Morning Good - Unnecessary Roughness - Episode 131

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

Thanks to James Donlon and Paddy Defino for coming back on the show together. For more great stuff from both these guys, check out Episode 121. For more from Michael, Paddy and other comics, check out previous episodes of the show. And for even more than that click the links below.James is on Instagram @jamesdonlon_, and he'll be hosting a weekly call-in radio show on Sundays on Radio Free Brooklyn. Paddy is on Instagram as well @paddy_is_funky.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. Welcome to morning. Hello? All right, we're going. Hello. We're going. I can't put my blindfold on yet until I see everything's going. And now we're in.

We're doing morning. and good and I'm here with Patty Defino. Hello. And James Donnellin. And we all have blindfolds. So this is how the viewer sees the episode. Yeah. This fucking sucks already. It's immersive. We're inside the minds of the list or inside the visuals of the Lister. Yeah. So I think if anything, this is going to get us in touch with our roots. Hopefully, I'm having a huge panic attack right now. Are you really? Yeah. What are you guys seeing? You just got to settle into.

Wait, what do you guys? Are you hallucinating? Already immediately. You're seeing things in your... Hey, what about this? Instead of Shania Twain, what about am I a twink? No, that's not... The blindfolds made it worse. And his song is, man, I feel like a woman.

You get it? Because that's the same song. But I think is, yeah, so we all got... For the listeners, we all got different blindfolds on. We are entrusting that nobody else is going to punch somebody else in the testicles, which is, or that my girlfriend's going to mess with us. Oh, dude. I got mine covered.

Oh, dude, mine are wide open, dude. Mine are wide open like my Google calendar. Baddy's got no plan. Shats out to Broadway comedy club. Hey, Rich, this is me sending you my avails. That's a great way to send you a bail. Listen to my podcast, I'll tell you where I. Come suck my avails.

You should do one where it's three people and one person has its blindfold. One person can't hear and one person can't speak. Well, the speak wouldn't work. Oh, yeah. You wouldn't have a podcast at all. That's true. That's true. Well, what we should do is one guy has a blindfold. The other two guys just have hammers in their hands.

And they just have to be comfortable with them. Just the ominous threat. Yeah. I like the idea of a Helen Keller podcast where you need to rely on each other's senses. Yeah. Spell your bit out on my palm. Yeah. What do you think about global warming, Bill?

dude i feel like complete garbage will be it us i got i i didn't all-nighter last night not intentional every time i do this podcast i get no sleep at all the night before well this combines your problem this fixes it you just throw the sleep mask on your brain goes to sleep and your mind takes over and then now you can just you know actively do your fight why did you know no bender why did you stay up so i didn't it wasn't a bender it was a uh it was one of those an al-nighter yeah i went out with some friends we had a i had a fun show we started drinking afterwards and then we started watching Alex's War, which is Alex Jones documentary that I've showed multiple people. You know, it's annoying, though, it's kind of annoying showing somebody something you think

they're going to get into and then they're not. That's the worst thing. Yeah, especially when it's something that crazy because it's like, this is an Alex Jones documentary. Especially when it's like your favorite thing ever. You're like, how are you not the same person that I am at all hour? How are you guys not hard right now? The best is me making excuses to, I'm like, I swear it gets better. I swear it gets better.

I swear he gets more into the globalist. Just wait for him to yell about it. Is it an older documentary or something new? No, it came out like a couple months ago. Oh, is it about like the Sandy Hook trial or is it kind of like... Half of him defending himself. Yeah, being like, look, I'm wrong sometimes about a couple things. Okay?

Look, you don't need a fake mustache to be a crisis actor. Yeah. But he, Arden had some joke about that. He's like, those kids are now the highest paid actors. That's true. I guess their parents would be the highest. But either way, if you're a child actor, you're not. getting any of that money. That's right. They got all the trauma and on the money.

Exactly. Exactly. But I, um, I ended up, uh, yes, we started watching that. And then we climbed on his roof and just smoked joints, drank beers, like looked at the city of New York. And it was amazing. That's a beautiful thing. You need to do that like every once in a while in New York to remember that you're even here. Oh yeah, because because the bottom, people don't realize if you don't live here, the bottom of New York sucks. The ground, if you were on the ground in New York, it's a horrible city. But if you're looking from any, but even if you're like a janitor at like the Empire State building, it's awesome. Because you're like, you see the beautiful view and you're like, man, this city. I always thought it'd be nice to be like a window washer. That would be kind of a sick job.

It would be sick. Because like, first of all, what's more fun than cleaning a window? Cleaning two windows. Doing a podcast blindfold. Up top, Patty. Dude, I'm not even sure if I'm using the vape correctly. I can't tell the smoke's coming out. I'm vaping, but I'm like, I could be on the wrongs. Exhale in my hand. Exhale into my mouth and am I going to hide?

I'm like achieving an erection. Right. I can feel that. It's a natural thing for you. Do you know how like when you restrict senses, like the others get stronger? Right, like Daredevil. Yeah. Yeah.

Your penis is way stronger. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's like a good cure for ED. I cut off my eyesight, but my sense. a self is through the roof. I feel like amazing. Oh, that's good. That's a cute joke. Hey, come here. Kiss.

Come here. Kiss. Come here. It is so funny. It was so funny to blindfold you guys and set up a tripod camera and be like, this is starting weird. Very weird. Someone's looking through across the street being like, what the fuck? When did they take their clothes off? It feels a little like, what's that

Stanford prison? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. It was a little bit like that. I'm going to start bullying you guys. Next thing I know the dude from Scott. high is going to fuck me in the ass. That's such a funny. The Stanford prison experiments are like, yeah, we presented to be prison guards. And we started spitting in their mouths and fingering them and telling them there

were nothing. It was a great science experiment. You know, like, you like guards. Yeah. You know how prison is? No one has been to prison there. So we all fucked each other. It would have been funny if one guy just took on like a hood-ass character.

He was just like one of the, it's just like a regular nerdy white guy. It's like, we're all going to pretend to be prisoners. Like, man, fuck these shit. I'm from the fucking streets. Damn. Five days in, he already started acting like that. Shanked somebody like, this got way out of head. I like how people who've never gone to prison, like their interpretation of prison is, oh, if you're a guard, you're the one who fucks the convict.

Well, I think that happens, right? I just saw it was a new black. That's the only reason to become a guard, I thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's part of the perks. Like, when you see, like, pros? Yeah, we have health care. You can fuck the prisoners. You can shoot him, dude. I don't fuck the care. My, my, uh, my, I have an uncle who worked in a prison.

And he would tell me interesting stories about how, like, mostly that, like, there's a lot of movies shot in there. That, like, he met, like, Spike Lee. He met Keanu Reeves because they would come through and shoot movies. Oh, that's kind of cool. It's kind of a cool, like, thing that I guess I never assumed. You would see a lot of people coming through to shoot stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not just people.

Yeah, I'm surprised they make the, so. The prisoners are like, can we see our families? We're like, no, no, no, no, we got to film a movie here. We'll do you one better. Toby McGuire. Guys, guys. That's That's gotta be like a blonde wig

Yeah That's gotta be like a mixed of emotions Because some people probably really care That they're shooting something in there Other people probably don't give a shit Like I'd be like if I was a prison woman I would not care if they're shooting oranges The New Blacks

Like great a movie I'm probably not gonna be able to watch Right do they get Netflix in prison Do you see the TikToks of what they do in prison How they cook and shit? It's crazy There's a lot you can do So I have a friend in prison And not getting into it

but like I said that, Asim Star is story. I'm like, I'm not getting into it as I get into it. But yeah, yeah, I think they have like,

they can watch like some movies. It's really weird. Like, cursing's a big problem. Like, they can't, I'm not like, I'm not like cursing's a real problem

in the prison system. They really need to get rid of it. But like, they can't watch TV shows that have like bad language. It is kind of like, really? Yeah.

That is true. Like, it is kind of like the Bill Cosby system where like you cannot curse, but you can rape each other. Right. Yeah. Just violently.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It needs to be clean on the surface level, but you can pretty much do whatever you want. But don't talk about your bottle. Excuse me? No, no, no, no. You're not going to put it in his ass.

You're going to put it in his bum. Okay. We call it the rectum. Yeah. You're going to put it in his boop-a-do-do-to-to-to-bo-bees. Amen up top. But, dude, so we looked at the city, beautiful.

We definitely were not supposed to be on the roof. And we just, like, great view of the city. went back. Did you think about jumping? Sometimes I go up there. I'm like, you can't. You can't do it.

Like, it's all I think about when I'm on a roof. Oh, really? See, well, there is that thing

that like, if you see a cop's gun, there's that little party that wants to grab it and shoot him in the face. Exactly. It's like a, or you see like a baby.

There's a party who wants to spike it. You know what I mean? Just take it and just throw it to the ground. Yeah. It's like, I don't know. Well,

I don't know what that. It's like, what's like, whenever I, table. Like, that would be so far. You're higher. That's what we need. We need a guy who can bust the tables.

That'd be somebody a bus boy. He just wipes the table off. Phenomenal. So you went up to the roof. Yeah, one of the roof. And then we went back down, I smoked a bunch of pot, watched the Alex Jones documentary.

And then the reason I pulled all nighters is because I tried to go to sleep. And you know that moment where you're in between falling asleep and being awake, that you're having like almost conversations. You know, Do you know what I'm talking about?

Like you're kind of in a daze and it feels like you're kind of how. It was just Alex Jones yelling for five hours and I was like, there's no way that I'm going to be able to fall asleep with this right now. Just like floating around in your head. Yeah.

That's always when I get that falling sensation too. Like, you know when you wake up because you think you're about to like fall up the bed or something? It's always in that in between moment right before I go to sleep. I haven't had those in like years. It's probably because I have to sedate myself to go to sleep because I love above a bar.

Oh, damn, yeah. So you don't even have dreams, dude. No, I do. Everybody's like, you don't have dreams. No, I have dreams. I have wonderful. I do, I did a weird thing last night. I have dreams.

I have wonderful, mystical dreams. They're magical, dude. I was a fucking centaur last week. By the way, that's the funniest thing I ever heard. Somebody was talking about a girl with a big ass. Apparently, you call them centaars. That's hilarious. That is pretty good.

That's really funny. You had a, you had a little gay dream. What were you saying? No, I do like weird shit in my dreams all the time. Everybody does. my sleep, but I did this last night. I was with someone in bed. I'll just say that for the anonymity of the podcast.

You can say it's us, man. You can just say. Yeah, you were, you were fantasizing about us being blindfolded. You're like, what if it led to something else? And I was like semi awake. And you know when you like have sleep paralysis and you kind of see stuff? See, I don't have that. That sounds like a nightmare.

Yeah, I don't have it almost every single night. Really? How do you sleep? No, to the point where I'm so used to it. I just kind of like talk about what I see. So I was like, hey, there's a snake in here. And she was like, what? I was like, I think there's a snake in here.

And she like jumped up and turned the lights on. She's like, there's a snake. And I was like, actually, I don't think there's a snake. She's like, well, there might be. I'm like, there's definitely not a snake in here. Yeah. There's a man with a top hat in the corner of the room. You're like face down.

I heard that's the creepy thing is there's a common thread of sleep paralysis where people will see the same person. Like, apparently it'll be it. There's a guy with a top hat and then two henchmen, like, who are like shoulder than him. Dude, I've seen, uh, the sleep doctor. Yeah. Sometimes I see, I, uh, picture them as like a merry group of almost like Peter Pan's friends, like just sitting around my, uh, nothing's creepier than being blindfolded talking about sleep paralysis. I'm scared of the dark. I'm tired of pretending I'm not.

Hey, yeah, yeah. Do you have a nightlight? Can you toss it over towards the same? Wait, so give it to, I'll give it to James. Okay. Oh, there you are. There are. And then there you go patty.

That's so ridiculous. It has an empty hand. No, it's very full. Oh, there it is. Very much full. Dude, what is on this? James just puts his dick in your mouth back. Yeah, here's the vape that.

I'm polled. Is it supposed to go soft like that? Oh, no, no, it's never happened before. Very thick vapor. Dude, fat clouds. What the fuck are we talking about? Oh, paralysis. Paralysis.

Yeah, I don't get fucking paralysis ever, ever, ever, ever. Like, sometimes I'll hear voices, but I mostly talk in my sleep. You got to remember, though, sleep paralysis is way better than paralysis. Yeah. Valid point. Valid point. Okay, fine.

You got to take your pictures. Take what you can get. That's right. So you see like the Peter Pan people? Yeah, I saw like these little like almost like woodland, uh, like boys. All right. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry boys. I apologize everyone for saying that. But I see like little woodland boys like sitting. like sitting around my room and they're up to no good they're scheming. They're throwing my articles around my your articles?

Like of clothing and New York Times. I just thought you were going to They're tearing apart by Wall Street Journal. I thought it was like you had the articles in the wall with the string attached and you're just fully crazy now at this point they're like they're destroying my research

I've been doing. I have like a detailed diagram of like which neighborhood dog shit on our front step. I think it was Coco. She only shits between three and five. I need more red twine. I didn't see it at four,

but it was there at 4.30. I, speaking of nicotine, dude, I enjoyed my first cigarette for like in so long a couple weeks ago. So I went outside of this, I got sick on Halloween, but Saturday night I went out,

and I spent an hour outside of a bar chain smoking cigarettes with a guy dressed like Jesus just talking about simulation. theory, which is like the best way to chain smoke cigarettes to just talk about ridiculous nonsense. And it's one of those where I was It got to the point that I could tell

He was not interested in the conversation. Well, of course, he's Jesus. He was there for the creation. Yeah, so for him, it's like, this is He's like, yeah, simulate my fucking dead body on the cross. Simulate these hands. You think I just simulated all your sins away? I think I just simulated

one loaf of bread into several loaves of bread. Well, I was talking I was talking to somebody about the simulation theater. It would be funny if you like completely like, like somebody like Adolf Hitler, like did all that horrible stuff. And then he gets out of the simulation. He's just like a guy with goggles on it.

And they're like, fun game, right? Oh, great. He's like, yeah, yeah. By the way, no consequences for any of your actions. He's like, none of this mattered.

What did you do in the simulator? Oh, I drove race cars for a living. I've always wanted to do. Hey, Greg, what did you do in this? Me too. Definitely race. Yeah.

It was definitely a race. The race I preferred over other ones. I'll tell you that. Would you say race? Yeah, me too. Totally. You might as like get that vape, by the way?

Yeah, it's on my knee. I just didn't know when to appropriately. Oh, here we go. Yeah. I could tell who had it. I didn't know if Patty had it or if you had it.

Dude. Are we going to do some knee-to-mouth? Need-a-mouth sort of vape action? Man, the panic attack. I'm just purposely, I think my brain

will be stimulated for the podcast if I just give myself a horrible panic attack. Dude, with these blindfolds on, I feel like I'm back to last week when me and Patty went and saw Kat Williams at the Hulu theater. Hey, nice one, dude.

How was that? Dude, we decided black comedy absolutely rules, dude. Yeah. We felt so defrauded as comedians after that. We, like, went and got pizza in a quiet room and crying. That's the cultural appropriation that we should be talking about. I immediately, yeah, right after I walked right into his 7-Eleven and robbed it. Yeah.

What do you mean cultural appropriation? Huh? No, I'm saying. It's not how I was saying at all. What I'm saying is like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like literally the best. The best comics of the world are black. It's like, it's almost like ridiculous that we're trying. Besides Louis.

Louis and Bill Burr, those like the two. I still never told the story about following him on this podcast. I didn't want to brag about it. And now I'm like I've ran out of things to talk about. So I think that was an interesting moment. Well, we could keep talking about Kat Williams. Yeah, yeah.

If you want to save your cool thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we like we had the time of our life because dude, they do this thing where every time he brought out. Did you guys take lean before? No, we were totally.

sober, dude, which is why nothing made any sense. He has a crack problem, right? It sure sounds like... He's a couple problems. I'm pretty sure I've overheard somebody saying he has a really bad crack problem, but... Dude, you know, it's funny? So he brought out

like five comics and did like 15 minutes between each comic. The show was 14 hours long. Oh my God. The show started at 8.30. We got there at 9.30, and the opener was still on stage. So that was like a good indication. We left that, like, 11 and it was still like very much going. Yeah.

But he brought out five comics and dude, every time they bring a comic out, they start playing like hip hop music and the comics just come out and just start dancing for like two minutes before even saying anything. And the crowd is losing their shit. Dude, the second, the second comic who went was this woman who was like wearing what you would wear to like, I don't know, a nightclub. In Miami. In Miami.

Hot pink pants, right? Or no, this is the. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And dude, she's like, she starts twerking, like, when the, and everyone's like, yeah, everyone's like losing their shit. Me and James are dying of life. Are you guys the only ones? The only ones, I can see. Yeah, I can only see. But, yeah, no, she comes out and she, well, what if she?

It should be divided. They should have, like, a white section. Yeah, at the Cat Williams show. Yeah. Yeah. But so she comes out and she goes, she comes out, dances to a song. The music dies. Everyone dies down. She eventually is just like, last year I had cancer or something.

And then she just starts dancing again. Like, what the fuck is going on? Then I beat that shit. And the music started. It's like, drop that. And she just starts twerking again. And everyone, nobody like understood. Like, everyone was like, yeah, like cheering her on.

Me and James are shitting ourselves laughing. To be like, I beat cancer. And then just the beat drops. You just start twerking. To a theater full of black people was so funny. I'll also say, so it starts with a guy. He's an opener. He's doing a set.

front of the curtain. They raised the curtains to maybe one of the strangest stand-up sets for like a show, like set-wise, like physical what the stage looked like. It was like a weird Star Trek like the hull or whatever. There was just a basketball hoop Yeah, there was a basketball hoop, but it was like space themed. It was so strange. And then Cat Williams comes out, and he does like 15 minutes and you're sitting there and you're like, great. Because it's advertised as Cat Williams's tour. And then he just starts slowly bringing people out

to a point where me and Patty are like, oh, I guess this is just a showcase that Cat Williams is like misadvertised because the people, like, we met people after the show. We're like, what the fuck was that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'm just going to clarify, the reason I want the Cat Williams audience to be separated is because, look, white people,

they're going to sit to all. whole show when they laugh. Black people do stand up and walk around when they laugh. So you need more space. That's true. You need standing room and you need seats. Yes. With numbers. Yes, exactly. I agree.

He does big introductions normally though. I saw one of his specials when he comes out like in a like Cadillac like on stage. Damn. Yeah, that's pretty dope. Yeah. See, that's dope until you like if you bomb and then you just look like a fucking idiot. Someone told me that about wearing a suit while you're doing stand-up. If you're not like a professional

10, 15 year comedian, you're just gonna go bomb in a suit. Like, he just put on your little fancy jar. Just sweating more. Like, I'm doing the tie. You're like, oh, I'm fucking hate me. You're just a really annoying usher at that point. Yeah.

But dude, so every dude that comes out, the first thing they say is they're like, where am I? So after dancing, of course, for two minutes, they're like, where my lady's at? And everyone, like, goes crazy. And then they all have the same act. Really?

They all just talk about women for 20 minutes each. I'm sure. And it's so fucking funny. Tony Roberts, who is the second guy to go out. Like me and James were like, like, we could not even laugh by the end because we had like our, we had no blood left in our, we were just laughing so hard. But dude, at one point he tells this joke. And I've been telling everyone this. I think I'm going to do this on stage. Just steal.

Just steal his joke. He goes, ladies, if after your first date, the man knows the color of your eyes, your titties are too small. that's awesome i wrote it that i like wrote that joke down i mean don't don't steal it but get a tattooed on your lower back that guy also with tony roberts he like walked out and he like wrapped like a half of a song and then just went into his set it was just like dude i just don't have the capability to come out with some lyrics it's so funny too because also black people are so good at stand-up that they're like i could do anything leading up to stand-up and i'll still be because my i'm going on stage i'm like i need to get them to laugh immediately and then we're

We're also very cunty about we're like set up punchline. Here's the joke. Yeah. But black people, they do have set up punchline, but it sounds so casual that it's not, it's like disguised his conversation. But you're like, oh, that's actually like a well-written bit. You know what I mean? It would be funny if like there was like a black comic who went out on stage and like everyone's cheering and he just sits in a chair and then like a barber comes out and just puts like a thing around him and just gives him like a 15-minute haircut. then they whip the thing off and he kind of looks like

and then he's like yo what's up for a argument yeah but like a full of it everybody is like arguing guys like no no no shorter on the side it's just wait till it's a little awkward I think I'm taking the blindfold off you're gonna do it what's the matter dude

it's it's not a pain it's not scared of the dark okay I feel like I'm not my brain's not functioning at full right dude I feel like I'm firing on every cylinder I've had my blindfold off the entire time. Really? No, no, no. Yeah.

Should we take them off? Let's take them off. Oh my God. I didn't realize you guys look like that. Horrible? Yeah, yeah. Oh, geez. Oh, this is awful.

I'm like a newborn deer. Dude, that was 22 minutes of being blindfolded. Do you think it went well? It was interesting. I think that was great. Yeah, I think that was a good experiment. Yeah, yeah. That was incredible.

Oh, my God. I like, yeah, I like the idea of, doing it. And it'll be cool for clips maybe. But I was like, what if we hit another good riff? And then in the middle of they're watching a clip, they're like, why are these guys blind? You know, you're just releasing clips. They're like, I don't know what this is. We're all just facing the wall.

I was happy. I was so worried I was going to unplug it. And like none of this has been recording. We're just three weirdness talking with blindfolds. Dude, it's like now I can't talk to you guys without blindfolds. I got graced today with an amazing thing that happened. Okay. So my dad has been, this is not the amazing thing, but my dad has been like in the hospital for like three weeks.

That's awesome. It's good for you, dude. Great. But he's like slowly getting better. He's just, he had like a brain bleed and then all this crazy stuff. A brain bleed? That's what they call it? Yeah.

It's not like a, what's the technical term? A bleed from the brain. Brainness bleed us? But, so he's been in the hospital and he's like, he's getting better. But like, we've been all kind of going back and forth to visit him. And my mom's been there every single day. Yeah. And she was there today.

And she, like, went into the bathroom and she had, like, her coat on or something. And she's, like, sitting on the toilet. I don't know exactly the details because I didn't bother to ask. But somehow she ended up dropping her car keys in the toilet. After shit or before shit? I don't know. These are the questions I'm never going to ask. But we can let our imagination take it from here.

She drops in the toilet. And she's like, you've got to be kidding me. You know, like, so she gets up to turn around. But as she gets up, dude, automatic flush kicks in. Flushes her car keys down. Oh, my God. That sucks. That's the funniest thing you can ever have.

So it's definitely post shit then. There's definitely like piss in there. Well, I don't know because I think the car keys dropped. And then she was like, oh, I got to get these. Right. But dude, those automatic flush toilets, like as soon as you stand up, they're like, they never want you to see your poop. Yeah, yeah.

Like, dude, I got to look at it. I got to see what. And in a hospital of all things, you got to check for blood. Right. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. But isn't that hilarious?

That is very funny. I draw my AirPods in toilet and I was like, oh, I'll put these in like rubbing alcohol and then put it. And I just threw them out. Yeah. Yeah. At a certain point, it's not worth it. Yeah. I've never dropped something in a toilet.

Sounds like shit. What? Oh, I got that one. Dude, AirPods. Yeah. My AirPods suck now. I'm over them. Dude, they're horrible.

They hurt my ears. Yeah. Yeah. They hurt my ears. And then also, like, having to charge them such a fucking annoying thing to deal with it. Do you have the standard issue? Do you have AirPods pro?

I have standard issue. Oh, dude, you got to get the pros. I'll let you listen to my pros after this. Really? Yeah, dude. How does it sound better? Just more clear? The base is clear.

The noise cancellation is like, shoo-hm. Like, it just takes. It's kind of, like, scary because, like, you think being blind is scary, dude. Imagine taking away the noise of the universe that you and your brain. We always joked about it at middle school.

Like, there's this, there's a, we saw this video, like a guy working out blind. Like the idea of him putting headphones in, too, and just being at the gym just fully disoriented. Just like, knock you, you know, like, don't know, no idea. Just, dude, like, there's, that's like a, just an abyss.

If you're staring, he's just listening to, like, just throwing a, like, clean rack under, like, some lady trying to take a picture of her ass. He's like, I can't get out of the gym. He's just been on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I just need the water fountain. I think it's up the stairs. Stairmaster.

What floor is it on? How tall is the equinox? How often do you think blind guys walk into women's, like half blind guys walk into women's residence? See, I didn't know. I don't know why they're Jewish. I had no idea. The Braille wasn't clearly available.

Dude, I went to a restaurant the other day, and the waitress, like, making jokes about sign language. She was like, yeah, I'm learning sign language. I'm like, I just want to learn braille. Like, that would be a fun thing to learn. And she was like, what's braille? And she was like, 25 years. I'm like, how do you not know what braille is? Right. That's weird. Have you seen the video? Do you know what braille is? Do you know where your children?

Yeah, I know what braille is. I think that'd be a fun thing to know how to read. Yeah, but what's the fucking point? Because everything that's braille has a clear sign above it that says what it actually is. Right. That'd be funny. A guy who can read braille and he gets herpes. and he's like, oh no. Just as positive. The funny was, I was that blind, there's his like middle school kid.

He's like, it's like, Jeffrey is like a blind kid and he decides to like play football. He's like, a lot of people say I can't play football just because I'm blind. Well, they're totally wrong. And the videos are him just running the wrong way

like the whole time completely. My favorite thing, oh, I'm going to pull up. This is one of these articles I wanted to pull up. So there is a, a dad in Florida who he in the middle of like his son's football game he put on the helmet and just like wrecked other kids on the field like yeah like some sort of meltdown let me read the story

oh my god a Florida man was arrested after allegedly storming the field and attacking a nine year old boy during a football game uh as Gambia County sheriff deputies arrested David Allen Taylor 41 last month in Pensacola Deputy said the Taylor's son, but he put the helmet That's funny to put the helmet on too.

I want to make sure I... A child's helmet too. It's like sticking on the top of his head. It would be funny to get his own. He had like, what, ready to get up. I brought my own. I want to make sure I don't get more seatsy. Deputy said the Taylor's son was walking part in one, one-on-one tackle.

That's hilarious. It was tackling practice. They're playing baseball. Actually, it's not even football. He's thrust. just tackles a kid. Taylor's son taking part of

one-on-on-to-one tackle a practice another when Taylor's son was overpowered and started crying. That's funny to be a tough guy but also like be like hey you made my son cry

I'm the fucking would hurt you child. That's when witnesses said Taylor ran on the field put a helmet on his head got into football stance and then charged the victim.

Initially hitting the boy in the chest with the helmet. Deputy said that Taylor then grabbed the victim by the arms and pushed him to the ground. Oh my God. That's insane. Well, you can't do that, I guess. That's what he said. Well, I guess they don't like when you put the helmet on and tackle the kids. That'd be funny if the cops show up and they're like, five-yard penalty.

They have a blast. We had a friend who, RIP, his dad, his dad would come up drunk to every football game and like, yell and did I think he had it's on the field but then he'd come to wrestling practice and just yell at the kids wrestling like we had a wrestling was so not

respected that it was in our cafeteria like we'd roll the mats out there same yeah yeah and uh but he's just screaming he's not a coach just screaming drunk and his kids aren't wrestling he's like yelling moves and I'm like nobody plow driver yeah a lot of these kids

Jack knife yeah I was like a lot of these kids don't know who you are they don't know which side you're even cheering So in this story, it's almost like some of the kids on the field, the kids playing on the other team or something are not going to know a man who just wandered under the field. This was during

practice, right? Which is even funnier. That's so funny. I played like Little League for all. Aaron Carter did. No way. Not a surprise. Really? I'm related to him. Really? Yeah, he's like my second or third cousin. Oh my God. Yeah. That's crazy. Never met him, but like I know. Well, he used to be.

Who would ever guess a guy with face tattoos and a massive drug problem? Yeah. Didn't he fight someone recently? Like Lamar? Odom. Who did he fight? He fought Lamar Odom, but I think it was more like he allowed Lamar Odom to beat him up. To beat the life out of him. Like a David and the Glythe. It's funny because out of those two, I would have pictured Lamar Odom dying first. Yeah. Well, it's not a race. That just happened?

Yeah, yeah. The singer turned rapper. By the way, by the time this episode comes out, it'll blow over so we can shit on him as much of the last. Yeah, he'll come back to life. Yeah. He'll be back. The singer turned rapper actor was found dead. What is he act in in Lancaster? Found out at a child's football game. He was tackling children. Aaron shot to fame. Damn.

You know, there's always these stories where somebody falls over and dies and always like it was a weird Yeah, like Bob Saget, wasn't that? He never found that out. Yeah, that was very vague.

Well, the guy from widest kids, you know, he fell off the balcony. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's always something like that. A couple of years. That's why I don't drink. That's what they probably tried to do, you don't drink. No, I don't know.

Not anymore. They probably tried to do the roof thing that Michael did, but they also tried to do it blindfolded. The doctor said a couple years ago, taking pills. Yeah, it's not a good. That's sad. What did he do?

Did he sing the Jimmy Neutron theme song? I think so. Yeah, I want candy. Yeah, I want candy. He did, that's how I beat Shaq. Boom. Put it in the hoop like jam. And then he had a song on Jimmy Neutron,

but I don't think it was the theme song. Oh, okay. Maybe it was in the movie. He also had a... He's a brother, too, right? Nick Carter. Yeah, there's like another famous brother. I always thought Nick Taylor, the comic sounds like he has like a pop star name.

Nick Taylor. Ooh, yeah. Sometimes you can make it on your name alone. That's true. Oh, yeah, yeah. If you have a good... Michael Good, yeah, it's a... Yeah, that guy has a great name.

I'm trying to buy it. Sorry, I'm just looking for other... Your name is Johnny Bones Children. Yeah, a long road. Yeah, depends on what you want to do. If you're trying to be a school bus driver. But if you're trying to be like an orthopedic surgeon? Or pediatric surgeon.

I'll leave. See, I'm looking for funny stories. It's like Florida man gets death penalty for beating two boys with a hammer, slitting their throats without mercy. Oh, cool. No, dude, that's sick. It doesn't know. It's a funny that they say without mercy.

As if like... Yeah, why is that in the news? Yeah, I know. This is a pretty merciless act. Yeah. Also, I mean, we don't know. Yeah. You could have done some worse stuff to them and that was the merciful part.

Yeah, that's true. You never know. I'll type in funny afterwards. That'll hopefully make a little bit. Yeah, that'll brighten up the way. Florida ICU nurse helps man collapse during funny girl. Helps man collapse. Helps man.

You just do like Florida guy stuff? Yeah. Right now I'm just looking it up because, you know, the fact that I got no sleep, I'm like, I got, I got to have something fuel this. That's honestly a good segment for your podcast because you guys are, you, well, you're a Florida man. Michael, or James here are Florida man too. Yeah, we're Florida man.

You should do that as like a, just do Florida man. I bet you show many podcasts have like a, Florida man story section. Right. Yeah, but how many podcasts have a Florida man section with Michael Good at the helm? Guy arrested for watching porn in his car

has a crazy name. Born car watcho. What? Gainesville, Florida. Let's see. Oh, that's awesome. According to the police reports, this man named Fuck

Q. Fuck, fuck, his name is literally Fuck you. It's P. he didn't have a chance though you should get him was laying back in the driver's seat with the pornography

on a portable DVD player that's so funny that's pretty funny portable DVD player having a DVD of porn is like next level that is the safest place to watch porn though because there's no history of it right the only history of it is the catalog of discs you have yeah yeah you can burn those sleeve things

you know those big when people have those big yeah yeah yeah it's just loaded with porn and Shrek too every other Now that's what I call music. Wait, the porn must have gotten him uncontrollably Randy. That's weird. We'll use that for a warning.

Yeah. Because he then allegedly pulled the 21-year-old man passerby into his car and tried to rip his clothes off while he was telling him. That's funny. He's like warming himself up for the sexual assault. He's like, I can't go into this drive. Right. Let me get something going here.

The victim escaped screaming rapist, but left behind a backpack, which netted... Q and additional charge. Fuck you was charged with sexual assault kidnapping and robbery. God damn.

Not a big surprise there. I don't know if I want to go home for Christmas. Yeah. What is this? It's a strange time. This is a weird website. I'm excited to go home for Christmas.

Yeah. That jazzes me up. Really? Yeah. It's home for you, Florida? Yeah, be Tampa. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's like if I'm going home for a week, it's like always a fun thing to go and like every time I go home, I go to one of the bars. And this sounds like a cliche, but I go to a local bar

in my hometown and someone I went to high school with is there and they're bald. Like they're completely bald. Like a new ball. I'm like, dude, I forgot about you, but now I know about you again and you're bald now. Like every time I go home. She's like, I have breast cancer. I'm like, ew, you stink bitch. Really loving the shaved head look.

Fucking sick. Keep it going. It's alopee. Look, miss. Take my name out of your skinheads have no place in this town. Get out of your Nazi bullshit. Disgusting. Disgusting. That is funny. You know how people Some people get tattoos on their head and then the hair grows over.

Right. But that would suck if it was an embarrassing one. And then you lose all your hair and then you're just stuck with that. It just says, I love black cop. I'll never have cancer. I wonder, like, because there's probably a Venn diagram of, like, you know. People who love backclock and people who make tattoos on their head. People have, like, done, like, chemotherapy and then, like, Nazi skinheads and then, like, people in the middle.

Oh, yeah. We're bald for both reasons. I think that was a great anatomy episode because there are obviously like Nazis got to go to the hospital just like everybody else. There's always like a black doctor that's always like a catch-22.

They're like, I don't want to save this man, but I took it off. Right. We were all kind of Nazis at the beginning of this episode. In what way? We couldn't see.

Yeah. Oh, dude. This guy sucks. I guess. Peace of shit. I like going back to the local bars but yeah I'm going to have to lie about my comedy I'll tell them the Bill Burr story that's what I'll

yeah you gotta whip out on it yeah yeah you gotta whip out the coolest story or someone else's cool story that you can pretend this year yeah I actually got Saturday live this year it's weird, I mean it's pretty weird you know I'm a boy and yang gay and Chinese Chinese guys actually in this past year I became gay and Chinese yeah big year for me I genuinely do the transracial

will become accepted at some point. It has to be. But it's been taking a while. I'm surprised it's been taking this long, honestly. Yeah. Because like, like I remember, dude,

I remember exactly when the trans stuff happened and people were not, like, nobody was on board. They were like, that person's crazy. And now it's like fully accepted, but yeah. I think it's,

it just depends on how quality the surgery is. Yes. It can look very offensive. If you can really fool someone. Yeah, yeah. And I hate to use the word fool,

but that's the appropriate term to use. If you can, if someone has no idea then there's no problem. Yeah, yeah. If you just go into a diner with like shoe polish on your face, then it's like, no, no, it's uptransracial.

It's like, they're going to get the, they're going to get the hose out at that time. You just hit this part of your face. You can see like the line. Is that why they hose down black people? Clean them off. That's exactly. Someone help these people.

Going home, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was inferring more than the shoe polish, but, yeah. Well, that's true. Me and James are allowed to say anything we saw Cat Williams. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys are, yeah. And we had fun.

And we laughed. I didn't call the cops once, so I can say a few things. Excuse me, yeah, yeah, there's a called me, yeah, there's a, call out of Cat Williams. Some rowdy individuals here. It's at the Hulu Theater. I don't mean to tip you all off, but they're all at one place. Just saying, some. know what kind of war

What are you guys doing outside? Get in there. That's hilarious a guy orchestrating a cat will he's performance just to try to catch on the block. That would be funny.

We found out that was part of the Holocaust system just like doing like they just screened Woody Allen movies. Oh, it's a two for one feature. Yeah, I want a steal. Popcorn 25% all.

No! The walls clabs are in a train car. That's how they got them. How would they catch... You're Irish, right? How would they catch Irish people? Alcohol. Yeah, just booze.

They just put a big tub of like... Cousins and alcohol. Yeah. Just like, just shove like a bunch of wheat into like Lake Erie and then... Wait a couple years. Just a frothy amber ale or something. I was thinking the other day, I'm glad I'm Irish from Long Island and not like Irish from Boston.

I think if you're going to be like a northeastern, like, white, puffy Irish person, you want to be like the Long Island boat. Like, I don't know. Boston just seems like a worst place to be Irish. Boston is like proud Irish. Yeah. Which is disgusting. Yeah. Yeah. That's where my ancestors are from. Yeah. Boston. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very Irish. There's always that, uh, yeah. I don't know, like an old Irish guy, an old Italian guy. I can't always tell the difference. No, they're just weathered. It depends where they're from. Yeah. It's just because they were all like laying bricks or entire. her life. Yeah, yeah. Because that's what you did. I'm like a Mario.

He's not in a head. Oh, Mario's not Irish. That's wild. The crowd's not doing an accent for that. It's very annoying. Yeah, it's crazy. It's like, what the fuck's the point? I know.

I don't even want to see the film. No, I'm probably going to see it. I'm going to see it. Depends not if I have a job then or not. You still don't have a job? Well, you feel bad if you're watching this. I am unemployed. Going to movies alone is horrible.

Like you don't like it? I like it. I like it. Maybe if you have a job, it feels a little different. You have this hanging over your head That you need a job to go to have fun I know but when you're alone dude I was talking about this a couple weeks ago like I got high

I saw black at him And I was just like he's so much stronger than me And I was like what am I doing my life Like I was like superhero movies I was like they're not no longer inspiring to me They're discouraging yeah But also that's my fault Like it's like that unrealistic body expectation

That's nothing to do with them It's me that's like having it No matter what job you get, you'll never look like The Rock. I think you need to just accept that. Imagine the guy who goes and sees Black Adam. He just sits through the whole movie, like, silently. And then he goes home and his wife's like, how was the movie? He's like, a new Black Panther fucking...

Made no sense. Had nothing to do at all. The Rock was in it. Can I see that thing? Oh, yeah, yeah. You can hit that, babe. Yeah, I'm doing the Thanksgiving thing, which I'm excited for. I'm going back home for Thanksgiving. And Christmas or just Thanksgiving? I'll try to do Christmas.

depends. So I either will have a remote job or I won't have a job at all. Okay. So Thanksgiving, I'm going back home. Okay. And, uh, I don't go home for Thanksgiving, but I think I prefer Thanksgiving to Christmas. Because I think Thanksgiving there's a little bit less people going home. It's a little bit more low-key. Christmas is like everyone is going to see their family. Like, gets a little rowdy. Also, that Wednesday night before Thanksgiving, that's like a, uh, that's a big party. Yeah. Show out, dude. I know. And you better be thinner or have a job that people are interested in talking

this year. I'm just going to lie to everybody. What's something I could say I do instead of comedy. You're like, I murdered Aaron Carter. You could be really sad, be like, dude, I was Aaron Carter's manager. Like, what the fuck am I going to do? Now I'm fucked.

Yeah. I wasn't really taking stand-up all that seriously. Now I have, I guess I have to. Did you do the new pair yet, by the way? Looks fucking sick. I didn't do it yet. It looks awesome. Have you been? They redo it? There's a new one. Oh, I have no idea.

Dude, it looks so nice. Oh, really? Probably like a step below the stand. Damn. Barely a step. What part of Midtown? Really? It's like 54th Street or something, right?

Damn, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it looks really nice. That's awesome. I had no idea. Let me get that. Let's do it three way. Do you mind? Yeah, no, go right ahead.

It's like kissing you. Yeah. All over again. Now let's tell our deepest secrets. I had that happen last night. I did a show and some guy goes, hey, great set, as always. And I was like, what?

Really? You have a fan or a stalker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, we want star. As men, we need some stuff. stalkers. Dude, I wish I had a stalker. Yeah.

Like another guy. I wish I had one that, like, wanted, like, my hair. I have a friend that had a female stalker, and she, like, showed up apparently and, like, flashed him her vagina. Oh, my God. How do you even... Flash a vagina? I guess you can wear a dress without underwear.

You have a little mirror. I always forget... Yeah. That's a hard angle to see. She had to, like, throw a leg up or something. On his shoulder. Yeah. I just forget about women and their devilish tricks.

They're always trying to trick you and suck you back in. I would, like, just show me your tits. I don't like a vagina it's like all right like that's thank you you try to put a dollar I like it more like she has the lips out of like a jean zippers just like just the lips pulled out of jeans

zippers you know it would be funny you know how they have those like remote control like uh vibrators what would be funny is to be a comic that forces all women to put one of them in and every time you tell a punchline

you doze and they're like ha ha ha ha ha it's like the funny thing just rape women what are you saying what are you saying? What are you trying to get? They would sign a waiver or you could hold them down. Your hand, but. It doesn't sound like a good plan.

No, you know, I'm pushing too far on, on Patty. It's more of a comedy joke. You like everything. I'm like, in a lifestyle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like those bags you put your phone in when they don't want you to record. Like, here's your bag and here's your vibrator. And like some guys like, I have to, yeah.

That should be a game show, by the way, vibrator inside you and you have to like, that should be the impractual. You have to call your mom. mom. Will you come on the phone with your mom? Do you have to land an aircraft?

That's what you should do here. You should have someone come on. Do the podcast with the fucking vibrating butt plugs in. Dude, that should be impractical jokers. Yeah. Oh, look at Sally. He's trying to go to bank withdrawal. He's just like,

he's coming. He's coming. Impractical strokers. Yeah. I'm thinking chokers or something. Yeah. Dude, there was a guy. This is the funniest thing.

There was a guy. There's this thing he had that, um, it's a con. constant orgasm syndrome. Have you heard about this? The guy who would have like 32 orgasms during a good day. And it was funny because this is like a Facebook article that like, you know, like one of those now this ones where it's trying to be serious about it.

And it's like he even had trouble apologizing or he had trouble saying goodbye to his father at his own funeral because he had like nine orgasms as well at his dad's funeral. Oh my God, dude. I would just jump right in the can't go with him. Oh, Daddy! Wait, he's really taking this tough. Yeah. Now I can only come at my dad's funeral.

Thanks for coming out. He's just scooping giz. Thank you so much. We appreciate it a lot. I feel like he doesn't even jizz anymore. Oh, probably. I feel like his balls are like, I'm out, dude. Yeah.

He has transitioned and now he has less. Now he's down to like six orgasms a day. Okay. But that's good. That's fair for women, dude. Yeah. Women can just keep coming and come. It's so funny because women are like, yeah, we can keep coming over and over.

And it's like, can I just get you to do it one? I'll believe it when I see one. Yeah. I think you're just making it up anyway. Somebody had a joke by that. It's like, yeah, they're horrible with sex. They can't even come. That's the point.

I also had a friend, one of my best friends that this guy, I love him. He in high school one time, came down after fucking this girl. And he was like, dude, that was fucking awesome sex. And then he leaves. And she comes down, she goes, that was the worst sex in my life. She goes, he came in like three seconds. And then he goes, we go, dude, I heard you came in three seconds. Yeah, it was really good.

That's as good as it can get. I love that angle of it. No, this is for me. What do we? Yeah, yeah. There's like a time, I think, where, like, when, I feel like with my friends, everyone was still figuring out, like, sex, we were still starting to get banged. So, yeah, you do have, like, a little sweet spot where you don't know that women

are supposed to be having fun. Yeah, yeah. Like, if you didn't read Tumblr or whatever, you wouldn't know that they could do that. Yeah, I got late. That's what it matters. You're like, cares you have fun. Dude, she had a cock in her for 14 seconds. What more does she want?

Dude, it's this close to her face. That's what they want. She can basically be... What's that like a thing where they write articles in about their sex? Stories, I don't know. Cosmopolitan? Cosmopolitan.

You know what? And there's like the Playboy that had the articles. Right. Yeah. Penthouse. Pennhouse. That's what I'm thinking. Hustler. People could write in their sex stories.

And then other men would make up sex stories and then other men would like, that's so hot, but it was all made up. It would just be like a... Dude saying a cool story. Yeah, that never happened. Speaking of Hussars, I heard a story, so I know somebody who I guess... You know, Cardi B, she used to rob dudes?

Like, they would, like, do that thing. He apparently, like, went home with, like, Cardi B's sister. And she... Cardi C. Yeah. That was good. That's your story. Yeah.

But he said, like, literally, like, one of the girls was putting her ass in his face and the other one was just robbing him. That's crazy. he didn't kick him out. He goes, hey, put that back. And then he just put his nose back there. She has like a candleabra in her. Wait, what? That's just the price. I don't know. Like one of those candle things. Like, I'm going to go home. No, no, no, no. I'm not disappointed. I don't know what you're talking to. It's like a stand. It's a tree and they have like all the candles on it. When a guy's, yeah, manora. Yeah, yeah, she's stealing his menorah. Yeah. He was like a secular menorah. Okay. Yeah. Like when a guy's walking around an old castle. I know what you're talking about. Like the Ebeneasian. I know what you're talking about. Like the Ebeneas.

or Scrooge. You got the, you got the, you got the, you got the, you got your nightcap on. The ghost of Christmas

pass is waiting outside. Jerking off. Nothing's funnier than those fucking outfits with the, the Ebenezer Scrooge outfit. Yeah.

We had a character like that. That's just what, I think, what pedophiles wear. You think so? I think that's like a pedophile uniform. Come over here.

You're going to dream of children. They're like, maybe if I make a conical hat, it'll channel the children energy. That's also a great like excuse for the sandman.

He's just molest he gets throwing standing in their face. He's like, ooh, must have been dreaming. Yeah, yeah. What's called a wet dream? It's just people breaking into your apartment. Having sex with you. Yeah, I'm like, I have it every night.

Meanwhile, Tommy's just like standing over you. I wouldn't, I don't know. Dreams are very interesting. I've always been like really into like documenting and. Yeah. and like lucid dreaming.

What's it called those? It's so stupid. The dream journal things, because like I read, I had dreamed about alligators recently. Part of it being for Florida. I was in a, I was in a,

like a river, and there was a bunch of alligators in there. And I was like, okay, this is like whatever. And I Google it. And it's like, alligator dreams mean

that you have too much to handle in your own life. It also means your dad is gay. Yeah, yeah. All these like just, yeah, like made up shit. Yeah, I don't think the interpretation. Like, I don't think like what is in it really matters,

but I think like the, emotions you have are like just your subconscious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've never learned anything I didn't know already though. True. From a dream. You can get too specific. Like, what do dreams about Bill Nye mean?

And then they'll be like, dreams about Bill Nye and the science game. They have them all the time. Yeah, he's like, I don't think the best. Yeah. That was, uh, that'd be funny to imagine like cavemen just dreaming about Bill. What the fuck is this? I guess I should have sex with that saber tooth. Bill, Bill, Bill.

they had a Bill and I ride at one of the Disney parks and the whole thing was they With Ellen Yeah yeah And the whole thing is they're gilfrey The whole point of it was like if you fall asleep While watching something This is just bullshit

They sat on the ride that you will have dreams about that So when I was a teenager I would just watch porn going to sleep But they just wake up with massive amounts of porn on the phone Yeah The worst Yeah. Yeah, that would be cool.

It would be cool if you could dream with other people. Yeah. I've always wanted to be able to do it. An inception? Yeah, that would be sick. That'd be cool. Yeah. What would you,

I don't know, what's your, I put my, I try to put myself in a dream when I'm going to sleep. Like, I, when I go to bed, I picture myself on, like, jet skis. And that's, like, how I do do. That's like, you're counting sheep.

That's like, where you, like, in your heart, like, like, it's full. I'm with my, like, best friends. Even the ones that are dead, they're also on jet skis, like, rolling up with me. I picture myself on this podcast. It's that much of a snooze, huh? What's the scariest dream you've had?

I had a stream one time as a comedian. I was in an arena full of people, and they started throwing rocks and shoes at me. I was like, what happens if he goes, dude, you said the N-Wil? No, I didn't. That's like a nightmare. Yeah, I was like, I don't, it's not a, word of my vocabulary, they're like, no, you said it.

And then this whole arena of people, and they started throwing rocks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you were opening for cat. You should have twerked. You should have twirked. You should have been fine. You should have had cancer. They love that.

Trump's here. You should have twirked. I would have twirked out there. I would have twirked at the cat. That's why they never got a Trump N-word video. Never. Never once. They tried.

Bro, I was talking about this last minute. Tom Arnold or whatever was like, yeah, I got, he had a whole. vice documentary where he's like the tapes of him getting peed on they're out there and also that's not a crime like that's not what is that show and then they never caught that and then he like even went on Joe Rogan he's like

yeah no Donald Trump has videos him getting peed on it's gonna be released never got released right there's also apparently one of him saying the N-word never came out yeah but also somebody with that much money I guarantee you could just pay off yeah you could have enough money that just no videos of you saying the Edward I would pay to hear him say it

yeah yeah it would be so funny to hear him say it like Granted, wrong. Yeah. But just to hear it in his voice. Yeah, yeah. But I think it's a thing that's not like, honestly, I think a lot of racist northern people just don't, it's not in their vocabulary.

Right. I think it's more, that is a southern word in a lot of ways. I think so word, yeah. Yeah. One thing I was thinking about was so funny is I was looking at like the, the, you know, the blackface, like politicians, they always look like they're having the most fun in the world in the picture. they're my favorite pictures because they're always like

going to be like this and they just have no idea that that's going to be the worst moment of their whole entire It looks like nobody's reluctantly in black you never see somebody's like oh man I hate costume parties my wife wanted to go is Michelle and Barrage and like I tagged along I'm Michelle

You didn't want to go to the costume party at all And then you have to put on like a black face costume That ruins your career like yeah Because anybody doing that like they think they're like, I got the best. There's no way I'm not going to win. How many costume contests do you think have been won by somebody in blackface? Probably a lot.

Probably quite a few. That's reparations. You should give your prize back to a black person. Your trophy. When they apologize, when people apologize for doing blackface, they should have to do blackface again and then just reluctant to be like, I'm so sorry.

There needs to be more humiliation. Like the mascara running. I am so sorry. That was, I saw like videos online Like kids, I saw kids at a theme park waiting in line at like a Halloween event And they had blackface on. Like it's still,

And then there was kids in Utah dressed up for Halloween with black like it. Like it's still, I guess happens. Like it just, I assume, I had never heard of it until I heard about politicians like getting booted out. This one should be growing up. It should be like eat your vegetables and don't do blackface. You know,

it should be like an immediate hot thing. The end word blackface. Anything outside of that really, they're arguably just as important as a vegetable. Yeah. Not doing blackface. I think pretty soon they're going to stop even selling paint in that color. The problem is, you say that, but black people need, like, makeup.

It's black. Yeah, racist. Yeah. You should have to show. I guess just everyone should be allowed to do it then. Yeah, that's the rule. I've always thought that'd be a funny pass-out prank when somebody falls asleep. Just paint them in full black base.

I get a sleepover. Like, what the fuck? And then in white, do like, Dix. Yeah. White out. You know how they, so they have like the band-aids

that are like flesh-colored and then they start to make like other shades? Can I use other shade? Like a little form of blackface every day I think would actually like like a micro dose of blackface. I think that would just stain me. I do.

Yeah, once a month. Yeah, it's like a lot of shit. I just need a little bit to get through the day. They don't even know it's on my hands. Imagine the guy who paints his whole ass black. But he's just in line at the bank. He's like, nobody has any

fucking idea right now. This feels fucking incredible. Yeah, that is... Black ass. He's a superhero. Black ass. You have to go fight Black Adam. And black pants.

I like that all black superheroes. I have to put black in front of them. Yeah, that's like... That's pretty messed up. Black Adam just wears black. And that's why he's black Adam is also like old. He's like from like the fucking 1940s or something like that. This is Pink Patty.

This is pink Patty. This is gay Patty. This is black butt. I wonder if the first gay superhero. Can you guys look at the first gay superhero? Yeah. You got it. It just all of them are so gay.

Hello? Yeah. My dad. Who's the first gay superhero? Who is? Well, we know it's, we know Superman's son is a little light in the low first. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he is a homosexual.

Yeah. I don't know if it's his son. I was watching one of the cartoons. It was like, uh, they used Lex Luther. Well, I don't think Superman considers him his son.

That's like a whole plot point. Yeah. See, they, they do need advanced characters like that. Like Superman, I get it. He's like the ideal person.

So he can't be. But they do, they do. He can't be gay. No, no, no, no. I'm saying,

he's the ideal person. So, of course, he's straight. That's like, he can't be like bigoted. but there should be a character that's why you fucking the boys is so good

because like the character flaws yeah that show is really that show is kind of hard to watch sometimes like very graphic oh yeah one of those violent shows yeah yeah that was like during that time when I was doing a bunch of Molly and like I was just crying

watching the boys watching the boys I was like this is horrible homelander so mean to them the first openly gay superhero is named North Star that's very gay He's French, so... Yeah, all right, yeah.

Does he look like? Yeah, he's one of the X-Men. Oh, nice, yeah, he's got tights on. He's got tight, well, they all have tights on. That's what he looks like. Oh, yeah, they really... Yeah, it's one of Kanye's kids north. Yeah, well, that, I don't know.

I don't even know what his powers are. Probably something to do with cocks. He can go from a bear to a twink and 60s. Travel at superhuman speed, fly, project photonic energy blasts from his penis. we got to wrap up to see by the way what do you guys want to promote oh i have i do a live show from radio free brooklyn every sunday at 8 p.m it's a call in show call in it's a fun time it's called the stuff all right so follow me on instagram yeah what's your instagram james donlin underscore perfect daddy um my blog has kind of fallen off yeah yeah

running out of ideas quickly yeah uh actually before but follow me an Instagram at Patty is Funky. That's it. Before we close up, let me know about this idea. Okay. Because I firmly believe that there is something very romantic about a median.

Do you know what a median is? It's like a highway? Yeah. Do you know when you like walk out like when you're crossing the street and then the like the signal stops? Yeah. You have to stop in the median. It's just you

and your lover. There's something very romantic about that. And I want to dive deeper into that. Okay. That's what you're plugging? I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. You know how, because there's like a theory, there's like a theory that when you go into a library, you have

to take a shit. And that's like a real scientifically proven thing. And someone got their name. I'm going to have my own theory, the DeFino theory, that you will fall in love if you bring someone onto a medium. A median. Okay. So basically the plug is that Patty will be on a medium with his pants down.

Jerking up. A bunch of roses. Yeah. Somebody loved me. But no, that's, uh, yeah. All right, Patty is funky. Perfect.