Morning Good - The Sound of Freedom - Episode 183

Episode Date: August 20, 2023

Jessica Levin and Jake Velazquez return to the show for today's episode. They talk about Michael's favorite new movie, the gay Obama conspiracy theory, and the Hollywood strikes.Thanks to Jessica and Jake for coming back on the show. Check them both out on previous episodes of the show or at their links down below.Jake is on Instagram @jakevcomedy and co-hosts the Do Less Podcast with former guest Mike Bramante. Jessica is on Instagram @jlevcomedy and you can find her in New York at  @fowlmouthcomedybk and @toughlovecomedy.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. Oh, I love that.

Yeah, by way, shout out to Tim's Brayton. Welcome to morning. Brian. We're here with Jake Velazquez. What up? And Jess Levin. Jessica, yep. Hi, what's up? Yeah, I'm starting to be.

I know. I'm a pain in the ass. You change your name every fucking couple weeks. I know, I know. Wait, wait, wait. What are you going to say? It's, so... Where are we at now?

I'm at Jessica Levin. That's like, I'm doing Jessica 11. No, that's not too many changes. I didn't think so. A lot of people are starting to say Jess, and I'm being blessed and I'm getting a lot of spots. So I'm just trying to, like, have everyone on the same page. It's Jessica 11. Oh, Jessica.

But as friends, I don't care if you call me Jess. It's just Jessica 11. What about Baby J? Baby J. From you, you especially. For some reason, I like it. Well, because I should be Baby J. Yeah, exactly.

It's like ironic. You know what I mean? It's like skinny J. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. And you're Big J.

Yeah, I'm Big J. Dude, when I hear of like a fat black guy. Like Big Pond, but I think of like Baby J. Big Pond was Puerto Rican. Or Big Pond was Puerto Rican? Yeah, bro. Oh, man. He was super Puerto Rican.

You guys are so confusing. There's like you. What the fuck are you saying? I'm out of it. Color-wise is just very confusing. He's half Williamsburg, half Bronx. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brons.

You and Puerto Rico. I could have saying like, yeah, yeah, the color thing just, it always confuses me. Because it's like, I mean, actually. Like, oh, you mean? Why can't I say it? Why can't I say it? They're not all brown. He's like, uh, water fountains.

They're not dividing out of anyone. What the hell's going on? They didn't have a color system. Well, it kind of did have a color system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't have like if you're beige or in. What about this? What did Puerto Ricans use?

Right. What did Puerto Ricans use? I just don't, yeah, I don't know how that all worked. No, no, you know what I think it was. We're considered black, too. They're like, Port Ricans need to drink from the Hudson. Yeah. Say it with the others.

You just don't get water. Figure it out. Get your own water. Well, this is why, like, we should all just hate the wasps. Because that's who started this shit. The Puritans. Well, it's clearly, it's also a class. Okay, excuse me.

Yeah. This way? Yeah, just this way. Perfect. Yep. Oh. Yeah. I always lose momentum by doing that fucking shit.

Close. Yeah, close. You, see, I have this weird thing where I really don't hate, I don't really hate rich people the way. Yeah, I don't hate rich people. But it's also because my parents have a little bit of money. So I'm like, hey, I'm not like a billionaire rich, but you know. Could I have a hot take?

Can I throw that joke? It might be a joke one day. It might not even be funny. But I think it's a good point. Everyone hates politicians, which I get. But as far as old rich white people go, they're kind of like the indentured servants of that class. Because all their friends are the CEOs retired. And then you got Mitch McConnell freezing.

And he's still going back to work. Whoa. Interesting. But then so like, you almost should feel bad for them. Yeah. This guy's still being put to work at 90. All his boys are on a yacht in, like, the, you know, like sailing, retired. And they're like, you got to keep working so we could stay on the yacht.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I never thought about that, Jake. I just thought about it. Once I saw McConnell, I was like, oh, yeah, this sucks. Well, he never looks like he's having a good time. No. And Biden, too.

It's like, this. How do you fuck that? He should get chin inserts. He should get, like, how fucking sick would it be if he just comes back with, like, the strongest jaw ever. Like a Disney print, like, Prince, it's like, oh. It would be funny also because everyone thinks, like, the politician. have these like the clone, you know, like the...

Oh, yeah, yeah. How do you get a motherfucker that looks like that? It's like people just get plastic. They just get plastic. They're just self-conscious. Yeah. Well, it's just like conspiracy like Joe Biden. Oh.

Isn't Joe Biden? It's like a fake guy. Oh, okay. Well, their fake is fucking up. Like, if you're gonna get a fake, that guy also has dementia. Yeah, I know. I talked to a comic about it.

And it was so funny because I was like, yeah, some people think Joe Biden. And then he goes, like, the ears. And I was like, I know. That's the conspiracy videos. Oh, the ears are different. Yeah, yeah. But that he was saying, he's like, it is,

the only reason I don't think it's fake is because you would get an actual competent person that's not falling all the time. Right, right, right. No, but true that. Yeah. I like the Avrilavine clone one. That's a fun idea. What's that one?

That's another one? I didn't know that. She died and they got a clone. Which is such a funny, like, who would be in stadium? Well, a clone gained fucking 50 pounds because I think I saw her do like some country music thing on a, on my phone. Really? I thought she was looking hot.

Well, she looks good. I don't know, I won't say this. You know, she just got, you know, she used to be a thinny. . It's normal. That's a good point. That's a good point. Yeah, you big piece of shit.

You rich white fuck. Have you guys heard there's this movie called, like, you know, everyone's going all over about the Barbenheimer, right? And then... I think I know what you're going to say, and I think I saw it. No, you did not. Teenage Reun Ninja Turtles, by the way, it looked sick. I saw fucking...

They're the new Teenage... The animation. And they're coley going on the hip-hop marketing route, and it's fucking awesome. What's a? What a motherfucker turtles? They basically are. I've ever seen Jada kiss rap? Yeah, dude.

So once he was rap, but me and my friends are watching and someone's like, Jada kiss is just like a snapping turtle. Yeah, and I was like, that's so fun. I'm also laughing because I'm thinking about you guys all of a sudden, jive in

and you're just like this, all of a sudden, all of you, and it's like you're all, okay, never mind, I'm high. But the sound, oh sweet. Bumpin mics called. Sound of freedom? Yeah, I saw it two days ago.

No, you did. Yes, absolutely. He's been asking me see it every day. Yeah, I want to see it so bad. All right. You're the reason why I broke a mill? Like, it's actually secretly doing really well. Is it a good movie or bad?

Genuinely. I want to, by the way, this is what I planned on talking about here. That's why I'm so excited. I was so happy you doubted me about it too. I hate, I hate ruining movies on here, but whatever. You have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't ruining a movie.

This is spreading away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I read it in the Atlantic because I'm intelligent. And I fucking saw that they, uh, it's a secret movie that's like making some waves. It's actually making it. theater was packed. So this is what happened. For you guys that don't know,

it's like a, it's basically taken, but the kids are younger. That's kind of like the plot of the movie. So it's like... Oh, so it's a poano. Yeah.

Exactly. Yeah. So it was about like, it's about sex, sex traffickers. That's just the general thing. I'll get, I'm going through this whole movie.

Yeah, laid on. I actually might see this now because it's hysterical. So, so it's set up on the screen. So the whole criticism of the movie is it's like patriarchy. at porn in a way that everybody's just like, yeah, get those fucking pedophiles. Because that's like what people get really excited about.

Yeah. And so I was like, all right, well, it's made by some Christian company. It is. Well, can I just cut you off real quick? Netflix bought it six years ago, but they shelved it. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. And then they're like, yeah, we don't want this shit. And then a Christian company picked it up.

Oh, okay. So it wasn't, I don't think it was financed by them, but they- It looks like an Netflix movie. That's interesting. So they picked it up for distribution. The Christian people picked it up for distribution. Right. Okay, awesome.

Yeah, yeah. Some inside scoop for it. Yeah, no, that makes sense. So we go in the movie, and like the trailer looks very cheesy. Who'd you go with? My buddy, I'm not going to say the name, but because I'm going to say that things about him. No, non-comic. But the trailer looks cheesy because there's...

Was he jerking off while he's watching it? No, no. The trailer, he just... Dude, that's a hilarious point. It's a hilarious point. I get caught with the sound of freedom. That's the sound of my freedom. Yeah, yeah.

You're like, no, no, no. I'm jerking off to them killing the pedophile. Not the kids. Yeah, not the kids. That's what you think. But what happened was like, the trailer looks hilarious because there's a moment where he goes,

because you hear that. He goes, that's the sound of freedom. Which is hilarious. And then there's another part of the show, I missed this part of the movie, but there's a part of the trailer where his wife is like,

are you really going to go? So basically I'll give a little. So what happens is there's a guy who catches. Jesus, by the way. The guy that played Jesus. Jimmy Conveeasel, whatever fuck. Yeah, yeah.

Becum a nut. himself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jake's going to boycott the movie now. But, um, it would... I'm in. Yeah, exactly. I'm a Cavizo guy. The, uh...

He killed him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that was the joke I was making, but, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, um, but the other side is Puerto Rican, so they're the most. Jesus. Yeah, they love it. Dude, the audience was all Hispanic. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So what happened, the basic plot is, like, there's this guy who catches sex traffickers, or, no, he catches, like, people watching child porn and, and, like, people like, and so, but, but, but, but, but, but, somebody gets something happens where like he wants to go down and catch the actual wait no okay he wants to go down yeah yeah sorry so the whole point

is he's going to catch the sex traffickers but off of like he's going to Honduras to do it right okay yeah or the kids get moved to Columbia it's going to South America Jesus I don't pay attention they're all the same to me exactly but what happens is the

oh so they take the kids on vacation yeah They go to resort. Yeah. So I'm watching the trailer's funny because his wife's like, you can't go down there. So like that and he goes,

God's children aren't for sale. Yeah, yeah. And then he tears up. Yeah. And I was like, I got to see this movie. That's awesome.

And it's like Rambo. Yeah. So we get at the movie theater and we are so fucking high. We smoke so much pot and we just start laughing the second we entered. And there's so many people

that just kind of angrily looking at us. Like, God damn, these fucking kids. Yeah. And, um, So the movie starts and there's like kids that get kidnapped or whatever. They're like, oh, we're a talent agency. And so they're like putting lipstick on kids, which you know everybody who's like a fucking,

it's like, it is gross to do that. But you know there's also the other side of it. It's like this is exactly what they're doing at Disney. Well, that's what I'm saying. Exactly. Right, right, right. Well, that's what I heard too. It's like they do talk on Q&on like there's harvesting organs.

Oh, I missed that. Adrenachrome. Maybe I was in the bathroom. What's it called? Adrenicrum. Is that what it's called? That's what they're like the conspiracy theorists say that they're trying to harvest from kids because adrenicrum's this thing that you get from. Wow, you're in deep.

You got to scare kids. No, no. I was not. So wait, do you research this stuff? Oh, no, it's just like found its way to me over time. Does it really? For your algal or? Well, uh, adrenachrome was originally, I think, mentioned from, uh, yes.

What's his name? Uh, Hunter R. Thompson. Yeah, Hunter S. It was in. Really? What's the book, though? Um, Bearing Lodding, Las Vegas. Oh, he mentions it in there?

He mentions it in there. He mentions it in there. Yeah, yeah, they take it. And since then, a lot of conspiracy theorists are being like, this is what the global elites are, like, harvesting kids to get this adrenachrome, which you get from, like, scared children. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they drink that for power, yeah, yeah.

Oh, cool. And then it makes you young? Then, yeah. So I'm like, they have to skip. The joke is that it's, that conspiracy is just the plot of Monsters Inc. Yeah, yeah. They're just scared children. It literally is.

Oh, I remember hearing the joke. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty good. It's pretty good. These Honduran kids are getting, uh, by the way, I, I'm really. I will say this. There was moments where I teared up in the movie.

Really? Where I laughed. I started getting, I started getting a little conservative. There was moments where I was getting revved up. I was, I was getting revved up. I was like,

I was like a woman on a... Like, I was getting intense. I was like, we got to fucking... But the beginning, they're like, they're like, they first kidnapped the kids were taking, like, pictures of them. And I thought it would be so funny

in the movie theater, just go, damn. You know you would just get the shit kicked out of you. Yeah. I hear it's shot really well. Yeah. So it's like a lot of close-up shots and jarring.

The acting was great. And the acting's good. But what happens is so basically they tackle like a pedophile. The whole like sort of opening is you see the kids get kidnapped. And then it goes to the American side of it where there's like the most cliche looking pedophile. Like he's got like the glasses and like a mustache. And he's like on his little computer. And then Jim Caviezel like tackles him.

And then they're going to the pedophile's house, which is kind of funny because the guy just has like baby dolls. I'm like, I don't think that would be like, you know what I mean? It's like, I don't think they would like, they're like baby dolls like glued to the walls and all the stuff that like. It's just a baby doll. That's like that's like that's like silence of the land's kind of shit. So I was like, I was like, all like, whatever. And it was funny because the guy goes home to his wife and she's like, oh my God, honey. Like sometimes I worry you might not make it back. It's like he's just tackling pedophile. Those are the easiest raids to do. Yeah, yeah. They're all like they're not like they're not. Yeah, they're all like the size of Jake.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not, just say it, you know what I mean? But that they start like, that's why I got contacts. Just so that people wouldn't make them mistake if I had glasses. This guy is short with glasses. What do you fuck?

Yeah. That's what I think right away. Yeah, if you have a stigmatism, you're basically. That's just the role. Clearly, yeah. But then what happens is... And then that's their defense. They're like, I couldn't see.

I didn't see. I didn't see. I don't know. I didn't know. It's blurry. Even though they were small. I don't know the whole. You know the shit they're putting in chase. And now they look different.

Something like that comes up later of the movie too, which is hilarious. Chickens? No, no, no, the hormone stuff? Yeah. So what happens is like, they catch this pedophile. And then Jim Caviesel starts like pretending to like become friends with them.

He's like, yeah, I've been watching so much of this child porn too. It's like, it's hard not to like it. I think it's art. And then he tricks the pedophile into like thinking their friends. And so they're going out like little dates and stuff and he's like making them think they get along.

And he's like, I want a real boy. And the pedophile is like, oh, okay, I'll love. get one for you. And he goes to meet another pedophile, which, okay, you know how mafioso guys, they'll meet in Italian restaurants? The two pedophiles go to meet in a playground to exchange. That's so funny. Yeah, no, it does it though, because it's like, you're doing a business transaction where you're like, okay, I'm, he's got, he's got the corridor table, but it's just like him at the jungle gym? Yeah. What do you want to do? In a diner? Yeah, that makes more,

if you're a pedophile and you're like, why would you go in public, if you're not, if you're not banging any of the kids at this park, why would you just go to transfer, like, a filed with somebody in a kid's park. I don't know. It's just, it's, like, it's most obvious place to, like,

I'm just a obvious place to, like, you do it somewhere else. Well, I don't know. I think if it's, like, if you're at a park, everyone's busy and they're not paying attention and you're just sitting there, you know,

you can have been there. Yeah, but you look like a pedophile and you're too good. How's the scene? Like, say, we're both the pedophiles sitting on the thing. How's the scene go? Like, they walk up,

they sit down and then transfer a, like a, like a folder. Okay, which makes no sense. Yeah, that makes no sense. Yeah, yeah, because, like, you're not begging any of the kids here. So why would you go to the most obvious place?

They can't go to a diner and get a cup of coffee? It's insane. Yeah, yeah. Does it one of them do one of these? Yeah. And there's like a child running in the background. It's like creepy as fuck probably. That's why they did it.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. But it's like this guy doesn't just go to the park just like that. They're sloppy pedophiles. They're not really good pedophiles. But it was funny. These are not good at their jobs. Yeah, yeah.

It was funny too. When they were tried. Minor leagues. Yeah. Totally. A minor. If I'm going to get molested as a child, I want Yankees. Yeah, yeah.

You want the Aaron Judge. Exactly. You know what? For real. I don't want the fucking... He's bringing me to the judges' james. Yeah, no. I got to get fucked by the Cleveland Indians.

Like, what the fuck? But with the dude, it's funny because when they first get Jim Caviesel, like, is interrogating the guy. He's like, I've never been with a real boy. He's like, what about the butterfly cruise? And I'm like, is there a petophile cruise? I was going to say, then cut to, like, I just said, I never been fucked by real boy. and then he cut to Pinocchio walking in. It's like, what is this?

I want to be a real boy. Come here, Pinocchio. And then he's like, do you like that? He's like, yes, and his nose goes. It goes into the guy's anus. Okay, now we're getting creepy. That was actually, there's no limits in the pocket. That was in a family guy, I think, where they were like, yeah, they try to get Pinocchio to lie to like, fuck, get fucked by the nose.

It was kind of funny. Yeah, there's just some girl, like, sit on his face or something. like that? Something like that. Yeah, it's hilarious. But what was it? Yeah, I was like, that's weird. I didn't know there's petophile like cruises. I picture them just like doing like the wines here. And it's called a butterfly cruise? I think what he was saying was you took this cruise to then go bang kids off.

Oh, like Thailand. That's island kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Or whatever. Yeah. On water. But then when I... The part that I did get out tear up a little bit was he's like, because the guy just has to watch child porn like the Jim Caviesel does. So he's like tearing apart.

He's like, I've been through so much shit and you really feel it because he's a great actor and he's like, I got to go there and actually like do something about it. Yeah. So then he he goes, they like, they get the first kid and they like, they save the first kid at the border. That's when I was getting rid of them. I had some Evan Williams.

And we're like, we got to get more security to the board. We got to stop. I was like, Dr. Williams and me. I was like, we got to fuck it. Can you imagine? Yeah, if you're a politician, that's why I would never be. If I'm drunk and I, it's like, fuck this country, man. Zwing! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because it is hard because it's like,

Because it's like, I've always been like, my sort of border policies, like, I think we need to let more people in, but like make it like at the border, like make it strict, but then let more citizens, like you should be able to easily come here from Mexico instead of it. Correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is like the ICE agents were like heroes because they're stopping like the pedophiles for coming in. Right, right. Hell yeah. Like Team Ice. Well, yeah. Well, the stories. You know they also do like horrible things. Right. Well, it's not going to be a very open film. It's about this one thing.

Every one of they walked by cages with like kids and stuff like that? On their way to, like, stop a pedophile. Like, good, good, good, wait a minute. The pedophile gets thrown in a cell and he's like, jackpot. Oh my God, dude. He's like, if I die and go to heaven, I don't know why. You can sell you a hillbill, like, gosh, you're John Wilkers. I just assume pedophiles or something.

I said, see me, oh, do you know what it is? Where do you think they're from, mostly? Origin stories. Yeah, like, do you think they're, like, both part of the country. Would you think more suburban or city? Rural, I think rural. Rural, I think rural.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rural as fuck. Because I think people's like, I knew, I met a lot of people that are molested when I lived in Michigan. Okay. But I live in Detroit because when you get to those rural, like, upper fucking, there's no resources for people to go to and they're very in a desolate, uh, fucked up areas. And you also, you probably have less options.

So you're like, people are like, oh, the only thing is like a 15 year old girl or this like 80 year old woman. Right, right, right. Right. And there's no, like, resource, yeah, like, there's no places for him to call and be like, hey, I've been sexually molested. There's no, like, you know, protocols.

You know what I mean? So there's no infrastructure there for people to find help. Yeah, yeah, for sure, yeah. Also, I think it's worse if you're a pedophile in a big city where there's just, like, so many hot people. And you still. You get, like, you get the... Oh, yeah, it's more of a crime.

It's more of a crime. Yeah, it really is. It's like, where do you live? Their sentence goes down five years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I don't know, there's no hot shit. You look at a map. You couldn't fuck a girl in this city.

It's like Nebraska, we get it, dating. Yeah, exactly. And then it's also like you get dating paralysis. It's like, I don't know which one to fuck. Like you get too many options. You know? But yeah, rural is fuck. Yeah, I think rural.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. But what was it? Yeah, so I was getting revved up on. How long is this movie? Like two and a half hours, two hours? Two hours. It's long.

I think probably two hours and 50 minutes. Yo, did you see the, I love going to these kind of movies? What were they? what were the cut down it trailers before yeah there were other trailers

for movies that were made by the same director yeah exactly so what are they what are they there's one where it's like a priest and oh but he's not like a he's not like a

pedophile he's like a I don't know he's like a play by his own rules priest and I was like that looks good like okay a Rambo priest but I was just high

like you know you can put me in Schindler's list and high I would like it's like when you're so high something this is an amazing no I know I'm saying

you get hot that's what I'm saying I'm saying like even you do the most serious emotional movie if I get high see it, you giggle because it's like the most intense situation.

So it's like whatever's more intense is funnier. But, um... Well, yeah, because it's intention, right? Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah. But the funny part is then Jim and Community Easel. He goes to South America. I should pay attention which country specifically. I think it was Honduras

to Columbia or something like that. But, um, he meets this guy named Vampiro, who's fucking sick. He's like an ex, um, he's sick at first, then you find some details. He, uh, is an ex, like, uh, what do you call it? Maybe seal? No, Coke, like a cartel guy. Okay.

And he's just got like, he's like, that's how I want to look. He's got like a Hawaiian shirt. He's got like a gold necklace, but he's like smoking cigars all the time, like Fedora, like just really worn out by the sun. And Jim Cavizal's like, so why did you, why did you decide? He's like, you could have gone back to the cartel and made a bunch of money. Why did you choose to now help people stop trafficking? And he like pours himself a thing of whiskey. He goes, I was living in a dark world.

He's like the drinking, the drugs, the whole. hookers all of it. And one time I brought a hooker home. Had to be 25 years old. Maybe 20. It's the youngest. And he goes, and I slept with her. And as she was leaving, I noticed Hello Kitty stickers on her toenails. And I realized maybe she was 20.

Maybe she was 15. And that's like his origin story. But what is happening? He was like, and then I realized she was a baby. Oh my God. Is that really how he does it? No, no, no. He doesn't say she's a baby. It would be funny if it's like so obvious. How did you not know that?

Then I saw a diaper. Then I recognized the rattle. She was holding my finger. I was like, are you not 25? I'm starting to think you're not 25. How come you only know Daddad? Do you know what are the words? And when she was crawling away, I saw.

Oh, God. So wait. then um so how he's like like he's like the most just pedophile because he didn't know he got bamboozles i guess it away what's up he's saying he got bamboozle like yes i did it but i got bamboozled right yeah so he's an accidental pedophile yeah how many of those do you think are yeah there's a lot dude there's more of those maybe yeah well the one i think is crazy if you leave a bar with a girl and the bar is 21 and up like you get in trouble if you fuck her but it's like that bar should be the one that gets in trouble because like they checked her ID yeah right true that'd be good so you don't keep that in my eyes I think if you fuck her in the bar, legal. Yeah. Outside the bar. Yeah. That's like a cruise shit.

Yeah. International water. Open seas kid. That's, I think that should be the rule. But have you ever seen Raging Ball? Oh, yeah. That's like the end of the movie. He gets put into jail because this girl is like coming to his club.

Oh, that's right. And she ends up being like 15 years older. Right, right, right. Yeah. But I'm like that probably is more common. Oh, sure. He's not identified. He's like a normal.

But in your mind. You know it is funny. You know it is funny? You know it is funny? It's like, oh, she's, it's like, I do understand the argument because you're like, oh, they checked ID's the door. They did that job. So everybody in the club is supposed to legally be 21.

Right. But it is funny too for them to be like, yeah, you creep, but she's still 15. It's like, that still makes you a pedophile. Yeah, you got the label. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get the label. It's like that should be the new scarlet letter for you guys. For you guys.

Why are you saying you guys? I'm just saying if it happens. I'm not a pedophile. I'm not saying you're a petfile, but if you accidentally do that, that's the new Scarletto, you know what the, you know. What's the Scarletter? You ever read, it's like Nathaniel Horthorn shit, that movie where it's like, are like the witches?

No, I only watched it a head of a hunting movie. Okay. Never mind. Keep on going. By the way, if they made it rated R had been so much better. Oh, what is it rating? There's no sexy. That's not what I'm saying.

That's not what I'm saying. That was a weird way to angle it. That was weird. You're a petophile. There's no crazy. There's fucking, like, fucking. But there's shit and sees him like throwing knives. And like, you know what I mean?

That would have been more sick if he was like killing more of them. Yeah. Like him just like fucking breaking the day. How do they do? Because I would have a hard time. It is fucked up. They do like,

they'll close like a blind and then you're just, it's like implied. Yeah, it's really fucked up. Yeah, that's the worst part of the end of the movie. The kids come back and they're like on a plane. Everybody's like, everything's good. It's like, no.

Those kids were molested. Yeah. They're fucked. Yeah. But it's like the sun's setting and he's like, it's good to be back home. And I'm like, no. Yeah, I know. It's like I did.

That's like such the fucking obnoxious thing. That's the thing too. It's like with pedophilia, they're created, right? So how many, like maybe those kids will be pedified?

You don't know. Yeah, you said, if you really want to hunt them they just start killing the kids. Like, I'm sorry. Dude,

I had a bit about that. I'm sorry. It's like getting bit by a zombie. Yeah, exactly. It's like your best friend. It's like, it's like, you know, an animal that's like,

I'm sorry. I love you. I love you. I like that idea. Well, I try to do a bit like that where, like, the kids who gave a lesson should immediately be thrown in jail. They're fucked.

Talking about getting a delta shitty hand, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But obviously it's a joke because it's like, it's like, they're finding more and more that's like less of a thing. Like it used to be like a clear thing. But, uh, because I was working on the bit.

I'm like, okay, this is the thing. But, um, it's hard when I'll have some bits like that. And then like, people start like agreeing with the idea but not laughing. I'm like, no, no, no. This is a dumb idea. I'm trying to be funny. Yeah.

And people were like, that's a, like, I have some bit about how you should be friends at pedophiles because they spend more time away from the kids. And, like, audience would be like, that's like a really smart. I'm like, that's not what a, I'm trying to be silly here. I'm trying to have a bad idea that you guys think is funny. Yeah, yeah. But people would just start, like, that's a great smart idea. Well, I got that. I got a whole new bit about men.

She had more men, she get raped. Yeah, yeah. And people are like, clapping. I know, women are like, yeah. I'm like, no, for the Me Too movement, because they're getting raped and they don't, like, they don't, like, report it. Because it's got to be embarrassing if you're a dude and you get raped. You're like, I got raped.

It's like, you're still kind of a pussy. I don't agree with that. That's so on it. So you need to have a Me Too movement. So you guys can start being like, hey, we get raped too. Yeah, yeah. Well, definitely happens. Well, that's why I like, that's why I respect Kevin Gates so much because he's like this hood rapper.

I don't know who Kevin Gates is. He's just like hood-ass rapper, but he's like, yeah, I got fucking. molessa, what's it to you, bitch? Like, he's like, hard shit. Every other thing. He has some thing where he's talking about fucking his cousin. He's like, yeah, fuck her, like, he's, he's just the raw. I respect him so much because he says so much crazy shit.

But, like, in that community, it's really hard to be, like, honest like that. He's talking about, like, drinking bitch's piss. I don't call him bitches, but it's fucking bitches, bro. He's talking about drinking bitches. Yeah, yeah. Oh, and he talks about being gay? No, no, no, no. He's about he was molested.

But then he talks about, like, just, like, other stuff that, like, would not be, like, No, that's true, because it's like, it's good that there's a lot of black. People getting raped? That's what you're saying? No, that they're coming out. No, it's about they're coming out being gay and stuff because in that world, it's still fucking hard. No, there's been gay, black people. Oh, there has, but like, but I don't want to say the term, but you guys know it.

Oh, I don't know. Homo thugs? Oh, yeah. I never heard that. Oh, really? No. Is that like from the wire with what's his face? Yeah, he might have been one of the originals, but I remember in Chelsea, there was like, me and my friend are walking and you see like two guys.

like blood gear you know like all red du rag and part of us are like oh shit and then they're holding hands I'm like oh shit

dude rag I think he met du rag slash comrag yeah yeah yeah back of the day back of the day

he's like there's pride you know during the day is all like yay but at night hood pride

that's fucking it gets fucking it gets fucking dicey my brother hood pride yeah my brother like Joe

yeah blah blah suck you dick blah blah I'll be shoo and loas on his ass like

brrat Good pride is really funny That would be a great step At least night At late at night They get like it gets like rowdy And fucking You gotta be watch

Because it gets either people are coming to beat the fuck out Or they're coming to fuck Yeah It's like two You know Back in the day he was saying Because this is back in Sure

You know he was sanitation And that Well some of those back in the day Things I don't think I think they might still go on Like there used to be this thing That like the witching hour It's the witching hour

You were one to talk about that last time right What? Maybe isn't the witching hour Like the isn't that when like Christopher Street gets crazy? Oh, like, well, we always have that as just a general saying. But yeah, after certain hours. Is the witching hour?

Is that what that means? No, no, witching hour. What's the witching hour? What's the witching hour? What's the witching hour? Sometimes for like football games, like the end of the 1 p.m. games when it then also crosses over. Yeah, yeah.

All the football players just start talking each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. While they're getting on the field. I don't know what it exactly. I didn't know for football, though. I never heard it for that. Yeah, they'll call the witching hour like the last hour. And then I think they also call it that because it like overlap sometimes

the 4 p.m. games, so you've got this, like, crazy. Yeah, well, yeah. I'm sure it's got someone with the harvest moon and shit. And when, you know, going out at late at night, it's like, oh, it's the witching hour of, like, witches being out there. Oh, yes, that may be that. Yeah, that makes sense. But the ramble in Central Park. Oh, yeah, that's where there's

tons of, like, K-Sacks or whatever. Yeah. And, uh, but that's, like, they said in, like, the 80s. Yeah, that's what it means. And he's had a little bit. Try to bang dudes and doing the best I can. But I go, I go to the ramble, like, during the day, and there's tons of tourists and like whatever. Oh, I think you're saying

the ramble is the name of the gay sex. No, no, it's a part of the day. It's tamer. We used to play, capture the flag over there during the day. Called it. Flag?

Yeah, yeah. I captured his flag. No, I'm not wearing the right equipment. But yeah, but I know exactly what you're talking about. They used to be a big thing. And that's what I heard. And now I'm like, oh, there's Torres here. It's probably like not the case.

But I was walking through the other day and I was just like looking at the floor. You know, you're smoking weed. You're like a little more perceptive. of all this shit going on. And so many condoms on the floor. I was like, oh, this is still half. Yeah.

Yeah. I love how he says more touristy. I love the idea of like a dad of his family just getting taken by gay zombies in the woods. It's like, no. Gay zombies. Yeah. That's the crazy. That's a real.

If they suck your dick, you're gay. Start spraying. Please. Just getting dragged in the woods. Not anymore. Dude, you need to start spraying that in Q and on. Oh, my God. at the gay zombies, you guys, you got a gay zombies at the Rambler.

They suck your dick and everyone pussy again. I was listening to a podcast on the way here, and they were talking about the Alex Jones frogs are gay thing, but now there's evidence that there's like, oh, it's totally legit. There's a real thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're turning to her mac for days.

There's some, like, pesticide or something that has gotten into certain water. It has this chemical compound, and it makes frogs, like, less masculine or, like, switch genders-ish. Yeah, yeah. So then Alex Jones has this video where he's like, they're turning the frogs gay.

Turn the fucking frogs gay. It's like super like viral meme or whatever. And everyone makes it like this guy's crazy. Because look how nuts he's going. That's like the only thing he says like very logic. But then like now they're like actually like this does have this effect on like I don't know if it would have this effect on humans but they are turned to the frogs. You see a frog roller skating?

You're like what? That's the problem with Q and on. Oh my God. It's like, blip it. That's the problem with Q&O and all these guys. They take a form of truth. It's like, okay, that. And then they just hyper fucking make it crazy.

You got to love their imagination. Well, social media, I think, fucked up conspiracy theories. Because back in the day, you'd hear a conspiracy and you're like, that might be true. The ridiculous. And like, maybe it's like the media making it seem like these people are tinfoil hat wearing weirdos. And like, they're probably not that crazy. But now with social media, you're like, oh, no, there's people that are that crazy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you know, like you see it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's a great point because you normally like, oh, nobody's going to post something that insane. Yeah, they're like, they're just trying to, like, take away the conspiracy by bringing it to a ridiculous point, but now we've seen the people that are like, oh, no, they actually... My favorite one to really

trying to push is that Obama is gay and Michelle Obama is trans. That's a great one. But it just wouldn't affect... I saw it signs that Michelle Obama has a dick or something. There's a sign of it. Yeah, and they're like, Joe Rivers said it one time or something like that. And then people were like, she knew. And they killed her.

Even though she was like 90 years old. Yeah, it's fucking insane. And yeah, she's having crazy surgeries. And I saw one the other day where it's like, this, I follow this guy on Instagram who's like very, like,

I would say QAnon-ish, like really far-right conspiracy stuff. And, which like, obviously QAnon has some truth to it. Like,

I agree with it. There's obviously, like, elite pedophile, like, things going on. Yeah. But this guy's saying this thing,

it's this video of this, like, gay guy getting interviews. Like, I sucked Barack Obama's penis in a holiday inn in Nebraska. And he's,

I was like, the evidence is here. I'm like, how many people say shit like that? You know how many guys are like, oh, yeah,

I totally fucked fucking Jennifer Lawrence. You know what I mean? Like I fucked Jennifer Lawrence because somebody said it. Yeah, no, no, true that. That's the problem. Okay, okay. You're starting to- I heard a fucked up thing.

I don't know if I should say it. I was told not to say, but I don't know the people involved. So I feel like there's anonymity. But apparently some guy, friend of a friend of a friend, whatever down the line, so who knows if it's real, but was met Tom Cruise.

Oh, this is true. And then, like, a month later got a message to, like, meet in his office. And then was, like, immediately given a form to sign, which was like an NDA. And then Tom Cruise had gay sex with him. Yeah, no, no, no, I told... So, Tom Cruise, I've heard from enough people

that I'm like, this dude's dick. Well, also, I don't know who's most... I mean, Tom Cruise could totally be gay. The guy does stunts. He's not, like, doing anything illegal. The fuck the thing is this guy. Why did you say him doing stunts? What does that have to do him being gay?

He's cool. But the guy that broke the NDA, I think he's the problem. Oh, for sure. Yeah, you signed the paper, dude. You can't be spreading that. Yeah. Yeah. If you're gonna get fucked Tom Cruise,

hiding the fact he's gay. I don't understand. Because it's a mega movie stuff. I feel like now it's so hard. He's from that era. When he was doing like... Oh, this happened a while ago? I don't know if it happened a while ago.

It's just he built this whole career in the 90s as this like lead male action stunts, like gets the hot lady. And so like he couldn't have been getting... He would have lost... We gotta get Katie Holmes on the fucking, isn't that what he was married to? Katie, what's her face?

Yeah, Katie Holmes on the horn. Let's call her up. Yeah, let's call her up. Like Katie, did you break out with him? He couldn't fuck you. What's going on? Yeah? But, uh, yeah, well, that's the thing, dude,

that really does suck. Because it's like, dude, it's like, there's no reason that like you know what I mean it's like people would just be like now like the movie would probably get way less people go see it like the new mission impossible people be like I'm not gonna see fucking you fucking you think

yeah there probably also be more people that would see it nowadays not back in the day not back now nowadays there's probably be some more people that would see it yeah for sure yeah I think it would be a good career move for him because well you know what he kind of he hushed the Scientology thing really well I think Tom Cruise might be what's the word I can't say it well impotentent how do you say

impotent it no you might be impotent impenetrable I can't say that impenetrable Thank you. I was really impressed that you did who would say otherwise. How do you say it again? anonymity?

I've been using it a lot. Have you? But it took some practice. That takes a minute. I'm going to do the show again. He's penetrable. I didn't. You guys were losing it.

We didn't hear. It was good. Yeah, because you're like, you said he can't be penetrated. I was like somebody who said an NDA. No, I like to imagine that by Tom Cruise, when he has gay sex, he's doing the penetration.

Did you see Mission Impossible? I've seen the old ones. I haven't seen the recent one now. Did you? No, I saw Oppenheimer, though. Fell asleep. You didn't like it? I loved it.

I'm going to go see. Did you see it on 70 millimeter IMAX? Not IMAX, but 70mm. But was it still enjoyable? So good. Okay, so I think I'm going to buy a ticket for it because I'm trying to wait for the Imax and I can't fucking do it anymore. I'm going to Lincoln Center, baby.

All right, so I went Lincoln Center, do matinee. Yeah. I'll tell you why. Okay. Lots of, Matinee, Upper West Side. You got all the old Jews, right? And the best, I mean, the movie was amazing, but the best part was the previews, because all these old people want, like, they're, you know, they want classic movies, good movies. Yeah.

All the previews they were just commenting on, like the whole crowd. And it'd be like the Meg 2. And some guys like, horse shit. And the guy's like, this is amazing. Well, I went at the Barbie. There's a couple of trailers that they had. And people were like, yeah, I'm going to miss that. Yeah, yeah.

That's the best part about going on a movie. It's great because I do think there's finally, like, people are like, yeah, this is movie. have gotten just so shit. I think it's, I will say this. I finally, I agree with you. I agree. I have bad taste movies, but the Meg too looked fucking sick. Actually, the Meg, it was funny because I was like, I was like, I was the soul person. Why am I seeing Oppenheimer? This is fucking gay. I don't want to see that. My dad and this, like, old guy to my right. Because I saw the movie with dad are both like literally laughing at the Meg two. And I'm like, and I'm like, I think I might see that one.

Yeah. Yeah. He's like, he's like flying a jet ski, like really flying in the air with like a spear. I'm like, this looks fucking awesome. Yeah, it looks sick. Wait, why did you fall asleep? So this is what I had with Aubner. I saw it at 11 p.m., which was... That's too late. Yeah. So that was the only show.

I wanted to see it ASAP. And so I would doze off and randomly just wake up to an atomic bomb going up, which was terrified. Like, I would be completely asleep and just be like, what's going on? Yeah, yeah. But it's like the acting was incredible. Nolan's my favorite director. But just topic-wise, I just don't like historical films. And it's not like, I'm trash.

I get it, whatever. I just don't enjoy it. All right. But I was like, it would be like, if your favorite musician did a Polka album. I wasn't expecting anything. I just wanted to see. I'm happy I saw it either way.

I wasn't like this is a piece of shit. No, but I meant you hate historical, but it's Oppenheimer. It's going to be historical. Like, what the fuck you're thinking you're going to say? That's a good point. He's like, dude, there's no fucking superheroes. This guy exists. He gets radioactive, right?

We just get powers. I thought we're talking about nuclear. What? That's really funny. I knew what I was getting myself. I still am glad. I still would have seen it again. I'm still like Dunkirk I haven't seen,

but I love the director. I like I like Dunkirk. Yeah, but I'm saying it's like the same way like if Kanye West did a polka album, I would listen to it. Even though I don't like Polka, I think I like Kanye West so much

that I would listen to a polka album. Like I like no one so much that I'll see his films that I don't enjoy the topics necessarily. Yeah. But, you know, can I bring up some one point about Kanye West last night

I was listening to a song and I realized, and I've realized this a lot when I hear his music, but then I forget about it. And this stuck with me because I was with my buddy and we made a reference. Connie West says it's like, like 300 like the Romans.

They were fucking Greek. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He does that a lot. He's a fucking moron. He's an idiot. He's an idiot. Yeah, for sure. No, he's like...

He's like... He's like a actually stupid person that says these smart, like... He never says smart things, but he's so good of music. But he's so good at music. But like the way he's got like, it's like he's there and then it's like, what the fuck you're talking to? He's using these big, like, ideas.

Yeah. But he's not... It's like, you're a fucking moron. But that's why I relate to him so much. because I'll start. You're an Oppenheimer thinking it's going to be a fucking Marvel comic book movie. There are things like that.

I'll listen to things to this podcast and I'm like, I had no idea what I was talking about. In my mind, I'm like trying to prove a point. Like, oh my God, the worst. I got a drunk train argument the other day. I went to Coney Island. That's your first spot. That was the happiest I've been in a while.

You would like that. It's trash. Oh, it's amazing. Yeah. So I'll get into Cody Island a second, but I'm on the train. And I guess I just don't understand the writer's strike at all.

And I was wasted. just talking out of my ass. And I was like, I don't know. I bet you they all make like millions of dollars. Like, I was just saying that I was totally und fork. I would have punched you in the face. I know, I know. I was, I was wasted.

I was just saying nonsense that I didn't know anything about. Yeah. And then I got in this argument with this guy on the train. He's like Saturday Night Live. And then I was like, Saturday Life sucks now. And, uh... Well, I kind of agree. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. That sort of, I was completely wrong by the writer's truck. I was right about Saturday Live sucking. Correct. But then he starts going. He's like, Saturday Live is the biggest platform for comedians. And I was like, no, it's not. I was like, you know, you go in Joe Rogan, you get way more fucking viewers.

And then now I'm just drunkenly arguing with a guy on the train about how cool Joe Rogan is, which is the latest thing I can fucking do. Wait a minute. How does this even begin? Like, how does this writer strike come up? He overheard me time with the writer's trek with my friend who knows more about it. And he's like, yeah, no, they make not as much much money. Well, it's like you're quarterback, right? You get a lot of money.

And if you're good, it's like you get endorsements, right? So that's the same thing with WGA. Because at the end of the day, you know, WGA, you get. You know, you have your minimum payments. Yeah, yeah. And that's what the other lanes are getting. And then where you make your big money is the producer payments. Like what I just read last night, that's a go off a fucking tangent.

But I will. Viola Davis and a bunch of other A-list cunts signed contracts, um, made deals with the studios over the strike now. So now SAG has lost their bargaining power. Because you have a lot of A-List stars that are just like signing away contracts. Oh, for sure. And making deals. It's like way to go, assholes.

They're not even done with the SAG. Oh, I saw that. Yeah, it's fucked up. So now your A-LIS stars, you need them. That's your power. Well, they're just going to get the A-List stars to sign over their likeness, and then they'll just all be electronic.

And they're also just signing. Yeah, the idea that alasers aren't just to be giant sellouts. Yeah, that's like, I don't know. They're all scumbags. That's why it's like, and the DGA are the biggest scumbags, the directors, because they signed the contracts. They could have linked up with everyone, because the first contract up was WGA.

They went on strike. DGA was next. They signed the contract right away. DGA notoriously sides with the fucking studios because they're pussies. And then they're sag, which I thought they would be Pussies too. They try to fight, but now they're losing the battle. And I had a

woman fucking call me for a job. She's a, what do you call those? Job recruiter. They're the worst people on the fucking planet, dude, I think. I think they're up there with people. I deal with some of them. Yeah, they're pretty They're awful. They don't have no fucking clue of the doing. And she's like, are you still working for NBC? I go, no, I'm on, there's a strike. And she goes,

there's a strike. I go, you are in the business to get people at work. It's so funny, you have no idea. She's been real slow. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah, you're in the business of hiring people and you don't know that there's a strike. And she's like, oh, yeah, I don't. I don't read the paper because it makes me sad.

I'm like, if I hear, I told her, I'm like, well, are you an adult? And she goes, yeah. And I'm like, well, you should be able to read things and still be informed. And be like, oh, that makes me sad. But being a fucking adult and be like, and face your shit. Oh, totally. Yeah, yeah. I'm so over these people that are like, oh, I don't read the paper because it makes me sad.

It's like, grow the fuck up. I agree. I mean, obviously that's her job she should know, but I actually am almost in on the fact that she, because you have to be so off the grid to not know there's a strike right now. Do you think so? It's beating over, beating over our head a lot.

Not beating over our head, but like I hear so much about it. Maybe because we're in comedy. I was going to say, but I wonder, she's like, do you think it's because I'm not reading and I think it's not on the front page. I go a little bit of both. Yeah. And I think there's a little bit of both.

Oh, yeah, they probably buried a bit, but I do feel like I, maybe, I think it's probably comedians though. Because I guess I'm just saying people's stories. same thing, and I think it's that. But I think the average, whatever, really doesn't really know what's going on. Yeah. Yeah.

Cut to me being drunk on the train. Yeah. I was... Oh, they make tons of money. I was so embarrassed. The next day I was like... His fat cat right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was just... I've never been more wrong about something in my life. I was just hammered. But it was funny, too, because... Which I've been there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was just saying things make no sense. Oh, completely.

Yeah. I drank a beer tower for, like, no... I got fucked up at Coney Island. Well, that's what you're supposed to do. Yeah, yeah. But it was funny too because like Then I started saying things He's like yeah Lauren Michaels

You know I was like I was like whatever I was like I was like Joe Rogan's worth a billion dollars Which is not true I don't know numbers at all Yeah And I start looking this guy that left me I go tell him

And this is just some random guy on the train I'm like Tell him Joe Rogan's worth a billion dollars Why would this guy know this First off I was so off I don't understand numbers at all Especially I'm drunk It's like not even close

To a billion though No no real estate Yeah it was like 120 $120,000 Or no sorry 120 million But I think it's could be sneakily more because

he's got obviously the huge Spotify deal but then all the ads but he's like sneakily invested with all these other companies. Yes, but I'll tell you this, I paid Lauren Michaels when I worked on Fallon. Crazy. Well, we paid him for Fallon. He also gets paid for S&L and he also gets paid for Seth Myers because he's an executive producer and all them. He's basically NBC.

He probably gets paid a shit ton of him for like all the movies. All these people do too. Totally too. He's a piece of that. So I don't know what he's getting. I mean, I'm not going to put it on here, but yeah, I do for thousand. It was a lot. And I wasn't even saying that like, I don't even know if I was saying Lauren Michaels makes more. I was saying

SNL probably makes less money than the Joe. There are more people view Joe Rogan than SNL. Well, I think more people do, but it's all, it's not even about like that. It's more about like financing, right? So I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And I'll start with all this. The whole argument I stand by is that Adam

Kornover is annoying. That's what I don't know. Is that one of the SNL cast members? No, Adam, Adam, Adam. Who's the Adam ruins everything? Oh, that nerd. Yeah, he ruined the writer's strike for me because I saw him and I was like, shut the fuck out. I hate that. Yeah.

I don't hate, I'm trying to hate people less. I'm trying to make fun of people more and hate them less. Well, it does make sense because I've been trying to do this thing too. That's just why I went to go see the Barbie movie because I was like, all right, I'm not going to just hate something just to hate it. I'm going to go see what this. And also makes you a better writer because it's like that Colin Quinn thing. If you come at it angry, you'll get like, you get one note.

You're limited your purview. You need to have the depth of it all. Yeah. But I hear you. I want to kill people on the daily. so I'm trying to get better on that too. Yeah, yeah. But it's also fun to just, like, love someone for an insane flaw.

You know what I mean? Oh, totally. That's sweet of you. You know what I, but like sometimes it's like endearing when someone's so pathetic that it could be funny in a way. But there's a difference between like pathetic and a piece of shit. Sure. Like there's a difference between an asshole and a piece of shit. Because I have a, I have a not joke that I do, but like I'll tell people there's like a, I'm not going to say who about I'll tell you after.

But there's like a comic who like for a while I didn't like that much. I'm like, he has no redeeming qualities, but it's so ridiculous that it's gotten to a point where I think I like him. Yeah, like the no redeeming qualities is a redeeming quality. Well, this is the deal. A piece of shit to me is outwardly an asshole. Yeah. But it's like, they're a piece, like, no, it's to me.

An asshole is someone who's like outwardly an asshole. Like, I know they're an asshole. Right. So that I can understand. A piece of shit is not honest with who they are. And they try to be like, eh, and knows I can't stand. Yeah, yeah. Because that's a two-faced.

hypocrite bullshit and I hate that shit. But if you're an asshole, I love that. I'm friends with a lot of assholes. I'm an asshole. My rule was always this growing up. If you're an asshole, you have to be funny. If you're not funny, you have to be nice. So it's like, it's like, I'm friends.

I kind of see what you're saying. Yeah, I'm friends of people, like, especially growing up, I would be like, people like, that guy's piece of shit. I'm like, yeah, he's hilarious. He's a blast. Yeah. But then there'll be other people who are like not funny and not that fun, but they're really nice.

You're like, okay, that's a good quality. I still like that. this person in my, you know, sphere because they're nice and they're friendly, they're cool. But then there were assholes that were not funny, and I'm like, why the fuck would anybody hang out with you? Like, those guys were just, there's always those, like, kind of like pothead dudes that

like, I didn't have fucked done of drugs in high school, but I was there's always that guy who was a podhead and he was like, everything sucks, everything's so lame, everything's so gay, and he's like, you're just negative and you're not funny. Right, right, right, right. I had one friend who would do horrible things. Like, this guy would like smash so much public

I have some friends that, uh, it's, What's the breaking and entering and vandalism? What is the when something's been enough time to talk about it? Oh, statute of limitations. Have you got any idea with the statute of limitations on it? 10 years probably fine, right? For vandalism?

I guess so. I don't know, but just don't get the name. Just don't say the name. I know some guys that broke into a, when they were in high school, they broke into a middle school over the summer. Yeah. They...

Sound of freedom. Yeah, actually. What of dead? So they actually, uh, RIP. Yeah, RIP.

Yeah. But, uh, he flooded a whole entire middle. Like they turned, whoa. You know those hoses in like, uh,

the science class? Yeah, they, they turn on the hose and just flooded a, a middle school. And they, um, they went on the roof.

There's all these pictures. They went to their house, like the police were like, these are your friends and they were like, nope, that's not us. Like, this is a picture of you break into a middle school.

Nope. Nope. And they totally got away with it. Wow. But, but I was like, There's a real piece of shit to do, but it's fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, yeah, I mean, I don't know. That's a piece of shit thing to do, of course. But it's like, did anyone get hurt? No, but they almost got hurt because apparently they were like, they were like, they were going to get like flooded in there and they like barely made it out a lot. Oh, wow. Wow. I was out of town that weekend.

I was like, that would have been so fucking safe. But I mean, I grew up like my brothers legally went into an aquarium and went fishing. That's all that's fun. Down in Florida. Yeah, it was insane. They came running back home. Did they do like spearfishing like the Meg?

No, they went in. And then just like, my brother, like, my, the second to oldest brother was just like, let's go. My brother, the other brother was like, all right. And they went and they did it and they came running back. And I was a baby. I don't remember it. But they like, yeah, they went fishing in aquarium. That's like that's like that's like that's like, they did all sorts of crazy shit.

They were a bunch of pieces of shit. They were like that. But like, um, and they're still polyasasals. But it's just my whole thing is it's they were outwardly. I don't think they ever faked who they were. Sure. I actually, this is a weird. So like this is kind of different, but I, an embrace of ass.

Because that's a very New York thing. Yeah, which I kind of always like. But the asshole I hate is like the what you were kind of impersonating before. Yeah, it does. And when we went to Zach Russell's party, remember that bar back? That was so much fun. But that bar back, did you clock that bar back? No.

He represented the exact type of asshole that I hate. I was like, because he's just like, you know, tattered up. He looks like he like smokes. He's got like the long black hair with the hat. Right. And he's just so like mean mugging everyone. He's like pumping into people. because he's like overwhelmed at work.

It's like, dude, this is your job. And that was like the type of asshole where it's like my whole body. I'm just like, I want nothing but bad things to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the abrasive thing sometimes knows me in New York because some people are so New York, they're like, I'm an asshole,

but then get to know me. I'm a nice guy. It's like, well, then why would I want to get to know you if you're fucking asshole. I know, right, right. But I grew up around that. I guess it was like familiar. Totally, totally, totally.

Totally. Totally. That's why I get it too. But as I said, I'm trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the Vermont asshole that's like, you know, like talking about like, is like, you know, like what's snobby or like pretentious. But he lives with like seven roommates at 40 and he's like, I'm like, you're garbage. Oh, yeah.

I agree with you. Yeah. That was a funny night too because I got like so drunk for no reason. The one part that was kind of annoying about that club is we went to, we went dancing, which I was very excited about. It was a great time. But the annoying part was, I missed the party. He invited me. That was where my bender really kicked in.

Oh, fuck me. I was wasted for no... Like, I was like, I was already wasted. I got drunk the night before, and then I went and I had two shows and I didn't get three shows and I didn't get done to like one in the morning. And I was like... I was out to 5am. Oh, see. Yeah.

Oh, see. Yeah. Well, that was so much fun too because it was like, the one thing it was annoying about that DJ though is he played like deep. Like, it was almost like elevator house music. Like it's like boom but it's like there was shit. It's nice, but the problem is like after an hour you're like, oh, I wish there was a song that we knew. So we could be like, you know when you're with your friends, you're saying. a song to get a guy

yeah, yeah, yeah. I see. But I don't even know how we would have requested music. They're like, can you play track 75? Like,

can you play some Britney Spears? Hit me one more time. Yeah. There's just something everybody knew. Okay. But,

uh, what do you say about me? No. Call me a pedophile, call me gay. This is all shots at Michael today.

No, no, we love you. But, despite your flaws. Yeah. Is that the new, that is a funny way

to roast people because it's like, it's like, Like now it's like, I mean, I'll still call straight guys gay because it's just funny to call straight guys gay. Yeah. Yeah. But that is a actually politically correct way to bully somebody who's like make fun of them and pretend they're pedophile. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Well, that's every roast, I feel like. Yeah, is this guy's a pedophile. Every roast is just this guy's a pedophile, and they're neither gay nor a pedophile. But they'll be like five jokes on it and everyone's dying. Yeah. It was actually, I went to the Dan Wicks James Pontellarose. Oh, how would that go?

It was so fun. I never really go to roast. It was like, it was super fun. It's a lot of autism in the location. Well, that's what everyone was said. Everyone was like saying how autistic they are. But like James is like not really. Yeah, yeah.

He like is when you talk to him sometimes. But I'm like, it's just so funny that they were looping them together because I'm like, Wix is up there like, like, he's like bouncing and he's like doing. He actually at one point, he won and he was great. But at one point he like says a joke and James says a joke. And he goes, do like the buff and Mike's thing with James and James is just like not looking. Yeah, I know. See, no, man's autistic and James piece of shit.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. It was cracking me up. The other funny part of that night was so funny too, because I wanted to go get a sandwich. And so I told everybody, like, guys, we got to all go to a bodega. Like, it would be a great idea. But just because I wanted a sandwich. And I was surprised, nobody should.

I was like, dude, it would be sick. We'll all get chopped cheese. It's like, I would beat it. I turned around and nobody's with me. And then, like, I remember text to you. My text to the next day was what happened. I was just like everybody left me. But Tilsen's so funny, too.

I don't really know him. The way he talks is so funny. He talks like a weird, like a TV host from like the 1950s. He'll everything he says like, yeah, yeah, he's like, oh, we're doing beverages tonight. It looks like we're doing a little frisky.

I know. Yeah, he talks like that. Yeah, Martha's Vineyard Kennedy fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like him. I will say this. I don't know him at all, but it's like one of those guys

where you're like, oh, all the people that seem to be friends with him I really like, so I'd imagine I would like this kid. You know, he's like one of those things. Yeah, he's fun, man. Yeah, he's the kind of guy that'll call you a dog in different ways. He's like, you're spicy dog. Yeah, yeah.

Like there's a brandy sniffter and a fucking, you know, like those little smoke jackets with the freaking patches on the elbows. Oh, he'd be a great salesman for something. Oh, he is a salesman? Oh, he does during the day. I hope he talks like that. Do you know what he sells? Insurance for like the FD and wine. He's like, yeah, you seem like a dangerous guy.

You know, like yourself? Exactly. You may protect yourself and your loved ones. Yeah, totally. I'd buy insurance. Protect the rug rats. That's what I'll tell you. Yeah.

Totally. That's fucking totally it, dude. But the, we didn't get talking about, Coney Island was the most fun. Oh, yeah. I was going to check on my meter. It is, oh yeah, it's probably a good. We can wrap it up if you need to. No, no, no, no, keep going. I'm just making sure my meters.

Yeah, it's both getting on your fucking phones. Yeah, I'm sorry. You're still going? Pieces of shit. Anyways. We're talking? So we went, it is sad how you get drunk and you realize, I love it so.

Like, every time I get drunk, I'm like, this is the only true happiness. Like, when I'm like, I get drunk. This is the half. It's fucked up. And I'm like, this is the most.

Shrooms. I haven't done those in a while. Shrooms gives me that feeling. But I think it's also because I probably have a lot of anxiety that I need to work through. And maybe if I work through that, I'll be able to feel that hold that alcohol

really feels well. Sure. But we brought a bunch of shooters in, you know, like little liquor shooters. Oh. And we think, what do you think of bed? I don't know. We brought guns to go out.

Yeah. Yeah. It is the Wild West out there. Well, somebody too, because it's just in this kind of terrifying like Ukrainian neighborhood. Yep. Like, I was like, this is really hood outside of, what's it called? But we did, like, first off, we went on a haunted house ride, and it was way scarier than I thought it would be.

Oh, really? Yeah, dude, it was like pitch black dark. And those are like, I think there's a lot of horror movies about those little rides where it ends up being like a real killer inside of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why I was like, I don't know if there's going to be actors yet. And this seems like the kind of place where they'd actually touch you. Sure. So I was like, my girlfriend didn't want to go.

So I was in one car and my friend and his girlfriend of the other car. Yeah. And I was just really, I was closing my eyes on a roller coaster. That's so funny. I was terrified because you go in it's pitch black. And the next thing you know, it's like, it's funny too because they have like little ghosts on the wall. And this is how scares me.

But then the next thing's like a guy getting his brain eaten. You're like, this is weirdly inconsistent with the scariest. There's like a chainsaw noise. And then there's like this guy who has like his brains coming out of his head. I'm like, this is. That's crazy. I was like it really creepy about old stuff like that.

Like something that's like old timey like that kind of terrifies me. Well, yeah. Like for me, scary movies are like the witch and shit like that that are based on, probably because my Catholic roots. But it's like always like that kind of shit. Like, gore is just gore to me But if you do like a slow pan

And it's dark and there's like a spirit And it's 3 a.m. That fucks me up. Like the exorcists. Gors scares me too a little bit. Saw and shit, I don't really care. Saul was great. I don't, I'm not a big scary movie guy

Because it kind of... As I'm getting older I am, I don't know why. It just like fucks my sleep up. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm like, that could be fun movies. Did you see hereditary? No. Yeah, I recently just saw it.

I had to watch it with Levi. Because I was like, I'm not watching it by myself. movies, though. Bo's Afraid was so fucking good. Oh, did you like it? You're, like the only one I know. Everyone else hated it. Everybody was a fucking retard.

That movie was amazing. Was it? It was one of my favorite movies. I wish I saw in the theaters. What were the complaints you heard about it? It didn't make sense. It was jumpy. Stupid.

It was above more. You know what? I would love for you to do your own movie criticism because it'd be so funny because it'd be like, oh my God. You would be like the only guy. I know. 90.

I know. And then you'd have, like, you'd have to bring, like, me on. I'd be like, what the fuck you're talking about? Sound of music? Horrible. Lame as shit. Sound of freedom. Yeah.

Amazing. Yeah. Just to do, like, a character, like the critic, that old. Oh, yeah. Everybody if I dress up nice. You know, talking, like, saw 10. Perfect. Scary movie four, brilliant.

Movie of a generation. Cowboys versus aliens. Genius. Oh, what do we think about the alien thing? You were talking to the guy who has the most opinions on this. All right. Shoot him. So, I am a hipster when it comes to alien stuff.

I was like, I knew about David Grush months ago. I was talking to everybody about it. I don't know who this guy is. He just said, he came out and said that they found, like, real life, non-human life matter on the U.S. Biologics. They saw that they were having a pass. at the Senate or having a hearing of it? Was he there for that?

That was that guy, yeah. Yeah. But apparently he just likes attention a bit. Who's saying that? Carney. Carney knows nothing. First of, Carney, he can put him in his own mouth. He can shut the fuck up.

Cardi. Let's get him on the horn. First off, I am his informative on alien stuff, so he has no idea what he's done. There's many times he's told me. He's like, my friend told me this thing. I'm like, yeah, Michael Goodtale. Your friend is also my friend. Yeah.

So this guy was definitely in a position where he would know all the things he's saying. There's a couple things that could have happened. First off, the one thing about him that people barely bring up, which is so stupid, so he's like, we found alien bodies. He literally, in front of Congress, testified, he goes, yeah, they're interdimensional. So there's different dimensions. And we believe it's based on holographic principle. And they moved on.

And I'm like, all right, well, maybe describe what holographic... Because you're describing the meaning of life to Congress. And nobody, like, gives a... fuck. I'm like, all right, the aliens are cool, but what is all of this? This is, like, more important. I cannot understand. I looked up a holographic principle for dummies, and I could not understand that even. It was very

I need holographical for retards. Special edition. Special edition. Is this a real thing? Well, you just ask Chachyptee. Chat Chabit, because you could do the thing where you say, explain the holographic principle like I'm a five-year-old. Okay, yeah. And then they'll explain it super simple. Yeah, yeah. What if it's really kind of saying? He's like, hello,

Macon. You can't be a big. Hey, can you get this return? I tried to do a joke when it was too inside where it was like, it was like explain because that's like a trick they say. Explain it like I'm a five-year-old. And I was like, yeah, I asked it to explain it to me

like based on my intelligence. They just sent me like crans in the middle. You're free to draw on the table. We change out the place mat every time. Wait, is there an actual scientific? Is this the term? Yeah, no, no, it's a real thing. But I can't quite grasp it.

It's basically it's that, Either, it's one of the two things. It's either we are a projection from a lower dimension or we're a projection from a higher dimension. So either we're like, I don't understand it. So the way somebody started to describe a way of explaining it was that like when you go, a black hole takes in things. Correct. And people think, oh, then all that stuff disappears. No, it doesn't.

Black hole becomes larger. Oh, word, yeah. So I thought originally what they were saying was that there's stuff that's invisible, but it's in, it's, still there. But that's not what they're saying. They're saying the whole concept is that we are either we are a projection from a lower dimension. Right. And this or that's like that string theory shit. Right.

It's like, yeah. It's like that's what, yeah. But I don't understand how holograms don't have consciousness this. I don't understand how we have consciousness then. Oh, I don't know. If we're holograms. I don't understand if he's saying we're holograms or we are the like I didn't understand it at all. Yeah. Well, if something is projecting it

maybe it's transferring its solar dimension of that. I don't know. You're just all of us are just collections of energy and they collect it in a certain way

where that you just start projecting this whole reality. It's not real. So they're saying this is all fake. It's not fit. It's real to you.

But they're saying to each individual it's fake. What? This is more of like a Buddhist like hippie thing but I remember hearing someone make this point

and it was really good and it was like there's no real reality because a bug will see something a certain way. You'll see something a certain way. A dog sees something

a certain way. Which one's the real one. Right, right. So there is no real anything. It's just like a camera how it takes its information. It's the same kind of freaking. Well, I love the idea. This is when I've thought about it.

There's no one I'm the only one to think about it. But what if we're all gods? Everybody has that theory. Like, I'm God. But there's nothing in the universe. But I got so sad and depressed that there was nothing that I created all of this. Like, I'm basically, I'm God. But that's the most psychotic thing.

I am God. You're hiding in plain sight. Just drop an O. Yeah. In your last night, Michael God. Yeah. But. God.

But, dude, when I was a kid, because my OCD, I'd accidentally write Michael God one time, and then I'd freak out. I'd be like, I'm sorry, God, I'm not the real God. I got a lot of problems. Like, don't punish me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'd freak out about it.

But, yeah, so, like, the idea is that, like, everything's blackness, but you just create all the stuff because you were depressed, because you were, like, the only conscious creature in the world. But back to the David Grush stuff, he, this is the thing that's going on him. So he testified at front of Congress, which doesn't necessarily mean anything,

because people lie all the time. So, like, at my mind, I'm like, oh, he testified to Congress. I'm like, well, OJ. Simpson also testified they didn't murder. Yeah. Nicole. I am part of OJ.M's innocent Facebook page, which is a lot of fun. Dude, his Twitter is unbelievable. Oh, it's amazing.

Well, actually, Nikiel Mehta, I don't know if he still does this joke, but he had a joke in an open mic during the pandemic. That was like my favorite joke. I was just saying how his Twitter is like so, he's like, somehow OJ is like the most positive voice in this country. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was really good.

Yeah, yeah. He still does that way. It's amazing. He's always on a golf course. Yeah, yeah. It cheers me up to see him like a whole lot. That's such a good bit. That had me dying.

Yeah. But yeah, so either he's, there's a couple things that would be happening. He could be totally lying, which is pretty unlikely. I think there's almost a zero percent chance at David Grush or Gersh or Gush, Gooch, whatever his name is. David Guch. David Guch. This guy is a trustworthy source.

David is David Paulsack. But, yeah, so either, I don't think he's lying because there's so much at stake, like, if he's lying. But somebody also brought the point, they're like, well, if he's lying, there's not really a way to prove him wrong because he's like, this is my opinion. Sure, sure, sure. How do we prove he's lying about this? It could be a sciop where they're purposely trying to distract everybody. You know, by saying, like, oh, this is what's happening. I don't think he's crazy

I think also what they'll do with misinformation is they'll give you some bit of good information and some bit of bullshit so that it muddies the water so now if he comes out and people think he's totally full of shit then it totally muddies all the UFO stuff The people I think are completely fucking stupid though are the people that are like

oh well you know it's actually probably just like a glitch in the cameras it's like no there's like multiple people and that's the only part too everybody pulls that shit where they're like oh if Ryan Graves one of the Navy guys Like if Ryan Graves really had video evidence It's like, why haven't we seen a camera phone video? He's released that.

You're just too uninformed that you haven't seen. People love pulling that shit. They're like, well, why is nobody taking a close video of UFOs? There are thousands of videos of people who took a UFO that you can see it very clearly. Also, you're not believing these people. Also, if they are as high tech and whatever that they could interplanetary travel or whatever, there's a good chance they could just fuck up any phone. Yeah, it's a whole point of know.

Yeah. Well, that's still there too. Why is it so hard to believe that there's not something out there? Like, I don't understand. Why are you being such a hubris prick to be like, no, yeah. It's like, fine. I, you know? Do you guys see a rival?

Oh, so good. That's a fucking great movie. I love that movie. Because I can imagine. Wait, no, I saw, wait, is that the one where they have the communication? Yep. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah. And that's good. It's all the bunch of the most. You ever hear people say this? They show a map of the UFOs. Like, why is it only in America? It's like, first off, that's not true. Those maps are incredibly inaccurate.

UFO sightings are all around the global. It's literally every single place. It's like also I don't think in the Congo they're necessarily reporting that stuff as much. Maybe they are, I don't know. You know where you need to go. I just want to say this before I forget. Portland, Maine is the only place like it.

It has a cryptozoology museum. Which I don't know what it is. It's the study of like Yeti and like. Oh, that's sad. I was there. Last year, I should have gone. And all this. And you can pay.

And he has, it's basically a guy, if you go into a crazy man's ad. That's awesome. You guys have to go check out. I just want to get that out before I forget. It sounds like a fucking blast. It's amazing. Like my buddy Anders,

who I go up there. I go up to Portland, Maine, like, every three months because there's a great spot up there. Yeah. And I try to go, but it's just like, it's funny as shit. And it's next there,

it's right in the same area and a parking lot, and it shares it with the Children's Science Museum. Oh, that's awesome. And there's a beer, um, brewery right next door. Oh,

that sounds great. It's like the perfect. It's like the perfect little neighborhood. Let's do it. It sounds like a fucking black. Yeah. So definitely go check that out when you're there. But it's crazy.

It is nuts, dude. Yeah, it sounds great. But the other part of it too is like, people are like, oh, why do they only show up in the South? It's like, well, there's nooks. So much nuke testing was happening in that area. And that's the whole concept is that they're coming to see the fucking nukes. Oh, word. Okay.

So it's like if it's like, you know what I mean? It's like, why would they go? They're like, why isn't there you? And it's like there are. The crazy one, one of the craziest ones, I want to say it's really interesting, was this guy who there's almost, this guy is either the best actor or, I don't know, or he's crazy, but there's this one veteran who's recently come out, and I've seen him talk on the internet about it. He has this UFO encounter where he talks about this. There was an earthquake in, I think, I want to say it was like Indonesia, somewhere in the junglish Asian part of the world. And he, yeah, he'd be to all the Asian.

Yeah, I know, exactly. I know, right. He was like, somewhere in Asia. Yeah, something's going on there. Singapore, I don't fucking know. But this guy's story was crazy. He draws, like, a really good picture of it. Actually, maybe it's Singapore.

He draws like an incredible picture of it. And the way he describes it is, like, they came across this UFO. And it looks ginormous. It's like a saucer, but it's octangular, like an octagon, which is also nuts. Because those UFOs, they shot down, which they never fucking talk about. The ones from January. Oh, they shot them down? Yeah, they literally shot down UFOs.

And they were like, these were not this Bible. They literally said they're like these are two different things. Those were described as octagons, which was interesting because it was like this matches what this guy was saying. Yeah. And what the guy was saying was, and he doesn't even bring that up. It's like two things that are different. And he said that they were like loading these like crates in there. And, um, but this guy, the one thing I think this guy is wrong about, he basically describes like all these special ops guys like taking all their equipment, like almost killing them.

But then like, uh, what do you mean? Killing the aliens? No, no, killing them. So like his military or whatever showed up. Yeah. And then they saw this UFO and then all these other dudes like. basically like just like took all their guns and shit like that, did all this stuff. I tied him up and stuff like that and threatened to kill them, but then they scanned their badges and stuff.

We're like, all right, we got to let you guys go. But this guy thinks that it's human trafficking, which is, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So the guy might be crazy, but what he saw, his recollection is like very, like, he's maybe an incredible actor, but like the way he describes it's like very straightforward where he's like, yeah, we showed up, we saw this. But his old human trafficking thing is he said he saw people loading these boxes onto the thing. and then he talked to somebody else who's like oh they're using it for human trafficking which could be total bullshit. Right, right, right. But that's just what he heard

from somebody else but what he saw like is a really like vivid description of and then he draws like a picture of it that looks like. What that it looked like? Let me pull it up I don't have my phone. Look up UFO Asia Marine maybe. Look up octagon UFO. It looks

that is the also part that kind of bugs me is all the UFO is looking different. I'm like that kind of makes it have a little less consistency to me. Shoot down octagonal object? No, no, no, that's what happened in America. But the, uh, look up octagon, special forces, or something. I don't know. The guy was on that Sean Ryan podcast.

It's like the really intense. What's Sean, who's Sean Ryan? I don't know if I'm saying that. Look up, uh, I wish I knew the guy's name. Look up. What the Marines? Like, maybe Marines. All right, we're going on.

Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. again. Strait of near Canadian border. I just think it's like, I don't know. It's not that hard to conceive that there's other things out there.

For sure. I just think it's just like whatever. But are they like cartoonish? I don't know. Have you ever driven on the extraterrestrial highway? No, but I would love you like that. Yeah.

When you do it, if you do it, you got to make sure you're gas. If you have a car, you have enough gas because there's no gas. There's no life. There is people, but it's like there are like crazy people that live in ranches.

And I just didn't want to stop. It was one of those things where like, I got to keep on going. because it's like, it's desolate as fuck. And it's like, there's one car in a ranch that says, aliens here. And it's like, kind of like going to south of the border, but it's sadder. You very know south of the border on 95?

Oh, yeah. It's like, it's like, but it's small. It's like a one ranch house. And it's like, am I, you know, I don't know who the fuck these people are. Yeah, it's like, you're less good to be. If I get found and my car gets, like, I'm fucked. I can't. And also, I don't know how to get around that life.

I don't know, I can't get through the desert. Are you out of your mind? But the weirdest thing that happened was, driving through, it's just like, it's like you're being on planet Jupiter, because it's just red and clay and dry. But there's still a paved two-line highway. There's no other cars with you. And there was like, all of a sudden I kept driving up and there was cattle everywhere. And they were just on it, but they're tagged.

So I'm like, all right, there must be a ranch nearby. Right. You know? But it was just like, they're all just chilling there. And they're just standing on the road. And I had to wait for them to move. Oh, wow. And I'm like, you're hot.

You get starting to be like, dude, I'm fucked and survival. Like, I can't even like, if. I went out of gas. Oh, you're fucked. Yeah, that happened to us going to come back from Bonaro, our gas right now, just the middle fucking over. We had to go to guys farm and get it.

But, uh... But yeah, you should go experience that. No, I would love that. And it's like, there's a big, there's a restaurant right before you're like extra stuff. It's like, make sure you gas up. So sometimes people will gas up another, um,

whatever you call it a container or whatever. Yeah, just because you're like, you just have, you're like, you can't get fucked. Because if you get fucked there, you're, oh, it's terrifying. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And there's not even like good, like cellular service and shit. Yeah, fuck that. Also, I'm hearing these things, like, and if it could correlate to that, like, our phones and car, like, there's been accidents with Tesla's, like, the self-drives, where there's been a couple of deaths. Supposedly, there's some magnetism that's going on that's causing a disruption in, like, communication devices. Huh. Which I don't know what has to do with, like, cell phone. It could be the fucking UFOs.

I don't fucking know. I'm just saying it's not inconceivable of this shit happening. Oh, for sure. I don't know if they're going to probe us our anuses or if they're like The Simpsons, but, you know, hey, I don't know. Yeah. Whatever. The craziest one to me before, I could do this for four hours. Yeah.

But the crazy one to me is the Travis Walton one where this guy, he's... I don't know these names. How the fuck do you remember all these names? This is, I'm like, so... Dude, you're just so ridiculous. I'm neglecting my friends and family. Exactly. You can't say you can't remember any of your relatives, your relatives, but you know the names and time and dates.

The dates of, yeah. It's amazing what you keep your brain occupied with. But go ahead. This guy's crazy. So it was like, there was seven loggers. Love a logger. Yeah. They saw a UFO.

One guy walked towards it. He got like, like, whatever. It lit up and then like a something, some sort of light came out and like knocked him down. And all his friends, or five of his friends saw him get knocked down. And the driver didn't see it because he was facing forward. And they just went on without him. Yeah. It was missing for like, I think seven days.

Like legally. missing. Like, they were like, oh, he got struck by a UFO. We don't know what happened to him. Well, isn't that that movie? Close Encounters of the Third Kind. A fire in the sky. Oh, it's fire in the sky. It's based off of it. The movie made it a lot crazier than what he said. But gone for seven days.

They do lie detectors. I think he failed. It's one of those where he failed one, but then he passed another one. Which doesn't mean he was lying or not because it's like, all right, well, clearly the lie detectics aren't necessarily accurate. Right. But there was six other witnesses that saw the UFO.

They saw it hit him. His whole story was that he got abducted. The Grays found him. Like the grays were like little ones. They were doing like trying to do tests on him. But he like knocked him. He said they're very weak. He like knocked one out of the way. Then he met some guy who like was a humanoid who was like, I guess he thinks the more powerful one. Anyway, he gets dropped off seven days later. And then he comes back into town. It's like I was abducted by aliens. But there's six witnesses that are like, this is what we saw. This is what fucking happened. And they literally, they went to the authorities.

The authorities literally were like taking these six other loggers And we're like, we're going about to like You guys are now under investigation for murdering this guy Because the guy's been gone for like a week Oh no way And he failed some lie detector test on a TV show That says he was a deducted and that's why people decredit him But it's like he was like he was like, no way

He's like I was you know what I mean It's like that's a TV show where they're like We're gonna give you $20,000 if you're telling the truth Right I don't necessarily trust that lie detector or Or you know what I mean it's like that's like Yeah I understand But it's still I get it

I mean But what would have happened would he would have got So first off, if they're starting to press you for murdering somebody, it's like why you would tell the truth to be like this is total bullshit. Maybe he's lying about his side of the story, about getting a deducting and stuff.

But it's like, if he's lying, then he just went into the woods for seven days by himself. And like... Yeah, it's also, I feel like probably hard to like be completely honest with the weirdest thing ever happened. For sure. I'm saying. Like, I don't know you, we don't even know what you're saying.

Exactly. Because you don't even know what you saw. So I don't even know how you could use a lie detector confidently. Like, like, maybe it helps, but I don't know. It seems like, yeah. And also the hard part, too, is like, okay, so let's say he is lying. He would have had to have been hiding for days, either in the woods, where it's like seven days alone in the woods. It's like, what did you fucking do? Well, yeah, he's a logger though, right? Yeah.

Well, yeah, he can maybe do it. Maybe he could do it. Or he went to a different town, which would make no sense because then he was on the public. He's checking out some, you know, checking out his extra, you know, whatever. I don't know, whatever he does, dude. I don't know, chick, I don't know, he's got another family. He's got another friend gay guy. Bring it back to the gay guy. You know what I mean?

You can't be a logger in a game, man. He's got to do what he's got to do. So I think either all seven of them are lying and they saw nothing. You know what I mean? Because all seven of them could have totally been lying. But then all seven of them were risking getting charged some murder thing. I don't know. Right.

I don't know what happened. Or maybe this could happen to. It was in Arizona or something like that. No, when? 75. Oh, wow. Yeah. Who knows?

Yeah. Maybe they took acid. But also what? They drug tested and stuff. They drug test them and stuff. But acid doesn't show up, so maybe. Yeah, maybe. But, or what could have happened is maybe he got hit by the UFO, got brain damage and like...

Yeah. That'd be fun. Like an anvil fall on your head. Yeah, maybe it was like, maybe it was like a legitimate thing. It must have been going slow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also the thing that then when it makes sense is his body would have been out in the wood for like seven days. You know what I mean?

It's like that's the way. How do you look when he came back? Does anyone is... They said his facial features. Now, he only remembers 30 minutes of it. That's the weird part, too, is there's some weird loss of time where in his mind he's like, oh, But that's what people believe they believe it distorts space. Like inside.

Well, that's what freak me out. If they kidnapped you and you go away and you come back and it's 30 years later, but it's over than five minutes up there. Yeah, and then you're like young. Then you're young and everyone else is like those. It's like, oh, man, it sucks. As long as you come back young still and not just sway older. Oh, yeah.

The new millennial and you're like, oh, fuck. That's true. It was that big of a difference. So they'd have to believe in aliens at that point. That would be a true thing. Yeah. Let's, we are getting, uh, no, I'm fine. in a longer episode. But let's wrap up.

What do you want to promote? I put my name on my meter. Nothing. Just Instagram, Jake Fee comedy. Thanks for having me. Nice. I agree with you. And yeah, Jay Lev, comedy. I do have a podcast coming out soon. Keep eyes on that. It's going to be called Love and Learn.

Perfect. So keep eyes on that, my friends. Yeah. And for... Thank you. Thank you. If you're watching this on YouTube, please follow me on Instagram, Michael Good Comedy. If you say you listen to the podcast, I'll follow you back. Just DM me and say, hey, listen to podcast. Yeah. Like and subscribe to his shit. He's a funny.

There's also a morning good Instagram. So whichever one you want to follow, thank you, and appreciate it. Thanks for having us. Thank you, buddy.