Morning Good - The Lunch Monitor's Daughter - Episode 90

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

Thanks Chris for coming back on the show and to Brandon for joining us this episode. Check them both out and give them a follow for more info on shows, tweets, etc. You can find Chris on IG @chriskinback and Brandon on IG and Twitter @brandontrusso.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Yeah, because you're on the Celsius. All right. We're here with Brandon Truso and Chris came back. Oh, we're just jumping right in. Yeah, we're just jumping right in. We don't have any sponsors. No?

I thought it would be sponsored by Whiteclaw. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have it everywhere. You're talking about the nuns. See, but this is sacrilegious, though, because there's smoke. I don't know if it is sacrilegious or not, because there's nothing to get in the Bible against smoking. It's saccharacteria. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're just bored, dude.

It feels like it's damaging your body. Although you can drink alcohol in the Bible, right? Yeah, like, dude, I know a Catholic priest that gets, like hammered. Yeah, but I don't know if that's in the body. I feel like you're not supposed to... Yeah, they're not supposed to... To the point of getting drunk, I don't think. People say that, but also Jesus, like, the wine they had back then,

was way stronger. It was like... Jesus had hookers. Yeah, I don't know. Very Magdalene was a hooker. As friends, dude. That is funny. You'd be like,

we're just friends. It's like, all these hookers. If I was cheating on my girlfriend, I tell her back, I'm just friends with a bunch of hookers. Yeah. I'm fucking,

I don't penetrate. But yeah, we just take our pants up and rub our privates around each other, but we don't touch you. There's so much shit in the Bible, but it's like,

I'm never going to take the time to read the Bible. You know, I just take everybody's word for what's in the Bible, but it could be, I have no idea what's actually. Oh, yeah, I've lied about reading it front to back, just to have an argument back.

No, I've actually read every word of the Bible, and it says this. I read the Bible, and I'm like, literally, what did I just? Yeah, what just happened. I'm like, why am I reading, like, interpretive poetry here that I have no idea? Right, all the words, all the language. Because that's what it is. It's interpretive, and everyone, like, lives their, like, not everyone, but the people that do live their lives by the Bible don't realize that it was meant to be read as, like, in, you know.

Right. As a joke. As a joke. As a joke. Yeah, it was just a joke. We were just fucking around, and now everybody's living by it. Well, my favorite is I love, there's always like the hardcore gangsters that are religious. You know what I mean?

Like, they just like murder somebody and then they're like, ah, father. But I went to church all growing up, and I can't remember one story from the Bible. Really? There's some good ones. You don't remember the Ten Commandments? No. I don't remember. No is art.

Don't cheat on your wife. That's the one that stuck out to you. You're like, yeah, I don't know about this book. Yeah, I'm out of this religion. thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife Yeah, just such weird things Or want what your neighbor has Right?

Yeah, yeah. Every time I read something I'm like, I gotta Google this Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I may have coveted something. Oh yeah, well you've coveted it. It's impossible to not want things. Right.

Because like when you go to like The dial, like that's a really fucked up part I used to have like a bit about this Because like if you're a homeless guy It's like no, you're not allowed to want somebody else's house. It's like that guy's living in like a box And he can't be like, man,

Wouldn't it be fucking sick to have an apartment right there? It's like when people talk about like manifesting Like, oh, all you got to do is control your thoughts and think positive. And it's like, well, it doesn't work for everybody. Yeah, no, not at all. If you're a starving child in Africa. I think Dave Chappelle has a bit about that. He's like, goes and tells it starving kid and out.

Hey, man, you just got to think better thoughts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your problem. You're not thinking positive. It's like, I just want a meal. How do we manifest out of the genocide? Yeah. Are we all collectively thinking about a genocide?

Well, there's been many genocides. Oh, well, that had to be so annoying because I guarantee you there was a positive guy through all the Holocaust. Everybody's like, shut the fuck up, dude. I don't care. Like, read the room, buddy. Yeah, yeah. We're all

Saturday, guys, we're all going to get out of this. You're like, Jesus. Like, family's dead. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's tough. Were there babies born in the Holocaust? Probably, right? Yeah, people are horny, man.

People are fucking all the time. Yeah, but they probably would have come to term now. I feel like they'd probably like make her work in a camp so she like wouldn't have the baby. Yeah, they'd probably, uh, I mean, I can't imagine.

You can't really sneak a baby out. I can't imagine they were too nice to people that. You think you can seek a baby? Yeah, dude. What do you call? Yeah. You can sneak a baby out. How,

like when you're pregnant? Like, I think maybe it was harder back then, but I know that there's a lot of fat, obese people. Not in the Holocaust, though. Zero. No, not that's why I just said,

not back then, but zero. That had to be funny. There's one guy fat. They're like, where's he fucking getting this food? They're like, I have a glandular problem.

I'm big bone. No, you're fat. Yeah. You're stealing everybody's food. Yeah, dude, that would be tough to be, yeah, to try to have a positive attitude when in the Holocaust. I'm sure it happened. That person should write a book.

That person could write a book. If they're like, yeah, I just stay positive through the whole thing. And now my life's great. I really turned things around. Yeah, yeah. Everybody there was just thinking negative. So that's how the Holocaust happened. That's what the name of the book would be.

Zero to $600. Zero to $6 million. Yeah, it is weird because, like, I was. real quick. Real quick. Yeah, I was listening to like because there was like some therapist who was like you could have a positive attitude

about anything. It's like there were people that survived the Holocaust still had the happiest life but there also was like a massive amount of suicide after the Holocaust. By people in the Holocaust? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that would be tough, dude.

Do you make it out of that? No. You think? How many people were left to commit suicide? Yeah, I don't know. Ten people. Where'd you hear that stat? I don't know if I'm buying that.

Just read it briefly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't have anything. You read in the Bible, dude. Yeah, yeah. That they didn't believe in. The part that they didn't follow. Yeah, that's what happened to him.

Yeah. The first part's the Jewish part. The Jews believe in the, yeah, the New Testament. They believe in the Old Testament. Yes. The New Testament, they don't believe in. It's not so new. Well, they don't believe in Jesus, but then Muslims believe in Jesus, which I

always forget. Yeah. He's a prophet in Islam. So much to keep up with. I mean, if you really go through, like, religion and faith and stuff like that, I mean, like, believing in a higher power. I mean, like, you know, who was the prophet and who wasn't was really the thing that separated everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For the most part, though, like religion is there's a lot of similarities between. Oh, complete overlap. It's just who the prophet you believe it was. Yeah, yeah. The only thing I think is why it was always the eating stuff, where they're like, you can't eat this or that. Yeah, yeah. You can't eat certain animals. I think they all got into a room at one point and like, you know, this is kind of bullshit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, but we can't let them know that we think this is bullshit. Oh, yeah. Certain animals they can eat and certain they can't eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if you're, well, like, I think kosher food has no, I believe has no cheese in it. Or it's like the meat can't touch the cheese.

Like you have to have cheese set or something like that. No, no, sorry, halal. And then kosher is like the opposite. I don't know any of that. Did you watch that documentary on Netflix, the new one about Mormon? No, it sounds awesome. It's like extensive Mormon, though.

I can't remember the initials for what they are, FDL or FLD. Pardon me. It's some Jesus. It's, no, basically what it was is it was like, it was like Mormon over like, you know, like almost like,

it was almost like Amish Mormon. Yeah, super Mormons. Yeah. And they, they had a prophet, Warren Jeff's. Yeah. What was his name?

Sexy guy. And this guy basically banged everybody's wife. When his father died, I mean, they, they were polygamous Mormons, but they were like to the, to the max.

And when his father died, he became, the self-made prophet and he changed all these rules and these people like... Is somebody to hand out the Bible and it's like, is there white out over all these pages?

The crazy thing is is there wasn't really like, and they didn't really touch on much scripture, but this guy was basically like just putting out into the world like what people should be doing and he started marrying. He had like 72 wives. Then you could see that he was like,

he was basically just a fucking pedophile. Like he had these young like 14, 12 year old wives. Then eventually, like this people started to leave the church. And they sued, you know, she sued him for like, you know, her getting married to like 14 years old, this one woman. And it's crazy because people are so, I don't say brainwashed, but they didn't know anything else. Yeah, that's always the weird thing. In laws, in law states, you can marry if you're 14, if your parents sign off on it. But I'm like, wait, you got to watch. Basically, we're like, you're a pedophile. But if their parents are cool with it, you can fuck their kid. It's a weird, that's a weird. That's a weird.

law to have. So he got arrested and for statutory rape against a 14 year old in the state of Utah, I'm sorry, so the state of Texas because he fled and he was on the run for a while. And the story's kind of crazy because when they like went in, he was like bringing all these people to like, he was, you know, saying that like, you know, his version of heaven that he created in this little like offbeat town in Texas. And he built this like temple and like it was it's whack the fuck out. And the world was supposed to end and then it didn't end. That's always how. When you, The other world thing. Yeah.

When guys like, Hey, we all need to have tons of sex with me because the world's going to end. And then the world doesn't end. And then they have to scramble, like come up with why it didn't end. And they're like, fuck.

And he's got all these people believe in the shit. God's giving us another chance. Yeah, now you should fuck. He's got all this people believe in this shit. And then, like, you know, then the people that are following him and like,

you know, living this lifestyle that still believe him. And this other girl, like, got out and, like, you know, saw the light. And then they don't believe her. then the cops ended up finding

the FBI ended up finding all this other stuff like all the shit about episode two but now I guess I don't know. Oh you're on. It's just not going to. The Waco one's crazy. That one was crazy. Same idea. Yeah, it's wild how easily

our brains are manipulative. Like you look at those people and be like, how dumb are those people? What if we don't know the Loki economy? It's a lot of people. We should have no idea. Yeah, kind of you can be brainwashed if you start at like a young age

and you just like tell them the same thing over and over. See, I don't feel bad if you were like 25. and you joined a cult, I have zero sympathy for you. Yeah. I'm just like, I'm sorry, you're just a dumb ass.

But like, if you're like a kid, then it's hard because you're like, oh, you were surrounded by the house. If you're born into something, what else do you know?

Imagine that power, though, if you're running a cult. You see people with wife. This is so Kimbeck's personality. I like, like, like,

Michael, give me your wife, please. Yeah. Dude, and they were interviewing some of the people, they were like old now

and out of the cult and they were like still coupled up and they had, The guy had to be like, yeah, I let him fuck my wife. I thought it was what I was supposed to do. And now they just have to live normally. Like, it didn't happen. Oh, my God.

And, like, you have to, like, give. Yeah, one guy had to give away his daughter so that he could get another wife. So he's like, yeah, you can have my daughter. And then he goes, but then I got my third wife, so now I can get into heaven. And then it all goes to shit. And it's like, fuck, what did I just do? It's crazy. Yeah, that's got to be hilarious when you get up to God.

And he's like, you guys were show off. Not even close. Yeah. You didn't even. Yeah. That's the thing about. I got to open that door. You guys keep talking. I got to show up in this door to get more airflow. Yeah, please.

Get some air conditioner. Get an air conditioner. Turn the fan on. Something. Last time we did a podcast. We did a never to ever be released podcast with Alex Sheik. We did an hour. Michael, here's a noise outside. He goes, oh, I got to, I got to lock the door. For some reason, he heard a noise outside. There was a dude screaming. It sounded like he was breaking into the building, which would be crazy because there's a lot of fucking maniacs. So I go, and we're literally 50, like eight minutes into the podcast. And I trip over the cord. and it just wipes out the whole episode.

And there was a rush of emotions. Dude, Alex She tried to eat it. You know these in pouches? Yeah. He ripped one open and tried to swallow what was inside of it. We were like, it was crazy.

We explained it to him like 10 times. Like, that's not how you do it? And he goes, okay, I get it now. And he still went and ripped it open. And he goes, it's not working for him. I'm like, dude, we told you not to do that. Yeah, that's a bad idea. Strange word.

Dude, he's a funny cat. He was telling us how his, his whole act is about how his stepmom and all this shit. He goes, yeah, I have two parents that have been married forever. They're very happily married. He goes, but then I did a joke and it works. So now I just have to have that as my whole persona. Yeah, yeah. He goes, it's cool, right?

We're like, yeah. He's going to go on to L in like 20 years from now. Just be like, I'm, it was really tough growing up with. You got some truth behind your. Oh, at least the smidgen. Or you just, yeah, but his whole thing is so believable when he's up there. Because he's like, you, you, everything you say is nonsense. Right.

So they know. Yeah, it's nonsense. But his seems very believable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, this kid probably has a stepmom who's constantly getting fucked and his high school coach probably fucked his mom. And none of that's true. He definitely, I told him when he was, when he was

doing some, uh, one of the shows, I was like, you need to, if you're going to lie like that, you should go up there and be like, I'm 19. Yeah, really lie. Because he's 22, but he would sell the um, 19 angle so hard. He should just Pete Davidson, even maybe even further down. Yeah, yeah, 16. Yeah. He could really like that. And every time is his first time on stage. Yeah. Oh, you fucking nail that. Yeah. It would all freaking out right now. I don't know what.

He made him to, like, a different level. Yeah, we should be Sheik's marketing team, too. Yeah, we could take that kid to the next level. Because he's got that, like, innocent, like, kid type of, like, you know, angle. And he's crazy. Yeah, he's insane. He'd be perfect for the Mormon community.

Oh, yeah. Imagine him in there? Oh, yeah, he'd be like, yeah, I'm not sure. Are you sure usually fucking my wife? Oh, he would easily be in that, dude. He would be one of the first ones. But he would be like, okay. He, I feel like he put up a fight, but at the end of the day, you could

convince him to do pretty much anything. But then he would have to do any of the work. I feel like he'd have to do work in those. Oh, yeah. He would not work. But they were also kicking out all the young boys because they wanted all the young girls. So there was all these teenagers that were like homeless in Utah because they would kick out teenage boys because they didn't want them fucking their teenage girls.

That's so crazy. It was so crazy. It was wildhouse sex just drives everything. Like they're like, yeah, religion, religion, religion. But also we want to fuck all these young girls. Well, that's the thing. It's like, if you. watch that show, you see like where you start to like, you know, these like teenagers that are

involved in that, you know, that lifestyle, like human nature takes over. And what they try and do is they try and tell you that human nature is wrong to control you. But when the human nature takes over, like she's, she's destined to be married to this one guy that the prophet's saying that she has to marry, but she's been hanging out with Jimmy who's 14 years old and they have the same interest and she has a crush on Jimmy. But then she's trying to beg the prophet to let him marry Jimmy. And he's like, no, because you got to marry this guy because I want to fuck you later. It's like, it's crazy. It's brainwashing and it's manipulating.

But like human nature, you know, people, they call it sinning. They call it, you know, whatever. Human nature is human nature. Like, you know, and if you don't really like explore that stuff, you're going to fucking, you're not going to learn from mistakes and shit. Yeah, so you're saying wanting to fuck children is human nature. That's what I guess. You totally missed the point.

I know. I'm completely kidding. Yeah, that's always when I was a kid, everybody's always like, I always hated that bullshit. People were like, trust your elders, respect. I was like, some of these adults are fucking. lunatics. I was like, just because this person's been around long enough, I was like, at our school we had pedophiles. So I'm like, all right,

why would I trust, you're not, do you change pedophiles at your school? Yeah. Yeah, you're from Florida. Yeah, yeah, dude, yeah, absolutely. Mike, I could see Michael in, in middle school, be like, everybody's trying to fuck me. They're all trying to all the time. It's like, Michael, I think you're safe, but they're not trying to fuck you. Dude, he wants his fucking dick.

I'm not going to give to him. I did tell you about that one, there was a pool by me, and this guy might list the podcast, I think I've already talked about before, but I definitely got in contact with his pedophile because the dude would be like he was as, oh, I was like probably 12 and he was like 25 and you take us like laser tagging or rock climbing and I'd fight with my parents because

you can't hang out with him like you guys don't get him. This guy's got a big dick. He's got the coolest guy and like in hindsight 100% I believe he's a pedophile. Yeah, yeah. And wherever they're smoke, wherever they're smoked. Oh, I did. All of his jobs are working in kids. Some people might just want to hang out. Some people might just want to hang out

with kids. Yeah, yeah. I'm not defending pedophiles, but Some people might just want to hang out with kids, you know? And that's weird enough. Maybe they had a shitty childhood and they were just like, I just want to do laser tag. And I can't get any of my friends to play laser tags on the. That's what they said about Michael Jackson before it came out that he was...

Right, right. ...olding their idea. Not the bottom part. Yeah, you're good. You're good. Fuck you. Don't tell me what they're. I don't know. People try and convince me that Michael Jackson's, like, not in like all those kids were lying. All those dudes were lying. Oh, no, he's a pedophile.

For sure. But some people might just be losers and be like, oh, this kid might hang out with me. I'll hang out with him. Which is sadder. I'd rather you fucking the kids than trying to hang out. Yeah, at that point just fuck him. But it's all the Michael Jackson's point because he slept with kids that weren't his children and I'm like,

why would you take that risk if you weren't fucking them? You know what I mean? Because it's like the whole world is going to see you as a guy. If you get caught with that, the only payoff would be I got my sexual pleasure. But at that time, you could get away with that shit easy. Yeah, it was a lot easier. Yeah, back then it was like,

he definitely was a pedophile, but if he wasn't, yeah, I don't think he cared about getting Yeah, from like 1997 to like 2005 is when the pedophile, we need to stop this movement started. Because I feel like for a while, people were just like, yeah, it's just a guy that does that. And then I feel like that. Creepy Jim. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's creepy Jim the neighbor.

He's just a weird guy. Yeah, I was a lifeguard for a little while. And there was this guy that used to come down to the pool all the time and wear like really short shorts. And those like lenses that basically give away that you're a pedophile. You always try to give us. Military-issued glasses? Yeah, he'd always try to give all the lifeguards. as like drinks because we were like 16

or whatever so we'd be like oh this guy rocks and then I never did it but he'd always invite us into his apartment like after the shift was done and one of my buddies went in with him and said he had a bunch of drinks and then the guy started like feeling his leg and shit like rubbing his back and stuff and said like he would

pay him to like do shit and he's like I gotta probably gotta get going John John John's what he told you while he's like he's like counting 20s as well he's like I told him no and that guy was like a big guy too if I wouldn't he probably would have had a field day with me. You're only like a fucking Muppet.

Yeah. I'm not good at saying no. Like a fuck Muppet. I would just be like, all right, whatever it takes to get me out of here. Just fucking. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Just don't tell my dad. Yeah, please.

Those are the crazy. I watched the John Wayne Gacy documentary. Yeah, I was just going to say that. There's all the stories. He put a knife to my neck and, like, touch my leg. And then I was like, I didn't go to the authorities. But, you know, that's always when it's like, well, he would threaten him. He would be like, if, you know, if you do this.

And then the guy would be like, no, I don't want to be all uncomfortable because they were hammered sleeping at his house. Then he'd like, I'm just kidding with you, dude. I'm just like teasing you to see. Yeah, but by the first time he should have gotten out of the house. Because he pulled the gun on, the first way he's like he pulled a gun. You know, John McGee's he pulled a gun on him.

He's like, I want you to suck my dick or something like there. Let me fucking the ass. Yeah. And the guy freaked out. I was like, no, please, please, please. Because, no, I'm just messing with you. And then he's like, I thought maybe he was just a weird guy. So anyways, I was asleep.

Oh, yeah, just a weird guy with a gun trying to fuck my butt. Yeah, he was like, he was like Johnny Knoxville before Johnny Knoxville was. I'm just doing pranks. Yeah, yeah. I thought this guy was ahead of his time. Yeah, jackass. But to be fair, I don't know where you go from there, though, because that's probably like tough treading.

Yeah, real quick. I hate to keep doing this and just hold it like that. And not the bottom part. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, perfect, awesome. I'm going to cut out all. Can you see? Can you tell?

You can hear it? No, no, no, no. If it hits this, then it'll just disconnect. It disconnects very easily if you touch the lower part of the mic. I think I don't know my way around a microphone. These are different. They're shitty. I'm a fucking rock star.

I know. are. But I think at that point, too, it's kind of creepy because you're like, do I want to upset this guy? There might be a party if it's like, let me just sleep in his house and then tomorrow morning, I'll casually try to get the fuck out of it. Yeah, yeah. That's what that guy was saying. And hope that I don't get raped. Documentary. I mean, I just feel like I know, I know. I mean, I just feel like I know. He kind of looks like Tim Dillon. In the face. John Wayne Gacy. Yeah. He's got that chubby, like, red face. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. All the serial killers, he was like the creepiest. Yeah, dude, the clown thing is just like. Yeah. But I think it was because he knew, I didn't watch the full documentary,

but I think he knew he was going to terrify people. Like, he liked scaring people. It wasn't like he was like one of those guys. It's like, oh, I'm so sorry. I killed another person. I think 95% of serial killers are probably sociopaths. They're like, I don't care if I kill people. But there's probably like 5% that are like, fuck, this is a rush.

I hate doing this. But this is what I'm going to do it. Yeah. It's crazy. They say that at active times, like there's, like, every day there's at least like like 100 active serial killers. Really? That are out there.

That we see like none of them on the news. around the street. I've heard it's so fucking hard to catch somebody from murdering another person. Like I've heard like nowadays, it's like, there's some thing Joe Rogan was talking about he had one of his friends of cop.

He's like, I don't even want to say the number on air of murders that go unsolved, but it's like, yeah, it's a lot. It's an astronomical. Lawyers are getting too good. You think suicides go unreported?

Yeah, because my stepbrother is a cop in Buffalo. And, you know, the Grand Island Bridge, the Peace Bridge. He's like, if you knew how many people jumped off that, like within like a six month period,

like that you don't hear in the news, it would blow your mind. I thought you were going to say it's tough to resolve suicide. Like, tough to solve who did it. Yeah, it's crazy. Never know. They can't figure out who did it. One of my buddies joked about that

because one of our friends said, we should go to the funeral and just talk to his parents be like, the sad part is we're never going to figure out who did this. I'm going to catch or you be like, I'm going to catch the son of a bitch. Whether it's the last thing I do. No, no, no, no. He's crazy.

The bridge is great. I wonder what happened. So if you jump off a bridge, do you think like, I mean, I don't know, it seems like they, I'm just trying to think of like how you die. Do you float back immediately? I think it's like cement. I think it when you hit it, it's like cement. Right. That makes sense.

Yeah. But then, yeah, I wonder if your body floats or if it sinks. What's the height where, what I'd like to know is what's the height where it's like water and what's the height where it's cement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like if you like, if you like, if you like, you're like, yo, I'm going to pencil dive into this lake.

But you're like, yo, shit, that was fucking 100 feet too high. my legs are smashed to my skull. That's what I want to know. Here's a question. If you took, because like, isn't a lot of it the impact? So if you broke the water before, like, is that a way you could jump off higher things? What do you mean? Like, if you had, like,

some sort of device, like a pencil dive, that's what's the safest way. Oh, you'd like, you throw a rock down before you go in and you land in there. I'm sure there's somebody that can figure that out. That sounds like a cool portal thing. Like, you'd like throw it in. They should do that on like Mythbusters. They should try to kill themselves.

We'll do it on your next podcast, dude. We'll do it. Next podcast we'll do it on the Brooklyn Bridge. Yeah, what the height is. I wonder what the highest height is that somebody like survived. It also might depend on like the wind that day too. Well, a lot of people survive off like the, what's the San Francisco one? Golden Gate.

A lot of people survived off that, which is crazy. Yeah, yeah. And they're always like, yeah, the second I jumped, I was like, oh, this is a bad idea. Yeah, yeah. And then they live and they're like, oh, cool. Some of them, I think, are probably like in a wheelchair forever though. They're like, I wish the impact. Yeah, maybe they're happier now.

Now it's really hard to kill yourself. Once you're in a wheelchair, it's like, and you've already tried once. Like people aren't going to let you do it. Good luck. Get up to that bridge. Yeah. You just got to wait it out. You got to train.

Like there was a guy, one of the McDougal guys, his leg's missing. And it's like a newly missing leg. And then he's like, his arms are all plates. And I was like, how did that happen?

He goes, train. And I was like, that's probably attempted. I don't think, you know, I don't think he fell. I haven't seen this guy. Is he a new one?

No, but he, I think he has a twin brother who's tall. Okay, I'm very confused by us. Jesus, dude. Where do you meet these people? This guy barks on the corner of McDougal

Yeah, you always have a new homeless person I'm like, I'm on the same street as you, why am I not interact? Why am I not getting in fistfice with these people like you are? This dude, okay, so this is how confusing is he walked by one time. I'm almost positive this was a guy, had legs. And I see the guy missing a leg. And then he says, yeah, I'm going to get a new leg next week.

And then I see what looks like the exact same guy walking. And I'm like, did he get, maybe he got like a leg? I don't know. You're in the twilight zone. I don't think you live in this reality. I can't believe you actually talk to these people. Dude, all the time. I don't talk to me.

Dude, there are more fun to talk to than some people. I would rather talk to a homeless guy about the CIA than some boring fucking person after a show. It's like, oh my God, how do you do it? I don't know. I do comedy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. Exactly that.

Tell me about your leg that blew off. Yeah, they've reappeared the next thing. Yeah, they've seen some shit. They've been through a lot more. So it's more interesting to talk to people like that. Yeah, I've still there a headache to deal with. No, for sure. But, like, I'd rather an interesting crowd.

And by the way, I don't hate everybody talks to talk to me after show. shows. But there are some people that are like, you know, I think I should get into stand-up. Yeah, I got. Yeah. You're the funny guy, huh? Yeah. Yeah. You know what you should do with that one joke you have? Tell me, dude. Tell me what your $20 ticket. I got a deal you need to? My favorite I was selling tickets the other day. And so this girl walks in a place, she goes, don't buy tickets. Don't buy tickets. That's how I ended up in a Nazi comedy show? I was like, what Nazi comedy show did a Nazi comedy show? How would that go? I was like, what Nazi comedy show? How would that go? I was like, what Nazi comedy show? How would that go? that would probably be pretty funny don't ask her you think are you wonder

I wonder if they did stand up at the uh at the camps there was probably like a a funniest Nazi like in the group of them they're like he has to be a sense of humor he's so silly

like that just had to have been on the spectrum they had to find ways to entertain themselves right yeah yeah yeah yeah I think it was like but they were all on meth right they

yeah you don't really have a really good sense of humor the Jews the Nazis while they were like flip it at night all the Jews are funny that's just

they were all that's how showbiz Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, all of those were funny that the Nazis were probably more serious. Especially the whole meth thing they're finding. I used that video of Hitler, and he's like tweaking. No, he's clearly on meth.

He's at the Olympics, right? Yeah, yeah, and he's like... And you're like, oh, shit, yeah, yeah. Because, like, they're finding out. They're like, they were on a lot of meth-infant. Which makes sense, like, dude, when you take, like... I mean, I don't... I don't get anti-Semitic when I take Adderall,

but, like, I do... You get it. Not that, but I'm like... But I understand the mind. You can see where they're... coming from. Well, I see the I want to conquer like attitude because you're like, I'm the smartest, everybody's dumb. I can do anything.

Yeah, you get in that mindset. And then also like if you take Adderon, you don't sleep, you go without psychosis. So like, I feel like a lot of that was just like psychosis and then horrible ideas combined. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And psychopath. Yeah, for sure. There's got to be some psychopath. Yeah, obviously, yeah, obviously, you also don't have empathy. Like, I don't think, I don't think, I don't think Hillary was just like,

you know what I mean? I don't know, I don't feel so bad. Was the woman he married? Was Ava Braun half Jewish or something, maybe? Was that his wife? mixed up. There was one Nazi that found out he was like half Jewish and like killed himself. Really? That's like the It's like the Shepal skit or the

white supremacist guy finds out he's black. They also have that on what? They also have that on a TV show. It's so funny. I think it was like Mori. It was something like Mori and there's like a Klanman and they're like your DNA contest came back. Turns out you're like 5% Nigerian and he's like no!

It's like the worst. Yeah, it was like the Chappelle episode of the guy's head explodes. Yeah, yeah. But that's what literally in that'd be like the guy freaked out. which is just so funny, though. I bet you, I bet you, maybe he just came back all white. They're like, we got to tell him he came from Africa.

Just like a look on his face. 100%. Yeah, you really can't control that now. That's why it's, uh, was there from Africa or not? Everybody, I feel like has so much, like, it used to be so easy to be like, oh, this is what I am. I'm Italian and Irish.

But now that we actually know, now you can actually test it. It's like everybody's from all fucking, nobody's who they actually think they are. Everybody's all fucked up. Dude, there's so many people that think they're one thing. And then they're like, yeah, turns out I'm not that at all. at all. Yeah, yeah. The craziest are like the South American people that were probably Nazis.

Like that's a thing where there's like the blonde hair, blue eyed people. And they're like, oh yeah, I'm from like, uh, where was it Bolivia? Where did like the Nazis like, Argentina? Yeah, Argentina. Everybody's like, dude. Yeah, you should not be, uh, that's not good. You should kill yourself. The only, I don't know, but that because you can't control it.

Like, I probably had some very racist ancestors. I'm like, I don't know. I mean, I'm right. I'm German. So it's like if you come from Germany, you're either, what, you ran away from there or you're a Nazi? What were the two options? You tell us, dude.

I don't know. I should do some research, I guess. Yeah, yeah. That'd be funny. Yeah, you're German and Nazi also. Yeah, yeah. It goes without saying. Yeah, yeah.

I remember Sicilian. Everyone was like, oh, you're Italian. Well, it's like, yeah. But, like, Sicily wanted to secede from Italy for forever. They don't even want to be part of Italy. So it's like almost like they wanted to create two governments. That's why the Kosoostra, the mafia, infiltrated. in Sicily it's almost like that was their own government.

Yeah, yeah. That's where the mob comes from, Sicily? Oh, really? So, like, northern Italy and everything like that, like, it's very, very, very different. Like, northern Italians have, like, light hair. Yeah, yeah. And the real Italian are Sicilian.

Well, the Sicilians are darker, dark skin. Yeah, the ones you see in New Jersey. Yeah, those are Sicilian. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But also, like, any, like, if you go back any, it's like we have ancestors that were cave people that were for sure raping and throwing rocks to each other.

You know what I mean? Like there's just not good stuff. The glory days. Yeah. If only we could go back. That must have been a wild time. That's what I was thinking. Like walking around here,

you see all these buildings and all like these historic buildings. Like I wonder if the people knew at the time they were making that shit. Like they were just living. They weren't thinking about like history and stuff. Like the way we have so much time to like reflect on shit. Oh yeah. They were just fucking living, fucking getting diseases, dying.

It must have been like chaos. There's no news. There's 30 years they were here much to have just been fucking wild. Yeah, that had to be crazy and some of these times were like you didn't even know what the president looks like.

You're like, I heard he thinks cool stuff. Yeah. That's your only references. Right. Just think about how fast news travels today compared to like how things traveled back in the 20s or even like the early 1900s, like people didn't know shit.

Yeah, yeah. And you had like three jobs. You were like a blacksmith or a fucking carpenter. Yeah, yeah. It was a lot of just like building shit. Yeah, what did like a But what did an idiot like us do? Yeah, it would be fucked.

Comedy, dude. Yeah, there's no fucking, there was no like discovering yourself back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Self-reflection. Yeah, I feel like I had some childhood trauma. People be like, yeah, dude. Everybody was fucking horrible. We came over around a fucking boat.

Like, there was pedophiles and shit running around then. Nobody gave a shit. Everybody gave a fuck. Like, literally, it was like, it was like, it's true. It was like normal. What do you mean? Everyone was a pedophile? Dude, if you were like 25, 200.

years ago you were banging a 15 year old woman that's just how it worked yeah yeah that's i mean you'd be like 25 she's too old she probably can't even have a kid yeah yeah you should be fucking that child over there that's like what the mentality was yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah probably like 14 but like yeah probably 15 i'm sure they didn't draw the line i'm sure they didn't have like a line of decency like if she was hot and right yeah if she was hot and or not even hot if she was just ready to fuck yeah yeah yeah she was having a kid she's old enough to crawl she's in the right position yeah they just need to make her heard that one they needed to make more people

so they were just like yeah well as soon as we can make more people I read like in medieval times there was an age of consent but it was higher for men than women so like men would have to wait because they go through puberty later till they were like 16 to have sex and then women could have sex like 12

but weren't they fucking all the young boys at that time too yeah yeah for sure yeah just the priests so it's like we get to fuck you but you don't get to fuck until you're 17 that's the picture you should have next to this is a priest fucking a boy no just a priest with the young boy that would really What if they drew that?

Nailed a picture. What if Michael Angelo drew that? Yeah. Because it was probably so normal back then. They didn't realize anything was wrong with it. Especially like Greece. Like I talked to somebody who was like, homosexuality is a new thing. I'm like, what are you talking about?

It's like the Spartans were gay. Gayest. The gayest. And then like... Roving bath houses. Yeah, yeah. We're gay. In Greece, I remember we had to like a Greek debate class and somebody had to take the side of like

this philosopher that was like banging kids. Because like you had to like pick a side. It was like Greek debate. So it'd be like, I don't remember. Socrates, like, one of them were like, and they had to be like, Socrates, although sleeps with the boys, he gives them knowledge because you have to like... It's a fair exchange. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, the teacher who taught that had to be a better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's like, guys, I don't think that was in a lesson anyway. There's two sides to every story. What do we think, guys? Come on, he's not all bad. Yeah, that's the thing that for sure, the college professor is for sure, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What, the students?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. that's all less weird because they're like... I mean, it's almost like, what's the point of being a college professor? I'm not going to fuck the chicks. Yeah.

Indiana Jones was doing that, right? Was he? I remember in one of the movies, all the students wanted to fuck him. But was he giving it to them? I assume. Off camera, he was. Not on the script.

Not in the script, but... I never banged the lunch lady. I remember that in college. Stop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lunch lady in college? I mean, she was like, to be fair, she was a student.

that worked at a cafeteria. Oh, come on, dude. That doesn't count. I'm thinking like a 70-year-old. Yeah, yeah, that's... I have the ultimate story for you about that. Yeah, let's hear this. All right.

It's funny that you say that because when I was in high school, my senior year of high school, we had this like, you know, the lunch monitors and stuff like that. She wasn't like the lunch lady that was serving sloppy Joe was like the lady you fucked.

But we have this lunch monitor. She was just like walk around and like she was so hot. And like, of course the rumors start to fly. Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, she's a, here on like everyone would talk. She's, she's a hooker and she's here doing community service.

And we're like, you know, people start. That is a hilarious idea. They're like, yeah, this hooker needs to work in a school. That rumor starts to fly. And it's like, you know, you're like, well, like, did you hear that? Like, whatever. And you don't realize how fucking stupid that is. Anyways, she was a smoke show, dude.

This was back in 99 when I graduated. And she was always like so sweet. Like she would always like come over to our table. Like my group of friends. Like we were all like athletes. So she would all like, you know, not flirt with us. But like, looking back, she kind of was. She would always be like, like, like,

She knew what she was doing. She's so handsome. Like, you know, pinch your cheeks kind of shit. And she was back then, she must have been in her, she must have been in her 30s back then, you know. But anyways, like, after I graduated high school, I worked in this job, uh, selling furniture at a high-end furniture store. And, uh, you know, wear a suit every day.

You know what I mean? Like, whatever. Who's the guy, uh, West End Caleb or someone that was fucking all the, do you ever hear this story? No. That's an interject. That's interject. Thanks for interrupting my awesome story with your story.

Your stupid fucking... The furniture made me think of it. There was a guy around here that worked at some high-end furniture store and he was just fucking every old woman, like older woman that came in here. This looks like a nice couch. And then he got out of it.

And then he got exposed on like TikTok or something. That's hilarious. Here's Caleb the furniture guy, fucking my grandma. I don't know if they were that old. They were just like milfs that kept coming in there. How was that exposed? He sounds just like a cool guy.

Yeah. Yeah, people were at it. Dream. He got famous. So you were him before. Yeah. Before it was cool. I was like, so like, I worked this job.

I was probably like, I was like 23 at the time. And, uh, I remember one night we went out after work and we went to this like, uh, I'm saying night. It wasn't a nightclub. It was just like a local bar that was like higher end. And we were there and like having drinks at the bar and like these four women come in. And like, at first like you're not thinking anything up. You're like, these ladies look familiar.

one of them was my assistant principal from high school who we used to terrorize and we egg this woman's house we fucking keyed her car I think we gave her a nervous breakdown a nice nagged yeah we were nagging her at the time torture this woman and the other one

the other two were like administrators in the school and then the other one was I'm not going to say her name the lunch monitor yeah yeah and I was like holy shit and like you know we're taught and she comes over and she's like is that brand and true so and I'm like yeah oh my god hey what's going on like we start talking or whatever and I'm like

I'm like licked up like you know what I'm saying so we're like not I'm like flirting with her back and forth but I'm not realizing like she's flirting back and then we I go outside to smoke a cigarette and she's she's a little because we were doing shots together I mean like half hour 45 minute goes by we're like you know she's a little fucked up too and like where I'm outside smoking a cigarette and she's like really like getting close to me and stuff I'm like holy shit is this I'm like fucking bang this lady right this is crazy you're fucking better her. She's like, how did you get here? And I was like, oh, like, just I'm like, this right when I bought my first brand new truck, the time I bought it in Infinity QX4, I was so pumped about it. It was a gorgeous

car. And I was like, oh, you want to like see it? And she's like, yeah, see it. Like, we go in the car. And we, she sits down the car. She starts making out with me. I'm like, in my head, I'm like, this is the greatest fucking. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know what I mean? So, like, we're going at it or whatever. And, uh, we didn't end up fucking because I'm, I remember, I remember, I don't remember how long we were in there, but like, we hooked up. Quebec's like, why is this a story? We hooked up. Make something up for the podcast, dude.

No, we didn't end up fucking. But anyways, so fast forward years go by, right? And I start, I'm talking, this is probably about like seven years ago. I end up not dating. We meet this girl. We're talking. We met at a bar and then like, we ended up like seeing each other a couple times after that. we ended up having, we fucked a bunch of times.

Things didn't work out with her and I. Then she actually got pissed to me because I was like still involved with my ex-girlfriend. And she reached out to me maybe like a year after. She's like, hey, sorry that that didn't work out about us. I didn't mean to get pissed at you. Like, you know, I'm sorry. I just really liked you. Blah, blah, blah.

This is the lunch lady. No, no, no. The girl I was seeing. Yeah. And she sends me a Facebook request. And I was like, I'm like, I never really went through her Facebook. You know what I mean? So I'm starting to go through her Facebook.

I'm like, oh yeah, like, I'm like, she was really cute. Like, how come it didn't work out with her and I? Like, I'm going to her Facebook and I like, stop on this one picture. And I'm like, holy shit. That's her fucking mom. She was the lunch monitor's daughter. No way. Whoa.

And nothing pissed me up. That is crazy. Yeah, dude. Whoa. That was a nice twist. I was like, where's this going? I'm like, oh, this is good. And I was so mad at myself at that moment, fucking 15 years past.

that moment with that lunch mom. I'm like, I could have had a mom daughter. Yeah, that would have been crazy. Do they ever know about it? Do they ever find out about each other? No, but there's a couple people that know of the story. Like, friends I was in high school. This has to get out.

We have to send this story to that. Yeah, what's her name? I can't say. I can't say it. You have to complete the cycle, dude. We'll get the mom back. How old do you think the mom is now? I found out, like, recently she has a sister who's hotter than her.

Dude, you guys actually the whole family. That would be hilarious. The tri-factor. dude, that'd be incredible. You'd have to. That's a documentary on Netflix, too. I forget what that is. Oh, yeah, the guy like fucks a whole family.

Yeah, and then he just, and then the dad telling a story. Yeah. And then he made me jerk a mark. Like, dude, when does that ever happen? You were a grown man. So that was like, that was like, uh, like an unknown conquest that was like wooden epiphany. And I remember when I found that out, I called all my friends that were there.

Then I was like, yo, remember that night at the bar when so and so came in. And they were like, Yeah, dude, I remember that was crazy because I was, like, so pumped after that happened. Like I said, I didn't fuck her, but we hooked up. And I was like, oh, my God,

Shuso hooked up with the fucking lunch monitor. And then I was like, dude, and I fucked her daughter! Yeah, yeah. You got a type, dude, you know? They have a type, actually, I guess. They must love Sicilians. Must, dude.

They were Italian, too. That is a pretty good, pretty good story. Yeah, you should reach out to the mom so you can complete that session. Yeah. Come back on the next podcast. She's in a wheelchair now, though.

That's fine. I'm just kidding. She might be. Michael, good look to me. He was like, yeah, I was like,

you still gotta do it. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder, you know, the wheelchair that has like bottom half

like cut off but then they're still like fuck me, either though I can't feel the bottom half. Not cut off. I'm sure. I'm sure.

I thought you were saying bottom half cut off, top half not working. That's not a person. That's just like a, but like, they might want it more at that point. But they can't get wet probably, right?

Because they can't. if you can't feel your lower half. Yeah, but it's like, if you couldn't feel your ass, like maybe I'd have fun down there. Maybe I'd let my buddies fuck my ass if I couldn't feel it. If they wanted to, you just want to be a good friend. You're such a good friend. If you're going to get anything from this podcast, it's that.

Maybe I will just let my buddies fuck my ass if I couldn't feel anything. That's a good friend. It's not, yeah, I can't feel the dick of my ass. Yeah, I can feel it. But if you guys want it, if you're bored. And we got nothing else. And we ran out of shit to talk about. Why not?

Get back on the couch and they hit some dead air. He's like, yeah, no, I guess, uh, yeah. You want to fuck my ass? I know, I know what time it is. I can't feel it if you want to just stick something in there. Yeah, you got a bed post, use that if you want. Anytime a conversation runs dry, I'm just like, well, I know what time this is.

I have to offer somebody. I picture you're just like scrolling on Instagram. There's just, like, sweaty guy. Oh, who. Just fucking you, you almost done back there. Dude. Wow. We all started with the nuns.

Make all the noises and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Look how far we've got. It's started with the nuns. That's what this whole thing is based on. Yeah. It's a good rant. Get back. It's like funny jokes. Not real. When in doubt, make a gay joke. 100%. It's always funny. Because butts are funny. Sex is funny. But sex is funny.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Lesbian sex isn't funny though. Like gay sex is only funny if it's two dudes. My girlfriend is very sensitive. to that topic, because I guess she had a boyfriend that, like, really, I probably, I don't know if I should say this, but whatever, they're from a different country. Yeah, because they don't understand context. Yeah. I had a boyfriend that, like, turned, like, might have been gay or whatever.

So every time I make a joke, like, oh, I was blowing this dude, she, like, doesn't like. That's the reason why she doesn't like it. Every time I make a joke, I'm blowing a dude. Anytime I go out, like, we went to the movies the other night. She's like, why do you? Why would you do that? I was like, I don't know, there's just a bunch of dudes at the movie. She's like, I don't know.

She's kind of gay. I'm like, yeah. It's super gay. I'm like, yeah, I'm just going to see Topgoe with a bunch of my shirtless guy friends. What's the problem? But yeah, that's the one thing she's sensitive. It is like anxiety provoking for her. She's like, fuck.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I hope she doesn't watch this and see what you said right before we started talking about it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She'll eat that up. Yeah. But yeah, that's like one thing that I think a lot of chicks are like

sensitive too. Not my girl. I constantly, I'm like, I'm going to go fuck a dude in the mouth. And she's like, have fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But if you did it, then they would be very upset. I think my girlfriend would still think it was a joke.

Like, I think if she walked on me fucking a dude, she's like, really, for the bit, you had to do this. You gotta go to the whole nine yards, huh? She's like, couldn't you just written a good joke? Why do you have to fucking, yeah, you have to be a method actor. Yeah, you fucking. Yeah, I don't think they like, I don't think they like that. When you cheat on them with a dude.

No, but other way around genuinely does not bother me. I don't think it would, but I've never had it happen. That is true. Wait, what? My girlfriend. If she was like, if she was like, I want to hook up with chicks and then started to. I thought about it a couple times. It's like something that, like, I mean, think about it this way.

If you don't love, then obviously I'll be like very mad. If you're with. Yeah. I mean, like, I think like at that time too where you're like invested with somebody like that long, like you kind of know what their like likes are and if they are into that at whatsoever anyways. if it's like teetering on that like and you get like down the road and then like she's like hey you know like I really like to explore with another woman then that's like a conversation to be happy like if you didn't

know anything about it and she kept that from you and that ended up happening then I would be like maybe there's just a little deception with this person yeah yeah yeah yeah then I would be affected by it you know what I mean that's that's that's that's it's slippery slope too because girls she falls in love with a girl that that would be hard because you're like all right well this girl because then she kept it from you yeah that's where that's where the deceit comes then it's like Like, okay, well, I kept it from you because I didn't know, like, what your response would be or I didn't know how you felt about it. It's like, well, that's just a lack of communication and you're, you lied by omission. Yeah, yeah.

You know, like, so that's why I would genuinely be mad if she was like, I, so she was like, I want to make out another girl. I would be like, yeah, cool. But if she was like, I made out with another girl, then that's almost different because I'm like, oh, you didn't ask how I felt about this beforehand. And I would also, like, I don't know, like, if she'd like, do you want to partake it? How dare you do this without me watching? Yeah. If she's like, do you want to partake in it? I'd be like, yes.

but my level in involvement needs to be discussed here. Like, I'm not going to sit in a corner like a cuck and watch fucking sit. I'm violently jack off. I'm going to control the show. I'm the director here. I'm the puppet master. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I can't jerk off to it after the fact. I can't jerk off to the story about it. I don't get me wrong. Like, everybody's different. There are some people that, like, I do just want to watch and I do want to be dominated. And it's like, that's just not me though. I want to, like, I want to be the director.

Yeah. I'd be worried the girl. She starts. cooking up with is just better, just knows her better. Because, like, girls, they are. Girls would know each other better and she could just manipulate the shit out of it. By that same token, I bet you a dude handjob is like incredible. What do you mean?

Get a hand job from a dude. You know how to do it better. What do you mean you bet it's incredible? You know damn well. If somebody had a gun to my head and they said, who's going to give a better hand job? I would say a man. No, girls are more gent. Guys would just be rough and fucking.

Because when you're jerking off your own dick, you're not like being sensual about it. You're just being aggressive about it. That's true. And I guess a hand job, when somebody else's hand on your dick, it's a different pace than your own hand. Right. Because, like, I'll fucking, especially, dude,

I've gotten hindricked off and I'm just like violently beating it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that gets violent. But like, somebody else says that. You're like, whoa, easy. Like, my first hand job of the girl is squeezing, like, pulsing it. That's pretty cool. No, it was horrible.

I was like, what do you do? Now that'd be cool because it's like, oh, this is different. Some chicks just have no idea, man. Like, there was this girl that I was so attracted to for so long back home. and like you know like she you didn't really she was like really really attractive but it's like I never like inquired on her like sexual you know life like you know what I'm saying like she was just kind of like this pretty girl that like everyone's like oh she's hot like and then like at some point you're like is anyone fucking this girl like no one never knew if anybody was like sleeping with her yeah and then she started

dating somebody that like we all knew and like he was like a respectable guy and like you're like oh they're just like they probably just have very vanilla like sex life you know what I'm saying but then like I remember one time like hearing from a guy that dated her before she started dating this guy and he was like dude well good luck for him and i'm like dude tell me like you slept with her like what's what's you he's like she's the worst bro like she was so vanilla like she would make me come in my hand so it didn't get on her sheets oh yeah that's and right when i heard that i was like i have no interest in this girl whatsoever ever again well dude yeah i'll hear the same thing about like i knew this one guy and he's like i only jerk off into

the toilet because i don't want to get on my hands i'm like oh too you can't be a neat freak and jerking off. They don't go together. There's people out there that don't walk. It doesn't like into a jar or like seals it. You got to put aside your need to be neat at that point. Yeah. I had a one night stand with a girl one time though.

I was like, don't get it out in my shit. I'm like, shut the fuck up. Yeah, dude, that's the worst. But they're like, oh, don't come. It's like, what are you talking about? What are we doing here? What do we want me to do? Hold it in?

Yeah, yeah, it was the whole point of doing. It's called coming because stuff's coming out. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I mean, it takes like, one. YouTube tutorial to know how to give a hand job. It shouldn't be that difficult. I don't know if you think YouTube?

I'm sure. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Well, I for sure looked up how to finger chicks online. Did you really? Yeah, there's like a how to. You want to be good at it. You don't want to be it.

I mean, when I learned how to do all that stuff, man, the internet wasn't even around. Yeah. We would just talk about it amongst everybody. I think my brother told me a little bit like, do you'd like to come here motion. I'm like, yeah, that's cool. But I think I looked a little more to like learn about like clicks. I remember when my buddy was the first one to finger someone at all of us.

I'm like, yo, where, like, what did you do? And he's like, dude, it was so, like, slippery, dude. He's like, then there's this thing that's, like, hard. You want to touch that. Yo, and good thing for that guy, because women are always like, men can't find the could. I'm like, well, my buddy Adam knew where it was.

That's why we're good at it. You know what I mean? I remember the first time I did it, I was like, down there. I was like, I'm going to go down there with my face. I were pro. I think my first time fingering, I think I accidentally went in the girl's asshole a little bit because I did it from behind, like, I was making out. Because it was like a high school makeout.

Yeah, yeah. Under the skirt because she was like a cheerleader. And then it was like, I got some asshole. And everybody tried to give me shit for it. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. Did you accidentally finger girl's ass? No, you did. You got some shit.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. You literally got some shit. Just high-fiving all my buddies. They're like, ew, what is that fucking? And she didn't say anything? No, I don't think I went deep in there.

But I think I was like, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, you know. You have an asshole. You know if something's going near there. You're like, you like it. So she was just a whore, dude. Yeah, yeah, to be fair, she was probably like, yeah, no, I'm not going to like. She was experimental. Keep going.

Maybe she was into it. Yeah. Yeah, she probably, yeah, probably could have fit more than one finger in there. Well, next time you finger a cheerleader, you'll know. Is it in the car? No, it was like behind, like, the tennis courts at the school. Oh. Yeah, dude.

High school hookups are the best. Yeah, this is middle school. When you left, she sat on the tennis net post. She's like, yeah, I need to be full. She went on the way in. She went on to become Serena William. Yeah, that girl ended up being crazy. There's a story about her, like, cutting somebody's brakes or something.

If she's cutting breaks, she's 100% likes it in the ass. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's no. Who's cutting people's breaks doesn't get ass fucked. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you like risks. You like danger. Come on, dude. Taking chances.

Yeah. Yeah, that's great. That's like murder, by the way. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's literally basically murder. Cutting somebody's breaks. Yeah, that's fucking insane. That's insanity.

Yeah. Two kids are murdered in my high school. I always forget about that. Really? If you were like any crazy Florida stories and a lot of things are just so normal, do you? You're like, yeah, now, everybody has kids that gets murdered at their high school.

Really? Dude, that's crazy. Yeah, it's fucked up. These guys, they bought, like, guns from, like, I think the story, I'm gonna butcher the story, and there's probably somebody that knows them listening that's gonna be like, you piece of shit their memory. But this is how fucked up it was.

They got murdered. I think there was like a arms deal or something like that, gone wrong, they got murdered, and they burned them in, like, a storage shed. And then they took their bodies and threw them on, like, trail, like a running trail, which very stupid. Yeah. The guy who seems pretty common

for murder. That's crazy. This was in your high school? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How have they not made a documentary about this yet? Because that's like the most normal thing that happened in my high school. It's that, you know what, though? Like, showing up to school that day and you guys finding out about that? Were you there? So I didn't know the kids. But I weren't in school at the time.

No, no, I was. I was. I just didn't know the kids because we had a very big high school. So like, I think... Really, dude. See, in my school, we fucking knew. I was... Yeah, I knew. My graduating class was, I think, well, We had the lowest, we had the highest incoming freshman class and the lowest graduated class. We were fucking degenerates. But I think my brother's class was like 925 for his class. And then mine was so like, we had a lot too, man.

But I could see, my high school was crazy. We all were like friendly with one another. Like there was, I mean, there was bullies at some level. But like the bullies were outcast. Like they weren't like, you know, and people weren't like scare. You know what I'm saying? Like, because like I was, I was the athletes were friends with like the geeks and the geeks. You know what I'm saying?

Like the stoners were friends with the athletes. like all mixed. It was like Pleasantville. Almost. Everybody gets me. Everyone was friendly for the most part. See, for us it was like you're either, I feel like you just had to be cool in one way or another, but like, I don't know.

The athlete, it was like the athletes and the stoners all got along and stuff like that. I mean, for the most part, there was a little bit of fights here and there. But I think there still were people that were outcast. But like, then there was these, I'm pretty sure these kids like were like in, like they like lit a cat on fire or something. Yeah, that's crazy, dude. They were like wild kids. And it was, yeah.

One of my friends, she like, knew him though. And because where we came in class and then my friends were, I was like crying and I'm like shit and she's like oh yeah I was like friends of those guys you're like damn that's not good yeah so that makes florida florida dude if you guys didn't have fucked up high schools I'd be like how is everybody getting all fucked up out there yeah yeah yeah but it makes sense that they're just breathing insanity we didn't really have fuckups yeah yeah yeah you know what I mean like no one like nobody was bullied was bullying in our school I mean it happened like here and there but like I don't know maybe I was because I was like in like the athlete

the athletes and like the fun groups but like like I said like there was clicks but it wasn't like clicks to like we're here, you're down here. It was like, where'd this click and this is this the... Oh, yeah, that's what like for us. Like the only bullying that would happen would be within a squad if somebody had an issue of somebody else in the same friend. You know what I mean? It's like, if people were all in the same friend group and then some guy like fuck somebody's girlfriend, they'd be like, fuck this guy and everybody would

either pick a side on it. And that would be bullying in a sense, they'd be like nah, fuck you, bitch, you know, you're not cool anymore. Something like that. I want to be like, nobody would just come with the most innocent guy, be like, hey, fuck face, I'm gonna kick your ass. You know what I mean? It's like that wouldn't happen. Louis has a bit about that he's like my high school wasn't bullying it was just kids beating the shit out of the shit.

That's kind of like what mine was like too. It's like, yeah, we just had fights and fights at high school were the greatest thing ever. We had some sick ones. I remember when people got in fights and it was planned and everybody was showing. That's what I got in a lot of those. Really?

That's three or four of them. You're big, I think you probably kick some ass, right? What was it over? I mean, to be honest with you, like, when I was younger, like, I guess there was like, when I played sports, like, I was like the backup quarterback because the coach's son was the starter and like I played you know I was the fuck up I was always like joking around like you know what I mean like so like I played sports like I was

on the teams but I wasn't like this like next level athlete you know what I mean like I didn't really like it to showcase like what I would want to and that kind of like resonated with me a little bit like made me bitter and like so when there were like argument and arguments but when there were like when that would come to the surface within the team like it would spark bullshit like we would you know you'd get pissed or like someone said something like oh i'm going to fight this kid and like that happened a lot and uh i was i was on the varsity football team as a freshman which i probably looking back shouldn't have done because i was you know i was a kid you know what i wanted to be on the team you know and like i was good enough to be on the team but i wasn't gonna play

but i was i guess bullied a hazed and that pissed me off and i used my mouth yeah a lot and it caused a lot bullshit and like yeah like i mean i'm i got into a fight one time real bad that i almost got kicked off the team because i fucking he won stuck up for myself like in the locker room and i was like i'm not gonna put you know what i'm saying and this kid was like he wasn't like he was older than me but he wasn't like bigger than me and it was just something where i was like yeah i'm not gonna fucking put up with that like i remember we got off we were done with practice i came in the locker room and they threw all my uh all my clothes in the pool ah dad that's that's a big And it was something when I came back into the locker room.

I was like, yo, and they were all like, I knew who did it because they were all like snickering. And like I just like walk by and like they, he was standing at his locker like, he had this like shit eating grin on his face. He was like standing at his locker. And I just like went behind his locker and like he like looked back and I just took the locker and I smashed it right in his face. Oh shit. Yeah. And then that started this huge thing. And like we were all like fighting.

He's oh, fucking meet me over at the fucking thing after school. And I was like, all right, cool, dude. And I did. And like everybody shows. up. Yeah. Everyone showed up. And it was just,

we all, like, went there. And, like, I just, like, walked up to him. And he's like, looos. And I just fucking punched him in the face again. I was like, how many times I'm going to have to hit you? Yeah, yeah. You know? But then I got in trouble for that.

And then the coach, like, comes in and defend you and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I remember them treating me like shit because, like, I didn't start. You know, they mean they were just like, you don't, you don't. Yeah. You don't play. And you don't play and you do this again. You're just going to fucking. Yeah.

They're taking aside of the better athlete in that case. like, you know, the next year. Then you kind of, everybody becomes friends, and it's like water under the bridge and stuff like that. Yeah, we've seen Remember the Titans. Yeah, somebody dies. Yeah, I, I, uh, those were the funest to watch

because I never gotten, like, any of those high school fights. I got in, like, middle school fights, and then I've been in bar fights as, like, an adult, just, like, breaking stuff up. It's, like, never, like, really. Actually, I don't know. Month ago, I punched somebody pretty, and whatever. Anyways.

But, but, but, why aren't we talking about that? She's neither here nor there. Yeah. Yeah. We don't have to worry about her anymore. But the best is going to those fights and knowing you're like, bro, I'm not really that close with either of these guys.

I'm just going to watch these kids beat the shit out of each other. We had a couple of those on like a golf course, and you're just watching, like, oh, I don't need to get involved in any of this. Because I'm like, I'm kind of friends with both of them. I don't really care. They're going to like me at the end of the fight. I'm just watching two dudes.

It's almost like watching a porn with someone you know. It adds a level of excitement to it. It adds a level of excitement to it. Looking back, those are a lot. That's such a strong. stressful thing. Like I, because I remember when I like,

I remember this one kid like, because I said about I was in a couple of them. I remember one time at the cafeteria. Like I missed. This was my first same thing. First year and this one, I missed a bunch of practices. My grandmother passed away and it was like the first death.

Yeah. Yeah. And the family and I was really like, it hit me hard. And I missed practice like probably, I think it was like two weeks in a row. And like coming back and I was back in the swing of things and I was sitting at the thing.

And I remember like talking some of the thing. I was like, well, yeah, no, like, I wasn't there. Like, that's why, oh, I fucked up something in, in practice when I came back. And I remember being, like, I was, like, defending myself at the table. I was like, yeah, well, you missed it because you weren't here for two weeks. Like, you were, like, something happened with, like, your grandma died or something. And I was like, yeah, my fucking grandma died. And, like, I remember him, I got so mad that he said that.

I'm like, I'm going to fucking kick your ass after. And he's like, oh, yeah, meet me at Farber Lane. That was the place where everyone was going to far because it was off school grounds. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to fucking meet you there. I'm going to keep the time. So great that you guys knew how to like plan a fight. That's how it worked though. And then everybody picks sides.

Oh, see, we had a lot of mutuals. I was like, dude, I would just root for a good fight. This guy, this guy, self-in weed. I remember it would always be over a chick, too, and the chick was like never attracted. It would be like, this is what you guys are fighting over? This would be great. I remember I was like supposed to fight a guy over a girl and I was just like, you can have her. I don't care.

I don't care. What girl do you want to fuck about that? She's like, you're the winner. You're like, I am the winner. Yeah, I can't believe. Yeah, because, like, the girl's not going to, like, choose who wins. Like, she's already made up her mind. Oh, for sure.

Or she just wants to fuck multiple guys, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a girl. My favorite is one of my friends gave me shit with my grandma died. He's dead now. Fucking, yeah, that's what happens. You make fun of my grandma. Don't let that happen.

Yeah. But it was so funny because he said to me, he's like, crazy. The guy I thought was dead, too. Man, don't, don't talk shit about somebody's grandma. I'll find out what happens. He's about to be dead. Yeah. You were, what were you saying?

Who knows? I don't know why I lost. Something profound. You said you're, Oh, about fighting over a girl. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's always, yeah, I remember one. He's like, the dude said the lamest thing we about to punch her.

He's like, that's like, that's not how you treat her or something like that. Dude, it really is when you're that age, all you know is like movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just throw out movies. You know, movie lines. And you're fighting over chicks and you don't even know why. And it's like the girl's not even attractive. And you're just like, yeah.

I remember that that fight that I got into with that kid, like we went to the fucking, it was, it wasn't that day that we set it up. This is hilarious story. I actually can't believe I just remember this. So I remember saying that I'm going to kick your ass and whatever. Like, let's meet up. We'll tomorrow. And I remember I went home. And I told my mom of my parents about it.

I was like, yeah, you said this. You know, when you're like, because you're looking for justification. I'm going to fight this fucking kid. Like, do I have just. for that, you know what I'm saying? And my mom's, you know, just be careful. It's like, you know, because everyone, the family was upset about it. I was like, you know, this is, it was over principle.

Right. Yeah. This kid disrespected me in front of everybody and I want to fight him. And I just remember, like, telling my mom about it and her being like worried and like, you know, it's like the next day. I'm like, well, it's tomorrow after school. It's like this, you know, everyone's on my side. And my friends would come over.

My friends came over to the house. Like, you know, he did disrespect him a little bit. You know what I mean? And it's like, you know, he's got justification for slapping this kid around. So I remember like the next day it was it was after school. Like everybody's like, yeah, and word gets around. So if it's going to get around to your friends, it's going to get around to the teachers too. You know what I mean? So it's like, but that we thought in our minds how stupid we are like it can't happen. They can't do anything if it's off school grounds, right?

Because then the police get involved. Yeah, yeah, right? It's out of their jurisdiction. So I remember like everybody heard of people are walking over like right to the to the place. And I'm walking over. And it's like a boxing match. You're like, you're walking. You're like, where is he? Like, just get me in fun of him. And I remember, like, the crowd converges around. It makes it harder for, like, the teachers and stuff to get around. And I remember the teachers finally got through before, like, anything could really happen,

like, right before we were ready to go after one. That's the best case scenario. The teacher grabbed me. Teacher grabs another, him, whatever. And I turn and I see in the corner, I see my grandmother, my other, on my dad's side. Oh, I thought you saw the one that was dead. Yeah, I thought you saw a vision of her. Kick his fucking ass.

That fucking pushy. My mom called my dad's mom and was like, you know, make sure Brandon's okay. And I remember I saw her in the morning. Was she going to break up the fight? She's like an old lady getting in there. My grandmother came to a fight. That I was supposed to be in. But anyways, I remember so.

When that all, like, everybody disperses, everybody runs, right? And I remember, like, everybody ran into the- grandma, just got a walker. Everybody ran into the school, right? Everybody ran into the school. I, like, run through the front doors. And, like, I came around the corner and I run. He was right in front of me, the kid.

Oh, shit. And I just ran up and I punched him in the back of the fucking head. Like right to the side from behind him. And that's how I got in trouble. Still, you got to. Wait, what did your grandma do whenever he was running away? No, it was like, I saw her. Like, she didn't come up to us.

I saw her, like, in the distance. Like, she was like, in the car. She was like in the car. She was like your grandma. It really is like a movie, dude. Like the whole town comes out. The whole town comes out. They're all like clapping and shit.

But my mom told my, my grandmother. She's like, Remember the secret I told you? Yeah. And then you like put a blindfold on and like kick his ass. Like misses me on. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Remember what I taught you as a young Italian lad. You guys break out into a musical. Yeah. She came with a fucking like a wooden spoon and used this. If you need. We're about, by way,

that's like an hour. Is there anything you guys want to promote? We're about to end. Let's promote. I'm going to promote bum fights. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

We need to stimulate the economy somehow and paying homeless people to fight each other. I think we should start doing more fighting. We should have. We should have a fight. We should set up like a... I'm surprised it doesn't have a... A. A.

I'm surprised it doesn't have a... Different clubs have a set up a boxing match or a fight. Who do you think would win? And what? I don't know. It would depend on who we throw out there. You'd get to... I'd be in the featherweight.

I feel like me against another featherweight, I could win. If you took all the comics to perform at most clubs, who has the most jacked performers? Jacked performers? I don't know. It depends. Who would... Who's the toughest comic?

I mean, that we all know? I mean, not that we know. Joe Rogan would have. No, no, no. I thought we were talking. Yeah, the toughest comic that we know, if we, like,

set up, like, a fight with all of them. Like, I'm trying to think of who I would think would, like, whoop some ass. Phil? Well, it depends on... Phil was, like the first one. But he's in a heavy way. He's got to fight another heavyweight.

That's tough. I think our best chance is throw me against a feather weight. Throw me against a chick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I could get down to, like, a hundred... Chris versus Shed. If I can get down to, like, 113 pounds, I think we, I think we'd have a chance.

against another 113 pounder, you know. I don't know. Who else weighs 100, I mean, no, no, no, there's plenty. You versus Mario, Bosco? Oh, my God. I don't even know. All right, we're not going to be good. We do you guys want to promote besides bum fights,

bumfights, comic fights. Comic fights. Yeah, no, just my social media, just my name, at Brandon Trusoe, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok. All right, sweet. Yeah. Chris Kinback.

Same. You just started so insecure. That's my email. We have a mutual account. You can follow us both on. Chris and Brandon, like a couple. Give it the truth. He's got more followers anyway.

You'll know me when it's time to know. You'll know me when it's time to know.