Morning Good - The Sandbar - Episode 162

Episode Date: March 26, 2023

Artan X. and TJ Francis return to the show for today's episode. They talk about the peak Albanian physique, white guy reggae, and fraternity hazing. Thanks to TJ and Artan for coming back on the show. Check them out on earlier episodes and click their links down below for more.Artan is on Instagram @artan_x. TJ is on also Instagram @teejfrancis and hosts the TJ Francis Program, which has multiple appearances from Artan as well. So definitely check that out too.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right, and we are off the races. We're with T.J. Francis. Hello. And we're T.J. Francis? What's up? We are T.J.

We are T.J. Francis. All right. Who's T? Who's J? I'm T. I'm Francis. I'm T. I'm Francis. I'm, I'm. I'm, Ardenax. You're playing Ardenax? You're playing Ardenx for this one? How about I play Art and you play T.J. All right. Okay.

Be Arden. Guys, I'm closeted gay. Oh, dude, that's T.J. Francis, right? Yeah. I'm closeted gay. I'm a mean guy. Oh, that's great, too. Because he's fine. Because he says things that hurt people's feelings. Yeah, yeah. He's a mean guy. And that's, yeah, yeah.

I'm a mean guy and I'm Albanian. Yeah, yeah. That's perfect. Those are two things about me. Do you have any interest in going to Albania? I've been there. Okay. What was it like?

It was pretty cool. It was like there's better places than Europe to go, but Albania was all right. Good food. Really good food. Well, what's like Albania food? I think I had like a sheep head. Oh, actually sounds sick. Wait, have you ever left a country, M.G.?

Oh, yeah. I've been to multiple places. Really? I've been to all of. Oh, you turn off Russell Bryant? No, no, no. Turn on that. Yeah.

I'm on white noise so I can fall asleep. You're thinking that. What is that movie called where he teaches special ed kids to play basketball? The ringer? That's what it's called? No, no. You're thinking of the new Woody Harrelson flick. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. The ringer's the old one. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. With Johnny Knoxville. Yeah, that's an awesome movie. So they are kind of copy. Why do you put down just white and not turn it off?

It's for a light thing. Don't worry about it. Don't work. We're going to look great. You guys are going to look fucking phenomenal. It's going to be beautiful. It's so funny. You think he's so racist.

He doesn't even want to turn off his TV. Yeah. My TV's off. It's white. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I look crazy because I should have a white screen up here. How do you even have this? Yeah. It's YouTube.

There's a YouTube video called White Screen. Yeah, for like an hour. Yeah. KKK Logan Hall. Yeah, yeah. White screen. Just a deep. He's just completely white.

Damn, you could do anything. Yeah, back in the day, that's the hell. That's where you're, dude, there's like fucking, you can watch Avatar on here. You can watch people get fucked in the ass and you're blown away on the white screen. Yeah. You could watch. You could watch. You can watch a war on here if you go on YouTube.

Have you watched a lot on here? Have you watch a lot on YouTube? you watched the porn on this big TV? No, no. You think it's going to be fun, but it's not right correct. I used to watch porn on my parents. They had, my dad listens podcast, whatever. Uh-oh.

He's going to be like, I do that right now. Yeah. Your mother's TV. Just sends me a POV of like him in bed with porn on the screen. He's like, you know. Yeah. Same MG. He calls you MG.

That might be the way to get him to stop listening. Just talk so uncomfortably that he's just like, I get it. Because every week you'll try me with facts. He's like, actually, that was incorrect about George Washington. I'm like, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, every week. Your dad's like a smart guy? Yeah, apparently.

Or he's saying not, I don't know, maybe he's wrong. Maybe there's somebody fact-checking him. Maybe then my mom goes through his text and says, you were wrong with confidence. If you say anything with confidence, it sounds true. Could be right. Oh, absolutely. How many facts are you dropping about George Washington, though, that your dad has to make a point to be like? I don't know.

There's one of those arguments where somebody like Dan Carney came on. He's like, he wasn't even the first president. I'm like he was the first president. I'm like, you know what was his argument for not? Who was the other guy? I don't know. He was like, you know, it was really an African man named something. Whoa. Yeah. Dan Carney's a Hotep. I don't know if you guys knew that.

Yeah. The original presidents were black. Yes, all of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could run with that. All right. I mean, I'm cool. I don't think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have no real people get upset to history. I like fake history. It's fun. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't, I don't know. Everybody gets really uptight about it. Yeah. How many Jews do you think? I mean, come on. We know what I say. We know what I think. Zero.

Zero. It was a summer camp. Yeah. I think they're lying. I think it was more than six million. I like that. I like that level. Somebody's like,

yeah, yeah. They're underselling it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was way worse. These Jews are liars. They're lying about the Holocaust.

It was really 20 million. Yeah, it was way more. Yeah. The, yeah, I did watch, I watched like a Klan documentary one time.

And there was this guy who had like, he had like a painting of Adolf Hitler on his wall. Like, like a very nice, like painting. I don't even know who did it, but it was very nice. And then he's just talking about Hillary's like, absolutely. He's like, those were summer camps, basically.

There was a pool in Oshel. You're telling me that's not a good time. It's like, that's the wildest theory. I might not be the first one to say this, but that somebody would kidnap Jews just to bring them to a summer camp. I really want them to have fun, dude. Yeah. Let's round them up.

They need a good time. They're so boring. Yeah. All I do is accounting. But you were talking about it. That'd be like going to like a horrible third world country and forcing them to go to six flags. Locking the.

door. Have fun. And we want to go home. Just the creation frog what was Albania like? It was not like six flags, I'm assuming. It's not bad. It's not terrible.

Because if I'm honestly, I completely stereotype. When I hear any country that's in Europe that I've never been to, I think of it as I don't have got six flags. No, no, no, no. I picture just like a guy and like a wife beater and jeans. like smoking cigarettes. Yeah, that's it. That's cool.

That's so much fun. Every wore jeans and a white feeder smoked cigarettes. That's pretty great. It does sound like, do. I smoke by it for a cigarette a while this weekend.

Oh, I thought ever. No, no, no, no, no. You just picture of Greece for every... Yeah, yeah. Hey, what are you doing here?

Welcome to Albania. Yeah, yeah. Hey, yeah. Hey, you think you're a tough guy or something? I saw a guy today at Starbucks speaking Albanian on his phone. I took a picture of him. You want to see it?

Wait, wait, wait, can we guess what he looks like? You could guess. You knew who said. Okay, yeah. Hair gel? I don't, I don't know. I'm trying to stay.

Tight black jeans, tight black shirt with a chain. Man, you guys really. All right, could I give you as an Asian guy? Yeah, yeah. You guys think we're Italian, bro. Yeah, you are. Oh, but can you take your feet off that? Wow.

Okay, that's, that's DJ Khalid. Oh, yeah. Show to the can. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Hopefully that guy doesn't watch the pie. Yeah, dude, he's a freaking. Creep taking pictures of me.

This is like the ideal body. Yeah. By the way, this is like Shrek. I'll tell you right now, Albanian guys with this body are as light as a feather. These guys, they're so huge. He looks like a Sasquash. He's like.

Pregnant stomachs. But if you saw him on a dance floor, he'd be like. Well, that's what I was going to say. I love big dudes with really, really thin ankles. Oh, yeah. Like, I love that. Because there's always also another guy who's into working out who loves to shit on those guys. They're like, he's not even a real man.

because he doesn't do leg day. I'm like, shut up, pussy. This guy looks big. That's all the badger. This guy builds houses. Yeah, yeah, exactly. He doesn't lift the weights. What's up?

He builds houses. He doesn't lift the weights. Yeah, exactly. He's not working on his legs. Yeah, it's farmer strength, but like, just fucking bricks. But then you have some gym douche bag. You think he doesn't even work out his quarts.

You got to be symmetrical, bro. Your body has to be symmetrical. Now, if you want to win the fucking I-FBCC, what's it called? How unsymmetrical can a guy be? Is there a guy who, He just only worked out one half of his body. And like it's on purpose.

Oh, I don't know. I'm only working the right side of my body. How do guys that have like no arms get a big chest? That would be a good YouTube. Like, like, you could do anything really as like an influencer now. And like some guy who's yoked on one side, he's like the next has Bula. I'm only working out my right side of my body for two years. For two years.

That's a good, yeah. And see what happens. That would blow up. Yeah. It would be cool. Like one side. He was like two face, but like different personalities. Like one's like a very sensitive like.

kind of liberal guy. The other one's just like a meathead. It's like on the side, he's like an Andrew Tate and he interviews this way. And then he turns around and he's like, pink hair, bus cut. Why has no one done that? People probably have.

Why hasn't anybody done that yet? We're going to do that. How about we do it and we stand together? So my left side is very liberal. And then my right side's conservative. And your left side, so like we stand together and like on one side, we're the same.

You know what I mean? Yeah. Where would you stand on the vaccine if you're playing both sides, though? It depends. It's half your body. You know what I am? On the left side, I'm like an RFK Jr., like liberal anti-vaxxer, kind of granola-y.

Yeah. And then on the right, I'm, you know. Alex Schatz. Exactly. Okay. I want to get unvaxed. You just get it pulled out. I want to find out how to get unvaxed.

I'm trying to get unvaxed. Did you ever get it? Yeah, of course. Yeah. I'm not anti it, but I do respect people that are anti-I. Because it's like, because it's such a thing that like everybody gets so obsessed with like, I remember dude, when it first came out, there was this guy who was like, did you get it?

man, bro, you didn't get it? He's like, you got to get it, man. And then I'm like, now I don't want to get it. Like, I'm very, I fucking hate when people tell me what to do. Yeah. I like to annoy people. Exactly. So the second you tell me, these are the worst kind of people. I'm like, I want to become that guy. I'm like the most, it's annoying though, because I'm almost like a hipster. Like, everybody's into Pedro Pascal now, and I just started hating him for no reason other than the fact that people like him. Yeah, I feel that.

Yeah, same stuff. It's a lot of stuff. Yeah. A lot of cool things turn real lame pretty quick. Exactly. The second it's on like Jimmy. Kimmel or something like that. Like, this has to suck. Yeah. Which is not necessarily true, but it's just kind of how I view things.

Yeah. No, I agree. Yeah, it's cool. Do you get a booster? No. Yeah. No, yeah. Oh, you did?

I had to. I had to. Peak booster. I remember I was taking a lot of Adderall, and I was working this data entry job where I'd go into the basement of this building. And I would take Adderall and I listened to Robert Kennedy Jr.' Who is just, he's just, I don't think it's his voice because his voice is all

fucked up. Yeah. But somebody else is like speaking. It's called like the real. Anthony Fauci. And I would just, dude, I think for a week, I think I may have gone as far. This was psychosis. I think I was telling people not to get boosted.

I think I was going like, I kind of vaguely remember this period of my life. All your data entries are like, do not get boosted. Yeah, yeah. I was like, guys, I care about you guys. Don't do it. Basically just going crazy. I don't really take Adron anymore. And then I remember I smoked pot with my girlfriend and we went to go see the Rockettes.

And I couldn't enjoy it because I was like, we're going to fucking die. I was like, we're all going to die from the vaccine. I don't like taking drugs. drugs and going to a movie theater or any theater like i know rockettes isn't a movie theater but it's weird to be in a dark room with a bunch of people and we're all facing the same way see i kind of like i get really weird i i've left movies really i've been like i i got to push through you got to walk in baked out of your mind and then you just you just you grip the seat and you just you scream you push it and you push through it it's also helps the good friend like i have a good friend that we go to shit on

movies. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. If you have somebody you're goofing around with, then it'll be a good time. I've been to go on a lot of one-on-one mandates. I went to a concert with one of my friends the other night. Really? It was nice.

It was fun. Who were you choosing? For the guy or the concert? The guy. Just like my friend's my hometown. Because I kind of, I connect when I hang out with them. They're like non-comics. But I like connect to my child that we start like reminiscing.

And I'm kind of, at least that's, I kind of lie to myself sometimes. And I'm like, I'm working on my act by like doing something fun. No, that's true. That's what he's like that. I think that's true. I think that is... We should go to see to Rockettes. Just right now.

Yeah. I think that's true, 100%. I don't think that... You're not lying yourself there. Okay. What concert did you see? Pepper. It's like a...

I hate saying surf rock because you sound like a douche bag. It's not reggae. It's surf rock. Yeah. They're these like Hawaiian dudes. It's like two Hawaiian guys and a white drummer. And for some reason, for years,

I got the singers mixed up just because I'm racist. I thought there was one guy singing. Because I'd see like the music videos. I'm like, oh, it's that guy singing. And they got on stage. And the whole concert, I was trying to figure out who the guy was. But the audience was the best demographic of people I've ever seen.

A lot of dudes that look like you. What? What's that mean? Like kind of longer hair, facial hair, laid back. Denver, Denver looking guys. I was like, dude, these are like the coolest. I mean, this is my demographic of people. I was like, I've never been to a building in New York and been like, there was like one

yoked, Guido douchebag, and he kind of pissed me off. He just like snuck through the crowd slightly. And I was like, you don't fucking belong here. This is the surf bro zone. They're so chill that they'll be like, let them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were a little too chill with, like, it was fun. It's funny also bringing weed to a concert nowadays because I'm like, check it out, guys.

I got to join. He wants to smoke and everybody's like, no. You all brought weed ourselves. Yeah. Because I was like ready to be like the cool guy. It was like, hey, I got to join. Oh, yeah. It ruins it for like there's no weed guy anymore.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude. I wonder. That's got to. You got to bring Coke, bro. Yeah, yeah, be the Coke guy. That was, I used to, I used to do a lot of coke. That was, there's nothing cooler than being the guy who has cocaine.

I never... I wish I've done coke at least once. Yeah. I mean, it's not too late. Yeah. No, but I feel like the longer you live, the less likely you do coke, that's like a saying. That is a good point. That's a good thing.

My grandpa used to say that. There are people that do... If you're doing coke at 50, that's like really risky. Yeah, your heart is like, what the fuck is that? What's going on? I'm prepared for this. Yeah. But, yeah, it was all just great fucking...

I was so excited. But they were almost a little too chill, though, because I was kind of like trying to get after it a little bit and they were kind of but we everybody were looking at each other. We're like, dude, this guy's the lead singer of like a, he's like this kind of like, both of them are these kind of like slightly muscular Hawaiian dudes who like take their shirt off and play electric guitar. I'm like

how much 20 year old pussy do you think those guys are? Are there tricks at the concert? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah. And then their opener was like this cool. He looked like a fat redneck with a beard, but he sung reggae. Luke Combs? Oh, he looked like Luke Combs? Yeah, basically. And he's just like

and then with the reggae boys. I'm like, this guy is awesome. I kind of love... He's like Chad Hanks and Luke Combs combined. Dude, I weirdly, I love cultural appropriations so much. Like, you're not supposed to, but I'm like, dude, that's, it's awesome. Like, that guy is just like... When they lean into it, yeah.

Especially when it's an accent. Yeah. Dude, there's a band that does that slightly stupid is this reggae band. And the lead singer's this white guy. He's like, oh, me so sorry, Mr. Cop. And I'm like, you don't talk like that, but it's funny. That's awesome. That is great.

But by producer, Paxson was talking about it. He's like, the, this. reggae band was kind of perfect for like the early 2000s being Hawaiian because like that's when like the white guy reggae like sublime and stuff like that was big but black guy reggae was not popular so you're kind of right in the middle as like a Hawaiian

guy because like you can't really tell a Hawaiian guy like yeah reggae music's not your music you're like it's not but it's more your music than my music I guess Hawaiians can get away with a lot yeah they're always getting away with shit

I did read like a hate crime story about that these Hawaiians like beat the shit out of a white guy. And it was one of those they were like, the article was like from the Guardian. So like they were trying to like defend the hate crime because it was against a white guy. It was kind of funny. It's hilarious. Yeah, they're like technically

white people have been invading the Hawaiian land and buying nice houses. So it's a little bit warranted. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know about just if I get hate crime, but I don't know. I love the idea of like a Hawaiian court though. I don't know why I picture just like a like a Hulu dancer.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. we'll be standing up for the Pledge of Allegiance. It's just somewhere. Dude, why looks so sick though. Like I, we do, every year we do like a beach trip

to New Somerana Beach, which is a beach town in Florida where all my boys get fucked up at. And we're watching the screen and we're watching a music video in Hawaii. We're like, we should pull money and go to like an actual beach like that

because it looks like amazingly beautiful. Yeah, but I feel like what you're going for is way more Florida based than Hawaii. Like Hawaii's like nice, serene. What you're trying to do get fucked up is that's way you should be

That's a good point Because sometimes you spend too much money On like Like the And then we get there And then I'm like I don't even have money To act like a drunk idiot

You're like you want a mitai on the beach You know I don't know Give me a natural light Yeah yeah Yeah once you're fucked up You kind of don't even know Where you are

So why would you? Yeah money wise Like I've been doing this thing recently where I just don't Put value on food Like I'm just Dude I'm eating like

Basically free food You bet you're saying money You'll spend whatever on food No I said nothing on food What do you? How are you eating? Dude, it's bad. What do you mean?

What are you eating? I'm probably going to die. Really? Before you guys got here, I had chicken fingers and then, like, bread with, like, butter and toast on it. Oh, shit. But, like, microwave. So you're eating, like, frozen food.

So much frozen food. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like whatever I can fucking do some soups that you microwave. Yes. Dino nuggets. And frozen food, I think that's the worst shit. Dude, it's so bad.

It's for six years. It tastes great. I'm not hating on the taste, but I think it's, like, fucking up your body. Oh, for sure. You're a dejorno guy? I love de jrano. Dude, the worst is the other night. What I did is like, I had trouble sleeping, so I had like a, like, a shot in a couple ticotas. And then I woke up and had like a microwaveable breakfast sandwich with like a Celsius. You're making me hungry now, dude. I feel like your fridge is just like 7-11 freezer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that shit at 7-11, like the tequitos.

The tequitos and, oh my God, that shit's amazing. They've gotten worse, though. They used to be really icey and big. Because like with this beach. trip I'm talking about. We used to go to the beach as high schoolers, and we bring like $40 for like three days. Probably even less now. Yeah, probably $40 for three days. We buy beer and tequitos and just like live off of 7-11 food and then rates and your parents break. You get like three pieces for 50 cents. It's fucking amazing. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. So you eat bad, but you're saving money because you're bringing shit home. I eat horrible. Spend so much money. I'm spending $40 a day on food probably. But what are you eating? I mean, I guess not terrible. It's like

chicken wraps and stuff. But I'm spending. spending a lot of money on food. So when you said no value on food, that's what I thought you meant. I thought you're like, I'll just, whatever I'm going to eat. I'm going to go get it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I'm doing a lot of that. I eat out every meal. It's really hard to make food. Oh, dude, sucks. I can't stand it. The frozen food, though, that might be the new move. I mean, it's the worst thing you can do. Yeah. It's terrible. For your body, you know, financially. Yeah, financially. Which I care more about right now.

Yeah, that's the funny. My parents call me up. They're like, so are you eating healthy? I'm like, no, I'm saving. like it's either one or the other. It's like if I'm going to go to a reggae concert and spend $40. And I also got a ticket stolen from me. There was somebody online and they were like, yeah,

we got like tickets for cheap and then I've emmoed them for the ticket and then yeah, yeah. And then I went as far as... You got scammed? Yeah, completely. And then I went as far to like go after the person's family. Like I found her husband.

I was like, by the way, your wife is going to make like a bad mom. She stole from me, all this stuff. Yeah. He's like, oh, my wife's Facebook got hacked like four years ago. And I'm like, really for four... And you haven't figured... Four years?

There's no way. It's a good scam, though, to be a married couple and be like, we're going to scam some idiot kid for $40. Yeah, that's what you get for listening to reggae, you fucking white piece of shit. Listen to real reggae. They sent me a link to, like, Damien Marley or something like that. But that's like one of those things weird, too, where it's like,

it's, uh, yeah, I get so, like, spiteful with that. Like, I get really mad of people who ripped me off. But then I was talking about Lawrence Reese was on here talking about, like, robbing a woman, like, a couple months ago. And I'm like, that's classic. Like, it's not weird. You robbed the lady? you're talking about just stealing like money out of a woman's purse or something like that.

Damn, that's fucked up. Yeah, but at the time I was like, great story. Let's keep the podcast. I don't care. We're going to go and do this after? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's wild. Have you ever gotten like fully fucked financial?

I mean, it was only 25 bucks. I'm fucked financially right now. I just, what I'm doing is I'm making enough money to like keep up the level of debt that I have. And also, like, if I was to do any sort of saving in terms of, like, by saving, I mean, like, not eating out. We probably save so much money from not drinking. Yeah. Like, have you seen like a. When I was drinking, dude, I remember I was living on the couch at the time, which helped a lot.

So I had no rent. But I was spending basically $100 a night easily. On drinks? Yeah. Damn. Yeah. That's a lot. And then I would go to the 7-Eleven and buy the homeless guy's food.

So I was like, I'm drunk. Come on. I just talked to a nice guy thing. Joshua, what do you want? He goes, I want a full six-pack. You can fucking put it on, dude. And then I put it on. He'd be like, you give me cigarettes.

I'm like, yeah, dude, who else is going to buy you cigarettes? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

told me one time I spent like $80 on that one guy Wait, which guy was it? Joshua or whatever the fuck his name is. Who kicked you in the face? Oh, Joshua's the one like this. He's like the white guy with red red red red locks and talks like this. But he also speaks like Arabic or something. Yeah, you speaks like seven. I haven't seen that guy in a while. Me neither. I haven't been on Macdug. But I think it's because we're not on McDougal, yeah. The only guy I still see is spare change. Spare change.

Spare change. Biching? Yeah. Common Club. Comic club. I'll see the guy who talks like this to his blind in one eye. His voices. It's very deep, but it's also high at the same time. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. His eye, dude, the first time everyone ever sees his eye, it's like, oh. Oh, shit. And it's not even the homeless part about you. It's the eye. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, why doesn't anybody want to get me money? It's like a glassy eye, but it's also like a glassy half of his face. He's also

scary because he'll get like an inch away from somebody's face behind them and they'll turn around and be like, hey, can I have some money? They're like, Jesus Christ. He actually is weird. All the homeless people are weirdly respectful of Barkers. For the most part. Sometimes they fuck around. Johnny would be a comedy show. Comedy show. They were very...

Until that one guy who puts on an Australian accent, you know that one shorter guy? Oh. Like, starch shit. Yeah, yeah. He's like, uh,

light skin. Pulls his hair back. Yes. That guy showed up. That guy pulled a shiv on me one time. Yeah, that guy's fucked up. Yeah, yeah.

That guy showed up later than all these other... You know what is funny too? You ever see two homeless guys that look like they're, they're like NPs. They don't interact with each other. I'll see that. Like, like you'll never see crossover,

but... Dude, I don't think I've ever seen... Them talk to each other? This is weird. I'm now thinking about it. I've never seen any of the McDougal Street homeless guys interact with each other. Yeah.

They all go to a bank and go, all your turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'll see them walk past, they'll, like, cross a different... Like, I've never... Maybe once I've seen them... One homeless guy was talking shit about homeless people to me.

He's like, man, these fucking homeless people, dude. All they want is money for drugs. He's like, me? Totally sober. Can I have a dollar? And I'm like, all right, dude. I know who you're talking about, too. I think I know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know Yeah Then there's that one dude He's this one dude He's been around more He's this tall white guy And he'll just stare at you

I know I know He always has a backpack Yes And he'll stare from like Across the street One time I saw him picking up Like a sign

Outside of a right And I'm like I'm getting the fuck Those dude Homeless That is a weapon for homeless guy Like a fucking sign They love to swinging Those things around

They love They love making weapons out of things That like they just find You know what I mean It's like They are all things Considered like pretty Respectful of people

I mean They don't have a home and they're walking, like, they have nothing to lose. And they can snap it anymore. And they kind of don't a lot. You say that, but I don't know.

A lot of the times, they're pretty good. Rebecca, right? Yeah. She got mouth fingered by it. I know. I wasn't there. I was,

somebody was there. Yeah. So he just put his fingers in her mouth. Is that you who was there? I saw her back. I don't see it. I came after and she was telling me about it. That's, dude, how do you,

I mean, how do you get a new mouth? I would cut my mouth off. Yeah. I would go, full joker. You want to know how I got these scars? A homeless guy put his fingers in my mouth.

Yeah, that's gross. And I cut it off. They are, you guys aren't following the new Batman stuff, right? What's the new Batman? Oh, I saw a new Joker stuff. What's going on with that? Oh, yeah, yeah.

They're doing Lady Gaga's in it. They're filming like a few, like, some guy pointing a phone out of his window. Yeah, there's like three personalities of them, it looks like. Looks cool. Yeah, yeah. I didn't even like the first one that much, but. I respect.

that they're doing a musical because that's the most joker shit. They're doing a musical? Yes, just to make it off the rails. That's terrible. You say that, but like, that's the most making a terrible move. What would the Joker do? Make the movie horrible. Yeah. I wish we got one more. In a way, Jared Leto was kind of the best Joker because it was the most

chaotic. He's like, let me just tank this movie. I don't think I've ever seen one of those. You never seen Jerry Lello with my own joker, bro? That's how we, I mean, I add a little extra to it. That's when you get mad about superhero movies? What's up? You put that voice on. Was that him? Dude, dude. Yeah. He

He has like a grill in it. It's suicide squad. He's like, yo, I'm all about fucking make a money. Because the last Joker, like, burned money.

They should got like riffrapped to play Joker. Oh, that would have been fucking sick. What was happening with Batman? Well, they're doing like, they're doing like a time travel thing

with like the Flash. And it's like Michael Keaton's back as Batman, but it looks really weird. Oh yeah, yeah, I saw that commercial. Yeah,

it looks really weird because it's like, they're like digitally animating him like fighting crime, but I'm like, he's as old as the, did you guys see the 1989 Batman? Yeah.

It's fucking awesome. But by the way, the amount of time I fucking waste on the internet, dude, I watched a 10 minute video the other day of Ben Shapiro reviewing the Batman movies. And I'm like, I don't think I've wasted my life more. Him just being like Batman and Robin. Well, the suits were a little homo erotic. I wasn't fan of that. The directing was bad.

It's funny that if Alex Jones came out with a video of him reviewing Ben Shapiro's review, you would watch that video. Oh, it would be so much better. Yeah. And I want to find the left equivalent of Alex Jones. Like, you know what I mean? It's like... Oh, there's a million.

Yeah, but it's like, I don't know. Who? Go to Brooklyn. I feel like there's a million. But like, have that like... Entertainment?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, oh. I thought you meant like... Dude, the best... I was watching... Because you don't necessarily agree where everything Alex Jones is saying, but you guys don't.

We love hearing it. Love hearing it. Dude, it's so... Hit me just that video. There's a video of him talking about fucking... Lobsters. Yeah, he's there with Milo Yopinopoulos or whatever the fuck that guy's name is. And he's like, I got a scorpion on my...

He's like, oh, I thought it was a lobster. He's like, Scrupians are cool. he's like, not as cool as lobsters. He goes, lobsters are psychic. And I'm like, what's they even fucking mean? Yeah, there's got to be someone who's like liberal left, just saying lies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, abortions, babies like abortions.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They like it. They say what you said. The Holocaust was more than sex. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that idea. You just go to go to Hasidic Brooklyn and just start shaming rabbis. You're telling fucking lies.

It was way more than that. But one thing I watched, too, I watched a... You know who I fucking hate? The Nelk boys. Do you guys know these guys? Yeah, I don't like those guys. Hasbullah hangs out with them all the time.

Okay, now they're cool. Hasbullahs with them all the time. Oh, my God. That's because he doesn't speak English. He doesn't know how fucking annoying they are. Tucker Carlson went on their podcast. I know. That was, dude, I listened to that one.

How was that? It was a mix. So the first, I turned it on, and I'm like, these guys, they're fucking duds. There's, like, certain guys that were in your fraternity in college that you're like, what are you here for? You know what are you here for? You know what I mean? it's like zero charisma.

It's like, I don't mind bros, because I'm slightly bro, but I'm like, these guys have nothing to contribute at all. They're just like, just money, right? That's what it seems like with these guys. Just money. And they're like, they're just like those guys who like fucking vape and then they're just like, yeah, dude, it's let. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They are like that.

Like you have no personality. They just go, that's fucking sick, bro. Full send that shit. And then people are like, yes. Yeah. Dude, he was fucking terrible. They're like, yeah, get your back. And I'm like, these are the worst people. And I know bros that are awesome. I know bros that are like that. They're like, yeah, dude, lit.

But they're also like, I don't know, like snorting prescription pills and they have a gun. You know what I mean? Like have something exciting going on like that. And like, there's a guy in my fraternity that they fucking remind me of. So when like kids were like pledging the fraternity, I made a kid. I was like, you have to interview me and you have to catch a lizard, tie it to a string, and then tie the other end of the string to a pen. And you have to write the interview with the pen while the lizard's pulling on it.

Wow. How big is a lizard? Just like a regular Florida lizard. So like, you know, maybe like that. Okay. Not like a yellow spotted. So you tie a lizard's tail to a pen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he has, what did the lizard do? Well, I thought it would be fun and it ended up just being animal cruelty.

So like the lizard just like bled all over the place. Really? Oh, it was. Which wasn't my fault. I was. Lizards bleed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if you cut their tails off, they grow back.

Whoa. Yeah. or if their tails get cut off. I'm not out of here, slice of him, but yeah, which wasn't my plan. I didn't plan on having this guy

hurt an animal. I thought it would be like a catch and release kind of like thing. And then it got covered in blood. But then there's this older guy and he was this example of that same kind of guy where he's like,

he's like, dude, you shouldn't be like doing this because like, you know, he's like, you're not really like cool enough to be like hazing pledges like that.

I'm like, you're a fucking loser. Like just, I don't know what it is. Just those dudes who like they work out all the time and then they just have no, they're too preppy in a...

They're like a frat... They're like what they think a frat kid should be. For sure. It's like a workout guy who... Yeah, yeah, exactly. They're like, probably we're not cool in high school and they saw like one video

about like TFF. Yes. And they're like, dude, fucking you see this fucking... Yeah. Who's that one guy? Jimmy Tatro video. And I like Jimmy Tatro. You know, they're like, they take that.

Because Jimmy Tatro's making fun of that guy but then they see that and I like, that's it. And they'll semi-ironically. They'll be like, wouldn't it be funny? I'd like, get my shirt off here, dude. and you're like, I hate you with a passion. I was never, what, what's it like being in a frat? It was awesome.

Is there a lot of those, is it mostly those dudes? No, no, it was a mixed dude. Like our pledge class, we had like a variety. It was like there was, yeah, it was all kinds of dudes. So it's just like a group of people. Like they're not, to me, a frat is a bunch of the same people. No. I mean, it depends on the frat, right?

So there is like a frat. There's like K.A., which is like kind of the southern fraternity. which they get really into like that or whatever, depending on where you are. Sometimes they get a little too... Did you get hazed? What's up? Did you get hazed?

I mean, I don't know if they can still get in trouble. You know, it was fucking four years ago. Yeah, who the fuck are they going to tell? It was fun shit. It was like, you know, go out of the woods, here's a bottle of liquor, go do something fun. Anything with dip? I've heard horror stories about dip.

Yeah, yeah. I've heard things like people that, like, what's it called the guy above you who's like doing, making you do shit? Your master? Sure. I was called like Pledge, like, pledge educator.

Oh, okay. If you're the guy. is getting hazed and I'm the guy who's like teaching you or whatever. Like you'll be like, I'll be like, all we're eating burgers tonight and then I'll have a lip in and I'll take off your burger. I'll go like that and I'll put it on the burger and say, eat it. And it's like people do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the shit I never did, but I know people

like that. That's fucking crazy. Dude, there was one that had like a fight club. There's one called Delt and there was this one dude. That's awesome. My older roommate from South, it was kind of cool. So it was worth doing it. Did you do stuff equal to that? No. Grossness? Oh, okay. Not at all. Yeah. It's like it all depends on the one. And there's lot of people that are like, you shouldn't let the hazing process affect which fraternity you choose. I'm like, it should. Because I'm not going to do fight club to

you know what I mean? It's like some of it's funny though. Like some of it's like, you ever seen the show Ed and Eddie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My friend. He had to do like a plank. Yeah, you got to hold the plank for the whole semester. Yeah, that's fun. That's a nightmare. But that's fun. It's not, it's not hurting anybody. You're just like, or wear a tucks to every class kind of shit. Yeah, yeah. Just fun. Yeah, that's fun stuff. But like the stuff, like this one fraternity, they would have like a full fight club. And I remember there's a one girl at my freshman year she's like, why don't you want to join Dell, you're not manly enough? And I'm like,

no, I don't want to have this shit being out of me by a bunch of Guidos from Miami. Those kids are like all doing steroids. And I'm like, could you imagine just getting the shipping out of the year? You're like, it's all be worth it. Yeah. And then at the end you're like, okay, I got 45 new friends. Yeah. And apparently the pledge classes in that fraternity like didn't get along. Because like, what would happen was like, they'd be like, oh, they're all friends. But then the guys that haze them, they literally hate. Dude, I heard the story. My roommate told me that this one guy, like, wouldn't do

pushups at like a tailgate for like another brother and they took a thing of ice and clocked him in the face with like. Damn. Yeah, he had to get like stitches and they're like, that's what fucking fraternity. How long does hazing take until you're having a good time? It's like, um, probably like September. Is it freshman year or something? It's fresh.

I mean, it depends on when you join. It's only like a semester, right? Of like, yeah, it's not even a full semester. It's like September to like late November. Like it should be like worth it. Like the reward is you just get late and have parties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. After that, yeah.

Yeah, but it's like, it's like, the parties were fun. Every semester, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have the pay to be in a fraternity? Yeah, you got to pay dues. But they would have... What do you mean pay dues?

Money? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of fraternity, especially like... But that money goes towards the parties, though. So it's like you're paying like... God, imagine it. Imagine like eating a burger with some guys fucking dipping it and then you get passed and all you do is like,

all right, now we just play video games. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, all right, give me your... What the fuck? Yeah, yeah. No parties? The crazier ones are like the ones in like small, because like ours, like, there was that stuff where there's like the fight club stuff.

And then there was like, but I knew a guy, one of our friends one time he comes up to us. He's like, dude, what type of gay stuff did you guys have to do? He's like, you know, like grabbing the Pledgemaster's balls. We're like, no, dude, that's, that's assault. No, that's not. You got a gay pledge master. He goes, what fraternity did you rush? He goes, G-A-Y?

Which one's that? I don't know, the dudes out of the dance club or not. None of them go to Florida State, actually. actually. I think I would have joined a fraternity if I went to a great college. And like I would like, like my brother always told me, he's like, don't look to hazing. I'm like, that does because I don't want to hang out a bunch of dudes that want to dominate other dudes. Unless it's like consensually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't mind of gay frat, but I'm like, you know what I mean? There's probably a lot of chicks there. That's the thing. You got to look at the bright side.

Like crazy parties, hot chicks. It was like, dude, we had a tailgate where a guy in a wheelchair crowd surfed. I'm like, that's, it was so much fun. We had dudes jumping off the roof on to like inflatable things. Like it was very, it was very fun when it lasted, yeah. Yeah. But that one guy sucked. And that one guy is a fucking I can't see that guy.

Like, remember there's one guy? He'd always be, oh, everything sucks and he's gay. I'm like, dude, I feel like if Jesus walked in here right now, you'd say his shoes are gay.

Like, you're not everything you just want to... That robe is so old, man. Yeah, it's not even tight, dude. But, uh, yeah, that's what the Nalk boys are. And then Tucker is weird because,

dude, he laughs like a super villain. Yeah. He goes, ha ha! And it's like the creepiest thing. Is Tucker Carlson the guy with like the fat face? Yeah. The skinny.

Yeah, he's the guy like went off of them. Little fat. That's the guy who like when he asks a question, he always like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That guy's pretty funny. That guy's pretty funny. Yeah.

But he's also that example of that like kind of like he's the different side of that. But that's that weird preppiness. It's like very dude. You know what I mean? It's like that. He's very, uh, southern preppy. Yeah. Yeah.

He looks like very much from Georgia. I'm sure he is. Yeah. But he's not one of the cool one because like I knew dudes like from southern schools that would be like, there was to be like a guy in a fraternity that looks like he's like 60 years old because he just smoke cigarettes and does coke and hips. And I'm like, that's cool. But like Tucker looks like the guy who like, it's like a legacy like his dad was in the fraternity. And so. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Like the secret fraternity kind of

bullshit. Like skull and bones type shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's like a little too Ivy League. Yeah. Well, she is. I mean, he's fucking, he runs. He has the biggest show in the world right now. Really? Pretty sure Tucker Carlson is like the most watched primetime television show. Yeah. I don't know that. I'm pretty sure it is. Yeah. Fact check me on that. You know what was weird though? I thought he'd have a hot wife.

Doesn't now? Very ugly. Like, like she looks like Bruce Jenner, not Caitlin. Like literally looks like Bruce. What? Yeah. Damn.

I'm so curious. Because all those dudes always have like hot conservative wives. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like the anchors basically. Yeah. Alex Jones wife's like better looking than his.

Yeah. So wife. Talk to Carlson. I don't watch any. I don't pay attention to any of this. I'm trying to divide myself in the, every week I talk about. Really?

Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to be... Because there's always like something popping up. Yeah, it's kind of unfortunate. What? Dude, his wife looks like Skeletar.

It's just like a regular wife. That's your thing? That's my thing, man. I've always said it since day one. Girlfriend, though? No. No. No, no, no.

You really... Is this... I feel that's something you in the baseball team did. Yeah. I don't know. I don't really get shit. But, um...

Yeah. Man, opposite for the other guy, Sean Hannity, Smoke show. Wait, let me see. Hold on, let me see. Yeah, that's, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But I think he's, is he, I don't even know what he is. He's on Fox. He does the same thing that Tucker does, I think. Oh, they're divorced, though. Oh, three years ago. That's bound to happen. You know what's weird, too?

None of these dudes, this is why I think a lot of that shit's a lie. Not one of those conservative anchors is atheist, which is insane statistically. Wait, why? I would think that they're not. Why would that checks out?

But I'm saying like out of this whole entire party, nobody, I don't believe that. I feel like a big thing about Republic, like, I feel like that, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. You don't think so? No, because it's like, if you get a whole, because I know atheist Republicans.

Like I just do. They're just like, yeah, I don't believe in paying taxes. I don't believe in gun control. I don't think the border should be loose. But I don't believe in God. I'm like, okay. That was all, wait. Those two things,

don't have to coexist. But all of the anchors and all the people like that, they feed to it. Okay. I'm like, two things. I'm trying to argue this. I don't really know. But I feel like they just plain to the audience. A lot of Republicans are.

I'm not saying, I have no problem with people being Christian, but there's no way that percentage of them is either Christian or Jewish. Yeah. I don't think they believe a lot of what they said. That's what I'm saying. People would get upset. Because it's like you will have Christian liberals, people like that. Stephen Colbert's like, you know what I mean?

And so it's like if this percentage of these people are doing this, then they're kind of full of shit. Like there's no way none of you guys are like, I think God's fucking fake. Do you watch Fox News or CNN? And on to the news. I think God's a lie. Anyways.

No, I don't watch it. I just keep up with the stories like, but the story, it's always the same shit. This is every fucking story now. It's like a Southern state, I see one of my liberal friends posting on Facebook. They're like, the Southern state wants to make drag completely illegal.

and execute drag queens. That sounds crazy. And then I look up the bill and it's still something homophobic and specific, but not that bad. It's like Arkansas is now banning drag queens from playing pickup basketball with children.

You're like, all right, I guess you're like, that's very specific. Yeah, I'm like, that's not good. It seems like Jill just can't play basketball. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is homophobic, but also it's not like as bad. It always looks worse than it is.

Yeah. You were asking me a question? I forgot. Yeah, I don't know. I got the things go. I don't know. But yeah, I did like the UFO shit, though, because that was interesting to hear Tucker Carl's talking about UFO. You just talk about people getting injured by UFOs. There's like a bunch of cases apparently where people are like injured by. I feel like I'm realizing this now. I come to the morning good podcast for my news. Yeah. Every time I do it, I'm like, oh shit.

And I'm always wrong about, like, my producer's like, you're wrong about every. I don't know. I don't give the shit. It's fun to just. It's better though. It's better to be. Yeah, it's fun to get into it. your ass and be like none of this is right. Yeah. Yeah. Who cares? Yeah. No, every time I come here, I'm like, oh, really? That's happening now? I don't pay... Do you pay attention to any of this? I heard about that.

See, I'm trying to be this. That's the thing is I try to do this and then it doesn't work. Like, I just, I don't know what happens in my day because I hate politics and I want to divide it, but it's very addictive. You know why I think I don't pay attention is because I don't want to have an opinion. And I don't like having like a quote, wrong opinion. And if I just don't know, I can't have an opinion.

That's true. I truly don't care either. I think my thing is I want to be opinionated but not vote anymore. I want to argue with everybody. I remember one year I told everybody to vote for the libertarian candidate and then I didn't even vote for him. I voted for Hillary Clinton. I told everybody I was like, you guys got to vote like Gary Johnson. Like he's going to be, he's the best option.

The last second I was like, I don't know. I think I'm going to go with Hillary Clinton. But it's weird. I get like, I'm trying to divide myself, but it's so hard because it's like, I think what happens is I'm working and I'm fucking bored of shit. And I'm like, let me just turn on the news. And I turn the news and then it gets you angry. It's very addictive.

See, what I do, I do. I just started a job working from home. What I do, I get bored, go to YouTube, type in My Life by Lil Wayne, hit play. And then that's all that's a good. That's a good. I have to get into some of the vice things. Those are cool. Like, they still do vice.

Yeah, they still do the cool ones. Occasionally, they'll get weird with it. And they'll be like, I watched a whole fentanyl one. And like, the thesis was that Donald Trump is the reason fentanyl is. I'm like, I don't know. They think Donald Trump is the reason fentanyl. They'll turn everything in that direction at some point. But, um...

You haven't heard that that much recently, though. You haven't heard a lot of fentanyl in the Coke. recently. Yeah, it seems like it's dying out. Yeah. All right. Shout out to us. We beat it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for us. I like that. Yeah. We beat fentanyl. We'll be fentanyl. Yeah. We're on drugs. Right? Am I wrong? I feel like, I feel like for a while there. You were hearing it all the time. Or maybe all the people who have died. Yeah. All the fentanyl's got. Is fentanyl like, is fendol like, is.

Is fennon, like, poison this? Can you take fentanyl and be like enjoy it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of people that have you ever taken it? No. No. Not knowingly. There's a lot of people that like like fentanyl. It's like their favorite drug. And that's great for them because they're like, dude, it's, it's like a renaissance of fentanyl. They can do it all the time. But like the slightest overdose kills you kind of, right? Depending. So I've heard mixed things.

I've heard some people say, like, if you do, they say a lot of these stories. Like, I've had a friend overdose on fentanyl and he took like a pill and a half of something. But I've also heard people say that like a lot of the times it's people that are like doing Coke and drinking and doing fentanyl. But what's that drug called

Croc? Crocadile? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to meet a guy who's addicted to crock, dude. Dude, there's always these weird things. Like, there's this thing called Jankham where people shit in like a bottle. Oh, yeah. And it gets you high? Yeah, you like leave it for a long time.

I don't think it actually worked. I don't know. Try it. Yeah. But, yeah, no, I think it's dying out a little bit. I mean, honestly, that fentanyl dealer has to pay for food for his kids. Yeah, get your money. You know?

You know, so, you know, yeah. It doesn't seem like a good moneymaker, though. I think a lot of times it's an accident. I think somebody has like a little bit. Like I think a lot of it's like people weigh drugs out and then it gets mixed in that. And then because like that fentanyl dealer like most of the time, I don't think people are purposely like. I think with opiates still spike it. But I don't think anybody's like purposely spiking coke with fentanyl.

Yeah. I'm not. I know. I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's all I know. That's that pure heroin. But the vice things. Yeah. I was watching one about like, uh, there's always weird ones. There's like a guy who's like, he's starting a church where they're just getting high on God. And the dudes are getting, they're like sniffing like the Bible. And they're like, I feel the Holy Spirit inside baby.

That's sick. Yeah, yeah. That's fun. I went to, um, I went to Nashville recently and I was in, I was at this guy's house. And apparently in the back, you can look it up. It's called like Mission. I believe it's called Mission Baptist Church. But apparently he was telling me that it's slowly becoming Waco.

Oh, shit. Slowly becoming Waco. like there's noise complaints all the time and they have like 50, they bought like 50 guns recently and like there's some shit happening and goes it slowly like he goes somebody's wife is getting plowed in that church right now.

More than somebody's. It's a lot. Yeah. Because apparently every Sunday from like 9 a.m. to like 9 p.m. It's just, he goes, all we hear is music and singing and all this stuff. And he goes, now we're starting to hear gun.

Because I was there actually on a Sunday and I heard gunshots. I was like, what was that? And that's how it came up. And apparently, yeah, it's like growing. and it's becoming this thing. I don't know if he'll ever be anything, but he was like, it's Waco.

Damn. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. It's right in his backyard. Now is the time for Colts to like just fucking pop up. It'll be sick to have like a cult. Oh, be great.

Yeah, yeah. That we could just observe. Yeah, yeah. I can see my friend start one. Yeah. My friend's, this is the coolest fucking guy. I think I told you about him.

He, he. The guy who has music videos? Yes. So this guy's done, this guy's had like multiple chapters in his life. Which I'm not even saying he changes hobbies. I'm like,

I respect that he's, done so much school. He's grows. He doesn't change. He grows. Exactly. He pledged a fraternity for two weeks in college, dropped out of that school. He had like a horrible situation happen, didn't finish a fraternity, moved to a different town, went to the community college, said he was involved in the other fraternity, got on an executive board, was hazing kids in a fraternity at a school he didn't go to him. Just because he's king charismatic. This guy could fuck it sell. He's like Leo in that movie. Cash me if you can't. Yes, dude, 100%. That's awesome.

chapter, he started an emo rap band. It fucking was really good. They're called the vampire punk boys. The music's awesome. They throw out like, what's it called? Like, uh, like, uh, like sharp teeth.

Yeah, into the audience. They have like a little fan base growing. It was like, I don't want to do that. Then he went down to Costa Rica and was like a fisherman for like a while. Amazing. Then he did a lot of drugs. He died. Like he pronounced dead for two minutes.

Damn. Got revived. Totally. sober now is a speaker at an all black church. Hell yeah. Are you, I didn't hear about that.

Yes, yes, dude. He's like, he's like giving like sermons in an all black church. I'm like, this guy is fucking awesome. If you meet him, you're like this guy, he's the kind of guy of your parents.

Like, we used to party hard. Like, he would like, dude, we went out on the boat one day or on the lake, just taking Xanax drinking all day. And then my parents see him, they're like, he's fucking, he's got so much charisma.

That's awesome. Yeah. He's just that likable. And he's insane. And I'm like, and I'm like, Dude, if anybody can start a cult, him 100%. That's great.

Do you think when a doctor pronounces someone dead and then the guy wakes up, they're like, oh, sorry for mispronouncing. That was just stupid. By mistake, didn't be to mispronounce you did. Excuse me. Those stories are wild. Some of them are bad, though.

Everybody has, here's like the good ones. There was one priest who said, like, he went to hell. And in hell, it was a bunch of people, walking on all fours like dogs singing umbrella by Rihanna. Oh my God. Oh, I heard that was in the news, right? Yeah, yeah. I did hear that. Yeah, it was on like, I get, when I work from home, I get the Bing news.

I don't know if it's Bing or MSN. That's always just the kind of shit Floyd reads it. Yeah, you're close. Yeah. Yeah, it's just like, it's those. Celebrities cheating on each other like gossip. That's awesome. Man, I was thinking about him.

Yo, man. I got to call him. Is he good? He's good, but I feel like a shitty guy for not calling him. I left maybe a month ago. Oh, I didn't know. And I got his number. Yeah.

He's the funniest person ever. Dude, he's this like old black man. And one day he was reading about like Elliot Page. And he goes, yeah. I'm trying to eat over here. One time. I love just the idea that somebody treats it.

He's like, man, I can't even have my food today. Yeah. One time. He's farting all the time. He calls it blasting off. His farts. Yeah, I'm blasting off.

It's like the tune of his farts is amazing. Yeah, yeah. It sounds like an actual like trumpet. Yeah. And he does it out loud. didn't just let everybody hear. Yeah. And then he'll just be like, oh, man.

Yeah. The funniest fucking guy. He sounds like he can't control it. He's the funniest person I've ever met. Easily, I could say that. I will say that, but the other guy working there, so there's another dude who's like a conspiratorist theorist. But he's not, he's funny in a different way.

Yeah. Yeah. I can talk about it, right? You don't work there anymore, right? I don't work there anymore. Oh, okay. There's this guy, he would say, I think it was an autistic tick. He put the word splash in every sentence.

Yeah. He'd like, I'm a splash. splash on that. I love them. Do you guys have the splashes this week? We're like, like, I learned it because it doesn't phase anybody.

He's a big comedy fan. You know, the last week I was at work, we really spoke, because that's when he found out that I do comedy. Yeah. He was talking to me.

And he's a huge fan of all those guys. Yeah. He also liked Alex Jones. He once I'm saying an Alex Jones video in like a work group chat. He goes, my bad.

Yeah. But dude, if I did that now, he apologizes a lot. Yeah, yeah. He was very sweet guy. One time he was like, you got to watch this movie.

We found out we both like horror movies. And he's like, you got to watch Terrifier 2. And I was like, oh, yeah. Oh, that's the clown one, right? Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, yeah, I watched it. I saw the first one. I heard people throw up in it so bad.

That movie's really gross. What's the grossest part of it? The grossest part is actually in the first one where he hangs a girl upside down, like by her legs and then chops her in half starting from like her. The vagina. Yeah. And then down all the way to her head. Yeah.

And it's all like practical effects. And it's like pretty... Practical effects? Yeah. The special effects? No, it's like... What's your special effects? Special effects is like computerized.

This is like they got... They made it. Like, they made a... They killed a lady. Yeah, they really killed a little bit. But they wanted a award for best effects. Yeah. I thought the second one was gross...

Somebody said there was some gross... The second one was... Yeah, it was just as brutal and bloody. Yeah. But the first one's way better. But he texted me late after work. He sent me a link to the movie. And then I'm like, oh yeah, thanks. And then he says, I'm sorry. You're like,

what? He just always apologizes. But Splash, I've heard uses a noun, a verb, and adjective. And nobody spades by it. We were joking about him being like, I'm sorry, my grandma splashed. Just like crying. I'm trying to see if I have text. This guy was the best. It's, what you said about, he texted the Alex Jones video. Mixing work on, and regular life on like your phone is dangerous. Because, dude, I was working on a place in our boss. It was our boss is like assistant and, you know, a few other people. And he texted something about like work.

And then the next text was a video. And it basically was a video of a guy getting a blowjob. To the whole, it was a meme video where like this guy was giving an interview and then it cut to like him falling and then, or like him looking under the table. And then it cuts it under the table and see a guy getting a blow job. And the, the, um, you get fired for that, right? Well, he's the boss. Oh, that's awesome. And the excuse was, sorry, my daughter sent it.

Watch your daughter on your phone watching four-year-old daughter. He sends a video. Sorry, I was watching some porn with my daughter, trying to be a good father. Sorry, make your daughter sound like the worst person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just, no, he's the boss. So how it go. Yeah, I mean, I assume that's even worse now.

It's like sexual harassment from like a superior. Yeah. Yeah, it was, uh, I mean, nothing. It's just like a small little thing. Yeah, you'll be fine. Yeah. Yeah, I'm going into office soon for my job, which would be because I jerk off way too much from home. I don't know. It's just like, when you work from home?

Yeah. You jerk off from home? From home? Yeah. Like, we need you to come in and jerk off in the office now. Okay. COVID was nice because I could jerk off from home. Yeah. I jerked off in parks. But I did miss jerking off around other people. Yeah, yeah, in the office.

I like jerking off without my mask on. Yeah. I played a game recently. I don't know if I invented this, but you take a bath and you turn the water on. I call it a sandbar. And as the water rises, you have to finish before the water hits your stomach. Wow. Yeah. I won. Wait, so

I'm curious. You fill the water. By the way, I just discovered this game. So you lay in the tub, turn the water on, you start jerking off. Yes. You have to finish before it gets above your penis or your belly? Above wherever the cum. So if you, if you that seems easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is that not? Can you watch anything? No, no, no. You got it's all. Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah. That's hard.

Yeah. But why can't, why can't you finish underwater? I don't know. It's because it's because it's, it's, because it's, it's not going to be in a bathtub. Because then you're eliminated. What do you mean? Yeah. What do you mean?

Why are you asking? Yeah. You lose the game. Yeah. You don't get to bathe that day. Yeah. Well, because the whole thing is I was like, I was like, I wanted to take a bath and I wanted to drink off, but I was already laying in the bathtub.

And I already started the water. And I was like, well, my backside's wet, so I don't want to get water outside. And also, when it's wet with water, it makes it harder. Yes. It's tougher. It doesn't feel good. What a cool game. Yeah, dude, it's fun.

It seems like you were really young when you thought of this. Dude, this is three days ago. I was like, this is my new thing. Michael good and his head going like, come on, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Come on. Yeah, I do stuff like, I'm not. But you apologize for that. Because nobody laughed at it.

And I thought that was funny. Just thinking about it, you're not even thinking about point. you're just thinking like, come on, I got to beat it. I got to win. But that's another part of it. That's like another part of it that makes it more difficult. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, because it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's your like, you'll, you'll catch yourself going soft and you're like, come on, come on. We don't have time. It feels very much like saw, but I, yeah, it was, it was out of practicality because I was like, I don't want to. Did you win? Of course, yeah, yeah. You won?

But it wasn't, though, because you could have just gone in your bed, right? What's up? You could have just filled up the tub and then gone in your bed. Yeah, but then like then there's still coming I still want to take a bath I wanted to jerk off I want to take a bath

but I didn't jerk off before the bath and I'm already in the bed and then you win you win a shower you could clean yourself that's the reward yes

if you lose you have to How many times did you get to jerk off again What's up How many times have you played this game? Just once just once and you won

I want the morning Good viewers to go home Try it out Try something fun This is the challenge Yeah Yeah yeah What are you gonna call it?

I like calling it Sandbar Like you know like a sandbar Like you know like a sandbar Oh nice Because your belly is like the sandbar. It's like the water. That's going to catch on.

And we're in 30 years. People are, yeah, yeah, I was sandbarred today. Yeah, yeah. Nice.

How you did you win? And then you're going to need like referees. Yeah. Because what if you're laying in bed and you're like pointing up and the guy's going to be cheating, cheating. Get that back against the bottom of the top. Go down. Herb Dean. Like,

nope. Yep. Nope. Doesn't count. Doesn't count. I wonder. That's awesome. I don't know if it'd be worse with hot water.

What would that be? What would that be the same game? mean worse. Like you can't, I don't know. It might be too difficult. That's the real version. You turned boiling hot water on and you have to come before. I don't know if I could.

Yeah. It'd be harder with cold water though. It would be like, it'd be harder to come in the colder water. I think there's already so much going against you that. Yeah. That's another aspect. You're just making it torture at that point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we're at a, oh no, we're at 50. Yeah, we should probably start around up soon, though. Word. Yeah. Is there anything you guys wanted to promote? No. Teach Francis on Instagram, that's it.

Arden? No, nothing. Nothing at all. The game. Yeah, the game. Yeah, go home. I hope people like, you should have, like, people write in. Do you have, like, any way people contact?

No, I should, though. I mean, just DM me on Instagram, but I want to be, like, anonymous. Because I feel like people can have more fun when there's an anonymous thing. But I want to know if people play this game. Yeah, yeah. I want to know who plays. Describe the game.

Sandbar? that seems like a frat I was thinking sandbar or disappearing island because there's this island at this beach we go to New Smyrida beach and it's this island

that it's only out for like five hours that day so you take the boat out in this like river type lagoon and the island's there and then the tide takes the island away

at some point of the day so disappearing island could be one thing I think sandbar yeah but sandbar it's more vague people know what a sandbar is

or it's more like general like you know what a sandbar is right yeah yeah yeah so when you go to the beach yeah I like it

yeah it's cool Yeah, especially in New Jersey. You probably grew up with beaches, right? Beach is like 45 minutes away. We would go. I'm not a big beach guy. Really? No. You'd take your shirt off. I don't like that. Oh, yeah. Is it a body thing? Yeah. Really. No, I just never went to the beach so much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I have zero body shape. I should probably have a little more. I was like out here shirtless the other day, which is my belly out, just eating soup.

Oh, yeah. Did you grow up skinny? I was skinny. There was like two years. where I was fat. Yeah. Because I think that's it. I grew up fat. So from an early age, I was always like, I got to hide this. Right.

I also, I grew up with good fat role models. There was cool guys in my high school that were fat. And I was like, it's like my Lizzo. You know, I was like, you can be something. Yeah, I never, I was always like I got to be skinnier from day one. Really? Was it like a cool skinny guy in your life? Was your dad's skin?

No, no, not even. Well, maybe like people around me, like my family members and stuff. But it was more like, even just starting football, you'd have to lose weight. So from a very young age, it was always you got to lose weight. Dang. Yeah. See, I did wrestling, but I still was like, I don't care. Yeah.

I like the, I like the, or to lose weight for wrestling. Having no clothes on just feels amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially outside. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. When was the last time you got naked outside?

It's hard. I don't know. I just take a shirt off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not fully naked. Yeah. Not yet. Not yet.

There are comics that we just get naked on stage. I don't like that. Really? I'm against that. You already know I'm fucking against that. Naked on stage. I think it's funny. That's not right.

I don't mind hacks if they're funny. I still think the best crowd work thing would be if you paid somebody to suck your dick in the front row but it's all like a

like an audience plan. Like you guys are watching a comedy show and you're like wouldn't it be funny if this guy? And they're like, wouldn't it be funny

and then he just and then just the guy's like oh I don't know you'd have like somebody who's like a middle age like dad just being like Sharon should I do it and just start sucking

come on how often are you out dude everybody that would be the most mind blowing company people would walk away like what did we just just fucking witness Like we just saw a man suck him another man's penis to completion.

It had a comic. You spit it in the dream. A good clip. I think if I was sitting in the back, maybe I'd be like, all right. If you're right next to the guy. Yeah, this guy's sucking someone's dick right in front of me. Do you think the whole audience would what? What do you think would happen?

I think people would cheer it. People would be like, yeah, woo. A midnight show would fly. People would like it. But then it also depends on where it is. If this was in New York. You use a fake dick. You could totally get away with this.

They have really realistic dills. What are the rules on that with, like, sexual harassment in public slash. And if it's fake? Yeah, if you have a fake dick and just a guy just being like, I don't know. And then just would you tell bits there on it? Like if I showed a target with a fake penis and I was flashing and then they got me and that's like it's fake.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the cops are coming in. Like it's like the 1940s like Lenny Bruce performance like scram. We're trying to do art here. No, you could get, dude, there's some of those that like actually shoot come out that look completely true. Seriously? And you put it back in your pants, you're like, so anyways.

You guys on Tinder, huh? Yeah. Yeah, you should do it. I think I might. I'm looking for some originality. Yeah, that would be good. You kind of end up doing the same thing too much. But that was our show.

Thank you for listening.