Morning Good - The Lollipop Guild - Episode 284

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

Nico Cattaneo and Tanner Riley join the show for today's episode. They talk about Tanner's high school baseball career, the Unknown Number documentary, and smoking salvia.Thanks to Nico for joining the show for the first time and to Tanner for coming back on.  You can find Tanner on Instagram @tannercomedy, he also hosts the Heard On Podcast. Nico is on Instagram as well @100percentnico.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to the morning. We're here as Nico Catania and Tanner Riley. Hello. Oh, there we go. Okay, we're good. We're already checked. We're good.

Yeah, some tall guys look like they've never. Like they got the Abraham Lincoln thing where they're like just kind of, it feels like it's their first day being tall. Like you ever see a tall part? It kind of looks like they're wearing stilts. And you're like, you've had time to grow into this body. Well, I think it's unfortunate. Well, anybody really, but you see more with tall people. Like, you know, we know what bow-legged is, right? Yeah. What's it? Bow-legged is like when your legs are like kind of curved, like outward. Like, go outward. That's usually like when you see somebody bow-legged, oftentimes they're athletic. Yeah, yeah. But the opposite, when somebody's like knee-knocked, when they, like, when their knees, like, bend in just naturally. To me it just seems that person's a

fucking goober. Like, and there's nothing they can do about it. Like the opposite of both? Yeah. The opposite of both. Like, they go the opposite direction. Like, I don't know. It just seems goofy to me. And it's usually with tall people. Not all tall. There is, like, what did Abraham Lincoln have? You could be, like, disabledly tall, which is so odd.

Because it seems like a... Marfan syndrome. Okay. You ever heard of that? Is that what Lincoln had? I don't know if it's what Lincoln had, but it's definitely a thing. It's like, well, it's where it's everywhere. that you see that is like seven foot five and like really skinny that's Marfan syndrome

Dang yeah There's that one who's that guy that I mean he's that long dead now He was like literally nine feet tall and he had to have like a Fucking tree trunk a pool stick Like as a cane like everywhere he went Yeah the Ripley's believe it or not Yeah whatever that guy's name

He had glasses I mean that would just be terrible That was also like I think now you could do less of a career off Like what is it? What do I do for work? A freak show? No you just got to be a freak show dude Yeah well but that's like honestly that's not entirely gone, though. Like, I watch Kiltonian. I'm like, they just... It is the same. It is the very safe thing.

Yeah, it's just a traveling circus. Yeah, I think I have very mixed opinions of the freak show thing, because it is kind of like, at some point you are grown adult and you are like, like, because I talk to some little people that are like, yo, this is just like, like, I have a friend who's like a little

person stripper and he's like, yeah, dude, like... Sorry, what? I have a friend who's a little person stripper? Since when? He's done the podcast. I don't know if we're actually friends, because I pay him to do the podcast. You pay a little person stripper to come and do the podcast? Yes. Does he strip on the podcast?

That's crazy. Nobody always comes in fun outfits on that St. Patrick's Day. Oh, did one? Did one? Did one Joe Gorman on the episode one time? No, no, no, no. Maybe I'm just thinking of Joe Gorman. All right, never mind.

Just kidding, Joe. But, yeah, no, he, I mean, how did you become friends with a little person stripper? I looked up little people strippers, New York. I was like, I got to get this guy on the pot. When I first started doing the podcast, I was like, I'll have wild guests. And that'll be sort of the theme of the show. I had like a saintness on. I was like, I had like a train.

transracial woman on. And then you realize you're like, this is a lot to keep up. I mean, I'm still trying to get John, uh, what's his name? No, no,

no, Jonah Falcons still gonna come on. The guy with the biggest, self-proclaimed biggest penis in the United States. Wow. So he lives in New York. You're getting the biggest penis guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How big is his penis?

So the, the problem is this. Limp, he's shown pictures of it. It's ginormous. Like, it's like at least probably like nine inches limp at least. I think like hard. It's probably like 14 or 15. But he won't,

show a picture of it hard. So he's a self-proclaimed biggest penis in America, but he won't show his hard penis. Maybe he's like the opposite of a growth, like when it, when he gets hard. It shrinks into a normal, a normal size dick. It takes all of the blood from the whole penis just to the

and his skin somehow manages to tighten anyway. Yeah, I don't know. That's like, that is bizarre. Well, I've heard it's the thing where people have giant dicks. I have like a hard time getting boners because it takes so much blood for it to go. The rest of their body just gets white because there's no blood in there.

You're going to pass out. Yeah. Like, I've heard girls say, like, a lot of dudes with giant penises. They're like, they have real hard time getting hard. We do. I mean, it is tough for us, you know.

Yeah, it is the burden that I carry in my pants. But the guy is so funny, too, because that's another guy I would have to pay, like, I think probably $100 just to do the podcast. And I'm like, I have no money right now. Well, it's crazy that he would do it. He's just, like, sure. I mean, he's like,

he got you get in college. Does he have an agent? No, I just looked up with guy with biggest penis. And it was Jonah back on those first. Does he live in New York City? Yeah, yeah, it's his thing on Instagram. How did you hit him in? How did you hit it? Have you talked to him at all? Yeah, I was like, hey man, would you, I love to have in the podcast. What was their medium?

Instagram. Instagram, man, friends of them on Instagram. I was like, hey man, one did my podcast for like 100 bucks. And he's like, yeah, sure. I would love to, I don't know. I don't know if he'd be in this. I would be curious to do a threesome with the guy who has the biggest penis. I think I would. You would really like want to. do it? It's a story. I'm curious. I don't know. It would be... You set up a whole fake podcast that is actually a trick into shooting a threesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't even turn on the camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just all a... Well, I knew some girl that was like, yeah, I would totally have sex with the guy who was the biggest

penis. And I was like, all right, this could this could be a thing. Okay. And then... Yeah, we got halfway there. Yeah, I was like, I don't know. I'm adventurous. I'm like, I'll, yeah. Have you had a threesome before? Yeah, a bunch. Yeah, I will say, I'm not, it's not my, like, only with another guy. Oh, never with two chicks? No, because it's, which is my dream. I pray for it every day, but it's a lot harder to organize because you have to, like, introduce,

like, in my mind, you'd have to introduce two people that you're hooking up with. It'd be like, oh, I would have to hope they're going to get along and not be weird. And then they've got to be, like, exactly matching attractiveness. There's not, like, a jealousy thing. But you also don't want to, like, bring a girl that's, like, not as attractive as the other girl, because you want to be like, oh, I still, I get hot you. Yeah, but there are a lot of sexually liberal people, like women in this city who like, they're like friends and they would be like down to do that. Oh, totally. Yeah, yeah.

You know, it could be easier to pull off than, I mean, you're giving yourself credit for it. It's like a girl who has, a guy who has a bisexual girlfriend or wife, them getting a woman's the easiest situation. Yeah. Versus like me going out and finding two women that want to have sex with me. Well, I meant for you, like for you to do it. yeah, I think it's just like, I'm sure I could go on field and put preferences only looking for two women to have sex with, but it's like, I don't know, that's a thing too. I'm like, that'll happen when it happens. And like the more, the less, I'm like that it'll just happen next to me. I'm like, I'll just look. You're saying it like whenever you meet your soulmate. Like, it's meant to be. I mean, whenever God is right. God has a plan for your life. Everybody. Yeah. And he'll send you that threesome when it's, you know, according to his plan. When I'm ready. When I can handle the responsibility. Yeah. But I think like, that's crazy. But three. A three. But three. with a guy with biggest penis. I just think it would be funny objectively. Like, I don't know.

And like, yeah, I don't know. I think it would be a story. Like, I don't know. I think it would be, I'm just constantly looking for something to feel like his time. Do you think his rate is higher for a threesome or for a podcast? Ooh, dude, that's probably about equal. Like what he gets asked to do? Like, the amount of times he probably gets asked, can you fuck my wife is probably

constant. It's got to be, yeah. Oh, that's true. But he's also a white guy, and there's a weird thing with, like, a lot of cuckold people only want black guys fucking their wife,

which is weirdly racist in a tricky kind of way. Because it's like, I think they're like, oh my gosh, you're cheating on me and he's black. Like, that's a whole,

like, thing for a lot of people. Yeah, nobody has the, for like a Chinese guy. No, I don't think he wants a Chinese guy. Dude, one guy called in to Bill's podcast

and he did say what he liked to do is he liked a lot of men with little dicks to fuck his wife and then he fucks her afterwards with his big dick. A lot of men with little dicks. Yes,

yes, apparently he like, so, like, get like a whole team of little dick guys together and they all come in

and they're like, well, I'm gonna make the, they're gonna fuck the food all that they're like, going back. What's this thing where you all put,

yeah, yeah, you're like, it's like the lollipop guild. It's like, yeah, dude. It's, it's fucking,

uh, Charlie in the chocolate factory. They're, they're, yeah, the seven dwarves. Yeah, he's just going under

the guy's legs. Well, because usually the other things, people like, oh, I want to see a guy with like a big dig, fuck my wife. So I like, she gets really pleased and I feel humiliated. But this is the opposite. He's like, I want to feel so like the man after following.

Like, he wants to be the big closer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, I gotta be the, uh. That is so funny. And also so, like, that's the funniest, duchiest thing I've ever heard in my life. Like the guy's like, I'm the man because I set this up. He's almost more insecure than the guy who wants a big dig guy to fuck his life. Yeah, he's like the insecure guy who like sets up a scenario where he's the man and it's hilarious.

from somebody else's He's like I also like fight four of them and beat the shit Yeah A bit like I fight Yeah What a massive win for the small dick guys What's up?

They get to fuck his life Yeah they get to just show up Oh totally Yeah yeah Well that's sort of my Like I've said about it before It's like my thing It's like

I don't love having a threesome With another guy But I'm like First off it's always a fun story Additionally I'm like It's between me having sex And I'm having sex

I'll have sex Bring a guy in there Yeah sure It doesn't matter And I'm also like the really fun part about having sex is bragging to your buddies afterwards. And you get to immediately brag about it afterwards to the guy that you just fucked the girl with. Yeah. You're like, wasn't that sick?

Aren't we sick? Aren't we dope? Yeah. Aren't we too cool guys who just got pussy together? Yeah, yeah. That's fun. And I like people. I don't know.

Like, it's like, sometimes you have had sex, the woman. I'm like, I want to hang out with a bunch of my friends right now. But like it's rude to do that. And then in that scenario, you can just hang out with you, yeah. Yeah. You just go to the bar afterwards and, you know, have a recap. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, great form. No, I don't think I've ever performed well in a threesome with the guy's wife, but...

So I just immediately cut to you like, And then I perform and just opera singing. My monologue didn't go very well. Yeah, I think it's just like getting offstage and I'm like, ugh, they're like, you did great. I'm like, just the end of it, just didn't quite... That's the thing about me is that I really, I'm just, compliments really, I hate compliments. I know. Yeah, I give me you all the time.

I hate compliments. Nothing makes me feel less supported than a compliment. Same. I don't know what it is. It goes for everything. If I'm, if I hook up with someone, if I do comedy,

if I wear an outfit, if I whatever, if someone's like, oh, like, that is good, that makes me feel bad. That's weird.

And it's weird. Like if somebody comp tells you you're good at something, you also think you're good at, it's still uncomfortable. Yeah. It's a very weird, like,

I don't know. Like, like, I was pretty good pitcher in high school. Like, I played baseball as a pretty good pitcher. If somebody says Tanner was, I can't, I can't handle it. I can't take it. What is a pretty good pitcher? I mean, I was all state. I got voted all state.

Yeah, but what, but, like, what does? I don't even like, I don't even like saying it, saying the example. But I don't mean that in a way of, like, what is that? Like, what is? Like, I just mean, as someone who, like, doesn't even know at all base, what baseball is, like, what is a good pitcher? You, like, you, very few people. Yeah, I mean, sure, very few people.

people get base hits off of you and very few people they very few teams score very many runs off of you so how many is like how many is good is good i don't know i mean it's it's all relative yeah like i don't know if you have a er a an earn run like if you if you if you pitch if you're the starting pitcher for 10 games and on average they only score like one run per game that's pretty good speed has a lot to do with it huh speed has a lot to do with it yeah but you can how fast was your ball uh probably like 87 on that sounds like fast as fuck to me. But that's probably like the first game of the year.

I probably hit 87. My arm was like, like, fucked. And so like the first game of the year, it was as fresh as it would ever be. And so probably that game, it was,

I would maybe hit one at 87 and the rest of the season, close to 85. Well. Because my arm is just destroyed. It's just from wear and tear over the, I pitched my entire life. So like, why did you stop?

Because I graduated from high school. Yeah. No, but can't you get like a pretty big, like, I could have gone to like a very tiny school, like shitty school where, I mean, and kept playing that I didn't want to. Because I watch baseball and it does feel like pitcher is the only real position.

I mean, it's like quarterback. Yeah. You know, for, you know, it's, I mean, everything else is important too, but it's, you know, it's the most important one. Well, I think it's that when you, I'm curious about this, when you guys get complimented, what makes you feel bad about it? You don't want to talk about baseball anymore? I don't know anything about it.

You know, me neither. That's why I was at, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What makes me feel bad about getting complimented? It's not that I feel bad. I just like, it's like there's like an underlying implication. I don't want people to think that I think I'm awesome. I don't want to come across as arrogant.

Yeah, it's hard to accept a compliment. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard to just be like, fuck yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like I don't want to, if I do that, then people aren't going to, it ensures that nobody is going to think that I'm arrogant. Or like in my subconscious, that's what it is. You don't have realized, though, I think I'm saying this is a very arrogant person. I think there's a difference between being, like, cocky and thinking you're better than people and then just being proud of yourself. Well, sure.

You know what I mean? Like, there's a huge difference between saying, like, oh, I'm good and everybody else sucks versus, like, oh, I have like, like, I like, I like to think I have certain attributes that I go, oh, I'm good at this thing and that thing. But there are other things I completely suck at. So somebody says, like, I'm good at something. Yeah. I go, thank you because I'm sucking a bunch of other things. So I don't really take, like, I don't think there's anything wrong with being. proud of being good at this because I'm well aware of my

blind spot. Like there's lots of things that I'm like, oh, I have no idea what I'm talking about with this and I'm stupid with that and I'm horrible with money and stuff like that. But I'm like, you know, I don't know. For me, I'm like, but one thing I hate doing is reciprocating compliments. Like if somebody says something to me, I can't see the same thing back. I almost have to wait 30 minutes and then compliment. Yeah, because it feels like you're just saying it. It takes a sincerity

out of it. Yeah, I'm like, you too. They're like, yeah. If I hadn't, you wouldn't have said it to me if I and set it to you first. Like, we assume that's what they're thinking. And that happens in comedy all the time or somebody's like, great set. You, it's so hard not to be like, you go. You too, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because a lot of times. And they've even gone up yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I bought it for fucking so much this weekend, dude. Really? I had like three road gigs and they were like, oh, we went to Dayton, Ohio,

then I went to, uh, what do you call it? South Carolina. Williamsburg and then Virginia and then South Carolina. And it was like, dude, it was a 45-minute set, and I'd never experienced bomb. for 20 minutes straight. I'm like in having to go 15 more after that. That's amazing.

I was proud. I know it sounds weird, but I was like, no, no, that's a, that's a, that's a badge of honor.

That's a, yeah, you know you got the chops to be able to get through that. Yeah, and I was like, it was not like, the whole set,

the whole 45 wasn't bombing. It went good in the beginning and then there was 20 in the middle that was just not doing anything. And I was like, I for one, have no idea how to get out of this. Like,

they wouldn't bite on any crowd work. And it was just like, I was like, oh, this is, I was so, I was, I was, how many people was in front of? 40. I was like, this is new. Like, that was my whole thought process was, huh, this is, I haven't, because I think you and I have been talking about, we're doing the same shows every single week. And outside of that, I've been doing the road more, which just makes you feel refreshed.

But then I was just like, I've never bombed for that. I was like, this is a new feeling. It's so weird. It's such a weird, because I do feel like, I think standup is so much about, like, being present with, like, what you're feeling in the, you know, like, whenever, whenever, whenever I'm in a situation like that where something weird happens in the crowd or whatever, if I just stop and I go, what am I actually feeling right now? Yeah.

That is almost always the path out of it where it's like when someone says something that makes me feel uncomfortable, if I just say, oh, I'm feeling I'm uncomfortable right now, that is always the path. Or if I feel this makes me angry, this may whatever, like just tuning into what I'm actually feeling. Yeah. But what's really tricky is when what you're actually feeling has to do with some kind of like meta thing like that where you're like, this, well, this feels new.

That's like a hard. You can't tell an audience This one, this feels new Because they don't get, they don't understand what you're even That's outside of what they, it's like breaking the fourth wall almost. Oh, totally. But sometimes it can be like, sometimes it can work, but then there's like over addressing

Where you're constantly just over addressing how bad it's going. And they're like, it was funny at first And now we're just watching somebody unravel completely. Yeah. What's the worst you've ever seen someone involved? I know the couple worst times. I bombed. I'm trying to think the worst I've seen.

I mean, I've seen like, uh, it's hard because I think more about my. Yeah, I don't know if I have any. What, do you have one? No,

I was still thinking, I kind of asked the question. Yeah, I mean, because like we see, I mean, we see people bomb all the time. Not,

not like, we bomb, you know? Like, I, I, I had a set last night that was not very good. Yeah.

Like, and I don't know. I don't really have like a, like a somebody else's bombing story that sticks out to me. I think we're so self-absorbed that I'm like, Oh, I don't even, people bother. I didn't even realize there were other comedians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not, it's not just me by myself.

Yeah. I've seen every single one of my friends basically snap on a crowd. Like it just happened. I don't know. It's like, I haven't seen like, I remember Adam Hamato one time flipped out of the crowd one time and I was like, I was like running a show. He's like, I'm so sorry. It was like an indie show.

I was running. I'm like, dude, to think that I'm not going to do that one day. And then it happened to me one day. I was like, oh, yeah, just fucking. Yeah. It happens. But it's like, you got to go way over here to get to over here. Like you can't like, because you start out by being like, like me, just like me, please like me.

Yeah. And then sometimes you overcorrect and then you're like, fuck you guys. And then you're like, all right, maybe that was a little too much. But like, the answer is somewhere in between that to be like, hey, shut the fuck up. But also like, you know, I don't know. But everybody has, like, there's no rules. I've seen people angrily, emotionally get mad at a crowd. And it's hilarious.

You know, go ahead. I was going to say the best recovery I've ever seen was I saw Yamanika Sanders. and she was there was someone who was heckling kind of the whole show and it was Could you imagine seeing a confident Big Black one on stage

be like I'm gonna interrupt her talking That's like crazy It was one of those ones It wasn't like a heckle heckle It was kind of like They didn't realize They were interrupting the show thing Oh yeah

And the lineup was crazy It was Louis And then it was Jamie Wolfe And then I want to say Oh, sorry, Pete Lee was also on the show And then it was Yamanika and Godfrey And that was the line up

And the, yeah, Louis did his whole set It was all new stuff And he didn't even acknowledge that he was in a room He literally was just like saying It was like a script Where it was he was totally just Totally just doing new material Could not have given less of a shit

As to how the crowd reacted Did fine Do you think that was like Way he wanted to do it? Yes, absolutely Absolutely. He went into it and he was also what was cool about it was that he, and I think this was on purpose too, was he wasn't performing at all. He was just talking. Chris Rock was apparently. Yeah. He'll just say his jokes. Just see if the jokes themselves are funny. That's, yeah. It was that and it was very cool because it was like, it was like, it was like, without like the Louis sauce on it, it was bad. Where there was so much stuff that I was like, I heard him say, I said, man, if you just put a little sauce on this, this would be great. Yeah. But then there was one joke where it had no sauce in it and then it killed. And I was like, oh, that's that. That's. That's. That's why I get it. Yeah.

But the whole show, there's this lady who's chirping up and she's, it might have even been a couple, but they're really drunk. And every single comic before Yamanika kind of like is like, hey, like, you got to be quiet. You know? And she's kind of not getting the hint or whatever. And at one point, Yamanika is telling the story. And, oh, man, it was so funny. She was telling it. She had a joke about how she's playing 13-year-olds in Fortnite.

online. And it was, and it was so, it was so, it was about her just bullying 13 year old white kids online is like the whole, is like the premise of it. It was, it was like hilarious. She's murdering. And it was also kind of like in her style, it was like a longer kind of chunk. And you could tell she was building to something. And then this lady like stepped on her punchline. And she, I watched her like, she, I don't even remember exactly what it was that she said. But she, she, she in the moment, like, I saw her get really angry. And then. and she said, you know, like this makes me really angry right now. Because you know how long, like, I've worked.

I've worked my entire life to perform at this club right now. And you're, like, disrespecting, like, my whole work. And it was this crazy thing where I've never seen someone be so genuine and express such a, like, like, she was really just, like, angry. Because to me, that sounds so unfun. I'm not blaming her. No, no, no, no. But that's what was so amazing about it. It was so, it was so, everything about it was so unfunny from like a literal sense.

Yeah. And the whole time it was like, she was so likable through it that also it was funny. Sorry, we just touched hands. Yeah, we just touched hands. Oh, I guess the rest of the pod was different from. I just avoid eye contact with Tanner. Or just like a montage of like you guys catching each other's eyes. I'm here unaware of it the whole time.

That's the first time I noticed it, but it's been happening the whole time. This is probably how Yamanita felt. Yeah, leaving secret gifts for each other. But it was so cool to watch, like, she just, like, really snapped on this audience member, but in a way where it was like, so there was nothing, there were no punchlines in it, but it was so funny and so relatable and so, likeable that it told this person totally shut up. She didn't talk again. And then on top of that, the whole crowd was at no point.

point left. Like we were all, we all understood and like felt like what Yamanika was saying and we were all on her side. Was she yelling it or was she just saying it like this? It was, it was kind of both where it was, it was like her speaking emphatically. So she wasn't, she didn't go, what that much? She didn't crack. But she, but she was, she was, she was fully like, you're gonna, like, like, you got to, no, you got to, you're doing a bad thing. It was like watching like, it was like watching. It's like a teacher. It was like watching it. But it's, it's really an incredible skill, I think. Because I also think it goes. You got. goes back to that compliment thing for me where it's like I think that some people are just good

in different kinds of situations where it's like for example like a comp getting a compliment or makes me also think of like like well you know like sore losers and sore winners you know it's like it's kind of that same thing where it's like some people just don't win gracefully yeah some people also then kind of to tack this on to that don't do like conflict well you know there's just people that are there are some some people are just naturally likable in certain situations but um yeah yamanika was like this was it was like a brilliant shutdown well it just shows you there's like so many different ways to do it because it's like almost like a conversation where it is yeah there's so many different approaches and like like yeah i don't know it's like uh that makes

it's just so funny too because i'm just thinking about that lineup and i would never heckle somebody but i'm picturing the heckling i'm like would never heckle louie would have heckled like if i was a total stranger and we're going just off of life. Who I was like, I would heckle Jamie if I was just like an audience. Yeah. What is he gonna? Jamie!

If I was me, I'm heckling. Yeah, yeah. Jamie! I guess she's gonna know him too and I don't know. What's up Jamie? But she's just so calm. I just can't imagine heckling like her. It wasn't like an on per.

It was like, it was like she was like echoing lines or she was drunk. I don't know exactly. I don't remember exactly it was. She didn't know that she was interrupting the show. Yeah. There seems to be like a. A lot of people, you just have no idea at all. I mean, like, people, it's fine.

It's so funny, too, that we do this, like, thing. And we're like, why does not everybody know the rules to this thing? It's like, I don't know because they don't give a fuck. It's like, you're a random person and you're just like, you're focused on your whole life. You're like, oh, I don't, sorry, I don't know the rules of a stand-up comedy show. I never been doing these fucking things. Well, it is also crazy. Like, it's almost that same thing as, like, when you walk into a restaurant and they do things a little differently at the, like, something, whatever, you order the, you order the bowl first instead of the, you order a side for, you know, then then you pick toppings.

sometimes you'll you'll like people will be really angry that you don't know how it how the thing works yeah and it's it's crazy that because it because and i totally relate to that because i get on stage and and it's like whatever like a guy who just is like that that right every every time i talk and it makes me feel internally i feel pissed yeah you can just laugh i feel pissed and i'm like i'm like what the like it makes me pit but it's like that's not why would this person know that they can't go, I like it. Good stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He thinks it is, exactly. Yeah, yeah. There's, I was like, the restaurant thing, I went to one and I went to the wrong direction of where, like, I thought I was one of the bathroom and I wasn't. And I ended up almost going into like a, shitting on the floor. Into like a, yeah, into, I almost went into like an employee's only area because I misunderstood where, like, the arrow, like, where it was, where it was pointing. And like, the lady was like, does that, does it look, does that say bathroom? I was like, no, but the arrow was pointing whatever. but she like got was unreasonably pissed off at me.

But like I know that it, she's had to go through this with like 50 different customers. Yeah. And she's fed up with a lot. It's like you have to understand that I'm the first. It's the most confusing sign. Yeah. Yeah.

It was like, it was like, every day for you. This is the first day for me. Yeah. Yeah. But like it was, an arrow was pointing where it was pointing,

but it was on a door that like was open. So like when it's not open, it's pointing 90 degrees the other way. You know what I mean? So it was confusing. Anyway, she was unreasonably like bitchy to me about that I, And who gives a fuck?

Just say bathrooms that way. Exactly. But no, they got it. People got to say something. And I have that, yeah. But it's, did that resolve in it in any way or it was just like, you just went on your way?

Like in the moment? Yeah, she like chewed you out. Oh, no. Yeah. I mean, I just was like, oh, sorry. I kind of gave a little like half sentence. Well, the barrow said blah, blah, blah. And I just walked away.

I was, it was actually on a first date. It was actually on a first date. So I went one direction. Do you think she solid? Do you think she was like watching you just? I think I mean she didn't see what she couldn't hear it. That is such a funny thing to see on a date. Yeah.

Just you're sitting here and then across the room silently, you see your, you see Tanner just kind of live in a sign. And then kind of take a step in one direction. And then it was literally, she was like 60. Yeah. And then him. And then I had to walk past her and I was like, wrong way. And I went and went the other way. But I did have a like I talked.

I went to, I did a mic. like after that and I talked about it on like on stage and it got a laugh so I don't know you felt vindicated huh you felt vindicated yeah I did feel vindicated and and it's and how many more times do you say that out loud ever again this is the first time actually first time since that mic yeah that's beautiful yeah because it's not it wasn't like a bit it's just like a fun yeah it's it was like it was the yikes mike you know that at uh flop house like it's called the yikes mike and it's the theme this is recent uh a few months ago a few months yeah wow um I in my mind the story was seven years ago. No, no,

it was this year. But the theme of the mic is if you want, you can start your set with like a yikes moment in your life. Yeah. And that was one, you know, because it had literally just happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so far too, because I hear a yikes moment. I think of like

shitting your pants. Well, I mean, it can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like a... We all have our different yikes, Mike. I guess. I have never shot my pants as an adult. I never have in my life one time. Well, I mean, as a kid, I'm sure. But not I don't remember ever doing it once, like in my memory. I've shipped my pants as an adult.

Yeah. It does, it happens to be, but not this gay. By the way, I have pissed the bed as an adult. Ain't no shat from me. Ain't no shot from Michael Good. Yeah, the worst was I was in, I think I've told us much, but like I was in college, or I was in high school visiting my brother in college, and I was sharing a bed with my dad in the hotel.

Oh, that's awesome. And I got so drunk and I peed the bed. And he's like, so were you trying to? drinking last night? I was like, no. He goes, so you just pissed over-peed the bed at 15 years old. I was like, yep. And I'm like, either I look like a pussy to him or I get grounded. So I literally was like, I guess I'm just a, a giant pussy. Yeah, but I'm a pussy bed bitch who pees, I guess I'm just a pussy guy. Now I got to pee my

pants in the car just to make the point across. Yeah, are we going to flip this mattress or not? Are we just going to sit and talk about this? Yeah. I'm just pissing my pants throughout. the day. I'm like, I don't know what it is. It's just a thing. Yeah, there's incredible. That's an incredible feat of strength right there. Oh, yeah. I was like, I'm not getting grounded. I have, I back off immediately.

What would you say? I would immediately go, yeah, you got me. I was drinking. Sorry. Nope. I was like, you're not going to. I fess up. I was like, you don't have, I'll be embarrassed in front of my dad. I was like, I don't care what you think about me. I'm such a bad liar. I am too.

But when I lie, I don't do it anymore because I had to, I had to, I had to fix it, but I used to, I used to flare my nostrils uncontrollably when I lied. Oh, really? You could tell when I was lying because I would be like, I would tell a lie. Just look like a psychopath. I would tell a lie and then just be like, I avoid eye contact. My thing is I would look away. It's like, no, look me in the eyes when you lie to my face.

Oh, man. I'm real bad at it. Like, I'm not even like, I mean, I guess it's a good, I don't know, you got a lie. Sometimes lying's good. Lying it, I completely agree with that. lying is such a necessary thing. Yeah, you really don't need the blatant truth all the time. But I think like, I thought about it too, like, I was in a seven-year relationship,

and I don't think she ever cheated on me, but I'm like, really, at this point, there's no reason for me to know that. Like, if she did? Yeah, like, what would that help? How does that help? Yeah, I'd rather, yeah, what's there to gain from knowing that? Zero. And I don't think she did. I have no evidence that, but I'm like, well, it would literally would not, it would actually be better if she lied.

And now it would be better than she lied. You would be glad that she did. Yeah, that was really nice if you were lying about that. I'll live in a world of whatever. Like, who cares? Yeah. On a similar note to your peeing, you're peeing the bed story. Oh, this is my peen.

Your peen. A couple of years ago, I went to a wedding with my mom. It was like a family friend wedding. And me and my mom shared a hotel room, had two separate beds. She obviously went to bed much earlier than me. I stayed out and went to the bars after the reception and everything. and in my sleep, I've never done this once. In my sleep, I just projectile vomited, like, straight up into the air and all over the play.

I assume it was because it was a wedding and I had, like, had a ton of champagne because it was a wedding. It was a lot of bubbly carbonation. And I had eaten, you know, it's a wedding or something kind of chicken dinner. I mean, just like a volcano. It was so much, but like I didn't because I, you know, I was essentially passed out, not asleep. It woke my mom up and she was like, Oh, Tanner. I didn't even know that I had done it.

And she, like, woke me up. And I was like, and I saw that it was everywhere. And I just still just didn't care how big of a deal it was. Just due to my. Well, that's like, that's incredibly lucky of you. I guess. Were you, you were sleeping with, like, just on your back? No, it was on my side.

Ah, okay. But it just kind of, you know, because it's just splattered. Because if you're, you. Yeah, I mean, like, I have, I feel like it's, A, lucky that you were sleeping in the right position, but B, also lucky that your mom was there. I've trained myself to not sleep on my back specifically for this reason. To not joke on your own vomit. But no, I get your point.

Yeah, it was. But, like, I still didn't even realize, like, what I had done. And I just, like, tried to go back to sleep. And she said, go get in the shower. And I said, apparently I said, why? And she's like, what you mean why? Yeah. And I got in the shower and she had to, like, clean it, like.

See, I wish, I don't know, but do you have siblings? Yeah, I have a sister. I wish my siblings did more of these because I'm in the same boat as where these are all me's. Yeah. Well, it's like the one thing that's ever happened. Like, I've only done that

in my sleep once. And it's just, she happened to be there for that. Yeah, I used to always get caught. Like, I remember, my mom, no matter what, she'd be like, I always know. And I'm like, no,

every time I walked through the door in high school, she'd be like, are you high? Are you drunk? So I'm like, you caught me. For sure. Yeah, yeah. But she's like, I can always have a sense.

Like, you don't have a sense. You just ask every time I walk through the door. Ha! Yeah. But I remember my dad. My dad would always... Detective who thinks he's brilliant, but it's just asking... Everybody if they're the killer.

He's like, yeah, I got him. I'm like, yeah. He's like, no, if you ask everybody, they'll... Eventually, you'll get them. It doesn't count. I know my son. I know whether he's drunk or high. Are you drunk or high?

Every time. Yeah, every time, yeah. And I remember by fucking... The funny is to be my dad, he'd always kind of be on my side. I don't know if he was just, like, ignorant or if he was just always watched. But I remember, like, seeing double and my dad being like, he's fine. And my mom just being like, I think he's drunk. Really?

Because it's such a hard thing to prove without like a breathalyzer or like whatever. And they would drug test me when I was hammered, which is so funny. I was like, you guys are looking for the wrong thing. Your end just smells like beer. I'm like, you just toss you an apple. If you drop it, like, well, okay. They would drug test you? Yeah, yeah, which is the worst idea because I would just do other.

What kind of drug tests were they giving you? So the drug test, they, marijuana shows up for months. So like, you just end up doing other drugs. So like I would do mushrooms. I would take cough medicine. We'd do whippets. All kinds of things that wouldn't show up on a drug test. So they'd make you pee in a cup?

Yeah, yeah. They do it every couple months. At a doctor or just themselves? Yeah, you should get a Walgreens you buy a drug testing kit. Like, or like a urine thing. So you'd get home and they'd be like, Michael, pee in this cup. Yeah, yeah. And you'd go like, yes, mommy.

Yeah, I would. I would. That's crazy. And sometimes I'd water it down. I've put other people's piss in there. I did all kinds of stuff. Yeah, that is nuts, dude. I've never heard of anyone's parents doing that before.

Oh, yeah. Did you ever just pee on the mattress and they collected a sample? Yeah, yeah. They're just sponge squeezing ends of the mattress to get the sponge out the piss. No, they would like, yeah, it was such a funny thing because, like, it was the dumbest, like, I get where they're coming from. And they, they still, they're, they're, I had great parents. They had great intentions, but they still would never own how wrong they were about that. Because I'm like, I would, first off, I smoked pot either way.

I would just, like, tape, like, a bottle of warm water to my, penis and then just water down the sample, which 100% works. Everybody's like, that doesn't work. I'm like, really? How do they know if it's testing how much, you know what I mean? It's like there's definitely less THC in five drops of piss first like 30. So if you water down the sample, it makes sense. And they're like, oh, well, we can tell it just be urine and water.

It's like, no, it really can't. You could probably just put water in there. But aren't they right? What do you mean? Like you said they don't admit how wrong they were. But like clearly that you were doing a ton of stuff. Yeah, but they were wrong because I just did a bunch of weird drugs instead. They were like, but they were right to suspect that you were doing something.

Correct. Okay. Yes. Yes. But, you know, I was popular. Okay. I was the goddamn man. I was the man.

What did you expect? Yeah. But it was just funny too because it was like, we do that K2 shit, which is horrible for you. And we were like, oh, this doesn't show up on a drug test was the whole appeal. Some people in the Army would smoke it. Kids, there was a school by us that hair tested all their kids. This kid got smoking pot. and then his parents paid for the school to have,

it was a private school to hair test people. And I'm like, dude, you're asking your son to just get bullied. You paid for the whole school to get drug tested. Why would the parents want to do that? Because they're like, we don't want our kid to get in trouble. We're going to make this a better school by drug testing everybody's kid. And then all the kids would just do so much acid. So they wanted it to be several kids getting in trouble instead of just him,

or they wanted it to make sure that the kids knew not to do drugs? Yeah, not to do drugs. and then every kid did drugs and then used weird shampoo in their hair or they like fucking yeah it was so ridiculous but then it was very funny because then I went to public school

and then every that year like 40 kids just transferred to the public school it was everybody was like I don't know mom I just think I don't want to go to school here yeah yeah and so a lot of parents were like no my kid does drugs

I'm not gonna have him get kicked out of school for doing drugs is fucking retarded so like parents would just take their kids and it's like oh this is a private school it's like you could pay for some kids scholarship to go here versus like being a fucking narc, I don't know. Yeah.

Cheaper. Public school. Yeah. Well, it's just a stupid bias. Everybody's like, what we're going to do is this. It's like the same thing with people like with, I don't know anything. They're like, scare tactics don't work. I mean, they do, but.

Yeah. Did you go to public or private? Private. Did you have to wear a uniform? Nope. We did. A private school. That uniform has never heard of such a thing.

Well, did you have, you probably a dress code though. No. I mean, there was a dress code, but it was very chill. Yeah. It was very like, uh, I went to very like, kind of like hippie, hippie kind of school. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's how I, that's why I came out this way.

Yeah, you're very, fucking, I'm off, I'm all free and shit. You are free and shit, yeah. Your free is a bird. Dude, that's crazy, though. I don't think, I don't think I've ever been in a situation where I've been drug tested. I don't know if I have either. That sounds like, like, that's so foreign to me. Yeah, no, I mean, it is a, it is a.

I think it's not that uncommon Because I've heard a bunch of people having Like the same thing with your parents Because you just go to Walgreens Like right now we could just grab one And then like I just peeant Like it's like it's very cheap And it works

It does show Yeah But like it's also like I don't know It's it's like Yeah the consequences of your kid If he's doing drugs It's just gonna do weird or drugs

And like Yeah And then yeah I don't know It's fascinating Yeah well I know A lot of people in the middle would do acid because it doesn't show up on drug tests. Really?

Yeah. I did do, and a lot of things, just get out of your system early. Like, weed is the most unfortunate because it's like the most harmless drug, but it stays in your system for the longest time period. Yeah. It could be like months or like a month,

and it's like, that's kind of unfair. But then that also incentivized certain people, be like, oh, I could get Coke out of my system two days. I'll do Coke, but I won't do weed. And you're like, this is a completely flawed. How is mushrooms? Does that linger? It doesn't show up.

Really? And I have no idea why mushrooms don't show up. Because it's a plant. I have weeds a plant also. See, I had that thought, and then I thought, no, that's too stupid to say out loud. Can you look this up? Don't worry. Can you urine test for psilocybin mushrooms or?

Yeah, obviously, use chat, GBT. Because when I was a kid, it was like not a thing anywhere. Like if you were on probation, I had friends that got arrested, they get drug tested by their PO, and then they would like, or however that works, I don't know if they go into a place, but they would. Can you urine test for psilocybin mushrooms? Yeah, yeah. Can you urine test for psilocybin mushrooms? Question mark.

All right, let's see what it said. I don't want to say that. Can you urine test for psilocy? Yes. Can show up on a drug test, but not on standard panels. Standard urine drug test do not include psilocybin or pit. Yeah, but it's weird because it's like the most popular drug. Specialized test can.

I think what happens is that we get to see high insurance is psilocybin and psilocybin and psilocybin, and then the psilocybin turns into. it's the whole thing. I don't know what any of those words are. Yeah. I have a bank of drug knowledge that's just not useful for anything other than like podcasts. Yeah. What's the coolest drug fact you have?

There was something fascinating. I was like, I don't know. Like name of drug, I tell you something interesting about it. Salvia. Salvia divinorum. This is the full name of it. It's a weirdly, it's not a psychedelic. It's a, I believe it's a disassociate.

It's like weirdly a, first off, it was, I mean, when I was a kid, it was legal. So you could get it from like smoke shops and stuff like that. Crazy. And yeah, it was one guy trying to sell me salvia by breakthroughs, which is the funniest thing. Sell you salvia by breakthroughs? Yes. What does that mean? What does that mean?

What does that mean? So he's like, yeah, I could sell you like maybe like three breakthroughs or four breakthroughs. I was like, how about you sell? His selling technique was per breakthrough? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, maybe like, you know, you want to see God. That's going to be like $40. You want to meet the Dalai Lama that's seven.

Yeah. But that one's fucking weird because it's like, it's not like, from my understanding, it's not a psychedelic, so it's not like it works completely differently on your brain than like, acid in mushrooms and DMT, they all mimic serotonin and bind the receptor,

so your brain thinks there's more serotonin so it overreacts. They all kind of work the same way. But that just does some other fucking weird. Yeah. Like it's like just some... Have you done it before? No, but every single thing I've heard about it

is the worst experience of the life. It's literally also same as well. Yeah. Everybody says they laugh and they look like they're having fun, but it's like they can't breathe when they're laughing. Yeah. So they're like laughing and they're like,

everybody's like, oh, he's having a great time at Sally, but really they're fucking terrified. So when those people know that that's the common experience, they assume, yeah, but I'll be the outlier. That looks like a blast and they smoke and they're like,

wait, the laughing's bad. So would you, would you try it? I would probably try it. Yeah, but if you know that it's miserable, why would you try it?

Just to see. Yeah, just because I don't know. You're going to have a threesome with the biggest dick guy. Yeah, yeah. Mike's gonna happen. My cousin has a good... I don't think it's a thing where, like, I don't know anybody who's been, like, wrecked by it.

So I don't think it's like... It's the last, like, three minutes. But, like, what's his name? Ari Shafir had a story where he smoked salveen and became a fish for, like, years and had, like, a fish job and a fish wife. And then, like, he just got, like... Somebody, like, reached into the pond

and took him out and, like, dropped him on the couch. And he, like, what the fuck was that? He's like, I was a fish with a fish job. And, like... What was the job? I don't know. Probably just... Yeah, I don't know.

That's so funny. Yeah, my friend, my high school, or sorry, my roommate in college, like, freshman year, did it, like, our, like, second or third month, like, living together. And the whole time before it, he was like, yeah, I'm going to do Salvia. It's, like, it's supposedly awesome. You take, like, one huge hit from it. And then you're just, like, you're like, you just go to space. And it's, I've heard it's sick.

And he was like, and so him and his other friend, like, made this pact to do it. and then they did it, and he hallucinated. He was in a hospital, like, getting operated on. Oh, my God. He was just in his bed for the whole... I mean, I don't know how long it lasts, but he was in bed, just going, like, ah, ah, just like, whatever. I was like, yeah, I'm not going to do that one. I don't think I would do it.

Like, maybe if I was like, if I lived a successful life and then I was just bored at like 90, I'd be like, yeah, let me smoke down. Just try, see what happens. Yeah. Because I think like I know one of my cousins smoked and said he loved it But everybody else I know

Has that a terrible experience Like this one guy He said like everything he touched Turned to Legos One of my friends said he thought he was like a car Like it's just like very odd Like shrooms and DMT He had a car job, car wife

Yeah yeah yeah It was just basically cars the movie Yeah But like every trip is you are XYZ and you have XYZ wife and X Yeah Yeah

You have this You're responsible It's just the last thing you see Before you go on a trip Is that? If you're that and you have a professional guitar. I'm a couch. I have a couch job.

Couch wife. And it's getting stressed. That is very funny. Just the idea of like Ari Shafir arguing with like his fish wife about his fish job. He's like, Blu, blue, blue,

Blu, yeah. Shut up. Just like old voice. No, I gotta go to the reef. I gotta make us more fish money. But like other ones like makes sense.

Like you hear somebody talk about like a DMT trip. They're like, oh, I went through a color field and then I saw these like fractal beings. Elves, yeah. That all kind of makes sense in the terms of that thing. But, like, Salvia, just like, I was... When I said, like, every door in his house was, like, a zipper?

I'm like, it's just very odd and, like, not spiritual. It's just... You had to unzip it to get through it? Yeah, yeah. You see that Tim Robinson movie, the new movie? No, that's like on my list of things watching. Oh, man. Okay, I won't say what I was going to say then. Yeah.

Have you seen... That brings up to you guys? You watch the... The Unknown Number documentary? No. No, I haven't seen the... Oh, you got to watch it. Wait, wait, wait, no. I think I started to watch that there's a number...

He explains me. I think it watched this a couple years ago. No, it's new. It's like it just came out. Yeah, you wouldn't, you wouldn't have heard of it. It's the unknown. It's like these, like, this high school in Michigan, these kids are getting, like, cyber bullied by, like, a mystery person who just knows about them and, like, intricate info about them. And they're, like, cyber bullying the hell out of these kids.

He's just the best bully ever to live. It's the most insane story I've ever heard my life. Like, it's only, it's one episode about 90 minutes. Like, where is it? You want to just ruin it? I mean, are you interested in watching? I'll go watch it, but it's okay if you spoil it. Yeah, spoiler.

Okay, well, I'm going to talk about it. So basically this, it's like, they're like freshmen in high school and this couple. This like couple, you know, they've been together for, I don't know, a few years, the parents are friends, everybody. It's great. They're like the golden couple. And all of a sudden. I think I know who the culprit is the way you just set that up. Well, the mystery person all of a sudden just starts.

bullying the shit out of both of them. Oh, never mind. Especially the girl telling her that you're saying the most horrible things you can possibly think that were said to her, said to her basically like that he hates you. You should break up. We like pretending to be another girl. Owen likes me, not you. Like you're ugly. You're a skank.

These are the moms? No, no, no, no. No, a mystery person is messaging the little girl. Okay, I thought you said there was like a power couple. They are. The golden couple, this junior high. Freshman couple. Michael, it's too early in the story

for you to be losing track of there's only two characters right now. I know, I know. It's too early for a... I just don't think of power couples being 14, but I guess I get what you're saying. I miss what I said golden couple, not power couple. I thought these are going to be the kids of the golden couple.

Anyways. No, but yeah, like so this golden couple, like the girl is getting a message like, like, you know, kill yourself, you're ugly, skank, whore, nobody likes you. Owen hates you, you're ruining his life. You're better. if you're better, he's better off of

you're dead and like saying the same kind of shit to the guy, not telling him to kill himself, but like, I don't know, like, just whatever. And it's like the FBI, because like no, and they knew details about what they wore, like where they live,

like we're going to kill, like everything you could think they might know. So all of the other classmates are getting accused of being the messenger. Yeah. Because how would they, who would possibly know this? And like the FBI got involved. and it turned out to be the girl's mom messaging her own daughter and her own daughter's boyfriend. Yeah, that's fucking crazy.

Yeah. It turned out on a bunch of like, because she's the, you, it's safe to assume that she had a thing for that boy. Her daughter's like 14. It's safe to assume? 14, huh? It's safe to assume that. Yes. Very safe to assume it.

Yeah. You got to see him. Yeah. It's safe to see. Well, I mean, like, just the stuff that, the stuff that she was saying, you could just tell. and they broke up and he got like another girlfriend from like five towns over. And she started messaging that girl.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she started messaging her. So it's like, clearly she has a thing for this boy. And like she was telling her own daughter to kill herself. Was she hot? She was on it. Yeah, you could tell she still. Was she hot the mom?

No. Okay. But she was, any girl in any story, like a grown woman. And I'm like that I was just correct there. Any grown woman I'm sorry, I picture a hot lady. Yeah.

Anytime I hear like teacher this. Yeah. I'm like, yep, most beautiful woman I'm picturing my head, and I guess not. No, she was. But, like, you could tell, she'd served time in prison. She's already out, like, 19 months or something. And you could tell even now, she still doesn't have an appropriate understanding of how fucked up a thing she did. Yeah.

Yeah, that's fucking insane. Yeah, like, she was using, like, trauma from her life growing up to, like, try to justify. Like, it's one of the best documentaries of ever. Even, just still watch it. You'll be hooked. Yeah, yeah. No, for a moment there, I thought when you were like, and you'll never guess who it was. I thought you were going to be like, yeah, so she's bullying, like, this couple, and then the FBI got involved.

And then it turns out that the bully, it was Shaq. Yeah. The whole time it was Shed, no one was, no one expected Shaq to be. That would be, I will say this, that was kind of like the twist of the Nickelodeon documentary. I haven't watched that. I haven't watched that. No, no, no, no. I did not know, like, nobody knew that Drake Bell was this guy who was.

taken advantage of until you see him like walk out on the screen. Because like maybe if you watch the documentary within two weeks you didn't really know this information but then you watch it and you're like oh whoa, whoa, you didn't expect you're like whoa Drake what? It was like finding out SpongeBob had been abused this whole time. You're like what?

All these years. Tell me about it. I didn't watch the documentary but you can spoil it. Basically like this Nickelodeon guy was like doing horrendous sexual acts on Drakeville as a kid. Like he said basically like imagine the worst things you do to somebody that's what happened. Is it the same guy that was doing the stuff to the I Carly people? No, that guy never really did anything

clearly illegal. He just was very weird when you're like looking at the kid's show and you're like, it's like a bunch of girls bikinis like showing their feet. You're like, this is very adjacent, pedophile adjacent, but you're like he hasn't technically done anything. Who is the guy who did that Drake Bellsian prison? Yeah, he was the guy from, he was the pickle guy on all that. his name was like Brian Peck or something?

I don't know. I think his name was Brian Pickle. Yeah. The Pickle guy. I think his name was Brian Pickle. I didn't. So it's not really a Nickelodeon documentary. It's like the Drake Bell Scandal documentary.

But a lot of it... So if you wanted to be actually more accurate with what you were naming it, it's actually kind of like... But I, well, my point... I understand. Yeah, I'm a big joke. But like, the...

I always hear it's like the Nickelodeon thing. Well, because a lot of it's about how Nickelodeon kind of like turned a blind eye to a lot of... of this stuff and was not like creating a safe environment for children you know what I mean it's like it's like them kind it's like calling the Jerry Sandusky thing the Penn State thing right it's like you guys handled this poorly also yeah yeah but it's really the Brian Peck guy thing and then it's like kind of like Drake Bell kind of being like yeah I like I'm sure this has something to do with why I had something go wrong with an underage girl you know what I mean

like because he got in trouble for that recently like before this and he's like yeah I'm brutally raped why did he never like speak up to anybody I know he's a kid he easily manipulated a kid, but what did he say? I don't know what his reason... The trial happened, and his name was just never announced, and nobody on Nickelodeon knew. So they knew that this guy got taken down. They just didn't know that...

It was for Drake. Yeah, like, Josh Peck had no idea. Who was his co-star on the show? He had no idea that he was going through this crazy trial. It's like that. Brian Peck and Josh Peck? No relation. I... Buddy, I was thinking the same thing. Yeah, but it was one of those things... Josh Pickle, obviously.

Would it? Maybe... I think it's Brian Peck. I could be wrong. Some innocent Brian back out there is like, what the hell? Let's look at this podcast. Yeah. He's like, no,

stop saying. I like works for Nicolodey and all that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it was like one of those things that you're like, nobody knew it besides,

uh, I guess him and yeah, it's fucking crazy. Um, yeah. But, you know, uh, anything else?

Yeah. What else are going on? It's just so funny too that pedophiles kill up every single week on this podcast. Really? And yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, The same thing's kind of just come into conversation, but it's hard to not talk about pedophiles. Totally. Well, it is like the most, first off, it's like outside of murder, it's like the, I say outside of murder because there's no real understanding about whether it's worse or less bad than murder. It's kind of similar, yeah. Yeah, everybody's like, because nobody wants to say murder is worse because you're like, you think fucking kids, not that bad. You're like, no, no, I do think that's that bad, but I also think murder could be worse. Yeah.

But you go the other way and it does sound, you're like, well, I guess killing somebody is worse, but I don't know. Like, which would you rather happen to you? Right.

And it's like, I don't know, because I've never had neither. Yeah. I would say neither. But that's, and I don't like that guy who does the, would you rather?

And then he goes, how about neither? You go, no, you either have to have sex with your mom or your dad. Yeah, it's like, do you answer the question.

Yeah, you're fun at parties. Yeah, yeah, just play the game. Yeah. But, yeah, I don't know, that's why he was going to grow up and drug test his kids in the whole school.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, you see this so one-sided. Shut up. Let's kill you. Yeah, that's what I say. Just shut up, man. Yeah. Are you talking to me?

No, I'm like, that would be great. Just shut, turn the camera off. Shut, shut out. The podcast starts. Guys, just shut up. We just sit in a horribly awkward silence. I was thinking when the podcast started, I was just like, I was wondering, like, how many people that you

have dated have listened to your podcast. Oh, like, it happens. And some people, I know they do, and they won't admit they do, but I'm talking to them. And I'm like, really? How'd you know about this information about me? I go, I know when certain people

are listening to the podcast. Because I went, because I had this moment of like, we were talking about, what was the first thing we started talking about? I don't remember exactly. Threesums? No, it was before then.

It was like the first, the very first thing, tall people. Tall people. You're talking about tall people don't fit into their bodies. And I just immediately had this image of like some girl you're hooking up with just like, her head is out of frame. Because she's so tall. No, well, I was just thinking about someone that you're hooking up with just having to listen to just us have just to find, just be like sit here and be like, yeah, like tall guys. Like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's why I tell everybody I'm like, don't listen to this. Because half the time it's me being like, yeah, I don't know, maybe. Like it's like, you're just talking about nothing. But by doing that, you get better at podcasting. So I'll do it every week. It's fun. Yeah, it's good practice. It's a good time.

But yeah, no, there's all kinds of like, I don't know, it's my dad listens every week. And I know. And then he stopped listening because he was disgusted. And then he couldn't stop. He couldn't turn away. He knew it was, there was something activating. That is that when my dad talks about my podcast, I could be like, really, then why are you listening to it every single week? There's something about it.

That is interesting. So, Michael's dad, your dad is listening right now? Probably listening, yeah, yeah. Michael's dad. This is one of the least disgusting. I remember earlier in the episode, I defended them for assuming that you were doing some sort of drug and they were right to drug test you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shout out to Mike.

I don't have the backbone to say that I, uh, to take a stance against you and I agree with Tanner now. I changed my mind. Yeah. You, oh, stand against my dad. Drug testing is totally normal. That's what I think. It's not. Well, I'm not saying whether it's normal now.

I'm just saying they were clearly on to something by feeling the need to drug test you. Yeah, but you're wrong there, Tanner. They're the best parents ever. I'm on that. What do you even know? This is like a back door way to say I'm not on the term. I think it was great. I don't know.

It's like, I listen to reggae. You're not, how good of a detective are you? You know what I mean? Like nobody likes. Nobody likes that music. No, I do. But it's also like, I'm sure if I never smoked pot, I'm not sure if I'd ever have discovered. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like, yeah. Yeah, fair enough. I don't know. But I feel like I had something really important. Oh, yeah, yeah, this is, I am shoe horning crazy idea, but we fucking caught a mouse in here. Oh, nice. Dude, that was a war. Have you ever had to deal with that?

Yeah, I've had mice before. Oh, my God. I think it was just one, which is very odd. It's never just one. How long ago? So this was, I came in a town Monday after doing those road gigs or Sunday night, and it just darted across my vision. I was like. Am I going crazy?

And then it darted back. And then there was Matt's back there and I kicked him and I just saw this guy run out the back. And then every day we've been setting traps and he'd been taking the cheese off the trap. The traps moved to the other side of the room. So he was like, he was like figuring it out completely.

He figured out traps. Yeah, he knew how to do him. Like the spiky one? These ones right here. We still left him just in case he has friends. Or she. Could have been the trap queen. The mouse trap queen.

Right there. You see that? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you got to like, apparently, so my roommate saw one climb, I think it's the same one. And I felt really bad because they are like fucking, they are cute. Way too much peanut butter on it?

Yeah, way too much peanut butter. Why is that? Because you don't, like, you want to put just like a, like maybe a third of how much you have on there. Okay, why is that? Like, what happens to move too much? If you have too much, then they can just eat it from the side. And it won't sit down there. Yeah, but eventually it'll get to the size it needs to be that you're talking about.

I've had mice before And I was setting traps like that And then it didn't catch any And then I had an exterminator come And he was like, oh, you're putting too much peanut butter on That's what Jake said, yeah And he and he like

You just put an entire sandwich on the mouth Just every day Just gift cards to a good restaurant Carbone Why is there just spaghetti from Carbone Yeah That's so funny you would eventually catch him

like a month from now when he finally has like no but they lose interest in it after it's been sitting there for a while yeah that kind of makes sense yeah well he went to the one that a couple of them didn't and I also like yeah you're right

but he saw one dude he had a towel over a fan in his room and it climbed up it and that's when he saw it and then he just sat out here all night just like fucking like a I don't know like a like he's in a war and we just

He had a little John Wick moment. Yes. He's all run across the glue trap, though, which is annoying. Yeah, they do that. Oh, that's, that's, it's satisfying watching rats get caught in glue traps. Like, you know, they're, like, the YouTube videos. I feel so, killing. I feel so bad.

Like, I was going to buy blue traps, and I saw a sick rat, and it was the saddest thing. He's just like, oh, and I was like, oh, dude, this is just what I'm about to do to some poor mouse guy. I actually, last, last night, I saw, it must have been like baby mice or rat. They were literally this big. You ever seen them that small before? On a, like two inches. Yeah. On a glue chip, yeah. Maybe not two inches.

They just scurried in and out from underneath like the side of a wall. And I was like, that's the smallest one they've ever seen. It's like three of them. Yeah, this one was really small. But I'm glad it wasn't, if it was that small, I'd be like, oh, we have babies running around here. But, uh, probably be worse. My craziest mouse story is we had mice.

And then we caught one mouse. but it had already given birth. So then we had tiny mice running around. Oh, no. So then we had one day when we set up all these traps and we just caught, it was a ridiculous number of baby mice. It was maybe like eight or nine baby mice. But I'll never forget.

There was only like one mouse left. And we saw him running around. And at some point, I managed to catch him underneath a trash can. So like a picture like a small like just like a whatever like kitchen kitchen trash can. Yeah. Right. And I like flipped it over and I had him like pinned under the ground under this trash can. And so then I was like I didn't know what to do because I was like I got this mouse in this trash can.

Like I got to figure out how to what do I do. So I decided I'll like, okay, I'll like put paper or cardboard. I can't remember what like stit like card stock underneath the trash can. and then I'll flip it. So I'll have like a lid. That's very innovative. Yeah. So you try to take a job right here.

So we put this cardstock underneath the thing. And then we're like we get ready to, well, I'm like, okay, I'm going to flip it. But I didn't, I didn't like think it through fully. So I was like, okay, got to flip it like fast because that's like the way to do it. Oh, I think I can see where this is going. Yeah. And so then I went to flip it. And as I flipped it, the like a little crack opened up.

in the little thing, and we just threw this mouse across the room by accident. And I just watched him, like, blah, I watched him, yeah,

they're like, yeah, that's awesome. So then he just scurried away. Yeah, and they got away. Yeah, I'm like,

I've had one run across my bare foot, my first apartment in New York. I was eating a 7-Eleven sandwich, and I was thinking, my little thought was, this is the grossest thing in my life. Like I've ever experienced.

The sandwich. The sandwich. All right, right is, I was thinking that a mouse ran across my foot, ran into my roommate's room, and he was like from Nepal and, like, didn't speak very good English. I was like, hey, man, there's a mouse room.

He goes, yeah, yeah, okay. I was like, no, I don't think you're saying. There's a mouse room. He goes, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then just, like, walked out of the apartment. I was like, I, he just does not understand what I'm saying right now. What, did you ever, like, stepped on a rat? Yes, so many times.

Oh, I had once. Like, three or four times. I just, yeah, and I weigh a lot. I mean, you knocked out? There's things there, huh? Yeah, we got up and ran away. I was wearing, like, boots and everything. Like, it was a stomp-off, by accident, but it was...

Yeah, because they run right in front. I stepped on... I stepped on one, and I broke its, like, right shoulder. And it, like...