Morning Good - We Need Shame - Episode 175

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

Paddy Defino and Jason D. return to the show for today's episode. They talk about local celebrities with too much money, loving late-stage capitalism, and Paddy's weird feeling towards Pride Month.Follow Paddy on Instagram @paddy_is_funky and make sure to check out his new podcast, the Untitled Podcast. Him and Jason are both gonna be on the road in Rhode Island July 22nd at Shaidzon Beer Co. As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.This podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax.

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning good. Oh, I love that.

Yeah, by way, shout out to Tim's Bray. Welcome to morning. All right. We're here with the stinky penis, boys. Yo, yo. This is a Saturday afternoon with the stinky penis boys. Stinky penis. Pull back that foreskin.

Get away. What's up? Let me get a seat there. It's the stinky peony boys on it. Like sticky peony. That's funny. It's Saturday with the stinky peony boys. Peony and the balls?

Yeah, I like that. Peeney and the ball. That should be the name of your podcast. Yeah, you keep being like, I look so much bigger than the other people on the couch. You're peony. We're the balls. The guests have to cuddle up next to each other. Yeah, by the way.

Is it cold in here? You whisked over slightly just to make sure. Yeah. The guest don't know, but yeah, last episode I recorded myself as ginormous. And I'll probably throw them out of it. Whatever. Yeah. Michael is very nervous about his camera set up lately.

I am. Yeah, yeah. It's very concerning. I like it, dude. I was looking at it. That looks like a tactical camera. Yeah, I spent my life savings on it. Yeah.

It's not a lot of money. I say, I've been telling me like my life saves. I have like $4,000 saved and it was like $1,500 of that. So you didn't spend your life savings on it? You're right. You're right. You spent like 35. years of your life savings. Yes.

Yeah. If you think about your whole life collectively as $4,000. Yeah, I mean, that's what it is. But that was somebody, because somebody was on, you were there with, I don't know if you were there, but we were talking to, uh, what's his name, uh, Johnny Salami. And he's like, yeah, this guy, like, just gave away his life savings. And it was like, I think it was like, $100,000. And I was like, that's not that much.

Like, in my mind, I was like, I was like, but that's just because my, I expect myself to just like, it is sad how much I picture myself as a millionaire. And it, I, I, I know. No, that's not what's going to... But my brain can't not adjust to picturing. Like, my life, the way I... My level of rich I'd love to be is I would love to be a fucking, like,

Bamar Jarrah guy who's, like, so... No, no, no. 2020. No, this all tracks. Yes, yes, yes, yes. A Bamar Jarrah, but, like, into the point where I'm not living in L.A. or something like that, I'm just annoying my small town.

Yeah, yeah. And he's doing another party with elephants again. Like, why do they have to do this? Oh, like a kid rock in Nashville. Yes. Like a Doug Stanhope. Yes, I fantasize about just being a menace. Who's another guy like that?

I feel like those are three. That's like quite a triumbring. Bamar, Doug Stand Up and Kid Rock, all of that. Could you imagine hanging out? I mean, all those dudes for sure do. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. The like needle holes in my arms after a night like that.

Well, that's the dump bar. Everybody's mad at Bamar Jarrah. They're like, oh, look at him he's going on. It's like the show is called Jackass. He's the only one that's continuing to be a jackass. You know what would bump me out is I feel like if I were hanging out with Bamarjera or Kid Rock. Those guys are doing coke with me, no problem.

If I hang out Doug St. I would feel like I'd be like, hey, you want to do blow? And he'd be like, nah, I'm like, I'm like, I'll just dye my hair purple. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kid Rock would be so much fun to hang out with. But, like, it would be one of those things, too. It's like, you don't know where he'd randomly go on a rant about something. You're also, you might have to listen to him, like, sing.

He might insist on singing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you hear his watch thing that he does? No, it is. So he, like, has this, like, a really nice watch on, like, his arm and, like, they'll, like, party with people. He invites a lot of people out to party. And then he'll pick someone at the end of the night and be like,

I want you to have this watch. Like, it's a really meaningful watch. It's expensive. But, like, I like to give it to people who I like. And they're like, holy shit. Like, I can't take this watch. He's like, look, it's fine. Like, just take it.

It's an Apple watch. I'll get a child pornography. He calls the cops. Yeah. Kid rock. But he gives them the watch at the end of the night. And then, like, the people are like super excited who get it. And then they go home. and they like Google it and it's like a $50

watch. Just a knockoff watch but he doesn't tell him. That's so funny. He does it like every night like he does it to someone. That is a funny bit. Just tell somebody's the thing's worth so much. Yeah, he's like my grandfather. Grandfather Rock.

Yeah. Poppy Rock. Poppy Rock. I think I don't know why he has a southern accent but he's like from Detroit. I think he's a fake person. Yeah. Everything about him is fake.

That's so true. I'm like, yeah, was. Yeah. It's like a replica of the White House, right? See, that thing is, I think you'd be having fun with him, and then you say something like, let's say, okay, Patty, you're banging hookers with Kid Rock. Naturally.

Right? And you tell him, you like, licked her asshole. He's like, dude, that's fucking gay, man. You're out of the friend. You're like, what? And he would just randomly turn on you? He would have, like, a lot of, there'd be, like, rules that you, like, weren't prepared for.

Yeah, yeah. You'd just be like, yeah, I kissed her on a lift. He's like, you did what? Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. What do you fucking love Biden? You're like, uh-huh.

Yeah, because deep down he is, like, probably a pretty, like, taught conservative. He's a very, like, fucking knows. Yeah, to an extent. Because he does kind of ride that line where he's randomly just like, oh, fuck it, but I'm having fun. But then randomly he's just like, this is our children's generation is going to be screwed up. You're like, why do you care about the kids? Dude, you have, like, a fucking awesome bar. That's the part.

But I guess that's, like, part of, like, why he's so big in Nashville is because he, like, inserts himself into stuff like that. Yeah. That's why you got to go, dude. when you wash up, you go Bermarge, General, right? You threaten to kill your brother. Yeah.

Did he do? Yes, he threatened to kill him but ran into the forest and just disappeared. You get in fights with your wife in public. Aaron Carter, another one. Oh, good movie, by the way.

Did you see Boz Afraid? We saw it together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, is that the one? Is that where you abandoned him in the movie theater? No, no, no, no. That was 65 with Adam Driver,

which everybody should have abandoned to everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the director abandoned us on that movie, dude. Michael thought he was doing your favor. He's like,

Patty's gonna get shot in the head. It's probably for the best. He's like, I'm gonna have to wipe it from your brain. He's like, I'm gonna get so much sympathy

from this. For being there for his last moment. He was such a good comedian, underrated. Now I'm gonna have to pass on his legacy. Do you, I always do. He told me if coincidentally

said if anything ever happened to him, I should get all the spots. Out three. But, you were saying something before. I thought, some of that Bear Margera, I don't know, just having fun. Oh, just being, like, wreaking havoc on your small town.

Yeah, retreating to the woods. Oh, because you were talking, dude, that's what, it was funny, you were talking about like $100,000 in savings isn't a lot. Michael, age 37 only has like $1,700 in his savings. He's like, next year, this should accumulate to at least two or three millions. Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking there's just random peak at some point. But, dude, I've been watching that stuff like so much reason. Because everybody's up with a writer's strike, everybody's like, oh, no, we're going to go back

to reality TV. It's like, dude, Bear Margera just doing insane stuff. That was beautiful. I love that. Like, I love that era of, like, people. I mean, he's skateboarded, but I would be one of those guys who's with the crew but doesn't know how to skateboard.

But they're like, he, I'd hope to be fun. They should make a reality TV show where it's Ban Margera doing hospice care for, like, people about to die. Just taking care of, like, the very elderly. Yeah, and just like, Yo, we're going to go put a pill over it. And him just sneaking their medication away.

Yeah. There's one for you, one for me. Yeah. just I was like, you know, all your patients are complaining that they're in severe pain. That's crazy. Anyway. Watch me do this, Ollie. Watch me.

I'm going to push her down the stairs. In a wheelchair. Yeah, this is grandma's stairs. Are we going to the park today? Whoa! Shut on, bitch. That's the funny. This is rewatching the evil of lamb.

And he's just so rude to his mom. He's like, stop bitching ape. We're fucking party in the night. Dude, I did. I felt watching the old jackass movies. I do feel bad for Phil and, uh, filling, uh, filling his mom. But I was. The Preston getting, like, snuck in for Phil and the, uh, the switcheroo thing is so funny. Oh, that is so funny. Yeah. But it is also one of the things too where I was watching a podcast and I was like, dude, April's like the perfect mom and Phil's like the perfect parents. Yeah. Like their son is insane, but they're somehow keeping it. Like, they're getting pissed off, but like in a fun way. That like whole, the whole jackass crew is like an unbelievable like culmination of people. Everyone in that is like,

so interesting. Like Knoxville is one of the funniest fucking people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stivo is super interesting. Well, and it's really interesting, like, the depth. Like, even like, because I started going on the outskirts. I'm listening to podcasts with, like, fucking Rake. What's his name?

His name is, Rake, or what is it? Poopi. No, no, no, no, no. Poopi? Their name, I was like, I was really getting into poopie dildo stores and all their nicknames. But I think his name is Rake. He's one of the long-haired guys from Vivaam. But he was like, so Viva LaBam was like, Bam.

It was after Jack. but Bam is hanging out with all of his high school friends because they started these CKY videos where literally they were just like in bum fuck Pennsylvania just like filming pranks on each other and them just like harassing just doing total nonsense but one of the dudes was like a chemist

so like he had a full time chemistry job while doing Viva Bam wow which is insane and now he's like back to being like a full now he's working on a nuclear bomb yeah just specifically killed Bam but no it's just interesting because it's like those guys were like just guys and they're like we always get emails people are like oh me and my friends did

that shit way before you. He's like, yeah, but you didn't videotape it. Yeah. He's like, everybody across America was like doing pranks on their friends. Yeah, it's called being a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You invented being a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we invented being fun to hang out with. Yeah, no, we just monetize that. Yeah. Yeah, I love all that shit. The new jackass, I, like, cried in the theater. I was so happy.

Yeah, yeah. I didn't see it yet. Oh, it's so good. I, like, started it at home alone, and I was like, what am I doing? Yeah, you need to watch it with some pals. Just sitting, like, by myself to be like, ah, yeah, that was good. Very funny. What you did with the bees there. Very good. Just tweeting by myself.

Jackass. Funny movie. Just a tweet jacket, like big glasses. Hmm. Ah, yes. Well done, puking the milk of your friend. Well done. That was a great time for that movie because it was like,

that is something that you can't, like, whether you're a Filipino trans woman in Oregon or like a redneck in the South, people getting hit in the balls is fun. Everyone loves Jagas. And you can't just be like, No, it's just fun. It was weird they tried to include the girl. Like, that was kind of like.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an attractive girl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like a New York comic ending. She was, I think she was New York and then L.A. and then, yeah, she joined the crew. I would love the, what do you call it, a recruitment for her? They're like, Rachel, have you ever thought about getting kicked in the pussy?

Like, how does that? Yeah. On your radar. She gets stung on, like, the face with a scorpion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it also Jasper from Odd Future is in it, too, right? I don't know who that is. You don't know, do you not know, are you not in the odd future stuff?

I like the idea of it. Just a black jackass? Like, I support it, but I can't, I can't personally get behind. Yeah. Well, I just haven't watched it enough. You know those things you're like, oh, I've seen clips. I'm like, I like, I like, I think Tyler the career is very funny. Like, he was just, Jasper's like one of the guys who's in that.

And now he was the black jackass guy in the new one. Oh, okay. Tyler, the creator's also in it for, uh, he does a cameo, yeah. Did you not finish it? No, I started it, and I was like, what am I doing? I am by myself. I can't watch anything by myself. Like, in my apartment, I just get so distracted.

It's so hard to sit down and, like, watch something. Oh, yeah, for sure. And also, like, I'm done watching most things alone. Like, especially in theaters. I want to go see Flash alone. Jesus Christ. I heard that, did that movie stink? I talked about it in the last episode.

Yeah, dude, it's really affecting me. Like, I'm just thinking about it all there. Michael's, like, the last guy in America who's, like, still, like, upset when a comic book movie is that. It's like they really hurt me. The last honest fan. I'm a victim of Ezra Miller's attack. I've been watching Suck Session.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Suck Session? One of the best shows on TV. Wait, is that a review you did in the last one? What now? It is. So people that don't know if you've got a couple days ago,

like completely got deleted. And now we're talking about we're going to organically try to bring up the same jokes. No, I don't think I, I don't know if we did talk about it. But when you're talking about $100,000, like, because they're just

dealing with billions of dollars. It means nothing to them. And it's nothing, dude. It's crazy that that's a real... I don't know how you watch that show. Because there's people who watch that show and they still believe in, like, the political system. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, I don't know how you're... You still... I know it's a show in, like, Will Ferrell's an executive producer. He's not, like, involved in it. I think he's an executive producer. Yeah, that doesn't... Adam McKay's company, like... Oh, so he doesn't...

But that company doesn't exist. Yeah, I couldn't imagine Will Ferrell going up and being like, okay, telling them what to do. Yeah. I want to be really stern on this. Yeah, the idea of him directing. Just him and glasses and a scarf. Like, you're like, this is an S&L character.

Yeah. I was like in a, so you called it Suck Session? Yeah. Just a bit where someone thinks they're watching the same show. They're like, you know, my favorite episode is when the two football players are giving each other massages because their hamstrings hurt. And then they start kissing. And they start sucking each other's thing.

It's like, I don't know. Where did you find that episode? Just online. He's streaming, you know? I always wanted to do like spin-off porn. series. Just direct them. It is something like,

I think I've watched porn like that where it's silly and it does make you feel good afterwards. You're like, that was fun. Everyone had a good time. Versus like a guy with a camera like, oh yeah, yeah, wait. So repeat your age again?

19. Nice. This isn't fun at all. 12 inches of slave. Yeah. But yeah, I'm trying to think what the, I don't know, I haven't seen, I don't know,

they're fun. You know what I mean? Even when it's something crazy, like a guy dressed up as like Spongob getting his dick stuck. I'm like, I'm going to sleep well after watching this.

I'm gonna, you know what I mean? It makes it more hot, too, because it's, like, different. And then you see tits on sandy cheeks. Yes, and somebody who looks like if you're having fun, it is kind of like a, yeah, yeah. I just want to, this is just a fun tidbit for the viewer or listener. Michael's girlfriend is no more than seven feet away from this guy. We're just talking about porn. They should make a hentai with Squidward.

Oh, that would be awesome. That's got to exist, right? Ah, ha. I don't see one where he, he, He's having fun, though. He's never having fun, though. No. That's what puts a smile at his face. Yeah, exactly. He's the only thing, he's like, I just want to Pousy. Everything sucks. Or just an episode of just like, just SpongeBob just walks into Squidward's house and he just

hear SpongeBob go, oh no, it runs away. Pearl the whale is spread out on his bed. Either join in or quit watching. You're talking about secession. Yeah, I've, I've had this. Suck session. You suck session, yeah. I've had this weird feeling about, like, uh, Richard. people where it's like everybody wants like I think genuinely for society

this is weird take it's a deep take instead of everybody's like oh money should be spread out so everybody has sort of a good life no why that give a couple people incredible lives and let everybody else live a terrible life yeah that's like what we're doing is what we live in that's what's going on that's cool you're cool with what's going on that's nice it's like it's like we give everybody now this isn't a genuine take

I'm just I'm just exploring this idea it's like you take it's like it always means when people see a yacht and they're like that's disgusting it's like that's beautiful yeah like it's beautiful that somebody is enjoying that like it's not me and it sucks it's not me but it's like if I didn't even know that it would exist

I wouldn't have known what to strive for fucking bootlicker Mike is Mike just kissing Elon Musk's shoes just like oh keep enjoying life for me thank you but like if you if you have a nice yacht and then you're complaining about white privilege because that's the two that's like the dichot Like those people, they're like, oh, well, I don't want to like, it's like use the yacht. You know what?

You're just going to let it sit there and have like minorities just looking at it be like, God damn, I want to be on that. Like use it. How often do you think, though, like a Hispanic guy working on a yacht just because you use that scenario? I totally didn't picture that myself. But, uh, Hispanic people doing labor? Never.

But I wonder, like, if there's ever that moment where it's like, I don't know, like, I've worked in a thousand offices. And there is like a moment where like everybody's out of the office where you kind of like go to like the CEO's chair and kind of like, you don't maybe sit in the chair, but you're kind of like, take your pants off. Yeah, you kind of feel like, I wonder if they ever do that with a yacht where like there's a moment where they're like just grab the wheel.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like nobody's looking. Like, there's got to be a moment where you kind of like lay out one of the couches and you're like, all right. Yeah, that's so bad. Because if we're talking about working in a place, like, maybe those people are brutal to work for, but you look out the window and it's like a beautiful fucking view.

Yeah. Yeah, that's true. They're probably getting paid way more than I am to work some bullshit office job. Yeah, they are, but they have like 17 children. That's true, too. So they have no money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I heard if you spread out all the world's wealth, like, to everyone in the world, everyone would be poor, like, really poor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I guess we got a good system going. You got a great system going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm happy with everything. Capital. Dude, one time when I was in Disney World, I was fucking hammered

at Epcot. It was on Fourth of July that did like a fireworks thing. And like, after the end, it's like a full park of people leaving. in the park, and someone in the crowd started a capitalism rules. It was the best thing. I was like, capitalism rules. My sister's like, stop it, stop. Just like

a Chechen immigrant. Just been like, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Yeah, because everyone's like, dude, look how amazing. We just got wowed by the wonder of Disney on 4th of July. This is a great country, dude. That's like a beautiful ending to a day. It's like, you always forget how awesome feet parks are. Like, I

genuinely, like, every time I've been, since I've I've, like, been in a doll. I'm like, this is show. Oh, this is so interesting, Michael. So you like theme parks. That also comes as a surprise to me. Sargasm. You're from Orlando.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I've never been to Disney World. I like Disneyland. Besides Epcot, tell all Disney to suck your left night. Go to Universal Studios and have the time. I've been, I love Universal. Velocaster. Dude, I've been on, I went on the Hulk.

I went on the Fire and Ice Dragons. It's been years since I went. The Fire and Ice Dragons. I do, I love roller coasters. Fire and Ice is now Harry Potter. world, I think. Are you like a big Harry Potter nerd? I know.

I have like a Harry Potter bit. I like the Harry Potter bit. And I feel like you've mentioned it like twice in this conversation. I do like Harry Potter. I mean, I've read all the books. He's trying to bring a little Harry Potter bit from the last episode. Yeah, they re-did it.

Now it's like Harry Potter World, which is fucking great. They did a great job with it. Dude, you love Harry Potter. I love Harry Potter. If he listens to the show. I'm a huge fan of everything. Doesn't know it's not real. I would love to go.

to Hogwarts. I don't know if there's like a adult education program that you get involved in. I was like one of those kids when I turned 11. I like stood out by the mailbox like waiting for my letter. Oh, you're like a gay little nerd. Yeah. Like bird watching looking for an owl. I've never seen an owl before but I assume now. Your dad's like, don't come back inside. So you learn how to throw a football. Yeah. Can I sleep under the stairs? I don't give a fuck what you do. Just get a fucking job or get out of the house.

11 years old. When are you gonna start working? People are like, the whole trans thing with Harry Potter. It's like so silly. Like, J.K. Rowling used to, like, she was like, I thought she was the first person

who introduced trans. Because, like, she had that class where they would turn, like, rats into chalices, you know? That's what they were like, this is the invention of transgender. I was like, this is going to be the start of a movement.

Wow. And then, dude, that's what happens. They take you... When you're at the top, they just cut your legs out, dude. Throw you to the wolves. Yeah, it is funny, too, because there is this, like... I always have the same opinion on everything. Everybody's like, oh, look at this person who's successful

has a terrible views. It's like, yeah, but is she, like, mona... Like, is, if you buy Harry Potter, is she now, like, funding something... You know what I mean? It's like, maybe, I don't know. I don't know the answer. Because it was like, when Chick-fil-A was, like, doing stuff, and maybe they were doing stuff that was actually bad.

But I was like, gay marriage is legal. So, like, if they are against it, it's like, it's like, it's like, now they just have iPads to say Gary. Imagine she was funding, like, this, like, secret group of, like, mercenaries who just take trans people and, like, hold them down and, like, screw their cock back up. You see it not like these shadow groups in England? You're like, that's all made up, right? It's like, no, I think it's real. Dude, that's a hilarious idea. Just some guy dressed up like a ninja, but he's got, like, just dicks in it with screwdrivers.

He's like, like, throwing stars. Oh, my masculinity is returning. This is what God wanted. Just a blowdark gun of testosterone. Oh, God. My balls are returning. Oh, trans. That's healthy.

Dude, this submarine thing is really like sticking with me. I'm having a hard time of letting go. Getting over it. Dude, because I have like a deep seated fear of the ocean. I think I've told you that. Well found. Yeah. The idea I could never go in that sub because like knowing that there's just, knowing that there's things below me

that I can't see. Fucking freaks me out. You're also on the fifth floor of the building though. Does that not affect? Well, it's just like a, it's just fish. I don't like the look of them. They smell weird. Wait, did you hear any, the pressure described that they were under? I heard heard that they just exploded. I heard this was explained on the last definition.

So there's enough pressure that water comes in before air leaves or something like that? No, I don't know. There's always analogies. I feel like there's one guy describing this. The analogy that I heard, and is the only thing I understand, is that it was like having an empire state building made of lead on top of you. That's like the amount of pressure that they were under. Oh, my God.

So when it's just like, metaphorically, like with all their family's excited, rooting for them? The amount of pressure down there. Everybody wants you to be smart, but you can. That's how you feel the pressure when you go down. I just feel like, oh my God, I'll never make my parents have it. My wife wants me to propose. My wife wants me to propose.

I'm not ready. It just gets irrational. My baby wants me to have a baby. What? The Jefferson Report is doing two hours. I haven't started it. I'm at the bottom of the goddamn motion. They throw Wi-Fi down here.

Yeah, I think maybe they might have killed the guy in there, the main guy, before they imploded. No, apparently, like, it happened like that. Was it like, but how soon after they, like, launched, though? That's my question. They were toward the bottom when it collapsed. Oh, because I'm wondering.

It was like they got in the water. This should be blew up. What happened is, like, when, uh, so later they found out the, uh, the Navy has, like, an acoustical array that, like, measures, like, uh, audio signatures in the ocean. Right. And after the fact, it was made clear that, like, uh, that apparatus captured, like, basically the sound of an implosion, like, right at the time that the sub was supposed to have disappeared.

So when it lost communication is when it employed. It was aliens. You think it was aliens? There are fucking, dude, have you seen the fucking things down there? It's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, yeah, I'm in the same boat. By the ha, ha, ha, same boat. Hell yeah, brother. I'm the same subway. Dude, how about a picture, when they fucking, because they bolted them in there. Did you know,

that part? Yeah. When I hear like fucking drills like bolting me into a metal thing, I know, you know what, fuck this, I'm sorry, keep the $250,000. I'm out.

Dude, they had to have had to have had Xanax down there, right? There's no way you go into a submarine without like... They definitely had some drugs because they're all super rich. Yeah, and they're also the type of people

that will go into a submarine. Yeah, those are thrill seekers. They're not boring rich people. They're very fun. They're not thinking twice about putting a little powder up their nose, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, yeah, getting bolted in. This is gonna come out like two weeks later. God damn it. Don't bring up the submarine. Oh, dude, speaking of aliens. Yes. Did you hear about... Did you hear about...

The family? What? Mexican family. Oh, okay. Just Louis Lopez. Yeah. I heard you had Luis recently. Did you hear about the news about that moon around Saturn?

No. So, they have these probes that go out and collect chemical samples from Enzalatus, the moon around Saturn is considered a candidate for having life. Ensalatas is the name of it? Encelotis, I think it's, E-N-C-E-L-A-U-D-U-S. Okay, thank you. Suck my dick. But they basically, it has like five of the essential molecules that are like building blocks

for life and there's supposed to be liquid water under the surface. In Saturn? One of the moons of Saturn. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, I know. And that's cool. And I like that stuff. And what annoys me in elementary school, they're like, there can't be life on any other planets. I was like, why? Like, it couldn't sustain. I'm like, yeah, our life, I can't survive naked in Antarctica

either, but it's like, you know what I mean? It's like there could be an Arctic, some being that can handle that. They're like, yeah, life is we know it. It's like, well, yeah, because that's only on this fucking planet. It's like, I guarantee there's other things that could survive in a colder environment. So that was a recent, because they have like, they have phosphate or phosphor or some essential chemical

and it like completed whatever like of the five essential chemicals it is to create like amino acids or whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah. It would be funny if like we went to Mars or something we got there and like everything like everything is fine like we're living there or some planet that there's, they say there's life and we go but it just like

smells like farts all the time. God damn. God damn. There's just a guy they're like no no, no, you'll get used to it. It's like well that one guy farting. All right. We got to send up a new probe. It's just like a robot with a giant nose. Yeah, it's unsustainable. It's too bad. It's just, it's really

it's bad farts. It's beef jerky farts. There's no way you would know. That's the thing. No, yeah, because they don't test for that. Yeah, like, well, that's my voice about New York City. Like, New York City looks so good in movies because you can't smell shit and piss. Yeah. I can't, do you walk around smelling shit and piss? I think I'm not like going down. I think I'm no, I don't mean like that you're doing that. I just mean like you, you get a wafting on the regular.

All the time. Oh, yeah, I get it a lot. I think I'm nose blind. that's possible yeah maybe you have COVID still but I've just always had it one of my friends you just think when you you'd fart he'd go behind you'd go funnyest thing ever like it was disgusting but you just go like three inches away from your ass and just go

hmm it's good stuff it was great great fucking joke I just saw a picture of him recently old picture of him getting like arrested on the beach wearing sunglasses it's the coolest picture you're wearing sunglasses he's got a gold chain with a cross on it

and he's just getting arrested on the beat. He looks like Pablo Eskabar. It's a miracle that you got out of there, he'll be honest. Out of Florida? Yeah, it sounds, it's like you describing like the third world country that you came. Everyone's dead and been arrested. You're like that Sun Yung Park or whatever that chick with the guy.

The other person who got out of North Korea. Like we couldn't eat in North Korea. Nice, yeah, cool, nice. You want to come on my bag? Wear something tight. Yeah, that is always so funny She has like those giant fake

It's just funny because her body's so tiny Yeah And yeah, I don't know Some people think she's like full of shit though Yeah, I don't know Oh my favorite is Nikiel Meta So he has a friend He knows the guy who died in North Korea

Like the fraternity guy Oh really? High school or something Of course he doesn't Nikiel's probably the one who told him to rip down the posters It'll be fine dude I don't fucking care Yeah

Wait why Who is a poster Who gives a fuck? He told me this at the pair, and he's like, yeah, man, he's like, I knew that guy. And I was like, oh, that sucks. And I went back to my phone. And I was like, whatever. You're like, that isn't the craziest thing you've ever heard.

But, and then I was like, oh, no, I was trying to be a little more like fake empathetic. I was like, no, that really sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. And he was like, you know, I, you know, I, whatever. Yeah, and then people started walking by and I was like, did you hear Nikiel's best friend died? I just started, everybody's like, I'm so sorry. He was that guy.

He was like five years ago. Did you know him well? I think he was on the same soccer team or something like that. Dight. Yeah. I've always said this, though, like, if he would have won that, everybody's like, what an idiot? I'm like, yeah, but if you would have brought that back to your fraternity,

that would be the sickest thing ever. Yeah, that would be sweet. The payoff is awesome. Yeah, he just got, like, he stole when a Kim Jong-Ubs, like, suits or whatever. Yeah. He's got to wear that. He's got, like, all the hair cut. He's got the hair cut.

He's just a highly decorated general. Yeah. She's doing a beer bong And in North Korea they're like, look, if he has the uniform, we do have to respect that. Do you remember when that Seth Rogen movie came out? The interview? Remember how we're like, guys, we might like get nuked because of this movie and they're like, let's put it out anyway.

Like, just a stupid movie. Also, it was a very weird thing. Originally they thought that it was like North Korea who had like threatened over the movie, but then it just ended up being like some guy on the internet. Yeah. It was like, so there was like a very, there's a lot of, weird mystery. That's kind of the nice thing about our country is like, we're

our greatest defense. Like, we hate America more than any other country hates them, except maybe like Iraq or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They probably really hate us, but Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that is that thing too, where it's like everybody gets so, that's always the funny thing, that weird intimidation, they're like, oh, well, North Korea, it's like, they're

not going to bomb us over a seven-year-mov. They're going to bomb us because they want to bomb us. They're going to kill us for other reasons. If they're bombing us, it's for love of the game. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They just want the virgins. Like, they don't give a shit about where they get. They just want those hot tight.

You're talking about Iraq? Yeah. Yeah, we were talking about North Korea. We're talking about North Korea. Oh, I'm sure there's a virgin deal. There's a virgin situation over there. Look, everyone's got a situation where you die get virgins. I can't see anyone bombing anyone for their country, like, alone.

And then their country is just like, you also get, like, a lot of young pussy. They're like, I'm like, designing a bomb to only kill dudes. They're like, we'll drop it. All the pussy. still be there. It'll be intact. It doesn't kill women. Or just like after like someone would have, like, Japanese kamikazis, like, find out about like the, the jihadist, like, suicide bomber deal.

Like, so I've just been doing this. I'd like to renegotiate my contract. Hold on, hold on. I would like at least 73 versions. You gave me 98 rolls of sushi. I was giving a lot of rice, which is nice. I do like it. It's good. My family will be fed.

What about all the pussy? That was my favorite video I saw recently. It was Gangdom style, but it's like, Oppenheimer. It's like the trailer for Oppenheimer. It's like, we're going to make this bomb. It's like, Bernanah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Oppenheimer.

But it stays just like, he's like, it's so fucked up. He's like, I thought we were making rice cookers. He's like, we are in a way. Do you guys want to do an Oppenheimer Barbie back-to-back movie day? That's what I was time. You have to do Barbie first, though. I feel like to do Oppenheimer first. Dude, I think Oppenheimer is going to hit me, dude.

You think so? Yeah, I think that Deep Patriot in me is going to be, like, the human life. I'm going to be like, ooh, it's going to be tough. History stuff I can't get me. Even if it was something, like, for some reason, something that's like, I'm weird like this, dude, it's so weird. My brain, anything past the hippie movement going backwards, I don't care about. It's very weird that my brain does this.

I've noticed that's the cutoff. For some reason, I have a horrible time. relating to anybody. So you're saying you don't care about the Holocaust. Yeah. That's all I heard. All right. Let me...

Let me change my time. So Michael Good, let's reiterate. You think, what was it? Slavery means nothing to you? What is the hippie movie? Why is that so... Why is that the cutoff day? Meaning, I don't want to watch stuff before that because it makes me show sad.

Michael Good. Martin Luther King because... Absolutely nothing really. No, it's sad to me. that I don't want to look at a world that was so negative. No, no, but I think what it is, it's like, my brain.

Not until white people started protesting, does Michael care? Just like white people with acid and Michael's like, all right, these guys might have something to say, actually. I think there's something about, like, I think culturally there was just like a ginormous shift in like so many different things.

That, like, it's weird. I know, for me, everybody before in 1970, maybe 68, I just picture dudes and suits. Everybody just... I think there is a thing. No one gave a fuck what, like, young people thought until, like, the late 60s.

Yes, and it's less of a culture. It's like, I don't know why. Like, if you were to ask me, pick up a year, but after 1800. 1801. 1801. Picture just guys in black and white suits and it's just boring visually to me.

In 1801, people are dressed like it's 1955. I would not have pictured that. It's like George Washington is still alive. What's interesting to me is throughout human history, we never shaved our pubs until like 30 years ago. Yeah, because I think

there's very tactical purpose for them. So the purpose of peeps is to stop friction when fucking. That's the purpose of pubs? Yeah. Really? Yeah, it's supposed that one of the purposes. The other ones are to shave them and putting your friend's mouth when he's asleep. I thought it was to tell a man, you got some opinion. Yeah.

That was the purpose. But it's like, yeah, no, it's supposed to stop like, uh, it's supposed to because it glides, you know, in a way that it kind of like stops. You don't want to be starting fires down there. Exactly. Yeah. Skin,

contact. You would think it would create more friction. You would, right? Yeah, but it does the actual opposite. Wow. Yeah. You've done your research on this. Yes.

Yeah. Maybe it's just honestly, like, it's probably just a thing you do in your 20s. Shave your pubes? Yeah. Well, no, I think trimming your pubs is really an important thing. But that's a weird sentence. The way I said it. too.

It was such serious. By the way, with much more conviction than he said that he cared about the Holocaust. Yeah. Which, by the way, he never said. Go on. Talk about a bunch of bushes out there, I mean.

I'm just like, Michael, you don't really care about the Holocaust? I don't know. Yeah, what's the deal with pubes? Well, that's very interesting that you say, that, Patty. Get a lot of strong opinions about pubes. Well, I think also when it comes to the Holocaust,

everything's been said about it. I'm not going to have a new angle on it. So, but pubs, it's a fresh enough idea that I can dive in. there and say something original. Yeah, I guess so. But yeah, no, I think that, yeah, I don't know. I changed my mind again.

I don't care about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dream of pubs? I trim when I can, but I forget about it for like eight months. Do you go buzzer? I used to go razor, dude. Just straight razor. Yeah, yeah.

Straight razor. Straight razor. Yeah. I didn't want a chance of cutting a gay, gay pattern. I'm like, is a straight razor? Is it like the ones you do coke and cut your wrist with? Yeah, that's like the Edward's cissar hands. Yeah, that is it.

That is it. bold move right there. Yeah, like a Sweeney Todd. Yeah, that was a terrible life, though, because I remember when I was like in elementary school, whatever, like older dudes, be like, you got to shave your pubs. And I was like, well, I got to get them before I start shaving. You want to grow them. Or you're just like, I binge. Also, why are you

talking to adult men about your pubs before you have them? I just be older dudes, like, you know, like, you went, you know, when older dudes were inspecting my pubs at the time. I didn't shave them. I never got a sex talk. Really? I'm surprised with your background that that's Now I'm like scared of sex. Yeah. Really?

Yeah, I'm not like comfortable with people. It takes a while for me to be like comfortable. With Bonin. With Bonin, yeah. But like my sex talk was because my dad was my fifth grade teacher. My dad was like the other fifth grade teacher in like my school. So in fifth grade they gave us the talk. And like I don't, he must have known that like I was in there because like he like when he was preparing the speech.

Yeah. Yeah. Talk about it. Because he kept, like he gave us a talk. but for 45 minutes all he talked about to our entire class of boys. How nice your mom's pussy was. And folks, when I...

You don't remember being that tight. It is that tight. And guys, when I say wet, just picture... You ever run through a muddy field at their storm? It's a dog leg left. But he just, for 45 minutes, just talked about, like, in detail,

wet dreams. Oh. That was my speech. Just, like, wet dreams. He's like, guys, sometimes you're going to go to sleep. and you're going to wake up, and there's going to be a substance in your pants. And that was not me right when you were asleep.

It was your own comedy. And anyway, that was saying, good night. Sometimes it comes on your ass. But I've never had a wet dream. Yeah, that's the thing is they, I kind of agree that there was a big talk of wet dream and I've had like three of them. Yeah. Like that's one thing. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, never. But it's like they tell you not to jerk up. So, like, our priest's just constantly having weddrew, just busting loads all over there. Well, because they're the only ones who, like, are obeying the rules. not to masturbate. They probably make like a Rube Goldberg machine of like religious artifacts that like stroke their dick.

I think God's gonna be fine with this one. I open a Bible and it hits a button it's not me pulling the come out of the and the blood of Christ pours over the tip of my penis. Dude, that's probably like, you could probably make a priest come so easily because you can flick his nuts and then he just fucking

just go through the choir just boom, boom, boom, it's like, The power of Christ compels. And peace be with you. That's probably what the first exorcism was. This guy's like, oh, there's a demon in me.

That's what that was. You got to get it out right now with your mouth. Say your prayer, three hell marries. This guy feels so guilty. He's like, oh, no, now I'm going to make up possession and exorcisms to come. cover that up. The funniest thing I saw was

my priest one time, he's like a prankster. And I saw him like lift the woman skirt up as like a joke because it's so, but that's a... hilarious. She's like, ah, father or so and so. It's classic, yeah. But it wasn't like he was like looking under

he's just like, just like debrief, like, maybe he pulled it, maybe like just tugged it, but I remember him maybe pulling it up. Yeah. It's inappropriate. But it's funny. It's funny. It's funny, but like, why is a priest?

Why is a priest doing that? That's such a bold move. as a priest. Yeah, but it's like, when you know humor, he's like, I know this little hit. He's Irish.

He's like, I know this will fucking death. Was this Christian science church? No, no, no. This is Father Walsh. Oh, so you're like,

by the way, I might beep that and whatever. What's like the equivalent of like, oh, his name? Fair enough. It's like the equivalent

of like ironically using the N word on a black guy. Like, I think he's gonna find that's funny. I'm gonna fake sexually harassed this woman. Yeah.

Who trusts me? Exactly. Did you also go to Catholic church? Yeah, I bounced around a bunch. He was a scholar. A religious scholar.

And then I went to, I think Presbyterian was my middle school. I don't know what they are. Whatever Trinity Prep is, I don't know. But that priest ended up going full leather daddy. He like is based right now, yeah, full leather daddy. Satan. Yeah. Satan got his grips on.

Yeah, I don't know if he's still religious. So he's full of pride right now. Probably. That's what pride is now. It's a grim. It's putting a ball. gag in your mouth and telling your father you hate them. So now as

someone who is deeply uncomfortable with sex, does pride make you uncomfortable? I hate it. I hate pride. This is so funny to me because if we were talking about my level of homophobia, I think it's very unrelated to sex. Because everybody has some level of thing. It's like, I genuinely

I will say this 100 times. I think dude's butt fucking is fun. Yeah. It's fun. Probably doesn't smell great. But it's fun. Yeah, but I'm like, it's a fun. And there's no part of me. It's like, No. But I think my aspects, if you were to like break down my homophobia, this is going to sound bad.

I'm going to get into this. If it's early in the morning and there is a gay man singing on the train, I'm not ready for it. It's not his fault for singing. It's my fault for not having the energy to match his energy. So I'm homophobic before I have coffee. But wouldn't anyone sing on the train annoy you? Yeah, why are you specifying that it particularly bothered you if it's a gay guy?

No, it's just particularly often. Or just if you, Or if a guy is singing on the train, you assume he's gay. Yes, that's probably what it is. I got a pocket fella, pocketfowl of sunshine. Yeah. So pride makes you uncomfortable. Yeah, I don't like pride. It's not about, it's, but it's not about the gay. You don't like the sex positivity.

I don't, I hate. He's got this weird thing where he's like, the children. He gets obsessed with the children. Yeah, dude. If you're a kid, like, you don't want to be exposed to that shit. Well, this, I don't, who gives them. Yeah, that's where I am. I'm so.

There's got to be some shame. We need shame. Our country has no shame, dude. Have you, and this is something you've talked about to it. I'm pissed off. A mental health professional maybe. No, I don't talk to anyone. I just talk to Michael Good once a week.

I just talk to my dad. I scream into my pillow every night, every time I see any gyrating at a bar. I know it's like not a popular opinion, but I just like I can't stand. Like I just can't stand by people. You know what it is? It's like straight women who go to pride

and they like have their tits and nipples out and shit. I'm like, that's not about gay people. Like, that's about you showing off your body. But my thing, too, is like, you're gross. I get what you're saying. Are you just making that up? No, I hate pride.

Okay, so there is, I mean, there is this thing. Okay, I do get rid of bisexual girls that'll go to pride and wear like a thong and they're like, or allies that'll go. And they're kind of making stuff about them, which I understand that out. Yes.

Notice how much better I said his words than him. Well, he's being honest. Yeah. But I get, but I still don't know why that would bother you. Yeah. What do you care? You know what? I don't really care.

I'll get into it. This is also, if there's a guy that has an annoying haircut, it'll infuriate me. But some things just bother you and you can't describe why they're Imagine a parade of people with their annoying haircuts.

Dude, if you get me a parade of man bug people? You can just not go to the parade. I don't. I don't go. I avoid it, but it's like, look, me and Alan talked about this.

Yeah. We're like, look, we can take away your right to vote just as quick. gave you. So maybe maybe be happy with what you got.

All right. Alan just being like, you know, for some reason, I don't like body positivity. It's like, well. Yeah,

I said right to vote. I've been right to marry. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what you're saying is that it annoys you on a, like,

you don't really care that much. You, I just don't like you. I think sex should be a private thing. Really? Yeah. I think if you have a weird thing

that's fine, but like, you don't need to like put it on me. Like, I don't need to, like, see it. No one's pretty good on you. You don't go to the parade. It's like the people who wear, like, the leather and stuff.

But you're not going to it. So it's just the idea of this happening is in raging. I have to deal with them on the subway. I have to deal with them, like, just like, assless chaps. It's New York, buddy. We're in New York, I think we've never, uh, we, and we just have different. I'm like, that's where you feel, I feel different. But it's like, I am so the opposite.

I'm like, I, it's fun to see weaners out. It's fun to see, but it's really thrilling. me. I'm the opposite. I get really mad when people are like, my sex stuff. I'm like, now, open up. I want to hear everybody. I just want to be Muslim. That's all I want. They figured it out. They got the outfits. I love the idea

of Patty and a hijab. He's just he's like, no, the men should also wear hijab. No one should look at anybody. Yeah, dude. There's just, like, there's just, there's been these, like, reports and stuff about, like, what's going on in Afghanistan since the Taliban took back over. And it's all with the tone of like,

oh, you know, it's just, it's so, I get why we had to leave, but it's just so horrible that is happening. Then you just get Patty and a man on the street interview, just being like, I think it's great. It's got my suitcase. I'm like, I'm here. Guys, where do I sign up? Where's my rug? I want to get down on my rug.

Guys, I'll say whatever book of, book of prayers you want. Let's just get me in on this. Yeah, who we bomb. Come on. I was just thinking about the gay people in the morning thing. It's the way I say to that I immediately want to defend it. But it's like you've been lying at like a Starbucks and like you just don't have the energy to match the gay guy. I don't know.

You don't even have to. I never like when people sing on the train. You don't know. That's not even something you have to do. Yeah. That's like we are totally opposites. Cause if someone's like flamboyantly gay, I don't mind at all. But like it's when like I can, too many of them get together.

It's the sex. I don't like the sex. It's so fucking. We're exact opposite. I'm like. I know. I know. I don't like.

I just don't like. But I'm also like, I'm also like, I'm also like, I'm also like, I'm like, like sometimes. By the way, after one o'clock, if I see a gay dude saying I'm training, I'm all about it. Because it's like, I think it's more about my energy level in the morning. And when other people have high energy morning, and you only go to Starbucks in the morning, and there's always a gay man, black man working

Starbucks. It's required. Every single one has one. So it's like, I think when I go in and I'm like half asleep, and I had one the other day, he was like, there was two gay guys working. One of them was like, oh, you have to have the app. Like, if you can't have the app, then you can't buy the Starbucks. The other guy's like, just let him buy the Starbucks. And I was just like, I just,

but I guess that has another dude. You're just like, can you just give me someone else to have this conversation? But it wasn't like, uh, I just really clarify, just like, I have a very low level of homophobia. You guys are triggered. But it's like, I think it's more of just like a high energy level in the morning. You know what I mean?

It's like high energy level in the morning. It's just hard. So like, I guarantee you if there was like a fucking frat guy in the morning being like, uh, singing like, hey, we want some pussy. I'll be like, shut the fuck. Yeah, yeah. So I guess it's just, uh, yeah.

But, but that's, say the same thing. It's like, I, going out to bars, gay dudes are the most, like a high-energy flamboy you guys, the most fun then. It's X, Y, X, Y, is I want to hang out with my mom in the morning and gay dudes at night. That's exactly how the timeline works.

Patty also hangs out with gay guys at night and his mom in the morning, but he feels ashamed about it. The next morning I have to tell her mom, there was another one. I saw another one. You'd be simply go to the private parade, go to a gay guy, I'm like, I'm going to tell your parents about this. Imagine I'm so pro-life. I'm all so pro-git.

at least they're not having abortion Yeah Or you just see Patty just coming out of the stall With like a parade of guys at Pride And he's just like out of a porta potty He just goes like I'll fucking kill you If you tell anybody else I'm just like no I kind of already assumed this

I'm gonna yeah like like a glory hole Makes me uncomfortable Not that I've ever seen one But the idea of it's so funny The idea there's a portal somewhere on a thing You're like I'm like no Nah Nah

See on the opposite You seen they're playing goalie on a on a glory hole like no no People use this for a separate thing. I can't use this. I need, like, trust in a woman. It's so, you got the, it's so funny because it's also funny that I'm projecting weirdness. I'm a little repressed. Yeah, but that's not, it's so funny that I'm projecting that is a bad thing.

You're like, I think I should love somebody. And then I'm out there like, people should just be coming and suck. And I'm like, you got problems, Patty, because you're not out there thinking people should have jizz loads on their face. And I'm like, oh, maybe you're, yeah, maybe there's a safe level in between. But I get really furious, like, especially if I do sex jokes and people in the audience get weird and they're like, ooh. And I was like, come on, I know.

you like something weird. Yeah. Like, do you like anything weird? Like, do I like anything weird? Okay, wait, wait, wait. Here's the question. You do sex jokes, but then you're visually sex bothers you. Because that's kind of the same thing.

It's like making dirty jokes. Because somebody could see the old morning good cover and say, why does he got to put his hard dick on the... Yeah, well, most of my sex jokes are about like, they're not like... How the gay should be doing it. Yeah. Yeah.

No, it's about like, I don't know, my shortcomings. Right. Shortcomings. Right. You squirt little loads? Just a little... Yeah, a little... It doesn't go far.

It's a straight down. You say you gotta be out by 4.45, right? What? Okay, shit. Okay. Five more minutes? Okay. Boy, this better be a good five minutes.

We just chat idly. What do you get up to this weekend? But, okay, so it's like your... So it's like... But does vivid sex jokes bother you? Maybe a little. I don't know. Not really.

Can I say this? Does it bother you more if a woman is talking about sex on stage than a man? No, sex, it doesn't, if it's funny, I don't care. Like, honestly, I like stand-up in real life are two entirely separate things. I do agree with that. You just see a woman telling sex jokes and Patty's just fucking punching the wall in the back of the room. Damn it. Shut up about your box. Harlot.

Patty comes on stage in a Popat. Well, I just want to be, I don't agree with anything that just happened up here. Maybe I'm just like envious people. who can be that way. You just want to be more free? Yeah, let me extend an olive branch here. Don't you do Molly all the time? I do Molly, but I don't get, like, horny.

But do you not feel like more... Are you in, like, environments where, like, gay dudes are grinding up on each other? Um... Are you going to straight raves? Yeah, the worst kind of raves. No, I mean, I go to raves, but, like... Just Patty's...

Patty takes Molly to, like, operate like, it's a middle school dance. That doesn't, like, bother me. It's like the pro... It's just pride. It's just pride. It's just the word pride. It's the pro...

It's like, pride being associated with sexuality. Here's me or someone on a leash. And I, like, I just don't like it. I will preface this. This is also, I didn't mean to touch your leg there. That's all right. I'm not ashamed. Yeah.

But it's also like with a podcast, I think, all the other thing, too, is like, sometimes you get a strong opinion on something that you're like, oh, maybe, I don't know. You know, you're like, I fucking hate baloney sandwiches because you're like, we're feeling airtime. And then randomly you're like, why do you hate baloney sandwiches? You're like, actually, I don't think I really hate it. Yeah. As soon as these cameras are off, I'll suck both your time.

Yeah. I don't care. This is a bit. That is good podfather. Yeah, podfather. Yeah, yeah. Who is the pod fodder?

Adam Carolla? Bill Simmons. Oh, Bill Simmons? Yeah, he's a podfather. Oh. Is there a different one for Jewish people? Hmm? I thought Adam Curry's the podfather.

That's who I thought. Yeah, I was thinking, it's like the Yahweh of Podfather. Mine is actually mock man. Don't draw him on paper. I'll be very upset. If you spell his name, leave out the A's, please.

But, yeah, no, I, So is it the fact that, uh, I like me just making every bit serious and not fun. You're like, I don't know. I'm like, what is it? Well, Michael Good's, morning good is an ideas podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's, and what's the picture now? Is it coffee? It was me with a gun and cornrows. Oh, sick. Yeah, and deft auto fun. Looks fucking sick. I do like that. But, uh, oh, the last thing, we got five bits of stuff.

There was, uh, there, I saw an article about they have this restaurant that's fully run by people with HIV to end this stigma. Did I send you that? Which that, would you guys be comfortable? Yeah, I'll get, I'll get a bloody bear. That... Just stir it a lot, make sure it's, you know... That may be, I don't know if that's homophobic.

Actually, to be fair, I don't know if it is homophobic to be uncomfortable with people with HIV. Like, not, like, it's like, that could be a germapobic thing. Yeah, I think that's more... Because it's like, also, for some reason, a restaurant, it's like people making food. It's like, I don't know how AIDS works enough to not be scared at that restaurant. Yeah. Because it's like, I don't know. I don't know. I've just worked in restaurants and there's always the guy cut.

Like, people are some knives. Yeah, yeah. I'm sure if they're working there, they're probably HIV on detectable. So it's a very low risk of transmitting. Okay. Or is the appetizers just prep? They give me like a little cupcakes to prep in it. Here's the thing is I would not be, like, I would not be remotely afraid of eating

that restaurant. I would not be scared of, like, catching HIV because I just, I don't think it works that way. And I imagine that people working there have, like, taken. I have OCDs. All that stuff. However, if I, by whatever one in a billion chance got HIV, I would be So furious.

Yeah. Yeah. You got from a restaurant. You're like, food wasn't even that good. It was fine. You're gonna fuck to hook her on heroin. Here's my stance.

If this was on Shark Tank and they were pitching an HIV-run restaurant, I wouldn't. I would. I would not invent. It's also funny. Is just like, will men be kissing there?

No? No. Yes. All right. Are you spitting in the food? It's also funny like the way they act. Hey,

how's it going? I'll be your waiter. My name's Ronnie. Full-blown AIDS. Bad. I mean bad. I'm barely standing right now. Would you go to that restaurant if they tell you

if every person who that came by the table told you how they got HIV? I would go. I would go with like some friends. I wouldn't dine alone. That's definitely how you get it. We got a solo. Yeah, that's one restaurant. You better not be fucking rude to those people.

You better tip, dude. Yeah, they're going to give you AIDS. How's worth it? If I drank AIDS blood, would I get AIDS? Did you know enough bad? I don't think so. I think you just turned into a vampire. You just start dancing.

He used to get way better at dancing. They never talk about that with, like, vampires. Like, are they just riddled with HIV? I think their body is a filtration system. That's probably true. No, I don't know. There's me again stopping on the bits. We do got to wrap up, though.

Where can they find you guys? Me and Patty are going to be in... Protesting the bride brand? In Rhode Island on July... My phone's off. July 22nd? July 22nd. July 22nd catches at Shides-on-Beerco.

Perfect. Instagram's... At, or you don't have to. Jason David, comedy. Okay, perfect. At Patty is Funky. I have a podcast called News From Bed as well. Check that out.

Perfect. Also, listeners, these episodes might be out of order. There's one before this. They might go after this. Whatever Jake Velasquez one, that was recorded a couple days ago, but might come out afterwards. We'll figure it out.

Michael Good Comedy on Instagram. Thank you for listening.