Morning Good - TROUBLEMAKERS SWAPCAST - Episode 261

Episode Date: March 16, 2025

Morning Good x Troublemakers featuring Dylan Krasinski,Thanks to Dylan for swapping casts with us, check him out on Instagram @dylankrasinski and obviously head over to the Troublemakers YouTube page and check them out as well. Dylan co-hosts the show with fellow comic Dominic Leonelli.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Welcome to the show. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They call it the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to morning. What's up, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Troublemakers. Doing a little swap cock. Swap cast. Swapcock. Swap cox.

White swap. Swap cock with my boy. with my boy Michael Good everybody returning guest to the pod and I've also been on your pod too so yeah yeah we're like swingers we're swapping wives Swapping podcast. That'll be nice dude I think that would be fun. Dude I've it's my

life I'm gonna be a swinger like I'm 100% Florida guy like you absolutely dude I have it pictured perfectly I'm dressing like the old guy from Jurassic Park you know what I mean just like a white beard I'm gonna get like tan as fuck like that like With a nice cane dude That's got a dragon egg on top 100% wife, huge fake tits, blonde lady.

She fucks the pool boy. I either pretend not to know about it or I like pour him a glass of like whiskey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to lecture him about stuff. You know what I saw? I saw on Reddit. I think it's a brilliant idea is this guy goes to swingers parties, like key parties, right? And he brings his wife.

Everyone brings their wife, except he hires a prostitute. That's so good. So he's like, oh, yeah, it's all fair. You looks like you got my wife. Gets her new clothes and brings her to the party. So he fucks someone's wife and someone fucks a prostitute without knowing. That's so fucking funny, dude. Isn't that fucking crazy?

Oh, my God. That's so funny too because it's like there's no loss for him. I know. There's no loss. It's just fun. Yeah, unless people look. Unless he falls in love with the prostitute. Yeah.

What the hell? Yeah. Real Julia Roberts style. Yeah. She does something like, pretty woman. She does something like adorable, right? as they walk in.

He's like, oh, wait, no, I don't want to get you. I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. Um,

before we get into it, uh, for our, our, our, our listeners on the troublemaker's side. Um, this will be out both on my channel as well as Michael's channel.

Uh, but Dom is not here. As you can see, he's been traveling. He's got like the flu. He's, we were supposed to record this morning. And,

uh, graciously Michael good here, first name, last name, always, uh, stepped up and was like, hey, I'll fill in.

Yeah, it would be great. But yeah, I was talking to Dom this morning. He'll be back next week, but he's like, barely can tell. He's like, hello. Yeah. I was like, what's up, buddy? Oh, damn. I'm so sick.

I can't talk. Yeah. And I just want everybody to know that's listening on your channel that everything that everything. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. So anything that comes out of my mouth, you just put that coming right out of Dom's mouth.

He'll be totally cool with that. Yeah. Yeah. Just quote, if you were quoting, quote me, you can also put Dom's name at the end of the course. It's interchangeable. Yeah. Amen. You want us in? Dude, I got addicted recently. Like, as in a week ago. I, dude, for so long, I was like, dude, I'm like never addicted to nicotine.

And I started taking Adderall again. So then I started doing nicotine because I want because it just gives you that extra. You're like, let me double. These are sixes, not threes. Oh, I know. I've been throwing two sixes in. Stop. On Adderall with caffeine pills. You want one? Maybe in a second. Okay. Hey, I'm no fun for, sir. Yeah.

But I went, I went from like not doing. zins to like picking them off the ground today to put them in my mouth. I was like, this is such a fast. Immediately I'm addicted to do it. So quickly. I will do I'm not that bad. I'll do like six to eight a day. If I'm working, if I'm working later, I'm out drinking, I'll do a lot more. I'll start putting them down. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Like I went out Friday and Saturday. Friday I was out till 3 a.m. And then Saturday I went out and I was out till 5 a.m. I was out till 1.59. So 259 because the time switch And I walk home

I walked home I left the bar at like 150 I'm like okay I gotta get home This would be good It'll be in by Ted two I look at my clock My phone when I get home It's like 305

I'm like what the time swap I remember time swap Just like a time swap No dude I remember When I was in high school I would just get my dad Would give me a curve of you And I would just get so fucked up

And pretend like something else happened Like dude I remember what that One of my favorites This will relate to the time change Every story starts. I'm like, yeah, yeah, let me relate this. And I just talk about me getting pussy constantly. And they'll be like, wait, this will relate to what we're talking.

Oh, he's the man over here. Yeah, that's okay. But it's like somebody who, my grandfather was more too big. Yeah, yeah, one time I was getting pussy. By the end of that story, it will, it'll tie it. It'll tie it. Good. So yeah, I remember one time, my dad, like, called me a cab. And I'm literally like, this girl just starts sucking my dick as I see the cab roll up.

And I was just like, I'm not getting in that fucking cab. And I just watched it wait there And I was like, fuck. Yeah, no, that cab's gonna be pissed. But just hear the cab honking. And then I'm just like, I guess I'm gonna pretend like my phone's dead. He's calling my friend.

My friend. Where are you? Also, to be fair, your dad, if he had known the predicament you were in, he would have totally supported you. Dude, you say that.

My dad, I don't know what is my dad. He's never proud of me for getting pussy. It's absurd. If you got in the cab, he'll be like, dad, literally,

this is what was happening. He'd go, why didn't you step? Hey, you should have just bailed. Dude, I don't know why my father's not more, I don't think he's proud of me for anything, but like, I wish he was proud of me. This is over Florida.

Yeah, he should be very proud of me for getting pussy. I mean, this is mouth. Yeah, yeah, just mouth. Yeah, that's why he's disappointed. It's such a dirty. No son of mind. Hey, how'd you do, how'd you do last night? Got some mouth.

Got some mouth. Also, that was a bad accent for a Florida Uber driver. It would actually be more like, all right, now get on in the back. Yeah, we're going to take you. down to your daddy's house. Your dad is house. Did I tell you I was just in Fort Lauderdale a couple weeks ago?

And I mean, you're always doing something tropical. These were with my college buddies. Just chaotic people down there. Oh, it's crazy. Wait, before I- Animals. I want to explain how this ties in. Yeah, no.

There was one time where I did lock out showing up late because of the time change. It's so funny. And like everybody, I think, has benefited like one time from a time change. You were an hour late, but the time change made you just on time. You're like, oops. It was something like that. Or it was like, I was like, the clocks weren't turned back. It was a fucking four in the morning.

But also some people go the other way where they're like five hours late to work. And they're like the time change. They're like, you're fucking idiot. No, the time change. You would have been here an hour early. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sleeping in your car, you assholes. Wait, so what was the, uh, you said you were getting after you at Fort Lauderdale?

Oh, yeah, dude. We, uh, my college buddies and I, we do these trips like once or twice a year. Uh, sometimes local. A bunch of them live in Saratoga. I'm in, I'm here. Some of them are on Long Island. So it's sometimes like somewhere in the middle or, you know, playing golf at one place or the other. But every now and then we'll do like a flight.

So we flew to Fort Lauderdale for, I talked about this a couple weeks ago. But the Pegasus, it's like a big horse race down there. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, it was so fun. Lost. Actually, I won some money, but we lost a lot at the casino, at the track, you know, all that. How does that feel like, because I've never been a big gambler? Like, does it feel like, because when you go on vacation, you spend a fuck time of money?

And it's like an entertainment thing. We're like, oh, we're going to the casino, you know, going to the track. It's like an all-day affair. So you kind of budget how much you're going to spend. Right. So you know you're not going to like it. But we did get on Saturday at the track, they had some promotion. So it was free sun cruisers all day.

What are sun cruisers? The ice teas. Oh, that's great, dude. I had like 12. Oh, yeah. I almost gambled. I was in New Orleans a couple weeks ago. I almost gambled just so I could drink for free.

But they also changed. That's great. They also changed. I think it was a Harrah's before. Now it's a fucking, what's the big one? Tropicana. I think it's a Tropicana now. The Trump.

Yeah. But you can't fucking smoke inside anymore. You know, so. Hey, that is some BS. I'll tell you that. That's some BS. If you go to, I've been to a few casinos now and they go, even if like you hit a vape, you can't, you can't smoke. It's terrible.

It's stupid. Well, that's also where you want the swing or wife is you want her to seduce the guards while you steal money from the vaults. Oh, yeah. That's, that's the move. That's the benefit. Yeah. Yeah.

There was, uh, I'll tell you this. You can smoke in the Florida casino down there in Fort Lauderdale. I got a cigarette right as we're leaving. There was a lady probably in her 50s sitting in. I'm pretty attractive. And I was like, she's smoking a cigarette. We're playing electronic roulette. So it's like a real wheel, but you put your bets in, which I kind of like because

it's low pressure. It's just you versus the machine. And she smoked. And I was like, hey, can I get a cigarette? I'd never smoke cigarettes, dude, unless I'm in a casino or I'm like really drunk. I'll like smoke cigarettes. I like, Hey, can I get a cigarette?

She's like, yeah. I go, do you also have a light? And she's like, all right. And she gives it to me. And then she hits and she fucking loses. She goes, okay, you need to go away because you're bad luck. And I'm like, oh, hi, thanks for the cigarette. There's a picture of me literally like, my friend took it.

I'm walking cigarettes in my mouth and I'm just like walking through the casino. It's an album picture, dude. Yeah. If I ever become a rapper, that's my cover album. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I did it. I got a couple when I was in New Orleans.

and I tied him into my Mardi Gras necklace. Like, so I just had like little cigarettes and smoke on there. Did you go for Mardi Gras? Technically, I don't understand what Mardi Gras is because I fucking went there and they're like, it's like a week, right? Yeah, but people are like, next week it's a real Mardi Gras. I'm like, I was told this one's the real one.

Well, they say Fat Tuesday, right? Is the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday. And that, that, I'm not missing that next year because my cousin lives there. Okay. I'm staying with him. I got to go to fucking Nank because like that's what, yeah, that's apparently I'm ass all. No, all the boobs I saw I earned. I earned.

I had to put in. I didn't see any bead boobs. Oh, yeah. I showed my tits and got some beads. Did you? I would have shown some peen. Oh, dude. I would have shown some tits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been right out there, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But as I've told Dom and Ray recently, I'm getting on that. I'm getting on OZMPIC. I'm getting on a T, TRT. I'm going to be ripped up. Dude, that'd be so sick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you imagine this personality in a just of, you're unbeatable. A five, 10, six pack, just beefcake, dude. Come on. It's going to be a problem, dude. Oh, it would be. You're going to be fucking people's wives. They're going to have to pull you out of the swingers party.

They're going to be like, dude, you brought a dog. What are you doing? I'm like, this is, buddy. He's good, man. He'll cuddle up with you. He's nice. I wonder if people over catfish with wives at swinger parties where they're like, oh, this is totally my wife.

And they bring like some super ugly. It's a funny bit, dude. You like, you like just bring like a hinge date. You're like, hey, you want to like me. You're not into me. I'm into you, obviously. But like, you want to go to a swingers party in the first date? I got invited to do a four.

That's where you marry. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, I got invited to do a foursome recently. And, yeah, I'm trying to figure it out because it's kind of like, I never, four dudes. Yeah, four dudes. Three guys and me. I got two in the mouth, five in the ass. I'm bad at math, but apparently that adds up to four.

Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's fair. But it is, I don't realize how weird logistically it is. And then I also didn't realize how weird it is because couples are old people. So, like, they're like, they're like, oh, it's an older couple. They're like 35. There's a girl I hook up with it. I'm like,

hey, you want to do something wild? Like, you want to like, oh my God. Because this guy wanted me to bang his wife with him. And I'm like,

yeah, I'm always down for something fun like that. But I was like, oh, you know what? If there's an extra woman in there, then it's like a little more, a little more balanced.

And then I, yeah, I don't know. She's cool. And like, uh, I'm like, yeah,

let's do it. And then next thing you know, you're like building a group chat. And then like, God, dude. The talking does get weird because it's like they're like, they're like, this is fucking Cheryl from last week.

And it's like his wife's sucking his cock. And you're like, this is so, like it feels so weird the secting in that. You're sexting with her, but like he's on it too. So you're kind of sexting with him. Yeah. And then I feel weird with the girl that I'm hooking up with. Because I'm like, hey, are you cool if I go for Carol? Like I'm like, yeah.

Hey, can I get in there? Carol? Open up. Yeah, yeah. One or the other. Dude, the hot take, hot take I have about threesome's, you know, it's unfortunately, I've yet to experience one. But my hot take about threesomes, guy, two girls, that's obviously the one that guys want, way more like hot, sexual. But a girl with two guys, that feels like going to a baseball game, like way more fun.

Oh, 100% dude. Me and my boys, you know. I've done it twice and it's literally like, it's like having sex with a woman, but you get to hang out with a dude after. which is great. It sounds, it's a hot take. I don't know if people will like it, but I think it sounds way more fun.

Like we have sex with your wife and then me and Bob are going to play video games and drink some beers. Yeah, yeah, it's immediate like, because the best part about getting pussy is bragging your friends afterwards.

And you get to brag your friends immediately and get to share that thing. Yeah. Remember when we just got pussy two seconds ago? Yeah, so cool. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it makes sense that way. But, yeah, it is, yeah, I don't know. It is a crazy thing. I don't know.

I didn't mean to stare off in space. You're thinking, I can tell, dude, you're deep and thought about this. It's building up. Well, I don't know whose podcast this is right now because the swap guys.

It never, it has to change or no matter. Hey, dude, I forgot that it's going on both platforms at this point. Totally forgot. But, um,

yeah, no, the two women things hard to, it's all hard to coordinate. I don't know. Feels a little more intimidating too. Oh, oh,

the thing I was like, they got secrets. They were fucking talking about my dick after probably. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what? Yeah, yeah, it's weird. But the fucking thing I was talking about was like one of my gay friends, he was talking about Dom, actually.

Now he's not here. But he was talking about he's like going on a, Hey, man, I ain't gay. I like girls. Yo, you call me gay on him. No, but he like, we were in the green room at a comedy club. He's talking about he's like, yeah, no, I just met this guy and we're going to go on like a two-week vacation together.

Everybody's like, what the fuck are you doing? We're like, what a fucking nightmare, dude? I was never going like, yeah. And then I was like, hang on, hang on, hang on. You got to understand. He's also going on a trip with a guy. So it's like, so it's a little different. Yeah, that's true, dude.

That's true. Like two dudes, even if you're gay going on a trip. At some point, dudes are probably like, hey, dude, I just need to go hang out with someone else for a little bit. Yeah, yeah. I got to be by myself. And a dude isn't going to be like, does this mean you hate me? Oh, totally.

Am I ugly today? Am I ugly this morning? Dude, is it physically impossible to go on a trip with your girlfriend and not getting a fight with her? I don't think it's physically impossible. It might be. It might be impossible. Unless you guys already hate each other, it's the point where you don't even fight. Like, if you're at the point where we're like, no, we just don't love each other, so we just don't fight.

It's like fucking, it's always some fucking bullshit. I don't know. Yeah, I would do them, me and my ex would go on them. And they would be great, but then it would be like, I got too fucked up or I didn't clean up or I, you know, had sex to somebody's wife. It was always something. I think the only, legit, like the only fights you can get it.

I'm trying to think, I'm not really like, I also haven't been in a lot of, like, serious girlfriend relationships as an adult. Like, when you're in college and, like,

right after it's like, you're like fighting because like, oh, I saw you flirting with a guy at the bar and you're like 21 year old jealousy comes out, you know? Yeah. But like,

like now, dude, I was thinking about it. Like, if I'm dating a girl, like, I can't imagine. ever fighting with her.

Like, what are we gonna fight about? Is this you pitching yourself? I guess like, to my audience? No, I just have no, like, unless we're like living together and something she's doing is like really bothering me.

And I'm like, hey, can you like, hey, can you stop, you know, pissing in the sink? That weirds me out. I know we're from different homes or cultures, but like stop pissing in the sink. Well, this is what happens, though, is like over time the little things build up.

Oh my God, dude. It's like they'll drive you fucking crazy. It's like, also like I was just a terrible roommate. Like I was a bad boyfriend towards the end And like I would just leave my shit on the ground And then like argue with her about it As if it's like my right I would just be like oh the dishes in the sink

It's like okay so like I can't Can't let them soak anymore If it was just me I could soak them for a whole week Yeah it's like I'm I guess I'm not a man I can't just do my own thing I can't just you know I pay rent here I can live how I want yeah by the way Less than her

I pay less than her Oh my God Yeah I just would constantly I'd forget to close the fridge. You're paying less than your girl. You got to be out there massage in her feet and being like, you know. Oh, totally.

Hey, baby. You know, anything you want. Let me stay here. I love it. Yeah. I remember she had one request. She was like, no,

if people are podcasting, can you put like a blanket down to have them sit on? And I wouldn't do that. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. Oh, that's kind of an insane request.

Although, I mean, some of the people that you probably have on the podcast, like we've had. Well, I think I had like a black guy that week. So immediately I was like, I can't do this.

And I can't have it for some people. It'll look so insane. I'm like, yeah, can we just, the pot, like people, the fans start catching on.

They're like, uh-oh, this is a blanket guest. This guy must smell real bad. Yeah, yeah. That's so fucked. I'm thinking of some guests that we've had that I would put a blanket down for.

Probably none. I mean, I sit on my couch naked sometimes. You know, I can get worse than that, you know? Yeah, I'm trying to think of my smelliest guest,

dude. I don't know. I don't think I've really smelled anybody on the podcast. I don't know. Oh, what was I going to say? Oh, this, like, I think at this point, and we'll go back to smelly guess, because I feel like there are smelly comics all over the place.

Oh, yeah, yeah, especially like whispering. Like, people don't realize how much we are like close, like face to face. We're like, hey, do you know if I'm going next on the lineup? And you're like, oh, you fucking stay. Did you just eat coffee with shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, oh, this,

oh, fighting with your grown-up girlfriend. I think the only thing, that I would probably get no arguments about is being like if I got too drunk like going out the night before and her being like you were kind of out of control and I'm like, don't get, tell me how in control. I was fine. I was fine. It was like, well,

you were kind of like making a fool of yourself. I was like, people loved it. That was a constant. Yes. That would be a constant one for you. I was making everyone laugh. What do you mean? What do you mean people were uncomfortable? That was the story of my life, dude. It was like, oh, do you always have to be?

the center of attention. It's like, yes, because I'm fucking good at it. It's like, it was awesome. It's like, if you said

Charlie Sheen interview where they're like, some woman said she almost died from smoking crack. He's like, oh, oh, I don't see what that has to do

with me. And he goes, he goes, I introduce people to magic. He's like, I showed them the best goddamn night of their life. I'm an insane person.

That's how I genuinely feel sometimes. Like, I shot a bottle rocket out of my ass on New Year's. If I was still a relationship, thank you. If I was still in a relationship, there'd be some argument about that.

big fight, which would be reasonable, but I'm also like, I'm just not the kind of person who like, I don't know, I value my freedom now more than like anything. Yeah. I also, I bought a gun. Did you? Yeah, I got a gun right. In Florida. No, I'm just kidding. Oh, dude. I would have love that. Yeah. That would be great. I want one. I don't have money for anything. But you know what? If you have a gun, then you kind of don't need money for anything because you can just. Yeah, exactly. When things go to shit, like they say you either need to be prepared with when we, well, I have this is going to tie into two stories that we got. You either need like a go bag, preparedness that or have a gun and you can get anything you can get a car which actually our

sponsor this week is guns yeah just get one amen yeah um but yeah dude that that like uh oh talking about being like the life of the party um fuck i forgot what i was going to say there's so many things that i wanted to yeah i don't know it just you know yeah it was just arguments about oh yeah dude you're with a girl and it's like oh i'm sorry i have to be the life of the party when we hang out with your friends what are we going to talk to john the accountant Yeah, yeah. Like he's telling his accountant stories. Like, I don't give a shit.

Yeah. Who cares? Yeah, there was a lot of that. It's like, my friends are fucking awesome. First off, half of them are dead, which is because they were cool.

And you want to tell stories about them. Yeah, no, why not? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's because they were rock and roll, living in the life people. Yep. Living a little too fast.

But then, yeah, the other ones are comedians. Yeah, professional comedians. Professional storytellers. Yeah. Sorry that, you know, I'm just having a fun time. Half of them are professional.

professional. The other half not getting paid. Maybe homeless. Who knows? A lot of places still owe me money. I'm not complaining about it. No, I'm just happy for the stage time. Exactly. Yeah. Oh, oh, 25, I'll just never ask that. Hey, you keep that 25. Just keep booking me. My favorite's that place that I'm not going to mention that just stopped paying and just didn't tell anybody. Then if you ask about pay, you just get booted from the group chat. Yeah, he's never going to find this. But yeah, no, who cares? But that guy is a piece of shit. Yeah. I actually, I only can get booked there like twice a month so yeah they can go fuck themselves i don't even know even i'll never say too i'm gonna say this and then fist pounded him when i walk into we have no integrity or no back

because the really funny part too is like i don't know it is fucking entertainment so it's like you got like do a bunch of free shit that's just kind of how it works and people don't understand that like i'll be talking to people that are like you need to like demand your money i'm like no i don't yeah no this is not like a job which with hr you're like hey i can get my paycheck yeah oh you're complaining about 50 bucks like good luck not getting booked here yeah yeah totally yeah and it's totally different if you're like on the road headlock like if it's like I'm out of town. It's like, yeah, I'm going to ask for fucking money.

But if I didn't travel there, then I'm like, all right, this was like a stub. Like, I got free stage. Yeah. But, um, they're like, uh, integrity is like, everybody's like, yeah, well, you know, this guy might suck or whatever. But, uh, it doesn't matter because like, um, what is it? They're like, uh, you know, we're not in a position to, we have too much to lose. Yeah.

But integrity is only when you have something to lose. Exactly. So if you're like, if you're like a big comic and like somebody is treating like shit, it doesn't, you can easily be like, like, fuck you. Dude, I mean, here I'll give you. I'll say this, Dave Chappelle has no balls. He had so much money when he walked away from the Chappelle show. Well, I'll give you some integrity.

There are a couple big comics now who, when they were on their way up, we're not getting booked at the seller. And now that they are massive, they don't do the seller. Yeah, it's pretty sick. I mean, that's kind of a cool integrity move. Yeah, yeah. And they just do the club that gave them spots when they were coming up. That is pretty sick.

And they do like the stand, your comedy club. So I'm like, hey, I like that. Yeah. And I'm also, I'm not. I would be happy to perform any of those clubs. Look, if you're a comedy club, you can fuck me in my ass. You want to pee on my face?

It's fine. Do you want to, do you want to, you know what? Tell you what, have sex with my mom. I don't care. But I will say this, I'm fine with not getting paid,

but my problem is the place that was paying and then stop paying, and then if you ask about it, you get in trouble. Like, I'm totally fine with them being like, look, we're trying to make ends meet. It's like tough business.

Totally get it. That's a whole thing. But there's one place. that just stopped paying and then yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's kind of, that's bullshit. You got to always pay something. Or at least tell people, be like, hey, look, hey, we're, yeah, we're not doing well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're adjusting. Yeah, exactly. Dude, we had one. I mean, when I was running shows in Boston, we ran into this from the other side, the Booker's side, you know, not that I think you always have to pay people something, you know. But we did, we started this, like, new room, this old room closed, started this new room. And for like the first show, we were like, oh, there's so many more tickets available. we're selling $20 tickets.

We can pay the comics more. We can pay them like $50, even $100, like for a fucking 12 minute set. Like that's a lot in Boston, you know, unheard of. And like the first show, we paid like three comics like $75 or something like that. And then we were like figuring out the money, you know, how to split it like three ways between us, plus pay the comics, you know. And like the third week or something, we got, we kind of settled on like 35 a comic. or 40 a comic or something like that.

And one of the guys, like, we didn't tell people like, oh, this is what the rate is, which might have been our mistake, you know? But like this one comic was just like, oh, I thought it was 75. And I was like, oh, no, we did that like for this first show, but like then we had to adjust. We've never told anybody what we were doing.

So he just like heard from a comic that was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, they paid me 75. So, dude, he harped on me this dude. He harped on me and our other, the other dude I was running it with for like weeks. Like it was like two weeks.

He was like, oh, I mean, I just, it's kind of not fair. Like, you know, blah,

blah, blah, I was like one, I never told you. Like, you never asked about it what the pay was. Yeah,

yeah, I never told you. I never brought it up. Well, you know, maybe my fault too, but like, he was just so annoying

about it that I was like, you know what, dude, fuck it. Here you go. Here's the 25 bucks. And then like, we never booked them again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally. It was just like, it was one of those things I was like, here, dude, like, there you go. But like, I also, it's, you know, there is fucking so many other comics that are not going to be annoying a shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just what it is.

Like, as I said, like, I have nothing wrong with free guest spots. Like, that's a thing. Like, it's totally. I will perform for free. I have no problem with it. But, yeah, my issue was that one place, the dude just like would just randomly stop. That's crazy. And like in the avails, it looks like you get paid.

Like, it's like. it's like a fucking switch yeah yeah and it's like this is insane um because for for hosting too it's like free hosting on weekends and you're like so interesting come on yeah but i'll do it i'll host for free um come on man yeah i know but like oh yeah especially some of these other clubs like uh new york Your Comedy Club pays really, really well. And I'd love to get in there. But, you know, like, they pay their host, what, like 150 on the weekend? That's fucking unbelievable.

Yeah. Doing it right. They're doing it right. Hopefully they see this and they're like, wow. They Google. God damn. Booker is like looking up fucking just their positive New York Comedy Club comments. All right.

Oh, minute 27. Yeah, yeah. The Troublemakers podcast. Dude, I also, well, I fucking, dude, I got so nervous. the first year. I bombed so hard there for like a year straight. Really? Like it's so much. The second you get something you value it so much. I almost was such a fucking idiot. I was like, oh, now that I'm in here, I guess

yeah, I guess everything's gonna be everything's gonna be great. Yeah, this will just fix everything in my life. And then you're like, oh, everything's like a little step. You know what I mean? That's like pushing the right direction. But yeah, that's why it was really funny because that night we're out with you, you can do this thing where you can like show the book or new material. Oh yeah. And

you were so nice. We were out that in one night for Amy's birthday. Yes, yeah. And we were getting fucked up. And you were just off. You gave me so many free drinks. Oh, dude, no, you know. It was awesome.

It made me a great night. But I cut it off early because I was like, no, I want to do well for the Booker tomorrow. And then I fucking ate shit. No, I've, uh, dude. He was there that night, wasn't it. Yeah, but it wasn't because of like the drinking. So I was like, I bombed either way. I might as well have gotten blackout drunk than that before.

Yeah, dude. I've, I, uh, no problem. I'm, you know, if you catch me on a good, if you catch me in like a good monetary period, I'm very generous with. Oh, I'll know that. I'll milk that. I'm like, yeah,

just, I'm gonna get a makers and a beer for you, Michael. Yeah, okay, I'm gonna close that out. Then you'll be like,

oh, he's got like $17 in his bank account. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no,

dude, I had like, I think it was $1 the other day, and then I got back pay for a bunch of shows all at once. It's fucking great. So good.

Yeah. It was, yeah, no, I'm like so fucking up and down financially. But we'll figure it out. I don't know. Everybody asked me how I'm doing.

And I'm like, on paper, fucking horrendous. But like, mentally, I feel great. That's good. That's the most important thing, you know? Yeah, yeah. That carries you through. Speaking of that night, we talked about it a little bit a couple weeks ago. But that night we were out.

That was a fun night, dude. My favorite part of that night was this. Okay. Okay. So there was this girl who I was talking to who I kept complaining about how she was so boring. And I was like, this girl is just so fucking boring and like, ugh. And then it turns out she just was really not interested in me. Because then she went and immediately made out with some dude, like, too.

It was so funny. I was like, She's like, She's like, wow, look at this fucking boring woman. Next thing you know, she's like getting fisted. I'm like, oh, I guess she's fun. I guess she just doesn't like me. Dude, you took that for the team.

I was chatting up with her friend. And you were like, I'll talk to the boring one. And I was like, she hates Michael Good. Dude, it was, it was crazy. It was like, just eye roll, eye roll. And I was like, okay, I was like, look at this point, I think I said at this point I'm not trying to hook up. I'm trying to keep a conversation going because

yeah, my buddy's over there talking. And then she's just like, I think she was just really fucked up. Because she went over and made out of her. that guy and then came back and goes his mouth tasted like cocaine and I was like Jesus Christ Oh so he's got fucking money in his pocket

How but you go over there and fucking suck his penis? How do you know what cocaine tastes like on the mouth? Yeah You gotta do it so many times to be like That's Coke Yeah Come on dude Jesus You ever rip some of that?

No No Oh I used to fucking love it I never have yeah And I feel like I'm too old now to be like I'm gonna try it 36 Yeah good for you I will say I think it's the most overwork.

Let's give it a test run. I think it's the most overrated drug there is. I don't know. Yeah. You know I did sign up for those. It was really funny. I try to sign up for, because I've done ketamine and I like it and it's fun.

Yeah. But there's like a trial's like $3,000 for like an anxiety ketamine like research. And I was like, all right, well, I've already done the research. I know I fucking respond. Great to it. So yeah, go ahead and shoot me up with ketamine. Oh, and they pay you? $3,000.

Oh, my God. And that was in the phone with a woman. And then she's like, do you have anxiety? I'm like, yes. of ADHD. I'm like, yes, she goes, oof, you're unqualified now. I was like, fuck, you got to call back. Yeah, that was a different guy. Anxiety? I've actually, Michael's.

No, no, no, no. I've actually, Michael's therapist. He's super focused. But then she's like, maybe there's some other studies you're interested. And I'm like, okay, send me them over. And all of them are like, uh, I was like, okay, maybe these are like drugs that I like, you know, would feel comfortable taking for research or whatever. And, uh, they're like literally like, one of them's called like, HM4, 7,000. And I'm like, nope, I'm not. But in whatever the fuck.

Yeah. I was like, whatever this is, I'm not trying it out on my brain. Yeah, yeah. But people do that, bro. People would just do like wild. Now it is placebo. It's like I, you hope you're in the placebo category.

Yeah, and I'll just get some weird experimental psychotic drug. I'm like, I'm not doing that. Yeah, you have $3,000 dick sugar pills for a month. No, dude. I'm selling fucking nudes before that, bro. That's great, dude. But also back to that night, that girl. I told you this a little on the phone, but she, we went on a few dates.

And it did not end well. Yeah, you told me about that. Yeah, dude, she's a cool girl, cool girl, fun, you know. Does she follow you? Yes. She follows me. She's going to see this. She was asking me about the podcast on our last day.

That's so funny. We went on a couple dates. She, uh, very, um, you know, very liberal. Yeah, wait, wait, wait, wait, let's get into this. So, so, so, uh, Troublemakers is a Trump podcast. The morning good is a Kamala. I'm just kidding. I don't vote.

And by the way, you'll never convince me to. Hit the button on the bottom right. Which one? The button, bottom right. He is a sick puppy. Yeah.

But yeah, dude, I'm like more of a moderate, you know, I've voted for people in both parties. I lean pretty socially liberal. Yeah. But a lot of the stuff that's been going on recently, I'm a little more on the Republican side with,

you know. The way you said that sound of Republican, too. Yeah, you know, a little bit on the Republicans. I don't know. Just common sense, freedom of speech, all that kind of stuff. I, you know, social media company silencing people for expressing their opinions. Like, I'm not into that. I'm all for fucking, uh, free speech. Now, it is funny that we did free speech. And it turns out everybody is just racist. It is funny. We're like, what's free speech? Nobody believes in the Holocaust. That is what it is. That's like becoming a trending. Bro, I got two friends that are now Holocaust revisionists. And I got

like send them articles that I'm like what is going on here because I'm in like I never want to be like I don't know my thing is this it's like I am I don't like uh I don't want to be that guy that's just like you guys are fucking yeah because I'm like that's not gonna yeah they're gonna think I'm now part of the cabal yeah yeah yeah also at the end of the day what what is the big thing that people are like arguing like the numbers were exaggerated they the argument is Jews were being Jewy about it the arguments literally that they were just like it was much of us all so many so many. But it's like, it's like, I also like I got, I read into this because I was like, because like, it was really funny.

One of my friends and I'd also heard people is definitely getting demonetized on YouTube. We'll keep in the morning good virtual. But this guy is like, yeah, you know, I mean, how do you fucking incinerate like, what is it? Six, seven million. Six, seven million. Seven million. We'll go up the higher. Seven million bodies.

And then immediately my brain, I'll be totally honest. I was like, you know what? That does sound tough. But then I The reason it is it's because like only like two million Jews died in the Death camps okay But then other Jews died during like massacres and like in Russia there was this massacre and also it doesn't include the work camp So there was like all kinds of Jewish concentration camps that aren't counted as death camps because the purpose wasn't that

But they just worked them to death and like obviously killed a lot of Jews also my take is like seven million or one million That's still a lot either way. Yeah, it's a crazy argument. That's still bad. Yeah. But whatever it is, I don't, I, but it's just becoming a thing now, dude. I'm seeing like, people like, are you Jewish? No, no.

Okay. Polish. Okay. Yeah, I thought you're Jewish. A little Italian. Okay. Well, then why did I just stand up for the Jews? So hard.

Hey, I appreciate that. I really took a stand. He really thought I was. You're like, I'm just getting red from the face. I'm like, and if you fucking denied the Holocaust, I'm going to come to your house and beat the fuck out of you. Yeah, dude. I'm seeing it like on fucking reels.

Like on YouTube. People are like just. talking about conspiracy theories with the Holocaust. I'm like, when did this become just like a talking point? Totally. Yeah. Yeah.

And I am like, I think it's like growing pains. Like we're going to get through it. It's just like at first people are so fucking retarded. But to be fair, I didn't have a clear answer at first. So it took me a little bit. Yeah,

yeah. But like yeah, no, I think it's one of those things that it's like, yeah, fucking, we'll get over it. And I'm,

as I said, I'm very pro pro free speech. I don't like Elon because I think he's a fucking little gay bitch. The way he talks is so annoying to me. dude. I, yeah, a lot of people hate them.

I, I kind of like the, uh, fucking going through with a samurai story. Just cutting, cutting funding out being like, yeah, fucking let's get rid of that.

I don't know enough about, I don't know about any of that, but I know my roommate got like a bunch of medical appointments set up because he thinks he's going to cut Medicare. Oh my God. I don't think that's going to happen. I mean, right now,

uh, let's say things. Dosh has cut. He's also like an advisor. Like, it's not like him doing it. That's what people are like, we have this guy.

who wasn't elected cutting days like no he's just like going through the books right shit yeah yeah um but they've uh yeah there were the ones that are weird is like a lot of this money that we're sending to like other nations wait can i please you from one second yeah it's very funny that i was like i was like troublemakers is a pro trump podcast and now we're getting it you go you go no it's not and then you go i've voted for you know different types of people and then you can just say you voted for trump oh no no i did i think the people will there we know no i did yeah no i did yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I like freedom, baby.

Which will... Will you keep blanketing it? It's very funny. So, as I said, I mean, I have friends that are Holocaust revisionist, so I'm not going to judge you for voting for Trump. Yeah, yeah. But it is funny the way you keep blanketed it, though. You're like, no, I just voted for him.

I just believe in common sense. I just believe in America. You're just basically like saying things that are impossible to argue with. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, dude. I just, I like... I'm just like... I'm just, like, not retarded.

So I just voted for the right guy. You know, then you just, not really. idiot. And I under like that's that's the problem with politics now and we don't talk a lot politics on the old troublemakers podcast but uh dude just being able to have a conversation with someone without them getting like emotionally fired up. Yeah. And you can't even do that now because if you say that like, hey, can we just have a conversation? You can't even say and the Holocaust is safe. Well, you. They're like, you don't even know as a straight white man. Of course you don't have to get emotional about it. It's like, okay, well, I mean, I guess we can't.

That's where you should start talking about the eyes. It'd be like, I used to be a black woman. Yeah, I identify. You don't know anything about my past. Identifies a black woman. Yeah, I used to be trans, but then I trans back to a dude. But yeah, that was, that became a bit of an issue with that girl. We went on a few dates.

And then the first time we met, dude, she kept bringing up politics, man. Yeah. Like the first day at the bar we met and she was like, well, at least if you didn't vote for Trump, we can hang out. And I was like, I didn't vote. I figured I would never see her again, dude. And then we're making out at the bar. And then we go on a date. And like she's talking about politics again.

I'm like, I hate like talk. I also hate talking about it. Yeah. But when people bring it up, I kind of start to get like into it. Yeah. She's like,

you seem like very opinionated and like educated on this. Why didn't you vote? And I was like, that's sort of like, I didn't vote it. And it'd just be like article 235. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, fuck. I was like, well, I did. And she's like, you voted for Kamala? I was like, no. No, dude. No. Sorry.

And she was like, oh boy. But she was like fine with it. And we went on a couple more dates. And then this past weekend, dude, we went on a date. And she like brought up some, I forget. Oh, yeah. She brought up like DEI getting rid of like the federal government getting rid of DEI programs.

And I was like, I mean, I don't, I don't know. Like I think no matter what you look like where you're from. Like, I don't. I don't know. If I'm getting like, if someone's building roads and bridges and like rockets and, you know, weapons and doctors, lawyers, people who are like saving lives secret service. Like, I think maybe we go with the most qualified people. Like I don't, I'd rather not have someone cut me open. Look, that. Dylan. Dylan, that's the troublemakers. The point. The more it gives you points, I don't go to a doctor unless they're trans. I refuse to

see any doctor that's not trans. So, dude, I don't want a doctor unless he's Asian. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, dude. No, no, I totally. Like, I don't know enough. Like, I genuinely, I'm not just trying to save myself. Because I always say, I don't know enough. And it is a good cop out.

Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, I just don't know enough about what it's actually doing to understand, like, what. Because like it from generally, like, yeah, I totally get why it's like fucked up to be like, you should have this job because you're a certain. Like, yeah, yeah, that doesn't, that's not reasonable. Well, it's like Harvard. Harvard did. I said this to her.

She did not like it. I was like, well, like Harvard, for example. stopped accepting Asians because there were too many. And they were like, we have to get more. Like, I don't know. I think that's kind of messed up. Yeah, no. Either one.

And she was like, well, that's Asian people. And I was like, this is, it's very funny when you get talk, you get like a liberal emotional. They just go full racist on you. And I was like, I was like, yeah, I don't know. I just think it's like, you know, maybe the best people should be getting the best positions. Yeah. Not saying that people shouldn't be helped.

Like people should. should be getting help or whatever when they need it. But like, I don't know, the best people probably should get the best positions. And dude, she goes, she literally said to me, she goes, basically she was like, oh, well, like, you want to work at Target? And then she basically said she was like, black people can't get jobs unless the government helps them. And I was like, do you hear how racist that is?

Like, that's insane, dude. And she was like, I just care about people. I'm like, well, clearly, you don't. Well, there's like, there's definitely a liberal race. of like, like, what is it? Like, yeah, like, so first of, the Democratic Party, I've never said that sentence. I'm sick. I'm sick to my stomach right now.

I just never have been this political, but it's like, Democratic Party. Yeah, geez, what am I fucking benching? The Democratic Party. The Democratic Party. That was more Tony Hinchcliffe. But, no, I think they definitely use, like, black people as pawns. And they're like, oh, if you vote for, you know what I mean? Like if you vote, don't vote for us, you're racist, like that.

And I'm like, yeah, there's definitely like a, like, uh, there's a way of like thinking somebody needs assistance to a degree where it becomes racist for sure. Sure. Um, it's like the voting, the voter ID laws. Have you ever seen those videos where like some will interview like white people in, uh, like Wall Street like area, fight eye and they're like, well, what do you think about voter ID laws? And they're like, well, you know, black people aren't good with computers and they're, they're not good at getting IDs.

I'm pretty sure Joe Gorman said that as a joke on my podcast. It's a racist joke. I think he said that. And then they go up to like Harlem and they talk to a bunch of black people and they're like, do you have IDs? And they're like, yeah. Yeah. Do you have a computer? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. What are these questions? And it's like, oh, okay, good. Wild. Yeah, that for sure exists. Also, like, I think it's just so funny too because like this is the way I voted. I voted for Hillary Clinton.

And to be fair, I have been pegged before. Maybe the conservatives are right about it. I don't know, dude, they got to you. Yeah. But I voted for Hillary Clinton. I voted for, um, I voted for, um, I voted for, um, I voted for Joe Joe, Joe, I've only voted for female presidents. I voted like, Joe Stein.

Joe, Jill Stein. Joe, Joe Georgison was like the, by the way, it's so funny that this year, nobody even knew the libertarian person. Dude, I, I, I, I lean more libertarian, I think, than Republican or Democrat. Yeah, I think I lean more Democrat. I just, I'm the same way with like, fucking censorship pre-speech and stuff like, I don't know. I like,

I think, uh, all I want is the government to protect us and leave us to hell alone. No, I get that. But then I also am like a leech on society where like I use Medicare. So I'm kind of like, but that's,

that's kind of like, you know, when we're paying all these taxes, like, using taxes as like a, you know, a better way of like, instead of sending them to like,

you know, South America for like, uh, cultural, uh, exposure programs. Yeah, yeah,

yeah. Yeah. It's like, Hey man, why don't we just, why don't we rebuild this bridge that's falling apart? Well, one thing that I know Trump was talking about getting rid of the transgender mice. I'm like, bro, could you fucking imagine having sex in the mouths then you find out it's trans? Imagine how embarrassing that would be, dude. You got to tell all your friends.

Sucks, dude. Dude, you know when I fucked that mouse last week? Dude. Used to have a penis. Identify. Yeah, identifies as a lady. Yeah. That's, yeah.

Yeah, that is really funny that I voted for Hillary Clinton and I banged a trans chick and I've been paid. That's good. Great for you, dude. Yeah. But what was I saying? Fucking, well, there was something I was bringing around to this. Oh, yeah, yeah. Then I didn't vote in the last election.

But the conversation comes up all the time on dating apps where they're like, who did you vote for? And one time I did say, they're like, did you vote for Donald Trump? And I said no, which is fair. Yeah, this is true. It's accurate. It is true. I didn't vote for it.

I voted for Hillary Clinton. They're like, what about this year? But it is hilarious because I've always said this. It's funny when women are their dating apps, like, I get being like generally like, okay, you know, I'm liberal. So you're like, okay, maybe more conservative, less conservative guys might swipe right on you. Like just keeping it vague. Yeah.

But the woman that are like, if you voted for Donald Trump, I will not have sex with you. You literally have given a roadmap directly to your pussy. And it's like, do you think, if you think Trump supporters are like pieces of shit, why do you think they wouldn't lie to fuck you? Why do you think they're not going to be like ballsy me? I would just immediately unmatched that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And just go, Trump's Gaza and play that song. How does it go? It's like Trump's Gaza's number one. Oh, dude. Ultimate troll, dude. He goes, I want to take over Gaza, I'll turn it into a beautiful destination.

And then he got the UAE to be like, you know what? We're going to actually put billions of dollars into redevelopment. That is a masterclass on negotiation. Basically, he's like, I'm going to do it unless someone else steps up. And they were like, well, we don't want that, dude. We don't want that. We'll do it.

We'll do it. I was totally comfortable not voting until I saw that video. And there was a little piece of me that was like, I wish I'd recover. Because that was a little, it was hilarious. Which one? Which one? The Trump's gossip war. It was fucking crazy.

I was like, this is nuts. But, um, funny. Yeah, yeah. No, and I'm also like, the thing that I don't know, I am like, I'm very anti-funding wars in other countries. Yeah, me too. But the Republicans do that with Israel, it seems like. So I'm like, there's no.

Yes. There is definitely a lot of proxy wars going on there. But I think that's coming to an end also. Okay. I think from both sides, maybe. Who knows? Who knows? I'm just looking at my bank account.

trying to get pussy. That's all I care. That's all I care about too. Yeah, dude. And I'm fucking biting my tongue on this date. Like, oh yeah, well, you got some good points. But I mean, well, I'm like this, girls are fucking. Do you think she made any good points?

Idiot. No, no, dude. She told me, she goes, I could just never have a daughter with someone and tell her her her father voted for Trump. I was like, you know, like 40 million women voted for Trump? And she's like, well, they're fucking idiots. And I was like, okay, well, that's a real big old generalization. Yeah, it's never that simple.

It's also, like, so crazy to think that, like, Every, like, if anybody thinks that, if anybody agrees with every single thing their political party does, I think that makes you retarded. Because it's like, do you think all of these views just fell in line in one way? Or it's like, you don't think maybe that there's like ulterior motives for like half of what you're, like, you can agree with like, I totally get me like, look, these are the things that I value. This is why I vote a Republican. These are things I value is why I vote a Democrat. But to be like, yeah, this all adds up together. It's like, no, it does not.

It's like this guy has some fucking law with this guy and this guy has some rule with this guy. And yeah. Yeah. So anyway, the date ended pretty quickly with this racist liberal. And I ended up. By the way, she follows, but she's going to listen to this. She's going to listen to me. No, she's very nice lady.

I mean, at the end, she gave me a little hug and was like, best of luck with your comedy career. I just, you know, I don't think it's going to work. You're very nice and cool and fun. Well, this is your comedy career. It's not going to work. That would be the ultimate. I would be like, fuck you.

I've just been like calm the entire time. And then she's like, well, you're going to fail as a community. I'm like, fuck you. Curious. And then it was kind of best case scenario because I took an Uber back to Astoria. And I met up with Gully and a bunch of his friends who were in town. A bunch of more conservatives. And we sang karaoke.

It was great. At the rice keg, the Japanese sushi bar in Astoria. Oh, nice. It was so fun, dude. It's great time. By the way, I think too many Japanese guys running those Japanese rice bars.

I think we need to D.E.I. Yeah. Throw some black people in there. They'd probably fry it. It would be good. So funny. Actually, fried rice is Japanese, right? Is that?

Fried rice? I think it's Chinese. More than, but who knows? I love karaoke, though. It's the best. Oh, it's so much fun, dude. It's one of my favorite things. Do you have a go-toe song?

One of my bring the house down songs was I sung Crazy Bitch by Buck Cherry. Oh, yeah. Dude, it was fucking awesome. Shit crazy bitch. What's the girl? I can't believe. Yeah. Yeah.

That's one of the words in the song. Yeah. Crazy bitch. That's all I know. Dude, my best fucking 24 hours was like, I remember like, One of my buddies, we were like, it was like crazy. We did like, I think I did karaoke that I met with a bunch of different friends, went to a strip club.

Then the next morning I took edibles and went to the zoo. And I was like, this is just too much. I was like, God, Michael. Yeah, I was like, this is just too much fucking good time. Which, by the way, I've realized is impossible. Anytime you fucking try to have too much fun, even if you're not breaking the law. Yeah. God won't allow it.

Like the next week's going to be the worst week of your life. No matter when you have a fun fucking weekend. Like I went to New Orleans, had a fucking blast weekend. And then like the next week, my phone broke. But I had a crazy situation with this. So got the phone from AT&D.

Two months later, just broke. Completely no reason. That sucks. Took it to AT&T. They're like, it's going to be $300. I had $1 in my bank account.

So I fucking called my parents. And like, I was like, can I please I'll fucking pay you back? I please borrow $300 just so I get a new phone. Yeah, yeah. Because there's a warranty, but I still had to pay for the new fucking phone. So I pay for the new phone. How are you calling them without a phone?

Calling them from the 18. Like I'm fucking literally like I'm mom. Yeah. Mom, I got sick. I got tummy eight. Can you pick me out from school? That's literally what it was going on and I'm fucking almost 30.

Inside the Times Square 18T. Yeah. There's just a Dominican look at him and like, he's a fucking little bitch. He's so broke. Broke ass white boy. Oh, he's so broke. You want one? You know how much time we got left?

Like 10, 15 minutes. Under an hour? We're at 50 minutes. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Let me fucking get a Wait, I do like to spit even when I got one of these. Do you?

Yeah, yeah. You dirty boy. So you get the new phone? Yeah, so I got the new phone. So I got two phones. One for the plugs, one from the low. Is that it? Okay.

When you that song? Yeah, yeah. You moved on real quick. Okay. I have no idea. Yeah. I know it for Trump. I don't know this black people shit you're talking about.

Oh, dude. And I'm just a big Shibuzi fan. I love my rap. But, um, that's horrible, dude. I can't believe you just did that. Dude, I just fucking spitting in a can for our fans. I don't like the, no, I'm spitting the can for my fans because half of these are gay folk guys. They're going to hate this episode because they can't even see R.

This one's getting the lowest morning good views. It's so funny, dude. But, um, oh yeah, no. So then I go back to Apple and I get really pissed because they just, they, they signed me up for an appointment. And then randomly they're like, oh, you don't have an appointment. They're like, it canceled your appointment like a second after book. So I was just sitting here for an hour. And then this like fat dude with a beard and bunch of like cool skull.

You know what I think. they are cool to have skull rings. It's lame in society. But look, this is medieval times. I hate it. It would have been. It is lame, but it's also cool. Anyways, he fucking does, what he calls it defibrillator on my phone. My old phone. Yeah. Brings back to life goes, there's no problems of software glitch. So I got a new phone for 300 bucks. Now I can flip that phone. Pay my parents back. Wow. I still have like, I still have like 500 bucks. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. What a win. Oh, and I was just like, there's a God. Like, the other day, I was like, this is, I need money so bad. I just got $500 out of the fucking. You know what is,

Michael? Everything always works out. Exactly. When you have a positive attitude, everything works out. When you vote for the right guy. Yeah. Which is what this country did. Dude, before we end, can I bring up this topic? I've been thinking so much about it for like three weeks, dude. Have you heard about the MD Foodie Boys?

No, I'm already excited though. They're on Instagram, MD Foodie Boys. I'm going to play you one of their clips. Oh, are these the kids that are podcasting? Dude. Let's hear this. personally I have nothing I have nothing yeah I have nothing yeah I have nothing you have a girlfriend I don't have any friends I don't have any friends I don't have any of you just gonna I have you go on with the day and you're not seeing your girlfriend I guess so I don't you're telling me if I ask your girlfriend she says you are not gonna be at her house that's awesome so these kids are like if you're not watching and you're listening only these kids are like 10 11

12 year old kids. Yeah. And they have done like three podcast episodes. And they're blowing up. Do you want to know how many followers they have on Instagram right now? How many they got? 149,000. Holy shit.

Guys, that means there's 149,000 pedophiles in the United States. Dude, I saw, I see their reels. And I'm like, they're getting like millions of views. And I'm like, this makes me want to kill myself.

Dude, I've been doing this is, this episode is going to be 177 episodes of Troublemakers podcast. I'm going to kill. myself when I, if I have to watch another group of 12 year old boys make millions of dollars. Yeah. It's so funny too because it's like I like I'll start lying to people now by my podcast. I'm like, no, I've actually only been doing it for a couple weeks. We're in the like the fucking 300s or something like that.

Yeah, you know, I do an episode a day. So it's, you know, it's kind of tough. Yeah. Well, it is like, dude, I have mixed feelings on it because part of me is like, obviously it's annoying that like you can do nothing and become like a millionaire now. Yeah. But it's also such a. great way for like God to laugh in my face. Because I've tried so hard at like so much of this shit. It's kind of funny to be like

keep going motherfucker. Dude, this is them talking about ketchup. One of my favorite condiments. Yeah, I don't think. What's your like favorite condiment? I don't really. I don't really have one. I don't really just ketchup.

It's like I feel like I use it for most things. I feel like barbecue salts or honey mustard. They look like. Dude, you know it's going to be funny? You know how fucking hard I work at this? They will become Rattle Closet. There's going to be an Antifa one and one of them's going to split the other way.

There's going to be a school shooting at their high school. Not caused by me. Good Lord, dude. You know what's going to happen? There's going to be a podcaster who's failing right now. Not me or you, but they're going to go to high school and they're going to shoot one of these kids, which they shouldn't. And then they're going to go both ways.

One of them's going to be super gun control. One is going to be super anti-gun control. The show's going to split up. Dude, they have two episodes out on YouTube. The first one from three months ago has 27,000 views. And then from a month ago, 21,000. They just pump out these shorts, dude. Yeah.

And like thousands and thousands of views. I'd be really uncomfortable. Like I saw that Tim Dillon had them on my podcast. I don't know how to like. Oh, yeah. Dude. I don't know how to talk to people under 18 because I feel like a pedophile immediately. I'm like, how do I talk about my life?

You should never be talking to someone under 18. Yeah. Unless they're like a family's friend's kid. And you're like, hey, how you've done? I have it happened in comedy shows where like people bring in their kids and shit, which I fucking hate. Yeah. Because they think it's going to be like a big theater for some reason. Oh, this is fun.

It's like, no, you're one of seven people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, this is a Monday night. This is not. That's always when the kids are brought out. And then like, yeah, I'm like, I don't know what becomes crowdwork and what becomes grooming. I'm like, I don't know what fucking any of this is.

I don't know how to fucking. So I just avoid kids all together. That's a good. Hey, listen, good rule of thumb, Michael. Good role of fun, Michael. Yeah, just avoid kids. Yeah, that's what I say. Yeah, yeah.

If you're worried about it, look at grief, but just completely, my, my, my, my brother's about to have a baby. Oh. Yeah, I'm not even going to look at it. Not even, not even going to. No, thank you. It is, uh, it's the best, man. My, uh, I have two nieces and it is the best being an uncle. Also, because you get all like the joy of like being able to like be around like these kids that, like you love.

Yeah. But also, uh, whenever they get like crazy and you get like, I'm exhausted, you're like, okay, back to mom. Yeah. Oh, it's crying now. See you later. It's crying now. I don't know what to do with it. Yeah.

Here you go. Okay. Oh, he just shit. I don't know. What's going on? No, that's exciting. I am a big fan of putting kids on the shoulders and running around. It's such a good time.

Like, I always do the high five. They do a high five and you go, whoa. Oh, careful, dude. That was pretty close to a Hitler. Oh, yeah, yeah. Dude, a little Eam Musk over here. What's going on? Yeah, that, uh, yeah, no, no.

That's, uh, I don't know. I drew a blank on there. this podcast putting kids on their shoulders. It cuts me. Somebody does a compilation of me quoting a friend on the Holocaust and then me doing that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now I'm also like very much like with all that shit it's like dude, I'm not like, you're not going to change anybody's mind by like,

one of my friends, dude, she like, she's so cool. But like, she would like, she posts all this stuff. She'd always post political liberal stuff.

Yeah, and then she posted like, if you voted for Trump unfollow me. And I'm like, well then who is this shit for? Who the fuck are you? You're just doing a circle jerk now. It's like there's no...

You're just throwing it into the ether of your bubble. Where me, I hang out with racists. Sax offenders. All of them because... Trans, gay. Racism. Not the trans. You can stay trans, but I'm converting to racists.

You're like, I hang out with everybody. And you know what? I'm trying to bring them back to normal. I love that idea. Like a conservative commentator that fucks trans chicks. He's like, no, no, no. You don't understand. I'm D.

I'm bringing them back to the other way. It's all part of my process of D. Dude, can I tell you? I just saw in Astoria. I don't think. How am I just getting a buzz? I'm randomly the Zin's kicking in now. Yeah.

Yeah, it takes like a couple minutes. Yeah. You're going to be fucking spinning. Oh, yeah. Have you done one today? Yeah, I did one off the ground. Oh, dude. I had to make deals happen, dude.

What the hell are you doing? Told you up here doing great. You did one off the ground? No, no, no, no, in my room. Oh, God. Yeah, that's even gross. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's pretty gross.

Jesus Christ. You're like a pigeon out here. Well, this is my math. I have no money. If I get a little nicotine buzz, I have a little more stimulation. I'll be able to make deals. So I justify it. Yeah.

I'm like Donald Trump. I got a couple of, I've got a couple packs that I don't like because they're a little bit different. I'll take them. I'll give them to you. After the pot of you're such a charitable guy. Listen, listeners, all you, all you lefties out there. This is what a Trump supporter is.

He's giving me zins. He's giving me beers. He cares about charity. I am a moderate free thinker who likes that conversation. with people, you know. Yeah, yeah, but the, yeah, the uncle thing, I'm excited about that. It's going to be great. They having a boy, girl?

Both. Yeah, they're having a lady boy. They're having a Thailand lady boy. Oh, yeah, nice, nice, nice. Yeah, but no, they're having a boy. Cool. It was weird. I had a hunch about it.

My mom were on the phone, we're like, it's a dude, right? It's a dude. I know it's going to be a dude. Yeah. Sometimes you just have a feeling like that. And then, yeah, so I'm excited about that. And I'm also excited about, I think, like, I got to fly back. down because I'm going on a bachelor party.

Then I'm going to see Metallica. Nice. I'm so pumped. And I found out Limp Biscuits opening from Metallica. And I love Limp Biscuits. So I'm very excited for that whole. That's going to be awesome, dude.

In Florida, real trash. Real trash vibes. Where else would you want to see Limp Biscuit? Real trash vibes in Tampa. That's going to be fun. Speaking of Nazi Salutes, that the interesting one was,

do you know, uh, well, dude, I'm just going to cut this episode up of like Holocaust salute. Speaking of Nazi salute. Yeah. Well,

like, I've listened to the, A lot of Pantara who, like, they did like a, the lead singer did like a Nazis. Really? They used to open for Metallica. Yeah. Yeah.

But then, like, was it like, they're Nazi? Like, they're like neo-Nazis or was it like a counterculture? Like, this is taboo kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. They weren't, they were Neo, I guess. That's. Yeah. Yeah.

No. They were, they were. They were the Matrix Nazis. Yeah. Yeah. Still not good. No, no. What is really funny too that like, uh, yeah, I, I never understood that whole like,

I don't know, that's somebody I'd love to interview a little bit, because it is really weird the whole like, like the Nazi who's like super like, they're like, Germany just had it right, but also America's the best country. You're like, this is very confusing. I'm trying to. I mean, you saw Kanye post it, which is hilarious because I think we did a pot. Last time I did a podcast here, we were talking about how like Kanye went on stage with like a clan outfit.

Like it looked like a clown outfit. And we're like, dude, that's even a black guy can make anything look cool. And then the other day he just posted a clan office as like new fit for the day. Dude, he's, he's wild. He's crazy. Yeah. It's still one of the best, like, musical artists of, I mean, what, the top 10 in, like, the last hundred years?

Yeah, yeah, totally. His music is incredible. I bet Mozart had some bad ideas. I don't know what he was thinking. Yeah, dude, back in the, you know, 1500s. Yeah. I don't even know when he was alive. He might have been alive in, like, the 1920s.

Yeah, it's fucking, I don't even know. Crazy. He was deaf. That's so cool. Yeah. Yeah, dude. I'm sure he had a lot of opinions on women. Right's rights.

Oh, yeah. Well, I bet you too. That wouldn't, would be frowned upon today. God doesn't make you a musician and they make you go deaf if you didn't fuck up.

So most of our had to have done some dark shit for God to be, who I believe in now just because the apples. Dude, you know what Kanye? Kanye needed to be like, he needed to die at like 27. Yeah, put out a couple banger albums and then like be part of that 27 club where he's just

like memory, like, member, uh, remembered for being a genius. Oh, damn. Like it makes you think like,

what if Jimmy Hendricks didn't die at 27? Oh, What if he had some real crazy opinions? People forget this, dude. Jimmy Hendricks, I did a project out of him. He threw a glass bottle of a woman's face. Like, he's a bad guy. But also,

I didn't know that. That's wild. Yeah, dude, like literally, you can look it up. He threw a glass bottle on some chick's face. And it's one of those things, too, where like every fucking hippie, and I love Hendrix,

he's fucking sick, not because the bottle thing. But you see, like, every fucking, like, hippie, liberal girl will have a, like a Hendrix shirt or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was not a good guy. But yeah, I bet you,

yeah, I bet you Mozart did some fucking, some dark shit. Can you, how much time ago? Can you look up? Mozart. Uh, controversial Mozart.

Moments. Yeah. Yeah. And then I want to tell you, uh, something that I saw on Astoria. Um, so I'm just thinking it would be really funny if there was like a musical

award and then Mozart went on stage drunk. It was like, this award should I actually got. Yeah. Jivani Lasca bitch. There's like some random name. Okay. Here we go.

Controversial. Was a controversial figure at the time. He was known for his show. sharp wit and irreverent sense of humor. He often clashed with his employers and was eventually fired as a court musician in Vienna. Oh, damn. Oh, he had a reputation as being a womanizer who had numerous affairs. Yeah, that doesn't fit.

What does that word even mean, womanizer? I don't understand that phrase. I feel like it's used just to describe a guy who gets like lots of pussy. And maybe had Asperger's. That's what it said. Oh, for sure. Did Mozart have Asperger's? Yeah.

That's interesting. Oh, this, okay, who do you think put this one out? Slate.com. Can Mozart, can Mozart survive? Hashtag me too. Yeah, definitely not. That's, what's scatology? Scatology. It's like the art of taking thumbs on people. Shit humor. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Which was like illegal by then. Like we're lost. No poop jokes and 17 bizarre facts. I love this picture. This is a thing. Okay, back of the day, they used to have, didn't know how to do baby's faces. Yeah. Or there's some other reason.

They would put pictures of kids. They put grown-ass adults' faces on them. So funny. We went to Washington's house one time. And it was literally like all the kids had Washington's face on him. It's like, what the fuck? Oh, he proposed to a woman, then told her to lick his butt and then married his sister. Oh, married her sister.

Now, this is a question. Was he like, could you like, please like what? Or was he like, fuck you bitch. Kiss my ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like in a bad way. Yeah. He was kicked out of a palace for refusing to act like a servant.

I mean, that's pretty, that's good. That's cool. He's better than us, fucking. Doing hosting for free. Yeah,

this is true. He might have had severe Tourettes that they're not sure about. Cried from loneliness as a child. I mean, that's sad. Yeah. Damn. I mean,

this sounds like a regular guy. Yeah. Sounds like everyone you run into it at an open. Mike in New York City. Yeah. Yeah. What was the Astoria thing? Oh,

real quick. Dude, I don't know if I could do a bit about this, but there was a, there was this guy like, picture, picture me or like picture Ray, okay,

walking down the street. But except instead of that, uh, he's in high heels and a dress and glasses. And that's the dude that I, like, walked past. And I was just like,

in my mind, I was like, dude, that's way gayer than being gay. Waring a dress? Like, no, like,

kind of lazy. It's like a lazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, it's, there's no fool in here. Yeah. Well, I think there's like a, so I will say this. I have a different stance on this. Sure. Give it to me. I mean, that's someone who's been with. Yeah. Well, I think like, so I didn't really get the non-binary thing. But then I was like, oh, then like bearded ladies are kind of in between. Yeah. So there's a fashion style that's like, I'm the thing that I, is that a fashion style now? Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, like, but I'm like, you got to have the lipstick and the beard. Because that's like its own thing. Yeah, he was just, he was just like a mountain man with the dress on.

Like, or we're really pretty dressed too. Yeah, yeah, what a beautiful dress. Yeah, yeah. What a beautiful dress.

Well, I'm like, yeah, there is a weird thing where it's like, there is like the, the kind of, what is it like, uh,

yeah, there's like, I mean, there's like cut your penis off, tuck it in. Sure. Get giant fake tits. Really trick me.

Um, that is definitely. That's what I want. I want to be tricked. dude. That's definitely a thing. But then there's definitely like the sort of, well, there was one, there's just one conservative guy who just recently like transitioned and he pretended he was trans and he just wore a dress. Yeah. I did that. Oh, that's kind of funny. Now, I will say this. I'm, I am done with the dress is brave thing. Because I don't think that's true. Because like fucking, I always say this like, Motley Crude, their whole thing was like, we're going to dress up like chicks. Yeah. And bang more, uh, chicks than any other rock star. So that's not like a new thing. So like when Harry Styles, I had a real problem with like Harry Styles being like, I'm like, pulling the dress out. I'm brave. Yeah. It's like, it's not. It's not. been brave, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's got to be comfortable, dude. You get a lot of

breeze up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also like, kilts are kind of like a thing. Yeah, I don't know. I think it is weird too when it's like kind of like, I'm very much for like, do whatever you want. Like, sometimes I see cool. Oh, yeah, dude, do whatever you want. But I also thought I'm like, you know, some dude coming up and like, I'm a pretty lady. You got to call me a pretty lady. I'm like, oh, hey, how are you? Okay, pretty lady. You could beat the shit out of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it would be really funny if some guy fucked her and was like, did you know. Did you know? Oh my God, you got to see my girlfriend.

She's smoking hot and it's just like me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up, brother? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because at that point, I'm like... I'm Stephanie. Now, I get that person saying they're non-binary because I'm like, all right, you're a dude that likes wearing dresses

and now you're, like, in between because you, like, stylistically, you want to be a woman. But, like, but I don't see that as a woman. Because, like, I do think transgenderism is the thing, especially because I fucked one. So I'm, like, very biased. But, um... But I'm like, I don't, I don't, like, women don't typically have beard, so I don't know.

Yeah, yeah. So I'm like, I do get you saying, like, I'm in the middle where I'm not a man or a woman, but I don't get you saying your woman and having a beard. Yeah. You're doing like, man stuff. It's, you know what? I don't care what people do, but I'm going to look at people. Like, the same way if I see someone in the middle of summer in like full on goth makeup and I'm

going to be like, what's going on here? Yeah. What the, what are we doing? Well, the funny thing, too, is sometimes people are doing something at somebody. Like, I saw like a trans woman recently and she was like dancing and like singing. And it was kind of like, it looked like it was protesting something. Like being performative. Yeah.

And it was like a pro. It was like, it was just very like, I was like, you're in New York. Like this is where nobody has. Like nobody. Yeah, no one cares. Yeah, no one cares. Yeah, everyone's like, get the fuck out of my way. Yeah.

I'm going to be late for the train. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, yeah, do that, uh, do that in the south. And I'm like, all right. Go to Long Island and do it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm like, hey, you got some fucking, you got some balls in your dress.

Yeah, literally. But, uh, I don't know if I should talk. How much time we got that? We got time. All right. This one's kind of wild. I could get in trouble for this. But I was out with this chick and her friend was trans.

And there's a super hood black dude like hooking up with her friend. And I was like, oh, okay. I wouldn't expect this guy to be on board with this, but okay. And then later on, his other friend comes up and he's like, yo, you got to fucking tell him that you're a man. And then I'm trying to be like, you know, whoa. I'm trying to break up situation. I'm like, who cares when anybody is.

I banged a trans chick. Who cares? It's all fun. You know, who gives you fuck. And then, uh, you're a very free, uh, thinking guy, though, Michael. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, but then like, the other guy comes up and it's so funny. Cause like this woman has like stubble.

And the dude is just like, that was so fucked up that he was saying that about you. Right? Like he was like trying to get confirmation. And he's like, he's like, wasn't that so fucked up of him to be saying that? Like just trying to get like. And he's like, it was wet down there. I think. And I was like, bro, dude.

Like, because like I came from like a very fratty background. So like, obviously. Obviously, like, you know, when I, like, am open about shit, it's obviously like, you know, I get some pushback or whatever. Sure. But I'm like, dude, you're going to get fucking. Dude, you're no longer a drug dealer. You're no longer a drug dealer. Sorry.

You just lost the respect to your neighborhood. Totally. But also, like, from her perspective, I'm like, yo, that's wild. Yeah. But that's got to be such a fucking rush when you're like, dude, this guy could kill me. Oh, my God. That's crazy, actually. Yeah.

And the dude, sorry, I know this is disgusting. Yeah, it's horrible. Not the transom. I'm spitting. Yeah. For those who are watching, Michael keep. spitting his zen in the Coke cup and it's horrific actually yeah well it's like you know when you're like like you hook up with an X or you do something where you're like oh this is like there's

a hotness to taboo yeah that's got to be immediately after like I shouldn't have done that dude bang bang as like banging a scary drug dealer as a transom or banging like a full like like claws like a redneck that's got to be like it's got to be so scary hope you're praying that someone doesn't walk in and they just like turn yeah like what what What the hell? And then the dude was like, fucking, he was like, yeah, dude, like, uh, he was like trying to get info to like the apartment because he got, he had me call his phone because he lost his phone.

He's like, yeah, where are you guys going after this? And I was just like, I didn't want to tell the chick, but I'm like, you can't, you got to fucking, like you don't have to tell people. It's polite though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should tell people. Like, it's the same thing about like, look, I'm not going to pretend like I never lied to get late as a guy.

So it's kind of hypocritical thing. You have to tell the truth. But like, you know, it's one of those things where it's like, yeah, you should tell people. Yeah, dude. For your own safety. I mean, and I'm saying,

they shouldn't do that. Like I was, I mean, that's informed consent. It's about anything. I mean, to be honest, dude,

like lying to get laid isn't the best thing to do, you know? I know, I've put on my best self. I've, you know, people pretend to be like

a much more extroverted version of themselves or whatever. But like, I don't think I've ever been like straight up like, you know, yeah, if I'd say,

I got a bank account that's got 10 zeros in it. Totally. Like if I'm, saying you used to be, if I'm saying I'm not looking for a relationship to women, you should say I used to have a peat. Like those are like, you know what I mean? It's like, it's like, yeah, I lose out on so much like getting laid by being like, no, I'm not looking for a relationship. Like that happened to day, dude. I just want to, you know, see where it goes.

Yeah, no, I said voice, I was sending voice members as a girl on Hinge today and I was just like, which is really weird. I'm like in my, my life. I'm like, so lame, dude. Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, she, she's, she started. Hello. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, by the way, like, I'm not really looking for a relationship, you know. I'm looking for connection but not something serious and then she just unmatched you're hilarious dude but i'm like yeah it's just what it is like you should tell people you have a penis but hey you want to take those risks i mean i'm sure that feels fucking wild you're just like dude yeah yeah dude i bet yeah oh my god all right we're at a minute 12 uh an hour 12 you're a wrap yeah yeah um so yeah morning good pot well you're already listening

to it's how yeah yeah but you could give them yours i'll give them mine yeah listen to fucking troublemakers they got great episodes you're hilarious dom's fucking hilarious the guests are Incredible. Thanks, dude. Yeah, you've been on a couple times, probably. Yeah, yeah. At this point. But yeah, Troublemakers, episodes are out every single Wednesday. Follow me at Dylan Krasinski on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. In Troumakers, we post clips. Five clips a week now we're doing. Okay. I got someone cutting clips for us. That's why. So, you know, and then. Run some of them, but actually, I don't really give a shit, but, yeah, never mind. Now, I'll, if you don't want things made into clips, I'll tell the editor.

Yeah, I think this last story. Hey, don't do the Trans story. Yeah, you can do what other trailer. stories I've said before, but that last one I was like, I was like, I don't know. Might be a little much. I also, I'm more scared of the dude finding out and then realizing we were laughing about him on the podcast. He's going to kill both of us. Yeah, I'm more scared of the drug dealer than anything else.

All right. Yeah. When does your episodes come out? Sunday. Sundays. All right. So yeah, you'll be able to hear this today on Wednesday or. Oh, fuck yeah.

Sunday. Yeah. Oh, this is so cool that we're, oh, yeah, perfect. It's great. People get an episode early. Yeah, yeah. All right, dude. Well, we'll see you next week, baby. Thank you.