Morning Good - The Summer of Violence - Episode 78

Episode Date: May 8, 2022

Thanks to Dan for coming back on the show, its always great to have him on. Please check him out on social media to keep up with dates he has coming up in NYC and out on the road.Dan Carney is on Instagram and Twitter @danmancarney, also make sure to check out his YouTube channel for sketches and stand up clips. This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. Love Dirty Mike and the Boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Oh, my God. All right, we're here with Dan Carney. What up? We're in my room. It's, uh, I found fun things. I like that I found a, uh, a crack pipe.

And you're like, it's for a sketch. Yeah. I feel like I could find literally anything in here. It's a sketch. Honestly, half of the stuff I have in this room is, like, for filming something or something that I've already filmed. This bed? This bed, I film a lot of things with the bed.

No, what else do I have here? I mean, like, I have, like, old prescription. These are, like, antibiotics. Yeah, yeah. They're finished. You got to finish. They're finished. Yeah.

I did the whole course. Did you get sick recently, too? I've been fucking sick. I got insanely, like, sicker than I've been in years. Yeah, yeah. I got, uh, it was probably whatever. We all had probably whatever strain of COVID that like went unsolved. But then I got a really bad throat infection and I, like, bad enough to like where I went

to the doctor or urgent care. And I got in there and my throat was like closed up. I could barely breathe or speak. And so I was like, we're running out of time before like, who knows? Yeah, I die. That's how it felt. Like I hadn't been that sick in years. Dude, I had that one time.

And then they injected me in the ass. ass with like an antibiotic. I did that too. Yeah. I didn't do that this time, but I've had that before and you feel better within like your throat just opens up. Yeah. But I said, I had that and I couldn't talk and the woman's literally like, sir, can you please speak up? And I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, you're like dying. Yeah. And they were like, so, do you want a COVID test? And I was like, no, I don't want a COVID test. And they're like, are you, are you sure? Like, I'm like, I just came here for medicine. Yeah, yeah, you can't do anything for me if I have COVID. You should be antibiotics. They're like, you fucking junkie.

Yeah, yeah. They're like, well, I was like, well, I had COVID like a month ago or so. And whatever. And she was like, oh, how'd you know? I was like, at home test. And maybe it was longer than that, but like, somewhat recently. And she was like, she gave me like a skeptical look. Yeah.

She was like, are you sure? I'm like, I did several at home. What is the deal here? Yeah. Like if you walk into like a hospital or like a doctor's office now, my arm could have been severed and I'm holding it with my other arm. and they'd be like, would you like a COVID test?

And I'm like, no, can you reattach my arm? They're like, well, are you able to what about your sense of smell and taste? I'm like, I can't even see. Dude, my favorite is my Angelina went in one time and they did a scan of her like an x-ray. Guys, can I have that?

What? Yeah, dude, it's fucking sick. Spread your legs. Yeah, there we go. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They fucking, they told her they're like, yeah, your pancreas looks great.

And she's like, or your appendix looks great. She goes, I had appendix. side is, she's like, I don't have an appendix. And the guy just goes, oh, I'm going to get back to you on that. They just didn't get back for 30 minutes. And she just left the hospital because it was like, nobody knows what they're doing.

No, not at all. And I pay, it's funny. I paid, like, I have health insurance. I pay 200 a month for it. I, uh, we'll see how long I can afford that. I'll play, I'm just dropping it. But like, I think if you have it for a certain amount of time,

you're eligible for Obamacare. Yeah. So I'm kind of holding on until that. But so I get like one urgent care visit, like a, year with this plan. And you just do everything. Finger me. Check my throat. Well, I went to the urgent care the other week and now, like, if I get that sick again, it's going to cost me $300 for a visit. Yeah. And like $80 for penicillin just so I don't die of strep throat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like, it's how fucking nuts it is. I got that too where I just got insurance and then I went to like four

different things. I was like, I got my throat checked out. I had a rash on my dick. I got like three things. Like in one week. I got all this shit. Give me. Give me. everything. Yeah, but the long story short, the reason I'm holding on to these is because I assume, you know, I have a, some people described as like a methie or kind of pilled out look. I can play those characters and some of the characters that I think are funny are those types of people. So I'm holding onto those. So a lot, there's a lot of clutter. My grandmother is a hoarder. Like she has, this is like OCD the most time, right? Yeah, I, I, there's probably a part of that. But she's like, notorious. hoarder. So much shit. The woman's like four foot nine. Just sweet old lady. She doesn't go anywhere. Like she doesn't need all these things but she doesn't fucking touch my shit.

She has like storage units full of shit that she doesn't even know it's in there. You know? And that's the best part. My grandma had Alzheimer's so she forgot about all of her stuff. You can just take it away from her and she'd have no idea She wouldn't know. Yeah. That's ideal. Yeah. That's maybe better than the other extreme.

It was kind of awesome besides the random moment where she'd scream and be like, what's going on, but like for the most part, it was good. But that's fun. That makes it fun. Yeah, yeah. Do we run the car one time? And she just screamed like, top of her lungs. We're like, what happened? She's like, nobody was listening to me. And she was, was it? Was she talking even? Yeah, but she's mumbling. It'd be funny like she wasn't talking. And then she just screams like,

none of you were listening to me. And like, you were even speaking, just two hours of silence. Oh, yeah. To one guy could try to try to, uh, like, scammer out of her money. There's a dude who, like fell in love with her when she was like 85. And he's just like, I just, I'm in love with her. We're like, all right, dude, this is doc. the Ann and Nicole Smith of dudes.

It would be funny she's like an 18 year old guy. Yeah. No, I'm seriously in love with your grandma. Just like yoked

dude, but you're talking about the hospital dude. My favorite is I, I one time went twice and then prescribed me liquid hydrocodin and both times the woman says

this is that stuff the rappers drink, so be careful. I'm like, why would you promote it that way? Why would you say that? Yeah. I don't even,

I didn't even think that they sold that or prescribed that anymore. Yeah, well, they have coating and then prometazine. Yeah, pro metazine they don't prescribe,

right? What's the one that they don't prescribe anymore? I don't know. I thought something was off the market. I don't think so. No, I mean, okay, it's all on the table.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can still get it. I also love, you had a post about wanting to be a lean guy. Oh, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just fucking two foam cups. Just everywhere you go. All the time. Everywhere you go. Like, instead of showing up, like, with a cold brew,

you show up with like two styrofoam cups, just like, yeah, I'm a lean guy. I'm having a lean summer. Yeah. You know? Dude, just on stage,

just putting fucking two foam cups on. Oh, that'd be so fun. That would be great. Maybe I'll do, I would do that. I would go up on stage to just put two styrofoam cups. You know, those deli hats? They have to keep your hair.

Just wearing like a hairnet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A hairnet with two styrofoam cups. Just like a toothpick, just like little things like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you have like one kind of plastic glove. You know, like on one of your hands. You have an apron that you're taking off.

A lean guy who's also a butcher maybe. You have another job or you don't. Yeah. Or you're just trapping. Yeah. No, I've never, I guess maybe I've tried lean before when I was in college. We tried to make it with like, yeah, one of our friends got prescribed cough syrup. Yeah.

And we like just, you know, mix it with Sprite. Yeah. Third Jolly Rancher and then. Yeah. Yeah. Just had a time. We did it for like three or four days in a row. That's how you got to do it.

Yeah, yeah. We just milked it. He was like very sick, like in a really bad cough. And he was like, we're using this. to get fucked up. And we were like 18, so we're like, yeah. Like, you just didn't know what I,

like that type of stuff felt like candy. Yeah. You know, it's like a present or something. Yeah. Like when I was a kid, I was,

I always had a big sweet tooth. Yeah. Like, when my parents would leave the house, I would eat all the ice cream. I would like make milkshakes with the ice cream and every candy we had, like, like an entire, like the whole blender.

And I would just, yeah, full of like sweets. And I would. The problem is I still do that as in, adult. Like I got a milkshake from McDonald's and I crushed up a butterfingers and just poured it in it. Yeah. It's so good. I love

I love candy. And then when I was 18 the candy became drugs, yeah, something else. Well, that was like that's how I knew. I was one of those kids that loved spinning around in circles really fast because it made me feel dizzy. Yeah, that checks out. Yeah, that checks out for you. Yeah, yeah. And I remember we just buy energy drinks and drink like four at a time

and then just go like running around and stuff, yeah. That's great. I like how you're actually impressed by that. Like I've done cocaine and you're like, it's pretty crazy. Four energy drinks, though. This is a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, I'm sweating fucking balls in here.

Yeah, I know. That's why I wanted to keep the window open, but we can't have the AC on because then it's going to fuck with the sound. Yeah, yeah. Are you warm? I'm hot, but also, I've been out in the sun. You're wearing sweatpants as well, and it's 80 degrees. So it's a little bit on you.

I didn't shit. Yeah, I also. It's a little bit on you. It's a lot of bit on me. Speaking of, speaking of sweating last night, I was telling you this. I did that show. and it was an, I showed up to this, I was booked on a show.

Oh, a kid's show. Yeah, it was a kid's show. So I show up to this venue and I was on the phone with all my friends, another comic, and I was just kind of running bits with them. And I was like, yeah, yeah, that's the angle. I'm like, I'm going to work that out at a couple spots. I'm like, I'm about to work out this show I'm doing right now. And it was at a club here.

And is it LOL, which is just, it's just a shit hole. It's a dump. I don't even. I like, I like, I like, if I'll say, talk shit about a place, I'll be like, but I like the booker and I don't give a fuck. They don't, they don't care. They know they're a dump. And like they, they are just unapologetic.

Luis Lopez put it perfectly is like they would, they would, what do they say? They would sell tickets to cats if it means they bought milk or something like that. Like they don't give a fuck. They like, I walk in and they book you on the show. They just confirm like your spot on like an app. So I'm like, okay, my spot said like 825, 15 minute spot. I get there like probably around like 815 or maybe a little or a, earlier than that, but a comic who's supposed to

to perform me was late, so that like, all right, you're next. I'm like, okay, cool. And then I go checking with the host, and he's giving the comic on stage a light, and he goes, they tell you it was a clean show. And I was like, what? And he was like, they tell you it was a clean show. I was like, no.

And then, like, I got on stage like 40 seconds after he said that. I just having no idea. No idea. I thought you got like a heads up. No, no, no. 10 minutes, 20 minutes before. Not at all. No, no. Like a minute. before. And then I get on stage and I see, I kind of canvass the room. There's like 12 children in the audience, like with their parents. And I'm like, and I don't drink me. Normally they got like a chocolate milk or like a. Yeah, they're drinking like a you who. You know, they're like kids eating like

fun dip in the back. And yeah, I'm like, dude, what am I supposed to? I love that idea of the kid in like a booth in the back with just a pile of fun dip on the table. Just like a fucking trucker. He's wearing a track suit. Yeah. Just like come up to the waitress. Just like, hey, buy yourself some nice. Slaps her on the ass. pour some chucky cheese tokens. Yeah, you'd pourin fun dip on her tits. Scoop it and off with that fucking thing that they give you.

You're gonna lick it on it. That actually sounds kind of sick, licking fun dip off tits. That's a ball or move. Like if, like, you know, if I ever get rich and famous,

I'm not gonna do cocaine. I'm just gonna do fun dip. Off like a little person's head. Yeah, that's perfect guy. Yeah, perfect type. But yeah,

I look up and I'm like, what don't we even talk about? Because it's like, I was talking to you, talking to you about this. Like, it's not like I, curse every other word or whatever.

It's like, I don't even do it but like if I want to do it, I should be able to do it. Yeah. And two, it's like, it's not even that like the cursing. It's like, I'm an adult. I'm, you know, I'm still young. I'm 26 years old. I talk about things that other people around my age, either a few years younger or above, can like relate to.

Yeah, yeah. You know, like, I'm not doing the Mr. Wiggles up there or whatever. Everybody's funny if you're like, yo, you almost fucking whack boogers. Am I right? Boogers are crazy. Yeah. But they'd be tasty, though. But I'd be eating that shit.

That's what I should have done. But like, I was, I was so in my head ready to, and I guess this is a kind of you got to be ready for whatever. But I was like, I was like both mad and caught off guard and all that at the same time. And I had like, it's on West 46 and I live on East 28th. And I walk there. And it was a decently pleasant night, but I like, I get there. I'm sweating.

And then I, dude, I'm sweating profusely on stage. like it was I hadn't like really bombed in like a while that was like all right I'm bombing and you're I got it you know some laughs but like you're really just kind of scrapping for bits there heckle it's crazy to like or did they no yeah no they didn't heckle and like I got them a few times but like the only laughs I got was like somewhat suggestive sort of material yeah you know and it's like the what am I supposed to do to not tell the performer that like when you're booking them that hey this show that we're booking you even if it's early in the day

I did 15 that is so hard to do it was 15 that you're totally clean and I was like I can't curse and it's like you know all right we had to stop for a second because Dan thought that or I the microphone did come unplugged

we thought we missed all of it but you Who's the microphone? It was yours oh I own this microphone You can have it now if you want No I meant like whose microphone Is it that slipped out I'm very confused by it You own the microphone.

Yeah. I'm trying to defer blame. Yeah. It was probably my fault, though. I absolutely like, it was, I fucked up. I fucked up. You were talking about performing clean and not having, the only time, like, I've had to do it a little bit, but my favorite is I went to a mic that was all clean and it was a music mic.

Oh, wow. And it was all arts. And then I was like, yeah, I'm going through my comedy. He said, I'm like, okay, you take out this, this, that. And some guy, you know the song of General by Dispatch? There was a decorated general with the heart of gold. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's just saying that sound like Dura, and he fucks up a court, he goes,

fuck, goddammit shit. He starts cursing on this table. He's just so funny because I was like, he's not even doing comedy. Anything's on the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man, it's, um, it was not fun. And it was like, I had this bit that I was like, okay, like, I need, like, I'll take like five, six minutes to, like, work out this new thing.

Yeah. And I couldn't even really do it. No one can relate to anything I'm trying to talk about. They're fucking children. Yeah. And I, like, had to cater to the adults, like the six, seven adults in the audience. Yeah. And it's like, you know, I was able to get them.

But then they're like, hey, we're here for our kids. You should not do. State of comedy is not for children. Yeah. It got literally, like, a lot of its roots, it got its name from the mafia. Because, like, instead of a stand-up guy, you're a stand-up comedian, they put you against a brick wall. And you'd, like, have to fucking almost defend yourself up there against mobsters and entertain them. It's not for children.

It's one thing to bring your kids to a comedy show and be like, hey, like, they're here for the full experience. But for me to cater, this is not what I'm doing it for. And if you're a comedy club, fuck. fucking tell people be like, hey, this, before you submit your veils of this, this is a clean show for kids. Don't just spring it all in them, but they don't give a shit. It's like indentured service. Like, it's, the spot, I don't even think I got paid for the spot. I don't think it was even a paid show. Yeah. So it's like, I'm getting nothing. And now on top of that, I'm not even getting anything. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting to complain about it, which I could complain

about anything. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I don't need more things to complain about. It was so, fuck them. I don't care. It would be funny if they were like even more complicated. they're like, okay, you watch Disney Channel, right? So it's four kids and adults. So you do your jokes, but then also have little slight innuendoes that only adults would get. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like the SpongeBob movie or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen SpongeBob? Just do that. Nuanced in its approach. Yeah, no, fuck them. But, yeah, it was very, I was sweating, dude. I just could feel myself. And, like, I'd kind of, like,

walked faster because I wanted to make the spot. And I did. And I wish I didn't. I was just sweating so much. I could just feel my hair was like, wet it fell. And yeah, it was... Did anybody...

Just hold up here. Just oh, yeah, yeah. I didn't see the comics. I saw like a minute of the comic set before mine. It was like, whatever. What if there was a comic, it was clearly just two eight-year-olds in the trench code that go up and just murder.

Yeah, I'm the only adult on the show too. I'm like, why am I even booked? Yeah, and the comic after me, like, it was one of those things where, like, he was just looking down at his phone, like, waiting to go on and just kind of held his fist up like that. And I'm like, yeah, I don't know what was going through. his mind if he was either like oh this guy fucking sucked

so I'm not gonna be like hey good to see you man or good set or he was just dreading going up there himself probably a mix of both but it's like it's a hard thing where you're following somebody and they did bad but because of different things it has nothing to do with like because it is like common tradition to give them a pound it but it is also

like if it was a horrible you can't be like great set because then I'm like oh I don't believe I never know what to do in that scenario like if the comic goes on before me and they're not like great or they're not like that good and it's like I'd be like, oh, like, do you say, like, and you don't know them that well. Yeah.

Or you're supposed to be like, ah, man, fucking they suck or whatever. Like, do you patronize them? Because it'll, it'll, it'll come off as condescending. Yeah. I just think you go for, like, you look at your, you do what that guy did. You're looking at your phone. I would hold up your fist. That would be funny.

So we're like, you guys are fucking idiots. You don't understand art. I was like, I was up there and I'm like, ah, they didn't tell me it was a big shit. Like, literally, like, I canvas the room and it's children. What if you go in tomorrow? It's just babies and seeds. And there's no adults.

I'm like, where are the adults? Where are your parents? Yeah. Yeah, man, it was ridiculous. But I was sweating a lot. Damn, I wasn't, you know, I was telling you, I was like, I should have just been like, so, what do you guys think about the shooting? Yeah, just right off the bat. That's what I really should have. That's what, like, I should have done.

Yeah. But I didn't. No, because everybody thinks they're going to be that comic you hear stories about. and then nobody nobody actually does nobody actually I'm a pussy I'm like I want the stage

and I'm like I want to work out new shit that's why I went was like would even do a spot there in the first place is to work out new stuff and I can't even do that because you're giving me

you know I'm I'm babysitting literally babysitting which stand-up comedy can be sometimes like babysitting for drunk people and now it's like literal kids yeah yeah

yeah man the shooting they caught the guy they did they caught them they caught them I'm really happy about it because I recorded an episode yesterday when it first happened

and I just talked about it for like 25 minutes and I'm like I really hope he doesn't kill like 40 people and then I just recorded an episode because I recorded the episode before he caught him like yeah there's like a shooter on the loose I don't know like just making jokes bad I'm like I hope this guy doesn't well dude it's funny because they they caught him in the East Village which is by you

like they caught him I think on like St. Mark's there's always that thing though when you see a picture somebody you're like did I see that guy did it they're always that little piece of mind you're like I feel like I saw him yeah yeah but it's like I uh yeah someone was telling me how like their girlfriend

thought that they saw him and didn't want to like just call the cops on a black guy and then the next day she was like oh no that was him. Oh, so they lost that on like $50,000 and rewards.

Oh dude, that would have been fucking. Yeah, that'd be straight. I was talking to you about it. What if just like a racist person called it and just happened to be the correct guy? You know what man?

For 50 grand? I'm not everyone's getting called. Well, he couldn't even call the cops on himself. The guy like tried to turn himself. all fin and the cops were like yeah we'll get to it what yeah like apparently he tipped off the NYPD but supposedly they were like bothering like a homeless encampment like in and uh and tom could square park yeah and oh that's right by me it's right by it's right by you yeah the

tends to been do they built like you know when you're a kid and you build philipillopause they they have that scale down yeah like you'll see like a you'll see like a fucking table and there's like a coca cola can holding up like the most unique sheet like they're engineers well they're rid of all those. They're, they're eliminating all the encampments. Where are they putting them? No, no clue. But they, they see it like the rush or I think it's like a, the UK is taking all the refugees from Ukraine and sending them to Rwanda. Really? Yeah, which is so funny to just be like, it's not so bad over there. That's what Hotel Rwanda was about. Yeah. It's like a quirky sitcom where it's like, we're all from another place, but we now live in this hotel in another country.

Like sweet life is happening. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Um, but a refugee version. This is the sweet laugh most of the time. Dude, but like the fact that they caught him in like a very busy touristy area. Yeah, yeah. In Manhattan, it's not like he was hiding out and like one of the boroughs. Maybe. I mean, like. That was my immediate thought because he shot.

He killed nobody. He killed nobody. Which made me think, like, that's where the conspiracy bug starts coming in. It's like, that it was like a false flag. Or it was like, you know, they got this guy to work for them and hopes of increasing the police budget which took a hit.

Oh, I guess is fun. That's like the only thing I could think because I've been thinking about it. I'm like so much of it doesn't add up like he didn't kill anybody. How at point blank with a point? Dude, you're point blank in rush hour chat like 11 a.m.

Yeah. On a very like crowded subway station. Yeah. To like not kill anybody. Thank God no one was hurt. but it's like no one was hurt. I mean, but also like this guy's... People were hurt.

People, sorry. No one was killed. No one was killed. You're fine. Everyone can rub it off. No, but like he didn't, he didn't kill anybody. Thank God. But it's like, also it's kind of like how.

Yeah. You know, how do you not? And like maybe this guy was just so like incapable and just not able to like you really didn't have it all together, which clearly he didn't anyway. But it's like three cameras out of like 10,000 weren't work, like weren't operational. And that was one of them. How does that? Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. What's going on? And like just the level of mystery. And then the fact that like he tipped off the NYPD, the way he was caught. Like he was caught in Manhattan. It's almost like he wanted to be caught. Well, he was wearing a jacket, just like bright.

Well, he wore that to get on and to. to kind of disguise himself. Okay. Like to do, I, I assume. But, like, I don't know what he was wearing when he got caught. Okay, because I know when he disguised him, he went on the train with a reflective gear. Yeah, yeah. But I think to, like, kind of pass off as like an MTA worker, I don't know.

Maybe he wasn't, I don't know much about this guy's life. He's like, don't worry, it's just an MTA loading his gun. Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, this is what they do. He's going to kill himself. Yeah. And then someone else just goes, good for him. Yeah, yeah.

And good for him. Dude, what's funny is, um, uh, I was on, uh, the platform of town.

This was probably like a month or so ago. And there was a guy on the ground and like people were kind of hovering around him. They thought he was dead. Right? Apparently he'd been there for a while or something. And, uh, which not all the times do people ever acknowledge.

But like, but like, but this was like people, maybe they were tourists or whatever. They're like fucking concerned. You know? And, uh,

they got the police to come over and like poke him with a stick or whatever. And like, you know, like, you know, and then the guy kind of like, you know, he eventually like woke up. And then one of the guys who like initially was like initially was, I guess, maybe concerned or saw him, is kind of walking away. He goes, not dead yet. Not dead yet. Live for now. Like, it's like that's the attitude that people have here.

And it's just not. not dead yet. You know, so like if a guy, I think a guy could feasibly pull out a gun on a train. And there would be a portion of the people to not fully do anything. Yeah. And the smoke bombs too is crazy. Because it's also like I get that it hides you,

but it also makes it so harder to shoot people. Yeah. Maybe it was part of it. He's like there's no sport in it. Yeah. Yeah. He's too good of a marksman. Yeah, yeah.

It was his target practice. That's horrible. But yeah, he's, the fact that he got caught in Manhattan I was telling you was like what was he doing before like was he just like going on like a tour at like 30 Rock it would be so funny he got arrested

just like an ice cream cone in his hand that'd be a lot dude yeah he's just like enjoying his day he's like watching the bat new Batman he probably felt kind of like he a celebrity movie yes but he never because he didn't kill anybody he probably felt like he like he like fucked up and he's like I need a personal day to live with my lack of success

and so he wanted to do something for himself afterwards because he didn't really accomplish anything. No, he didn't. So in his mind, he's like, he's like, I got to just take it easy on myself, I'm not the best. The whole thing just seems super it just seems very off.

I mean, like, I know this guy's off, but like, the video that they had of him, or did you see the video where he was like, people need to be purged and shit like that? I don't know. So there was like a video where he's like, Hotepe, right? He's like a black extremist is what they're like purporting him to be. And

it was kind of like a video in like the sense that like things need to be cleansed and purged like that type of shit but like if you're like like like like let's say he is like a black extremist or whatever and like things that like white he like hates white people it just seems misgot he could have gone into like

explicitly like white to go yeah yeah like go into like an explicitly white place or like go to Williamsburg yeah yeah yeah you know a thousand other places go to the places where people dress like they churn their own butter Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, like, you know, maybe, maybe that'd be a good thing. I know, but like, why not go to a, it just, it's, a lot of it just seems clunky. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The smoke bombs, undaten, undettonated devices. His gun jammed. His gun, oh, it did? Yeah, jammed. The fact that he dropped like a U-Haul key and that's how they identified him.

Yeah. It's, that's like how they're like, yeah, we found people's passports in the rubbles of 9-11, and that's how we know who the terrorists are. We're going to see no story. after. I guarantee you that trial's not going to be televised. It's going to be one of those things that just... It's already kind of gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? It's fucking weird, man. But yeah,

I don't know. The NYPD, it's like the lack of... Every time I see a police officer, I'm like, I can't believe... Dude, I saw one vaping with a man bun, and I'm like, who are you? What is going on? Yeah. They have a massive budget. Massive budget. Like a great, really good pension. And like, yeah, it's not like a desirable job. No. But like the, dude, I remember

one time I was with one of my friends were filming something in Midtown and his car got booted right so it became an ordeal we had to talk to several

traffic cops and go like get it taken care of it like I don't know DMV I don't know what the place was some office on in Hudson Yards area

several of the traffic cops we spoke to spoke like very little English like very little English how fucking nuts is that where do you think they were from well this is just yeah yeah

you're just travered me at a purpose yeah not Brandon Florida so you know like where I'm from yeah it was it was just like

this is not a good sign where things are at like but how do you attract good people yeah you can't there's no way anybody with like any nobility or it has like the ideas

that of like someone who like is maybe like more anti-cop or whatever is not going to join the police force to, like, perform it. You need Serpico. I got the post from my wall. Fuck yes. You need Al Pacino in there. Well, also, with the move is, I know a lot, to become a detective,

which is a more desirable role, you have to start as a cop. So these douche, they just get all these undesirable people and just reject them from becoming a detective. So everybody they think will be a good detective, just immediately acts them. What do you even do is in anyway? And, like, the city is so fucking lawless. You can really kind of get away with a lot of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Other than jumping the turn to style. Well, especially with the bail reform. Because, like, I've had it, somebody gets like on McDougall Street they'll get arrested and then they'll come out 20 minutes later and just attack the same person who call the cops on them. Dude, I mean, remember I was with you and a few other comics and

we were McDougal and this guy comes up in a hoodie and like a fucking crowbar? Crowbar, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like he just he's dragging along with him and he slams it against the concrete right where we're standing and draws a swastika on the ground and just walks away.

That McDougal Street is one of the most lawless places. It's crazy. I've been to in America. I'm surprised. I would assume rent has gone down there because it's like, I mean, maybe it hasn't. They should pay people to live there. Yeah, it's fucking not. Like, it's so bad. Dude, like... I saw the best though, because I saw a guy never would expect it. He was like a very homeless

guy, but his voice was like a gay Jewish man, and he was the sweetest guy. He's like, you should be on radio. Your voice is very wonderful. And I was so confused. He's like, do you watch... He talks me about 30 minutes about Jeopardy. He's like, did you see they hired a new host on Jeopardy? It's... I don't like her as much as the last one. You know, I think she advertised her products. too much. And I was just like, which was

the breath pressure. I'm like, thank you for not trying to attack me. You know, that guy absolutely like stabbed someone 15 minutes after that, that conversation. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the people there are gross. And I don't know, man. I will say this too. He had glasses on and it looked like he'd worn glasses for so many years that it was part of his nose. Like there's an indent where the glasses. I love people like that where it's like, they're such like a

thing, they're like a gargoyle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and that area is full of gargoles. When I got back to the city last summer, after being gone for a little bit, I, like, and going back on McDougal, I was like, the same people are here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The same, that Frankie dude is, like, posted up there,

like, sells dollar books and, like, you know, like the same, like, guys selling cocaine. Like, yeah. The same people, they're like, it's like Davy Jones ship in Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah. You just been, like, one with the ship. Yeah.

That's how it feels, right? It's really weird, man, but I'm, uh, I'm a little... It's also crazy that, like, it's so funny because, like, nobody there, I've never seen anybody, any of the homeless people died.

They live for years. Yeah. But it's like, my friends were back home and keep dying and then these guys are alive forever. Because they have to... When you got a high drug tolerance, you don't die.

No. No, you pass a threshold and, like, I think a number of years here to do that. I mean, there are people here begging for death and not getting it. Oh, a hundred.

Like, there's a dude who lays in the road and he says he's going to kill himself less people paying money. He's been here for five years. Like, not five years, But when I moved to New York, I saw him doing that.

Dude, it's, it's, it's, the, there's some older, there's a good amount of older people in my building. There's a lot of younger people, but, like, it's very split. There's no, like, middle-aged people. It's either you're older or, like, your, my age or even younger. And the older people here, like, I can hear my neighbor. Like, I have to be, like, right there. I hear him screaming. Like, he's an older guy, and he just, he looks very, like, docile.

Yeah. But I hear him screaming, God, damn it! God! fucking damn it to hell he was doing that for like 30 minutes the other day and just like nonstop and he's like I can't fucking take it I can't access

anything he's screaming and then he walks out he's just just a meek like guy and he's not like he's never hey how are you it's like the older people here are like that and there seems to be like an ecosystem that people especially in like the buildings around me

and like there's like one guy on the bottom floor It's just a dude, like, lives alone with, like, a small dog. I'm sure he's killed many people. Like, there's other older, like, the older people, but they're freaks, dude. And they're just, they, what they've seen, those would be the most interesting people in the world to talk to. But you never, but you never want to be in a room alone with them. No, 100%. Yeah, yeah.

Or like a cab driver who's just seen like those wild shit. Dude, it was funny. The last cab I got into, we were leaving, last Saturday was, I was filming something in Washington Square Park and it started raining. and so me and the people I was with we got in a cab and went back to my place and the cab driver just immediately he goes, everybody's fighting

he's like everybody in the world is fighting and like immediately that's the first thing like that's the first thing and I don't know what like he saw us and was like maybe this is a good people to talk to about this but just right off the bat

and like he sees you see I can imagine what this shit he sees but like yeah man this city. I'm a little, the summer, because the crime has gone up the last few months, like it's higher, well above average. And the summers are always increased crime anyway.

Yeah. So this summer could be fucking wild. Yeah. This is, I think the summer is going to really be interesting and a chaotic. And it feels kind of Gotham-esque at times. Yeah, yeah. But, like, you never really see Gotham in the summer. It's always in winter.

This is like Gotham in, like, the summertime. Yeah, where people are going out. And, like, dude, there could be. This is the thing, too, with the time changes. So my buddy, um, he had schizophrenia and he said that like, Lily season changes can like trigger mental illness. Also, like the heat, I mean, you're out in the heat doing, like, I assume the heat's just frying your bread.

Oh, yeah. And there's also more people out because like summer hours. More people out. Yeah, yeah. More people visiting. More, uh, more victims. Yeah. I mean, quite literally, it's fucked.

But yeah, it's, it's good. Dude, this could be weird. I think there's going to be more protests this summer. Yeah. And like, uh, just, there's going to be like more chaos. Oh. A lot more crime. Like, I think there'll be,

because I think there'll be increased police presence. And so they'll be even more like, they'll be like probably anti-cop, like protests. And then God only knows the cops will probably shoot everybody. Like, you know, like they'll just drive into like a Dwayne Reed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, dude, you can't even go into a Dwayne Reed

anymore to buy something without like having an employee unlock it for. Everything is locked. Everything is locked. Yeah. I always, yeah. My favorite thing is I saw a homeless guy the other day and some like stockbroker guy was acting crazy and this homeless guy looks at me, goes, even the normal people are fucking crazy

now. And I was like, God damn it. That is great. What you see, like, nothing's funnier than like a guy in a suit freaking out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the funniest thing. I remember like, like, there was a guy around the corner from me and they were like, there's a bunch of construction everywhere around me. I hate it. And, uh, there's a lot of, like, all these cones were lined up. And there was a guy in like, looking like, like in a nice Calvin Klein suit, middle-aged guy fucking just kicking the cones kicking the shit of it like I'm talking like

visibly you see the suit and you're like that is an expensive suit like nice shirt nice pants nice jacket just fucking kicking the cones freaking out and it's not like it was outside a Wall Street or something like that

like it was like maybe like a deal like went through it's like I live in this area like if you go north it's a lot of like FinTech bros and finance bros all those things types of people. But like,

there's a little pocket of this area that is very kind of gritty and grungy, not gritty, but it's grungy. Well, that's so much in New York. It's like one street would just be crazy as fuck

and the next street's like nice. Yeah. And this street, like, you know, there's several bus stops there, like, around here so there's a lot of other. I remember I was on the way

to the bus one time and there's homeless guy starts barking at a guy and the guy just flashes his taser and goes, and the homeless guy just like, shut up.

Dude, the first, first week that I moved in here, I was walking with Jason, David. we're walking down to your place to record a podcast. It was in the summer. And there's just this dude.

And like it's, you know, he's like the resident like absolutely, marketably insane, like over everybody else. And he's just pants around his ankles in the middle of the street. Marginly. You said marketably. Marketably. No, marginably, like, he's even crazy. Like, it's...

You said marketably. Marginally would be by a thin line. Oh, marketably. So, like, well above... Then I'm just fucking stupid. I thought you're saying you could market him very well. I think I'm using marketably correct. I'll look it up while I'm doing this.

But he was just pants around his ankles just pissing in the bus lane. And it's like, that's what you see. Yeah, yeah. You know, and that's like, and we're just carrying on a conversation. We're supposed to just go about our day. Yeah. What does marketably mean? Fit to be offered for sale as in market.

Okay. I use it incorrect. What if you were like, cut that, cut that, cut that, cut that. Cut that. Cut that. where I said that a man. You just insert a part of you. Like, you actually what markedly is.

What is, what, remarkably maybe. Yes, yes. Remarkably. Yeah. People, you guys can understand how I, uh, there's nobody listening to this. Okay. Yeah. My dad listens to it out, which is so funny.

He's like, I think maybe you should put like, uh, maybe do more three guests, do less four guests, do less two guests. Three is the perfect amount. Your dad's like, I think you should stop for a prayer in the middle of each episode. That would nods to, yeah, I would. Speak it. Speak it a prayer. How about, uh, Father Stu.

Dude, that movie looks... So first off, I've had a range of emotions. The first time I saw, like, a murder. So if you don't know, it's Mark Wahlberg. It's like, he was a boxer, but then he stopped boxing and it becomes a priest. He's all of the Mark Wahlberg things. Yeah, yeah. And then he ends up being a priest.

Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't be surprised there's like a cop. Oh, yeah, he's a cop at some point. And also Mel Gibson, which is like... Dude, you met Mel Gibson's in it. Just everyone who's, like, committed some sort of hate crime or like racial injustice. to any like groups of like any ethnicity, religious groups is in this film.

Dude, you know there's some fucking behind the scenes footage of them just going at it. They're like, hey, I like your style. I've always seen you as a father figure. I'm so glad you get to play my dad in this movie. That's who it is, right? Mel Gibson is like his dad. Yeah, that's perfect.

Yeah, Mel Gibson is Mark Wahlberg's father in a movie glorifying the Catholic Church. Yeah. Glorifying priests. Catholic priests. I think you could get funding for it. Like honestly, like, I don't know what studio is. People will go to see Mark Wahlberg.

I guess he still, he has still a sale. I wonder if some people are going to see this, though, and be like, oh, maybe our movie about like the transgender Japanese kid from Ohio with no legs might not be as marketable as we thought. Like, I wonder if they're going to see that. You're like to use marketable and a correct. There you got. That's how he's very.

I see what you're doing here. Oh, hold on. Oh, man. Thank you. Yeah. It's, my only thing, and I don't mind. diversity but the problem is like when the movies are like our neighbors you don't mind diversity i'll let it happen where is this going but no i'm saying like there's i always hate would

you agree with the message of something but they make you feel stupid they're like you know what our friend is gay and we like that well here's the thing nothing's real nothing is real dude if like the and especially the hollywood is just it's just ass it is that i mean like it's this guy committed a hate crime, not that people shouldn't be forgiven for things and get a second chance, whatever. And then you have Mel Gibson. It's just like, who is like incredibly anti-Semitic. Yeah. And then you have the Catholic church, which is like, I don't even understand how it's still around. Yeah. But it's all money. Like they have money. They have their names. They can market it. Weinstein's probably involved something. You know, like he's probably producing the whole thing.

So it's like, you know, and then Roman Polanski's directing it. They'd be foot of all the credits and then just in the smallest words like, and Harvey White's production. Yeah, Harvey White's production. Just big letters and they're just like a little, you're like, I would be surprised. I mean, it's like nothing, nothing is real.

And all those other, there's films that like, like, in a lot of cases, it's just virtue signal to be like, hey, look, we're being, they're not even like,

sometimes they tell like authentic stories, but for the most part, it's just like diversity casting. Right. Which is not the same as like telling like a diverse story by diverse. It's just like anything that's like other than like all the, you know,

heterosexual white male stories, you know. But I also get a little bit, like I saw Wonder Woman, and I was like, hey, where do I fit into this movie? So I'm like, I get why, like,

you'd be kind of annoying watching movies. And that must have been hard for you. I'm sorry. He was very hard. I couldn't figure it out. You were able to sit there. But I'm like, oh yeah,

this is how women feel when they watch every fucking movie. Yeah. For the most part, yeah. And it's like, yeah, who is father stew for? Dude. Who's supposed to see that and be like,

this is me. Finally, my story's being told. A lot of people, A lot of dudes are like, this is... Mark Wahlberg. It's like guy with troubled past, but it's never authentic troubled past.

It's always like something bad happened to him. Like him getting any sort of flack... The mother's dead, by the way. I haven't seen the movie. The mother is 100% dead in that movie. You think so? Yes, okay. His dad's Mel Gibson, I guarantee what's them talking about.

He's like, your mother wouldn't have wanted you to be... Oh, maybe I saw her in the trailer. No, she's in the trailer. Yeah, she's... I'm stupid. She's... Maybe she's, you know, maybe she does at some point. But it's like, if you notice a lot of Mark Wahlberg film,

something bad happens to a... him. And it's like as someone that's supposed to be an artistic person like okay, yeah, I'm sure maybe he grew up I don't know if he grew up affluent or whatever. I don't know. You don't know a story? Like he was blue collar guy, right? No, no, he grew up crazy. He's doing crack when he's like 15. Okay, so yeah, like he had it rough, whatever. But then like, I don't know if like...

He also likes it rough. I bet he does. But like, I don't know if like he sees all the the hardships his characters are going through as a reflection of his childhood in his youth or the fact that his like troubled past that he's trying to make a like correct or whatever is his hate crimes against him like violently attacking an Asian person. What if? And it's like it's like where is where is that story, Mark? Because it's always you being like a jacked bodybuilder like fighter who like is like, ah, you know, I'm just kind of a blue collar guy and I just, I sorry, I don't have time for pussy

right now. I'm training for the fight. And then you get hit by a car and it's like, well, now I'm going to be a priest. That's the story. What about the guy who's like a piece of shit? Maybe he had a rough life too, but like he takes it out on other people. And where's the authenticity? Because you're skating around it.

You're making yourself a hero. Another guy who does this. And it's annoying. In a different way, is Matt Damon. Oh, I was going to say Adam Sandler. Oh, yeah. Adam Sandler. He does it at all his fun.

No, it's just a pity fest. No, pity party. But like, no, Matt Damon, all of his films, it's like, I'm a super genius guy from no thing. It's all like an iteration, reiteration of like Goodwall Hunting, which is like my favorite movie. But like I,

it's all like the same thing where it's like you're a super genius, you're a hero, you're on Mars and now we're supposed to spend a billion dollars to go save you. It's like this self-important righteous shit. And it's like, where is like, okay, if you're an arrogant person and in all your roles,

you're like you're kind of an arrogant guy. Like that's one thing. But like there's a level of an authenticity there. And it's like just spotlighting yourself. And in Mark Wahlberg's case, it's like, he's a joke it's like he's a joke to me

yeah I think he is my thing I think he's a good actor but somebody it's just hilarious because every movie is like I didn't see I saw like two seconds of Spencer Confidential and I was like

oh my dad was like over the pandemic I watched that with my dad he was like you pick one out the Spencer Confidential yeah that's what he gravitates or just explosions and you know like

it's every single movie trope he goes to like see his father he hasn't seen in forever but he's out in the woods and his dad lives on like a bunker and he's like even more of like uh you know like he's oh the government's like out to get us i have the whole like 50 acres around me booby trapped like it's all the same like movie tropes he is a hero in every he's either a soldier a cop a fire is he a firefighter in a movie i'm sure he i'm sure he is i mean he he

saved in oils like he's just taking like things it's the whole 9-11 thing where he's like i could stop 9-11 he's like oh what if i was there at the boston bombing and i saved a bunch of people and i caught the bossed bombers i wish i could have been that guy or too like he's he's like he's Deepwater Horizon, that's a movie where like he stops like an oil spill or something. Like he's the only surviving member. And then he like saves that. Like it's all bullshit, dude.

It's all like you're not a real life hero. You're an actor. Like it's heroic. Maybe you were able to go from this rags to riches thing. Right. Sure, that's impressive. But you're not a literal avenger. Yeah.

It's like stop playing roles where you're like a pope that can fly. You know what I mean? Like, dude, it's getting insane. But it's so funny because I had emotional roller coaster watching the trailer because I was like, oh, this. fucking stupid-ass movie. And then I watched a separate commercial. And then I was like, oh, maybe.

Oh, no, like, some of it's, like, kind of like, oh, this looks, like, it doesn't look like it'll be a bad movie. But the concept of it is a joke. So, like, inherently, it's like, it's like, it's already just bad in a way that's like it shouldn't, it doesn't need to get made. A priest at all. It's literally, like, made by Mac from its choice. Yes, that's literally, yeah.

Yes. A priest who fights. Yeah. A jacked priest who fights and is, is, is getting pussy. Yeah. And it's just everyone feels bad for. him, but he's like, it's fine. I'm learning how to walk again throughout the whole movie. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw the one where he's going. He's like, yeah. Like,

his legs get sawed off, but did they grow back somehow? Like, you, Mark Wahlberg, I wonder if he knows he could just actually be a police officer. Like, you could actually go and like be, you know what you, you want to do something like get the, the NYPD should hire Mark Wahlberg. Well, I wonder if you probably can't because they hate crimes. That's true. Immediately they're like, well, I mean, that's kind of their thing. They're like, perfect. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, his are crazy. But, like, I think his is a tough story, too. Because you're like, I don't know. If you're a day to crack with you're 15, like, I don't know, you probably did some crazy shit. I'm not saying. You get what I'm saying. Yeah, no. I mean, like, I'm sure it was like he didn't have everything handed to him.

But you see where I'm coming from where it's like. Oh, it's funny. I don't know yourself a hero in every. Yeah. He's never played like a bad guy. He kind of has a lack of range. He does, but he could play like a good bat. Like, you know what I mean?

Just to make yourself a hero, it's like, it feels like you're a virtue signal or you're covering up for something. He's living a lot. I love Batman, but I'm not going to be Batman. Like in a movie, I'm never going to be Batman. But it'd be like if I love Batman, I'm like, just so excited. You know what I mean? That you fund a movie to be Batman. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Father Stu is the biggest superhero movie that came out that's going out this year. And it's coming out on Easter. Oh, hell yes, yes. You know that? I forgot about that. It's coming out on Easter. A movie

Putting the Catholic Church on a pedestal And priests in general Is fucking absurd Yeah Yeah It's fucking absurd Yeah I think I don't know

That's a crazy like concept I don't know I think they should Yeah I don't know Do you think What implements could be in place To stop priests from having sex with kids Like do you think if you can you chemically castrate Is it legal to get castrated or like

Because what is the point There's eunuchs What is the point of your balls If you're not gonna fuck people That's why there's Unix Right Okay those were like the old priests And like

I think they Maybe like some monks still do it or whatever Like Unix still like practice that And in some fashion Why wouldn't you get some sort of Or like is there I don't know I'm like how they start taking estrogen

There's just a complicated process There's no way to regulate it It's like how do we like Make sure the Church of Scientology Doesn't do weird shit It's like It's what they're gonna the same thing.

Like, there are billions, billions, in it, and same with the Catholic Church, billions of billions of dollars. Like,

it's one of the biggest scandals ever, and it's just, it's become a joke. I don't know. I still like the idea of the priests on estrogen and they have to lower,

there's going to be something that lowers your testosterone specifically. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you could, you could castrate them.

Maybe not castrate. That would be fun that just the idea of, like, like, priests just like on, like, a bed, but like, there's a hole on the bed.

And it's just their balls are dangling out and just snips it. Yeah, it's like an extended circumcision. I could see it. Well, the craziest is like those medieval tortures that the priest used to do. Like, the priest would just like saw your limbs off for like a sin. They would, they would, they, like, there's a pre, there's several saints. I remember because are you Catholic, did you grow Catholic? Yes and no.

A little bit, a little bit now. It's like I went to, I went to Catholic Church and I got out, what's it called? I got my first Holy Communion. You got communion. Did you get confirmed? No, I didn't get confirmed. I got confirmed. So I guess I'm not Catholic technically.

I get confirmed. And you get confirmed when you're like 13 or 14. And you have to pick like a saint, a patron saint, whatever, or a confirmation saint. And I was like, well, I'm fucking 14. Like, what saint am I going to pay? I don't give, you know, picking something. It was like a homework assignment or whatever. Like my level investment was very.

I bet you every kid wanted to be St. Nick. So that's probably like the main thing, right? I don't even know. I don't know anybody else. I don't remember anybody else's. I remember I was like, oh, what do I like? I was like, I like talking to people and shit. Oh, like, is there a patron saint of talking?

I really, so I googled it. That sounds like it would be something they would tell you. They'd be like, how about you get the patron saint of talking, huh? Yeah, yeah, like, try to be like smart. Like, you know, because like, you're fucking, you're annoying in class. And so I literally, I was like, what's the, who's the patron saint of talking? And I found this guy and it's St. Ambrose. And he was like, it was like the closest thing.

it was like he's teaching or so he converted a lot of people to Catholicism whatever right and that was like my takeaway from it I was like all right I found my guy whatever kind of fits did minimal research and then I remember I was in college and I hadn't like I'd stopped going to church and I was like thinking about like the confirmation saint that I had I was like Ambrose I was like I don't want to know much about this guy so I googled him and I started doing more research and he had like executed Jews for like not being Catholic and pagans for not being Catholic. And they, Mark Wahlberg probably has a tattoo.

And they, they made this guy into a, he's a saint. He got sainthood for this. And they let me as a 13, 14 year old kid be like, that's my guy. And they were like, great. What the fuck? Yeah.

How fucked up is that? Why is he an option? Yeah, it's pretty wild. He should have been like, can you ex-saint people? I don't know how that works. Yeah, I don't know how it works either. There doesn't need to be a lot of paperwork for it. You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know who's like, that's going to. Yeah. You don't even have to tell him. The guy's dead. I think St. Anthony is the Anthony, they're the saint of finding things. I'm like, this. It's so dumb. It's really dumb.

But I remember reading that and being like, well, this was like a horrible human being. Yeah. But like through the lens of a church, he did like a lot of, you know, I guess good. And it's like, that made me further realize I was like, this is just how all fucked up it is. But yeah, I don't know. Like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's your first confession. Do you remember? I was like, dear father, I'm getting too much pussy. Yeah. That is pretty. I get my balls sucked on too much. I'm not, I was just too much. I was just like, you know, like, you're like a kid. So you're like, you're like, you're like, to put like a kid through to confession. Dude, I remember mine was in dark room with, uh, father Walsh is his name. And he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like what church confession? And I was like, my confession was that I told a dirty joke. That was like,

because apparently that's like a sin. Which is good. And by the way, flashback, by the way, I think his heart's the right place. I think just the whole church is, flashback to years later,

he says at my friend's funeral, he's going to go to hell because he killed him. I'm like, what is this going on with? This is like weird. But somebody brought up the point that the thing they think is,

in their mind, they think by saying, if you kill yourself, you're going to go to hell, they think they're going to stop other people from killing themselves. Yeah, that's the idea. Yeah, yeah.

it's like how killing yourself is illegal. That's so funny. You can't do it. You can't do it. Yeah, man. It's all fucked up. But mine was probably like lying or something like that. I lied.

I was like great. And they just kind of sit there and they go, mm-hmm. And they're like, like you're supposed to get more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like, uh, well, you know, and then it's all about guilt.

It's like, oh, like, listing all the bad things you've done. Yeah. And then the idea is that like this guy behind this, this veil or whatever It's supposed to be like

Ours wasn't that bad We didn't always We didn't always have that We're not dad Yeah But like I remember the church I like went to as a kid Had that

And it's like The idea is that this guy Behind this veil Is supposed to be like Perfection And he's telling you What you should do To repent

And no point is he like We're all human We all make mistakes It's okay It's you know Like there's none of that It's all like Yeah

Well these are your sins Yeah And this is you know Like I can cleanse you You up No fuck you You beautiful piece of shit. Like, every priest is like a pussy. Like, I hate priests. Like to be like a pussy

father stew. Yeah, full father stew. I sure this movie isn't for you. He'll beat your ass. Well, that was part of the commercial is like, there was this, uh, there's a scene where he's like, why can't I beat up the kids? Do you see that part? No. There's a part where he's like, he's like, he's like, he's either Mark Wahlberg was talking about it or is in the scene. Yeah, Mark was playing. He goes, like, you can't hit children. And he's like, why not? This is my method of teaching. And I'm like, wait. Are they just going to be like, he's, his methods are little under the dogs. Did the studio just say, hey, Mark and Mel, got to have fun. Let it rip. Yeah, yeah, let her rip guys. Yeah, do you? We're not even to look at the final copy. Just send us the edit and we'll put it out there. What's funny is like my dad is going to be like, hey, did you see the trailer for Father's too? Looks pretty good. That's always funny. Whatever the question is, did you see the trailer for? Because sometimes you're like, yeah, it looks like a huge piece of shit. And you can see the person's face start to go like, oh, well, I was kind of looking forward to that.

Dude. You have to be a fucking idiot to go see that movie. And they're like, well, I, like, uh, have you seen Housaguchi? No, I heard Jirletto is like so hard to see in it, though. Like, he's like to sky. Like, yeah, he's like under like a fat suit or something. But like, I've heard like horrible things about it. Yeah. And, uh, someone brought it up the other day. They're like, you know, movie I just saw. That was great. It's father, uh, house of Gucci. Father Gucci. Father Gucci. Just a dripped out priest. What's so? Fucking Father Gucci. Yeah, what up. Man. They already do look pimped as shit. They're wearing like gold and like... Yeah, when is purple? Sheik going to be in. Dude, that's a badass fan. Dude, I would so rock that.

Just like the... It's not a dress. It's like a cloak. Yeah, I don't know. A cloak. And just like a robe. Gold. All rings, dude.

Yeah. Chalice. It is pimp culture. Have you ever seen a movie called primal fear? No, I've heard of it. You should watch it. Ed Norton. It's like his breakout role.

It's really good. I'm not going to. ruined it for you, but like it has to do with Catholic priests, if you know what I mean. Oh, a little bit of a little bit of... A little bit of funny business. A little bit of some that.

Yeah, it's a good movie. Yeah, I don't understand. Did you ever go to youth group? My mom put us in like Bible camp for like a week or something. We lived in Georgia for a few years, so it was very Baptist. Yeah. And like she still had us do shit

within the Baptist church, even though we're a Catholic. Like she did, has put us on like, Bible camp for a week. She probably like, don't fucking tell them we're guys because we don't kick us out of me. They're gonna look at it. It's like weird.

Yeah. And she like apologized to me and my brother afterwards. She's like, I'm sorry that I did that. Like while we were kids, like literally like right after the camp, she's like, I'm sorry,

I put you guys soon up. Yeah. That was not fun. We went to youth group. And I remember the first week, they said we couldn't have sex before marriage and I argued to my dad. I'm like, I'm not,

this is stupid. This is so dumb. Yeah, dude. I remember I was in, I think I did go to youth group too. Which is the best because we went in there Beanbag chairs everywhere They got like a cool rock band

The vibes are good dude If they had like some weed Or so shit There was like one of the the counselors got There was like some camping trip And he got fired because he showed the kids At the youth group Hangover the movie

He played it for him and then they like kicked them out But it's also like why I was an adult Like watching hangover with children Yeah yeah It's gotta where you're like Look at the boobs in this scene I guess you guys a little riled up Right like imagine what it'd be like

To just get so fucked if you don't remember anything Yeah, would have you wild That'd be crazy What if you did that But I remember in a Like speak of sex before marriage Like in high school Like you were both from Florida

Sex Ed was just like abstinence Just don't do it Yeah yeah Which was like a lazy It's a lazy way to teach something Oh of course They showed us pictures of SDDs

And they're like don't have sex They ask people they're like And is anyone in this room Had sex before? Yeah it's dead serious Consensually The TAS in the back of just goes, and, and I remember they were like,

they tried to get us to all, like, collect promise rings that they were handing out of class. Oh, yeah, we didn't have that bad, that's pretty bad. And I was like, no, I'm like, what? No, I'm not going to promise that. Yeah, yeah. I don't owe you shit. Yeah, yeah. Like, this is a public school.

Why are we pledging abstinence in a public school? We didn't have a dabbed. That's crazy. It's really wild. The more you look back on certain things, like, like how you brought, like, all that stuff is, like, We had that guy who tried to sell us his book. He was a substitute teacher that thought he wrote Ice Age. He claimed he created Ice Age.

That's incredible. These are $5. These are $10. I'm like, you can't do that. Dude, we had a substitute teacher who smoked spice with students. Oh, that's pretty cool. Yeah, that's pretty wild, right? Yeah.

Yeah, she was someone's mom. Oh, really? Yeah, like a student's mom. And she was like a substitute teacher. Yeah, it is weird. Like, the public schooling system is really bad. Well, also, the absolute thing was so funny because remember they're like, they show us this thing. They're like, Eric has HIV.

And Eric was standing there in the corner. I'd be like, Eric has sex with Susie, who has sex with Tommy, who shares heroin with Billy. And you're like, wait a minute. Yeah. And it's like, it's like, it's like, all these people now have AIDS. And I was like, wait, but if one of these people wore a condom, then it would completely cut it off. So if I just wore a condom and fuck this person, I would be fine. No, they don't even, they don't preach that at all.

There's no, like, this is how you, we know you're going to do it. They always say they're not effective. They keep preaching how ineffective condoms are, so you don't do it. It's like, well, then now I'm not going to. And now, and it's like, look, you're totally. to do a not do a lot of things these are the most rebellious years of your life. Why not be like, hey, we know

you're going to do it. Yeah, yeah. This is how you do it. Yeah, because it never stopped to anybody. No. No. My friend, my buddy did like a presentation on ecstasy and he is like, if you do it correctly, at the end of it, because you had to take a drug to your president, if you do it correctly, it's really not that bad for you. Like, he just said that in the class. Dude, I did, uh, in sixth grade,

we had to do a presentation on like diseases or sicknesses. Yeah. For like a health class. And I'd I picked AIDS. And I would just, I was in the public, like the school library, because we're all researching, and I just Google AIDS pictures. And it would be like naked people with like lesions. Yeah. And my teacher's like, you can't.

Yeah, you can. I'm like, right click, save. I was in sixth grade. I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The best is like, I remember we had, when we had youth group, the guy pulls up a slide show and like Rachel's the strip club he goes it's called gentlemen's club

but the men that go in there far from gentleman that was part of the presentation yeah he's like that's what was the presentation on just like how to be a guy he's like you know I went to college and I got initiated in his fraternity right we all got drunk having a good time and then we brought in strippers which is when I knew I was in the wrong spot

these aren't men who respect women these are gentlemen it's all in the eyes these are men who respect women just like like the closing like of the eyes He's like, just today, like, let me talk to you. Like, kind of like that slow. Can I wrap with you for a little bit?

Yeah, guys kind of gathering a little bit. A little closer. Get a little closer. Closer. Further. Further. Further. Further.

Further. Further. Further. Further. You, way back of the room. Get in the corner. You? Right back there we go.

Right here. Right here. Bob a squat. A squat on the lap. But yeah, that was just the funniest thing that he's like, you know, you know, you know who's a good question. Me, we wait. He goes, me and Catherine, we waited.

And it was great. Now I rail her From every position A pounding that Christian pussy Dude Christian pussy Way better than any other person Because if you fuck her good They'll be fucking addicted

Because they've never had other dicks before So they don't even know what it's like Tight as fuck dude tight She was so tight It was so I can't even describe that title It was so good When I saw those slobby horrors They were bringing in my fraternity

I was like I know the pussy's not gonna be as tight I want it to be. I need to find myself a nice, tight Christian bitch. One of us has been spoiled by these horny apes that I'm going to school with. But God is good. Just cap it up with you. Yeah, but God is good.

God is good, boys. God is good. Anybody want to drink seven up? It was always like Mountain Dew or seven up that they'd have. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was a... They were always a hot girl, but it was like, oh, you're never going to bang.

Or you might. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it was a good place to meet people. I don't know. Church is a good place to meet chicks. Dude, yeah, especially Catholic Church.

A lot of hot chicks. Like Italian, beautiful Italian women. Yes. You know, and, you know, spent,

just all types of women. I'm so guilty of church donors. I've gotten hard in church so many times. When I walk into a church, all I can think about is women. Yeah. I don't know what it is. I just can only think about boobs.

And I'm like, oh yeah, because your brain's like, my brain's like, don't think about it. And then I'm like, looking at like the virgin Mary.

You know, staring at a nun trying to. We don't have this. Oh, man. Do you ever see nuns on the run? Yeah. That's a great. It's a Monty Python movie.

My dad showed us, me and my brother when we were like kids. And there's a ton of nudity in it. Oh, I like, dude, nuns ever since. It's like hot nuts. They're like in a locker room

with like nuns. And it's like naked nuns showering. It's a 70s, so it's Bush. Right? I think there was a little bit of these, these were like, contemporary looking women. Like, they were shaven.

Okay. Maybe some of them had a little bit of bush, but not a lot of bush. They were like intentionally supposed to all be like fucking model-esque. But they're all naked women. And it was like 30 like naked women in a shower. And you were like watch a movie with your parents and like some nudity comes when you were younger and like nudity comes on screen. You're like, are they going to say anything? Yeah.

Can we just get through this without them say anything or fast forwarding? And like nothing. Like my dad, no one fast forwarded. And ever since then, none's for me. They're hot. Just doing it for it. Well, it's also, another thing about the church is the pants, like, you get a nice pair of dress pants.

It feels great on your wiener. Yeah. The fabric is so silky smooth. I'm trying to be a khaki dress pants guy. Like, I've been literally, I'm like, I want to buy some, like, pairs that are kind of like, you could wear with, like, a shirt. Like a t-shirt. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they are very comfortable. Dude, it feels so nice. Yeah. Well, that's why we always loved Catillion. Catillion was weird. What's Catillion? So, I've talked about this before, but Catillionian was like, you, so Catillionian's supposed to be,

like the manners class. But we had this thing that they just called Kittillion. Oh yeah, yeah, I've heard of Kittling. But we had this thing just called Kittalian where kids from different schools would just go and meet each other. And it was just a grind session.

Literally, you just grind on people from different schools. Yeah. At Manner School? Yeah. Wait, like, you go from like setting up a table to like,

yeah, sure I humping. It was like, the main thing is they wanted to show us just to dress nice, but that was all of it because there was public schools including so I got rowdy.

And I remember there's this one chick with just a huge ass and there's like a line of like 30 kids just waiting to grind on her, just like standing there. She's like, yo, yo, you're done, you done, bro? She's, yeah, yeah, yeah, bro. You go get it.

You go get it. They should really just teach kids in, like, the woods and, like, or just throw out, like, just kind of let them go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Well, I don't know about that. I think they should just, like, be like, like, all right, somewhere in the woods, there's a bull.

You need to hunt the bull. like just like be very private like you got some of you have to agree to kill the bull yeah some of you have to go like find like fruit and get like just straight up hunter gatherer type shit and whoever doesn't survive just doesn't yeah exactly like some of you will die yeah yeah yeah yeah you did do boyscows did you I did like a couple years

yeah a couple weeks ago a couple weeks ago just got out just served my term no I was I was very young I maybe did for like maybe two years tops vague memories of it. Vague blackedown memories. I pushed him down. Repressed memories.

Whatever happened. Never happened. No. You? Yeah, yeah, I did Boy Scouts. That was the first time ever saw weed. Oh, really? How old were 12?

I was probably like 12. Oh, you were 12 years old doing Boy Scouts. Yeah, it wasn't that old. No, I did, dude, I did to like in high school, I'd tell people to be like, don't tell fucking anybody. I'm in Boy Scouts now. And one time we did something in a church and there's a girl I was trying to hook up with saw me in the Boy Scout uniform.

And I was like, it was just over. Dude, it was just so over. any time like there's always like that one kid I guess it was you who like you see when you're like older and they're still doing boy they're like oh they stuck with it you know because you do like Eagles or like Tiger Scout or Cups Scout whatever it is like when I was like probably like six years old yeah yeah and then like I stopped while he did for college I did the opposite I didn't do Cubs Scouts at all and then I started in middle school yeah that's weird but our troop was so funny because it's full a bunch of drug

had kids that were trying to get into college so there's one kid who just did crazy drugs all the time and he used to pig squeal. You know, like the metal thing. He's like, and he would just do that. He was just in the woods. Just like, that was pretty good.

Oh, yeah. He was probably like 17. Just like had like the full emo look. Had like gauges in his ear. Just like was doing bizarre drugs. Oh my God. He's just hitting out a bunch of 14 year olds. Rip and whip it's like middle schoolers.

Out of control. Dude. Somebody told me they were on the cross team with him and he was on acid for like a full game. It's like the goalie. Like the two is wild. That's amazing. What's you up to now? Probably dead.

But I hope he's alive. Yeah. The dude's stories were just fucking nuts But I remember Oh back to the middle school We had a middle school dance And I staged a protest Because they wouldn't let us grind

I did like a sit down Really? Yeah yeah I told everybody I'm like We're sitting down Until they let us grind I was like this bullshit What was the name of the protest

Did you have like any catchy chance or anything? No, it was just in the thing I was like guys we gotta sit down And I'm like for too long We've not been able to rub dick on pussy Dick on jeans Did they ever Did they cave?

No, they just kicked us out of the dance. They're like, what are you doing here? I just ruined the dance experience, but it's so funny because I'm just sitting there. I'm like, we get everybody involved. Because at what point would they just be like, yeah, whatever, you guys go for it. Just let it rip. Imagine being a chaperon at like a middle school dance or you got to pull kids off with boners. Yeah. You want to go watch kids grind on each other. Tell them not to. Tell them not to. Most of them not to. Most of them, yeah. So it's like, you just kind of want to watch them. Yeah, yeah. Make sure no one like pulls their dick out.

Yeah, nothing too far. You got to let it. They're like, they're telling you. They're telling you before and they're like, you got to let him go a little bit. Yeah, I did. You got to get a little bit of action. Just like a referee. Just like, just whistling, getting above. Yeah, you got a little to play.

Yeah, you got a little too hard. It gets a little too rough. You get to blow the whistle. Yeah. Well, it was always like, we went to one. I remember I walked up to the DJ and me and my buddy Paxton and he produced this. We're like, yo, can you turn the lights down so we can grind on here? And he's like, looking for a little bump of grind.

I got you and turns the lights down at the thing. Who said this Paxon? No, no, the DJ. Oh, my God. I was like, yeah, you guys... How old was the DJ? Probably like 40. Oh, my God.

Looking for a little bump of grind? Yeah, that's what I got you. You guys would do a bump? Yeah, you guys would do some coke. Yeah. You're a 40-year-old man. We, uh, dude, I remember there was one middle school party where I got, I got, I think my buddy got jerked off while some chick made out with me.

And it was a good time. That's fair Florida. Yeah, yeah. That checks out. How old were you? I think I was like 14 or something. Wow. But I was mad I was on the other side of it, but I was like, no, you can't jerk me.

You already touched his pants. You can't touch mine now. Like that was gay back then. I'm so glad those years are behind me. Really? I'm not. Well, not by it. Okay.

Well, I was thinking about it. I thought it was going to rain today. And I was thinking I was like, man. It's supposed to. This evening. What was fun is like, I liked drinking in middle school and high school when there wasn't like regular. Like it was like, my friend would be like, all right, my parents' house is open for five hours.

So you just invite people and drink there at the weirdest time of the day. Like I remember like the best be like a rainy day and then just like high schoolers get it. We would do that. I remember one time it was like a rainy day. We broke into one of my friend's house. I got to talk about that. So my buddy hits me up and he's like, uh, he's like, yeah, man, come over to my house next week. My parents are going out of town.

I'm like, cool. And I show up to house randomly that week because a different friend is like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, he's coming in a little bit. And they're like, but he, what he wants you to do is he wants you to sneak in through the window. And I was like, that's a little strange. I was like, all right. I guess I guess I'll sneak in through the window. And I snuck in through the window and then opened the door.

And then I start drinking and I'm just not seeing our friend. I'm like, where is he? And they're like, yeah, I don't think he knows we're here. And then it would be like a full party. And I was like, we should probably tell them that we're doing this. How old were you? I was like 15 at the time. See, like I didn't really, I didn't like drinking.

Like I drank like a couple times when I was like, you know, between like 13 to 15, even 16 a little bit. But like, I didn't really in sports at all. I was okay. Yeah. Not great. I was like, I was,

you know, I was always like decently athletic and like, you know, I was never, but I was never great. I was never the star. Right.

I was the star on my YMCA basketball. Oh, yeah. I was just, I was a, dude, I was a beast.

There was like, only like five or six kids who were like, pretty good. And like, so like, it was, those were some highlight years.

I made the all, I made the all star team. One time I only played like four games and I still made the all star team. Oh, yeah. It was great. But at your high school,

you like sucked. Yeah, have that. I didn't suck, but like, I just wasn't like, I also, I've always had a problem with, like, authority. Yes. Yes. It's like, it's not like in a rebellious cool way. It just was like a piece of shit. I think I know better than anybody else. I'm like, I don't respect you as a person way. Oh, did I tell you about this how, when I was a kid on the same note, my parent, people would tell me I couldn't look at the sun. And I thought they were saying like, I wasn't capable of it. So I just stare at the sun as a kid. That's how we're, you couldn't look. good the sun.

I literally would just stare at the sun and be like, I could fucking do. That explains a lot of things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just cooked. I showed them, but it's just so funny that like I was that same way where I was just anybody would tell me what to do. I get so mad.

I was thinking about the other day, like my basketball coach in high school, my, I played JV and I was on varsity for a little bit, then I quit. And I, or like I had made the varsity team, but I quit before like the season started. Yeah. And, uh, like, after our. Summer League, whatever. And I, JV coach, was great.

And I was respectful of him. Farcity coach, I just never was. And I didn't like him. A lot of us did not like him. Well, that could also be the determinant. Like, I feel like high school coaches literally, if they just didn't like your attitude, would just not put you in.

Yeah. I was also terrible at sports. So I wasn't amazing, but like, I could have absolutely played more. And I was like, but like I was also probably like a disrespectful shit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Especially when I was like 14, 15.

and like I was always you know just kind of like whatever you know it could be disruptive but I didn't like drinking at like those younger ages because like those are the worst ages to drink is that when you just start like you try it like it doesn't taste good no it's there's nothing fun to do while you're drunk

you're just like oh we're drunk this is wild and then you throw up and it's like it's not fun until like you actually can enjoy the taste of it a little bit well I kind of agree with that you know like or you're old enough to feel like it feels appropriate. Like, do it to myself when you're younger. Like, you're kind of trying it out

because you want to be cool or whatever or to just see what it's like. But none of it feels like right. Oh, no, not at all. Dude, it's always out of a water bottle and like, but there were occasional adventures. And it tastes so bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you don't know, like, how drunk you are if you're getting drunk or like. You're so likely to get caught because you don't know, like, you'll just get hammered and, uh, yeah. Yeah. There are the occasional times. There was one time I got,

like, that when we broke into that guy's house, and I was just probably 15, and I just got a blowjob on like a dock. And I was like, this, that is peak living right there. I mean, that's incredible.

Yeah, that's worth it. That's worth it. That's, sitting on the dock of the bay, just getting blown away. It was like probably 3 p.m. just in the afternoon.

Oh, that's incredible. Yeah. Yeah. You got a light summer breeze going up a little humidity. Summer breeze makes me feel fun. Makes me feel hard.

Yeah. I, I loved weed, though, ever since the first time I did it. Like, and I was, like, the first time I swept weed,

like, I was, it was like fucking like half baked the movie like the first time like they do it loved it loved it immediately see I had the opposite of it I smoked weed the first time and I didn't really get that high like what happened is one of my uh this older guy was supposed to sell us weed and he didn't show up and I saw these two girls walking down the street and this is how I walked up to them they're like two girls and they're like clearly like but you know when you're high and you're like 14 you're like oh my god look at this like you're just tell

people are high because they they're yelling shit and I walk in them and go y'all chicks holding That's what I like said to like to like 14 year old girls. And they were like, what do you mean? I'm like, you guys got weed? Because I got a bong and I built a bong. How old were you? I was 14 on. Okay.

But I had a smart water bottle like a giant one with a pen and then a bolt with tinfoil on it, which is like the worst thing to smoke. Oh, dude. I was a weed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I could. There was weed.

We were getting high. Oh, yeah. Like the first time I spoke it was like two months. Yeah. like two other people or three other people. And one guy like I really didn't know. And that guy was like, he was like older. I remember he was about like 17 or 18.

We were like 14. And we're spoken and he just looks at me and he like, he's passed to me in the blind. He goes, they call this a George Washington. And I'm like, really? He goes, nah, man, I just made that up. He's probably like, you guys are stupid. You believe anything. You're like, it wasn't even a joke.

Yeah, it wasn't a joke. He's like, nah, man, it's not. they don't call it that man i don't even know what that is man it was dude and like we just sat on like the hood of my friend's car or like i i don't know yeah i think it was like the hood of his car or something like that we just hysterically that oh no like a stoop or something i don't know something like that and hysterically laughing yeah hysterically laughing then went into his place and then i found like barbecue chips and uh like ham like lunch meat ham And it was just wrapping the chips in the ham and just go into town. And his dad just kind of goes, hey. And I'm like, hey. And I'm just, you know, carried it. And it was fucking, it was great.

It was so, I was, we were laughing. I was so giddy laughing hysterically. But then there was like a couple times he spoke after that where I got like really paranoid because we got really stoned. And I actually had like decent weed for the first time. And I was like, man, you can't spoke anymore with that man. Yeah. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I thought it was laced.

I remember first time I got super hot, like that had to be laced. Yeah, I was like, this doesn't feel right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I laid down and like,

we made like a mound of, yeah, like, like baked cookies that you could bake. And we just made like a big cookie but mush ball in like the oven. And we're just plugging from that with like, we had like orange fanta.

And this was back when Jersey Shore was like the thing. Oh, just watched it. And we just stoned watching Jersey Shore eating from the cookie ball and drinking Fanta, it was light, that was maybe the best time I've ever had.

Well, that was also the fun thing with kids is you could smoke pot with like five. I haven't smoked pot with like eight people and done a thing in so long. It's like now I smoke pot with myself and it's not as fun as like, like five. You're doing it to kind of be like, all right, like I'm going to get away for a little bit.

But it's not the same as like being high with like eight people that get along and just laugh. And it's tough to get out because like I get more tired than I did before. And like I smoked with some people the other day. I don't know I spoke like, you know, I spoke like, you know, I spoke. I guess semi regularly, but

I spoke to some people the other day and it was just kind of like, we went to a diner and it was fun, like, we were laughing and stuff. But then, like, you hit a wall where it's like,

everyone's kind of quiet. Yeah. And then you start thinking about the shit that you have to do. Oh, and then you're like, you're older, so you're like,

I kind of just want to be alone in my bed. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? And like, you can't do anything. But it's fun when like, you're all kind of at the park.

Yeah, you know, like when we're laughing about somebody being weird. But shit, I can't, I'm so happy that the weather's nicer. We can go to Central Park. Oh, I'm so ready.

I remember my first time we, so we met those girls and we started smoking it because they just had weed. And then, um, you guys holding. What's up? Yeah, you guys hold it. And then we smoked it. And then some other friends showed up. And then we were like, we got to leave this.

We smoked to my friend's doc because he had like a dock his backyard or he had like a second house in the other side of the lake. And then we went to an abandoned house and we just hopped the fence and smoked pot in that backyard. And then we went to this country club and just ordered pizzas with all, all the parents just just saw us. And they're like, these kids are clearly high and shit. Just like eight of us.

Yeah. Just show up. We get the pizza. And then my parents were drug testing me at the time. So I had my friend piss in a container and I taped the container to my weener, which is so gross. Because you had this guy's piss like a jet pack on my dick. That's incredible. And then I would always, because they say, oh, well, there's temperature.

I failed a drug test once because the person's piss I was using was too cold. Yeah. Because it was too much time had lapsed. Yeah. Well, that's why I had, you know, like lava lamps. I'd put it like on the light. on the heat and heated up every like 30 minutes and that was just that's smart i was driving i collected my friend's piss yeah and i was driving in a car in my car and had the heat cranked up all the way

and i put it in like a five hour energy bottle that i put in like compression shorts yeah that's the perfect container i should have just had him come with me yeah and just gone signed in walked out and i'm pissed collected it dumped it and then been good yeah that's been way better i fucked up but now i know for the next time did you get in trouble like the I didn't get the job. Yeah, yeah. And I told my parents that I got the job beforehand. Oh, because you're like, I'm going to make the drug test.

Yeah, I didn't even know there was a drug test. I was like, I got the test. I was like, I told them, I was like, yeah, I got it. And they're like, great. And then I found out there was a drug test. And then I failed it. I had to be like, hey. And it was for working at my apartment complex at Florida State.

Yeah. And so I would have got 25% off rent. Oh, that's huge. Yeah, you got fucked. it's also so funny but also that was I was working at the call center at the time

so I ended up which was a great job but then right after that I got promoted to supervisor of the call center job which was literally the best job I could imagine having in college yeah it was amazing

yeah it was great yeah but it's also it's also funny with the weed thing it's like there were things like like you were saying doing drugs at like 13 and 14 it's not as fun because like I said

I would just get high and have to tape containers to my penis and I'm like it's so cool I get to relax and I'm like it's not relaxing it's not fun. But when you're young, it's like

anything like sort of conflict or drama like that is an adventure. Oh yeah, yeah. You know? And it still could be you know, but like, you want to deal with that as an adult. As an adult, you're like, I'd feel like a loser if I did take someone else's piss. Oh, yeah, it's literally taped to your penis. But also, the one thing that did work is I watered it down

one time and that worked, which I didn't think would work. Because everybody says if you delete it, if you dilute it, it doesn't work. But I smoked a bunch of pot. My parents drug to ask me two days later, poured water in it, peed in it, and it was like fine. Really? Because it's like, if you think about it, it's like, supposed to detect trace amounts of something and if there's like barely any trace you know that's not going to register

yeah interesting okay good to know for uh you know maybe i'll pass that info on to my children yeah i'm like hey guys need to pass a drug test i wonder when they're gonna stop fully doing for a week yeah i applied for a job and they're like there might be drug test and i was like it's legal in new york city what's the fucking point yeah i i've smoked joints in front of police officers yeah yeah i wonder if cops probably can't smoke yet but they're a prescription they probably i mean they're probably they're probably fucking Pilled out. Oh, yeah. I mean, you look at some of these guys. I mean, whatever they're doing is worse than weed. Yeah, yeah. You know, there's stuff in their face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna end it there. So I didn't mean so abruptly, I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, anyway, if you could leave your own room. Yeah. Get the fuck out. Yeah. Anything you want to promote? Um, you can, uh, listen to the morning good podcast. Oh, that's it. Yeah. Um, no, but also, uh, you know, you can follow me on, uh, uh, uh, oh, thank you. Appreciate it. Oh, thank you. Appreciate it.

You follow me on Twitter and Instagram and check out my YouTube. I got sketches and stuff on there. I got more stuff coming out. And do that. That's it. All right.