Morning Good - Tony Goes Bananas - Episode 6

Episode Date: January 3, 2021

We'd like to thank Tony for bringing weed and white claws to the recording of this podcast and keeping us from not being funny. You can find him on Instagram @tonywellonz710 and if you are in the Central Florida area make sure to give him a follow to see any of his upcoming shows. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax

Yeah, it's going to be called Morning Good. Shut the fuck up. That's a great idea. Thanks for the F-Shack. A little dirty Mike in the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike in the boys? Really? How you know?

That sounds fucking awful. Yeah, I'm really excited about it. I think I'm going to call it Morning Good. Fuck that. That's terrible. Welcome to Morning Good. All right, I guess we're starting. So I'm violently hungover at my cousin's wedding yesterday.

I drove back today. We're here with Tony. Welland's comedian and obviously the return of Paxton, the producer hopping on. I'm glad to be back, man. I'm glad that you're in Orlando for a couple days. I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to throw down with the world famous Paxton of Michael Good, number three trending podcasts in America at the moment.

Absolutely. Give it up for yourself, guys. Yeah, we're doing pretty well. Yeah, outside of the Allstate. Yeah, we're outside right now. Yeah, it's raining and we're under a gazebo drinking white claws, or at least I am. My girlfriend's sick, so we couldn't do it in my house. It's not COVID.

Oh, that was the reason why? Yeah, yeah. She's been coughing on shit. But I got tested. There's rapid testing now, so it's not. Oh, no. It's free, yeah. They say the rapid tested isn't exactly.

I'm like, I don't care. Well, it's on that piece of paper that. She could taste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, this is something we could actually. I am actually, I'm a contact tracer for the Ford Department of Health. Oh, really? Yeah.

I'm a contact tester. How hard was it to get that? Easy's fuck. And it's the fake. Does anybody you know ever pop up? you're like fuck no I wonder I was like hanging out

that guy all weekend no no I've never I always get A5O numbers I always get Miami Dade and I didn't know this but every fucking time I call Miami Dade

it's like Spanish every time you know I guarantee you hit it on the head if you get a Miami Dade number it's fucking they don't speak English which is that's great

I love people who don't speak English I just recorded that's not what you're saying before the podcast for 30 minutes Tony's like learn the language

God damn fucking learn the goddamn language. Yeah, he's been pretty racist before this. Yeah, we were tossing it down. We were getting comfortable. What? Are the cars going to be an issue? No, I mean... Do you know how to tune it out later?

Yeah, I mean, it won't be that bad. These are dynamic mics. It won't pick up everything. Okay, yeah. All right. I didn't mean to go out. I don't know. I mean, it a little bit, but it won't be crazy.

I had the most alcoholicy moment. So I was at the airport, and I always have to drink at the airport. I don't know why. I like having to drink. I understand that. It's like an adult. adult thing. I like drinking beers at the airport. I feel like a real man.

It's a comic thing, though, too. I feel like it's a comic thing. Yeah, it's just... It's an alcohol. You want to pretend like you... Do you ever do that? But I had like a really early flight. It was like 5.30. So it was one of those where like... I was already planning on sleeping on the flight, so I was like, yeah, I'll get a beer. And the guy at the airport bar, he goes, yeah, I can bring you a beer, but he's like,

do you want me to bring it out in a discreet container for you? He's like, do you want to have it in a less obvious container? So he put it in like a coffee cup for me. Which was just that was... Wait, what time was this? That's not important. That is important. I mean, I don't know.

It was like 9 a.m. and you're afraid of people judging you. Wait, it was... They should pour that bitch out. Isn't that illegal? For them... No, no, no, no. They can start serving at 6 a.m.

No, I mean, to... It's so funny because I lied, because it would look bad if I was drinking at 6 a.m. But 4 would have been okay. So I had to find a healthy medium where it was 6 a.m. Yeah. I feel we have to acknowledge them, but... Oh, yeah.

People are walking by. Yeah, there's been walking by. I just thought it was funny that he was like, just straight up, like, yeah, this is embarrassing that you're doing this. So I'll put it in something less obvious. Yeah, well, someone else is taking it upon themselves. Wait, were you going on the plane with it? No. Just like at the airport bar, he's like, I could put this in something less obvious.

It seemed like, that's kind of a dick move. That was my first time when I was coming up, it was my first time drinking at a bar just to, and like, I feel like everyone you would see it. It was like just right now. Yeah. Just before this. Just before this. Tony 17. Actually, yeah, no.

I'm a 16 Mexican boy. You can't tell about my voice, but... Don't worry about how we met him, but we got him here. Fuck, well, no, but the fucking, like, everyone you think that would be at a bar, drinking at a bar to airport, they look like that. They looked like that image. And they were proud to hold that fucking Miller, whatever, at 11 o'clock in the morning. They, like, looking at me, like, what are you pussy? You fucking...

A lot of lottery scratchers on the table and stuff like that, yeah. Exactly. Lottery scratches. Do you ever do this? Do you ever pretend to, like, have fake phone calls? I was doing that at the airport bar. I was pretending, like, I was like, yeah, this shit was so great. You know, have fake phone?

Were you trying to sound cool for the alcoholic? Yes, yes, yes. You ever do that? Do you ever do that shit? No, I know, I do some, I give fake names all the time. I never give my real name. I'm not going to lie. I was pretending that I was doing it.

I get that. Walk around in another man's skin. He's like, I was pretending I was a terrorist, so they would think I was cool. Do you want to, we have the bomb in the bathroom? Yeah. Yeah. We're going to bomb the fucking shit. out the bathroom. He's like, I didn't want to look like a fucking nerd. You know. To these.

Well, if we're talking about airport terrorism, I think. Yes. Actually, there was a white guy that shot up in airport. There was a shoe bomber was a white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The unabomber was a white guy. Apparently, no, no, I'm not saying they're not, but I think airport specifically, they get nervous if he was speaking like that. If he's speaking with a bat. They're like, if you sounded actually.

You are the fucking bomb. I am going to. That's like Indian. I know, I know, I know. I haven't, yeah. You know, I was talking. about my friend is Middle Eastern. What is the weirdest term is brown? Because Indian people say they're brown, Mexican people say they're brown,

and Middle Eastern people say they're brown. But those are all three different things. Yeah. It seems kind of amazing. Indian people are Asian but Asian are yellow. I feel like it's one of those things that if I was a brown person, I call myself brown, it seems like if I'm whatever appropriate,

but if I'm myself and I call somebody brown, it just seems wrong. You know what I mean? It seems to be like, that's a brown person. that's yeah yeah yeah that's a specifically not because it's vague as shit it's like brad it's so many brown

everyone's brown i mean that's everyone's out with some scale of he's brown we're peach though i'm yeah yeah i'm white as fuck especially after which i'm wider than boo radley okay i'm we're all look at oh yeah from uh the kill of mockingbird come on now come on yeah he was a mockingberg to kill a mockingbird the kill a mockingbird

and we all read that book in ninth grade okay yeah we we all read that book we don't know how the fuck we got down to a good school We were at an eighth grade. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we were pretty bad. We were in eighth grade, okay? They even told us, like, normally this is,

you guys are all at a ninth grade level. No, I was, I was in remedial classes, so you got to, I was behind, man. Sorry, I'm always aggressively checking the levels because I recorded all. Like, I've recorded two episodes now that I haven't picked up. Yeah, it sounds fine. I'm getting everybody. Testing. Something must have fucked up.

You asked me about it, and I, uh... Michael Good. Oh, I found out one of them wasn't... The Morning Good. So one of them wasn't, like, the mic was. wasn't plugged in? Yeah, yeah. It was just some fucking stupid.

I told you. It's because I, you did a whole podcast. Yeah, we're like, all right, and that's a rap. That was fucking great.

But it was one of those were like, it was loose, but I thought it was still picking up. So I was like, oh, I'll probably just make sure it's fully in. That's the fucking worse,

man. Fucking worse. I know. And you ask me about it. And every time you get freaked out and you think that like the thing is broken or like wrong or, because I convinced you to buy it.

Yeah. You're always like looking for a reason for it to be a bad idea and a bad decision. Are you sure the microphone Wasn't plugged in? Yeah No, no, no, it's fucked I need to sell it

It's worth the money What are you guys Rocking with the Rockville Those are the worst microphones We try to take them We try to take them back To Sam Ash and they wouldn't Yeah, they wouldn't accept it

Like the guitar center type store Well this bitch sounds like a fucking Like autotone Like you probably make it sound great though Well it's... The odditudes all over voices It sounds like 3T pains Just hanging out

Wow 3-T-Beg can't even do T-Pain I'm in love That was my favorite So like it wasn't my favorite That his niece got stabbed But his niece got stabbed in Tyler Oh his, I thought his niece got shot in the head

No, she got stabbed Oh she got, okay She was getting your information from Yeah yeah But it was one of those things where it was like When we had Tallahassee Some girl posted on Facebook About her friend moving to Tallahassee

She's like Tallahassee's not ready for my friend Carol I'm like T-Pain's nephew Ness got stabbed in broad daylight Come on, bitch. I thought it was in the In the gruntrees, in his gun threes. Guthries?

She got stabbed to death in the in, in Guntherys. It was, it was Guntherys. And Tepain owns Guntherys, too. You know that, right? Did you know that? No, I didn't know that. He owns Guntherys. The whole...

It's Guthrie's, you throw on an end in there. It's really pissing me off. It's Guthrie's. No, but just the fact check, she did get stabbed to death in a Guthrie's. She got stabbed to death in a gun threes. You can... But you just said Guthrie's again, you fucking bitch. Shit.

No, but R-R-P T-Chane's daughter, T-T-T-K-K-K-Han. No, I'm doing well. Fuck, what is his name again? Two-chains. Did you smoke before this? I did, I did. I got some joints right there. I was gonna, I am.

Oh, we got a little bit of weed. Yes, we do, we do. I was smoking. I was trying to get Mike to do. I got mushroom chocolates and I was gonna, I was gonna, we were gonna do with a podcast and I was gonna wait for the first minute of it and then be like, pressure you with it. it and just be like, hey.

I thought you were going to drug me. I was going to at first, but then you have, you get some bad anxiety. Yeah, yeah, I'm freaked the fuck out. You're like, you're just a grams. I was thinking about it, and I remember it. I was like, I was like, oh, he might not like that. Yeah. Yeah, some people just don't want to be on eight hours of mushrooms randomly without

knowing what the plan. If I drugged you, it only been a gram worth. So either way, like the next day I would have thought it was funny. Yeah, right. Or like, five, five, Five hours in. But like two grams is like getting to a real trip. Right.

So that's like a not appropriate amount to give someone without them knowing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was going to pressure you into doing it like the first minute of the podcast and then come up. It would have been, maybe we'll do it. I don't know. You should have. Well, it would have just kicked it at the very end. I would have ate him.

I would have ate everything. Just the last two minutes would have been like the last two minutes. Last seven minutes silence. Yeah. Because I mean, if you, I would have, honestly, you know, that would have been a great time to, you know, trip. Take it. I wonder if I would have, if I would have ate five grams, right? I'd still be tripping.

I'd still be tripping because I'm leaving on, I'm going to Colorado tomorrow. You're planning on being on mushrooms at the airport? That would be amazing, right? I don't think so. God. A great story, though, at least. Some people can roll with that shit. Some people are so good that they're like, yeah, I did.

I went to, I can roll with that wrestling practice on mushrooms. I just wouldn't be able to talk to people. I wouldn't be able to. What, do you talk to people at the airport? Hey, I would be able to hang out of the buddy. How you do? I don't fucking talk to that fat loser sitting next to me. They'd be like, hey, they'd be like, hey, where's your ticket?

And I'd be like, oh, are you okay? And I'd be like, mm-mm. Yeah. I feel, yeah, maybe that's, I don't know, I feel like I'd be fucking having a ball in that airport. I took my street before wrestling practice one time. Really? So what happened was, oh my God, yeah, yeah. So it was the funniest thing because, like, I had, like, two and a half grams or something like that.

And I was like, I'll eat it a little bit now. And maybe I'll, I didn't know how drugs work. I was like, maybe it'll be like a marijuana high. And I didn't realize that I was microdosing. Right. And I had tutoring. And I remember, like, my tutor stood up and she was fucking, she looked so tall. And then, like, I spent, like, a bunch of time in the bathroom.

It was weird. Like, I remember I was, like, tripping to her tutoring. And then I go to wrestling practice. And I'm just getting fucked up, dude. People are throwing me around the mat. What the fuck? How do you rest? Yeah.

Dude, I remember, I remember I was, it was so funny. I don't know. People say, like, you know, that they're better at athletic things in their marketing. I think those people are just drug addicts. And they like saying, they're like, dude. I'm better at it, bro. I swear. Yeah, they just believe it.

I think four hits acid and I can make a basketball shot better than I could before. I was just so nice to fucking everybody wrestling. I remember this one dude, because it was club wrestling, so you have kids from different age groups. So there was just, like, fat kids that were like maybe three years younger. And they'd be in my weight class and be like, dude, you're going to be so good at wrestling when you get to my age.

You got to really stick with this man and just having these comments. These people are like, what the fuck is this wrong with this kid? And I remember, I started freaking out, though, because my brother was like 10 minutes to pick me up. And then I was like, yeah, he knows I'm on mushrooms. And he's leaving me. how my parents are punishing me. They're just leaving me at wrestling practice forever.

Because I remember it was like the whole place closed down. I'm just standing outside like the janitor mopped wipes the mats down. And then he comes with a CD and he goes, bro, some guy my lacrosse team just burned me this dubstep CD. It's going to be fucking sick. And there's also a thunderstorm going on. The first song was

Doomsday by what's it called? Nero. Yeah. I was like, Boomsday. And then I was like fuck yeah, dude. Dubstip is awesome. Dude, I burned a dubstep CD with Nero by Dumesday by Nero was the first song on the Dubstep CD that I burned. It was called Wubstep and I wrote it on the thing. That was

fucking days, man. I still haven't gotten to the headbanging. I really haven't. You still haven't gotten to this whole dump step. You're going to randomly get into Dubstep when you're like 35. You're like, dude, this stuff's awesome. Like dude, fucking shout out to you. I love you, you fucking pussy motherfucker. That kid is the one kid I know

that is really like, he is into it, man. Those kids really get into it. Yeah, right. And like the whole fucking, your, fucking, yeah, your fraternity, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sick up, yeah. My fraternity, I'm 24, I'm not. Bed-banging motherfuckers.

My dad's attention about that stuff, too. He's like, you were always a sick-up. I'm like, not really. It's a college thing I'm not. Your dad was a sick-up? No, no, he's just, he was a fraternity, but yeah. My grandpapet was a sick-up. My father was a sick-up.

We all going to be sick-ups. Yeah, I was in a fraternity for a year. I don't even count it. If we got a daughter, she's transitioning, and she's becoming a sick app. That's going to be, that's going to happen soon. Fuck, man. That'll be a blast. That would be a funny conservative side of, like, transgender pressure.

Like, if just, like, conservative dads just started, like, getting on board the movement, just so they could pressure their daughters to become, like, men. Yeah. Lamedickees. Yeah. Fuck, they start shooting them with steroids and shit. They become the best on the football field. That's already happening.

Yeah, you're right. Well, no, it is kids taking HGH. you know? We had a, when we were in high school, we got beaten by a team with a female kicker. And what was this? Your volleyball team? Your tennis team?

No, my football team. I've been beaten by. I'm a kicker. Oh, your kicker, yeah. Whatever. No, she was really fucking good, though. And it was. I'm pretty sure I've seen this bitch on the ESPN.

I don't know. I'm pretty sure I have. Now that you say that. She was from, it was like Lake Mary or something like that. I'm pretty sure I have. Honestly. Did you say the ESPN? The ESPN?

With the dubstep and the ESPN. I can't keep up with these kids. I can't keep up with these kids nowadays. Come on, man. Yeah, I almost wrestled a girl. Didn't wrestling. I wasn't bragging about almost. I almost wrestled.

I almost bitch's ass. Yeah, but I remember I lost three matches that day and my fourth match was against a girl. And I was just went home. I was like, I was like, yep. No, I was like, I mean. I was, I was, I can. to my dad and he's like,

we're talking about, I'm like, best case scenario, I beat a girl, and my one match I won was against a girl. Worst case scenario, I lose to a girl, so I'm going to leave. And you know if a girl is wrestling on that match, she's going to fucking pin your ass down so hard. Yeah, she's probably better than... She's going to destroy you. She's going to fucking destroy you.

And at age, like, 14, it's like, strength is not, like, because guys haven't gone through puberty and that girl. Yeah, it's a weight class anyway. He's making excuses. He fucking lost. He got a shit pain. He fucking lost so bad. she was well she actually was going through puberty before me so you know she uh well i mean imagine like how imagine how much more determined she would be to be a good wrestler than you exactly the only girl how hard did she was using a total or she just wants dicks rubbed on her oh okay she's like oh yeah this is about being the best that's what it is

fuck you're getting me hard now i like that that's a good porno right there holy hell come on guys that's my mark norman impression holy hell I was it My favorite though was this kid who was like missing Both of his legs And he had a nub And one guy was like

Dude that's so unfair He's like so many weight classes down I was like alright I think that makes it Yeah Are you really? You show me like I don't know if it was him

Or like someone else Yeah A paraplegic wrestler that's fucking wrestling He was like he was so good He was so funny Like 100 pounds Yeah and the dude got his ass kicked And then the guy gets off

And then screws his legs back on And like walks away What? He doesn't leave it. I mean, what do you grab onto? Like, I get how that would be a pretty difficult thing. That's a good point about him. Mr. Paxt.

What does he grab onto, though? You're cocked. You're big arm. He doesn't have an arm. You're right. It's like a sickle. Like, it's kind of, it was like right after the elbow that he had it on. What does he grab onto?

He doesn't even have hands. Yeah. Yeah. He had one hand and then just no legs in half. Dude, I remember, yeah, I remember you showed me a video forever ago, and he was fucking kicking ass. So really all I've heard from your story is that you've gotten pinned by

a paraplegic and a lesbian woman. Okay, that's all I've gotten from... She doesn't necessarily lesbian. She was also a child. There was, yes. A lesbian child, you know? Children can't be lesbians. You have to be 18, and that's when you're allowed

to be lesbian. What? She probably is now. Don't put your kids into wrestling, bro. Baseball. Yeah, they'll lose their legs. That would be kind of bad. I don't know how you would lose your legs

in a wrestling match, but if you, like, came back for revenge. That's what it was. Kill Bill style. Yeah, something like that. Oh, funny story about the wedding. I had a, so I'm prescribed to schedule. What are prescription drugs that can be abused?

This is like Schedule 2. Yeah, yeah. Even weed is Schedule 2. No, yeah, no, weed is schedule 2. Schedule 1. Oh, now it's scheduled. Now it's scheduled to. Because Schedule 1 was originally has no medical purposes.

Yeah. It wasn't done by like, we don't, it's kind of done to it's. What? What? Yeah, it's not by danger. It's by like... Wait, I think that's bad. But to me, wouldn't the Schedule 1 be... Schedule 1 drugs? Wait, you think you're right. They're all on my schedule, if you know what I mean. Even though cocaine wasn't a Schedule 1 drug, because there is still medicinal cocaine.

Yeah, that's so weird to me, yeah. But maybe not in America... That's so confusing to me because I've never like... Like, I know there's medicinal purposes, but like, is it used? I don't know. Cocaine? Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Why don't we... I've done it, but I'm not... I'm saying is it used in the medicine?

medical community. Yeah, because I forgot what it's called, but when you go to Dennis, the Lytokane? Yeah. Yeah, but that's not like cocaine. No, but it's still in the cane family. Remember we were talking about opiums today? Yeah.

Mr. Good? That's in the same branch or whatever. With your dad, you guys were talking about. No, no, no. No, we were talking about opiums, you know? I thought, when you said Mr. Good, I was like, I could definitely sit around talking about opium. Opium, maybe.

He was getting a whole long lesson. This kid knows what the fuck's up. My, so funny, speaking of all this, so, we're at the wedding. I'm prescribed Adderon and Colonnopin. Which is a mistake. Yeah. Well, Adderall is like obviously Adderall's. And Kalanipin's basically Xanax.

Are you really prescribed that? Yeah. Well, I only take it. Like, I take Kalanipin like barely. Like if I need to sleep sometimes I take. I don't take them like together. I take Adderall. Yeah, just up and down.

It's like a fair school. Do you have, Connab? I love to buy some for my mom. Before I was not joking. I was looking for Xanax or for my mom leaves. This is a conversation for after the podcast. I think my mom needs Zanax too. We'll figure it out.

But it's so funny because I just have both of them on me just because I take Adderall maybe like once a week if I need to get shit out. And I take Kalanipin maybe like once or twice a month if I really have trouble sleeping. But you're both in my backpack. And I told a family member, not going to say who, don't ask. And I'm like, oh, can you bring? No. But I was like, can you bring me Adderall?

Like one of my relatives? I was like, keep bringing Adderall from my room. And they go, yeah, can I have half of it? I'm like, yeah, sure. So the person comes up to me and they try to put the Adderall in my mouth. They're like, ah, come on. and I look over it and it's the clonopin. I was like, did you take the colonnipine?

And they're like, yeah. They're like, no, this is the Adderall. I'm like, dude, you've been drinking all day and you think that you, you just took a downer with, you basically just took like a sleeping pill. Right. Yeah.

I'm trying to do the math. Colanapin's like a quarter of a bar. Yeah, yeah. So it would be like an eighth. Yeah. I think so. If you've been drinking all day, it's like not good day. No, I'm saying you have a good time.

Yeah. Yeah, it was a great time. I actually blacked out, which didn't make any sense. Sorry from my phone. I don't know what happened, but it's one of those where I like, I showed up to... They're probably, at least if they took like a couple, then, you know.

Yeah, that'd have been a mess. They're like, I'm gonna be so awake. And I'm like, I don't know. We're the same color, too. It's the same color. And I have both in my wallet. I had like one in my wallet. Because I'd occasionally get,

I just want to make sure it's there for panic attacks. I don't know it for panic attack. But I was like, it'd be cool to like, know it's on deck. Right. And then, but I was like, What if I accidentally took the Adderall? Who else having a panic attack?

You start geeking. Fucking Christ, man. Yeah. It's so not, I told you, it's not a permanent solution. Like when you're a kid and you're like, oh, I have ADHD. It's like, okay, so you're going to take meth forever. Yeah, yeah. ADHD is fake.

You're like, you're fucking watching. I agree along with the coronavirus. You're watching. You're not supposed to enjoy this, you know? Yeah. Right. It's like, oh, what? I think there's wrong with the kids that enjoy.

Now we're just finding out the ones that could focus in school. You're a fucking faggot. Fuck you. You're my sister, all right? You're like, you know? Fuck you, mom, you dumb bitch. All right. Can you hear me now?

Fucking court. All right. But let's continue it. That was the weirdest rant. No, seriously. Is everything cool at home, man? No, everything is cool at home. I just,

man, fucking God. I hear voices in my head, man. Fucking. This is the weirdest turn this podcast is ever taken. The demons are coming out. man. The demons, man. Fucking,

I'm feeling good tonight. I was screaming at people on the way here to fucking... Dude, I'm, like going to work in seven hours. Really? I'm having, like, a totally different... I got work... Monday's my off day, so... I'm fucking hopping on a plane at 745.

Oh, tomorrow? Tomorrow, yeah. Where are you going? How did you... Denver, Colorado? How much were those tickets to Colorado? 37 bucks. Dude.

37 bucks? Really? I'm trying to fucking get out of Florida. Oh, it's beautiful. You know what? I take it, like, just because I do comedy, but fucking Orlando is, maybe it's because it's home to me, but. Right.

Fuck, it's so good, honestly, going out now. And everyone's closed down, really. I was out in Colorado for, uh, for two weeks, and boom, starts closed down, you know? And Mike's people still throwing heat rocks in Orlando. Orlando is. Dude, yeah, no, they're, dude, I started doing comedy in May on the side of some dude's house. Like, it was, yeah. Oh, yeah, you were doing comedy throughout the whole.

I mean, you just got lucky. Yeah, that was a little gross. But, yeah, I didn't stop, which is, you know, not safe, but, I mean, just spitting in the microphones. Let's be honest, okay? I mean, have you gotten COVID? No. Have you gotten COVID?

My great aunt. Can you stop for a second? So, yeah, yeah. My great aunt and uncle, like, the oldest members of my family just out of COVID. Like, it was like, we heard it was like, oh, Aunt Haddy's in the hospital. and it was like, what? Or it was, the uncle at first. But the doctors put it as COVID, though, right?

No, they died of COVID. They died. No, no, no. You mean the doctors? You're like, no, but they had, no. I hate that, like, I'm actually, like, a liberal. But every single one of my thoughts is, like,

I sound like a gun-loving rep- If you're lying to yourself. I know. I hate not be a liberal. I hate to break it to you. I hate to make it, man. Because, like, I just like. I think when you called your imaginary

sister a faggot in the last joke. No, I have a real sister and she's sitting in Titusville now, you fat bitch, can you hear this fucking podcast now? God damn. Is she bigger than you? Oh, yeah, hugeer. Way big. She's never going to hear this podcast.

She's huge. Yeah, no one's gonna use it. She's 350 pounds, okay? She's four, maybe pushing 400, okay? She's a beautiful. She's a great woman. I love her to death. I love you, Sammy.

You're a beautiful girl. No, I hope this never. Oh my God. She is not that big. I'm fucking around people. We can cut out whatever. Wait, she really? No, no.

The best is listening to old episodes. She's not. She's not fair about. I'm just, I don't know if you listen to old episodes, but the best is I'm like, yeah, yeah, we'll cut this out. No, do not cut this out.

You're a dumb cut, and I hope you hear this, you stupid fat bitch. Okay. That sounded like a, like a rap insult. It's funny. You were like pointing into the microphone, like,

we could cut this out because I'm not sure, because we'll have to check with you to see if. I don't care. You said we're going to cut this out to so many things. the only thing we cut out was Randy's age. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, guys. Because he said it, and he was like, oh, we just got us out. Like, because I bomb all the time at open mics, but I feel like it's really bad when you're bombing that. No, you're not Bobby. That was hilarious. I'm mentally trying to figure, I'm trying to figure out where to go with it with the math.

I'm like, how am I going to turn this? You're right. It's tough. There's pressure. I mean, the more that people have actually, like, been like, oh, this was great. I enjoyed the podcast. And we're like, oh, fuck.

That means... Yeah. People are listening. It's pressure, man. It's fucking hard out here for a pimp. Juicy J said it the best. I don't know any other way to put it. And by the way, Sammy, I love you.

You're not fat. You're beautiful, okay? If she listened, it's not... No. For all the listeners, Tony's a little drunk and high, so... Drunken High, baby. It's party time for Tony. It's the best way to be, man.

It's so funny, because I've had a Tony and a Vinny on the podcast. Vinny? That's about the most diversity. You've had Vinnie Deliverza on this podcast? No, Vinnie Santino. I'm sorry. That's what I meant to say. You got really excited for Vinnie DeLorezzo.

No, no, I got started for Vinny Santino. Vinny was awesome, yeah. Dude, he is the most fucking underrated comic and all overland. He's probably not underrated, but I... He has a great voice. Dude, he's funny. He's the Nick DePaolo of Orlando comedy. I fucking love him.

But I don't think he's, uh... No, but Vinny DeLorenzo, I love you, motherfucker. Vinnie Santino. God damn it, dude. I keep doing that. Vinny Santino. That was our second episode. He did meth and gym class.

Yes. He what? No, he did on accident. He did like Adderall in an accident. Hold of a pussy. He was tweaking. I can tell you about how I did it. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Go to the Crawfordville because he's talking about being in Crawfordville. He's like, oh, I was in Crawfordville for a little bit. Almost smoked meth. Crawfordville, man. Let me put Mochola County, Florida on. Wait, who? You? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. My mom. My mom lives in the, uh... Was McCola County, right? Colah County. Yeah, it is a Oklahoma County. Yeah.

I want to call it the most second inhabited county in all Florida. It's straight up crazy. Next to Jefferson. Oh, yeah, right. It sits in the Appalachia College and it is very beautiful, very unpristine. It is one of the most untouched parts of Florida.

I know a guy that used to sign that. This is a weird Florida, bro. Oh, in Crawfordville? I met, I met a guy in, you just told me you knew a guy from Crawfordville. Right, right, right. No, but I worked with, uh, fuck,

what are their names? Fucking Christ. But they all, every single one of the employees I worked with Right. At this concrete company for three weeks. Which you can't name any of them. No, fuck it. What are they called?

Lost Creek Concrete. Lost Creek Concrete. I hope you're hearing this right now. Every single one of your employees smoked crystal meth. And it made them a better, a better employee. Okay. They were better. They smoked crystal meth.

No. Yes. They loved. Like, it made me want to smoke. Probably the next day. It's like that. It's the same thing. No, no, no.

They love, like. I guess you're always on meth. Dude, all right. You kind of are always on if you're doing meth. This guy. I worked with was 32 years old, right? Right. He had 32 of his teeth, no coincidence.

32 of his teeth missing. Every single one of his tooth, he had no teeth in his mouth. And I didn't- It's almost like crystal meth isn't good for you. No, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he said that crystal meth rotted his teeth, right? But these people... I think anybody could have guessed that.

Yeah, it's not that actually that bad for you. It's the smoking of it that rots the teeth. Exactly. You could do it for your whole life and... But he wouldn't really have that men. Yeah, but street meth is like, yeah, right, right. It's what, ideally. No guy who's cooking math is like, you know what?

He cooked, this is for- He cooked his own meth? He cooked his own meth. He cooked his own meth. And he flew to Alaska to escape for like six months when the, because in Wachola County, it's a small town. Yeah. Live PD, if you didn't know this, live PD is always in Wicola County. Always in Wicola County.

Always in Waule County. They probably don't show the worst shit, but Wachola County has a lot of meth smokers. Fucking a lot. Like, it's the, like, but he cooked it up. Andy. Andy. Andy, if you're listening. listen this, you crackhead motherfucker?

I love you just calling out every person. Normally we're like, hey, don't name drop in the podcast. Yeah, but these are the people too names of them. I don't give a damn. If you're listening to shit, Andy, you crackhead. I love you, crackhead bitch. Smoke some meth for me, motherfucker. I'm a smoke some meth with you, you fucking crackhead asshole.

I love you, you, crackhead motherfucker. Give it up for Andy, guys. Come on, take a sit for Andy if you're listening at home. I just love it because you have the weirdest because the most time people are like telling stories, but yours are like so specific, like, yo Kathy Johnson from high school you blew me behind a stake and shake

shout out to you thank you for putting the tip of your finger in my ass when you suck my dick and fuck yeah wait so you worked at this place for an extended period of time and they were doing three weeks before I got the contract tracing job because I got to make money pimp you know it's hard out here for a pimp. How much

wait how much does that pay? Dude 15 an hour so it's good this the contract tracing job pays 1825 an hour right what the fuck amazing fantastic this piece of shit Working from home, anywhere I want, I've worked on the road, I've worked throughout the West Coast. Clicking on my computer.

I can work right now, driving on the road with my hotspot on my phone, okay? But this fucking concrete company, the hard, and I've done concrete for, I'm sorry, construction for four years. This fucking company was the hardest shit I ever did, and they paid $13 an hour. I get paid $330 every single week. And I get paid $620 every single week with this company that I do nothing. That's how it is. I have the easiest job I make the most money right now.

It's insane. I gained respect for these people because, like, it made me real, it's a difference. They do it for the craft. When I worked out. They do. They do. I'm not joking. They do it for the craft. I'm not joking when they said they do it for the craft.

Why the fuck do you care so much if this slab of concrete is laid so perfect? Like, they put so much after. That's good. People need to care about what they do. You're right. Yeah, it's probably cheap rent. Ocola County, man. Exactly.

They're putting away money. They all probably had Oakley's. It made me realize, why are you doing comedy, dude? Just be somebody who lays concrete, smoke crystal meth. Your life's amazing. Right. You're fucking fed. Dude, this guy loved life every day.

Every day. You probably saw him while he was high on crystal meth. He saw him always high. Yeah, exactly. You didn't see him at night, though. But I did, though. He's always smiling with no teeth in his mouth. No teeth in his mouth.

I didn't know he had no teeth in his mouth until like a week with working with him. You know, he would be eating the same food as us, the same shit as us. I'm surprised he wasn't eating like baby gruber. He's like, I can't. I know that he's like He's like, make a smoothie. This motherfucker said this shit. He said, I was like, when I found out,

oh my God, I've been burping all night, but it's not even there. Make sure you got the mic. No, but the fucking, the motherfucker You don't hold like that either. Oh, my bad. When I found out that he didn't have any teeth, I said like, how do you chew food?

And he was like, I chew it like a man. Come on, dude. Like an 85-year-old woman. That's what you chew it. Like, you know, like, come on. Wait, so was he just eating normal food? Like, how did he? He probably didn't chew it.

I saw him chew ice, dude. I don't know how the fuck he did it, but he did it. He's already smoking ice. Yeah, he's already smoking ice. He knows a thing of too about that. You know, it kind of works to your advantage of it because if you have a crystal meth problem, you lose all your teeth, which is great for sucking dick to get more meth. There you go. So it's got.

Oh my God. It's like the full circle. Dude, he's got a good job, man. He doesn't fucking need to suck my dick and it was pretty good. You know, nothing there. man. I have that same thought all the time. Sometimes I see someone just working at... No, no, no, no. I see someone working

at their job. And I'm like, why am I trying to follow my dreams? Like, what am I doing? Fuck, man. Fuck. Yeah. Well, I also have fun doing comedy. This is a lot more fun. If I could get paid to do this, it's a lot more fun. Dude, this would be crazy. If someone got paid to do this.

Yeah, somebody does. A lot of it. It's crazy, man. That's incredible, man. God bless you to anyone who out there who's getting paid to do this. That's fucking incredible. Yeah. They're probably not listening to this, but

yeah, I'm always like yeah, I don't know. I've never, never done meth. Yeah, I don't know. I did meth on accident. Because I'm sure you have. You might have.

You might have on accident. If you've never snorted. What? I always tested my Molly. But like, you did. You were meticulous about that. You showed Molly.

Wait, maybe we don't talk about that. Yeah, I did for like a couple months of college. Oh, remember when we were at. That's great. When we were at Bonner. Good for you. I'm glad yourself.

No, I'm trying to sell Molly myself. myself. You got finger-fucked in the mouth with something at the end of Bonner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Finger-fucked. Well, somebody... Some girl. Yeah, she's like, oh, here's... Like, she basically just put the molly in my mouth, and then I was

like, ah, but I realized I was like, I haven't slept for four days, and I have no idea with this. There probably was me... Yeah, because I stayed in all night. Yeah, no, you were like, it seemed meth. Yeah, she got a, some random guy in a wheelchair, and I was like, I don't... Wait, wait, whoa, slow down. Take a couple steps back. What the fuck the wheelchair?

She got it from a guy in a wheelchair? Which I don't know why that was part of the story. I was trying to see if there's something I could report that. Okay. Why is he there? You're like, I want my Bonneroo to have No.

My Bonneroo to have no goddamn fucking people in the world. When I did Matt, it was kind of the same. It was like this kid was like trying to sell it. And so he was trying to, he was like, when I saw him, he was taking the Molly air quotes that he had and some other stuff. And he was just mixing it together. And he was like, fuck, I don't have enough money to pay this drug. Oh, yeah.

I can see that, yeah. And so he was taking, and then he was, like, trying to sell me Coke. And I was like, no, but I'll do some of that, Molly with you. And so me, the girl I was with at the time and him did Molly. And we hung out all night. And it's funny because when we started to come up, we started to realize it wasn't Molly, but we were still hanging out with him and we're also on meth. So we didn't say anything for like 12 hours.

We just, like, hung out. We just had a blast. But we knew that he was ripping us off that this wasn't Molly. But they were also on meth. the world like talking. Who cares? You know? That's what I've. How did you know?

Instead of like listening to Tech now, were you laying concrete in the ground? No, we were talking. This feels weird. We're talking about how he, how he just lost his virginity at 23 and how great he was. He's selling meth and he hasn't lost his virginity yet. What are you doing? What a weird step. And the next day, so the next day his drug dealer comes and is like, where the fuck is

any of my money? Like, you know, he fronted him this and he wanted the money back. And he was like, well, I have like. 60 bucks and it was the money that we gave him so everything else saved somebody's life all no I did I went around with his drug dealer and we left him home because you started to argue with the guy and this guy was like if my kid wasn't in the back seat I would fucking shoot you right now he told me this was actually a great story so the kid ends up staying home the kid's got like he's like we got a portable DVD player back there he's watching the wiggles I love that motherfucker no it's a baby so you understand

look at his face so me and the drug dealer went around and sold the rest of what he had to pay up his stuff and then and then we like why were you hanging out with it oh no no no not why were you hanging out with him but I feel like you don't have to follow why'd you have to stay with him through like

no because I was trying to help him out wait a minute because because if I left him alone he would have been fucking dead because he kept arguing with the guy and telling the guy oh so you're the only reason account and telling the guy I'm going to get a deposit from my student loan sometime next week

which if you know you remember it would sometimes it would happen sometimes it wasn't he's like I think I can return this David Buster's card and I could get you lunch And what's funny is we actually ended up selling some of the Molly air quotes again to my roommate who ended up just cleaning the house

and so it worked out Yeah you're like yeah this is perfect He was like oh he was like oh we're doing Molly and I was like yeah I'll be right back He just did meth Oh my god That is hilarious

That was a great Worst day of my life After that though When I came Oh my god I was so depressed It was fucking terrible Yeah

Because you're coming down Off like Crystal Madge That shit in your life You're coming down From the best thing in the world It was not the best high I tell you

Yeah yeah I wish you was mold Yeah It's not It's like Adderall People who do like heroin are like This is the greatest

feeling ever But people who do meth Are kind of like I don't know, from my understanding, people I've talked about who talk about doing meth or like, no, I just do it. Like, it feels good and I like being productive. Yeah.

Yeah. Dude, fuck. That's what I'm saying. Like, if you smoke crack or whatever, you can be, it'll make your job better. That's what I learned from watching those fuckers. I think smoking crack makes everything better while you're high on the crack. But doesn't crack only have like a 20 minute duration or something?

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Crack? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think because it's cocaine. You know, it doesn't last forever.

Yeah, it's cocaine. But you're doing it a different way. different way, though. Yeah, I think it lasts longer, but it's not. Cocaine does last longer. I've done a cocoa puff. True. I think I have to.

When you lick a cigarette, you dip it in coke and smoke. But apparently it doesn't work that way. I mean, I don't think it actually. What's a dirty? A dirty is when you take a blunt and you put cocaine in it. Yeah, I don't think that works either. Yeah, apparently it doesn't work. I mean, fuck, I was smoking with my fucking.

Well, the thing is everybody who does these things are also snort in coke all day. Right, right. You're right about that, yeah. Or maybe it's like it works a little bit. You know, like you would waste the amount, but it would still work. Like, you would still feel it. Yeah. I don't know.

Let's do it. Let's get some blow. Folks, go ahead and drop in the comments section from your experiences with the dirties. Someone's listening like, no, it does work. They don't know what they're talking about. He's fucking idiots. He's like rolling one right now. He's like, he's.

Yeah. In Oxford, Mississippi, they used to always get parliaments. Because parliaments had the little thing at the edge. It was like the cigarette extended a little bit. further. Oh, yeah. So you can put the cocoa puff in. To me, that's the, yeah, that's, yeah.

Yeah, so that, but I don't know if it, I think it was just a thing to look cool. You know what we missed? You know what we missed? We missed the shirm, the shirm phrase. Oh, isn't that, is that angel dust? They, no, well, it was, but like, they would dip it in cigarettes. Yeah. And you can smoke a cigarette and be fucking.

Where is it? Not here. Yeah. Yeah. Right. I don't. It's like, almost like, uh. We had an RUCP.

It's a sushi place when we were drunk about PCP. Yeah. Like a couple months ago. I think it's a bad idea. I don't think it's, I don't think it's inherently bad. I think you could do it one time responsibly. Like, I think you could. That's what I think.

I think I think you could. I don't worry about getting addicted. So the reason I was going to be PTSD because, like, I, you're so much sort of people jumping out of windows. So now you, you smoke PCP? No, no, I said I would never smoke PCP. Right. What I'm saying is, the only time I would do it is if somebody, it wouldn't be fun,

but if somebody, like, chained me to, like, like, smoke this shit. To me in the ass. No, no. You would like that, no. I'm thinking if somebody, like, chained me, like, so I knew I wasn't going to hurt anybody or myself. Right. No, dude.

I think everyone, I think, all right, play like a rolling stow's out. I think when that happened, you would hurt somebody. I really do have super straight. This is why I want to try crack and meth like shit because I want to prove people wrong. Yeah, I understand that. I feel like, yo, cocaine's so crazy. It's so, dude, it's the pussiest drug ever, okay? you do one

sucks That's what I'm saying It fucking sucks Weed is more intense You do coke I do I do re weed Way more intense of cocaine Which if you were

For your first time Doing coke Doing weed You will fucking see Like you can die You can die Doing cocaine And you still wouldn't have

As crazy a time As taking an edible Exactly Yeah You know what I mean Like you would feel great You feel great And then you feel bad

It's the pussiest drug out there But you wouldn't think Everybody hates you Yeah They consider it's so hardcore But it's so fucking It's Well, I think it's just because it's so horrible for you.

Yeah. Well, the after effects. Cocothelian, we were talking about if you do, maybe it's not amazing. I'm not a scientific, but I, cocathelian. Really? I would never get to. I'm not a scientific. But like, the cocathelian, when you drink and then you do coke, it makes cocahthelian in your liver. That's why I do cocaine sober.

I just do cocaine, drink it, or do cocaine smoking weed. I actually, I, like, it sounds like a horrible combination, though, because the whole thing I like about getting drunk is like, it numbs you out. It goes hand in hand, you know, it goes hand in hand, man. Yeah, I think Coke is actually way better. Sober. Boy, sober? Yeah, sober.

Dude, give me daps. Because you're the first fucking guy ever. No, no, that's totally right. Like, most, some people, Tim Dillon said that. He said when he was a drug out, he never mixed drugs. Like, even though he was doing hardcore pills and don't. I genuinely, I genuinely have never done cocaine by itself. But I also quit doing cocaine.

Well, I would. be drunk and then the drinking would end but I get anxious from coke so I think the alcohol that's the only reason it goes hand in hand every time I do well I haven't done coke in forever since uh since quarantine like two weeks but you know I

dude cocaine speaking of love of you fucking that HGH shooting up motherfucker you fucking jerking your cock off right now pussy but dude cocaine baby come on we were busting down I love busting down lines with fucking we're gonna cut that

no just man just fucking I remember I don't know. Just like 9 in the morning, spring break. Going over to the coffee or the fucking Dunkin' Donuts just Gacking up a fat one just before you. Wait, okay, so I'm curious about it. So you went to Lake Brantley, so you're from Orlando too. Did you do Coke in high school?

I started doing cocaine in 11th grade, yeah. Yeah. 11th grade. I think it was like summer going into 11th grade. Dude, like, yeah, man. It's crazy. Cogaine right up my nose. Man, when we got hands, our hands on cocaine,

we were doing good. I know exactly what you mean. I solved all my proms, you know. It was like junior year prom. Junior year prom. It was like the best night ever. I didn't go to my high school prom. I didn't go to my senior.

We did go to prom. I never went to prom. I was there for that. That's a great story. Yeah, yeah. I never went to prom because Katie Ridge, you're a fucking bitch and you denied me, you stupid more. But, uh, these are the most ridiculous. I don't know.

I don't hear this. You stupid car. I don't even fucking hear this. bitch. Hey, my third grade math teacher. This isn't about applying myself. Fuck you. Miss Jones, you stupid cunt, you never believed in me, but I could have been the best fucking math teacher you ever seen your life.

Yeah, so what are we talking about? Morning good, but you didn't think he was going to succeed that hard. I'm a morning good, and you never thought I'd be something, but guess what, I'd be something. Baby! Nintendo, what were we talking about? Cocaine? Let's get on to cocaine, but seriously no. Yeah, you were saying it was like the, you were doing well.

It was great, man. It was fun. Cocaine's a, it's, it's good, man. What the fuck are you? 90 minutes? No, 45 minutes. Really? We're only at 45? Yeah, not.

Yeah, give it off you guys, because I've been having a phone with you guys. Dude, you've been having a blast, man. I've been having fun of you guys. You brought a doobie to pass around. Can I take a piss, though? Because I have to piss so bad. Yeah, me and Baxil just, as long as you, I'd go behind that trailer over there. It's a little mini ones, but please.

Well, should I wait for you to get back? Yeah, man, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not, are you going to smoke this? No, I'm good. Yeah, so I'll just wait. I'll just be quiet. We're going to, yeah, no, I'll wait for you.

We're going to, oh, fuck. Okay, I'll pick it up in a second. Yeah, yeah, I don't have to worry about that. Yeah, we're going to have to cut out a little bit because Tony's going off. I love it, though. Yeah, no, it's definitely a... You've talked the least on this whole thing. I know, but I feel like when I've talked, it's been fun.

I'm just, I'm violently hung over. I almost went to one of those IV places. I'm not even kidding. I almost paid a hundred. Did you look it up? Do you like Google it? Yes. Yeah.

A lot of them aren't open on Sundays. And I'm like, that's the one time. That's when you need it. It's Saturday. Apparently, like totally wipes out your hangover. Yeah, I mean, I can see that because I think it flushes everything out. You get new blood. It's like, you know, you.

45 minutes, though. Do like a Hillary Clinton? What do you know where you? No, I'm not putting the blood of children in me. That's what they do, right? You go in and they. Adrino chrome. I got into conversation

to somebody who started bringing up Adrino Chrome and I was like I don't think that's a real thing That's how you know And then he pulls up a 4chan And I was like All right well

There's some guy We're talking my language now There's some guy from There's some guy from Winter Park Who raps And he was like asking me About rapping stuff And about like producing

And things like that And then the Trump The election got closer and closer And he got more and more And more of like a Trump supporter And more and more emboldened So this guy one day He'll post his story

You got two You're feeding two different spots That's what I'm saying One day his story would be like Would be like him freestyling in like In like a Jay Cole verse or something like that And be like blah blah blah He likes Jay Cole

And then the next story posts after that Was like some weird fucking social media site That I don't know where he has like 10,000 followers Where he's telling everybody How the election was fake and bullshit like that Yeah To me you probably see it a lot Like especially in Florida

These fucking people with these lifted trucks and then they have Trump flags on the back but they're bumping the baby and this hardcore rap where they're saying racist white people love black people I know when I lived in Mississippi I mean some of the most racist people I met where they were they were disturbed

yes they fucking loved rap music yes bro that that's what's Wachola you see these fucking they just came back from shooting a fucking deer in its head but they're bumping to fucking like you know like young Dolph you know like the hardest shit

like where's where is the the the the the liberal uh girl who defends um people in it is an allied is listening to like the whitest music is that to mumford or something i will wait that shit that's the worst shit i ever but yeah or we actually saw them in concert mumford and summed yeah yeah really fantastic well based on edwards so we took uh we took beans so we were high on eciccicine oh my god of course you were that's the worst band i've ever heard Not on Texas. Did you like this? It's so tight.

I can't. Yeah, no. My mom, you rolled this one. But my brother's a hunter, and somebody because you were talking about, we're like, there aren't a lot of black hunters

and we started, like, have this weird conversation about it. I think, like, now the hunting companies are trying to have more black people, like, in their ads. I think there are.

I think, you're so right about that. I think, I think in the south, in the deep south, black people hunt. Yeah, yeah, no, no, no,

no, dude, that's one thing I learned. Driving through Alabama and Arkansas, and Arkansas, the most black people I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, well, that's where...

They're the countryest... They don't, like... They're country. I never, like, I never knew that. America, so we don't understand American cultural. I love that. You can find anybody, bro.

You can find anybody. He sucks dicks like he's a tree-hugging liberal. Oh, Joe Exxot. Yeah, but he's a tree-hug and liberal. But he shoots guns like he's a, like, and you know, like, he votes for Trump. Joe Exotic would vote for Trump if he wasn't in prison. If he wasn't running for president himself.

I'm also one of those people. I'm like, I really don't care who anybody voted for. I love, because nobody's a good option. You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't give a shit who anybody voted for. But it's also, I also love anomalies. Tell that to my mom, motherfucker. Yeah, apparently his mom, because I told my mom jokingly that I voted for Kanye and she just

accepted it. She's like, I'm not happy about this, but you make your own decisions. I don't actually vote for Kanye, but. Yeah, like, it's crazy because my mom is the, like, dude, like, she will say this she will say all Republicans need to be locked up in cages you know it's like she's like shit like that

she's like the classic dude no but she's such a brilliant mainstream Democrat yeah she's such a brilliant she sounds like she sucks no no I know she but she's such a sweet and brilliant that's why because I know or is that people get people have gotten pushed towards more extreme in it

yeah she's so wound up in it because she's a woman and she's big on the she feels like like the man has suppressed her whole life right so she's just a fucking I call her a water splasher because she splashed water on every like I'll be like

Quentin Tarantino right I love fucking Quentin Tarantino I love Quentin Tarantino I'll fuck him he's he's supported who that who's that guy that raped everybody or did some crazy shit Harvey Weinstein Weinstein made Tentino

all the movies yeah he made all those all those movies all those fucking movies you know what I also she's a water splasher Miramax also I don't think you don't necessarily right maybe you didn't necessarily And I get, and I get, like, I think that's, that's, that's reasonable to not fuck with Quentin Tarantino because Harvey Weinstein rape people. Yeah, exactly. You know, at some point, you know he had that conversation with like, look, motherfucker, you're, you're making a movie.

This is how a movie is. You know how Quentin Tarantino. That's exactly how. That's exactly how. This is how a movie is. You want to be a movie star? Or do you like, you want to be a pussy? You want to be a nobody in Hollywood, which, you know, like, Joe Rookon had a great bit about it.

Or was it the other way? Or was Harvey Weinstein? was Tarantino like Tarantino might be a victim. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, Quinn Tarantino, if you listen to this, we love you, baby. Yeah, someone, he could also be a genius

and also have been sort of not appropriate. Well, I think you also, you also, at the same time, and that's, sometimes you really know. It's not an easy thing that, there's no easy answer to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because sometimes like Dave Chappelle's thing about Bill Cosby, where he was like, he did all these things for,

for, like, black Americans. and paved all these roads. This is his baby. And all that at the same time, he raped fucking a million people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This movie that he took. That's a tough thing because, like,

well, my thing I was going to say is, like, it's tough because, like, with sex crimes, it's like, you do know and you don't know. So if somebody's, like, selling drugs and you're at their house, you know how they paid for their house. Right. With drugs.

But, like, I think with sex crimes, like, sometimes people really know, they're like, oh, you just didn't give a shit, you're a piece of shit. But then sometimes people just have no idea. They're like, I had no idea this person was, like, like super creepy behind closed doors.

Oh, you're talking about working with them. Yeah, yeah. You could just be like, dude, we show up to, like, I never saw him do that stuff. But you know what I mean? Right. It's like I was the lighting director. We didn't really talk about this year.

I'm the lighting director. Yeah, yeah. But it's a mix because there are definitely people that definitely knew and everything. You know what I'm saying? From everything that I've heard, because Ben Affleck says he knows, you know, 100%.

We shouldn't be doing shit that it's already been, Ronan Faro has already covered every single topic. Right, right. Like, he's done this shit. But, like, that's the type of... Like, she loves Ronan Farrell. Shit like that.

But it's fucking... Who, your mom? Yeah, she loves Ronan Farrell. I'm sure. Yeah, she's a good... I feel like I know her already. Oh, you... I was...

She was gonna come to the mic tonight, actually. Really? Yeah. I don't know if she'd like my stuff. You know what? I think she would because... Excuse me, folks. I was disgusting.

Because you're a great comedian. No, but she, she, uh... I'm telling her to do stand-up, man. I've been telling her fucking do it, bro. She's gonna do the locking people in Cage's bit. She's a smart woman. She has a lot of like, I don't know why the fuck we're getting on this topic. I shouldn't be smoking this joint on this podcast.

Why am I talking about my fucking mom? Are you kidding? I miss her. I miss her. Everyone in your family. How's your dad? No, my dad has- Shout out to my Uncle Bobby.

You get molest me, but I don't give a fuck, bro. You're still cool as shit. We had those beers. You gave my first beer. Yes, it was to ease me in, but I don't give a shit, Uncle Bobby. You're still cool. Let's give a shout out to my dad, though, for real. Seriously, because my dad has cerebral palsy.

Oh, shit. Okay? And that's nothing I ever talk about. And that's the only thing that separates me from being another fat white guy. You know, I feel like I need to lean into that more. So your dad has true. I'm not joking. I am not joking.

No, I believe you. Is that your point of intersectionality? I don't know. That's a weird thing to lean into. Some guys like, yeah, I'm black. You're like, well, my dad has cerebral palsy. You're like, what does it have to do with this? We have something in common, brother, please.

No, I just, I don't know. I feel like it's something interesting I need to talk about, and I'm lit and I'm fucked up. That's great. And I'm doing it. I don't think it's great to have serene-cals. It's funny, that's how shit is, that's how, like, TV shows it. And, like, if it was American Idol, they'd be like, yeah, no, keep going. How bad is it?

Is it really bad, bad? Is it bad, bad? It's really bad. Do you have any pictures? Does he goofy looking? No, he throws up that gang sign, you know, like that little. Saranosaurus. Brex arm? You can't see it, but I'm...

No, my dad's a crypt, though, for real, though. He, yeah, he's a crippled. Is that, like, on set, late stage, or is that, like, you have it your whole life? I don't know. No, I've never talked about that on stage. I guess I'm just... No, I mean, late stage, like... Some things you don't realize are, like, funny to bring up... Not on set. Exactly, yeah, yeah. I know I said on set late stage. I wasn't talking about comedy. Oh, wait, so sorry, what were we saying? Like, uh, like...

Did it happen late? in life, was he born? No, no, no, no. I don't know what serabic. Yeah, Tony masturbated. The next day his dad got cerebral palsy, and he feels really bad about it. I don't even know how to pronounce now. Cerebral, cerebral.

You pronounce four things right this whole podcast. No, I don't think you're going to nail this one. Cerebral palsy. Okay, whatever. No, it happens at birth because an umbilical cord is wrapped around your neck when you're coming out of the vagina. Is that where you come out of? Yeah, that's the vagina.

It's not wrong, but it sounds not correct when you say it. Because he, it's like, when you're coming out of vagina, as you know. I'm trying to make our viewers feel bad. So it's a baby who hasn't come out of a vagina yet, and there's an ambilicor cord wrapped around his neck. He can't breathe. He's scratching for air. He's screaming for air.

But parts of his body are being cut off because he can't get that. So that part of his body gets fucked up. Luckily, my dad. In that one moment, it determines whether you have cerebral palsy. That's crazy. Damn. I didn't know that. It gets wrapped.

Your neck gets rotted around that. I don't know if it's for everybody. That could be wrong. It's not for everybody. I don't want to have it. But like that's what he tells. It's not for me. I'm good.

This is just the story I've been told my whole life. This is the story I've been told my whole life is when he was being pushed out of my grandmother's vagina. My grandmother's vagina. If you didn't hear that loud enough. My grandmother's 70 year old. She probably didn't have a shade pussy. It was probably hairier than hell. It was hair than Barack Obama's fucking face.

You know, They didn't shade back then. I'm very confused. Do you know who with Barack Obama? Oh, wait, wait. Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden.

Fuck me. I'm fucking up. So bad. That's terrible. You're drunk and high. It's all good. Oh, my God. I mean, they're the same guy.

I'm bombing in front of you, folks. But no, seriously. But no, the umbilical cord wrapped around the neck. And then that oxygen is cut off to that part of the body. And he has to walk around with a limb. Some people get it worse with the, with the crutches where they're like they look like a Tyrannosaurus Rex

where they're fucking like you know like they're just like up there and they're like So it's in his leg? It's in his leg So he walks like he's a fucking pimp You know he has a pimp walk Right So it was a blessing actually

You know He's a crip you know Because that was my follow up question was like When he when he was So he wasn't He didn't come off as The Paxson wants to know if his dick works No no no

I was saying That's kind of where I was going I'm going to get real with you guys for a second. I'm going to get real with you because I'm feeling you all out. Yeah. And this guy over here with the whatever hat you're wearing. What's your name, sir? Justin, thank you for being on this podcast.

I love you so much. You're a great guy. NASA? Come here. Come here. Say something on this mic. Please. No, he's going on.

You guys have no idea what the fuck's going on. But Justin's, he's a great. I swear to God, if you really bring me back something from 711, I will. Really? I'll go on. Be right back. Dude, please bring me back some beer. Do you have some white claw?

We're good. We got some. Don't worry about me. I appreciate it. I'm so sorry. I'm so. Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.

Yeah, thanks, man. Have a great night. Sorry about that. What the fuck were we talking about, dude? Your dad's cerebral palsy. What part? We're talking about sex for a second? We're asking if your dad's dick works.

Whatever his name is. Yeah, we're asking if your dad's dick works. Yes, it works very well. And it acts very well. He's like, I've seen him before. It enlarges inside of me, which is a problem, but no. We lost out the audience there. What the fuck, man?

Fuck this guy. Who the fuck was this guy? Fuck me. Hey, this is my neighbor. Dude, I was getting on such a good topic in that piece of shit. Fucked me up. I don't have no idea what I'm talking about. Wait, was he, fucked you?

Was he actually going to seven? Was he disturbed, but. God damn it, you piece of, I am. I'm sorry. It's all good. It's all good. That fucking. Yeah.

dare he offer. I love how you think he wronged you. No, he did. Because I was really, smoking joints in a hotel complex. That's what we're talking about Michael Good. Michael Good. I'm sorry, I didn't need me touch you. That was gay as fuck by that. That's okay. That's okay. He could touch him.

Oh my God. How do we get this? Because we're talking about your mom wants to put conservatives in cages. And he's like, I'm sorry I touched you. That's gay of me. I know you don't have anything brought with gay people, but I'm very confused. Oh my God.

Whatever that guy was. No, it's, yeah, you asked the question, like, I don't, I don't remember. I was, I was curious about this room. Yes, people, like, it was along the lines of like, yes, like, it looked like he had a problem. Like, if you were out in public, you'd be looking at him, like, what is wrong with this guy? Did the kid on Breaking Bad have cerebral palsy? Is that? Because I think it's my only exposed towards it.

Exactly. Yes. So when, I don't know anything about it. I was an eight-year-old kid having to walk along my dad. Like, I'm way fast with this grown up. Looking at people like, what is wrong with this guy? Dad, hurry up. Jesus, this guy sucks. Now that I dragged.

You probably have a lot of good jokes at him. I don't. I have nothing on it. You probably do. It's just kind of suppressed. It's embedded. And it's the fuck the thing is. I used to make fun of my dad, too. I used to make fun of him. Okay, that's probably not have funny.

No, no. I used to, because I used to play baseball. So I used to run around the baseball field how my dad, how my dad, quote, unquote, air, like how my dad would. with the fucking dragging leg, you know, dragging a leg behind him. Was it like, like, everyone laughed and they were like. Yeah, my whole family laughed, but my dad would be in the corner, like, sobbing, you know, because you know, because my, my parents never. He'd be crying? He wouldn't be crying.

No, he wouldn't be crying, but he would be. He was not happy about it. He was not happy about it. Right, understandably. He grew up in a time where people didn't have to be nice to him, you know? Yeah. People like, you know, like, there wasn't the meat, you know, like, people like, fuck you, you fucking pussy, you, you're ever just, like.

Right. People were meaner. They were mean. They were mean. They were pretty fucked up. It was just that time. But fuck, man. I don't know.

How the fuck. That's got to be a hilariously weird point in comedy. You're like, look at this fucking idiot. He's got cerebral palsy. What if that was your bit? That was your thing. I know. You're like, oh, man, I'm really good at like making fun of disabled people.

My dad doesn't watch any of my act, but I just feel like if I was ever to make it or whatever. Maybe from what you've told me about the nature of you guys' relationship, I don't think you should put. him in your act if you're going to talk shit about you're right make fun of the the cerebral palsy part I'm not saying it wouldn't be funny

I'm saying it might not go over yeah it could be funny if you have it could be funny yeah it might be hard to work out right my dad has a disability right right but my mom was perfectly fine

technically she's on social social security disability okay I don't know if you know what that. She collects money from the government every month. You know what I'm saying? Wait, does he also collect money?

No, no, no, no. He owns his own business. He owns his own business. He owns his own business. What do you mean? I don't know. I have no idea. I'm trying to figure out.

He does great. He's a great guy. No, I'm saying, why does she get it and he doesn't? I couldn't tell you why. But she got. She somehow worked the system. She worked the system somehow. Right?

I told you she's a liberal, okay? She's a liberal. We already discussed it. She worked the system somehow. And she gets paid from the government every month for some sort of what she does. She couldn't work in office. She's like she gets snapped. Oh, so she's also disabled.

I feel like I'm getting way too real. You didn't talk to her about how she wants to lock people in Gage us. I feel like I'm getting way too real with you guys. No, I'm fucking learning right now. Like I didn't know anything about fucking cerebral palsy. I also thought your dad would have a better sense of humor about this. No, he does. He's a very funny guy.

He really is. He just doesn't like to be. made fun of by a child. He does so because he's an... He used to do his fucking... Well, it seems like it worked out. Like, he has a kid, that's great. Like, he didn't like to be...

He didn't like to be... He didn't like making fun of people. Which is a lot like me. He made for the guys in wheelchairs. He's like, look at this guy. Look at this fucking pussy. You can't walk with a limp. He's all rolling around like an idiot.

No, but my sister fucking... God, Hannah is a bitch. You know what I'm saying? Like, he used to do shit. Like, we used to make beats and shit, like, about my sister Hannah. You'd make beats? Like, she'll like that. It was fucking hilarious.

Like, Hannah's a dumb cunt, and she's a bitch. You know what I'm saying? Sounds like something I would listen to. I have completely dragged this podcast down to the floor. Oh, no, it's been awesome. Yeah, this is probably, yeah, this is probably better than if most episodes, yeah. I mean, if you were on our energy, it would not have been as good as noise. Yeah, I'm finally hung over.

You were, like, carrying this on your back. No, man, I just, fuck, I'm vibed. I'm feeling... Dap it up for that one. No, it's great. You know, it's great, though. We were talking about the headphones before. If you have headphones on,

you wouldn't have been able to really get in the zone like this. Wow. You know what I mean? Because when you have the headphones on, you're like, you've constantly reminded that this is the way that people are going to listen to it. If the headphones off, we're just a couple guys outside drinking. I disagree.

Great. No, it sounds great. Well, no, you're doing some wacky things at the microphone. I disagree. I like to think it's not a headphone podcast. This is a Bose speaker while fucking. I like to think the people are banging. this.

I want you, while you're sticking your cock inside of your podcast. Girlfriends, boyfriends, whatever it is, asshole vagina. Hopefully not a dog.

I want you to think about my men can have vaginas too. My dad who has cerebral palsy who didn't get pussy when he was in high school because kids made fun of him and they bullied him. But it also worked out and that's what we should.

And it worked out. Yeah. And my cerebral palsy dad is balling. Is getting more pussy than me at the moment. Okay. Oh, really? I wouldn't say that.

But he was. You know, he was for a moment that he was, when he was cheating on my mom, he cheated on my fucking mom with cerebral palsy. How the fuck do you do that shit? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? That's baller, son.

When you're fucking your girlfriend to this, think about my serra. He can't even thrust his hips because he has a right, he has a right hip that's out, okay? Wow. I want you to fucking girlfriend so hard. He owns his own business. He owns his own business.

You're going to say you want him to fuck your girlfriend so hard. Did she get cerebral palsy? we're going to say there. We're anything. I want you to fuck your girlfriend so hard that she goes into a coma. Who? Anybody. Oh, listening to this.

Yeah. Preferably, uh, Connor Cowanhoven. I love you. I'm just waiting for you to say something fucked up about him. Hey, that one time we accidentally hit a homeless guy with our car. We threw him under the bridge and nobody knows about it.

But I remember that shit. Yo. Oh my. God, man. We have a time. I think. Yeah, we're almost at, we're almost that hour. No, we're an hour and six minutes.

I said we call out there. I'm down. This is fucking awesome. Dude. What's it really? I had a great time. I know, I think this is good. I think, because I'm listening to it.

I think it was good. All right. Hell yeah. Tony, where can they find you online? Do they can find me at Tony Wellen 710 at gmail.com? What's your Instagram is such? No, no, no, no. No, my Instagram.

email right on. My phone number is 4.0. Seriously, please. If there's any girls... If my dad picks up, he has cerebral palsy. It might take him longer to get to the phone than me. Seriously, if any girls listening to this, please, hit me... No, seriously.

407-949. 7830. I'm not joking. That's my real phone number. Please, call me. I really want you to call me if you actually enjoy this. If you're from anywhere, 407. 949.

You just get a girl or anything. If you just enjoyed this podcast or if you're a random listener, 407-949-7-830, okay? That's where you can find me. And if you really reach out to me, I will send you my Instagram because I forgot what it was at this moment.

This is honestly awesome. This is great. This is great, man. I'm so glad to be able to be back on it. I like the last two episodes, man. They're good. Who's the last one? The best one was.

with me as far as the analytics go Everybody likes it better The Paxton Yeah I know the analytics I'm the only one You don't even know it so Yeah really

So we're uh All right hey guys very much Yeah yeah we're out Love you guys Love you guys