Morning Good - We're All Connected, Bro - Episode 57

Episode Date: December 27, 2021

MERRY CHRISTMAS to all the listeners out there, and apologies for the delay in posting. Several members of the Morning Good staff came down with the Omicron strain. Thanks also to Matt and Chris for joining us check them both out for more funny stuff.Follow Matt on IG @matthew_arevalo and his show, @trainingdaycomedyshow. Chris is on Instagram and TikTok both @chriskinback.As always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michael_good1125 and on Twitter @agoodmichaelThis podcast was produced by Paxton Fleming, you can find him on Instagram @yaboypax 

Thanks for the F-Shack. I love dirty Mike and the boys. Hey, are you dirty Mike and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning. I love that.

Yeah, it's me with the boner on the front. All right, we're here with Chris Kim back. Hello. Jesus, scratch. Yeah, great star. You looked like you didn't know your own name for a second. Oh, is that me? And Matt Irvel.

Urveo? Arvallo. Yeah. It's all good. No, don't worry. A lot of... So, I get it. There's a lot of vowels and shit like that.

And also, you know, I'm brown. So she gets, you know... It gets complicated. It gets complicated. Dude, the worst... I was hosting a show the other night. I called, like, one person the wrong name. I, like, I literally will, like, the most nerve-racking thing is hosting.

Because I'm like... Yeah. Somebody's name. I'm like, I'll do all my jokes and be not nervous. And then it'll come to the comics name. I'm like, yo, I've known this person for, like, nine years and I still am like, dude,

I literally. That's the worst, man, when you get up there and you're like, oh shit, I forgot who this person is and they're like a dear friend of mine.

Yeah, and I know your name, but it's like, there's something, your brain just like blocks. Like, I don't know what it is. It's like,

like I just, I did that the other day. I was doing the show and I was introducing the guy to somebody else. That's how I forgot his name. I was like, oh,

yeah, this is my man. Yeah. It's so tough with Tom. And the worst part of battle is we had gotten lunch together the day before. I felt like such a jerk.

I was like, oh, dude, he was like, really? You forgot my name? I was like, yeah. People get real defensive about it. Dude, it's, but I'm like, dude, it's, has nothing to do with that. It's like, I'll say the wrong thing on stage because I'm just like, there's really a room full of people watching you. And in your mind, you're like, don't fuck up this one name. And then you end up fucking it up because you're so like.

Yeah, focused on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you don't get their name.

And then it's too late to ask them for their name. Yeah. Yeah. So many people. You have to introduce them to somebody else. You're like, gee, hey, you're like, well, the good thing about hosting, I'll look at the flyer and they'll be like, all right, this is this person. Yeah, you could like match it.

That's always good. But I feel you're ready about that. Just never host and then you never have that problem. Just suck it hosting so bad that nobody ever had been hosting. What was the last time you hosted? Because you did I host it. So if you don't know, Chris, he's a one-liner comic. So like hosting's hard because you're not really doing it.

I think hack is the term. It's the term. Yeah, I did it once at the pair, and I don't think I'll ever do it again. Why? Because I got up and tried to, like, do some crowdwork he's like hey how's everybody doing

and it was just dead silent and I was like all right and then I just did my acting I was like all right I don't know how this works

but yeah I think I could eventually like learn a little bit of crowdwork and it would probably help but it's like yeah right now I'm just doing fucking jokes so

I like you got fired jokes though yeah your shit is yeah for real bro some of your shit best in the world probably yeah yeah definitely

if you like one liner jokes and fucked up humor follow him on Instagram because you just started just started posting them recently. Oh, dude. They're making me crack up. Some people that said some people aren't into it.

Or they're not not into it. They're just like you shouldn't do that because you're going to burn material. But it's like I don't really give a shit. Yeah. And also I don't give it. It's like at this point, who am I burning material for? And if anything does happen with my career, I can just delete them. And it's like, oh, only 2,000 people have seen them. How many people are screen recording it?

Like, oh, look at this. He's doing all material. And it's like, oh, I've already seen this joke. It's like, all right, then fucking don't come to the shit. I don't really give a shit. I feel like back in the day, like Mitch Hedberg, like all his stuff was available. And people would like yell out his punchlines at his shows. It was just like part of it.

They like, I like, I like, do this joke. Yeah, I mean, I feel like a lot of old school comics would like that too. Like I saw Don Myrera one time and it was the same thing where people were just like yelling back his punches and like asking for specific jokes. You know what I mean? Or like someone like Clay, I assume, would probably get something like that way. They're like, do that one. Do Jack and Joe. Oh, Gaffigan comes out.

Gaffigan comes out and does the, uh, right here. Oh, why? Is it fucking up with the... It just annoys you how I hold it. No, just... Every single episode, there's like three minutes to be explaining people how to hold the microphones because they get fucked up. Yeah, you gotta hold it like a dick, man.

You gotta hold it on stage like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't do it. Jim Gaffig and I went and saw him one time and he came back. He did his show and then he came back out and did the hot pocket routine. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. Come back out, though, like encore.

But, I mean, it's almost like you're a rock star, right? That's like some rock star show where you're like some rock star show where you're Like, okay, guys, I'll do this one bit and then I'll head out. You know what I mean? It's so cool. Because it's like the whole concept of comedy is the surprise. So it's like when you know it's not, but it's still good enough that it's like, yeah, people still want to hear it even though they know what's coming.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what we're trying to all get at right now. I mean, every joke I write, I'm like, damn, I wish this was a little bit funnier. I wish this was hit. Some of those, I stand by him so much and I literally would be like, if you guys don't think this is funny, we're not going to relate about anything. You ever look back at old jokes, though, and be like, why would I think that was

funny. Dude, somebody in my new job, they found out I'd stand-up, and they looked up a video, and there was some video on me online from, like, three years ago. Yeah. And I fucking hate the joke. Dude, my skin was, like, crawling. Like, I was listening to it, and I was like, oh, my God. My muscles were, like, tens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to go back and clean that up. I feel like, I didn't post it. Somebody's, like, post it for their school project. They're, like, stand-up comedy with Michael Good at, like, so-and-so college bar. Yeah. I noticed that the other day, I was looking at, like, a super old set list, and I was like, oh, thank God, I don't do any of these jokes anymore.

Because you get worried. I'm like, you start to, I'm like, wait, how long have I been doing this joke? You know what I'm trying to say? Yeah, you get worried about it. Yeah. Fortunately, I was, most of it's changed up at this point. I imagine if you were, like, famous before you started stand-up and then you start doing stand-up when you're famous. So all your jokes are like out there for the whole world.

Of the reason. You see, that would be so depressing. I mean, people were, like, I just saw this the other day. She got the stand-ups, Melissa Villas-Señor. She's doing, is she, did she a comic before SNO? I think she started Sando comedy after S&O. So it's like she's kind of doing that a little bit where it's like you're famous, but you're starting that.

The fact that like somebody like Tim Dillon can't even get an hour on Netflix, you're like, all right. Yeah, that's pretty, that's pretty crazy. Mark Norman has like, he's getting like 30 minutes. When I saw was Mark Norman, I know, I was like he's, I was like, he's, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, what is going? I was like, I was like, what is going on? Yeah. Yeah.

They're like, oh, look at this guy we discovered. Yeah. Yeah. He's been out. He's been doing it for like 20 years. They're like, all right. Now, now, Hannah Gatsby. five hours special.

Well, what's comedy Central doing where they're losing all these guys? You know what I'm trying to say? Because it's like, they could easily just be like, all right, here you go, Mark Norman, have an hour special. But choosing not to. And instead, like, what are they doing?

Like, half of their half hours are having garbage now since, like, fucking 2005. Oh, yeah. It's just so weird. Now they're just like, yeah, we know we suck. But we're just going to keep, we're just going to double down.

We're going to have four more hours of Chappelle talking about trans women. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't understand why he doesn't just come out and say that he sleeps with a trans women. Like, we're all...

It's fine, Dave. Like, we don't mind that shit. It's like when gay guys protest too much about being gay. That's what I'm saying. It's like, bro, it's cool. No one judges you. Yeah, man. I think, too, it's like, I mean, I'm not here to like critique specials, but it's like,

I've heard way more fucked up trans jokes that I'll laugh about. That is also true, though. I have also done that as well. I didn't do this one, but it's really fucked up. I think it's funny. Yeah. It's like, uh, Elliot Page, who's like a guy now. Yeah.

And he's like, I want to be seen as a guy. Yeah. Don't make an. any jokes about me. I'm like, all right, well, then you're not being a guy. Yeah. He's doing pretty bad job. That's good. Yeah, exactly. No, he's ripped. Because if you were a dude, if you said,

don't make jokes about me, I'd be like, what are you a woman? So, like, it kind of, dude, he's, have you seen? He's ripped. He's ripped. He's ripped. He's putting me to shame. I feel like a little boy. Did you see the video? The video of when, uh, she was a girl, uh, defending Jussie Smolett and, like, crying. And then people were posting that video and they're like, oh, you can't post that video. That person doesn't exist anymore.

It was like a fucking That's crazy. Yo, Jesse's It was a wild turn of fucking I like how in the middle of a pandemic A bunch of crazy shit happened But we were all so like Trapped in our homes

We've like forgot You know what I'm trying to say? Oh yeah Oh Jesse Like do you remember that time when What was it? The government was like Oh yeah there is aliens

And everybody was just kind of like Oh cool Yeah, not too Yeah, not to A Omicron came out the same fucking week As the Just Lane Maxwell trial star Yeah Oh the obscy shit

That was going on to the entire time was fucking nuts. I deleted my Apple news. I'm like, I'm going completely out until somebody says you can't go to this bar. Yeah. Yeah. booster or whatever.

Then I'll be like, all right, then I'll do the thing. But I'm literally, I'm trying to go completely clear of it. Yeah, I get too wrapped up. There's really no point.

There's really no point. I listened to the newest, uh, Rogan that had some doctor on that was like kind of anti-vax, but not really, kind of just like giving a bunch of facts and like ripping apart everything that we assume was, assume the problem is,

and then you start railing into my girlfriend about this stuff. Yeah. That's the thing I was listening to it. I was like, oh, this is all good to know. And it's like, why do I can't? Why do I get to know? It's like, just go about your life and fucking try to stay positive and don't worry about shit and like everything will work out.

I just like, I'll conform. No problem. They're like, get a vaccine. I was like, okay. Like, I don't have anything else to do. Like, I don't have much going on. Why do people like to pretend they have a lot going on with their lives? Like, me get the vaccine?

What if they take over my life? Oh yeah, you, a person in fucking Ohio who does nothing anyway all day? Like, you just sit around. Like, who cares if you fucking get? become us What difference does it make to your life? I hope it's a thing. We all need to die.

We all need to die. We need to all die. Start over again. Yeah. I'm just saying, leave a few people and have them mate. You know what would be? What if it is a poison?

And then the people that live are just rednecks and black people. Yeah. Just like, because you know how like that's kind of like the hesitancy group. It's just like it's like super racist people and black people are the only people who make it out. Everyone in between has to die.

Yeah. They have to learn how to live together. That'll be that. That'll be fast. At least Mike Kerrigan will survive. He's a gem. He needs to stay. Well, this thing is,

how my friends of Florida don't get vaccinated? But also, like, there, it doesn't exist. Like, I talked to my dad about it. I mean, obviously, I mean, it's not as highly populated. So, like, if you don't have as many people fucking on your, on top of you all day, like, you know what I'm saying? And like, that, no problem.

Like, that guy, that kid outside, by the way, fuck, let's talk about that. Yeah, random. No, I won't. That was such a weird. I don't remember his name at all. Yeah. Well, I didn't get his Instagram because I was like,

I'm good. Wait, because what started? So we were recording my podcast on my lunch break. So I, like, left work. And then. Crazy you have a job, by the way. Yeah. Look at you working.

You're a man. Oh, by the way, I don't know if it's ever been spoken before on this podcast, but you have a lovely home. Might I say? Yeah, dude. This is beautiful. There's stockings. Is a vacuum?

I love how you might be anti-vax, but you have stockings and like candy cans. This is hilarious, dude. You have like a TV. But yeah, the guy. walked by and he was like, dude, can I take a picture of your shoes? Dude, he's gonna rub one out so hard. He goes, I have an Instagram. It's like people of New York, but for shoes.

And then he shows me his Instagram and all his pictures. Your shoes are basic. I'm not to say, you have. They're filthy and they're not great. Yeah, I was like, oh, I wish they're like cooler shoes. You had that fire. You had that fire Porsche outfit dealing it. That was crazy.

Yeah, thank you. But if he's like, yeah, he's like, yeah, he's like a picture of the shoes. Just giving me for one second. Yeah. Just gives a good way of them. He said he literally, he was like, I had to, he was like, he was like, he was like, can I take a picture of it? I'll give it to you.

He was like, but I have to take a picture of it with my phone. It was weird. It was a bizarre dude. And his lips were mad dry too. I was like, oh,

insanely dry. Yeah. Water was like he's on drugs. Yeah. He, uh, so he's like, oh, I have a humans of New York. You know how there's that humans of New York thing?

He's like, but for feet, I look at his page. He's getting like three likes, four likes on every picture. I'm like, this is not. I'm like, you're not humans in humans.

You're nothing. You're an open micer of New York. New York. That's great. Yeah. The best part is when he's going to immediately, he just followed me on Instagram. He's going to hear this episode. I mean, I mean, whatever, man. As long as we don't say his name.

No, good for him. I hope it blows up. I hope it blows up. That was like he that pulled up and was, uh, being a freak. Yeah, he'll be laughing at us one day when his account blows up. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, he was fucking idiots.

That's got to be so hard to have a foot fetish though because you got to be just turned on like constantly. Like, if you go to the beach, you got to just be like coming your pants. I feel like it's more of like a focus thing. Like, it's like the feet have to be doing. I mean, I wouldn't, listen, I wouldn't know me personally. I don't know about this foot fetish stuff, but I'd assume it'd be something like feet doing things in the, and things like that. I mean, I think it's anything about like a hot chick.

Like, you can tell me anything about a hot chick and I'd be like, yeah, that's so. Like ears, yeah. I don't know about feet, man. Anything. Anything in a hot chick out. I would get a foot job. I would get one. Yeah, I'd be open to it.

I would try, yeah. I would say, yeah. I always started judging you. And I was like, you know what? Because when you're having, you know, when you're in bed, you're, like, you're not going to be like, oh, come on. Like, you're going to be like, all right, if this is what she's wanting. Yeah, that's where you are.

It's like, I'll help a fucking pillow if you want me to. I mean, but I won't do nothing. I mean, that's not true, though, because I won't do like, I won't get pegged and nothing like that. Like, that's, that's where I'm like, ah, I'm good. Prude. I was going to take a stance on that. I'm not going to take a stance on it. I don't think I would.

But I'm also not going to say I would never. Well, dude, I mean, how hot. No. Because if I say I never, okay, let's say I say I will never get pegged. And then 10 years now, a picture comes out me being in effect. I look like a liar. Yeah. Well, it almost sounds like you're guilty already.

Like you know of a picture. People do it. It's fine. Yeah, I don't know. I think I haven't gotten too much into ass play. So it's like you don't know. What you don't know. You don't know.

Yeah, I mean, that's a fair. That's also a fair. But I'm, I got a finger in there. I know more than that. I'm not. No, I'm not. Yeah, that would be a little much. I elbowed my girl one time because she went to go hug me, but she

grabbed like she was sliding her hand on my cheek and it felt like it's a weird way to hug well she was like grabbing me from behind because I was like on the bed you know so she was like trying to like pull me closer but I thought she was going from my asshole so I went boom my elbow on accident and got her right in the forehead I was like I'm so sorry

I was like I was like yeah well it's just a knee jerk reaction I'm just like I don't know I just don't just don't just things in there you know what I mean like I don't think that's a good defense right hopefully that holds up in court yeah well I threw her a bow consensually she was like please hit me

that's terrible can I get you on record dude I felt so I felt so bad though afterward I was like if you want you could peg me or something yeah I was like fine

dude I've had a girlfriend like come at me and I just like sidestepped and she like got hurt and I was like oh so sorry and I'm just like how do I feel bad about you coming

like I'm just trying to get out of the lady oh they get injured and it's like what are we what are you doing yeah I mean that's the worst there's some bruises

that I don't know my girlfriend will fall she'll fall She falls. She will fall down the stairs. I don't, but I'm just saying I can get away with it. The amount that she does actually fall downstairs. Yeah, yeah. You have a good defense

already lined up. You're already ready to go. Oh my God, dude. That is terrible, bro. I will, but I could. You know what I love? Can I be honest with you, bro? There's just to be about hitting women. You have real good jokes about necrophilia, bro. You're a necrophilia. You say that she'll

conviction. I love it. It's like there's no way this guy isn't. I'm like, he's had sex with one dead person. He's tried it. There's no way he hasn't tried it. Dude, bro, the necrophilish has been crying. Dude, sometimes it works. Other times people are, like, weird about it. I'm like, well, you guys really think I'm fucking a dead?

Like, all the other shit, you can be like, that's funny. It's not fake. This one, you're just like, yeah. You're like, oh, you're really fucking dick. People are really getting weird about the joke I about people fucking animals. People are like, dude, come on, man. Well, I'm like, what? It's funny.

It's not a person. It's so funny that people fuck animals. I don't know why it's hilarious. Oh, I love that. But we were like, there's nothing else to do it around. No, yeah, you could just do Joe. The whole premise is that, like, it's a state-by-state crime, and it's just like, yeah, he's like, we're cocky in New York.

Because we don't have, so it's easy for us to be like, oh, yeah, never fuck a cow. It's like, yeah, because you couldn't, if you tried, it would be ever. Louis has a great bit on that, too. He's like, why are none of you fucking the animals? Oh, yeah. Perfectly fuckable pig. He's like, you're eating them? Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's also funny, too, because I'm like, don't, you have, you haven't stopped one person for fucking animals. Nobody in the audience has done anything to prevent this. And then now all of a sudden you're like... Well, because it's a moral high ground. It's like, I don't want to say that... If I laugh, I'm saying it's cool to fuck animals. That's at least that's what they're thinking, you know?

But people get weird. Like, I have this joke, this joke about Nancy Reagan and shit. And I, and like, J.F.K. And everyone's all like, oh, but I'm like, they're dead. Like, who cares? They do not care. Exactly. Like, people get so sensitive about shit.

Well, that's why Kimbeck has the best way because he starts fucked up and they just know what they're getting. And they just immediately agree. Like, all right, this is who we're watching right now. I noticed if you can get like hot chicks to laugh, then everybody around them will laugh. Like, guys will laugh at a hot chick to laugh. Like, everybody's like, oh, if they say it's cool, it's cool. And the guy doesn't want to be the nerd.

The guy doesn't want to be the loser. There was one chick. I don't know if you were there the other night, but there was one hot chick in the crowd. I don't think you were there because it was all, there was like sick comics afterwards that were all trying to bang this one girl. She came with a group of dudes.

So she came with like eight dudes. It was her, like, one other girl. And you could tell they were all like friends zoned, but like still trying to fuck her. Yeah. And she would laugh and they would all laugh hysterically. If she didn't laugh, none of them would laugh.

It was insane. It was wild. Did a comic call that out? I would have said something. Everybody was just trying to like talk to everybody. Everybody was just doing crowd work with her and it was so like. It was so obvious. But she was just like beautiful and everybody.

It was like. You know, the pair gets some crazy. Remember fucking Mark Anthony the other night? Were you there for that? No, I wasn't. I'm so pissed. That was. Oh, yeah.

You know, that was crazy. The weird thing, I talked about it last week. But the weird thing with Mark Anthony being there was one of the security guards just had a cooler. And they didn't, I was like, this is an organ transplant for like, shit, it's a bad. He tried like an igloid and he brought it in there. I was like, I couldn't believe I saw

Marganetti. I was like, this is so exciting if my mom was here. Like, I don't even, he's so old at this point. Low key also, but I could tell how excited like the energy of everyone else got. So I was like, okay, I'm going to get excited with you. Oh, yeah. He's, yeah. Apparently he's huge. Jared said he's like, yeah.

Jared said he's like the Kanye of the Latin community. Well, it's like with the Kanye of the Latin community. Jared is the best. Yeah, for salsa. For salsa music, he's like, he's like tops. I had a, I've had some Spanish girlfriends. Oh, by the way, can I say this? Yeah, please.

Okay, Chris bangs a ton of Latin. Yeah, that's all. Bro, you have to, dude. White women have retired. That's flattering. Can I say the best quality about you? Yeah, you can say it. I didn't know if you were like, dude, I didn't want them knowing.

No, I dated this one trick. And she's like, oh, let's listen to Mark Anthony. And I thought it was like American Mark Anthony. And it's like, in salsa, he's a fucking God. Yeah. But it's like his cross. He has like pop American songs that are kind of like like whatever, but like over there is where he really fucking. Oh, thrives.

Yeah. He's killing him, man. He's doing well. For someone who was J-Lo's ex-husband, man, he is, he bounced back. It's not bad. In looking, in considering to her life, I mean, they're both filthy rich. Yeah. But he seems like he's just living with like $80 million.

Something crazy. I don't know. I think those celebrity notes are inaccurate, but I think they undersell it most of the time. They undersell it every time. Yeah. Because it's like, you look up like a really successful. You need to be like, worth $8. thousand dollars I'm like there was a podcast of an NFL player he was like it was like

chatot Chosink or some shit and he was like he's like that net worth right now and it's like he says your net worth is like 8 million he's like I'm showing my bank out right now it has like way more than that yeah so he's like I don't understand where they where they come up with these numbers which means every one time they say like oh Ilamas richest billionaire in the world 152 billion he's probably worth even more he's probably worth like trillions of dollars and we're just sitting over here like ha ha ha he just wants to go to space Slick. It's also like they say the richest guys are like the Middle Eastern like oil guys.

Oh, we don't even know how much they make, bro. That's crazy though. But that's like, oh, that's so uncomfortable. Do you think it helps Mark Anthony that he's been, it definitely helps when when girls see that you've banged like a super hot chick like a J-Lo. Every girl's like, oh my God, I'll bang you. Well, because it's like, why did she? What is it?

Yeah, yeah. Like, I don't even need to know if she's good enough. If she's good enough for her, then she's good enough for me. Exactly. That's such a thing. But also, I don't think, also don't think girls care if you bang ugly girls. Because I think there's something commendable about that. I think women appreciate a guy who's willing to go.

Exactly. Going to the trenches and help out that best friend. I think they just want to know you're having sex. Dude, I've had friends who've like had sex with the ugly girl and then like a month or two later had sex with a hot friend later on. Because the ugly girl just went back to her like, yeah, he was great. And then they're just like fuck it. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, ugly girls only fucked one other guys.

So she's like, it was amazing. Dude, everybody needs love. Come on, man. No, I agree. It's so funny that we want the opposite of what girl. Like, girls want to know that you're fucking and we want to know that they're not funny. Yeah, dude, it's so funny. I'm like, you're not going crazy, right?

But that tells you the truth, I'm not one of those dudes who be fucking like that. I'm going to be real honest with you. I'm pretty like, yeah, one. I'm like, I'm just chill with you. I mean, you can just hang out because I'm too, like, I'm busy. Like, I don't have time to just be like out here. It's so much work, dude, chasing women around, especially in the city. It's so time.

Exactly. Exactly. You, you do it. I don't regret it, but I, yeah, a lot of time. Like, if I took that time to do something else with my life, I could probably be a loser with no women. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's why I say one, because I'm like, I'm like, okay, I'll put in the energy to get that one. But once I get that one, I'm like, we're good. Yeah, exactly.

Like, through my 20s, I had one girlfriend. I had a girlfriend. So I was kind of, I was kind of in that same mode, and it was nice. But I don't know what's more time. You're just like, fuck this. Yeah. I'm ready to chill. I don't know what's more time money that being single or being in a relationship because I've done both.

And I'm in a relationship. I still spend a lot of money and a lot of time. Yeah, but I feel like in a relationship, it's more, it's like if you can't spend the money or if you're in a weird thing, you can kind of be like, all right,

you know, like, yeah, but if you're in a relationship, if you're trying to bag the girl, you know you're like, blah, bro, I gotta pay for dinner tonight and like there's no way.

You're on top of your game. Yeah, exactly. But it also kind of makes you like, you want to like clean your room and shit. Like if you're out, if you're dating, you're trying to bring a stick back. It kind of makes you put out your best version of yourself.

Whereas that happens with even the one because I'm like, I hope she don't leave me. Yeah, yeah. But that's, then again, I like, I don't like the girls I get in relationships with are usually, I'm like, all right, she's pretty solid. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm trying to say? Like I'm not like. You're not like on your toes all the time. Like, oh, fuck.

Yeah, exactly. Like, anytime I meet a girl, I'm like, it's like, there's like, I've met women before and just been like, oh, I can tell I'm not going to want to date you. Like, we can chill and, like, we'll hang out and we'll do our thing. But, like, I'll be honest with you. Like, I just know, like, we're just not cool like that. You don't want to be on your time. Yeah, I don't want to lie. I'm not going to lie.

I mean, like, listen, I get it. You want to hang out. But I'm not going to pretend like we were super compatible. We got chemistry or some shit. People don't have chemistry sometimes. Just be like, nah, bro, I'm good. I'm okay. Yeah.

Also, people I feel like maybe like you have to get along with someone to fuck them. I'm like, nah, I feel like if you're just attracted physically, just shut up. Oh, guys. I don't think I've ever had sex with somebody I hate that. Because that's the problem is every time when I was single, I'd be at the bar. You never hate fuck somebody? No, I would get so. Oh, bro.

I'm not going to have sex with you. Like, I remember this one girl was like, she's like my age. She's like, yeah, I don't normally go out with my guys my age, but I'll make an exception for you. I was like, make an exception for me? I was like, you can fuck off. But in my head, I was like, why was I saw my eye always? Yeah, exactly.

You should have been like, I'm happy you made the exception. You know, that's a fucking. And that's fucking fucked her and then be like, be like, are not you disappointed? You made the exception or something. That's the thing girls can play all these games and say all this dumb shit, whereas guys have to be like, you kind of have to take you at a certain point. Yeah, but I still want to beg this.

chick, so I'll put up with whatever. I think there's so many, like, not all movements, but I think there are a lot of movements that, like, literally dudes will just be, pretend they care about an issue just because they're trying to beg the girls. I bet you, liberal and conservative, I guarantee you there's guys, they'll beg a maga girl, they'll be like, yeah, I'll do this. And they're like, yeah, bro.

I've noticed a lot of, like, low-key, I've noticed a lot of women beyond that wave, though, also where their men would be maga, and they don't even really like, I've known them for years. They've never been into politics, and all of a sudden now they're, like, speaking on, like, politics, like, they're fucking running for the Senate.

I'm like, relax, dude. I'm like, just fucking let you're mad. And the same thing will happen with the male feminist. They're just trying to ban. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, the male feminism thing is so. That is so, bro. But don't get me wrong.

Listen, like, it's just like, for me, I'm a big, like, believer of, like, actions speak louder than your words. So it's like, if you really want to be like this, like, person who's, like, for women and all this and stuff, then, like, do that with your actions. You have to sit here all the fucking time and be like, oh, women, this, women, that's like, yeah, we know they're amazing. We all have moms. We all get it.

We all want to respect them. Usually the ones who aren't respecting them, I mean, yeah, that's true. Can I try it? It is weird, though, because, like, honestly, dude, like, you ever have that friend, though, where you find out they, like, don't respect, but, like, they, like, in their core, you're like, oh, shit. It's always somebody that had some fucked up thing happening. And it's weird, but it's weird, though.

You're like, oh, shit. Like, you know what I'm trying to say? Like, you get uncomfortable because you're, because, like, the truth is. Because there's anger, not like, it's not like, it's like that guy. Okay, so, for example, Chris bangs a lot of chicks. But I, my man. He doesn't seem angry. at, you know what I mean? You're like, oh, I'm just having a good time.

Yeah. And you might like make, like, joking and make sexist jokes, but you're not like, they're taking, you know what I mean? There's that weird. They're taking over energy that, like, I think happens with guys who had something fucked up out with a girl. And the same with the girls that hate dudes where they're like, men are like men. Where they're like, men, where they're like, men. You got to get out. You're like, you got to go out and get old. I mean, you want to. You want to. You got to. I mean, like, do anything to try and get late. Like, you got to. Do a push up. You gotta do something. I never get why you don't just mimic people that are cool. I don't know. I've been cool my whole life. I've been goofy cool.

Like I was just popular because I was just mimic the people that are getting pussy. Well, you know what is? You're like, but like you're not like introverted, you know? So like it's easy for you to like talk to anybody and shit like that. Like some people like they like fit. They're just like I can't. I just cannot talk to random people like that.

And then like, you know, and they can't get that out of themselves. You know, like Chris is a weirdo. But I fucking broke this guy open like a fucking nutcracker. You know, I love this guy. Bro. He shit is popping. not, bro.

Yeah, there is ways that you can like, you can like fake it, you know, with, uh, with chicks and get laid that way. Like that's kind of like the whole, in high school, they would like smoke pot and be quiet,

but girls would be like, he's so mysterious. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he's just like, oh my gosh, he's so hot and you know what to do it myself. I can tell because I know people well.

I'm like, dude, that guy just is so high right now. Yeah. Girls would fuck him because he's just like, but he also like, just saw what other people are wearing. He's like,

okay, that's cool. I feel like also like something that I didn't really fully grasp in high school when I was younger growing up, it's like the idea of status really being a thing. Like that is for real. Like when I was in high school, I was like,

I don't understand like these dudes are ugly as fuck, but they're getting like, how is this working? And it really is like status is a thing in it. And it lasts until you're an adult too. Like you have to look. Like you have to look the part that they want. So like what a woman wants out of the dude,

that's the part you kind of got to play. If you want to have, you know, with the woman. You know what I'm trying to say? Like you got to be like that guy. You know? And let's be honest.

also themselves also though like if a girl is bad you know you're like I got to put in work in myself like you know I'm not you got to you also want to deserve the you know what I'm trying to deserve the pussy you're like I want to I want to earn that pussy like it's not like I just want to get it I'm trying to earn it I want to fuck that's the thing about New York man it's just constantly like the next best chick and you're like damn how do I get that how do I get that girl you're just constantly like I got to get it for comedy it's like it's like heroin for you're like the next best high you're like I just need that one more time it's never going to feel like when I lost my virginity.

I'm just trying to get back to that first come. What did you lose your virginia? 16. That's not late. That's not late. Yeah. I think I was 16 also. I thought you like, for some reason,

I thought you were just in a relationship for a while. Yeah, I was in a, I started jerking off late. Maybe that. How old were you? Probably like 15. I was like, I was like 11. I was like, I was, which I think is young. Yeah, I could think 11 was the first year, bro.

I was just, it was just, it was just, it was just like, it was like, it was like, it was like, whoa, whoa. I wish I could go back to that, though. Dude, I used to jerk off to magazine. I remember the first time jerked off, my mom had us magazines. And she used to read them, and I used to, like, open them. They had, like, pictures of, like, celebrities and shit. So I was drinking off old school style from the jump, bro.

Yeah, bro. I like a magazine. I'm an old soul in the heart. You had the internet, but you still didn't even use it. No disrespect. Listen, I'm not going to be disrespectful. Holly Berry, you are one of the first women. She's listening.

I got you preface. She is. Big fan. Dude, Holly Barry, big fan. If you listen to morning good, I want you to know, bro, she was, bro. bro, I remember Holly Burroughs my girl when I was 11 years old. I was like, I don't need a, I need an interracial angel

in my life right now. Yeah, she was a babe. She was a babe. Yeah. What was it? You ever heard that joke with the guys like, back in my day, we had to, we had to jerk off to the JCPenney, like,

like, right section. He goes, but nowadays, with the internet, you can just go to JCPenny.com. Yeah, I remember discovering videos. I was like, well, the best part is I couldn't come with the first year and I would pee afterwards. I thought that's what coming was.

Oh, jeal. I was like, yeah. I was like, but to load. I just be afterwards. You're like, I gotta go do this on women. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know why. I just started late.

Like, I was, I was fucking horny as shit, but I just did. I just never, like, went through that. I remember people talking about it and be like, oh, that's a weird thing that people do. Yeah. Yeah. Well, my mom had me mad young. So, like, the idea of, like, sex and shit was kind of, like, always in my life. Yeah, yeah.

You know, because it's like, when your mom has you that young, she's got to, like, kind of explain shit to you. Like, hey, why don't you look like everybody else? Yeah. Yeah. I knew what sex was in a shit around like six years old. I was like, oh, I understand like a man and a woman, like, or any, I understand the two people can... He just recognizes men and a woman is sex.

Yeah, I know. I'm over here. I'm over here being like, I'm like, listen, only men and women can have sex. Everything else you guys are doing is fucking taboo. It doesn't count. No, but the truth is like, I knew about like six years old. I was like, oh, people be fucking. Like, people, that's what they do.

Like, they enjoy it. So I was excited. I remember the first time I was like, I was like, I want to lose my virginia. I want to know what all the hullabaloo is about. Like, what's all the, this hype. Yeah, yeah. On getting it. And honestly,

the first time I had sex, I didn't even come. Did you come the first time you had sex? Oh, yeah, within like 20 seconds. No way. Yeah, so fast.

Yeah. I didn't, I couldn't come. I don't think I was hammered. Really? Bro, it was, and I wasn't hammered. I was a kid and I was... I was 16.

We were having sex and she, we had for like a little bit, but I was just like, I guess we were not doing it. Like, it was inside. We were going up and down, but it wasn't like, doing it right for me.

And then like, we had sex a second time and it still didn't happen again and I faked it until the second time because I felt bad so I was like I'm gonna pretend so this girl doesn't like what you already knew at that age to think and then no but then we had I was like I want to come so we had sex a third time and then that time I figured it out

I was like how about this why don't we switch position and then she came out I wouldn't know of those times yeah of course she didn't I don't even know honestly that girl I don't think I ever made my that girl come straight up bro honestly I don't know I didn't even know that was the thing. Yeah, when I was first thing,

she never complained. It wasn't ever like she was like, uh, because now like a woman would be like, what the fuck, bro? Yeah, yeah,

but like when you're a teenager, she was just happy to be having sex and so was I. So we were fucking. Yeah. Chilling, you know what I'm saying? That show was dope.

I was like, look at us, bunch of fire. I would have came like looking at, like thinking about sex. I would come back then. Bro, there's somewhere.

I can imagine having sex and not, and not coming in 15 seconds. Dude, I don't know. I was technically, I don't know if you could say that I was raped. So I... I don't know.

We might have got this out. No way. I don't want to... Is this like a baby? I want to know. I want all of it. Is this like a babysitter? No, no, no, no, no.

It was like, what are you? Chris, why you're like, you are like... Yeah, exactly. Chris was like, please get into detail. How old was she? I hooked up with this girl at, like, it...

I hooked up with this girl on high school. How old are you? I was 16, but we would have... No, that's not... This is your first time? This is your first time? No, no.

Well, the first time I was like drunk, whatever. Okay. But one time I woke up mid-sex. But I was also blackout drunk. And then she was like slapping me while still on top of me. And I was like, no, no, no, keep going. I guess not. Oh, see, there you go.

Consent. You just gave it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't consider it. I'm not like I'm a victim. But I just think it was funny that like my dick can still be hard while I'm asleep. Bro, males, bro.

I know a man who got raped. And it's like weird. Yeah, bro. It's like, it usually is something like that like 13, 14, 15 and like an older woman. My thing is I was already having sexist and girl. before. You were just drunk. You were just hiked up.

You were like, this is the best way to wake up right now. That's like the kids that like fuck their teachers. And it's like, yeah, that's a victimless. That's a victimless crime. If it's a dude fucking the older fucking a teacher. It's like. But she was 20. He was 17 or,

no, I heard he was actually a little bit younger. But like you ever see that South Park episode where it's like someone's fucking Ike. The teacher's fucking Ike and Ike's the baby. So they go to the police station. They're like, she's fucking my little brother. And they're like, Mrs. And he's like, yeah, and they're like, nice.

It is so true. It's like, you know, nobody, who feels bad? If it's male woman, I'm like, come on, bro, but if it's woman, male, I just, I just, no, it's like on paper. Somebody read dad. You passed out, that's on, that's on you. Yeah, I mean, a little bit. No, we're saying. Only if you're a dude, though, is that on him?

Like, is that? I think what happens if you're 16 and you have sex to somebody who's, like, over 18, when you turn, 30, you should be able to be like, nah, get them out of jail. If they went to jail for it, because that's a tough thing because, like, then your brain, that, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I'm not going to debate the semantics on pedophilia. I mean, personally, like, honestly, dude,

like, when, you know what it's like as dudes, man, like, we'll fuck, when I was 16 years old, if a 22-year-old teacher, any of them would have been like, let's have sex. I would have been like, okay, like, let's just see what's up. Yeah, I said, you want to fuck me? Like, I mean, I guess that's their whole point. Like, it's like, a,

I was the opposite because I watched so much porn I thought every teacher wanted to fuck me I wasn't even surprised I was like yeah I was like waiting for a senior year I was like why does it's not okay I'm sorry I'm sorry teachers yeah they do teachers be flirting like I definitely had a teacher too because I was always like witty and shit I been doing college I was like 15 bro like teachers definitely when I was like my senior

high school were like definitely just I think so too man like a little white like a little cute and I was just like okay like you know what I mean like the shit I was like I don't know how far you want to take this but I will come on your face like I have no problem with that I'm no part of that. That's where it'll end. That's the funny part.

Like, I agree, that is a thing. Because, like, in your mind, you're like, oh, okay, they're not. I was like, no, they kind of do. Because, like, they're humans. Yeah. There's this woman that always hits on me when I'm barking. She's, like, 40-something, like, attractive. And she's like, you're hot, whatever.

It starts talking to me. And I asked her the other day, I was like, well, what do you? Obviously, I have a girlfriend, especially if you're listening, Angelina. And you're like, hey, what's your end game? By the way, I was asking her, like, what do you do? She runs a school. And I'm like, all right, that's a little sketchy that you're like, you're constantly, like, hitting on younger guys and you're like,

she just gets it all out. She owns a school. Oh, it's a school, bro. Epstein? That shit is real, bro. Maybe she just gets it all out at night on McDougal Street. She's like, this is where I vent. Oh, the young kids are in the day.

Yo, you see fucking, speaking of touching kids. You seen Jis Lane? What is Jislane? Gis Lane? It doesn't matter. You see her, you see her breast on that picture, bro? There's a picture of her in this, but I was like, she's massaging his feet?

She's so ugly, right? like her face, but bro, I would Titty fuck the shit out of her, bro. I never seen old pictures of her. She must have been hot back in the day. No, I'm not into short hair, but she does look hot. Yeah, exactly. I'm not too short hair either.

Yeah. You know, so it's very like, I don't like, so I don't like her, but I'm like, damn, bro, like, she got some breast on her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some all natural raws, bro. Them shit's is crazy, bro. And we're never going to find out.

Have you ever been, you ever been teet fucked? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ben, titty fucked? Ben, yes, Beau. I'm sure. You ever, you like it? You a fan or not? I think it's something that's like

definitely like overrated because it looks like It looks cool but it's not How is it gonna understand you? Yeah yeah What about you're in Titi Fun? Yeah, You don't even have to ask.

You're gonna ask you? You're a fan. You're a favorite kid back. I was gonna ask you. I don't think it's wet enough by like you gotta figure it out bro. That shit is pretty dope low key.

I, the thing I, yeah, I don't know I guess I haven't done it correctly but the thing I want to say about Kipack, my favorite picture of Kimback is him hitting on a girl.

Titty fucking someone? Yeah, yeah. He was out. and he's got a suitcase. The girl has a suitcase and, like, baggage, and he's hitting on her. So he's trying to fuck some girl

that clearly, like, just got off the plane to New York City. And he's already trying to figure. He's like, yeah. The baggage is a metaphor for her life. And I'm like, I'm like, I saw the baggage and I'm like, this girl is perfect. Yo, Kim, I didn't realize you were such

like a fucking P-I-M-P, bro. You fucking... I don't know. I get a lot of credit around, like, comics that, like, don't get laid. Yeah, there's so many... Around the pair. There's so many comics who don't get laid, though.

I can't believe this girl. I was like, dude, this was like one a month. Yeah, is that? It's in a packed city. Like, you can't help but get, like, fall into getting late a lot of times. Exactly. That's what I feel like if you just chill, bro. If you have like your own place and you just hang out, you'll probably, if you just hang out late enough, that's what it is too.

A lot of people, they're like, oh, it's 11. No one's really. It's like, you bro, last cause a real thing, bro. If you stay until 2 a.m., I guarantee there will be somebody there, chilling. Giving you a little eye, you know what I'm trying to say? So, like, granted, I do put in a lot of time and effort into. How good your Spanish? Yours banging Spanish chicks.

My Spanish is not great, but I'm seeing this one chick right now. We've hung out like a ton of times and she speaks almost no English at all. Can I hung out. How do you? We hung out a bunch. What do you do? In my initial interaction, I have enough Spanish in the initial interaction to get them out on a date. And then once we're out on a date, I think they realize like, oh, he runs out of things to say because he only knows 10 sentences.

What happened with this girl? What are your sentences? This girl is like her English. is coming along as my Spanish is coming on. So it's kind of like together. And then you'll notice she's like annoying as fuck. Yeah. Yeah. But no. Oh my God.

And like the sexual chemistry is there. She's like you know we're getting microchipped. It's like when we can't figure out what else to say, then we'll just fuck. You're at sex to somebody and the sexual chemistry is not there. You're like, this is weird. Oh yeah. This is uncomfortable for me for some reason. I'm supposed it's happened.

Yeah. I've had that where it's like, yeah. It's not that it's bad. It's just like, oh, like you're not. We're just not on. Yeah. I feel like if like this, I hate to say, but the smell is like the most like if like at the end it's like not a great smell in the room. I mean, it could be that.

It could be me. It could be like the condom. Like a condom doesn't smell great after sex. They don't add that. The latex will add to the must. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like that.

If that's in my head a lot of times, it's just like something in my brain's like because I'll see a picture to check. I'm like, why did I not try to bang her again? And I'm just like my brain just didn't allow me to fucking do it. I'm sorry. I'm not going to like. Connums are so like. Oh, they're a bummer. I do not.

I usually don't wear condoms. They're a bomber. I've had sex with numerous women with that. I don't, I usually, I'm just pull out Game Strong straight. I don't trust. I try to always use one. My girl was on birth control and I still pull out. Honestly, I've had so, I've had so much raw sex at this point.

I think my sperm just doesn't work because there's no way I haven't mistakenly impregnated somebody. Like, I've had, bro. I can't get harder the condom. That's what I'm saying, bro. Like, it's got to be something like. That's what I'm worried about. That's what I'm worried about.

I'm like, oh, shit. That's the only part is. I know people that actually knock people up and it's so hard to be like, how the fuck did this happen? Because you know, you don't want to be like, oh, I'm so proud of you. That's a miracle.

I really want to be like, how did you fuck up. Let me know how to not have that happened. I know. I hope my mom never listens to because she gets, she's like having a baby is the last thing she wants to do. How old? wearing a condom's the last thing I want to do.

This shit is terrible. But it's like people that just go willy-nilly like nutting in people. That's insane. It's like it's one thing. I'll jerk off. I'll jerk off to finish myself on. Like, I won't. Yeah, I'm not to where I'm.

It's another thing to just go inside. At least put in some effort to not it. Yeah, that's wild. And then they act surprised. Have you come inside of a little before? No, I don't think. You've never, not even one time? Even when I was with my girlfriend, I would pull out.

You've never one time. Come inside a woman. Maybe like, Chris, it's on my mind. It's all because of career. That's what everybody's like, oh, you got to feel. It feels amazing. I'm sorry. No.

I'm sorry. It really is like this like net. You're like, what the, bro, it's nuts. I get it. I mean, I understand it. I'm sure I have like accidentally. I've done it twice. I mean, I

I have to buy the Plan B pill twice. Yeah, no, I've had to buy I've planned B before I broke. And in my mind I was like, oh, okay. No, I had to buy it because I was like, if we don't buy it, lost her birth control. I was like, if we don't buy it, you're pregnant, like, guarantee.

There's been times where I've like finished too early, but I'm wearing a condom. So then I'll just keep going while I'm wearing a condom inside while I still have a condom on. And then I get sketched out. And then I'll be like, then I'll buy like the plan, the plan B.

Yeah. That's, you know, you're just getting safety at that. Yeah, yeah, extra safe.

Bro, dude, I'm saying the next time, bro, ask this girl, be like, let me come inside you for recreation.

See what she says. Recreation. Bro, I'm serious. If a girl would allow me to do it, then I don't want to do it. You know?

What? Bro. I mean, she's a lot that would allow a stranger to come inside. You got to do it. Trust me.

And that's not the person I want to you're taking a moral high ground when you're the one you're the one who fucks all these women all the time. Like, bro, come on. You're so, yeah.

It's not methodical. I'm not taking any rate. I'm not taking any rate. There's no method in getting Latino women, okay? It's very simple. Take them out to dinner. But he's also fucking like the most likely to get pregnant. Isn't there a thing we're like, this is true.

Ladd women are fucking. Yeah. You are playing with fire. We'll look back on this podcast on day. So like she's probably, she's probably not even. We're sitting. What's the calendar? We all have all some weird.

deficiency, yeah. Yeah, you guys are all inbred or some shit like that. Ireland, no, yes, yes. Ireland is like, when you find out how much of Ireland is just inbred, it's a lot. England, it gets pretty weird. South England. Yeah. But that's, I mean, South America has that.

You know, a lot of Taliban are inbred? Yeah. Yeah, well, that's different. Don't quote me on that, but I heard a lot of the Taliban. The reason they're so insane is a lot of them. I don't want to ruin their reputation. Yeah. Because that's like them, like, all like, you know,

like, what they're, like, arranged marriages and also like the fact that they all like low key like I read this book one time about it about the tabbing over like they fucked like their neighbors and if they were fucking they just rape everybody too yeah yeah so it's like it's almost like gangas con where it's like you rape so many people that are just putting your seed in everywhere oh that's right out you find out you rape somebody that's related to you

yeah I don't think they found out they're like oh shit my cousin I think they knew what they were doing but they were just like freaky like that that's wild yeah I guess when there's no rules It's like, you don't draw the line. Literally, it's no rules. It's like you as a man.

Unless you're a woman. If you're a woman, if you're a woman. Yeah, well, exactly. If you're a woman, bro, it's low key. Like, that shit blows my mind how we could be in like the same world. And like that shit is just going down. And North Korea, North Korea sounds like, just not. Just no food.

Just like, whatever. We're just like, it is wild. The thing that that should exist today. But then you see all this shit going down with like the pandemic. You're like, I get it. People fall in line pretty quick. Yeah. When the government's like, do this.

People are like, okay. Yeah. And then they speak up And people like, you fucking crazy person It's like I'm the crazy person It's weird It's weird We're such like a young country too

Like we're only 200 years old man And humans in general are just so like Like we think we're a lot smarter than we are But we're fucking like sims characters Oh I'll argue with people political point And then they're like why do you think that I'm like Somebody I trust said that Yeah

That's fucking I agree I agree I feel like people like we We like to think that we're like super deep And all like unique and complex And people like to play on that But in reality I think like we all fit like a certain amount of like character types you know what I'm trying to say

and like we're all in a way similarly defined by all their traumas so like considering that's all the similarity we all have it's kind of like we're all on the same page on that you know like we're all trying to deal with the shit that we couldn't deal with in the past yeah yeah if people if people can tap into it it's crazy

you see in Germany they're like right back into like Holocaust mode the police are out measuring measuring people that you have to be six feet away and they have measuring sticks I'm not sure that's like the Holocaust. I don't think Jews stay away. But I mean they're right back into like shutting down.

You want to talk about real Holocaust going on. You can talk about like China right now. China's legitimately murdering people. The one thing that is dumb though is a hail people go, hey, you can't, don't say anything as the Holocaust besides the Holocaust. I'm like, you can say things are like the Holocaust. Like if people start killing Jews, you'd be like technically it's not, I feel like maybe not Holocaust, but like totalitarian.

Like I think something that's as impactful as the Holocaust would be like 9-11 where it's like this shit happened and it was such a guy. big fucking... It's like the world. But the whole part is... Well, I have you said something similar to something because I am similar to a shark in a thousand ways. You can compare me to a shark.

Yeah, I guess that's true. So it's like everything is related to everything. So you do have... So what you're saying is we're all connected, bro? We're all connected. Yeah, maybe Holocaust mode is the wrong word. Maybe it's like totalitarian mode. Yeah, I agree.

The government's like, okay, everybody do this and everybody's like, okay, must trust government. What it bothers me about America is that we like to sit here and pretend like it's free, but it's like in reality like, where it's like the same boat where we're like the gun. government gives us a bunch of rules. I'm like, okay, we'll follow. But it's like, that's where I live, I live in my mentality where it's like, I'll just

follow. Like, I'm like, whatever, dude. Like, my life is not that important. Like, I'm not, not. Like, I'm sorry. People were like, I would have been the one German guy. It's like, hey, guys. Yeah, exactly.

Like, you know how hard it is to be Schindler, bro? Like, now we can see that today, like, who's actually fucking standing out. Oh, yeah. If I was a German, I don't know, that would be, ah. It's like weird to talk about, it's intense to talk about. But, like, I don't know, dude. Because I'm also not, like, white. So, like, I'm also low-key.

You know what I'm saying? That does have an effect on it a little bit. Like, I've never conquered nothing. Like, I'm in digital. Like, Columbia is, we're pretty, we get conquered. You know what I'm trying to say? Well, that's tough, though, because you're sure from Columbia? Yeah, yeah.

I'm first generation American. But if your people were conquered, then I know you're getting hard. I know, I see you, Chris. You're like, well, how is your man? She's married. All right, Chris. That's hard part. But that's hard part.

Because if you were conquered, then technically you are part carker. You know, I mean, technically I am Because my grandfather got into the blood My grandfather is indigenous I know he is But my grandmother is French So she has a little

She's half French My grandmother Yeah So I have a little bit of French They were having good old incest in Ireland We were See Ireland got conquered a lot See that's the weird thing about white people

That Ireland got fucked over By England a lot But everyone's like But you guys look alike But it's like yeah But they treat us like shit Yeah Which that is the most confusing

Racism It's a voice racism You don't sound like me So I don't like you. Like, it makes no sense to me. That's shit. Well, the same thing is somebody hating the high school by them and they're like, fuck,

Eastville. This is Westville. Yeah. That's like a sports thing because I hate all Yankee fans. But I like, let's go mad. We just have an instinct to be tribal. So like the people around you are just like,

oh, you're like, oh, that's not my tribe. Yeah. Fuck that. You see, humans are a way more primitive than we like to admit. Our brains are hardwired a little bit, man. Like, we all have that shit. It's innate, bro.

Yeah. But it's weird that more people don't step out. Like, more people don't step out. can't see it today. Like very few people Well self-awareness is It's like we know we have all these tools now like you can you can meditate You can listen to podcasts all this shit and kind of But very few people do that people are just like in constant stress mode like

Yeah, that's why I just delete a Twitter I delete it at least for a week in Apple I deleted it on like Apple news I'm like I'm just I'm doing yeah I find so nice dude you have so much more brain power to do Like spending time with my family but like actually not like okay but I have to leave later like genuinely like no for the next day or two I'm just hanging out with you guys We're chilling me like You just decompressed. Then you get back to like, you know, like in a way, like you feel like, you know, you have a connection.

Those are, it's your family. There is that feeling of like you get back to like, I don't know, just like you're like, your like energy. Yeah, this is normal. Yeah, because not everything is fucking chaotic. Because this is my tribe. This is my actual. And you start to get that good feeling again. And then you can go back out into the world and bullshit with everybody else for a little bit.

Shock me. How many people are in lines to get the COVID test again? Why? Just stay home. Bro, if you think you have it, just stay home. It's like crazy. I got three hours. for the testing. It took three hours

to test. But I think every... I know people who are waiting... I know comics who are waiting for their show. They're like, no, I got a big show on front. I'm going to test myself on Saturday. I'm like, you're hilarious. I get it, but you're hilarious, too. Like that's like, if you don't have anything, if you don't feel anything, if you don't feel like, why get tested? It's just funny that like everybody got vaccinated. Everybody just stopped getting tested. It's like... Yeah, I'm not going to get tested if I don't feel... If I don't feel sick,

I'm not getting tested. I'm not getting tested. I am just going to buy 100 tests, though, just to have on deck. So when, if something happens, I can test myself in home instead of having to wait three hours. They have that at home test now, right? Yeah, he does it. I'm like, right. I'm sorry. I think they say like a reporter.

This is why I can't stand like Biden and all his bullshit, bro. Like no disrespect. I fucking hated Trump. But I also Biden like this shit is going off. But he fucking did a reporter was like, yo, what if you guys sent out at home test to everybody in America? And they like, they're like, yeah, that's what we'll do. Yeah, exactly. It's like, bro, that's a great idea.

Like people are, that's what I'm fucking saying. Like, what's a matter? Like, you guys are making it so hard to want to be like there's, you know what I'm trying to say? Like there's no. I'm like, oh, you guys are. the same people just different name like this shit is terrible bro that's why because at least i felt like before like at least there were size right like before it did seem like oh there's these two different size but now like it seems like you guys are all just super rich now right because

like even recently i saw this thing where like nancy pelosi shoot they were like how do you feel about people in the government owning stock and their husbands and wives owning stock and like in the back in any companies yeah especially and they're like and they're like well it's a free market economy it's like yeah but you guys are making all the laws you guys know about all this before we know. That's what I'm just keep making money. I'm not saying they can't,

but just have like transparency. Like if you're in Congress, you should be able to have to disclose like this is what I'm guessing. Yeah, bro. They don't do that. It's crazy. They're just not to get away

what they want because they got voted in. But that's my thing too. It's like I'm vaccinated stuff. I'm going to talk about this for two seconds and I swear to it all shut the fuck up at it. I am vaccinated but I just hate when you can't question certain things like hey. Yeah,

this person does have a motive. Like to act like people don't make millions of dollars. Yeah, I'm like, look at their motives. I mean, it's privatized. I mean, Pfizer, Moderna, like the world doesn't have the

vaccine like we do. We have the vaccine like we do. And that's the fucked up part because I bet just like food that gets thrown out like at fucking grocery stores and shit. The same thing with the vaccine. It's just like a bunch, but they're like ah, whatever. Like for now we'll leave it until we could sell it somewhere. And people don't like being told what to do either. So the more you tell certain people

what to do, they're just like, no, fuck it. And like, if this was reversed and Trump was still in office, you know it would be the exact opposite where people would be like, I'm not taking that after that. Exactly. No way. Like Kamala Harris Where they're like

Will you take Trump's vaccine? She's like, no. No. No. Exactly. You're like, right. Because people are just so stuck in their ways,

bro, like in a certain point. Like, okay, so like the thing about Trump, I hated, I hated him as a politician, but I understand what his purpose was.

If anything, he was teaching this country a lesson, man. He was trying to. Have the government is for him insane. Yeah, when he showed us, what he showed us is that the government

really is insane. And he wasn't purposely trying to show us that. But in him doing what he did and being able to win the way, Even, you could tell when he got voted in, even he was like, oh shit. Like, this is real. But also, he's able to do so little.

Like, he would, he would say something. And then somebody else would go on TV and be like, no, this is the exact opposite. It's like, well, what does the president even do that? But that's every. But that's, I mean, that's every. That's every. And then we all come to realize, like, presidents don't even really have power. Yeah.

It's just, like, got all these different hoops that jump through. And on top, not only who's, but also like, bro, like, come on. But, bro, like, Congress and shit like that. Like, you're saying there's 300 people below the president. No way. Like, you know, damn, for you. That's what I'm trying so hard to just unplug, but it's so hard to do when it affects your everyday life. So I'm trying to so hard.

They're making it so hard for us, dude. They make it so hard. I wish we could go back to the fucking the 90s. I wish we could go back to Clinton. He was cool. So was fucking Reagan. Reagan Clinton, that little time period was kind of nice. Besides the AIDS and the crack and the, you know, and the both of them actually doing that.

See, that's what's weird. See, that's what's weird. Even back then, like, Democrat Party. They're still in the same waves, though, you know? Yeah. Bill Clinton came in. It's not like he was like, okay, guys, enough with the. this crack stuff enough with this the eight like he was just like oh yeah keep it going you know and like

shit is she was just rocking so like this has been the same bullshit forever man democrats and republicans values also changed like i read this book on all the presidents and it used to be the opposite way around democrats were the conservative ones and republicans were the liberal ones yeah it's like the it flipped so it's like you can tell pot it's all just like a name game it's get a flip back too it flips back on like every issue it's like oh what are what are republicans think on this and what a democrats It really depends on who's president. Yeah, exactly. All Democrats would be anti-MACs right now.

That's my point, though, because a lot of people don't have big enough, like, their lives are so important that they just, like, taking information. Yeah, tell me what to do. Like, at the end of the day, it's like, no matter what's going on.

But that's why, that's why I like, I like myself awareness to be like, yeah, I'll follow whatever. Let me just, I want to do comedy. Right, yeah. Like, I just want to do my shows. Like, leave me alone. When when chicks bring it up on, like,

dates, come back to an earlier point, it's like, yeah, I'll be whatever you want me to be. Yeah. If you're passionate about, if you're passionate about a certain thing, it's like, sure. Sure. We can do that for that. It's fine. I will sell out my money.

The fact that, dude, this girl the other night was like, are you like a Trump support? I'm like, Trump support. Like, what is there a support about Trump right now? He's not the president. What are we talking about? Like, you're still in 2020? Exactly. You're still in 2020?

He's like, how he doesn't affect my life. He doesn't affect your life. She's like, yeah, I don't talk to a lot of my family because they're Trump supporters. I'm like, you guys haven't gotten over that. You probably got a hard with your sister. She's a doctor family. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, there you go. You're right on my alley. Tell me more about how you don't talk to your family. The only way she'd be more up your alley is if she was a dead body. Yeah, I was like, I'm already hard. You don't have to mention it. You struck oil. All right.

It's happening. Yeah, you can stop. No, but yeah, exactly. Like, you know, whatever. People are weird. That's why it's cool being a comic because we're allowed to be like, oh, this shit is weird. Like, and just like, just be like, what is going on? It's also strange with comics pigeonhole themselves into just being like a one-sided con.

It's like there's so many. Political people? There's money. Because, look, there is money to be money. Right. I guess if you're really good. I was talking about this the other day. I was like, I'm thinking about becoming, I'm super like, I'm just like, do whatever you want.

Like, just do whatever you want. If you want to give ass, give X. If you don't, don't, whatever. Like, I live, I'm on me. I'm on my track. So it doesn't affect me at all. Like how you live your life literally does not affect me. So I'm cool.

I'm chilling, which is actually a little bit of a privilege I got, but I got it. So I'm a rocket. You know what I'm saying? Like I get to focus. Everybody can have that. I get to focus on myself. whatever exactly so whatever but at the end of the day bro like oh what was i gonna say what kind of comic you're gonna you're gonna yeah exactly like like like i was thinking about turning

like heel because i was like fuck it i don't really have a real belief system in any of this like why don't i just fucking go heel go super hard like troll bullshundas no go maga because there's there's real money in that shit there's real money there's real money there's like so bro they spend money see that's a thing liberals are broke bro like conservatives have money dude like they'll spend that's a great bro i did a i did a show out of long island the other night i know I could tell by the way which jokes are laughing at that they were they obviously lean right

bro we got paid I was like are you shitting fuck the Democrats I was like yo get me to a ballot right now I vote for Trump bro I was like bro it was crazy oh it's such a market

also I've always wanted to like join one thing and then just turn a lot yeah you fucking idiot exactly that sounds cool because you could

that's the fucked up part is that you could do that though you essentially could do that it is really all the script like you just have to for talking points about that side and then that's it, bro. You can just be like a lot of clapping

comedy. Exactly. Bro, I hate bro, there's nothing I hate more than when comics say like, oh, like typical shit that would get class. Like it's like, bro, like shut up, dude. Like, you know what to ask you to TED talk? No one asked you to get up there and be some fucking like a nice guy. Like, what's the matter with? So I hate pedophilia.

Yeah, exactly. I'm against pedophilia and everybody. It's like, what the fuck, bro? Like, exactly. I hate comics like that. I do feel bad. I do need to end it in like two minutes. No, no, it's fine. I didn't mean to cut you off. I realize my lunch breaks like almost. No, we're chilling. I'm having a good time. Yeah, we'll keep going.

You fucking dip. I've got to blast. We haven't had a... I'm squatting. What's his name's going to come over? Oh, take pictures of our feet? Yeah, the shoe guy said he's going to come over. He said he'll pull out, take pictures of our feet and our cocks, but that was a different...

Nah, man. This is cool. Thanks so much for having, bro. You guys feel great. Like, there wasn't a moment of silence this whole episode. Nah, I mean, we're vibe. You just set up the fucking camera and do a video. It's too much effort.

I'm just like, I'm not taking a video. Well, what's the point of having these sexy-ass faces? I thought I said couches. You got some really attractive talent on today. You're wasting it. Some beauty. What do you got?

You got old blue eyes over here, man. Yeah. Come on, man. Look at me. Look at my skin tone. I'm trying to get a good. You got some yellow light on? I've had my dick out the whole time.

Exactly. That's going to not be on camera. You guys played it so cool. It was very green room. He asked us. We said yes. I should take more video. No.

No. What do you guys want to promote as far as? Oh, fire. I'm definitely, I would love to promote Training Day comedy show, Story Park, Arcadia. I thought you said something different. What happened? I thought you said something different.

No, Arcadia, Arcadia bars, we're doing it right now. We're going to be back at the park soon. And also, uh, Bodea kids, December 28th and whenever else. And also myself, promo myself. Go see him if you're in New York. Oh, thanks, Mike. Makes a lot for you, man.

Grizzly pear comedy every night. My man. Buy tickets from me. Don't buy tickets from anybody. I'll also promo Chris came back. Also. You're bro. For real.

I tell you all the time we're out there in the streets, man. You're fucking, I say you're one of my favorite going right now. Oh, he's hilarious. Bro, the way you be, so some way you take over crowds

with the material that you're doing it's like insane. You too, Mike. I've always been a fan of YouTube. You know that though. I've seen you in the corners and my man, bro. Like, y'all are fucking hustlers out here.

It's cool to see all of us out here and working and being on shows and shit. I would give you a kiss, but we're not on camera. So it would be wasted. I got added to go bad, but all right. Peace.

Peace, dude.