Morning Good - The Linguini Famine - Episode 235

Episode Date: September 1, 2024

Alan Fitzgerald and Paddy Defino return to the show for today's episode. They talk about Team Fighting, racism towards Italians, and the age old sex robot vs. clone debate.Thanks to Alan and Paddy for coming back on the show. Check them both out on previous episodes and click their links below for more.Alan is everywhere @fuckcityusa and has a special out on YouTube called  Straight For Pay that we love. Paddy is on Instagram @paddy_is_funky and hosts the best visual experience in comedy podcasting, News From Bed. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, good, good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Oh, wait, on start up. Welcome to morning. Do they have full schools for Down syndrome? Yeah. Yeah, they do. Let me tell you, it's funny.

Yeah. We're with Patty DeFino Bow and Alp. Hey, grades four through 52. then they would die on. Yeah, grades four through peanut Eminem. I was juggling with a roommate about a fucking going in

and like just being a dick and like farting on your election ballot. Like people could just see him in the other booths or just like wiping your ass with a thing and handing it to the guy and he's like, I'm not even the guy you're mad at.

Like, why are you doing that? Or just complain the guy you want isn't on the ballot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's Hitler? Yeah. The most profound ruler of all time. Dude, if everyone just wrote Adolf Hitler's name in there,

would they have to find a guy named Adolf Hitler and put them in? Yeah, is that how that works? I don't know. Or would they... Or there's a change Kamala's name. Or would they... Camal. Legally changed a day of Adolf Hitler.

Yeah, if a bunch of people voted for Adolf Hitler, by the left-wing media's, you know, take, those would be votes for Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a real double-edged sword there. That's why you've got to be careful what you say. Yeah, yeah, be very careful. Have you seen the Adolf Hitler?

There's like an African guy named Adolf Hitler. No. And it's playing that talk, it's like, And if you close your eyes, eh, oh. And it's like, Adolf Hitler, like, he's doing all these great things. He's just this black guy named Adolf Hitler. You have to.

You have to. You have to. He's like, I need to be the best guy and then be a priest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's also funny, too, because, like, there's always historical people that, like, like, what was going on,

Africa during World War. When I was a kid, I thought war wars were like every single country was in the war. Like I thought it was like, it was like Avengers End game. Yeah, yeah, where it's like Africa's fighting like Mexico. I know there's like all this stuff where it's just like totally out of control. But Africa during World War II

is interesting to think about it because like there's always historical people where like, you know, it's like you'll see people with like shirts with like somebody from like some something and then people were like, oh, do you actually know what that guy? I actually did. He committed 95 genocides. You're like, I just thought he looked cool on a tea. You know what I mean? There's always that thing. We're like, so I wonder like what the perception of...

95 genocides. Are there even... Some would say one is enough. Yeah. 95. Well, there's all... It's funny, too, the genocides that people like, they always forget about.

You're like, oh, this is like the Indonesian, whatever. You're like, oh, there's just so much going on. I always... When I think of... In Japan and China used to fuck shit up in Asia. Oh, yeah. I always think of, like, when I think of Africa as like a bunch of, like a straw village.

with, like, kids kicking a deflated soccer ball. Every country, you think of, like, three images. It's, like, three slides. But I blame, like, the people on TV that would be, like, look at these African kids. Yeah, that's all you were given. That's all I knew. Like, I never got to see, like, downtown Africa. Yeah.

Yeah, Africa needs a rebrand. Yeah, Times Square, Africa. Downtown Africa. That's what I call downtown Brooklyn. Yeah. Here we are in downtown average. I'm about to get a pair of Adidas. Well, it's also, too, it's like, I remember we had a teacher and what's it called.

I also love it every time we do a podcast, there's different roommate sits out the podcast and we just have a live audience of one person, which there's no way for it to feel like I love being the one audience. Like when you're doing your podcast and I'm sitting watching it, I love it. Yeah. But when there's one person, it feels like you're performing on a show for one person. When you're sitting in that seat, all you're doing is thinking, you're like, oh, I would have said something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I had a goal if they only knew what I would have said. Do you, it almost should be holding up cue cards for funny things for us to say. Yeah. Just, yeah, like a Jamie, but with jokes.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, when I listen to podcasts, like if I listen to like Joe Rogan, I go crazy, I'm like, dude, it's fucking Ice Age 2. That's what that's from. Yeah, like it's so furious. Yeah.

And you think you would have, like, dominated the podcast. Yeah, but really, there would have been, you would have fucked up the entry. My name is Michael Glitt. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Nothing, like, like, nothing, like, Rogan doesn't, like, respond to anything. Like, you can just say a bunch of words and he, he's just, like, hunched over, like, flexing his muscles. Like, how do I turn this into MMA?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've always wondered, like, if I go on there, I'm like, I have no idea if I'm just, I don't watch MMA. So I would have just nothing to contribute him. I, it's fun. It's just people beating the shit out of each other. No, I like, like, like, like, when it's on. think it's cool, but I'm not following the people beating the shit of each other. I'm not like, oh, did you see how much weight the guy

lost so that he could beat the shit of a guy in a different way? I'm just like, I'll watch people. Neither do I, but I watch people beat the shit out of each other. I think that's all you need to know. But I'd rather just watch that on Twitter. I'd rather watch World Star. I wish it was more like a freak show kind of thing where like they would just get a guy with like an abnormally large head in there.

And that's the only weapon he can use. It's like battle bots with like deformed humans, you know? Well, have you seen the fucking, what's it called like the team fighting? That's the best. Teen fighting? Team fighting. Team fighting. Yeah.

Different video. No, no, no, no, no. This is, yeah, this is like Ukrainian. I think it's in Ukraine or something like that. Like a war? That's usually where it starts. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

It's, they literally have people just run at each other and fight and they're two different teams. So like you gang up on some of them. And then it's like they had one where there's this one fight where like one guy fights two women or something like that. It's very entertaining. Yeah, Ukraine, Hungary, all those Eastern, Eastern, European countries is where white people do shit that the other white people say, that's not cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So it's like Red Rover, they just stand in a line and then run at each other? Well, they just, they just, yeah, two different lines, and they just kind of like, like a battle, just run at each other. Oh, okay. And there's always like the Battle of Winterfell. Yeah, what the guy do against the two chicks? Oh, he fucked them up.

I mean, I can, I can pull, uh, this is what Jake should be pulling up right now, by the way. This is, this is, what do you think he's looking at right now? two women fight one guy I think it might be Romania yeah Romagna that's another one

anywhere where Andrew Tates like this place lets me do whatever I want Michael thinks what's happening in the Ukraine is a quote unquote team fuck not a war oh dude this guy

this guy's bad dude First off, this looks like a guy who just hits his wife normally. So he's really taking it out of these two. Oh, they're like in a ring. This isn't like in a park. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. They have gloves and stuff. I'm not just watching men beat the shed of women.

He is so fat. Yeah. He looks like he just sits in a recliner all day waiting for his wife to fuck up. Yeah. Yeah, he's just kind of swinging his arm. And then like it's, they're fighting like, they're fighting like women at a bar that are trying to break up a fight. Like one of them is like running to the other side, then running back.

And then like when he turns out. around and there's another one behind him. Yeah, exactly. But his form is also crazy. He's doing like a windmill. He's just like spinning around with his arm. He's just like, yeah, he does not know how to fight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he has the rage of a man who wants to hit a woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's like, you'd imagine being the guy who's just always wanted to hit a woman. And then they put you in a ring. Yeah. He's like, oh my God.

Oh, my God. Thank you, you go, Slavia. Yeah, yeah. You go, you go slavia. Yeah, that's like, I wonder, you know, there's like sex tourism where people like travel to Thailand to like fuck a picture. No, I have no idea what you're talking about. Is that a thing?

Yeah, yeah. The Fogel was big on that. That was a big Jared Fogel kind of vacation. They're all about it in Thailand. Yeah. They go to fuck someone else, right? Not just like bring my wife and fuck her. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you can do that at Disneyland. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, dude, there you go. You know, I was thinking the other day, like, what it's like to be someone who owns like just a regular brothel in Thailand, you know, all the women are... They don't have dicks.

They're not kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone's just like, look at goody two shoes over here. That's like the equivalent of like an actual marijuana dispenser in New York. It's like, what are you fucking from the future? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah.

But I wonder if there's like going to be fighting tours where you go there. People just go to fight women. Yeah. Whatever. And Ireland is the last. Last destination. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the final boss.

Dude, people will just, like, try to fight you. Like, just because, like, that's, like, what you do. In Ireland? Yeah. In Ireland? Yeah. You're, like, drinking. Like, there's people who were just, like, be like, let's get into one.

Yeah. Well, there should be, like, I know Florida stages that we just had, like, a game there. We, I went there, like, seven years ago. But, um, they just played in Ireland. Oh, yeah, and they lost, right? Yeah, but it's like, I don't know what other reason for that. I don't know why the game was there. Who'd they play?

I don't know, but I knew it was an upset. Yeah, but I'm like, the only reason is like just FSU is a giant party school. So they're like, yeah, let's, I mean, I'm sure there's some actual reason everybody's going to be gay next week and be like, actually, it's because they're in the end of the end of the year. Yeah. But like, it just seems like they were like, what is the other drunkest place we can have all these calls? Like, I'm sure the fights there were fucking insane. Yeah. Because it's like all the frattyish steroid college kids combined with drunk Irishmen just sliding.

Yeah. drunk Irishman, dude. Nothing better. No, there's a lot better. Actually, I think anything is better. You can barely understand what we begin with, so you don't even know why he's mad at you. But he's mad.

He's really just mad that his wife can't cook because no one can cook in Ireland. Because there's three things to eat in Ireland. And they're all boiled. And they're all potatoes. You're here somebody from like the UK tried it, talk about how they're good at cooking. don't know you guys just haven't tried

Vivalibops and you're like shut the fuck you lost his battle so long they eat like shut the fuck up their breakfast is like it's like the head of a fish yeah

and then like a pile of beans that are like the darkest color and then like somebody's shoe just like random it's disgusting but you forgot to pour

a gravy on it it wasn't good because you didn't pour the gravy yeah this is somebody who's never been to England, but I just refuse to eat food. I would never go there.

I would want to go, because I want to go to a country that's foreign, but I could speak English. I don't want to learn a language. I never, never again do I want to learn a language. If, like, America is, like, Grand Theft Auto 5, that's just, like, an earlier Grand Theft Auto. That's a good point. It's just, like, the previous version of what we have.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just with worst teeth. I want to hang out with, like, the, what do you call them, like the chaps or whatever? Like, the gang. The peeky blinders? Yeah, not those, but, like, the kids, the kids, the kids. that are wearing like the track suits. The new peekie line.

Yeah, and they're like, yeah, I'll go off and all dixing and all I smoke figures all day. Yeah, that's their southern accent, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just they sound, that's how you know you're dealing with someone crazy ignorant. Oh, yeah, just some guy with like a scar on his face. He's all, yeah, I'll kill about four people before 1015. Why'd you kill the people? Oh, you were at a soccer match.

Say no more. It was legal. It's absolutely fine. It was a soccer match. that ended in a tie. Oh, okay. Someone with a pipe. They need to find a better way

to like end a soccer match, you know? I've never watched that long. One without death. They do like a shootout and stuff, but it's like they need to end it in a way. Like they should end it by playing like basketball. They should just end it forever and play a different sport. Yeah, they should play a different sport.

Dude, I love hating soccer so much. I love it. It's such an American pastime for me. Yeah. Just hating soccer. Mm-hmm. That's just beautiful. Well, I'm not a sports guy,

but I think that is my least favorite of the sports. Because, like, football, like, look, when it's on, it's exciting to watch. I don't follow it. I'm like, oh, this is, I can find a team I'll choose. Oh, yeah. And then, like, the beginning of the football games are awesome. They have, like, a fucking...

Flights. They have, like, airplanes fly and, like, people jump out with parachutes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Football! Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, like, what it's going to be. It's going to be the NFL countdown.

It's just going to cut to, like, a drone strike in the middle of the middle of Italy. Yeah. Fuck the fighter jets. Yeah. I don't know. It's so funny too because Middle East another example.

I've always, I just see sand and I see like a guy in a turban kind of. Like I always see just the same thing. It's like, and Osama came on here and he was like, oh,

like Syria is actually like a beautiful country. I can't do his accent. Well. I can do it very well. Okay. Okay. Oh, Syria. Very good country.

And I listened to him I had on my podcast, I interview, and it's like, it's very interesting. He's like, it's very jungle-ish, all this stuff. And I just, I just didn't believe... I know him well, and I trust him. I just didn't believe him. What does that mean? Yeah, yeah, I think you're talking to listen to a real bigot, dude. No, I don't mean that way.

I mean, like, jungleish. It doesn't sound that way. He's rich in vegetation. That neighborhood in Harlem is a bit junglish. You know what I'm saying. I'd stay away. Yeah, but, uh, yeah, I don't know, I just... I know the guy I trust to get in my head. I'm like, hey, he's probably line about this. It's probably just sand and like a lady

and a burqa. That's just how I picture. A lot of ladies and burkas. I saw one the other day. I was like walking to the movie theater and it looked like sorry, a lady in a burqa. It was like... With greedy glasses on is the funny upside. She was no visualization on her.

She was like outside on the sidewalk and she was and she had like a full black like thing over top of her entire body and like a red like bandana around her head and she looked like like one of those like imperial guards for like Darth Vader yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like one of those

like harder to beat Star Wars characters it was the craziest I was like so scared and I don't know how she was like the middle of the night she's got like black fabric yeah there's no way you could see that everybody's like it's breathable but you're like no it's no I don't know I just like there's no I don't know I just I just it's July

like does God hate you in August You have to wear all of that? I don't know. I guess it's more of like a... I think it's... Let's be honest. Keep some skinny, right? They're sweating all the time.

I have not seen a fat woman in Berka ever. Yeah. Is it actually... Maybe it's tightening. Maybe it's like a corset inside. It's just... It's like a skims. Yeah.

Kim Kardashian's gonna start selling like Muslim skimberas. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I saw one. They had like a bathing suit one. And I used to have a joke about it. I was like, that's so cool that her husband lets her go swimming.

because they had this one thing on the they're like bathing suits for everybody and it was like it was basically just like a like you ever seen like a wet suit for like a surfer it was like that but like a cape isn't the whole point of that is like you don't see like the form of their body

so you're not like that's a good point because they could just be wearing like a full body yoga pants right like is that you're covering your body but you could see yeah you're essentially they're walking around like the middle of a magic trick I'm sure a lot should require you to just dress like a man to make you...

Yeah, like, only appealing to your husband. Grow a mustache. That shouldn't be too hard. But something of that. I mean, it's not a terrible idea. I don't know. Yeah. Well, it's all about because, like, the men over there don't want people to covet their wives, right?

Yeah. So they're essentially, like, they didn't even take their wives out of the box, you know? They're just... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you stay at home. You want to leave. You, you know, you ask me. And I go wherever you go.

Yeah. I'll be honest, a lot of these listeners are Muslim, so we're going to have toned back. I thought you're going to say a lot of these listeners are down for that. I was going to be like, yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, no, I don't know. I've said it before, but it's like, I don't know why you have to look at another religion and be like, that's, I respect that.

You're like, I don't, like, I respect the people that believe them. I don't not respect you for believing a certain religion. Yeah. But I don't have to look at the thing and be like, yeah, yeah, no, that makes total. Yeah, I think none of it makes sense. Then you have to do it with anything anyone comes up with. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Because it's like, I don't think you're crazy.

Because there's like fucking, there's rocket scientists of every religion. And like, they're way smarter than me. And like they, look, they might, I haven't read the Quran's. I don't know. But if I, it would be really unfortunate if they were right, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a, that, that, not a very forgiving God, it seems from what I've heard. I don't know.

Yeah. I mean, you know, what are you going to do? What are you going to do, you know? What do you mean? I mean. I know anywhere you're going to say. Yeah, what are you going to do? It is good.

If your God doesn't forgive you, you just can't do that shit. Yeah, I guess. But it's like one of those things where it's like I don't, the whole concept of like, it's like if I didn't think what you're saying was silly, I would also be Muslim or Christian or like, Jewish. Yeah, that's the other one I was looking for. It's like if I, the old, it's like everybody who says, oh yeah, yeah, that's it. It's like, no, they think your thoughts are silly or else they would believe them.

Like, I get that we don't know anything, but like they think your thought is inaccurate. I don't know if they think it's silly or inaccurate, but it's like it is hard to like fully believe in something. Totally. That has no proof. Yeah, and I have no idea of anything. Like I'm not like saying I'm smarter because I don't know these religions, but it is interesting that people are like,

oh, no, they're like, yeah, look, you have to respect what everybody believes. I'm like, I don't, I respect you. I don't know, I have to, look, if you finger your butt once a day, I don't have to respect that you finger your butt once a day. That doesn't mean I'd disrespect you for fingering your butt once a day. I've seen like It's a weird weird analogy

You put the anal in analogy You know it's funny I have absurd analogies But I say them with such confidence But they're never accurate at all Like look This is just like if you had

A leg made out of sponge Dude I don't finger my butt all day I worship God You piece of it Yeah I'm sure I'm fucking level you right now Yeah Yeah but there's no way

That might be where God is By the way In your asshole Yeah Dude you feel them If you touch a certain spot Oh yeah That's why they call it the G spot

The God spot That's where it is The male G spot That's why we have you on Wait till Palestine figures that Yeah You've had that figured out right Dude I have

I cannot get a woman's finger Into my ass And I've tried an embarrassing amount of times I have tried like Five times And I'm like this is not for me Have you tried putting a little sign over it That says nail salon?

I don't mean I'm like Trying to convince the woman I'm saying like my ass just like, no. But so not when I shower, I could just get a whole bar of soap into my asshole. Yeah.

But the second a woman... These whores aren't trying hard enough. That's all that is. It's the most invasive feeling I don't like. I do not like the... You have to be in a better position because, like, I'm assuming you're... What are you laying on your stomach?

Dude, I'm doing all of them. He's been... You gotta do like this. Oh, my God. I'm not willing to do that. Come get it. Yeah. No, I've done...

I've done all that. Can you even physically do that? I can do that? I can do it. do that. Can we see you try? Alan's putting his legs in the air. That's about as far as I can go.

I can't. I got the same thing. I'm like one of the least flexible people. Yeah, well then don't talk shit. I'm not just saying it's funny. You're talking shit. Maybe we should get into yoga. That seems to work.

We're the most flexible comedians in the city. Yeah. Just on stage with our legs behind our heads. I don't think I don't think shocking podcast would go well with you guys doing yoga. That would just be weird. If you were guys were like, gay sex is funny, right? All right, Dan,

we're dying. Rising sun. Dude, it's hard. Yoga's hard. Yeah. I wish there was some part of me that didn't find certain things, like, is funny. Like, gay sex will never not be funny. Little Pete, you, I saw a little guy on the subway the other day, and I

wanted to give him a kiss on the forehead. Like, he's a grown man. I know that's not how you're supposed to do. Did he have a little briefcase? He had a target bag that was like taking up half of his body. What if that would like make them grow to full size if you kissed him on the forehead? It's like a frog. But nobody ever does. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, first off, I'm like, I feel giggly.

I feel happy. And I want to give this grown man a kiss on the floor. And it's the most condescending thing. I do feel that way too. I'm always like, oh, look at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting around town. I'm like proud of them for like nothing.

You like got up the stairs in the subway. I'm like, oh, good for him. Yeah. It took him two hours. He's got a tent halfway up there. Like he's a Sherpa on down Everest. Like he's got a whole campus. Climbing over other dead midges. I will say this.

I thought this heat thing was going to be doable. It's too hot. I might have to turn on the air. Yeah, if you want to pop it on this direction. Can you keep that going for a couple of seconds? I'm going to try to figure out. For sure. Just say, I don't know why it's so hot today.

It was like, I thought it was coming down. It was like 75 over the weekend. 91, dude. It was 91. Oh, my God. Dude, we've had a good summer. We have. We've had a brat summer, as I say.

Yeah, dude. For two seconds, you guys are talking about the weather? I said, keep the momentum. Oh, did you just turn the... Yeah, yeah, it's too fucking... It's too loud. Are you sure? I'm sure, yeah.

It's just... We're gonna have to just deal with this. Okay. Yeah. Or you'd be like, Ryan, or two, when you can yell about it.

Be like, what the fuck? Do I'm yeah. Well, that's how Ryan... Yeah, I mean, that's how he solves his problems. Yeah, yeah, you yell at them. I was thinking about because he's a...

He's a squatter, right? Doesn't he like squatter? He's also a squatter? Oh my God I'm fucking coming out of my pussy In this house I don't know But I was thinking about Squatters rights

It's sound Like I know what it is Is that still going on I thought they like fixed the problem Maybe they did But the name squatters rights Sounds like you're right To like take a shit

In someone's front law Yeah No I have squatters rights It's emergency I would love to learn the weird rights Like I'm still like A lot to like cut your child's hair Or something

Like just weird law Is it like citizens arrest? Yeah, yeah. Like, how do we citizens arrest someone? We should just citizens arrest. Easy, call a hooker. But that's like setting them up, right? Yeah.

Yeah, but you can then get... Yeah, yeah, come over around five. And then after you fucker, you just bring her to the cops. Yeah, she got for money. That would be so funny to buy a hooker and then cops arresting you. You're like, no, no, no, I was setting up a sting. The citizens arrest sting. Yeah.

Do you think they called it a sting because a lot of those people got chlamydia? Perhaps. We repeat it's done. Yeah. I was talking to something, you don't fucking cheap it?

Apparently, I was talking somebody from Amsterdam and they were like, it was this guy and he was so like Amsterdam, dude. He had like the long hair and he's just talking about these like, yeah. You can fuck a boy and it's not even gay. Yeah, yeah. In Amsterdam.

Sounds kind of gay there, Jacques. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just talking about it's like, it's like $60 to fuck like a very attractive hooker there. I'm like that is in, that's like three beers at a bar in New York City. Oh my God. Amsterdam. Damn. And they're fucking into, they're in the windows too.

I can't imagine something. Oh, belittling to someone's self-worth and be like, hey, you can do whatever you want to me in a window. They're just pressing like their tits against the glass. Please come in. I need $55. Yeah, it's crazy. Well, it's like, apparently it's like the government, like the government, like the government

like paced out of them SDD tested or whatever. So it's like, you were $60 you can fuck a smoking hot, completely clean hooker. Like how is society not falling apart? How is not everyday people just like, ah! Like just, I think it's like you probably... Hold on, let me do the math here. You make $120 a day. You keep your rent low.

Yeah. I mean, you just fucking hookers down. I don't know. Imagine just seeing that like a bunch of beautiful like Taiwanese women and then like Alan in the window. Yeah. Hey, I need my. too. They're jerks your

brushing your tits against the window. Yeah, I don't know. I like, that made me be like, not just for that reason, but I'm like, I should go to, and I'm not. See, that's one thing.

I think we should legalize prostitution here. Yeah, yeah, you're preaching to the choir. I think we should do that. Yeah, but you can't be so behind that. It gets really annoying because then you're that guy

that's just like, you can't be like super into it. Yeah, unless you're like, unless you're a female prostitution. Come on. Yeah. Come on. Yeah.

Yeah. Just a one-issue voter. Yeah. Come on. Are you legalized process? Yeah, yeah. Can I fuck horrors or not? Yeah.

Come on. Yeah, I think if you're that into it, though, you're probably already doing it. You're doing it here illegally. You've been caught like 95 times. And you're like, please, I can't keep paying for the bookers and the book. There's more Asian massage parlors in New York than Starbucks, I guess. Really?

Wow. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. Yeah. There's one next to the pair, and it's so funny to see comics just walk in there. because like, oh yeah.

It's just like the whole, it's like walking in, it's like your whole office scene. You just get jerked off. It's like nobody's doing anything. I've seen a few comics go up there. Yeah. It's like,

really, okay. Yeah, yeah. All right. I don't judge people for doing it, but it's just the confidence to just walk and be like,

okay, it must be really good if they're willing to, right? That's the only reason. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It must be the best massage parlor in town.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. But how good. can a hand job? Like it's just, I don't know. Oh, they don't just do hand jobs. Those nimble little fingers. That's who needs to finger my ass. Is it Chinese? Like, tell you what, I want one time to get my prostate check and a Chinese woman did it.

Didn't even notice she was in there. Yeah, they're very sneaky. Dude, yeah. I mean, that's why they can, like, build iPhones. They have, like, the tiniest fingers and it just slots in. Yeah, that's a good point. Tiny fingers. Yeah. It's probably why they don't make iPhones in Jamaica.

Yeah. just the hands are too big. Yeah, seeing a Jamaican guy try to build, like, yeah, that has to be undoable. The biggest hands in the world. Just so high. Oh, I keep building a Nintendo switch. You ever shake hands of the black guy and it, like, wraps around your hand like five times? Yeah.

Big Jets are really funny bit about, I don't know, I guess it's on the kill to know. But he was talking about he's like a black guy is like dating his daughter now. he's like, they have the longest fingers. And he's like, so he gets some joke about like, he's like fingering his daughter. He's like, oh, my bad. And he pulls his finger out and like waves back. It's like, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I never, uh, I never. I've never been fingered in the, uh, the butt. Neither of I. I've had like a hoo-hoo and I like jump out of it. It's like cartoonish. I'll like fly through the ceiling. Yeah, trying to get away from it. I'm weird.

I mean, I like, when a woman licks my butthole, but a finger in there is, like, the most uncomfortable experience in my home with our life. Like, I think it's like, it feels very invasive. Like, it feels like you're getting,

I don't like the idea of somebody else being inside my body. And you can, like, look that woman in the eye after her. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because I don't care if they lick other buttholes.

Yeah. Unless it's like a dog. I can look her right in the eyes and say, thank you on. I don't, I don't even like when a woman licks my butthole.

I don't even, I don't even, not a fan. It's kind of gross. Yeah. I mean, it is a disgusting place. Yeah, it is. I don't eat well either, you know?

Yeah, I believe you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it'd be one thing if I was eating nothing but vegetables and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not how it is. Yeah. A lot of, a lot of bodega sandwiches. A lot of bodega sandwiches.

A lot of pastrami, too. Yeah, it's basically like the sublicking the subway pole. Dude, my fucking shit, I had diarrhea for, like, by the way, I am like, I pay for toilet paper in the house because I am shooting the most. because I'm just intaking, like, creatine and protein and, like, but my diary is fucking, it's in, I had diarrhea,

I think eight times the other day. Some would say that's, uh, borderline dysentery. Yeah. Yeah, it's probably not going to. Yeah,

he would have not lasted on the Oregon trail, dude. Yeah, how do you die of diarrhea? It's just dehydration, but can you just keep drinking, how does that work? How do you die of diarrhea?

I don't know, but I know, um, what's his name? Is it why they call it diarrhea? What's his name used to do it? You remember the, he used to die of diarrhea?

No, no, no, no, he used to kill people with diarrhea. He was the Italian. Remember World War II? The Italians, Mussolini, yes. He would kill people with diarrhea? He would fill them up with motor oil, and then they would, like, shit themselves to death.

Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was not a nice man. No. Yeah, he's, I would say he's in the top 45 percentile of worst Italians of all time. Musomini. Mussolini, yeah. Where does the Jersey Shore fit in all that?

Top 10% The top 10% Mussolini. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, I keep shit in my fucking pants away. How am I supposed to fuck this Italian girl with the shit in my pants? That's every one of them combined.

The one guy is doing stand-up now. What? Vinnie. Vinnie? Maybe the only likable person I saw him the other night Yeah yeah Is he anything good?

I didn't see him to standout I just saw him at the club And I just saw him talk to people He's like yeah It's normally more packed But it's like He's like you know when you go to order A Meatball Palm

And they say they only got eggploid I don't want egg plant It just said it yesterday And the day before Dude if you're Italian All you can eat is meatballs Eggplant Chicken cutlet

Every now and then veal Yeah Well there's always the Italian guy who's getting angry on stage about something you're not relating to like that he's like and then there was no Pomajon you're like nobody cares he was I never he'd do stand it but

everybody's funny this last chick I dated she thought basil and oregano were the same fucking thing bada boom bada bada bing I get the fuck out of him it would be funny like because there's the Irish potato famine if there was like the Italian linguini family what are we supposed to do without a fettuccini

I mean, is there a funer group to just make fun of on a daily basis? No, no, no, no. Italians are number ones. They're just so goofy. Yeah. Like across the board, they're goofy and silly, and nobody feels bad for them ever. And the thing is, they're so funny without even trying to be funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, there's one. They're kind of like, they're kind of like black people. Like, they don't really care, like, what your opinion is of them. Oh, yeah, yeah. They're like, we're just doing our fucking thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, it's respectable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, so many different types of white people are always like, oh, like, oh, I hope I'm not bothering. I like that you just did a Jewish guy. You're like so many different types of, oh, gee whiz. Oh, no.

Yeah. My Velcro shoes just came undone. It's funny, small and weak Italians look just like fucking Jews. You ever notice that? Oh, totally. Well, there is, like, nobody's been able to answer me why that is. Why Italian people look and act Jewish. I don't know.

I don't know what the, uh, But then my favorite was there used to be this guy at L.O.L. He'd wear a tank top tucked into pinstripe pants. And he'd be like, he was like 22 years old. He had slicked back grease and he's like, and damn, my mother. And I'm like, you're not a real human beat. You're like a 1940s Italian. Like, how do you walk outside your house?

Dude, the best of them seem like cartoon characters. They really do. Yeah, they like bring their sisters to prom and stuff. Nobody touches my fucking sister. Yeah. She's the best woman I ever knew. Nobody lay an eye on it. Yeah. Well, it's like, it's also like there's now this community of like autistic guys that are like 24 and on TikTok and like want to be Italian mobsters from like the 60s.

And all of them just like spend like probably like five hours combing their hair just backwards and then just like doing little TikToks about like five reasons you should date an Italian guy. Yeah. It's just them going up. It's like best cooking. You know, it's like them just being like, we're never going to bad talk you. Yeah. We are going to treat you with respect. Yeah. And parmesan. If I see another mobster on a podcast, I'm going to shoot myself in the fucking, it's, everyone is like, oh, there.

That guy Michael Franchise, he's pretty good. Like, I believe him. He seems legit. My thing is, I just don't, I don't care. You mean Mike Francesa? No, no, Mike Franchise. Oh, okay. Even his name is adorable.

It's his name. I don't know what I got to write. He's just some guys like, hey, how you're doing? Well, we get the job done. You know what I'm saying? This guy's a liar. This guy's a punk. I'll tell you the real deal.

I'll tell you the real deal. Every Italian podcast, they do the same thing. The mobster guys, they're always just like, they tell a little story and they leave it kind of open-ended. I mean, all stories are the same. Someone's always eating pasta. Someone always gets shot. Yeah. Someone's wife is always busting their fazoos.

Like, it's... Yeah, yeah. They all live the same life. Yeah, yeah. And it's always the same. They're always like, this one guy, he messed with the mob boss's wife. Tell you what, we didn't hear from that guy again. He's like, why is that he?

even a story. Of course, I'm sure it happens millions of times. You're like, that isn't new if people are like, oh, that really happens? Some guy died? Because he's like, yeah, that happens. Yeah, tell us what happened to the wife. That'll be shocking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny to you. Like, every hot Italian woman is now just

the most disgusting middle-aged woman. Every, like, mobster's wife which has balloon tits in their face looks like fucking... They go bad. Quick. Oh, my God. They're like avocados. Yeah. A lot of them have herpes, too. You know why?

Because their husband gets herpes and gives it to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they just have to sort of be quiet about it. Like, oh, look, I got this bump here now. All right. I guess, you know, it'll show up every now and then. Yeah, they've been, like, soaking in olive oil for like years.

And he's like, my wife, most beautiful in the world, he's like, get over here. You're like, Jesus Christ. Their skin, yeah, like comes down. Like, they have crazy. Their eyebrows are spray painted on for some reason. You're like, this is fucking insane. Dude, if they, if they cook,

like the worst lasagna too. They're just getting trashed by the other women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's why it's always so fucking good. Yeah. It's so good.

It's they basically fat shame each other with food. It's like reverse fat shaming. Yeah. I'm apparently like not allowed to tell my grandma that we're not Italian. That she's fat. No, no, no. No. We did ancestry and it's like we're like bulk in Spanish.

Because Italy's just, it's not there's not like, it's not that new of a country. Or it's a pretty newer country, like in Europe. So, like, those people all migrated from, like, the Mediterranean. There's lots of Spanish in there and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. But I was still like, can't tell there. That's why the term Daego doesn't just mean Italian. Oh, yeah, yeah.

People think, it means Spanish or, like, all those things. Slightly brown European is really what it means. Is Daego, like, short for something? No. It's the whole word. There de go, being all Italian and shit. I don't know. There, de go.

There they go again. Being loud as fucking shit. That's the worst one, by the way. In case you're wondering, Dago. Then Wop. Then Ging. But none of them, like,

these are like nothing for, like, in my world, like this is like. No, but yeah, but it's taken very seriously in Italian circles.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't call a guy a Dago. Huh. Call him a greasy wop. Yeah.

No, not even. Something fun. like Gindaloon. Like maybe they don't think that's kind of funny. Rigatoni. Yeah, yeah.

And meatball. Something like that? Yeah, meatball's a good one. Yeah, but you call some, if you call Modago, they're like, whoa. Noodles slurping marinara monkey. Yeah. That's what I like.

Scampy slurping, retard is about my own. This is, by the way, this is like, I bet you there's probably nine hours of me shooting on Italians in this podcast. Like, it's like one of the most common things.

I'm just like, yeah. It is kind of funny. It became super common in Boston. Yeah. Because, when woke people started started taking over that scene a little bit and they started everybody's like all right we can still show them.

They're like, well then we're just going ham on a talia if anyone else. They're like great politicians and like public speakers because they've like so much confidence. They project so much. You don't even need a microphone. They're also good directors because they're good communicators

from film. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they'll get right. They'll grab you. They'll grab you. You know, he's Italian, right? They'll rape you're right in the mouth. Yeah.

No questions of that. communication, I guess. I don't know. Scorsese, Fellini. Tarantino, yeah. Spike Lee. Spike Lee is not Italian. The best thing he could say about him. You don't like Spike Lee?

No, he just hates Italians. Oh, okay. I misunderstood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he, I think he hates, he hates Tarantino, too, just for Django for, like, political reasons. like, I don't like slavery being made into a... A popcorn movie.

Yeah, but I'm like, I'm so sick, though. It's the coolest movie about a slave ever? Yeah, it's sheer entertainment, though. That's the thing. You're not supposed to sit there and reflect on anything. Like, oh, my goodness, I can't believe we did that in a country. You're just supposed to say, yeah, get him! Yeah, that was...

Shoot that guy. I saw, I saw Django. That's the one slave movie. I didn't walk out going, oh, I like, I didn't even think... I was like, I'm going to download that playlist. That was really good music. I didn't even... For two seconds, I did not reflect on slavery.

That's the thing about... in Tarantino movies. They're always stylish and cool. It's never just about like, oh, they're informing me how people used to live in the past. I guess Rick Ross was watching like Tarantino is like friends with Rick Ross. Of course he is.

And he like showed him Django like an early screening and during the scene where they're all like shooting each other in the mansion and stuff and it's like a crazy blood battle. I guess like Rick Ross just started like rapping in the room and Tarantino is like

Like, we got to have that in the movie. And then they put, like, a song. That's like, awesome. That's like, doing Coke with your friends. Yeah. You're like, oh, dude, we're going to put this in the movie. Yeah, it's so good. So we play guitar in the back.

That's so much fun. Yeah. And then, yeah, he ended up, like, rapping a song that's in the movie. I don't know if it's for that scene, but it's like somewhere in there. The same thing. The same thing out, but he did the Suicide Squad soundtrack, too, same kind of thing.

Yeah. He was saying out with Jared Lotto. He's like, I'm a yokelaka. And he's like, what if I rapped in there? Yeah. That is his Tor de Forest That is his Magnum Open

It is incredible his role He the way It's like borderline retarded Like how he's acting in that movie Yeah if I was Italian I'd be really offended I think

But it's like he really He talks like Super Mario dude Like swear to God That's awesome He does Woohoo Whohoo He's a lady Gaga

Yep Yep Yeah Yeah He like He starts running away It's like, d-ne-da-la-da-da-l-da-l-da-da-da.

It's insane. That movie is really fun as long as you know it's supposed to be stupid. As long as you know it's supposed to be making fun of them. I saw that movie, like, in the theater because I had Regal Pass.

That's like when I started to have regal pass. And it was like during COVID, and I was there with my friend Jonah. And this was back when I was, like, drinking. And I was so sick. And we were seen the movie at 11 a.m. And he got me two tall boys. And I, like, had COVID.

It was just in the thing. just drinking at 11 a.m. Yeah. God, do you miss those days? I miss those days. I thought I had COVID like last week. And it's funny too with COVID. You're like,

well, I can drink through it. You're like, this is... Dude, you can drink through anything. Yeah, yeah. You start drinking. You feel whatever sickness you have, unless it's like HIV.

Especially alcoholism. You can drink right through that shit. Yeah. Every time I've drank. Oh, my doctor says I'm sick. Yeah. I've never had a thing where I drink and get more. I'll get drunk for a couple,

like if I get drunk in a couple nights in a row, then I will get sick. Like, yeah, you'll feel. bad the next day. But if I've been feeling sick and then drinking, then I feel fine. Yeah, you just power through it. It was amazing.

It was like you just feel great. Yeah. That's the stuff I miss about drinking. Yeah. It's not like, we're going to go out tonight and have a good time. The stuff I miss drinking the most is me and my friend Saldi, getting two eight pack, two 18 packs of Miller High Life and just sitting on the bench in his front yard and getting hammered.

Oh, dude, yeah. Those, I mean, I still drink. I still drink. And I'm like, yeah, man, that would be great. I'm like, I could do that this week. Dude. But I know what you're saying. Like, my favorite are some of those nights where you...

Uh-huh. I thought I put it right there for you. I like those nights where I don't plan on getting completely... I wasn't planning on it. And somebody's like, let's just get absolutely belligerent for zero reason at all, other than the fact that we're just hanging out. Yeah, dude. That's why day drinking, you feel a better drunk, too,

because you're not supposed to be doing it. Yeah, yeah. Or, like, I've drank it in, like, a snowstorm or, like, a hurricane. It's the funest thing. That's always good. The letter thing... Oh, dude, the best one, the fucking... The fucking electricity.

out and you literally might die, but you're just huddled around a fire you have. Yeah, it's fantastic, yeah. Yeah, we had an old school wooden stove downstairs. Yeah, yeah. So on cold, cold nights, I would just hang by there with some whiskey. Oh, it's so nice.

Yeah. God, I used to drink so much whiskey, but it kept fucking my stomach up, so I had to switch to vodka. But I was a big whiskey monkey back in the day. That's, by the way, the slur for the Irish, whiskey monkey. I like that.

Slurs are easy. All you have to say is, like, something they eat or drink, and then had monkey. You got it. Or an animal. It's like a donkey. Orangutan's fun.

They should have an orangutan one for... For the Irish? Yeah. I mean, they're... I'm sure it's... I'm sure it's been yelled by a British person before. Arangutan! Yeah.

I always pronounce the G at the end, but there's no G. There's orangutan, yeah, yeah. It stands for forest people. That's what it means in Indonesia or whatever. Yeah, yeah. People. Yeah. Yeah.

That makes it cute or like Forrest people. Like they're thinking of them as like actual like They thought they were They probably thought they were like human at some point They're like there's like just people to live in a boy Yeah. Yeah. You saw,

have you seen Alien Romulus? No, is it good? I liked it a lot. I'm gonna check it out. Apparently you're supposed to look at the alien The weird, not the alien But there's something in there. You're supposed to look at its cock.

And I didn't say apparently has a really weird cock. There's a lot of phallic demonstration in that movie. You know what? You know the face-hound? they have a cock with like a pussy on the end of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The face huggers, there's a scene where it flies against the window and it's just got a massive cock flop. Yeah, but then you look at the end of the cock and it's just like a fucking pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were really weird. We were joking about that a week ago,

taking dick pictures where you spread the tip of your penis open, like you spread pussy lips on like an old hustler. And then you Photoshop yourself in there. Yeah. Like a caret, like an old caretaker. Yeah. With a lantern.

Yeah. The guy from the beginning of Harry Potter 4. I don't get that reference. But what were we just talking? Oh, the alien thing? Yeah. There's a lot of like scenes too where the alien like pokes its head out and it's just like a big cock. Yeah.

That's like the whole point of the alien movies. They're all about like rape and shit like that. Oh, really? Yeah. It's like very, it was so rapy. The whole movie, I couldn't believe it. Yeah. Yeah, the first alien's really raping.

I mean, just look at that second fucking, a pair of teeth that comes out. Yeah, yeah. That's a shaft with metal teeth at the end, dude. Yeah, it's kind of like an uncircised peen. Yeah, and there's a scene where, I forget her name, not Ripley, the other one, the weaker one. She's like, oh, God!

Oh! Remember her? Yeah. Yeah, she, the alien puts its tail, like, in between her legs and just sorts of creeps up. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, then there was like,

there's like a shower fucking scene in this one, right? Are they, there's a shit, isn't there? Maybe that was a different one. You guys are spoiling this. I don't like to know about shower fucking scenes. I don't want to be surprised by the...

Ooh, in the movie theater? Ooh! Ah, guys. The robot thing was weird, right? Because you don't know what's happening at the beginning and there's like a radio character. There's basically like a retarded black guy. I thought that was great.

The way they used this character was great. Right, but it was very like, the connotations were odd, Because she's like, maybe it's just me seeing things and looking for... Let's not give away too much because Alan's... I haven't seen it. But if there's a slave in it, I'm definitely able to watch. That's not what I'm saying.

But there's just a weird... Technically, there is. Yeah, yeah, that is weird. You didn't you feel it was a little weird that they? Maybe I'm just too comic-y. Then I'm like, that's an angle there. I don't know. No, I kind of like it.

Sometimes I think that I see things that aren't there just because I'm always looking for a joke. Yeah, yeah. And when I joke about the most horrible things, I see the most horrible things. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is a brain training exercise. Just be like, I'm going to go into this. With open-minded.

But you're like, it's just weird because she owns a black. Okay, I'm not going to give too much. I think that's weird. But it's a future. Slavery has been, at that point, that slavery is finally like, can we stop talking about it? They're like, it's been 95,000 years. It is, I'll give you, it is, it's one thing that she owns a black person. Right.

That's a choice that you can get past. But it is weird that that is the. only black person in the movie. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And the way he talks is like weird and like yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I really liked it. Well, how does he talk? He doesn't go, thanks a mass. He doesn't do that, does he? No, but it's like,

he's kind of like, kind of like a little fucked up. He's like a little anxious and kind of like almost like on the spectrum. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He just keeps like, is this a droid? Yeah, it's a robot. Oh, okay. You find that out like one minute in. Yeah, yeah. So it's not like a meat. Okay, so all right, look,

you could own a black droid, right? Why wouldn't you? They're probably stronger and faster than the other ones. It's just, I will say this, like there's a scene. They do give you more attitude. I'm not really seeing.

There's a scene where there's like four white people like beating up the drawing and you feel a little, like it makes you feel weird. I felt weird watching that for like this feels very Rodney King like, I don't.

If I had a sex slave who was a robot, I would be very nice to her. So she doesn't murder me. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, robots could turn really fast. That's one thing. Hey, I wouldn't call her a sex slave either.

I'd be like, this is my partner. Yeah. I would be like, this is who can't leave and I bought. Yeah. Well, I can't bring her out. She has to charge. But, uh, yeah. That is, we're going to see that soon, though.

And I think, uh, yeah, I think it's going to be the age for like 92. We can't get it up anymore. We're just like, no. Yeah, it's going to be right after. That is going to be nice. I am excited for like, like, when my relationship was ending, I was sort of going through this thing where I was like a sexless being. And it was really nice.

I liked, like, it was kind of a nightmare with the, but I was like, part of me was just like, oh, I just don't even think about sex. I just like jerk off in the morning. I just go on. So I'm like, the idea of returning to sexlessness doesn't sound terrible to me. The tables will turn when that happens, when men can just buy realistic sex robots. Mm-hmm.

I think women will have to start paying for dinner, honestly. Yeah. It's like, hey, Chili's is on you. Yeah. My balls are, I've never been more empty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even want you here to be. Yeah, it is. They'll have to learn how to play PlayStation and shit, too, man.

But also women need men, or men need, need women with, like, reproductive. Can't live with them. Can't live with Adam. It's classic. We're right back to where we started. Yeah. No, I don't see it. I think everything people...

I can't even know how my day's gonna go, so it's kind of weird that people always try to predict the future. It's not weird, but I just think it's inaccurate the way everybody views the future. They're always like, oh, this will be this. Because like, the same way we're talking about everybody having sex robots,

people talk about flying cars for like 45 years. Like, flying cars right around the corner. You see airplanes, you see helicopters flying, and it's like that never... They're not coming anytime soon either. No, no. I don't think it's like a realistic form of... Not until we figure out,

like a new energy source. It can't be done. That's why I don't think the sex robots are really going to become a thing. It's like, I think people are more likely to like, I think clones would happen before that. Sex clones, that's kind of a moral issue, though. Can you imagine owning a Katie Perry, like, you know?

Could you imagine cloning your wife just to have one that will do anal? They just change one function in the brain. You love that wife so much more. You know, she just do anything else. Like your other wife still cleans, and does everything for you, but you just, you treat the anal one better?

This is my anal one. Well, it's like every, I don't know, how you took the anal wife on a spa day, didn't you? Well, it's also like, it's been for sure, like, like, they've cloned humans. I 100% believe it. I said it, like, 90 times, but I think they've 100% done. If they cloned a sheep, they can clone a person.

Yeah, yeah. It doesn't mean that they'll, like, last. No, no, I bet you was like. They might, like, fall apart and melt, like five minutes afterwards. Like, uh, why, I kill me, you know. And the scientist still pulls his pants down and fucks. Just like a puddle. Yeah.

So is that a no? Just a dying puddle. I think the ass is right around here. Yeah, no, I think that's for sure. But I don't know. I'm like, but I, the thing I think is like everybody always tries to predict the future. We're going this way.

We're going that way. It's like it's going to go some way way different. Yeah. Dragons are coming back. I think there might be a, not as much a division between conservatives and liberals in the future, but I think there will be a division between men and women.

I think there's going to be like a woman party and a men party. Dude, that is such a good point. I feel like men and women have never been more divided than that. Like, I'll go on, like, dates, women are like, I fucking just hate. Like, everyone would just be like, I hate men.

This one's like, I read this book called, I have this book called How to Date Men when you hate men. And I'm like, could you fucking imagine me going on day? Like, I fucking hate. chicks. They're the fucking worst. Anyways, you want to suck my cock? You want to do the one thing you're good for, ho? Yeah, I think it's like a growing divide and yeah, I think like, dude, that's why a China pretty much banned feminism. Dude, they squashed it. Yeah. Well, I think it is like, I mean, it's hard. I will say this,

when there's a bunch of people like me raping out there, it's very hard for me to be like, hey, we're not that bad. And you're like, like, you, I've probably been on days women have been raped before. So it's like, it's hard for me to just be like, Dude, do you ask? I ask, I ask right away. Have you been right? Listen, listen, listen. I like to tell jokes, all right?

So tell me right now, you know. Oh, you have? All right, you're probably not very funny then. I think, like, every woman has been raped. Yeah, so then I'm like, I kind of get where it comes from. Yeah. Yeah. It's always, it's always like, I like dropping it back on them.

I'd be like, I got raped. You're like, oh. Yeah. By a woman. By a woman. A woman raped me by a woman after a man. You say whatever race she's, too. You're like with a Indonesian lady.

So what do you have to say for your people? I guess you're going to have to kill yourself. Yeah. Yeah. The one thing I hear, though, constantly, though, is I always hear that like there's a lot of just very boring dudes in this city. Like out of any other, like, I don't know, maybe it's different in bar. Like, I've never met a guy from Boston who's boring in my whole entire life. I mean, think about it, there's almost no, nothing more boring than a guy trying to

get late. Because he's not trying anything really. He's focused on a mission. He's not like, he's not like being themselves. Yeah, you're doing the opposite of what. You're just being like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this could be the most interesting guy ever. Like he's, yeah, but he's just

in his spare time, like juggling knives on a unicycle but he's like, no, I can't tell her about how sick that is. Yeah, his back of mind, he's just pussy, pussy, pussy, don't scare away the pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy. He's like, so I invested recently and they're like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I work in investments.

They just try to drop they have money. I would like to invest my penis in your big fat pussy. Don't be a bitch. These are the projections. And this is the erection. I think we're just because we started a little late, we probably got to wrap up here pretty soon. Hell yeah.

What do you guys want to promote? News from bed. Check out news from bed. You know that probably already if you've been listening to this podcast. I've been out of here a few times. got a comedy special called Straight for Pay. Hell yeah. Very funny. And Shom was supposed to be on this episode, but he dropped out.

So go ahead if you follow Shom on Instagram. Go ahead and just... Yeah, just unfollow. Unfollow Shom. I'd say you should have showed up. They'll allow you on more airlines if you do. Yeah. All right.

Thank you guys. Thank you.