by choking on a kid's penis. Like, that's what I was, like, told.

I remember that those rumors. But I was like, I think I was. Such a funny rumor. I think I was like 17 to 18. I was like, that can't be true. Yeah, I was at, like, a Boy Scout camp in the woods. So, like, you know, people, yeah, pedophile conversations are happening left and right. And then they're like, Michael Jackson died.

This is what's up. And then, like, literally, I had no information because I didn't have a cell phone because I was, like, out in the woods. And I was like, I guess he just choked on the kids. Like, I was like, for like a three month, it was probably like a month summer camp. So I'm there for a month just thinking that's how he died. And why do we make him a bottom? And all the stories of his pedophilia is always him being the pleaser. It's never him really getting off.

People really have a problem with them. I have more of a problem with having sex with children. No, no, no, I do too. But like, it's just a wild thought to be like, this pop star was like, I'm going to suck a kid's thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like to go there, it's like, no, it's bad enough that he's with a child doing anything other than, you know.

But you want him to be the man in the situation. But it's like, no, I don't care what he's, yeah, I wish he wasn't doing any of him. Yeah, yeah. But the fact that we was like, no, he's the, he's sucking the kids' penis. He's a weird dude. You look at him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's sucking the penis.

He's like, that's the stance we're taking on this? It is weird. Like, it's weird either way, but it definitely is weird. It makes it weirder. I've heard that defense. Someone tried to explain why they don't think he's guilty of any of it. With that, they're like, how many pedophiles does you know who've, like, been the bottom kind of thing? And I was like, I don't really know.

I don't actually take those stats. I don't know any pedophiles. How are your pedophiles friends? Which ones are? But still, like, is that in the census? Like, how would you find that? Yeah. Like, who would,

Who wouldn't know that part of it. It's also so funny because it's so hot outside right now. I realize any clips of us talking about pedophiles, we're all just sweating. It looks so bad. Because we're nervous? It just happens to be hot outside. If we clicked that, it looks so mad.

We're like, yeah, I don't know, man. Just like sweat beating down all of us. I don't know any pedophiles. I swear. That's a weird. I'm hiding pedophiles. I'm Joe Paterno of the comedy community. That was a sad moment, man.

I wanted to, you know, it was crazy where I was playing football at the time. And I, of course, like every one else, I didn't make it. And I had dreams of going to Penn State. And literally when I didn't make it, my illogical brain was like, I wouldn't have picked them if they gave me a scholarship anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, they just have a bad program. Like, I took everything back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead of being like, oh, this linebacker you, this is a great school. As soon as I heard that, I was like, get it. That's why I didn't take that scholarship. Yeah, God. didn't put me there for a reason. Yeah, this was, this was more, you know what, thank you, Jesus. I appreciate what you've done for me.

What did you play? Position? Yeah, position. Play defensive ball. Were you one of those people, did you like it all the way? Because I had friends who play football, and a lot of them, randomly as adults were like, bro, I hated that shit. They're like, they just did it for, like, did you genuinely enjoy it? I, hmm, I thought

I would be better. That's what. So that may be. If I'm this good now, I'll be incredible. five years from it. Was that kind of how the mindset? Yeah, because you know what happened? I got hyped up by everyone else hyping me up.

Because I never played football before, but my brother did in high school. And I just wanted to do it. I was like, oh, my brother did this thing. I'm going to do it. I don't have a pops that's really active. So I was like, I'm going to follow his footsteps. And the first day, we hit the pads.

I was fucking laying into the sled. I was laying to people. I was like, you know what, maybe I'm good at this. And then my first chance at hitting a real person. And he hit me back. And I fell and I was like, yo, this is, this is not how I'm supposed to go. My mat and players never fall on the floor like this. They're always rated 99. They run faster. They got better stamina. So I don't know. I just was doing it. And then at some point, I didn't take it serious. So I feel like more so I would have enjoyed it more probably if I took it serious.

Yeah. And just like, oh, you know, maybe I'll just be good. I'll just get into this thing and just make it. Like, every one of those stories. I think there's sort of the same mindset with comedy sometimes where you're like, maybe I'm just so naturally talented that I don't have to work at this, which is just the biggest, like, lot. Like, there's like three people that are just naturally that good at stuff.

That's why I really, I don't like when I hear about, well, I don't care, but like it does a little bit make me, it gives, when I hear about people's first times ever doing it and they crush. And it's just so having to be in front of, like, a college or some shit. Like, they did a thousand seed of their first time and crushed. I was like, that's where you're starting. So, of course, you think I'm going to make it tomorrow.

Oh, for sure. I've seen people like that that are naturally good at stand-up quit because they didn't have to deal with the bombing. Bombing hit them at a weird time. So, like, they thought they were good. And then they started bombing, like, what's going on? Compared to if you just start out bombing, you're like, oh, I have to work at this. Like, I saw this guy so naturally good at, like, one of the best natural stand-up comics

I ever seen. And I saw him bomb one time. and then he like stopped doing it. And I like, I knew the bomb that I said. I was like, I know exactly the one that would do it. Yeah, yeah. You think you had one of those in your career yet? Dude, all of my bombs are like pretty motivated.

Like for me, I'm just like, because my first resets were good, but I brought friends out. So I didn't know that I was, yeah. Fucking cheated. Well, because why it is I wanted to make sure that I went through with it. So I was like, I'm doing this open mic next Sunday. You guys show up because I want to be held accountable for my. I cannot do it if you guys aren't here. And then people were like, oh, I want to come see the next one.

I was like, yeah, yeah, sure. And then three, and then I, my fourth set, nobody was there. I knew. I fucking bombed. And then I was like, oh, shit, I got a lot to learn. And then from there, I was like bombing, bombing. I mean, bombing for just so often. So then, but then I figured it out more and more.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Then it's, what do you do? What the fuck? That was bothering. Oh, is there hair hanging from my chin? Yeah. Yeah.

So you go, yeah. This is weird shit. This is white boy fun for real. Chris, your turn. Like, what the fuck? But, yeah, no, no. And then, yeah, I bombed a bunch. But I had the occasional one where I'm like, I mean...

This is part of every podcast as he tells the whole story of his career. Like the Elvis movie? Is he going to keep out the pedophilia too? It's two hours and 40 minutes. Any negative thing is redacted. I want to hear about when you start stealing black people's jokes. That's the podcast.

Yeah, he's pretending not to know who hamburger is. I'm gonna start doing it. Nope. Can't do shucky duckie. They know who that is. The funny thing is white people stealing black people's dance moves because that's so off.

You're like, okay, you didn't go up with that. There's no way. You see somebody I'm like, they're like, this TikToker stole black dance. It was like, yeah, of course. She didn't like naturally. No, I saw, I hate when I see them. But dance is also hard because you're like,

all right, what is stealing? Because like, dance is kind of like an unoriginal thing as it. You know what I mean? It's weird. like there's probably a natural way for like cultures to actually intermingle and like share things but in america it's just like it's just it's just being taken yeah it's not if it works for me i'm taking yeah if i can put on like if i can put on a samurai uniform and get a million

followers you think i'm not going to be samurai man just going to steal that culture that's just who i am now it works it works i'm going to start looking at documentaries learning a little more just the When I get questioned about it, you know, there was one black samurai. His name was Chris baseball. It was a wild thing to happen. It was crazy, man. But, uh, nah, it's, it's interesting.

Speaking of, like, the ball and the thing. You would bring the fan more in here? You were drenched right now. Oh, no, I'm good. All right. I'm just not going to pay any mind. I see you guys are sweating so that makes me feel even better. When I had the podcast, like, no man, like, whatever it is.

Oh, I'm awful. In the summer, if there's no AC and a woman wants to have sex, I tell that's like a part of the briefing I'm like it's never like a you know I got roommates

so you got to it's like hey I'm a sweat at some point just a lot probably more points than not just know it's only because I'm nervous this is because of you

this is actually because of you and us and the friction the height of heat and not sweating someone's mouth before really what do you mean

like you're on top of her I was on top and it just drifted. I saw it. And just being a man, I kept it pushing. I was like, I was waiting until she stopped me.

Am I in the clear? And I wasn't. She stopped me immediately. And guess what? She left. That was the only time a woman has like, you know, stopped me during.

Yeah, because that's disgusting. That's so gross. That's like, you know how like it's like, I like the idea of your own, you're having a sweat rack, during sex.

I usually have a sweat wet rag. I fucking forgot it. That's a good move during sex, I feel that it looks kind of cool. Oh, you just pull it out. Without having it. I'm my ass crack the whole time. He's got pockets.

It also looks like you're putting in serious work if you just like... Oh, but that'd be the thing. I'll be on the bottom sweating. It's like, I'm not doing anything here. I'm just laying here looking at you putting work in. It's a lot.

It's making me sweat. Well, the funniest was like, didn't Harvey Weinstein, he say he doesn't sweat, and that's why he, like, denied his sexual assault allegations. Because some girls, like, who's sweating over me. And he goes, yeah, I physically can't sweat. I have a disease. I mean, that's a doctor's note.

That's a stance. But I don't know if that's, like, a thing where everybody has to, it's, like, part of, like, it's, your body naturally sweats to cool you down. I don't think it's possible. It's this, um... I'd love to have a lawyer who does shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just thanks of that?

Like, Johnny Cocker, like, crazy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what we're going to say is, uh, um... It's impossible to sweat. No one does it. It's actually a myth. We're going to bring in some flat earfers, get them to talk some shit up for us. We're going to run it.

That's just what happens when you spend more money on a legal defense. It's not like the law gets better. It's just the get fucking crazy. But that was like the fucking, what was the George Floyd one? Didn't he say carbon monoxide was the thing? He's like, the tailpipe made him like not. Like it was like. Who?

the George Floyd trial Who said that though? Derek Chauvin's guy was saying he was like Yeah no the exhaust pipe Was close enough to his face That he could have been getting Carbon monoxide poisoning

Yeah you know it's crazy Like to do To be a lawyer Is kind of in a weird way Very difficult Because you get these cases And it's like Hey you got this pedophile

You gotta get them off Because your job is to win But also But how do you get this person off And feel good about yourself That's what you want You want to get to a place Where you can like

Take the cases you want picking juice. If you're a public defender, you're going to be so like in comedy where it's like I'm not doing these bar shows no more. Yeah, but you gotta start. I'm only doing the guard. I guess what is? If you're like, pedophile, like that's the lowest rung. That's the bar show. But if you do, if you get off.

I don't want to say get off. If you get them they're innocent. Them free? Free. Free pedophiles for a few years, then everyone will hire you. Yeah, yeah. It's a matter what. Yeah, but think about what you just did. Yeah, you're a soulless, scummy person. But that's, you know,

lawyer's resume. You're not hiring you to be your friend. You can you put it in real quickly? You're fine. It was picking up. You know what I mean? If you want to hire a scumbag who we'll just get... Also, what percentage of pedophiles that are accused just aren't? Like, that's got to be a...

I think it's one of those things that's pretty like... Yeah, it's a... You know, if it's smoke, there's fire type of thing. Not always, right? But it's like... Probably more times than not in that case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a really hard one to... That's a hard statistic to really figure out. There's no way of knowing because everybody

either isn't doing it, you know what I mean, is going in jail if they get accused of it or vice versa. Yeah. Yeah, man. I really honing it on pedophiles. I'm not even kidding. You started with fucking Elvis. He came out the gate.

You set the tone. Well, it's frustrating. It's not me. He just saw the Elvis movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also like it's unavoid. I've, there's probably nine hours of me talking about this. I think I've hit every angle on pedophiles at this point.

It just comes. This podcast might as well be called Michael talks about pedophiles. Somehow it gets brought in every single time. In a directionless way. Yeah. It just kind of talks about him. Just, so how you guys feel about it?

Yeah. I listen back as just me throwing it in every two seconds. But the other thing, the movie was visually cool, though, the Elvis movie. Like, I was, it was almost like... Oh, it looks that way. Yeah, yeah. It was like almost like a Game of Thrones style intro

where like it's like showing Vegas where it's like... Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, it goes like really, like zoomed in on like like at Vegas in its heyday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that stuff was like badass. I like that. When the mob ran it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because his lawyer, dude, his lawyer, or not his lawyer, his manager is just the biggest piece of shit. And by the way, I want to take back to the guy. I said, I don't like Tom Hanks as an actor because I thought he had no range. And he plays a bad guy in this. He has range. No, I think he.

He's great. Yeah, I thought he always had range. What didn't give you range? Captain Phillips? He does, he's a movie star in that he doesn't really need range. That's a good point. Like the most famous movie stars don't need to be everywhere. Because I feel like

Denzel at some point is like he's just who he is. You see a Denzel movie because he's him. You see the equalizer because it's like there's nothing even guarding my view of him. He's just being himself the whole time. But badass version. Yeah, he's just cool but it's such a bare bones

like story. It's just nothing to it. It's black John Wick. That's how I went into it. I was like oh, this is John Wick but black. And then Zelle. Yeah. I was like, oh, this is cool.

That's a good point. Some movies are almost around just one gap. You know what I mean? It's like that guy is what made the movie. And even though he's not curving to play a different character, he is, yeah, that's just who it is. All you got to do is prove that you could do it once, right? Yeah. And I think that's what happened to, even comedically, um, Kevin Hart.

Right? He, he's just now starting to go and try to try to do different shit. But most of his movies are pretty much the same. I still watch him. Yeah. But, like, his character is pretty much just the lovable asshole. That's just who he is. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's, they just put him in different places as that. Did you see the, I get, probably the hardest acting he's done is that movie or the series he did on Netflix. Yeah. What about the kidnapping? That's when he was trying to, I guess, show range. I think that was, all, that whole thing was about him not doing the Oscars, though. Yeah.

He's about him. He's like, you want to cancel me even though I'm trying to be the best guy. And I was watching it like, dude, no one cares anymore. Yeah. Everyone likes you. Yeah, yeah. Of the people that got canceled, that was the most, everyone was like, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It didn't matter at all. And then people just kept bringing it up. And then he made a documentary or he was like, it was always my dream to host the Oscars. And I'm like, no, no, it wasn't. Also, stupid dream. I'm sorry, that's a dumb dream to be a comedian. Can you imagine him in the back of like an open mic? And he's like, yo, man, what you're writing?

I'm just working on these Oscar jokes. Yeah, you know what people do, like, roast jokes? Yeah. You guys know, like, Scarlet's your hands. I'm just going to run these back. So imagine, I'm going to imagine your Tom Hanks. So when I look over to you, your Tom Hanks. You have to react.

Yeah, and you're Martin Scorsese. I need the, I need range. That is a weird drink. Like, when he said, I was like, I can see that just being on your vision board. Like, you know. This would be a cool thing. Yeah. be a cool thing to achieve, but like,

for that to be like the end-all, be-all. I was like, no, fuck the fact that he's made hundreds of millions of dollars. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's a way cooler things than host the Oscars. He's like, nah, I really need this Oscars thing. Yeah, because also like some losers have host the Oscars. Very few losers have worked at Madison Square Garden. You know what I mean?

And sold it out. Yeah, yeah, way cooler things than like, yeah. My favorite was, I said, it's not podcast, sometimes. I saw him opening for Azizun Sari. And to his credit, my mom, we went to go see him. I'm like, mom, this is the guy from Scary Movie 3. That was the credit? Yeah.

I was so excited. I was like, wait, and Scary Movie 4. He was in the new one too. He was going to be great. That was his credit. You know, that is funny. His first special was like fucking amazing. His first special.

I don't even give his second special. I would say his first three. I don't remember it as much. I remember watching the first one was like, the first time I watched like Sebastian. I was like really young. And I was like, man,

I was like, this fuck his name. I was like, oh, this guy's amazing. every time I watch Sebastian, I'm like, I like, I like this, but I'm not going to laugh again, really. That's it with Kevin Hart, like the first time I watched that special. You feel like you just going to win the same thing? No, I'm just like, I will like him forever. That's how I am with comedians. If you make me laugh really hard once, I'm with your fan for it.

Like, I really like this first whatever thing. And then now I'm like, oh, I like him. You like him a lot? Yeah, yeah, but, like, also like his news, I mean, it's garbage, but, you know. Yeah, yeah. As long as it's not as bad as, I just watch a special. What's this guy's name? He did the UFC show.

shit. A Brent Schwab? I heard it. I heard it was like... I mean, I don't know the guy, so I'm not trying to bash him. Shab. Shab. I don't want to fuck up his name.

He could fight. But that would be so if he starts bombing, he starts beating this shit out of the audience. Laughing me. That's a stance. Yeah. Dude, he, well, that's where he's very, like... You get, when he talks, you can tell he's like C.T. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, let you get punched in your fucking head. By, what if he has to say? brain damage in his mind, he thinks everybody's laughing. Like, that's what the disorder is. He's like, I'm fucking crushing. Yeah. I'm so happy. I'm so talented at this.

Even the haters. It was just living in his CT delusions. Yeah. It's just a rough, rough time. That was a funny one, because remember he had like a showtime special. And he was on another comics podcast. And the comedy just asked him, he's like, hey, do you maybe regret doing a special, you know, two years into doing comedy?

And he's like, yeah, I absolutely. would take it back. And then a year later, he just releases another one. It's awful. And he's like, no, this is the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's waiting my whole life for this one. I was kidding the first time. This is what I meant to do. I think that new was only like 20 minutes, though, or happening. Yeah, I didn't make it through.

Yeah, no. Four minutes. I tapped up. I took a cigarette break. I don't even smoke. I got stressed. I got fucking stress. I do find it hard to watch other comics, though. Like who I don't already like, like someone like a Kevin Hart or,

like, you know, these people who's, you know, idols, I'm going to always. I stand by this. Because what they do still, it looks the same as what before I did comedy. It's like when you're on stage at Madison Square Garden, I'm doing comedy now, but like, that still looks so unattainable. A hundred percent. You know, selling out a fucking football stadium? Yeah.

Even a fucking, even just like a huge theater. I'm like, that's so far away from what I do. It also, it gets ruined on the TV. Like, I like stand up in person. Like, it's so hard to be hilarious with the amount of comedy I, seen and watching it on like watching it through something yeah yeah it's just not you're in your living room you're there's no people around you laughing also i think i i think i think an hour is just a long time dude it's like i think every instead of doing every two years doing an hour

i think they should every year do 30 minutes like i i'm fine with 20 man yeah yeah dude hours hours not everyone can like i'll look at a bill burr hour i'll look at a camera and i always got to be a very special piece but yeah people just churn them out now they're It doesn't feel special. It should be an advertisement to, like, see you live, I feel like. Yeah, yeah, for sure. But it doesn't have to be that anymore because the times have changed. Now I could just have a pop up and TikTok.

Yeah, that's true. And some clips. But that's, I get all the content you put out should be that. But if you put out an hour, it should be something else. It should be like. A hundred percent. Like Chappelle has, what he releases an hour, it's like the order of it is very specific and intentional.

And it's like you have to listen to the whole thing. Yeah. You can't take it out of the content. You see a lot of stuff. see a lot of specials on Netflix where it's just this guy just shabbed this out. Oh, yeah. Netflix told him, like, we'll give you an hour and he just made some shit up.

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's also, everybody's like, okay, well, if you do an hour every two years, that gives you enough time to work on the material, but there's no way you're working on all of that, this same effort. But if you're working on 30 minutes, you're like, oh, I'm going to really hone into this 30 minutes and make it like as tight as possible. And you can be more

current. You don't have to be like, hey, guys, remember when that thing happened? Like, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah. You could, yeah. But also, being current, It's like fucking impossible, dude. It's like nobody has a new angle on anything it seems like. Oh, no, you got to take, you know what made certain things special? I was looking at the Chris Rock, his first special, bringing the pain again. And he talks about O.J.

Right. Is that his first special or is? No, he had an album before. He had an album. I think Born Suspect was his album, which is a wild title as Black. Yeah. But also, I guess I get it. But so he talks about OJ.

and what makes it still funny now is because that's such a big polarizing thing no matter what. I don't feel like there's any news really that's to that level. That years from now is gonna... I guess Trump being president. But COVID, but I feel like we ran through all those jokes.

That was the first one though. OJ was the first like 24-hour news cycle. Let's get everyone pissed about this thing. Yes. And now that's every news story. Yeah, so it's really... I guarantee you a Gabby Petito or Brian Laundry joke, that could be a similar.

I get that they weren't celebrity, so it's different, but I'm like, I know if that's going to hit us hard. I'm still going to do. I have one joke about him that I'm going to do. I still do it about, I have one about them too. Now it's better because what I did that when it happened,

there's one room I did it in where like everyone got upset. I was like, you got to be kidding me. But now it's like it's just another murder you see on TV. Yeah, no, it's fine. Yeah, it is. That is a good point. Because the week that I'll have people were so mad. And then, like, enough people have been murdered since then and spent on the news.

People were like, all right, that was like 30 murders ago. You know what I mean? They're like, there's, I mean, how many schools have been shot in the last, like, two years? Sure. I think trying to make a school shooting funny is good. That's the task. That's a comic. That's the tough thing, like what you were saying is right.

Where it's, if someone does have an original angle on something that just happened, it will pretty quickly be co-opted by, like, the internet. But something darker, less people are throwing their takes out. Less people are doing jokes about the school shooting stuff. So it's like, all right, I've only heard five takes on this. You know what I mean? They've got to be specific. You know what I mean?

It's got to be specific about I read this story about the shooter and this funny thing about his relationship with his mom or something like that. Or I heard this one gym teacher ran out of the bill. You know what I mean? stuff like that's like. Yeah, you have to be more specific, more. I also feel like people waste those jokes. Like they'll just hurry to be the first one with it, even at an open mic. And then they'll just say it and there's nothing to it.

And I'm like, oh, this is, you just said a thing. Yeah, yeah. You didn't even, like, put any thought into how to make that fun. You're just like, you know, school shootings, man. They're crazy. Yeah. People die. And you're like, oh, yeah, man.

Yeah, what's the take on? What else is to it, man? Yeah. And also, I feel like a lot of times with those fucked up jokes, it's like, you almost got to have a whole bit on it because the first thing you say about it people aren't gonna like but then once you keep talking about it

they just go well this is what he's gonna talk about I guess it might as well laugh you know what I mean it's like that's the thing where people I gotta be into it yeah yeah it's over yeah exactly yeah it's a tough it's I wonder who was the first comic in New York

after 9-11 was to hit the open mics with the take I heard people saying that it was like that week people were getting up and like really talking getting it off yeah I bet dude all the dust is falling. They're still finding bodies.

They haven't even let them find all the bodies yet. And it's like, I've got this take. Do that. Oh, maybe one of you guys might have been there. There was one time I was at a mic on 9-11, probably, like, right before COVID. And this, like, fireman came into the room in his dress blues. Came into the showroom. And everyone is, like, quiet.

And I forget who was hosting. It was a lady. I forget who she was. but he went up to her and he was like talking to her and then she went up after the comic that was on stage and she was like all right I know like this person's on deck but we're gonna do something like

very special like we gotta give it up this guy he was like a hero he lost like friends on 9-11 whatever and he wants nobody's going I bet he's gonna be hilarious weird introduction and he gets on stage and he's like shit face gets on stage

pulls out those like glasses that are just shades yeah put some on and starts doing jokes about like his Polish girlfriend. Doesn't say a word about 9-11. He's like, I go to pick up my Polish girlfriend. She's a dumb ass. So fucking stupid. I love this guy.

It's killing. It's also so funny. If he told them to bring him up, he's like, bring me up very seriously saying that I like, change the mood of the room. And I'm just going to talk about unrelated shit. That's so funny. That's hysterical.

That's so funny. That guy's a genius. That guy's... He got an hour coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even think he did it like that. He just went up and solemnly was like, would it be okay if I went on stage?

And whoever was those things, like, of course. He's going to tell you no today. She figured like, yeah, he's going to tell us some really heavy shit. Yeah, yeah. Polish jokes. Just jokes.

No one's heard in like 40 years. Oh, yeah. So funny. That's what... Did anyone get 9-11 jokes off after? that? Oh, after that, it was like, why are we even respecting this?

This is ridiculous. Oh, that was so funny. That's a good, that's good talks, right? I'm just imagining being. That's what, in 50 years, that's what 9-11 is going to be. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just drinking. What would the equivalency be 50 years ago? Or I guess it would be more than 50, 70 years ago. What happened 70 years ago? I'm bad at math. D-Day. I guess no one cares. Yeah.

No one even. Every time it's D-Day, I'm like, my phone told me it's D-D. Oh, no. Or fuck Pearl Harbor. Yeah, yeah. Pearl Harbor. That's right.

But see, it was the 40s, so I don't think jokes have evolved into what they are now. Yeah, yeah. So I don't imagine people going up and they're like, hey, you know. That's what you have a bunch of planes came out of the sky. I have that. Different time.

I have a pro-harber joke. Really? Yeah. You care to give us a synopsis? longer a bit. I talk about like my grandfather how he like this one time he was just like showing me shit in his pockets. I just had like pistachios with no shells.

Oh yeah, I think I heard that you. Yeah. And then the end is just like, that's like all he ever wanted to do. Like what like when the Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor, his mom was like you have to go when he was like fucking all right, one day I'm going to deshell these pistachios. It's better. It's a joke.

Yeah, I'm not before me. I'm just kidding. Fuck you guys. We should have just let it bomb. Wait, wait, where's the punchline? Just like done that shit. Just went back to pedophiles or something. I fucking hate that because I love pitching jokes to comics.

Oh, but they never. I don't care if they don't get a laugh, but when someone's fucking with me and they're like, they're like, I'm waiting for the punchline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just told you the punchline. You know it's the punchline. Oh, yeah. And they go, oh, okay.

Like, oh. That's the one you want? I fucking hate that. I have friends that I'll pitch a joke to and they'll be like, I don't know. But then I'll do it on stage to be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because like it's a weird context. Yeah, you can't really understand.

Yeah, it's hard. I remember when I first, first started doing comedy, I would tell my sister jokes. Because I saw a fucking Bill Berset thing. He was like, wherever you're your funniest, that's what you should try to replicate on stage essentially. So I was like, I make her laugh. And since I live with her, I guess I make her laugh the most.

So I'm, see, if she, if she likes this, joke is probably me at my funniest. So I go to tell his joke and I'm passionate. I just looked at this fucking Bill Burr thing so now I got that motivation in me. I'm just ready and then I pitch it and she's just like, it's

almost like I told her D-Day just happened. She's just like, ooh. And then she came to a bringer and I did the joke and she was like, oh my God, it was so much better. Like, did you work on it? I was like, not really. That's exactly what I just told.

Yeah, it's not really. I feel bad. I got to piss real quick. I don't know if you... I feel bad to leave you with no topic. I mean, keep talking about that, I guess. Yeah. Give me a topic. I can't. I don't know how to talk. That's fucking weird.

This guy's going to go piss on his own podcast. He takes time. Leave the door open as we can hear your stream, dude. See if it's strong enough. Yeah. If you're a man. You know, I'm not even going to lie to my stream started getting weak one day, and I thought I needed to take this.

I was like, you know, am I getting all? Do I need fucking tea? Am I about to be on fucking steroids? I get that with, I'll get paranoid that I have, like, prostate cancer. If I'm peeing, like, oh, yeah, like those little... I'm like, I have a fucking rock in my prostate right now. That's what's doing it.

Bro, I only... Have you had the finger in the butt yet? Not for that, but I've had... Just for fun? It's had, like, casual Tuesday. I had that happen once when I was having sex. So you had a letter lady put... Yeah.

And how did you feel about that? I didn't like it. You found something to talk about. I got it once from a doctor because I was shitting like terribly. And the doctor put her finger up there. And she was like, yeah, there's nothing wrong. It's just how you shit. It's just so bad.

She's like it's weird. It's weird. The shape is weird, but it's not wrong. She pulls her fingers. She's like, oh, there's poop in there. Ew. Why would you tell me to do this? Imagine that was her first day.

Yeah. This is how you take blood. She's like, there is blood. I guess. Do I put it in a vial like this? And then all the time? I was thinking about this last night because I was thinking like, oh, maybe I'll try to write a joke about this. This is true.

Before I met my girlfriend, I slept with this girl who did try to do that to me. And I was like, ah, you know, I'm not, I don't really like that. And she accused me of, like, homophobia. like we're having heterosexual sex right yeah yeah yeah you're like if i was like to be homophobic i'd have to go so far out of my way oh yeah yeah we're doing the straightest thing i'm like my asshole isn't gay yeah yeah do you think it's gay to just have some like a lady put her finger in a man's ass no i don't think it's gay because i don't i i do think you can very well be my community is very much taboo.

Right? So I don't care. Whatever you do. If it's where the lady is technically not gay. Yeah. But growing up, I was told if anything goes in your butt is gay. And I was like, even if a doctor does it, it's like, is it a man doctor? I'm like, oh, fucking no.

That's when I'm 40. This is a fantasy. We're talking about it on a very base level. I had a friend asked me the other day. He was like, yeah, would you suck a dick for your? to save your mom's life. And jokingly, I was like, well, she's 70. She'll be fine.

Like, she's lived a long enough life. Why would she want to put me through that trauma? Just jokingly. And then I was like, you know, to actually save her life, I would do it, I guess. Yeah. And he's like, that's gay, bro. You're like, yeah, that's that. He, like, stood on it.

He didn't just say it and leave it. He's like, that would be the weird. If someone had a gun to my mother's head, and he's like, you got to suck my dick or I'll kill your mom. I was like, fine, I'll do it. And I start sucking it, and he's like, you're gay. You're so gay. It's also so funny, one of the guy, just shoots your mom in the face.

Anyways, he's like, you gay, pussy. You motherless, gay, idiot. Have some morals. I shot her so she didn't have to see her son in this way. No backbone. You could have just said no. You could have suggested money. You went straight.

It's also a funny thing is because clearly it's the thing you don't want to do because it's compared to your mom dying. so it's like yeah but he was like it's kind of gay man I was like that's so funny to be that

Harley objectively it is it is kind of gay oh it's very gay it's a gay thing but it doesn't mean you're gay because you do a gay thing like because if you get raped

and you're straight doesn't mean you're gay now you know just my warp brain I did it I do have a joke about like like what it ever happens like let's say you're in a situation like that

and you find out you're good at sucking dick yeah you're doing it he's like oh god Like, damn, like, this is, you're great. What do you do? Accidentally pulls the trigger. He's like, oh, shit, I'm so sorry, man.

I don't want to stop you. You might have to pet you a little bit? He wants to take you on a date now. Like, what do you do in the case when you find out, like, you know, I'm actually, I got a talent. Maybe I'm not a comedian. Maybe my whole life journey was to be the best dick sucker decided on Mississippi. You're so good at he's bringing other members of your family back from the dead. Not only am I not killing your mom.

Who do you miss the most? Yeah. Oh, I would I would talk to bring people back from the dead. Absolutely. It depends on the person. It's also a weird scenario because I'm agnostic. Like I think there's a guy. But that would be a weird God that he's like, yeah, you get one for like.

I just want to see where you do it. It has to be very convincing. Yeah. For me to believe that me sucking your dick is. going to bring someone back from the dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I heard. You have to have them here and then maybe bring them back and then have a gun to their head

down and be like, I'll kill him again. Yeah. I just heard of, you ever heard of Arden's, uh, Arden's, like, thought experiment with Margo Robbie? No. He's like, uh, Arden and Margo Robbie switch bodies. Okay. And so Arden, like, Margo Robbie in Arden's body comes to tell you, like, hey, I want you to have

sex with Margo Robbie. but it's actually fucking Arden in that body of Margot. As far as this is what they're telling you. Arden's like, go have sex with Margo Robbie. Their body, it's art. It's my, Arden's brain. But Margo Robbie is like,

I want you to have sex with my body. This is very confused. So you don't know if they... This feels like M.K. Ultra. Hey, what the fuck is happening right now? So you're, you're still having sex with Arden's soul in a way.

Yeah. But you're having... Yeah, man. I think I probably brought this up with your podcast one. I would love if he did this just as a one-on-one. Like,

you guys are driving to the car. He's like, okay, I know you don't want to fuck him. And it comes on a law. Yeah. It's like, yeah,

man. By the way. Yeah. No, that's, that's fuck it. I don't know. Would you even believe him

that they switch bodies? No. That's so. Margaravi's like at a cafe across the street. And Arden's like, I'd be like, yo,

let me see Margo Robbie do your jokes. Yeah. And then I believe it. I was like, she just knows your jokes on him. She's the same, like, speech impediment than me. One ball, too. Like, somehow just one grew out of it. That would be off-putting if she had the same mannerisms as same.

That's a hard part. Do mannerisms are they, like, a function of only your brain, or is it your body as well? Could you fuck the hottest chick or your girlfriend, whomever, right? I want to get you in trouble. Yeah, I'll get you in trouble. I thought about it, as I would say, I was like, you know, let me fix it for a long. but she has the manualisms of your mother. No.

Doesn't sound like your mother. Still sounds same, but she does certain things that it's very your mother life. Yeah, I feel like I don't like my girlfriend, or I do like my girlfriend because she's not like my mom in a lot of ways. Sometimes people, even people I don't know very well,

will say something like the way one of my parents would have said it. And I'm immediately like, this is fucking weird. I don't want to even be near you. Not because I hate my parents. No, of course. It's just a weird thing. Yeah, it's so unnerving.

Yeah. I don't think I could do it either. Yeah, but also, I'm trying to think of what my, I don't know, what are my mom's mannerism? You know what I mean? I'm like, you wouldn't know until you really, like, saw him. I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend, like, drove me around places and, you know, like, made me food. What is like you have sex with? She says, like, a thing, right?

Let's say it's like, oi, or some shit. Yeah. And then you start hairy. My mom says. Florida. Yeah. I don't know. Say she says like,

oi and rubbish, and she calls soccer football. Yeah. It could be, you know. But also, my mom's from Massachusetts. That's why she says. That's why she says rubbish. And then like...

So what if she just starts saying things like that? No. Well, first of up, I think in Massachusetts accent, I don't like it. So maybe that's why... That's not the only reason I'm unattracted to my mom.

But it's... That's top three, though. Top, top three. Her being my mom down here, her having a... an accent up top. I get it. I like, I pretty much like every accent.

There are just some people's voices that I don't like. Yeah. Sure. You know, you can make any accent sound cool. See, I don't, I don't like foreign girls. It doesn't, I think a lot of guys think it's hot for me. I don't, I don't like the. I'm not saying, I'm not saying like, it depends on where.

It has like a fetish. It doesn't really do much for me that way. But you're saying it's not going to bother you. Yeah. They're, like, funny. Yeah. I like just like kind of, my favorite one is, you don't you can't tell

which one but like random Eastern European accent and like the way those guys dress is so funny oh it's hilarious like really tight jean shorts I gotta come from I was with those you know Osama Basal no yeah I was hanging out with him the other day

and he was wearing like denim shorts that went up to here and not like cutoffs like with a hem and everything and only dudes from like Yucoslavia Because cutoffs I would see here, but like just, you're saying just like hemmed. Yeah, to be fair, if you come from like a war-torn country, your accent is probably shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Respectfully. It's not going to be a sexy accent. It's always going to sound like a refugee a little bit. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Maybe that's what you're into, though. I would rather you come from France. Well, I think a lot of, a lot of strippers have like Russian accents and shit. Isn't it like a huge? Not the strip clubs I go to. That would be very. Off-pill. Sinebuns! Yeah.

Where are you going? Where are you going to see the strippers? Well, I think the last two, I bet to went to Flash Dancers, and then I went to one in Key West, and both times Russian accents with the strippers. I have, I'm kidding. I have had that. I also have, like, tracking collars around their neck and stuff. Well, that is a sketchy thing, isn't that, like, a big thing with sex trafficking from Russia? But, like, what is sex?

How does that all work? Do you know anything about this? Not like... I don't even want to talk about this. It's like... He just gets deep. So what? This whole thing is a sting operation.

He's trying to catch you up on itself. Well, is that terminology complicated because like technically if you're a prostitute and you're transported from one state to another, isn't that? That's trafficking.

Yeah, yeah. So it is a weird thing. So if you're a pimp and you essentially go to Jersey, technically traffic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like... Even if you took the train.

The woman could willingly be a prostitute and be like, it's my choice. Yeah, but that's illegal. Yeah. Prostitution is illegal. I know, but I'm saying like, when people hear sex trafficking, I think they think of sex slaves specifically. But you could be like literally a limousine with hookers going from Las Vegas to California.

I thought you were like upset that it's illegal. That's why I have an issue with it. The way you said it's illegal. No, I have an issue that you think I'm on the other side of this argument. So what's your stance? I know you have a compelling way of looking at this. No, justify this to me. I'm like, I don't think...

Well, some words are too much of an umbrella term. I think trafficking is too giant. It means like a thousand different things it seems like. Yeah, that's, I think... I think it's associated with kidnapping. When you do anything across state lines, that's when, like, the feds get involved. And so it becomes a bigger crime.

So the trafficking is a bigger crime than just, you know, you're prostituting yourself out in your neighborhood or whatever. Right, right. Because now it's like a federal thing. Like drug trafficking was where, like, a guy would go to fucking Pennsylvania and then, you know, to get drugs and get

caught and he'll get caught somewhere in like Jersey and shit. And they're like, you know, we've been following you from Pennsylvania. You're now a drug trafficker. And I'm like, he probably didn't even really start his career didn't even start yet. He hasn't even sold any. Like, give him a chance to fail like this.

Yeah. Just fucking catch him. There was a dude. I worked with this guy who had been to jail. And he would like tell me like story. during lunchtime or why you guys were actually work it was like a moving job so we're just bullshitting all day he just tell me stories about like crazy shit he did back in the day

and he told me that like I was like what did you like actually end up going to jail for him and he was like trafficking drug trafficking I was like oh like what and he was like I went like me and this guy I was only like he was like 20 like this dude you wanted me to come with him

on a run down to like South Carolina He's from Brooklyn. So they went to South Carolina and he was like, we're going to go pick up from this guy or whatever. And they go to this dude's house and they just buy like

like cigarettes, just like cartons of cigarettes. And they got, he got jammed up on that. It turns out he only went to jail for like six months. Oh, come on, man. But he had been like kind of like

not telling me the whole truth. Drug trafficking. He's like, Nicky is a real drug, man. He just bought like illegal cigarettes from China. I was like, okay. Oh, man.

I was waiting for this story. I was all in. That was all in. Where was the punchline to that store? I was told him that. Like, where the fuck is your punch line, buddy? Yeah, everybody's, I was like, that's fucking, that's really sucks. Yeah, that ruined your life.

Yeah. For fucking cigarettes. Yeah, it is crazy. Well, the weird thing also asks me, what about what's that one intersection with four states there? That's on the southwest, four corners. You get really, really, fucked there, right? If he just fucking...

You just sneeze too hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just trafficking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's, it is wow, because you get caught with a small quantity of drugs. Like, the story I heard, the guy had, he didn't

really have, like, like, he went to a place to get drugs, but it wasn't like a lot. It wasn't like he went and got keys and fucking, he's like, got a couple ounces, like, very low bar. And there's like, you're still trafficking. And it's like, but

Yeah, but this is nothing. Yeah. For whoever arrested him, that they could make that into a bigger thing for that, you know. It's like, we caught you. I think it was weed, too, at that time. It wasn't even like crack or coke. Yeah, yeah.

Which is even worse, because I'm sure he's now looking at everyone just casually smoked. Oh, so pissed. Oh, I would punch people in the face. Yeah. I serve, and I believe he served years. Yeah. For that shit. And I would literally, the first person I see just,

casually smoking weed outside of a bar or some such. I'm hauling off. I'm gonna earn my jail. You're gonna take me and I'm gonna I'm gonna be like yeah, no, I fucking stomped on his face, you're right. Yeah. Had a fucking flashback because you guys threw me in jail for a fucking ounce

of weed. Yeah, now it's like... Has that ever happened before where like something becomes legal and there is a huge portion of people that are currently imprisoned for that thing that's not legal? Probably liquor. Probably prohibition. Was probably Yeah, that's true.

But how many people were really, like, fucked over, like, in prison for bootlegging? Probably a few. Not nearly as many. No, no, no, no. The numbers were probably so much lower. You're probably right. It's, like, the second most. But it's also still a thing.

Like, it's like, if you go in the South, people are still making moonshine. Like, it's still an industry. Oh, no, I look at moonshine. Yeah. From time and time. That show is fucking insane. Oh, yeah. It's literally people who can, and they have, like, the right materials.

That's what baffles me. right because moonshining back in the day it always feels like you know bathtub and like scrap materials and like they'll have like whole distillery like actual real distilled products yeah

coming out of copper pots and shit but they're just in the middle of the woods yeah yeah they ever look at like I've looked into like micro brewing just like how to do that because it's like it might be cool to just make stuff yeah I know people that have done it yeah it's like really really hard

and the most important thing is like you can't let anything get into the equipment because it'll fuck up the whole thing. Any measurement that's a little bit off will fuck up the whole thing. Does Moonshine blow up like meth labs or does not do that? But with moonshine you look at how

It's most Florida shit you say. I know the answer to it. It's super flammable but the other thing is like where they make it it's just fucking filthy. Yeah. Yeah. Filthy bathtubs and cylinders and shit is disgusting. Yeah, yeah. Can you imagine taking that first

bath after just making fucking Moonshound. Every cut on your body. Oh, he just came from, maybe he was a box. Who knows what you was doing, but you got fucked up at that job? The longshoremen. Oh, yeah. Well, especially because, I don't know.

Longshoremen to the mountains. I just, I pulled something out. I was thinking of what's a job that they would have in that time. Well, all the jobs are manual labor in those towns. Like, you are getting cut up and shit. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably easily the most money you can make in like a hill country area. Appalachia is just making moonshine.

Oh, for sure. Other than that, it's like everyone else is also just so poor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there's a lot of moonshine. Two doctors. Pot, necklabs. And they're not like doctors. They just, they're the smartest in town.

So they trust them. It's just the mayor is the doctor. You know, real fact, back in the day, the barbers used to be surgeons. Did you guys know that? What? Because they were like the only ones were like scissors and shit. And this is back when they thought bloodletting was like the cure to everything. So you'll be like,

oh, I've got a cough. There was like, all right, when you drain some of your blood, you'll be fine. Jesus Craig. And because they had scissors and they trusted them with sharp materials, it's like, you guys are the surgeons. Like, it was in school. It was just like, you cut my hair, and you never cut my face. So,

you're cutting into my body, man. That is nuts. Well, also, the sad part is we're going to realize 2,000 years from that, less than that, 300 years now, we're going to look back at these doctors, like they were fucking dumb asses. Like, they're gonna look back at all of them, be like, I can't believe they were giving

people penicillian. But at the very least... Now that we know it gives you cancer, something crazy. At the very least, it's like, they are now. They are doctors. They're doctors who are trained to be doctors and they know the best that you can know right now. It used to be like, you just make shit up. Like, there's no training. You could

go and watch a surgery. You could, like, sit in the audience. It was a theater. It was a theater. It was a theater. It was just open. in air, like you're coughing and it's going into a guy's heart. Like, it's just there. He's awake too. I mean, when did doctor

stop smoking? Because I'm sure surgeries were all the time, like, I need to stay focused, smoking cigarettes and shit. Blowing it into that's fucking reckless. You know what's even crazy about that? I want to pass. Yeah, I don't know if it'll pick up. I'm worried that fan will pick up the whole episode,

but we'll figure it out. What? There's a fan on? No, I had a fan on over there. yeah, yeah. I know. If anyone knows, it's me. But fuck what I'm about to say. Damn it. Smoking cigarettes,

doctors. You were actually talking about pedophiles. That's where... No, what's... I'm kidding. No, it wasn't... Fuck it.

I forgot I was about to say. But it's... You should... Whenever you film the podcast, you should have everyone wear a tinfoil hat. I'd really be on brand with the whole. Damn it.

It was something kind of cool about, like, doctors. this shit back of the day. Oh, just imagine being the first person to like discover a disease. Like back in that day, like nowadays, it's easy. You see a couple symptoms and you're like, well, this looks like cancer or just looks like a thing. But imagine being the first person, you're like, actually, I'm fucking, I guess syphilis? Yeah. What's your name? What's it? We're going to call it you. Are you like, my name is Dr. Syphilis? That's what it is now. It's syphilis. Siphilis because you discovered it

And you're a Greek god, I guess. So now when I go to fucking the Americas, I'm going to pass you on. Yeah. You shall live on forever. That's, yeah, it is a fucked up thing that you get named after. It's cool that you get to discover it and that's your name. Or the guy, whoever discovered whatever Lou Gehrig's diseases just didn't get it.

He didn't discover. Or what? The Tommy John surgery? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then it's like... Robert cancer or something like that. It's just a dude like that. Yeah, it's just people.

Like, these are real people's names, and now they've got to live that. But then the other way is, like, a lot of people would discover things, and then no one would, like, the guy who discovered germs, no one believed him for like 30 years. It's like, they're invisible things. Yeah, okay, it's fucking. It's all over everything. Yeah. They probably thought he was the village idiots. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They for sure thought he was mentally ill. But he would say, like, you should wash your hands before you, like, go, like, cut someone open and put your hands inside of them. And people would be like, okay, you fucking quack. Yeah, yeah. Our hands are covered in, like, anti-biotic, like, just the stupidest shit. My clean white hands. Yeah, I understand if I was black.

I get you saying that, but I'm white, so my hands should be fine. They'll be fine, yeah. Yeah, man. Or imagine, like, if you're the guy who's the guy who discovered that the earth is not the center of the universe? Um, not Socrates. No, I don't know who that is. Was it played out? I'm just going to name Aristotle.

It's going to name all that. It's close. It's fucking, whatever. Nostradamus? No, something with a Q, I think. Or a G. Quincy? This is a guy named Quincy.

How do I forget? With a G. With a G. Garrett. Garrett. Garrett. Just Greg. Greg.

Greg. I like that. No, but that, like, could you imagine even like sticking around for that fight? I would. It's so funny, people got like stone to death for like those ideas.

They're like, what if the sun is a square? People are like, that's evil. He's just, have you. Yeah, he fought the Catholic church

for like his whole life over that. But it's like, who even cares? Yeah, there's nothing to do anything. You're all living in the dirt. Yeah. And that was probably

around the town we're like, I heard the Catholic church when they used to read shit. At some point, they used to turn their back. Because they wouldn't know when to see it.

Like the Bible, when they would read out of the Bible? Oh, they didn't want people to see it. Yeah. They would, so literally they're giving you their sermon, but like this. Yeah, it's like, and you're like, and then it's said, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then on the first day, like, what the fuck? You give me gold. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm like, you guys aren't even facing the audience yet, and you're fucking stoning this guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get your shit together. Yeah, and a lot of it was in Latin. So, like, nobody knew Latin, but, which is such a dick move, like, no, we're not going to teach anybody Latin. We'll know, we'll know. Oh, yeah.

Like, because it was in like a lost language, I thought. Yeah, yeah. Galileo. Galileo. Greg Galileo. And Greg Galericus discovered that. That's who it was. Greg Galileo.

That sounds like a guy in Long Allen. For sure. Greg Galileo. Yeah. It sounds like an Italian guy. That sounds like a pizzeria. That sounds like a pizza. Greg Galaire.

Greg Galaos. I trust it. I feel like he always drinks back there. He doesn't serve liquor. He has it for himself. Oh, yeah. I like Greg. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Do they serve alcohol or he's like, no, he just drinks. He's always got a six-pack. Yeah. Tell you his conspiracies, are you waiting for your pizza? There was a pizzeria in my hometown, and it was run by like a Turkish family. And after a certain time, the father and the mother would just sit in the far back and just drink wine.

And they'd have their two, like, nine-year-old kids just running the whole pizzeria. If someone that, like, ordered a whole pizza, the dad would be like, fine. And he'd get up and bake it. You just have the kid, like, do the register and stuff. That's a great way to live. Just like, I'm going to get drunk. I'm just going to have my kid. Oh, I think we're about to finish up.

Oh, you're good. You're good. Yeah, I think we just hit an hour. What do you guys want to promote? Now, you're good. No, you're fine. The whole mood of it. I'm sorry.

You're fine. I'm sure that did this a half an hour ago. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't know, come to my show. Sundays at six. Yeah. At the GP.

Yeah, I'll just show up at his show and expect to be put on. Yeah, yeah, that's, yeah. It's weird. I'd be wanting to do that. But then I'm like, I don't know if I could, if I should. I was going to do it on. I always tell you were like, you and I think there's one other guy that says that pass. I forgot who I gave it.

I was going to do it on fucking June 10th. And I would have, if you would have told me no. That would have been an issue. That was a Monday, right? No, that was a Sunday. I don't know. It was Father's Day. I'm not going to be the guy that pretends to know.

It's June 10th, man. You better fucking... You tell me it's today. Yeah. Don't do my show. In July. I'll be there. Yeah.

But yeah, whatever. Come back. All right. I just wanted to get that on record. So now he's... Now, if he doesn't... Yeah. He's a piece of shit.

Yeah. Now you're Greg Galileo. You should be stoned. All right. Yeah, I'm good. That's it? It's fucking so hot in here, dude. Yeah, yeah.

It's like getting stuffier. Oh, what do you want... You want to provide anything? Uh, just follow me on Instagram at two pole poppy. All right, sweet.