Morning Good - The Last Men On Earth - Episode 243

Episode Date: November 3, 2024

Joe Gorman and Paddy Defino return for today's episode. They talk about the drinking gourd, Michael almost dying in a hot car with the windows up, and the Tony Hinchcliffe RNC snafu.Thanks to Joe and Paddy for coming back on the show. Check them out on previous episodes and hit their links below for more.Joe Gorman is on Instagram @joewgorman and hosts the new Super Selli Joe's podcast with friend of the show, Alex Tomaselli. Paddy Defino is on Instagram @paddy_is_funky and hosts News From Bed on YouTube.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, good, good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to the morning. We're here with Joe Gorman and Patrick Defino. Hey, welcome. Oh, nice three branding, dude. Yeah. What, my name? I think you're going for a high five.

Never, dude. Get away from me, a little creep. He's always, what he'll do is he'll put scary movies on because he wants you to snuggle in his bed. Yeah, it's like, ooh, I got a scary movie and all the blood rushed to my penis once you come snuggled me. It scared the blood right into my penis. I used to have a joke about a wet nightmare.

Didn't we share that joke? Yeah, what is this? Oh, who am I thinking about it? Yeah, that was a crazy thing. Was it like you were like recalling the time you were like molested? Well, it was about like wet. It was about like wet dreams. Like, because my dad gave the sex ed talk to my class when I was, he wasn't a teacher.

He was just around. He just showed up. They were like, you're probably wondering what I'm doing your classmate. He was just wearing the sexiest outfit out of everyone. They're like, this is just a sex guy clearly. You know, one of those earrings with a feather coming down? Yeah. A lot of leather bracelets.

Did your dad really give the sex talk to your class? He did because he was our fifth grade teacher. But he was like, they got to like fucking let you step out of class for that. That's what, well, I think he thought. thought the same thing. He was like, I don't want to do this. And I didn't want to be there. He's like, Patty, cover your eyes. You're hitting like this. He's like showing you fucking videos of him breaking in your mom. Yeah, just showing my mom pointing. You might know her as

Mrs. Defino, but at night, you got to start with the start with the breasts. He slaps a yardstick. But he was like, he didn't talk about sex at all. For he, for like 45 minutes, he just described what a wet dream is. What a tease. He's like, so sometimes when I think about how much I love my son, it comes in the expression of what feels like pee-pee. In the middle of the night. But I remember that happening

and I was like, I've never had a wet dream. You never had a wet dream? What about you? Can you like describe the most intense wet dream we've ever had? Me? Hurricane Helene. Yeah.

No, I fuck this one girl. I remember it was like the hottest girl at school and the next day I had the confidence as if I fucked her. Even though it was a dream I was like, isn't that funny? I dreamed I fucked like the hottest girl in like high school.

But like this was like when I was like, 27. Yeah. You ever do that? You ever do that? It was like such an intense dream. I woke up like humping the air. Has that ever happened?

Something I called the dream police. I know. I was like, good idea. We should start training pedophiles in lucid dreaming. Yeah. So they can just go into the dream world and get it on. Yeah.

I bet that's what like all of that transcendental meditation, but those Hollywood celebrities pay for. It's just they can have dreams for their fucking kids. It would be good for adult diaper, the adult diaper industry. You just wear a diaper to bed and then dream about kids and they're just like building the perfect kid

in their brain. It's like we got in 1999 McCulley Colkin in the back of the skull here like just like just designed. Just watching the Polar Express and then they're like, oh, go ahead, go to go to the back. Blee, believe, fully, believe, believe. Nice, dude. Yeah, that is the thing

you can't wait, you can't hear the bell if you're a kid, right? It's impossible. It's out of tone that only a fucking adult You have to send a certain amount You can only hear the You can only hear the bell If you believe in Santa Claus Right

Oh you're still talking about the Polar Express Yeah What were you saying? Yeah, it's like if you have Christmas cheer Yeah, yeah I thought it was like the bell That you used to like stimulate Lucid dreaming

Because like the Oh like what do you call like the Like those anchors Yeah like the top Or like the air Reality check kind of thing Oh that is the coolest thing I think I've ever done in my life

I the last lucid dream I had This is actually gonna be really lame I don't know why I started the story, but I woke up early to try to do some little joke writing. And I was like, oh, I'll take a caffeine pill. And I fell back asleep and was listening to my tape because I was like trying to write. Like I was listening to my stand-up set. And I was dreaming while on caffeine, like watching my set in front of me. That's incredible.

So I was actually getting like a writing session done by being like, oh, nah, I should have done that weird thing there. I always had a dream that I was like fucking killing it. Yeah. And then like, I was like, damn, dude, that means I'm going to be. a great comedian. And then like I woke up, I'm like, what was I talking about?

Yeah. Ah, well, whatever. I know I can do it. It's always like a topical thing. Yeah. It's like gargoyles. Yeah.

But it's like, there's such good bits. And it's leveling. It's crazy how good it is. Yeah. And like, even you're amazed like, damn,

I can't believe I'm capable of writing such incredible bits. I know. I can't believe that's in my brain. And then you wake up and you're like, what? I get the, I'm telling you this.

I get the comedy friendship dreams where I'm like really close with Chris Rock or something. thing or like Louis like I somehow have got to a point where like they're just, and then I wake up and like this sucks. I gotta be friends with Patty and Stee. Being being a friend

with like Louis and Chris Rock I feel like would suck. It would absolutely suck, dude. A rapist or a fucking guy that gets slapped by a black man. Get out of town, dude. I wouldn't like either of those. Blasting a load on some innocent,

unfunny little woman dude. Fucking getting, getting slapped by a giant cuckolded black man. man. Yeah, that would stink. I'm starting to turn on Louis. I love Louis' comedy, but I think he's a shitty guy.

Why? What do you do? I'm just starting to like remember everything that happened. The way he's like so casual with his daughters. Well, I've heard his daughters are pieces of shit. Why? They're Nepo babies. I've heard they're like really, really mean.

And they do like the do you know who my daddy is thing? Yeah. I feel like it's a product of him being like that. But maybe. maybe now we should forgive him because we didn't know that he had mean daughters when we found out he did something and was not a great thing everyone was like falling and like oh what's his daughter's gonna think

seeing that the daddy's a way I heard his daughters were the ones that like told him to do it yeah probably they were like we're not gonna love you unless you jerk off yeah he was crying he's like this is for you little Sarah he would actually send his daughters in first to be like you're not gonna let my dad whack off do you know who he is I'm in fifth grade.

Would you want to hang out with Louis C.K.? I don't know. I'm over it. I'm over every comedian. I'm over every. I don't want to hang out with any comedian that's not like in our friend group. Unless like the name is Patty DeFino or Michael Good. Exactly.

I don't even want to fuck with them, dude. Exactly. They sound like a great A loser if they're not those two guys. That's kind of a good idea. What's blacklist to every single person that was not on this spot? Like even family. If you're not on this couch, dude, everything outside of this couch is lava. I don't think I'm a man.

ever going to love a woman again just because of this. You got this couch. We got us three. And the couch. We got the couch, dude. That's a for some.

Wouldn't that be crazy if like while we were recording this podcast and atomic bomb drops? This is the last thing we were doing. Yeah. And like somehow like the good vibes of this podcast like shielded us from the radiation fallout. That was just us three. Yeah. The last men on earth.

But then like, you know, there were like these subhumans that also survived, you know, because there's all these acidic Jews. So like they mutate. Oh yeah. The tunnels. Yeah.

The tunnels. They come out of the tunnels as mole people. Yeah, what if that is true? What if they know something we don't know that's why? The tunnels? I think they just like to be, I truly like that thing. They just like to be subterranean, dude. I think it's cooler.

The temperature is cooler. You didn't say subterranean. You said subhuman when you first said it. Oh, did I? Oops. Forreterian slip. Oops. Just kidding, man.

Do you believe that we should free Palestine, though? I mean, from what I've heard, I don't, I've always said this. it's I really am not involved in any of that but hey look from what I've heard Palestine seems right

yeah but yeah I don't know they seem cool man I don't know and I love I love halal dude enough people like my little chicken over rice

dude although I do love a kosher bagel too does Israel not do that no they have like kosher food but aren't they like so close you would think

some of the thing flipped over the border yeah they should just learn to like fucking like intermingle like if we get along with black people

I feel like, you know, they should have to get along. It's anything's possible. I mean, like, if we could learn to forgive black people for... I think they're leaving us. Yeah, for fucking betrayed. Like, really, honestly, like... For leaving work early. We fucking...

Well, like, it's like, you come to America. It's like, hey, check out this fucking incredible place. It's called America. And they're like, I don't know. I can't get a job. It's like, you work for me, dude. No, no, it's cool. All you got to do is pick that up.

You pick that up and I'll give you a house I'll give you clothing and I'll have sex with you I'll have sex with you and you'll have like all of this inspiration or it's some incredible song Some real bangers It's an investment on your

on your racist culture Did you ever try to follow the drinking gourd? Follow the drinking gore This is a slave song? Follow the drinking gourd for the old man is waiting for to care

Carry you to freedom. Follow the drinking gorg. Yeah, dude. Patty knows what's like. We were singing slave shanties back in elementary school. For the old man is waiting to carry you to freedom. You never had that reading rainbow

about the drinking gourd? No. It was like, so like slaves, they were like, they were going to use the stars to find their way to the north. Right. And like they couldn't like just say like,

oh yeah, you fucking use these stars. So they sung a little song. They came out with a rap song. Yeah, they dropped a fat beat. Three, four. Follow. This is a certified hood classic.

Okay. Damn, son. Where'd you find this? 21. 21. For the whole. It's literally like a Kanye West. It's like a Kanye West sample.

Find out of drinking gun. That's your Kanye. You know what I do like? It's weird that I really love AI where it'll be like, Kanye West sings Blink 182 and I'll be like, this is just now my favorite song ever. It does this job, man.

It's cool. Talk about AI. AI and the drinking gourd. Yeah. The freedom trail. We should honestly like... Just follow it. We should follow the drinking gourd and like set up a tour.

The drinking gourd tour. The gourd tour. And it's like, well, where are you performing you next? And like, we have to sing a little song and they have to figure it out. And nobody shows up to the venue. Oh, fuck. We gotta, like, not make this song so obscure to do it. We got to rewrite this one.

That is good. Is there any, like, equivalent to that? Like, I don't think any other group of oppressed people made music. Like, I think... Not like that, dude. Like, the Irish didn't really do. I mean, they had drinking songs. Yeah, they had like, ooh, ah, the raw.

Yeah, they're like, the horridical irony. Yeah. It's all about just being drunk. I got drunk. It is funny too randomly. I'll just fall so far into Irishness when I, not that. Like my grandpa's like super Irish,

but then like somebody asked me do like an Irish comedy show and I'm like, dude, I'm the most Irish guy. I have always doing Irish stuff. I'm Irishese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you get, you get invited to Japanese stuff? I don't get invited to anything.

Really? They said, you're dishonor, your Asian heritage. So you don't get to be on a yellow skin. squeatty eye festival right we we mentioned this last time now what's the sword thing sepuka sepuka sepuka hadi what is the point of that like it's like the deeper the blade goes into your stomach the more redemption you have so like say you fucked up like oh you're a general and you lost a battle you're gonna die with shame right but you can take your own life and in deciding to take your own life and making the conscious choice to plunge the blade

deep into yourself you're redeemed so you can die with honor. It is interesting because Christianity, Judaism, very anti-suicide. A lot of other ones, kind of you can be a heroic. Yeah, it's a cool. They realize how cool it is.

Yeah, yeah. Like, the Japanese, like, oh, they're not going to stop securing themselves. They think it's a very cool. It's a really, you know who else I did this was a Mac mirror. Oh, Macamara, a very cool.

Very cool, guy. we are you know why don't we update the scroll and say how cool it is Macamir Macamir

We are really That's the only Macamir It's weird The like the Japanese Korean one's the only One I can kind of do But it starts to the

Like that's It starts there And then I start It starts in the throat Yeah Yeah And goes to the heart I am a big

A friend of a Macamir But I can't like The Chinese one's impossible For me Oh you gotta imagine Like what it's like To go pee pee in someone's coke.

Right. Oh, thing, all a bang go. Bing bong ching dong, gong, bing gong,

bipababab at my last. Bapapada-da-pbap Bada-da-pum. Because I'm a scat-mun-do. I do-do-d-da-do. Hey, I do.

Ah, dude, we have fun, dude, making fun of the. It's really is. If they, if there was a crazy frog in, In Japan, they'd eat it.

Yo, Jimbo, where are the dancing frog? I don't know. Fucking frog legs to get out of his mouth. Ribot their ribatins. What was that? I said, I don't know. The only, like, it's funny, the only time I ever heard about eating frogs

was Asian culture and the Muppet movie. I've had them before. It's very redneck too. We go frog gigging in Tennessee. When I was in Florida, I had alligator. Yeah, Alligator's pretty good. Alligator is like a savory,

like it's like a mix between chicken and fish in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a savory kind of gooiness. It's weird, man. I like, have you ever had like fresh tuna? It's so good. Yeah, milk in your. mouth. Oh, so good.

Yeah. I, yeah, but frog gigging is, I don't know. That might be the funnest, but also kind of cruel hunting. Because you feel like a fucking, you feel like, what's his name, like? Tarzan. Who's the guy, the hot guy with the beautiful abs and the blonde hair? I'm not talking about you. Thor? Long hair.

Kind of like Joe Gorman, but a little sexier. Jason Mamoa. Oh, of course. Jason Mamo. Yeah. The working ugly man's Joe Gorman. The frog. Known frog catcher. But he's got like a trident So like you when you frog gay

You have like a thing Yeah Oh damn So you just like fucking just like pluck them off out of the out of the swamp Yeah yeah Nice You wear like the waiters You know like those like

What do you The fucking they're like boots connected to overall Yeah yeah Oh hell yeah Is there any frogs you can't eat The ones that they're turning gay I always I always heard that Eating frogs was like a French thing

Maybe But it's probably Have you ever heard of that? Yes Yes yes everybody would try to gross you out about France, but never really bother me. They eat snails over there. The women have hairy armpits over there. I'm like, I'm into both

those things. Wow. It makes me hornyer, dude. Yeah. Hairy armpits make you hornier. Yeah. Have you ever had sex with a French woman? No. Zoutalores. Does that mean under eight? That means, oh my God. That's like the only thing I remember from high school French. Yeah. I took French in high school

thinking like, well, maybe I'm probably going to live in Europe eventually. And then like it was easy because our French teacher just didn't give a shit. So he would just put on like a DVD and then just turn on like the French like you know dubbing version of yeah so it's like we watched like the spider mass is a maison you know and what is that spider man yeah like the amazing spider man and it was like monsieur jeum appell pieter parker you know and like it just like all that shit like that's all we do like you can't really change the language on a lot

of things or ruins the whole it does it totally does you know yeah like you know when there's like breaking bad and then the guys are like, we have to go down to them. Like they do like some weird like yeah. It's like German. Jay Jonah Jameson is like Jevo de a a spider man pictograph.

He by the way is the best actor J.K. Simmons. Oh yeah. He's powerful dude. He's incredible. They couldn't recast him. That's how good he was. Yeah. They literally just brought him into a new universe. I'm pretty sure they made the cartoon of him as a child because they knew he would turn into the...

They knew he'd grow into J. Jonah Jameson. Yeah. I remember he was the dad in Juno, right? He was. I never saw Juno. He was. Get me pictures of Michael Sarah fucking my daughter.

Eventually become a weird trans man who will eventually kill himself. And we all know that's going to happen. There's no way that's not going to happen, dude. I think that is in the Nostradamus prediction of 2020. Dude, yeah. What's his name?

Elliot Page. Elliot Page is going to kill himself. Also, Transitions, it somehow has better abs than me. I've been working at it for a year. Well, it's not fair. You transition into a shredded dude. It's girl the guy. The TRT, he's on is probably funny.

Yeah, it's fair. It's also very funny that I went to the gym for like a year and I'm like very upset that I'm not the most muscular. You wish you could be a former woman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, I know it's like, I probably shouldn't say former woman, but come on. Come on. Give me a little tasty kitty pride. You couldn't give the fan boys a little taste before you threw it all the way.

Yeah. You're just going to put it in the trash anyway. Yeah, that is unfortunate. Come on. But she also, I don't think she was, as a woman, not very hot. I mean, it was about her being hot. It was about her having powers. It was like the power we had over Shadowcat.

What was her thing? What was her skill? I'm a little girl. Oh, wait, what's her thing? What's her thing? Her power? Kitty pride, yeah, what's her? She could, she could phase through walls.

Okay, okay. She could, like, you know, go inside of... Was that like a character? she played in the other. Yeah. Yeah, but that doesn't seem like that good of a power. No, it's lame, but I would do it. You know where I go. I'd walk through the lady's bath. I know where you're going with this. And then like I'd fucking like put my hand through their clothes and feel like their uncovered breasts. You know, to be fair, would that actually harm at them? No. And I hope I would though, because then like I'd like fucking go inside and then I'd solidify.

And they'd be like, ah, like I'd fucking pull their heart out. You would, you would go through a wall and then appear just right in front of her going, Habah, hama, hava, hava. There's absolutely, yeah. I feel like anyone that had the powers of the X-Men would 100% become like a murder rapist. If you can... There's no way.

Like, oh, God's giving me these powers because I'm better than everyone. Yeah, I can do whatever I want without repercussion. Yeah, you ever see just like a friend who gets a heavy Instagram following? Now he's a douche. You're like, oh yeah, that's just what happens. Everyone gets corrupted.

Yeah. Like, and it's in proportion to the power that they get. Yeah. If you can phase through walls, every bathroom stall is a glory hole. That's a good point. You can always. just test the water.

You could go anywhere you want. You could put toilet paper on it and be like, yeah. Whose bedroom would you phase into first? Mine, dude. You keep trying to get me. It would have to be Jake's. That's the closest one to my wall. I'm curious what's going on there sometimes.

Nice. If I phased my dick through the wall in Jake's room, he would like come out and be like, should put your dick through me? You would not react. Would you put your dick? wiping a lot of his face. I don't know what happened.

Whose dick was that? Hey man. A fucking cream dispenser just came into the fucking house. It is weird. I remember one time I saw the inside of his room and it's always weird when you like, just for, you've somebody's been living for a while and you're like, oh,

I've never even seen what his room looks like. Yeah. That's nice, dude. That's a good sign of respect. What if you glance in there and it's just all pictures of you? A bit Michael good bed sheets. Yeah. Morning good.

He's like secretly the biggest He buys all your merch Well he'll sit down We're doing it sometimes He'll sit down He'll sit on a pod And it's the most pressure I ever felt It feels like when you do homework or something like that

And your dad would look over your shoulder And you're like no let me I'm gonna figure it out Can I just fuck up on my own please? Yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah I hear that dude Yeah that would be a good way to do Morning Good podcast

If we had In front of a live audience But no just specifically People of different ethnic racial groups sexuality. So there's just like a trans woman, a black man. Yuck, yuck. A blind friend. Ooh, gross.

All just judging while you... Yeah, it's like a survey sample. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine do if you had, every time you had the podcast, your parents had to be in the room. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh, my God, mother and father good. I basically am, do. Mother and father good listen a lot. Oh, oh, yikes. That's not good. Yeah, yeah. That's not very mother and father good at all. It's not very, no. That's not what a mother and father should be doing.

No, no. Aren't they worried? Like, oh, I wonder what my little boy's doing. Then, like, they look on your YouTube channel and it's just people like, I want to come on your feet. I want to fucking suck on your toes, Michael Good. How much to, please, Michael Good, let me suck on your toes. I told my parents about it on mine. I was like, there's a lot of, like, guys who, like, feet.

And my mom's like, oh, my goodness, that's so funny. It's not funny. You're about to become a victim, Patty. I know. I did the opposite. I know my dad's listening. so I'm like, yeah, maybe I'm running out of money here. Maybe I will start an only fans.

Just so he's like, I'll send you money. I'll be your first subscriber. Yeah. That's what he means. Like, okay, I'll be, I'll give you money. It's a good idea. He's like, that's a good idea, Michael. Those are the weirdest podcast when you see like, like, you know me.

I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm an open-minded individual. But you see this podcast where it's like a woman and, like, her dad. And they're like, yep, she does OnlyFans, you know, it's all you make money. And I'm like, just pretend you don't. know. You don't have to be that open with your fan. Or just be like, I don't want to talk about it, but she's a grown woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't have to be on a podcast to be like, I'm her biggest fan. I think it's fucking cool, actually. Yeah, I guess my dick hard. Well, and I made it. I get first dibs. There was what I saw. It was like some 18 year old son films his mom doing gangbanks on the only fans. Oh, that's awesome, dude.

I bet son has a little fucking boner getting that too. There's no way. Yeah, I don't know. I keep getting an ad on Instagram for this t-shirt. It's like a t-shirt advertisement. Ooh, Patty. But they keep showing this guy who's like this hot, jacked, bald, old guy. Johnny Sin.

And it's like his, he's like my daughter said these shirts are nice, so she got me. But it's like the daughter, like, admiring this like hot dad's body. I'm like, this is just weird. The internet wants us to have sex. It's like, it's really put. It's like the newest. taboo. Every family can only have one hot person and

it can't be the mother. That's my rule. How's that? How about like a hot oldest brother? Who's in the military? That's me, dude. Who died in Iraq? How about that? Your hottest person, we send him to war to die. Yeah. And then just leave the rest.

Because if it's like a bunch of uglies, they're not going to have sex with each other. There's like too much good pornography. Ruining your brain. If they ever look at your sister of a sexual way. Yeah. And that's the morning good.

That's where we, 24 minutes it. That's an emergency broadcast and we're slow it down this best. That's the most important thing. I'm actually, I'm just coming back to life. I had a very heavy weekend. Why? I went to a wedding. And it was, I believe in love so much.

I was like, I was, I cried. I cried. I cry at weddings too. You catch the garter belt? Yeah. Yeah. Did you? Uh, no.

I don't think they did one. They didn't really do it anymore. Really? I caught the garter belt last wedding. I went to. Did you? Yeah, I went my teeth. Well, then when are you going to propose?

I'm never going to propose. No. I'm a fucking... You know, you should have it in your... Like a grill. You should have a sick grill and then bend down your knees and smile at Kelly. Will you marry me, bitch? Yeah.

Yeah, let's think of some fun proposals. That's a fun topic. I'm going to, like, do it. I'm going to headline a show. And, uh... I'm going to be like, if you could just like for a minute, if Kelly will just join me up on stage one moment, I just got something I got to say.

And then I think we're going to be like, oh my God. Have you ever done that? I've seen that. I've seen people propose on, I've, I have twice in my life in my career. In stand-up shows? Have I been in a situation where one at an open mic

and one at a show where guys is just, yeah, oh my God, that's so sad. What if Derek Chauvin was just waiting to propose? was to the other female cop who was circling. Was she the one holding the camera? Yeah. He's like, hey, honey, can you hold the camera for Sam and do something really cool?

Oh, that's awesome, dude. George Floyd was like, wait, you don't want to fucking put your nice cop uniform on this dirtiest ground. You get stained. Let me hear. Let me hide. Yeah, let's lean down for a minute. In another universe that was a wedding proposal.

And then just Derek Chauvin was just so nervous. he didn't know what to say. So he ended up kneeling on his neck for like eight and a half minutes. He forgot about the guy. That's cool, dude. Because the guy was on fentanyl and didn't interject. He was on fentanyl, man. Does we have any objections?

This is like the most fun thing to... To like just bring up the fact that he was like clearly on fentanyl and like clearly a criminal who honestly needed to die. Did you like get scammed by BLM because they scammed a lot of people out of money? They did scam a lot of people. And unlike the BLM like the BLM like, ringleader bought like a house somewhere and she was like this is for all

the people that got killed that's exactly how she sounds and they were like no shenicoe you need to give that house back and she was like ah shit this guy you bring him on the show and I don't know how to riff with them sometimes

it's scary huh it's just go into the deep just just repeat after me Heil Hitler baby that's kind of cool to be like the only pro-Nazi podcast out there in New York.

There's not, there's like a clan podcast. I was, I was curious. I was like, what's going on out there? What's going on? Hey, guys,

welcome back to the brotherhood. That is, it is interesting though, because I don't know, I lost steam on what I was saying. That's okay, dude. We'll get it back,

dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just, I will say this, I have people on, and he,

he, you do such a good job at making me so fucking uncomfortable. Because in my mind, I'm strategically, I'm like, okay, obviously Joe doesn't think you should be murdered. But I was like, but how do I still make this funny while also telling it, making it look like I don't agree that George Floyd should be murdered. It's like, for some reason, you get in trouble for like these reasons. Just because you're like, look at the way he's sweating and not saying.

Yeah, but the way this other guy so effortlessly seems to believe it, it's got to be a bit. it was fine dude that was crazy to think that was almost like five years ago I know the whole lockdown the whole pandemic I know but that

my tattoo is forever did you really get a tattoo I got a George Floyd tattoo did you really bad he just had it wait a minute let me see it's on my chest

I don't want to pull it up a little bit no cover it up I can't I can't wait a minute that's Dunston checks in Dunkston checks in Dunkston checks in

who's that there's not Dunston checks in no it's about an orangutan in a hotel Jason Alexander Jr. Peeley Herman. Wait, Jason Alexander's son is in it? Jason Alexander Jr.

Did he give birth to an orangutan? Jerry, he'll never believe who I'm going on a day for. A black girl, Jerry. I finally got one. I was at the zoo and she was working in the cage. And I said, excuse me. And she

saw the banana in my hand and here we are. George. That's an orangutan. That's not a black lady. It's a monkey. I'm just drenched and sweated. George, you're arraisoned. I have no idea where to go with the host of this.

And then Kramer walks in. He's like, Beeph. Get him out of here. Get him out of here. 500 years ago, he'd be hanging out of a tree with a fucking for a fucking four-reper-old. Do you think Michael Richard should be forgiven

for what he said, given the current state of comedy now? I don't know if anything ever requires forgiveness or apology. Well, I guess only God can truly forgive. Well, it's also in a six, too, where he's like, uh, he fucking, what is it? Like, he is so weird now when he's in a podcast, he's like,

oh, oh, like, he's like so like, he's like, I mean, the things I said, did, dig, day, he's like still in. That's going to be me and Joe next week. Yeah, I don't think, I don't, I think he, well, he's just like, he's just like, cool, his apologies the funniest because I think he said Afro-American.

Yeah, he's like, I saw there were some Afro-Afro-American. Yeah. And he wanted to say the N-word's so bad. Afro-American could mean Jewish, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah, they can get those Jew-Afros. No.

My favorite is one of my black friends, obviously, has curly hair. And this guy came up to me, he's like, you're Jewish. He goes, why he goes, you got curly hair. He's like, there's some Jew and you, I know for sure. He just didn't understand that black people also have curly hair. Awesome, dude. Is that part of the black guys? We're all from the motherland of Africa.

Yeah, yeah. The brotherland. The brotherland. We all brothers and sisters. We all from the brotherland. We all from the motherland. We've all sucked upon the black teat of the African nation. The brother from another motherland.

Nice, dude. Yeah, what do you think we do about the black people? I say we, you know, round them up and give them a big kiss. It's the morning good podcast. B.L. M. Edition. Trayvon. George Floyd. What was the other one for?

Brianna. Brianna Tittiller. Say their name. Say their name. Say their name. Dude, if I had Michael Good. Morning Good. for black people in parentheses episode.

B E.T edition. And it's the guy from S&A. Suck, players. It's the morning, good afternoon podcast. Featuring P.Ditty. Nice. Whatever happened to that guy. I don't know.

I think he's coming out with a new album. Imagine all of this was just because he's coming out with a new album. I've always said this, because there's the Vince McMahon stuff coming out with like, oh, this is this. I was like, dude, if this was just all one big ruse, like all the sexual assault allegations. It's all a big goof. For him to just come back in the ring as like a character.

They're like, like, if he like went to jail for technical rape, but this is all just a... He's not going to jail. No, no, but I'm saying that's a, that's a real performance artist to like ruin a... Like, to purposely create fake rape stories about you,

but just so you can come in the ring. I mean, like, you see like the women that, you know, accused Vince of inappropriate behavior. Who could blame them? Right? Mama Mia. Here I go again. Here I rape again.

Can I just tell you something? Wow. Those of you listening tonight today. Not only was at a whistle, but it was a choreograph whistle to the shape of an hourglass. Very shapely lady. While holding the mic, pretty impressive. So they're not like wrestler women or they like ring girls. No, they were like the divas, which are like the female wrestlers.

I thought that's what they're there for. That's what they are. To assault. to assault and harass. Oh, is that what you think about female comics too, Patty? Patty. For those of you listening, Patty just

looked up from his sunglasses with a bad boy smirk and devil make hair attitude. Arching one eyebrow as he revved his motorcycle engine. A female comic is the equivalent of a female wrestler. So they should do comedy with

other women. Different league. I mean, I kind of I'm doing really well on the female comedy league. Are you really? No, no, no, just where I was playing her. That would be kind of fun because then if there was like a female comedy league and then a male comedy league and say you're like not quite leading the league in labs for men, you could trans into female comedy and get the gold. I would probably be like the best trans female comic.

You probably would be. I would fucking crush it as a trans woman. Are you keeping stash? I'm thinking about it. Yeah. No I'm saying. And when you transition. Yeah.

I think it's like the free to call it. kind of thing. It's like, oh, you're Latin. I'm going to get on all the Latin shows because of that. Yeah. Fucking, like, look at this fucking Latin, Latin bitch. With a thick mustache. God damn, look at that thick mustache.

Yeah, look at this fucking bitch, dude. You know I'd have, like, big tits. It would be really funny if women could just grow mustaches, like real mustache. You think, like, you know, like there'd be like some bitch that grows like a crazy beard. Yeah. What would you like? What would you like your woman clean shaving or you like a fucking beard?

I'd like a nice beard. So I could know how. Because I would just pretend it's my beard touching her skin. I know what it would look like to see somebody with a beard suck my penis. Dude, you know you could do that. I guess I'll never know. Wink, wink. They're in my hometown because I live near Woodstock, New York.

Yeah. There's these people, this old couple that's in like their 80s named Father Woodstock and Mother Woodstock or whatever. Oh, my God. That sounds like peak white person shit. They're disgusting people. They look gross. like they have like moss on them and stuff

and her hair is all like and the woman has like a beard that goes down and is like wispy gross and people take their pictures with them I'm like I'm not gonna go near them yeah well that's the oldest couple or what's going on with them I guess they like they're just known because they go to all the festivals

and stuff and like they're everywhere and they just dress like such hippie it's basically like the original hippies they're so disgusting I'm like so not into the hippie I think when I was a kid like when I started doing drugs I was like hippies are the coolest

and then you just meet so many of them that I don't like you don't like monsters you don't like real hippies you like girls when they like are kind of like groove you like a bitch that enjoys Dave Matthews exactly yeah it tring and me

yeah yeah I don't yeah you meet so many real hippies and you're like oh this person There's like a heroin addict who's going to, like, steal from me. And, like, it's this whole, like, thing that's, yeah. Yeah, hippies get very dirty and... Yeah, nasty.

And they get very druggie. They're, like, very... Needly druggie. Needly druggie. Yeah. Very callous, very scabbed. Yeah, it's worn down, and you can see, like, their skin is, like, yucky, yucky, yuck. And they're, like, the acid expanded my brain.

And I'm like, in that told you to steal. In the wrong direction, Bozo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like Bozo. Yeah, get lost. creep. Yeah. Daddy's gonna be such a good conservative dad, dude.

I'm, I can't wait. I'm already there, dude. How? Where? You can't wear that? Leaving this house? I'm voting.

I'm gonna get that down by the time I'm looking. Oh, yeah, yeah. Where do you think you're going wearing all that? Yeah, you come here and give daddy a little kiss before you leave. I was thinking about it. I can't even have like a super voluptuous wife.

Why not? I couldn't even want to go outside with her. Why? Yeah, it's too inappropriate. It's way too inappropriate. He's going to be easy to be a good. conservative dad with a Muslim. He's going to be a conservative Christian,

but your wife is just a Muslim woman in a Birka. If you don't show off your beautiful wife, how are you going to have two fucking muscular black men fucker in front of you later? Isn't it a little, like, some of these women's bodies are offensive. Like how? They're just too intense. Like who?

Like, uh... Who in the local comedy community? Yeah. Sonia, Sonia. Sonia. Sonia. I can't think of her last thing. No, I'm just, uh, Why not? Yeah. Oh, there is one.

God, what is her name? She's got huge cannons. She goes to the stand sometimes. Okay. Baby needs milk. Yeah. Like, the canons are too much. It's like if you have cannons like that, you've got to stay.

Uh-oh. Is somebody our age? I think she's a little older. I can't think of her name. Stacey Cannons? Stacey. Ooh. Why is cannons not a lot?

last name on a porn star. It is. Chrissy Canons. There's a Chrissy Canons? Yeah. Interesting. What does she look like? Why don't we fucking Google her right now? Why don't we just watch porn on the kids? Why don't we just fucking, yeah, it becomes like a fucking watching porn with the boys? You know what? Hey, how fun were the

sleepovers when you're a kid? Why do we give up on that? Should we throw some off? Just throw some jerking off? Wait, like you had like jerk off parties and shit? I never did. Michael did. No, no, no, no. This is like a national. He is a freak from Florida. Yeah, I was like, this is a national thing. Everybody did it.

They're eating frog legs and sucking each other off. Dude, I just played some fucking Turok on Nintendo 64, ate some pizza and was in bed by three. Yeah. I never played oaky-gookie or whatever. Yeah. We wouldn't do that, but you're telling me you never did a little cat house on the HBO. You all go to a different corner of the room. We would, no, slink off one by one to the bathroom and not say anything.

Yeah, that's different. Patty, what are you taking a shit? Yeah. I got to go take a shit. It was me and like one other guy, so it was always easier. Yeah. Dude, we would do that. My buddy, he would put on, like, wedding crashes, the Unravers is.

It's fucking great. With tithies. Pause it and be like, alright. The unrated versions were just for kids to whack off. Yeah, I really appreciate it. Well, like, it's like once internet porn,

like the rise of internet porn like ruined like the saucy R rated movies. Like there just wasn't need like if you were gonna have like, that's such a good point. There's like no tits in movies anymore. Right. Or if there is, it's like for like the part part of like it's like an R rated movie. Right.

And like the titty's place. There's no like gratuitous unnecessary nudity. There's no more PG-13 nudity. You know it is the worst. a PG-13 sex scene where she's wearing a bra during sex. Right, or it's like, get out of here. They conveniently cover her titties every time. Yeah.

Yeah, but there's like a lamp. Yeah, there's like a lamp in the Porsche. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But honestly, those unrated movies were way hotter to whack off to than porn because you're watching this movie and you're becoming like involved in the characters. You're falling in love with this woman. Exactly. So

then when you see her naked, you're like, oh my God, that's the woman that I love. You really love Amy Smart and Road Trip. I love Amy Schumer and road trip. Oh, Amy Schumer? I said Amy Smart. I thought Amy Schumer was hot. Wait, is Amy Smart, the blonde one?

Yeah. Oh, wait, what else was she in that I was really in love with her? Oh, probably the transporter. There's that. Oh, no, no, crank and crank. Yeah, that's it. There it is. Yeah, I was cranking into that.

So you're telling me, I've got to whack off to a woman's tits. To keep my heart being. It's why I do, because it's not even that far. He fucks her in the movie. Oh, really? Yeah, he's going to die. Both movies he fucks are to keep your going. Listen, Mitch, I've got to have sex with you right now.

They say it doesn't count because rape is about control. It's either you or your four-year-old child. You make the decision. Real Sophie's choice there. Who would you choose? I mean, wait, like if I was the woman? No, if you were Jason Staten. I would choose the woman.

If it was between a woman and a four-year... If it was between a four-year-old child, that's a three-year-old child... Favorite hypothetical. She's like, would you rape a child or have sex with a hot woman? I know it's going to be a real toss-up.

Let's get to the heart of the matter. You have a nuclear weapon. It's pointed at... You have a nuclear weapon pointed at your penis. He's like, would you rather give a homeless man a candy bar or kill every Palestinian baby? Would you? How many Palestinians...

He hates homeless people? First of all, how many Palestinian babies are left? That's my question. Not a whole lot. I think they're becoming extinct. I think they are. Mission accomplished. Yeah.

I mean, they can't permanently become extinct. Why not? Because you're just going to have a couple of them fucking, right? If me and a woman went to Palestine and had sex there, would that be a Palestinian baby? No, being American in Palestine. And it'd be an American werewolf in Palestine. Just as Harry. American whale will of

Yeah, that's like That should be the next movie An American wearer wolf Palestine Like a fucking Okay, so a Jew goes there On fucking whatever Birthright

Birthright, right And then like while they're in Israel They get fucking chomped on by a wolf And while they're leaving Like the Israeli army is like You can leave right now We're going to war with looking palate We got to firebomb these Palestinians

And fucking wipe them off the face of the earth He's like, I got to get out of here The fucking moon And he turns into a fireman fucking Jew wolf. So the government uses him as a weapon. Yeah, they released the Jew wolf. Strictly to get babies.

Yeah. They just put a little baby's like, the taste of Palestinian baby blood is insatiable to the Jew wolf. Damn, this is like, I'm getting fucking scared, dude. I know this is the fucking Halloween episode. I think I have the most scared one on this podcast.

Dude, you're not going to get in trouble. Like what? No, no, no, no. It's just, it's a thing because I want to, I want to be that guy that. It's like fucking You know what I mean? I'm just like,

yeah. Podcast host like ha ha ha. And then I don't know, ma'am. I just, you get scared because you think about your career. I'm not thinking about my career.

I think about how much you have to lose. That's not what it is. You know why? It's called a career because it should be in the back of your mind. This has been morning good. Black edition. Morning good.

Starting Patty Defeat. Joe Gorman. You know what I wanted to do? I want to start just doing fake thumbnails for this podcast with a different guest. It's just like me sitting down with like J.D. Vance.

Nice. Yeah. Yeah. It's just not. It's just us being racist. That's kind of what, I almost said bad friends. What's the,

uh, Govvon's. No, Christoph's podcast always gets me with that. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, they got P.

Diddy? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just because it's on the thumbnail. Yeah. That's awesome.

It's just like a celebrity they talked about on the episode. Yeah, hell yeah. That's such good thumbnailing. Instead, mine is just my feet. The way he does, it's weird because he does our faces. And then he, he started editing my feet like by the, so they're in frame. Nice. It's very, yeah.

He knows what he's doing. Yeah, he's good. No, no, this is all my producer's scheme, but I'm just not telling him not to do it. Right. Yeah, yeah, sure tag, whatever. You're doing what you need to do. Yeah. Yeah.

I had a funny thing happen. Ooh. Nice. I want to hear about my funny thing. More than anything, Patty. Come on, baby. I was coming back from the grocery store out here. There must have been like some kind of a school of near-do-wells that let out at the time I was walking back.

It was a bunch of kids that were acting up. Uh-oh, were they Afro-Latino? Hey, don't overcorrect now that I got uncomfortable. You could. Were they Afro-American? It was a mix. It was a wick. wintery mix,

salt and pepper. Amidst the kerfuffle, there were two very, very heavy teenage girls slap fighting. It was really funny because everyone was watching them and you just see these blobs of people throwing their

arms. But one girl was like screaming, but she wasn't like changing her facial expressions. She was just like, ha! It was like it was like, ha! Ha! Ha!

It was so funny. Damn. I'm glad like we never grew up with like smartphones in high school and shit. Yeah. And I'm glad like, you know. Oh, I did and it made it a lot of. Wait, I'm just glad like a lot of that shit is like off the record, you know, untraceable.

Yeah. Their word against mine. All that takes is a smash sim card. Yeah. They'll never find that. I'm not guilty. That is kind of true. I missed the flip phone, like, type in the click.

The first thing I did when I got a cell phone was take a picture of my penis. I think I told you about this. It was one of those where the top of it had a camera or had a screen as well. Yeah. So I could like fold it here. So like I could clip it into my pants so that you could just see a smaller picture of my penis where my penis would be. That should be because like they make, you know, women have to wear these outfits to show up their body. men we should have belts that on our belt buckle has just a flash photography show of our penis

yeah it's just like just to hang down like what do you call it what do you call those fucking things polaroid of your penis yeah if it's like really big there's like multiple tape together that was really funny the defensive like when like uh you found out tsa could just see your wiener and it got all defensive from different angles or people are like they can't just be seeing our It's so unfortunate to because it's always a fat woman looking at the TSA thing. Yeah. It's like what kind of dicks are they seeing? I probably made her day.

Yeah. Or it's like, hey, baby, why don't you meet me in the fucking min's room in 20 minutes? But every dick looks small to a fat woman. Not mine. Hell yeah. I don't look like an E. Clair. How did you come get the fucking cream out this Eclare, bitch? I kind of agree with you.

I don't think I've ever, and this is coming from a man who has sex with a lot of fat woman. I've never felt like I was really giving it to a fat woman. I'm so far away from you right now I'm gonna bring a shovel next time Yeah yeah yeah It's I feel like I'm barely making a dent Yeah I get that I haven't had sex with a fat woman

Because I think they're disgusting Yeah yeah We differ on this I I just I love Paddy likes the creme de la creme But actually we have a different Determination of what fat is Yeah

Because girls that you call fat I think are gorgeous You know it is You know what I will do though I will, I'm kind of a dick in this way. Whenever I'm like, doing something like that, I'll be like, yeah, this girl's like fucking fat and stuff like just, just so. He'll show it to us and it's just like

like Kim Kardashian. But it's just so I could get like an extra like, oh, affirmation. Oh, yeah. But it's like I, I don't know, it's like I, I, I, one girl got real mad because like I was like, yeah, so I was, I bang this fat bitch this weekend. But I said it nicely I think I said I had a lovely time

and she just went off because she like listened to the pot. I even told her listen. I was like, yeah, I was talking. about you and a lot. I didn't. You gotta not tell. I just, in my mind, would I say, like, I like fucking fat bitches? I don't see that as disrespectful.

It's not. It's very respectful. Yeah, yeah. But I like it. I'm not saying it's disgusting. You didn't say I like raping fucking bitches who I don't love. Yeah. Yeah. There's nothing worse than that. That's the most dishonest thing you can do. Is rape somebody you don't love. Yeah. Why would you do that?

Do you think any, like, beautiful relationships started with a rape? It started with a rape, ended with a kiss. It started out with a rape, how did it end up like this. It was only a rape. Now we've got a family, and I'm taking him to church. Like that's the real penance of raping. Yeah, guys are, God damn. I have children.

That would suck. That would. That would be tough. Would you keep the baby? If I raped a girl. He doesn't. So you know what it is? You get really.

comfortable with pedophile stuff. I get really uncomfortable with racist stuff. It's, because he's gotten you a couple times where you kind of just throw your hands up and you go, oh, what am I going to talk about having sex with a baby? And then I'm like, oh yeah, I'll have sex

with a baby. I'll have sex with a baby. I'll jump into that joke territory, but that the racist stuff comes on and I'm like, no, actually, I'm not racist. I become a little fucking bitch. It's the ultimate question. What is worse? Racism or pedophilia? I don't know. So that's the dawn of fucking race and children.

You know what I was thinking about rape, though? It is kind of funny that is the worst day ever for one person and then the best day ever for the other person. Right. You know what? If you're a rapist, it's just another Tuesday. It's not the greatest thing. It's just another manic Monday. Because if you're a rapist, it's like,

if you murder somebody, there's a lot of reluctant murders where you're like, I didn't want to have to kill this guy, but I did it. But if you're a rapist, your favorite thing is to rape people. I don't know. It might be like a reluctant thing where it's like, I got to fight this fucking demon, so I only rape women that have it coming.

Okay. Now you got me. Bad women. This guy is like bad women. If you're a guy like Cosby, where you do like the drugging and all that stuff, you got to feel a little bit like that. But what if it's like for just,

what if I stop a robbery? You know, what if a woman's like, empty the bank safe? And I'm like, put the gun down. Take your bag. Not necessarily pull down your pants.

You like disarmor. Everybody starts clapping. but then you start pulling her pants down and they're like, ooh, I don't know, we should keep it. One guy,

like, gets a fucking flip phone out, records it. And then when you come, instead of come, you shoot that blue money stuff. This was the criminal. I'm the real $100. Yeah,

I know, because like, that has, like, I don't think a lot of, a lot of crimes are reluctant, but that's the one where you're, like,

if you're rapists, like, this is literally the best day of my life. Yeah. This is awesome. The boys are going to believe. leave this. I wonder I wonder what percentage

of rape is like a guy going out and like stalking and doing all that. I bet it's like a high percentage dude. I bet like a lot I bet a really high percentage is like men getting a girl too drunk to where she can consent. Yeah, that's not rape. Yeah,

that's called the 90s comedy where everybody's having fun. It was like these girls are going to get so drunk. It's like if the guy's drunk too, does that count? I think I think it's always the one thing I've learned it's always the guys. What if it's a trans man? Then it's always their fault. They made the mistake

long ago. You betrayed your race. Yeah, I don't know. I had something on that. My brain's just a little foggy. It's okay, dude. Do you have a caffeine pill? I've had so much caffeine in a day. I'm like fifth day hung over from this wedding. But I had something to say about that and who cares? When you took a, you took a caffeine pill

last time you're here. The biggest mistake of my life. Yeah, I was gonna say like were you up all night I was so scared I didn't know I just was so worried I never see Patty again I was like sweating there like his pulse is like 170 beats per minute 179 so you were thinking of me 181 yeah

I make sure to like when I go to the doctors I make sure to not see Patty earlier than I think because my heart rate's gonna be fucking racing they're gonna be like are you have that effect but yeah but I did see Patty earlier ooh RIP rest and Patty I use I texted you on your birthday. I said,

happy birthday. And you said, you're the best, Patty. I love you, Patty. It was so sweet. When was your birthday?

October 19th. Not that you care. I think I missed. I think we did an episode in between your birthday. You did. And they were like, this is like the non-celebrating

Joe Gorman's birthday podcast. Despite Joe Gorman. I like, Joe Gorman has too much in this world. Yeah, I got to take it away. I was like, I called Patty other day just to say,

he's a good guy. Why? It was very nice, very thoughtful. Why do you do that? I was just dealing with people that sucked and then I was like, you know who's a good guy, Patty? Nice. You couldn't just go to his room and say that?

Well, I was out of town, yeah. I was out of town, yeah. I was at a wedding. Oh, that's right, a wedding. A wing ding. I almost died in a car. So one of my friends fucking, I was hammered and we're having just a fun time at the beach.

I was hanging out like the father of the groom. And this guy just gave me the best hype-up speech I ever needed. Nice. Because there's a video of me just getting hammered talking about my breakup that I just am really ashamed of. I'm just like, you know what? It's been a fucking hard year. But, you know, sometimes you got to make big decisions.

And then he's solid. And then he just like, he like pulled me aside and was like, you fucking understand something. He's like this jacked like guy who's like worked in construction for years. He's like football coaches. He's like, you're, you're a fucking handsome man. And you're a fuck. Look, I know she was great.

But the world is your fucking oyster. And you can do anything you fucking put your mind. I just like, and then the next day, me and him just got so fucked up at the beach and we're just like, dude, I fucking love you so much. I was like, you're one of my favorite fucking people. And then my other friend accidentally like locked, his car only locks, it's very rapy. It locks, you can't get out from the out. Oh, yeah. Like you have to like out.

It's like a child lock on it. Yeah. And then I'm in a hot car. And the other guy, because we're all just playing music. My friend's dad that I was just, body would just sees me like choking in the car and my phone's on like one. percent and I'm like trying to call him but he's like playing music and then I'm just like I'm like literally

like in a hot car like a baby just like freaking out it was the scariest moment of my life and he's just like looking at me and he's like we're playing that song he's like at the pick pony club and I'm like dude if I die with this man just seeing me he's just blaring music at his car having such

and he thinks I'm like because like I'm gagging all weekend I'm being silly and he's like oh he's probably just doing a bit right now and then I'm literally like suffocating Yeah, I'm just suffocating it. Like a dog in a car, dude. Yeah, it was a scariest experience. Because I'm like, I'm just seeing this guy's dad in the car, just like, pink pony club.

Yeah, you have to avoid stupid situations like that because that is how you're going to die. Oh, I know, I know. Dude, I thought I was going to die. I will say this. Because of that, I kind of just felt like I was like, I felt my death was coming soon. And we left the beach and my buddy is driving the car and we're listening to Creed and the sun is setting. Nice. And he's just slowly going faster.

And there was like, there was a moment where I was like, I just felt my death. Like I felt like a great beach weekend, a great wedding. And then the sun is setting. And it's playing, can you take me? And I was like, there was a moment in my head where I go, I don't want to die. But if I was going to die, this is where I was. Yeah, it would be flying through the windshield with that song. Yeah.

To a place where it would be. Yeah. Yeah. All your friends are in slow motion Yeah It was so I don't know if it was just from like not sleeping And drinking too much

But there was like a moment where I was like I feel like this is my death right here It's just gonna be merging Like merging onto a major highway Anytime I'm in a car with all of my friends And like even if like nobody is like Even if the driver's not drinking I always just think of those stories

Yeah like it was all everybody was having Everybody was like a fun thing. They were being responsible, this and this, and then all it takes is one thing. Because it's like, it's kind of like, you know, if you're, like I like to think of my friends as like, I'm Donald Trump. Right. My friend Ryan is Putin.

Kim Jong-un. You could never put all of us in the same car. Yeah, yeah. All it would take is one landmine and the entire world is flipped upside down. Come all, that. Yeah, that feeling we're like, this is too fun. Something's going to like. Someone's going to die. But yeah, speaking to comment,

it's really funny that I'm like, obviously not voting because I do not care and I'm not getting involved. And you're a felon. Yes, and I'm a felon. I am a racist child molester. See, I can do it. I can have fun. There you go, yeah. I'm the most dangerous felon of them all. The most felonious. I say bad words.

I'm a little felonious. I got a spicy side. But it was funny too, because there was a picture for my grandpa that my mom is so proud. She's like, he voted today, and he's like so old. And I was like, but my reason for not voting is like, eh. Like, it's for old people. Yeah, it is for old people.

But I just had a moment where I was in the plane, like, looking at a picture from voting. I'm like, God, I was like some people. I randomly started getting that, like, thing where it's like, we live in a country where you can be free and choose to vote. And I'm pissing on the face of George Washington and shitting in Thomas Jefferson's

mouth by not voting. The truth is. like it just doesn't matter to a comedian. Yeah, no totally. It doesn't. Yeah. It doesn't. It doesn't. It doesn't. It shouldn't. If, like, whoever gets voted in, there's going to be a group of people that are really mad about it and you just make fun of that group of people. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you make fun of. Like, you just choose who to make fun of. Right. Yeah. Or you beat Joe and you make fun of both. Yeah, no one's safe with me, dude.

no one's safe dude yeah yeah I'm not any I'm on whose side are you on I'm on my own side I'm on my own side yeah no and I feel that way too it's very funny when people like we'll be like yeah this person sucks

but they're not as bad as this person and you're like why well a lot of times like they're just like they already have like beef with that person and they're just waiting for them to fuck up publicly oh yeah so they can be like fuck you like our hero Tony Injcliff

Yeah. Everyone's like, everyone couldn't wait to fucking shit on Tony Hinchklin. Oh, yeah, yeah. But like Tony Hinchcliff, like, he was hired to do jokes at the R&C. Yeah. Whose idea was that? Yeah. Like, Tony Hinchcliff is not like a... It's like he wrote a letter to Trump and was like, I'd like to open for you. It did feel like that. Like, who, like, Tony Hinchcliff is not like a general audience's comedian. No, yeah. You should have, like, someone out there. You should have Caratop, dude. You should have Caratop. That would be... You should have someone out there who, like, a comedian.

appeals to literally the lowest common denominator. It would have been like the original Gallagher. Yeah. Yeah. But like, yeah, who you would need like a Nate Bargotsie or something like that. Or you go the other way and you have Nick DePaolo. Which would be, but Nick DePaolo would have been 10 times funnier than Tony, you know? He would have ripped, dude. He's so funny. He would have been really good.

Yeah. Yeah. I wonder why I guess he's not like a big enough name. It's so sad that Tony But like you think Tony Hitchclips is a bigger. I guess like they're trying to get like the young people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because Kill Tony is so big And he did the Tom Brady thing Like Nick DePaolo is funnier But

Oh we're at a second Kill Tony will be at the White House And when Trump goes elected That'll be the new thing They're gonna do it live from the Oval Office Yeah This one sucked William Montgomery

Fucking ripping it up at the Oval Office The panel is like Kim Jong-un Putin Boris Johnson Hans Kim is Kim Jong-un Hans Kim Jong-un yeah yeah

William Montgomery is William is what's like Winston Churchill yeah yeah yeah they'll be doing that

yeah they'll be doing that I just said yeah yeah I don't know yeah yeah someone got really mad

of me for not voting recently and I'm like I mean was it some woman how would you know no

no guy has ever you gotta remember they just started vote yeah yeah yeah

they got tired of it by now they really think like those rights are going to be taken away. It's like maybe for you, but not men. You know what's crazy is there is a push of women

to get rid of women's right to vote. Did you know that? Oh, dude. We were talking about this. It's too much for them. They're like, there's a group of women who are like, we should never have been allowed. I love that conservative girl. Her name is like Pearl, whatever. She's just always advocating for men. And I mean, like,

she's a fucking retard, but it is fantastic to just hear her. She's like, we need to be nicer than men. There's so hardworking and brave and they die in wars and I'm like I do die in wars but it's like something I never do. It's nice to have that to balance everything out. She's like they're mechanics,

they're flying airplanes, they're doing all these brave stuff and we need to get off men's backs. That's actually a great fucking point. As we sit on the couch and podcast. What are women doing? What's, yeah, honestly, what's braver than saying that Derek

Chauvin was just proposing to a girlfriend? That is cool, dude. That's kind of right. I'm misunderstood genius. Yo, the twisted beauty of Derek Chauvin. Enter the twisted mind of the genius. You think it'll be like one of those painters that they didn't understand at the time?

Yeah. But then they became very famous. We didn't understand that Derek Chauvin was doing an abstract form of a... That would have... Yeah, that would have been... That was cool. It was fucking cool, man. I don't know what you want me to say.

The other guy... I would have felt like a hundred times safer if I saw that happen in my neighborhood. And I was like, well, I guess that black man's not going to try to sell me on his fucking album, you know? I'd love it, dude. I'd love to live in a neighborhood where, like, cops are just killing black people. I feel safe, dude. What do you want?

Do you want cops that kill black people? Do you want to have bars on your fucking window, dude? Case closed. Derek Chauvin, you're officially exonerated from all crimes according to the Michael Good podcast. signed off by Michael Good. Michael Good and Associates and Dorses. The one guy who kneeled on the, remember, not kneeled, the guy who killed a guy in the subway, remember that?

Yeah. That trial started the other day. I was, I got jury duty for that. Yeah. I wonder where you're going to vote. He's innocent. It's like, look, we've all wanted to kill somebody on the subway. We're going to, we're going to have fucking get this guy arrested for being a hero.

you know what they you know what happened like five minutes before like the whole fucking attack took place a black guy was shouting showtime so like you know yeah that probably is what happened that's absolutely what happened that is not i'm not lying that is what happened it was a showtime the guy just was terrified it was like enough enough is enough dude like come on i had a pretty good showtime on the train the other every once in a while you get hit with a good showtime it was just one guy he was dancing around, but I was like, why? He was, like, really flying around

those monkey bars on the train. We're not... I'm stopping this right. What? You're like the things that have from the ceiling? I know where this guy's brain's going. He was flying around. With the greatest of ease? Yeah, he was like a trapeze artist. And he, like, yeah, he just spun around

did some things. Yeah. I watched the entire time. In raptured? Yeah, I was in raptured the entire time. And then he went, like, this for money and I went do your flips not for me

you're not doing it for the love of the craft why do we have to put it why do we have to put a price tag on such beauty I know what they should say is if you give me a dollar I'll do some flips if you give me a dollar I won't assault your girlfriend right because if I just started doing telling people

jokes like I tell people jokes for free all the time right if I just started this podcast is losing money. I actually pay my producer. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Like that should be your side hustle is the flips. Yeah, yeah. You got to start at the open mic. We are, we are

at an hour, and I just want to say I've supported every single statement that came out of Joe Gorman's. Oh, yeah, dude, we made it, baby. There wasn't one thing that I thought was. Oh, he was pretty much on the mark. Yeah. I was like, these are good things. I might actually go vote now. People tell me to

go vote, and after the influence of Joe Gorman and his poignant points. Joe Gorman, more efficient in getting people radicalized than Tony Hinchcliffe, dude. It's true, yeah. When I saw that video, I thought it was a deep fake. I thought it was like a fucking AI generated thing. I didn't think he was actually there. And I was like, that's a real fucking thing.

It was so funny. It was very disappointing to see him there, I think. I think everyone was disappointed in sad and by it. We all thought better of Tony Hinchcliff. I thought better of the entire Republican Party, to be honest. Really? I didn't. I don't know why I did, yeah.

actually it endeared me to them. Did it? They had Tony Hinchcliff, Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan. Tucker Carlson. Hulk Hogan did a great job. Yeah, yeah. He can deliver.

Yeah. He can sell it, brother. But Tony, like, wants to be the edgy guy. You know, he's like, yeah, I went up and they said I couldn't say it. They gave a hungry wolf an opportunity. He's so funny. He's so the comedy tough guy. Like, watch out, dude.

Watch out, dude. People are afraid when they see him. Everyone forgets he was like a vegan in Los Angeles like five years ago. Everyone forgets he could fit in like one of those lockers that there's like a top and a bottom. He could fit in the bottom. Hey, let me go. Damn, that's so awesome. How the mighty have fallen.

I know, dude. The Disney highs one minute you're working with Hans Kim. The next minute you're disgraced by the entire New York comedy, open mic community. Yeah, the Facebook pages have been going pretty wild. Oh, really? Yeah, people are fucking. I got a tune back into that Facebook page. You miss it, huh?

You know what we should do? Instead of we should just clip you saying what you said and then put that at the RNC Convention where Tony was. Yeah, the RNC would love what I have to say. I'm the embodiment of Republican ideal

of honesty. I believe that. I believe in a thing called love. That's a good note to end up. You're a pro-petophile. You got to admit, that is it tough. How are you going to sell them on that? Oh, I'll find a way. You might have to go

because that is their racism is pedophiles. Yes. But the Democrats like pedophiles. That's true. They do. They think it's like sexually empowering. It's like sexy. Sexy to be a pedophile. Lolita.

Lolita is sexy. If you read that book? Got me all fucking hot. God. It's a hot one. You guys throwing it back to me? You're trying to. I'm not going to sweat. who suggested it to me. It's just Loita. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you like LoLia. Yeah, I love the idea of just suggesting that book to people. This book's really good. You should, you should check out the Scarlet Letter.

What's my favorite movie? Lolito. What's my favorite book? LoLita. The novelization of the film. There's no Lita like Low Lita. No Lita. Where could they find you guys?

Besides it a Nazi rally. Well, I will be performing marching with the KKK. But between that, dude, follow me on Twitter, Instagram at Joe W. Gorman. Also on PlayStation at Joe W. This is the W. Stand for Wonderful.

It does. Wow. You want to give me a little kiss on the lips? Those of you listening, he sucked my cough. Oh, bo. Gay police. News from bed on YouTube. And that's it.

Thank you. Hey, Jake. Thank you guys.