Morning Good - The Worst Podcast in New York City - Episode 171

Episode Date: May 28, 2023

Joey Rinaldi and Sam Wolff join the show for today's episode. They talk about living on a compound with the boys, the origins of emo music, and making new friends in Ybor City.Thanks to Sam Wolff for joining the show for the first time and to Joey Rinaldi for coming back on. Check out both of these very funny guys at their links below for more.Joey is on Instagram @theJoeyRinaldi, and you can find tickets to see him live at his linktree. Sam Wolff is on Instagram @WolffMuffan, so make sure to follow him and Radio Free Brooklyn. Lastly, both Joey and Sam co-host the Bad Trip Storytelling Show in Brooklyn. So definitely check that out as well.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichael and check out the show on YouTube now tooThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front.

Welcome to morning. A vagina. All right, we're here with Joey Rinaldi. Right, can he stop the over? No, the first thing is my mom has a wide vagina. That's what we started with. Yeah, yeah. That was a secret.

Yeah, well, now, not anymore. Now the whole internet is going to know about your mom's... That's a funny. I don't want the guys on. We're also here as Sam Wolf, who I called Matt. I literally... I literally... I tried to play it off as a joke, but I completely forgot your name the second I hit play.

I saw that immediately. Yeah, I was I was like, Matt? And then he's like, was you joking? I'm like, dude. Like the play button, you're like, ah. Your mom's vagina is wide, though. Well, the audience, we're drawn. So I...

I'm in a family of five, so I'm the fourth of five. So by time I came out, I was walking out. I was doing cartwheels and shit. It was kind of hot. It was a wider vagina. Yeah, yeah. She had all C-section. So it's probably still tight down there from being honest.

Are you serious? Yeah, yeah, all C-sections. Yeah, that's not a joke. Trying to keep her pussy tight. No, no, no. I'll tell you with the... Yeah, if you're like, oh, no. I'll tell you, I'll tell you...

There's no way, it just all by chance. Her like OB, O, B, G, G, Y, what is it called? What is it called? They told her when she was pregnant. my oldest brother Frank, they were like, because of modern science, you can be a mother. But if this was like the medieval times, you would have died during pregnancy because

you literally are not met like... That's fucked. That's why the C-section exists because some people can't handle birthing. Because they have such a tight pussy. Yeah, dude. Your pussy's so fucking tired. Dude, I don't want to brag.

You can't even handle it. I don't want to brag, but my mom's pussy's tight in your own. You would have died in a media. Yeah. Yeah, bro, like, honestly, your mom sucks. That's a funny thing to say. Yeah, my mom. Yo, bitch, your pussy's so tight.

You would have fucking died immediately. Not from the black plague. Yeah. From poor medical. From this dick. Loob's good, though. I'm glad. Wait, so they told your mom

that her vagina was so tight. No, I don't think it's about pussy thirties. I think it's about like the body immune system to handling that thing. All C-sections, actually. All C-sections, five out of five. I'm surprised you didn't bleed out. Yeah, I don't know, not medieval times, but like, fuck.

Modern science, they know what they're doing with, with, uh, it wasn't like five in a row. There was some years in between. I mean, you're the youngest, yeah? No, I'm the youngest boy. I have one little sister. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's, uh, I don't think of a,

weird way to start. No, no, no, no, we're talking about your mom's pussy. That's how I'm, I, people don't know. We're kind of drunk. I, I, Joey showed up late and I was like, I want to do a drunk episode of morning. You don't say I shut up. Like you texted me this morning being like, we're getting drunk tonight.

Tell your friend Sam that you're bringing that we're getting drunk. He knows. He also called 10 minutes before we're supposed to get here. We're like, I live in a different apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been here multiple times, a piece of shit. Yeah.

No recollection. Like, literally, I have like, we've had this long, great friendship and you have not been mentally present for any of it. Because I'll be like, Michael,

we had that great moment the last week. were like, I didn't see you last week. And I'm like, what? We, we had a moment. Yeah, I, I think I have brain damage. Perpetually drunk. Is it you or me? Because I could be an unforgettable. I could be unforgettable. That's it. Yeah, that's a given. I can be forgettable. No, but I'm annoying enough where I feel like you'll remember me, not for good reasons, but you're a very unforgettable man, genuinely. But you forget me constantly. Well, it's always just like, I don't know. I'm trying to think of like the way I, like, think about it in my head, because I thought you hadn't been here. Because I clearly remember the episode. By the way, I want to talk about this.

The episode of you and James Pontillo. This is the last morning good I drank on, I think. We did drink. And we smoked weed before, too. And you were like, should we smoke weed? I was like, fuck, stop being a pussy. Let's smoke some wicked. How did that go? Oh, well, for the listeners, don't know. I like, I showed James my balls as like a joke. I was like, I was showing my

balls. And he was like, dude, come on, man. And he got like, weird about it. He come on, man. You, that's no fun. And I was high. And then he left the new brain in my mind. Let me just try my point of view at the describe you. I was like, fuck, dude. I just ruined my friendship with James. And I'm going to get, there can be a Facebook post about me that's like

pervert comic. And I was like, it's funny to show your balls to the guy friends. It's funny. But I was like, I was like, dude, James is going to fucking, he's going to hate me. He's going to tell the comedy community that I'm like a pervert. He's going to think it was like a sexual thing. It was just playful. Yeah, yeah. It was just funny. And

and then I texted you, wait, you're... No, no, I got you my side of the story now. Yeah, yeah. All right. So, James and I, James Fontillo, the worst comedian in New York City, James Contillo. Me and James Montillo, we did Michael Goods podcast, the worst podcast in New York City. So we're on the podcast, and after the podcast is over, after Michael shows him his balls, James and I're leaving, and James goes, what are you doing right now? I'm going home.

He goes, you want to watch a movie? I would love to watch a movie. And so it's around Christmas time, so we're like, should we watch Die Hard? So we're like, do that. So we go back to my place. We smoke a bunch of weed. We watched Ty Hard. And I remember whispering to you?

I was like, that sounds so much fun. I know, I know. I was like, we invited you and you were like, no, I have a girlfriend. I have a girlfriend. No, this was Michael. He was like, I have a girlfriend. She won't want me watching die hard late at night.

I can't do it. I'm a pussy. I'm a little bitch. I did not say that. No, that's how it sounded. You have a filter. So anyways, anyways, we go to watch die hard. I'm starting out of mind.

I'm watching die hard. And you call me and I pause me with James. Like, what's going on? Like, wait, Michael's calling me. Give me one second. So like, you're calling me. James. is sitting next to me, but he doesn't hear what you're saying.

And you go, dude, I showed James my balls. Like, was that bad? I was like, I'm with him right now. He's fine. James has like a blanket over me. And then you show me the ball. And then I hung up with you.

We watched Die Hard. We had a great night. And I think he's fine. I don't think he... I'm sure he's fine. Well, it's also funny too because, like, dude, the idea of like watching a moot dozing off. Because like my girlfriend, I love her,

but she always falls asleep very early. and like the idea of like falling out, like sleepover mentality, just being with a couple dudes, falling asleep watching TV. We were not falling asleep. We were wide away. Oh, okay. Oh, really?

I didn't say we were falling asleep. Who said that? I don't know. I picture, I picture like my eyes closing. And then the last thing I hear is like a joke from Joey. No, no, I'm pretty sure we watch the whole. By the way, I will say this.

That is the one thing Andrew Tate got totally right. Listen, listen. I stand by this. Let's go. Quote me on this. I have an Andrew Tate tattoo, so let's go down the phone. Oh, yeah. We'll go in.

His first one. Wait, do you actually... No! I don't have a fucking... You're a fun guy. I'm a hot guy. I'm a guy's guy. I'm a guy's guy.

But there's a video of like, there's this advice documentary following him. He's like, I live with my brother and three other men on this compound. He goes, because men that live together, they compete hard and like,

it's some dumb... That was a really good impression. Me and my brother, we live together. We do not compete at all. No, no, no. The only thing we compete at is maybe... The argument was dumb.

Maybe you're doing... I don't know. The idea of living... on a compound with your boys sounds awesome. Like, you see the word compound. Yeah. Like, let's not live with your boys. You don't have their own stable on the compound?

I would love my own stable. It's like, you live with, okay, this, picture this. You live with your wife and maybe there's like an area where you guys can all grab dinner together with your friends, but then across the street or like across a courtyard is your boy. Over yonder, you mean over yonder. Yeah, over yonder. Yeah, yeah.

medieval times. Yeah, yeah. So it's like in the middle of the day, you're just fucking around with your boys. And then you go have sex with your wife. And then you raise your kids with your boys. And then it's like, it's like, it sounds like Sparta actually. Yeah, right of Sparta? Man, I barely.

Do you not know about Greek mythology? I thought you were a Greek guy. All right. So in Sparta, they're like, the women stay at home. We fuck them. They breed our children. But in the daytime, the men take the boys out and we fucking beat their asses until they become men. Smart.

Trojans. All eyes up to me. I've said this. Andrew Tate needs to play Lex Luthor. 100%. Dude. I stand by this so much. Dude,

him just being like, Superman's not a real man. He's a simp. He's a sims for Lois. He's a pussy. He's not real man. I'll fight him. Crypton doesn't affect me.

Yeah. Look, watch it. We gotta get you. That impression is spot on. Michael, we gotta get you a bald wig so you can just do Andrew Tate parody videos on TikTok.

You would look like... That would go viral. A little bit like it. I think a lot of parody some people, if you hate somebody too much, so I think he's a totally horrible human. Like, he's definitely a piece of shit. Michael, don't clarify.

Definitely probably. Don't lie to your listeners. Oh, no. Just losing all the fan base. My producer's like, we went down to zero. No, actually, no, actually he went up. Like, like, we have good news in bad news. The bad news is all your followers love Andrew Tate.

The good news is you're killing it. Yeah. Your followership went up 50,000. All following Andrew Tate. You're the new Andrew Tate. Congratulations. No, but seriously, for real, you should get a bottle wig

and you should make these parody videos. Yeah, well, I think there's a parody, it's like, if you're, if you hate something too much, then you do a terrible parody. True. Because I think that happens a little bit with comedy sometimes

where somebody's too attached to somebody they hate and they go, oh, look at me, I'm a dumb idiot. You're like, that's not what Trump sounds like. That's not his voice. I'll never forget how pissed I was. Oh my God. So I was, this was like right before,

like, when was, um, the SNL thing where um why can't think of his name right now Pete Davidson? No, no, no, no. Shane Gillis. Wasn't that right before the pandemic? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, right with the pandemic, it was like probably what the last open, like I went to

before the pandemic happened. This fucking comedian who I despise, I was at the old man hustle, and all the comedians were outside just talking, and it was right after the Shane Gillis thing dropped where he had, like, the Asian videos and whatnot. And she was like, can you believe this random comedian, Shane Gillie almost got on S&L,

And he was doing these Asian parodies. Like, fuck Shane Gillie. Like, that guy, she kept on saying Gillie, I was so mad. And she was like, he fucking... That's not his name! No, no, but she was like, she was like, he's so fucking racist. He's a scum. He's a problem with America.

And I literally was like, did you watch the fucking video the full amount? And she was, I haven't even seen the video once. I was like, she, you watch the video. If you watch the video, he's not doing anything bad at all. He's fucking, it's out of context. And wait, I bring that up because, um, she was like, trying to do a parody. Like earlier that day on the mic,

she tried doing like a parody of Shane Gillis. And I could tell she'd never seen him stand, his stand up once in her life. And it was the worst. It's, you know what it'd be really funny? So he got dribble because, all right,

this morning. I'm proving your point. I'm proving your point, right? Her parody sucked of him because she had no idea what. Yeah. If you,

she thought his name was Shane Gilly. Yeah. It's like endearing all those. I hate it. It'd be funny too because I didn't go why at the end of any last name. I feel like it's just like... I love you ever going into it and being super racist. And she's like,

ooh, I'm Jane Gilles doing a Chinese accent. It's like, like she's going over the top, like, like taping her eyes back. Because she's like, ooh. She's like more racist. I think Shane's great. I don't think he deserved any of that hate. So fuck that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. We're glad we got on to comedy politics. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was I say before that? Andrew Tate, paying, I'm fucking drunk.

Dude, I'm fucking... You know what? You got it. What are we? 11 minutes in? After that vodka shot? I think I'm drunk, too. Dude, yeah.

My mom's feeling it. It's white as funny. You're a lawyer as much of Twilight. Do you, as well, the amount of nostalgia, it's like anything from 2013 or... That was like 20, 2007. But it's like, dude, I almost jizz my dance.

It's so sad how much... By Bella? Who? Of course. No, no, no. She's not hot? No, no, she's not. No.

I meant, I meant, I meant, like, the cultural aspect. I think that's why I'm not in there. I meant like seeing somebody like dress like they did 10 years ago. Like there's that nostalgia part of me. And you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that zip up sweatshirt. That zip up sweatshirt action?

Yeah, that was so. I just want to be me, but then go back to then. You know what I mean? Like, like, like, just slay. No, not that. But like, like, I like being 26 years old. If I know. But it's like, it's hard because when you're a kid,

you're like, oh, I want to be a cool older person. True. When you're a cool, cool, cool, order person, no matter what you go, oh, this sucks. I hate this time frame. So, like, if I could take my mentality, like, just being an adult in a young person's body. No, no, not even young person's body. No, I don't want to.

But what I'm saying is, like, is like you have, having the appreciation for that time period. Because if I went back to 2007, I would be eight years old and you can't really live life. True. Some thing is I would love to live life in a time period that I, um. When Obama was freshly present. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We didn't know about, we didn't know about bombing.

wedding. It was all good. It was all fun. Dude, if I knew what I if I knew what I know now back in first grade, I'd be smashing. Yeah, that's not what I was saying. I knew you were gonna go there.

It's not what I was saying. Oh my God. With condo. Yeah. Like, dude, I'd be like fucking like, have you guys tried this alcohol stuff? Dude, it's pretty chill. It's just getting wasted.

Pretty chill. Yeah. You guys want to smoke chronic? It'll be legal soon. It'll be legal soon enough. You'll honestly, like, be revolutionary among your friends. It would be sick to tell off your teacher, like, as, like, a first grader. Like, just go off and be like, like, I remember I was talking.

Fuck you. We're going to have a black prison. Just, like, know it. Because, like, I always is a kid. One thing I'm very proud of, I always knew which adults were fucking losers. Oh, my second year. I'm not saying you're a loser. Fuck you, Miss McGraw.

I'm not saying you're a loser if you're a teacher. Glenville Middle, Glenville Elementary School, second grade teacher. used to go by name Miss Ketchum then you got divorced went back to Miss Gras How about Miss Katchy's fucking hands? This is, I see you in the streets I'll fight, I'll fight.

I should not be drunk on a podcast Some specific names I had a speech impediment Mary Lou Wesley I fingered you in the eighth grade What's up? How's it going? Just saying things like that

Lauren Berks did you know who you are You remember what happened Behind the bleachers No no but for real though For real though I had a speech impediment And I there's a secondary teacher you were like, any time I would talk,

she would, like, mimic my voice, be like, really? Did you say? Like that, like that. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. And she's like, if you want to talk like that, you'll like, you won't be able to like have jobs.

And now look, I'm a public speaking asshole, so fuck you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still don't speak well, but I'm a public speaker. You know? Yeah, yeah. Fuck her. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, fuck that bitch. If you pay me five. But the thing I was saying, I do always have that pride and like, I always knew like which adults. I was like, oh, that guy is just like a fucking, like, uh, fucking, like, a fucking, like, laser tag thing. We were, like, an eighth grade.

I think it was like sixth grade. And this guy comes up, he's like, oh, do you guys not sleep? Or what are you guys going to fucking kiss? I'm like, yeah, I bet you like that. What are you? I was like, we're not, I said something. Yeah. I like that I'm so proud of this thing.

I don't even remember what I said. And there was like a hot, like, 20-year-old laser tag woman. She's like, that was a good roast. And I was like, yeah, that's fucking up. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, there's nothing more frightening than getting roasted by somebody, like, younger than you who's like 15 or younger

like that's frightening. Dude I had a kid I had a kid uh I would say his name but let's not do that um we'll name teacher's name yeah not people that picked on you I didn't talk about my mom's vagina for 20 minutes

but you can't talk about some kid who bullied you this guy he was like a year younger than me on a football team and I was fucking terrible he was younger wait wait after this we have to talk about Florida yeah we will get into this kid on the football team was fucking like dude this kid's roast were so good. He literally would

like, the way he talked was like insane. He'd be like, he'd be like, Jesus Christ, get your breath out of you. I can smell your dad's penis on it. Like just saying like, shit. But it was like, it was like so specific. It was like, it was like genuinely like the best roasting. And he was just, everything he said, he's like, dude, you fucking suck

at football. He's like, really you're good at football? Then why are you in the sidelines? I'm a fucking sixth grader. You're in seventh grade. What the fuck is wrong? My balls have even dropped. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What? Who heard him to make him so good at roast? Dude. He was insane. who's insane.

I part of them a couple weeks ago. You know who you are. Are you kidding? He's a good egg? Yeah, yeah, a good egg. What's his name? Then tell me his name. I'm not going to say his name.

But he's a good guy. Why did you say he's... He's not important at this point. He sounds like a great person, honestly. He is a black. Is he still a good roaster? That's the question. He said he's a blast.

I thought he was saying he's a black. He's a black. Not going to name his name. He's a black. Okay, you do it. The math. He's black and he roasted beans it. And,

And he loves Obama. But, yeah, no, it's insane. Yeah. I didn't get that. You didn't get that. I didn't get that as a middle schooler. What do you mean? No, roasting.

No, no, nothing like that. Oh, my God. Did you have to take the bus? Yeah, but like, I don't have to get bullied on the bus? Not really, man. Dude, you'd have to fight. My thing is, that's the thing, too, is like, kiss how I would give him. It's like, I barely got bullied because I had older brother.

He'd be like, yeah, don't do that. That's fucking lame. Don't do that. That's lame. But then, so I learned a lot of shit. shit. Yeah, older brothers are good. You had older brothers.

So I had three older brothers and I feel like everyone knew who they were coming in the school. Yeah. Oh, by the way, this kid, this kid, I remember, I also said, I'm like, dude, my brother's, and then he didn't show up to football for like the next. No shit, really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd have it a couple times where I was like, dude, my brother's gonna kick your ass.

And my brother, I love my brother. Okay, so now he's like. He's a pussy. Now he's not. But for all of middle school and high school, he was a giant pussy. So my brother's going to kick your ass. And he was like the smallest guy. He's like in theater class.

Wait, now he's a skinhead? No, no, no, what? No. He's a neo-Nazi? No, he's in the clan? These are all pussy things. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, now he, like does M-M-A.

Like, now he, like, now he comes back home and, like, picks on me. He does M-M-A? Yeah, yeah. Damn. But, like, like, he's actually, like, he, like, won his fights. Like, he's actually, like, doing... He, yeah, he's become an adult. But when he was, like...

He fights people now. He's an adult. Yeah, dude, dude, dude, dude, that's like my brother. My brother was a fucking nerd. like he was like in AP classes. He went to Brown. Hey, my brother wasn't a fucking nerd. I'm talking about my brother.

I'm talking about my brother. He was a pussy, but he was not a nerd. Leave your gay brother out of us. He was popular. He was popular, but he was a pussy. My brother is more popular than your brother. Not a pussy, but like not like a fighting guy. My brother would kiss your brother better than your brother would kiss my brother.

I disagree. My brother. Your brother's an M.MA fighter. Let's have a kiss off. The stardowns are near pre-porn, you know? Yeah, yeah. It's in a miss. Well, the poor doesn't make about my brother.

He was like an AP classes. Like he went to an Ivy. college. They went to like MIT for like business school. Fucking loser nerd. And now you don't he does some fun? He does like MMA classes. He does like UFC fighting. Like now like he's like he's bald. He's bald and he's jacked and he's scary.

And I'm like, where's like all this like pent up energy coming from? Well, that's always how it goes. Yeah. I do I do Muay now and I was that kid too. You were a plus age growing up? I was out. I mean like again, I was a bitch. I wasn't a bitch.

I wasn't like. You hesitated. You were. Well, like, that's what happens. Everyone realizes what they were in the past, and they're like, I gotta get tough. Then what's my problem? I was a person again, I'm still a pussy as a dog.

I do know a couple of people. I do know a couple of people that have consistently just been like monsters, dude. There's these two brothers from my high school, and their moms are lesbian, and they're the toughest motherfuckers on the plane. Which one would you rather have sex with? Are their mothers being lesbian a part of that? And I will say this, wonderful women,

because I do not want to get my shit fucked up. I am sure. Dude, one of them is like Navy SEAL. One of them is like a UFC fighter. Jeez. And he's actually UFC fighter? Yeah. I don't know.

I just know. This guy knocks people out and he jumps on the ring and goes like, like he jumps on like, yeah. The other fucking, the monstrous dudes. I'm friends of them. Great fuck guys. Love him.

But I'm like, beautiful man. But I'm like, those guys consistently have been the toughest motherfuckers. Well, it's either you because. We got to talk about Florida, by the way. I'm sorry. We're going to talk about Florida.

Oh, the one thing. trying to say with the bullying thing that was like, it's like, I always had, it was never like aggressive, but like you always just had to like follow up. It was like, it was like everybody's like, oh, I was picked on for this and like high school. It's like, well, also you should learn the skills to roast somebody back. It's like, it's like, you never had that. Yeah. Yeah. I had a good friend that was always roast me and I just, he kind of put me in my place and he was like, fine. Are you talking about us? No. No, I love this man. This Sam Wolf's a good egg. Yeah, that's the best. He's he didn't, he's a, he's, he didn't, he's, he didn't, he's

He's easy to make fun of. He won't fight back. He's a real pushover. He kicked my ass because you do, what do you do again? Boy, Ty. Yeah, he'll kick my ass, but he hasn't because he's a bitch.

But you know, yeah, that's funny. Like, there's a group of people that were cool in high school. And then they started, and they kept,

he's like, don't need me in the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Please, I broke my dick once. I don't want to break it again. And then they started drinking, doing drugs, smoking cigarettes. And then there's another group that stayed in shape. And then it's like,

if you had a battle, it's like the toughest guy in high school might just get his ass kick. Because he was like, I don't know, dude. I've fucking fit, spend the last five years, like just getting fucked up and eating garbage food. Yeah, actually, there was this dude. Hopefully. At my high school that was like football, bully sort of dude. I'm not going to have a fucking name. John.

John. John. Bened of Jack. No. No. Wow. Wow. Wow.

No. No. He's actually a nice dude. He's a good. This dude is fucking dick shit, dumbass in fucking high school. I find out two years in a college. I think he went to school in the south. I forget where that makes a difference.

And he like, starting to keep on bullying. And then next thing you know, he fucking picks on the wrong kid, gets his teeth fucking knocked in. Now he's all fake teeth. Dang. So his teeth look better now probably.

Yeah, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. But ears look kind of sick. Yeah. Honestly. You know, it's great. My biggest fear is like,

you just worry about, getting your face fucked up. But as long as a chimpanzee doesn't rip it off or you get it burned into fire, like you're probably fine. Like, they can really fix a lot of things. Dude,

I'm from Connecticut. Like, like, I knew, I didn't know, but I, I knew somebody who knew the girl who got her face ripped off

by the chimpanzee. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was in our hometown. My dad knew the new family. My dad's veterinarian. So like,

obviously. We shouldn't be joking about this. No, we shouldn't be. That shit's just fucked up. You know the famous girl in Connecticut? They got her face. You're talking to you the promontology.

my dad had pet monkey Michael jerks off Michael, Michael jerks off to that video He's like, yeah, give it to me Yeah, yeah, she deserves it. Yeah, yeah. Like, if I already have fake veneers, I feel like I'd just get them all gold

At that point, right? That'd be like cheaper. Oh, that's pretty baller, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I feel like my mom was... Is that cheaper than white teeth? Well, I mean, they're veneers, so might as well get them gold. No, but like...

Then they have to actually be gold. What do you mean gold? Dude, if I do you get them... You'll get them gold and pay them white. What are you talking about? I feel like gold would be as expensive as white teeth or more. Yeah, but I don't know.

Like fake gold or like real gold? Obviously not fucking real gold. White gold? White gold. That's classy. That is classy as fuck. And I'll think it's like this, I think this is a family guy episode,

but if you do veneers, I feel like the lifestyle has to come along with you. You got to get tan and shit. It's very true. And then you got to like, Sam, you can tan well. I've seen you think you've got that guy.

Start wearing salmon colored clothes. Or you got a bright shirt, but you got to change the style to like a button. I want you have to go full pit bull. You have to buzz your head, go full pit bull. You know what's weird? My mom, back to my mom, she's like a lightest vagina.

My mom, my, my, my, my, this will lead us in the Florida. My mom is, like, the most stereotypical Connecticut mom, but her favorite artist of all time is pit bull. It's the weirdest thing. Really? That makes sense. That checks out. She loves pit bull.

But Florida. She loves pit bull. Like the singer. No, I know, but like, to what extent. She's seen, by the way, to be fair. I love people. I think you should be governor of Florida. We should team live together.

I would love to go to a live pit bull with you. Dude, this is why I love it. I want to get a phone. I don't want to do comedy. I almost got a phone case. There's a phone case real quick. We should quit comedy and just become friends. That's what we should do.

I like that idea. I like that idea. It crosses my mind every other day. I'm like, you know. You think about me that often? Yes. Oh, get out. That was the most reluctant.

Yeah. I text you and you respond to like, who does? but yeah i always got this phone case it's uh it's pit bull and it says good girls go to heaven bad girls go to pit bull i'm like it's just a hilarious thing now it's just so ridiculous it's like you're that bad girl no i thought about because it's like i like committing to bits everybody's so obsessed with stand-up and like i love stand-up and i don't work as hard as i can at it but also do you though i do i work very hard to stand i i fucking yeah by the way very little progress every day i'm not even

I have his baby. No progress. I have a baby funeral joke. I'm working on for like a year and I've gotten like nowhere with it. But either way. This, the phone case is like,

I like doing bits outside of comedy. You know what I mean? It's like everybody's so like beyond, I'm like, somebody's, do shit, because it's just funny for the sake of being funny.

Everybody's like, how can we monetize it? Should we videotape this and put it on? It's like, you can just be funny. You just live life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

He doesn't midgett. Dude, I'm getting fucking cornrows next week. Really? Yes. No, you're not. I'm doing full cornrows. I got little eight ball beads.

And he's not going to let this happen. I'm 100%. Is she going to bring up with you? No, and doing it for like three days. You might need a crash of your place after. I'm doing a chin strap beard. And I got these contacts that are cat eyes. And I'm wearing them.

Can we go out in public together? It's the summer. It's not fucking Halloween. I'm going. I'm going back home to Florida and I'm just going to look nuts. But I have a slight disguise. I'm gonna wear sunglasses and a beach hat is sort of like disguise the look

and then just randomly take it off. Just go to a bank. Send nudes that don't send me pictures at all. Yeah. If you don't do this, I'm gonna be very much. I'm gonna be so mad. By the way, by this time

this podcast comes out, this will already happen. So I'm literally, I'm gonna tell. Wait, but it takes a long time in a corner of it's like, who's gonna do this? No, it doesn't.

Apparently on white hair, it's very easy. Oh, really? It takes a while because black hair is so curly. Apparently on white hair, it takes like, it's very. Like an hour? It's almost like,

we're meant to have them. It's almost, we're meant to appropriate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, uh, yeah, it's so funny because I was looking through, like, the places in Orlando that do them. And there's a place that had a white guy with redlocks in the cover and black people. So I was like, this is probably a good spot. Because I was like, all right.

All right. It's like a black owned business. But also they're like, hey, you're welcome here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's so funny that like, I've never understood.

You're like a real Bronton and Royal. You're Bronton or Royal. What's that? Bronton. Arroyo. What? What are those words? He's a white

Red Sox picture back in 2004. I love 2004. I just shot off short film called 2004. Did he have a fucking role? Wow. He just wanted to do a quick plug.

But Bronson Arroyo love 2004. He's a picture in 2004. Red Sox. I made a movie called 2004. It doesn't matter. Bronson Arroyo, white guy, dreadlocks.

Not dreadlocks. Yeah. 2004. It was badass. Dude, it is. Because this is my thing with it. It's like so many white guys, every try to do the silly thing.

They're like, I'm gonna get a mustache. I'm gonna do a mullet. It's like, that's so many people have done that that is not funny. So whatever the funniest thing. Is it supposed to be funny?

But your hair looks beautiful right now. Are you getting corros to be funny? Yes. Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not getting cornrows to look like that. You're not getting cornwall to look hot? Yeah, yeah.

No, no. Are you going to stand up with corner rolls? Dude, this is the argument. It's like, I would love to. But the problem is like, I think I'll get fired from my day job with this evening with corners. I don't think you'll ever be booked up.

Also, they're over, they're understaffed right now, and I think they want to fire me, but they can't. I don't. I don't. I don't know. Michael, I love you. You won't be booked on bad trip if you don't have cornrows. And I know, and your career will make a break if you get booked on bad trip properly. Everybody's saying, I was talking to Jake Flaskis and Dan Carney, they're like, because I've never released any of my standup.

They're like, you should only release clips of you with cornrose and the cat eyes. Dude, you're really sure. No explanation. No. You really should. By the way, that's... What I am going to do... What I am going to do...

What I have decided I'm going to do is take a very serious video where I look into the camera and tell everybody to go out and vote even though there's like no election. It's like the middle of May. He's just go, me... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just be like, you guys, guys, go to your fucking local church, tell them you're there to vote. If they fucking... If they fucking win this election, it were fucked. It's like... Support local communities.

They're gonna take away everything you know. It's your duty to vote. She's like... If you want to keep your guns in Florida, vote... No, I don't say any specific issues. I'd be Vegas shit, be like, they're gonna take... I used to be anti-guns.

Normally it's not that important, but this time it's insane. I used to be anti-guns. I was anti-guns. But then I went to Florida, pretty chill. Yeah, dude, it's fun. What do you mean? You were anti-guns until everyone had guns? Florida's pretty chill.

I want to move to Florida. Florida's not an representation. I want to make a go-fund-me. Go-fund me. If the go-fund-me, if the go-fum-me goes like 10 grand, I'll move to Florida. By the way, I like that more? It's the opposite. You need less money to live there.

Yeah. All right. People over exaggerate. I love people are like, oh my God, living in Florida is like, it's more expensive than New York. It's like, you're living in a house. All right, all right, fine, fine. $500.

And it's like, you're living. Go fund me. If you give me $500, I'll move to Florida. I'll give you 500. Who has ever said living in anywhere in Florida is more expensive than living in New York City. Yeah, they say shit all the time. It's like, it's like, it's like, okay, maybe you're like fucking insane. It's like, it's because they're going.

from like, they're like, oh my god, my apartment in Florida, it's like sick, they're like, is like as expensive as New York City. It's like, yeah, you're comparing like, your nice apartment to the shittiest apartment. That's apples and oranges, yeah. Yeah, 100% yeah. I want to move to Florida.

Yeah, it's sick. Oh, oh, it is the best place on earth. I love that. You're from Florida, right? But you know what's sweet about Florida? All right, so in New York City. It's the best place on earth? It's the best place on earth. Thank you, Joe. On Earth. I didn't brainwashed, dude. I drink the Kool-Aid last weekend. So I did my solo show in Florida last weekend. Shout out to everyone who came out.

I was it. Where'd you go? It was in Tampa. Okay. Hell yeah. I did my solo show at this weird fucking theater called The Cage Theater. It's, it's, it's in, it's in, it's in, you know, Ebor? Yeah. Dude, fucking, if you live in Ebor, around Ebor, you are the real New York City. You know how people in New York are like, it's the city that ever sleeps who's over 24-7? Fuck that. New York closes. Thank you New York closes Ebor?

No, no, no, no, no, no. There's place in New York Chinatown closed at 10 p.m. now. That's fucked up. New York closes. Dude, I'm on McDougal Street every night. Half of the shit's fucking up. Okay, Friday night's open until 4, but like...

No, no, no, shit closes. Ebor. Is Brooklyn open? No, it's not done. Shut the fuck up. Ebor. Ebor in Tampa, Florida stays open.

I've never gone out in Ebor. You never go to... Dude, Michael, I will... Is Ebor outside of Tampa? No, it's in Tampa. It's like in a weird part of... It's the historical, but it's circa of Tampa. Dude, I know everything about Ebornau.

Literally, there's this place called Seventh Ave. If you walk down, right, seventh, right? I think I walked down there. Dude, go down seventh Ave. That place stays open 24-7. Literally, this is a great story. I just did like three comedy shows around Tampa. I was having a great night.

It's like 1 a.m. I'm walking back to my motel. And I'm like, wait, shit is still lit at 1 a.m. in this place. and then I see a bunch of kids like 17, 18 year old kids I just woke up to them I literally like I never felt more old in my life

because I had like longer hair and a big beard at this point I woke up to these like 17 18 year old guys I go yo I have $40 give me all the weed you have You know that's hilarious And they're like we don't have weed I'm like you're smoking a blood in front of me

Can I please have weed? I really want some weed right now They're like are you a cop I'm like no I'm from New York I don't know where I am I just want weed Yeah because you screwed cop No no because I was To them, I look 45.

You know, they don't know how old I am. I mean, you look for you. Yeah. And these kids, these kids literally go, we'll give you weed. And I give them the $40. They gave me a fucking like a bag of weed that was like over at 8th. And they were like, wait, do you like the party?

I think like the party. They were like, we're club promoters. We have clubs all around Ebor. The whole time I was in Tampa, like I got into all these clubs are free. Just because they were afraid. They were afraid that I was a cop.

So like, as a way to like prove that loyalty to me, They just gave me like free passes to all these clubs. Oh, wow. And I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go clubbing. I just like, I've heard Eborg gets weird in like a fun way. Like,

what were the clubs like? Did you bring in 17, dude, well, there's a place called, there's a place called Castle. Castle is a three store, four,

maybe four story. It's a four story club dedicated to email music. Emo. So, dude, there's a big emo scene in Florida. Very weird.

I don't know what it is. I love it. Yeah. So like you literally have like these girls half naked. they're half naked and they're twirking their asses off to like panic of the disco.

Like they're literally twirking their... Yeah, and you people that ever heard of. And they're just twirking their asses off. I fucking love Ebor, man. Dude, I've also, I've also recently, but we're gonna stay on topic, I've recently been like an emo phase.

I'm like, I'm like, these guys are putting it out there. Are you a Wiza guy? Not really. That's emo? Weezer invented email. Fuck you. What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

Pinkerton? Have you guys ever listened to the album Pinkerton? Sure, but like... It invented email. Okay, that's also that weird thing where they're like, this guy was slightly this direction so it just totally...

You know what I mean? It's like... Yeah, you can inspire, genre. No, no. Rivers Cuomo is like the king of emo. So like... You know my favorite Riverish Cuomo video real quick?

Yeah. Because of him singing, you know, that song, I got the magic in me. Yeah, yeah, with B-R-Y-O-B. His chord falls out of his microphone and the song still playing. So he was lip-sicking like

the simplest song. Which is fine. It's fine. It's just very funny that, I was like, looking at him, like this is probably the saddest moment in his life because like his fans, like people that like

Wieser, they're like not genuinely like popy people. I love, no what, weezer also the king of pop at the same time. Yeah, but I'm saying, you can't have both. Yeah, but it's like, I don't know. I think the guys that like really like Weezer, they're like, I don't know. It's Pop Rock. I have a Weezer post in my bedroom.

How can you have Pop Rock and the start of email? Yeah, yeah. All right, can I explain? I always love to explain this to you. Yeah, you would. All right, so Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, he like, sort of invented like that emo feel and then so as a Weaser didn't do shit

what do you know let me explain let me explain let me explain let me explain and then the cure invented like that like fucking like that emo look like you like you know like Robert Smith of the cure he kind of meant like that emo luck and then Weezer Rivers Cuomo he kind of stole what Brian Wilson

was doing like vocally kind of stole what Robertsville was doing like visually combined the two and then made Pinkerton which is a whole album literally about heartbreak and despair, and that became, like, the identity of what emo is. And then, like, everything after that, like, Panga the Disco, Fall Out Boy, like, Bling-Wing-Wing-Til,

all that, like, that, like, My Chemical Romance, all that shit after that was, like, winding and shit. It all kind of stem off of what Pinkerton started. And, like... Well, also, the Blingwayne & Tews are probably came out at the same time. No, but Pinkerton came out in 1995, I believe. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.

And so, like, that, like, kind of, like, put in motion this, like, because what emo is, think about what emo is. It's, it's, it's emotional. So, so, so, so, so, emo is basically brilliant. Music where you're whining about your feelings. It's not like, all, like that black makeup bullshit, like, that's part of it. But it's more about the emotions and, like, being sad about it. And so. But I think the emo movement did pop out to, like, 2004.

Yeah, actually start in the 90s. Are you coming out as emo? Like, I don't know. I love emo music. What are you talking? I just, I just raped about loving this place

called Castle in Tampa that's like a three-story emo club where girls are twerking my chemical romance. What are we talking about? I mean, yeah, but I didn't peg you as this.

Dude, how much have I talked about Weaser to you in our friendship? But like, I don't think a Weasier and I don't think of emo. Like, I don't think that.

I think of, that's a good argument. There's no reason I think of the song, perfect situation. It's not their best song. Not their best song. I like that song a lot.

Dude, listen to Pink Triangle, listen to El Scorio, listen to Tired of Sex. These are songs that are emo as fuck. I'm fucking drunk right now. I don't know how this happens so fast. I've been home for like five hours. Okay. So.

I also thought you're talking about an emo boy. Like I fucking love this shit. Yeah, I like it. There was something I was listening to do recently. It was like, uh... I think he was a thing of Goff. Like, goth. No.

You don't talk about email? Well, God is like a vague thing because it's like, you can say kiss. even was like a little goth-ass it's like painting your face like black, not black. They didn't do black face, but Trudeau.

And then they're like, okay, fine, I'll do. Trudeau was so gop. He was ahead of his dog. Dude, yeah, God is black face is the real god. That'd be funny because it's just in blackface and they're like, you got to put a little white. Like, fine. I'll do like a little.

Here's a white star. Yeah, right, right. But you went to the emo club. But, oh, dude, that's not what I want to talk to you about. I had some crazy shit happening to me in Florida. Like, I feel like I just have to, like, decompressed with somebody who's from Florida. Yeah. First off, um, the funniest thing.

I like, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, yeah, I'm here for you. The first thing that happened to me was a person with Down syndrome came to one of my shows. And after the show, and after the show, he fucking, like, is hugging me, raving me, like, that was the best comedy show ever. Hard was that hug, dude. It was hard. It was hard.

It was hard. And I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I thought this guy was like 13, maybe 15 years old. And I'm like, oh, what a cute kid. He's not going to me, good guy. And he goes, I want to buy you a beer. I'm like, can you get in the club?

Like, what are you talking about? He goes, I'm fucking 45. No, no, no. He looked at he was 13 years old. He's 45 years old. I'm like, what? He's like, hey, I'm 45. He shows me his ring.

He's married. He's married. He's married. He's married. He's like, my wife. And I, we love your comedy. Did she have Down syndrome also? Yeah, she has that Down syndrome also.

It's weird. It can't go. Love on the spectrum. So he's like, my wife and I, we love your comedy. We're going to buy you drinks. So him and his wife, Downs and Junk, buy me drinks in Tampa. Why are you just living my fantasy?

This sounds like the greatest night of my life and you lived in? I'm like, I'm kind of very jealous. I haven't even started yet. So he's fucking buying me drinks. And he fucking goes, yo, you have that one bit about how you thought you were retarded as a kid. I was like, oh, I'm so sorry. I said the word retorted on stage,

if that's not cool, he goes, bro, do I look fucking retorted to you? And I was like, I was like, uh, uh,

and he's not laughing in my face. He was slathing in my face. He was, I'm actually, it's funny because you probably think I'm retorted. People who have autism, that's retorted. Ah!

And I was like, what? That's wrong. And he was like, and he was like, you would say, retorting. all you are in front of me

because I'm Down syndrome. Can you name of a bad term for Down syndrome people? I was like, retarded. And he goes, no. No one has thought of a term for Downs and people yet. We're in the fucking clear.

You say whatever you want. And he was like, you say that anywhere in front of me, I won't be offended. Like, you are my fucking hero. Like this guy was allegedly. It's also so funny that he's like listening to the word retarded.

Yeah, there's people with dancing. You're stupid. Like just, no, no. autism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, yeah, he's like, yeah, we're a bunch of idiots. Like, people more apply. I fucking, I did this. This guy was my spirit animal, Sam. I fucking love

this man. He was like, he was like 4'11. He gave the warmest hugs. He loved his wife so much. And then after like, we had like three beers together. After three beers, he goes, I'm not gonna lie. My wife hates when I drink. This is the most drunk I've been all year. And I was like, what? And he was like, yeah, us downs and your people.

beers, that's all we need. I'm like, fuck you. Yeah, because they're already starting this fucking. But this guy was a fucking saint, dude. He was so sweet. He was fun. Yeah, people don't realize they like one of my friends, he works, uh, okay, I'm not gonna get to it, but he knows a guy with Down syndrome. And he's like, uh, anyways, everyone works

at high school and he, uh, there's a guy with Down syndrome there and he goes, what did this week? He goes, drank beer every weekend because he's like 28 years old. Still like going to the high school, but it's like, yeah, they, they party. I would hope so. Wait, the Dowellian guy was parting with high school kids?

No, he was in high school because that was a mind. Like, why would he be in high school? I find it so funny how that part of the story is like the spectrum community can still find inter, like, hate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, we're not a bunch of fucking idiots

like over there. Black community could like hate on like light skin people or vice versa, you know what I mean? Like, that's mind bog. Oh, it's crazy. The more we know. Yeah, yeah. Well, because it's also like, that's also so funny because, like, in my mind, when I hear

retarded, I think of Down syndrome more than autism. Because autism is such a weird spectrum where it's like most people with, and they're kind of total reverses of each other. Because, like, I think the social skills with people with Down syndrome are kind of like very high because they're like, they're very social, I think in a way. I'm not well educated. I'm stereotyping so much. Yeah, you confused it before when.

his story. Yeah, but it's like, it's like, I think that like, uh, yeah, so like their pros are like there are others because like there are savant autistic people.

So like they're, oh, I got you. So like math is not a strong stupid for people with Down syndrome, but for autism they might be really good at this. But then social interactions, people with Downsender might be better at.

Interesting. Well, also it's like autism is like, apparently most people that have like a mental disability also have autism. So it doesn't. Whoa. Yeah. Mental disability is a,

and like... Retarded. Yeah, yeah. No. It sums it up. There's no other... It's like, it's like that you know what it means. It's like, it's like that is what means. So, you always weird.

This really hot girl came to my show. So weird. That is weird. Now I think you're lying. This hard girl in Florida can come to my solo show. And the next day, so it's like, she was there the first night as an audience member. But she was there, day two as an usher. Okay.

Usher. But she like she came to the first show Like she bought tickets like she was there as a fan or whatever And the second night she was like an usher at the theater And I just like you know I'm like hey nice to meet you're working the show tonight And she goes and I feel like there's like weird tension I'm like what the fuck is like why is like there's all that's weird

To like she's like she's being like I'm getting like she's like Why is like hot Usher lady being such a dick Like I didn't realize I didn't know she went to the show Then I before so like So I didn't know she went to the show tonight before All I know is it's a night too This Usher girl is being really weird to me

She's like being San Norff is kind of being a bitch to me like, what the fuck's going on? After the show ends, she follows me on Instagram. And I look at her Instagram story. And she had a post on the night before being like, it's so awkward when you're sitting in the front row and the comedian looks at you in the eye. And you were like, stop looking at me in the eye,

you make me so uncomfortable. And I was like, was this my show? This looks like the theater I was in. And then I went up to her and I was like, is this your Instagram? And she goes, that's why I was being so awkward with you earlier. I was like, what do you mean? She goes, I have autism.

And you- Yeah, I was about to say it. Your fans is one of the other. There's what she said, she goes, I have autism and you kept looking at me in the eyes and autistic people would like to look, make eye contact. She was autistic people don't like to make eye contact

so you were making me uncomfortable your whole show. How dare you? And I was like, no offense to you. I know that you feel like that most special person alive right now. I think I contact with every audience in the audience. Like that's part of being a comedian.

Like half the job is making eye contact. And I was like, you are not special. Unless you're doing like, I don't know, I have some jokes where it's like, you have like a horrific pedophile joke sometimes and it's like,

if you're a good, if you're a good sometimes. I don't. I'm sorry. You look at them in the eyes, but sometimes I'll be like, I'm just gonna stare at the wall while I say this thing

because I'm like so, but then I'll address and pick, all right, I'm a fucking pussy. I gotta look at you in the face. But, but this girl, like, so after the show's,

the night two's over and she goes, yeah, I was at night one. I was the girl that was sitting in front or that you were making all that eye contact with. And I was like, I don't remember you in the front row, first off. So you weren't that memorable.

Two, I wasn't making eye-kindle- I was just memorable. I wasn't making eye contact with you. I was making eye contact with everybody because that's part of my fucking job. Yeah. And then she got like weirdly defensive. It was like, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I love your show though. I'm a big fan of your comedy. I'm like, what is it? Do you not like me and you make stories about how uncomfortable I make you are? Are we cool? She was like, but cool. I can't believe you boldly were like, hey is this your Instagram

she was right there it was the show ending she was right there was no but like any other person like that's that's so good but also she was a hot lady I had when she said the autism thing I threw me out of left field I was like wait what now by the way autistic people can be hot too I'm sorry I'm not trying to say they can't but how fucking

she looked she didn't I don't know what I'm trying to say the point when you think about it you think of like yeah you think of like the most extreme version of everything yeah so it's like there's always those things that pop in your mind but it's like no there are like very attractive people with everything. Besides, I don't know, I will say this, Down syndrome's a tough one. Because there's a Vittoria Cigramal, but you're like,

all right, this. I love, after, after Florida, I love that. Do you want to expand on that? Well, it's like, there's a Victoria Seagerminal with Down syndrome. Yeah, yeah. She has like, jugs, but you're also like, all right, this is like not attracted to me because I know. I think autism is a different thing where autism, it's like, you're like, all right, you're not intellectually. How much sex sexual actually? Okay, now I'm actually getting the difference. Yeah, yeah, because like, you're not intellectually disabled. Like, Elon Musk has autism. So, like, no one's going to, he's He's got autism.

Yeah, no one's gonna fuck Elon Musk and be like, wow, you literally took advantage of a retarded guy. It's like, no, that guy's like, you know what I mean? It's like versus like, no, he owns tests. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Versus somebody who like fucks a guy with Down syndrome and you're like, all right, well, that's not good. This has been a dicey episode. You said it's so many. You did not want to get into this.

I know, I know. We can cut whatever you guys want. Yeah, how long have we been on for like an hour? 40 minutes. 47 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 47. It feels like three hours in my mind.

Because I'm drunk enough that I'll be just I'm like yeah, I'll hook it all. Like I do have to pee and then I'll And then I'll talk to him. Go pee right now. No, no, no. He's gonna talk to me. But no, no, but.

Yeah, massive man. But Sam and I over here, Michael, you probably know that because you've been on the show for a couple of times. Sam and I, we run a great storytelling show. Why are you plugging 10 minutes before the end of the episode? No, no, I want to plug again later. What are you supposed to do it?

We want a great show could bad trip. It's a great show. Michael, how many times have you done it? Two times, dude. I had a fucking blast. We got to get you back on. You were like, I was told, Sam, tell him what I was saying

on the way over here. That he didn't want to talk about people on the spectrum. Sorry. No, he's my favorite. I was kidding. I was saying he's my favorite

storytelling we've had. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, well, you know, the most interesting thing about this is I've always never been like a storyteller.

You are a great storyteller, Michael. For sure. Because I do, I started with storytelling. Like, my mom got my dick picks to the eye cloud.

That's a whole story I tell later. But so I started, I started with storyteller, but then I moved to New York It's like very like, you have shorter sets So you have to like Do a lot of potty. I do both

Yeah, so I know exactly So I did about a lot of observational humor And then I realized when I did your show I had the best learning lesson Because I just You're an amazing storytelling You're my favorite But I also I injected my bits into the story

Yeah, that's what I do Related I'd be like oh okay My friend who was a white guy with Redlocks Which he wasn't But I was like that adds now Now you can do Dude when people ask me Are your story's true

Of like the story's true The jokes aren't Yeah yeah exactly That's a that's a the best way to describe it. Because, yeah, it's like the story's true, but the joke, yeah. Dude, that's fucking, yeah. Yeah, that's storytelling, maybe.

That's a good story. And also, if you look up the definition of a story in the, like, the Oxford Dictionary, it doesn't say true facts. It says, like, interesting stuff based off true events. That's what we do. Very true. Yeah, yeah. That's a great point.

Yeah, because, like, the punchline might be something ridiculous. Yeah. But it's like, as long as the story's true. Because, like, there are some people that are like, and then I fucking like, you're like, all right, well. No one cares. Yeah, no one cares. I'm starting to think you didn't actually ride on a dragon.

I'm starting to think. You were just chasing. Michael, it took Michael two and a half hours and then the Lord of the Rings to be like, this isn't real. Wait a second. Wait a second. Middle Earth. You know what's so funny.

I'm so into certain conspiracy theories like UFOs, I'll go deep in. But the second anybody brings up like fucking like dragons or like fucking Bigfoot, I'm like, that's fucking bullshit. What? I'm, you love Bigfoot, Sam? You want to suck Bigfoot's fun? Bigfoot, dude.

Bigfoot's got the biggest foot. Come to a bad trip. June, June 3rd, Saturday, June 3rd, bad trip to year anniversary. I'll be right back. I have the pee. Yeah, yeah. In Bushway, come on down. Good plug, my man.

Good plug. So, wait, wait, wait, you're a big foot guy? I'm not saying a big foot guy. I'm not, I'm not gonna. I'm just saying, like, why not? Like, if you're gonna say why not UFOs, why not Bigfoot? This is why. I think that, like, there are so many.

pictures of UFOs and videos, there are like three pictures of Bigfoot. Yeah, but there are stories. Or weren't we just talking about stories? Aren't stories what matter? At the end of the day. Okay, to an extent. Like, photos can be photoshopped.

And like, you know, the government's weird and probably, you know, have... I hear your point. I hear your point. I'm just saying, like, UFOs are more a newer thing. I feel like Bigfoot and more importantly, dragons, end of time, you know?

Yeah, well, it's a... Okay, okay. So, like, there's like a gigantic, the gigantopithecus, which is like a humanoid, what do you call it where it's like a, on the evolutionary spectrum thing, where it's like, what do they, there's a primate called the gigantopithecus. Yeah, monkeys that turned into us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was like a bigger version of that. Right, exactly. Right. So I'm kind of slightly on board with the idea of like some sort of giants. But like them living now, it's just kind of a funny idea that like some of them are still.

You know what I mean? it's like, that's a weird concept to me that like, there's like just five of them. You know what I mean? There's like one, just like water in the woods like, what's going on? It's like, yeah, it's like, that's kind of weird

to be that's like versus like them being like, if they were like, dude, there's an island where there's fucking like, well, that's the population of big foot. I'd be like, that makes more sense than one wandering around the woods. Just like what's going on? Well, they probably wandered off, you know,

on a boat. Because like a big foot would have to fuck another big foot. And to keep the pop. Bigfoot's. Yeah, he would. Yeah. Yeah. Like, if Bigfoot's...

Oh, you got closer, hey. Right. Yeah. No, you're good. I like it. If Bigfoot's real, he would have died by now, right? But there's not one. That's what we were saying.

Like, there's probably like a species, right? Here's my point. There are pygmies. What's a pigmy? What's a pigmy? It's like a small person. It's a small person. Why can't they be a big person?

Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean? There's like... There's rough. They're indigenous tribes in South America that have... been untouched by, quote, civilization. How tall are they? Are they hot? Like, less than four and a half few years.

Are they hot? Wait, really, dude. Can you? I mean, I don't know. Can I, can I, is there a way? I'm not an addition. Is there a way I could pay like $1,000 like, like, like, be immersive with them for like a couple of days?

I mean, yeah, but that sounds fucked. I mean, that sounds just, wait. Wait, by way. Like swimming with the dolphins, you know? I saw the funniest video. Yo. Viving with the pygmies. Yeah.

You get some... Play with your hair a little bit. You get one of your back. Get some great TikTok videos. What language do they speak? Do they have their own language? There are different tribes. There's multiple?

Dude, they never... What do I pick? Is that a better one versus... I just want to say this. It's like fucking Atlantis versus... One of the funniest videos I've seen in my whole entire life is there's a guy in, uh, doing like a couple of POV videos. And it's just like Colorado looking guy.

And he's just in this tribe. of like either they look like African or something and it's so funny because the guy's like vibing he's like yeah we're having a good time like dreadlocks and everything yeah yeah yeah and then there's like there's like one video of them like pulling spears back about it was the short as real it's like him like dancing with them going on and it's like just him there's like nobody it's like probably like his

hippie girlfriend like filming it like yeah we went deep into like the tribes of like whatever it's like there are like cannibalistic tribes it's a thing that is but it's like so funny that that guy's doing this And then, like, the last second of the reel is, like, you see a guy pulling his spear back and I'm like, what is this? Did he come back from? I have no idea. But I was the real. It's like, I was like, what is this page?

I mean, click on the page. And the page is like, just that one video. Yeah. I'm like, what is this? Yeah, I can't like reverse image search of video. So I'm like, what is this? So, so I got a great joke for you. My grandpa told me this when I was like seven or six years old, and I'll never forget this joke.

My grandpa goes, there was a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, uh, a, a plane that crashed and it landed on a deserted island. Only three people survived. And they found out that the people who live on this island are a cannibal tribe. And the cannibal tribe leader tells them, we'll let you live as long as you go out in the woods and find ten of the same fruit and bring it back to us. So the three people go off. The first person comes back with ten apples. And they go, we won't eat you as long as you put all ten apples. in your asshole without making any noise. If you can do this, we won't eat you.

The guy puts two and a half apples in his ass and starts crying. So they fucking eat him on the spot. The second guy comes back with 10 cherries. They tell him, put all 10 cherries in your ass without making the noise and we won't eat you. He puts, no, it's the same thing. What are you talking about? Bigger asshole or a smaller asshole. The first guy had apples.

Yeah, no, no. All right. Is this a simple joke? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. All right. Let's backtrack.

The cannibals tell them to grab 10 of the same fruit and come back. I miss that part. The first guy comes back with 10 apples. He puts two and a half in his ass. He starts crying. They eat him alive. It's bobbing for apples. The second guy comes back with 10 cherries.

They go, okay, great, you got 10 of the same fruit. Put 10 cherries in your asshole without making any noise. If you do it, we won't, we won't eat you. He puts nine in his ass and he starts laughing. So they eat him. Up in heaven, guy one goes the guy two. You had one cherry to go. Why did you start laughing?

And he goes, because I saw the guy number three come back with pineapples. That's terrible. Michael, how do you not understand the simplest joke? My grandpa told me this was like four years old. I fucking understood this. I'm drunk.

Dude, I also like, I love street jokes. It's like, I love that shit too. funny. You have any? Come on.

I knew you got one up your sleeve. Up your ass. Yeah, I told us, I told one last week about this. On the pot. There's a Jamaican guy peeing at a urinal next to a white guy.

The white guy, I literally just told this one last week, but the white guy has a tattoo on his dick that says Wendy. And he looks over with the black guy's dick and he has W. It says Wendy on the black guy's dick. And he goes, oh my God,

we have the same tattoo. It says, Wendy. Here's his Wendy goes, no, no, no, no. This is just when it's soft. When it's hard, it says, Welcome to Jamaica. Have it.

I have a joke that's kind of similar. That's kind of similar. Three people on top of a cliff, okay? An Italian guy, a Mexican guy, American guy, okay? And they all decide, let's throw something off this cliff that we don't need anymore. Okay? Oh, I've heard this one. So the Italian guy, he's like, we have too much pasta.

So he throws, like, a box of pasta out. You know, the Mexican guy, he has a jar of saucers. We have too much sauce out when I throw the sauce out. It's the American guy. He picks up the Mexican guy and goes, we have too many Mexicans. Oh, my God. He turns the Mexican. The thing with this is, this is an insurable joke, because I've heard this, you can use that about any race.

Oh, lay it on me, sister. Well, no, I'm just saying you do the same thing, but you say Chinese. Like, it's like, it's like there's the same version of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Basically, too many immigrants in America, and that's a problem. But sometimes the joke structure, you know what I think A good racist joke sometimes is that you can insert any race into it. Chris Kimback, I'll quote him on this.

I don't know if he was going to one of my favorite jokes he has, he goes, I live in Astoria Queens. The funny part about Astoria is, the most interesting fact is there's more Greek people there than there needs to be. Which is like, it's like not actually racist because you can insert any. It's like just a joke format fits and you can throw anybody in there. Yeah. Like Michael good

I like his face But he has too many freckles on it It's ugly and he's gross Right, yeah Good, good race joke Are those moles or freckles Whatever it is, you have too many I got some taken off dude

Good I was so ashamed of it too I was like You got some taken off? Yeah, I used to have 94 Moles That was so specific It was like three

It was like three And I remember my mom was like No, I hear of sensitive topic I'm sorry No I don't get a fuck Talk about my receding hairline a little bit. No, no, no, I had, I had one here. I had one here and I had one here. And, um, all on your left side. Yeah, I never liked them. I have one over here. You have, you have a couple. It's ugly as

fuck. You should take it off. I don't like it. Yeah. I like, I think your whole face is kind of, if I always, if I always, you go blackface, because that would be an improvement. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think it makes you look less white. It's nice. I don't, I mean, technically. Makes you more like the narrower way because there doesn't there have a couple of moles on there? Well, I used to have nothing. These are mostly from the sun. I think this is from being out of the sun.

Wait, in Florida? Like the New York? He moved to New York. He moved to New York and he was like, whoa, the sun. They finally found it. Hey, we're in the subtropics now, man. Yeah. Because of the global woman? Because of the global warming?

Do you believe in a little warming in Florida? Yeah. Oh, you do? We're nice. Yeah. Respect. My politics are all over the place, though. I'll be, to be fair.

I'd love to hear it. Dude, I'm like, I'm like, I feel like I'm very pro-gay stuff normally. Just hanging out of your boys, jerk each other off. No, it's like,

it's like, like, the transgender bathrooms. I'm like, yeah, who, you know what I'm like, I'm like very, like,

open about that. Um, but then I'm also like, go to Santas. Like, gun-wise, I'm like, I don't know,

like, let a rip, get some fucking guns. I don't know. No, no, no, no, my whole thing, anti-guns is just like looking at every other country. And if every

other country on this fucking planet is like oh, guns are bad, it's weird that we're the only country that's like, let's zag on this. Because we're good. You know what I mean? And also, we're the only country with gun problems. So I'm like, with only country with the gun problems, where the only country where guns are allowed

everywhere, maybe there's a correlation between the two. I also think this, and this is so dumb that I'm getting this time, I'm drunk. No, give it to me. Let her rip. Stick it to my asshole. I do think that there's buffer between, like, uh, the people and the government because of the gun. So it's like, it's like, the whole thing. Yeah.

So it's like more people have been killed by their own like, like, government than by like a lot of other things. So I understand that argument. So it's like, like, like, like cops or like what do you mean? No, like like, like, like tyrannical leadership as far as popular. No, but like Nazi Germany. Not in our country.

Yeah, yeah, but like Nazi Germany like, Australian Canada. You can't get guns. I'm sorry. Nazi Germany. They were killed. killed by their own guns. By the own, no, but I'm saying is there's more,

it's more likely that your government kills you. RIP and Frank. Exactly. R&P. Yeah, never forget. I know a lot. Do the cross side. Frank.

She's Jewish. I'm like, RIP, bro. I know, I know, I know a lot of people died during the Holocaust and I feel bad for those people. I love his eyebrows raised her day. He's like, where's just going?

Yeah, feel bad. But did they write a dying? No, Anne Frank was the only one. True. So, Anne Franks... Wait, that's not... I guarantee you so many of the road diaries. Then where's the book? Then where's the book, bro?

He's got a point. Are you denying the Holocaust right now? No, I'm denying. I'm denying Holocaust literature. Anne Frank's only... That's a very funny argument. The book's fake. The Holocaust is that with the book's fake, though. The books you wrote.

I don't believe... I don't believe a 13-year-old is that good... Is that good of a writer? I think the point I was saying is like... I love it. Yes. if the U.S. government went against the people, we would be fucking annihilated. But I think it does provide a little bit of a buffer.

It makes things easier. So it's like, it makes things harder. So it's like if you are a- Does it like there's like that whole Colorado. No, they fucking send drones and we're done, dude. No, I don't think so because it's like,

it's like if you think about it this way, it's like, so first off, there's a lot of wars like Vietnam, for example. We had way- yeah, love it. We had way better artillery than them and they fucked us up for like

guerrilla warfare and shit. Like that is the thing that happens. That's a fair point. But also our own. government knows our own lands. Right, but the military of the United States, they swear their allegiance to the people, the United States, not the government. So it's like, you'd have, everybody's like, oh, the government would just fuck us up.

It's like, well, that would all split off. And then it's like, you have like a whole, like, I think, yes, they could like nuke us, but it's like, that's still perv- Which is on January 6, bro? It's still, dude, nothing that bad. I'm kidding. Where were you? Yeah.

Where were you on January 6th? I think it is one of those things where it's like, are you cute? No. No, I'm not. That is funny to me, though. that are like Trump's fucking say those for the pedophiles. Dude, it is crazy. It's also crazy he's friends of Jeffrey Epstein.

Everybody's like, yeah, but he's, it's, uh, uh, it's like, but he did good on our taxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do want to drunk and talk about not a big Jeffrey Epstein guy. I have, by the way, I'm very like, I don't want to be controversial here. I'm very persuaded either way.

I don't want to be controversial, but I don't like Jeffrey Epstein. No one be controversial. We'll cut this out of the podcast. We're going to cut that out. We're going to cut that out. This is bro. But I didn't, the boy. I don't like him.

The point I try to say is I do think that it does provide some like hesitation for the government to take certain rights away because they're like, they're like, look, we could wipe people out immediately, but that would be more stressful than if they didn't have guns. So I think a population doesn't have guns. It's easier to control them. And I think they do have guns. They go, this is going to be a blood bath. Either way, if we win, it's like, it's still more of a hassle. So I do think that like, it's more of a hassle. What if we replace all the guns with numchucks?

num chucks. Everyone gets num chucks. But my politics, I'm like, you're a num chokes. No, I'm with you. That point is the only point I can get. Yeah, but also my

coaster, you know. I don't get it. I'm not one of people like, this is the right way. I'm like, I genuinely don't know. I just don't. This is what I think. I just know

when only country that has school shootings with the only country. That's my, that's my persuasion. Yeah. If that's happening and nobody else is

like literally, like, like name me a country. Like, like Paraguite, not happening. fucking Australia, not happening. Kenya, school shootings are not happening. Wait, wait, wait, wait. People, okay, also, a lot of those countries have, like, machete incidents where it's like,

wait, I guarantee you, there's child soldiers in some countries. You're like, Uganda. It's like, there's just school shootings. Like, well, because they're not in school. They're on the battlefield. All right, but, like, I don't know, fucking Prague. No school shootings in Prague. One thing I think it's also a hard part is the United States is such a giant country.

It's like five countries. Yeah, so everybody's like, look at the amount of this. It's like, well, if you compare the amount of school shootings in like the United States versus a very small country. No, Australia is the same size. Even that. No, Australia's definitely not the same size of population. Australia is huge though. It's like, it's like 80% desert.

People are just trying to get some water out there. Also, it was like legal to hunt average. And also the guy who made the legislature in Australia was like this would never work. in America because it's so ingrained in their society. Also, how would we get all the guns? Yeah, yeah, that's not, yeah. The realistic approach is one thing. I hear your approach about the tyrannical government and all that shit, but like

my still feel, my feeling is still the same where it's just like, dude, they already like control us, they can fucking spend out shit. Wow. So, Australia, there is a hesitation level. Australia is 25 mil, and what are we? What are we? Compared to Australia. I feel

like we're a lot more. Like 70,000 million. I, so, so this is crazy. Breaking out the, this is crazy. Australia is 25 million people and where 300. 31.9 million people. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah.

That's too many people. It's a lot of people. That is too. You have the same rules for all these people and the statistics kind of go on where it's like, it's like one school shooting is too many. I agree completely. It happens more times. For sure, for sure. And it's insane.

But it's like I also get. bugged by like the lack of like nobody wants to compromise on any side so like the people I was like everybody's like okay what if what if we like you know make it harder for crazy people to get guns and the people on the right are like no we want and it's like my thing my thing is like when the argument's like let's give those teachers guns yeah that's crazy they can't even my sister my sister's a teacher I do not want that lady having guns no for sure but she's a weird that's the solution being provided yeah but I think she's cool I'll smoke wood with my sister, but I won't hang out with her.

I love how this went from talking about Townsend. No, I love it. To a serious gun to be. I love it. Everyone with Down syndrome goes, I'll be the solution. I trust them. They bought me beer at a bar. It's true.

I think it's thing to do, it's like nobody wants to compromise a little bit. So it's like you have like people that are like, no, we shouldn't have background checks, which I think is crazy. You should obviously have, I believe you have. But look, I say that's crazy. But I like to keep an open mind. So I like hearing everybody's viewpoint. So I'm not going to say it's totally crazy, but I disagree strongly with not having bar our checks.

But then there's the other side of it too. I was getting excited. I genuinely think that there are Democratic politicians that go, look, if I sign a bill for certain things, they'll go, okay, so they'll be like, all right, what about a bill that adds, like, a metal detector in high school? I think if they push for that more, they look like they're caving on the gun argument. So I think people won't push one way because they go, I look weak in this argument. So it's like, at the end of the day, I think every fucking high school should have a metal detector. Like the money's there. You have a fucking turf field.

But I think a lot of people go, okay, well, if I, if I say this, then I look like I'm, it's like there's a lot of, there's multiple problems to one solution. But nobody will go. It's like you get in corner rows, bro. Yeah, yeah. Honestly, though. Yeah, exactly. You just want to commit to the BIP. And these are Republicans.

This got so unfy. I mean, I'm trying to bring the funny back And I'm telling I'm also one of those people is like, dude It's like, this is what I think But it's not what I believe It's like I very there's like four things I really believe You know what I believe?

I believe in American Pie Big Titties And the red, white and blue flag I believe teachers. Okay, don't don't cave on you You fucking pussy taking away our guns Oh, I like tities though That's something

Doesn't make up for it. And also I'm a slave to one thing That ass you're a slave to dead ass who's trying to end it on that that's what he's trying to do and that's the podcast I'd rather

I'd rather have the concern being like good old fashioned days when we heard more like sex scandals with teachers and students rather than like trying to arm those teachers

with gut you know what yeah yeah yeah like we got a point what teacher hurt you so badly you're like oh they can't have guns I'm just kidding teacher should not have guns

but like you're like speaking of like a personal experience like who hurt you no you know you only say I had a gay music teacher and the idea of him having a Ruger sounds sick. Like, it's all, like, German guns. He's just like,

I don't know enough about it. Everybody get on the ground. He didn't have some of an action, but I like him having that gays and I say, all right, folks, looks like we got a criminal in the building. I'm not a southern gay guy. Fine, I got it.

I got it. What's the solution? Everyone is allowed to have guns. The government will give you your own gun for free, but it has to be a musket. Like the old Civil War gun. What about this? You have to have a gun, but you got to choose a gender on it.

They're blue or pink. I like that. I love that. That doesn't compromise either way. That's just more conservative. Yeah. I, uh, yeah. Have you seen the kid guns?

They like big guns? Yeah. Oh, where they're like, like, hello kitty decorator? Yeah, yeah. It's fucked up. It's so fucked. It's, and they have commercial. We got to end the episode because the camera ran out.

Oh, what do you want to put? We got to end it right now. Sam and I, what do we promote? We have Bad Trip. Bat Trip anniversary show, June 3rd. Two-year anniversary. Michael Good has been on every year that we've been a show. Storytelling show. It's a storytelling comedy.

Buy your guns now. They're taking a... We're selling them there. June 3rd on Rise Radio, and we have a hot sauce, weed, and beer sponsor. And every honest man, we've got a gift bag full of hot sauce beer and weed. Goody bags. Come on down to Rise Radio, June 3rd for Bad Trip, two-year anniversary show. Michael won't be there, but he will be on a show very soon.

for bad trip. I appreciate that. We love you. I want to plug all local gun shops. Thanks for being real Americans. No. Thank you for listening. If you're, it's your first time listening. Every Sunday episodes come out on Spotify and Apple. I try to get them out every Monday on YouTube. Most of the time they'll come out Sunday also on

YouTube. They'll come out all on Sunday. But YouTube takes longer to uploads as soon as it's Monday. Also, every episode is on Spotify and Apple. Only some episodes are on YouTube. So you want to listen to Backlog. Go to Spotify or Apple. Thank you. I love you, Michael. Thank you.