Morning Good - The Price of Cool Is Death - Episode 296

Episode Date: December 14, 2025

Zach Russell and Jake Strom join the show for today's episode. They talk about the John McAfee saga, slow-release nicotine sex toys, and near death experience videos.Thanks to Zach and Jake for coming back on the show. Check them out on previous episodes of the show and hit their links down below for more.Zach is on Instagram @zachrussellcomedy and has a new comedy special coming soon recorded last night at the Flophouse in NYC, so follow him for more info on that. Jake is on Instagram as well @jakestromlol.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They call it the podcast? Morning, very good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to the morning. All right. We're here with Jake Strom, Zach Russell. Hey, hey. Not much, man. About to go to Florida. Very excited about that.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, I can't stand. this cold. Yeah, no snow Christmas. No, I don't need it. I might have a snow

a certain kind. Yeah. Not on the lawn. Not on the lawn. Otherwise, someone's in big trouble. Yeah. No,

I thought about bringing my testing kit down there because I'm like, I am just going to do drugs. COVID. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Not like a ton,

but I don't know. It's just my friends were back home. They're all addicted to ketamine. So I'm like, I mean, what am I going to not hang out with them?

Yeah. Testing kit. You actually have one? Yeah, it makes me feel smarter than I just. I was going to say, I've never seen my real life. We got, like, beakers and goggles, you fucking loser.

Dude, there's no way. There's no way to look more dirty. I'm shaving a guy for having a testing kid and then everyone else dies. Yeah. I just got my goggles out. I'm like, this is what happens. Everyone's dead on the couch. Yeah, I knew it.

I knew it. Yeah, it's the best way to make drugs really not cool. This is confirmed. I was in a friend's birthday party like that one time and they brought ketamine and I was just like in a separate room and then somebody made fun of me. They're like, his friend died. It's okay. I'm like, thank you. Thank you.

He's fucking testing in there? That is crazy that you would also feel the need to even hide the testing. Oh, yeah, because I was like, this is so fucking gay. Although if no one else is testing, you're the only guy testing, then everyone's like, what, you think you're better than us? Yeah. But the price of being cool is dying. That's what happens. You ride motorcycles, you smoke cigs.

It's like, that's the price of being cool. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I heard. There's a big theory that, like, the coolest gay guys died of AIDS. Oh, sure. Freddie Mercury. It was one of the world.

Yeah, that's a great example. Easy E.E. Yeah. It's a way that Rone gay guy. Yeah. Cool guy. Kind of topping both charts. Yeah.

Refusing to like, I remember I went to go see Madonna one time. And all these banners dropped to people that died of AIDS. And it's like all these like super gay guys in EZE. I'm like, if he would have known his fucking face would be up here, he'd be so mad. They're flying the EZE flag in a Madonna show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Have an EZE up at the Madonna.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was kind of. It was nuts because I was like, that's funny too, because, like, I will argue with black guys about the homophobia thing because I just, I grew up in a, I just grew up in an environment where, like, you're gay with your friends. Right. That's fun. But I mean, and I'm sure some real gay guys weaseled their way into that and been like, what are you uncomfortable with your sexuality? You're not going to do naked mud wrestling? Come on.

Yeah. Yeah. Hide the weasel. Yeah. It's a classic game. But I just mentally, if somebody starts being like, yo, easy. I'm like, I'm just guessing they're getting. Like, like, mentally.

I'm like, not gay, but there's something. Oh, it smelt it, Delta. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Vers me, me, he's peaked way over the ledge, you know. Yeah. Yeah, why?

Yeah. Why are black guys stereotypically more homophobic? Oh, I know the answer. They're more liable to become gay. So they have to really, you know. I think it's like protest too much. I've been told, probably not accurate. I think I heard Kurt Metsker say this, which is really funny because he's not a black guy.

No, no, no, he's the source. Yeah. But I heard it to think where, like, you're so. So, like, if you're, like, oppressed by the white man, the only other thing you can feel power over is being like, I'm not gay. Oh, is your own internal sexuality? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I'm like a tough guy who fucks chicks. I'm not one of those gay guys.

So that's, like, where that comes from, yeah. I may be enslaved. Yeah. I'm not gay. Yeah, I don't any property. I don't own any property. George Washington walks up in tights. He's like, look his fucking homo.

He's like, at least I'm not like that. Yeah, yeah. I own my dick and what it wants. Yeah, yeah. that's interesting. Yeah, but I... I wonder if other enslaved people were also homophobic then

because, like, the Romans had slaves, but they also had that, that, that, like, 250-person army of lovers. Do you remember that? Yeah. Maybe it was Greek, because it was... They're all the same.

The secret... They're all the same. Yeah, yeah, just greasy guys in robes. Yeah, just... I don't know why. I think of oil covered men from the Mediterranean.

It is funny that I think of, like, even in the old time, I think of, like, just John Stamos in, like, like, they wouldn't look like that, I just picture them having hair gel. That's what they look like.

Yeah. That's what they look like. Yeah. I'm sure they had gold rings and shit. Like, I'm sure they had... Yeah, they had chains. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Adidas track suits.

Yeah, yeah. Chest hair, yeah. Just sticking out. Yeah. And then they would take the tracksuits off to battle. And they would wear their golden phones. Yeah. Yeah.

But then they'd come back and they put the tracks on. That would be the greatest, like, if you looked back at like a Greek, like painting and there's just a guy in a track suit doing that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Just trying to sell guys a cell phones. Like, are they the ones with the statues?

Are they the ones with the statues with the tiny dicks? Who? The Greeks? Those guys grew. That was like everybody. Oh, okay. Michelangelo was Italian. I think Rome.

I want to say Roman. I don't know. But there was, I think there was a thing, too, where, like, they argued they were like, oh, no, it's like, we just don't want to distract. We want it to be, like, you know, it was, like, distracting. You're talking about penis size? No, with statues. Oh, so they were like, it would be too distracting.

Yeah, with penis size of statues. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, I know the penis size of statues. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the classic excuse that.

We didn't want to distract anyone, so that's why we're small. Yeah, that's why this guy made a mold of me with a little-ass dick, yeah. Well, it was, I tried to do a joke about this, but it was, uh, the big penises were seen as, like, brutish and, and, uh, unsophisticated. What is that was, that was racism? They were trying to, like, show. They were like, yeah, a dog whistle. Is there like a slave statue of like a big dick? Yeah, yeah.

Like, was that a thing where that was there like a slave statue? That horse hung tard? Yeah, yeah. Don't listen to what he says. He's got a nine-inch penis. I wouldn't take a scent of his advice. It is so funny, though, that, like, intellect or whatever was like, like, and, like, battle strength. But, like, I wonder when the timeline is when Dick's started to become, like, you know, the size mattered.

Probably. Let me go back to that. I think it always, Matt. Based on, you know, you got to ask that people that are getting fucked by the Dicks. Not the Dick Havers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Dick Havers definitely came more than than that. I would argue that throughout time, it's always mattered.

Yeah, yeah. but I think the dick havers care way more than the dick takers I don't know about way more okay so like I think women care if it's like a micro but they don't like between this is just me as a guy with an average dick I'm like look between five and ten it's all the same

it's all the same it's a past fail yeah it's what it is yeah exactly yeah you got a nice pee down there yeah that's what I don't know that's what I like to think

yeah but I like being told my dick small by women and some women are like, it's just it's not average. I'm like, yeah, but for the role play. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say it's small. Say it's tiny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It could be a problem, though, if they had huge dicks on the statues because then, like, people would be breaking into fuck the statues. Yeah. You know, if they had, like, dildos on the statues, that would be a problem. It'd be way shinier than the rest of the statue. Breaking into a museum.

Yeah, yeah, doing like a cablour burglary just everyone takes a turn, and then they repel. The pussy bandits are back. Yeah. And they repel up. go off. Creeping on the roof. Dude, just a guy in one of those

like, like, ski masks, just like mouth fucking a statue. But he's got like a rope on him. They're like, get off the statue. He hits a button and like Batman's up. Damn, but he came in the mouth. He repels in like the most feminine way with his ass up.

Just like, didn't give me this time. I'll never stop fucking the statues. Yeah. Yeah, that's a... We were joking about that earlier. I had like... You know, I remember joking about

like art thieves because you're like, you know, this guy like steals a painting. And it would be just funny if people didn't like the painting that you stole. Like you spent all this time having guys on jet skis and like helicopters. And then he's just like, my roommate's like the guy's just like, yeah, I just, yeah, I don't really get it. You're like, are you fucking seen? It doesn't really fit the, uh, vibe in the room, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

Because something just got stolen from the Louvre, right? It did. Uh, but it was gems, though. Was it a painting? Oh, maybe not. Because gems make sense because you can like turn into stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

This does fun for me. I just saw the new now you see it. So I'm like, ooh. Stealing stuff. With magic. With magic. I always root for the thieves. Yeah, for some reason.

Like, I'm so anti-stealing. I'm not like, I don't judge people for it because I'm like, I don't. I'm anti-stealing. I'm pro heist. I love a heist. Because we've seen all those Italian job, Oceans, you know, 11. Yeah. Takes a plan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want a plan. Right. I just want to see the montage before how they did it. The getaway. Yeah, yeah. I also, the problem is I get lost to earlier. You're watching now and you see me.

And there was like, not even a trick. And I was like, wait, so they were there or they weren't there? They're like, this was explaining. What happened to the magic? Yeah, yeah. You're like a guard outside the safe. You're like, wait, what? It's empty now?

Yeah, I don't get it. They're like, you just saw them steal the thing. Yeah. Yeah, it was, I don't know. It was fun, but yeah, I don't know. That was enjoyable. I like Dave Franco because he's like a James Franco you can root for. Yeah.

You know what I mean? He was bad. Yeah. Oh, did you see the new one? No. Oh, okay. I haven't seen them in 21 Jump Street. Yeah. And the first one. Yeah. Yeah. No, the only thing I've been watching is the American Revolution. Do you start that at all? It's really good. It's, yeah, it's, you know, initially I was like, what else is there to learn about the fucking American Revolution? You know, Paul Revere, all that bullshit. But it's, uh, I didn't know that they were all fired up 20 years before 1776. Not about the taxes. Taxes were like the straw that broke their backs. It was, um, They were having too many, after the colonials helped the British beat the French and Indians in the seven years war, all the colonials were like, okay, so now we're going to go west of the Appalachian Trail, or Appalachian Mountains, and get all this land. But there was too many, like, clashes between the natives and the colonists, so the British were like, nope, they just drew a big, cannot cross sign across the Appalachian Mountain.

And so everyone was super pissed because they were going to go get that land. They're like, well, that's what we fought for. We beat them. So we should go get that. And if you look at maps from back then, you know how like Virginia, the bottom is straight and Pennsylvania, the top and the bottom? Their maps in like 1755

were just like, imagine Virginia just going all the way across the country. It was just Long Jinnia. Yeah, yeah. Long Jinnia. And mega-Sylvania. They were just huge extensions. Well, there had to be so many fights

because have you ever seen like a family fight over like a little piece of, you know what I mean? They're like this little thing. Oh, somebody dies and then who's a go-to? Yeah, yeah. like that thing or like a property dispute with like whose tree is in this yard. I guess either. There's just so much like people get so intense about all that stuff.

And I'm like, I can't imagine if like you fought for it for like half the country. Yeah, you watch like nine of your friends get like shot with bone arrows. And then they're like, I think it should be ours. I don't know if that was the promise, but that was the implicit like assumption. Yeah. But after we win, we're going to go take this land. Yeah. In the Ohio.

Yeah. See, that's how much smarter you are than me because I'm over here watching like near death experience videos. I watch those too, dude. They're so sick, dude. I'm just, this is the one thing I've learned this week. So that's,

yeah, I'm done. Yeah. That's all you need. Yeah. So that's what I bring and then. Oh, I'll carry the rest,

dude. Yeah, I appreciate you bringing that. It's all I got is long gin, yeah. Yeah, I think we wrap up there. Well,

we got enough up down. Hell yeah. Long genie. I got so pissed driving here, dude. Why? The traffic. I mean,

trying to come here at like 5 p.m. is just awful. Like, between the Caribbean's double parking and like the Jewish emergency service vehicles. It's a nightmare. It's impossible. It makes me want to jump up on the curb.

This is more in your vein. Did you see this article about this woman who got her leg torn off? No way. Because a car in New York jumped the curb. And he was trying to get his pick of the Christmas trees, I guess. Dude, he got the lady. This poor woman, she's like in her young 20s. Her leg just got fucking ripped off.

Jesus. Yeah. See, that is terrible. So when you think walking is safer than biking, think again. You're never safe. You are never safe. Yeah, that's... Yeah, that's fine.

I just forget that this is, like, the most dangerous city in America. I mean, not like... I mean, I'm sure Chicago is. But, like, you're just so much shit going on that you're like, oh, yeah. You know, I bet in terms of, like, traffic fatalities, we're up there.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, people are psychos. Outside of murder, I think, yeah, a lot of shit. I almost got hit, like, a guy was turning left into a crosswalk. Me and my fiancee just, like, almost hit us. Like, we almost went up on the hood. Yeah.

He was crazy. People just ripped that. He didn't care. Yeah. People driving the shoulder on the highway constantly. You drive in the city. Yeah. I try to,

leaving New York on like a Friday at like 3 p.m. It's like you're crossing the border. You know, it's just a nightmare. I also, I always picture the driver. I pay a coyote to sneak me in, to sneak me through the tunnel and a side route.

Yeah. That's the way to do it. Because I always picture, I don't know why whenever I picture is like somebody who fucks me off in traffic or like, or like somebody who like cuts me off while I'm walking. I, shit, but sometimes, I've had it before where it's just the scariest guy.

Yeah. Like, I was on a bike one time. I was driving the bike lane. I'm like, hey, asshole, he goes, oh, you want me to get out of the car and beat the fucking shit out of you? And I was like, nah, I guess it's not for you. You want that to happen. Oh, I didn't see you were tough. They wait all day for you to go, hey, fuck you. They're like, what? What did you just have? Yeah.

Like you honk at someone, they're like, what? Yeah. They just hear fight. Fight. In their head. Battle, begun. It's just mortal combat. He just low kicks you three times. Stop spamming beat.

I picture just like a car full of gangsters. Just like nine Russian guys come out. Yeah, dude. One time, it was like in the morning I was driving to work and this guy cut me off for some shit and I flipped him off. And then I took a lap to get away from him. And then I met up with him again like three minutes later. And he was like in this like van.

He just pulls up. He's like, roll the window down. It was this Russian guy. He's like, you see me? This is not so nice. I see you at Bodega. Me not so. nice.

That's good. She's like, see how we met up again? Me, not so nice. I was like, okay, I'm never coming back here again. I'm going to quit my job. Wow, I love, he can intimidate you so much with just like hardly a grasp on the English language.

Exactly. Like, Russians speak like babies. They're like me. They know like 300 words. Yeah. But they will scare you. Yeah. Yeah, like any other time you hear like somebody not

speaking, you'd be like, this is not. You're a pussy. You don't even know the language. Yeah. Fuck out of here. Like, do you need directions? Like, it is weird. It's like there's, I mean, I for sure,

I have some xenophil where like if somebody starts speaking to me in broken English, mentally sometimes I think I'm smarter than them. I'm not, but it's just there's a part of my brain that associates that with a baby. And then I just like... Because if you heard someone who knows English talking like that, they are dumb.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That, you know, it's very natural. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it just, it's hard. I mean, I had that in dating where I'm like, are you, like, lost? Like, I'm like, do you know what's happening right now? Yeah.

We'll find your mom together. Yeah. This world's one big mall and you're lost. You went on a date Who'd you go on a date with? Oh, this is years ago It was like an Italian lady And she was like 46 or something like that

But she's just like, I just see her trying Old enough to learn Yeah, you should know by now Yeah But she's just trying to start She's like And then we went to the get the thing And then I'm like

Should I fuck you or this be like What website you meet her on? I think it's on field Okay I was into it I mean I like Bush She had like a big hair like known as anonymous. Bada boopi.com.

Yeah. But she said the funniest thing she's like a lot of these like women are so sexually attracted to these Italian men. And she's like that guy's the biggest fucking loser in my country but they can't check like the little they see like a guy and like they don't know what's out of style or like whatnot.

Right. Potentially you could go. I mean you could wear a fucking light up sneakers in Italy. They might not know the same way that they'll be like oh this guy's like a cool guy. Yeah, he's wearing fucking buzz light ear light up style. Yeah.

Just crushing pussy. Yeah, and that would be like, they're like, he's got a backpack with retractable wings and shit. He's full plus light here. He's playing with hot wheels cars in the club. They're like, what is that, Valenciaaga? Yeah, that's so, that's so chic. Wait, was she saying that people, like,

Americans think Italian guys are hot shit, even though they're losers? Or the opposite? Yeah, she said that because she's like, they don't, first off, they can't understand, like, the fashion that this guy's dressed lame in Italian fashion. They also can't tell, like,

because he's speaking broken English. So, like, they don't know. He could really be retarded. They would have no idea. underneath, it could still be nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That could be how well he speaks in Italian. It's just like, uh, ah, yeah.

Yeah, there's like no concept. But yeah, I don't know. I've never gone anywhere. I went to Spain when I was a kid and didn't get any pussy. Did the Nona feed you after you guys smashed? No, no, no. She gives you some sauce. Shunday gravy.

Yeah, some matzabal or what a, no, not Motsabal. Meatball, what am I trying to think of? Italian wedding. Italian wedding. Italian wedding. soup. Yeah. It wasn't that. No, but it was a great. It was a great. We had sex. It was great. And then, like, she jerked me off with like my, it was

very... Your hand? No, no, no. Like, in her, like, basically, like, I was washed up on shore or something. It was like a mermaid just tugging me off. Or so, look, some people might say it's a mother's son weird thing. But, you know, I like... Were you half hanging out of the bathtub? Why the mermaid imagery? No, it was like I was a sailor that washed... That's my friend. I'm like a sailor that washed a shore and she's just like... Were you listening to like

the Iliad audiobook? You can be my old siren. who never turns into a beautiful woman. You're just always a hag. But yeah, that was, yeah, that was, yeah, I don't think we ever spoke again. That's all right. Yeah, it's fine.

That just kind of happens. But, yeah, I don't know. I'll be curious what it's like going to foreign country. Have you gotten, have you gone over and gotten some? Some passports news. Some, I don't know. I don't think I have, actually. I haven't.

I went to Italy with my girlfriend. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're like, she banged like 12 guys. Yeah, I didn't have sex, but I watched a lot of people have sex. Yeah, I don't know. I think it could be fun. I don't really know. There's not a lot of places.

I'm like semi-seeing somebody from Ireland. We're in like a, it's confusing. But it's not a close relationship. I'm not saying that to try to get pussy from listeners. Yeah, but, no, it's all. You would have fallen pretty low if you're using this to get pussy. No, there's no way. But, yeah, no, like, so I definitely want to go to Dublin.

Because it's pretty cheap, dude. Flights are like $2.50 there. That's fire. Yeah. But I don't know. Now that I can do comedy everywhere, I'm going to go to a lot of places and kind of like, you know, do that. Maybe Riyadh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Got a good scene over there. Iraq, Afghanistan. Yeah, I don't know. I would just be constantly scared at any place like that. I don't know. Because they'll be like, they're like, yeah, all you do is just like not talk about the government. I'm like, I'm going to...

They're wearing giant things on their heads. I want to make fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks silly to me. It looks crazy. It looks like a parade every day. Yeah. Come on.

It's so funny to me. Guys have tigers as pets. What is up with you? Yeah. Yeah, you literally have a pet orangutan and a giraffe. Everyone's Mike Tyson over here. Yeah, I know like there's a lot of like, only fans girls will like go over there and get paid like thousands of dollars to like take a dump on like a prince.

Yeah, well, you know the Dubai chop. Is that what they call it? I think it is. That's how I heard about it first. I've heard of this conspiracy too. Conspiracy. That they're using the term Dubai chocolate to distract from the real Dubai chocolate.

Oh, that's the conspiracy. Interesting. I mean, it's working. Yeah. All I've heard about how Dubai chocolate's amazing. And then you look at the chocolate, it looks like shit. It looks disgusting.

It looks like shit-filled chocolate. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't know anyone actually eating that. It's thinly veiled. I mean, it's all right there. Yeah, I'm not into SCAT play, but enough cool people seem to be

that I think I might start getting show. Who's cool? John McAfee? Okay, he's kind of a rapist. Who's that? You know who John McAfee is? The guy that Maccafee software? I was going to say antivirus.

Dude, he, it was sucked. The only American Patriot left. Exactly. Well, now he's gone. Now, his banner was next to it. Apparently, the second documentary is like, he's still out there. He's probably with Epstein in Jerusalem. Yeah, yeah.

They're doing fun stuff. This banner was next to Easy E's at the Medanica. Died of E. Die of E. coli from eating women's poohies. Oh, no, dude. That's, okay, name one other person who's school. Let me get a little more into the... I want to talk a little about Mr. McAfee, because...

Okay. The goat. So the second documentary is going to watch first, and I was like, oh, this guy is cool, because it was just him, like, creating bathsalt labs, doing bath salts with AR-15s and his cool black girlfriend. What do you mean doing bathsaltz-so? How do you do that? So he would, like, basically what he would do is he made...

Because he was, he basically was a... He made, like, the antivirus software, right? Yep. And then he, it kind of seems like it was timed with the financial crisis, because he got kind of fucked with the financial crisis. And then he moved to Belize and then just started like a gang in Belize. Like shot his neighbor's dog or something.

Yeah. Yeah. And then he was like arrested. Whoa. Yeah. So like. This is on like a two years span too. And then he like died.

Yeah. Came the virus. Yeah. Yeah. And then he ran for libertarian president. He came back to America. Dude, it's so crazy. Because then he, so he like went down there to Belize.

Uh, started making like a bath salt lab because it's not illegal. So it's like, Bass Salt is just research chemicals. So like they rated his lab and they're like, we don't, this isn't technically We don't know what the fuck this shit is. It doesn't seem to be good. We need to make some new laws to make sure that's illegal. But you can just start changing. You just add a hydrogen molecule now that drug is legal.

So he was doing that. And then he started getting like these thugs, like local Belisian gangsters, to just ride around and like patrol the streets and like a pickup truck. Okay. So he's like a cartel leader almost for Battsaltz in Belize a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The second documentary doesn't mention that he raped the journalist. That's when I was like, wow, man. Why can't they leave out that stuff to make.

me like him more. I thought he was cool. He had like a prostitute. He was just like married to him. He was shooting dogs doing bath salts? Right. What was the AR-15 bathsalt? Is he shooting himself with bathsalt? No, no. There's just a later part where he's like bathsalt out. And because Vice starts following him in the second document. He's taking a soak. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, he's just like fucking on Sony bas salts. He's like, somebody's inside this boat. He's like somebody's in here. He's like, he's Australian? No, no, he's British, but he's like slightly British. It's like, it's almost more charming because he's not like, he's got like just the subtlety. Yeah. And he's just looking through, just holding an AR-15,

like high on bass salt, it's like looking under the bed for like a guy, just in the middle of the ocean. And I'm like, that's cool. Being that paranoid, just like losing your mind. And I don't know if people are honest

of themselves and they're like, what would you do with a billion dollars? That's like half people are ending up like that. Oh, for sure. Going insane. Losing your moon. Doing meth and just like peering out of a motel window.

Yeah. All your cash is on the bed. Yeah. You don't trust banks anymore. Everything you own. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

And then, so he went from Belize to Guada... Because this is what happened with his neighbor's dog, or his neighbor. So, uh, he would just be a gangster in,

like, an annoying way that, like, he would just have his dogs go wild and they'd, like, bite people and shit, and they'd just be annoying. Gangster shit.

Yeah. He's doing gangster shit. Yeah. Day and a life. Let your dogs off leash. Yeah. Bite kids. And some fucking nerd from Florida

lives next to him. Unless you pay your dues. Right. Then the dogs don't bite you. Yeah, which this guy from Florida should respect the king. But this guy from Florida

who just has like a pet parrot and is like just like I don't like meth flaps next to me. Is this the parrot saying? We got Walter White. Next door. Yeah, he's like I don't like that he's being annoying

and his dogs are biting my kids or whatever. And then he poisoned all John McAfee's dogs and then John and like he had to kill his dogs because they were like, he wanted to like put him out of. early. It's pretty much confirmed that this guy poisoned all of his dogs. Oh, no, that's so sad. I thought it was

when you said shot a dog, I thought you meant like, Christy Noam. Who's this? You know the Ice Barbie lady? In her memoir, she's like, I shot my, I hated that dog. A dog bit somebody when she was a kid and she never liked the dog, so she put it down herself, like shot it in the face, and she was like, I hated that dog. That's so insane. I was looking for a reason. I said, give me a reason.

Oh, my God. So I covered a neighborhood kid in peanut butter. threw my dog Wait, watch out Fuck you Oh no! But then, yeah, so we went over there and like shot the guy And then

What an asshole, you're, I mean, that's self-defense Of your family, I feel. Yeah. Did he get tried in Belize? Or are they like, yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah. You don't poison the cameras. Yeah, I think that's why he went to like Guatemala

Oh, he had to flee again. Yeah. Damn. And then, and half this guy, by the way, is him trying to look cool. I'll be honest, like, he's trying to create mystique. I think he's just like a Zuckerberg guy. It's like, how about instead of

like learning how to hydrofoil surf and, you know, do MMA, I'm just going to actually live like a fucking outlaw. I respect it. Yeah. As I said, everything attracted to me until he raped that journalist. But he just out, this is how weird it is. He likely raped the journalist.

I could see this guy wanting so much weird appeal because she says she got drugged and then woke up and John Mack who was naked. I could see this guy literally being like, I got to make it look like I'm committing worse. see him just being like, I gotta just be evil. He's like, she left out the part where I spun around in a chair and pet a cat on my Yeah.

It's all for the optics, babe. I'm just trying to, I gotta look evil. I have an image to maintain. He goes, just tell everybody I raped you. And he just like runs away. He was naked and I was tied to a board and there was a laser slowly making its way up to cut me and have. But it took five minutes and he explained his whole plan. I was able to break free.

I got to look more into this McAfee guy. He sounds fascinating. Is this still alive? No, he died. No, no, so he kept in one of those guys It's like, if I die, it was not suicide. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which is what everybody... Funny thing to say if you do actually kill yourself. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it's a great move. Yeah, oh, yeah, it wasn't suicidal. And then, like, next day, I'm gonna kill my son. Yeah, yeah, everybody's gonna think of so much more important than I was, yeah.

One of my buddies used to joke about that because one of my friends, he was joking about, like, showing up to the funeral was being like, man, it sucks, we're never going to find out who did this. just guy who thinks everybody was murdered by the feds. But he went back to America, like, ran for libertarian president or something like that. Then he, I died in, like, a Spanish prison.

And then one of his girlfriends, because his thing, all these women do, by the way, all of them are fucking hideous. Like, it's so funny because this one guy's like, I was in charge of getting John McAfee, the sexiest woman in Belize. And you see them and they look. It's a blind guy. Dog face. All 400 pounds. Oh, she's very sexy. Yeah, yeah.

It's all boobs. But, yeah, no, then the women, everyone was like, yeah, no, we'd be in a hammock, and then he'd ask us to kill the hole in bottom and just take fucking, and I don't know about the diet and beliefs, but I'm sure it's like fucking, yeah, I'm sure it was nasty. Oh, he's naked in a hammock and shitting through the...

No, no, they're shitting on ham. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. But they asked about on Matt and Shane's was so funny. He's like,

these are childish questions and stuff like that. And he goes, also that is the most vanilla of sex stuff. Like he's like, he's like trying to downplay. The shit hammock?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the most vanilla. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's first base for it. Whoa. Sounds a little more like chocolate. Yeah. Gross.

But there was like all, like I think like one woman fucked to the rest of them were just taking dumps on them. That's crazy. Yeah. Um. But then, yeah, one of them afterwards, the documentary, she's like,

he called me two weeks later, and he said he's in Texas. And that was him, yeah. Wow. Belisi accent's weird because it's kind of spinning, but it's kind of tropical, so it's like a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I could never get into that.

I get how it could maybe, maybe feel good, but the smell. Yeah, that's the thing. The smell. Yeah, I like it conceptually because it's, like, very degrading and a woman just being like, fucking, yeah. But, yeah, I don't think I would ever have a woman take a dump on me. I like that I say I don't think I would ever. I would not let a woman take a show. Okay, there you.

Let's take some hard swings here. I'll take an official stamp. No woman's going to take a dump on me. That's good. I've watched that porn before, though, but it's like a band I tried out. And I'm like, not really for me, you know. You're a Norwegian black metal. Yeah, I'm like, look, it's too intense for me.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe if you live in Sweden and it's dark all the time. Yeah, yeah, it's what you do if you go on. It's warm. They shit on your chest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a pretty wild.

But I may watch those vice documentaries. I mean, those were just so fucking cool back to the day. Yeah, yeah, they were cooking. And they're starting to come back. Like, you watch them now. Now they're like following, like, weird subcultures and stuff, too. They're back to being cool. They're less being like, like,

Dave's Japan's last Netflix special. Right. Yeah. It was cool when they were, like, chilling with Gucci Mae, and he's like, you've got to have the sauce. Yeah, yeah. Some people have the juice. You've got to have the sauce.

You're like, all right, Gucci. He's 13 years old. What is the juice versus sauce? Can you break it down? So everyone can have the juice, but not everyone has the sauce. That's what Gucci told me. And I was like, I got you. Appreciate it.

I listened to one of your last steps on the way here just to get in the rhythm. And you were talking about your Zen addiction, and I see it's still cooking. Oh, yeah, hardcore. Yeah, I think I have one? Yeah, this is the one, though, that I throw the old ones in. So I don't know. I just don't want it. You want a vello?

I got a velo. I don't like a velo. Oh, really? I don't like a Velo. I like a Venn. Let me see it. Wait, I might take out my Zen for a Velo. bellow.

Really? Would you trade? We'll do like a Bellagio Water Fountain. Yeah, we just spit them in it. Yeah, you can have a velo. Do you like a velo? I'm a velo guy.

I like the texture. Oh, yeah, they're big pillows. My problem is that Zinn has found a way to uniquely make you like buzzy and nauseous in a way that other nicotine pouches have not. Yeah. And it's like in the home alone

with the aftershave when it hurts that you feel like it's doing more. Zin hurts. Yeah, especially if you do the chill ones. There's the chill ones that make it feel like you ate nine ice cubes. Yeah. Yeah, like you're chewing a battery or something. I do like...

That's how you know the nicotine is getting delivered. I like the Tucker Carlson. Have you seen him using Hobophobia to sell his new pouches? No, but I know he has pouches. What are his pouches called? Yeah, what are the guy who's definitely not gay? Put it in your mouth. Pouches or something. Okay. What, did you say you had the deal?

This is where he knew that I wanted them and then he's not going to have him. He's going to be like, I didn't know that you wanted it. He traded it. Oh, thank you, sir. Oh, you got one. Okay, there you go. Citrus. But, no, he's literally saying he's like, yeah, no, everybody who's in, they put him in their assholes.

And then people are like, no way, he's like, every, they did a study. My fiance keeps asking me if I've done that. And I was like, if you want to do it to me, you can do it, but I'm not doing it. I did not know this was a thing. I don't think it is a thing. I think Molly and Tucker keep having their little book clubs. come out of this with wild ideas. Put in upper decky.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I do because I'd never thrown in Zins and be like, these are just not working anymore. You just throw in more. You never like, I need to put this in my asshole. Yeah,

yeah, it's like that's, what depths of nicotine addiction you have to be, you're like shooting up between your toes, shoving it up your ass, you know? Yeah,

how do you get there? They have like a Zinn dildo. It's like just a, like a pillow that's penis shaped. That's probably coming. It's coming. It's going to probably be like a butt plug, like a slug.

release, an extended release Zipug, your sub butt vape. Don't talk to me until I've had my butt vaid. Or now we could talk business. Dude, I'm chucking clouds down there. It's not a fart. Yeah, would you, would you puff out the other end? It'd be nice. The bathroom just smell like mango and strawberry.

Yeah. That wouldn't be bad. Somebody should make that for like big time farders, like some sort of thing you eat that makes your farts smell. Oh, yeah, that'd be good. Or just like a screen, like a boxer. One of those things called when you're, when you're going to bed. Dream catcher.

You know what I was going, yeah, yeah, dream catcher. Like a sploof for your anus. Yes. Just has it come out. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. A poof. The poof. Yeah.

This is big guys. Sharks. Sharks. Bump, bum, bum, bum. Who's like the meanest of the sharks? Is it, uh, Mr. Wonderful? Yeah. By a mile.

He's the one. The Hollywood superstar, Mr. Wonderful. I love when they, they do the edits where it's like, it's like a little kid pitching like, you know, like you build your own sandbox. And then they'll cut Mr. Wonderful. Be like, it's terrible. I hate you. And then he's like, this.

is the worst idea I've ever heard because the kid just being like, yeah. For the poof, they could go up and have a guy who'd, you know, just eating a bunch of Belizean food and he just rips ass in front of the sharks. And they're like, oh my God. And then they put the poof in. Yeah. And then he goes right up to Mark's face. So close you can see it like blow his hair back. Mark's like, no, I want to see if the product's real. I'm going to invest. A fart right in my fucking face. Yeah, fart in my face. I want to know.

It smells like a glade plug-in. I'll do 49% for 300,000. Just going down the line that whatever blonde lady that is, she's like, it doesn't smell bad. Yeah, one of them is really hot. Barbara's the sex pistol. Barbara's hony. She means business.

Barbara hony. Yeah. Barbara's so old. Isn't she? Whenever like a jack dude comes on to pitch a product, Barbara slides a little in her seat. Yeah, she's like, hey, well, if you want these lips instead of the 15%. Yeah. She's like seven minutes with me in the bathroom. You get to keep all the equity.

What do you think about that? Do you guys have qualms about pooping in public? Yeah, I do it. I do it all in comedy clubs that I'm, you know, barely getting spots at. I'll do it anywhere. Only one I could do is the comedy shop in the bathroom there. Those are good bathrooms. Yeah.

I should have in the bunker the other day. Pair, that's tough. Dude, there's a guy from off the wagon, some giant bouncer who just takes the work, like, he's like, no. The guy is, like, the biggest guy. He's always on the clock. His shits are intimidating. Yeah. He's scary. He's shitting in a different building

because he's so fat that he can't fit into his own place. No way. He's too big for the wagon? The bar's about him. He falls off. He's off the wagon at all times. And I don't know what he does for the pair that he's allowed to just only leave his shits there.

Like, it's not like he's, like, buying a drink or anything. He's just shitting. He's part of the McDougal gang. You've got to stick together on the on the streets of McDougal. Yeah, on the neon lit streets. The 17 people barking on that one street. Yeah. There's probably more people working on that street than our like... Than the entire of Manhattan.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe outside of Times Square. McDougal's probably the most like scam artists and drug dealers. I did do this though. I did, I had to shit in public and I was on the way to a date and I just walked into a

place and took a dump. But because I did that a week later, I was like, you know what, I should bring this girl, not to be like this is where I should. But to like, ground zero. Yeah, but like to show respect. Because that is, you know, that is, in my mind, it is a little bit of cost. Like a piss is nothing, but a shit is like, you know, you took something. Oh, you're saying you felt an obligation to the venue to patronize them?

Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. And then I bought a bunch of drinks there. You took a shit. You're on the way out. You're like, I'll get you next time.

Yeah. We always trust your shits, Michael. I know he'll be better. Yeah, he's good for it. That one really smells. He's going to buy a lot of drinks next time. Do you know, you guys know Nick Hopping? Yeah.

He has a great bit about owning a business and it's really made him change the way he thinks about shit. Have you seen this bit? No. Because people will come in and they just want to shit. Like before you own a business, you're like, hey man, just be a person, let me shit. Right.

But then you own a bit, that's all they want to do. Just people are taking dumps. Yeah, they're like, I don't want to spend any money, but I brought shit. I brought shit from home. This is the best I could offer. Yeah, he's like, I actually had dinner at a different restaurant, and now here's the change. But it is, it is, yeah, but a good hack is like any bar, you can just walk in and go to the bathroom. Yeah.

Like, I've realized, like, going into shows and stuff, like, I'm there for the show, but they don't know that. I'm just walking in with a backpack, and, you know, I look like a loser. And then I just immediately take a shit, and I could just walk out. Right. Yeah. People don't really think about the bars as a good... I do it a lot. But sometimes I feel bad, and I will take, like, I'll buy, like, a drink.

And then I... Yeah. Throw it down the toilet and leave. Yeah. I'm like, I don't want to do. This gross places where I shit. I don't drink where I shit. Yeah.

You go to the bar next door. Yeah. But I like, I don't know, because somebody asked me recently, they're like, oh, you think it's unethical to, like, jerk off in a bathroom. And I'm like, no, because you're shitting in it. What a fascinating question. Yeah, because shitting in it's so much worse. I know it's for shit, but like, if I were a venue owner, I'd much rather some guy shoot

a little load down the toilet than stink of the office. It's unethical if your jerk will take longer than your shit. Okay. Then it's a public... Indecency. Yeah, public impediment. Yeah, it's an obstruction. Yeah.

Yeah. I did it... I had a terrible experience with this. I was like, my grandpa was dying. This will all relate. Okay. A grandpa was dying. Because he couldn't find a place to shit.

Yeah, he couldn't find a place to shit. He was just... He was more shit than man at the end. He was just... Yeah, it was bad. He couldn't find a place to let him go. But I like it. So we had to let him...

go. I had a night where I stayed up all night, and my grandpa was passing away scene, so I had to drive like five hours to go see him. Whoa. So I was like, I got it. So, you know, I didn't want to be up all night, so I snorted my Adderall. Are you in Florida? Yes.

Where did you drive? Were you in Tallahassee or something? I was going from Orlando to Naples. That's five hours. Yeah, it's like four or five. Yeah. Holy shit. So, you know, I'm like, I snort a little bit of Adderon in the bathroom. And then everyone greys different. Yeah, everybody.

it's okay but then I'm down the road a little bit and I did the weirdest thing where I just like call I mash with some woman on field from like a different city I was like I'm just gonna call this woman talk like so I was just talking to this woman got horny had to tug off went into another wahwa went to tug off and then kids start trying to play a prank where they're banging on the bathroom and I'm like dude that's they're just like ha ha somebody's in there and I was like you're making the same motion you're like come on guys and yeah I know I know never, I never finished. I still did this day, I never came. Blue balls at the Wawa. That's crazy. Out of respect for your grandpa.

Yeah, yeah. No, I actually found out he died while I was jerking off too. So, yeah, it goes in cycles, yeah. That's sad. But that was last time I was thought, but it was funny too because it was kind of Shutter Islandly. Like, we went to his place. We had a couple of vodkas and we acted like we were going to see each other again.

It was one of those where I was like, yeah, see you next time. The door closes and we're all like, you know, at Shudder Island. Yeah, yeah, see you tomorrow. And then my grandma gave him a lobata. When did he die? after you saw him. How long? It was like, like, nine years.

I'm just kidding. I was like, this is the last time because I don't want to hang out with you. You just decide he's dying. It's time to say goodbye. I will never see you again. No matter how long it takes, bye.

Bye. This is it. You're drinking vodka with him, though? That's pretty fun. Yeah, we just had like a little, and it was like the perfect, like, because they have like a condo

that like overlooks like the ocean. Yes. So he died like the best way possible. They really put you out to pasture nice in Florida. Yeah. They get you a condo. They get you some kind of Russian nurse. Yeah.

Did he have a live in nurse or something? A home health aide? No, but I like to think maybe like a Russian lady jerked him off or something. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I'm just hoping for the best. But yeah. Yeah.

I'm just wondering, because he's drinking vodka, like, when did he die? Because if you're drinking vodka, you have to be, you're at some level of healthy. Yeah. I think that point they were just like, what is this going to do? Of course. Of course. I'm just curious. Do you know how long it took after?

It was probably like, I think I probably like, a month and a half, two months, something like that. Okay. Yeah, yeah. But it's weird because it hasn't, like, I cried when I found out. But then also I'm like, it's a weird thing where I just like think he's still alive. Yeah. I mean? Because I haven't like hung out with my grandma since.

Right. When did this happen? Probably like three-ish months ago. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. It's so recent. Yeah. But it's just the thing I haven't really processed yet.

Yeah. It's like when like you're, I don't know, when like a younger, I've had a lot of younger people die. And then you're like, oh, this really happened. but like when an old person's like constantly dying, you're like, yeah, but he's like still probably got like another year. Like I keep thinking of him like, yeah, he's right over another year. You still think of him as dying right now? Yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he looked great when I saw him. I don't know. Yeah, he was three sheets to the wind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just drinking vodka, having a great time. Yeah, yeah. It's getting to the pearly gays.

He's like, what's up? Yeah, I know Peter. He's like, I'm Peter. You're talking to Peter. Yeah, you're not Peter. He's like, fuck, okay. This is another Peter in there, Peter S. That one didn't work.

fuck. Yeah, it, uh, but that was weird, dude, because, like, my, I have no idea what I think of the afterlife, but I just, like, been watching these, like, near-death videos, and they're so fascinating. Because, like, some of them are, like, crazy. Like, I don't know, this one woman was, like, I'm, like, part Native American, so, like, I, you know, saw this, like, Native American guy that was, like, and I saw Pocahontas, and I'm like, this is crazy.

Pocahontas. Sure you weren't watching Pocahontas? That's the funny thing, because, like, I, maybe this is racist, but, like, I hear, I don't believe in Christianity, but I start. listening to those. I'm like, ooh, he saw Jesus. But in this way, he's like, I saw the Native American guy. I'm like, yeah, right. They're not up there. Yeah, lay off the peotia. There's no

fucking way. If you saw Jesus and some toast, now we can talk. You saw the Virgin Mary in your oatmeal. That's real. That is legit. That's real. Yes. Yeah, I don't know. It's like, some of the people explain the same things. Like, a lot of people say they have their life review where you watch

like a bunch of TVs of your life and you kind of see everything that happened. And then that's like the most common thing. then I think yeah I don't know then they're the hell people have the worst I hate listening to those The hell people?

Dude there's so many people to die And they're like yeah I was just like raped by demons No way Oh so many people Oh god Did they give like Gwen Here's why

Yeah every guy was like Dude I was like I was bad I was a bad boy I was a bad man Yeah it's always It's never a guy that's like What the fuck?

What did I do? They're like you cut that out I held doors open He was a good guy. Yeah. No, you remember that homeless guy I asked you for $3? You gave him 50 cents.

So that's why you're going to get raped by demons. Yeah, who look like him. No carry cash, huh? Why does this devil have a gold tooth? And a big hunch. Yeah, there was like a priest that went to hell, which I mean, look, I don't know what he did wrong, but I think we could guess.

But yeah, he said there was a bunch of demons and they were singing umbrella by Rihanna. No. These are awesome. Ella is. you're in hello I got to get on to this NDE video train

Dude they're great And like some of them are kind of Believe I mean I know like two people Have died and came back Or like Personally I've talked to three I know two yeah

So I talked to one guy I had a pacemaker And then he said it cut out And then it was just complete blackness But that's what everybody No matter what describes Complete blackness And then more into the story

They're like And then I got taken here or there And then I got reception again Yeah Yeah, and they're like, sorry. I went through a tunnel. I was in a dead zone area. Yeah.

And then like, yeah, people will say like they go and then they describe, a lot of them describe what they think was Jesus as like having like being bright as fuck and they can like barely see his face. So that's like a common one that's kind of weird because you're like, that seems, the consistent ones are weird. But I don't know what the chicken and egg thing is. I don't know if like because you have these views of religion, you see certain things or if that's where the religious views came from. Yeah. Have you seen an atheist near death?

No. Oh, no, no, no, no. All of them, yeah. There's, like, half the videos are like, I didn't even believe in God. And then I died, and then, like, you know, I got taken to do it. And a lot of it's fucked by a snake

for what seemed like eternity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm a Presbyterian again. Yeah. Now I go to church. That's, like, a lot of them. And then, like, but then some of them are atheists that, like, do still go to heaven.

And then they're like, the weird one they described it was, it was like, there's like, that's sick. Yeah. She's like, yeah, God was kind of a, Dick, dude. Yeah, you're a smug asshole your whole life and then, you just get to go. Yeah, you're good, yeah.

But the funniest with the ads, because this one woman, like, try to kill herself. And then she's talking about, like, her son. And then she's like, and then I saw my son. And then the angel was like, you, this is your son at his basketball game without you and the bleachers. And then you get like, are you tired of paying for groceries? I'm like, are you funny.

I was like, I was like almost crying at the gym. And then all of a sudden it's like, groceries are way too expensive. Draft King! That's Kevin Hart. Yeah. Yeah, the one thing that was really interesting was like the, yeah, they describe like, they kind of describe the same thing where there's like beautiful plants and stuff,

but this is just stuff you would just like guess if you like hurt, if you would guess what heaven is. It's a botanical garden. Yeah, nobody's describing it with like guys with wings or anything. It's always just like there was all these gates and like some guy has like I had trouble getting into the gates. but like, it's not like actual gate, but they're like, it's like an opening and then it's like a forest field almost where like you can't get in. And then...

Wakanda. Yeah. Forever. Forever. Didn't Kamala Harris do that? Throw up the Wakanda? She definitely threw up the Wakanda forever. Shut up Kamala, dude.

That's awesome. Yeah, Kamala forever. You think she's coming back for a run? I hope so. Just add some spice into it. Yeah. Yeah. You do it pretty good.

You need to do it now. that's half in the bag We're coming back Yeah Yeah she Yeah I don't know I do want more of her I want kind of more of everybody

I'm like I'm so divorced from politics It doesn't really It doesn't really anger me I'm like this is just kind of fun To watch from a distance And yeah I don't know I think it's it's

Some of it's fun Like I like My favorite things are the Pierce Morgan's now Because he's also just like He's not a good interviewer And yeah He's just trying to like like get gotcha questions.

They should give him his red ex back from America's Got Talent. Wasn't that what he did? Wasn't he on America's Got Talent? Was he? Yeah, he was definitely not a... Like, we all think of him now as his news pundit, but he used to be like

a contest show host. Wasn't he? It was like American Idol or something? Totally, yeah, that was his like job. That's so funny. Give him the red X back. Give him the red X, yeah. And it's just he's only exing people.

I never see him with anybody he likes. Yeah, exactly. It's just funny when he interviews like Nick Fuente. and he's like, his jaws dropping, he's like, wait, so you're telling me, Nick Fuentes, the one nationalist, you're telling me that you don't like black people.

So right on there, it's like, yeah. Yeah. He's like, yeah. He's like, yeah, I have other races I want to disparage. If we can move on from black people. Hold on, hold on, you are telling me right on air. I'm like, yeah, it's like, if you interviewed Hitler, it would be the same thing. So you're telling me you don't, you're telling me right now

in front of all these people, millions of listeners that you do not like Jews. And it's like, yeah, why are you surprised by it? Yeah. You had him on here because you disagreed with him. And now you're, like, surprised that the guy is like this. Yeah. Yeah.

He did get him to say he was a virgin, though. That was fun. Really? Yeah. He's a virgin at 27. Oh, all he needs to do is come. Yeah. Yeah.

And all the hate leaves your body. I think he's gay. That's a lot of people. I will say this. I don't believe Milo saying everybody's gay because that's what gay guys love. I love to do that. He's actually gay. Yeah.

Yeah. It's actually. Yeah. was so funny that because he's like he was talking to Tucker Carlson about like homosexual and he's like it's really not you know it's it's a sickness and this isn't that it's not who you are as a person oh me lo my whatever yeah and like you're saying that while twirling your hands yeah it's really your hands and like looking up yeah yeah it's not even like it's just a compulsion that you have and then I'm like you're you're being possessed by Satan right now

yeah that's what he said dude he's like talking about being on airplanes he's like and then it's sexy this sexy football player what's next to me and I said I need to get this demon out of me someone's the bath of time. I went to my British cuck. There's a lot of money to be made, though, as like a reformed, heavy quotes gay guy in, like, the Christian community.

You can do a speaking tour. Yeah. If you could be like, I was gay and then God save me. God got me some pussy. Yeah, God show me the light between a woman's legs. I might just pretend that I used to fuck dudes

for nine years, just so I didn't have a turnaround like that. You should. Yeah. Yeah, but nobody goes like too crazy. It'd be funny if they were like, the other way, it's like, now I'm just fucking constantly getting it.

I love it. It feels so good on your dick. Like, instead of being religious, he's like, he's like the hero, but like that everybody's having fun with. He's like, I got my balls sucked right before this interview appears. It's great.

Yeah, yeah. By a woman. Yeah. Yeah, those, I have to pee real quick. Tear it up, dude. Paint the walls. Have a good ass time. Paint the walls.

Yeah, those are all, just continuing to be interesting to me. I don't know. It is crazy. Nick White has like a million followers. It's funny, too, because I try to, like, get away from that stuff and just watch, like,

it's everywhere. you try to just scroll in anything, it's just like, the blacks. It's like, holy shit. Yeah. What I think, too, with like, I think that, like, it's funny to me always that, like, Nick Fuentes gets pushed on Instagram and then Zuckerberg,

who owns it as, like, a Jewish guy. Yeah, it's like, okay, what is good with this? And I thought, like, a Jewish guy bought TikTok, and then you still see everything, like, noticing, like, edits of that. Yeah, that's always funny to me when they're like, it's the Jewish question. I'm like, it's not a question. You're just like, I don't like Jews.

That's what you're saying. Hey, dude, let him live. Yeah, you have the answer in your mind to the question. It's not like a Jewish question. Yeah. Yeah. Talking Jews? Talking Jews.

Welcome back to talking Jews. Talking Jews. Yeah, we're talking about how it's weird that Zuckerberg is like, and I'm all for like, I'm a free speech absolute is what let people say they want, but the algorithm is pushing Fuentes, like pushing it. Like, I don't see Fuentes. You know what? Enough people said this to me.

I think it's me. I'm not seeing him. I don't think he's very... Yeah, it might be me as well. I don't think he's very interesting. I think he's in, like, a degree. Like, I don't think he's... I don't know, you haven't talked to much.

What do you think about the... He's all right. Yeah. He has some funny things. I mean, like, occasionally I beg that, that's funny that he said that. But, and I think it is just, like, it is just funny that he's, like, a racist...

He's like all these things, but he's, like, 28. And then people are, like, we have to interview this guy. Yeah, it's like... Everyone wants some silence though he's just like on a new podcast every week. Yeah, it's like the same reason

the Rizzler's popular is the same reason Fwente is popular and they're like, we go get the bottom of this. It's like, I don't know, the internet likes retarded people. Yeah, he's just gonna be on the ballot. Yeah, would he be famous

if he was 60 and had these views? Probably not. People would be like, shut off. Yeah, they're like, everybody's grandpa. Okay, boo. Yeah. Well, and I think the thing too

is like he's backed himself into such a corner that he's, I think he's gonna go the other way. I think he's gonna reform and start becoming like a, a he's going to have like a Milo thing and now he's going to be like super but the other way he's going to be like super he's going to be like he's it's going to be him kissing like a black Hebrew Israelites feet or something right because that's the only way because he's addicted to

attention so right that's what he's going to do a one-man show at Stonewall Inn yeah yeah yeah yeah he's going to be a big champion for diversity maybe I could see it I don't know people get it's like the Kanye thing he just gets bored of he's like all right I don't think he randomly had like a come to Jesus moment where the Jews aren't bad. I think he's just like nobody wants to listen to me so I'll go hang out with a rabbi I apologize now because that'll get people to pay attention. Yeah, just a random rabbi. That is the move. When you're getting flak, you hang out with the rabbi

and it softens. It's crazy. It softens the PR. Young Doug was hanging out with the same rabbi too. It's like, what is this? What powers does this guy have? I did see the Zoran appointed as some, I don't know for what, but maybe it's like a New York rabbi or something, but it's like a trans rabbi. The Zoran appointed. I know. I was like, you're totally just trolling the Jewish community. There's no way.

Most Jews in New York are like, yeah, that's our pick. Yeah, yeah. Wait, trans, which way? Because don't you have to be a dude to be a rabbi? No. Not in reform. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that is fun to just do, too. I kind of like that idea. Just, you know, appoint people. Like, I remember, he's like, he's like, you don't think I like Jews? I appointed this trans rabbi. And that's not what we meant. Yeah, because it's like, she bought her cyberans from a wig store.

This is ridiculous. Yeah, it was like, have you seen those videos of like, too, concerns are getting so mad? They hired like the gayest gay man and like Kamala or Joe Biden's cabinet who's just like, this is what's like to work in the White House. He's got to come out and like, it's so funny. People like, this is what our country is going to. That would be the most fun though, as being able to appoint people that you know are going to piss people off.

Yeah. Yeah. You know? Like I bet Trump was like. Like, what if we put RFK in there? Yeah. Wouldn't that be hilarious if we just stir the pot with that guy? Talano.

Yeah. No, he's just running around screaming about Talano. What was his like, because people have been in and out, right? Elon's like out now. He's like not in with them anymore. Not in the government, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But it's weird because I think he's still, dude, that guy has same, same shit.

It's like once a week he's posting on X. He's like, white people are going to be extinct. I'm like, I don't care. Like, I don't. And yeah, his whole thing was like Trump's in the Fstein files. It's like you were pictured with. Chis Lane in a bunch of Oh, Elon was? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So it's like, hmm, what are you doing? Yeah. Well, somebody brought up a really good point about this. First of up the funniest thing to me is the idea of Trump stumbling around the next morning at an Epstein party, like with his hair all messed up. He's got like a button down on no pants. He's like, have you seen, have you seen my keys? I can't find him. That is a very funny image to me. I left him in some kid's ass. I don't remember. Can you call my... Where's my babe? Are you sitting out my babe?

Well, somebody also brought up a crazy thing about him. I never thought about this. Because you always think of like, okay, Epstein was blackmailing Trump. But a lot of people think that, like, Trump was like an asset to Epstein. So he's still guilty. But what he was doing was like,

because he had so much influence, he was like getting people too. He's like, yeah, come to this party. Is Epstein guys really cool? Come over here. Because like Epstein was just like a, he was rich, but like also like if you were plugged into somebody like that. He was like the, who was Diddy's girlfriend?

I have no idea. I know he was dating. Oh. Cassie? Yeah, he's kind of like, so maybe Trump was, you know, raped and... Trump was Jeff's Cassie.

Yeah, he was giving drugs and stuff. Maybe. He's like, here's a video getting banged by 10 dudes. He's like, I'll do whatever you say. I like, I'm saying. I like the other people who are on the island that don't get enough credit. Don't get like Chris Tucker.

Yeah, like what? Copperfield, you know? What were they doing? Yeah. Were they just hired entertainers? Yeah. Yeah, that would be so... That was like the Riod of...

They're like, ah. Yeah. Chris Tucker and Copperfield. He's like, late. Why don't you tell me how young these girls were elite? They're like, look, I don't know.

I don't know. I did not know. Yeah. Copperfield's like, but he was the magician, right? I saw him. I saw him perform. What was that like? It was amazing.

He made a car disappear. Yeah. Yeah, because the idea that is... Yeah, Copperfield could have had a little underground railroad. He could have disappeared the kids and had him appear on some hat on the mainland. Yeah.

He could help them out. Magic for good. That's a great point. He could use magic for good. Instead of just having these tigers appear and disappear all the time. Yeah, that's a real. If you have magic, I mean, there's no reason you shouldn't be using it for good. But that is funny because the whole re-out arguments, people were like,

people deserve my comedy everywhere. So Copperfield's like, everybody does, even child sex slaves, should get a magic show. Especially. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They needed more than most. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was his thing. He was just chained up kids.

And he's like, ooh-hoo. I can't get you out of those handcuffs. I get out of those. I don't know those. I don't know that model. I haven't studied that one. Sorry. Yeah, I don't know.

We'll never know. We'll never find out. But I kind of, yeah, I kind of stopped caring. I mean, not in like a, it's good now way. But like, you know. Oh, sure. Yeah, you got to move on. Yeah.

Which is they kind of... News moves quick. Yeah, I was waiting for them to come up with like a distraction. Yeah. Like, I thought Trump was going to be like breastfeeding an alien. They're like, oh, we're going to talk about Epstein. Is that what you guys want to talk about?

But instead, it's just like, fucking. like, they're like, oh, we really did stop carrying it a week. Yeah. Like, we just were done. We dropped a couple of emails and then it was like, all right. People listening to this are even like, are they still joking about that? Yeah, yeah, it was last week. Yeah. And I don't think anything else eventful happened. I don't know.

I mean, we got to, what time is it now? Oh, shit. We, can you tell what time it is? 643. What do you got to do? We got to get out of here because my roommate's doing like a sketch group thing. You got any Christmas, but?

you're going to Florida. Oh, yeah, I'm going to Florida. Have yourself a wonderful Christmas time. That's for sure going to happen. I'm excited. I, um. Where are you going, Jake? Connecticut.

CT. CT, baby. Nice. Same old. You setting up any, like, lights on the house? Any, any reindeer in the yard? No, my girlfriend's family does is like Christmas Village, so it just looks like Santa Claus just came all over the fucking house.

Oh, yeah, with the fake snow and stuff. Yeah. I like that. I like the spirit, too. Yeah. I like the candles in the window. the sprayed snow on the glass. Yeah.

The scary statues of Ebenezer Scrooge that I put in every room in the house. Yes. All the Christmas stuff. Yeah. Yeah, I probably got to throw on a Christmas. I don't know. I got to get into it.

But I am excited about it. I'm in the Christmas spirit. I'm wearing green and red red, or whatever fucking color of the shit is. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah, thank you. But what do you guys want to promote? Because, yeah, we do got a...

Yeah, I got a special. I'm filming this Saturday. Sick. Flop House Comedy Club. December 13th, 8 p.m. 930 come out. It'll be a good time. Sick. Perfect. Jake Strom, L.O.L. on the gram.

I think this was a great episode. It's a fun time. Good time.