Morning Good - Walk The Blade - Episode 266

Episode Date: April 20, 2025

Andrew Manning and Chris Kinback join the show for today's episode. They talk about the comedy for OnlyFans, pimp terminology, and the psyche of the Morning Good fan base.Thanks to Andrew and Chris for coming back on the show. They've both been on before so check them out on previous episodes and hit their links down below for more.Chris is on Instagram @chriskinback. Andrew is on Instagram as well @andrewmanthing, and has some great roast battles on the Roast Battle League New York YouTube.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They call it the podcast? Morning, good, good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to the morning. All right. You're talking about comics to only fans. We're here with Andrew Banning and Chris came back. Yo. Hey. Yes, I was just hearing of this comic who was like kind of

getting into it for the comedy, and then slowly was like, let me just throw a shirtless pick up there. Got a good response, and then the next thing, he's just posting more of those, and then it's like mostly that. And I think it's just a slippery slope into being like, oh, yeah, this is so much easier. Right. I've said that so many times.

People ask me, they're like, why don't you sell feedpicks? I'm like, it starts that way. Next thing you know, I'm getting ass fucked. I know how this works. There is a pathway directly from, yeah, it's not, hard to imagine that. Everybody's got a price too.

You don't realize it until you start going down that road and then they're like, just jerk off a little bit on the thing. You're like, I was going to jerk off anyway. I might as well get paid a thousand bucks for it. If they were like, okay, if they were like you have an hour of comedy, right? You're not getting booked anywhere.

Like, you're doing shitty. I've said it's 100 times. CEO and Netflix goes, I get to fuck you, or you have to suck my dick until I come. You get an hour long Netflix special. Or the other one I've said is you get to do Joe Rogan. Yeah. But he's the one you blow. So you got to like, it's an awkward

episode because the whole time you're like, you're going to do a blow job before or after? Before or after the episode? Yeah. It's before. Is it right before? It's right before. They play the music right. Yeah, that comes still in your mouth. It's like, do-bo-do. Wipe in your mouth.

Yeah, great to be here. Yeah. I mean, I don't know, it's one of those things that you're like, it's such a I mean, I mean, this is probably super psyched. Oh, whatever. I do, it is really funny. Learning how many people fuck their way to the top, you completely change your views on, like, you are like,

oh, yeah, I wonder how much of Hollywood is just that. Right. But at what point are you being selfish by not fuck? Like, if you can, if you can change the trajectory of your life, your family's life, and all you gotta do is like, fuck one guy to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm being selfish by not doing it, you know? Yeah. Well, it's like, at some point you're like, I gotta fuck somebody.

Might as well, fuck this guy. who's in a position of influence that can help my career. Yeah, well, Mia Kaleifa said that she was like talking one of the great philosophers, Mia Kaleifa. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I love hearing about her ideas. Yeah, yeah. She is a brilliant lady. Yeah, we all, yeah, we love Mia Kliap on this podcast. I love just generalizing everybody because we could mean us three or the listeners or just

the producer. Yeah, yeah. The good heads? What are the fans of the punheads? The good heads? Like, maybe the good boys. The good boys. The good boys.

It's got to be boys. only. I mean, I don't think there's a lot of chicks. I mean, I, either way. Vehicle emphasis, where she's like, she's like, yeah, no, she's like, everybody's like, oh, you know, you sold your body. She's like, what are you doing when you work anywhere, like a shitty office jumper? Or being a being a soldier. She's like, you are

literally being like wherever you guys want to put me. Wow, great way to justify being a whore. Yeah, she's like, I'm convinced. With the wars, it's like, there's so many different kinds. You know what I mean? It's like one of those things. A little more honorable to be in war than it is. Depending, dude. I mean, if you're talking about, shooting an Iraqi kid in the face.

versus like blown a nice guy. But yeah, I guess if that's all you have, it's like this is what God gave me. I might as well use it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, there are some incredibly brave soldiers. I think anybody doing it. There's some incredibly brave prostitutes, good sir. Yeah, but it's one of those things where it's like, both doing God's work.

Yeah, but it's like, don't act like there isn't some level of submission to your job where you're like, all right, whatever this guy's doing you do. Oh,

absolutely. Yeah, it's like, yeah. What is a pimp, if not a drill star? for horses. Just imagine a guy in a big purple

suit walking down some barracks, just like, you know, having ladies, like, show their pussy to him and he's just like, dirty, slaps it. Leigh! Who's the next one? I picture... Drop and give me ten squats!

I picture more like soldiers lined up, and then like a guy with that big purple hat just walking up and kissing each shoulder on the cheek. He's like, you're going to do whatever I say? Yeah. I mean, I can see that in real life. I could see early Ermi doing some outtakes for a full metal jacket where he's just like, you know, he's like feeling their boobs

and stuff, just even though they're guys. That's pretty good. This is turned into the least veteran friendly podcast. There goes half of the good boys that are in the military. There goes the military good boys. Those are the funny ones. I remember like Dan Crenshaw who fucking, oh whatever, that guy's who gives a shit. I patch guy.

The iPch is sick. The iPad is sick. But I remember he was like, yeah, you know, you know, he was talking about how he's I love the attitude of like, well, you know, we can make these kind of jokes because we, you know, did the service. Like, hey, baby, I don't really. What?

It's just funny that it's like, that is one of those things that everything's a PC for somebody. So if you're conservative, the military becomes a PC now where it's like, oh, that's now, not the thing you can't joke about. Yeah. Yeah.

Interesting. Yeah, everybody said some. Yeah. Besides, besides me, you can, you can fart in my face and punch me in the balls. Yeah. Actually, your PC is not treating you like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not even kidding. That's what it is, bro. Jess Levin is so nice to me that it fucking makes me feel like it's so insulting. Because like, like, JJ was on the podcast and he was roasting me. She's like, be nice to him. I'm like, whoa, Jess. This is really insulting. Are you saying I'm a fucking pussy?

Were they both on the same podcast with you? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's an amazing cast. Is JJ Lieberman and Jess Levin? Yes. Holy shit. It's going to be tough to top that, dude. I don't know if I have any good, any good milk or any good milking or purves. Like, JJ is, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Like, I think, like, I can not get offended. I watch some of JJ stuff. I'm like, that is fucking offensive. Yeah, it's crazy.

JJ's one of those guys where I'm like, first off, I get scared that that's going to be me one day as far as just, like, being that gross. Just taking the fucking all the, all the breaks off and just saying whatever the fuck. Yeah. Anything? Because he's saying shit that you're like, oh, you can't, you can't say that. Yeah. And now he has to top himself every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You turn around, he's, like, sniffing a dog's ass, and he's like,

mm-hmm. And you're like, this is a lot. What? A victimless crime. Yeah. They're sniffing each other's ass. It's why can't I sniff one? Yeah, yeah.

But it's funny, because I'm like, part of me's like that. But then part of me also makes me feel better because I'm like, because I'm like a purve. And I'm like, oh, you know, I actually feel like a Christian compared to this guy. Yeah, yeah. At least you draw the line at dudes, you know, I think, I feel like when you get into dudes, everything opens up. Everything opens up, you know? It's like, at least if you're only. It's a slippery slope line.

Right. Well, if you pick, if you really argue it, because there's so many straight pedophiles. Well, if you just pick one, then it's like, okay, you're limited to, like, how perverted you can be. But if you're into everybody, your breath of perversion can just go so much higher. Okay, I get what you're saying as far as, like, if you're banging dudes, you care less about what other people think about you. So you can kind of like, there's not really a lot of limits. Right. But there's just more stuff that can happen.

You can bring dudes in, and you can have chicks coming. And he's into, like, watching. What else can you do? Watching his girlfriend get fucked by a dude. That's like a whole other angle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's like, once you're like,

you've opened up the buffet a little bit larger once you're also banging dudes. It's beyond perversion into like an illness, like a sickness. He's just calling homosexuality and illness. No, not just homosexuality, but there's the crazy. He's like, not only homosexuality. There's other things in there.

Yeah, I don't know. But, yeah, I'm a bit. big fan of JJ. I do have to watch his videos. Anytime he puts it up, I'm like, I'm dying to see where this, what level he can take it to.

But there was Tony Wellens. So if you don't know, look up JJ, leave me, he posts, he's been on the pot ass, but he does like the, I'm not a pervert,

but he says something super pervert. He's just on killed Tony too. Yeah, but he just does these front facing videos. And the funniest was Tony Wellens took a video of him doing it, which is so funny. Because you just see him like,

ah, that with nobody around. Like, he just looks like such a crazy person. When you see a front facing video somebody's completely alone, you're like, damn. Yeah. I mean, it is funny.

Like, I've gotten like, and I'm trying to get off Instagram, because I think it is kind of like frying my brain in a lot of ways. But it's like, some of it's great where it's just like a silly monkey meme or like something that's just crazy. But it's like, there is some of there where I was watching one of, like, they're doing man on the street things, but it's now at my college I went through. Now it's at Florida State. And I'm like, ugh, this is like.

It could have been you. Not that, but I would have known. I had such a good parameter of like what's fucking lame in college. Like there was this fraternity called Pike and they did a top house video where they're like, welcome to the largest fraternity house the nation. I was like, oh, this is the duchiest thing I've seen in my life. And even in college, I was a freshman and I was like, this is fucking lame. Like it's like, it's like the dudes being like our president.

Like you know what I'm like, oh, this is fucking so. Like you should be bullied for this. Right. And then I rewatch it. It's really funny because it's like we're doing like podcasting and standup. You watch it. And you're like, these guys are very camera. shy, like, roided out dudes that are like,

our fraternity was founded in 1945, and you're like, dude, this is, like, insane. But there was like a little bit of that going on of college, but not to the degree of like, yeah, so the, you know what to me, like the whole body count stuff where it's just like a guy interviewing like.

Yeah, they're doing fake interviews at parties or whatever with girls and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so that's the kind of thing you're trying to avoid on Instagram. Like just, it's, it's brain rot stuff.

Yeah, it's a little bit of that. And then it's like every single time when it's like, I always want to see a hot chick's answer to a question. It's crazy. Like, no matter what, they'll be like, okay, so what do you think of like,

you know, nice guys? I'm like, what does she think of night? Like I completely fall for the trap of every time. That's interesting. Yeah, once they show a hot chick,

they kind of grab your attention. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You do want to, like all those. Which is not an angle I've done at all on this podcast,

which is really fun. Yeah, you've got to get more hot chicks on. Yeah. socks off. I think they like you? Their audience is going to go nuts. Yeah, that would be sweet. They're gay though. They're going to be disgusted. Yeah, they're going to be like, ew,

girl feet. Speaking of, speaking of feet, I lost a toenail last year playing soccer, my big toenail. You ever lose a toenail? It takes about a year to, like, fully grow back. Yeah, yeah. I got a fingernail that's like bruised. You know when you got like a bruise? Yeah, yeah. No, that's not it. What stage are you at?

So it grew all the way back, and then two days ago, I played soccer again. Somebody stepped on it again, and I know this one. I know it's about to fall off again. So I'm fucking back at square one. So that would be a good one to have. A toenailless toe might be good on here. I put in his mouth

and burst to it. Yeah, it does look kind of naughty. It just looks like naked almost. You know it's also really funny? Yeah, the nails are kind of the lingerie of the feet. Yeah, they really are. You know what I think about you look at all these people where I go, look at these fucking disgusting perverts in the internet. And I'm like, oh, that's also just me just in a different

category. Like, I'm also just like jerking off to like old ladies. And I'm like, yeah, look at these I'm not like genuinely Judge Lafika I don't give a fuck But it's so funny Because when you only know somebody From like a comment basis

You just I think all these guys do Is jerk off all day Which is not They're like regular people This guy probably works at like I don't know Blackstone Yeah yeah

Maybe not But I'm like It is funny that When you see somebody's comment Of them being horny You think all they do is be horny You know what I mean Like when you see like

Somebody comment on like Anything that's horny You just assume that that's what they're doing All the time Well they kind of are They go on the inner to talk about a horny they are, they're really horny.

You know, because you think about a horny you are, and I've never thought about commenting on a video. I've never thought about... It keeps up engaging about my milk.

Keep commenting about how fucking horny you are. Oh, yeah. Yeah, keep doing it. Talk, say whatever's on your mind. Literally just engage with everything. It's going to suck. But you know,

if I don't see your face, I have no idea who you're as person, and I picture you just a gooning man. I picture a hot chick. It's probably a hot chick. I've had one chick say she masturbated to me on a pocket.

No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get out of here. How long has she been a chick for? She was just dabbling and being a chick. That's crazy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, like, women, I feel like they'll masturbate to, like, weird things. I've heard women be like, yeah, no, it was like a guy playing soccer and losing his toenail. Yeah, yeah, that's kind of hot. They're trying by very odd things. Yeah, you're right. Maybe we need to market that more. Market the soccer guy.

I mean, soccer players, I think that's, like, a very attractive thing to females. I was thinking, like, the tollless, told this guy. Oh, yeah, yeah. But yeah. Soccer players are fucking are hot. It's a pretty gay, gay sport, but it's, uh... Yeah, for sure.

European soccer guys, like Italian soccer guys. Yeah, yeah. Smoking hot. But I think it's like women are like dudes where, like, they're like so many different types. Like, they might be like, they'll say, I want like a, you know, a tall, tan, whatever that'd be attractive. But then, like... They're idiots. They don't know what they want.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly is what I'm saying. You know what they want. Yeah, I know what you want. That's not, you want a tall, handsome guy? No. You're an idiot. Trust me.

Yeah, trust me. I have a bigger brain. I know what you want. You're tanning than me. Yeah, dude. What are you saying about me? I mean, compared to him, I don't know. I don't know.

You're completely Caucasian, super weight. I don't know. Has there been any racism towards albinos? I'm sure. We've come up with them. Yeah. Alan Fitzgerald will come up with something for sure. He has the most absurd racial references that you're like,

I guess that is kind of accurate. Like a stereotype that you never even thought about. And you're like, yeah, I guess that checks out. A recent one I saw was like the black people in the speakerphone thing. I was like, I never noticed that until somebody mentioned it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Until somebody mentioned it on speakerphone. Now you can't stop seeing it.

Now you can't stop see it. Well, like, somebody's like, I've never seen a black guy vaping. And then it works really well that way when somebody says, have you never seen this? Because then you're looking for it. Or seeing it. Right. Yeah.

Like if somebody's just like, I never seen a black guy wearing like, you know, this. Or zinning. Cap and gown. Yeah. I've been, I've just, someone else said that.

I'm just repeating. Yeah. Well, you know what a really good one? Kurt Basker had such a good bit about like, every time a black guy gets shot in the hood who's like not a gang member, like friendly fire, like things like that,

they always show his graduation picture. And then it's always like, he's like, they're only nerd. are only getting hit by bullets. There's like Urkel-seeking bullets out there. That are just hitting... Yeah, just promising seeking bullets.

I went to get a Zen one time, and the guy at the 7-Eleven was like, only white people take these. I was like, oh, cool. And black people are just parliaments. I was like, yeah, I didn't ask for any of this. That's funny. You should have just kept on my stuff.

Every time you buy something, he gives you racism facts. You're writing it down? Yeah. Chris goes on stage instead of, I mean, you do like semi-race jokes, but it would be funny if he just turns into like a race guy. He's like, my Latinos, motherfucking. He's doing a black said talking about it.

He's like, y'all always be eating them pepper me. I got to go to the 7-Eleven to get the inside scoop on what, what races are doing what now? You get more like, I need a fucking update. You're like, I can fill that time. You go back to the 7-Eleven and the guy's not there anymore. Yeah, you're like, fuck. Yeah.

The source of my material is gone. Dude, you ever, you ever go to the 7-11? There's one on, what is it, West Forth Street, I always have this issue where it's like, the dude doesn't speak English. And I'm trying to. What? Never in my life.

Never in my life. If I had a convenience store owner, not speak perfectly. But it's, I'll have that thing where I'm trying to point to something. And then it literally turns into a crane machine where I'm like left, right, right. Eventually, you just end up buying something you didn't want. It's like, yeah, I'll take Pepto-Bismol. I'm like, left, left, down.

No, no, no, down too far. Up, up, up. Drop, drop. And he grabs the pit. He comes back to the counter. His arm swings like that. Yeah, I'm like, oh, come on. They've kind of cleaned that place up a little bit.

It used to be that they were just getting ravaged every night. I feel like every night you just go in there and they're like in tears almost from how much people are robbing that shit. Dude, that's why it's so funny. I said this in the last episode. People are always just like, dude, whatever, you rob from stores. I'm like, yeah, but now they have to lock everything fucking up. Oh, yeah. Because my fucking friends steal everything.

And they're always just like, yeah, whatever. It's a corporation, bro. You don't even cares. Every fucking time. I love saying it's a corporation. I'm like, no, now this Indian guy gets less money. And then they're going to lock everything. Now I literally, they have like a, to get like a fucking red bull.

I need to open a safe now. Right. Because like, yeah. Yeah, made their job. But the battles are crazy, bro. It's like one of those were like, it's like you always walk in. There's like a homeless guy like opening the automatic door for you or something. And they're like, dude, come on.

And they're like, dude, come on. Oh, yeah. I used to work near the 7-Eleven on 8th Avenue and 28th Street in Chelsea, and there was always a homeless guy holding the door there, and they would become complacent sometimes. And I would go there, and oftentimes they'd be like inside, just distracted, and you would go to open the door, and they'd be, like, holding it. So it's like, not only are you fucking up opening the door for me,

you're holding it shut. And so, like, I remember this one guy. He was, like, a new doorholder guy. There was, like, a usual guy. This guy was new. And I, like, go to open the door. And he's, like, upset that I'm trying to open it without him opening for... Like, I guess he wanted me to, like, knock and let him open it for me.

And he fucking threw a tantrum, starts trying to shut it on me and then called me a fat boy. Really? He was like, you don't want to fight me fat boy. How skinny was he? You're a thin guy. He was not. like in great shape, believe it or not. But I was definitely, I was like, I was chunky.

And so he like perceived that. Yeah, you know. I wasn't wearing like a tight t-shirt, you know, and being overweight. I was like wearing an underarm shirt like that, just fat. Yeah, yeah. It's kind of a good way to get to anybody because anybody kind of feels fat. Are they like, oh, maybe I look fat. Maybe I look fatter than I thought.

Yeah. You know, it was a good insult for anybody. Yeah. Maybe, uh, but I was like, I nailed it. Yeah, one guy in 7-11, there used to be a bunch of crazy homeless guys around then back when we were barking out there. I think he's still there. I think we just don't bark.

Yeah, maybe that's it. But this guy followed me in there, was trying to fight me. I followed you into 7-Eleven? Follow me into 7-Eleven. Was trying to... Yeah, who are you, Dave Chappelle? Hold it cool. No, he just means hold it cooler. You're holding it like a nerd.

Yeah, yeah. Like this. Yeah. Like you're fucking... All right, go ahead, tell your story, Chris. All right, so then the guy follows me around, and he's trying to, like, fight me for summary, because I just didn't pay attack. Because he was, like, holding the door, and I, like, didn't even look at him.

He's like, well, you can't look at me. I was like, dude, I'm not going to fucking, if I'm not going to give you money, I'm not going to look at you and then be like, no. I'm just going to ignore you and walk in. So, anyway, he's trying, he's, like, getting in my face in the 7-Eleven, and the fucking cashier goes, hey, you two, take it outside. Like, fight outside. I'm like, I'm now involved.

Now I got to fight this guy. I don't get who's done. You guys were outside. I was like, unbelievable. Yeah. What do you mean you two? There's only one fully human person.

Yeah. The other guy's a door holder. Now you just sign me up to fight this guy. He's harassing me in your store. Who's got just nothing to lose just on me? I love when people try to act like homeless people aren't scary. Like I used to have a bit about homeless people being scary and people get really uncomfortable. I'm like, do not act like there's nothing scary than a guy high on meth with literally nothing to lose.

Yeah. Right. and schizophrenia. It's like, that's the scariest human being. And they just want any sort of interaction.

Like, they want contact. They don't care if you punch them in the face. They're just like, they want, that's like affection to them. There was one,

I was doing a show. Yeah, you should actually go out and punch your local homeless guy. Yeah, they love it. Let them know they're real. Because like,

their delusions are that you're an NPC or they're an NPC. Right. It snaps them back to reality and get some. Go say, I see you and slap his cup.

Yeah, that's like a coffee for them. it wakes them up. Yeah, yeah. Dude, there was one that got kicked out of the parallel. It was so funny. I'm, like, doing God Mike. I'm like, you guys ready for a great show, blah, blah, blah.

If you don't know, God Mike is like the microphone where you can't see the stage. So it's just like the general announcements. And then I see, right as I see that, I see, I'm bringing up the host and I just see a guy walk by without a ticket and just like, and the guy's just like moving the candle around and she liked that.

And the host is just on stage having, like, not really an idea of what's going on. And I realize the story doesn't go anywhere. But, you know, sometimes you know, what you do? I just snuck in. Oh, I did nothing, dude. I am such a...

Oh, because they're scary. Yeah. Yeah, and the guy's giant, bro. The guy's like fucking 6-5, 900 pounds. I'm not over-exaggerating any of that. But, uh... So you let him go on... He's the biggest human ever.

Yeah, yeah. So you let him go on. Dude, he was seven-foot tall. Yeah, yeah. So he ran the show, but fuck me. And, uh, yeah, bit nine ladies. Uh, but fucking, uh, no,

Snyder walked up and just like, um... He has to have, like, bigger guy. That's the beauty of not being big. Nobody looks to you when shit goes down. You always look for like the biggest, the tall guy. Even though, even if he's not a fighter, he has to become like some sort of fighter. I got to learn something because I do feel powerless. I had a dream the other day.

There was like somebody about to like molest a child, but they were like going to like blow up. There was some thing where like it was a weird Murphy's law where I was like I would die if the kid like, you know what I mean? And I didn't, I didn't do the right thing. Man, you're so fucked up. You had a dream that a child was going to be molested. Or I die. And I chose to live. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, that is a tough one. So wait a second. Child molestation breathes life into you. That's not what I'm saying. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, like, oh, that's the deeper dream. No, I was like, I just hated how much of a coward I was in the dream. Because I think it was like the guy had a loaded gun or something.

And I was like, I guess I'm not a hero. I mean, the child's an asshole if he doesn't get that. At that point, yeah, no matter how much Jiu-Jitsu training you have, if the guy's got a gun, all the training's out the window anyway.

He could shoot me and then molest the kid. But I was thinking of the dream, and the dream I was like, all right, well, I guess I'll go call the police. You should have been like, just shoot the kid. Then the kid doesn't get molested,

you don't die, and it's kind of a win. What would you genuinely do? Guys got a gun right here. He goes, I'm going to have sex with this child. Or shoot me? Or shoot you.

For sure, molest the child. Yeah. Okay, okay. So I'm not the biggest piece of shit on earth. No, of course not. Everybody would trade their life for that. Are you kidding?

People do such stupider, lamer stuff to preserve their life. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm like, and then maybe, the way I'll always justify it is like, I think I'm a good person. Me dying could make the world the worst place.

So maybe if I get rich, I could then donate all the money to stop other people. I can save 40 years. But if I'm dead, what is the world going to do? Have you seen saving parts? Have you seen Saving Private Ryan? Yes. You know, the child right before the guy molests him, he turns to you and he's just like,

earn this. I thought you were saying there was a molestation in saving Private Ryan. I'm like, how did I miss that? Yeah, that's why Upham's such a little twat. He got molested in fucking basic training. But I think it is based on me not feeling like a hero. Like you always see couples fighting. I see it all the time, dude.

I see, I see, like, borderline, like, about to be domestic violence so much in New York just walking around. Like, I always see. And you just step in, you're like, let me hit. Let me take a hit at first. Let me get the first. You intervene to help. Dude, dude, relax your arms, bro. Give me, give me, let me get a said it.

You're going to turn your foot when you swing. You're like, hey, he's a really big guy. Taking a hit from me is going to hurt a lot less. Why don't you let me do this right now? She will really sell this. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, what's the, yeah, well, it's like.

I always see that and I always watch. I'm like, okay, what's going on here? Is she, like, trying to escape the guy? Is it, but it always makes me nervous because I'm like, fuck, am I going to have to fight a guy right now? But it always is the thing where, like, I see so many women, like, hitting their boyfriend. I keep seeing them and, like, provoking their boyfriends in public.

And I'm just like, all right, look, if you push your boyfriend five times and start hitting him, like, if he clocks you, like, he's a piece of shit, but also, like, you, you walk. You know what are you going to stop everybody? Right, right. I mean, this is, you can't get in there. What am I going to fix your relationship? Oh, dude, yeah.

That's insane. You can't, that's such deep water to jump in. You can't. You can't intervene. I like the videos of, because I've gotten them on my reels and shit. Domestic, it's not even domestic violence. It's just like a man and woman fighting, and it's like, they are in the same weight class, and it is, nobody's going down.

The punches are solid on both sides. It's an even fight. It's an even fight. I've seen those a few times. And it's like, oh, it really fucking, it stands out when you're watching a woman like trade blows. Hold her on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's inspiring, actually.

Women can do anything. Yeah, yeah. I was probably more of them doing like MMA and shit now. So now you're going to be careful with the women that you beat up. You got to be careful. Yeah, also like the old days. It's not like the old days. You want to hit a woman.

She might have some muscle tone to her. Right. But the fucking, what was it? my favorite, I've used the one where it's a Russian guy fighting like four women at the time. It's like a UFC like sanction kind of event over there.

Yeah, I think that's so fucking funny. It's just fighting him and he's just like, just like, just like some ball, just. Yeah. Yeah, just giant like, like, like, who's that dude Tyson, where's he from?

Oh, God, he's like a, I don't know, gypsy. I'm gonna say he's like, I think he's like, Romani or something. I thought it was, I thought it was the UK, maybe.

But no, you might be right. But just a guy that looks like that. Just like giant. Yeah, I think he's a gypsy. himself the gypsy kid, doesn't he? Okay, that's why I fucking thought gypsy. Yeah, UK or whatever, though, but yeah. Yeah, yeah.

He's some fucking beast. Yeah, yeah. But what were you saying about him? No, there's guys like him. It's always the guy that looks kind of like him just fighting forward. I mean, I saw one video. I'm like, it's always every time. I don't know what it is.

Team fighting's fucking sick. You watch that. No. I've seen some of those videos. They're great. It's like, it's like two groups of ten. Yeah. They're on different teams and they all just run at each other.

Damn. And instead of an octagon, it's almost like just a padded gymnasium. I've seen. Like handball. What are the rules? Like you tap somebody out and then you go on to the next person? You got to tap out all 10 people.

I think they're blowing, like trading blows as well as Yeah, they're choking people out. Yeah, it'll be like three people ganging up on a dude. I got, I've only watched it like twice when I was drunk, but I got to restart watching it because it's like, I'm so done with, I've never really liked sports, but I always like a new sport. Like, if I see something I've never seen before,

I'm like, ooh, what is that? Like, that is cool. When you see like a weird board or something, somebody's doing some new thing in the water. You're like, this is kite surf wakes guy. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck is that? Yeah, I played trampoline dodge ball.

Dude, that is a blast, bro. When I graduated college, there was, like, a trampoline dodge ball, like, gym that just popped up near me, and they were having some tournament. So you needed five guys to get in it, and you could enter the tournament. So we entered it, and we won it. And you went a free trip to L.A. to compete in the national tournament. It was televised on, like, Fox SportsNet or something. We went 0 and 6 in the national tournament.

tournament. We lost to a team that had that had three chicks on it. We didn't even make it to the TV round. Like the TV round was like the finals. I think you try to do your bits. Funny part of bad. But yeah, it was fucking, it was so awesome. But then when we got to L.A., like all these teams have been doing it for like years. We had just started like a week ago.

Well, it's got to be such a mix because you got like probably what, a hundred people who have been dedicated their life to this. Right. Everybody else is just other people who were like. This would be fun to do. It was. Yeah. Yeah. It was awesome. You get a couple of baseball players. and a couple, like, good athletes, and you got a team. That's so fun.

But baseball, like, pitchers are fucking nasty at throwing. Oh, I'm sure. Throwing little dodge balls, but, yeah, that was like, I was always very bad at throwing the foam dodge balls because there's, like, the ones that are like foam and then there's, like, there's, like, there's, uh, inflated rubber versus yeah, yeah, I was always good at throwing. I was very good at dodging. I'm just not good at throwing.

Yeah, what about catching? Catching is huge. Catching is so valuable in dodgeball because you get another player in. I was terrible at catching. Oh, you'd be useless on it. But I am good at dodging. I would just stay in there for a while. And then hopefully.

But the phone ones, too, is like they're hard to throw. But they're also really easy to dodge. Because I think they come at you so slowly. They come at you slow. They curve sometimes away from you. Bro, I got, dude, if I could get a membership, that'd be a great, because I'm on this fucking weight loss journey, bro. If I could join a trampoline gym, that'd be so much.

Oh, dude. Just bounce around for hours. Just doing front flips. Gymnastics all that. Yeah, that sounds like a blast. You know what's really funny? Jumping in a phone pits with all these, like, little eight-year-old birthday parties. You know.

Watch out. I was just giving a kid an irreversible spinal injury. Watch out, kids. I'm coming in. You know, it's really funny. I am like,

there's a thing that happens where like, I look this up, I'm way less horny than I've ever been. Apparently if you lose weight, like you get less horny. And I think my testosterone's lowering. I have a theory on that.

Okay, what is it? It's your caloric deficit. You have less energy to work with because you're taking in less energy to burn. Your brain is instead like, instead of fucking let me get some more fit. It's got to prioritize.

It's like, we've got to survive. We can't be fucking right now. We can't be jerking off. Additionally, I feel really effeminate recently. Like, I'm just talking about, a trampoline gym would be so fucking bounce around. I could do gymnastics? Yeah.

You get a leotard and walk along a balance beam? Yeah. But I guess, I don't know, occasionally. I'll have that, but then I have been just angry. So I guess I still have a little testosterone in me. Yeah, because women never get angry. That's true. Yeah, you're probably more moody than angry.

You're probably just PMSing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is. I just noticed the way I was talking the other day. I'm like, yeah. And I'm like, what is that? Am I turning you doing? Yeah, you're laying on your bed, kicking your feet in the air,

like twirling the phone cable. You're like, Kamala had some great points. When I was fucking fat, I just like such a dude, just jerking off onto my stomach. Just drumming off my fat stomach. Who was? Let me drink a protein shake. I fucking have a burger. I love.

Oh, that sounds great. You were a dude, man. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what happened. Next thing you know, I'm fucking sitting here. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah. I'm like, yeah, guys, do you like?

my fiend. I'm like, oh, somebody's being loud in the back of the pair. Somebody else deal with it.

I don't want to fight a homeless guy. No, of course not. If one of your whole comedy changed, too. Hey, guys, what if you all listen to

each other? Your comedy gets bad. For Michael, it gets good, maybe. Yeah. Cockser. Yeah,

it's, I don't know. But I think the fact that you're still having dreams that allow you, like, your subconscious is

being like, No, it's okay to let the child be molested. That proves that you still have some man in you. What do you think being a man is letting children get molested? I mean, is it not? Am I wrong on that? That's what I was told as a child. Yeah, we should redefine masculinity with just random things like that.

That's what my babysitter said. Do you want to be a man? You want to be a grown-up? This is what grown-ups did. I'm just kidding. I was never molested by Miles and Brianna. My neighbors. Them specifically did not.

Yeah, yeah. I feel the need to do that all the time of podcast. Because I always just say an uncle. Yeah, yeah. It's a catch-all. I'm like, no, my uncles are great guys. They're great guys. I'm great at sex, dude.

I'm kidding. Great-kissers. Yeah. I come from a long line of great kissers. Yeah, what? I will say this. Okay, I don't know if I'm not putting you on the spot just because you're from Boston. But the Tom Brady video, that popped up in my thing again.

It is so bizarre. It is crazy. At the time, I kind of was like, ah, it's not whatever. whatever, it's fine. But yeah, the more, like, it pops up, you're like, well, where's not a great look? Isn't he from Florida? He's from San Fran, I think.

San Francisco. Oh, okay. So it's not even, dude's just making out always there. Yeah, it could be. Well, that's a funny thing, too, is, like, the whole, like, if you look back in time, like, we're really in a renaissance of noticing creepy stuff with kids,

the last, like, 20 years, where it's, like, until, like, to catch a predator and that culture kind of came out, I feel like people didn't know, like, you wouldn't think of it. You'd be like, oh, yeah, that's just like a guy. You're not like, there's no way I guys fucking that kid. Now you get on an airplane, they're like, keep an eye out for, you know, sex trafficking. And you're like, bro, I got to fight this man.

I think it's so interesting. The quantity of like sex trafficking flyers and shit that I see, I'm like, dude, how often is this happening? I'm in like a Cumberland Farms and there's like a, do you need help? Are you being sex trafficking? Also, who's sex trafficking and is so stupid? they're letting their slave use the bathroom on their own. Right. Yeah, you have a cell phone and they let you use the stall.

That's not... That's sex trafficking 101. Sex trafficking 101 is keep your slave in eyesight. Right. Yeah, you know. Yeah, you do wonder. Especially in airports and shit where they have it... They make the announcements all the time.

And it's like, you know, how much of this is actually going on? And it's so tricky to you. Like, I don't fully understand what sex trafficking is because such an umbrella. It's like in between, like, a guy who's, like, transporting, like, a toddler. or, you know, across the wars. Compared to, like, also, it's like a 23-year-old woman who, like, you know, some guys, like, I'll pay for your house. I'll pay for your, like, like, a lot of it is like,

yeah, pimping is sex trafficking. Yeah, it's like such a weird line where you're like, this is a cool pimp, too, this is a bad guy. A cool pimp. I mean, I grew up in pimps, everything was, I want to be a pimp. I was a kid. I was like, my aim was a little pimpster 1125. Now they're like, actually, that's a sex trafficker.

A little pimpster. 725, hell yeah. Yeah, I got in trouble for that. I remember my third-grade girlfriend's parents were like... A little pimper, huh? Damn, yeah. They told my parents, I was like, what? The pimp is like a cool-ass fucking...

Yeah, not understanding what things meant and then using that term anyway. It was a very relatable childhood thing. Oh, yeah. They were like, you know what a pimp is? And like, yeah, I make my bitches walk the blade. He ain't talk shit to me, motherfucker. What did you say when they confronted you?

I was like, I don't know. It's like a guy who has like a lot of chicks. And I'm like, they're like, that gets kind of loosely. You're right, but we can't explain how wrong you are because it'll fuck you up. Yeah. I learned like a couple pimper terms just by watching, what's it called? You've watched soft white under belly? Yeah.

Yeah, I watched that. There was like, there was a guy named Sharp who's like a real pimp. I don't know if he's a real pimp, but he's just always like, I don't know. It's like, he's in the no jumper universe, you know? He's like the Tom Cigura of pimps. But, no, but he's like, he's like fucking like, he'll like slap people up. podcast you like don't call them real pimps. And they had like this like white fake pimp who was like this little kid who was like trying

to build a rap career. And he's like, yeah, I'm a pimp. Like I do all this shit. I make these bitches walk the blade. And I'm like writing that down. I'm like, I'm going to use that a podcast. What does walk the blade mean? It's like walk the blade means like you're on thin.

Like you're being hard on your hose. You're making your bitches walk the blade. I think you actually look this up. I don't want to be wrong about this. I was a producer. I don't know. I got this. This is very much not a misinformation podcast.

Yeah. I do want to. to know when your parents confronted you about looking up or using pimp in your aim were they like to show you how bad pimps are, they made you go through a whole pack of hose until you were sick of it. We're gonna have you slap each of these 19-year-old crack addicts

you see how not fun, how not glamorous it would be with all these hose all the time. Walk the blade. Yeah, I think it, I think it means, uh, okay. an area of town known for prostitution activity. So basically, I think making them work the street. Oh, yeah.

Can you, can you, maybe I guess I'm wrong about this. Damn. Dude, this is so embarrassing, dude. Everybody thinks I'm like a big pimp. Yeah, now they're going to like, oh, he's a fraud.

He's a fraud. He's a fraud pimp. Yeah, yeah. So it's basically just like, like doing the circuit. Yeah, yeah, go out and work on the street as opposed to, I guess, being like a called escort.

So, you know, those are undesirable clients. It's hitting the open mic, the process. You're barking. Like, you're barking. They're literally barking for, like, their pussy. It's like, I mean, we're doing the same. Hey, you want to have a good time? Hey, it's Yeah, come check it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You never know who's going to drop in. Dude, it's crazy in, um, in Colombia. All right, I was just about to ask you go to if you go to Medellegene. It's, um, it's crazy how normal it is to all the people there. Like walking on the street, like the normal people just go out.

There's like a nice like downtown area and people just out and about. But then lined on the street is just so many hot chicks that are all for sale that are like, yeah. And you're just like, how is nobody noticing? What's the exchange rate? Columbia, it's very cheap to fuck prostitutes there.

It's very cheap. Yeah, it's like 30 bucks. Is it legal? I think so. There was cops and stuff just like hanging out with them and stuff. And then there's like hotel. There's hotels there that are like 50 bucks. for a night.

That's so insane. It's crazy. Okay. And what is a gram of coat? It's something crazy in Columbia. I think it's like $20. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't get into the cocaine scene.

So like, for like, you could literally have Coke and hookers for like $100, dude. That's so wild. Little pimster, 725 is coming out again. Yeah. I mean, but I would think it'd be,

I would think women would have to be on their best behavior out there if you're not a hoe because the hoes are just so accessible. So if you get into like a fight with your girlfriend, you're like, Like, I can get a hot, I get a hotter girl than you for, for 30 bucks right now. Yeah, yeah, but I guess everybody there's probably really poor, though. So it's like the exchange rate is like, right? Right.

But if you have any money, if you have like a, if you have any money, you can probably. Yeah, I get what you're saying. But that is kind. Yeah, I guess, because it's more socially acceptable probably. And think about how hard it would be for us to like, you break up with your girlfriend. Now, it's like, oh, damn, I got to go out and find another girl. Like, you got to do it the honest way. But to like get up.

To get a hooker out here out here, I wouldn't even know, like, I'm sure it's easy. I'm sure it's not that hard, but it's also not that easy. Well, then you have people judging you, they're like, oh, so you just like, fuck to hooker? Real class. Yeah. Shut up. But out there, it seems like it's very normal. I'm sorry.

Yeah, exactly. Sex work is work. Yeah, out there. And they're just so beautiful. They're just like beautiful girls that you're like, how are you a hooker? It's kind of sad. Yeah. That's also, I don't know, kind of sweet.

Yeah, I've never had said. I mean, it would make sense that they're a hooker. If they're beautiful, it would be really confusing if you're like, you're disgusting. Yeah. You must it. But it's like, yeah, you can't believe it. And it's like, yeah, it's kind of tragic. It's like this is the only option they have, I guess.

Yeah, I got real complicated opinions on that because it's like, okay, because you pay prostitutes, you are like, all right, well, in a way, you don't necessarily want to do this. But you do, it's such a weird consent level of prostitutes because it's like you're doing something you don't want to do. But you do it because you want the money. You don't mean, it's a job. Yeah. I mean, in that way, it is a job. Like, you know, going back to me and Khalifa, it's like you're giving up your time. and body bodily autonomy.

It's like, sometimes I've been at work having to do cold calls and I'm like, I feel gross. I would, yeah, it sucks. It's not what I want to be doing with my mouth. And in some ways I kind of get what those girls are going through. Yeah.

Yeah, you're right. You kind of are giving it. You kind of are selling your soul no matter what you do. So it's like you might as well sell yourself that way. Get that pussy moving. Walk the blade. Yeah, dude. It's tough because it's like,

little pictures. Like once a girl's a prostitute, it's gotta be tough for her to, like, go back to a normal. Like, a guy's got to be really accepting to be like, oh, you were a hooker? Not a bit, that's not a problem for me. Dude, I, I fucked this chick who's pimped before or hoed. I fucked a girl who's hoed. Who's hoed? No, I like, I fucked this chick one time.

She was a stripper. She said she's had sex for money before. And I was kind of like, I don't, I didn't really care that much because I was kind of like, I don't know. It's one of those things like, if you're not currently doing it. And I think it's also, like, tricky too, because it depends. on what level you were doing it at. Like, if you were like, okay, like, if you were one of these women who you're like, yeah,

for like once a week, I was fucking a guy on like a boat for like $800 or like $1,000. I'd be like, all right, well, like, I feel like I could get past it because I'm like, it depends on what you're doing. But if you were like roaming the streets, then I'd be worried about diseases and stuff like, you know, it depends on what kind of prostitute you were.

Yeah, yeah. A boat prostitute versus a walking the plane. Yeah, a land or a boat prostitute. Big difference there. Dude, I'm fucking space prosodys, bro. Yeah. I'd be sick. Do you want to come up on a rocket and chuck my dick?

Yeah. But yeah, it's kind of like the strip club. Like the strip club, you feel like, if you just take a step back when you're in there and just kind of like look around, you feel kind of sad. But it's like, I'm probably not going to leave. It's like, I feel really bad, but also it's kind of sweet. And these people are here anyway. It's like, if I leave and don't participate in it, is this going to stop it forever? Like, it's no, these people.

And maybe the girl literally wants to do I can't imagine she actually wants to do it But maybe it's a mixed dude You can make bank and you're like a slut Like I say that very positively I'm a big fan of sluts Yeah I think it's one of those things that's like

It depends, there's a mixed feelings Like I've been to sad strip clubs And I've been to strip clubs I'm like everybody seems like I'm having fun You know what really is a thing You ever talk to a really dumb stripper And she seems so happy She's like this guy

I just shout my tits everybody That's a good night You're like you're like You seem like you're actually But just knowing that like probably what a hundred percent of them have been sexually assaulted? I don't know if that's accurate. You don't think?

I thought it was like a known fact that like... That's what just somebody... You know, that's a captain. Big anti-strip club wants you to believe that. Yeah. They want to be like, oh, it should do it. But I'm like, everything has so many levels to it that it's like there's not always like a fucking across the board. Right.

It's like, some people are like, no, I just like fucking fucking. And I like being on camera. So I like fucking on camera. Yeah, yeah. Back to the thing with that. there's a comic from Orlando who did like a I subscribe to his only fans

just so as a birthday present I could send another friend of mine this guy's dick pick that'd be funny so I've it's okay man I'm not I'm like it would be funny

if like okay so let's just think of like a person Alan Fitzgerald Alan Fitzgerald starts in only fans how funny would it be if I screenshot in a naked picture of Alan and send it to you That'd be amazing it'd be funny so I did that with this guy

and it was so funny because I was like the guy I was not really that big of a fan and I was like all right let's see with this guys and it's just him fucking like babes like yeah jokes on you yeah so this is the guy you knew that started doing only fans yeah you subscribe to it so i can send other it's a it's a how do you know this guy yeah yeah yeah but it's just him laying pipe banging hot tricks really and he's making money he's making money yeah it's making money off at the very least he made it at least eighteen dollars yeah that's crazy well i i didn't like the guy for other reasons but uh sure i think

I don't care everybody's doing that shit. But I just assumed I was like, all right, what is it going to be this guy? And I'm like, because you know what it is, bro, I've seen it on a field before

where there's only fans' chicks on there. It's like looking for men to film content with it. I mean, hot chicks will just fuck you if you can make content together. Sure.

Because it's not like, it's that easy for them to find. Like, everybody thinks it's easy, but I don't think it's as easy as you think to find guys that want to fuck on camera and each other face. I think maybe I'd do it and then just claim it was AI,

you know? You could always do that. do porn and then be like, obviously I wouldn't do that. You think my dick's that big? Why would they target you specifically though? That's so funny. It's like this is a targeted takedown of the famous community. They're trying to get what I have.

They want all my power. It only makes sense that they would do that to me. The only thing is it's funny too because like, I mean, I have videos. There's so much shit. There's like the first thing I did when I got a phone, where the camera was take a picture of my penis. Like there was the first, I remember I took a picture of my penis and then it was one of these folding phones

and I put it like this because the back screen had a picture of it. So I had a little picture of my penis where my penis is on my pants. Oh, that's hilarious. And I'm like, dude, this is great. And this is so funny. Send it to the buddies, dude. I always be like, ah, you got a picture of my balls. Like, I mean, it's been since day one. I've just, I don't know.

Yeah, using technology right. Exactly. But doing it for humor versus like doing it for like another purpose. I'm just thinking of the first person to take a naked picture of a lady. Imagine how fucking sick that'd be? You're like, how has nobody done this yet?

Yeah. How early on do you think camera invented naked picture? Dude, if you, one of the oldest artifacts ever is of a fucking naked lady with a huge ass. Really? It's like the,

the goddess of Wollendorf? Something like that, yeah. It's just forever we've been capturing naked people in whatever way we can. Right. I've been trying to do this as a bit on and off ever since I've started comedy pretty much,

but I went down to Wikipedia, Rabin'old. This is related, I promise. I don't give shit. of like dildos and the history of dildos. And this, the first dildo that they have, the earliest one was from like Egypt or whatever. And it was made out of a mixture of like some sort of resin,

like honey or something sticky to hold shit together. And but the majority of it was made out of camel dung. Wow. Oh my God. And shoving camel shit and your pussy. Yeah. And so that doesn't turn you on. I don't know what will.

Right. Well, my take on this is that that's how disgusting guys are is that this woman was literally like, I'll just fuck a pile of shit. Like a literal pile of shit. Instead of fucking this guy. Yeah, I would rather have camel shit up in my pussy. Oh, that's funny.

But yeah, so fucking, we've been doing sexual capturing penises and boobs and butts forever. Yeah, we should be more. We really don't have pride in ourself because we're like, the internet making us weird. We're like, bro, we used to watch people kill each other in arenas and then we'd go home to our like nine-year-old wife. We did that for so long.

The good old days, you mean. Yeah, we're like, God, the internet's frying my brain because of man on the street videos. And I'm like, you know what? Humanity, if you're listening to this, take your hand off your penis and pat yourself on the back because you've made it. Yeah, well, now it's just still watching.

Now it's just more of it on nonstop basis. Like back then, that was the thing you did for the day. You saw a guy get eaten by a lion and then you went back home. But now we see that like a thousand times a day. Yeah. And it's just too much. Do you think when do you think pregames? Do you think pregames were a thing back? For the Coliseum? Oh, dude. I just like, yeah, the tailgate outside the fucking Coliseum, just drinking wine and mead and shit. Yeah. Had to be fucking so when you don't know this is terrible and you're like this is, like that's better than watching Transformers, watching a guy get

for sure. Oh yeah. Definitely. You're not really thinking about like the impact it is and how it's like bad for you. You're like, this is just cool. Yeah. That guy's a criminal. He talks shit about the king. Yeah, yeah. He deserves it. Yeah, I'll watch a lion eat his head. Yeah. Honey, do you want anything looking over at the eight-year-old next to you? I can't imagine anything more exciting than just the level of shit. Marrying an eight-year-old? Absolutely. Yeah, marrying an eight-year-old having someone to do coloring with. Keeps you young. Yeah. Save money on birthday candles for the first few years. What if a lot of like, it'd be really funny if like, you know, know, people were like sexist, obviously.

I mean, still are, but like, for a while, people have gotten progressively less sexist. What if that's because people are just dating closer towards their range? So, like, people were so... Women couldn't vote because your wife was, like, 12 at the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like how dumb she is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's why sex is. Women are fucking stupid. They're always like, goo, goo, gu, guy. Yeah. Now we're like, oh, shit, yeah. Now that she's fucking my age, I guess she's not that dumb. Yeah.

I was telling my... girlfriend about how Jerry, so you know that Jerry Seinfeld had like a fucking 17 or 19 year old girl, 17, I think, 16, 16. It just keeps getting younger. I know weird stats on this. I'm like, yeah, that could mean to the end word in 2003. I know like so much random shit. Yeah. So, so you know about this. The audience, I don't know, Jerry Seinfeld dated a teenager. For sure, bona fide teenager. Under 18. Under 18, when he was, I think, 39. Yeah. And what was amusing about this, my girlfriend actually pointed out is like, isn't he known for a little? like his fucking acute intelligence and how he looks like he doesn't hug people because he's like

ooh people are stupid and dirty and it's like and then you you want us to believe that you mentally connect with like a 16 year old girl right yeah and it wasn't just because it was a fucking child yeah it's just hilarious that it's just the guy whose uh whole thing is like i perceive the world i'm so smart and i can see i'm so good at observational stuff and uh And then he's just like, also I kind of like, I'm on the same wavelength as this high school girl. Yeah, there's no way. Unless she was like a gifted student in like Harvard. That's where it does get weird.

I will say this. If somebody's like, my girlfriend's 17. But she's a genius. But she's a genius. So technically she's smarter than all the women my age. Yeah. How does that work? Because in a way you're like, are you, because like the problem.

That is a cheat code because a lot of guys are as dumb as a childhood. Right. Right. She doesn't even have to be that smart. It's murky water. She wouldn't even have to be that smartest 17 year old to be smart. smarter than a lot of a lot of most of my friends

yeah yeah yeah that's how they should arrange it like if it should go by IQ we should be able to date within our IQ you know I'm just you catch me outside hitting myself in the head with a brain yeah I'm so stupid next to a hot girl with down syndrome

why am I so dumb yeah yeah that's a crazy dude dad has gotten so much on tip talk that like fucking apparently a lot of them are AI I've heard about this only fans chicks who like do AI with a down syndrome like filter.

That's so wild to do a Down syndrome filter. Because I've seen it. They have like these amazing bodies and then a very Down syndrome face. I think we're just going towards like, you just keep trying new crazy shit. It's like where else, what other angle can we go at to make it like. It's like fast food company is just coming out with like, you know, what else is Taco Bell going to wrap in cheese? Right. You know, they're like, oh, wow.

And now it's now they're wrapping it and now they're wrapping it in Down syndrome? I don't know where I was going with that But I thought something might come to me My favorite was there's one of those where it's like a woman with Down syndrome She's like yeah I can drink Yeah I can have sex I can do whatever you guys do Somebody shared the video and went

Yo y'all better not keep saying shit like this And get mad when I fuck one I mean they're they're allowed to I don't know the loss It's completely illegal It's incredibly unethical Is it? Yeah

Well guy to guy to girl the same thing I mean girl to guy Yeah but I think less people care If you saw a hot babe with a guy with Downson, you'd be like, nice. So, like, you definitely would care less. In some countries, the government pays for, like, if you're, like, in a wheelchair or something, government pays for you to get a prostitute, like, a couple times a year. That is awesome.

Wow. That's a progressive country. Yeah, I want to say that's, like, Sweden or Switzerland or something. They're always doing funny shit where it's, like, Switzerland's so interesting because I think, I think everybody there has, like, an AR-15. Because, like, if you join the Swiss Reserve, you, like, everybody needs to, it's, like, with the IDF kind of thing where, like, you join. How hot is it those pictures of like the Israeli chicks in the military?

Yeah, yeah. You know they're not like actually doing anything, but just the pictures of them holding guns and shit. There's nobody dying at the hands of them. Who even cares? Yeah, tough to get hard to that. But no, yeah, they're insane. Speak for yourself. Yeah, they're insanely hot.

But, yeah, Switzerland's weird like that. We're like, I think acid's legal. You can kill yourself legally and you can just have an. Air 15, but it's like so hard to like, I also get the argument with guns where you're like, that's a tiny country compared to like America. Like it's like everything, nothing's transferable. To say acid and suicide

are legal really seems like a setup, basically. It's like, yeah, do all the acid and then also kill yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't care. We don't mind. Kill you. Yeah. I think it's, uh, the cost of living there is also extremely high, right? Yeah. It's kind of like the whole country

is an exclusive zone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, which I think is why, like you were saying, or you were saying it's like not like the United States where it's this huge diverse country. It's like, yeah, you can have everybody have a gun when there's like your country is an exclusive

country club, I guess, because everybody's kind of on the same page already. Yeah, yeah, it's different. Didn't somebody do like a mass crossbow shooting in one of those countries? That's pretty funny. I heard about that like someone with a bone arrow. Yeah. Now you actually got to

respect much more than like the driving a car into a crowd or something. That doesn't take a whole lot of something low brown. Yeah, it's amateur hour. The thrill, though. Like. Driving a car. I mean, you can get that thrill from Grand Theft Auto, I feel.

Like the same thrill. I'm not saying, I'm not advocating for mass killing people. Well, you can't afford a car anyway. No, I can't. But the moment where you can't afford a crossbow. The moment of doing a matter, you have to be like, this is too crazy. You got to be like, I don't want to die anymore. You're like, this is what life is.

You're like, there's a little... Because it's like... If you think about how exhilarating is in a video game, imagine the thrill. Right. This is gonna be taken so out of context. I'm with you. I'm totally...

Just remember me as your friend. When you eventually tip over the edge. Yeah. You remember that... Look, I'm a fucking very non-violent person, but I'm like, I understand the thrill. Like, mentally, the rush you have to get have you ever killed someone in a dream?

Yeah, yeah. I killed my mom. She was a zombie and had to kill her and I was like, she deserved it. Totally. Well, it's probably like jumping off a bridge or something. When you're in the air, you're probably like, this is sick.

Yeah, and they hit the ground. I knew it. I knew this was coming. Like halfway three, you're like, damn, I wish I didn't do it. Like, this is living. That's what they say whenever they get somebody who lived when they, like, jumped off

something to kill themselves. They're always like, as soon as I jumped off, I was like, Fuck, why did I do that? Yeah. You're just getting one thing, you're like, shit, didn't I have fucking, do I have $900 in that savings account I forgot about it? Somebody said that to me about.

I never tried that Pokemon card, damn it. Yeah, basically, like, you did, you've never, you've pretty much never pulled out all the stops before suicide. Like, somebody, I don't remember who it was, but was like, did you even try being gay? Right. You got to try everything possible. before you get yourself. Or do it like a grand theft auto,

just see how many like police stars you can get up to. Like do something crazy. Like, or like, uh, what's that movie with Jason Statham? Crank?

Crank? Yeah. Where you just do that. Like, just do all the craziest shit where you're, where you can't get your adrenaline down ever. Oh,

totally. It's crazy. You kill yourself before trying heroin. That's like absurd. Do heroin get into as much credit card debt as much credit card as much. Like just ring up so much credit card debt. Yeah.

Steal shit. Yeah. Like steal. from a fucking convenience store. Don't do it by the fucking ones by me. Because I'm tired of them locking up. Don't steal by me. Get in a fight.

Like just get punched by somebody. Fight club it. Yeah. Yeah. It's so ridiculous. Yeah. Break shit. Go somewhere and breaks up.

But when you're that depressed, you're not really like thinking. Of course. Yeah. It's almost hard to even be like, I don't even want. Yeah. I don't even want to get punched in the face.

I'm too sad to punch somebody in the face right now. Yeah. I'm too like, I just don't understand. I mean, I have a bit about it. you don't understand the confidence in the other side.

Like no matter, you're so confident. I mean, I guess I've heard it's like you're in so much pain that like, you just want to have this. You just want to go to sleep.

You're like, there's no fucking way whatever's on the other side is worse than this. Right, right. But you could be wrong. But what if you're, what if you're right

and like suicide actually it is the goal to get there as fast as possible. So you're like, you win basically. Yeah. Oh shit. It was way better.

Why would I, where was I upset at all for a minute? Immediately wind up in heaven. Yeah, yeah. You're going to hang your dick sucked by some angel with huge tits. You're like, dude, best decision of my life was killing myself. Yeah, she's got like the biggest wings because they have to hold up her giant boobs. Yeah, who knows?

Man, simple stuff, just big old boobies. Big boobs. It's crazy, John. I think, yeah, your mind is not in a right place when that's your solution, which makes me think of, when you were in school, did they ever tell you the phrase, like, suicide? is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Probably, yeah. I heard that, and it stuck with me

because I was like, number one, you're calling it a solution. Yeah. And number two, you're referring to life as a temporary problem? Like, this is not... I don't think you're putting forth the right messaging here.

This is misguided, at least. When I have such a hard grasp, because, like, okay, so I've had a lot of friends kill themselves, and it's... Maybe too, man. Yeah. What?

What's up? What? Would you say? They said maybe it's you. No, no, no, no. You're definitely playing a bar in that. I'm like, this is a lot of people where I'm like, when you didn't like, you were like, you were like, what's up?

I was like, oh, fuck, is he about to hit me? What's up? What's up? Dude, you could literally say, I hope your mother gets skull fucked by a rhino. Like, nothing was going to, like, I would be such a fucking hypocrite after all the shit I said for me to ever get offended by fucking anything. But I think we could do it. But, um, what is it?

Fucking. Yeah, yeah. You're friends of, yeah. Yeah. Well, it's like, I remember. I looked through some like, dude, some of the last text I said, I'm a pretty optimistic person. So I'm such a like, un-understanding grasp of like deep depression where it's like I'm sending my video, like, one of the last thing I said my friend is like a com town video. I sent him like, he was really depressed. I sent him like videos of my face with Down syndrome A-on.

You know what I made? I'm not a sexy only fan's model who used the filter. That would have maybe. Maybe that would have held him on. But it's like now the last messages to my friends are me with Down syndrome, some Comtown video. And like, but it's like my brain, I'm like, I'm like, all right, let me just try to think of the most positive things that can like send, but it's not like, um, uplifting. I mean, honestly, that is, that's not a bad last message in my opinion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kamitzner Gordon.

And it's like the best you could do, like, you can only do so much. Yeah, well, you never know, like exactly when it's like, uh, you're always like, all right, this is bad, but you don't know, like, it's like, what are you going to fucking just go over to everybody's house who's depressed and be like, all right, so. So is it today? Yeah. I got things to do. Is it today or is it not today? Yeah. But, you know,

that's life. I don't know. It is weird that like I've noticed the breakup trajectory and the friend lost trajectory is, I mean, it's different timelines, but it's this lost, like breakups and like people dying. It's like a similar thing where like you do come to some feelings of like,

this is still sad for me, but you are still like, oh, I found some level of acceptance in this like. Like, this is just the world I live in now versus like, this is just shocking news. That makes any sense. Do you mean like your own personal breakups or watching other people break up? I've only been through one breakup, but I've had a lot of friends die.

And I've noticed like mentally you go through at different speeds, but you go through the same cycles. Like it's the same grief cycles where you're like, okay, well, at first you're like freaked out, doesn't feel real, really depressed. You know, then you got this, then you got this, then you got this. Eventually you get to the part where you're like, this is really sad. And at moments, I'll still cry about it. But I've accepted that this is the world I live. Like, you just accept the facts of the world you live in versus being like...

I thought you were saying that breakups are the lead to the suicide. I'm like, well, in some cases, yeah. It sounds like we can blame chicks for a lot of things, dude. But it's one of those things where you're like, like, I don't know, it's interesting how much they mimic the same thing. But, you know, it's not like my friends are out there fucking other boys, but, you know, idiots. Yeah, they got to get on that. They got to get, they got to find some good boys, dude. They were out there.

Oh, man, that was a perfect little bow tie on this little hour. Oh, we didn't record any of this. Yeah, yeah. That's the episode. What do you guys want to promote? You want to go? The good boys, dude. Yeah.

Just get out there. Yeah, get out there. See you out there. Keep yacking. Yeah. Keep me on the street, yell, holler, good boys, dude, and I'll know that somebody watch this episode. Yeah, comment about Michael's feet and let me know if you want mine because they're literally free. You can ask.

I'll give them to you. Oh, yeah. Andrew, what's your Instagram? Follow me on Instagram, please. At Andrew Man Thing. And watch my roasts on YouTube if you are into that shit. He's great roaster.

Great in that, dude. Top notch. Thanks, man. Christopher? Chris Kinback. Both fucking hilarious comics. You guys are... Thanks, man.

Yeah, two out of three of us. Yeah, two of three of us are doing really well. We're going to end of this part. You've now pissed me. Offended. Yeah. All right. All right, thank you.