Morning Good - The Protectors - Episode 116

Episode Date: September 18, 2022

Thanks to Dan Carney and Ryan O'Toole for coming back on the show. Check them out on previous episodes and down below for more great stuff. Also if you're a broker in NYC, go fuck yourself. Dan is on Instagram and Twitter @danmancarney and hosts the Good Karma Comedy Show in NYC. Find Ryan on IG @itsryanotoole and at his website, itsryanotoole.com, and don't forget to check out The Ryan O'Toole Podcast as well.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right, we're here with, we're starting. There was no bigger crime in America than being Muslim after 9-11. Oh, yeah, yeah. This is, we're 6 seconds. Right after 9-11, if you're a Muslim, Muslim. Oh my God, you might as well shot the president.

We're here by the way. We're here with Dan Carney. We're here with Ryan O'Dill. Yo. There was a kid at the Boys and Girls Club. I used to go to in South Boston as a kid. And his name was Osama. And this kid got tortured after 9-11.

Like, when I tell you verbally, though. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's very vague. Because if you say he got, is a Muslim guy getting tortured every 11th. It's possible he was actually getting waterboarding. That's tough. Dude, if you're a Muslim after 9-9-I-I mean, like,

I'm talking like a random bodega owner. Oh, my God. versus John Wilkes Booth. Who would the feds have gone after first? It's not even close. It's not even close. Well, the Japanese got treated pretty rough in World. Those interming camps and World War II were also pretty fun.

Oh, yeah. We brushed that one under the rock. Dude, you don't even learn about that in school. I remember learning about it in school, but it was like, it was like they were, it was, I mean, they pretty much told us they, we took them to like a holiday yet, you know? Yeah. You know? You read those stories about those interming camps?

I think they were in the Midwest. It was like, uh, was it Iowa or something? It was like Midwest. Dude, can you find any relics over the, those in the United States? What? Like the tournament camps? I'm not sure. I've watched some interviews with some of those people though and that was fucked up bro. Some of these people weren't even Japanese. They were just Asian. I know. That's so tough. They were straight up wrangling everybody. Bro, that's fucked. Yeah. That is fucked. But you can never be too careful.

You always got a yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was saying for the listeners are listening. I got three hours asleep last night and him and I only got like seven and a half in a nap earlier today. I've been working for the last 11 hours. I don't need to hear about you who is legitimately using drugs. Yeah, yeah.

That's why he did get sleep. Sorry guys. I was on a bender last night. I was doing Xanax, dude. Well, that's the opposite. That's why I wasn't like, let me do Xanax try to stay up. And then he's sitting here telling me

how he's getting fired from his job. Like, is this really sound like a coincidence? I haven't slept last night. I've been doing Xanax. My fucking boss is acting retarded. I don't know. Why? I think we can put two and two together here, you know? Well, the thing is, what happens is you don't sleep,

and then you have to take something to go to sleep. Because if you don't sleep, like, I think it was like four nights. I just wasn't sleeping. And then I'm like, all right, now I'm down to three hours. Why do you think you're not sleeping? Because I'm going to get fired. And that keeps you up at night? Yeah.

But you're also just saying... You're afraid of losing a $20 an hour job? 25. But you're going to get another one, though, so who gives a fuck? Yeah, that's true. I'll be fine. I like the flexibility of work from home two days a week. You'll get in... He's going to get fired.

from a job, but it's not his career. It's not like you bombed for 10 days. Like, it would be way worse for you bomb. You haven't seen my sets. I've been bombing every night. No, I'm just. Yeah, but that's not as bad. That's not as bad, though. That has been keeping me a flow. I mean, I have a pretty good set. So I'm like, fuck yeah. I'm like, yeah. I'm killed at our show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah. I'm on a show together, I think Sunday night. Oh, yeah. At autos. Yeah. I haven't been there since. Oh, dude. I haven't been. I'm excited. I'm fucking pumped for it. So people that don't know, it's a Hawaiian-themed punk rock bar. Auto's shrunken head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is legitimately hell on earth. Some of the people that go in there are very interesting. It's one of the worst places you could possibly visit. See, I like it. It reminds me of... It should remind you of nothing. If it reminds you of anything, you've lived a horrible life.

I'm with you. Yeah, it is weird. I reminds me that one time I saw that punk rock band in Hawaii. Like, there's no... Dude, I mean, to compare it to Hawaii is just... It's Hawaii theme. It's... Yeah.

You know, that is true. No one from Hawaii has ever been there. Anything tropical theme is. themed is always kind of garbage. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's trying to actually trop. First of all, it's in one of the worst stretches in this entire fucking city. Bro, just the front of it. People are selling, like,

dude, the shit that people are selling like rubber bands. Dude, cable boxes, fucking use televisions, dude. Like sandwich, huge sandwich bag used.

You know what? I do watch by it. And there's always a movie I forgot about, though. Someone's leg. I always see. A prosthetic leg. Like a,

I always see. I always see like a fucking, yeah, yeah, they have a leg with a shoe in it, but the shoe separate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always, like, laid out on, like, a fucking legitimate, like a twin-sized quilt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, I saw someone be racist against an Irish person outside. Yeah, you're saying it on the last. So, yeah. Go to Otto's struck and head. People also aren't speaking English, and they're not speaking in other language. They're just like, enough. And you're like, you got your, bra, blah.

Fucked up. And I'm like, what? People are doing, like, voodoo on the person that lives next to them. Bro, once you get, That pot of... That pot... Once you just keep going down... I hate it. For people that are listening,

this is one street over from me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it's like... One Avenue. Yeah, but it's one avenue over, but once you get like one and two blocks down, bro, it's a hell... It's horrible.

It's horrible. What pot of Manhattan? Is that the Lower East... What is that? No, it's not Lower Eastside. It's... It's... Alphabet City.

Alphabet City. Stytown, could you consider it? Or Stite Town is its own thing. I would call it Alphabet City. I would call it fucking Bosnia, bro. It's brutal. Dude, was I telling you about it? I had the funniest conversation

with the homeless guy the other night. So I'm talking to this homeless guy. And he says this thing to me, and it sounds very, like, he sounds very simple but profound. He goes, I don't see you as a white man. I just see you as a man. Do you understand why?

And I go into why, it goes, perception. You understand? And I was like, just trying to be like, yeah, you know, you know what? I was like, maybe there's something to do that. I was like, great conversation. And then he just pulls out a crack pipe

and starts smoking while he's having the conversation with me. And he goes, look, I've never flown an airplane before. But if you put me, me in the cockpit, I guarantee you. I can fly it. And I was like, he's like, you want to know why? I'm like, perspective. He's like, perspective. And then he starts to continue the conversation with somebody who's not there. Like, he's like perspective to like, it was this? Uh, I've heard of like the shop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was just so funny because like there was a moment of me. That area, like it's a little, very nice. I mean, they got, bro, I came back from Europe, dude. I was gone for,

you know, a month or whatever. Bro, they just have police detail all over the village. It's really bad, dude. And I'm like, they need, bro, they need. Bro, they need that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really bad. That fucking neighborhood, bro. It was never like a great neighborhood. Talk about a place that's gone to fucking hell. That stretch specifically. McDougal to bleaker like that.

And since I start barking, there's been new homeless guy. Like, I go up there and I'm like, hey, who's this guy? Yeah. There's new, there's new folks. Well, it's fucking, it's fucked up. They get the old ones that got priced out. Yeah. These homeless people are getting displaced by richer homeless people. That was a crazy.

If you go to like Oregon, I remember I went to Portland Oregon and I was like or is he either Portland Oregon or Seattle? It was like a double trip Woodrow. Yeah, yeah. But,

it's like Iraq and Afghanistan. Yeah. Get your tours mixed up. I was in one of those fucking spots. That's good. And dude, there are these homeless dudes

and it would be so clean cut because the services there are like so good. Like I think the most homeless we oversaw was fucking Portland. Actually, probably, I don't know,

Skid Row is pretty like that's pretty wild. I mean, that's like, yeah, it's an unfathomable. Bro, when you watch those,

video, I drove through it when I was in L.A. And I was like, I'm, that was, I will say this right now. Like, I know we just joked about down there being Bosnia and stuff like that. When I drove through there, I was like, the first thing that came to my head is, I cannot believe this is America. And then the second thing that came to my head was like, of course, this is the United States of America. Like, bro, that is like, I felt like that was like maybe the most Los Angeles place of all time when you drive through Skid Row because it's like, dude, it's like a legitimate neighborhood. Like, it is like action. It goes and goes.

Like, I remember we're in an Uber and you keep driving. You're in a ginormous tent city. The only thing, I mean, I've been to Haiti. That was worse. Haiti is the worst. I love when people are like, you shouldn't call it a shithole. I'm like, go there. It is horrible.

People, great for the most part. Even though somebody got murdered at the airport, I guess, like the day after we got there. That happens. Yeah. Third world country, you know what I mean? But it's like you're literally looking at it. You're like, oh, wow, these people's houses are made out of of scrap metal. Like literally you're looking at...

I mean, look at the history of just the people that have ran that country. That's all you gotta like when you look at like when people always say that shit like when you, oh, you know, this fucking country's terrible, this and that. It's like, well, look at the leaders of it because it's just nothing but corruption. Like corruption on like a legitimate like global, like an unreal scale. Also, they keep getting

wrecked. Like, I feel like if you live on the island. Yeah, they get wrecked by the hurricane. The natural disaster. And the earthquakes as well. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. You never recover. It's like New Orleans. So they're like constantly. parts of Puerto Rico are like never going to recover. Yeah, ever, yeah, yeah, yeah. But beautiful. Really pretty, nice water.

Gorgeous, you know. And they want the tour. A cheap vacation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, on the flip side, all that stuff makes it good. Yeah. Because I can go there for cheap.

Yeah, exactly. I could be a king. You might get murdered. You might get murdered down there, but, you know. Yeah, I know. I think there was somebody who got, like, shot at the airport, like, the next day. Without a doubt, that happens in Haiti all the time.

I knew a guy. So I, I knew a guy back in the day who was Haitian. and he was telling me that when he would go down to Haiti, he said, don't brag. No. Listen, I can say it,

all right, I have a Haitian friend. He said you could kill someone in Haiti. And now this is what he said. I don't know how true this is, but I believed him. You could kill someone in Haiti, just disappear for like eight months a year or so,

and then just go back and people just will act like it never happened. Do you think there's rich American sociopaths just go to Haiti and, like, murder people and just come back? That would kind of me the move if you're, I'm sure that's happening before. But then it's like, is that too easy?

Yeah. You start off with that, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I was talking about this. Like, somebody who, like, who, like, less than somebody who shot the president. Of course.

If you look at the course. Yeah. But what I'm saying is, like, I wonder, because those guys, a lot of- The company of people who've shot up a school is way larger than the people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What I'm saying is, like, in their mind, they're always like, oh, man, like, I'm like, there is a thing where they try to one up each other. Like, there is that thing where they are trying to, like, go for numbers.

Yeah. But it's like that doesn't even equal. No. I'm not saying shoot the president. It's not what I'm saying. As someone who wants to do the presidents, because it's like, how do you measure,

you know, like that's, you know what I mean? Like, oh, this president's better than like, does the person who shot Kennedy was probably like,

ah, fucking better than Lincoln. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I think those are both pretty big presidents.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like no one wanted to to fucking assassinate Jimmy Carter. Yeah, well,

yeah. I'm kind of surprised Trump made it at it. Harold Ford or someone like that. It's like, yeah, whatever. I'm very surprised nobody tried to get Trump. I'm sure they did. I'm sure with a bomb.

I'm sure with everybody. I'm sure that happened. Don't hear about it. Of course not. Yeah, dude, the amount of letters and death threats they get on an hourly basis. Yeah, but I'm talking about somebody getting like close. Like, your surprise is not like a guy who like.

I think that the one, like, they keep such a perimeter. I think one, I think it does take a lot for someone to do that. Like, it takes, it's, it's, it's, it's, and, uh, A level of... Reagan was the last one that got shot, right? Yes. I think it's a level of extremism that's very drastic. Without a doubt.

And we may not see it again because people are so consumed on the internet. Like, it just, they may not have like... Well, security, too. You know, I also don't believe in themselves the same way anymore. Exactly. Yeah. They're like, oh, I'll shoot a 10-year-old... We need to bring back that good old American faith, dude.

You know what I mean? Believe in yourself and that's the way you start. What happened to be able to believe you could do anything in this country, dude? You know what I mean? Yeah, well, now, every... time, like, you have those motivational speakers online that are saying you can do anything. And then you have the demotivational speakers who are these cynical podcasters who are like kind of realists in a way, but a lot of people are like, yeah, no, don't believe. Everyone has a scheme, though. Everyone's playing

on something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one gives a shit. No one gives a shit about a single person. And that's why they're so successful. Without a doubt. Yeah. Because they're able to be like, hey, this is what we're got, the script that we're going to stick to. And we're going to make a lot of money doing it if we just keep to it. It's sales. It's all it is. It's sales. I think a lot of it has... Yeah, because in between all that, they're like, okay, so now about buy my new product. Oh, I mean, yeah, I mean, it's not even just that.

Also, it is that... By the way, Tate's back. He's back? He's coming back. He's coming back. He's starting to make a resurgence. I've been seeing him on TikTok more. Yeah. I saw a clip of him saying, like, this is how they got us, this and that. We're back. What was he on? What was it for? Some fucking random clips, dude, he's popped up three times in the last... You know what I'm saying? What do you actually get D Platform for? Because I never figured out. I probably like fucking...

It's like conduct against women, I think, was the main thing. To be honest, I didn't... I didn't pay too much attention to him, and I didn't pay too much attention to that story, but I think... But they shoved him down your throat. Like, you couldn't not see him. Yeah, but they do that with everything, though. That's what I'm saying.

It's like, he's like a true product of, like, all this shit you want to fucking ignore. You know what I mean? It's like, I... The first time I saw that guy, honestly, he was on, like, fucking Tom Sigora's podcast. That's, dude, that's kind of what launched him.

But it's like... But I remember watching it. I was like, this is so annoying. and I don't want to see it. And it's like, I never sought it out, but it was like, it was in my fucking, like, feeds and shit all the time.

Well, half of it, literally the people, it's so funny, all the people that talk about how harmful he is, because now, I guarantee you a thousand people go, who's this guy?

And then that's how those people get, the deep platform, which doesn't, no, and honestly, like, if he's going to be abused by these governments, bro, I'm telling you,

this deep platform and shit's no good. If he's able to come back, they're just going to make, it just makes him stronger because then he could be like, look, they try to cancel us, They try to do this, but we're back. They know that we're right.

It's exactly why if Trump runs again in a couple of years, he'll win. It's the same reason. Oh, yeah, yeah. Without a doubt. I'm trying to get on those conservative social media apps, just because I'm always the last one to something. And I'm like, I'm going to be the first one to like, Patriots. Dot org or something.

I'm like, yo, I got my following. He's on, what's the, there is one app that he's on. Truth. Dude, there is a wait list. I try to hop on that. And I was like, truth, thought, social or whatever is. Yeah, yeah, I was like, let me hop on this. He owns it.

I think he owns. There's a wait list. The wait list is like super long. That's retarded. That's gangster as fucked. Yeah. Not everyone gets on. That's probably because they vet these motherfuck.

But like that's the thing. It's like these motherfucking Republicans have been sick. It's like to get on. It's like, okay, you know those caption things where you have to click on the box? It's like. Yeah, CAPTCHA. It's like yeah, yeah. Click on a picture of a patriot.

It's like a Trump and Biden. There's a square of all those. You're like, ooh, this is tough. How do we feel about? Vouchy is on. Click on. I didn't mean to click voucher. How many terrorists do you see in this picture, dude?

It's just fucking like, it's like fucking show. Yeah. But of course, there's a wait list for this shit, though. It's like all these people are in Rumble you can hop on pretty easily. The worst is like, I remember there's some guy on Rogan who's like, yeah, man, there's this new special platform starting myself. And then I just tried it for like a week and all this is horrible. All of them sucks. So bad.

Because you can't get the tech nerds in on it. No. You pay them insane amounts of money. No, because they're all extremely left. TikTok is just, it's taking the cake. Yeah, yeah.

But it's also like they take down everything. Like, I get like every other video taking down. Dude, the level of like... Bro, it's censorship. A lot of it's censorship. It's straight up censorship.

What's crazy, TikTok, I mean, they use your microphone constantly. They're looking in your camera roll. They're looking, dude, they're looking through our phones constantly.

It's owned by the, Chinese. It's like the same reason Huawei isn't allowed in the United States. Huawei is one of the biggest cell phone services in the world. We're data cows. We're data cows. We're just, we're just, we're just, we're fucking, do you think any of it's using it against us

or just using it? Absolutely. To figure us out. Both. Both. Yeah. And probably figure us out to use it against us. Probably more. It's just like the same way, it's like when you said that we're watching that Gucci, we would jamming out right before this podcast started. You'll get some Gucci shit on our TikTok. But it's like the reason that, the reason those fucking advertisements on

YouTube come out is because that's linked to your Google. So it's like if you've just searched some face wash shit on this Wi-Fi, doesn't even have to be through your account. 100% at all. I get really weird ads, man. I'm gonna be honest. Dude, I'll get like single Indiangirls.com. I'm like, I don't look that shit up.

Dude, I'm telling you. I love you. I really don't. There's a formula, dude. I love you looking at like a formula. I only watch NBA highlights. It's like that if I'm Googling something on YouTube, that's like, search something on YouTube, that's what I'm looking up. Or I'll look up like the definition of a word

Or I'll look up like single Indian girls.com That's what I picture you're getting really bothered by it. It's like a porn hub like how to make your dick bigger You're like what are you saying? Are you saying I need this? It's only penis a large thing.

That's gonna, I'm calling it right now. You look at my history just What does it mean to have a small deck? What does it mean that have a small dick? Dude, I look I was curious 26 year old man of a small dick Is it normal to have a small dick?

How big is a small dick? How many inches is small dick? It's going to come out. Like, I'm telling you one day, there's going to be a way to look at everyone's internet search history. I don't know. Yeah, it will absolutely come out without a fucking doubt. You're going to be able to find, I guarantee you.

That won't be good. Without a course. Or, or. It'll be good for anyone. I got, I got something to say about that. Or it'll make, or it. Part of it could. I think, not going to be good.

Part of it could make. No, sir. It could make people better because. No. Think about this. Everybody knows. what kind of porn you watch the next day? It ain't just gonna be porn, dude.

It's gonna be like, how can I kill my neighbor and get away with it? That's what I think. It's gonna be like, how to break up with my husband, like how to tell my kids I hate that. It's gonna be shit, dude, you're gonna get a lot of shit like that. I agree.

I'm sexually, I'm sexually attracted to my dad. That day is coming. I fucked my dog. Is that bad? That day is coming. Just like one psychologist, like it's perfectly normal to fuck your dog.

I think my therapist. I think I could tell her anything. And you're like, all right, someone said it was fine. Dude, I guarantee you ever talk to a therapist? You're like, they're agreeing to too much shit. Of course. I already just stopped seeing the therapist. Yeah, because some of them are too yes.

They're like, yeah, fuck it. If it feels right, fuck your dog. And he has. But I was Google, dude, I was, I was curious because, like, I got one of those ads, not about fucking my dog, but about those, those, I was like, what is it? Heard that. Heard that. What's up?

Sorry, son. It's like a dick enlargement. I just wanted to see what the before and after look like. I could show you the after. I upload this podcast to only fans, dude. Come on, Ryan. Show them the before. It was so funny because there was no perspective on it, though,

because you just see legs, and then, like, they didn't have anything in the frame to compare it to what it. It could have been, like, a dwarf. So you just small legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because I think for the most part, that shit's a scam. Yeah, well, it's also like, it's like you look at one.

I do. I don't know. I think it's a scam. Yeah, but what I'm saying is you look at one and the next picture is also the legs, but you have no idea how big the legs. Like, like how long it goes down the leg? Like literally not even knee,

so it's just the legs and the penis. And I'm like, I feel like they could have just zoomed in on the same image. You can't really tell how big the dick is. Who's they? What's like, what reference? Yeah, so you keep saying they. And I'll find out. Whatever the website was, but it also looks like they put a tube in your.

They put it seven years. They put a tube in your dick, like an extra tube for wideness. Oh, I thought you were talking about like the pills or whatever. No, no, like the surgery. Oh yeah, you can, of course you can get, yeah, but they say, because I've read about it and they say when you get surgery on your dick to make it bigger, like a lot of people

lose the feeling of like, like, it kills your nerves. Yeah. So like when you come- But if you have a micro penis. Catch 22, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I heard that like during COVID, a lot of like rich motherfuckers, like billionaires got the surgery to make them taller, like two inches taller. That stuff is so funny because like, that's so noticeable.

You see somebody next day? It's like, are you tall? Well, they see. Dude, they weren't going to see him the next day. Because they were going to see it. Like, dude, they have to break your legs to make them bigger. So you're out for, like, fucking six months and shit. Does it actually work?

I think that the science is there. Yeah. Yeah. So, like, dude, they showed up like a year, year and a half later after working remote. And they're like two inches, three inches taller. Joe Biden just like eight feet tall. You're like, hey, didn't she get taller? You're like, ah, no, I've always been the sound.

You're crazy. You're out of your mind. I saw it gotten taller. I saw someone the other day and they got taller. And I'm like, no, I didn't. People say that to me all the time. Yeah. Well, yeah, you, I always think it's taller. Why? I don't know if he's like me. I hunch a lot. I think you're deceptively tall.

I'll tell you what. Shout out. Shout out Nathan Orton, dude. He fucking took a picture me a couple years ago and showed it to me. This is like when I was just getting to know him. And he showed me how bad my posture was. And I like actually affect things. People told me like, oh, yeah, I'm the same way. I'm like this all the fucking time. Yeah, you do. Dude, and then I start standing up. I have bad by him too. And then I start standing up and it's way bigger. Really? Yeah. So I'm actually six eight. My dick's actually bigger than it is. Because of the scoliosis. The hunch.

My posture makes my dick look smaller. There was a guy at our school that, or no, he's a competing school, that he apparently actually a video leaked of him sucking his own penis. That's awesome. That's great.

Because everybody's like, it's impossible. I had a friend too, everybody like, that's impossible. And he lick a zipper and he's like, my dick's a little bigger than my zipper. Oh, shit. Damn, dude. Is that a giant dick, or is that great flexibility? I've seen his wiener.

I think it's good flexibility. Yeah. Doesn't have a hog. No shade. No shade. Yeah, no shade. But, like, it's the flexibility. It's flexibility.

But the other guy, yeah, trying to video of him sucking his own dick. I think a lot. I think you get a lot of pussy that way. I'm going to be honest. Being able to suck your own dick? I think if, like, that leak, there would be a good amount of women

that'd be like, that's hot as fuck. It's cool. It's cool. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think it's, I don't think it's, that poses the question,

is it gay to suck your own dick. No, it's not, but it is, It's on the fence. If everyone could suck their own dick, everyone would be sucking their own dick. I would not suck my own dick. You had never been in a position.

You'd not suck your own penis. Maybe, I don't know. I can't say that. My dad almost caught me trying to do it one time. I swear to God, dude, when I was like 12, I put my legs over my head to try to suck my dick, it didn't work. And then 10 seconds later, I just started jerking off

and he walked in on me jerking off. And I was like, thank God he didn't walk in with me. What did he said? You were nice of looped up. Were you able to get anything or no? To suck my head? Not in all. I'm not even close.

Look at his stomach. Yeah, I was going to say, dude, there's something in the way. And I think that's God. I think he's looking out for me. And he's like, listen, I don't am I going to be productive. I want to make sure he's so far from sucking. What did you, that's why you got no sleep last night. You're just trying to suck him out.

I'm telling you. You keep fucking up at work because you're out of Paul Dye trying to suck around. He's known for a few years. He couldn't suck his own dick, dude. In my apartment, I just got like the 12 o'clock shadow. out and like math equations in the board. I'm just trying to fucking figure it out. I'm like, I know it's like the movie Interstellar.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He just sits at that fucking basement. That would be the funniest. The funniest thing is like, I guess I'm on this, I was thinking of the other side of interstellar. No, no, we're like with Michael Kane, like how we can't complete the equation. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was thinking more when he's on the own shig.

He's like, you'll be on this ship for 12 years. He's like, well, I got a lot of time to figure out how to suck my own dick. they come back He's like, did you figure it out? He's like, yeah. He's like, okay, so how do we do it? And he's like, oh, oh, yeah, that. No, I don't figure that.

Or he goes back, he's like, I don't get back. He's like, did you figure out of a sucker or dig? He's like, no, I didn't. But he just come on in respect. He's like, were you just figuring out how to suck around and dig in there? No, no. Wiping his fucking.

Come in his hair and shit. What did your dad say when he caught you jerking off? He goes, I think he says, come on, you have a sister. Like, like, what? And then you get harder. you start in Michigan he's like

there you go son you know what category to watch no come on you have a sister

yeah fuck he meant get in a room and you don't need to use your hand it's

going to take her off that's not what he was saying he was saying lock the door because you have a sister not not whether she wants it or not

get in there go on you got a sister there you got a perfect she's perfectly you get a person there he's not getting fucked right she's genuinely angry you're wasting resources

that's my daughter so how did it go how'd the situation go so I tried to suck my own dick didn't work and then I was it was like we had upstairs above our garage

they didn't have a door to it. So what happened was he basically, he was just mad that, like, I didn't... You were up there? In an open space. You weren't even in your room? That's really dumb.

Well, I was a kid. You're supposed to be studying. I'm going to go upstairs and study for hours. And the amount of times you tell your parents are going to study. And they never go up there. Yeah, yeah. How old were you? I was probably like 14.

That's old enough to fuck your sister. Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. No, no, it's okay. He just listens to his podcast. So he listens to every episode. Well, you know what he did. Yeah.

But, yeah, and then he got mad. But I don't know, I also like, you guys ever got caught with porn where your parents was, like, mad about it? No, not really. Not like, not ever explicitly. Yeah, me neither. But I did one time, I was, like, paranoid.

I was high. This was, like, fucking, it's probably like 21 maybe, and I was fucking stoned after work. And I was watching porn. And I got one of those pop-ups that said, I was watching child's porn or whatever, right? And they're like, we're going to, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and I was super paranoid. It was like fucking, I think I was bartended. It was probably like 4 o'clock in the morning. And it said like the FBI's coming to my house and I like believed it. What do you mean pop-ups? Like it was on my-something? I was one of the, yeah, yeah. I was watching porn on my phone.

And I haven't gotten that, but I've gotten like, uh, we're going to leak. There's ones where they say like the leak of video view master. Oh, yeah. They can't get me on that. But I was just paranoid. I should have known. Yeah, he's like, yeah. I should have known.

And I remember it said like my internet connection and all that shit. And like it legitimately popped up the same. It was Linkse's was my internet thing and then had my information on it instead of watching Child porn. I was on like porn. That sounds like a child porn website. No, Linkse's was a, at least it was a Wi-Fi like service box.

It sounds like a Wi-Fi from Boston. Yeah. You're on the Linkse's? You get a different word for fucking everything. Connor hit his girlfriend over at Linkse's the other day. Did you see that? Fucking beat the shit out of him. But dude, so I was fucking, I was like paranoid, right?

And I told my mom, I was like, hey, just want to let you know I was watching porn, but it wasn't child porn. And she's like, what the fuck you talk? This is like four o'clock in the morning. This is like legitimately like four o'clock in the morning. On like a Wednesday. And I remember my mom's like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then I told her and then she's just like, are you retarded?

Even my mom knew. She's like, Ryan, it's obviously not real. And I was like, I was so high. And I was like, dude, I just told my mom I was jerking off to porn. Yeah. And her bedroom. And then she just cries. She goes, he's going to get.

him. He's going to bed ride. Everything's going to be okay. Everything's going to be... I never got caught jerking off by my mom, but it's like, parents obviously just know. They don't know. I think there's been plenty of times where they're like,

he's jerking off right now. They always tell me how long of a shower I take. Oh, yeah. There was stretches where every kid was taking long showers. That's a right of passage. To be honest, though, to be honest, though, I still take, I still take long showers. Oh, I do too.

But it's funny you say right of passage of your dad's going to be like, taking a long shower? Yeah, that's my big boy there. Dude, I remember my brother, he would take the longest showers and I just remember being like, dude, you gotta do something, man. You gotta make it shorter.

Because everyone, it's very obvious. You're in there for like 50 minutes. Yeah. It's like, get in and get out. I'll say this though. I'll say this. Like, I live alone now and I have like my own bathroom and I've made it like comfortable from all this shit.

Come? There's nothing like when you're just tired after a long day, there's nothing like taking just a fucking. long shower. They're gonna say jerkin on them. Like, we gotta stop talking about jerking. No. I'm gonna say just a long shower.

A long cold fucking shower. Cold? Oh yeah. A long cold shower? You guys are just harsh people in Boston. A cold shower. I'm never taking a cold shower. In the winter, I will...

No, in the summer. I'm talking, I'm talking like a couple... When we went through that ridiculous heat wave, there was nothing... That was tough. More comfortable than taking a cold shower. That to me was the most refreshing thing in the world. See, I still hate a cold shower. Like, they didn't, we didn't have heated our apartment for months because our landlord with a giant piece of shit.

Look him up. Now, I'm not going to say the name. But you said he's like the Bernie made off of his fucking name. Yeah, yeah. When do you guys got to get out of here? Well, just in case they, like tomorrow morning. What? I'm like, not even packed.

I'm like, oh no, no. I'm like, oh, no, no, like the end of the month. Or at the end of November. Oh, you got time. Yeah, I got plenty of time. But that's also an annoying spot. Move in with me. So are you 100% out of here?

Probably. Do they raise it $1,098? And the bar below me is super loud. They didn't give us heat for all winter. Yeah, that's fucked, man. You should report them. You need to have heat. Like, you should legitimately...

The day I reported them, they showed up and that he was on. And I'm like, I swear it was on different days. And they're like, you fucking piece of shit. You liar. You lied to me. I thought I could trust you. That's fucked up, man. Yeah.

When they come in here to show people this apartment, you should tell them how terrible it is living in. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, there's nothing again. Apparently, like, my girlfriend's friend has that same situation where they're fucking her. And then she's like, yeah, no, it sucks here. Like, she's like, that's what it is. And the landlord or the

Broseburg gets mad, but it's like It is what it is, man. Yeah, you can do penalize me for telling the truth? Yeah, especially because my girlfriend works from home every day. Yeah. I work from home twice a week. I'm just gonna, I mean, do we live that rubber over our windows? Right, because that bar loud downstairs, I'm gonna be like, what do you think?

It's extremely loud. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Fuck these brokers, dude. The most unnecessary fucking job in the world. I told you, I looked at the broker and there's a video of him yelling at this Uber driver. He's like, you fucking bad. All the stuff.

And he said, but he's like, the, the whole part is apparently, so, Wait, the landlord of the real estate broker? The real estate broker. But the real estate broker's dad owns the building. And it has been arrested for fraud. And shit. It's all the inside, man.

Yeah. The last broker I had to deal with, that's why I got my apartment off the gypsy housing. Yeah. So much better. I mean, I could do it. I got such a good deal on this place. Was there like a woman with like a glass eye that like helps you in it?

Yeah, she put a spell on me. I'm so worried that like something's going to something's going to happen because, dude, this apartment's like nice and it's like a good deal. I'm like, I either got super fucking lucky or something. That's how we feel. There's great deals. There's great deals. I think this apartment, a lot of the, or the building, a lot of the apartments are rent

controlled. It's a lot of older people in there and shit. But the last broker I had to deal with, I was looking at this place. And, dude, it's, it's, first of all, it's impossible. The fact that, like, people show up, like, all looking at the same place at once is just, it's the level of, like, tension is insane. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's this? Yeah, yeah, okay, I think we'd be ready.

Oh, dude, I was the fourth person to look at it, and within the first, like, 20 minutes, right? Yeah. So I go up there and I'm like, all right, this checks off all the boxes, give me the place, whatever right now. First of all, the guys were in tank top and flip-blops. Fuck, yeah. And, uh, who's like, my guy. This guy's a piece of shit. Thomas Hollingsworth can eat my asshole. Yeah, this is an anti-Thomis Thomas Hollingsworth. He's a piece of shit.

Probably the three hours. So I go, I go, hey, the broker fee's 10%. He laughs. He goes, ha, no, it's 15. But people have already said they do 20. and I'm like, oh, this motherfucker. What is a broker's fee? So this is the thing.

The guy is wearing tank top flip-flops, and he's on his phone the whole time. He gets a percentage of, so, like, so say the apartment is $2,000 a month, which it was more than that, but that'd be, what, $24,000 for the year? Say he gets a 10% broker fee.

He gets $2,400. Yeah, right? So that's... If it's 10%, if it's 10%, but a lot of it, is, you know, 15, 20. He said people have ordered 20. You can bid on the broker fee.

You can out bid on the people. I could be like, hey, we'll give you 50% broker fee and be like, all right, cool. Yeah, but what are you? I'm just going to punch one of these pieces. And so I didn't get the apartment, right? I didn't get approved. And I'm like texting him a few days later when he said he was supposed to like let us know. Because I immediately was like, send me all the paperwork, whatever. I filled it and got it in that day. He, uh, I didn't get approved. So I texted him and I go, hey, is there a reason I didn't get approved? And his response was,

there's always a reason. What a fucking Cox. What a fucking cock sucker, right? Dude, I wanted it all, man. I tried to find this guy's Instagram, Twitter. I was going to fucking repost it and be like, hey, fucking span the shit out of this motherfucker. Yeah, you couldn't find it?

I couldn't find it. It is so funny how, like, I decided to make a video. Scumbaggy people are. And it's like, it's next level. Like, this guy, the guy, I looked him up and there's this video of him just yelling at this Uber driver. Dude, one of the brokers the other day, or this the other week, it was in the post. there was a rent-stabilized apartment in New York

and it was a studio in Manhattan for like... I read this. 1750. I read this. The broker tried to get this guy to pay him $20,000. Oh, my God. He was like, yeah, you want the apartment? You should lose your license for that.

But there used to be a, it used to not be allowed to be a broker in New York. This used to be the anti-broker laws or whatever the thing it was called. Now it's a free-froft. Now it's a fucking free... It's a lawless city. The thing is the most lawless city, dude.

You could do anything here. The thing with New York is, like, in a bad way. People think, without a doubt. And it's in a good way, too. Like, let's, for sure, for sure. Yeah, that's cool. But, like, let's think about this, though. Like, everyone always thinks it's like a lawless city only for, like, the poor and the homeless,

which it is. It absolutely is. But it's even more so. Bro, it is even more so lawless, the higher you keep climbing in this city. Yeah. Dude, I do not understand. I mean, listen, maybe. Maybe it's just because I agree.

an incredibly good guy but I don't I don't get these people they could just go to sleep and knowing they're just like fucking somebody over so hard I think about it I think about it

I enjoy it get off on it yeah it's fun or they're so like vindictive like they feel like they've been fucked so like now they need to fuck yeah yeah you know

I you know what to be fair I'm like that with some shit like I think there was something recently where I was just like fuck this guy and it was something like little like of course dude

it's first of all it can be very fun to be petty but like the karma against that. I think that there's some quality of life. Say that though, but I get here's a real estate broker who's just in like gallons of pussy right now, just doing cocaine. It doesn't mean you happy though.

It doesn't mean you happy, yeah. Listen, I'm I'm not happy though, so who might be like, yeah, this guy. Just because y'all not doesn't mean the other side is. Didn't Jordan Belford say he had like the best time ever doing all that shit? That's awesome. And he's just like, yeah, no, I had a phenomenal life, yeah. Some people do. The biggest thing I'm trying to deal with right now is not getting back

at people and like doing things like that. It's very hard, but like, you know what, though? I see people who are, like, actually working at it right now and how much, like, their quality of life is much better. You know, because I was dealing with the lawyer a couple years ago who, um, he deserved all the bad things in the world to happen to him. Like, legitimately deserved everything bad to happen to him. And then I realized when I thought about the situation, I was like,

this dude's such a low life and he has nothing to live for. He's just a fucking ambulance chasing lawyer. Yeah. Nothing even matters. I'm like everything that guy wants, I've had it a thousand times, and he's just trying to get under my, and this was someone I wanted to get wild with. You know, I wanted to fuck him? I'd get wild with you, bro.

I get fucking wild with you. I'm going to throw a 2005 reference over there, no homo on that one, okay? But I wanted to fucking, I wanted to retaliate very strongly against this person. And then when I, like, really thought about it and I've had conversations. I'd also love you saying that to me, like, I would love to retaliate very strongly. Well, that's why, you know what I'm saying? And then I let it go, and then I was like, oh, this is just better. Now I genuinely, genuinely, I can honestly say after three, four years, whatever the fuck it's been, I couldn't give any less of a fuck.

It'd be great if you're like, it is not worth it. I think about him every single one. I wish I killed that motherfucker. It's just building in me. No, I think, I think you're right. It's better to let that. Not saying that revenge, sometimes revenge and action. Sometimes you have to be the karma.

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Without it up. But occasionally, you think. you told somebody off and then I guarantee they go back home and they're like this fucking 80

you know what I'm like yeah that's why because like as somebody who's about to get fired soon I think about telling everybody off yeah of course and then I'm like yeah I don't know

oh I thought about Thomas Hollingsworth but then I was like you know what I'm going to use that energy uh dude Adam Christopher gave me good advice once our friend Adam Christopher he was like I was like fucking

I don't know if I was mad I don't know what it was but some sort of negative energy news like you can use that and channel that energy into something good. A hundred percent. Come in the bathroom and suck my...

And I was like, really? And, uh... But yeah, you can. And I was like, all right. So I just made like a dumb video. Like that was pretty funny or whatever. Like, a funny, like, I was like, oh, I'll make like a, uh, I'll do comedy about things.

And like, you know... That's what you got out of your system. I got out of my system. I got out. But then you just fought the mailman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Took it out. I hit my mom, actually.

I was home for we're going to hit my mom. I was like, I should have just killed Tom Hollingsworth. It's just. What is it? Like in Forrest Gubb where he hits her And he's like, I'm sorry

It's just that lion Son of a bitch Nixon He's like the goddamn war And that lion's son of a bitch Nixon What a perfect excuse Yeah To hit your girlfriend You get ahead a chick

And then she'd be like What? I'm like, Trump Yeah Trump's got me all worked up That guy is a real piece of shit I'm without a doubt

Hey how's it going? Um I don't know if I put the odor on today Dude I have shirts shirts that are permanently stained black in the bits Bro, I have an awesome one of my favorite T-shirts, yeah, I have some T-shirts under my armpits that are, like, turning brown.

Yeah. That's why I love wearing wife beaters, dude. You know what I mean? Some of them got dyed pink. I got a fucking, I unfortunately put some red shit when I was in Scotland and I wore the... Oh, how the fuck was Scotland? And the tough part is you can't replace those shirts.

Yeah. You can't buy... It's not like I can buy five of them with one free one for 1899 in Target, dude. I love when you buy a pack of wife beaters, right? because I'll get a new, a new, like, bundle of wife beaters every couple months. They're kind of, like, COVID masks. On the street on 14th Street. You can't, you, I have bought them, like, outside.

That's disgusting. That's disgusting. You bought them off the street. They were in packages. You were in packages. They were in packages. They were literally, like, we just want people wearing them. We don't, we don't want to see people's nipples.

That's, like, the only, the only reason they invented white peers are so homeless people would not be. People are a little covered up. Yeah. But you, like, still grossed out when you see people. They just, you got arpin hair. Yeah, I see your arpin hair so much. It sucks.

Dude, it's like the, we're really approaching, like, this week was like a big, it felt like fall this week. So we're like really approaching the end of wife. We're about to get, we're about to hit a little heat wave though the next few days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sunday's going to be like fucking 90 degrees. This would be on 90 degrees for like four days. Yeah. Oh, shit.

But now the wife beaters like, uh, you could, you can. Yeah, you say, yeah, new baby. I'm okay. But it's now it's like a fashionable thing. People like, I see like, like men will wear like a white beater and pants. Yeah, a woman would never. I guess sort of. Well, I guess.

Well, you know, how would you let me. finished my fucking sin. I was just kidding. But yeah, like, dudes will just wear, like, a wife beater and,

like, pants. But it's like, it also takes, like, a certain type of guy that pulled that off. I couldn't pull that off. I'll look racist if I walk around at a wife bearder.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm sure I do. I'm sure I do, but I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I really don't, because it's like,

I look at it. It's like, I value my comfort most. I don't care. I'm not here to fucking, like, put it this way. If I was dressing better or looking better,

like, not that much of my life would change. I think a lot would change. You're right. A lot would change, but it's like, I'm very comfortable with my life right now and I'm most comfortable with myself.

What am I going to do? I'm going to get laid. I get to talk to a different type of person. You ever wear something you're not, it's not you, like this shirt right now? It feels so uncomfortable. That feels worse than,

dude, I'd rather be underdressed than feel like that type of. I feel like a dude. Who do I think I am wearing this cool patterned shirt? What is, it's cool, but like,

this is amazing. It's cool? this is do you think it's cool no yeah yeah let's fucking go let's go dude let's go

fucking go dude you should do the commercial for uh for dove wait i gotta put the shirt back on because we get a good clip I can't put it on TikTok what do you mean you can't be shirtless I mean dude

what kind of body positivity is that I thought they're supposed to be woke over on TikTok there's nothing positive about Michael's body fucking bullshit dude that's fucking bullshit yeah but if it's fucking

if it's fucking Lizo twerking her fat, fucking obese fucking ass all over the place. I think Lizzo's kind of hot. I'm gonna be honest. I don't think she's hot? I don't think she could get it to be. I don't think she's gross, dude. I don't think she's gross.

You're the first guy to say that. Yeah. No, no, I was saying him. I think she could get it. I was being sarcasm. She's gross. Lizzo's bad gross. My, my.

I called this years ago when she put out, that first album she put out, I'm not going to lie, it was pretty good, but I knew it. I go, she's not going to, she's not going to keep this fucking going. What songs she put out in the last two, three years? She doesn't need to, man. She sucks, dude. I saw her on a commercial last night watching Thursday night football. I go, why is she on a commercial?

She hasn't put a relevant album out in fucking three years. You're concerned with the discography of her. Is that the word? As an artist, she's not that, like, talent. I mean, that first album that came out, that was the summer of 29. She was a quiet down before my girlfriend comes in here and fights you over this. Why, she likes Lizzo? Yeah.

I'm just saying, like, her first album I was a big fan of. But you don't think she's made anything since then? She should have been on dawned. She has, she had, like, songs. Why does everyone hate it? Why does everyone hate her because she's a bigger chick? Like, that's ridiculous to me. I agree, but like the thing is,

that's ridiculous. Everyone uses her as a punchy bag. It's like, I'm gonna tell you why. She's fat. I'm gonna tell you why. She's fat. It's like,

who gives this shit? I'm gonna tell you why. Listen, I don't, to be honest, I don't really care either. I don't care. I'm dead serious.

Good luck getting it in there, dude. That's like, that would be very challenging to get your penis in there. I don't think you're, I'll tell you why, I'll tell you why I find her fucking annoying, dude.

I'll tell you why I find her fucking annoying and her bitching about stuff. Listen, of course it's tough. She has an eating problem, all that shit, whatever, right? But, like, for you to, like, show up to a fucking Lakers game naked and expect, like, she grew up in the internet era where it's like you do anything online, especially as a famous person, you're going to get criticized. You could show up being the most, like, like, perfect person in the world,

whatever that may be. For sure. If you donate money to a fucking natural disaster, some asshole behind a keyboard, who's stuffing his fucking face with Doritos and live with his mother is going to criticize you for it, right? She shows up doing that and then it's like she shows up to a Lakers game wearing no clothes

and gets criticized and she acts like she, it's like a course that was going to happen. That was maybe an oversight on her part. Yeah, no, no. But there's been like 95 of those things that has happened. Name one other one. Name one other one. No, no.

It's happened with her multiple times. Of course it has. And then she's like, she's like, why does everybody so mean to me? I'm like, listen, if I, if I, if I post shirt. She knows what she's doing. She does. She does.

She has a television. She's a smart. She's a smart chick. If I pose shirtless, she's an enterprising bitch. She is. Yeah, it's totally different when you start advertising your body. Because what you're saying is, it's so funny to be like, oh, I'm confident unless anybody criticizes me. It's like, you can't say that.

You can't be like, oh, I'm totally confident. She says she's confident, and then she's crying on Instagram live every three days. Yeah, she's got a ton of times. I pay too much attention to Lizzo. Yeah, you do. I do. I can't stand her. I do. I can't stand her. Yeah.

You know? I'm in love with her. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I just thought, I think ultimately I'm, I'm disappointed because I thought she was going to put out more than one good album. He's more bad about it.

He's got to actually... You're going to answer the music. Let's see how many Instagram follows. I'll say 10 million. 10 million? That's probably... That's a lot. That's a lot.

That's a lot. I don't think it goes over 10, but I bet it could be 10. Oh, dude. 12.9. Okay. Now, what percentage is that is fat women? You're actually able to see the percentage.

That would be a hilarious pie chart. just to see what follows of a person is. You can see it on your own profile. I would let her suffer away, me, man. Not ethnicity-wise. I would let her just... Let her take the air out of my lungs. Let me see that?

Oh, she'd take the air out of your lungs a second she went on top of you, dude. You wouldn't have fuck it. I'm not sure how much hair she is in her own lungs. Just not for me. I don't want to be mean. I would never be mean to anyone. That show right there.

So that show, I saw that on... It was on 405. I don't know. I saw the billboard like fucking eight months ago on the 405. And I was like... Black Coochee matters. That's a wife feeder I want right there. Black Coochee matters, dude.

Can I wear that black coo? 100%. Can I wear that shirt? You get stopped in the fucking street. Could I wear that shirt, dude? I don't know if you should ask me. You should wear it, dude. Don't let anybody tell you.

Ultimately, I think what I want to do like from my main brand in my main merchandise is have a wife beater with something on it, dude. Yeah. Also, like, it is funny. Like, I saw, I saw like a gay guy wearing a shirt that says protect black men. It's like the... Was a gay white man?

Yeah, I was like, the message changes when you're trying to fuck that group. Yeah. Like, if Dan comes over here with like a, like, protect Filipino women or something, it looks. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, yeah. It's creepy. A lot of weirdos out there. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, not us, though. We're a bunch of normal guys. 100%. We're the protectors. Thank God. Thank God for people like us. Women would be safe without us. No, no, yeah.

How many times in your life you think you made a woman feel terrified? I don't know, man. Walking down the street in New York City, hopefully today. Walking in New York City, you ever walk by? I did it today. You follow three blocks behind a woman because you're going that direction and then you see her. Oh, I hate that. I hate that. Get nervous and run. I've done

videos where like, my ears are bleeding and I'm running a hospital ground gown and shit. So like I feel like some people may be a little bit irked. Today I saw Jake Timothy. I was on, I was coming, I was on Bleakas street walking up. Was he coming out of a lake? No. When the sun was out? When the sun was out?

Yeah, it's surprising. 2.30 this afternoon. He was, I was like... He got weird that I called him Goth on a podcast two weeks ago. I'm like, listen, I know you're not goth in a traditional sense, but you're got... You're goth.

What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you say that to me? Yeah, yeah. But hold on. I'm gonna go real quick. I see... I saw Jake Timothy from like 100 feet away

and I screamed. I was like, hey! And like those, you know that, uh, that Indian... That terrified of me. That Indian, like, corn dog fucking store on McDonald's Street. Yeah, yeah. It's, uh, it's definitely not it. dude, it's definitely like Korean.

It's fine. It's all the same to me. You know what I mean? Once you go, once you go east of England, it's literally all the same to me. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. You could be Korean, fucking Indian, Australian. They're all the same.

They're all the same to me. But these broads, these broads are walking out at the same time. Dude, this one girl, and I was like probably like 70, 80 feet away. And they, when I yelled, they weren't in the way. When I yelled, it was like a straight shot, just me and Jake, but there was a lot of space. and they walked out, like, in the middle of me yelling. Bro, they, like, jumped like this, and they just walked right back into the place.

And I was just laughing. I was like, oh, fuck, I scared. You scared James Gannolfini's son. That was the funnier-ish shit. It was so fucking funny. I heard about that. Really? Yeah, we're looking at how McDougal Street goes,

you lost to something? He was. And then you just see him go, because I don't think that's the way you were saying. What you were saying is, do you want directions? But when you yell, are you lost or something, it looks like. That's a thing. See, that's the last guy you want to hear.

So that's a big city. In the big city. The kid was fucking walking around, like, big eyed and all this shit, clearly not... You saw him. Yeah, no idea where he was going. You know what I mean? Which is a fucking goddamn shame, dude. A disgrace was...

What, what a put... His dad had great navigation skills. His dad ran these streets. His dad was known. 100%. He said, why do you get your time square? But it's so funny to see Tony Suprano Jr. just be like, oh.

No, no. And like, you were genuinely just asking, do you want directions? But you say, are you lost or something? I come off like that all that. I'm starting to realize the older I get The more aware I'm getting Don't change it though, I love it I'm not gonna but like

Because I didn't mean anything by it But I freak people out all that Dude sometimes I'm like But I like using it to my Like with comedy I can use it to my advantage Where it's like I like I've started to notice Like I used to not notice this at all Like I've been freaking people out for like

Legitimately years dude Like I'm not even lying Like I've been like intimidated unintentional like I thought it was a tradition For women to sprint to the opposite direction I thought it was like a holiday No, but I have been like unintentionally... I thought it's part of courtship.

I have been like unintentionally freaking people out for like most of my life. But it's like sometimes I'll do it where it's like if I hate somebody I want to do it. But a lot of times it's a hundred percent unintentional. Like a hundred percent unintentional. And I think it's just because of how I sound and how like my body language. What is also you're loud. So like loudness scares people. Yeah.

I don't even really think I'm that loud. I just think people... You're screaming right now. I don't even think I'm that loud. You texted all caps. Even your text are loud. This apartment is soundproof to people who are you outside. The bar downstairs is going to stop complaining about the noise.

You're vibrating. I just think people like tend to listen when I speak, dude. You know what I mean? What's because you're yelling? They have no choice. I don't know. I just project. Yeah, yeah.

It's the the thespian in you. It really is, dude. That was like one of the classic vocal. production in acting school, theater school dominated, dude. On stage, I can cover. I could cover space, like, that's like a natural strong suit to me

where I could cover space in a stage setting and still have it sound conversational. That was like one of my strong, that is one of my strongest suits as an actor. You read any of those books I gave you yet? No. That's fucked up. I broke one of his books.

He gave me a book and I actually. I gave him like, I thought I gave me a book. I felt so bad about that, dude. I read the whole book and I was like, sweet. I thought you gave it to me as a full thing. And then it just came apart. fucking fell apart, yeah. And I remember I gave you shit for it. Yeah, but I didn't care. I didn't care.

You're like, I just want to just be in a mean. Yeah, yeah. Do you, um, because you're getting worried is really like, oh, yeah, I, all the time. Scotland, can you tell me what fucking Scotland was like? Oh, dude. First of all, I'm grateful I wasn't doing with. You see Shrek? No. Why did you think about that? I was kidding. I thought that meant like, is Shrek from Scotland? Is he is, Scott's actually, yeah. He's got like sort of a plaid kill thing.

It's Mike Myers. He's English. No, but the, he's actually. She's a great. He's, Canadian. The character His dad's English,

though. His dad's English stuff. Yeah. It was sick. First off, I'm grateful the queen didn't die while I was there

because she died in Scotland. RIP. And like, yeah. To a bad bitch. Yeah. All right. Now it's just Lizzo out there.

But I was glad that because, dude, like literally I was watching the thing the other day on the news and like they were just marching around Edinburgh

where like legitimately the festival was. And like the festival probably would have been canceled. But it was fucking, I mean, it was amazing. So, did you do a lot of stand-up, too, or just the play? I did. I did a ton of stand-up, but-

How does it work with getting on shows there? Dude, I was just hitting people up and hanging out, and you can just get-up. Dude, like, you could just keep doing stand-up day. Legitimately all day long. Oh, that's fucking sick. Like, if you do it the right way and just, like, message people and, like, get to know, you could do stand-up all day long. Oh, hell, yeah.

And it was sick, because it's like... I'm definitely going at some point in my life. It's like, dude, it's like, it's like, Like, it was mostly... We should do it play, Manio. Yeah, you guys, that's the way to do it. Curious boys from Florida.

That's the way to do it. That's the way to do it. That's the movie with Army Hammer and Timothy Shalameh. What was that movie? Call me by your name? Oh, we're talking about the episode. Apparently somebody fucks a peach in that?

Yeah, yeah. We should do that. But you should do it so you're actually Amihan. Like, you should do it like in between scenes. But Army Hammer's like, a real army hamily, he's like a cannibal. Yeah, but like, you should do it. I don't care. I'm so far from caring about that.

It is crazy. He's another lunatic actor. People are surprised by this. You know, there's another side of that, right? There's people that have a fetish of being eaten. Totally, yeah. It's called, what is it, giantism? There'll be a video where she's like,

you're like a little blah, blah, blah, blah. And then, like, eats like an action figure. What the fuck? Yeah. What are you talking about? I just explained what I'm talking about it. What about the action figure? There's like a thing where, like, it's like, it's called, like, giantism.

It's like a fetish. You know, there's a story. I think it was in Germany, and this guy posted... He killed a lot of... Jews. No, different story. Okay, the only other story in Germany. Okay. This guy posted in the paper,

he was like, we'll eat, like, we'll cook you and eat you. Right? Like, cook and eat your body. Oh, I think I've heard this story. And so, someone answered, responded, right? Guy comes over, they cut off the guy's penis. And they cook and they eat it together.

And then the guy like, letting the tramp, they're sucking on one side each. Same meat in the middle. And so afterwards, that's so fucking funny. And, oh my God. Wait, wait. Can we, I want to hear the end of the story in a second. But what do you, you have to eat a dick right now.

Somebody's, what are you putting on the dick to make it go down? Is it my dick? It's your own penis. We're going to have to put a lot of, a lot of butter on it to get it down. Yeah, it's a big guy. It's a big guy. Melted cheese. Melted some cheese on it.

A1 sticks. sauce. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you got to have something that covers up every, yeah, A1 stakes up, you can kind of eat anything. Yeah, that'd be good. Talk about that'd be good on a dick. One of the most, one of the most underrated condiments of all time, I think, is A1 steak. I feel like it doesn't get the respect that

actually deserves. It's because it can be deemed disrespectful to put it on some steaks. But at the same, yeah, but okay, but when it comes to like chicken or a man's penis. Yeah. Oh, excuse me. Oh. The other guy's like, oh, really, you're eating my dick with A1 steak sauce on it. But when it comes

So like, Yeah, just a little bit. Huh. Dude, when it comes to like mid-level stakes, yeah, yeah. I'm wrong. Mid-level steaks or like any shit like that, it's like,

it's a very good con. A-1 is a very good con. Would it know? Anyway. I think the best way would probably beat it. You got to eat it. I just ate $127 filet mignon last night.

Jesus Christ. Where? Okay. Peter Luga? In my dreams. Yeah. Or do you even get $127 steak in a city? I'm sure if we walked somewhere in 15 minutes we could find.

something. So, So he's eating his penis. So they eat the penis, whatever. Yeah. Yeah. Hard taco, soft taco outside of that one. They finish.

The guy ends up, like, the deal was the guy who's going to, like, kill the guy and eat the guy. So he kills the guy and eats the guy. Which the guy knew he was going to get killed. I don't know if he's going to get killed. There's been a little Watson's heard the story. But the guy kills the guy, he eats the guy, right? See, like, there's like two perspectives on it, though. Oh, right.

Oh, Christ. The guy that, like, this happens, right? He gets found out. Right, because there was this fucking story They looked into it The guy was missing Whatever It goes to jail

By the time the police got him There were already 200 responses To his ad Like once the story became public There was hundreds of responses To the ad Yes They were asking for it

That's what I'm saying Yeah they literally were They literally were Did the guy get in trouble Do you know? Yeah, he fucking went to He killed a guy Yeah but like

If someone was willing to do that Like, I think you should be able to wave your right in that situation where if you willingly want to get murdered and eaten, like... But we don't know the story. We don't know the story, though. Like, you can't put, like, want to get killed. Totally. You know, in an ad. So it's like, all we know is that the guy was dead and it's like hearsay.

Yeah, because that's a tough part because, like, also, I think there's some level of cannibalism that's, like, not murder. They're like, I just want to eat like a thumb of somebody. Oh, yeah. I mean, bro, they have legitimately, like, indigenous tribes in certain parts of, like, Columbia and South America where they... Wild Boys, they went. on there. Bro, they eat human beings. Like, they tell tourists when they go into, like, the Amazon and shit, they're like, you cannot, like,

you cannot go here because these people will kill you and eat you. And the fucking, dude, the laws protect those people, like, they're protected 100%. Why, I would go there and fucking snip them, dude. These people are worried, bro, they are warriors. I don't care, dude, I wear an iron man suit.

Fucking eat my ass. Yeah. that's how they can do. Oh my God. Yeah, they went on Wild Boys to one of those. I think they drank out of like humans. Really? Really?

Forget about Wild Boys. Dude, one of the, but I thought, listen, I like Jackass, but I liked Wild Boys way better than Viva Labam or any of that other shit. Yeah, so Wild Boys is BAM or, Steveo and Chris Pontius from Jackass. And they're doing like nature stunts.

So like they're going like deep into Australia. Yeah. In South America. Like, both. Bit by alligator. Like the craziest animals, yeah, but it was like, they were, but it was like almost educational in a way because they would have like, it sounds like it.

It was hilarious, but like they had those like, Steveo got fucked by a horse? No, I'm just kidding. But like they had, I get out of my ass. They were like the African, fucking my ass, man. It's in my guts, man.

They were like the African bullet ants, right? And they literally went to like fucking like Zimbabwe, wherever the fuck these things were. Yeah. Put food that the ants eat in a glove. like literally an oven mitt put their hand in them and they said the pain of it felt it felt stronger than getting shot

with a fucking gun yeah but how many people have been shot yeah but like the pain you could measure the pain from that how I don't fucking know a rick the scale or something like there was a way and they would like put their hand they would do crazy shit that'd be funny to find out you have a low pain tolerance they're like actually uh we measured

the pain you're in right now and that's what most five year olds they did shit with perron bro they did shit it was like jackass except with like wild animal like crazy animals. Oh, it's all cancel our spots. You can't find any of the fucking, like, Jackass, the show you can't find on...

You used to be on Netflix. Yeah, not anymore. The movies are, you can't find the show, which the show is great, too. The show is better than the movies, too. Yeah, and then the fucking, what's it called, the wild boys you can't find anywhere. That sucks.

But, um, we gotta, we gotta wrap this up. We gotta go. We gotta get out of here. What do you guys want to promote? Michael, Michael has somewhere to be. I do. I got sponsored. You guys do.

I got to do. I know, I do. But not for an hour. Promote, come to my comedy show in New York City. You can follow me at Dan Mancarnie, and our next show is October 12th. Oh, yeah? Is that indigenous people's day? It's actually Italian Heritage Months come correct.

No, no, it's not. It's actually Hispanic Heritage Month. Suicide Awareness Month is what. We've got a lot going on. It's a breast caret's Awareness Months is October. Hispanic Heritage Month from September 15th to October 15th. Why do they not do it in the same month? Because they don't show up to work on time. It's fucked up, man. Those are the hardest workers.

You're right. The country's built off. They show up at 925. You know what I mean? It's fucked up, man. Actually, 925. Talking about Mexican? Talking about Hispanic.

Hispanic heritage month is September 15th, it's October 15th. Okay. Which also, like, having it started halfway through the month is kind of shitty, but also at ending halfway through the month is, like, worse. You know what I mean? And it's like, hey, the rest of the month. I can't wait until next week. Hey, guys.

Hey, guys. Wrap it. All right. Wrap it. Oh, sorry. This guy, we're a junkie, dude. How about X X is this guy on, dude? Fucking drug addict, though.

He's saying his landlords kicking him out. He's been on drugs the entire time he's hit. He's been all benzos for the last year. Ryan O'Toole, follow me on Instagram. It's Ryan O'Toole. Ryan O'Toole podcast every Friday. I'm on a month. on selling shit.

Literally a bunch of shit. I'm going to be in some web series that'll be out in the end of the fucking thing. I would. The price is right. And yeah, I love you guys. The price is right.

Go Patriots. I'm also on UC betting gambling podcast. It comes out every Wednesday. I do that. So follow that. UC betting. We talk football, football gambling,

shit like that. All right. I also think you listen to WTF podcast Mark Barron Listen to Joe Rogan Do your opposing forces

NPR NPR Yeah listen to other podcasts Yeah yeah NPR Yeah Fucking suck my cunt Yeah

Fucking suck my cunt