Morning Good - Vinny Did Meth in Gym Class - Episode 2

Episode Date: August 31, 2020

Find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelYou can find our guest Vinny Santino on Instagram @vinnysantinocomedy and on Twitter @vinnysantinoThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax

Yeah, it's going to be called Morning Good. Shut the fuck up. That's a great idea. Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? Really? How you know?

I think it's a bad idea. That sounds fucking awful. Yeah, I'm really excited about it. I think I'm going to call it Morning Good. Fuck that. That's terrible. Welcome to Morning. I want to like do welcome to this podcast.

I don't like that welcoming thing because they're like. It's weird. Yeah. You like it better when they just like. kind of just ease you right into the conversation that's already going on. Because I did somebody's yesterday and then like we're talking so casually

in the car and then he's like, okay, we're running live here. You know, episode 4.52. Welcome to the Michael Good podcast. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, it really depends because like, I don't know,

like when my podcast, it was like a really specific thing. So we do like intro like, hey, here's what we're talking about. This is who's on. Yeah. And then like get into it. I'm just trying to get better at it.

Like I'm not really like, I don't really have like a specific thing. It's just more like a, Like a conversation kind of thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not about anything. Okay, yeah. Yeah, that's the best way to do those kind of things.

Yeah, just kind of shoot the shit. Yeah. Because some of it becomes like effort. Like some people have like the themed ones. And they can like work well. But sometimes like you don't want to listen to the same theme like over and over again. Yeah. Kind of like what Theo Vonda's like he'll have like he'll do like his own individual intro

and talk about what you're going to hear. And then like it starts like the actual podcast. Yeah. And it's like mid-conversation. is when you come. Yeah, it's not like, here we are. Let's go. Yeah, because then, like, oh, hey, how you doing?

Hey, nice to be here? Because it's like the person, like, the guest doesn't know, like, how much they should be saying and shit like that. Yeah. Yeah, I don't even know what my role is in. I was trying to be. There's no video, so you can't see, but I'm on the opposite side. So it seems like I'm interviewing the two of you guys.

Yeah. So what's been good? Oh, I was going to tell him what I was telling you. So I did an open mic in Tampa yesterday at a Kava Lounge. and it's so funny because like half people there are awoke and then there was just this one guy with like white power tattoos just getting cova. Oh my God.

It was so funny too because like this dude like Not the demographic you think is going to hang out there. No, no. Well, you know, there's a lot of like skinhead like punk rockers that are like really into like locally sourced coffee and yoga and shit like that but then they're also full on white supremacists too. It's such a weird mix. things.

You're casting a wide net, I guess. And also, used to have an opiate addiction and are now recovering through Kratum. Yeah, because a lot of it's like recovering drug acts. I asked people like who drank there and like one guy raised his hand. Oh, wow. Everybody else like doesn't drink anymore. Wow. But the skinhead thing's weird.

Not great for comedy. Yeah. It's weird for comedy. Yeah. Yeah. Earlier on like, I did Calvin once. I didn't really work. Well, like that's what the entire city of like Chicago was like when I was living there.

Like everybody's like super woke and left leaning. But then there's also just a ton of white. supremacy going on at the same time, like a ridiculous amount. I heard what happened to Jesse Smaller. That's horrible. So as you was saying, though, this Kava Lounge, oh, Mike, what happened? Yeah, well, the first thing I was going to say, the skinhead thing's weird because, like, I didn't realize this, but not all skinheads are white supremacist.

It's like a style and, like, half of them are, like, left. It was like a thing that, like, white supremacist latched on to, like, 10 years after it was already a thing. But that's got to be so weird, though, being some guys. Yeah, it was a ska thing first, like, the second wave scaw and, like, the ska kids and, in the UK where skinheads. Yeah, there were a bunch of black skinheads

and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Didn't age well. Yeah, yeah. This guy would be so weird though, like the guy who's like,

yeah, I'm getting a skinhead tattoo but he's like, I'm like one of the left-leaning ones. People were like, I don't... Yeah, like, how is anybody supposed to know now? Yeah, yeah.

It's weird. It's hard if you like wearing combat boots and shaving your head now. But, oh yeah, what was it saying? So like, what happens? The dude was doing his set and then he was wearing a Tom Brady jersey.

So the guy, the comic on stage was just like, he's like ah Tom Brady fan and he goes I'm not the one and then the guy's like what do you mean you're not the one and the guy's like fucking with him a little bit and he had like a Confederate flag tattoo but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a white you know I mean that could be in a variety of things well that's just so

confused like which side he is you got a New England jersey but a Confederate flag tattoo pick a side guy yeah I was trying to gauge it too I was like who is this guy I think someone that's 60 with a Confederate flag tattoo you can get someone that's like 20 with a confit's you know you know what it means know what that means. That guy was not an Alabama fan.

That guy's not a Leonard Skinner fan. That guy's making a statement with that piece. Oh, absolutely, yeah. But it was funny, too, because, like, and the guy, I don't know, you got balls when you fuck with people because you don't really care. You're kind of like that. But you also box, like, you know how to fight. I don't know how to fight.

But this guy on stage was just, he kept kind of like, not really fucking with him, but he was just like, oh, sorry, I hurt your feelings. And he's just like, I'm not the one. I'm not the one. And then the host came up afterwards to both of it. He's like, oh, yeah, that guy has a white power tattoo on his. On his knuckles? Yeah.

Oh, well. I don't know. I feel like if somebody's, like, already, like, giving you that vibe, like, that's a pretty good sign. Hey, maybe, maybe he's not the one. Yeah, yeah. He's not. I don't believe you. That's figure it.

It's one thing. I don't know. I mean, I guess I do look kind of far, like, that other night at Grumpies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They look, like, two bodybuilder guys walked in. Yeah. They look like such douchebags, though, like, with the tank tops and everything, it's like, come on. You want to hear a story about Grumpies.

Grumpies is not, it's a nasty bar. Oh, it's awful. Oh, yeah. One time, and I'm trying to keep my talking to a minimum because I want you guys, but this is a great story. I'm working at my bar. I worked at Iron Cow. Oh, yeah. Jake Ricka used to do the comedy show there all the time.

It's a cool spot. Weird place for comedy because it's super high ceilings and not the best set. Yeah, no, it's not great at all. I tell people all the time, I'm like, maybe pick somewhere else. But the owner of Grumpy's, maybe I said that sounded like it was like in the middle of a show going on. You're just saying, hey, maybe I pick somewhere else. You should get the fuck out of it. No, the owner, I probably shouldn't say this, but the owner grumpy comes in.

It's a slow night. She comes in out of nowhere. I can't tell if it's a man or a woman. And that's not, I'm not making fun of her for that. No, she's very confusing. Like on first sight. Yeah, exactly, right. She comes in, her and this guy who literally looks like a bag of cocaine.

He's a tall skinny guy with tattoos on his neck. They come up straight to the bar, and they just, they, you know, look at me and they're like, someone stole for me and they're here. And I'm like, what do you expect me or you to do about that? Because I don't want you to take action. Like, you can go back wherever. And so she's literally coked out. Two of them coked out are just looking around the bar.

While people are, there's a DJ, people are having fun. And they're just looking people in eyes, just like fucking go into every single one. Come up to me and are like, it's not here. I'm like, okay, see you guys. Like, have a good one. How would they know that the person went to? I have no, I've no fucking idea. It's a cocaine.

Yeah, it's a community. It's a cookie bar. That is annoying, though, because, like, I can't imagine being on coke and having some stolen. Because, like, when I lose something, I immediately think of who stole it for me. It's kind of fucked up, but I'll be thinking about my friends, and I'll be this fucking, he probably stole it. You probably know.

That's the thing. We have shitty friends. But I also lose shit. I told you I was like seven phone charges me, so sometimes I was only blaming people that aren't even... Well, I did steal a phone charger from you. It's right here. Yeah, yeah, that's reasonable.

But, by the way, I also, I want this to be like a three-price. I don't want me interviewing him or whatever. Yeah, yeah, but we have two together. I don't know. I'm Jamie. I'm sticking back. I'm going to turn my microphone on. Well, I'm glad you brought that up, though, because I always, like, I'm curious about

about because, like, it's got to be so crappy to be a bartender in those situations because, like, you're just being friendly with people because it's your job. But then they think that you're, like, in audit with them, whatever awful thing they're about to do. That's every, every day. see it all the time, like every night at a bar. Yeah, because you're always approachable and accessible. Because you're staying right there, especially the way that bar is set up.

You're in the middle of everything. And you probably already have a rapport with the person going before that ever gets to that level. So, you know, you're serving them drinks. You're talking to them. They're talking about themselves. You're like, whatever. And then they go, oh. I got to find a place to stay tonight.

And then they look at you. And you're like, what the fuck? Or they're like, I'm going to go crack that guy's hat. You're like, hey, could you, like, not do that? I don't think it would be a good idea to do that. For some reason, we never had a problem. We had so much cocaine and, I mean, not. We didn't allow it.

Do we just fucking guns? No, we didn't allow it. But, you know, it's, you know, we played a lot of techno music. Like, people came in the drugs, but we really never had, I think we had, like, one fight, and it was, like, outside. We never had a fight in the bar. Oh, that's great. Whereas we go downtown, Orlando, it's like, that's the whole point is that people are fighting.

My favorite, though, it was a strip in Tallahassee. you just, they get ready to fight every day. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's my favorite. My one friend, he's this big guy. He's like, dude, I don't like going down to town. He's like, I always end up getting a fight starr. I'm like, that's just because you fight people down.

You're the one that's just kicking people's asses. And you're like, dude, I always get in the fight. Well, let's say, it's like people always want to fight. Like, you don't have to fight them. So it's like, I get that. Yeah, that makes sense because it's not like, it's not like you have to, but it's like there are people looking for it. If you don't want to be around that, then, yeah, probably avoid it.

Yeah. There was a period of time where every weekend, and I wasn't going out at the time, I was doing other stuff. I don't think I was even in town, but every weekend, all our friends were like, oh, let's go downtown. And we'd be talking about it, like, a group chat or whatever. And then every weekend, there was a fight, and, like, someone got hurt. Yeah. And, like, when Steve went to the hospital.

Yeah. It was like, everyone was talking about, like, oh, where are we meeting up? We're going to pregame? I don't know what happens. A couple hours later, it's like, Steve's in the hospital. We all need a go phone. And I'm like, well, that's why you don't go downtown? sound. Yeah, that was that was a bad time too because this is going to sound really gay. I know that

sounds weird way to start this, but like I bought, I fuck this guy. So I, yeah, I know. So I bought like, this is back where I used to do coke and I bought coke from this like homeless guy. And it ended up just being and then like I thought the cops are coming because I saw a fight breakout. And I had another friend who just got arrested for coke charges. So I was like, I put it like in my butt cheeks because I was like, I don't want to get like. And then I freaked out and then I snored it later and it's just a bag of salt that I buy that I just shoved in my ass for no reason. And I was like, God damn it. Were you more mad that it was salt or that you shoved it in your ass?

Like what part? More mad that it was salt because if I already shoved in my ass, I'm like, you know what I mean? I at at least also have bag of cocaine. But now I just shoved salt in my ass for no reason. I don't know. Look at silver lining. You might not have gotten your sodium intake for the day. Yeah.

It leached through your anus. So that's the gross part too because if you put something in your drug in your ass that you're snorting afterwards it's yeah it's pretty gross thing to be snorting yeah but you might just want to i think if you just put coke in your ass yeah that could work too it might last longer too i don't know isn't it called boohing boofing that's the kids call that's what cavanaugh got uh what not not our friend cavano on judge cavanall when he was you don't remember that that was part of the trial where they were like asking him about shit he put drugs in his ass no they said what is boofing and he's like oh boofing is because it was like on his calendar it's like boofing on friday

I don't remember. I mean, this is how ridiculous that was. I wasn't even watched the trial, but that sounds like it was way more entertaining than I. But there was a problem where they were like they were trying to say that boofing meant like something to do with sexual assault. So they were like, because he took these weird meticulous notes of like, oh, on Friday, me and me and, you know, Scooter Bill are going to go hang out and boof. And he put that on his when he was like 18. And so they would in a, in a Supreme Court trial at like the high. highest level. They're like,

what is boo thing? Yeah. Well, the best is the coach sharky thing. What was it? Oh, my God. So there's his article. You got to read the article. So there's his coach in some school he got fired. Oh, I remember this. And all of the charges are hilarious. They're like, it says he put his penis in a hot dog like bun and said like, if you think that's a big dog, check out this.

Oh, my goodness. And then the next thing is like, it's like apparently the kids did juicing, which this is true. It was fucked up, but his response is hilarious. So he said like, juicing was like, I guess where people like put fingers in somebody's ass. I thought it was steroids.

Yeah, that's what I thought it was too. Yeah, yeah, that would make sense. But like, yeah, they said a juice situation. What an out of date. What a, you think it's steroids? What a fucking loser? That's fingering people in the ass.

But he like, it was so funny because he's like, his response, he's like, you got to show me the dates in times for these juicings and when they went on. He's like, I can't like confirm or deny. He's like, I don't, he's like, I need a schedule

for when this happened. Oh, my God. Because I was boofing with Judge Kavanaugh. I don't know. Is it boofing or juicing? I don't know what it is. Yeah, that's wild. That's such a funny story.

They said like he was drunk and like he drunkenly at like a retreat, like put his dick in a hot dog bun. Like obviously you should not show your penis to kids. Like that should be a clear thing. But like that just specific incident of it is like it's hilarious too. If you look at them like that's why you don't work with kids. Yeah. Because you can't make funny jokes.

No. Yeah, that's got to be, yeah. You can't make hilarious, topical. Yeah, kids change things like that. Put your dick in a hot dog bun with adults, hilarious. Yeah, great story. I was going to do that later today. You guys see the picture of the guy is so funny too because he looks like such like a,

like he's got like a bucket hat in and like he's got like a dip in in the picture. Like, yeah, that guy for sure. That guy definitely did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember the story now. And what's funny is at the time, I think when the. story came out, I was like a 17-year-old playing high school football.

And I was like, it's not that big of a deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's not, it's not like objectively as an adult, it's not good. But you're probably getting screamed at in practice. You're like, I wish he was more like coach Sharkey. Like, I could deal with the hot dog, dick and hot dog buzz. I would have thought it was so fucking funny. I'm like, oh my God, dude.

What's it? What's Coach Wolf? Coach Will put his dick in a hot dog. Yeah, because my head to people later. You're like, dude, it was a wild practice. Yeah. Yeah. See, one of our football coaches, he never put his dick in a hop dog bun, but he fucked a couple of people's moms. Oh, yeah. I thought he said he fucked a couple of us.

That's where I totally thought it was going. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this one coach, he, like, he fucked like five kids' moms. Oh, yeah. That's the whole point of becoming a high school, like, sports coaches. That's like the point of somebody's mom. That's. Yeah, his reviews were hilarious.

So they had, like, a teacher review thing. And I, like, when I commented on it, I was like, a, um, the name was Coach Wolf and I was like fucked my mom fucked everybody else's mom when the wolf is hungry he eats

and it was up there for like two years my favorite there's one there goes he said he's racist and then said five stars like out of five they didn't get or maybe they were like

oh he's the best teacher ever he's so fucking racist totally makes me feel at home yeah you don't have to worry about political correctness stuff he just calls out the Indian kids right when they walk in the door

no awkwardness was racist. I remember. Was he really? Yeah. Or no, maybe it was a different one, but they would, they would just pick on the, the Indian kids and the, in the Asian kids, because it's a private school. There's a lot of kids that, that are, like, first generation, Indian or, uh, or, uh, somewhere else in East Asia. And he would definitely treat them a little bit differently than, uh, than everybody else. Yeah. Like Sanjay, go take a fucking lap. Yeah. The way you say it, too, sounds funny, because I forgot we're talking about coaching. I thought of, like, just a classroom. Just, yeah, well, one of my friends.

I'm not going to say who, but he's a coach now. It's funny because he was talking about, he's going for an interview for, like, coaching, and he's also doing teaching interviews, and I got mixed up, and they're like, how would you discipline, like, a kid? And he's like, well, I'll make him do push-ups. But then I forgot he was talking about the coaching job. And I'd be really weird in a classroom. Just like, while people were taking exams or somebody who's doing push-ups. But for a coaching thing, it makes sense. I don't know. I could see it in the classroom. Like how somebody would think that's an appropriate disciplinary action.

Yeah. Someone would make that mistake. Yeah. That's probably, I mean, I don't know. You definitely, it would be cool sub. He's like the kids talking shit. He's like, you know what? Get up. Do push-ups or else you're out of here. It was like the weird thing.

Like, what were the disciplinary actions in like the classroom? They just made you sit outside in the hallway so you could talk shit with everybody that was in the hallway. Yeah, that was the best is we got kicked out with Sean one time. I remember in class. And then we got kicked out in the hallway and we're like, oh, we just get to fuck around for the next 45 minutes. Yeah, you just get to fuck around in the hallway. Yeah. There was, what was I saying, though?

You're talking about disciplinary. The coolest shit I ever saw was this one. teacher tried to, this one student tried to fight a teacher and the teacher was so cool that he went outside and talked to him and they came back like, smiling, shaking hands. Like this kid literally was like, I'll kick your fucking ass. I'll kick the shit out of you. And then he's like, I'm gonna change his name, but he's like,

Robert, I'm not gonna change that. His name is Robert. I know the story. I'm like, you didn't change his name at all. But he's like, Robert, come on, dude. And then like, they walk outside. They come back smiling and shaking hands. And then they just went back to class. I was like, that's badass. That's how you. Or he's like, I'm gonna kick your fucking ass. He's like, you're going to pretend to fucking smile when you walk back in there. He comes back in

with the fucking black eyes. That would be so fucking funny. You're just like, did you push that? He's like, no, no. You hit yourself, didn't you, Robert? He fell. He slipped as soon as he went outside. Oh, man. Now, we made the auto shop teacher quit one day. When I was in high school, he just lost

this shit one day. He's like, I'm sick and tired of all you kids, shooting nails out of the air, compressors. Call him me. Mario, smoking weed during lunch. He was like, no, he's like a little Jewish guy, but he always wore like a red shirt, blue jeans. He was like five feet tall and had a mustache.

He was like fucking Mario. Yeah, yeah. It's Mario. Yeah, it's Mario. We're different clothes. Yeah, like, you're setting it up, man. Wait, you had an auto shop in high school? Yeah, we did. I don't know if it's still there. Chicago, right? Where you from? What, no. Well, I went to high school here in Florida.

Oh, where'd you go? I went to Lake Mary High School. With the Lake Mary? They had auto shop? Yeah. sort of a bitch. I was there. I had to learn that on my own. I mean, I still had to learn it up. We didn't learn anything, but we didn't get it.

That makes me feel better. Yeah, we didn't learn it. It was terrible. We didn't learn anything. Oh, whatever. Yeah, that was wood shop. The teacher kept injuring himself so we didn't learn anything. See, I wish we had wood shop.

We had wood shop. Yeah, at Winter Park. Did you guys are woodshed? Yeah. It was kind of like a fuck around glass. I don't know. Yeah. One time, we almost got in trouble.

for stealing shit I wanted the donation bins at the high school. What was it going towards? Well, it was like, they were doing like a peanut butter and jelly food drive and like if you brought stuff in

you got like credit for class. So one day during a pep rally my friends and I was staying next to it and I'm like guys the donation bins right here. Like then nobody's going to see us. It's going to end up back here anyway. Let's take some stuff

and get some seeds. Right. So my friend John and I would take some jars. And our friend Nick is like pacing up and down the floor. He's like, I don't know guys.

I'm not about that. Like, just quick put him in a pussy and take it. Look at him now. What is he doing now? We turn it in. I'm like, okay. We can't turn it all in at the same time. They're going to know we stole it. So I'm like, I'll do mine first. John, you do yours tomorrow.

And Nick, you can do yours on the third day since you're such a pussy. And then so we do, me and John turn ours in, nothing happens. Nick goes to turn his in. And the teacher's like, did you steal this out of the donation? So the one kid is worried about it? The one who didn't want to do it was the one who got caught. Wait, I was so the money still went to whatever charity. Oh, it still went to the thing.

I thought you're like, you just fucking kid our high school had cancer. When you said, when you said get your Cs, I thought you meant go buy triple Cs with the money. No, no, I meant like, no, we were nerds. We were like the worst rebels. Like, we didn't like get high or nothing. We just, like, tore up posters in the hallway. We did triple C. That's what I was.

I was trying to figure out. Which is just cough medicine. It's cough medicine. We would just, like, bring alcohol to school and, like, show up the class drunk. That was it. It's funny. I don't have a bed in school drunk. I know.

I did a conference at a couple of times. It's senior year when you could go off campus and then come back drunk, totally different thing. Like towards the end of the year, it's like sometimes that would happen. But the kids that did it like freshman year, they would like wake up early, get a bottle of liquor. Their mom would drive them to school. They would get drunk and then just go throughout the day and then do it. And they'd just be hung over and fall asleep like fifth period or something like that.

Yeah. I'm kind of mad. I had like a moral thing again. I mean, this is pretty weird thing to do to get drunk. before school, but going back, I was like, I will not drink in school. It's dumb. And now I'm like, that would have been hilarious. You were doing cocaine, you're like, I'm not going to drink.

Cocaine and gym class perfectly. Well, I knew a kid, it was funny. I knew a kid that, like, he did a bunch of Molly at school, and then he was crying in the bathroom. Because he's like, he has a really bad come down also makes you really emotional. We're like, yeah, we just saw him crying in the bathroom. One of our friends that went in Wonder Park, he was saying that, it's like

he was just in the bathroom one day and then some kid came up to him and was like hey it was triple C's he was like do you want to do this like DXM this triple C's with me and he's like fuck yeah and so he just did it no idea like what the dosage like how many so he just took eight you know which is which is not

it's not a number you hit sounds like too many yeah yeah it's actually kind of the perfect amount but not for school yeah and he just said he was just he's just in class and I don't know if it was in class or he ran in the bathroom but if they're died

red. So if you throw up, it looks like you're just throwing up blood. So he just runs out, goes to the bathroom, and just red, just projectile everywhere. And it goes back to class. Like, just chilling, you know, like having a weird time.

I think I know who this is. You do know who this is. Yeah. Yeah. I just already know who it is. You're like, oh, it's you. This fucking dickhead I knew in high school, it's just you every time. I did amphetamines on accident in high school. Like not Adderall or Vibance?

No, it was like legit. I don't know what specifically it was. Probably meth. It was probably meth. But like that it was very close to it. Like we were in weightlifting class and everybody was doing it. Like they came in a little altoid container and they looked like alttoids and everybody was taking them. So like it must be cool.

Literally everybody's taking them. So I took one. And then it was like. It didn't taste like a mint though. So I was like, hey man, give me another one of those. I think I got a dud And he's like You sure man

It's like really addictive I'm like yeah Curiously Strong Mitz I get Give me Give me another one So he's like All right man

So I took two And then in math class I was like fucking Tweaking Losing my shit Like I wanted to stab This kid with a pencil So bad

I was like staring him In the eye And like squeezing the pencil In my hand And like shaking Shrin What was he doing I was in general

I just didn't like him I didn't like his face It's high on meth Well that's that That type of stuff, because I was like prescribed, I was still on prescribed Adderall. That type of stuff would make, I mean, it makes sense for like, also some crazy amphetamines, but it's like the littlest things just piss you off. Just like some crazy adrenaline rush over the littlest things.

And you also think you're like smarter than everybody. So everybody pisses you off with like anything they do. Yeah, that's, yeah, it was probably meth. I was on. Yeah. Now, that was for sure Adderall. Because that's, some kid probably had it was like, oh, I'm going to help everybody out. Yeah, we're all going to learn together.

And you just like, you just stab some kid in the neck with a pencil and you're like, that doesn't look like learning. He learned something. Really similar to methamphetamine. We're in how hard you got to stab somebody with a pencil. What was math class, too? Was it like, it was geometry? It was like, you have this speeder.

That's not geometry. I don't know. The angle. Yeah, something like that. The sign, cosine between your hand and his fucking throat. Yeah. My favorite is, okay, it sounds got a fucked up, but I don't know why this is a memory I just had.

So our math teacher, he had like a son with Down syndrome. And it's just funny that he addressed it on the first. first day with a slideshow. What? Looking back in it, I'm like, this is kind of weird, because it's like a little bit about myself. And he's just like, you know, here's my son. He has Down syndrome.

We got him from Yugoslavia. And so don't use the word retarded in my class. And then just like moves on. I was like, why would you need to? Yeah. I was like, you should probably wait for that situation to happen and then explain it. Right. Instead of like having like a slide show where you're like.

I didn't know you had a retarded son until right now. Yeah. Now I know you have a retardant. He was hit as a teachable. moment. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. It'd be funny, too, if he's just, like,

low-key, just like, look at him here. Look, see, look, I told you he has it. That's why, this is why I really, look the struggles. He's stupid he looked at. Did they know he was, I want to know, did they know he was returned when they got him? Or, like, did he just come? Like, what if he's bitter about it?

And that's, like, he's showing you the picture. He's like, yeah. No, no, they knew, like, ahead of time. Could you tell. explain to you why I'm such a grumpy guy. It's like my wife's pissed off me about this for five years. Could you tell?

I couldn't tell. Here's when we got him. Here's now. Is it our fault? That's hilarious. Yeah, no, I guess, yeah, no, he definitely did beforehand. He was like, yeah, we got it from like a U-Go. He's like, apparently they still have orphanages.

And like those, those, like, Russian, the fact there's like a Russian country, he sounded so sad, too, because he's like, yeah, we got it for some cold, like. You know, we still have orphanages in America. Yeah, we do have orphanages in America. Yeah, we do have. We do. We have orphans. They're very, like, few.

I mean, it's not like a big, creepy building that says orphanage. I mean, we have a system for it, and they stay in a place. Well, I'm sure there were more of them back in the day. There's, like, very few legit orphanages anymore. Yeah, yeah. That's a good thing. Yeah, it's probably going to reverse soon. Well, I mean, the ones that do exist are actually pretty good.

The ones that do exist are actually pretty good for the kids. They're really nice and stuff. That's like the homeless shelter in Tallahassee, one of the greatest places on Earth. I mean, really? Yeah, you did like volunteer. I had to volunteer for court-ordered volunteer. But then when I did, it's like, I'm talking to the guy and he's like, if you stay here long enough, the problem is people stay there when they need to. And then as soon as they get like a check or something like that, they'll just get the fuck out and go do whatever.

And then they go to jail and then they come back and it's like a weird cycle. And, you know, they'll stay there. But if you stay there for long enough, the government will give you like money. And then that will like put you, you can like enlist in their like program. And so you stay there, they'll get you a job. They'll get you a driver's license. They'll get you a social security card. All for free.

Like if you don't have one, you're just a homeless guy, like they'll get you your driver's license, your photo ID, your social security card. They'll pay for all of it. They could put you in a tiny house that they pay for it, that you don't have to pay for until you get enough. Yeah, no. Because I remember until I asking,

you were always like, people would ask for money and you're like, no, I know exactly. I know exactly because I went there a whole bunch of times. And then you'd see the, like, you could just, It's the most welcoming place. The food is not bad. There's constantly a group of fucking kids like me cleaning the place. Yeah.

You know what I mean? That's got to be a tough clean. That's amazing. It wasn't because so many people clean it all the time. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? So you only had to clean like a speck of homeless person's shit compared to like. No, I'm just wiping down walls and I'm wiping down windows.

Well, that's the thing. Is this like homeless people living in their car, like crazy people off the street? There's also, yeah, no, it's a lot. I saw somebody pissed themselves, like, right? And it's so funny. It's just, it's, uh, it's literally like me and the guy that works there. We're just like, he's like, George, come on, not again. And he's just standing there and he's like, ah, and just piss is running down his leg.

And he's just like convulsing and just yelling. He's like, fucking George, you're going to have to take a shower. But yeah, so there are people like, and I don't blame them for not being on their feet if they're, you know. Yeah, well, that's a big part of the issue is a mental health thing. Right. Exactly. Like, that guy is not doing great. You know, like, I don't blame him if he's, you know,

not fucking, you know what I mean. Just that same though. George. George. Come on. Come on. Because they let him out. They're allowed to leave.

They're allowed to leave. They let him out for like an hour. They're allowed to leave. I think they have to leave it like 8 a.m. Yeah. And then you have to be back. If you want to stay, you have to be back by a certain time. Yeah.

So you're not out doing like drugs all night or something. Right. Well, they'll just go across the street, which is I know that apartment complex. You bought drugs at that apartment complex. Yeah. They literally do it through the fence. They just sell drugs through the fence. And then they go to the gas station, which is right over there.

And then it's just filled with trash. That's mostly what we do is just clean up that area across the street. Because once they get out, they'll go across the street, buy drugs. And I see like heroin bags. And I'm like, bro, heroin is expensive. It's like $400 a gram. Most people don't know that. It's very expensive.

Yeah, that's why I'm like, how the fuck do you buy it? Right, right? How do you junkies afford it, right? Yeah, right. Yeah, it is wild. Do you think it's like watered down? heroin? Probably.

Well, usually it's very strong when they get it and they break it down for themselves. And then, you know, baby powder probably. Yeah. So I guess a little goes a long way. Yeah. It's pretty dark. Yeah, I was just trying to think of some hot heroin riffs. It's like the Costco of hard drugs, you know?

You can buy, you can make it last. Yeah. Exactly. A little goes a long way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was part of the episodes me and Mike did were like me saying something real and dark.

And him being like, all right, let's bring it back to... Well, I'm all about like to get fucked up jokes, but sometimes I'm like, I just, I don't have anything here. My heroin material is not what it used to be. Yeah, that used to be. That's always my problem is like every time somebody wants me to perform clean, like I'll do it clean, but it'll be like the darkest shit I've ever said on a microphone. Even darker than if you could curse. Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure.

And it's like, I don't know which people want. Yeah. Like, I didn't say fuck. I didn't say. I just talked about a kid that died. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

There's no curse words. There's no sex involved. Yeah. The problem is you didn't make a joke. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you just read stories from the newspaper. Yeah.

You just brought up a slideshow if you're a Slavian orphan kid with Down syndrome. And then I don't know. She said, nobody makes one of this. Nobody laughed and nobody drank. And you're not. coming back. I put a lot of effort in that slideshow. That might kill.

Yeah, I don't need that. It was funny. Dude, some of the weird stuff, I don't know if this is legit. I want to talk a little bit about that, the Epstein stuff with that dude that got shot. Or some dudes like a New Jersey lawyer or something like that, or like a Supreme Court, I don't know what happened.

That's why I mean, both of those are wrong. Some guy named Salas, his wife and kid got shot. No, he's like related to Epstein in some way. Salas is a woman, her husband got shot. So you're sexist. I actually don't know the story, but I know that part. I just assumed she was not working.

But then there's some weird things. Somebody told me that like a Disney crew stopped at Epstein's Island. And I'm like, I don't know if. But I immediately looked it up. I couldn't find anything on it. That seems too far fetched. Yeah, yeah. That would be like a weird situation.

Like, we're just getting gas over here. You're like, where did my son go? See, that's where it's going to be in, like, 10 years. It's going to be, like, a cruise, like a tour of, like, the Sex Crimes of America tour. And it'll be like, oh, here, and it'll go to, like, a cruise to the Virgin Islands. You take pictures outside the temple. Oh, I've seen stuff. Yeah.

Oh, I'm sure that's in 10 years. I think it's more than that. Because, like, you don't go to, like, Jeffrey Dahmer, like. People do, for sure. They'll do something like that. Yeah, they definitely do. There's, like, ghost tours and shit like that are, like, they do that. But I think it depends on how recent it is, though.

Yeah. They're not going to do like a ghost tour of like the 9-11 Memorial or something like that. Oh my God. There's not going to be like a thing. Like there's a certain amount of like time. That's my favorite thing is I went to that. Did I tell you, I went to that? And there's this kid looking at.

The ghost store of 9-11? Are you talking about the memorial with like the waterfall? I'm talking about the memorial with like the waterfall. Yeah. And this kid, it was so funny because this kid is just with his dad and they're just looking at it. And then the kid goes, why did they do this? And the dad just goes, because they hate America. And they just walked away.

And I was like, I hope that's just the end of the conversation. I mean, that was what they told us. Yeah. They hate us for our freedom. I know. But it is like a funny, just like, because they hate America. They just like, they walked away. Like, just.

That's the way. Like, we're still saying that. Yeah. Yeah, that's the first thing they said. That's the people with the Civil War. They're like, it's about states, right? It's like, really? Are we still?

Yeah. We're still using that excuse. Yeah. Yeah. It's a hard argument nowadays. Yeah. That's what I say about World War II. It's about States.

right. Yeah, yeah. That's what the Nazis we're fighting for. You gotta... No, but my favorite thing about the 9-11... I keep starting sentences

weird like that. My favorite thing about 9-11. There's a lot of cool things about 9-11. No. But we went with my mom and it was so funny because she's like,

she's like, you guys are no fun. Because we're on her phone this whole time. 9-11. I mean, it's a nice memorial. Yeah, it's great, but like, you're not supposed to be having a blast there.

Like, giving each other wet willies. You want to hear my favorite thing about 9-11? So my girlfriend is, a very spiritual, very spiritual person. She believes in, like, angel numbers. So when she sees one, one, one, one, one. Like, that means something.

Like, 11-11 means something. 9-11 is one of her angel numbers. So we'll just be driving around. She'll be like, oh, my God, 9-11. You're just like, what? She'll be like, 9-11. And I'm like, you can't say that out of it. Yeah, yeah.

And get excited about it, yeah. Like, I'm on board. Like, that's a good sign. But let's not tell anybody. Let's not get excited about 9-11. Yeah. I don't know. Wasn't it?

Casey Crawford used to have the joke about he's at the grocery store and they're ringing things up. Like it'll be 9-11. It's like, oh, I can't. I can't do that. Just take a few things off. Like, okay, it's 311. It's like, oh, that's such a shitty band. I'd rather have 9-11.

Put it back. I'll do none. I don't get weird about numbers like that. Like, I don't know. 69. Like, I still like, I'm like, ah, but like two seconds. But it's not like I'm like 666 like I can't. Yeah, no.

Or the number 13. Like that's another one. Yeah. Oh, I want to talk about this for a second. So we have a family friend who definitely ties are going to be cut soon. Not with my family, but with me and her, it's definitely. She's been liking my social media stuff. And I'm like, she's just like, I'm just going to go to these sides now because she's supposed to crazy shit.

So she posted like, I'll still be friends around. I don't give a shit. But it's so funny because she posted like coronavirus. And then she like added up all like the numbers that led to like 666. And she's like, what do you guys think of this? Okay, yeah, you need to get that person that. Yeah. Well, so funny, too, because, like, and then her other thing is she posted this thing about how, like, she said that, like, leaders of the Black Lives Matter movement are working at fast food restaurants and poisoning white people.

So, like, don't go to, like, any fast food restaurants. Oh, like, first off, like, I feel like only... They're going to Arby's and poisoning people. It's like Arby's Long John Silvers and, like, Carl's Jr., like, only the ones no one goes to. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, it's a weird... I don't think that's happening.

Don't go to Long John Silver's. a lot of black people at like a McDonald's and she's like, all right, they're up to something. It's like, there's a disproportionate number of black people working at the chick filet by my house. Yeah, yeah. That's suspicious. I think it's definitely tied into them trying to kill us.

My mom is getting bad about, she's like, she's out of nowhere become like an anti-mask person and is fucking tooth and nail fighting with her friends on Facebook. I mean, she's like, her friends are like, like just listen to the news like saying something and she goes

fuck you to like lifelong friends it's getting bad I told it last time I saw her I was like you need to get the it's that generation told us to get off the computer oh yeah now they're all over

yeah I'm like mom get the go outside get a kayak get off yeah it's crazy I started on following I also be friends in my face but I just want to follow them

right some people it's just so entertaining you're like what is yeah somebody posted something about like they're posting the number of coronavirus cases in like Middle Eastern countries and then showing a picture of the woman with the fast face masks it's like see the masks don't work

I was like I don't know if that's No this is Joe Sincabel already has a bit About the Muslims with the mask Oh yeah yeah yeah I want to say his thing No way you can't I can't say his thing I'll Google it later

Yeah just go Yeah Fucking I don't know We're such pussies about the mass thing Like when our grandkids are facing the zombie apocalypse, like we're going to sound like the biggest pussies. Like we had to stay inside. When we were in gas.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's the thing, too. It's like, I'm going to, as I said, like, I have a bit about it too where it's like, you don't like, I don't have a problem wearing a mask. Like, we definitely should be wearing them. But I also have a problem with the people that are like out of, like, I saw some guy who

I literally got drunk with at a bar. And this is before like, before like masks are mandatory. So we kind of didn't know exactly how much they helped. Yeah. But like this. guy was at a bar getting drunk with no mask. And the next, like, I think four days later, he posted a picture of all these dead bodies in the hospital.

He's like, this is why we wear masks. That's, that's everybody. And I was like, I literally have a picture. Like, I have a video where like he's at a bar without a mask, like, that day. And I was like, or like four days before that I was like, I was like, I was like, I just got to get knocking into all the Facebook. Because part of me wanted to, like, post it is to be like, what about you last week at so and so.

And then I'm like, then I'm that guy. Then I'm like, you can't keep moving. Promote your comedy. That's it. That's all I use social. media. Yeah. And then as I said,

I'll do like trolls that are like extreme trolls. Like there's a picture of a faceless person, like a faceless woman not wearing a dress and a faceless woman wearing a dress

or like some like it was like some transgender thing and I was it goes why does this offend you but this doesn't and then I go both offend me fuck faceless people and like I just took like

I was like I don't want them in my neighborhoods if you don't got a face get the fuck out sorry that's just my opinion but that's the shit where it's like everybody could most

you're the best thing you've been doing that for you You did that like 10 years ago. You were like in eighth grade and you would like comment like, like, you would comment random shit and people would just be like, oh, you were a troll before it was a troll. Yeah, yeah. You were like a 2008 troll. Yeah. But my favorite thing is I'll do the birthday thing where like if random people friend me on Facebook, I'll accept it.

But when it's their birthday, I post on their wall as if I like, I know them and shit. And I've had some nuts ones where I'm like, like, like, Darrell, you were there for me like when my grandma died, like all this shit. And then I'll be like, I said the same joke. like five to times. People always like it. Like they don't say anything, but like I literally said like five times. I don't do this now that I'm like 23.

But like I'd say like, man, what about that trip to Vegas? Like who knew that hooker was underage? L. Well, anyways. Happy birthday, bud.

Even that he'd no idea who they are. Yeah. They'll always just like it though. They'll be like, oh, this guy's silly, I guess. Like none of them will like,

yeah. Or they're all just like serious drug problems. They're like, fuck. I forgot this whole friendship I had with this guy. When did I go to Vegas? God damn it. I don't know.

What do you say when they post pictures of their retarded Yugoslavian job? Yeah, no, that's Yeah, I don't know. So, like, you don't feel uncomfortable having these people on your social media that, like, are just strangers?

Just totally. No, no, not really. It doesn't bother. I don't really give a shit. I don't know. Because, like, at some point, like, your Instagram, like, you want random followers. Like, Facebook, too, I don't really give a shit.

I like, because at some point... Are you concerned about it? What? Having, like, rain people? Oh, I wouldn't have those people. And I don't have those people. And I think just to troll them on their birthday. Like, no, it's such a risk-reward ratio of that.

Yeah, but also, like, if I make content, I can put that on my Facebook. And then that's still people that, like, my might not get on Instagram. And it's like, you're getting one fan at a time. Yeah, exactly. Facebook is the worst. It's like I've had a thousand friends for, you know, since I was in high school, I post something. And it's like, you know, my mom. Like, yeah, your mom likes.

Yeah, right? Whereas I was looking back from, like, from when I was, like, 15, I post something. I posted something that was like, Merry Christmas bitches, and like 200 people liked it. Like, all these girls were coming. They were like, oh, my God, this is so funny. And it was like, 15 to me, like, was just popping on. So now I post a full-length album on my fucking Instagram. And there's, like, three people like, oh, this could be better.

Yeah. Just too much of it. I just cut people out of my life with Facebook. Like, that's what I do. Like, I had, like, too many friends. I was like, there's too many people. Getting this down, like, sub-300. You're probably right.

For Facebook, that's a good point with Facebook. But, yeah, I don't know. I just, my Instagram's bad too, because I followed so many people just to get followers back. It's worked. Like, I've gotten, like, a bunch in the last couple weeks. But I'm also following, like, 5,000. Yeah, somebody looks at your thing and there's like, you have like 400 followers, but you're following 6,000 people.

Yeah, yeah, it's like that. But, like, I just wait until, like, last time I did this, I just waited a couple weeks until everybody followed me back that was going to it. And then I have that app that you go through and just unfollowed people to down. Yeah, it seems. It's kind of, I started, I started waning him down, not for any, like, not for the ratio, but just because I'm like, I don't like this, like, this girl from high school or like this fucking, you know, dude I met in college, you know what I mean? I have so many.

What happened with that guy you meant in college? I don't, I have so many fucking dude friends from FSU that I just, I just have never, like just got. Well, after that underage hooker in Vegas, you need to cut some ties. You just meet so many fucking guys. Yeah, it's like, I'm like, I don't. when am I, I don't know, we didn't hang out that much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was another weird thing about, like, that I, like, shouldn't have been

insecure about. I was like, there's a lot of guys on here, and there's nothing. Like, I got too many dudes on this. I'm going to keep all the women and cut half the dudes. That's like, people that tell. It's so funny. Just all chicks on your... The other day, I don't know.

I think me and you were hanging out, I was hanging out with someone, and we're talking about someone that we hadn't seen in a long time, and it was like, yeah, I don't know what they're doing, because they're never on social media and I'm like, they're probably doing better than all of us.

Yeah, because they're not on social media. They're probably having their best life ever and just don't care about posting about it. Yeah. They're not trying to hoard themselves out. Yeah, like everybody. Yeah, yeah.

It's, but I mean, with me, it's like, I realize I'm like, dude, I don't think, I think with all this podcasting shit that like just in a long run, it affects you like, I mean, you see people getting cancer from S&L and shit.

So I'm like, I feel like I'm just going to try to do more online stuff and hopefully pants somewhere in the next 20 years. I don't know. Who the fuck knows what's going to happen? That's what everybody's trying.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, especially now. It's like, what do we even doing anymore? Yeah, yeah, exactly. What are we doing? I'm just waiting for this Yugoslavia right now. Orphan bid.

We just turn it off. That'd be a great ending point, though. That would be awesome. Yeah. No. We all just thought it. No. We're only at 42 minutes.

Just 20 minutes of silence. I just be a walk off stage like that. I love it's the, funniest thing. Oh, I used to do it all. I would say exactly, I would say, what are we even doing here? and they just walk off. Because you get those crowds sometimes when it's like they're just being real shitty and you're like, you're not going to laugh at anything I'm going to say. Why are we even try it? Right, right. There's definitely people that go to an open my comedy show and take out their anger on the comics. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I did one. Dude, I did one like two weeks ago.

And I did not get them to face me. Like literally there are people at them are. They would not even They wouldn't turn around to watch you. Dude, this guy literally just goes, do better. I'm like, fuck. And I try to do better. And he's just like, come on, do better. I wouldn't even look me in the eyes. I was like, fuck.

The caboose used to be back in the day. Where what? The caboose, it's like down on Ivanholm. They used to have an open mic there. My white wolf cafe. Yes, that's the one. And it would be a bunch of people at the bar, not paying attention. Your only audience member was a dog that was just there.

It was a stray dog. Like if you like got them to turn around, like it felt great because you were like, oh, wow, I really got something. Yeah, yeah. But there was one time I was doing it. And these people were like playing pool and shouting over us the entire time. And my whole recording of that set was four and a half minutes of white noise. And then 30 seconds of me shouting kiss my ass. Yeah, because I feel like you'll go.

This is from smoking, not COVID. But like you like, I feel like you. you'll go in like that. I haven't quite found that way to just like say fuck. Because sometimes you can win them over by saying fuck you or whatever. Yeah, you kind of can sometimes. I mean, it all just depends on like your persona. Yeah, that's like with me,

they might just be like, what? Like if you just started doing that, it would be weird. I'd be like, what's Michael doing? Yeah, yeah, but for you, it kind of makes sense. But when I do it, they're like, that's his thing. That's just really. Right, right, right. You have the accent too.

It makes it work. Yeah. Sometimes if you, if you're shouting at people and you sound too much like a white guy, it's like, hey, you guys need a stop. Right now. Stop it. Well, that's my favorite about one of our friends starts with the J.

I don't give a shit. You know who I'm talking about. But he'll get in fights and he'll like, he can, he's like a strong guy, but he just, his shit talk is just so bad. Like, you got to fight with one time and he goes, get off me, man. That's the embarrassing thing about fighting is the shit you say.

Like that was, like one time downtown, I was kind of a fight with a guy. And I shouted to him, like from across the street I'll make a man out of you I take it back and tore his ass apart I took his virginity so then we went to prom

I had a friend who like who would say like the weirdest shit like that like he was in high school he got in a fight and then he just yelled at the guy's like I was born naked what what does that have to do with anything

like do you remember it I think we all were. Yeah. That's weird as fuck. I got a fight in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, and I don't, I don't remember. I was drinking Everclear. It was Steve and, and, uh, I got, I punched some kid in the face in their fraternity.

That was like, the smallest kid in their fraternity. I was like, this. Went for the lowest hanging in three. I know. I really, I'm like, like, like, just a little bit bigger than him. You know what I mean? And, uh, I remember, like, it was like, you know, our friends, our friend was like, hey, these are my friends from Florida.

And I blacked out completely. But I remember taking my shirt off. I have a tattoo of Florida. And I remember being like, not where I'm from. He's like, he called me a pussy that don't fly. Like people call me a pussy in Florida all this stuff. Oh, my God. That was like the time I got blackout drunk at that bonkers show.

I got fired from. Oh, yeah. I heard. I heard the story. I shouted. As they were throwing me, I shouted. I don't need the. bar.

I got liquor stores, bitch. Not that he called me a fag or anything like that. I, like, was insulted that he said the bar should cut

me off and that he thought that was going to stop. Yeah. And then I was, he's probably right. When they said they had a video up it,

I was like, oh, I didn't say the N word. Yeah. That'd be so, that'd be, it was the guy, the guy wasn't black, was he?

No, it's not. I know what you're saying. I'm like, just like random shit. Yeah. Let's clarify. You don't say the N word. Yeah.

Yeah, but I get what you say. It says something super fucked up. Ew. Not like the Hulk Hogan sex tape. You have a one of that story? Well, we've talked about too much in the podcast, but like, we talk about it at length. Yeah, Hall Kogan basically has a sex tape.

Oh, the Hulk Hogan sex tape. Yeah, where he says the N-word and there's no black. It's just him and a white woman that have sex. Yeah, it's weird. Yeah, it's like there's no context for it at all. Yeah, right. Not a bad sex tape. Everybody should know it.

It's not the worst. Yeah, I've been recording, because I have a feel recorder, so I record, so I record like ambience. I'll record like street noise and stuff like that. And every now and then I'll be like a little too close to the cafe downstairs. And I'm like, I hope nobody, like one day someone's going to say the N word and I'm going to catch it. And I'm going to like ruin their lives. Totally accidentally.

Like I put it up like street noise like in my song or something. You just hear some guy like, I just can't stand. Someone's like, is that Jim from accounting? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. So are you spying on people? Oh, I totally, I was doing it the other day.

You'd be funny. What if you just hung? He has a balcony. You have a balcony on the outside. What if you just, like, hung, like, one of the cuff with, like, a string. And it's just, like, clearly, like, dangling onto somebody's table. They're just, like, what the fuck are you doing? I almost wanted to do a prank here, but the prank's already been done.

I wanted to, like, drop, like, a fake baby off the balcony when people walked by. Oh, my God. But they'd just be so casual about it. Be like, can you just toss it back up or something like that? But there's like nine videos of people doing that already. With real babies, too, so I can't be... They already topped you. That's some shit someone would do.

I mean, someone got arrested. Michael Jackson almost did. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he, like... I think he caught him in time. Yeah, he got him. The kid ended up being fine. Nothing else happened after that.

Where's he? That was his kid, though. That was Blanket, right? Isn't that the thing? His name was Blanket? Didn't he have a kid named Blanket? I don't know. This is like before our time. What are his kids' names?

Blanket. Pillow. I'm going to look this up. Oh, man. Yeah, we're probably born after this happened. No, this was like late. This is deteriorating Michael Jackson. This wasn't like King of Pop Michael Jackson.

No, yeah, you're right. Yeah. This was like late 90s. This is like late 90s early 2000. This could have been right before he died. I don't remember. Prince Paris Michael. Blanket.

Also knows Blanket. Now called Biggie. What? Oh, my God. Yeah. No, that's just wild, because I remember, like, I don't know if I've talked about this on here already, but, like, I was at Boy Scout camp when I found out about it. And we, like, we only knew him as a child molester

because it was, like, when, like, I was like, oh, that child molester also made music. Like, I didn't know because it was like, during the, he died, like, I think a couple years. 2010. Yeah, but it was a couple years after, like, his pedophilist. Yeah, no, like, his pedophilia stuff was, like, mid-late 2000s.

Yeah. When I grew up, and that was all, you would, they would say, like, That was like fourth, fifth grade when that stuff came out. That was like the funniest joke. Yeah, when you're in fourth grade, you say like, oh, you Michael Jackson, you touch boys, and I'm like, ha ha ha ha. Yeah, but it's funny for me because what I heard was like, a boy scout him, somebody actually told me with his straight his face.

They're like, yeah, he choked on a little kid's penis. And I, like, that's how he died. For like a week. Because, like, that's all I knew about him. So if a week and a half, I was like, that's great. I mean, it's fucked up. He was doing that. But like, that's weird that he died that way.

This was like, no, he overdosed on drugs. And I was like, okay. Yeah, he got killed by a doctor. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He was fat. That was like one of the first big fentanyl deaths. Well, no, not.

On purpose. Doctor also happened to be the father of one of the kids that. No, but he was giving him like crazy doses of fentanyl. Yeah, like, yeah. Because he had like reasonable back problems and stuff like that from performing. But he gave him like, and that's how Prince too. Yeah. And then I think Tom Petty was also fat.

Tom Petty. I forgot he died. Tom Petty's dead. Tom Petty, dang me. I was never a huge fan of his. I don't know. There's no reason for me to say that. Yeah, I remember going to like a record, like Park Ave CDs, and they had a local musician section, and they had Tom Petty in there.

I'm like, that doesn't fucking count. He's from Florida. He's like, one of the biggest artists of all times. He's not a local musician. Yeah, yeah. He's from Gainesville. But they own it in Gainesville. They're like, dude, we are Tom Petty.

We are all Tom Petty here. Yeah. Are they really? Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's kind of like, I think a lot of FSU people like, just because Jim Morrison went there. for a year from the doors. It'd be like Springsteen and Asbury Park.

Like, yeah. Yeah. They fucking worship him. Oh, yeah. The way they worship Tom Brady in New Hampshire, they worship Springsteen in that part of it. In that part of Jersey? Yeah, Jersey and in South Pennsylvania.

Yeah. They love it. Tom Brady, bringing it back around to the... Oh, too. When you go to New England, it's crazy, bro. It's like grocery stores. It's like a shrine. It's like, you know, in North Korea,

how you see... It's like that for Tom Brady? Yeah, no. It's like you see portraits of him everywhere. That's weird. It's crazy. They have his jersey up everywhere, and they have, like, they all, like, have, like, badly painted murals of them, like, throwing a football.

Oh, man. That's weird, because it's also weird because he's still alive. It's weird to have, like, those murals. Yeah, right, right, right. Well, he might as well be dead. He's going to Tampa Bay now. Go bucks, by the way. No one cares.

Oh, yeah. That's fucking crazy. Tom Brady going to live two hours away from Tom Brady. I'm going to live so close to Tom Brady. Did he break into the wrong house or something? Break into the wrong house? He, like, went to, like, the wrong person's house. But the people were super cool with it because they're like, it's Tom Brady.

I'm like, oh, sorry, yeah. If he came in right now. He's like, oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. Well, he followed his fan base. They were all young when he was playing for New England. Then they got old, retired in Florida. And he followed, he followed him.

It's actually the same exact people. It's the same people, yeah. I know somebody that one of my brother's friends drunkenly went into the wrong house. I don't know how you get that. Like, I get it if it's apartments like this. Apartments, yeah. But, like, the houses look like nothing alike. Like, he was just in his neighbor's house.

Danix is a hell of a drug. Yeah, I guess that must have been what it was. But yeah. Weird stuff. Then he got like, I guess he was riding a bike and like the cop like drove by him and like apparently like grabbed him and threw him off his bike like from like the side of like the thing. And he said it was just in the jail cell like really drunk. He just hear the cop like bragging about it. But he said there was like different cops coming in.

So he had to hear the same story like 10 times. He's like, oh yeah, you got to hear how I got this guy. That's so funny. Yeah. That's how probably like my girlfriend feels at like parties because I'll tell a joke and then I'll tell like somebody else to come by. Yeah, and I'll sell the same joke and she's just like, God damn. Oh, I do the same thing all the time. Yeah.

Yeah, I do the same thing. You guys have reasons to your comedians. I just do it because I'm... Well, no, because people need to hear it. You're like this is going to enrich your life. Yeah, dramatically. Yeah, people need to know everything that I'm thinking at all times. It's important stuff.

Yeah, I don't know. I also like, I hate silence, so I just like, fucking, I have to always be talking about something. Or singing to myself alone. But that was bad because one time I was hanging out with a friend. I was like, yeah, you know, I talk a lot because I can't stay in silence. And then, like, it was somebody I kind of knew. And then she goes, yeah, sometimes it's better just to be quiet. What a bitch.

And it was just me hanging out with him on like a subway. I like the subway. So we're like, we got like a 25 minute ride. We're just sitting each other. So you guys like, I was like, does this guy even like me? And then he like, I've noticed that about you. What's up? No, he's like, yeah.

notice that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do that all the time. When to shut the fuck up. I don't know, man. Well, the problem is, like, when you're trying to have, like, a conversation with somebody on the subway, and it's, like, a fine, friendly conversation, but then they take it to some weird place, and they don't want to stop talking about, like, politics

or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, like, talking way too loud about it on the subway, like, calm down. Yeah, yeah, sure the fuck, yeah. And when you're trying to have a fun conversation with someone on the subway, and they're like, hey, I don't know you stop talking. Yeah, yeah, it's harassing some random person. Like, you smell, like, you smell, like, piss.

Yeah, that's a disgot. That's one thing I don't miss. I don't know. I had fun on it. I liked the being able to drink and not worry about, like, Ubering places and stuff. Yeah, that's what the South is, there's no trains anywhere. It's a fucking. Honestly, you're not missing out on the train thing.

Yeah. I mean, New York is pretty great. Chicago, it's fucking awful. It's just, oh, yeah. You're taking your life in your own hands. And they're not as efficient either. Really? I remember Chicago one time, when on.

the train and some lady came up to me and grabbed me like like her arm around me and was like hey like you do heroin oh yeah it's like i'm 16 oh yeah that's yeah that's a typical train right in chic i say it all the time oh yeah people would like be so scared for me like when i would leave a place to go ride this train back home and night they'd be like finney not get on the train and i it's all crackheads and homeless gay hookers just don't do it and i'm like i'm gonna be fine and i'd get on the train literally me and a train full of crackheads and almost gay hookers. It's like they don't know you're really a homeless gay hooker. And I think they were like all kind of looking to me like, is he, is he a gay hooker?

Yeah, yeah. You're like, I don't know. Like I was literally the only like regular person that rode the train at night in Chicago. It was like that's got to be exact. Yeah, like in New York, I'd drive it, I'd ride it at night, but like, I don't know they're sketchy people, but like, I've heard it's way worse now. Everybody says like New York, like, dude, it's not. It went back in 96.

They're saying. They're saying it's like. Prime rate literally went back to 96. Yeah. I'm saying it's bad. I'm hoping those porn theaters come back. I don't know. I would like just meet people.

Tim Dillan was saying. He's like, I don't know. Maybe we can go 86? Maybe 76? That is what I want to go with my buddy. One time my roommate we were walking around and we saw a porn theater in like, or not porn theater, but like a strip club. And they had like a marquee with like old like, like you know what I'm talking about like the little like, you know,

Sasha dancing tonight. And the pictures were like from like. 85 on like the wall and I was like I really hope those same people are working here and it's just one of those like real they're still playing like poison yeah on 45 records in a jukebox like how comedians use their headshots from the 80s yeah they're all the headshots promo shots from the 80s and they're like still dancing yeah you're like okay they did not look like this my favorite thing I saw to you I saw so many people smoking crack and doing heroin but my favorite is like one time I was listening to motley crew

and it was perfect because I was walking up out of the subway to Times Square. And this woman is just taking the biggest rip of crack. It was, like, impressive. And then she blows it out, and then it was playing, like, kickstop, my heart. I'm like, ah, yeah, let's get it. I was one of, like, high files.

Like, that was very cool. That's the great thing about New York City. Like, you'll be in Central Park, and there'll be, like, some lovely scene of, like, kids playing, like, something from Sesame Street, but then they'll just be a tweaker in the middle of them. Just, like, totally overdosing on heroin. And the kids are just running around and playing, like nothing's happening.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's my favorite thing. I showed you guys, like, like, my doorstep, there was this one time where I've had it twice where there's been half naked people in my apartment. Not like in the room itself, but like in the hallway and stuff. And like the last time it was so bad because like the dude's like, he was basically, you know what goading is. He put your balls between your legs. So you're moving somebody. You could see their balls. So it was so bad because I was trying to wake him up. Because I wasn't. He passed out like goading basically. So he passed out like goading basically. Okay. So his ass was hanging out, but also his balls, you could see from the back. His tucked balls, you could see from the back. Yeah. And it was so bad because I was trying to wake him up because I wasn't. Like, just gonna be like, fuck you, I'm calling the cops. I was like, dude, like, you gotta get up. Like, you gotta get up? Because I don't know what somebody else is gonna do.

Don't want to touch his balls. Yeah, I was like, you don't want to touch the guy, but yeah. I was notching his balls. Did you tickle him? Did you tickle him? I was like, don't maybe get the feather from upstairs. You gotta go. You gotta go.

Sure, I'm gonna bring out the whipped cream. It's gonna get whipped. He's just like, oh, no, don't eat my ass. It's this game we play. every couple weeks. Sir, I'm going to... Yeah. You should have come out in a Gimp costume,

be like, are you my 4 o'clock? Yeah. My 4 o'clock on Wednesday. Yeah. No, but I didn't, I called the cops because it was like... Gimp slash hazmat suit. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, right now. I was thinking about making a prank video like that because whenever I buy alcohol, I have to take my mask down, and I kind of want to do one where I have a ball gag under it. I feel like that'd be kind of funny. That's great.

That's funny videos should do that. The other ball gag video you have is one of the funniest things. I still, every now and I'll see the ball gag video. Oh, it's hilarious. Yeah, I go to, uh, to get tickets to a 50 Shades movie when it came out. You were a ballgame. And I'm like, by myself with like a box of chocolates.

It's on Valentine's Day, too. Oh. It's funny, too, because the way it's shot is like, it's not only because you can't really see the person, but like, I'm just walking across, like, a party. Like, you dress nice, sleep for it. Yeah, I'm wearing a dress shirt and everything. That I just ask him, like, I think I'm great. too much in it, but the person, like, they weren't even fazed by it, dude.

We used to fuck around it. Because the movie theater or college, dude, we went one time to do, like, a Vin Diesel movie, and we all wore bald caps. And they were just like, they were just like, well, we don't care. Yeah, people don't care about those care of things. Yeah, they hate their life, too. So they're like, this is, like, the fact you were trying to bring joy into this place is not fucking funny.

There's that one, that one movie theater in Tallahassee, not the AMC, but the shitty of the regal, has like pictures of, like, it has, like, murals, big murals, like Tom Brady, of celebrities that aren't famous anymore. It's like, it's like, Like Scott Bayo or something like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be like, like James Dean or something like, like, old school celebrities that like, like, no one would know by face anymore.

I think people would still know James Dean. No, not James, but like people from like the, like, I know what you mean though. Like Scott Con or something like that. Like James Mason or somebody like kind of obscure like that. Right, exactly. And they're just big. Or Scott Conn.

That would be a great one. It's a mural of Scott Con. Who is Scott Con? He was, he's James Conn's son. I know James Conn's. He was in Oceans 11. I was thinking of James Conn. I was thinking of James Con.

Scott Con is the younger one. The Hawaii 5-0 reboot, I think. He's famous. He was actually. Chris O'Donnell, somebody like that. What was it, the Wooligan? What was that hip-hop duo? He was a part of the Wooligans.

I don't know. Yeah, he's famous for being James Conn's son. If you're a son, I feel like of an actor, like, that's the same thing. Like, Tom Cruise has a son who's like, he's, he's like a rapper and he uses the N word. Oh, really? But he's just like. Tom Cruise's son. It's a white rapper that uses them.

Yeah, yeah. I was just not all over the internet. Yeah, yeah, because they're just like, they're like, it's. Scientology's keeping it quiet. Yeah. That's what it is. But it's so funny, too, because like his other brother, because he has one of brother, Colin Hanks, who like, you notice him if you saw him and stuff.

Yeah. But he's just like, yeah, my brother's just doing his thing. But they didn't ask him. They're like, you know, he uses the N-word and his rap. They didn't say that. That'd be funny, though. I mean, I've engineered rap and produced rap for white rappers that use the N-word. And it's always the hardest thing to be like, hey, so maybe not use this take.

Yeah. Maybe rewrite this because, you know, that whole N-word thing. And they're like, they have no idea what you're talking about. They're like, I'm black. Like, I literally had some guy that was like, you don't understand. I was raised around black people. I grew up, like, all my friends were black. I have black family members.

Like, I'm black. And I'm like, I get you. Like, I get what you're saying, but let's not do that. Yeah, right. Let's pretend we don't know all of that. Here's a picture of your face. Yeah, exactly. Do you think this person should be saying?

I also had some guy. He's like, wait, that's what it looks like. He's like, Jesus, I'm going to do this for years. I didn't realize. I made a whole album with this. guy. All this work made the whole album, you know, like 13 songs. Yeah.

This whole time he thinks he's Hispanic. He grew up in Broward County. He's like, he's like, he's introduced himself. Oh, you mean like culturally he feels Hispanic. Yeah, he doesn't speak Spanish, but he's like, my family is Spanish. At the end of the album, he gets a DNA test just for other reasons. Wait. He's 100% white.

He's like Eastern Year can. And he said the N word throughout this entire album. So we get to the end of it. And I'm like. it still hasn't been released but the DNA test isn't it the album the album though right no no no you said it you said he gave it's a part

of the aisle no no no no yeah what's up my N words it's like time to do my DNA test now that would be hilarious that would be the best ending to an album I think no it's after we had done all the songs

and he gets a DNA test and it's like well you can't say the N words that would have been a great plot twist could have led into another album could have been like a well that was there's another funny one of those Have you seen the one where they do? I don't know if it's real, but it's like on one of those talk shows and like this white supremacist guy finds out he has like African ancestry.

And he's just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's like, it's just not true. And they're like, yeah, no, we did the test. He's like, I don't believe it. And they're like, yeah, you, yeah, there's a likelihood. Pretty much anybody could have like a percentage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's wild.

But some people think Tom Hanks is a pedophile now. What? Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't make sense. I believe it. I mean, it's possible. I shouldn't say that.

We say that, but then it's like everybody. Of course it's a possibility, but like... Oh, wait, oh, no, I want to go out the mural things I was talking about. There's this one club in New York. It's not a club, it's like a music venue, but they do a lot of comedy there. And they have paintings of all these famous people in the wall, and they have a Bill Cosby painting, like, mural like you're talking about still there. But they just, like, put, like, a cage over his face.

Are you serious? They have to... Take down the fucking mural. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're going to have to do that for, like, everyone else that gets arrested for that. Well, no, they have to do that. there too but they don't they didn't do anything without oh yeah until he goes to jail obviously what's up until he goes to jail yeah i mean witty allen has that much no no cosby's probably he's probably not

one of the worst race or not rapist rapist and like yeah people think about provable history yeah you told me that i mean when you look at it like yeah it was a lot it's insane amount of women he raped for sure like he definitely did it like that chappelle skit he's like in that whole time he was raping 40 What was that one? He was like, Bill Cosby All the great stuff he did for the African American community. He said sketch and I was like, I don't remember.

I was like, that's weird that he knew that in the Chappelle show. It was just like, hey guys, he's doing it. No, not sketch. They have it with some shows like drawn together. They had like a bill caught. They got like sued by Bill. You try to sue them because they had a joke about him being a petafar or a rapist. And then like that show was wild.

We used to watch that show all the time. You ever heard of drawn together? Yeah, I have heard of that show. It was like a cartoon. It was on Comedy Central and they had like, So they have like, it's like they're all living in a house together like a reality show, but they're all cartoons. They have like a SpongeBob type guy, like all these archetys. But it's really fucked up, but it's pretty funny.

Yeah, they had some real, like, they had some racist, racist being. Yeah, yeah. Like that weren't like somebody being racist and you make fun of, no, like the bit was racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or super offensive to whatever other community. But it's also 2006 Comedy Central. Like stuff like that was like all over the place. Yeah, yeah.

It was that whole we make fun of everybody thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But just this group more than anybody. I'm sure. I mean, kind of. We make fun of everybody, but, like, particularly the Jews. Yeah, there's a lot of Jewish.

But that is funny, too, because shows, like, family guy have, like, apparently, like, predominantly Jewish writing staff. So they do have, like, a lot of Jew jokes? People, like, not knowing it. They're like, what is Seth McFarlane have, like, an issue with Jewish people? You're like, no, the writers are, like, Jewish people making fun of their own culture. Right, right. Which is a, okay. I say that because I have a Jewish grandma, so I make Jew jokes all the time.

Yeah. The way you said that, too, is funny, too. It sounds like just, I know, like, you're related to it, but it sounds like she's, like, the only Jewish person in the whole entire family lineage. I mean, that's what it's like because she never taught me. I wish I grew up Jewish. I say it all the time. I wish if I had Judaism. You had that Jew money and that.

Well, you learn how to manage money when you're a 13-year-old. You get a lump sum of money, and you have to figure out how to not spend it. Like, that's, you know, that's, you learn that. I'm learning that as a fucking 23-year-old 10 years later. I'm like, fuck. What do I do when I have money? Do I, you know, put it into cocaine and put it up my nose? Or do I invest in stock market?

Yeah. And the Jewish answer. Both. I was like, honestly, at this point, you might want to take your chance with the cocaine. Get a much quicker return on that. Yeah, right. Yeah. No, Florida's fucked right now with the – it's so funny, too, because I was talking so much.

I was like, dude, because everybody in New York is like, they're going a couple months from now Florida's gonna be just like New York and I'm like yeah go fuck yourself no it's not I was like you guys got we have subways up it's so funny too because like coming down here I was like because they were stopping people at the border coming from New York and saying like he got a

quarantine and I was like that's bullshit I'm like a Florida resident and then I file for unemployment I'm like it's bullshit I'm not getting an employment like I'm a New York resident I'm just a giant hypocrite with that but that's everybody right now that also ends next week so but as I said it's like annoying though because like I started trying to work down here

and then they just like cancel it completely and they're like, yeah, you have to refile this stuff. So I was like, all right, I'll do a couple more weeks and then. But I also don't live down here, so start for me like a full-time job here. I mean, I'm going up in a week and a half. Yeah.

Well, also the residency thing, you're not really lying either way. You technically are both. Yeah, I kind of do, yeah. Yeah. My license says Florida, but. Yeah. But you're a part of your address in New York.

Yeah. 22 years. You live in New York for one and a half. Yeah. But I want benefits from both. Yeah. We all want the best of both worlds. Yeah.

You can't feel bad about taking them. When you see how much money gets thrown around. Like my sister was like, I got the stimulus check. I didn't really need it. And I put it in the bank. And she was like, I feel bad. Like I have this $1,200 sitting in savings. I'm like, that's no money.

That's no money. Yeah, that's not going to last at all. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, that's nothing to feel bad about. When you look at like, they gave fucking $40 million to like name a museum. You know what I mean? It's like the fact that you have $1,200 in your savings account isn't taking money from any money. That's not the problem.

Yeah. It's people that are on it for like years and years. Even that, I don't think that's necessary. I don't know anything about the economy. You're talking about museums, though. I went to the science center last weekend. What was the last time you guys went there? Which science center?

Do you want to go to one? No, I don't think I've ever been to. I love that one. So I forgot it was a kid's thing. My girlfriend got really high and went to it. And it was just us and then just families. I was just like, it was so weird. We're just looking like dinosaur bones and stuff, just like very high.

And then like, but then we ran to one. Was it? Was it fun, though? I mean... Oh, I had a great time. Yeah. They had lots of dinosaur bones and then, like... I didn't think it'd be open.

Alligators. Oh, yeah, the Science Center, yeah. Yeah, there's... Just don't touch anything. Social distance and all that. Yeah, I was... They didn't have, like, any COVID. I don't know.

Precaution. I don't know why they'd have an exhibit about that, but I don't know. I was hoping for a COVID exhibit. I was like, in the back of my mind, I was like, this would be kind of poor taste, but I kind of want to know. It takes a while to put it together. Yeah. Yeah. Not really.

It's a science center. They probably just put like balls with little sticks coming out and they just make like the virus. Like this is what it looks like. Yeah. Remember when we were kids they had that exhibit with like people's skin? It was like real skin. Yeah, yeah.

They had like, yeah, they had like mummies and shit at one time. Yeah. They like, it was like weird controversy around it because they were like Chinese prisoners that. That's where the skin came from. It was like China because they like cut up prisoners. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Oh, yeah. Those like bodies without the skin on them and it was like Chinese prisoners.

Yeah. That's weird. it's crazy. Yeah, yeah. I don't understand why that was controversial. I don't know. Was it just people that it was Chinese people? No, no, no.

Well, I get what you're saying. It's controversial because like they're, you're saying they're the murdering prisoners. Well, because, you know, the story you hear is like, they volunteer their life. They're like, oh, we're making money from, yeah. Right, exactly. You can be like, yeah, okay, let's kill some more prisoners. Well, because they could tell us they gave it up. They said we can do this, but I'm like, what do we, we're trusting you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just such a weird thing to me. It's like, hey, you can make all the license plates you want off of these people. But don't you skin a dead one and use it for education? Yeah, but at the same time, though, I get what you're saying, though, like, once you have people that could execute people and make some money with it. Oh, I get what you're saying. And they could just be like, it incentivizes it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, we have a hundred more. It's like, where do they? Oh, they all volunteered their lives. Yeah, it had to be to science. It happened to die just at the same. time. I'm also, I have a very Frank Reynolds attitude. I have a very throw me in the trash. Throw me in the trash when I die. I don't

care. I don't care. I think. Yeah, I don't really care either. You're gone already. Who cares? Make me into a tree. I don't care. Make you into a tree? Oh, I know what you're saying. It was very good. Like, I really do care. I'm like, yeah, I want to be a tree. Yeah. So that my life force will go into the tree. I mean,

I don't really care, but. You're saying it's like fertilized. I don't know. I'm thinking of what. No, that's a thing that. Now, Michael is planning how What are we going to do with you when you're dead? I'm going to fucking make you into a tree. What do you mean they make people into trees? No, they like put like they'll, like put your body in this like thing with like seeds and roots so that what you could plant it and then a tree will grow and your body will decompose into the roots of that. How long have they been doing that?

That's cool. I look a couple of years. I saw one thing about it. Oh, okay. Because I was on mushrooms one time I saw a face on a tree. I was just weirdly thinking about it. I was like, is this? You're just going to haunt people.

That's the annoying thing, too. Anytime I've taken, like, I don't really do something like that anymore because it freaks me out. But I remember, like, anytime I done mushrooms, the faces weren't, like, fun. They were just, like, serious, like, Benjamin Franklin looking, like, just, like, staring at me, just like. I'm like, that's not a fun thing to stare at. I don't know. It's your ancestors. They're fucking dicks then.

They're disappointed with you for all the drugs. People are so weird about, like, their aunt. I don't really care that much about my ancestors. I don't know. I think some of them. them were sconebags. I'm like, yeah. I mean, it's cool. It's cool, like, lineage, but like, I don't know any of them. Yeah, I think it's cool. I don't know my great-grandpa. Yeah. I also know my grandpa. It's one of those things

where, like, I feel like if there were any good stories that already know them. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's like, I do have some cool ones. Like, my, um, my mom's grandpa, Joey Putiano came from, like, Italy, like, with like, 10, like, you know, like the typical, like, really cool story. And then, like, he, like, you know, made a fuck ton of money. You're like, That's cool. But then I'm like, what about the people in the 1800s? What were they up to?

I was like, I don't know if I want to hear. They were killed by the Sicilian mafia. Just one after the other. Well, I'm saying, because I have like the other side that's like been in America like forever.

And they're like, yeah, there were sharecroppers in the South. I was like, that's what they were doing? I don't know. What were they up to? Yeah, like,

what do you find out? You're just like, I don't know. I'm never done an ancestry test, but I'm curious. I want my sister to do it. So we have the same results, but I don't want them

You think they're like doing stuff with it? No, I just... They're using it to jerk off? No, no, I think that like... Why did you go, no? No. I think it's like right now, I don't think the... I don't think like any police has my like DNA profile, but they would like a, you know... Well, that was the other thing.

Like when I did... When I did one of those things, people were like, dude, they're going to make like clones and shit. Like they already have your DNA. You don't think they already have it from all the doctor visits and stuff? Maybe. Yeah, I could see that. Well, I think clones environment. Dr. scrapes.

You're fucking... You're fucking... You're a bunch of your back. He's down there. What do you think? You think he's checking for her and he is when he's grabbing your balls? He's just getting that...

That essence. He's clipping some nut hair and his... Growing a little U-tree. Growing a little U-Tree. Every somebody was like that? Just a little bonsai tree. That's like a little bird's view. That's going to be Michael one.

I knew some girl in high school that thought that, like, cloning when they cloned go. She thought there was like a machine that scanned them and just made it. So she's like, what if one goat's leg breaks, does the other one break? And they're like, no, they're two separate organisms entirely. Like, it's not. But it's weird, because I was talking to some tutor I had in college.

And I was like, he's like, yeah, no, we totally. He's like a genetics guy. He's like, yeah, no, we totally have the potential to like make humans. It's just not ethical. Like, yeah. But we did that, like in the 90s and then kind of forgot about it. Like the whole cloning. Like, it was huge in the 90s.

Everyone was like, oh, my God. When they cloned the sheep. And then we just kind of, it's probably the way it should be. But I guarantee you there's some offshore labs somewhere. I was talking to him. I was like, do you think people have been cloned? He's like, yeah. He didn't like look around like that.

I wish he did. That would be great if they did. He's like, I've got to go. He's just some fucking guy. Yeah, yeah. He's just like a, yeah, genetic professor at like FSU. There's no way. There's no way.

Not to be a dig to the university, but there's no way they're using him. He's not the top, top. Yeah. No professor at FSU. Yeah. It exists to anything. Yeah, no. Unless it's like some new date rape drug that's been.

Yeah. The newest or the greatest. Just some fucking dude, he's got the flat brim black hat backwards. He's like, bro, dude. He's like, bro, roofy 2.0. He's looking at a test tube. He's like, bro. And so what else behind?

Bro. That was like, I got coronavirus tested. And the dude that tested me had like, he was this like yoked, like, bodybuilder guy. Yeah. Like, not coronavirus tested, but like when I first went in to get checked for COVID. Uh-huh. Because I was sick, like, March 10th in New York, like a week before everything shut down. And I was like worried about it.

You had like diamond earrings and he's just like, oh, he's like, did you go to China? I was like, no, he's like, did you go to Italy? I was like, no, he's like, you don't got it. And I was like, okay. He's like, bro. No. Just looks at you. That's what I went to the hospital because I thought I had it.

And they, and they always say like, go to the emergency room. If you think you have symptoms, go to the emergency room. Really? Yeah, no, they say that. I've never heard that. I saw it. I saw it a couple times. Well, if you're like having like breathing.

I was having good. Oh, yeah. I thought, like, by the end of the day. Which didn't you still not have salt? You don't know what happened? No, I got so hung over. I think I broke a rib. Because I got really hungover.

I threw up everything in my body the next day. I couldn't breathe. I thought I had COVID. Turns out. I just threw up so hard. Yeah. Like, it broke something. I think I've already had, I don't know.

I'm getting anybody test next time I got tested because, like, I think I've already had it. Who knows? Is it even worth it? You've got tested so many times. Yeah, I get tested so many times. Yeah, it's been a lot. It's been two, but, like two pretty back to back.

Well, you did the COVID test and then the antibody test. Yeah, and then I'm getting tested again. I have to get tested again in New York. What did they say about your antibody test? Do you have it? No, they say don't have the antibodies. Oh, okay. But you have to get tested again when you go back to New York?

Yeah, but I'm doing the antibody test again because, like, a lot of the antibody tests. Like, I don't know people got COVID, and then they didn't show up for the antibodies, and then they got tested again for the antibodies and they had. So, like, there's lots of weird. We did a podcast when you got the results back, and I had all this material. I thought I was going to be like the guy. It was early on, too. like, dude, I'm out of the antibodies.

I'm just walk around. Like, fuck you. I had all this material for him having the antibody test, and then he opened it up and he did it. And we just stopped it. Yeah, he was just like bumped out the whole time. And we just threw out of the podcast. It's like, no. You're like, oh, let's talk about something else.

I'm like, no. By the way, I think I'm about time to wrap it up. What are we at right now? One minute and 18. What's up? One minute, 18 minutes? 19 minutes. One minute?

One hour? No, one hour and 19 minutes. Yeah. 18 minutes. Oh, I haven't recorded it. There were a couple pauses in between there. We paused the recording after the first minute, and then we came back for another 18.

That was actually all the bad stuff was in there and none of the good stuff. But I'm interested to hear how it sounds with like the three. I mean, let's just, we'll cut it wherever we do. It doesn't matter. But I'm interested because, like, yeah, we're done with three, so I'm interested to hear how that sounds. I think it should be good.

I mean, this is fucking awesome. This Zoom H6, sponsored by Zoom. H6. I mean, for real. I don't know why we're still talking. We're cutting this off. Are we done? Yeah. Oh, yeah, we can fade it out.

All right, this is bent. No.