We Need Shame - Episode 175
00:00Thanks for the F-Shack.I love dirty Mike and the boys.Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys?How you know who we are?What's this?They called the podcast?Morning good.Oh, I love that.
00:18Yeah, by way, shout out to Tim's Bray.Welcome to morning.All right.We're here with the stinky penis, boys.Yo, yo.This is a Saturday afternoon with the stinky penis boys.Stinky penis.Pull back that foreskin.
00:31Get away.What's up?Let me get a seat there.It's the stinky peony boys on it.Like sticky peony.That's funny.It's Saturday with the stinky peony boys.Peony and the balls?
00:44Yeah, I like that.Peeney and the ball.That should be the name of your podcast.Yeah, you keep being like, I look so much bigger than the other people on the couch.You're peony.We're the balls.The guests have to cuddle up next to each other.Yeah, by the way.
00:59Is it cold in here?You whisked over slightly just to make sure.Yeah.The guest don't know, but yeah, last episode I recorded myself as ginormous.And I'll probably throw them out of it.Whatever.Yeah.Michael is very nervous about his camera set up lately.
01:12I am.Yeah, yeah.It's very concerning.I like it, dude.I was looking at it.That looks like a tactical camera.Yeah, I spent my life savings on it.Yeah.
01:21It's not a lot of money.I say, I've been telling me like my life saves.I have like $4,000 saved and it was like $1,500 of that.So you didn't spend your life savings on it?You're right.You're right.You spent like 35.years of your life savings. Yes.
01:35Yeah.If you think about your whole life collectively as $4,000.Yeah, I mean, that's what it is.But that was somebody, because somebody was on, you were there with, I don't know if youwere there, but we were talking to, uh, what's his name, uh, Johnny Salami.And he's like, yeah, this guy, like, just gave away his life savings.And it was like, I think it was like, $100,000.And I was like, that's not that much.
01:55Like, in my mind, I was like, I was like, but that's just because my, I expect myself tojust like, it is sad how much I picture myself as a millionaire.And it, I, I, I know.No, that's not what's going to...But my brain can't not adjust to picturing.Like, my life, the way I...My level of rich I'd love to beis I would love to be a fucking, like,
02:11Bamar Jarrah guy who's, like, so...No, no, no.2020.No, this all tracks.Yes, yes, yes, yes.A Bamar Jarrah, but, like,into the point where I'm not living in L.A. or something like that,I'm just annoying my small town.
02:25Yeah, yeah.And he's doing another party with elephants again.Like, why do they have to do this?Oh, like a kid rock in Nashville.Yes.Like a Doug Stanhope.Yes, I fantasize about just being a menace.Who's another guy like that?
02:37I feel like those are three.That's like quite a triumbring.Bamar, Doug Stand Up and Kid Rock, all of that.Could you imagine hanging out?I mean, all those dudes for sure do.Oh, my God.Yeah, yeah.The like needle holes in my arms after a night like that.
02:50Well, that's the dump bar.Everybody's mad at Bamar Jarrah.They're like, oh, look at him he's going on.It's like the show is called Jackass.He's the only one that's continuing to be a jackass.You know what would bump me out is I feel like if I were hanging out withBamarjera or Kid Rock.Those guys are doing coke with me, no problem.
03:03If I hang out Doug St.I would feel like I'd be like, hey, you want to do blow?And he'd be like, nah, I'm like, I'm like, I'll just dye my hair purple.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Kid Rock would be so much fun to hang out with.But, like, it would be one of those things, too.It's like, you don't know where he'd randomly go on a rant about something.You're also, you might have to listen to him, like, sing.
03:19He might insist on singing.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Did you hear his watch thing that he does?No, it is.So he, like, has this, like, a really nice watch on, like, his arm and, like,they'll, like, party with people.He invites a lot of people out to party.And then he'll pick someone at the end of the night and be like,
03:35I want you to have this watch.Like, it's a really meaningful watch.It's expensive.But, like, I like to give it to people who I like.And they're like, holy shit.Like, I can't take this watch.He's like, look, it's fine.Like, just take it.
03:47It's an Apple watch.I'll get a child pornography.He calls the cops.Yeah. Kid rock.But he gives them the watch at the end of the night.And then, like, the people are like super excited who get it.And then they go home.and they like Google it and it's like a $50
04:02watch. Just a knockoff watchbut he doesn't tell him.That's so funny. He does it likeevery night like he does it to someone.That is a funny bit.Just tell somebody's the thing's worth so much.Yeah, he's like my grandfather.Grandfather Rock.
04:17Yeah.Poppy Rock.Poppy Rock.I think I don't know why he has a southern accentbut he's like from Detroit.I think he's a fake person.Yeah.Everything about him is fake.
04:28That's so true.I'm like, yeah, was.Yeah.It's like a replica of the White House, right?See, that thing is, I think you'd be having fun with him,and then you say something like, let's say, okay, Patty,you're banging hookers with Kid Rock.Naturally.
04:41Right?And you tell him, you like, licked her asshole.He's like, dude, that's fucking gay, man.You're out of the friend.You're like, what?And he would just randomly turn on you?He would have, like, a lot of,there'd be, like, rules that you, like, weren't prepared for.
04:50Yeah, yeah.You'd just be like, yeah, I kissed her on a lift.He's like, you did what?Yeah.I don't know.Yeah.What do you fucking love Biden?You're like, uh-huh.
05:00Yeah, because deep down he is, like, probably a pretty, like, taught conservative.He's a very, like, fucking knows.Yeah, to an extent.Because he does kind of ride that line where he's randomly just like, oh, fuck it, but I'm having fun.But then randomly he's just like, this is our children's generation is going to be screwed up.You're like, why do you care about the kids?Dude, you have, like, a fucking awesome bar.That's the part.
05:22But I guess that's, like, part of, like, why he's so big in Nashville is because he, like, inserts himself into stuff like that.Yeah.That's why you got to go, dude.when you wash up, you goBermarge,General, right?You threaten to kill your brother.Yeah.
05:33Did he do?Yes, he threatened to kill himbut ran into the forestand just disappeared.You get in fights with your wifein public.Aaron Carter, another one.Oh, good movie, by the way.
05:42Did you see Boz Afraid?We saw it together.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Oh, is that the one?Is that where you abandoned himin the movie theater?No, no, no, no.That was 65 with Adam Driver,
05:52which everybody should have abandonedto everybody.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah, the director abandoned uson that movie, dude.Michael thought he was doingyour favor.He's like,
05:59Patty's gonna get shotin the head.It's probably for the best.He's like,I'm gonna have to wipe itfrom your brain.He's like,I'm gonna get so much sympathy
06:07from this.For being there for his last moment.He was such a good comedian,underrated.Now I'm gonna have to pass on his legacy.Do you,I always do.He told me if coincidentally
06:19said if anything ever happened to him,I should get all the spots.Out three.But,you were saying something before.I thought,some of that Bear Margera, I don't know, just having fun.Oh, just being, like, wreaking havoc on your small town.
06:33Yeah, retreating to the woods.Oh, because you were talking, dude, that's what, it was funny, you were talking about like$100,000 in savings isn't a lot.Michael, age 37 only has like $1,700 in his savings.He's like, next year, this should accumulate to at least two or three millions.Yeah, yeah, I'm thinking there's just random peak at some point.But, dude, I've been watching that stuff like so much reason.Because everybody's up with a writer's strike, everybody's like, oh, no, we're going to go back
06:54to reality TV.It's like, dude, Bear Margera just doing insane stuff.That was beautiful.I love that.Like, I love that era of, like, people.I mean, he's skateboarded,but I would be one of those guys who's with the crewbut doesn't know how to skateboard.
07:07But they're like, he, I'd hope to be fun.They should make a reality TV showwhere it's Ban Margera doing hospice carefor, like, people about to die.Just taking care of, like, the very elderly.Yeah, and just like,Yo, we're going to go put a pill over it.And him just sneaking their medication away.
07:20Yeah.There's one for you, one for me.Yeah.just I was like, you know, all your patients are complaining that they're in severe pain.That's crazy.Anyway.Watch me do this, Ollie.Watch me.
07:35I'm going to push her down the stairs.In a wheelchair.Yeah, this is grandma's stairs.Are we going to the park today?Whoa!Shut on, bitch.That's the funny.This is rewatching the evil of lamb.
07:49And he's just so rude to his mom.He's like, stop bitching ape.We're fucking party in the night.Dude, I did. I felt watching the old jackass movies. I do feel bad for Phil and, uh, filling, uh, filling his mom.But I was. The Preston getting, like, snuck in for Phil and the, uh, the switcheroo thing is so funny.Oh, that is so funny. Yeah. But it is also one of the things too where I was watching a podcast and I was like, dude, April's like the perfect mom and Phil's like the perfect parents.Yeah. Like their son is insane, but they're somehow keeping it. Like, they're getting pissed off, but like in a fun way.That like whole, the whole jackass crew is like an unbelievable like culmination of people. Everyone in that is like,
08:24so interesting.Like Knoxville is one of the funniest fucking people.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Stivo is super interesting.Well, and it's really interesting, like, the depth.Like, even like, because I started going on the outskirts.I'm listening to podcasts with, like, fucking Rake.What's his name?
08:40His name is, Rake, or what is it?Poopi.No, no, no, no, no.Poopi?Their name, I was like, I was really getting into poopie dildo stores and all their nicknames.But I think his name is Rake.He's one of the long-haired guys from Vivaam.But he was like, so Viva LaBam was like, Bam.
08:53It was after Jack.but Bam is hanging out with all of his high school friendsbecause they started these CKY videos where literallythey were just like in bum fuckPennsylvania just like filming prankson each other and them just like harassingjust doing total nonsense butone of the dudes was like a chemist
09:08so like he had a full time chemistry job whiledoing Viva Bam wow which is insaneand now he's like back to being like a fullnow he's working on a nuclear bombyeahjust specifically killed Bam but no it's just interestingbecause it's like those guys were like just guys and they're likewe always get emails people are like oh me and my friends did
09:24that shit way before you. He's like, yeah, but you didn't videotape it.Yeah. He's like, everybody across America waslike doing pranks on their friends. Yeah, it's calledbeing a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You invented being a guy.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we invented being fun to hang out with.Yeah, no, we just monetize that. Yeah.Yeah, I love all that shit.The new jackass, I, like, cried in the theater. I was so happy.
09:44Yeah, yeah. I didn't see it yet. Oh, it's so good.I, like, started it at home alone, and I was like,what am I doing? Yeah, you need to watch it with some pals.Just sitting, like, by myself to be like, ah, yeah, that was good.Very funny.What you did with the bees there.Very good.Just tweeting by myself.
10:01Jackass.Funny movie.Just a tweet jacket, like big glasses.Hmm.Ah, yes.Well done, puking the milk of your friend.Well done.That was a great time for that movie because it was like,
10:13that is something that you can't, like,whether you're a Filipino trans woman in Oregon or like a redneck in the South,people getting hit in the balls is fun.Everyone loves Jagas.And you can't just be like,No, it's just fun.It was weird they tried to include the girl.Like, that was kind of like.
10:28Oh, yeah.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Like an attractive girl.Yeah, yeah, yeah.She was like a New York comic ending.She was, I think she was New York and then L.A. and then, yeah, she joined the crew.I would love the, what do you call it, a recruitment for her?They're like, Rachel, have you ever thought about getting kicked in the pussy?
10:44Like, how does that?Yeah.On your radar.She gets stung on, like, the face with a scorpion.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.And it also Jasper from Odd Future is in it, too, right?I don't know who that is.You don't know, do you not know, are you not in the odd future stuff?
10:57I like the idea of it.Just a black jackass?Like, I support it, but I can't, I can't personally get behind.Yeah.Well, I just haven't watched it enough.You know those things you're like, oh, I've seen clips.I'm like, I like, I like, I think Tyler the career is very funny.Like, he was just, Jasper's like one of the guys who's in that.
11:15And now he was the black jackass guy in the new one.Oh, okay.Tyler, the creator's also in it for, uh, he does a cameo, yeah.Did you not finish it?No, I started it, and I was like, what am I doing?I am by myself.I can't watch anything by myself.Like, in my apartment, I just get so distracted.
11:34It's so hard to sit down and, like, watch something.Oh, yeah, for sure.And also, like, I'm done watching most things alone.Like, especially in theaters.I want to go see Flash alone.Jesus Christ.I heard that, did that movie stink?I talked about it in the last episode.
11:46Yeah, dude, it's really affecting me.Like, I'm just thinking about it all there.Michael's, like, the last guy in America who's, like,still, like, upset when a comic book movie is that.It's like they really hurt me.The last honest fan.I'm a victim of Ezra Miller's attack.I've been watching Suck Session.
12:03Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.Suck Session?One of the best shows on TV.Wait, is that a review you did in the last one?What now?It is.So people that don't knowif you've got a couple days ago,
12:13like completely got deleted.And now we're talking aboutwe're going to organicallytry to bring up the same jokes.No, I don't think I,I don't know if we did talk about it.But when you're talking about $100,000,like, because they're just
12:23dealing with billions of dollars.It means nothing to them.And it's nothing, dude.It's crazy that that's a real...I don't know how you watch that show.Because there's people who watch that showand they still believe in, like, the political system.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:35It's like, I don't know how you're...You still...I know it's a show in, like, Will Ferrell's an executive producer.He's not, like, involved in it.I think he's an executive producer.Yeah, that doesn't...Adam McKay's company, like...Oh, so he doesn't...
12:47But that company doesn't exist.Yeah, I couldn't imagine Will Ferrell going up and being like,okay, telling them what to do.Yeah.I want to be really stern on this.Yeah, the idea of him directing.Just him and glasses and a scarf.Like, you're like, this is an S&L character.
12:59Yeah.I was like in a, so you called it Suck Session?Yeah.Just a bit where someone thinks they're watching the same show.They're like, you know, my favorite episode is when the two football players are givingeach other massages because their hamstrings hurt.And then they start kissing.And they start sucking each other's thing.
13:15It's like, I don't know.Where did you find that episode?Just online.He's streaming, you know?I always wanted to do like spin-off porn.series.Just direct them.It is something like,
13:24I think I've watched porn like thatwhere it's sillyand it does make you feel good afterwards.You're like, that was fun.Everyone had a good time.Versus like a guy with a cameralike, oh yeah, yeah, wait.So repeat your age again?
13:3319.Nice.This isn't fun at all.12 inches of slave.Yeah.But yeah, I'm trying to thinkwhat the, I don't know,I haven't seen, I don't know,
13:44they're fun.You know what I mean?Even when it's something crazy,like a guy dressed upas like Spongobgetting his dick stuck.I'm like, I'm going to sleep wellafter watching this.
13:51I'm gonna, you know what I mean?It makes it more hot, too, because it's, like, different.And then you see tits on sandy cheeks.Yes, and somebody who looks like if you're having fun, it is kind of like a, yeah, yeah.I just want to, this is just a fun tidbit for the viewer or listener.Michael's girlfriend is no more than seven feet away from this guy.We're just talking about porn.They should make a hentai with Squidward.
14:15Oh, that would be awesome.That's got to exist, right?Ah, ha.I don't see one where he, he,He's having fun, though. He's never having fun, though.No. That's what puts a smile at his face. Yeah, exactly.He's the only thing, he's like, I just want to Pousy. Everything sucks.Or just an episode of just like, just SpongeBob just walks into Squidward's house and he just
14:32hear SpongeBob go, oh no, it runs away.Pearl the whale is spread out on his bed.Either join in or quit watching.You're talking about secession. Yeah, I've, I've had this.Suck session.You suck session, yeah. I've had this weird feeling about, like, uh, Richard.people where it's like everybody wantslike I think genuinely for society
14:56this is weird takeit's a deep take instead of everybody's like ohmoney should be spread out so everybody has sort of a good lifeno why that give a couple people incredible livesand let everybody else live a terrible life yeah that's like what we're doingis what we live in that's what's going onthat's cool you're cool with what's going on that's niceit's like it's like we give everybody now this isn't a genuine take
15:17I'm just I'm just exploring this ideait's like you takeit's like it always means when people see a yachtand they're like that's disgustingit's like that's beautifulyeah like it's beautiful that somebody is enjoying thatlike it's not me and it sucks it's not mebut it's like if I didn't even know that it would exist
15:32I wouldn't have known what to strive for fucking bootlicker Mike isMike just kissing Elon Musk's shoesjust like oh keep enjoying life for me thank youbut like if you if you have a nice yachtand then you're complaining about white privilegebecause that's the two that's like the dichotLike those people, they're like, oh, well, I don't want to like, it's like use the yacht.You know what?
15:53You're just going to let it sit there and have like minorities just looking at it be like,God damn, I want to be on that.Like use it.How often do you think, though, like a Hispanic guy working on a yacht just becauseyou use that scenario?I totally didn't picture that myself.But, uh, Hispanic people doing labor?Never.
16:09But I wonder, like, if there's ever that moment where it's like, I don't know, like,I've worked in a thousand offices.And there is like a moment where like everybody's out of the office where you kind of like goto like the CEO's chair and kind of like,you don't maybe sit in the chair, but you're kind oflike, take your pants off.Yeah, you kind of feel like, I wonder if they ever do that with a yachtwhere like there's a moment where they're like just grab the wheel.
16:28Yeah, yeah.Yeah, yeah.Like nobody's looking. Like, there's got to be a moment where you kind of likelay out one of the couches and you're like, all right.Yeah, that's so bad.Because if we're talking about working in a place, like,maybe those people are brutal to work for, but you look out the windowand it's like a beautiful fucking view.
16:43Yeah. Yeah, that's true.They're probably getting paid way more than I am to work some bullshitoffice job. Yeah, they are, but they have like17 children. That's true, too. So they have no money. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Yeah, I heard if you spread out all the world's wealth, like, to everyone in theworld, everyone would be poor, like, really poor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So,I guess we got a good system going. You got a great system going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm happywith everything. Capital. Dude, one time when I was in Disney World, I was fucking hammered
17:11at Epcot. It was on Fourth of July that did like a fireworks thing. And like, afterthe end, it's like a full park of people leaving.in the park, and someonein the crowd started acapitalism rules.It was the best thing. I was like,capitalism rules. My sister's like,stop it, stop. Just like
17:30a Chechen immigrant. Just been like, this is themost beautiful thing I've ever seen.Yeah, because everyone's like, dude, look how amazing.We just got wowed by thewonder of Disney on 4th of July.This is a great country, dude.That's like a beautiful ending to a day. It's like, you alwaysforget how awesome feet parks are. Like, I
17:45genuinely, like, every time I've been, since I'veI've, like, been in a doll.I'm like, this is show.Oh, this is so interesting, Michael.So you like theme parks.That also comes as a surprise to me.Sargasm.You're from Orlando.
17:58Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.You know, I've never been to Disney World.I like Disneyland.Besides Epcot, tell all Disney to suck your left night.Go to Universal Studios and have the time.I've been, I love Universal.Velocaster.Dude, I've been on, I went on the Hulk.
18:12I went on the Fire and Ice Dragons.It's been years since I went.The Fire and Ice Dragons.I do, I love roller coasters.Fire and Ice is now Harry Potter.world, I think.Are you like a big Harry Potter nerd?I know.
18:22I have like a Harry Potter bit.I like the Harry Potter bit.And I feel like you've mentioned it like twice in this conversation.I do like Harry Potter.I mean,I've read all the books.He's trying to bring a little Harry Potter bit from the last episode.Yeah, they re-did it.
18:34Now it's like Harry Potter World, which is fucking great.They did a great job with it.Dude, you love Harry Potter.I love Harry Potter.If he listens to the show.I'm a huge fan of everything.Doesn't know it's not real.I would love to go.
18:48to Hogwarts. I don't know if there's like a adult education program that youget involved in. I was like one of those kids when I turned 11. I like stood out by themailbox like waiting for my letter. Oh, you're like a gay little nerd. Yeah.Like bird watching looking for an owl. I've never seen an owl beforebut I assume now. Your dad's like, don't come back inside.So you learn how to throw a football. Yeah.Can I sleep under the stairs? I don't give a fuck what you do. Just get a fucking job orget out of the house.
19:1811 years old.When are you gonna start working?People are like,the whole trans thing with Harry Potter.It's like so silly.Like, J.K. Rowling used to,like, she was like,I thought she was the first person
19:34who introduced trans.Because, like, she had that classwhere they would turn, like,rats into chalices, you know?That's what they were like,this is the invention of transgender.I was like,this is going to be the start of a movement.
19:46Wow.And then, dude, that's what happens.They take you...When you're at the top, they just cut your legs out, dude.Throw you to the wolves.Yeah, it is funny, too, because there is this, like...I always have the same opinion on everything.Everybody's like, oh, look at this person who's successful
20:00has a terrible views.It's like, yeah, but is she, like, mona...Like, is, if you buy Harry Potter, is she now, like, funding something...You know what I mean?It's like, maybe, I don't know.I don't know the answer.Because it was like, when Chick-fil-A was, like, doing stuff, and maybe they were doingstuff that was actually bad.
20:13But I was like, gay marriage is legal.So, like, if they are against it, it's like, it's like, it's like, now they just have iPads to say Gary.Imagine she was funding, like, this, like, secret group of, like, mercenaries who just take trans people and, like, hold them down and, like, screw their cock back up.You see it not like these shadow groups in England?You're like, that's all made up, right?It's like, no, I think it's real.Dude, that's a hilarious idea.Just some guy dressed up like a ninja, but he's got, like, just dicks in it with screwdrivers.
20:41He's like, like, throwing stars.Oh, my masculinity is returning.This is what God wanted.Just a blowdark gun of testosterone.Oh, God.My balls are returning.Oh, trans.That's healthy.
21:10Dude, this submarine thing is really like stickingwith me. I'm having a hard time of letting go.Getting over it. Dude, because I have like a deepseated fear of the ocean. I think I've toldyou that. Well found. Yeah. The ideaI could never go in that sub becauselike knowing that there's just, knowing thatthere's things below me
21:27that I can't see. Fucking freaks me out. You're also on thefifth floor of the building though. Does that not affect?Well, it's just like a, it's just fish.I don't like the look of them. They smellweird. Wait, did you hear any, the pressuredescribed that they were under? I heardheard that they just exploded. I heard this wasexplained on the last definition.
21:44So there's enough pressure that water comes in before air leaves or something like that?No, I don't know.There's always analogies.I feel like there's one guy describing this.The analogy that I heard, and is the only thing I understand, is that it was like havingan empire state building made of lead on top of you.That's like the amount of pressure that they were under.Oh, my God.
22:03So when it's just like, metaphorically, like with all their family's excited, rooting for them?The amount of pressure down there.Everybody wants you to be smart, but you can.That's how you feel the pressure when you go down.I just feel like, oh my God,I'll never make my parents have it.My wife wants me to propose.My wife wants me to propose.
22:22I'm not ready.It just gets irrational.My baby wants me to have a baby.What?The Jefferson Report is doing two hours.I haven't started it.I'm at the bottom of the goddamn motion.They throw Wi-Fi down here.
22:35Yeah, I think maybethey might have killed the guy in there,the main guy, before they imploded.No, apparently, like, it happened like that.Was it like, but how soon after they, like, launched, though?That's my question.They were toward the bottom when it collapsed.Oh, because I'm wondering.
22:49It was like they got in the water.This should be blew up.What happened is, like, when, uh, so later they found out the, uh, the Navy has, like,an acoustical array that, like, measures, like, uh, audio signatures in the ocean.Right.And after the fact, it was made clear that, like, uh, that apparatus captured, like, basicallythe sound of an implosion, like, right at the time that the sub was supposed to havedisappeared.
23:12So when it lost communicationis when it employed.It was aliens.You think it was aliens?There are fucking, dude,have you seen the fucking things down there?It's crazy.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:22Well, yeah, I'm in the same boat.By the ha, ha, ha, same boat.Hell yeah, brother.I'm the same subway.Dude, how about a picture,when they fucking,because they bolted them in there.Did you know,
23:30that part?Yeah.When I hear like fucking drillslike bolting me into a metal thing,I know, you know what,fuck this, I'm sorry,keep the $250,000.I'm out.
23:38Dude, they had to have hadto have had Xanax down there, right?There's no wayyou go into a submarine without like...They definitely had some drugsbecause they're all super rich.Yeah,and they're also the type of people
23:46that will go into a submarine.Yeah, those are thrill seekers.They're not boring rich people.They're very fun.They're not thinking twiceabout putting a little powderup their nose, you know?Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:55But, yeah, getting bolted in.This is gonna come out like two weeks later.God damn it.Don't bring up the submarine.Oh, dude, speaking of aliens.Yes.Did you hear about...Did you hear about...
24:04The family?What?Mexican family.Oh, okay.Just Louis Lopez.Yeah.I heard you had Luis recently.Did you hear about the news about that moon around Saturn?
24:15No.So, they have these probes that go out and collect chemical samples fromEnzalatus, the moon around Saturn is considered a candidate for having life.Ensalatas is the name of it?Encelotis, I think it's, E-N-C-E-L-A-U-D-U-S.Okay, thank you.Suck my dick.But they basically, it has like five of the essential molecules that are like building blocks
24:39for life and there's supposed to be liquid water underthe surface. In Saturn?One of the moons of Saturn. Isn't that crazy?Yeah, I know. And that's cool. And I like that stuff.And what annoys me in elementary school,they're like, there can't be life on any other planets.I was like, why? Like, it couldn't sustain. I'm like, yeah, ourlife, I can't survive naked in Antarctica
24:55either, but it's like, you know what I mean? It's like there could bean Arctic, some being that can handle that. They're like,yeah, life is we know it. It's like, well, yeah, because that'sonly on this fucking planet. It's like, I guarantee there's otherthings that could survive in a colder environment.So that was a recent, because they havelike, they have phosphate orphosphor or some essential chemical
25:10and it like completed whatever like of the five essentialchemicals it is to create likeamino acids or whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah.It would be funny if like we went to Marsor something we got there and like everythinglike everything is fine like we're livingthere or some planet that there's, they saythere's life and we go but it just like
25:26smells like farts all the time.God damn. God damn.There's just a guy they're like no no, no, you'll get used to it.It's like well that one guy farting.All right. We got to send up anew probe. It's just like a robot with a giantnose. Yeah,it's unsustainable. It's too bad. It's just, it's really
25:46it's bad farts. It's beef jerky farts.There's no way you would know. That's the thing.No, yeah, because they don't test for that.Yeah, like, well, that's my voice about New York City. Like, New York City looks so goodin movies because you can't smell shit and piss. Yeah.I can't, do you walk around smelling shit and piss?I think I'm not like going down. I think I'm no, I don't mean like that you're doingthat. I just mean like you, you get a wafting on the regular.
26:06All the time. Oh, yeah, I get it a lot. I think I'm nose blind.that's possible yeah maybe you have COVID stillbut I've just always had itone of my friends you just think when you you'd farthe'd go behind you'd gofunnyest thing everlike it was disgusting but you just go likethree inches away from your ass and just go
26:23hmmit's good stuffit was great great fucking jokeI just saw a picture of him recentlyold picture of him getting like arrested on the beachwearing sunglasses it's the coolest pictureyou're wearing sunglasses he's got a goldchain with a cross on it
26:37and he's just gettingarrested on the beat. He looks like Pablo Eskabar.It's a miracle that you got out of there, he'll be honest.Out of Florida? Yeah, it sounds, it's like youdescribing like the third world country that you came.Everyone's dead and been arrested.You're like that Sun Yung Parkor whatever that chick with the guy.
26:53The other person who got out of North Korea.Like we couldn't eatin North Korea.Nice, yeah, cool, nice.You want to come on my bag?Wear something tight.Yeah, that is always so funnyShe has like those giant fake
27:12It's just funny because her body's so tinyYeahAnd yeah, I don't knowSome people think she's like full of shit thoughYeah, I don't knowOh my favorite is Nikiel MetaSo he has a friendHe knows the guy who died in North Korea
27:24Like the fraternity guyOh really?High school or somethingOf course he doesn'tNikiel's probably the one who told him to rip down the postersIt'll be fine dudeI don't fucking careYeah
27:34Wait whyWho is a posterWho gives a fuck?He told me this at the pair, and he's like, yeah, man, he's like, I knew that guy.And I was like, oh, that sucks.And I went back to my phone.And I was like, whatever.You're like, that isn't the craziest thing you've ever heard.
27:48But, and then I was like, oh, no, I was trying to be a little more like fakeempathetic.I was like, no, that really sucks.I'm sorry to hear that.And he was like, you know, I, you know, I, whatever.Yeah, and then people started walking by and I was like, did you hear Nikiel's best friend died?I just started, everybody's like, I'm so sorry.He was that guy.
28:03He was like five years ago.Did you know him well?I think he was on the same soccer team or something like that.Dight.Yeah.I've always said this, though, like, if he would have won that,everybody's like, what an idiot?I'm like, yeah, but if you would have brought that back to your fraternity,
28:17that would be the sickest thing ever.Yeah, that would be sweet.The payoff is awesome.Yeah, he just got, like, he stole when a Kim Jong-Ubs, like, suits or whatever.Yeah.He's got to wear that.He's got, like, all the hair cut.He's got the hair cut.
28:30He's just a highly decorated general.Yeah.She's doing a beer bongAnd in North Korea they're like, look, if he has the uniform, we do have to respect that.Do you remember when that Seth Rogen movie came out?The interview?Remember how we're like, guys, we might like get nuked because of this movie and they're like,let's put it out anyway.
28:50Like, just a stupid movie.Also, it was a very weird thing.Originally they thought that it was like North Korea who had like threatened over the movie,but then it just ended up being like some guy on the internet.Yeah.It was like, so there was like a very, there's a lot of,weird mystery. That's kind of the nice thingabout our country is like, we're
29:09our greatest defense.Like, we hate America morethan any other country hates them, except maybelike Iraq or whatever.Yeah, yeah, yeah. They probably really hate us, butOh, for sure. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but that is that thing too, where it's likeeverybody gets so, that's always the funny thing,that weird intimidation, they're like, oh, well, North Korea, it's like, they're
29:27not going to bomb us over a seven-year-mov. They're going to bomb us because they want tobomb us. They're going to kill us for otherreasons. If they're bombing us, it's for love of thegame.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.They just want the virgins.Like, they don't give a shit about where they get.They just want those hot tight.
29:41You're talking about Iraq?Yeah.Yeah, we were talking about North Korea.We're talking about North Korea.Oh, I'm sure there's a virgin deal.There's a virgin situation over there.Look, everyone's got a situation where you die get virgins.I can't see anyone bombing anyone for their country, like, alone.
29:54And then their country is just like, you also get, like, a lot of young pussy.They're like, I'm like, designing a bomb to only kill dudes.They're like, we'll drop it.All the pussy.still be there. It'll be intact. It doesn't kill women.Or just like after like someone would have, like,Japanese kamikazis, like, find out about like the,the jihadist, like, suicide bomber deal.
30:14Like, so I've just been doing this.I'd like to renegotiate my contract.Hold on, hold on.I would like at least 73 versions.You gave me 98 rolls of sushi.I was giving a lot of rice, which is nice.I do like it. It's good.My family will be fed.
30:34What about all the pussy?That was my favorite video I saw recently.It was Gangdom style, but it's like,Oppenheimer.It's like the trailer for Oppenheimer.It's like, we're going to make this bomb.It's like, Bernanah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.Oppenheimer.
30:49But it stays just like, he's like, it's so fucked up.He's like, I thought we were making rice cookers.He's like, we are in a way.Do you guys want to do an Oppenheimer Barbie back-to-back movie day?That's what I was time.You have to do Barbie first, though.I feel like to do Oppenheimer first.Dude, I think Oppenheimer is going to hit me, dude.
31:09You think so?Yeah, I think that Deep Patriot in me is going to be, like, the human life.I'm going to be like, ooh, it's going to be tough.History stuff I can't get me.Even if it was something, like, for some reason, something that's like,I'm weird like this, dude, it's so weird.My brain, anything past the hippie movement going backwards, I don't care about.It's very weird that my brain does this.
31:31I've noticed that's the cutoff.For some reason, I have a horrible time.relating to anybody.So you're saying you don't care about the Holocaust.Yeah.That's all I heard.All right.Let me...
31:44Let me change my time.So Michael Good, let's reiterate.You think, what was it?Slavery means nothing to you?What is the hippie movie?Why is that so...Why is that the cutoff day?Meaning, I don't want to watch stuff before that because it makes me show sad.
31:59Michael Good.Martin Luther King because...Absolutely nothing really.No, it's sad to me.that I don't want to look at a worldthat was so negative.No, no, but I think what it is, it's like,my brain.
32:11Not until white people started protesting,does Michael care?Just like white people with acidand Michael's like, all right,these guys might have something to say, actually.I think there's something about, like,I think culturally there was just like a ginormous shiftin like so many different things.
32:27That, like, it's weird.I know, for me, everybody before in 1970,maybe 68,I just picture dudes and suits.Everybody just...I think there is a thing.No one gave a fuck what, like, young people thoughtuntil, like, the late 60s.
32:42Yes, and it's less of a culture.It's like, I don't know why.Like, if you were to ask me,pick up a year, but after 1800.1801.1801.Picture just guys in black and white suitsand it's just boring visually to me.
32:54In 1801, people are dressed like it's 1955.I would not have pictured that.It's like George Washington is still alive.What's interesting to me is throughouthuman history, we nevershaved our pubs untillike 30 years ago.Yeah, because I think
33:11there's very tactical purpose for them. So the purposeof peeps is to stop friction when fucking.That's the purpose ofpubs? Yeah. Really? Yeah, it's supposedthat one of the purposes. The other onesare to shave them and putting your friend's mouth when he's asleep.I thought it was to tell a man, you got some opinion.Yeah.
33:27That was the purpose.But it's like, yeah, no, it's supposedto stop like, uh, it's supposed tobecause it glides, you know, in a way that it kind of like stops.You don't want to be starting fires down there.Exactly.Yeah.Skin,
33:38contact.You would think it would create more friction.You would, right?Yeah, but it does the actual opposite.Wow.Yeah.You've done your research on this.Yes.
33:49Yeah.Maybe it's just honestly, like, it's probably just a thing you do in your 20s.Shave your pubes?Yeah.Well, no, I think trimming your pubs is really an important thing.But that's a weird sentence.The way I said it.too.
34:06It was such serious.By the way, with much more convictionthan he said that he cared about the Holocaust.Yeah.Which, by the way, he never said.Go on.Talk about a bunch of bushes out there,I mean.
34:17I'm just like,Michael, you don't really care about the Holocaust?I don't know.Yeah, what's the deal with pubes?Well, that's very interestingthat you say, that, Patty.Get a lot of strong opinions about pubes.Well, I think also when it comes to the Holocaust,
34:27everything's been said about it.I'm not going to have a new angle on it.So, but pubs, it's a fresh enough ideathat I can dive in.there and say something original.Yeah, I guess so.But yeah, no, I think that, yeah, I don't know.I changed my mind again.
34:41I don't care about it.Yeah, yeah, yeah.Dream of pubs?I trim when I can, but I forget about it for like eight months.Do you go buzzer?I used to go razor, dude.Just straight razor.Yeah, yeah.
34:50Straight razor.Straight razor.Yeah.I didn't want a chance of cutting a gay, gay pattern.I'm like, is a straight razor?Is it like the ones you do coke and cut your wrist with?Yeah, that's like the Edward's cissar hands.Yeah, that is it.
35:02That is it.bold move right there.Yeah, like a Sweeney Todd.Yeah, that was a terrible life, though, because I rememberwhen I was like in elementary school,whatever, like older dudes, be like, you got to shave your pubs.And I was like, well, I got to get them before I start shaving.You want to grow them. Or you're just like, I binge. Also, why are you
35:19talking to adult men about your pubs before you have them?I just be older dudes, like, you know, like, you went, you know,when older dudes were inspecting my pubs at the time.I didn't shave them. I never got a sex talk.Really? I'm surprised with your background that that'sNow I'm like scared of sex.Yeah.Really?
35:35Yeah, I'm not like comfortable with people.It takes a while for me to be like comfortable.With Bonin.With Bonin, yeah.But like my sex talk was because my dad was my fifth grade teacher.My dad was like the other fifth grade teacher in like my school.So in fifth grade they gave us the talk.And like I don't, he must have known that like I was in there because like he like when he was preparing the speech.
35:58Yeah.Yeah.Talk about it.Because he kept, like he gave us a talk.but for 45 minutes all he talked aboutto our entire class of boys.How nice your mom's pussy was.And folks, when I...
36:10You don't remember being that tight.It is that tight.And guys, when I say wet, just picture...You ever run through a muddy fieldat their storm?It's a dog leg left.But he just, for 45 minutes,just talked about, like, in detail,
36:26wet dreams.Oh.That was my speech.Just, like, wet dreams.He's like, guys,sometimes you're going to go to sleep.and you're going to wake up, and there's going to be a substance in your pants.And that was not me right when you were asleep.
36:39It was your own comedy.And anyway, that was saying, good night.Sometimes it comes on your ass.But I've never had a wet dream.Yeah, that's the thing is they, I kind of agree that there was a big talk of wet dream and I've had like three of them.Yeah.Like that's one thing.Yeah, yeah.
36:53Yeah, never.But it's like they tell you not to jerk up.So, like, our priest's just constantly having weddrew, just busting loads all over there.Well, because they're the only ones who, like, are obeying the rules.not to masturbate.They probably make like a Rube Goldbergmachine of likereligious artifacts that like stroke their dick.
37:11I think God's gonna be fine with this one.I open a Bible and it hits a buttonit's not me pulling the come out of theand the blood of Christ pours over the tip of my penis.Dude, that's probably like,you could probably make a priest come so easilybecause you can flick his nutsand then he just fucking
37:31just go through the choirjust boom, boom, boom,it's like,The power of Christ compels.And peace be with you.That's probably what the first exorcism was.This guy's like,oh, there's a demon in me.
37:50That's what that was.You got to get it out right now with your mouth.Say your prayer, three hell marries.This guy feels so guilty.He's like, oh, no, now I'm going to make up possessionand exorcisms to come.cover that up.The funniest thing I saw was
38:04my priest one time, he's like aprankster.And I saw him like lift the woman skirt up as like a jokebecause it's so, but that's a...hilarious.She's like, ah, father or so and so.It's classic, yeah.But it wasn't like he was like looking under
38:17he's just like, just like debrief, like,maybe he pulled it, maybe like just tugged it,but I remember him maybe pulling it up.Yeah.It's inappropriate.But it's funny.It's funny.It's funny, but like, why is a priest?
38:29Why is a priest doing that?That's such a bold move.as a priest.Yeah, but it's like,when you know humor,he's like,I know this little hit.He's Irish.
38:36He's like,I know this will fucking death.Was this Christian science church?No,no, no.This is Father Walsh.Oh,so you're like,
38:42by the way,I might beep that and whatever.What's like the equivalentof like,oh,his name?Fair enough.It's like the equivalent
38:46of like ironicallyusing the N wordon a black guy.Like,I think he's gonna find that's funny.I'm gonna fake sexuallyharassed this woman.Yeah.
38:55Who trusts me?Exactly.Did you also goto Catholic church?Yeah,I bounced around a bunch.He was a scholar.A religious scholar.
39:04And then I went to, I think Presbyterian was my middle school.I don't know what they are.Whatever Trinity Prep is, I don't know.But that priest ended up going full leather daddy.He like is based right now, yeah, full leather daddy.Satan.Yeah.Satan got his grips on.
39:22Yeah, I don't know if he's still religious.So he's full of pride right now.Probably.That's what pride is now.It's a grim.It's putting a ball.gag in your mouth and telling your fatheryou hate them. So now as
39:33someone who is deeply uncomfortable with sex, does pridemake you uncomfortable? I hate it.I hate pride. This is so funny to mebecause if we were talking aboutmy level ofhomophobia, I think it'svery unrelated to sex. Because everybody hassome level of thing. It's like, I genuinely
39:50I will say this 100 times. I thinkdude's butt fucking is fun.Yeah. It's fun. Probably doesn't smellgreat. But it's fun. Yeah, but I'mlike, it's a fun. And there's no part of me. It's like,No.But I think my aspects, if you were to like break down my homophobia,this is going to sound bad.
40:06I'm going to get into this.If it's early in the morning and there is a gay man singing on the train,I'm not ready for it.It's not his fault for singing.It's my fault for not having the energy to match his energy.So I'm homophobic before I have coffee.But wouldn't anyone sing on the train annoy you?Yeah, why are you specifying that it particularly bothered you if it's a gay guy?
40:26No, it's just particularly often.Or just if you,Or if a guy is singing on the train, you assume he's gay.Yes, that's probably what it is.I got a pocket fella, pocketfowl of sunshine.Yeah. So pride makes you uncomfortable.Yeah, I don't like pride. It's not about, it's, but it's not about the gay.You don't like the sex positivity.
40:43I don't, I hate.He's got this weird thing where he's like, the children.He gets obsessed with the children.Yeah, dude.If you're a kid, like, you don't want to be exposed to that shit.Well, this, I don't, who gives them.Yeah, that's where I am.I'm so.
40:54There's got to be some shame.We need shame.Our country has no shame, dude.Have you, and this is something you've talked about to it.I'm pissed off.A mental health professional maybe.No, I don't talk to anyone.I just talk to Michael Good once a week.
41:09I just talk to my dad.I scream into my pillow every night,every time I see any gyrating at a bar.I know it's like not a popular opinion,but I just like I can't stand.Like I just can't stand by people.You know what it is?It's like straight women who go to pride
41:25and they like have their tits and nipples out and shit.I'm like, that's not about gay people.Like, that's about you showing off your body.But my thing, too, is like,you're gross.I get what you're saying.Are you just making that up?No, I hate pride.
41:39Okay, so there is,I mean, there is this thing.Okay, I do get rid of bisexual girlsthat'll go to pride and wear like a thong and they're like,or allies that'll go.And they're kind of making stuff about them,which I understand that out.Yes.
41:51Notice how much better I said his words than him.Well, he's being honest.Yeah.But I get, but I still don't know why that would bother you.Yeah.What do you care?You know what?I don't really care.
42:02I'll get into it.This is also,if there's a guy that has an annoying haircut,it'll infuriate me.But some things just bother youand you can't describe why they'reImagine a parade of peoplewith their annoying haircuts.
42:12Dude,if you get me a parade of man bug people?You can just not go to the parade.I don't.I don't go.I avoid it,but it's like, look,me and Alan talked about this.
42:24Yeah.We're like,look, we can take away your right to votejust as quick.gave you.So maybemaybe be happy with whatyou got.
42:34All right.Alan just being like,you know,for some reason,I don't like body positivity.It's like,well.Yeah,
42:41I said right to vote.I've been right to marry.Oh,yeah,yeah, yeah.So what you're sayingis that it annoys you on a,like,
42:48you don't really carethat much.You,I just don't like you.I think sex should be a private thing.Really?Yeah.I think if you have a weird thing
42:55that's fine,but like,you don't need to like put it on me.Like,I don't need to, like, see it.No one's pretty good on you.You don't go to the parade.It's like the people who wear, like, the leather and stuff.
43:05But you're not going to it.So it's just the idea of this happening is in raging.I have to deal with them on the subway.I have to deal with them, like, just like, assless chaps.It's New York, buddy.We're in New York, I think we've never, uh, we, and we just have different.I'm like, that's where you feel, I feel different.But it's like, I am so the opposite.
43:23I'm like, I, it's fun to see weaners out.It's fun to see, but it's really thrilling.me. I'm the opposite. I get really madwhen people are like, my sex stuff. I'm like,now, open up. I want to hear everybody.I just want to be Muslim.That's all I want. They figured itout. They got the outfits. I love the idea
43:41of Patty and a hijab. He's justhe's like, no, the men should also wear hijab.No one should look at anybody.Yeah, dude.There's just, like, there's just, there's beenthese, like, reports and stuff about, like, what's going onin Afghanistan since the Taliban took backover. And it's all with the tone of like,
43:56oh, you know, it's just, it's so, I get whywe had to leave, but it's just so horrible that is happening.Then you just get Patty and a man on the street interview,just being like, I think it's great.It's got my suitcase. I'm like, I'm here.Guys, where do I sign up?Where's my rug?I want to get down on my rug.
44:15Guys, I'll say whatever book of, book of prayers you want.Let's just get me in on this.Yeah, who we bomb.Come on.I was just thinking about the gay people in the morning thing.It's the way I say to that I immediately want to defend it.But it's like you've been lying at like a Starbucks and like you just don't have the energy to match the gay guy.I don't know.
44:32You don't even have to.I never like when people sing on the train.You don't know.That's not even something you have to do.Yeah.That's like we are totally opposites.Cause if someone's like flamboyantly gay, I don't mind at all.But like it's when like I can, too many of them get together.
44:45It's the sex.I don't like the sex.It's so fucking.We're exact opposite.I'm like.I know.I know.I don't like.
44:50I just don't like.But I'm also like, I'm also like, I'm also like, I'm also like, I'm like, like sometimes.By the way, after one o'clock,if I see a gay dude saying I'm training, I'm all about it.Because it's like, I think it's more about my energy levelin the morning. And when other people have highenergy morning, and you only go to Starbucks in themorning, and there's always a gay man, black man working
45:07Starbucks. It's required. Every single one has one.So it's like, I think when I go in and I'm likehalf asleep, and I had one the other day, he was like,there was two gay guys working. One of them was like,oh, you have to have the app. Like, if you can't have the app, then you can'tbuy the Starbucks. The other guy's like, just let him buythe Starbucks.And I was just like, I just,
45:27but I guess that has another dude.You're just like, can you just give me someoneelse to have this conversation?But it wasn't like, uh, I just reallyclarify, just like, I have a very low level of homophobia.You guys are triggered.But it's like, I think it's more of just like a highenergy level in the morning. You know what I mean?
45:40It's like high energy level in the morning.It's just hard.So like, I guarantee you if there was like a fucking frat guyin the morning being like, uh, singing like,hey, we want some pussy.I'll be like, shut the fuck.Yeah, yeah.So I guess it's just, uh, yeah.
45:52But, but that's,say the same thing. It's like, I, goingout to bars, gay dudes arethe most, like a high-energy flamboyyou guys, the most fun then. It's X, Y, X, Y,is I want to hang out with my mom in the morning and gaydudes at night. That's exactly howthe timeline works.
46:07Patty also hangs out with gay guys at night and his mom in the morning,but he feels ashamed about it.The next morning I have to tell her mom, there wasanother one. I saw anotherone.You'd be simply go to the private parade, go to a gay guy, I'm like,I'm going to tell your parents about this.Imagine I'm so pro-life. I'm all so pro-git.
46:23at least they're not having abortionYeahOr you just see Patty just coming out of the stallWith like a parade of guys at PrideAnd he's just like out of a porta pottyHe just goes like I'll fucking kill youIf you tell anybody elseI'm just like no I kind of already assumed this
46:38I'm gonna yeah like like a glory holeMakes me uncomfortableNot that I've ever seen oneBut the idea of it's so funnyThe idea there's a portal somewhere on a thingYou're like I'm like noNahNah
46:49See on the oppositeYou seen they're playing goalie on a on a glory hole like no noPeople use this for a separate thing.I can't use this.I need, like, trust in a woman.It's so, you got the, it's so funny because it's also funny that I'm projecting weirdness.I'm a little repressed.Yeah, but that's not, it's so funny that I'm projecting that is a bad thing.
47:05You're like, I think I should love somebody.And then I'm out there like, people should just be coming and suck.And I'm like, you got problems, Patty, because you're not out there thinking people shouldhave jizz loads on their face.And I'm like, oh, maybe you're, yeah, maybe there's a safe level in between.But I get really furious, like, especially if I do sex jokes and people in the audienceget weird and they're like, ooh.And I was like, come on, I know.
47:22you like something weird.Yeah.Like, do you like anything weird?Like, do I like anything weird?Okay, wait, wait, wait.Here's the question.You do sex jokes, but then you're visually sex bothers you.Because that's kind of the same thing.
47:34It's like making dirty jokes.Because somebody could see the old morning good cover and say,why does he got to put his hard dick on the...Yeah, well, most of my sex jokes are about like,they're not like...How the gay should be doing it.Yeah.Yeah.
47:46No, it's about like, I don't know, my shortcomings.Right.Shortcomings.Right.You squirt little loads?Just a little...Yeah, a little...It doesn't go far.
47:57It's a straight down.You say you gotta be out by 4.45, right?What?Okay, shit.Okay.Five more minutes?Okay.Boy, this better be a good five minutes.
48:11We just chat idly.What do you get up to this weekend?But, okay, so it's like your...So it's like...But does vivid sex jokes bother you?Maybe a little.I don't know.Not really.
48:23Can I say this? Does it bother you more if a woman is talking about sex on stage than a man?No, sex, it doesn't, if it's funny, I don't care.Like, honestly, I like stand-up in real life are two entirely separate things.I do agree with that.You just see a woman telling sex jokes and Patty's just fucking punching the wall in the back of the room.Damn it.Shut up about your box.Harlot.
48:47Patty comes on stage in a Popat.Well, I just want to be, I don't agree with anything that just happened up here.Maybe I'm just like envious people.who can be that way.You just want to be more free?Yeah, let me extend an olive branch here.Don't you do Molly all the time?I do Molly, but I don't get, like, horny.
49:00But do you not feel like more...Are you in, like, environmentswhere, like, gay dudes are grinding up on each other?Um...Are you going to straight raves?Yeah, the worst kind of raves.No, I mean, I go to raves, but, like...Just Patty's...
49:12Patty takes Molly to, like, operatelike, it's a middle school dance.That doesn't, like, bother me.It's like the pro...It's just pride.It's just pride.It's just the word pride.It's the pro...
49:23It's like, pride being associated with sexuality.Here's me or someone on a leash.And I, like, I just don't like it.I will preface this.This is also, I didn't mean to touch your leg there.That's all right.I'm not ashamed.Yeah.
49:36But it's also like with a podcast, I think, all the other thing, too, is like, sometimesyou get a strong opinion on something that you're like, oh, maybe, I don't know.You know, you're like, I fucking hate baloney sandwiches because you're like, we'refeeling airtime.And then randomly you're like, why do you hate baloney sandwiches?You're like, actually, I don't think I really hate it.Yeah.As soon as these cameras are off, I'll suck both your time.
49:52Yeah.I don't care.This is a bit.That is good podfather.Yeah,podfather.Yeah, yeah.Who is the pod fodder?
49:59Adam Carolla?Bill Simmons.Oh, Bill Simmons?Yeah, he's a podfather.Oh.Is there a different one for Jewish people?Hmm?I thought Adam Curry's the podfather.
50:07That's who I thought.Yeah, I was thinking,it's like the Yahweh of Podfather.Mine is actually mock man.Don't draw him on paper.I'll be very upset.If you spell his name,leave out the A's, please.
50:21But,yeah, no,I,So is it the fact that, uh, I like me just making every bit serious and not fun.You're like, I don't know.I'm like, what is it?Well, Michael Good's, morning good is an ideas podcast.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
50:34It's, and what's the picture now?Is it coffee?It was me with a gun and cornrows.Oh, sick.Yeah, and deft auto fun.Looks fucking sick.I do like that.But, uh, oh, the last thing, we got five bits of stuff.
50:45There was, uh, there, I saw an article about they have this restaurant that's fully run bypeople with HIV to end this stigma.Did I send you that?Which that, would you guys be comfortable?Yeah, I'll get, I'll get a bloody bear.That...Just stir it a lot, make sure it's, you know...That may be, I don't know if that's homophobic.
51:07Actually, to be fair, I don't know if it is homophobic to be uncomfortable with people with HIV.Like, not, like, it's like, that could be a germapobic thing.Yeah, I think that's more...Because it's like, also, for some reason, a restaurant, it's like people making food.It's like, I don't know how AIDS works enough to not be scared at that restaurant.Yeah.Because it's like, I don't know.I don't know. I've just worked in restaurants and there's always the guy cut.
51:25Like, people are some knives.Yeah, yeah.I'm sure if they're working there, they're probably HIV on detectable.So it's a very low risk of transmitting.Okay.Or is the appetizers just prep?They give me like a little cupcakes to prep in it.Here's the thing is I would not be, like, I would not be remotely afraid of eating
51:41that restaurant.I would not be scared of, like, catching HIV because I just, I don't think it works thatway.And I imagine that people working there have, like, taken.I have OCDs.All that stuff.However, if I, by whatever one in a billion chance got HIV, I would beSo furious.
51:54Yeah.Yeah.You got from a restaurant.You're like,food wasn't even that good.It was fine.You're gonna fuck to hook her on heroin.Here's my stance.
52:01If this was on Shark Tankand they were pitching an HIV-run restaurant,I wouldn't.I would.I would not invent.It's also funny.Is just like,will men be kissing there?
52:11No?No.Yes.All right.Are you spitting in the food?It's also funny like the waythey act.Hey,
52:17how's it going?I'll be your waiter.My name's Ronnie.Full-blown AIDS.Bad.I mean bad.I'm barely standing right now.Would you go to that restaurant if they tell you
52:28if every person who that came by the table told you how they got HIV?I would go.I would go with like some friends.I wouldn't dine alone.That's definitely how you get it.We got a solo.Yeah, that's one restaurant.You better not be fucking rude to those people.
52:43You better tip, dude.Yeah, they're going to give you AIDS.How's worth it?If I drank AIDS blood, would I get AIDS?Did you know enough bad?I don't think so.I think you just turned into a vampire.You just start dancing.
52:55He used to get way better at dancing.They never talk about that with, like, vampires.Like, are they just riddled with HIV?I think their body is a filtration system.That's probably true.No, I don't know.There's me again stopping on the bits.We do got to wrap up, though.
53:08Where can they find you guys?Me and Patty are going to be in...Protesting the bride brand?In Rhode Island on July...My phone's off.July 22nd?July 22nd.July 22nd catches at Shides-on-Beerco.
53:20Perfect.Instagram's...At, or you don't have to.Jason David, comedy.Okay, perfect.At Patty is Funky.I have a podcast called News From Bed as well.Check that out.
53:31Perfect.Also, listeners, these episodes might be out of order.There's one before this.They might go after this.Whatever Jake Velasquez one,that was recorded a couple days ago,but might come out afterwards.We'll figure it out.
53:40Michael Good Comedy on Instagram.Thank you for listening.
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