Morning Good - Vegas Mike - Episode 323

Episode Date: July 22, 2026

Nolan Doyle joins the show for today's episode. He and Michael discuss beta blockers, the James Franco alien footage, and the Penuma Himplant.Thanks to Nolan for coming back on the show and bringing topics. Check out more from him on Instagram and Tiktok @nolanmdoyle.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, very good. Oh, I love it.

Hey, welcome to the air. Thanks. Welcome to morning. All right. We're here with Nolan Doyle. Hello. I said that like it was something I didn't want to do. I was like, all right, we're checking in.

We're here with fucking Nolan Doyle. I guess, bro. I guess that's who we're dealing. with today. I love, people don't know, the last time we came on here, afterwards you showed me you had notes of things to talk about on the podcast. Maybe we could talk about them this time because I was completely, I mean, I got to some of them.

If they want to check in and see what I got to and what we didn't, but. What did we not? What are we not? Dude, these are from the last time. These are from the last time I was on. It's so fucking funny. I got it. It's, it's July 7.

Well, I just updated it. So it's July 17. but it would be the previous date. And it's podcast stories. I wanted to come in in the offensive position. Yeah. And everybody's got a plan, right? I mean, so what did I have?

I had airplane panic attack. I had, dude, look at how long this is. I had artists sway, beta blockers, blood pressure. Are beta blockers good? Have you done them? Yeah, beta blockers are good. Do you get any anxiety when you go on stage or no? Of course.

Okay. So if you do, and so do you get like shaky at all or like, no, my thing is I also want to kind of learn how to do it on my own, but like maybe for MSG, I would consider beta blockers. Yeah. I, you can have some of mine because you get so many. It's one you get completely overprescribed and they also overdo the, the dosage. So I have like the lowest dose now, which is 10 milligrams. What does it give you like 40 to 80 when you start? What does it feel like when you take it?

Dude, so you still have like the mental anxiety, but you have none of the. physical symptoms. So you have no, if you get, uh, if you get clammy hands or like underarm sweat, gone. See, I don't get those. I get more mental anxiety like OCD. I'm like, oh, this is going to be, you know, then the beta blockers are going to do, they actually do nothing for you in that with regard to it looks like I got to be barred out of my skull. I got, I mean, if you want to go clonopins, you want to go Xanax, La Razapin. Yeah. I'll probably go even further. I'm going to do heavy SSRIs, maybe antips, maybe antipsychotic. some beyond Seraquil.

Yeah, just be on SeraQuil? Just like, uh, are you take a Seraquil? No, that's dude. You take Thorazine, you just take an anti, an anti, um, uh, schizophrenic. Yeah, dude, that's what, okay, this is, so Seraquil, I went through a terrible OCD.

I went time when they gave me prescribed, uh, Seraquil, I took it to sleep and you're just fucking, you're like, you're going to fuck by anything. And it was terrible. I didn't stand up on. I was like, what a fucking, what are you fucking doing this shit? It was fucking, but I took it at night, but it lasted like two days because it's so strong.

Yeah. And then my friend with, uh, schizophrenia, he would take Syracille just to wake up. Because, like, those people just have to be tranked up all the time. Yeah, you have to. I mean, it's got to be nuts. You wake up to voices inside your own head and you go to sleep to him too, I guess. And then Sarah Quill sucks, though.

What does it do? It's just, that's why I'm all for fentanyl for the homeless. For fent for the homeless. Fent for the homeless. Okay. It's a project I'm starting. Yeah, you give them a fent and all. Everybody around them is fine.

Dude, just a little bit of fent as a treat. Yeah. Because that's the problem, right? It's too much fent. Yes. And it's so, like a small amount is so cheap. That's why they cut other drugs with it, right? Yeah.

This is a great program. I mean, have you talked to Mondani yet? I need to, bro. You see him talking to the team with the World Cup? No, what did he say? He goes to Rikers and then it's so funny because it's like Mondami, like, it's just clearly like, I'm a good guy video. He goes into like Rikers and he's like, the prisoners who are in good behavior,

get to watch the World Cup, which is like, I just assumed they were allowed to watch the World Cup. I don't know why that was. Well, because you see the videos of them. Have you seen the videos of them on, like, phones in there? They'll be, like, doing, like, a selfie video from their prison cell. And I'm not just thinking of William Banks, by the way. I'm actually thinking of...

You know, it's not real, right? Yeah, no, no, no, that's not real. I met him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, I mean, he's kind of like that, but that's, you know... It's a fake person. It's an Andy Kaufman-esque thing. But so, yeah, I figured since they have phones in there, they must have been able to sneak

the game in there, too. Yeah, he's like, I brought the World Cup. We have fucking heroin in here. Dude. World Cup. Yeah. We have this guy's ass. Why don't you?

I mean, bring us pocket pussies, you fucking bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, yeah. No, we're good on World Cup, actually. We're all set on World Cup. Thanks, though. I'm also not like, like, I'm not one of those people that's like anti-prison or whatever, like any of those things.

Yeah. But, like, well, it's like one of those things where it's like, yeah, some of these people. But it is funny because it's like, I'd perform in a prison. I'd do stuff like that. Yeah, like Johnny Cash. Yeah, that'd be sick, dude. Jeff Ross did it That's cool

But it's also funny for Mondami To be like All right People on good behavior Get to Oh who you're rooting for Oh you raped Four children

Okay that's interesting So It's a funny place It's a funny place to go And drum up the voter base Right Yeah He's getting out at some point

Yeah They are Yeah He's like just looking ahead To the next term You should probably Only spend time In minimum security

Because the other guys They're not getting out No Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah, it's just so, it's so funny to me. It's just such a thing, it's like...

Do they want to see him? Like, do the prisoners want to see the mayor? I guess, right? Because they're bored in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always the same shit for them, so I guess they want to see him. Yeah. Rikers is like the really bad one, right?

Yeah, that's like maximum security. Rikers, you like killed somebody, you raped somebody, you did something horrible. Right, but you behaved good, so you get to watch a little soccer. Yeah, it's a treat. You get to watch the World Cup. Yeah. Yeah, this neo-Nazi hasn't raped anybody. four months. Yeah, he has been so good.

And yeah. So they set up, they pull in like the substitute teacher TV. This better not be Bill Maher. I'm going to kill the motherfucker. It's not Bill Maher. Not Bill Maher. I was thinking. I was thinking Bill Maher. No, they wheel in Bill Maher. Guys, this is a smart comedy.

Mark Twain Award winner. Mark Twain Award winner, Bill Maher, in prison. Yeah. where he belongs, but... Yeah. I can't think of a worse... Look, I don't...

I know some people in prison, but I'm also like, I cannot imagine, like, they would be like... I don't know who they like, but it is not him. Not him.

That much I know for sure. Yeah. Literally anybody besides Bill Maher. Yeah, anybody but him. I mean, I guess, like, if I had to guess... I know where this is going. I was kidding.

Probably Cat Williams. Yeah, yeah. I would guess, yeah. Yeah. Because he's been there. Yeah, exactly. He's been to... Prison. Yeah. No, he's been to jail, not prison. He's very specific about that. Yeah, I was in jail, not prison. I was in jail, not prison. You ever leave the cereal on top of the fridge? The telotubies was real, Joe Rogan. It's in the way. That was so crazy. He's just talking about how a hobbits are real. It's so funny. Yeah, he's so funny. Yeah, he's amazing. He's so fucking good. I actually, Kevin R. had a good joke back at him. He's so fucking good. He's just, he's most recent, but his old shit is amazing. Well, he's great on the Kevin Hartrose, too. Yeah, oh, he's unbelievable. I actually, Kevin R had a good joke back at him. He's like, this is my

motherfucker's like, he's stealing my movies. What are you going to have a pimping Jumanji for? In what world? He plays a pip in every movie. Dude, I mean, I get, yeah, there was a time when they were putting a pimp in every movie, like, what was the Beverly Hills Pimp or Beverly Hills? That was Beverly Hills Ninja.

We were looking for it, Nolan. The movie we were looking for was Beverly Hills Ninja. And the quote is, and as a, and as a, and as a pimp, I, shall blend into Beverly Hills like MSG into miso soup. Oh, okay. So that was me. Occasionally, Rift just gets away from you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And let me bring it right back. You take your Peta Blockers? It's a high pressure situation. This is high stakes poker. But no, you can't have a Pimp in every... What did you think of the roast? I liked it. I thought it was good.

Obviously a little long. Yeah, it was like three and a half hours. Went a little long. I thought the rock... The rock coming up was electric, but when he got on the stage, he was dragging it. I liked him on that. I liked him talking about banging Kevin's wife. Yeah, when he got Kevin on the lap.

Well, Shane saved Kevin from going on Rock's lap, which was good. Yeah, yeah, that was good. There's always the funny will, they, won't they kind of things. You're like, is Kevin Hart going to do? Because it's so hard when an audience, it's like, do the thing. Yeah, I got to be like, no. Bro, don't do this. This is immortal.

Yeah. I know. Martin Luther King fought for you not to sit on another guy's lap. Do not sit on this massive Samo— I know you want to. Sit on this big Samoan guy's lap, bro. He also didn't want a black guys wear dresses in Hollywood. He was very—

He was very clear about that. Yes. He was like, no dress is in Hollywood. If you dress up like a woman, it's a humiliation. Humiliation ritual. Yeah. Well, I mean, John Cena did it, too, though. So I guess it goes both ways.

That was just so humiliating for him being just jacked as hell and naked on stage. Yeah, being jacked and naked. Yeah. Imagine how fucking. humiliating that would be to be jacked and naked. I would never wear clothes. I would not, I would be Burt Kreischer, but with no pants. Yeah, I go once a week between like, I'm going to be so, I'm going to do fucking roids and

just be jacked as fuck. And then randomly, I'm like, I don't, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be a fat, glutton, rich guy if I ever get rich. Dude, yeah, I mean, because the rich guys, they get jacked the easy way, though. Yeah, yeah. Well, they have a take test. Yeah, and also, dude, if you just have like a fucking, like, person. bringing you meals.

Like, that's so easy compared to, like, like, half my eating shit is just like, I can't eat anything and I only have money for McDonald's right now. Yeah.

Or Taco Bell, which I keep eating despite the fucking... Despite the lettuce. I don't care. I just don't eat... I don't eat lettuce with my taco bell.

Did you see this guy's video? I think he's in New York. I think he's a New York comic. He had this great video the other day, but the only thing worse than testing positive for the parasite

is testing negative. Oh, yeah. You're like, yeah, yeah. You're like, I'm just... No, no, actually. That's just, That's all you, brother.

Yeah. Yeah, I had the opposite. I had constipation the other day, and it was like, oh, it's bad. But I like, I don't know, I don't really get freaked out by that stuff. I'm like, I'll get, I don't know. I don't eat lettuce. What? Yeah, no, me either.

I mean, I accidentally ordered a cheesy gordita crunch the other day, which had no lettuce, but I pulled the lettuce out, so it was fine. Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's, I don't know. My roommate got it. My cousin got it. People are getting it, but I don't.

I don't care. I'm more focused on the James Franco-A alien video. you've seen that right the james franco alien video what no no let's go so james franco had an alien living in his garage for some reason because that's where you'd want to go if you're an alien and uh he's dead serious and he's like you guys asked for it and it's here just on twitter probably all right let's go james franco's alien footage is going viral let's get to the one that's actually him it's him with a laptop he's very serious like he's about to drop some real shit on us i'm going to twitter it's clearly just a guy

in an alien mask and he's like ducking down and like you can tell because the mouth isn't move like an alien's mouth is going to move like he's going to maybe

I don't know people act like their expressionless but so he's taking the cancellation like really well yeah he's like I was James let's check back in on James Franco

and yeah he's got a guy duct taped in his garage dressed up like an alien uh Dave Frago though I like when a brother could still be in stuff like the brother

from a what's his name uh danny mastersson's brother is still doing well oh shit danny masterserson is one of the few guys who got canceled who had like it was as real as it gets yeah and as bad as it gets and so he he gone he gone and he been gone yeah but his brother's still in shit huh he's brother still in it same with dave franco yeah what was james franko remember that from the franco roast bill aider going, and what's his brother's name? Dave Franco? Yeah. Little did we know. Yeah, little did we know. He would be in now you see me. Yeah, they didn't really touch on, uh, touch on him being in a fibophile very much in the roast in hindsight. What's a feebophile? That's a, uh, it's like a pedophile, except for

they're interested in late teens. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like Christalia type or, or James Franco. Yeah, yeah. Who it, whereas it's more politically incorrect than illegal. I mean, Yeah, I guess in certain states it's legal to fuck a 17-year-old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've always said this. I don't really care. I'm like, I don't want to hang out with you because you're weird and I wouldn't bring you around my family.

No, it's weird behavior. I wouldn't want to work with them or cast them or have them around me or my family. But, you know, we wish them well. Yeah, yeah. We wish them well. It's like, I really do not give a fuck. I don't think that like James Franco fucking, like, ruined her life. Like, I don't think it's...

No, I think that he had a fantasy about being a professor who's having sex. with a student. And he might have found a student who had a fantasy about having sex with her professor. And it sounds like it was mutual until I think the other students found out that he was having sex

with other students. And these were all college students, by the way. So, first of your college guy, you're getting pissed. You're like, I've been trying to bang that shit for weeks. Do we think that's who comes in? You think that's who brought it to life?

Probably. Like an NYU. It's not fair. I get a James Franco fucking my girlfriend. Yeah, they're just like, yeah, hey, New York Post, we got a thing.

You have James Franco just bang my girlfriend. they're like, okay. You're like, oh, by the way, yeah, she's a student. They're like, okay, now we have something. Yeah. I think he also, his problem that I think was really creepy. I mean, obviously, yeah, fucking 17-year-olds, definitely not cool.

Yeah. But the fucking thing that really, I think he's a dude that was really fucked up is I think he was like doing sex scenes with women and then like taking off the thing that's on your penis to like... Oh, really? Yeah. He was taking off the... What do they do? Do they put a dick around your dick?

Dick? Yeah, they're like, you can fuck her with a dildo, but not you're actually... You can fuck her with a dildo, with your dick inside a dildo. Yeah, well, then there's... What do you think is inside the dick that's inside the, inside the dildo? Is it like, do they put a flashlight inside the dildo? Yeah, to make it realistic for him, too? Yeah, so he's coming inside it and then she's getting fucked by...

I mean, I really think that would be a smart device. Yeah. A bigger penis on your penis with... Dude, that would be... With a smaller vagina. With a smaller vagina. What? How are we not doing this?

This would save so many marriages. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah. It's like we've designed your wife's pussy after the children and it's much tighter. Yeah. And your penis is much bigger. Let's clip that. Clip that.

Sharks, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Are you tired of fucking your wife or having your husband's small penis inside of you? How about a smaller pussy bigger penis device? Just know just the worst name for it. It's a smaller pussy bigger penis device. Yeah, they're calling it the smaller pussy. A penis bigger pussy device. Yeah.

No, imagine it's a smaller. Well, they couldn't do a smaller penis, bigger pussy device. That's not, I don't know that that's, we have the science is there. No. To do that. On account of how space works. Explain, I don't know how you're going. Yeah, yeah.

So I was thinking the inverse of the, of the smaller pussy, bigger penis device would be a, a bigger pussy, smaller penis device. Oh, but it exists. What do they do? It actually exists in nature. It exists. It's natural? Yes. Wolves have two big of penises.

So they take a fruit. It squishes their penis to a smaller size. It's like a Chinese binding foot thing. And then they fuck their wolf wives. Because wolves, a lot of people know those wolf wives, very small pussies. Dude, so they're not growers or showers. They're, what, shrinkers? They need to be.

Because a female wolf pussy is one of the tightest pussies in the planet. Jesus Christ. Trust me. Trust me. I've tried. It is not, yeah. Holy shit. They're always howling

because the wolf dicks are too big. All right, all right, all right. Let's get real for a second. So wolf wolves, wolves, who, by the way, that wolf psychology of like alpha male, beta male, that's all wolf psychology. Yes. A lot of people went to school for it.

Yeah, they went to, I mean, it's, like, Rogan has the massive wolf outside of his podcast studio. Yes. And people have talked about this wolf psychology all the time. He also addresses the wolf. People don't know that. He dresses a wolf? Yes.

No way. He goes around the forest and Austin dresses a wolf because it just feels good to him. Yeah, that's good. I mean, how else would you blow off steam when you're the king? It would be tough. You got to dress up like a wolf. You got to go. He goes around the mothership like that.

And the door guys, he just goes, right. They're just like, I guess, bro. They're like, all right, he's back again. He's doing the wolf thing. Like, oh, Joe, that's great, man. Yeah, man, I'm a wolf now. No, I'm actually. totally a wolf now.

I am not... We were talking about this. This is not me throwing shade at him, which is so funny. No. It's so how much of a fucking pussy. I'm like, this is not me talking shade on Joe Roggan. In case you hears me. But the comedian sucking his dick is a thing.

Yeah, well, that's overboard, too. So it's like, you have to strike a balance when you go on there. And I'm saying when you go on there, you have to... Dress as a wolf. Dress as a wolf. He respects me. When you shrink your penis and dresses as a wolf and go on there. that you need to strike a balance between, like, talking shit to...

Well, first of all, nobody talks shit to him. So I don't even know that you need to strike a balance because you could just talk shit to him and have the biggest episode of all time. I wonder if he's ever deleted any of somebody was really mean to him. Yeah, he was... I went on and, like, arguing about COVID. And then he's like...

Neil deGrasse Tyson was just really condescending. Delete that, Jamie. Delete the whole episode. Jamie, delete the whole episode where... Navy Seals beat this shit out of Neil deGrasseye. Why? I was just talking about the planets. Dude, who do you think asked for the most at it? And why was it Elon? Oh, for sure.

Elon, you're like, yeah, so pretty cool. Yeah, pretty cool. Yeah, we're going to, uh, can we, can we cut that, Jamie? Yeah. Can you cut the part where we compare penises to Joe's? The mine was much smaller. Yeah, can we? Dude, apparently he had the implant.

Do you know that? Have you heard that rumor? He had a cochlear implant? He had the, that's in your penis. Yeah, not the cochlear. That cochlear implant. Comedy. He had the cochlear implant.

He had a penis implant? He had a penis implant. They called the Hymnplant. And it's by a company called Pannuma. Okay. Today's episode is brought to you by the Himplant by Pinoa. Yeah, you want to get a bigger wiener. Yeah.

And it's a, so it's basically like, it's a device. Just imagine it's like insulation. It's like insulation and it wraps around the exterior. So it's like cotton candy stuff they put inside? It's like cotton candy, but it's like condensed. Okay. And it wraps around the outside of your penis. And so it's more of a girth-maxing.

technique that he's on? Wait, this is, can you actually pull up how this works? Can you, I want to see like a design of this. I'm very confused with this. Because I know about the dick extension where you got dick in your dick, in your balls. You got more dick in your balls. It's kind of like, I don't know, it's like, it's kind of like a fishing line. There's like lots of dick wrapped up in there. They got to pull out. That's why everybody does the bone press direct length. Of course. Measure their penis. And for those you were scoring at home, scoring at home. Yeah, yeah. They're keeping. They, them and their buddies, they have a different day like it's a game of darts

and they have different points on it and they're scoring it that way. Yeah, and they're scoring. They're like, oh yeah, we got bone breast erect length mentioned. Yeah, yeah. B-P-E-L. Because, yeah, there's more dick

inside of your body. Yeah. And you cut the, what they do is they cut the ligament to extend the rest. That's the non-implant procedure. Right. Is they cut, there's a ligament in there

and they cut it and then you get a little extra length. But it's unnatural if a woman throws, if man throws some tities on and it becomes a woman. They're like, that's, but you're cutting your penis too far. Pull it out. Yeah. The Belmont's just talking about all these trans people getting really mad. He's like, yeah, but I can make about penis. Dude, because he had a male-to-male transition. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Dude, yeah, he's upset about his daughter. But he, by the way, had a male-to-male

transition to extend to get the extendo penis. Yeah, yeah. Which was, again, the insulation type of thing that goes around the outside. Can I please pull it? I got to see what this looks like. So how do they do the skin? Is it like... See, that's tricky because I don't know about you. I don't have that much extra skin

when I'm fully torched. Zero. I have like basically none. Yeah. Like I'm borrowing from balls at that point. Yeah, yeah. I'm borrowing to lend. Yeah, yeah.

You're going to give us back, right? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so here's the, here's a visual. Okay. So this goes, Ooh, okay, okay, I see. So it looks like you can only do some girth on it. Yeah, it's a girth device.

Fascinating. Okay, so you just get a thicker hog. This is interesting. Yeah, it's a thicker hog. So if the people aren't listening, it looks like somebody took a note card and kind of folded it and then put it. This doesn't look like an absurd amount of,

oh, you know what? It probably stretches outward. So your dick goes a little outward because this doesn't look like it's adding like the tiniest layer to it. This is like, I think this is, I think this is it's more like this

so like look at this is this is I would say a better visual okay it's kind of like a silicone tube that goes around the outside I know there's also silicone dick implants

where people put silicone in their penis to make it bigger yeah and they also do injections too yeah this is that's wild okay so they're the opposite of wolves

and this is what Elon asked Rogan to cut to cut that out yeah but I think the point of because if Joe Rogan went on dressed up as a wolf for a whole episode, I think you could get a young comedian to not even make fun of it and just be like, no, it's cool.

100%. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's, Tucker Carlson has this bit about, like, politicians who wear two pays. And he says it's a power move to get people to not mention it when they speak to him or even to get people to compliment him. It's like lying to the king or playing court politics or something like that. Yeah. And so I think he should start fucking with them because, no, I don't think they would say anything

about it at all. I mean, they let him drive the conversation. Anybody who's gone on there and has let him make it about MMA. And we're talking about this. That's not even his fault. When you podcast, you try to fill the air time. Yeah. So it's like he's just going. You can easily be like, I don't know anything about this. You know what they didn't have? Topics. Exactly. You brought a list of topics. Brought a list of topics, which is autistic, by the way, which is fine. Yeah. Also. Oh, you didn't see the alien video, the Franco. No. Let's go. It's too good, dude. Yeah. it literally is like an alien mask you get from the store. All right.

Franco, alien. Also, I'm confused as to why aliens have mouths because they can speak with telekinesis, apparently, or telepathy. Do you, I mean, are you buying it? Do they exist? Are they here? I don't know. Dr. Phil says they are. He's a guy.

Dr. Phil? Yeah. We'll be right back. Yeah, Dr. Phil is hopping on. He's like, they've been lying to us. I have the information. The Trump administration gave it to me. and it's flying in our sky

and it's nothing new I'm exhausted with it dude it's like just show me like I'd rather watch a schizophrenic guy's video of an alien he thought he saw like that I believe almost not I believe more but I'm like I'm just done seeing like weird like Pentagon

pictures of a craft yeah come on give me something real so then I can sing my teeth into yeah not this bullshit okay so Franco he's pissed people are trying to shut him down yeah he says people are trying to stop him

yes And this is probably just his girlfriend. He's like, please, this fucking crazy. Please. You've come so far. Yeah. He has material, man. Or put it into the microphone.

Okay, so he's showing us on his computer. And what are you seeing? I'm seeing, it's like a black and white. And it's the most obvious. It's like a cartoonish. It looks like Roger from American Dad. Yeah. I mean, this is nuts.

Yeah, it like ducks down. I'm like, why would it be hunching? There's like one where it's like hunching. So it's clear like a regular height guy like hunched. Is he doing a bit? I don't know. Is he doing it? I mean, honestly, is he doing a bit?

Like that's a big question or is he completely lost it? I just don't know at what point of your like craziness. Do you go, like do you forget that you dressed up as an alien on video? Like is not a thing where he's having like these, he dresses up as an alien or I don't know. Is it like promotional? Like he randomly like. That's a lot of people think he's doing a new move and he's like, all right, now that I got your attention. You can't do ads anymore. You got to

do something crazy. You got to be Eric Andre and shove a needle into your penis hole at the VMAs. And they're like, new movie coming out. New movie. Ah, there he is. Noted. Yeah, I saw him do that the other day. Not no needle in the penis hole, which would have been sort of vintage Andre, but I respect his chaos. I think he's funny and fun and wild.

Andre? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I do, dude. Yeah. I like this old show. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what's good now. I will say that apparently on set he got big leagued by Knoxville massively. Really? Yeah, they did a project together and like

I mean that's that's probably like Mount Rushmore for me of like prank type guys. Oh yeah. And we have There's an annoying buzzing noise. It's probably getting picked up. That's definitely getting picked up if we can hear it.

Is this the alien invasion? Okay, it's going away. It's changing. I think it was just a train. All right, we're good. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're Knoxville.

How did Knoxville big dick him? Yeah, apparently Knoxville was like fucking around with him on set, like Jackass style and, uh, and Andre walked. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, maybe it was the, maybe they did the old buzzing. Yeah. We don't play that gay shit.

Yeah. Even though he's like a, I think rich guy from Miami. I don't know if he's rich. Andre? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. I just, yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe.

Yeah. But, yeah. But, he's definitely. a playboy. I remember he's dude, he would get so much action. He was with Emily Radikowsky for a minute. Awesome. Dude, real recognize real. Yeah. Player. Yeah, I respect the fuck out of that.

Yeah. Did you see the new jackass or no? No. You jackass guy? I love jackass. I, for some reason without BAM, it feels weird. Yeah, I know. I miss him. Yeah. I don't mind him, though. of guys we lost it. Yeah, yeah, definitely lost it.

I think it's also like, you just, you got to start doing something else. You can't be doing stunts still at that age. I know. And there's something about, like, look, the show, it just peaked. I mean, three was pretty good, but two was peak. It's just like, you got to. Two was peak.

You got to be drinking on drugs doing, like, there's something about the tatted up. I know this sounds very homosexual, but like, bro's fucking around. Talk to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was an identity for me. I was like, dude, I'm going to pretend like I know how to skateboard.

Yeah, that was sick. I bought a world industry skateboard. Yeah. And I started going point blank with a paintball gun with my friends. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you do. That was the best. Yeah.

It's like you can't, it's just not for old people. It's like they could do other stuff. They could be in movies. They're calling it vibrant masculinity. They're calling the jackass team vibrant masculinity. Why is this? That's borrowed from, do you remember Tony P from Instagram? No.

Okay. This is actually a, um, This is a bridge too far. There's a guy named Tony P. on Instagram and his whole thing was bringing back vibrant masculinity. I think that the way that they, the way that they do guy stuff on jackass is,

I think it's a good influence on kids. What? I think it's good. Like lighting your balls on fire and jumping through a flaming hoop and getting hit by a bowl. I think we should see more of that. I think they should, because of the friendship.

Yeah, yeah. I also, yeah, this is my thing. It's like, I don't care what kids are. It's very funny. like the kids, I don't have kids. I don't care what kids are doing. A lot of people who don't have kids care what kids are doing. They're like, do you hear this music listening to the way they're acting, the way they're on

their phones? Why do I do a fuck? They got the Pope doing six, seven. Yeah. It's great. Why do I give a fuck? I don't know. Yeah. I don't care. No. But they had, uh, I think when we were kids, that was a good that was good for us. It gave us a healthy outdoor activity to do after school.

Yeah, it was pranks and fucking, I mean, it sucks when you're a kid because you're so fucking creative. Just the way you'd get alcohol was so creative. Yeah, it was. The way you do so many things was so creative. And I think part of it comes from the fact you're very restricted. So as an adult, you can do anything.

But as a kid, you can't do so much shit. So, like, as a kid, everything has to be like, how do I pass this test? How do I cheat on this test? How do I sneak out of school? How do I sneak out of my parents' house? How do I come home high with an excuse? And so your brain is constantly working in this way that is trying

to cheat the system that you become so creative. And then you become an adult. And it's like, you can do whatever you want. It's like, well, okay, how am I going to pay rent? That's like, you just... That's gone. It's time to bring that back. Maybe let's go adult fraternity old school style.

Yeah, yeah. Or just like Legion of Skanks. You know what? That is kind of the jackass. Don't you think that's the jackass of the comedy world? There's Legion of Skanks. They have like, they're all tatted. They have a jackass kind of looking crew.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like them. I like them a lot. Yeah, I like them. They're good. I was there the other day.

It was fun. You can just, you can watch downstairs at the stand whenever they. Yeah, I never said to the shit. This is how fucking retarded I was. I was with my ex. I was like,

you got to come watch Legion of Skanks. They joke about all kinds of stuff. And like, I was just so out of touch with what a woman would enjoy. Like, you know, in your relationship, you're like,

I'm going to make them watch everything that I enjoy. Dude, yeah. Sometimes they're like, yeah. Like, my ex really got into family guy. It's always sunny.

Yeah, well, you start hitting, right? So you're like, I got her into Tarantino movies. I got her into Kubrick movies. Yeah. And then you go, all right, let's try. Bud stuff. Yeah, yeah. You go family guy.

And then that works. And they're like, all right, let's go with, let's try Kill Tony. Yeah. All right, babe, you're going to love this. You're going to love this. You're going to call his gay. Yeah. Watch this.

Yeah, well, it's nobody too because you like, I wonder how much is lies because I will do the same thing. I do not like a single female movie. I think women are... One. One. Which one? Bridesmaids. Didn't really like it. Didn't fuck with it.

All right, fair enough. I genuinely, and I'm not saying this because I'm a feminist, loved it. Okay. I thought it was funny. I thought it was like stepbrothers, but for chicks. Okay. I got to maybe rewatch it. I was watching train wreck the other night.

Trans wreck. Trans wreck. That's what I call all of them. No. now if you got a dick pussy whatever you got going on i uh i say thumbs up yeah that's good yeah that's good yeah it's that is fun i mean what it's not just jaco good you know yeah i'm not mark maryin where i feel like i have to defend you guys no i think that they got it i think that they got it they don't need us there it is yep first part of the pocket check yep that'll be

and that marks the first half yeah yeah we're exactly 32 minutes yeah yeah we're exactly 32 minutes yeah But, no, as much a train director, I was like, it was very funny. She is Adam Sandlering, where she's like, all right, a bunch of hot dudes banging me as they would. Like, you know how Sandler always is kind of like, all right, me with a bunch of Ted. Yes, it with Sina, back to Sina, by the way. Yeah, yeah. The humiliation ritual of being. That was humiliation ritual was fucking Amy Schumer.

That's good. Yeah. Yeah, that was the humiliation ritual. Did she, she also, because who else was on her? then there was the charming Irish guy who's in other shit who is the other one in that you know. Yeah, no, I didn't finish

it because I was on Colonnopin but this was last night. Which is a good way to watch movies. You're watching this last night? Yeah. What I was like, I was like... So you're still trying, which is good. I mean, it's not like you've given up on... Yeah, I was like, let me just take some Benzos so I can sit through this movie. Also just

get yourself in the mood. Get yourself into like I feel like Benzos is a good way to get yourself into a chick mood. Into a feminine mood. Oh yeah, I'm like a house mom. Yeah, you're a house of shardine. You're like a 50s housewife.

You're watching a train wreck with your benzos and your glass of chardonnay. Yeah, I'm like, oh, this is neat. This is nice. That one, it's actually really funny. That I did get into one because like half the movie's comedian. So I was like, oh, no, babe, that's the day of time. You can me like me. Like me.

And then, but I was like, it's really funny. And I think she did. I mean, she was really funny. I think my only issue with her, and I fucking hate to be his little gossipy pants. But I think she kind of did do that thing where she, like, did a bunch of fucked up jokes and then pulled the ladder out

where she's like, guys, anybody doing this now? Come out. Fuck you guys. If you're doing this now, then fuck you, don't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I made a million dollars. I'm not going to give it back.

Somebody was telling me that. They're like, okay, give it back. Then you've made money off racist jokes. Yeah, give it back. Yeah. I mean, what do you do? What do you do if you regret that? I mean, there's like Howard Stern

did the same thing. Oh, dude, he did, like, we were talking about it. He had the things where he's like, okay, so if he's like, like, $100, we, like, suck your brother's dick. Like, they're too crazy. Hey, no, I know. What did he do with all this old, uh, his backlog? It's got to be somewhere.

Oh, you can just find all the internet. I mean, it's all internet archive, right? Yeah, yeah. Because we've all, like, I mean, not, maybe not we've all, but I love watching the old norm on Howard Stern clips. Great. Yeah. The fucking best, dude.

Well, in his thing, too, where it's like, he is, I mean, constantly just bringing on disabled people and, and, like, fucking with them. Yeah, that was his whack pack. That was, speaking of, that's kind of like, yeah, it was kind of Kill Tony-esque, actually. Yeah. It was the predecessor, too. Yeah, his whack-pack, because he had Beetlejuice. He had, what is his name?

Stuttering John or... Yeah, yeah. Somebody called something Gary the retard. Yeah, that's right. Which they did a great thing with him. People say this is bad, but they told him they were bringing him to the moon, and they just put him in a box and, like, wrote him around the studio and brought him in a room with a bunch of, like, fake stars. and he had a great time.

Like, that's fun. I don't know what. That's just like giving your cousin like a lightsaber. Dude, that's a good time. And like, he wasn't hurt by it.

No. He had, he had a blast. Yeah. Right? Roll the clip. It's like he's crying. Yeah.

What's happening? I was like, okay, okay, there's no way I'm going to regret this in 20 years. Well, yeah,

I mean, he used to do the Sibian machine in the office. You can't. What's the Sibian machine? Sibian machine is like a, it's like a machine-powered dildo.

It's a riding crop. It's basically a riding crop that has a dildo on it. I know exactly what this is. It's like the old, you know, in Spanish they call a dildo consolador. Okay. What is that? Which is a, and they used to have a machine that they would like prescribe to women who were hysterical. Right.

And it would be like, have you ever seen Always Sunny? Yes. You know the bicycle that. Right. The dildo just comes up. They had machines like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That they would use.

Yeah, that's fun. Yeah. And so that's what he used to have on the show. Yeah. but now no longer. And, uh... Tell me what it's like, dude. What was it was like making smashing pumpkins?

And you're like, I don't care, dude. Fucking... Have somebody... Have the smallest penis guy contest again. Yeah, come on. Bring him back. There's a guy. There's a new smallest penis guy online.

Have you seen him? Yeah. The name's Nolan Doyle. His name is a hello clip that. His thing is... I mean, if I could Dickman like that... Isn't like 0.8 or something? Yeah, it's nuts.

It's got to be fucking nuts. Because he's been on an interview tour, but for some reason on none of the interviews, where it, you haven't, nobody's seen his penis. Yeah, it's like,

let's see it. If you're already admitting of the world's smallest penis, show it to be people. He's like, that's too embarrassing. I don't know they're just going on interviews and show my face.

And show my face. He should be going on the interview and all you should see is his penis. Just fucking, you got fucking Pierce Morgan. He's like, so you go smallest penis. It's just right next to him.

penis and is right next to me. It's a Zoom call. He's like panicking for some reason. He's thumbing through the Bible. Oh my God. That Russell Brandwell was like, here's my favorite verse. Just going through. That was so good.

Yeah. It's a good time to be alive. Not if you're Iranian, but I think outside of that things are too much. Dude, it's such a good time to be alive. There's so much good. It's literally, it's such good Twitter like every day. If you like being online, if you like the discourse, there's never been a better. time to be alive.

It's fun for podcasting. As soon as I get tired, I'm like, I've talked about this, talk about that. And then you just like randomly like tune in and you're like, oh, Twitter. Okay, sweet. Kanye's doing, there's always something where you're like, Kanye has this new mask coming out that looks fun. Yeah.

And a little less racist than the other one he's wearing. Dude, he, I wonder, fuck, dude. He, um, I would have loved to. That's number two. That actually marks the, it's not number two. It was not a shoot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was not number two. Just for the record, that was not number two. Explosive diarrhea, by the way, my personal definition, through the pants. Okay. I think that's a good working definition is through the pants. Otherwise, it's not explosive. Yeah, because it was really, yeah, exactly. That's just leakage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just driving. I mean, the funniest is that thing where your ass hits the toilet, then it falls, just almost like a leverage machine where it's just like... I know it. And you don't know if the toilet is what made you shit, or if you were that close to actually shooting your pants. Yeah.

I mean, what a thrill. Yeah. What a thrill, honestly. Yeah. Yeah, it's been, but it's good to be online. I mean, there's that. There's explosive diarrhea. There's Kanye.

Those concerts look so fun, by the way. I would love to. They look great. I bet I'd a good to go. I'm just in such a locked-in mode for Kill Tony that I'm like, the fantasies, the negative fantasies are so funny of me just picturing an arena booing me and my family in like another room. And they're like,

dude. Everybody just be nice to him. Dude, just be nice to him. Dude, I, what I, love about you is I know that you have both within you and you legitimately will fantasize about both the positive and the negative. Yeah. Because you dick Min and you dick Max. Exactly. Yeah. That's there's that's yin and yang. Yeah, the negative one is nuts though. Just full booing. Would you go middle fingers up if they booing? Oh, I go, I have a fancy about too. I go,

you have to turn my balls. Yeah. I only got fucking 10 seconds left, you fucking idiots. You pull up on one of the guest panelists. Yeah, I fucking hate you, Andrew Schultz. He's like, what? What did I do? Dude, I thought you were good. Yeah. Oh, you like me? Oh, shit. My bad, dude. My bad.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Do you guys need a third mic? Yeah. Or start fake crap. You can't like me? It's the worst day, my wife.

Yeah, you threatened to budd wire. I just go, I guess, not getting pussy after this one. Yeah. You just budd wire, uh, threatened a budd wire in front of the entire audience. Yeah. Well, you know what? The problem is, well, but they pat you down first. So you couldn't.

well, I'm going to be in the Southern room. No, Tony keeps us in cages before, like circus animals. And David Lucas is dressed in African tribesman gear and he has a blowdark gun. If we step out a line, he just Yeah.

You got to take out, Drew. Hey, David, we got to take out of trick out of Drew Nickenz. Yeah, he's too out of control. Yeah, Drew Niggins is completely out of control. We got to take him out. They can't, but he's too big. They can't take him out.

Just. You got a fucking dark. You're crazy, man. I like it, but you're crazy. I had two white monsters before this. Just still moving. Everyone in the eyes is just terrified. King Kong just fee, five, full.

He was like one of the first guys to give me advice after it. It's so funny. That's awesome. He was great, but too excited for me in a way that everybody was just like, like Tim Butter was like, dude, the hard part. I'm like, what are you talking about? I have to you mad at the square guard. I have no fucking money.

Hard part just started. What's up? Hard part just started. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's so funny. He is the man, though, by the way, Tim Butter. I just met him the other day. But he said, hard part just started.

No, he's over. And I'm like, what do you know? Yeah. This is like, but I think it's like, I'm going to find a way to get over it because I do have nightmares and not nightmares, but like, nightmare. Nightmare. Nightmare. It would be amazing.

It would be amazing. to kill on Kill Tony. Who's that? I was, I was, Louie? Louie. You bombed. I can't do it. I'm reaching for a Louie right now, but it would be a night.

I mean, it would be a nightmare, but sure, though. You have to picture the nightmare, too. That's Marcus Aurelius would say. Yeah, I'm just pissing my pants on, like literally just urinating. Dude, literally pissing your pants. That's funny again. This is true. Yeah.

Oh, dude, I should have a fucking pissed ready to go. Dude, you should be. This guy pisses his pants on Kill Tony. just fully wet your kit wear like light colored pants they see it like in the do you do it during your set or during the interview

during dude that would be so legendary nobody's done this yet because they can't pat you down for piss no dude set goes well I'm like oh thank you so much I'm just happy to be here

just fucking is that pissed on your legs is that piss running down your leg oh my god this guy's pissing himself are you guys ready for the greatest fucking night of your lives. Holy shit. Michael Good is pissing his pants right now.

It's so funny too because like, my thing is this. It goes both ways because I go, okay, I know I'm funny. Yeah. I know I have good jokes. I don't think I'm an incredible stand-up comedian. I think it takes 15 years to become great. I think I'm good maybe four, nine years. Yeah.

But I don't, um, it weirds me out when like Shane is nervous doing like the rose because you're like, okay, if this sucks, man, you're still funny. Everybody knows you're funny. You still have money. It's like fine. But I guess they still have it too.

Like they probably have a scenario like my girlfriend's gonna break up with me and everybody's gonna hate me. Like that just never goes away. I think you, I genuinely, and I just immediately got two hands on the mic like Shane.

I just go, yeah, like you, I don't think you ever lose that. Yeah. If it's new. I think if it's the thing that you've fucking done a million times, like I don't think Shane gets nervous

to do a club set. Yeah. Like I think that, you know, just in the same, where you don't get nervous to do an open mic. Yeah, yeah. Or like, you know.

Well, that's the only place I'm not nervous. Yeah. Right now I'm only not nervous at open mics. That's it. Everything else I do, nervous. Yeah.

Fully. And it's a thing too where it's so funny because it's like, I think there's a weird thing where you go like, I'm not nervous once I start. Yeah. Once you get going,

it's great. Then I'm like, even if I'm bombing, I'm like, all right, whatever is, I bombed before. Yeah.

This is literally nothing. But then when you're like, I think the part of stuff with this is everybody's so excited for me that the idea of all of them being like, oh, fuck. And then afterwards being like, ah, man, it was,

you were good. Yeah. The uptig, you were good, man. And my thing is, if I could do it with full strength and still bomb, I don't give a shit.

Dude, yeah, graceful, but Matt McCusker always talks about a graceful bomb or like a powerful bomb or power bomb. I'm all for that. That would be, there's like, um,

there's a, there's a quiet dignity in bombing just completely gracefully like that and just eating it. My fear is pass like it goes back to beginning fears which is like me passing out on stage. Passing out but then again it would be all of the sudden funny again. This is true. You pass out piss your pants,

shit your pants. What's why I need to devalue it? I need to be like my focus for August is doing drugs. If I go like find a side project then I'm like all right well the problem is what everything is like it feels like everything's moving towards this so fast where it's like, all right, well, here's your big opportunity even or not fuck it up.

And you don't know which night either. Now. Which is, how are you going to play the days before? Because the previous one, and I don't know if this is inside baseball, so you can cut this if you want, but you went out the night before, right? The night before Kill Tony,

I was feeling so depressed and I just did some road gigs that were rough. And then I pandered on them, and I was like, oh, it was just old people just pissing in my mouth, basically. a fucking worth feeling is a shitty gig and you're pandering. Oh yeah. Well, and then I'm, you know, I'm hanging out by the pool and my buddies with this is a

Venezuelan guy and we just get fucking black. These guys just give me smearing off ice after smearing off ice. I'm totally hammered. Meet some lady on field. She puts a vibrating, what's it called? The bunch of circles. She puts a vibrating anal beat in my ass. I come.

And I go, I needed that. I don't know why I needed that. That is exactly what I needed. This should have been your interview. I figured you went out. No, carry on, Karen. Every time I go to Austin, something's going on my butt. It just keeps happening.

But, yeah, that was, yeah, it was like just to fucking, I don't know, man. Who gives a, like, I go to. I go to. I suppose I'm like, who gives a fuck? Because you're like, you're like, you went out the night before. And so, and it went great. So this time. I have to get fucking blackout drunk the night.

I think so. I mean, because what are you, but but then, okay, so. The Irish girl who I'm like semi-monogamous, right? I mean, we are just, we're not the other people, but she's just like watching me put a fucking vibrating butt plug. Like, babe, I need a, I need this. This is a good luck thing. It's like the, uh, you know, the baseball players like where they wear the, the, the Yankees

used to wear like a golden thong. They would pass it around if they were like, it was to get out of a slump or if they were on a heater, if they were on a hot streak and yours is just vibrating butt butt plug. Dude, I think if I had something silly. on, I think there was some comedian who always has a banana in his pocket because he just makes him feel silly. Yeah. Something like that or like, you know, or somebody put baloney in their shoes or something.

Like, there's something like that where I'm like, dude, if I, I got to do something like that, like, dude, I think honestly, if I just wore an elephant thong, underwards, like, one of the jackass ones that has, like, yeah, like, what's, like, like, Steveau or Chris Pontius always wears? Yeah, I think that would maybe be like, this is all fun. Then you'd be like, they have no idea that I have an elephant, they have no idea that I have the elephant thong on it. I start bombing and I pull it out.

They're like, uh, oh. I'm like, Hiss your pants, shit your pants. But you know what? I'm glad of this. I used Madison Square Garden to get other opportunities

and get my dick sucked. So, hey, I had fun. Dude, if you had fun, you won. And that's, so, and like Tim Butterly said, the hard part is over. Some people are like,

this is a victory lap. Dude, yeah. I mean, you're there. You're in front of 18,000 people live, and then however many viewing at home. But they what? They record it, though.

They record it and they release it later. Yeah, it'll either be like a month later or it'll be on Netflix or whatever. Yeah. If I bomb, they probably will cut it from Netflix. Yeah, true. They rarely keep bombing in. On Netflix, on YouTube, it's staying in.

Yeah, on Netflix. On Netflix, unless they want to give you the villain edit for some reason and like show you being super cocky beforehand and then bombing, then they would never keep that in. Yeah, well, I think that's the thing too where it's like, if I like it's so funny that like you're like you actually I had more less stress when I had nothing to lose on the show because I was like I don't live here or whatever it's funny that when you get something you feel like you have more to lose like when you get into a comedy club you're like all right I have more to lose than when I didn't get in here yeah yeah true yeah and then you get shit but uh and then you have more to well yeah because once you get shit you have you have stuff to lose yeah but you have also more to gain so is true. So there's that as well.

Yeah, I think. But you don't know which, but the tricky thing is you don't know which night. That, to me is the tricky thing. But they'll let me know like a week out. Oh, okay. It's not like day of. They let you know. I should just say, I'm busy.

They don't let you know. Yeah, actually, I'm booked. I got a, I got a spot over at the, wherever. I know what you were going to say. He didn't want to be insulting. Yeah. The boys. Yeah, no, it's, uh, yeah, it's so funny with the OCD and stress where your brain is just

like getting so, like, it's like I know this is OCD so I know I can fix it. Yeah. Because I fixed it before. Yeah. I thought I was going to cut my penis off at one point. Yeah. And that is another option, by the way.

It's cut my penis off. It's cut your penis off. It would be just to strap that to your chest and then cut it off live. Yeah. And then set it on fire like the monk from the beginning. It's the world's biggest live podcast. Anything can happen. Anything could.

Are you ready for the best fucking night of your lives? And then I just cut my penis off. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I genuinely am surprised that nobody has done something crazier like that, like a joker type of guy. Yeah, yeah. Which means they must have good security in the cages that they have the guys in. Yeah.

Which is smart. I will say they are really nice when you go up to do it. They're excited, you nervous, you need a water. Like, they're very nice in that sense. Yeah. And then you're just watching the fucking babes walk around and you're like, oh, I'm a nobody on this show. And then you get offstage, you do well.

You're like, yeah, I take pictures with the bitches. Yeah, sure, I'll take some picks. Sorry, Heidi, I'm busy tonight. Can't hang out. Yeah, do you talk to her? Very briefly. They just took pictures and she's like, do you mind if I have my tits at face level

because, like, they were on the higher parts of the steps? No. Do you mind if I have my tits at face level? No. Yeah, actually I'm a giant homo. Yeah, no, I hate it when I have tits at face level. You mind if I have a giant boner for this picture? Yeah, she goes, ha-ha.

thinks you're kidding. Yeah. Yeah, it's, I don't know, stress is, I don't know, I'll figure it out. I think it's funny too because I was like, all right, well, I'll stop taking an Adderon.

I stopped and I'm still just like, like, every waking moment is like, fucking don't fuck this up. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how you could not do that. You just have to distract yourself. I mean, like, that's the only way. I think planning stuff afterwards is good. Like planning like the next week.

I'm like, oh, that's something else to look forward to and this is just going to say. Yeah, something celebratory. you said the next day you're like, fuck, what do I do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe that's why people have like honeymoons. It's so the next thing to look forward to after the wedding. Yeah, yeah.

No, yeah, it's very true. It's just, yeah, it's funny that I don't see it as like I just plan your kill to honeymoon. And it's a trip to. A trip down to Florida. Trip down to Florida. Trip down to Florida. Trip down to side splitters. Because it's so hard when you, but before, like I wasn't down in Florida before

and everybody's so punt for you. like telling chicks like this guy's gonna fucking do MSG and you're just walking out of free game smoking SIGs you're like yeah I'm fucking a big deal and then you play the same scenario where you bombed at MSG and they're like oh yeah he got booed at MSG yeah they're like well that in that

scenario it's like people are weird about it too because they'll be like they will like not bring it up they'll be like oh yeah he was on kill tonate don't don't go yeah don't bring it up he was yeah he was on the he was in the MSG show

it was really bad Yeah, it was really bad. He forgot all the tears. It was like, uh, yeah, he started going, and then David Lucas

pulled out the blow dart and they took him down. And then it was just, he pissed his pants. Yeah, I agree with you that it becomes funny again. It does become funny again,

but it has to be extreme. It's funny too, because I've never fucked up any audition or anything about being nervous. Like, never once. And those are the highest pressure

situations I've been in. So I do realize I do have the ability to rise to the occasion. No, whenever I fuck up massively, I completely blindsided by it, actually.

It's not a, thing that I was like thinking about. It's like a thing that I was like not thinking about. And then all of a sudden I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So don't worry about it. Yeah. It'd be funny if I just get a sympathy out if I pass out on stage and the people who are like, like, Rogan wants me on next week. He's like, hey man. Dude, I think that's actually not a bad play. If you want to take something to make yourself pass out, you just take a bunch of ketamine before you get. That is funny that I'm like, I've done my set on horse tranquilizers, but I'm like, oh yeah, but what if I first? forget my I'm like some jokes you just know how to do.

Dude, and you're not doing new. Yeah, I'm doing semi. I'm having like four things ready to go. Yeah. Because like, look, it's very possible the guy before me does. Yeah, something similar. Yeah, and I'm like, I can't. Because it's topic wise.

I got kind of one speed. It's suicide pedophiles. Yeah. Yeah. And that's why I want to take improv again because I want to like get on my silly side. Get silly. Rift. Go Rory Scoval.

Yeah. I respect it so much. Dude, I love it. I love it. And that's what the interview is. I mean, you obviously guide the interview where you can guide it to a place where you feel comfortable or where you can do a couple bits. Yeah. Well, it's just so funny, too, because the other day, we were talking about, like, the bipolarness.

And, like, I don't think I have it, but I was walking around the other day. And I'm like, dude, I'm going to pull my, like, metaphorically pull my dick out and fucking just be like, ah. And then, you know, which there is a part of you that has that courage inside you. Not to literally pull your dick out, but just I know there's a piece of me that can be like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. But it's just hard to find that sometimes. You have to, you have to like find, you have to find your inner, what do you call those guys? It's not a pervert.

The guy who, your inner pervert. It's not your inner pervert. You have to find your inner pervert. You have to find, it's a guy. I got to find it. Flasher. You have to find your inner flasher. There it is.

It's me flooding the engine trying to get a riff going. Just grr. People don't talk about how much courage of. Flasher has. Dude, they have the maximum amount of courage. Yeah. Now imagine doing that at MSG. It's a possibility. I think it's a $100,000 fine. Has it been done before? Ari was going to do it and they were like, it's a $100,000 fine if you do it. So we pulled like a dildo out or something like that. Dude, I mean, at what point do you raise money from venture capitalists who are like looking for the next big comedian to own a piece of? And you say, all right, my big move

is I'm going to drop trow. I'm going to hang dong. I'm going to hang dong. on Kill Tony. Yeah. And then they cover the $100,000 fine, but they get the, they get royalties on you for X period of time. Yeah. Yeah.

That's fair. I also, I have a judge. It's kind of a very skanks fest thing to do, actually, is to go naked as well. This is true. I have a theory on judges.

A theory on who you think the judges are going to be. So he posted a post, he's like, who do you guys want to be on panel for Kill Tony MSG? Obviously, typical name is Rogan, Shane Gill is. Yeah.

have a theory, Kevin Hart. I think he would do it because he just did the roast of Kevin Hart. I think he would do it. And I think he wants to really be in the stand-up world right now. Yeah, he's been...

He's very been in it. He's been in the roast. He's been in the funny AF. Yeah. Also, Carrot Top was on the list of names and Caratop commented on it being like, let's do it. Dude, that would be pretty...

That would be pretty cool, too. Yeah. Have you ever listened to an interview with Caratop? Really interesting cat. He lives... My mom showed... I think my mom showed him

might kill Tony said. Didn't get a followback from him. But there's... Wait, does he live in... He's in Orlando, yeah. He's in Orlando? Part-time Vegas, part-time Orlando. No taxes.

Probably. He's a smart guy. Yeah. No state income tax. Carat Tap in... I don't want to docks you. Do you talk about your hometown? Winter Park, 40.

Yeah. Winter Park, yeah. Yeah, I have a... I mean, oh, that's a fantasy right there. Open it for a Caratop in Vegas residency. Not even road. I just get a fucking... Dude, I'm just living in Vegas.

I just open up for him at the Mirage every night. forever. Dude, that would be sick. Dude, how fucking sick would that be? Yeah, that would be amazing. You'd just get bloated

like Elvis when he was performing his residency. Yes, perks coming in my belly. Pray for me, my darling. You're doing the, him sweating. Oh, dude, I'm just a shell

of a human being. Oh, dude, Vegas, Mike is an idea. Vegas, Mike. Wait a second. I got something for Vegas, Mike. I think we got the episode, title. All right, I'm going to piss too. Thank you for your

patience, listeners. Vegas, Mac. So if people who don't know, I got these sick orange sunglasses on, which I think I'm becoming more of somebody who knows when I'm going through a crazy moment. Because I've not been able to listen to cool music as much anymore or wear these sunglasses. Because it's one of those

semi-funny, semi-I-think-em-cool things that just is not real. It seems to worry If I'm drunk and at a party I throw wearing sunglasses on And I'm like woo But I think I've Destroyed that ego part of my brain

I don't think that exists anymore Because I don't know I just know But it's not cool to try to be cool So Oh he's done These are these are what I'm wearing Every day for the rest of my life

Vegas mic dude That's carrot top at the mirage Oh dude Do you care to me just Where did you get those? There's a Chinese story over there that just has them. And they,

this is what I was talking about while you're gone. I have finally got to the point of myself that I've lost a lot of ego in a lot of good ways. Yeah. Like it's like sometimes I'll get hammered and wear a sung-glast.

Like these like semi-joking but semi-think I'm cool if I'm smoking cigarettes. And now it's just completely gone. I can't listen to cool music and feel cool. Like it's kind of just like, yeah, this is just not, uh,

you don't you live those moments where you listen to a rap song. You're like, I'm in him. And then you're the men. It's usually, for me, Adderall kicks in. Oh, yeah. I got like, whatever is on. And I'm in a movie.

I'm in a movie. Yeah. At that point. Yeah. Which is like, that's delusions of grandeur. You ever try to get yourself there before you go up and do stand-up? Of course. It's never worked one time.

Yeah. And it's also, it's good that it doesn't work because it's wrong. It's wrong. It's wrong to come up there and be the man. There's only one guy who can go up there and be the man is Chappelle. Maybe two. Maybe Chris Rock actually goes up and he is the man. Yeah.

Well, and that's, sometimes you're the man by not trying to be the man. If you're the silly guy at the party. Yeah. You're kind of the man. Yeah, true, dude. But you're not being cool. You're being you and you're being fun. Yeah.

That is a cool guy. But you like, you do those on stage. You could do those on stage if you do panel. Yeah, then you're, yeah, but then you're still kind of doing it. You're kind of, you're jokingly trying to be cool. Like, you're like, it's just funny that I'm in, you're like, Yeah, that I'm being the man right now. And you know there's a piece.

Well, that's like the, what's his name bit? The, uh, Timmy No Break's bit, which is a tough character to keep going forever as just being like the fucking man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All the time because it's like, I'm sure he wants to go like silly in a different direction too, but he's kind of stuck in it. Yeah, he's really trying to get out of it. I know people that know him. And I didn't talk, I met him before, we didn't talk about it. Yeah.

That is the thing he's trying to get away from. And it's like, it's tough, hard. It's hard. Yeah. That's why, like, it's so great. When you do something that's good enough that people, like, care massively. It's hard to get out of it. I think I found the answer, man.

What's the move? The answer is, I'm a dumb, dumb, having fun. Yeah, it's got to be. When you start, when you find that piece of yourself that you're like, all right, yeah, maybe I bowed in front of the, okay, whatever. See ya. Yep. You just hit him with him. See ya.

Yeah, yeah. All right, thanks. See you. Yeah. Because it's like how many, I will bomb an arena at some point. Yeah. I've seen famous people bomb an arenas. Yeah, it's great. And I think I do not think less of them at all.

No, not at all. It's just funny to go from 300 to 19,000. But same thing, man. There's bucket poles to do it. So I think, like, for me, it's like, I feel more pressure because I'm like, oh, I was chosen in this thing. But I think the victory lap thing is a good idea. Just to think it that way. Like, yeah, it's just you doing it again. And also like, see even more of like, oh, this is an interesting experience. I wish my family wasn't going. because they're all there and I'm like dude they're gonna have a fucking

my mom like it doesn't want to watch me stand up because I was headlining a floor she's like I mean if I saw him bomb for 20 minutes would just be really tough dude

and I'm like you gotta get it like it's just it's all part of like if you look at all as a game yeah like this is a fun game how do I get these people to laugh dude it's like

I want to get myself to the place where I can think of life in general as a game yeah and this is just a mission in the game yeah

because you wouldn't be nervous about it if you were playing a game and you all of a sudden had a chance to do this in the game. You hit the right combination of buttons and they're all that they go. Yeah. You go, okay, I figured that out. You're not going to go, I'm a fucking idiot because I got shot in this game. Yeah, you're like, okay, I got shot in the game. Yeah.

You get shot while you're on stage. For some reason, Kirked. Yeah, yeah, I get Kirked hard, dude. Yeah, yeah. Including or not including game violence. That's your punchline. We were joking about it because Trump was on panel. We're like, dude, how wild it be?

if there was an assassination attempt on Trump while I'm on stage. And just like the picture on the New York Times is just me. Just like, me pissing my pants with a microphone with a red to kill Tony microphone. Pissing your pants and David Lucas is also, he hits Trump with the dart. Try to do it. He's world. We love. We love.

Yeah, man. Anything could happen. And I think I need to start looking past MSG and say, sorry to just all be about me. but I'm just a mental case right now. No, bro. I was just, I have my topics just in case we don't keep the ball in the air, but we have not,

we not had that issue, bro. Yeah, it's really funny to picture any woman who's ever loved me, not loving me. And then any, like, not like loved isn't that? But, like, you're like, you're picturing just my whole family being sad for me. They just go, oh. Oh, my God.

Any girl has ever been in, just goes, oh, my God. They just go, oh, total misread. Actually, no, this guy's not. You know what is a great idea, though? What? If I bomb, the last thing I'll ever do is quit stand-up comedy. I have to, then you get a fucking...

Dude, you're on a mission. New mission. Yes, you get a fucking, what's it called? Redemption arc. Yeah. Then I come back a year later and he goes, I want to give it another try? Dude, the only thing better than killing on there is bombing. It's like the only thing worse than not getting what you want is getting it.

Yeah. It's the old thing. Yeah. is he he sort of demonically says do you want another try yeah saw style I've got one microphone that would be sick yeah you know what that's a redemption that's a great that's a great another way to look at it's go hey I bomb there then guess what I get to prove myself in other ways and say I'm still funny this was a bad night and you just go there again you bomb again you're like I can't do it I can't cry this could kill anywhere else except here

And he goes, what about a third try? Then third time, third time actually is when they come out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The third time is when they take you out like old yeller. Yeah, Tony just shoots me in the back of the head. Yeah, Tony shoots you in the back of the head. And he's like, just thinking. It's just fellas.

I go into like the green room at the mother's shit. Like you get mad. You're Joe Pesci good, fellas. Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. Two in the back of the head. Yeah. It's of mice and men.

Of mice and men, they, uh, he's like, just think of the rabbits, Lenny. Yeah. Ryan Redband and like fucking who'd be Ari Maddie or just taking my body and yeah, going to it somewhere. Take the gun, leave the canoli. Yeah. No, take the fuck. No, no, leave the gun.

Take the canoli. Red band obviously takes the canoli. Yeah, yeah. Because he's fat. Yeah. He is. We got to, we gotta end. Yeah, let's end. Guys, I love you. Thank you for listening. And I had a great time. You know what? Comment.

how I could manage my OCD for this big... You guys will still be here for me. I bomb it goes to zero. They go. Oh, my God. Wait, we thought this guy was... Oh, wait, total misread. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were listening to him for 300 hours.

Yeah. And now we're like... Oh, I forgot. Yeah, never mind. Wait, yeah, never mind, actually. No, no, you're good. Michael, keep going, but we're not going to be here. Yeah.

Well, because I have a brand who bombed the show and he still gets booked and everything's going to be fine. It's fucking whatever. It's all good, Blair. Yeah, it's all a game. It's all. And that's, that's going in your life too, you know. You're thinking, does it matter that I cheated on my wife and destroying my family? It's all a game. It's all a game. And that was a side mission. Yeah. That was a side mission. Now, now find your main quest. Yeah. Yeah, find your main quest. Love you guys.

Genuinely love you guys. Oh, where do you think I find you online? You can find me online at Nolan M. Doyle everywhere. Thank you. Hell, yeah.