Morning Good - This Room is Too Deep - Episode 88

Episode Date: June 12, 2022

Thanks to Dan and Derick for coming back on the show. Make sure to check them out at their links below for more info on shows coming up in NYC or on the reoad.You can find Derick on Instagram @officiallyderickgonzalez, he also has a weekly event in Harlem called Brown Sugar Comedy Show. Dan Carney is on Instagram and Twitter as well @danmancarney.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Fat, Fat Wean Boys. All right, we're here with Dan Carning. Hey. And Derek Gonzalez. What's up?

And, yeah, we're here. It's post. took an episode of. I had to recover from my Memorial Day weekend, because it was debauchress, to say the least. Yeah, you, you, you, you love Memorial Day weekend. It's a serious holiday. You really respect the fallen ones. I did. I went to Arlington and I just cried. Screamed at the grave. So dehydrated from the weekend. Yeah, just like, no! Just tears, like the first scene in saving private Ryan. Yes. That's you. But you don't know

anyone who actually does. No, no, not a single person. I also, I feel like Arlington, there's probably like a, what's it called? Like, there's probably like a, it's probably so busy on Memorial Day weekend. Yeah. It gets touristy. Yeah, yeah. That's like, you can get a good snow cone at Arlington on Memorial Day? Have you ever been? Uh, no. Can you push that in real quick? My bed. Just the bottom, push it in. Oh, there we go. All right, we're good. Recording you think? No, you were good. Um, just securing. It's always something. Um, I've never been to Arlington. I've been to DC. I've been to DC. I've fucking love DC. It's probably one of my favorite. D. D.C. is fucking dope as fuck. It's got like amazing weather. New York is just too cold.

D.C. is that perfect in between. Dude, I love like... Get some seasons in Virginia. Yes. I love, like, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina. Like, that's, like, good. It's like, nah, I feel like, I love Florida, but if I was to do, like, a second choice, probably, like, somewhere around. South Carolina.

South Carolina is a weird choice. Yeah, it is a really weird choice. Unless it's Charleston. And that's, like, the only place you really want to be. Yeah, that's like a college town. Columbia is nice, too, but... I mean, like, the, what's it called? Like, the weather.

Climate. Yeah, not like the people, the culture. the cities. The culture, the geography. Yeah, none of that, none of that.

Here's the thing about climate. It changes, man. Yeah, it does. When you're there and it's South Carolina and the next,

it's, it's Cuba. Yeah, immediately. It's gonna change that fast. Yeah, then you're just being washed away in the Atlantic.

Yeah. It is interesting because like, I obviously believe in climate change, but it is funny when people are like, oh,

you want to know why it's raining today? Because of climate change. I'm like, I don't know if it affects that far. Maybe it does, but I don't know if that's why my beach weekend was raining.

There's always that one person who like tries to bring in climate change but in a way that doesn't make sense. They're like, see, I used to not sweat. No, I sweat. Could that be that you've gained 35 pounds in the last year? Yeah, yeah. That's what it was. It could be a dietary thing.

Yeah, that's a weird angle for it. But I used to run a 4-440. Now I, you know, I have a spread my ankle. Anytime I get out of bed and it's like that I don't think that's climate change. Like, no, but you're getting old. Yeah. We're lying in. Yeah.

But it was, it was insane. You never, you said you never been to New Smyrna, right? What? New Smyrna Beach. New Smyrna. I like that. I said that's so cocky.

I was like, you never been to New Smyrna. Well, it has no vowels in it. It's like N, S&Y, New Smyrna. It's, but it's pronounced New Smyrna. Yes, but it's spelled. But you said it like the way it's spelled. Yes.

Okay. I have not been there. What is this place? New Smyrna. It's like a beach town where they bully kicks you out if you lose a race to them. What is this place? Yes. Yes.

Just make a sure. Yes. All of Michael's, like, weekends, like Memorial Day weekends are always like those old 80s ski trip movies, but they take place at a beach in Florida. Yeah, it's like a surf off. And if you lose, you get kicked out of down. Little beach montages. We were definitely like the fat guys raising each other on the beach.

You know, when they have, like, their stomach on the fall on the sand first. They got to get up in sprint. It's like that. We were definitely like that, the party house that, like, the guy's trying to get rid of. You know, like the big corporate guys. pulling up all the houses. He's like, he's fucking scum. He sees our group of people. He's like, we're going to clean this beach. And make a resort.

That's always what it is. His son ends up partying with you. He's like, Dad, they're cool. Yeah. They're not bad. They get me. But I drink, yeah, I was telling him, I drink like gallons of alcohol. It's so funny because it was like, it was. I love hearing gallons of alcohol. Gounds of alcohol.

Too passively. Oh, yeah. It was one of those weekends where you're like, like, I knew the whole time I was like, I'm going to have five days of recovery. Like, I literally didn't podcast last week. I was like, dude, it's going to be like, like, dude, I was sweating, panic. But I'm like, while I was happening, I was like, this is what I did. I did this weekend.

You only do this like once or twice a year. Yeah. Or every weekend. There's a little part of you after one of those weeks. Like, like, you try to keep it going. Sunday night, there's that little part of me that's like, I might just fucking live like this. Yeah. No, always. You know, Memorial Day, Veterans Day.

It's his only true politics. Abraham Lincoln Day. President's Day. Yeah, no, I know what you mean. where you're like, all right, I went, you know, I had some fun this weekend, but then it's like Monday rolls around at the end of the Monday. You're like, it's nice out. Yeah, yeah. You know, I'd be wasting, uh, this nice weather if I didn't have a drink outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't want to return to reality. It's so stupid. You're like, why don't I have a fucking job? I could just be one of these homeless beach people, which there are. There are people that just, you don't want to be that. But there's that little part of you that's like, you envy it a little bit. But like, what more do you need above that? Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Like, every time I'd walk into, like, a convenience store in Florida. by the beach with like my shoes off and just like going to get like a tall boy and I'm with like maybe it's like a girl I'm dating

or like one of my friends I'm like I don't know how it necessarily gets better than this No way. Yeah, yeah. Because need base, you only need like one thing. Yeah. A drink that's like $3 that's like 24 ounces. Yeah. And then you're going to the beach.

You're on the beach. And those dudes, a lot of those dudes are still fucking hot chicks. Yeah. Like they're just like to do it looks borderline homeless just like, added the fuck up, like, and he's just like, yeah, no, I'm still just banging some, like, super hot surf girl.

Because that's because they're in a certain mindset of just bliss. When you day drinking a lot, you just believe that you could do anything. You know what I mean? I think that's the problem with Italy. Italy's always like, they don't really work crazy hours. They always start drinking at a certain point. They're like, oh, yeah, blah, blah, blah. Now their economy's trash.

So that's the problem with this day drink. You're just fucking. They also have horrible health there. Like, I remember who would be, like, fucked up Italy. Well, the good thing about Florida and is, it's, it's, it's, it. to tie this back in the economy is Disney is kind of pulling the weight. Oh, 100%.

So it's like Disney's just doing everything so that everything is cheap in Florida. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that's a big part of it. People, like, you know, there's like, you can get a flight from, like, Rhode Island to Sarasota for like $40. Yeah, it's advertised on, like, the highway

because people are just driving that, like, I hate my life. Maybe I'm going to kill my wife. Yeah. I can't shut. You know, normal Florida thoughts. I can't, well, no, they're in Rhode Island. They're like, I can't shovel this driveway another goddamn day in my life. And then you see $44 for a flight to Sarasota, Florida.

All you see is the beach. And you're like, yeah, I'll go. 100%. But, like, to add to your point, like, yeah, it's like kind of bummy dudes dating, like, hot women. Like, the last time I was living there, I remember, like, the last girl I dated there, I had no job. I had no prospects. And, you know, I was collecting employment every week, living with my parents.

and my girlfriend was like a model. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was like gorgeous. And we would just go to the beach, like, three or four times a week and just hang out. And then, like, you know, whatever. Her woman. Yeah. That's the thing is.

They're looking at them. Like, who's the most fun guy? But, like, it was so funny because we'd go out. Like, it was one or two times where we went to, like, a decent restaurant. And I'm dressed. I'm wearing a Hawaiian shirt and pants. And she's wearing, like, a dress that goes, like, barely covers her vagina. Yeah.

And, uh, and we just look like, just beat. floor to trash, but like it was the life. Like we fit in. You know? And it's like you could fast forward I had a mustache. You could just fast forward that like 30 years and just you could just visualize it. Oh yeah. And that was my favorite is seeing old people

there. I'm like, wait, this doesn't stop. No, no. You can drink at the beach for the rest of your life. But it is sad where like there's a dude who's like 45, he's dressed like Tony Hawk. Like, you know, he's, you know, he's still trying to do it. Just to show people you're like, I'm doing something. This is my weekend. Yeah.

you'd live there. Yeah, this is your life. Because there was like a guy, I remember he was like, he was like in his 40s and he would just kind of had like this surfer, skater dude. And he was like shredded or whatever. But it's like he, like he was in great shape. Probably just surfed all day. But he did nothing.

He's living next to like this girl I was dating, which was not at a great area. Yeah. And it was for like people like our age at the time, but not like this dude. Yeah. And it's just like, yeah, this guy never really graduated from I just want to skate. Yeah. And like get high and drink. by the beach.

Yeah, yeah. And be like a good looking dude. But that's also a whole thing is you have to dress your age, dude. Even in New York, you'll see like some like fat middle age guy trying to wear like, and you're like, don't wear a fucking bomber. Like you do. You'll see like an old dude rocking like like a spicy looking fuck wearing like a big red pair of boots.

Yeah. Like like three white neon like almost yeasies. Yeah. Like some or like Kanye boots. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you could dress old and cool. Like I was at the airport. and there's this dude when you start to get old

I mean it depends on your race but if you're a white guy you gotta start looking like the guy who runs Jurassic Park that's a cool maybe some leather bracelets like uh leather bracelets

god damn like those like it's not a Hawaiian but you look like a floral floral yes floral or like the Indiana Jones kind of shirts your friend I feel like you're just basically saying we're at a certain age

just start wearing a college shirt just yeah yeah I agree at that point it's just like fuck what do you why are you t-shirt, why you're showing us your man's head, just keep fucking moving. Right, but you can't have like an exotic look to you with that. Like, you can do, open up, show some chest there, stuff like that.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not even saying no to fedora. Like, honestly, a fedora middle-aged man. I like how he thinks Greek people are exotic. You know how Hannibal Lecter dresses at the end of Silence of the Lambs? You could do that. That's acceptable. Yeah. Yeah, what he's wearing is, yeah, it's

literally the guy who runs dressing. Yeah, yeah. That's how you should fucking look. You know who dresses like their age? Ancient Astronaut Theorist. You ever watch those guys? No. They dress their age. The dudes on ancient aliens, they dress their age.

And it looks, I don't know, you look, you look adventurous. Like, I'm not saying, they're out of their fucking minds. Is there, there's a bandana around the collar sometimes? Yeah, yeah, something like that. It's like, that's not an outrage. That's very like, like Sean Connery going with Indiana Jones. Yes. And it's a vest too.

It's always a vest with a little pockets. Yeah, you could do, exactly. You can do stuff like that. But, um... I'm going to start cross-dressing when I'm older. Dude, those are interesting. Those are, you ever see those? Like, there are like, obviously trans older people.

But then there's also, you could tell you're like, oh, this is a man who's wearing a dress. Like, he's not, he's not trying to be trans. Like, he's like, no, I'm a dude. I just dresses are what I. Like, there was a guy I saw. Especially in the East Village. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. Well, it's also like a trend now where it's like. You also live next to a gay bar. So maybe you're like. Reception of what people look like. There's like, there are like drag nights at this bar. Yeah, yeah.

You know, like, because they did the RuPaul's drag race. I heard it wrong. Like, you said drag knights. I was thinking about knights with a kid. Oh, God, queen. Defenders. That's so great. Warriors, yeah.

That's so great. Oh, man. Yeah, dude, there's a whole fucking army. No, yeah, there's, you do live next to a gay bar. So maybe, maybe. And then I'm also always in Greenwich Village, which is also like, people dress in fucking wild and shit. But if you're old and like you wear like a dress

or some shit like a sundress, balls must feel great. Oh, probably amazing, dude. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because like right now, wedding for years. Yeah, yeah. And right now there's that burst of air.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right now there's like distance between my balls and my pants scene, but I bet you at that age there's like none. So you want to reduce that. It goes all each side of the fucking. Yeah, it just sagged so low. But do that, but also do middle-aged guy stuff.

Like still work at a hardware store. How old would it be, talking. We're going from old guy to like middle age guy. Like, what is, what is the age range of talking? For me, once you turn 50, your life is over. Okay, that sounds about right. Actually, my life ended in high school, but like, you know,

for other people. And you dress like it. For normal. Yeah, I told you, I like how... This is what you're going to be wearing. Yeah. You're fucking grateful dead shirt. I love how I'm like, yeah, man, I almost was going to stay like that for the rest of my life. I'm going to be doing that, dude. There was a moment. I reached, like, my rock bottom in, like, in a positive way this weekend.

Okay. So it was like one of those where I'm so drunk sitting on the beach in a bathing suit. And I was like, this is going to be disgusting. My dad listened to this podcast. I'm going to get shamed. Let's go. He's going to hate me for this. But I'm sitting on the beach at the end of the day. I'm joking with my best friends. And I'm wearing a bathing suit. I'm sitting in

like a tube. And I'm like, you know what? I wasn't like, oh, I'm so drunk. I'm going to piss myself. I was like, I need to pee. I'm going to pee first and then go into water. I just fucking pissed my bathing suit right there on the beach. Respect. There was a live music band right behind me. I'm listening to like Hotel California. I'm like, this

It's not going to get better than that. No, I'm like, this is a choice. This is not sadness. I refuse to people tell me that that is sad behavior. I was like, no, I'm just comfortably peeing where I'm sitting. And then I'll go in the ocean. Yeah, then I'll go in the ocean. Yeah, it's too cold right now.

What's the difference if you go and do it there versus doing it now? None, nothing. None at all. I respect the fuck out of that. Thank you. I appreciate that. I needed that verification. I remember how there's a guy probably on the beach watching.

He's like, oh, he's doing the old popping piss. Yeah, yeah. I was the move. I would tell you the craziest. Just you guys, but like 30 years in advance, watching you, is like, oh, they used to be us. Yeah, they're both pissing their ban.

Yeah, that's got to be an interesting phase your life where you got to die. Like, I wonder if you're reluctant to wear a diaper when you get to that age, or are you just like, finally like, I'm excited now now that my pants aren't just going to be covered in piss. Oh, I want to, you know what I? You know what I want to, you know what I?

Like, even if I see old people walking the street, I'm like, I don't want to, Think about it, but now I'm like, hmm, are they wearing a diaper? You know, like the ones that are on like the fucking four wheel? Sometimes I'm like, damn, that ass is too thick. Exactly. There's no way there's not a diaper cover that ass.

There's no way that in them teeth. I'm telling you right now, there's no way. I need evidence. I need proof immediately. Just want to fucking. Yeah. Some Lulu lemons. Sir.

Sir. I need to see that diaper outline, bitch. Can I get like a push-up? stop where you're walking right now. Are you walking around the poopy diaper? Or you're just thick as fuck. Oh, man. Do you think there's like, that's a question, I wonder, I wonder, do you think the second

you start wearing a diaper, that's where you say, I'm done fucking? Or do you think that there's any overlap between those two life? Great question. I don't think you've done fucking ever. I think I'm almost done fucking. I think I'm already. At 25? 26.

26. You know, and, uh, Yeah. I'm still finding out new things every day. It sounds like you're coming out to us, Derek. The vagina is a very complex creature. I'm coming out asexual. I just had a Celsius in a dark chocolate almond bar.

Oh, yeah. I don't know if it's going to get better than that. Yeah, you tap down. You know what I mean? You got to get into, like, museums now or something. I'll come in like 13 seconds. That's fine. And then beyond that, yeah, yeah, museums.

Yeah, yeah. That's all get off. Or bike rides. That's how I knew I think. Oh, yeah. I literally did a bike ride from a, right around here all the way down to George Washington Bridge with my girlfriend. And this is why I'm like, oh shit, I'm like, I'm retired now.

Yeah. I graduated college. I'm like, I just jump straight to retirement. That's how I feel when I see like granite countertops and I get like a little, a little bit hard. Like you see like a like a, not like these, but like a nice countertop and you're like, we're like a lawn. I don't know.

No, he lawns. A granite countertop. Nah, he got, he's on the right. Lons get me off too now. Like I see like a good lawn. Where do you see a good lawn in New York? I was in Queens. I saw a good countertop.

lawn. I was like, I might get him over here. Yeah, and you're like, God damn. You almost want to like just shake the man's hand or something. You want to find it. I know what? I could sympathize with that. I was at Madison Square Park last night. Yeah. And the lawn is still closed. Yeah. And if I saw someone get on the lawn, I'd be, hey, get off that long. The lawn's not ready for you to be on it yet. Yeah, yeah. They just laid Saudi or a week ago. It looks nice right now. It's growing in. It is a real nice lawn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I get that. also like the way that you said sympathize with you. Instead of like, like, I understand where you're like, I sympathize.

I feel bad for you, but I can, I could, no, empathize would be feeling bad. Sympathor. Wouldn't sympathize being more on your side? No, I feel bad for him. Yeah, you. Yeah, you feel bad. Emperties like, I relate to you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have sympathy for people. Oh, I empathize with you. I empathize with you. I sympathize. I am sorry. I empathize. No. No, I did. I mean, I did. This is what I, I've all decided, though. As from losing some brain cells this weekend, I've decided I want to get richer, but also dumber.

So once I start making a certain, because rich, smart people, they're not happy. So once I, like, I want to, like, an X, Y axis, like the, the richer I get, I want to slowly dumb myself down so that I can enjoy life. Just start putting letting it through that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good idea. I love that, actually. I also feel like there takes, like, a level of stupidity, not that you're above it,

um, to, like, make a lot of money. like you could be too smart to make a lot of because you'd be too he'd be too heady you know what I mean yeah yeah yeah too much in your head yeah too much in your head you're like no I'm not gonna this guy fuck me over I'm gonna be by my rules and you're like all right well then you're not gonna I don't want to do this I do this and that it's like it takes a level of just been like I don't give a fuck and just doing yeah something like for pass me around do whatever you want at your company yeah I'll be a whore yeah I'll be a fucking slut one of the most disgusting thing is just watching somebody be in their head and you're like ew like you don't know if you're in that

head or like the mindset. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. We're just doing this. They look like they're calculating and doing math like two plus two and shit. Yeah. I began so mad. Two plus two freaks you out.

So much. I'm like, why do you think about that so much? Yeah, there was like like there was this level this weekend where I was, I was, I was at that drunk level where I, I'm sober enough to know that what I'm saying is not making sense out of my mouth. You know what I mean? You have those glimpses of conversations where you could see your friends saying, Hey, you're not speaking English right now.

But I was the worst. There was a guy. I told you about this guy who fucking... There was this dude who... The fucking security came up to him. He had his shirt off. And then they're like, you can't do that. You got to put your shirt on.

And my other friend looks at security, takes his shirt off, staring at security, thrown out. His brother comes up to security, pinches the guy on the cheek. And he goes, you feel like a big boy? And the dude's like 10 times bigger than my buddy and just tosses him to fuck out.

That guy also peed himself from hitting the ground. There's a lot of peeing pants. A lot of peeing pants. A lot of peeing and pants. You think like, what age do we get to the point where, like, peeing is not a choice?

Oh, yeah, not a mean? Yeah. Like, what age is peeing, not a choice? I think, like, well, it's so funny because what happens is, like,

when you're a kid, you're peeing your pants and you're like, that's not cool. Now is the saddest time to pee your pants, if I'm being honest. I'd agree.

We're grown-ass men. College 18 to like, probably 45? No, no, I think now, I think now is sadder than 18. Yes. Because 18, you can be like, I had a drunk, kitty, whatever. We're grown-ass man.

Yeah, yeah. We should not be pissing our pants. We're still young little boys. Yeah, yeah. You know, like, if we were to get, you know. But all the time is taking effect on us. You know what I mean? We're grown-ass men, but we're withered a little bit now. We are withered a little bit.

So we might be getting a little bit of effects. We're like, if I have that little spot of piss right there, I'd be like, well, I think that's... You know, I mean, that's why I know I'm growing up. At the end of the day, there's a little pee-of-poop in my pants. I'm like, I'm a big boy, now. At end of every day, there's a little pee and poo in my pants. That's why I love that.

That's why I love Billy Madison. You're not cool. Unless you piece of pants. Yeah, well, because there's two kinds of pissing your pants. There's like pissing your pants and then there's like when you shake and then it just doesn't stop, which I all the time will shake. Yeah. And then. Yeah, my, my, my, my, my, my, my dick has Parkinson's.

It's always just. Come on, buddy. Stop. Stop. It'll just take a second. Yeah. But, you know, I was, I'm tired of getting big dicked by the guy. guys at the hardware store.

Have you, do you... Nope. Nope. This is not a relatable thing for you. Nope. Yeah, I'm Hispanic, bro. They don't big dick me. Every time I don't know why I was, I was getting a drain clean.

I don't know why. Like, when I was a kid, I'd let old guys kind of fuck with me a little bit. I'm like, all right. What? What? You just let them run a train on you? No, I'm not getting like the left. I'd let an old guy fuck with me a little bit when I was a kid.

But if it's a little... Yeah. You know what, like, I'm get a finger in there? When like you're a teenager and you have like your dad's friends and they kind of call you a pussy like Oh yeah, dude. I still think about those fucking idiots. Yeah. I wish I would have said some shit because they would try your ass, dude. Dude, people would like talk serious shit because they knew they could get away with it. And your dad's friends are always single.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? My dad's friends felt like every one of my dad's friends that would come to the house never had like a girlfriend or wife or really any prospects. Yeah, yeah. Just I'm like dick that's like, and that's what I'm talking about. That's what I was talking about the hardware store. And that happened to me today, and I think I snapped too early on the guy. Because I go to the hardware store and I'm trying to get like a drain cleaner to get the hair out of my, out of my, what's it called? Drain.

Drain. That's the only place where hair would be is either the drain. I think I'm reaching my goals of losing brain cells. You bought a drain cleaner to get hair out of where my ass. Yeah, yeah. Nice. Yeah. Your drain.

Yeah. It's like a butt plug of drain cleaning. But the guy goes, the guy just looks. the guy just looks at me, I didn't realize I had that in my hand, and he goes, your hair or your girlfriends? And for some reason, I thought he was talking about the hair on my head, I go, it's my hair and I like it. I go, I just said, what?

I don't know why. Why? Because I don't think they're, now he was trying to big dog No, not at all, but I didn't know. I think he's like autistic. No, yeah, yeah. He meant for what I was using in my hands. Yeah. Yeah. But in my mind, I'm like, no, it's my hair, and I like it's how I got my girlfriend, and he's like, he just

gave me the weirdest look. And everyone's like, oh, yeah, I have something to get hair out of a dra. But like, I I thought he was insulting the length of him. I thought he's being like an old guy and being like, oh, nice long hair. Is that yours or your girlfriend? So I was like, you know what? It is my hair. And I like it, sir.

And this is how I got my girlfriend by this hair. And I fuck her. And I fuck her good. I know how to please her. And I don't need to hear shit for you. I don't care if you fight in Vietnam. I'm still a man. Your dad would be so proud of you right now.

And then he's like, yeah, no, the dude. I was like, oh, yeah, me and my girlfriend lived together. We're trying to get here out of the tree. Yeah, yeah, it's her hair. I was at a bar once. and this guy I was in the Hamptons for like a weekend I have a friend

that like their family is like from Montauk but like from there before it was like this huge tourist thing so like they have they've had a house there and we went there we went to like one of the bars in that area where like

all the fucking snooty rich kids go right and so we're there and I'm like I remember this a few years ago and I was taking like a Snapchat like just probably send us some friends from back at four to use like a Hampton's filter. Yeah, yeah.

Show them like, hey, like, I'm doing stuff. I'm the Hamptons, you idiot. Yeah. And, uh, such a bad bitch move. Oh, dude, I was on full bad bitch alert. You know?

And. And. Yeah, oh, yeah, it's hard duck face. Pose at the bar. Ass out. Wasn't even in the picture. Just your spine. Just a spine arched.

Ready for a drink that's not paid by me. And, this guy at the bar, it was like, there's like several bars in this establishment, you know? Yeah,

big ass place, but there's like five different bars in the, whatever. So we're at a bar. There's only me, my friend and like, one and two other people,

this one dude's at the bar, older guy, and he goes, ah, you're better than that. You know, but I take it. But yeah,

about taking to stepchat. But he was like, kind of like, bust in my ball, like, in a way that was like, it was friendly. Yeah.

Yeah. And I go, I go, uh, yeah, no, I'm not. and he goes, you're not good enough, good looking enough for that. But then he said it with a way that he's like trying to be kind of like weird.

It was like weird and like kind of like, are you being like antagonistic here or whatever? And I was like, I know where I don't even remember what I said. I think I'm, I probably said something. Wait, did he just neg you? He's weird that you want to dominate men. There's dudes that want to dominate men. Oh, yeah. So get this.

So I don't even remember what I said. it was something like benign, like to enough to where I don't even remember. It was probably along the lights of like, uh, hey, neither are you or something like that, you know? And this other guy who was like, uh, I guess was like a manager of the place. My friend knew him. He worked for him. He like got us in for free or whatever. So he comes out to me.

He's like another like probably middle age dude. Maybe late 30s or early 40s. This other guy's probably in his 50s. Manager comes up to me and goes, taps me. He goes, this in here, buddy. you're this close to getting kicked out of here and never being allowed back in ever again. Just for like saying like nothing.

And I thought he was, this was like a bit. I'm like, oh, now all three of us are like broing down. You know? Yeah, yeah,

we're all busting balls here. And you're like, well, you're a fucking pussy. Yeah, and I was like, ah, hey,

well, this, what this fucking idiot, you know? And he goes, I'm being serious. You're this close to being kicked out of here and never being allowed back in ever again.

And the guy who was at the bar who I was kind of like, I thought it was friendly It was friendly talking shit He gives me a look like Yeah Motherfucker Oh like he's like And then I start fucking

I had leash on I'm like you pussy motherfucker You old ass lonely ass Small dick bitch I'm already getting kicked out Yeah yeah I'm on the way out They're like all right I get I get I get out

My friends are come on hey come on And I'm like All right now I can just unload the clip Oh this guy Yeah you tiny dick Can't get it up No pussy getting bitch-ass old fuck

probably living in the closet-ass bitch like talking shit dude hard to this guy at the bar I wanted him to like go home and kill himself yeah I want to really get him because I was like dude just yeah why are you trying to dominate me

you know I will talk shit in a way that I know that I can't back it up because I'm leaving the bar of course and I'm leaving right after this I'm not going to be in this I'm never coming back to this establishment ever again so it's a I get free shots here to take it you

But it was like the same attitude of like those dudes at like Ace Hardware who like work there. Oh, yeah. But probably have no wives or girlfriends. Yeah. Yeah. No more about tools than like a 26 year old guy. Yes. You're gonna use a monkey wrench on that?

Which I'm sorry, but doesn't get you pussy. It does not get your pussy. They're not even, yeah, yeah. Pussy's so out of their like sphere of what's possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, that it's like now the only other way to be an alpha is tools, but it's like no one cares about tools anymore. I'll have another grown ass man. I'll pay him to come in and put a TV.

up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's gonna be high. I'll pay him to put it up in front of... I was kidding. Derek gave me a glancer. He's like, what? He's gonna be hot.

Yeah. Yeah, he could be whatever, you know, whatever it gets the most positive reviews on the website. Venezuelan. Yeah. Little to no English. Yeah, yeah. shirtless.

I'm come over in front of like a girl I'm dating. I don't care. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Assemble the entire apartment. Yeah. Put on my pants for me. I don't care.

I don't give a shit. Yeah, I'm so beyond. like that thing of like I gotta be a traditional dude. I'm like no, I know I'm a man in my own ways. But once you start like not being able to get it up more consistently, maybe peeing your pants more often, not being able to run a mile anymore, then you know,

you start to be like, okay, I have to take shots. Yeah, I have to swing. And these kids are coming into my hardware store just to get a key copy. I'm not going to let this little soft bitch fucking put me in my place. They don't even know this key does.

They don't know what kind of key this is. This is a fucking jimini. Do you want people to shop here or not? It's very confusing the messages. You need to shop here, you a little bit. Where else are you going to go? I'm telling you, that guy is a fucking dick to me every time I go in there, dude. Just beat the shit out of him.

Let's talk shit. I would love to go in there. It's my hair. It's my hair. It's not my girlfriend's hair. It's his fucking hair, you see. Look at it. Look at his hair. It's his.

It's funny. because I just imagine being like an 85 year old guy and Mike just taking everything offensively. He's trying to ask him nicely like, so is this your hair? Dude, if I'm being honest. Like, that's the guy. He's like on a ventilator.

We're like, what? Yeah, he was giving me eyes the whole time. I think he's dying. He just wanted to help. He has like one milky ass eye. So he was really genuinely asking that question. He looks scared, Michael. If I'm going to be honest, he was pretty old.

He was pretty old. How old was he? Maybe he was trying to be a sweet old guy And I talked to you about it I think he was I remember when I was just moved in With my girlfriend Yeah I think he was

But the problem is the slightly younger guys Always a dick to me And I thought they were on the same team So I'm just firing off with this old guy Yeah just imagine the old guy Going to the young guy Fucking roast it that bitch You know who's another class of douchebag

That now that we're on this topic is like people that are like just graduated high school to college that work at AutoZone You ever have friends You guys are talking about shit that a guy from New York Don't know shit about Yeah friends

graduate people you knew from high school That graduated Oh but oh And they didn't really go to college or anything But they work at AutoZone Which is like Because they have a car that they're working on They get a car that they can work on

It's like an auto parts store And it's like now like they're an asshole I go in with my dad To like buy like something or like look at shit, I don't know what I'm talking about. He doesn't know he's talking about. Now we got some guy who's not even going to like act like he, he acts like he doesn't remember me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's like, Are you sure you didn't go to fucking Capul in high school? Like, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, he's, yeah, what you're gonna need here is, you break, pets, you know. Yeah, that one I didn't relate to as much. Okay.

You know, you know what I do write you? You know, I'm thinking of one specific guy. That's the, his name's Kevin. He also fucked your ex. You know that guy? Yeah, I wanted to get to him on this episode. You mean the kid with Down syndrome? Yeah. Get with Down syndrome.

Yeah. But he was kind of a dick, you know? Yeah. He was cocky. He knew he was stronger than all of us. He used it against him. And he rubbed it in. Yeah. Tired looking at us.

Oh, you won Tug of War. Great. Well, I play third of the spelling bee. Yeah. There is the class ducheper. I think I talked about this. The kids who were the Ivy, I didn't notice this because I didn't know any Ivy Leaguers in Florida at all. I just,

I mean, they just don't really live there as much. Yeah, they move out. They're there, but it's not as like, there's no like Ivy League, like, uh, culture. Yeah. But here I've been to like pregame. They hide amongst the regular people. Yeah. Here I've been to pregames and you see some guy who, this is what he is.

He's like Ivy League, but he also started working out, but he still doesn't know how to be social. And he's wearing like nice ass clothes and you're like, and you're like, and you're, you see him being a douche and you're like dude you fucking you're still a pussy i know my favorite people like not like genuinely like enjoying their company but like getting a kick out of oh yeah yeah you like dude everybody you you you're standing they're unaware like oh but they're unaware because they they are their company that they work with like i am golden stacks yeah that that's it that's the label that they're projecting into the world and that that will get them pussy yeah that will get them a lot of pussy especially in new york in new york it's all it's all money we talked about this on

I think when I was, I was wanting for. I have no money either. But I get bitches. And that's my income. Well, that's my income. Bitches is my income. Bitches is my bank. What if I just walked up to the guy?

He's like just nicely, he's like a Goldman Sachs guy. I'm like, yeah, well, how much fucking pussy do you get? I was like, freak out of him. He's like, hey, Michael, nice to meet you. Yeah? How much asses you pounded? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does your little brain help you get that?

He's got like his fucking, I take off his fucking diploma off the wall, fucking smash it. Yeah. You're ripping. Doesn't even smell like puss. Oh, this is good stock, huh? Rip it. Ripped it in half.

Dude, my favorite thing recently that happened to me. So I was on, I was on McDougall. Just a quick McDougal update. There was a homeless guy I was talking about who's missing a leg. And it was a new leg missing. Apparently, train situation.

I knew it was a train situation. Which I'm going to guess suicide is out. One of those guy on the J train. Maybe. I don't know. A few weeks. weeks ago. I don't know.

I know what you mean, though. The guy said he'd be walking in a week. Ah, right. No, no, you say that, though. And I saw a different guy walking. And I'm starting to think that this guy... It was that different guy? Yeah, maybe I'm mixing him up.

I don't know. I'm mixing them up. Just, just... Just the listener update. Yeah, legs... He's not a lizard. He's not a lizard. He's not a lizard.

He said it's coming from. He's very confident. Yeah, he's gross. There's a very dangerous procedure, but we might be a little bit of a lizard. but we might be able to try it. That would be so much just a lizard, but he's still like smoking crack

and doing all this guy stuff. My crack instincts are stronger than my lizard instincts. Just still drinking four loco, but like with his tongue just like throwing out at it. But the other thing I saw was fucking hilarious. So what's James Gannolfini's son's name? Oh, uh... Junior probably.

Yeah. Junior Ganyl. So he was walking. Ryan O'Toole scared the shit out of him and it was the funniest thing I've seen in my life. So James Ganoffini's son was like walking around like looking for something. And Ryan O'Toole was trying to ask, do you need directions? But the way he said it goes, hey, you lost to something?

And to see Tony Soprano Jr. get nervous was the funniest thing in the world. Oh, the one that was in the fucking, uh, the new movie. Yes. He literally like looked up from his phone. He's like, nah, I'm all right. And it was just the funniest thing to see Ryan O'Toole. That's why that movie sucked. James Gennifino, be like, no, I'm good.

Yeah, he's like, hey, are you fucking lost, bitch? Yeah, you fucking lost? You must be lost talking to me like that. Yeah. Or they would have bonded. I feel like Ryan would have been friends with James Ken. Oh, 100%. They would have liked each other, yeah, yeah.

But I want to know more, is James, like, is he like... He's dead. I know, he's dead. He's not autistic. Maybe, I don't know. Oh, the son? No, but is he like, like, the senior, is he like one of those, like mobster guys that they had act? Because there's a, there's two people.

Yeah, he's an actor. He was an actor. So he was like... But Polly Walnuts was a former mob dude. Yeah, there are guys like that. Whenever I hear former mob dude, I'd be like, oh, you're a snitch. Yeah, yeah. If the real mob is either die or they're still in jail, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. You're a fucking... Yeah, you hear that, Polly Wannots? You fucking snitch. You fucking snitch. Allegedly. No, you alleged snitch. Yeah, I don't know.

Everybody says they wouldn't snitch, but I wonder, I don't know, it's... Some people probably don't snitch and fear that their family's going to get murdered. If you can guarantee that. my family, and I'm not talking about my parents, I'm talking about like, whatever chick I'm with. And I...

They're pulling weird ones, like, we're going to murder your Aunt Judy. You're like, okay, fucking... I thought she was dead. Yeah. If you can guarantee that me and like a couple people could just be like, like witness protection can go to like,

you know, fucking like the beach somewhere. Yeah, yeah. And be like, hey, just change your names. I'd be like, all right, yeah, done. I've been waiting for an excuse to do this for a long. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm also cool, like, uh, them tracking me down, but it's just got to be the end of my life. Like, I'm, like, drinking a cup of tea and, like, France, and then I just get a shot in the back of the head. You say, like, so you came. And then that's it. Yeah, yeah. It's like

the end of the dark night rises or something like that, but just like, I'm sitting at a table alone and then, like, by myself, but then you just see another chair pull up and then like, I want to see like a guy, like, I'm sitting at the cafe, I'm older, and I see, like, out of the periphery or like someone kind of walk in there. Maybe they don't even try to hide it. And they just walk and we just kind of make eye contact and we both know it's about to happen. And then someone shoots me in the back of the head. Yes.

Yeah, that's a good way to do it. That's how you go out like a man. Yeah. I thought about that. It was so funny. I did like Elvis. Let's stage that in any sort of. What country do you think you go?

Like, do you think it's protection? What I go to? Yeah. Because do you, or do you do it in America? You do in America usually? Because they can't, they're not going to save your ass. They'd have to extradite. You'd become a whole federal or like,

I'm thinking, international shit. I'm thinking more of like, I guess my situation was more like if I was an international art thief. I could have Brooklyn. Or I guess if I was running from the feds in America. I guess that's more you'd live in Europe or something like that. Oh, yeah.

If you're running for the feds in America, you go to another country. Yeah. You go to Mexico's first. Yeah. You know. I think Wyoming. Windows production, you go to Wyoming.

Yeah. That'd be nice. This is like the one black guy there. There's like, what's the story? I'm just always by myself. I wear the fucking cowboy hat like I always dreamed of.

Everyone at Walmart's calling you Kanye. Should be lit. That's the only other black person they know in Wyoming. Like Kanye? Not this time. No, no, no. That'd be the worst place for you to go.

I'm going to be honest. Oh, they're going to find me. In Wyoming? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, was there a black guy in this town? I just wanted to be a ranch. Was it a Kanye?

No. Thank you. No. Thank you. I think I'm like, I'm like, how'd you know? They'd be like, like, Yeah. all white people.

Have you, do you, so you, you want to wear a cowboy hat? I want to wear a cowboy hat. You would kill that look. I, like, I watched that one movie that was like, that one Netflix movie where it's all black cowboys. I was just like, I know what you're talking about. I could do this shit.

I forgot. It's called a sin. My cowboys are white. There was, I know what you're talking about. It was obviously not Django. It was like a new one. It came out like a year ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But I felt that. I want to wear the fucking shackle. I played Red Dead Redemption too much as a kid. So. Also, those shit are like,

like, cowboy movies, I'm for than making more those. Those are badass movies. Like, it's cool, like,

just shoot them up shit like that where it's like, yeah. Yeah, I agree. It depends. It depends on, like,

I mean, it's been done so much, you know? Yeah. Like that genre. Yeah. But I feel like also a lot of it, like,

there was like a movie that was just made, like, with Ben Shapiro's company. It was a website. a Western by the Daily Wire. And so I saw, yeah, so I feel like... Actually, you can't shoot me because you're Native

American, so technically I own this land, so you guys have to leave. So I feel like a lot of like Westerns are like rooted in like some sort of like racism. Yeah. So like... The right is trying to like... Yeah, there would have to be, they're like claiming it. So like, they'd have to be like

a unique storyline. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, that's a good point. Well, yeah, there's like a whole... That's why Django works. I mean, obviously, they could be good. They could be a good Western regardless, but like, you know, like, what's that movie? Hateful Eighth. Yeah, Hayfley. That was a, that was a good Western. Um, but

The good, the bad, the ugly is a classic. That's a classic, but I'm thinking of contemporaries. Contemporaries. Um, there's, there's not a time. There was a Christian bill. I can't believe, I'm sorry, I'm just very angry that Ben Shapiro was making cowboy movies. They didn't hear about this? No, that sounds so bad. What's her name? There was a chick from the

Mandalorian, the act. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's, she's a she's a badass action start. And then those was like, She's the star of the movie. Okay. Okay, I'm on board now. Are you? I don't know why I picture...

How are Fisher's in it? A fucking bitch with traps? Yeah. I don't know why I pictured Ben Shapiro in it, and that just ruined it. No, no, he's not in it. His Daily Wire is producing it.

Oh, okay. Stick him up partner. They're in studios. I would love it. Cowboy destroys liberal... Native American. Native American's like...

Native American Village. Yeah. well technically it's not your land I'm gonna take it and there's nothing you can do why is it your land land has been reclaimed by communities for the since the beginning

of time this isn't something new okay this is what they're trying to push on you this is what they're trying to push on you they're indoctrinating you you know just become more about our culture yeah man Ben Shapiro is a cowboy

I want to be a fucker there is one of those guys things in Cabo what's his name Crowder he wears holsters Steve Crowder Yeah yeah yeah He has like holsters

His thing It's Yeah The comedian Uh conservative Like A commentator Or podcast or

Pipeline is A thing Oh yeah Yeah yeah yeah Yeah Cool because like dude Like I think it's just political

It's just normally bad Either way Unless you can Bad yeah Of course Unless you can Yeah of course Unless you can equally shit on both sides

Like any of those people Like Comed Like a leftist like, you know, I don't know the exact word, like that type of figure. I get what you're saying, where they're not even quite doing comedy. Like it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I know he didn't start in comedy, but it started in radio.

But like Stephen Crowder was like a comedian, right? Oh, what's her name? Blonchick. That's totally who. Chelsea Handler? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was not a comedian. That's a good point.

That's a good point. Yeah. Equally, uh, she's horrible. She's horrible. And Sarah Silverman's now kind of like a left. Yeah, that's a good person. That's a great. She's like a super left.

That's true. I guess what I think of comedians, I just don't think of women. I'm kidding. But those are perfect examples. Yeah, yeah. It's just, I don't know, nobody, I don't know,

it's, it's bad. It's bad. It needs to be stopped. What needs to be stopped? Women doing comedy. No. Yeah, man. There's no, like,

there's, I don't know, it's, I think it's funny to make fun of conservatives again. Yeah, yeah. But it's also like, so many people, hate Biden now too. It's like

So it's It's fun to make fun of both Do you think he wears diapers? Do you think he still fucks And he thinks he wears diapers? Do I think he still Fox? I think his dick sucked. Dude, what if Biden can just get it Rock hard? Every single time. That's why he's so slow.

He can't finish his sex. All the bloods did his dick. All the bloods did his dick. Dude, I'd have so much more respect for him. Oh yeah. Like if you just sacrificed like the ability to communicate with like the ability to get rock fucking hard. Oh yeah.

Every single time, multiple times a day. Oh, yeah. Just kissing girls on the fucking back of their heads. Yeah, just always hard.

I respect it. Yeah. Always pitch intense. Yeah. It rips his diaper open. I don't mind. It unhinges it. Losing some brain cells

and say super fucking hard whenever I want. They could probably like just set up things for him to fuck and even think they're humans. Like they could probably just like duct tape a flashlight to like a pillow. Did I,

I raise my wife? It's dead. Is his wife dead? I, uh, No, he has some, he has, he's married. Maybe he's had an ex-wife. I don't know his entire mental history. He's been alive.

For, yeah, for like, like, he's like, he's the oldest living person. I do think, you know, like some Chinese guy. There's just the two oldest people. You could convince him of, like, wild shit, though. Oh, yeah, for sure. I feel like, I, I, I did tweet this, but I was like, if I worked in the White House, I would spend every day trying to convince him that he's pregnant. You know what I mean?

Like, just to see what you could get away with. Yeah. I mean? Yeah, no, yeah. I'm sure there's, yeah. No, no, my grandma had Alzheimer's. It's fucked up, but we would, we would fuck with her a little bit.

Yeah, what'd you do? Well, so me and my cousin would we pretend to get in a fight one time. And that's pretty bad. That's horrible, dude. We were kids, but then, and then, why are my grandchildren fighting? Yeah, yeah.

That was, in our mind, it was like a cool action secrets. We're like, I'll punch you, you go flying. So, like, it's very overexaggerated. So you think you have superpowers? Yeah, yeah, basically. You've been thinking your grandmother with Alzheimer's that you have, like, the abilities of a Jedi. Yeah.

You have the force. You reenact the fucking Obi-Wan versus Anakin. I can give you powers too. You just have to give me $400 out of your bankers. What's she doing that with that money anyway? Yeah, come on. It's wasting there. It's just sitting there doing nothing.

One of my cousins, though, he had like a stuffed bird. And he like, he put it outside the window and like ducked. And like had a whole. conversation with her as a bird. He's like, how's it going? How are you doing? You're lying, dude. That's wild.

What a piece of shit. Yeah. What a horrible person. What an absolute monster. And then I could just sell Michael's a fucking rolling in the background. Just like, she's so fucking old. I mean, that's funny as, as fuck. Well, the doctor did tell us.

Like, the one thing they're like, you have to use humor to get through all this shit. Like, because it's going to be very bad. So like... She's not going to remember it. Yeah. When she forget shit, just like, make a joke. Like, make jokes about all this because it's the only way to deal with this, like, bad situation.

Yeah. Were you going to a license doctor? No, he's just like an edgy comedian. Push the envelope. I want to laugh in the face of fear. Find the line. And then push it. Purposely cross it.

Yeah, yeah. Purposely cross it. So never know you pass that shit. That's so great. Yeah, that's, uh, there's like a difference, I guess, Alzheimer and dementia. Alzheimer's horrible when you're freaking out. Yeah.

Like a bad acid trip. But like, I guess dementia is more like you're just having like a good, ass time. You don't know what's going on. Really? Yeah, my mom's grandma had had dementia and she was just like, my dad was saying he talked to her and be like, so what'd you have for lunch today? She goes, I don't know, but I'm sure it was lovely. Oh, that's great. Oh, so you keep everything intact,

but like, you're just more happy, I guess? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not bad. No, you're just slow. That's my dream of you're getting dumber. I'm going to be so angry. I'm going to be such an angry old person. Yeah, you're already on edge. Like, all the time. I know, dude. It's going to be so bad. Oh, my God. I'm not going to be able to be blissfully demented. No,

demented. Your grandma's demented. That sounds like she's into like metal bands and like torturing dolls. She has dementia. She's going to forget things? No, no. She's going to cut her friends. Dude,

I'm so fucked. Oh, my God. It's not going to be good. I'm going to be the angry old guy. I don't want to be the angry old guy. I have to avoid it. If I'm bald,

I have to be sweet. Yeah. You know, I'm starting to, it's starting to thin a little bit. I got to hear it. Yeah, that's what... But I don't...

Dude, you know, you guys know Brandon Gay? Me now. Yeah, I don't remember. He, uh, well, he's like, he's balding. You know? And, uh, but he could pull it off, but he's bald, and I remember one time I did his podcast. And it was like in the morning, like 9 a.m.

And we're filming it. I was filming it in the studio. And I pulled up like my phone to kind of see how I look. And I was like, how do I look? Uh, and he goes, I didn't say it like that, like a child. How I look? I was like, how I look, you know, however like insecure I always am.

And he goes, good, you're balding. Like, just like, no comma in between. Just like, good, you're balding. Like, and I was like, oh, a bald guy with experience with balding. Yeah. It's just like, that's how you know. Yeah. Yeah.

He's an expert. The worst is we get like a bald barber and like he's telling you, you know, it's coming. Dude, my barber's bald. bald and he's and I talked to another guy who, one of my friends who's here is thinning, who also has a bald barber and they're in denial of it. The bald barbers won't tell

you. No, the bald barbers tell you. Like the moment I have like, when I was getting my lineup, they'd be like, like, three years. And I was like, what? Really? I'm just like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, you're a tree. Yeah, he just, he just knew it. He's just like, you better start putting some fucking, they'll tell you like home remedy shit

like fucking red onion and all this shit and just put it on your head. Red onion. Yeah, red onion. Pananga has like some type of emzine. Quick question. Where's he from? Fucking Dominican.

We had a whole conversation about this. Joe Senner was on here, Dominican Barber too. He says he's telling him to weird shit. Also, Black Barber's here too. So Dominican Black Barbers, they're just gonna be bluntly honest

what you're like. No, no, I'm talking about them telling you to put weird shit in your hair. Oh, Joe Senner was like, Dominican Barber told me to put vinegar in my hair. So I don't bald.

Vinegar, I heard of Rosemary. No, no, no. The point I'm saying is I think Dominican Barbers are making these things up. They want your head to be like a salad or some shit Yeah I don't know I think there's also a thing like

There's also like a foreign thing where every country has its own like wives tales about things Like my mom's like Italian and she'll be like Yeah you know Marinera's sauce it's good for your teeth or something Ours is that our votes count Yeah Yeah there's always some shit like that where it's like yeah My barber is a Russian Jew

Oh they do the best black guy here They always are he's the fucking man. Yeah. And he just tells me about all the pussy he's getting how to get pussy. Where to go to get pussy. He has like a pamphlet. And he just,

he knows everything about pussy. He does a hot towel on your face while he's talking more about pussy. Just a warm, damp towel. You know how they dip their brush in something? He's like dipping his fingers in there. He's like, sorry, I got a lot of pussy less. I need to watch these off.

Dude, his life. He's like the blue stuff. Everything other than. cutting hair is pussy. It's everything, every second that's not like he doesn't have a pair of clippers in his hand. He's getting pussy. Or it's in the pursuit of pussy.

That's, that's a good way to live. I don't know. It's like, I don't know. Maybe. I mean, he's chilling. He's living in Manhattan. He's got probably like he lives alone, but it's kind of a small apartment. Just works in, you know, the Upper West side and gets pussy. Listen, he's goal orientated.

That's all that matters. Oriented? Yeah, there you go. Oriented. What do you say? He said orientated. But it's not orientated? It's oriented.

Oh. I'm the only one. I can't be one out of three people who knows this. New York public school, he broke a gallon of liquor. You're not. This is a numbers game. I'm on a, I would argue Florida public school is worse than the United Public School.

We were like known. I saw a bumper sticker one time. I remember when I was kids. It said, Florida education. I was like, what does that mean, mom? and she just looks over me. She goes, we have very bad education. I drank a Celsius, so I've, you know, I've talked to God.

I feel like limitless right now. Yeah, I literally do. These Celsiuses, I could have another one. But the thing is, they have like 200 milligrams of caffeine. And I'm drinking 400 milligrams of caffeine days too much. Yeah, it's too much. I'm Mormon, I don't drink coffee. Dude, they're so fucking good.

They're so good. They have so much other shit in here, too. Who even knows? It's a proprietor. I used to be so much more stimulated than I am now. Like I used to fucking, it was very odd.

Like, I don't know how, now I drink a cup of coffee and that's it. But I used to literally like, at this job, I used to work a reception job and I drink a Celsius,

take an Adderall and then throw in Zin pouches throughout the day. And I'm like, that's, that's incredible. For answering phones. But to be fair,

I think some of those jobs, sometimes your job is so boring that you will fall asleep at work. Yeah. You're not stimulated. Yeah, but it has nothing to do with like, like, if I'm around my apartment, I'm not just going to fall asleep out of the blue

working on something, masturbating, but like, you can't do any of that at work. Man, I fall asleep like a fucking bitch at my house, bro. The moment I walk in, I just lay it on the floor. But not at night, that's probably why you have trouble sleeping because you sleep during the day. I try not. Like, it's bad. It's just a really bad fucking habit. Because, like, I don't know, I get eager to fucking just lay down on my bed.

You know what I mean? The bed is, like, my home base. I write there beat my dig and I fucking drink. My bed, because I don't have a lot of room in my place. My bed is my home base as well. like my living room is not like compatible for working okay so like I'll

and my desk it's my chair is used to store clothes that I haven't worn in six months and yeah in my desk and I don't even know what's going on there and it just faces a dark wall so I just go right on my bed by my window yeah my laptop or something or I'll take my notebook out and like in the winter I'll go to like a whiskey bar

yeah in summer I'll go like a cafe outside oh that sounds nice drinking and right Do you have a little? Yeah, so now I'll have a whiskey, dude. I'll go to like a bar. This is the best. I love doing this. It's like after like a spot or something, I'll go and I'll go to like a whiskey bar.

And it'll be like just me and the bartender. And just do all wooden place, just playing kind of, you know, chill, low key music. And I'll just sit there and I'll write for like an hour or so. That's nice. It sounds nice. Yeah. I've been writing the park research in Stuyatown. I keep thinking they're going to kick me out.

But I guess they can't. You're white. They don't kick white people out of sight town. I used to get out of there all the time. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, because my high school's Ronald Twitter. And again, I told you that's what they wanted me to do.

I was getting paid to do it. It was not personal. I'm like, I get it, but it feels personal. You call me the N-word. Yeah, well, okay. Well, believe it or not, that was part of the training. Looking back, I think the guy who trained me was racist. You just have to say it, bro.

That's the only way you're... I'm like, there's no way this is part. He's like, this is... You're going to get at trouble if you don't say. That is, that's just racist. They just keep you out of Stuytown. Yeah, because they have private basketball courts. So, like, you have to have a key card and everything.

So me and my friends use to hop that shit and then just play basketball. But then if they realize they're like, there's one, two, three, there's a five blackie? You guys have to get out of here. And then like, we'll just have to leave. But yeah, that's New York City living. What if you were, I like that you gracefully raised over. Yeah, you know, it's, you know, oppression. It's horrible.

But it's New York City living. I just do the sun tanning. in like that grassy area. Yeah. That's where I go and all right there. The area's fucking nice. And I like how,

you know, all the Sight Town is like they're keeping everything together. They have like, only little coffee shops and all that shit. It's a cult, there's some weird shit going on in there.

I can't confirm it. You know what I like? Dan has had positive experiences there and he's speaking negatively of it and you've only had, from what I'm hearing, you had a negative experience there and you're like,

I like to have a coffee shop. It's so fantastic. There's something negative about cults. I actually, I don't know if I can, I don't want to admit. Do you think there's anybody who's, like, actually having fun? I'm sure there's levels of fun in Scientology.

The first couple ones, you get on some fun retreats. I think it's all that, like, that, that board, that first entry level, you're like, yo, bro, blah, blah, blah. They got to make it look. It's all that. It's all the honeymoon face. Yeah, the honeymoon face. But then when you're up top, he was just talking to other people at the time, you're like, you remember when you fucking just get inducted?

Yeah, yeah. The great part is, like, you ever see that going clear documentary? Yeah, yeah. HBO where there's, like, this one, like, some Hollywood producer who has, like, Academy Award. He was, like, talking about when he realized it was. a whole fucking farce. Because they give you like you reach a certain level

it's like, now you know the secrets of the church. And he's like, after I killed the fourth child he's like, there's something fishy here. He was like,

he was like, he was like, I was reading this stuff and they were like, oh, now you get to know the legend of Zinu and all the shit. He's like, what the fuck is this shit? Yeah, yeah,

this is the secret? And it's like, yeah, Elron Hubbard literally holds the Guinness book of world record for most science fiction novels. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. So it's like, you know, why are you believe in that guy? Yeah, it would be like believing if, what's his name? Like, the guy who made Game of Thrones. And he's like, now I got a book that's legit. And you're like, all right.

All right. This is what really happened in the old days. Whoa. This happened. Dragons are real. I swear. I would never be able to. All right.

Elves are weird. They're all real. I'd never be able to watch the show on Shrooms. Game of Thrones? Yeah. I did shrooms like two times. The first time I microdose the second time I fucking did like, I did a chocolate bar. And like, they gave me instructions.

It was like three. bars you'd be microdosing and then like, what was it, four to ten. It's like therapeutic. Nobody's, none of the drug things are accurate because everybody's selling you drugs to so much drugs. They're like, dude, you'll be fine if you just take this much. And it's always too much. You always have to do less than whatever the drug dealers says.

That shit was way too much. That's like chocolate. So hate you. Like, I was laughing and crying at the exact same. Like, I was watching, I went to, we wanted to walk and go to a park, but then I end up watching Nicholas Cage movie. And, like, it hit me right when I was going up to escalate. I'm like, oh, this movie's going to be fucking bad.

Like, it's going to be bad. And I'm like, I'm not going to know how to feel about it. The Nixclose KJV? Oh, I heard that was great. It was good. Like, it was, like, it's just going to be bad for me. Because his acting was just too much. And I started, like, and I was just like, and I was just laughing.

And I was just like, you know, this room is too deep. And, like, it was like, I took a break with my girlfriend. I was just like, like, you know, like, was it just deep or is it me? And then I just started laughing. And then I started crying. and like I was laughing and cry like this and then she's like yeah, it's too deep.

Then we went back in there and then we just like, no, we gotta get the fuck up out of here. I am planning on getting high as fuck and seeing the new Jurassic Park in 3D. I want to see it in shrooms now. Like,

I think I can handle shrooms and I think I want to do that. In shrooms? Like, they give you like, if you want to see this movie in 3D or in shrews? It's the same thing. I would love to see that movie like just, I just know I have to eat it right during like the trailers now.

So like if I went in there high, I can't do it. I think I have to say, slowly hit me. Right. Right. Yeah. So I'm learning now. So I don't know.

You guys probably know Shrooms better than me. I don't know how to do that shit probably. Just got to keep doing it. You enjoy it. Freak out enough until you can make it. I do it a lot. I microdose like a lot. I've taken like all these doses doses a good amount of times.

But I've been microdosing for like the last few months. I went on a month long of microdosing where I do it every three days. Yeah. And then like now I just bought some more and like I was actually thinking about taking someone I got home that I'll partake with you. you know, it's, $3. It's just,

it's just, hey man, when you're on, when you're on them, you're like, I don't need money. What, what even is currency?

Life is currency, you know? I can say hi to this person. That's more than anyone else can offer. Sorry, I got to, we're at an hour now. Anything you guys want to promote?

I have a two hour long podcast. No. It's better than this one. It's better than this one. It's better than this one. No, no, just, just follow me. You know, follow me through everywhere. Through the lengths of Earth at Dan Mancarnie.

All right, sweet. On Instagram, Twitter, all that. Yeah, follow me at Fisher, Derek Gonzalez. I have a Sunday show every, every Sunday. Yeah, I don't know why I say Sunday show every Sunday. A Sunday show at Harlem at 6 o'clock at the Shrine. Tuesday at a park at St. Nicholas. And I got some more shit in the works.

I'm going to be at Chattanooga. talk to you soon. Sweet. And if you're hiring, can I please get a job? Things are going bad. Please hire me. I could barely pay.

No, I'm kidding. Yeah, that's all we had to do. Yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah.