Morning Good - The Muscle Comics - Episode 221

Episode Date: May 19, 2024

From Austin, Texas, Chrisophe Jean, Captain Wright, and Jake Ricca join the show for today's episode. They talk about getting hit on by Uber drivers, Jake Ricca's lunch lady heritage, and everyone does their best Michael Good impression.Thanks again to Jake, Captain, and Christophe for coming back on the show. Check them out at their links below for more funny stuff and catch them live in Austin or on the road.Christophe Jean is on Instagram @chrisjeanofficial and hosts the Rough Week Show podcast. Captain Wright is on Instagram @captain.wright and has live comedy out on YouTube as well. Jake Ricca is on Instagram @jakericca and has a podcast with fellow Florida comic and former guest, Joe Censabella, called Cup of Jokes.Also check out "Get Good" on Jake Ricca's YouTube featuring Christophe, Joe, and a bunch of other Orlando comics.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. Are you recording? It's been recording. What the hell? I guess we'll start it just right here. Good.

All right here with Captain Wright, Christof, Gene, and Jake Rick. Yeah. We're throwing on the pawn stars. Yeah. Pawn to the background right now. I kind of like the idea of us being completely silent, but just occasionally commenting on the pod store. Like, it's basically not a fuck. Yeah.

Just watching us watching it. That's more valuable than I thought. Oh, my cousin had one of those a couple of years ago. The funco pop? Yeah. Which kind of Funko Pop? I thought you meant the Asian guy. Yeah.

Why is it a special Funko Pop? It's a mystery. It's been licensing deals with over 200 brands, including... I mean, but that's such a... You can just have, like, a box of diarrhea. How do you know that much? Yeah. You could have a box of diarrhea and be like, yo, this was Hitler.

diarrhea. Yeah. And then they'd have to be like, I have to call on a diarrhea and Hitler expert. Oh, you don't believe me? Taste test it.

Yeah, yeah, I have to call him a diarrhea Hitler expert. Wait, no, I'm going to call the Hitler diarrhea expert. This is the diarrhea. Yeah,

the guy walks in, he's like, he's like, oh, I don't know about this. You have to call the Hitler diarrhea expert. Yeah, I'm the diarrhea. Hitler Xxed.

Yeah, yeah. I look at shapes of all diarrhea, shapes of diarrhea that look like Hitler. Sort of like a Jesus and a piece of toast scenario, but with diarrhea and Hitler.

Yeah. Well, we were like, we were talking about this, like, you could, you know how there's always those people that like fucking, they always said, this is me trying to get it on track. So we were discussing this on a different bat. But it's like, I feel like, you could always Twitter at somebody and like with like products to get fucked up. Like you always think, oh, I found this in my pizza. I found this in my thing. We're talking about just shitting in an iPhone box. There's diarrhea all in my iPhone.

Yeah. It was just like, I'm so sorry. You can do that in any products. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They literally would be like, I'm so sorry this happened to you. We're gonna send you a free eye if that was like the shrimp tails in the in the Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which was fake. I appreciate it was fake. Was that fake? I think that was fake

There's no way that would happen. This guy like yeah poured out it was cinnamon toast crunch Yeah, and he poured out a thing and then there was like shrimp tails in it and he's like there are shrimp tails in my cinnamon toast That's gross you know eight shrimp tail. I think they were just like no no no we don't we don't keep going This is why we don't do four Yeah, he just want me to talk about how he ate You eat shrimp tails in front of me. You ate shrielles? Yeah, because they're good for you.

What? They are good for you. Bullshay. I think they make you shit like blood. This must be the science couch over here. You can digest this. Yeah, it's not like a meeting. It's not like a...

Are we doing a war, us versus them? It's not like eating hard shell crick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm kind of like this. I hate this. You're in foot territory. You guys are like the skinny long hair guys. If you can read this, you're in foot range. We're like the muscle kind of.

We're like the muscle. comics. Fuck you. Sorry. No, you're fine. We're the muscle comics. He's not taking this podcast seriously at all.

He's what? He's embarrassing himself. Why? Why am I embarrassing? What was the shrimp tail there? No, keep going. Yeah, keep on. We were in shrimp cocktail.

Yeah, it was a great pit. He goes, can I have one? Thanks. It just threw the whole thing in his mouth while we were watching make. It was pretty primal. It was pretty primal. It was pretty primal. who told you was good for you?

Instagram. Liver King Liver King Yeah, Liver King told me I should eat Shrimp tails and poop Yeah Not to be too meta

But I was listening To Sebastian Manus Galco On Joe Rogan What? And it was so funny Because Sebastian was just Doing all Like telling Joe Rogan

All those like health things And he's like I've been putting He goes I'm putting the magnesium On my feet Does that do anything? Was he going like this?

Yeah He was like I'm putting magnesium on my feet Does that do anything? Yeah. Dude, my fair is we watch, have you seen that movie he made?

It was him and Robert De Niro. His father or whatever? Oh, my God. I watched my family who, and my mom is like very Italian. And we get three minutes in and we are like, this is the most dumb, getting bullshit.

My whole family's looking at each other like, what is this piece? We all, we're like, this is terrible. Like, turn it off. We all are like, we need to get this up. Because he's like,

it's my mother. And my dad. And it's like a menstrual show for Italians. He's like, and my grandpa. He's like Adam Sandlery It's kind of funny

I don't know Yeah yeah yeah Everybody's got You know Uncle Joey You're like this is Were they racist I hate that

Was it on brand Yeah They can't Yeah Yeah Oh Oh Oh

Everybody Everybody loves Mutsoralege Oh Yeah Swap between that and racism Yeah

Did they do that No No It's just dumb I mean like There comes a point where like I'm becoming like you know that black guy yes yeah negative

stuff about black guys all the time he's just like yeah we should be slaves again or like whatever he's saying like whoa no yeah like what's his name uh no no no he's his name um no he's an old black guy he's awesome oh he's like a preacher he's like a skinny no no he's like a a skinny Charles White? Something white? No, no, that guy is funny Charleston White. Charleson White. That's the guy like the eyeball that pops out, different guy. Hey, Uncle Rutgers. No, the guy? No. But there's this

old guy. I'm talking about it goes, Beda. Jesse Lee Peterson? Maybe that's his name. He's been on a lot of podcasts recently. And he's got an old black guy kind of voice like there. She's like, I just think things were better off when we were slaves. Holy shit. I am that guy, but for Italians. Like, I am, I'm, it's getting out of hand. Wait, how Italian are you? 50?

Well, I also forgot to I'm not Italian anymore I did ancestry I'm like Spanish Because Italians are What? Italians are mixed with I've renounced my Italian

Yeah Italians So the disgrace of a fucking You're like Chris for Columbus Dude yeah Well it's just like a Bukaki Of like Spanish

and Mediterranean bullshit It's not even a real culture I'm gonna get Everybody add Italians In the comments Just add all Italians Every other podcast Some fucking mob nerd

Have you seen Sorry have you seen The Italian podcast growing up Italian? Yes, the Mario Bosco. Dude, it's so fucking funny. Oh, I love Mario Bosca. It's so fucking funny.

It's like, uh, we don't say prosciutto. Who says prosciutto? No, it says prosciutto. It's Mozarel, a Mozrella. Dude, every time I see any Italian behind a microphone, I just want to fuck to kill myself. And then I think you.

Judah and melon or eggplant parmesan. Yeah. You're Italian, too. They just talk about food. Italian and Irish, and I found out recently, unfortunately, of French too. Ew.

Sacre blue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much French are you? I'm not sure. I think it's like, I'm like 98%? No, I'm like 50% like Irish, like 20-something Italian

and the rest is, the majority of the rest is French. Mostly Irish. And then a big mix of a bunch of white stuff. Jewish too, part Jewish. You. Radio, I'm kidding. Radio silence.

Is there a cricket in here? My Uber driver was like a... I will remember. You guys are putting... This is my fight song. Take back my rice. Oh, yeah, but dead ass refound. Yeah, but for real.

I'm going to edit that out of the podcast. But for real, on a lot, bro. And also, it's real, it's correct. You can cut that up and send the clip to me so I can upload it and get a lot of pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then put in the background, this is my fight song.

I keep seeing that on field. I'm like, this is so funny. It's like, fuck me in my ass. I like to be gagged and called The Dirty Girl. Free Palestine or swipe left. I'm like, this is... Yeah, no, anyone who's honestly, though, it's very...

It'd be strange to see a Zionist who likes to get choked in... Dude, there's a couple. Like... Whoa! There's a sword on John Stars. Giant Sword. Giant Sword. All right, we got to narrate to people.

So it's a giant sword. It looks real metal. It's got like a big goat on the front. Please find this video and put this in the podcast. Yeah, dude, if you can't. It's World of Warcraft. Is it World of Warcraft? Yeah.

The fact you know that is so... Fuck you, dude. I was gonna say it was cool. Okay, yeah, it is cool. We got to turn off. This is getting too distracted. Sorry. No, no.

I was fine. I was fine. Hey, who's that selling at fucking me? Starting at $5,000. You want it off? Yeah, please turn it off. Yeah, I can't. Yeah, yeah.

Can you put on a song? Is it that painful to do a podcast with me? Can you put it up, like, I'm stimming? Can you put on, like, Mr. Beasts? I got to watch Mr. Beast and listen. I'm going to pull up the crazy boys real quick. I love the crazy boys. We're the crazy boys.

Hey, we're the crazy boys. They just do like... It's children that just do trick shots. They do trick shots and then they gritty and they're like, we're the crazy boys. Like, we're the crazy boys. Of course we're going to hit a backwards three-pointer. Yeah.

At least the truth Me and my friends We wrote a camera We just do jackass And we'd be like Oh we're just gonna do jackass Yeah But that's epic as hell

Yeah that's cool I remember like a razor video phone Where it's like all these pixels Like here's me on a scooter Just like running into something Yeah I remember we did it in like the check It was like a dumb challenge

Like oh jump in those bushes Every one of my friends Like jumped in the bush And they just didn't dent the bush Yeah They just went in the bushes I jumped in just Like the whole bush

Just went in And when I got out there was just an impression of me. It's like, you're like the bush. Yeah. That's awesome. Fucking Looney Tunes that boy.

I used to get, I used to get blackout drunk and I would create this game called Bushproof in which I didn't find out until like a year into doing it because people were like you black out and you run straight up and say is this Bush Bush Proof?

Yeah, I just run full speed into a hedge. Is this Bush Bush? And if I get through it, I'm like, it's fucking not bushproof. They fucking need to get better bushes. And I would just wake up with these cuts all over my body. Is that like a 9-11 inside job bit? What do you mean?

Like a bush proof? Like, I'm gonna run. I was not drunk. Yeah. Bush beer. It's very fun though, because you run like full speed and if you get through,

it's like, yeah, that sounds fun. We had a similar thing. We'd push push. What is this? If two friends are walking, you walk by a put,

like Bush. Push, and then push him into the bush. That's a good one. Yeah. And they're like, you know, like we're all pretty small.

So you'd push someone and they'd disappear in a book. Yeah. It's fun to hurt other people. Yeah, I like her. You don't know what bushes or thorn bushes. He should push your friends into thorn bushes.

Yeah. No, that's not mine. We had a nuttapping problem at my middle school. That rules. A nuttapping problem? Yeah, there's a lot of nuttapping. And I remember once my friend, I think I nuttapped him or he nuttapped me, but my P.E. coach walked over and he's like, did you just slap him in the penis? You know, it was nuts.

And my friend was like, yeah, sorry. And he's like, you know, that's sexual assault. You could go to jail. What a lame teacher. You go to jail I've done it five times They're really strict on that

You can't nut tap 13 year olds Trust me Be careful on the streets You had a nut tapping problem In your middle school Yeah we had a mom tapping problem In mind

Oh come on man What I'm gonna miss Everything is so unracial On this podcast Anybody listening is like Yeah High Fives Yeah

I went for a high five And I just dodged He went for a high five And I Connected perfectly Can I do a fun visual gag Yeah I guess that

We are filming. Wait, are you actually leaving? He leaves. Wait, what the fuck? What are you doing? Was he got a piss or something? What is the- Oh, I know what he's.

What is the ratio to visual and listeners? Let's just not get into it. Let's just talk about sexual. That was more my kind of speed. One of my friends, he got suspended because he, you guys remember party-boying is when you basically just grind on your guy friends. Yeah, jackass. Yeah, yeah.

My buddy got in trouble because he did that to somebody while yelling rape. Which is just so much. Is he in a speedo? Yeah. It was something like that. Oh, hell, yes, dude. Yes. Just making sure the podcast is up the ocean standards.

That is awesome. What do you? Stop's wearing a full construction outfit right now. Over the helmet. That is fantastic. He's like, I'm working on a new gay sex dungeon. I'm doing construction on a gay sex dungeon. What is it like?

It's like a Theo Vaughn podcast now. Yeah, yeah. He'll be like, man, what's it like? Construction, man. Yeah. He's like, yes. He's like, yeah. He's like a retarded.

kid. He's really exploring. Yeah, he's really, he's like a garbage guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, man, what's wrong? You like working that, man? Yeah, I like working it. Yeah, how many other podcasts can we mention?

My cousin used to work construction. And he murdered and had sex with like 30 people. Insane. My cousin, man, he used to construct Chinese guys. That's a theological story. Chinese woman's pussy. All right. I feel like I'm gonna die.

I had a fucking microwavable burrito. And somehow, I feel like, why did you eat that? Why would you eat that? I have no money right now and Tony's like, yeah, bro, you can have all these like microwaveable burritos that are in my house. That's a good Tony impression. Honestly.

He's like, oh, you got like, you know, like different magists. You should have just touched your hands a lot more. He does rub his hands like that. But it's crazy the side effects you'll get from that. Like, I, you feel sick and then I'm- cancer. Dude, I have like an ear infection from eating a microwave.

Like, how is this fucking happening? Do you put your head in the microwave too? Yeah. Yeah. Let's go But Tony's the fucking Bez because he'll fucking like I love when you stay with somebody

And they apologize for like the random He's like I'm sorry the water is like kind of tricky I'm like there's spiders all over your house You're apologizing for the dumbest shit ever He gave me a blanket with come on it He's like 100% He's like there's not come on it Yeah

I'm like I'm like I was for sure come on this blanket He told me that this morning at work And he was so genuinely apologetic and like embarrassed He's like I can't even fucking Come on the blanket man. He's just letting me stay there for 10 days and just the things he's apologetic for a very funny. He's like yeah these aren't like the good microwaveable

peritos. By the way there's spiders and human shit all over the bathroom. Yeah, you have to turn out. Is there actually is there a lot of spiders so I think I'm about to move in with bro. Yeah be careful over there. I hate spiders. He goes did you see the spider I was like which fucking one he's like you know the spider in the bathroom with there's spiders all over his house. Are they daddy long legs? Good question. Those aren't spiders. Yes they are. Are spiders but those ones won't hurt you as well. I thought they have are they the hurt you spiders?

They look like, no, they don't look like brown recluses, that's good. They might be wolf spiders. What are they big or small? Really long legs. Probably daddy long. Dude, I really hate that. That's going to freak me out. I've found a couple little black spiders here. Whoa. Those are black widows.

Those are black widows. Yeah, found one in the bathroom. Those are black moms. Yeah, that's what we call. That's a black queen. I was talking. I think I was talking to Christoph. Someone did like a black voice in front of and I didn't think of a black day. I thought of Tony. Any, like, black voice I hear, I'm just like, oh, Tony.

I think it was a black guy talking. Yeah. You're like, dude, you sound just like Tony. We were talking about, do you ever, like, hear a black guy with a really white voice on stage say the N-word of me? And you don't, you forget

there's a black guy on stage. Like, you're like, whoa, who fucking went for this time? Whoa, someone swinging for the vets. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who, uh... Comedy's back! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no!

Who broke the seal? You're like, you're fucking, Are we good now? Can we do it again? Pull out a big notebook. A dusty old notebook. We're good. Just salute. Have you seen?

I saw one guy do it one time at like an open mic. That's the most I've seen. We had a comic in Orlando that was just fighting to do it. He just threw it. Can you tell me who was? I'll tell you after. He was, he literally went around and like asked all the black people that are comics.

Oh, I know exactly. So if I do this bit, it's the only word that works, right? My favorite part That sounds like a guy with OCD trying to do an N-word bit He's like if I run it by 15 black Absurd Yeah my fad He went around

He tried doing it the right way He was like asking like it's cool It would be very funny though If he was like Hey yo can you watch my set It doesn't tell him why Yeah Yeah

It's like oh my God But yeah yeah he did it You think you should ask for permission No you ask for forgiveness Yeah that's right That's that old saying If you have to ask her permission you shouldn't just don't do the bit.

Like if you're that uncomfortable say it, just don't do it. It's like either say it or don't say it. Don't go around. It's like dropping into a half-fighter. Someone told me I could. It's like, no. But I come front to like seven black people

put him in an awkward position. Yeah, it's dumb. Yeah, it's stupid. I thought he was, everybody was trying to put him in like, if everybody was trying to put him all in a good mood beforehand. He's just like playing comic music.

He's just trying to like defuse it before. You got to stop. Guys, don't worry about what I'm doing over here. Do you your own thing. He's so fucking. He's got to stop. V and Jake had a whole conversation. I was like,

four can work sometimes on a podcast and every time I do it. I'm just, I haven't even said a fucking word. I'm just over there to do my... That's the problem. I'm pointing at the camera and wink it.

I can't do that. You won't even switch over. I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get people to do, uh, to do fan edits of me. So like, I gotta get...

What are fan edits? Uh, edits that fans do. Like cute little videos of them? Yeah, yeah. I was told I look cute about it by the Uber driver.

Whoa. A girl? What was his name? He's like, you look so... It's like, Michael Goodyear looks so good. No, literally, he opted. He's like, you're a comedian. He's like, oh, I thought you should be an actor.

You're very handsome. Oh. And then you start driving a little bit. He's Nepalese, but they sound Indian. So imagine like an Indian, but with more Asian eyes. Whoa. And I can't even picture that. It's crazy.

But he's like driving me. He's like, yeah, you're so... He's like, you're very handsome. You shouldn't do comedy. You should be an actor. And then he's like, are you in, like, Are you in like a relationship or something? What?

He's trying to fucking... Randomly, we're out of red light. He just looks it. He just turns around. He's so bad. He's trying to get that good dick. Yeah. He wanted it.

You do look like a politician. You do like a politician. I think I'm looking too hot, bro. I've been eating shit on stage. I'm too cute to be doing comedy. Have you lost weight since I lost all you? You look like you've been leaning up. Yeah, you look like you've been skinny.

Yeah. It comes from a dark place that people are like, you look healthy. I'm like, yeah, it's me in the gym. Like, I'm gonna fucking get my ex-girlfriend. Yeah, you will, dude. No, no, we're not getting back together, but we talk a lot. We're fine, everything's good. I texted her about it.

Oh, yeah, you kind of look like Josh Hutcherson. Who's this gay? You've got this before, right? No, no, I like it. You've got this before. What name did you throw off from the bitch to terribithia? What is Bridge to Terributia? You don't know British to Teribithia?

You keep saying it like I know it. Five Nights of Freddy's. Do you remember a... Oh, some dumb bitch dies on the fucking river. What's that game? You remember the game? Yeah. It's like...

Don't touch me. It's like Space Jumanji. Oh, Space Jumon. Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. Glac-Glac-Lak-Litha. Zitha? Zethora, yes. Yeah, yeah.

Zithra. He's in Zithra. He's in Bridgeta-Bithia. You made fun of me for knowing a sword was Warcraft, and you're fucking speaking about movies. I'm talking about movies. You're talking about what he's did one gainer game. Yeah.

It's bad, bro. I'm like, I'm getting into my... Like, I'm walking by the mirror. It's bad, dude. You're looking good, buddy. It's so funny, though. I go by the mirror and I'm like, When you were lost outside, I was going to go out there and I was going to fucking yell at you.

And I saw you. I was like, he's cute. Hey, you cute at him. I don't worry. Where my hug at. My hug. My hug. It's for my catchphrase recently. Yeah, it's a really good catchphrase.

Where am I? Dude, I was just walking to work and be like, where am I? Ironically, I go, where am I a hug at? But they all give me hugs. Everything you can say ironically now, like, even like, I would ironically take it shirt off. And he's like, it's funny because, like, wouldn't it be funny if I was, like, a total douchebag at this party right now? It's like, it's exactly what you. Dude, I literally, I'm like, oh, guys, where my hug at?

I'm that guy. Yeah, yeah, come on. For real, for real, where is my hug? Let's get the hug. Yo, you're going to act all different and not give me a hug. What's up? Genuinely yelling at a woman. Where's my fucking hug?

But, dude, I ate fucking shit last night. It was very sad. It's eight shit or ate like shit? I mean, you're in Austin. You're in like the food city ever. Wait, you ate like shit or you? No, no, no. I was the Vulcan.

Oh, oh. such a big stage that when you bomb, it feels so stupid. You just feel like a fucking eating. Yeah, I don't know what that's like, but yeah, what, um. Bomb bombing? What is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bombing the Vulcan? Yeah, yeah.

Weird. Every. Just isolating it completely. No, I've had a bad sense. I've always thought that would be the best. Dude, I had to do five minutes. So, Cam Patterson goes up, he says like 20. Luke Tuma goes up, goes five, and that was pretty brutal.

and then David Lucas goes up in just 25 and then I have to do five after that Yeah, yeah, yeah I was like, what the fuck? Here's the famous guy you came to see All right, now here's five minutes from some guy, like it's just time to talk about what they just saw.

Yeah, it's like a check spot, but worse. Yeah, well, I think it was the, I know what the problem was, I keep thinking I could do the dead baby joke and it's not there. Yeah, I mean, they think a dead baby's, you know, conception here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, yeah, it's fucking Texas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes me want to do it more. I'm such a fucking cunt. I'm like, oh, now I want to do it. Yeah, but I feel like, oh, that's not a bad joke, though. That's what I don't even think it's an evil joke, you know? I know, I just can't.

I can't base. It's just about a dead baby. Yeah, most of my sense, evil. Yeah, yeah, it's based in evil. I do evil comedy. I do, I do. I am the night. Do you have anyone on their quest and want to fuck with it?

We were saying, you nailed that. We were saying how funny it would be if. Let's go. We were talking about, obviously, you guys watch the Rostatom Brady. We were saying Tony Hinchcliffe should have had

the most evil entry. Like all the lights turn off and she's on the TV like twiddly and he's like, so now it's time for me. Or he comes down like a spider.

I had a similar when Kim Kardashian was on stage but what if all the lights went out and run away by Kanye West? Like the piano. It just pans over Kanye's there.

Yeah. Kanye's walk. Where's he been at? Hanging out. Israel. Disney World. He was here earlier. You must you just miss it.

My dad was... My uncle would do that shit to me. He'd be like... My uncle, my grandpa would always wake me up there. Like, you missed an E.T. and Batman were here. And I was like, they're not even from the same universe. How did that happen? I would get so pissed.

Dude, I met that. There's a video... A video came out last, like, week of a... It's Kanye and Young Lean walking around Disney. Do you know Young Lean? No. It's like this like...

He's just like a young white guy. He's like a meme rapper. He's lean, right? Kanye's having trouble. He's got. I guess he's from like Sweden. He's like 12. He's awesome.

I love young. Yeah, young lean rules. But him and Kanye are walking around Disney. That is very funny. I picture Kanye having trouble getting on the roller coasters because he's wearing like 10 life jackets. Yeah. Yeah, he's wearing like nine cloaks.

Yeah. Yeah, probably. I love, I don't know. I think one thing I, I don't know, I do want to start dressing different. I feel like especially in Austin. Like there's, there's lots of comics that dress cool and stuff like that and have like a whole. Yeah. Character is very boring.

Me. Did your address as a fucking construction worker? Yeah, I'm literally, I'm going out as a construction worker tonight. Do it, yeah. I'm not going to mention it at all. Yeah. I'm going to back,

I don't know him. I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, you guys ever, what's the deal with, you know, traffic era was tough? You're just like,

yeah. It's the most obvious. You guys, ever eat lunch on a, on a steel beam? Yeah. You guys ever do that? No.

Maybe I ate lunch recently on a steel beam. Do you guys ever have a Thermis a soup that you unscrew like this There's soup in it Yo thermos soup is a crazy move Yeah, no rules Can you imagine being a child at lunch

And then being like, I have my soup Yeah, all right My mom would fucking hook it up My mom would be like steak sandwiches No, I didn't Gay, gay, gay My parents didn't make me Foot range

Stop What were your parents like? My parents? Yeah, yeah Alcoholics Really? Yeah, they're still like that But they rule, they're great

parents. Yeah, yeah. They just, but they're like, they have lunch at school. Oh, yeah, yeah. My mom would fucking hook it up. She'd give me, like, she'd cut up steak for the night before put a little steak sandwich. We, um, yeah. My, my, my, my, my, like, mom. I've embraced that I'm, I'm, I'm, I was like, no, no, no, no. My mom was like either, my mom was like, either you wake up before school

and make your own lunch or you just eat what they have. Yeah. And I was just lazy. Why don't she lay it out? We have. Look, either you're fucking hungry or I'm fucking pissed. What's gonna be? bitch. I just want lunch, mommy. Yeah,

she sat me down and was like, this was gonna fucking happen. We had like, we'll get to make a deal. We have, we have, we have,

we had Italian. Yeah, we had, we had lunch ladies in her family. Like, we had like, a,

I think, I think she, we had, like, I think she, we did. We did. Oh, what was that funny?

We had fucking Bob the builder. Shut the fuck up. Let me... Oh my God, dude. I come from a long line of lunch ladies, dude. Yeah, we had the hookup

is what I'm saying. I got an arby guy my family. The hookup on like, what, like sloppy jokes. Dude, cold mashed potatoes. Do you have it

square pizza for dinner? Yeah. My, like, grandma's sister was, like, in charge of, like, a lot of, like, cafeteria's,

great aunt. And we would be able to get a, I would come home, remember Otis Spunkmire cookies? Of course. Do you have those? Yeah.

I would come home to a box. of just those. Like literally 50 of them. I came home with some box last night. You know how they would have like you would buy chips at lunch? Yeah. We would get like batch. I don't know.

We're probably stealing them. I don't know. But we would just have like boxes of the bags. We just have a bunch of like school lunch stuff. And then we got free lunch. Yeah. I, I'm not blown away by that. You're like we had the most okay cooking.

It's so funny to like, yeah, have a lunch lady in the fact. family. Like, I also picture just like 10 Jake Rickas with like hairnets on.

Yeah, with big fat tits and a beard. No, this is officially the bees mean to each other as possible podcast.

That's what it's turned into. We should just try to, yeah, yeah. We'd be mean to each other in your family is hilarious.

What do you do? What are you doing? What are you? I'm getting out. No, I'm getting my TABC just certificate. What is that?

What is TABC? It's just like restaurant shit. Fucking, fucking titty-ass, booty. booty cock. Titiaz, bitch boy.

Oh, that's two babies. Bitch child. There you go. What's that, what's that stand for? Did you just blow on your phone? Yeah, there's a pew on it. Really?

Yeah. When's the last time you guys didn't jerk off with your phone? You use, like, something else. This morning, this morning, I swear to God. Whoa, what did you use? My imagination. Gay. Bullshit.

I just think about times I have sex. Are you serious? Yeah. Or you just get items in my room. I'm like, head sex. I'm like, count. Are you eyes closed or are you like in your bed? I think you know what's weird?

My imagination gets weaker when my eyes close. What is weird? Like it's got to be open in certain positions laying down. I'm not even kidding. If I'm like sitting up, my imagination's stronger. So I have to like, if I'm jerking off to thoughts, I got to like drink a coffee and like really sit there. You got to lock in. Are you like a zone?

See, I just wake up and I'm like, yeah. Oh, that time I had sex a month ago is pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. I get like a blank canvas in front of me, like a painting. And I just jerk off the most imaginary space. My paintbrush. Yeah, I go, I go really.

White noise. I go really zany. It's like a Jackson Pollock. Dude, yeah. When I was jerk on thoughts, I remember when I was a kid, it was the weirdest ones. Like we had this really reluctant science teacher. And she'll always talk like this. Dude, reluctant science teacher sounds like the first three words to a porn.

Yeah. Like her just being like Michael am I gonna have to jerk your penis off or not She's just like okay you better come quick I gotta go teach science class later Yeah that's a good one and then she puts like vinegar inside the tip my penis Yeah baking soda Does the volcano yeah she puts your talk through a paper machet volcano I gotta it's weird like people being sexual isn't hot to me wouldn't be like I'm hot like I kind of like women being like are you having a good time how's it going like

Like it's customer service? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there's some level of, like, other humanity inside of it. I don't know. My science teacher caught me cheating. Really? My girl? Did she spank you real hard?

No, it was a guy. Oh. He was a reluctant science teacher. Jake, I don't have to fuck your ass. You were cheating. I'm going to have to fuck you in the ass. And you knew I played football, so he held these. I'm going to have to tell you coach.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're going to have to run. Yeah. Fatty. Is that what happened? No, he, I ended up just talk. I was like, dude, just fucking give me the F. I fucked up on the thing.

What, a test? It was a, it was like a little pop quiz. Like, we did, we do. Did you do wandering eyes or what did you do? What do you mean? I had, I just had the notes on my table. I was just, I didn't know they were there. I was just looking at him.

Oh, yeah, I did that where you have one thing and then you have like, just slide it back. Yeah, he caught me. Yeah, he just, and he didn't want to get me in trouble. This guy definitely smoked a lot. He was definitely high. Yeah, yeah. Good, could him out.

That's gonna be somebody behind, I'm gonna get this kid in so much fucking I'm gonna get fucking baked and fucking ruin in this kid's life Oh you guys ever do the move by here's you get a stack of you're like in the front or like maybe like third row and people are handing up the quizzes and you see other people's and you're like while you're doing that you erase oh yeah Yeah, yeah yeah I didn't put my name on it we had a teacher I was in like really dumb math classes like my my brain's bad with math Yeah horrible math I was I was in I was in math classes kids that just didn't speak English Because they were like, well, what they speak? It's so funny, too, though, but you could just be good at me.

Yeah, that's numbers. Dumbassus. That's its own language, actually. It's binary code. It was just horrible. And then the teacher, he would, the day before, he'd go through a review sheet, and he's like, guys, these are going to be the same exact questions.

Jot these down in your head now. These will be the same exact ten questions that are tomorrow. And so half the kids with fail. I don't know. I'm just bad at math. I mean, I can add and subtract in my head pretty good. Nice.

Anything with equations I can't do. I can't do equations. All right. But like... 3x plus 2 equals 1. Go. Yeah, I can't... I went to the wrong math class one time, I remember,

and I didn't know until I started realizing, like, we're, like, in 10th grade, and we're, like, doing, like, arts and crafts in math class. Yeah. It was so funny. Yeah. That was four make you feel. Yeah.

Yeah. Dude, it was like me, this one chick. It's make macaroni art of the three. The letters and numbers are in the same problem. Michael got one. Yeah. It was me, this one chick with like, she purposely wore a rave outfit.

Stop, stop. Go, keep going to get written up. Just to show it off for a day. She's like, I know I'm going to get ridden up, I just want to show off these big fucking tithes. And this, like, white guy who talked really black. And, uh... Oh, Tony.

Who else was there? Yeah, yeah. Not going to get into the details. Okay, sorry. else but I appreciate your interest it was like right about yourself so like this is like geometry class and this kid's like

yo what I'm all about is like making money so I do like a dollar sign of my thing and that's what I'm all about and she's like well you're going to love math class Thomas it's all full of numbers. He's a good teacher that was a good teacher yeah oh yeah I was like that was a smart move on that's really funny he's like right about yourself a geometry class

yeah yeah I'm like a square yeah I got two sides but I also got two more sides like an obtuse angle because my moves are big as fuck. I'm like a rhombus because ain't nobody know what the fuck I am. But don't try to put me in a box.

Yeah, don't try it because I'm a quadr-dam ladder baller. I don't need no proofs on that shit. Come see me for real. Yo, I remember proofs. Fuck proofs, dude. We're proofs again. You got to prove something's a triangle.

Yeah, we never did. I never did that in math. It was like, you could get the question right, know how to do it. And then it's like, all right, but which proof is? What's the name of the proof that proves that a triangle is a triangle. Yeah. And write it out. Is it the same thing as like the, you know, what's it not, what's it called?

Where like, uh, the transitive property and things like that. It was, it was just like vocab. Yeah. For like math vocab. Yeah. It wasn't even so much like, what is a triangle? It's like, oh, polygons, normal. With three sides or whatever.

Polygon. Polygon with three sides. Polyomial is like a equation. Whatever, dude. I haven't done math in a minute. Um, but yeah, you know, obviously I can do this. the shapes, I just passed the test. It's like, yeah, but the proofs, you need to know

what the name of this proof is. You need to know that it's the seventh proof or some shit. I hate it's just showing your work. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, show your work. See, I was so bad at all that. Because, like, autistically, I can multiply pretty decent. Six times seven go.

Yeah, yeah. 35. 42. Fuck. I don't know. No way. That is the funny thing to, like, argue with your teacher with Viac, if you could read my mind, you'd understand

how I got to this. My mind is... It's funny to do, like, an autistic guy who can't... Really confident. Yeah, really confident. Three times time, 14. But there's a piece

I got a meth head. He's like, I can do any math. It was 345 times... It was so... It was so funny in school because I would go from like a hood-ass math class and the next period was

my like language arts class which was like the honors like the best one. Yeah, yeah. So just going from like regitone music to classical music Dude, I remember I got caught cheating in high school

Because I had my friend to do my Latin stuff And my dad was like a very Damn, he had Latin in class I had to take Latin online And I was like, bro Damn, you were rich, bro Yeah, exomist. Yeah, that was against the rules

In my school, except with the Latin Kings But hey, yeah, I was with the Latin Kings I was a fucking much retardate, thank you. No, that was good. Thank you. I got so mad at me that he's like, I'm not gonna help pay for you to go to college And then I got like a huge argument with him and then I started looking up how I was planning on living moving out my senior year of high school

Which is so funny because like I did like 30 minutes of researching. I was like yeah, I think I'm just gonna apologize Like I literally like badass mode dude Yeah I was like I'm running away Yeah and somebody dude is like the shittiest department's imaginable in Orlando I could afford I'm like oh yeah fuck yeah I'm gonna I don't have credit. I don't have driver's license Yeah, yeah yeah yeah did you guys ever run away when you were a kid no did you even for a good Yes. Did you run away?

Yeah, I was like, I was five years old. Wow. There was a hole in my fence in the backyard and I was like really pissed at my parents. I crawled through the hole. Wow. And I ran through two backyards and just hit under a tree for two hours. Bad ass. Parents like called the police and stuff.

I remember a police officer found me. Yeah. And I was like, I'm ready to go home. I was just like sitting under. Do you remember what you were mad for? It was probably something about dinner or something. It's like bedtime. Yeah.

Bedtime. Mom's making me make my lunch You know fucking fine Did you like think ahead Did you like pack a bag or you just dipped? No I was in the backyard And I was like that's a cool hole No I remember my dog was trying to get to the hole

And I was like well I could fit through that back Yeah, your dog could And then my dog got stuck and you're like oh Yeah then my whole excuse My dog Stets dogs Dogs Stuck for it was so funny

Well I met my dog I'm sure Look I'm sure the animal porn has had to account up to the... Nowadays, they gotta have a theme. I got out of it, too, because I remember my dog

would always try to get in this hole, and I remember my whole excuse was like, oh, I stuck my head through the hole, and my dog tried to get through and pushed me through the hole. And then I got lost, and then I got completely lost. That would also be like... This is a new place.

That would be like a two thousand's movie, like a lawyer gets caught in a hole, and then the dog is humping him from behind. Yeah, that's funny. Yeah, and somebody gets in the wall. He's right behind me. This summer. The lawyer gets fucked by.

suck in a hole. Like, I'm gonna shut you a whole neighborhood down. Rob Schneider. O'Stypley. He's in a hole. It would be like the lawyer who's like trying to tear down the neighborhood to build like a ginormous mall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the animals revolt. I think that is a movie. Yeah. I think it's with Brendan Frazier. It's called like Wild Nature or something like that. Wild nature. Oh, yeah.

And he is like, yeah, it's like a. I've literally never seen it. It's like a slapstick. comedy that has like a bunch of like poorly animated animals in it and they can talk or something this sounds this feels like a Baron Steve Bears kind of thing

where on another timeline I've seen this movie You guys, it's Brandon Frazier Have you guys heard of the movie? Thank you Has you guys heard of the movie of Food Fight? Yeah the movie that was stolen before it came out It was this movie, this animated movie With all these like huge brand deals

All these huge actors Doing the voices and right before it came out, it got stolen. Like, the real got stolen. What? And they had to animate it, like, really, like, shitty. Really terrible, yeah. Because it was in the week's notice.

Yeah. He got stolen. Okay, so it was, dude, it's like, Pete Davidson is, like, the worst CGI. He's like, I'm a dog. Like, yeah, it sucks. It's Charlie Sheen. It's Charlie Sheen. Oh, I think we're talking about a different thing.

It's older. But the movie got, like, the dead ass got stolen and all these, like, because you watch it now and you're like, this, it looks like some guy made this. Yeah. Yeah. For real. has all these huge actors and all these huge, like, brand deals. They had, like, a date where it had to come out.

Somebody took all the animation out. Someone took the fucking movie. Yeah. I guess they had, like, one copy of the movie or something. That's so funny. They're like, okay, can we make the movie in one week? Like, how does that work out? Yeah.

And then it came out, and I mean, I don't think they released it in theaters or it was like a soft. Straight to DVD type deal. Something like that. But it was supposed to be a huge movie, like a huge kid's movie. Yeah, I remember hearing about this. Have you guys seen anything good recently? I don't know this is, this is going. I saw an iron claw.

You see challengers? You guys see challengers? No, I haven't seen. I'd like to see challenges. I want to see challenge. It is funny though. The thing with challengers is I feel like from a like woman's point of view, they're like, yeah, this is like powerful. But like in the real scenario, two tennis duches fucking a chick would be like, hey, do you remember when we fuck that horridged?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No part of them would be like. Eiffel towering. Yeah. She's so smart. I mean, it sucks we had to kiss for a second, but we did fuck that shit. Yeah.

There's no way those two tennis douche guys would just be like, oh, she's like the one for me. Yeah, I like to think I'm an open-minded guy. I've double-team somebody. Really? But yeah, yeah, yeah. We've talked about it too much. But it was it like Zendaya? You didn't double-team someone like Zendaya.

You think Zendaya is good-looking? Yeah. She's super skinny and like, strongly. She's strong. I think she's very pretty, but I don't think like I like thicker bitches. Yeah, me too.

Yeah. I like some meat on the bun. Yeah, you need some pushing for the cushion. Yeah. I do also like being like, that's not my kind of sexy one. Yeah. She's not for me She's actually bid

She's like the really hot girl From all the movies Yeah whatever You think Zindai is really hot That's like her whole appeal is that she's like Super hot chick She's pretty but she's just decent She's been like the love interest in like all the bigger movies right

Yeah I guess she's like Mary she was Mary Jane Yeah You got rid of smoking hot was it Kirsten Dunts originally Yeah I think Kirsten Dunst is way hot Super hot fucking upside down kiss Wet titties. Are you kidding? I like, dude.

She's a small soldier. I remember being a kid and being just rock hard for Kirsten Duns and that. Oh, God, she was hot, dude. Yeah, I like a young Kierston Dunn's. So you replaced her, I'm assuming that's like, oh, this is the

generation's hard drive. I feel like it's like a sci op. I really don't get it. She is. You're like the woke me. I really don't get it. That's me with a little, who's the little girl?

Oh, what's her face? Ariana Grande. No, the one in a Wednesday. Jojo Siwa. Dude, Jojo Siwa is odd. Jojo Siwa is so much fun. I love her, dude. She's awesome. Dream guests on my podcast.

Yeah, she's just like, I'm putting cucumbers in my pussy and putting face paint on. I'm like, I don't know what's going on. Let's spice things up. Probably one of my exes. Yeah, I know you're talking about, though, from Wednesday. Wednesday, yeah, what's her face? Hot Spanish chase. Yeah.

Yeah, she's definitely a sci-op. Yeah, I mean, she's very pretty, but she's just, yeah. They're trying to get that. Government sci-ia? Because when all these pictures came out Sweeney, massive mommy milkeys kind of I don't like her. What?

Massive mommy milkeys. What's her name? I'm like blonde. Oh, yeah, she was, I never saw the movie she was in, but it's like on Twitter and she's just getting thrown on a bed. Like, fuck.

Yeah, big old. Is that a show or that's euphoria? I kind of want her to put me in her lap and jerk me off. Yeah, Brett, yeah. Yeah, I want to be blessed. With that, is that something you would enjoy? Like a girl to, like, suck in her tities?

Do you suck on nipples? You're on her lap. I did that a week ago. I forgot about that. You stuck on tits a week ago? Late on her lap? No, no, I sucked on tits while getting jerked out. Oh, well, yeah.

But, like, laying down, like, kind of like, oh, yeah, that, yeah, guys, can we talk about sex now? Yeah, but that's just a lot of, like, sitting on her lap and just like, I've never had that. She's like, oh, good boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be horrible. Dude, I did have a girl, middle-aged woman tell me that one time.

They're right. I go, could you call me a good boy? She goes, you were for sure molested, but I'll do it. She just fucking did. She said that's great. Good for you, dude. Not the molesting part of the program. I don't, once a week, I'm like, it's a, it's a theme on this podcast. Is sucking on your, I'm sucking on your thing?

I like it. I'm not going around telling you. Exactly. That's my shit. I always end up doing it. I always just end up sucking on it. I'm like, this isn't get me off at all. I don't think I've ever not done it to it.

Like, if you're hooking up with a girl, you do it every time. Yeah, every time. I mean, if they got like hairy nipples or something. Oh, yes. You've had a girl with, I haven't had a girl. I had never seen a girl of hairy nipples. You like hairy nipples?

No, I don't. What the hell? Don't put that on me. You love hairy nipples. He loves. Captain loves hairy nipples. Yeah. You like girls. That sounds like almost like a like a tongue twister.

Captain loves hairy nipples. I've been, I've pretty good, I've had good nipples recently. Oh, me too. I've had good nipple luck. You had the same girlfriend for me. Oh, I thought you're talking about your own nipples. Yeah. Yeah.

No, my nipples is. I thought you were looking at your girlfriend's ditch. You're like a lot better than last week. Shaped it up nice. Yeah, we're just having, yeah, yeah, great nips. Yeah, yeah. This sounds like somebody's trying to relate to somebody about stuff. I'm like, yeah, totally.

I've been a bunch of hot, I've been working construction on if you guys can tell. But there's been like hot Mexicans who were like installing cabinets. I'm like, this is crazy. Yeah, I heard a lot of, well, a lot of the construction workers here are like very attractive women. Yeah, there'd be some sex. Dude, right over there, like walking in here is some hot, I think. Maybe I'm maybe I'm just. picture. Whenever I think of a woman, I immediately

remember her being. Well, I think, I don't know, it's just Mexican women, they all work like mundane jobs, but they'll be beautiful. Yeah. Like some of our kitchen staff, they'll be like on the friar, but I'm like, this is, you could be up front. You're gorgeous. Yeah, yeah. Also, that's like all the but they're like, you could be up front.

Yeah, the rest of these ugly fucks. You could be anything else in this world, but then you walk up to you, like, hey, how's your day going and like, okay? Yeah, so it's like, uh, yeah, we got like, uh, Yeah, I got chastised today by a lady.

Really? She wasn't beautiful. But so at the job site, they have a woman work the elevator for you because it would get so crazy if you didn't, you know? And she's like organizing it. And like we're standing with all this shit. We're like unloading all this shit. And we stand too closer. And she's like, well, I was like, oh, I was like.

Oh, dude. It's weird that Mexican women are either the nicest women in the world or the means. There's no in between. Do that reminds me? She was sweet, but we were about to step on her stuff. We, um, there's this, bitch. There's this kid at work. He, he was working Expo for the first time. He's 17

years old, this big, like, like, fratty kind of kid. His name was Joe. And when you work Expo, the food comes out in the window and you have to take it. All the cooks are Mexican. They only speak Spanish. So you have to ask for stuff in Spanish. He doesn't speak Spanish. So we were fucking with him. We'd hand him a plate

and it's like a wooden plate that's for fajitas, like, ask for rice on this. And he'd hand it and be like, just say a rose, and he'd say it a rose, and they'd be like, and then at one point, I'd hand him a plate and be like, ask for this, ask for a Marikon, Marikon, Grande, which is, which means faggot. And he'd hand it to the cook and ask for that.

And then I'd point it to the word of like, Maricon grande. And they're like, aye. Pappy. He got it. He got it. He got it. He said all this Pendejo. That's my favorite.

To call somebody a cube is such a pew. That's pretty bad. Ben Deo is an idiot, right? Yeah, but it's like calling somebody a dick. It literally means pub. Yeah, it literally means pub. Yeah, literally means pub. I like, I like Mardi Kong.

Monty calls the ass, dude. Yeah, dude. Billy was cracking me up in the elevator. We were like crowded in an elevator and there was like a weird noise that came from outside of it. And Billy, we were surrounded by Mexicans. And Billy goes, that don't sound too good. and it gets a huge laugh from all these guys they love it they love it

Mexico he's like like decent Spanish yeah I saw him the other day we were at that dude it was kind of hilarious he was like talking to the lady in Spanish like full Spanish and I kind of got what he was saying because the lady was like you're fucked like you're asking for too many floors you can't ask for too many floors and he said in Spanish hey if anyone gets mad at you you have him talk to me and he said that like full Spanish

just talking to the lady and she got to she laughed it was like that's crazy He's just hitting on a girl in Spanish No, no, I mean it's just like a frumpy 50-year-old lady working in the elevator, you know I saw him go to a black woman at 7-11 Start doing a blackson to her And she just loved him immediately

Yeah, he's like, how you doing girl I'm doing good today I'm living I'm just living I'm like I've never seen somebody Do somebody To their face and them love A lot of them like

I mean they love the fucking I don't sound too good It's over here Yeah, I love that What did you drop you fucking He dropped his phone For the fourth fucking time You're so focused on the

ASBC fucking thing And he's pointing I do love a good Michael good Impression When people do me I really like How do they? Hello, my name is Michael good

Hey He He's like that It's Michael God Welcome to the show You're gonna have a good time My favorite band Is the Village people

I love doing podcast and stand-up comedy. I love sucking on titty. Do you believe me? I was molested and I don't give a fuck. I like to suck on big boobs. Girl's boobs. Girl's boobs. The biggest boobs.

The biggest vagina. I want to milk a lady. I want there to be milk. I have to sit on her lap. She's jerks me off and boobs everywhere. It comes me a little baby. Yes. She's in a binky.

and she's like I love your fucking cock I love your big fucking weiner yeah I would have put it tight little hole I want to put it my fucking vagina yeah

because it's so fucking big I love pussy it's straight you're such a fucking straight guy I missed my ex you're the fucking straightest guy I ever met you're fucking crazy

you're insane Michael it's a I fucking shit you are. Wait, is this a different gay guy? I don't know. She's also got a gay guy. Yeah, she's got a gay guy. I'd probably be begging another dude in this show.

Have you ever met Alleghen that sounds just like a gay guy? Yeah. No, I stayed that up. She ended up having a penis and sucked. Trans women don't sound like it. All trans women, there's always this voice going on. I don't know. I don't know what.

Sometimes they speak Chinese. Are they nerds? They're all nerds. Actually, I am a penis. According to my research, I have a penis. You know homophobia is keeping you from some great head, right? You know, like, yeah, I know. Dude, I do love how much trans women are fighting for it to get some fucking straight guy dick.

Like, no, I'm telling you, dude, the app. And they're winning. Yeah, they are winning. Those ladies are fighting the brave fight. Yeah, the good fight. They're just like, come on. Just fucking fuck my ass. My buddy was on Tinder.

At least twice a week, you would just send me pictures of, like, different trans women that were matching with them. Twice a week is crazy. I want three times a day. I like to say Jake Ricka. The last day was crazy then. What's up? I like to son Jake Ricka. Well,

also it was not that I match with, but I'll find like a very masculine trans woman instead of picture like, she's, this is, she's on trans. Literally like with a beer. I will say living in Austin,

I've seen the most trans people I've ever seen my life here. Really? Yeah, compared to Orlando. I've seen a lot. Trust me, this is a welcome reprieve from fucking New York. you do.

Shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, New York. Yeah, New York there's a lot. Yeah, it's plenty. I used to live in Bushwick, dude. It was like, you know. Yeah.

Couldn't get your bush licked without a bushwick. Yeah. There was a wick in them bushes. You know what I'm saying? I'm still warming up. That wasn't as good. Right there, bam.

Well, mine was quicker. Yours wasn't, yeah, but that doesn't make it matter. He had time to think about his. Yeah, but he goes. Don't steal my thing. See how weird? He's doing it again. He's pointing at the camera.

He's doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Let's talk about money Let's talk about finances I know No, let's get down to the hard topics Yo, bro, your motherfucking

Your network is your net worth Yeah, that's true If you don't have a friend group That's talking about Lamborghinis, Andrew Tate, Cars, women, money Hey, you ain't have real money I'll be honest, bro

By the time you're 30 If you ain't got that, You should kill yourself. Hey, what's up with y'all portfolios? Like, what's y'all portfolio? Like, what's y'all portfolio? My portfolio got different different bonds

stocks bonds investment my god bail bonds you know what I'm talking about you really across the room I did get a guy like that at the airport he's this like white guy with a buzz cut

like diamond earrings nice and he has like a fade every every video is just like you okay you chug on your margarita what is your problem just be like nice that's cool it's cool too

That guy's cool He is cool, dude He has some great ones, dude I love the fucking grind set guys Yeah, that's weird Do you guys have any Yeah, you love grinder guys Back to gay mic again

I love the grinder guys Not the grinder girls so much What was that? Do you have buddies that like Our grind mode guys Well this is the secret is the feeling You might have heard him. Funny story.

Don't actually know my success of hearing at the time he was 28 years old. But the fun fact is he actually created his best music when he became deaf. Damn. And the reading was

he didn't need to hear the music. You see. He felt it. I've got out. You just play some real shit. Yeah. You felt the music, bro.

Like if I go deaf, I'll probably become the greatest community of all time. Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Hey, we're your work. What you're doing? I work construction.

Hey, you're dating? You're dating? Yeah, we're dating. We're dating. Gay hair. You're gay hair. You be the crowd work. You go.

I want you for work. I work in IT. What? I, T. What? IT. I work IT. Well, I can't.

What? IT. I work IT. Computer. Computer. I do computer. Come dump, do.

And that's a clip. And that's a clip. And that's a clip. And just fall down the stairs. I don't know you're not within. I don't know what my dog went. I had dog up here. I don't know where you went.

Why would you have a dog if you're deaf? Because they can hear better. Because they can hear better. You don't need a certain. You need a. You need a. Hearing ear dog. They hear danger and they alert you.

I've heard danger before. Yeah, but you have good ears. Oh, right. Yeah, good point. No, you wear your helmet when you need to and when things bounce off heads, you don't go deaf. No wonder why you got a helmet.

You're deaf Matt Rife. Can you have money good death agent? I don't do it as well. Yeah. I got really upset with myself. You're not just going to have a death. You put the voice. You put the voice guys on one couch.

My aunt asked my mom if I knew Matt Rice. That's a big flag. That's insane. Isn't that hilarious? She was like, oh, does he know Matt Rife? And you're like, yes. And then my mom was like, I don't know. And he's like, he's so funny.

It's like your favorite. You just want to get fucked. Just admit. I want to have sex to me. I love to get plowed over. My mom, middle-aged women love Matt Rife. And women love a middle-aged woman. My mom called me and was like, did you watch the roast of Tom Brady?

I'm like, yeah. And she goes, do you see Gillis? He wasn't dressed up. Hey, do you see your favorite guy? He wasn't dressed right now. My favorite was where every football player was so excited that we can now call people gay. Like, Ron, he sucks balls and dick. He's a fucking dick.

He's a fucking dick. Yeah, grotto. He was deep in his belt. He's like, and he sucks balls. And that's when coach, coach told me not to say this. He was. Fucking girl! Yes, we can do it.

Fuck, yes, we're back. Yeah, dude, that rocks. Yeah. Yeah. Did you notice that one guy really liked wine? That was, oh my God. That was so funny. Drew Bledso.

Drew Bledso mentioned wine like four times. Every shot. He's like, you know, I work at a winery. He goes, I love wine. He was drinking wine in every shot. Like, you'd cut, like someone... Like a goblet of red wine. I think I know you'd say.

Someone would roast him and it'd cut to him going, ha-ha-ha-ha. It's like... Little sip of wine. Like, he's like, and like, I love wine. I wish you was just tasting.

He was like, yes, and you're gay. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, we were being so silly. We're,

uh, like we're doing the wine guy voice. Tom Brady. We're doing a little voice for. Uh, every time grunk, we come, I was gonna,

mm. Dad joke. That joke funny. I was, I was getting mad at them. They were, they were having, they were having,

they were having the best time to get. Yeah, we were just eating. I was like, guys, I'm trying to watch the fucking Rosed. That was the shrimp night. Oh, Kim K's on. You okay, Jake?

Yeah, Jake was like getting mad that he wanted to listen to Kim Kardashian and eat shrimp. That you sound like. Well, I was like, I was like playing music out loud. I was like, what if Kim K was on it? I was just playing runaway at full ball. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. What if he was saying this? What if he's fucking saying that?

Let him me hear it. They should have put me in that fucking roast. Yeah, you would have gone crazy. I'm like, yo, Tom Brady, more like fucking Tom Gazy. Whoa. Tom Gazy. You have a jetpack?

Just blast off. That would be jetpack cap. That would have been sick if somebody just either jetpack or some sort of just pulley system that just rise right over there. I mean, I thought Jeff Ross's intro was very fun. It was very funny. With the pull away and then he had O.J. Simpson, Jersey. Oh, yeah.

Then he made fun of the guy. Jetpack would be hysterical. Yeah. Just like if I pee, do you guys have the momentum to keep us going? Yeah, yeah, of course. There's like a panel of people

and then you're just jetpacking from person to the person. You're good. Oh, we have a really narrow space. I was going to tell you. Just the Texas guys, man. Oh, yeah.

Just as Texas. Texas comics. Should we just do gay mic for the first? I have to go pee. Michael God. I'm going to pee on my little penis. Sorry, guys.

I got a grinder. I mean, Tinder message. Whoops. Actually, we fucked the trans girl again. Whoopsie. Sliphties. What's the other thing?

I'm not gay. You're gay. My mom was drunk and trying to get me to talk shit about camp. Is he really black? He's not. She was like drunk and she's like now that Kim's like famous. Does he like, does he like think he's all that or something? I was like, what?

And he goes, does he like think he's like Mr. Cool or what? I was like Is he like single? Yeah Whoa hey Whoa That's my fucking mom You guys

I'm gonna go pee and out Can I'm gonna go pee and out Can't his mom must have bang cam or something like that Yeah I think so Oh that's not good No not really Don't kick it There's a real narrow space

And it's bothering me How much you guys can just fit through it Oh my Yeah When I go through it I knocked that camera over Oh yeah Yeah

Well there he goes again Drop his house He's like in the 19th time Not even here Sorry go ahead What were you saying About your mom

I was just gonna tell I seen his mom before. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, man. Jesus. His mom is beautiful.

Yeah. That was weird. Yeah, I touched my thumb against the palm. We didn't high five. You just, like, touched my hand. My thumb just, you guys are like chimps, like, rubbing each other's palms. But I, uh, I don't know, this is one of those trips to Texas where last time I had a horrible

trip. So this time I'm just trying to, I'm going to talk about how New York comedy saw. I want, I want to just full reverse and just embrace. What do you, what's the best way I can embrace and just have a good time? I have a bunch of barbecue. Yeah, just get drunk. I did that last time. Just drink.

I do need to get fucked up this time. Because last time I had tonsillitis, I was on antibiotics. I didn't really get the... Dude, just hang out at, like, different comedy venues and drink. Like, you can do that every day. And you get shit-faced and everyone's getting drunk and it's like normal. Yeah. That's like...

Oh, New York, you drink in a comedy clip? You're like, you're trying to fucking throw your career away? Not even. I mean, not really. Not that much, but it is kind of like, there's a professional level. People aren't getting fucked up. No one gets, like, fucked up like that. I feel like, you know what I'm saying?

No, like in New York. I feel like everyone here's, like, Fuck it. We're all getting shit-faced. Everyone's drunk. It's so much fun. But it's like, it'll happen like once or twice a month. Like a big comic-y hang. Oh, in New York.

Yeah, I'll drink with my close comic friends all the time. But like, not like a communal. Like we're all at the stand or something getting shit-faced. Like that net, I feel like that does not happen. After a show here. At a comedy club? Like, what comedy club can you go and just like get hammered in New York? Like zero.

Yeah, dude. There's like none. Dude, just hang out of the creek. You just fucking drink. It's just so many comics. running through hanging out. Brooklyn Comedy Club is where I probably got drunk the most. Yeah, you can... But that was like a bar in the front. Right, exactly. But it was nice for that.

You just like a whole ass bar and you can just get wasted. Like the comedy club is like a secret room in the back. Yeah, that's what I like. I like a dive bar with a fucking room next to it. That's what I want. I haven't seen anyone like blacked out here yet. Have you? Well, you're about you, brother. Yeah, you're about your brother. We are going to get absolutely... Yeah, let's go to Creeks and I and back. Let's go. Yeah. We're going to have. Hey, look, Rebecca.

You manage to get on stage like someone give you a guest spot Nice guys car There's a bear in the front I don't know Creaking the cave more like Freaking the cave Go go go Yeah I want to do freak in the cave

It's gonna be the sexy Also Saturday Tony wants to go to San Marcos Oh I'm down No they're a bunch of fat bitches in San Marcos bro don't go there Why would that... Is that bad? First of all,

you're talking about tubing with a bunch of fat bitches. That sounds fantastic. Talk about the fucking best day ever. You're getting tugged off by two thick mamas. Getting tugs off. You're getting tugged off by two thick Mamas on an inner tube.

Oh my God. Because my dick can have a one hand. So one of them has three fingers on my dick. Yeah. Has two fingers. Nice. Yeah. What the fuck?

You don't like them skinny. You don't like them fat. What do you like? I like them in between. I'm like a little gordon lax. I'm attracted to all kinds of women. Fat women. thick with men.

I just like men. Yeah. Good heavens. Yeah. Good heavens. Heavens. My lord. I got a pee. You guys keep this up. I like the idea of me. Everyone's busy. I've shipped my pants twice. I'm the only one committed. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. You want the best. How about me? You know those rafts like a life raft? Yeah. Me, four fat bitches in a life raft just floating down the river. Doesn't that sound like a great dad?

That dude. That's, like, all jokes aside, that's amazing, dude. Dude, how are you drinking too? You're drinking? Oh, my God. Yeah, get drunk and fucking get tossed off by fat bitches. All these titties around me and I'm kind of sucking on each of them. Yeah, you accidentally suck on a belly. Yeah, sure. It sounds like a great time.

And Cappets he could be over here in his construction outfit. Have the bad time. I fucking hate it. There are just going to be, oh, nobody's going to see it. That's tried. We'll see him. We'll clip it. Clip it, guys.

but uh no that sounds like yeah i don't know i last time it was i was just in a i was just on tony's floor crying a bunch and it's gonna be fun we're good we're good yeah i also also not that anybody gives us fig but i am in a great place with my ex everything's everything's okay dude yeah we had a nice conversation very dull life last time you heard you just broke i just broke up with my my oh shit really yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no things are going literally wonderful we uh yeah we're not at a point where i don't know you give all those details but we're very amicable and uh let's go you saw y'all still fuck I can't get it

a while back but yeah yeah I'm gonna do it if you can't do it well we're both just like we're like we're like we should be doing this now because we're both like trying to heal from the breakups we're like but down the road

we're starting probably oh so yeah we're just like yeah let's fuck sick see my therapist is just actively telling me not to have sex in my yeah I mean no that's the best thing to do that's the only thing she'll tell me not to do

she's like go to a dominatrix do shrooms don't fuck her she's like give me this crazy did you go to a dominatrix yeah Have you talked about this too much? Okay, don't worry about it. Okay, don't worry about it.

Tell me off the pod. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't tell me. Okay, like, if I went to a dominatrix, how much would it cost? This one was $200. Okay, and do they jack you off? Yes, I didn't know how it was going to happen, but yes. Fuck, yeah.

I thought they just, like, step on you and hit you a shit. I think that's the idea is that, like, that's all they show you, but in reality, it's like you're getting... Oh, because you're not allowed to pay for sex. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, no, we paid to... No, we just... No, I paid to beat you. shit out of them and then I really like them.

Yeah. There was a moment where he's bent over and I was putting barbecue sauce in his butthole that I was like Is that a thing? Put barbecue sauce in the hole? I'm in Texas now. Yeah, Matt, uh, you, Mike, fuck, I almost called you Matt. I'm sorry. That was more offensive than you guys saying I was a homosexual for 30.

I just didn't say anything. I don't know why I said Matt. Yeah, yeah. Man, I've been on the fucking job side all day. All right? I don't have time to fucking. Is there a clock? I saw that.

That was at like an hour for that camera. Oh, okay. We're doing. we're doing five more. Five more hours? Five more hours? That's insane. Dude, that's like six hours.

Holy fuck. I'm hungry. Dude, I have that. Should you get food out of this? I just got Cabo Bobbs. I can go for round two. What's Cabo Bob? It's like a burrito

the size of your head. It's really good. I know that's what Chewy is. Size of my cock. Yeah, yeah. We do a big as yo-face burritos. That's what it's called. Never had Chewis.

You guys should come to Chewis tomorrow. Oh my God. You guys should come to Chewis tomorrow in the morning. What time do you work? I work, I work the morning shift, so I start at 10.30 and I have... But when do you end?

You drop me. Well, Brett. Dude, oh my God, Brent Reed is hosting tomorrow. So you guys walk in. I wish I could be there. Walk in,

tell Brent that you want Captain's section. Okay. And then he's going to see you in my section. I'll serve you guys. What time are you working? I start at 10.30 and I go to a podcast conversation. 1030 to 4 is three.

He's just doing plans for the day. What the fuck are we doing? At this point, I'm like, let's wrap it. Yeah, guys. Why don't we go back to

You're the one who wants to go for five hours. No, no, no. Five extra. Sorry, I'm trying to fill the time with something. Yeah, I'm flying tomorrow. I'm excited. Yeah, flying to where gay town? Nice.

Jake's ghetto. Yeah. Hey, pal. You just blown from stupid town? Yeah, blown from stupid town on your way to gay town. That's so stupid. I fucking hate this. Oh, man.

This fucking dick had the point of the camera. He's towing me. The idiot. You went foot range You got footed All right We're gonna wrap No no no

Keep it fucking rolling All right All right right If I had a dollar For every time I made a gay joke Who is that I'd have $8

You look so much Not like a construction We're getting so far He looked like a crossing guard He said Stop You gotta get a guy He wears an helmet for his own protection

They just my dad They make me wear a helmet Because I dives in front of a car That's week He was a kid who got hit by a car And he was normal And now he has to be a crossing guard It's a curse

The curse of the crossing guard You put on the helmet You become retarded Guys, I'll help you cross the three All right, that's enough of these jokes It's enough of this crap All right I'm sick of it Yeah

I'm really sick of it Yeah I'm sick of this stuff. I've said this. I'm going to the other way now. Stop! Now that it's popular to be kind of, you know, a little controversial, I'm going to be, I'm going to become a woke comic.

I'm peaceful again. I've been a woke comic. Have you seen my set? Yeah, he's crazy up there. I'm crazy up there. What are you saying? He goes, catty guy pronouns, he, him. That's how he starts every show.

He said, I'd like to acknowledge that we're on stolen land. And then I go, I ask the entire audience. Even if it's, you know, fat man at the mother's ship 400 seats, I ask all of them pronouns? Pronounce? Pronounce? And he wears this construction outfit because he wants to be able to be visible to people who are sighting. Well, no, actually, I used to wear this, but now I wear the hijab free policy.

Dude, you just in a construction outfit with a hijab. Going, hey! Hey! Hey, mother ship, Captain Wright. Mother ship. Mother ship makes them newie. I love that you. Epic.

over to a Muslim guy's house and wearing a hijack. I'm trying to be respectful. A baby. It's just a term of a deemate. I keep hearing a bee. It's just a term of a deemate. It's like a cute little cutie. I keep hearing.

No, it's just like a term of endowment. Was I that guy is a baby princess in the area? Yeah, for sure. He called you a baby princess? Yeah. That means he wants to fuck you. Really? Yeah.

Did he call you Habibi? Did he call you Habibi? Yeah, he said a baby. No, Habibi is a term in an endearment. A bro will say that to a bro and it's just a little cute. You know my UberTravity. Now call me Habibi princess. Oh, okay.

That would be... The BB princess is crazy. Yeah. That's what I call that. That's what I call. That's what I call. See these tits? Whoa!

Don't do that. Don't do that. I'm about to fucking all boned up. Suck on those bad boys while I lay on your lap. Callback. That's what we callback. That's what we callback. of the industry.

Yeah. Let's wrap it up. Yeah, let's wrap it up, dude. All right, we're gonna find you guys. Chris Jean Official on Instagram, Rough Week podcast, check it out. If you want more cool stuff like this, check it out, like, subscribe.

Make sure you check it out. If you guys like Epic Sauce, prank phone calls, hey, let me do my blog. If you guys like Epic Sauce prank phone calls, check out, uh... Sorry, I'll get a clean wall.

If you guys like Epic sauce, Prank phone calls, check out the right caller on YouTube. W, right, with a W. With a W, W, R-I-G-H-T, the right caller on YouTube. It's the prank phone calls. It's my podcast. Captain.org right everywhere else. There you go.

Just Jake Ricka on YouTube, Instagram, J-E-R-C-C-C-A, YouTube Instagram. Thank you. Michael Good, Michael Good Podcast, Morning Good. You already know that. Okay, sorry. Sorry, my bad. The bloody good, pet.