Morning Good - There's No Romance! - Episode 31

Episode Date: June 20, 2021

Big thanks to Joey and Jason for coming on the show. Check them out and give them a follow to see more they have coming up.Jason hosts a show every Wednesday called Tall Boyz. You can find Joey on Instagram @thejoeyrinaldi or follow his podcast @trailertrashpod. He also streams on Twitch regularly so make sure to check him out.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good, good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to Morning. You guys, by the way, this whole episode, you guys saw the Heights movie, right? That's what this whole episode is about. In the Heights? Yes. I haven't seen it yet. I'm seen it with my mother.

I don't know what we're going to talk about it. I only saw the porn parody. Oh, what is that? In the... In my thighs? Yeah, in the thighs. That sounds good. No, I didn't see it in the Heights,

but apparently they're mad because there's not enough Afro-Latina. In lots of God. Which is why I didn't see it. I am honestly so mad. I'm glad you brought that up because I can't deal with these movies whitewashing Broadway plays.

In lots of cum heights. That's pretty good. I'm confused. What? It's a Broadway play in the Heights that they turned to a movie. Oh. Oh, and was the play all white?

I'm confused. No, no. I saw the play on Broadway. Yeah, I was right. No, like the hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because the cord is fucked up. Oh, okay. So you gave me the fucked up court.

Fuck you. Yeah. So. Well, it's good for you to have the broken mic because if your mic totally goes out, we can still hear you anyway through our eyes. Yeah. No, yeah, I saw in the Heights on Broadway. I was pretty high because I was like 15 when I saw it. And it was at that time of my life, when my parents made me go somewhere I didn't want to go.

I was like, Tom to smoke a bunch of weed before I go. So my mom made me go because she got tickets. Then your parents are just like, why is Joey so quiet and sad all the time? Or they're like, he's really getting into this. You're just like staring at it. But yeah, I remember there was a lot of Latinos, Latinos, blacks. Like, what are those called when it's like? Chinese people.

When they're Hispanic, but they have like the Jewish furrow. A lot of those type of people. You mean like Dominicans? Yes. I like how I knew what you were talking about. Well threaded. And then apparently the movie got a bunch of white-white whites. I don't know if...

Is it that it's a bunch of white people? I have no idea. I'm just going off with Michael Goodson. Puerto Ricans of European descent rather than of African descent. I think that's what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Anthony Ramos is the lead of the movie, and he's playing the Lin-Manuel Miranda part. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like Lin-Manuel, except I don't like how intense all of his rap have to be. I like him. I like him. I'm still... There's a part of me that's just still a middle school asshole that I'm like, You fucking nerd, bitch. I don't know what it is. What are you fucking raping about history?

Fucking dork. There's that voice in the back of my head that hates him. But it's weird because I'm also a nerd in ways like I love comic book shit, which is super nerdy and super lame. But I'm like super lame dude. That's like nerd and different like that's a more respectable nerd for like dumb frat guys than like you. Then something that involves musical dancing wearing tights going against Republican norms. Yeah, but I'm also like, I have no problem with people being stupid. I'm not like, oh, you're a bitch because you like this.

I just, I don't know why I can't personally. I also don't like the style singing. It's like, and then we're with the people. And then we went to walking and we went down the street. I think he's a very talented composer. Agreed. But he's just, it's, he's so like earnest, dude. Yeah, yeah.

It's tough, man. This is my Lin-Manuel take. I think he's amazing. I think what he did for Hamilton is perfect because, like, that intensity is great. But then when they hire him to do like, do the, NBA holiday show I don't want him to be like in LeBron James

that's the drain weight in the ass I'm like Yo yo calm down That's what happened in the game I don't know I don't know But like he gets intense Like he just like you know what I'm talking about When like he likes M&M Yeah

Yeah that's like he loves Eminem That's like a thing Yeah that's his rap style Is Spider-Man So he whitewashed himself then But I mean No I mean he like I don't think so

I'm just kidding He brown washed M&M is what I mean He brown washed him Eminem, okay. I'm off for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny that Eminem used to wear a du rag. Well, yeah, I mean, he's from... No, I know, I know, I know. I know.

Have you ever seen, like, the old pictures of Eminem with D12? He's the one white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He earned his stripes, dude. Yeah, yeah. They don't even know the name of my band. What are you going to do? They don't know the name of my band. I don't know a single song by D12 besides... Fight music.

Also, a lot of those guys, there's like, um... Fuck. There's all those songs on the... Slim Shady or the Marshall Mathers LP that are with like a few of the members of D12. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know those songs, but I just don't like know. Bitch, please. Are people like big

like D12 fans like? I don't think for the most part. I like Eminem, but D12 is where I really listen to my music. I think if you were like a big hip hop head in the 90s, then you would probably be into because they're like big like underground people, right? I don't know if it's something that like I'm not listening to the D12, you know? I like it. I thought three dumb white comedians talking

about Libman and Walman Miranda was pretty bad. And now that would go into D-12, I feel like, we got worse. This podcast is for nobody. I was hanging out with, I was hanging out with Michael the other day. And he, he was like, I can't remember how it brought up, but I was showing him a picture of Mickey Avalon. You know, Mickey Avalon? Sounds familiar.

I love Mickey A-A-Bub, but that guy. He looks like an old Jewish woman now. He looks like a Jewish aunt. Yeah, he looks rough. Would you bang her? No, man. I thought Michael had a fetish for old Jewish hands. I don't know.

This is like, I would let her cook me a cougal. That's what makes a cougal. It's just like a traditional Jewish dish. He looks like an old, like Jewish bubby. But anyway, so there's this other guy called Dirt Nasty. And I'm hanging out, Michael. And Michael just calls him Simon. He's like, Simon, dude.

He's like, my favorite. He's on Simon's Instagram. He thought I was gonna know who fucking Dirt Nasty's Christian name was. He's Jewish, but I get what you're saying. Wait, Dirt Nancy from a Wooting Clan? No, Dirt Nasty. He's from, uh, he's from, uh, I'm thinking of all dirty bastards.

He's from Scary Movie 3. He's a rapper. You ever heard of 3 loco? Oh, three loco? Yeah, yeah. Big 3 loco guy. Don't know a single song, but big 3 loco. You think if someone had just said, oh,

Simon, you would have been like, oh, obviously you mean Dernasty. Obviously, he meant Dirt Nasty. Yeah, it was like, every now and then Michael's just like... Well, he looks more like a Simon than Dernashton. I have horrible taste in rap music. I love Dernasty. I like this new guy that... Do you ever like something and you're like...

Ugly God? No, no. But do you ever like something and you're like, I should not like this? you're like pieces of shit like this. This is for garbage people. Tom McDonald. That guy, I like him for some reason. Okay, but what's his rapper name?

Tom McDonald. Is he a rapper? He's like this like, I'm not conservative, but he's like a conservative rapper, and I kind of like him because he's kind of just like, fuck you guys.

Every now and then Michael's like deep Florida garbage just comes out in really funny ways. Like, he's just telling me how excited he was like, dude, I found out there's like a Johnny Rockets and Deep Queens. Yeah, I was so excited about that.

And you didn't invite me to do fucking poppers there? Oh, that would have been a good time. Yeah, Joey's birthday. Can I talk about that? No, it was your birthday. Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't frame it as my birthday.

I was doing you the favor, you asshole. We went to David and Busters, I think like before COVID and did a bunch of poppers. And it was a blast. We would like play the shooting games and do a bunch of poppers. And they don't even stop you on David Busters. They give you poppers when he walks.

Exactly. Yeah, it's part of you. Michael, can I set the scene though? You didn't set the scene at all. Michael and I, we're at the restaurant. We're getting boozy. We're getting boozy. We're in the beers.

like the special like coconut drinks that they make at Dave and Busters. And then after we get to get me all boozed up, he goes, there's a 3D ride, Joey. You want to do the 3D ride? Yes, behind curtains. I'm really choosing him up for her. And I'm like, your girlfriend's here. You want to have an intimate moment with your girlfriend.

Bring her. He goes, no, I want the 3D ride with you, baby. Was Angie doing poppers? No, no, no, no. This was like, that's what I'm trying to say. This was like a sexual affair. Okay. He was like, it was behind the bag.

I was cheating on my girlfriend with Joey. He was like, he was like, Angie's in the bathroom. I'm going to take you on the 3D ride. I'm like, okay, I like 3D, and we sit down on the ride. Little did he know. There was no 3D. There was only 1D. It was my, yeah.

So the second the curtain's closed and the room gets dark, he pulls out this thing and goes, sniff, Joey, just sniff as much as you want. That's exactly what I said. That's exactly how I say it. There's no. The animal nitrate? Yeah, I was like, did you enjoy those jalapeno poppers? How about we take out the jalapeno and we just do real poppers?

And then my asshole got so wide, so open, and I never had a better time in my life. And I bang Joey. Nice, hell yeah. When I was living in Auburn, New York, I would go to this gym where all these, like the big business in Auburn is there's a state prison there. And I went to this gym where all the prison guards would work out. And they're like, just like huge fucking massive dudes.

And then one of the guys would take, he would like be squatting like 500 pounds and he would just rip poppers before he did. It just like did hype. So he would always just be walking. It fucking, it looked like it worked, man. I'll be honest with you. I do them every, that's why I wear my mask. I duct tape a thing of poppers just right to my mouth.

I'm just high as fuck all the time. just with a loose asshole. That's the funny thing. I remember the first time I did Popper's I didn't know as a gay drug and then it opens up your asshole. We'd also get you high. For people listening,

I'm not just trying to open up my asshole. But I'm ready to take a shit so bad because you realize you're like, oh, it just opens it up. The floor drops out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that sounds really fun for you and your asshole.

Joe, you did him too. What are you at? Yeah, come on. No, no, I did them. He did them. He did them with... He puts it in such a way. He's like, I was confused.

I didn't know what was going on. I was taking it. advantage of this is actually a traumatic experience and I actually came on the podcast that confront my goal. That's what it was. You're going to have to put this into your apologies for the beginning of the next episode. Oh my God. Every episode.

I raped Joey at Dave and Busters. There was like a thousand things. I can never play model combat arcade games the same. But what was I going to say about, oh yeah, so I remember I was at a bar once and there was like the sexy girl grinding on me and it was weird

the whole time she was trying to make me smell these smelling salts? Do you guys know about smelling salt? Yeah, yeah, I've done that same thing, isn't it? No, it's different. So, I think the concept is when people are like passed out, like it's supposed to wake you up. Oh, that's what people did before squatting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Amble Day Trade, right?

No, no, it's different. Now I'm re-evaluating everything. Was I grinding with her? Was I so blackout drunk, I was like passing out on top of her and she was like, take the smelling salt, take the smelling salt. Take the smelling stuff. Oh, wait, hold on. A couple things. One, Michael, do you mind? Can I ask Joey a question? Is that a violation of your, like, hostship of this podcast? No. All right. So Joey, we were together the other night. A group of nurses wanted to hang out with us.

What ended up happening? Because I peeled out of the conversation to go catch up with my high school friends, but you stayed with these ladies. So can you break down? Because you were very, you were telling me a little bit about it. They were ugly skinks. Is that bad to say? Yeah, dude, it's mean. Okay, okay, okay. Wait, I'm sorry. It's not like a curse word. You just said a mean thing about these ladies. I don't want to call them ugly skinks. This is what I want to say. There was these group of nurses who were not people. that I would ever pursue because they are not... He's just gonna find the most roundabout way to say ugly skisks.

He's like they would not... They were not... They suck dick for money. They're not the attractiveness that I... You get just more detailed. Their faces were rough and... The texture was not good. I didn't mean they were skinks.

They were just very earnestly looking for sexual stuff. They were trying to fuck you in the bathroom, right? And so these three girls... This one girl comes up... Why is Joey a victim in every one of these stories? He's like, who's just walking down the street? So this girl comes out to me

And she's very aggressive and she's like, I'm playing a dare game with my friends and I have to buy you a drink. Can I buy you a drink? I'm like, yeah, I fucking love alcohol. Let's buy me whatever the fuck you want. And then it leads to her bringing me to her friends and her and these three nurses are like, we've been frontline work is this whole fucking year and we haven't gone out once because we're COVID afraid.

But right now we're going to get drunk and we're going to fuck guys. And I'm like, okay, I like fucking guys. I'm not me person, but I like girls fucking guys. Hell yeah. And so I drink with them. Next thing I know, they're like, so will you make out with one of us in the bathroom? I'm like, I don't, my friends are here. I felt like I was in middle school.

It's like, can we do this in private? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's overwhelming. You don't want to fuck a frontline nurse. They're just going to bring up COVID all through the section. No, they don't. We lost so many lives out there. Like, this was going to be.

We, uh, this was after, uh, tall boys and we were hanging out. And I had a bunch of high school friends there. Um, Joey was there. And then it was also, uh, Aden Showsky. Yeah, I am. And me and my friend Mark, you don't know Aiden? No, of course I know Aden. He's a Jersey comic.

So, Aden's married. My friend Mark is in a relationship. I like Aden. Joey, Goomba Garbage. So this nurse walks up. Me and Aiden just sort of politely make her way out of the conversation. Just like, oh, I'm sorry, I've got to go catch up with my friends, blah, blah, blah. Joey goes back to the table.

I'm like, oh, my friend Mark will get out of this in his own good time. I look back like 45 minutes later. He's just been like too polite. He's just been talking to this drunk nurse for like 40. 45 minutes. Was I with him at that? No, no, you were back at the table. He was just, you were just in an intimate one-on-one with this lady who we did not want

to be talking to from 45 minutes. The girls a bunch of times, because they loved AIDS and they were like, the guy in the hat and the beard we want him. Yeah, he's married. And they go, is she here? How married? Yeah, I know. Yeah, I got asked to prom recently and the girl tripper.

What? Yeah, I was, I was barking for a show and I was, like, I'm coming a comedy show. And they were attractive. Well, they're high school girls, so be careful. They were 18. They were 18. said she was 80. Did she have a passport and ID proving it? Do you have the births?

Yeah. But it was just funny because she's like, you want to come to prom with me? I was like, no. I was like, I have a girlfriend, which shouldn't be the first reason. I should be in a guy. Oh, actually, we've been together for a while. If I was single, though, I would so break the law for you. And then she's just like, she's like, I am 18.

I'm like, no, I'm not going to prom. But I was like, uh, it's so funny because then I thought about my, I'm like, there were people my age at my prom and that's weird. Yeah, it was a, yeah, yeah, I think, no, I think 25s, I'm 24. 25 is a cutoff. You're too young for me, dude. Yeah, and how old are you? 25, I don't know.

I want to sound cool. I want to sound like I was too cool for prom. Sorry. You're, you're, you're too cool for it. You're too old to be there. Yeah. This guy's too cool.

You're too cool for prom. Like, I walk in the teachers. Like, I'm sorry. I just, you're too hot for this. Dude, you know what sucks is if you go to prom as an adult and you're just like, just like, like, people are just making fun of you.

And you're just like, fucking, I'm still not as cool. It's high school kids. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like, I'm still fucking, yeah, that's, that's weird. It also, like, if you go to high school... Your date makes out with somebody else?

Oh, God, yeah. Well, that's how I thought. I did career day at a middle school recently. And I was like, yeah, so I do stand-up comedy. Wait, how was this involved? It sounds like you just went to a middle school and started doing this. I swear to God, they actually bring me back Friday. They love me so much.

They want me to talk to more kids, apparently. Shouldn't they found a more successful comedian? That's what I told them. I said that. I was like, I'm not... I'm just fucking with you. No, and it's... That's a good question, though.

And their response is like... Also, you know a bunch of successful comedians who you could have recommended. I was trying to. I tried to get the Michael Good's number. I was like, look at that. He's doing great. He's barking.

He runs a show. He's a tie. Yeah, I wear my work clothes, by the way, every day for this podcast, just as he didn't know, because I got to work right afterwards. I love you in the business men's suit. You actually look pretty good. Thank you.

Holy shit. Like, if you weren't with Angie, I would so take you to my prom. Swear to God. He says this now after pretending like he was a victim him when I wanted him to do poppers. Now he's like, oh. I have Stockholm syndrome, okay?

I go back and forth. Did you get the poppers at a head shop? What's up? Did you get the poppers just like some bodegas? Yeah, you can just get in a bodegas? Can I tell a story? Is that rude if I tell... No, no, well, I want to hear about the middle school.

I want to hold on the story. We'll go back around it. What was the... So how do they approach you for this middle school? So my oldest sister is a middle school teacher. Okay, now that... And apparently they got like, you know, like doctors and lawyers to do career day.

But then one of the teachers were like, Well, we have some students that are probably not going to be doctors and lawyers. And we want somebody that can come to show them that life is okay if you're not a doctor or a lawyer. And then my sister was like, well, I have an asshole for a brother. And he doesn't do much of anything. And they were like, he sounds perfect. And I came over. And I actually gave a riveting presentation.

And now they're having me come back Friday to have more like one-on-one time with the kids. Oh, hell yeah. Which sounds bad. Do I do you have one-on-one with the kids? But they invited you. So whatever happens, happens. It's on them at that point. I just showed there's a cop waiting for me with like a warrant from my arrest.

Hans Hanson's there too. Why don't you take a seat, Joey? But no, wait, you said head shop. And I have to tell a story now. I went on a first day. I told you this story, anything. I went to first day with this girl who was like, hey, after the dinner, we can either like end it there or you can come to a head shop with me,

buy some whip it, a canister, and we do whipets all night. And I'm just like the sound of that Walked right out of Michael's dreams Is that a good time? It is the greatest time So you're literally mentally challenged for a minute Is the most fun, I think it is the most fun drug on the planet But you want to do that with the girl you never got with before

And absolutely Yes, but maybe you're all Giggling dude Yeah, you are going to look very stupid But it'll be fun But so will she I didn't like it So she loves Whippets

She's gonna be like, whoa Joey made a pretty stupid face We were doing Whippets early She was acting as if like I never do this this. It was just a fun idea. She suggested her on first stage. She does it all the time.

I went to a appointment. She had balloons everywhere. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And picanisters everywhere. Oh, fuck, yeah. It was a fucking, like, Jesse Pinkman meth lab, but for fucking... For Whippets.

Whippets, basically. Oh, that's awesome. And this is the thing. I didn't know about the voice getting you, like, deeper. So, like, she's like being like... What if that's why she wanted to fucking she wanted to have, like, a deep voice.

She's like, say, like... Yo, I'm Joe, Rolby, Rinaldi. No, she was talking sexual to me. Her vodka sauce. She was like, I'm gonna suck your dick, Joe. I'm gonna suck your fucking cock.

Oh, terrifying. And also, her mouth's probably cold on your dick because it like freezes up your mouth. Yeah, that point I appreciate it. But yeah, so every time I think of a smoke shop,

now I've this, this, another traumatic. You're right, I'm always a victim. Yeah. Don't you say, that's not traumatic, Joey.

It's just fun. Why would you even describe that as traumatic? You didn't live with a girl and fuck. Yeah. You know what it is, this all ties together

with the nurse who was trying to fuck me. Yeah, oh, this poor Joey. This girl wanted to fuck him in a bathroom. Oh, it sounds very tough. With the nurse who wanted to fuck me in the bathroom with the whipit girl who, like, wanted to whip at me

before fucking me. And even with Michael Good giving me fucking poppers. People just give me free drugs and trying to fuck you all this. Yeah, that's it all bad. The connection is, the connection is there's no romance.

I think that's what is. I want the romance. I want to be like, uh, you look so beautiful under the stars tonight. You know, I want something like that. And yet you're calling nurse's ugly skanks. Yeah.

Our frontline. workers, women who have saved lives? What have you been doing this whole time, Joey? And you're calling them ugly skanks. Hey, I was doing a... I just actually got mad at Joey in the middle of that. I'm sorry, you guys both are boring, coupled up people. That's true.

Some victim... No, I'm a boring coupled up person. Michael's just a coupled up person. Michael rules, dude. Michael has fun. I kick fucking ass. Yo, you didn't seem to me that dick pick, by the way, I asked you for. Oh, yeah, I said something about me having hairy balls.

I never sent him a picture of my test. Because I always find it back. Picture and never happened. Uh, you just want, you wanted to see, would you send a picture of your balls? I wouldn't send that out of thing. So I would totally send it, yeah. I'm on my way, baby, and he said, I'm not a baby. I've hair on my balls.

And I said, pictures are it didn't happen. And it didn't happen. So I don't, next time I'll send you a picture of my balls. I have no problem. You do have a very smooth face. So I could see it being lightly hairy down there. I actually got, yeah, yeah, I got kind of like, yeah, it's kind of looks good. Whispy balls.

I was thinking about that. I was thinking about that. I was thinking about that. But they have hair on them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I would have known. I would have known if it was Google Images.

He's seen the first 20 pages. He's like, this is balls page three. Well, you know there's an app actually that you can take a picture. Put it on the app and I'll tell you if it's like from Google images or...

Yeah, it's a reverse image search. Yeah, so I would have reversed image search your ass and you would have been fucked. Yeah, I would have been horrid. We wouldn't have even done the episode. You'd have been so angry about it. What if you, you reverse image search is like, okay, so it is from Google,

but I don't know if you know this, Michael. They are your balls. This full circle. Yeah. Oh my God, that'd be incredible. I wonder about that, you know, when I was younger, I used to send all kinds of pictures out. Like, before I was 20. Torn pornography. Tons, dude.

I used to talk, like, this woman who was like 40 in, uh, she's a real person. I'm tired of people saying she's not a real person. She's a real person who really molested me. Yeah. Yeah, she was like 40. That's traumatic. She was from like Indonesia. I used to always just send nudes to her all the time.

Wait, wait. Now you have to explain. Do some of Indonesia? Dude, no, I'll be like, send a picture you doing a peace sign. Now send a picture you touching her. No, she'd do all the things. Unless she just has a full... Or maybe it was a man with, like, a gun to an Asian woman's head.

It was pretty. A guy was involved. Maybe, I don't know. But, like, I don't know. I'm still friends with her? She's got, like, kids and stuff. Wait, you're friends with her? Yeah, on Facebook, I think still.

Let me... Wait, so, when were you sending your pictures of your balls? What age were you? That's a beautiful little story of a person asking for child pornography turned into mother. Yeah, how old are you when this was going on? I think I was like 14. All right. Yeah, this is, yeah, you were molested.

I wasn't. Because the molest is like an in-person thing. You were cyber molested. I guess. You know what I would tell people in high school? Sorry, those images have circulated around Indonesia. You are like, in like child porn circles in Indonesia. You're like a hackam out of it.

Yeah. For sure. That's totally possible. I'd love to get my hands on one of those pictures, honestly. Frame them, put them in my bathroom. I'll reach out to her about it. But there's no one of, you know, I... You know, like, your balls are on, like, the currency of Indonesia.

Yeah. Just like one of the things. So I remember, like, like, a school teacher one's telling us that like the CIA or FBI like has a database that gets every text message and like the second they see something nude that gets flagged and so I remember that like I was texting this girl in middle school

and had like a flip phone and like I sent her a dick pick and the second I sent the dick pick and she got it my heart stop I was like that BIA is on to me I'm like I have to like move change my identity like I had this whole weird thing and then I told my brother about it but there was like no there's tons of dick picks Yeah, you'll be fine.

Just get lost in the... Unless they're like, this is a child's penis. I mean, like, it's so tiny. They're like, this has to be a child's penis. They're knocking on the door, it's like, excuse me, sir, have you been sending pictures of child's penises? It's like, no, it's mine. I think I saw like something, yeah, my.

I saw something like that online. Child's penis? No, no, no. It was like a girl got a dick pick and she's like, oh, I'm gonna report the CFBI because it was like a joke thing. Oh, okay, like Facebook comedy videos? Yeah, yeah, we're like, this totally happened.

By the way, have you guys ever done the Facebook comedy video dive? it's weird. No. There's like these like Facebook influences that don't use Instagram or TikTok. Like they're specifically on Facebook. They make like these. They all like cat ladies? No, no.

They make like comedy videos. And the formula is this. Like fat, go with a fat ass walks by and the guy then like. Oh yeah. It's like Miami humor where it's like everybody's just hot in the video. They're like, isn't this funny? Because we're attracted.

Like what you guys would be like, check out that ass. So it'd be like, it'd be like, there's a go with a fat ass. Let me tell her that I need an arrest. her. I need to arrest you. She goes, why? Because you have a fat ass. And like, that's the joke. And I'm like, yeah. And like, I'm talking about millions of views on Facebook. Dude, if I...

That's my... I hate a joke. No, just, if we could be... That's what we would be doing. If the option... It's just like, to just be like, to just be like... Oh, my God. It's always like when you, when you see it's like, it's like a guy and his hot girlfriend and another hot girl walk by and the guy will like look at her and they'll be like, popy! They're always Hispanic, but... I know they say...

I think the gun is the gun to their heads, like the Indonesia. She had the gun to her head. Yeah, that's what it is. Make this comedy video from my comedy page or else. Yeah. Have you done comedy in Miami? Yeah, yeah. I did a, uh,

I did a vape shop. It was interesting. The, the host was a priest. That sounds like, and then I'm like... Yeah, yeah, that does sound more like tan. Yeah, yeah, no, it was Tampa,

or is Miami. And, um... I sound like I was like I was like. I'm like, no, no, it was, uh, it was Tampa, I swear. Uh, no, it was just Chris the stuff in his face. That's just, yeah, I was watching this special. I've never seen. Is it on Netflix?

Comedy? It was on Comedy Central. I like that app. But, um, anyways. Shout out to Comedy Central. Please hire all three of us. Oh, fuck, yeah. It was great.

For anything. I'll be a janitor at your headquarters. Yeah, it was so foot. Dude, I had a mic the other day, and, like, the host was like, oh, this guy's some guy at Comedy Central. So the host of the mic was like somebody had been doing comedy for a while,

and they just had old friends in the industry. And this guy was from Comedy Central, just out of Mike, which there's no way he's doing anything with. It's just open mic. You know what I mean? He's just there. Supporting a pal. Yeah.

Would prefer if the guy didn't mention. immediately tanked my set. I was like, so anyways, you got, and I'm like, why am I getting nervous in front of this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. I love when, like, someone on Open mic makes you a little nervous.

It's like, it's a real reality check and, like, you know what? I woke up to anything. I'm not a pussy. Yeah, I'm a giant pussy. So immediately changed all the material I was going to too. Also, just getting nervous at an open mic, you're just like, what is wrong with me?

Yeah, I've been doing this for years. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's so dumb, yeah. Yeah, I got, I, every year that I, that I do comedy, I'm like, fuck, And I'm still not better. Jesus Christ. Dude, that's the one thing with it.

It's like, it's the one thing, the more you do, the worst you realize you are at it. I think a lot of things are like that. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, like fucking that pus, am I right? Because your taste gets better. Just like that pussy. That pussy, dude.

I want to apologize to all the front work. For calling Joey, for calling him ugly skanks, dude. These were nice ladies. Jason, you were there. You were there. Are you going to tell me they were beautiful? I actually really, I don't have like a specific memory of what they look like. So they weren't hot.

They didn't like blow me away, yeah. No, no. I was, I was just doing it. I'm also happily in a relationship. So this is like a nice way to like be like accidentally sexes. Like all women look the same to me now. They can't tell them apart. Don't know the difference.

It's all just my girlfriend. But can I tell you the survey lining of all this? I sat at their table for like a long time. They got me lots of drinks. I got drunk. And then once I got drunk, I turned around, talk to this really beautiful woman, got her number. have a date with her, I think, Saturday. Didn't you get an over-the-pants-panty

when you're sitting with the nurses? No. I feel like you told me you did. Did they put gloves on? I'm pretty sure I told you the story of the over-the-pants-hand job I got that night. But that's from like years ago. That was a different table of skis.

I told you over-the-pants-hand job story that night, but it was from like years ago. I don't know. You might have just embellished your interaction with the nurses. Because you walked up and you were like... How did you came from over-the-pants-hand job? Oh, no, I said they grabbed my cock. They grabbed your cock.

Oh, no, that one nurse who, the aggressive nurse did grab my guy. But it wasn't a hand job. I did get an over the pen. It was a hand job. She was just checking for warts or something. She was like, okay, cough. No, no. The one, sorry.

So all the sexual stuff was with that one nurse, the one who grabbed my cock. Was that the one who came up to us at first? The one who wanted to make out with me in the bathroom and shit, like that black that lady. Yeah, she rocks. Sounds pretty cool. But I also told you about the over-the-pants hand job I got outside in like a story of her queens. No, you haven't told me about that. Tell me about that now.

Oh, I, Jesus Christ. I, Matt's on Tinder or something with this girl from, like, Korea or something, and she was, like, moving. She's probably somebody that I was sending. Nudes through, yeah. And she was from... Have you seen Michael Good's penis? It's quite famous where I'm from. That's why I came to America.

So she put her, like, address in New York, so, because she was moving there in a month. So I had a whole month of talking to her before she moved to New York. She finally comes to New York, and we go on a date. And after the day, she goes, can you take me home? I take her home. the way to like deep in flushing queens or something. And she's like, you can't come inside because I live with my aunt. And my aunt's apartment's really small.

But we can hook up for a little bit on the street corner. I'm like, okay. And she proceeds to give me on the street corner in front of people walking by, like walking their dogs. Just gives me the meanest over the pants hand job. Did you come? Oh, I came. You came in your pants?

Yeah, I had to. Oh, that's awesome. Fuck yeah, dude. That lady rocks. That is so cool. You're just walking on the subway. You're like, you got to come in your pants. I think it's kind of cool.

It's gross, but it's cool. No, no, no, the thing is, it's like, she, she, like, it was premeditated. She knew she was going to be a pre, over-the-pants-hand job. So, like, she, like, had. And she knew what she was doing. She had a technique. I think the friction would make me come faster than. It made me come faster.

Also, dude, just, like, the elicitness of it, and they're like, oh, shit, we're outside. This is like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was wearing Lulu Lemon joggers, so, like, it was really easy access. You're busting fast, yeah, yeah. I thought I told you, maybe I told your friend. I definitely told somebody at the bar. You just pulled aside my, my, my, did you have to scoop out.

How do you, how do you, you got jizz in your pants? You're going home like that? How does that work? Oh, I jumped on the subway feeling like a fucking rock star. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was running like black and just scooping it out of the front of his pants like sand from the beach and just dumping it in handfuls. Just got to shaking it off. No, it's like an instant dry.

It's like, it's like some men at that point. Just wiping it on like a homeless guy's coat who's sleeping on the end train. Just like putting your hand on a shore. Like you're going to get out of this. You're going to make it, man. I'd rather have my own semen and touch that guy's jacket, no offense. Is that rude? What's up?

I'd rather have my own semen on my head. Oh, yeah, yeah. Than touch a homeless person. Yeah. What are the guys I know got a downgrade? Dude, one of the guys I know got a haircut recently. And he's just one guy I always bark

and then it's so funny, he'll look right next to me and he'll be like, I should fucking kill you. And I'll freak out. He goes, oh, no, I'm not talking to you. He's like, you're great, you're great. He's like, we don't mess with this guy. He's good people. I'm like, thanks.

Now I'm really comfortable. Now you're just talking to the person directly next to me that's not real. How long have you known him? Like a year probably. because he used to come to the Washington Square Park mics, and then he, what's it called?

And then he, I see him always when I'm barking. My favorite is this one guy, he called me a faggot a bunch of times, and then the other day he's like, hey, how's it going, man? Is he trying to say to get a beer? And I was like, no, you literally almost every day call me this. Wait a second.

This is a homeless guy? Yeah, yeah, this is a different one, yeah, yeah. Dude, I'm pretty sure that's just Ryan O'Toole. That's really funny. But, I was like, dude, this guy's yelled it at it me a bunch of times. I'm like, no, I'm not. I was like, I get that your memory wouldn't be that good, but like, I'm like, I'm sorry, I know I'm not going to buy you. Oh, he wanted you to buy. I thought, because the way he made it sound like, it sounded like, it was just like, do you know a place

where I can get a beer? I was like, it's just like some guy who like lives around McDougal. Yeah, my God. All these homeless people are out of control. Well, I can, you know, the guy I can't stand? There's a lot of homeless people on McDougal. But the one I can't stand is, you know, like the guy with the suitcase? He has a rolly suitcase and he just rolls up to you go, hey man, all I have is this suitcase. And I'm trying to, like, get money so I can finally move into an apartment of my own. Can you please give me money? You're like, don't search in here.

This is Greenwich Village. This is a nice area. Yeah, this is very expensive. Yeah. Say your cold slower. And, like, he always starts out really nice and polite. And the second, you resist a little bit. He just, like, it's like, it's like, he goes from, like, angel to devil.

And he's like, then you're a fucking asshole. I'm my murder your family. Oh, I know people like that. The best of the guy is like, can I please just have? He has the same. Yeah. Yeah. The guy who comes on the train.

He's like, can you possibly spare a penny The smallest amount of money In this fucking country But then he jumps up He goes, oh my God, fine If one of you just gives me $10 I don't have to beg every button I'm like, you does a huge jump there

You can catch more flies with honey Yeah But it's so funny Because I always hear him And it's always like Can I and it's like it's How do you maintain this tone every day? Yeah, yeah exactly

Yeah No, he's been working on He was going to like homeless open mics Like really premed Yeah Yeah So I'm thinking I'm gonna yell at them really hard.

Does that make sense? He just says, what, can a penny? Is a penny too small? Should I say a dollar? Talk to me afterward. Well, do you know about like the fucking like homeless communities?

They're crazy. I have a friend of homeless. Yeah. I feel like I could have guessed that. By losing his home. It's not that hard. He infiltrated it by losing his home a job. He infiltrated it because he has something

could say at my place and I said no. So, yeah. You know what? I actually don't know if I can call this guy a buddy because He's kind of like lost touch because it's kind of an asshole. Because he's homeless now. Yeah, yeah. But he does these social experiments where he like tries like weird things for a week.

Like having sex with the men. I do it all the time. I get what you're saying. It's not good for his experiment. Thank you. I thought it was funny. So my buddy, I was like, I'm going to try smoking crack with homeless people for a week. And he told, true story.

And he told me that like he fucking like got taken to this abandoned warehouse where they all just like gliblike. Then they had just like houses of cans and bottles that they collected. Just sort of just exactly what you would have expected. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was gonna smoke I was gonna smoke crack with homeless people for a week, so anyway, I've been doing that for eight years, yeah, gonna wrap it up any day now. That is cool the day, I didn't know they had like, uh, they have like a king. A rat king?

He is a crown made of rat skulls, yeah, that'll be fucking badass. No, I, I think he just said that, like, they just find, like, warehouses to dump all their cans and goods and, and, uh, and some of them fuck. What's your friend's name, first and last? And some of them fuck, basically. Is he a comedian? He thinks he's a comedian Just say his name

Michael Cutter out afterwards Yeah his name's J.T. Shinler He really weirds me out I didn't want to have to cut stuff out Yeah, don't cut it up, fuck him No, I have to edit more Do you get everybody cut that out? Whatever

Leave it in No one listens to this podcast Yeah, no nobody I listen to it How many people listen to it? Like 30 a week Nice That's a lot

Yeah, thank you, thank you And some of the older episodes get more That's a good bar show Yeah, thank you, thank you I appreciate that a lot Yeah Yeah We're performing to a good bar show

right now. Hell yeah. What's up, fellas? You can follow me on Instagram. Where's one of my friends listen to the podcast and I'll tell him stuff and he'll be like, yeah, I already heard you talking about that on the podcast. Oh, I like that. Yeah, but it is kind of like a little too caught up sometimes because now it's like, I have you noticed from comedy, I think I've noticed it from comedy that in conversation I do, you just like repeat things to different people and it's like, oh, and you don't realize. Yeah, yeah. You're just like, oh, I do, like, I have these like certain like conversational topics that have like hitting on. over the course of the week and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

Just talking about the same thing to different people all the time. One person, because we have some of the same thing, I want to recap it. So, do you know who Ron Dickles is? Oh, yeah. I just know, I was hoping. Like, you would come and go to me and be like, can you please ask him to leave? He makes all of us uncomfortable. He's my favorite person in the other.

So he's this bald guy. I just like him. You love him. I love, so he kind of looks like Bobby Kelly, like this. No. I don't know. See, it looks kind of like Kingpin from. Oh, that's better.

Yeah. So it looks exactly. like Bobby Kelly. It's like a fat, like bald guy, and he'd just go to open mic. He's like, what are you guys? Gay is something? And I was his whole act to just call people gay. He's like jerking each other off. And, uh... That's hilarious. He's so funny. Dude, he literally used to hang out.

When Michael explains it does sound funny funny. It's so bad, but it's funny. He had this, like, he had this one thing where he had a fart machine and people walked by and you just hang out for hours outside this open mic and do the fart machine and just giggle to himself. He's like this 45-year-old man. I saw him the other day. If you think that isn't our future, you are in fact.

I saw it the other day. I feel like I've already seen you do stuff like that before. Just make fart noises? I don't do that, but I would do the earlier stuff. You call me gay often. I do call you gay often. I do call you a wop. I do, it's a lot of mid-century humor.

I saw him the other day. Mid-century. He was doing karaoke in his car. Like, just on McDougal, it just parked his car, which is Blair in karaoke, and he had... Windows open? He had just dickles on the side. He had like an American flag.

He had just the words dickles in, like, golden... On the side. Windows open? He's in a convertible. Just singing karaoke, a bunch of, like, songs about being in America. It's just him.

And, like, people are, like, what is going up? He's crushing it. Oh, He's a person. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Has he been booked on a show before, you think? He's about to be. I'm booking. Why? What show do you put in? He's coming in a after us and record a Patreon episode.

The giggle pit. Oh, whenever that place is called 77. Oh, you think you're going to climb. No, no, dude at Salas Bar now. Oh,

the one way Jason does this show. stole the idea for Michael. And Ivan. I want to come, invite me sometime. I'd come, I'll support. It's every Thursday. I don't think I have to invite. Is it to give you a formal invitation?

I mean, like, Jason has a good job to let me know when, like, it's happening. I have no idea. Mr. Rinaldi, your presence is requested. On June the 23rd at Michael Good and Ivan Buster's Comedy Gallery. Actually, the comedy show, the name works.

Yeah, yeah. At the comedy gallery. I hate the name of our show. It's the Comedy Gallery. The only reason we named it that is because there was a time period where it was illegal to do stand-up comedy, so we had to present it as an art gallery. And so, like, it was kind of like a...

But I feel like most things you do are illegal, so you're comfortable working in that field. Yeah, but now it's called the comedy gallery, and I hate that name. And I hate the theme of it. I hate an art gallery. I'm not into art. I'm not just post today on Twitter and Facebook

and all the grams and be like, Michael Good's the most pretentious comedian in New York City. He has this fucking lame name called the art gallery. Let's shut him down. And he said bad stuff on his podcast about J.T. Schindler. I just do all the things that, What would your show be called if you could pick it? The fart gallery?

Oh, he fucking burned you, dude. I was a genuine question. I was going to say like, the fart something. I have the most lowbrow sense of you. Hey, my mother, do you have any aloe in your apartment? Because that was a burn. Because I was a burn. He fucking burned you, dude.

I really was just trying to workshop with you, though. Yeah, yeah, I was, I'm not functioning today. You guys have been taken over, but I like it. I like that you guys, I've been kind of sitting back, just kind of grinning on this episode. I haven't had any comebacks or anything. I haven't added to the riffs. Do you have any new conspiracies that you want to share with this? Oh, did you read that?

Yeah. No, I got to check it out. Oh, yeah. I have a weird... What's going on with the aliens and the spaceships? We'll get into that in a second. But I will say this. I think I am...

I got vaccinated, but I am now more hesitant about the vaccine, the more I'm thinking about it. Dude, I got it. I don't know why. Okay, the one thing I thought about... Okay, this thing is, I think it's way better than getting COVID. Like, I think you shouldn't get COVID. You shouldn't get people COVID.

Do what you want about getting vaccinated. I got vaccinated because I felt like it's probably better for not give other people COVID. But I will say this is the only vaccine I've ever taken that I felt like complete shit. So I think that in some ways this isn't the best version of the COVID vaccine. I think next year they're going to have a perfected version. I never felt like shit after it.

Oh my God. I get the flu shot. My arm blows up. I get sick for like three days. It's the worst. Really? I get that at all. Yeah, yeah. But that's what I'm saying, I don't know. Every other vaccine, I think maybe they have. And you read about why that's the case? No. Because me neither. I'm not going to, I mean, me neither. Like, but like, so like, I've never gotten sick of a vaccine either. But I also didn't

look into it at all, so I guess I'm not worried about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I feel like it's obvious, because aren't they giving you a little sample of COVID? Not with this one, no, it's the MRNA vaccine's different. Oh. Yeah, so it's a different sort of vaccine than you've ever taken. That makes sense now. I'm gonna kill myself. I'm gonna kill myself. Fucked me up, dude.

We were supposed to play basketball and I was like, dude, I can't play basketball, I'm fucked. Yeah, dude, I was fucked that. That sounds like a disaster. What did you do that day? Didn't play basketball with Jason. I love playing basketball Jason. We've been having a good time. We got dusted by some high schoolers. Oh, yeah. Hazel kid in sandals Some, yeah, dude

These two rich upper-east side kids Were just like, you guys want to play two-on-toos They're like, aren't you supposed to be in school? Yeah, they were like That we're gonna school you and they just They did say they were very nice But they were like, we get one day of a week And I was like, it was like a fancy upper east side school

And they were like, yeah, yeah, it's exactly that We start playing, they start talking to each other in French They're fucking dusting us in French dude I would not expect him to be good I was slightly turned on I don't know if it was because of the French or how young they were But there was something going on There was something going

It was something stirring in Joey. Did they have a French accent? No. They go to the French school. So they just like speak French. That's so duchy. That shouldn't be allowed. Let me explain.

There's just a level of douchiness. We should not like kids go to a French school. I speak rich people. So let me translate to you idiots why they do this. Essentially, rich white people realize like in the early 2000s. The Spanish is trash. They're not going to go to a French school. Oh, well, that too.

But they realize like, we're not diverse. for college because college wants these Chinese and Spanish kids. So how can we make our white rich upper reciders seem cool? See, to the listener, even though it sounds like Joey crawled out from under a pile of discarded spaghetti in Long Island, he's from Greenwich, Connecticut. So, no, so they do. Because I grew up with these assholes. These guys are fucking out of the mind.

So they go, so their parents are like, instead of making them go to normal school, we're going to send them to this French school where they have to speak French the whole time so they can write an essay being like, even though I'm rich, I had a hard to. childhood because I didn't know French and I went to a French school and that way they sound like diverse. Yeah, that's like my college yesterday was how I went to Haiti and I was there for three days and there's no way I helped

them. How many dick picks did he said? Do those it's Michael Good, the penis king. The penis king of the island nations. Yeah, it was bad. Yeah, was there a comedy? Haiti was bad? Was that your essay? No, it did. The place fucking saw. That's good, bro. This could be the name of the show, Dick Picks

comedy. Dick Picks comedy? That could be pretty funny. I think that just paints a different name of what the show is. It sounds like they're just going to get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought stand-up was going to get there at one point. Before, like, the political correctness stuff, I was like, oh, because there was a time where, like, you couldn't say anything, but comedy was going, like, way out there. And I was like, I feel like the next step is nudity in stand-up because I was like, I don't

know where else's-naked. There's naked roast. There's naked roast. There's a naked show in Florida. What's a naked show in Florida? There's like a show in Florida where you have to perform naked or something. Where in Florida? I don't know.

I know there's a-huh. I see. That's where you're from. No, no, no, no, Orlando, maybe. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't underwear show. But that's a little different. Oh, it's an underwear. There's also shows at nudist colonies, but you don't have to get new.

But I probably would get new if I ever did it. Yeah, so I actually know some, like, ugly-ass dude. Wait, he's actually a comic now. What's his name? First and last name? Michael edited it out. I don't know. And he's like the president of, like, the nudist New York City community.

Oh, oh. Oh, I don't know what. I don't know. I don't know what. Oh, interesting. I never heard of them. Never made of it. And I don't want to go.

I don't want to go. You know what I would say? I think if I was in a nudist colony, I would, it would be, what's the difference between that and seeing porn all the time? I think I would get kind of done. I feel like I would get less sexually excited if I saw tits all the time in the pajamas. No, because the thing about, the people at the nudist Connolly. Connolly.

What's the word I'm looking for? Colony. Colony. Yeah. The people there are not fucking like, uh, fell of danger or whatever, those, those, whatever these girls are named. They don't look like that. Yeah, but I still...

Also, it's just like tits and, like, dicks just, like, flopping around and natural light all the time and, like, just like people, like, standing in, like, non-sexual positions, you know what I mean? Yeah, but people bend over, I guarantee. There's, like, women that bend over.

But they're gonna bend over, like, like, this, you know what I mean? With their hairy asshole. It's not bleach, baby. There's no bleach at the colony. I don't think that's a rule. I don't think they're anti-bleech. But they don't...

I don't pretty sure. They don't require bleaching. No required bleaching. There's got to be some people there that, like, want to look good. I don't know. But, dude, honestly, if you're like, if you're looking really hot at a nudist colony, I'm kind of, I'm suspicious. They kick you out. I'm suspicious of your motives, dude.

Why are you doing that? Good point. You could be naked wherever you wanted. Why'd you have to come here? Yeah, that's a good point, just to make them feel bad. It's probably just a big dick guy. He's like, you fucking little dick, bitches. He's just constantly insulting all them.

Also, I like underwear. Like, I don't even walk around my apartment naked. I always have at least underwear. I walk around this one naked all the time. I walk around my apartment naked constantly. Wide open windows, yeah. I feel weird with my boss hitting my legs. That's what happened to me

a big old Italian brajola. Big fan of meatballs. What's that? What's a brajola? A brajole. A brajole. Yeah, it's like you're dick and balls. See, I like this type of Italian.

Fauci, he's this weird kind of... I sound so conservative in the podcast. God damn it keeps happening. The fucking Fauci with these germs and he's sound. He's so mousy and like... He's more Jewish than Italian. He is in a way, right? Why is everyone all the way?

But now it sounds like I don't like Jewish people. It's not what I'm saying. Can we just comment out? Why is everyone all worked up about a doctor? Like, he's just a guy going on camera because he has to talk about an issue that's happening. He's not a political figure. I don't view him as a political figure. I just view him as a guy who's like, fuck, I'm stuck with this terrible job right now.

And like, go easy on that time. He's a good pie's on. You really? Played basketball in high school. He played basketball in high school? He showed up on, like, the jump. Did you see that? Oh, yeah.

They were like, so Dr. Foucher. up in like the basketball TV show. He banged Rachel Nichols for a little bit there. Hell yeah, dude. But they were like asking him about playing high school basketball. He was like, I probably scored about four points. He's like, he's like 5-2.

He played in the 1950s, you know? Well, five-two is like six-ten back then. It's true. Yeah, he was like he was the biggest man in New York. He reminds me like the old man, not the one from Up, but what's that one from that little Disney video where he plays the, is it the... I think you're thinking of Up.

No, no, no. What's the one where he does like the... The Checkers. The Checkers thing where it's like the old man playing checkers or something. Is it a Pixar movie? Did he see Soul? I had not seen Soul want to see Soul. I'm like, there's a few good Disney movies. I haven't seen it.

Still haven't seen Frozen, believe it or not. Frozen's good. Yeah, I got to watch it. This guy, this one reminds me of like the little. Let me see. Never saw it. It's like a little short where it's like an old guy playing chess. Oh yeah.

I have seen that fucking guy. Where is that guy from? Is he from? It was just like a short. Jerry's Game was the name of it, right? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, Jerry's game. That sounds way more dramatic.

It sounds like a movie with a twist, like Jerry's game. Have you seen the game with Michael Douglas? No. Wait, they made that into a movie, the book? No. Wait. They made games into a movie? No, no.

They made a movie called Chequess? Yeah. I thought the game is like that dushy book. It's like the game. No, no, no, not that one. Not that one. Not that one. The pickup artist thing.

Did you ever read the game? No. No. Were you Big Tucker, Max guy? Yeah. I like that. I was like, dude, this guy got throw up on his dick, bro. It's so cool. I feel like I recently discussed this with you, Jason. I feel like things like Tuckett Max, Blue Mountain State entourage. Like, they serve a purpose and that purpose is for like eighth grade boys. And I feel like now like it's like, I'm glad I did it, but I don't need to go back. Yeah, I'm not revisiting Blue Mountain State for sure. Yeah. Well, I think, but I think there's a middle ground between like that and like what there could be.

Because now they're like, every man is a hipster on a unicycle and we're like, no. You know what I mean? Like, I think Michael's very defensive because he turned off Blue Mountain State as we were walking in. But I think like Blue Mountain State. I like to do it. No, I'm not shitting on Tech and Max entourage or Blue Mountain State.

Yeah, yeah. I'm just saying those hit in eighth grade so perfectly. Like, it feels like, it's like the way my grandpa feels that Sunday Mass when he gets to drink the red wine. Like, he fucking loves that shit. He fucking goes crazy at Mass.

Yeah, yeah. He fucking his dicks hard as a rock. That's good guy. He's a good guy. Yeah. Just loves God. loves that too but I think the thing I was saying is like

there's so so I never liked to entourage because I actually didn't like like I am very broie but I didn't like I always like people with like There's too woke for you Hunterudge is too woke for my hooker no no no no no I like like workaholics because I was like it's funny when they don't get pussy

I'm just like yeah I really like the entourage but that's something about that Lloyd guy I just I like when they don't get pussy in a shit it's funnier like it's always something but I think that people don't realize there's a balance between because now people are like

oh every group of guys is this like they don't talk about girls at all and I'm like, no, that's now how, you know what I mean? Now it's like so far... I only talk about girls. I think I brought up like four or five different girls related stories on this podcast alone. Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. But I think there's like a balance between the two because

like American Pie is like a good balance that because like some of the guys don't get pussy. Some of the guys do get pussy. You know what I mean? Like that's... It's a great American film. I like American Public. I had about American Pie. American Pie is such a good complex movie that the whole fucking A plot of high school

musical is like the D plot of American Pie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah, that does you want to sing or play sport? Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, yeah, that's a small part. Like, they made a whole fucking movie about the on Disney Channel. American Party's like, we covered that in 2000, you fucking losers. Yeah, that's a great, he's the

basketball, yeah, he's the lacrosse player that wants to sing. Yeah. I never thought about that. He's basically, yeah. I think about the shit all the time. We should talk about American Pie more. Do you guys watch high school musical? Yeah, yeah, I don't like it. No, I like the first two. The third one is when I drew the line. Yeah, that's when obviously the quality is drops up. That was actually fun. The second one... They're at a summer camp, yeah.

No, they were all working at a country club. That's what I meant. Country Club, and it's fun. And they have a whole baseball sequence. I'm a big baseball guy. I love the basketball sequence in the first one, too. I was just a huge sports guy. Yeah.

It combines my two favorite thing. I like theater and I like fucking sports. Yeah, you don't get a lot of that, but it's... Check it out. I also saw High School Musical Live in Theater in Chicago. It was pretty good. So you're like a big fan of High School musical.

Big fan. First two. No, never watch the third one. That shit sucks. You never seen it? No, I saw it in theaters, actually. Yeah. I would never watch the third one.

I watched it. I would never watch it again. I have the DVD because the special features are so good. But the movie itself is like, dude, I'm not gay. I like the first two. Like, it's just a weird thing with the third one. He's like, dude, come on. I'm a tough guy.

Look, by the third one came out, I was getting pussy. So I don't watch. I only watched it the two times in here. Actually, the third one was actually, because I remember, like, it was a ploy to get pussy. Because, like, I remember I was like the night it came out. and all my friends will. Why is there no parties happening tonight? Why is there nothing to do this weekend?

And I'm like, there is something to do this weekend. Me and eight girls are all going to see High School Musical 3. And I hung out with these girls. And the thing is, I think I forgot friends. They were like, we love our gay friend, Joey. But the time I was fully torqued that I was about to have sex in the movie theater bathroom,

didn't happen that way. It was actually a disappointing night. Because after the movie... I think I got jerked off in a movie. I got blown. I got jerked off in a movie. Yeah, yeah. In the theater and the theater bathroom.

In the bathroom is cool. I don't know how people do stuff in the bathroom. I did stuff in the theater. In the bathroom is usually pretty busy. Yeah, yeah. I don't know how people get in the bathroom. Yeah. I remember, there's Pirates of Caribbean 4.

And that's when I knew Pirates of the Caribbean was going downhill. Because I was getting blown in this. I'm like, I don't know if it's this blowjob or this, but I was like, this is an end of an error. I was like, I was watching Johnny Depp, I remember. I'm like, what is he doing in this one? This is not for kids anymore. Yeah, I'm like, this is not what's happening. So I hooked up with, like, girls in my.

movie theaters all throughout middle school and high school it was like a thing to do and then i think was the summer of like freshman year like i just ended freshman year of college and finding dory was in movie theaters and this beautiful young lady brought me to finding dory and uh we did some rated our stuff in the back of finding dory and that's when i realized i was like i can't do this movie theater stuff anymore yeah but that's a funny line though to a movie filled with children yeah but that's the funny thing is they'll kick you out of an r-raid movie they'd be like hey go get your dick suck in fighting me. Like, they won't let you into the movie, but you're getting a blowjohn. I can't explain.

It was at the last week it was in theaters. There was no one in there. Oh, okay. There was one. Were you plotting that way? That's very smart. Be like, the movie's about to end. This will be an empty... I never thought that way. You should go see like an art film. Like a movie that no one's seeing and get your dick sucked in the bag of that. No, but you're supposed to get sucked off in an art film. Like, I'm trying to go. It's just to pay attention.

Yeah. No one wants... So everyone's paying attention. So then you just get your dick suck in the back. Wait, but I will say one fucked up thing. Like so the theater was virtually empty except a few rows in front of us. There was a mom with a little son. Yeah. And the girl and I was the one who was like, babe, let's calm down. Yeah, of course you all, I'm sure you were

fighting her off. Yeah, I'm sure Joe was the, the, I was a victim. The avatar of good taste and decency when he suggested getting his dick sucked in the back of finding door. It was like, well, there's kids here. Yeah, what do we do? What are we doing? There's a mother present. What are you trying to do? There's fucking kids in this

theater. But she, but she, you got no fucking respect. Yeah. But she went for it, and I respected that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why do you guys keep checking your phones?

You feel like a fucking loser. We're texting about you. I was not to say. Joey totally never got blown in a movie where it's like really good against. I matched with her in Tinder like a few months ago. Over the pandemic, I matched with on Tinder. The girl blew you in finding email for Dory. And she literally goes, she texted me saying, I don't know why.

I feel like we met before. She's Dory. She doesn't remember anything from that night. because you trucked her. Oh, that's a good one. And then I just texted it back Finding Dory movie The 2015 and she doesn't respond for a week

and she responds back, ha ha, I want to do it again? Oh, there you go. And then we've been talking ever since had not met. I think she's like nervous to meet me. But we still, but we were in Texas.

The famous Joey. The famous Finding Dory. Yeah, this is probably gotten way better blowjob since then. That's what she said. She's actually said that. Oh, there you go. Yeah.

She's like, I'm finally going to confront that guy that made me blow him in the back of finding Dory. There are kids there. We're friends. We actually are friends. We talk. We text.

Yeah. But good times. Yeah, those are magical times. Yeah. There's something about not being able to do stuff in private places that makes it more. You know what I'm like? It's like I don't miss high school, but like, you know, like a beach blowjob. Like I remember the first time I got a blowjob.

I wrote like my, uh, my number in the sand. Or no, some girl had her number at the sand and I called her. And then she just showed up and sucked her dick. Like 30 minutes later was like, Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. That girl's awesome. Yeah, I don't want the spark notes. I want the full novel.

Can you give me the whole story? So we show up to the beach with a couple four locoes because we're 14 and we're here to party. Old-fashioned four locoes. This was like, my brother was like, dude, this is the original formula. Yeah, he's like, it was like one of the last old four locoes. And I had a bag full of K2. You know what K2 is? It's like the spice stuff.

Yeah, of course. Four loco. Four loco and K2. I was wearing. Oh, yeah, wearing quick silver shirt walking around New Somer at Beach. I'm like, this is my town. You have Oakley's on like a string around you? Probably.

Probably. When there's jawstring backpacks, you know what I mean? That's where you could like hide stuff back then. And I remember I was staying at my buddy's place. And yeah, we walked by and I had a broken leg too. I had like a cast. You're dangerous. That was cool back then.

Was it in one of those like waterproof socks? Yeah. It was when I was at the beach. Yeah. I'm turned on. Yeah. And remember I just saw this number of the sand. I'm like, I'm going to call it.

It was this girl. And she's like, hey, what's up? I was like, hey, what's up? I was like, hey, well, I got to go to dinner later, if you want to hang afterwards? And I remember we were like, make it out of the beach and then she blew. Wait, wait, wait, no, no, no, no.

So where did you meet her? On the beach. Okay, okay, okay. Her number was right in the sand, I called it. What was it like when you first saw? Was she hot? Was she cute? Was she in cute? Yeah, she was hot?

She was hot? Yeah. That's a desperate girl move for a hot girl. You know, she must have just gone hot that summer. Well, she was one of those girls that, like, in spring break. She was a year old. I think she was in high school. I was in eighth grade.

And she was like, she had big boobs. So sometimes the people that... Gotcha. I know the type. Yeah, the big boobs. My love sister, am I right? Hell yeah. Yeah.

Chech-chaise. She's a good lady, though. Yeah. But, yeah, and his sister is a good lady. I'm a big fan of her? A big fan. Yeah, big fan. Yeah, big fan.

Wait, the younger one or all the one. Both of them at the same time. You know what I mean? Hell yeah. Chicks! You could have at least invited my mother. What's up? You could have at least invited my mother, too.

Oh, she was a little. invited, but she was busy cooking cookies for us for afterwards. Hell yeah, dude. I have a whole joke about her making cookies, so that's weird. You must know my bit. Yeah. Can I do the bit?

No, I'm just kidding. What was the, I remember the weirdest when I was the kids. There was a time where I was scared. I'm still investing the story, though. She blew me nothing else happened after. Yeah, Joey doesn't really like a story unless it's 20 minutes too long. Yeah, exactly. But I was like, she blew a bit.

But I remember I used to be, like, worried about because back when I was in middle school, I was like, dude, I'd watch porn. I'm like, my dick's not that big. I was like, how are girls going to like, what is going to happen? They're going to be like, whoa. What is this ridiculous small dick you want me to put in my mouth? Yeah, yeah.

I would never put a Michael, it's good dick in my mouth. I started a lot over that. I would never put Michael Dick in my mouth. Michael, unless it's a good Michael, I can't speak right now. Are we out of time? No, no, no, we have five more minutes, so we better let it rip. But this would be the worst five minutes. Wait, so hold on.

So, can we talk about this Indonesian lady some more? Sure, yeah, yeah. I am. I like more about the big movie, my beach girl, but okay. She showed up and she sucked his dick. I know, but that's a legendary story that you're not making sound legendary. You got a number.

That's your first blow. I think my mom sold the text message out towards who because I texted my brother immediately. I was like, dude, just got my first BJ. Hey, how did this interact? Did you have a lot of Christian shame about that stuff? Yeah. I had it about masturbating, but not about, for some reason,

I thought I had this, my obsessive compulsive disorder. So I thought that if I masturbated, God was punishing me the next day. So, like, my favorite was tests. I said this bunch of times, but like I would like think that I have I jerked off an odd amount of times and I'd have a bad luck. But I'd jerk off twice and sometimes it three times so I'd have to go for four times.

And then I'd fail the test the next day. But then I found out later I'm just failing because I'm spending the whole day masturbating. God isn't punishing me or something like that. But no, my brain would literally, I had nothing to do with God or anything. I was just jerking off and not even looking at all. Dude, dude, dude, you didn't talk about that on stage.

Yeah, I do. That's fucking hysterical. Yeah, yeah. That was never taught to like master, like just some random kid. I remember it was one of my friends in the middle. school was like, dude, God hates when kids jerk off. And I was like, what? He's like,

no, it's like his, like, it wasn't even like, he's like, it's like, it's like, no, that is like one of the biggest sin. He's like, there's killing. Wait, so it wasn't, it wasn't your church where you learned this? It's just some other idiot in school. Yeah, yeah, he told me that I just believed it for, I mean, I knew it was technically a sin, but I didn't know. But for some reason, I don't know why. You still jerk off though, right?

Never. Thank God. But, uh, but up this morning. Yeah, of course. That's how I get out of bed. Um, but if I, uh, what is it? What we're talking about? In my mind, it was so funny Because I thought that, like, God didn't care

If I got jerked off But if I jerked myself, I thought it was this weird bro-y god That's like jerking off is fucking lame bro That's for losers, dude Yeah, so I thought that every time I jerk off I'd have bad luck with girls the next day And what really happened is I would just get more nervous Talking to girls because I jerked off the day before

And it was this weird Why would you be nervous because he jerked off? Because I thought that God was punishing me And then he would give me bad luck the next day Because I had obsessive compulsive disorder I didn't know what it was at the time Wait, I forget If you don't jerk off our girls into you

you because they can like smell like the full semen? Oh, I think it's no, I think it's a subconscious thing from like biology. No, I think if you just jerked off. It's that they can see in your pants that your balls are a little heavier and they like it. No, no, I'm sorry. This is the biological thing. If he just jerked off, girls are more...

I mean, if you just bust in general, girls are more into you because there's this biological thing in them that tells them that... They can smell the cum? No, this biological thing in them that tells me... Smells like dish soap, I'm into that. This biological thing that's in there that tells them this man has just like done a load.

So he's not like in desperate need of like a mating, which is kind of hot because if a man's in desperate need a mating, they must be ugly and no girl wants to fuck them. Yeah, I think there is something to that. But for some reason, my brain went to reverse and I thought that God was like, you jerked off. He's like, I'm giving you no pussy tomorrow. And my brain like fought that for like literally until like

the end of high school. No, until like the end of high school. And it was just like absurd. That's so funny that your vision of God was like your cool older brother. Yeah. bro, you're jerking off when there's all this hot pussy out there, bro? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you fucking...

Oh, and you were in middle school? Oh, man, that was just some real hot pussy. Dude, I couldn't come for you... My first couple years of jerking off, it would just spads in my hand. But it was kind of a great feel. Yeah, that was like, apparently, there's no cleanup. That was a great... Yeah, I wish I could go back to that.

But I don't think if you get your things tied, it doesn't do that, does it? No, you still... Like, if you get a vasectomy? Yeah, yeah. They still come. There's just no sperm in it. Oh, that's so what is it then?

Well, come is like, isn't it gross? Isn't it like from your ass or something? It's from, I think it's from a prostate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Explain, I don't know anything about this. So it's like you're, I think from my understanding, so from my technical understanding, the sperm gets injected into the jelly and then that's what goes out. So then when you get your tubes tied, when you get a vasectomy.

So come is mainly jelly and the sperm is the little porticles in the jelly. Exactly right. And they're made in different, like the sperm is made in your balls and the, and the, and the jizz is made in your prostate. And we're out of time, guys. Um, get your prostate's milked fellas. Get it milk. Where can they find you online, Joey?

I'm the Joey Rinaldi on all the social medias. And if you think I'm funny, check out my podcast. It's called Trailer Trash and we watch movie trailers. Hell yeah. Uh, you can find me at Jason David Comedy on Instagram and me and my friend Matt Somersstein also have a podcast called White Boys Heart Movies. And you run a show every Wednesday, the same location as mine. We run a show at Solos at 8 p.m. on Wednesdays. It's called Tall Boys.

Hell yeah. And Joey. And if you like my weird stories, I have a storytelling comedy show at the tiny cupboard starting July 1st. And it's going to be every other week for the rest of the summer. So check it out. July 1st. And I appreciate you guys listening. Yeah.

All right. That's it. Love you. I love you too.