Morning Good - This is What Gives You Cancer - Episode 51

Episode Date: November 14, 2021

Thanks to Adam for coming on the show, make sure to check him out and follow him on socials. He's on Instagram @adamchristopherrr and has a show Nov. 16th at The Comedy Shop. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichael.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax. 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are. What's this? Did you call it the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. All right. We're here with Adam Christopher. Yo, I'm back. Yeah, and James Pontillo. And James Pontillo. I'm James Pontillo.

I'm also James Pontell. And I got a flat tire. And that's why I couldn't make it to Michael's podcast today. Now it's got to be a one-on-one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Neither can I. I'm also James Pontillo. There's two tires in the bike.

There's two. It was a bike tire. I thought I have a car. Oh, yeah, that's right. No, but there's two other wheels that are fine then. Never were just spokespersons for James Pontell's wheels and his person. Yeah. Whenever somebody like misses my pod for, I don't know why in my mind, I think it's like a different

excuse. I don't know what. I know it's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it can't be a flat tire. No, because who does that? You're bailing on me. That's what it is. I should ask him for evidence. Be like, show me, I need to see this. Yeah, you're saying like, uh, now one, we get to do one and one. Yeah, yeah. And you said you might waste my time, but I don't think it's a waste of time. I think this is fun. We get to play a podcast for an hour. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, do you think that's going to be a thing with like kids? I think that's the adult game now. Oh, my God. It's like game boards are out. Bro, could you imagine like if you're a kid. was like, what do you want to be when you grew up?

He, like, draws a picture of like a podcaster. Yeah. Pretty much. That's what's going to happen. Dude, parents are going to, like, find their kids' podcast equipment. We found this in your room. What's this about? He's like, nothing.

I want to be a DJ. I swear. I was just working on my calypso mix. Yeah. Dude, let me tell you, I'm feeling great. Yeah. You know, because you're not low energy, but you're so relaxed. Yeah, no, I'm very relaxed.

because you know wait do you have a good Halloween I had a fantastic how it's great I had a terrible Halloween oh shit yeah my back blew out

like on Friday so like the whole weekend up until now and I saw the Cairo today he man he like assessed my spine and he's like oh here we go

that's the problem and then he like touched a nerve and I was like ah that's it right there and then I like hunched over and he just like cracked my back in

like Batman style just like now I'm ready to fight Bain you know what I mean Oh, Batman. Okay, Batman doesn't crack. He gets his back crack. Yeah, he gets, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But yeah, dude, now I'm, like, walking like normal. I can sit down. I couldn't like... For Halloween, did you dress as somebody that has to pull that back? He was like the hunchback of Notre Dame or something. No, but I was, like, walking like him, that's for sure. Yeah, the bells, the bells.

Everybody's like, hunchback? You're like, no. Yeah, it's just... Yeah, my back is blown out. I was an island boy. which was dicey because I thought people were gonna think

I was trying to be like a Margaritaville kind of vibe No no no Like the island boys You don't know who these guys are No They're these two like

White kids from Florida And they have like Face tats And they're like I'm an island boy Oh is that from the TikTok The TikTok

That's like viral right now Yeah Yeah yeah It's like two people By the pool Yeah Yeah Yeah

Oh they're island boys Yeah So you're one of those Yeah But the problem is I think it looked Dice because I had like a grill in and like

they have like dreads, but they're white. Now I look like I'm trying to be a black. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. You just look like post Malone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I saw that picture actually. Yeah, you do just look like post Malone. Yeah, yeah. Pretty funny. Yeah, people couldn't figure out who I was. I had like five people get it.

I don't know, a lot of Halloween costumes like nobody gets it. But like there's that one person who's like, oh, this is who I did it for. Oh, my island boy. Give me some love. How did you out of it?

Anyone else, like, find that out. Dude, it was so funny. When one person gets it, we were at a bar, and the guy's like, dude, yes. Like, so he's like, dude, I abiding you. Are you serious? Like, so into it. He's like, this is genius.

I think it's so. And you're just, like, jerk it off. Like, yes. Yeah, I know. I like this. Like, I literally will make, like, a great connection with somebody just based on their costume on howl. Yeah, yeah.

Like, if somebody has a killer costume, I'm like, dude, this was like a sweet pun or something. You're like, oh, okay. All right, now we're chilling. We're chilling at this party. Did you go to a party? So I went to D.C. Let me just check. Well, you went to D.C.

James might be like, I got here still. Can't we do it over the phone? What a weirdo. Yeah, that's going to be too complicated. Can you just actually put the microphone by the phone? I've tried that. It sounds so bad. That sounds so bad. I prank called this person and it was like, you're like,

because you're like, it's too. Yeah, yeah, you can't make it out the word. No, yeah, it's tough. Oh, man. But I went to D.C. for Halloween, because my buddy lives there. And I went to a museum drunk for the first time. Not as fun as when you go high. Oh, yeah, dude.

Because you get kind of impatient. You're, like, restless when you're drunk. Yeah, dude. You either want another drink or, like, you want to, like, make some loud noise or, like, move around. Yeah. Like, museums are like, it's like the library of statues just like, shh. Yeah, I'm like, dude, where's the fucking ox in here, bro? We can't fucking throw the dudes up.

But it was like, I've been. to so many museums high and I'm like it's like I remember the first time I did it was like an art museum oh my god dude you go into a museum high you're just like just the space alone you're just like staring at it like at the entrance you're at the entrance for like an hour just staring around like whoa this is a place yeah it's so cool you're like look how high the ceilings are yeah and then you look at a thing you're like whoa this is from that time yeah yeah oh my god that's just the map yeah yeah yeah That was my favorite high thing every day. I was on the train one time.

You know how they have the map of the city, like printed out and like laminated on the wall? I was like looking for like the U.R. here sticker, but I was on a moving train. This map is dumb. They usually know exactly where I am. It's not show me.

That would be cool if they had like a moving dot though. They could do dad if it was like a. Oh, in the future. Well, they got all those like TV displays now on the train. You see them? They're like useless, but they're just like the ads that are normally there, but now it's like a TV screen. Oh, I don't see.

So like the ads, like move around and stuff. I've been city biking a lot recently. That's by why I haven't seen it. Oh, yeah. They don't do that on city bikes. No, I'll be fair to go. It's just like a TV popped up. Each handlebar is like a different poster board that like switches like.

That would be awesome. I always always go commercial comes on. You're like, yo, I'm on a bike literally. Yeah. What are you talking about car insurance? I'm not a car guy Yeah yeah Um

What kind of museum's Yeah no I What kind of museum was it So I went to the Smithsonian Bones or paintings That's a good point Yeah it was Kind of weird

The Smithsonian Oh the Smithsonian Is that like a mix It's not really a theme to it You go in there's like president stuff And it's like this was this It was kind of fucking sucked And then also here's some bones

Yeah Dude that was my favorite We had this museum We had this museum called the Science Center in Orlando and they had this thing where it was just a sand pit and you like dust off the sand to see like the dinosaur bones. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know those.

Yeah, yeah. They also have that like at Disney World like the, the, uh, I forgot what it's called, the jungle place. Animal Kingdom, yeah, jinks. That was great.

That was a lot of fun. That was really great. That was almost as fun as getting my back crack today. Dude, it's so crazy how like, how, uh, mobile I am now.

Yeah, like, I couldn't walk to like, the bathroom. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, it was like that. It was like really intense. Anyways, I wrote back to that.

What? You should have to go in your pants. Pants are waterproof. Oh, shit. I don't get the same satisfaction. Waterproof so, but that sounds like you'd pee in your pants. It would just reflect off. You just go straight down to the ground.

Well, it's back in my body. No way. Yeah. No, thank you, waterproof. This is how far about joggers is. Do you ever wear joggers? Oh, like those like cool cut sweatpants? Yeah.

No, I don't wear those. You sound like you don't think you're cool enough to wear them. You're like, no, I wouldn't even try to wear those. No, no, I would wear those, but I'm more of like I'm either wearing pants or I'm wearing my jammies. Oh, nice. That's like, yeah, yeah. Those are my two. Joggers were, I thought they were so dushy at first and then like.

I think that's where I'm still feeling about them. Yeah. Yeah. And I never, and then I wore them one time and I was like, ooh. Sometimes you get like one douche clothing article and you're like, all right, now it's, yeah. Oh, you know what it is too? It's actually, I feel too vulnerable wearing them. I'd wear them for like jammies.

Yeah, yeah. But like if I get a boner, you know, like when you get like random boners throughout the day for no reason. Yeah. You get one of those. You can hide it with like your, with like jeans and stuff. 100%. There's like a belt. You can kind of like give your shirt over it.

But with like the, yeah. The joggers, you really can't do that. The hardest part they do is because it's an elastic around the waist. It's really hard. It's kind of like sweatpants where if you pee, it's very challenging because your dick can be angled up so it doesn't all come out. And then when you put it back in, it just like all drips out. Oh my God. And then you got the, especially if you're wearing the gray ones, he'll pick up any sort of trace of moisture.

Oh, it looks horrible. Have you ever, dude, I've gone on stage before and definitely had like droplets. And I'm like, I'm like on deck. I'm like, I'm going to pee before going on stage. Oh, no. I brought it up in the middle of my set. I'm like, yes, I have pissed. on my pants. You guys were staring at it. Oh my god. Did it work? Yeah, people were laughing.

And I pulled my shirt down like over it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that sucks. It's like, because your dick is at eye level at some showrooms. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, for sure. But like, that's so funny though, because it's like, as much as you don't want that as a person, but you kind of do want that, like on stage. Oh, yeah. Anything that'll like get the laugh, right? You're not even like going for that particularly. But like, you're like, okay, I mean, this would be the best place for this to happened. Oh, I'll have stuff in the back of my head and I'm like, all right, I'll bring this up if things, if they're not laughing at this

immediately just throw this in myself. Like, I have a fucking rash on my dick and I almost brought up on stage last night. I was bombing so hard and I was like, all right, I'll bring up the rash and I forgot and I was like, yeah, I'd have been. I don't know if I had to bring it up. Yeah, it was a bad bomb. Yeah, I'll bring up this thing. It's not going

too well. Wait a minute. Let me just finish this bit though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me finish this bit that's not working right now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was bad. I'm pulling through. But the Smithsonian, I just want to talk some shit on the Smithsonian.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get back to it. They, the exhibits were so lame. Like, they had, like, Dorothy's shoes, and you're like, that's cool. But there's nothing else. They had Dorothy's shoes from the Wizard of Oz of movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not even, like, a real thing that happened. Yeah, these were the prop shoes in.

Okay, so, yeah, yeah, right. For the actual shoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, all right. And then I was like, that's cool. And then it was just like, the other stuff was just like, this was a rocking chair from like 1875. And you're like, all right. All right. Was it not, was it free though?

Yeah, it was free. It was free? Okay, all right. Well, then there you go, right? Yeah. Here's an old chair. Yeah. I mean, they had, to be fair, like, I think if I was high, I would have maybe enjoyed it.

But it was just like, I don't know, it was like, these were all the first lady's dresses. You know, that's cool, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. I went to a museum recently and, uh, I don't know if I don't know if I, I liked it as much as I used to. I think that's like, I went to the Metropolitan. And I realized what I like the most is like being in the space.

Yeah, yeah. It's like the paintings are just there to fill out the space. Kind of like I'm, I really enjoyed how high the ceilings are, the architecture of the whole place. And then the accents of like whatever's there. But like in terms of looking at the actual artifacts, it was kind of like looking at a bunch of chairs. Yeah, this is dumb. All right, well, this is another person's face. Yeah, I know people look different from other people.

Yeah, yeah, it's got... This guy thinks people look like this with a lot of, like, lines on it and like starry eyes, okay, that's what they think. And you're like, just walking around. What they need to do more is the maze ones. Like, I've gone to some art museums that are... So in an art museum I did that sucks,

but one thing they did was cool. So I like the ones where it's like rooms, but it's like... It's kind of dumb when you can kind of walk... They should really have one where it's like... It's just a straight line. line. Like, it's like a haunted house.

Like, that's kind of a cool. Because you're like, I don't know what's going to be in the next room. Like a van go pops out. Boom. Yeah. And then slowly zooms back. Yeah.

That sounds cool. Yeah. But that's really fun. Yeah. I went to a wall like that. I bet you're a couple like that where you are in like a maze almost. But one of them was like, it was like a exhibits made out of trash. And you're like at first like this is cool.

And we just went high. But then I started sobering up. And I'm like, I was like, we just paid $40 to look at trash. It wasn't $40. You're like, oh, no, actually just being high is cool. Yeah. That was cool.

Nothing to do with this museum, but it was like, they're like, this is what a squid would look like if it was made out of plastic. And you're just like, you just. Oh, come on, man. That's what it was, I think. I think I was, like, bored by art. I don't know if that makes me sound more like an artist or like more of an idiot. But I was like bored with art.

It's like, oh, cool. It's like three names. naked guys and like one woman chained to like a wall. You're like, yeah, that is what art would do. Yeah. I'm not like, wow, this is so like taboo or whatever. I'm looking at something excited. It's like, maybe I'm just jaded. Yeah, yeah. I'm just like looking at stuff.

I'm like, yeah, no, art would just be a golden toilet. Yeah, yeah. Now I'm staring at a golden toilet in the middle of a room instead of a bathroom. Okay. This is art. I think arts, those museums are cool. I remember when I was a kid, I went to Europe, and I didn't really have access to porn. So that was cool because some of those exhibits were like,

what was just like a dick going into a vagina? And that was the whole exhibit. I was like, oh, do you know that like, I saw just this old footage of like someone excavating like Greek statues and stuff? And then there was a bunch of these excavators and they were knocking out like the private parts of the male statues. They're just like hitting out the digs. So like a lot of those old statues are like kind of chipped on. on purpose or something. Oh, well. And then I was like thinking like, uh, trying to circumcise this tattoo. Yeah, yeah, no. And then like all the women's arms are gone. And I realized like,

probably because like all the women's arms were like jerking off. We can't have this. This is going into a museum with families. That would be so funny. I can see like a homophobic arm museum. Yeah. Half the guys are bent over. That's what it was. They were like knocking out dicks. They're like, we can't have a dick just like staring at me. Yeah. Like they're up here. Like the dick is like up to your face. You're like, no, I've got to get this out of the way. I remember as a kid it gave me so much confidence, though, because I know in, I wasn't like, they don't have dicks.

I got a dick. That's not what mine looks like. In Europe, though, they do like, there was this weird thing where they would make smaller penises in the statues so that you wouldn't focus on it. That was like the whole point of it apparently. But then that's the only thing you would focus on. Yeah, it's perfect side. Like, what's the golden ratio for a dick?

If it's too small, you still look at it. You're like, that's tiny. And if it's too big, you're like, holy. that's a hog yeah but i remember as a kid i gave me so much confidence because i was like they made really small with dicks and all the statues and i was like all right i'm fucking i'm doing all right my dick's not that small yeah i always thought that was pretty fun apparently too it's like uh the symbolism too uh for some of maybe like during the renaissance or something was like that it's supposed to like say that you're like smarter it's like if you have a smaller dick you're

like smarter. That's like, that's a small dick guy definitely made that. He's like, I'm just saying, I'm not saying how big money he thought that he's like,

yo, that's fucking genius. Yeah, that explains my dick. Yeah, that was pretty funny. That is fun. There is a,

I think it is interesting that there's more dick inside you and you can get like a surgery apparently to just pull your dick out further. Wait, really? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, because that billionaire died from trying that out. What? Yeah, right before like, dude,

that's why he was so smart. because he's a small dick. Yeah. That's why he's a billionaire. Yeah. But they couldn't patch up his, his, uh, his, uh, his member. That's crazy. Yeah.

He tried to himself. Yeah. His friend just got like a car. He's like, slowly drive. I'm going to stand here. And then just bleeds out. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh. But like, yeah, man, I wouldn't be able. I wouldn't do that. No, no, no, no, no. But it's also hard because I have an average dick. I have no idea, like, waking up every morning and you're like, fuck! You probably have, like, dreams that it's bigger. And you're like, oh, man, that sucks.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, mine is, like, just pretty average as well. But I'm like, I'm fine with it. Yeah, I, I, I, I, no part of me is like, if I had one more inch, my life would be better. But do you ever think that, though? Do you think that if yours was like, like, let's say, like, double whatever you have? You're like, holy shit. Like, do you think you would be it?

Five inches? was double what I have. That's what sound like you think. No, like a full line. Like, if you had like a just a giant, like whatever, right? This is also great for a one-on-one. We're just staring talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no.

We got to keep it intimate. Yeah. Like, I mean, you turn off the lights and everything. It's just completely darkened here. The recorder's not even on. Yeah. What was the question? Like, I thought this.

Like, if my dick was, like, any longer, would I be in porn? I don't think I would be new. I think the only porn I would do, so I am into weird stuff, but the only point I would do is the weird stuff because they make you wear a leather mask and you just have no idea. Oh, yeah. It's such a good, you're even just like,

can I just do normal stuff? But my thing is I like to wear a leather mask. I like to look like a wrestler. Yeah. Like a luchador. That's my name, actually. The luchador. I tattooed it on my fucking one foot dick.

But that's, yeah, that is such a good move for porn. You're like, dude, this doesn't affect my life at all. I could just wear them at. Like, it literally you're like, dude, you know what? It's crazy? Like, porn? Like, it's not even as like taboo. Yeah, yeah.

You know, so it's like it wouldn't even wrecked. For people. Like, I do, I do not care. Like, I think I could date somebody that did porn. I don't think it really doesn't bother me as much. Yeah. But I do get what you're saying in the sense that it is like more. Like, if somebody told me they did porn, I would never be like,

heavens, no. I'll be like, pretty cool, man. I want to learn more about it. Yeah. Yeah. I bet you would. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I'd have a bunch of questions. Just like, I met one porn star at a party. Really? Her name was like Haley Reed. Yeah. And yeah,

she said, it was funny because she's like, yeah, no, I think I'm leaving the industry. And then I saw her like for years later in a bunch of porn. I'm like, I think OnlyFans really the answer with it now. But I want to go back to the footlong dick thing.

Yeah. Yeah, I think there are people that have the giant. I have a friend who has a huge dick. And apparently, like, I'm talking like, you know those, torpedoes you have as a kid the rubber ones actually did you grow up around pools?

Yeah, like no. Don't look stupid. I went to some pools like when I was a kid though. There's these rubber torpedoes that are like this big that you just throw in it's a pool toy but this kid like his dick limp was like this big and he said it's actually like an issue like when he would have sex like he there's a lot of girls that he could like barely have sex Oh my God dude that's terrible.

Yeah. Yeah, it's so weird that like just like people like obsess over like a a bigger dick or something. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think there is like, in a sense, length makes sense because you could fuck people that are those shallower vaginas or deeper vaginas or shallower asses.

I guess they're not really shallow assholes. No. Yeah. Yeah. I also, I've never really explored that. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't know.

Yeah. I wouldn't know either. Because we're a bunch of fucking dude. I fucked tics, bro. Yeah, dude. But yeah, no, it does make sense. but it's so funny because when you tell him he has a big dick he's not like his way of reacting

is like when you're wishing somebody happy birthday he's just kind of like yep that's it's me yeah that's who I am like he doesn't I mean he's not going to be like fuck yeah I got a big dick but I remember a girl fucked him one time and she had to put an ice pack on her vagina the next day oh that sounds terrible

and she turned full Indiana Jones she said it belongs in a museum she literally said that dick should be in a museum she was like angry about it belongs anywhere else but inside me yeah Do whatever you want. Sure, a museum. That sounds great.

Just not inside me. We were talking about Haunt House for a second. You guys just did that sketch. That was very funny stuff. Oh, you like the sketch? Love it. I love it. I never about you get that, by the way.

Oh, no, not at all. I had fun making it Dan Carney's and Jake Timothy. They did some good work on that. Yeah, it was great. I used to buy, I loved Hawn houses growing up. Those were like my favorite thing. Did you ever go to Halloween Horror Night? Dude, yes.

Oh, my God. I got a fun Halloween horon house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So me and some friends went, and I probably told us something, I don't care. But we went, and I remember, like, it was like, we were 15, and we had these, we had, like, a water bottle full of, like, rum. And then we got those little shooters, and we put them all on our waistband. Like, we were just strapped up with booze. Oh, my God. Black and milds, because, like, yeah, it was like, well, we smoked back then. I remember my friend, one of my friend, like, took out a piece of it. He's like, bro, this is what gives you cancer. And he pulled out, like, something. He's like, the rest of it, you're good. I mean, obviously, the whole thing. That's so funny. I had versions of that, too. Like, you got to take this part out. And then, like, you're all good.

It's like, no, smoking is the problem. There's nothing to do with it. And I remember we drank a bunch in the car, and my dad drove us. We're, like, blaring dubstep. We're like, dude, tis the season. And my buddy who's, like, bed to universal bunches. Like, dude, I got a great place we can drink. He's like, it won't be noticeable at all.

And we're already kind of drunk. And we're smoking these black mouths and drinking, like, rum out of, like, a brown. It's clearly obvious what we're doing. Yeah. And then we turn around, we're so hammered it. We realize we're like, there's like an amphitheater of like a family like staring at us, like about to watch a show behind us.

Because I don't know. For some reason we didn't, like, we weren't paying attention to where we were at all. Yeah. Until we kind of like, we didn't sober up, but we realized we're like, yo, we're in very clear public. Like there's just families watching us just smoke black about.

Chugged out. I remember we went in and I blacked out. I woke up just like eating a turkey leg or I blacked in like eating a turkey leg just on the ground. in like a scare zone. And if you don't know Halloween Hornet, it's just like this. They take,

dude, I don't even know if we made it. I totally blacked out. It's like they take a whole park of Universal Studios and they turn it into like haunted house. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very fun. And they theme some of the rides. Yeah, yeah.

To be like spooky as well, which is pretty chill. Or they'll like shut down a ride and have it just be a haunted house. Yeah, yeah. And then, yeah, have it like themed or something. It's fun. And but I remember what happened was, I guess two of our friends got

kicked out because they like bought alcohol with like a fake ID and they kept like buying everybody else alcohol. And I don't remember any of this but I guess they went and got like universal jail. You go to like a little cell. Like a holding cell? Yeah, it's like all teenage. Oh my God.

And some girl like threw up on one of my friends or something like that. Yeah. But they all got picked up and I remember they got a they found an iPad on the ground and they brought the iPad because we're all sleeping at the same house and the next morning we took all these pictures of our balls and our dick and then just like mooning

the camera and then they gave it back to the guy and got like a hundred dollar reward and I'm like yo this guy just opened his iPad to just charm like at us we didn't even think about child porn like this is like a fun prank and he got paid for it yeah we always joke about it we're like either his life got ruined because no his wife sees that she's like what is going or like his boss oh my god oh my god or he was like jackpot like he just he's like thank god Oh my God, that's pretty funny Yeah, but it's just so funny Because my buddy just comes down

The next day He's like, here's the $100 We just got this Um We, but I loved haunted houses We try to do one We did one in our house one time Like they went through the garage

And like we got all the like Tarps and stuff and set it up You made one? Yeah Um Whoa Oh my God Was it like pretty cool?

I think it was Yeah It was also 15 or I was like I was young at This is when I was like 12 So like did you stage it Like do you like stage like lights Oh yeah

I designed it for like Was it bloody? You have pictures of this? No, I should have. I remember my brother was like the kid from the grudge, but he painted himself with like white house paint. Which is like definitely not safe. It's definitely probably like letting that.

I remember my mom like freaking out. She's like you can't fucking. Like that's literally how you get like serious poisoning. Like somebody just had a paint brush. It was just painting him. Oh my God. What's scary about me is I'm being poison. They're like, you know how your son is dressed as a dead kid?

Well, he's not going to. have to dress up anymore because he's dead. Yeah, that stuff peels like skin too. Oh, yeah. Like house paint? I'm sure getting that off was a disaster. But that was so far. I remember coming to school Monday. I was like, yeah,

you know, I run a pretty scary haunted house. Just like brag. I thought it was the coolest thing. Oh, my God, man. Because how long it cost you, there was a weird... It's like, when you're a kid, you want to like either cool or scary is the thing, and then you get a doll and it's like funny. Yeah. You see like a grown man dressed as like some

scary. You're like, all right, man. I do want to, like, authentically dress like a samurai. I think that's pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That just seems like pretty legit. Yeah. I just want to also feel, like, I said, I don't really have to do it on Halloween. I was going to say Thanksgiving. That's normally when I, that's normally when I dressy and see.

Wait till I cut the turkey. Yeah. that's Adam. He does it every year. Next year I'm going roaming, baby. Bringing wrapped presents, too, just mixing up all the holidays. Look under my cape. Christmas gifts. I like, I've always kind of like Thanksgiving just because around my birthday.

My birthday is on Thanksgiving this year. Yeah. Oh, and congratulations. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, worked hard and we're here. Yeah. But I also always just like that. Like, that was always a fun holiday break for me.

I don't know why. Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think it's just because it reminds me of, like, high school or something like that. Well, did you have, like, decent Thanksgiving's, too? Not, like, incredible, but, like, you were good. Yeah, they were fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like when I was younger, too, it was a good chance to, like, I don't know.

I feel like, like eighth and ninth grade, I remember, it was like, when I first started drinking a little bit so it was fun because it was like Oh, you get to sneak a little bit of the wine or something Yeah, or you be with cousins and they'd always be like, yeah,

we're gonna go drinking doing this, doing that And one of my favorite I don't know why You're like in a room full of older people And you're like, yeah, have a beer And you're like, whoa. Yeah.

Okay. But it's so funny because then if my dad caught me drinking a beer outside of that he's like, you're grounded. I'm like, I could just do it in there but it's like, it's different. It's the cool zone here.

You leave that. Yeah, no, truly. Yeah. But I remember one of my favorite, I don't know why, I don't know if I've told us in the pop, but one of my favorite drinking times is I went to go visit my brother in college. I think I was like 16 and we were staying in the same hotel as my parents. And I was sharing a bed with my dad and I got so drunk that I peed the bed. We're sharing it with him.

Yeah. And the next day he's like, were you drinking last night? And I was like either I get grounded for drinking or my dad thinks I just pee the bed. Yeah. And I was like, I guess I'd just pee the bed is a grown 16 year. I was like, because it's like I could, there's no win.

There's either I get grounded for drinking or my dad thinks I'm just like a wuss who pees the bed at 16. And I'm like, no, actually, and then I had to pee the bed for the rest of the year, just so I believe me. And the only way you could do that

is by drinking. Yeah. You had to coop up with your drink problem when you're a kid. It's an endless cycle. I remember, I don't know why my favorite was just those conversations with my parents,

because my mom, no matter what would accuse me of being drunk. So like, really? Yeah. Oh, it's just, you'd be like, have you been drinking? You don't want more fettuccini. You must be drunk. Yeah.

Because it's like she's always trying to catch me, but it would be so funny because like obviously she'd be like, see, I can always tell. I was like, no, you just ask me every single time. And occasionally. But she asks you too. Like, are you drunk? Like, well, this time, yeah. Aha, I knew it.

Yeah. Like, no, not really. You still just asked me. But first, what time they drug tested me when I was drunk. so funny because they had like those little like take home drug test and I was just peeing in it like they think of my right now I'm like I'm hammered those were so weird though because like we ended up just doing worse drugs because of that like we smoke K2 oh my god like cough medicine yeah oh my god oh yeah you ever K2 no it's still around I didn't know almost people will

smoke it because like still haven't done it now yeah you got to do drugs like that when you don't they don't know you're that bad for you that's fun you're like oh check out this new drug. Yeah. They're like, it's deadly. Like, I didn't know at the time.

I always like, uh, I enjoyed the studying of the drug before I, I took it. Yeah, it is always kind of fun to be like, oh, this is phase four.

Once I couldn't find enough, like information on a thing, I'm just like, no, I'm not going to do it. But like, there was like so much research on acid, like mushroom.

Yeah. Like weed and stuff and like, uh, got old people doing it and stuff. It's like, those hints, I'm like, okay, cool.

I would text. This is so funny by that one, because remember when I first started service called like KGB where you could like ask them questions. It was just like a random question. Oh yeah. I remember that. Hey, are mushrooms dangerous? And they'd be like, actually, they're not dangerous. Just like random things. Like some people, I'm like, oh, cool. Okay. It was like the original like before Google kind of. Yeah, I would just like text that.

Yeah. It wasn't before Google, but like I don't know why I didn't like want to Google. Because I could have just Googled all this stuff. Because the government. Yeah. So you go to a place called KGB. It's just like Russian spies misinforming you on purpose. Yeah. No, take the mushroom. They're fine, my friend. Soon America will be ours.

I have heard the crazy thing they'll do is... They're actually just crazy Russian interference, apparently. I had no idea about this. Oh, wait, what kind of interference? I've heard these words before, but I don't know. I didn't look into it. Like, I heard that, like, 90... I think it was like 95% of, like, the pro-life pages on Facebook are by...

They found out where, like, Russian troll houses. Like, what they'll do is they'll have, like, a pro-life... Oh, that's so funny. And a pro-choice. and they'll tell them to meet in the same spot. Like, both leaders of both groups will do that. And I'm like, is that like what happened with QAnon? I think so.

With the, like, the pizza place? I don't even know that. Oh, pizza gate. Yeah, that guy like... Yeah, Pizza Gate. That was like, those are always so annoying because, like, there is some things that, like, actually makes sense. Was Russia involved?

I don't think so. Okay. So I think what happened with that was like... It was like, there are, like, I think there are, like, politicians who have sex with children. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, I believe most of it.

But I don't think Hillary. Clinton's like getting the blood of children. No, that's what the hell that that's insane. Unless she just likes the taste, but yeah. I don't think it's going to make her, she's not looking any younger from it. Exactly. So I'm like, all right. But the pizza cake thing was like crazy because like somebody said some, there's like some email.

Like it's a pizza place in DC, I think. And I could be totally wrong. But from my understanding, one of the politicians texts the other politicians like, hey, I'll meet you at this pizza place. And then somebody just went there and like shot up to pizza place. Oh my God. They have kids in the basement. And you're like, yeah, that's not what. Oh wait

When you're in D.C. Did you get a D.C. slice? No, what's that? Isn't that like, it's like Washington D.C. is like known for like their giant slice of like pizza. Really? It's like double or triple the size of like a New York slice pizza.

Huh, no, I didn't get, damn. Well, I feel like I was robbed. Oh, man. Damn. I went to so many cities. My favorite is I would go to city. The only time I've been to D.C. was like peak COVID. Yeah.

I went to so many cities peak COVID and just shat on them. I'm like, the city fucking sucks. I went to Philly. I was like, oh, this is just a city. these clothes all the time. It was just, yeah. But I had a blast this time. It was fun.

I went to like a friend's party. So it's weird because you don't know anybody. You really got to like make that effort, especially as you're dressed and something. And I showed up with like my tinfoil grills in because I was dressed as an island boy. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, how'd you come and you make me make?

I was like, it's a horrible way to introduce myself. Don't make me talk anymore. Please. Shot? Let's take a shot. Yeah. It was a shot. Yeah. I was weird.

I think my costumes, I was Alex Jones one year, which was fun. Because people weirdly got that. They're like Alex Jones, and I was like, yeah. Wait, how did they get? What was the... I had a tin foil hat on, and then I just had an Info Wars badge. Oh, okay.

I mean, some of those you have to really give him away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, like, he would just be wearing, like, a suit normally, right? Yeah, yeah. That'd be weird if I try to see it. They're like Alex Jones. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I thought happened.

What are my favorite videos, he's so crazy there's one video of him it's like he's in this tank in Texas there's like a power outage and his head is coming out of the roof out of like a military tank not like not a tank but like a military

humvee you know there's like vehicles and he's just like reading these documents just like yelling at people with the megaphone I'm like these guys dude that's the thing he's so influential though because he just like sounds like he knows how to talk yeah that's the that's the trick man

well my thing too is like you gotta sound like you're getting people scared and you know what you're talking about, like, you just, with the right conviction, I mean, it fucking, it just works for some people. Yeah. Like, the Hitler guy, you know, he was just like,

and we'll get those, like, oh, you know, like, yeah, we will. Yeah, yeah, for some reason, some people are just easily duped by like a strong voice. People will just, yeah, it's crazy to see how people randomly just, like hop on board stuff. They're like, I don't know, he's, yes. This is what I'm thinking.

So much of his confidence, if you just seem like, you know what you're talking about. But that's the hard part about politicians, because, like, now they can't admit when they're wrong, because then they lose everything. but it's like it's annoying because it's like all right now they just will never

admit when they're wrong but I don't want to get to who we're talking about before that pizza slices oh yeah the DC slice oh Halloween costumes yeah

and then I was Greta Thurnberg which that was one of my favorites I was heard two years ago is that the the child yes okay that I was happy for both political

for climate change yeah yeah for both of those I was happy nobody thought it was political because I was never I never tried to make a man I'm just like it's just fun thing like just dress up

like somebody else, especially somebody that's in the spotlight. So I'll do this person. That was funny, though, because I was putting a blouse on in, like, Kmart. And everybody's so, like, nice and progressive in New York that they would look at me, and they'd be like, no, this is her journey. Like, they just, like, assume... This is her journey.

Yeah. And I'm just, like, this fat guy at the time, like, trying to put a blouse off. For her, it starts today. Yeah, and they're just so nice about people. Like, you can clearly see people, like, look and then, like, look away. Like, they're like, I don't want to be a dick. People do love to stare. Or they're, like, look, and they're like, I was thinking about that blouse.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Their sales are mighty fine here. I think one year I was like slutty Abraham Lincoln. Oh, that's pretty funny. Yeah, I like that. I was like, let me take something and then, you know, make it. What is that?

It's like you dress like Abraham Lincoln, but you put a bra on the hat. Yeah, just like that. I had like, I painted like a quote on the back. It was like emancipate me from these clothes or something. I was just like a suit or did you have like assless chaps on? That would be like the next. I think I have a picture of it on my Instagram. I had like, assless chaps and like a bra on the top, the long top hat.

I think that would be sexy Abraham Lincoln. That would be very sexy. Let's see here. Yeah, it's, I see it. But now, because I wasn't fat back then, it looks like I was trying to show off my abs. What a different time. Oh, was that, was that muscles? Yeah.

That wasn't like an actual, like, I thought that was a chest piece. I had abs like in high school. Oh, that's pretty funny, dude. Yeah, that was me. Those were the days, right? Oh, my God. Chiseled abs. Yeah.

Man. I talk about this on a lot of episodes, but I haven't seen a fat teenager in years. There's a lot of E-boys, and I was like, I missed the fat, the funny fat guy. I haven't seen in like any. Because I think they all- Because when you normally hang out with teenagers. Dude, there used to be. Where's the fat one that's usually here?

I want to laugh. Don't mind me. I'm just an adult. it's like I think I see Is the van store open? I think machine gun Kelly and like Pete Davids

are like so influential for like younger kids that like they're just all Yeah they're all like Bones are cool. It's true. But it's funny because I do hang out

like because I sell comedy tickets like by NYU. It's like I do see all those like NYU kids which is very interesting around Halloween because I couldn't tell who was like more goth and who was like dressed up.

for Halloween. So those kids are like full time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, um, leather guys. A lot of leather. Um,

yeah, the leather. I mean, I get it. It smells good. I've never smelled it. Is it good? Smeleather smells great.

Yeah, I think leather smells good. Oh, I'll try it at some time. I can't take myself seriously to leather jag. I think they look cool, but like that is the one thing.

I can't, I can't pull it off either. No, I can pull it off, but like I just feel like a fucking douche. Yeah, yeah. And people like saying one thing,

they're like, you look sick. like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't, I don't feel that though. Same with sunglasses. Oh, dude, I can't do myself seriously at all. Truly. Especially as a comedian, it's like, I'm like, some people do run up there with confidence out of like a song playing. They'll be like, yeah, all right. And but for me, it like feels so, especially like, like if I, if I do a black room and they play like some

like rap before going on, I can't take myself seriously at all. You know what I mean? I do that. There's some shows in Orlando like that. It's just playing some like hip hop and and then I walk out stage and I'm like, yeah. I don't deserve this song. I was like, you guys could play like the Flintstones theme song. Yeah, that's better. It, um, I dream of genie. You guys down?

Play that or golden girls? I've like thought about like walkouts. I'm like, I couldn't do it. Maybe like, honestly, before comedy, the only thing that'll hype me up is, do you know John Lujois? No. He's a guy that song like, show me your genitals, you genitals. You genitals.

What? No. He's like a comedic, like, just like all comedy songs. Is it like what what in your butt? Sort of a little bit. It's like, you never heard that song.

It's like, I want to have sex with your vagina. That sounds so familiar. Yeah, it was like, but it's just like comedy music. Like that's all I can listen to do before doing comedy

because it's like make me feel like silly. Like if I listen to Eminem before coming on the stage, I'm like, who the fuck am I? Yeah, I fucking hate my mom. Wait, what? And I'm on stage now? Shit.

Yeah, it's such. ship. Yeah. But some people, I don't know, some people, I will get into it, though.

I would, I would want, like, some bombastic walkout music. Yeah. For me, I could play it off

with, and then just start my set, like, hello. It's like the heaviest dubstep ever. Hey, my name is Adam.

Chris. Like the flames. I think Kevin Hart Hart does like flames or something crazy. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah.

I wouldn't want that, though. I would do Zipline. that'd be a funny way to come down. That would be fun. Yeah, zip line would be fun. I wouldn't want to do any sort of flame thing.

Because, you know, you saw what happened in Michael Jackson, right? He turned into a fucking pedophile. That's how it happened. You got burned by fireworks and then just started fucking kids. That's how it happens. Just like a Batman villain. Harvey, you don't have to fuck kids. But half of my face is melted.

I have no choice. You could still do good, Harvey. Easy for you to say. You still have a family, Gordon. They, uh, who are we talking about fire? Michael Jackson. Oh, and just not being able to pull off certain things, man. Yeah, it's too hard.

I can't with the sunglasses. Oh, my favorite intro is Dave Attell for one of his specials does like magic tricks in the audience. It's so funny. He's like pulling coins behind people's ears. That's pretty funny. Oh, funny thing about the Halloween thing. Some guy was dressed as a clown, and I guess he went through airport security

the next day fully dressed as a clown because he's still drunk and was on the plane. Like the it clown or just like a regular, fun, scary clown? Just like a regular clown. I'm late for work. I work abroad. No, this is how we dress.

could you man this is the funniest thing like I'm amazing to get I love well we were joking about like

I love the idea if I'm getting pulled aside and then they they're cavity search him and they got like one of the

handkerchiefs and they're just like pulling it yeah you probably can't find like a thing big enough for his shoes

either because you got to put the shoes in the bin the shoes aren't going in through the x-ray

machine I would love to just see it but they squeak every time yeah dude I would love to just do

regular activity dressed in that. I couldn't pull off a clown suit either. I can't pull off sunglasses and I cannot for the life of me pull off a clown suit.

That would be a great special full clown suit but not even addressing it. But do you like one of those deep ones too just like you know like kind of chappellelli where you're like sitting on the stool

smoking a cigarette and you're like man. We're dressed in full clown. You're just like men and women, we're just different. Yeah.

And I'm different from men and women. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Oh, you know what it is too? I think with those styles, there's an element of like, some people just pass it off

and some people look like they're trying too hard. Yeah. It's like wearing the fedora. Like when you wear the, when you see someone wearing a fedora, some people pull it off or like, oh, this is part of the person. But some people are like,

who are you? What are you trying to be? Yeah, come on. And I feel like when I put on like sunglasses in a leather jacket and she's like, all right, buddy. What are we trying to pull here? If I was really my authentic self, I would be wearing like tube socks.

Like I think the real me would just look so just only tube socks. Oh my God. Dude, I have the worst sense of fashion in the world. My girlfriend would have to buy me clothes. I'm like just dress me like somebody you want to fuck. Truly. I'm, yeah, no, right. No, there's that. It's like I'm only wearing clothes for legal reasons.

That's how I dress. If you can imagine that, that's like, that's how I dress. Somebody told me I had to put this off. I can't show this part of my body. All right. Yeah, I guess a good. Sounds good to me. I don't know what the hell I'm doing here.

But yeah, dude, that's why I only just, I wear the Navy Blue Oxford and then just some like jeans. And like, funny enough. You wear the boots too. You got the boots, right? Oh, I got the boots on now because it was like kind of rainy. Yeah. And these are like waterproof more so than my sneakers at least. But I prefer sneakers.

Yeah. Dude, it feels so clunky, especially when you're on stage. Oh, you want to dress as comfortable as, at least for me, I want to dress as comfortable as possible. And with these boots on. I mean, I'm incorporating it now with whatever I'm doing on stage. But, like, you want to just, the light sneakers are just like the best. Oh, yeah. They're so comfortable.

Yeah. You can, like, do agile type things on the stage. Yeah, do a little dancing. I mean, you know, I do like full-on ninja set. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's how I do comedy. Bring the Samarise sword. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Ready for Thanksgiving, everyone. Just pull on Samarise. but yeah, no, dude, I wear this like every day. It's like my thing. And then someone was like, do you dress like this for a religious reason? What? I'm like an Oxford shirt with jeans. Yeah, I praise the Lord of Oxford.

Do you know those guys, right? I don't know what religion I'd be representing. It's just, it's pretty standard fair, honestly. Like an Oxford shirt and jeans. Yeah. I like this, this. Scientology thing. I went to their church a couple

times. I've been there goofing around a couple times. Do they have great snacks? No. It's pretty. They need it. What do you keep going then? I'm like loki joining. I'm like, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I went and drunk. Oh, you go and each time you're like, you'll never get me. Yeah. Time, man. It's like, you know, you're making a good point here. Yeah.

I've got, I went drunk with a friend one time. And I was so scared the first time because I was like, dude, they're going to fucking trap us. We're not going to be able to make it out. And then the whole time, My buddy didn't even look at the screen. They sat us on these little chairs, and they put the TV. It's like, do you want to be more?

And then it's like this guy on like a white button down on a beach. It's like Scientology. It's like from the root word sigh, the study, ology, knowing, like the study of knowing or something like that. The study of knowing. And you know somebody's just like, fuck, yeah. Okay, one more. I'm sorry. Oh, yeah, no.

Absolutely. Oh, no, dude, for sure. No, that's the thing. That's how they get you. It's like whenever you're feeling less. Yeah. When you hear the words, do you want to be more? You're like, yeah, I've been feeling less this whole time.

That is one thing, like, man, some people, it's wild, how gullible. They'll just, like, anything. They're like, oh, my God, yeah, this. I'm like, how are you falling for this? Oh, dude, it's crazy. Yeah, no, like, Wendy's had, like, the pretzel burger come out. And I was like, yeah, right. And then I was like, no, it's in my hands.

And it was terrible. It was not good. It was not good. I've had a good pretzel burger before. Oh, well, like pretzel bread is good, but I realize now after I ate the sandwich, oh, that's right. Wendy's not known for their pretzel bread. Yeah, it's something they're not.

I forgot there's a Wendy's in New York. Oh, but the Scientology Church, they dress in flight attendant outfits. And the reason for that is because they're out of their fucking mind. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no, that sounds right. Yeah. I remember the first time we were in the seminar And it was like 200 people

And you're like, are you ready to go out of your mind? Yes, we're fucking lost it. God. They, uh, the second time I was just goofing around And they were just talking about it. And, uh, man, weird place. I mean, I don't think it really gets bad till like the end. Because like, I've watched a documentaries on it.

I'm like, okay. It starts out like, okay. And then towards the end, it's where you're like, Oh, this gets... Oh, yeah, what do they do, though? So, like, the beginning is just, like, you know, self-help stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, all, like, the sensitive stuff. You know, like, you're having trouble letting go of the past.

Yeah. You're concerned about things that are coming in the future. And everybody's like, yeah, it's me. And it's ruining. You're now. Yeah, yeah, exactly. People are just mind blown by it. And they check your...

I was mad they didn't... I really would love to do, like, a doc where I, like, going... I mean, obviously, I couldn't... I'd get sued by them. But I really would, just for my own purpose, I would love to check it. But I don't know. I almost trust myself enough because I was raised religious and I, at 16. It didn't take, right?

Yeah, I was raised pretty religious and like, did it work for a little bit? It worked for a while. And then I remember I was drunk one time and I was sad. And I was like, show yourself, God. Like nothing happened. And that's when you stopped believing. Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh my God.

But now I'm weird. Like, I think there might be a God. But I don't know. Oh, dude, I feel like there's something more. Yeah, yeah. There's something more. I'll say to the universe, I'll be like, I think it's a God thing.

And I'm like, hey, you know, if something's going well, I'm like, thank, I'll say thank you to like nothing. It's because I don't really believe in organized religion. I'll be like, thanks. No, I think you don't have to believe in the organized stuff. I just think, uh, it's just heaven. Dude, there's so many weird things that happen that we can't explain. Yeah.

That's just like, there's got to, there's something. Yeah. But my dad will pull this shit, though. He'll be like, I wasn't thinking about somebody. he has weird reasons for me. He's like, or he goes, I was thinking about somebody I hadn't seen in five years. And then they called me.

He's like, what are the chances? I'm like, way more of a chance than somebody random calling you. And somebody random calls you all the time. You know what I mean? I'm like, the chances of somebody I know who has my phone number calling me are pretty high. Compared to like some guy in Idaho who accidentally calls me.

And that happens on a weekly basis, some random person. So I'm like, it's not that crazy to me. I believe God would I come. I'm not even when I come. I'm like, there's a God. I vocally talk every time I come. I think jerking off is so underrated.

Because like sex feels good, but like, I always end sex by jerking off. Oh, really? Because I'm like, I don't bust inside. So I'm like, I comment and then I'm like, that's the best part is me jerking myself. Oh, man, a good session is like,

like, like, dude, sometimes it's like, well, I hope that picked up. Oh, man. 50 minutes. We'll see. We'll hopefully.

Yeah, right. I'm plugged in. Now, now it sounds like I'm the only one just talking about jerking off. There's like silence in your end. I'm like, yeah, jerking off. I just release you responding

to everything. It's an episode. No, I really hope this caught. But I've cried coming before. Like, wait, really? From like just, oh, man. I'm not like, I mean, it feels great.

Great, for sure. And sometimes I do prefer, like, jerking off to, like, in private. Well, if I could bust inside the person, I think that would feel good. I'd never do that because I don't want kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, understandable, man. Yeah. Especially the way they're making kids these days.

Dude, they're not fat. They're not like they used to be. No, you need to have a nice chubby boy. Nice thick guy. The kids are making these days, all the attitude, all the bones. All the bones. All the bones. Just bony? Yeah, no, I definitely don't want kids.

Yeah. It's such a terrifying idea. It's such a cockiness, though. I'm like, I'm going to be something. I'm like, I can't have kids hold a day. Yeah. Like, at some point in my life, I do want kids. But, like, right now I'm just like...

I was talking about that, like, recently of, like, I feel like women, like, it's natural for women to be like, oh, I'm looking forward to have kids. To have kids, right? But, like, for a guy to say that, like, I'll take care of my kid for sure. But I don't, like, in my head dream of, like, oh, I'm going to have a kid someday. Yeah, yeah, I don't. I would definitely take care of the kid. I would not, like, like, I would not like. abandon the kid, but I'm not like planning

and like, oh, I'm looking forward to this. Yeah. And I'm like, people that say that, like, dudes that say that, I feel like they're like, my legacy. Like, secretly, they're just like, big in their heads, like, my legacy, I will live on. Yeah, yeah. Through this part, I'm it's so much more weighted. Whereas, like, the mother was like, I will

nurture it. And I will care for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little me. It's could be awesome. Yeah, yeah. For dudes, it's like so ego centric. Yeah, it's going to be a little me. It's going to be great. I'm going to teach it karate immediately. Yeah. I'm going to give it. all the action figures that I never got.

You don't even know the kid. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that is crazy. Yeah, he might hate action figures. I am. Yeah, that's totally what it is for me. But I honestly, I'll purposely, I'll emphasize shit. Like, we'll be around some, like, kid yelling and I'll poke my girlfriend big.

Is that what you want? Like, I'll try to, like, get her to not have kids anytime soon. I'm like, just saying. You want that while it's, like, screaming? Sure. Yeah. Good. luck. In fact, no, save the time. I'll start screaming right now. How about that?

Oh, yeah, that's a man, jerking off. Man, I don't look at it a lot of porn, but I looked at some porn recently, and there was one. I was like, what's this one? They look like they're standing in the kitchen. And then I clicked on it, and it was literally just like a cooking show. Oh, on like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like, like, them just like talking about the industry and I'm like, yo, it's becoming like porn hub is like porn people's like Instagram.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I saw this other one where I kind of like that. It's weirdly hot to like see people like I always end up jerking off. But if I hear a porn star on a podcast, I like oh, this is so cool. Oh yeah, yeah. You get to hear the per. Yeah, it becomes like you start building the relationship in your mind. Sad, but yeah. I know you now because I heard a one like a conversation I wasn't part of.

Yeah, exactly. but then I saw this other one and it was like I feel like porn stars are like getting bored because like this porn I don't know if this is like a new fetish but like it was like two women and like a guy and then they were like just the two women are like talking

and then like the guy just starts like fucking one of the while they're talking and the guy also joins in the conversation while they're fucking I'm like is this for where you're at now with like porn like everyone's so bored with sex or like, no, we're just going to have it anyways, but we'll still have

a conversation. What is a new art form? I do think it is an art form, but I think it's a new or art form. Oh, no, dude, it absolutely is an art form because, like, there's some, like, that, like, I'll see him, like, this is a very specific type of, like, fantasy. Yeah, yeah. Like, because I bet, like, that's, like, a

niche as well, like, carrying on a conversation while, like, someone's, like, splooching you? Like, yeah, that could be, uh, I can see that, like, turning people on. 100%. My favorite. I saw, I saw a comment today. And the comment literally, it was... Just watched a porn video.

I didn't even... I never look for comments. I'm not one of those guys. Like, oh, the comments are funny. I'm like, yeah, you know, I get it. And I scroll that. And literally the comment is, there's only one comment on the video.

This girl getting fucked. And it says, so that's what happened to Anne Frank. That's the only comment. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Damn. That's what happened to Anne Frank. This is the shit they don't want to tell you

in the history books. That was the thing. a funny thing. I was watching a, I'll watch documentaries about like Nazis. I'm just curious. I'm so curious about like racist. It's so fascinating, man. It's a huge error. It's huge human error. Yeah, absolutely.

There's an error or era? Era, for sure. But like, error. Yeah, I thought you're saying, yeah, yeah. Huge errors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, big time fuck up. Yeah. By, by humans. Absolutely. Oh, huge fuck up. But I was watching more like the Neo ones. The Neonauts?

The Matrix. The Matrix. The Matrix ones. The Nazis that can dodge bullets? Those fuckers? Yeah. Sneaky little fuckers. Oh, yeah. But the guy who's so wild, because, like,

I think that, like, some of it can be correct. I think people grow up in, like, the modern races. Like, I think they do grow up in households where, like,

oh, yeah, that's, like, definitely, there's, there's half of it that's, like, environmental for sure. Dude,

these kids would be, like, I was the only kid in all black school and I got bullied as a kid, which is obviously, like, you're not going to end up being.

But also very, very, rare, but that's like, man, that's unfortunate. Yeah, but if you're like, if this person met, like, I think there's totally help for people to change and become better. But it's interesting because this one guy was, like, I think it was like a clansman

and he's like, has like a painting of Hitler on his wall on this stuff. But he's like, he's like, they're in the interviewer's like, so you don't think the Holocaust was real? He's like, they had pools in Oshowitz. Does that sound like a concentration? Yeah. Pools of blood.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. He's just like a swim. Okay. Yeah, look at that doorknobs. They have doorknob. You think that's a concentration camp? Just like the most like.

Oh my God. But you know, even for that kid though, that's still a lot of effort mentally to be like, no, I'm gonna be a fucking Nazi. Yeah, of course.

Because like, look what happened to Eminem. You know, like you get bullied by a bunch of black people. You can turn into a rapper. Exactly. Yeah. Or you could turn into a neo-not. What the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I'm not like, man, you know what? That's what I'm saying. I feel like half of it. There's like some, I don't know what the split is, but there's definitely some that's like environmental.

But then once you get certain exposure, though, it immediately challenges the logic that you can't sustain. You have to really put an effort to be like, no, no, I'm a Nazi. Yeah, exactly. You got to put it on every day. Yeah. You got to wash those. Yeah, there's a lot to do if you're like a clan person. Oh, my God.

Yeah. I'm already busy doing nothing. Yeah. The most I do is like, think. Yeah. That's the most I do. And already, like, to hold on to, like, pass grievances or, like, bitterness or something, I'm like, that's exhausting, dude.

Oh, nuts, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am. So to do that for someone who's, like, a Nazi? Oh, my God, man. Like, how good does that hate feel in your heart? Well, I think it does feel good to be right about something and to feel like you were wrong.

Like, in a way, you're like, man, it's a lot of people blaming their problems on other things. So they'll be like, oh, yeah, dude, I would be president if I wasn't white. Oh, my God. Well, there's been a lot of white presidents, and you were not one of them. There was only one president that wasn't white. Oh, my God. No, truly, oh, man, the amount of, like, mental effort going into, like, living a certain reality. Yeah, yeah.

Somebody brought to me the other day how Obama's not an American citizen. I'm like, I could care. Dude, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit. It's like, clearly you just don't like, I, I, okay, it's like, it's like, I think that's a dumb rule. I don't care if you were born in America. or not. If you're like, if you've lived here, I don't. But also, he made some people happy

and he upset some other people. Yeah, yeah. Just like every other fucking president. It's like, I don't think him not being from, that's not your issue. Clearly you have other issues with Obama. You're like, he wasn't even born here. You're just trying to say that you don't like he was black. That's basically what you're saying.

You're trying to find another way. You're like, there's something about him. He wasn't born. He was born. I don't like where he was born. Yeah, that's wild. That is such an insane thing. to say, you're like, I don't like where the location which he popped out of a vagina. That's crazy.

Yeah. That's why Arnold Schwarzenegger couldn't have been president because he was like from Austria. Oh, yeah. But I was like, I don't know anything about it. I just like him. I heard they have pools in Austria. That's why he's so muscular. I thought, I've told this on the podcast, but I thought he was a black man for five years.

Not really because of. Oh, because you were watching the Terminator with your eyes closed. Yeah, yeah, of course. No, I saw I'm too scared Yeah Mr. Freeze was like blue And that was your first

Arnold Schwarzenegger Oh my god But he's so like He seems like a black guy In that He's bald He just couldn't For years

I've seen those guys In Times Square Yeah That's what he's doing He's black And then I saw him And I was like No no no no

No this isn't All right Silver makeup of the first time lighter flesh tone All right, I like your tricks This Arnold Schwarzenegger But you started looking at his last name too You're like, I don't know, he could be black

Yeah, it's It was just such a funny thing Because yeah, I just didn't I didn't know And I guess the only other black person I had exposure to is my Not exposure to, but it sounds like They kept me inside a lot

that is crazy like there are like countries where people have never seen a white person before that's always interesting oh yeah apparently that's like a weird appeal in like Asian movies

they'll like occasionally want like a blonde white person because they're like whoa look at it yeah no that's why if you watch like those 60s 70s like like kung fu movies

yeah there's always like a blonde gal like who is he is he dubbed over is he speaking Chinese that's like that's always my question I've heard the squid I haven't watched squid games but I watched my girlfriend.

I've heard you've got to watch it dubbed not voiceover. Or no, you got to watch it subtitled, not voiceover. Because the dub, voiceover dub apparently is just like way off. Oh, yeah, dude. That's the same. I'm not a big anime guy, but I'm currently watching one that I really love.

Hunter X Hunter. You ever watch that? No, no. Oh, dude, the storyline's so great on that. So I'm showing the comic books, but I've never read like a manga or a TV version. Yeah, yeah. I'm not a big manga anime guy.

I love the style. They read backwards, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. and Japanese like books and stuff. It's like up and down and then like backwards to forward. Yeah, yeah. You read the story backwards. Like this got really boring.

Or I mean, for them it's like, this is forward. No, this is forward. I think the Quran is also written like that. Yeah, they're just trying to be cool. They're always trying to be cool. Dave Quran always trying to be cool. Always trying to be cool. But yeah, yeah.

So I'm watching this one and I watched it before. I love this show. but watching it in Japanese is so much more, it's more fun that way with like hearing the language and then like reading what's being said. We're getting way more real emotion than like some voice actor who like is just reading the line. You know what I mean?

Yeah. But then over time too, you start picking up on the language, which is kind of fun. Yeah. It would be pretty funny if like a week from now like most of the population speaks Korean. Yeah.

That would be awesome. yeah that's uh that's it's so crazy to me north korea and south like that like imagine like north dakota and south you're just like in one of them is just like a way different place oh my god dude it seems really intense i forgot what i was watching but it seems pretty they they uh were able to show some uh like spots of north korea and it just seems so like dead oh yeah it's like a fully formed city but like everyone's like inside or not there like i don't know what the hell's going on over there, but it is pretty, uh, it's pretty crazy, man. Yeah, it's, it's such a wild thing to think about. Um, you know, China for a while, like in history, I forgot for how long, but like, you know,

the silk trade and stuff, like, I guess in the 1500s or 14, whatever, like, during that time, dude, they held on to the secret of, like, uh, silk for, like, thousands of years. Really? Yeah, yeah. That's why they're, like, they made the road because they're like, well, China's the only place to know is how to make silk. And we don't know how to, like, make that material. That's wild. So they made that road just to be able to... They're like, what's that? Nothing.

Yeah. And then, yeah, it's only just fairly recently in terms of like human history that they like realize it's always from silkworms. Like they're like crazy. Yeah, dude. But like that's what I'm trying to say is like just like it's fascinating like countries that keep so insular. Yeah, absolutely. Because like, I mean, going back to like now Japan, which is like you leave a bunch of people on an island for like a thousand years who are like really smart. You get, like, the sharpest blade in the world, too, which is, like, nuts.

Yeah, it's fascinating. Yeah. I remember the Silk Road. First thing about learning the Silk Road was the drug market. Did you know what that was? Oh, is that like, uh... It was like an online drug market. Online, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You get, like, crazy stuff. You get, like, assassinate people on there. Oh, dude. At least that's right. The guy just got, like, a thumbs up. Always kills on time. Just like a little reviews of him. Leave Kool-Aid.

Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, like people, yeah, that's so wild to me. You could order an assassin online. Oh, my God. Does it even work, though? Like, does that? Only one way to find out.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I got to test it out. Just even like, like, even thinking, like, they imagine myself, like, going to a prostitute. Like, is like, oh, my God. I don't know if I ever wanted to experience that. I think brothels should have...

Not like... I'm not saying anything about, bad about, like, anyone that does do that. No, no. You're saying just the transactional... The transactional, like, like, you can hire someone to kill someone else.

You can hire someone to, like, sleep with you. You can hire someone to, like, get you, like... Just, like, really a black market type stuff. I'm like, whoa, dude. That's a... Yikes. It makes me nervous thinking about it. Not even, like, in a fun way.

Yeah. You're like, oh, cool. I think brothels should have... You know how you go to, like, a roller coaster, and they take a picture. of you right when you're on the drop. Just like the picture of you coming. Dude, that's pretty funny.

Yeah, thank you for coming to the Bunny Ranch. Or that big one is in Las Vegas. Oh my God, look there. Remember what stays in Vegas, right? Just your face like, wide open. I love what they do have the drop of roller coasters. And they always show your face.

They do like Halloween horror nights for the Bunny Ranch. Like a ghoul pops out as you're coming. Yeah. You're like, oh, this picture's haunted. That place is interesting. I remember, like, I watched... Have you been there? No, no, no.

You watched that documentary? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the cat house. I watched that as well. Especially as a kid, HBO was another example. It was something you could see naked people. HBO, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they had, like, it was like smart naked people. Yeah.

It was like, no, let's explore this kink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And see, like, the real sex show. I used to watch that as well. And then, like, yeah, the bunny ranch was, I think, one of the last documentaries of that style. Like they don't have like HBO doesn't even like

show their like past like sex like documentaries. You can't really find them and I'm like no I came to this when I was 15 I want to watch it again. Yeah dude and like they don't have it on HBO Max. You think that they would. Yeah it is kind of annoying. That is it's very annoying. They don't even have like all of their like 30 minute stand up

specials which is like awesome. Yeah and it's so hard to look for it. It's so crazy. Dude, when HBO wipes something it's like impossible to find. Like there's like a Louis special that you can't find like anywhere. Really? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it makes sense.

They have like their licensing and then they really like swipe it from anywhere on the internet. That's so fascinating. It's interesting watching stuff online. I remember I watched the whole movie The Butterfly Effect one time and I was really high. The Ashton Coucher classic. Yes. And pre-punks the audience into thinking this is a good movie. Got them.

You guys just wasted 15. $10. Yeah. Yeah, you bought popcorn. You should see the look on your thing. There's cameras here. Cameras there's there. They're just interviewing. They're like, wow, this is a first date.

And what a dumb idea. But I watched it online. I remember on, like, my phone. I was really high. I don't know why I was like, I watched the whole movie. And it was like high pitched because it was like, there's weird things where you can get away with like pirating things if there's like edit.

Oh, some sort of augmentation. Yeah. So just like, as you could, you're like, no. Nothing's going. Wow. Dude, that's so funny, though. That's really funny. Yeah.

I love the plot of that movie. That's what so... I love the plot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The plot's great. But the movie is just not good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not good. Because it gets a little too...

Everything is just so dark. He's like, I'll change one thing. And then he's, like, shot in the face by a crossbow. It's like, all right, I guess it's no. Yeah. But the concept is great. Yeah, it's like every time he changes it. It's kind of like bedazzled, but way darker.

Have you seen bedazzle of Brenner-Frasier? Brenner, Frasier. bedazzled. He meets the devil at a bar. Oh, yeah, Elizabeth Hurley. Yeah, yeah. Babe. Yeah, very hot.

But he has to change, like, he always asks for, like, one thing. He's like, I want to be the smartest man in the world. And then he does that, but then he has, like, a small dick or something like that. And instead of asking for, like, oh, can I be smarter and have a big dick? He just asked for something different. He's like, maybe I want to be the most athletic man in the world. And then it never adds. Wait, hold up.

Before my next wish, should I just get my dick back? Is that a wish? Is that a wish? He wants to be, like, one of the richest men in the world or something like that? and then he's like a drug kingpin and like South America. Like it always Yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's always like it. It's like the monkey's, what's it? The monkey fist. Yeah, the monkey's paw. Yeah, that's kind of what the butterfly effect is too.

But there's alternate endings to the butterfly effect. Oh, really? One of them is that he, so if you don't know the movie, he can go back and stop his childhood, which is like horrible. He's like,

his girlfriend's dad made them do like child porn or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, but he wants to go back and change the past, but every time he changes the past, something in the future happens. And there's two versions. One version of the ending,

he, like, just can't be with the girl he loves. And I'm like, oh, that's kind of good ending. But then the other version is that he goes back in time. Which version did you see? The end of the movie, he goes back in time

and kills his own fetus. Like, he strangles his fetus with the umbilical cord, so he, like, never be born. Oh, my God, dude. Trying way too hard. Yeah, I don't know what the alternate ending is, but he's like, one of them,

he like, literally, he's like, I got to tangle my own neck. because me being born makes this girl's life horrible. Oh my God, that's terrible. Also, you know, they did it already, like, Donnie Darko. I've never seen that. Dude, watch that. That's like what I think butterfly effect was trying to be.

Yeah, yeah. It's so well done. And it holds up, man. I think that movie was like... Seth Rogen's like a bully, right? Oh, was he? Seth Rogen's in it, yeah. Oh, yeah, dude, he is.

Yeah, yeah. That's so funny. I don't remember that. I remember him now. Does a fetus kill himself? No, no, no, dude. It's way cooler. That parent has to be like,

Oh, fuck you. All right. There we go. Not my fault. That's a relief. That would be the greatest ending. He's like, I have to kill myself

so that I can't ruin her life like Biden's going to ruin. Honey, I think we are going to Aruba. Fuck that college fund. I think you got to be somewhere suit, right? Oh, yeah. What time is it?

Oh, yeah, yeah. We can wrap it up here. Where can they find you online? What do you want to promote? Oh, yeah. yeah, yeah, I got a show on November 16th at the Comedy Shop. And follow me on Adam Christopher. That's on Instagram.

And that's about it. Thanks for having me. This is so much fun. Dude, I had a blast. Yeah, yeah. This audio didn't get fucked up. That's my favorite episodes. Yeah, yeah.

Cool, cool.