Morning Good - Yes or No? - Episode 327

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

Dan Wickes and Zach Braviette join the show for today's episode. They talk bout divestment from Israel (not paying credit cards), the Mike Head - Mike Good mixup, and fat comedy. Thanks to Dan for coming on the show for the first time and to Zach for coming back on. Check out Zach on previous episodes and click the links down below for even more. Dan is on Instagram and TikTok @dan_wickes, he also produces the Roast Battle New York show and hosts the Roasted New York podcast. Zach is on Instagram as well @zacharyunlimitedAs always, find Michael Good on Instagram @michaelgoodcomedy and on Twitter @agoodmichael. Check out the show on YouTube and follow the official Instagram page @morninggoodpodcast.

Thanks for the F Shack. Love dirty mic and the boys. Hey, are you dirty mic and the boys? How you know who we are? What's this? They called the podcast? Morning, good, good. Hey, welcome to the air.

Thanks. Welcome to the morning. All right, we're here with Dan Wicks and Zach Braviet. I'm trying to figure out what is the... What's up? BTS list? The BDS list. The boycott divestment and sanctions list.

This is a political project of like how to try. to get the world to do less business with Israel. Oh, okay. And, you know, I'm trying to be a good Brooklyn liberal, not support the genocide. And then I see this list and I see Puma on there and every sneaker I own, which is like 12 pairs. Is Puma? Can we put Chase Bank on the list? Because I don't want to pay them my credit card.

I'm like, I'm not paying my credit card bill this month because I'm an ally. Yeah. I mean, just given who the list is against, I think there's a pretty good chance. credit card company. Oh, for sure. Every bank. Yeah. I'm boycotting.

I haven't done my tax this year. I had all my taxes to go there. Can't believe Santiago wouldn't want to be on this. Dude, the video I showed you yesterday, Dan, so I found this, uh, it was a salsa version of, uh, probably the same people that did the We Love Charlie Kirk song or, and it was, uh, no, by the way, nobody knows who that is, which is amazing. It's an AI song. Yeah.

Did nobody know. Who originated it? They can't. there's some weird name on it, and they're like, we cannot find the origins of it. That's crazy. That's the same guy that created Bitcoin.

Yeah, probably, yeah. Dude, honestly, I respect that so much more that it's like, I'm just gonna drop this

and fade into the background. You're just doing it for the love of the game. Yeah, you literally are like, yeah, I guess maybe he makes money on plays or something, but they're like, I thought it'd be really funny

if they found out it was actually like all these, Erica Kirk. Yeah. Or like all these like fucking like genuine musicians, and they're just like, don't put my name on it, but I'll do the project. Like you find out like Rihanna's involved.

He's like, just say it's AI. Yeah. Kind of similar. You ever watch those, uh, Glorb videos, the SpongeBob drill wraps?

No. Those are fun. Yeah, those are sick. Oh, there's like, there's like a channel of, uh,

videos where it's like, a guy into like an AI voice thing that make himself sound like all the characters. It's sick production. It's like drill raps from SpongeBob, Squidward, plankton. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah. Yeah. But this song was an I love Israel song. I know. Well, it's a we are Charlie Kirk. Yeah, and it was like kind of similar vibe. But it's like, uh, it's like Mexican, right?

It was like salsa, so it was fun. Dude, and actually, I'll send you the link litter. It rips. It's like George Bush and like an all Israeli. Yeah, like suit. And he's got a line where he's like, please send Israel more money. It's so good, yeah. It's so awesome.

Yeah, I haven't, I don't, I know like AI is bad because of like something, but I'm like, there's a part of me that thinks they made that up just because everything that's fun has to be bad. Dude, it has been... I've had a lot of fun with AI so far. Yeah. It's so fun. It's like, yeah, it's...

I mean, unfortunately, and to be all fucking gay and not fun, it's a nuanced answer. There are reasons that's good, reasons that it's bad. Yeah. I get why it's bad for, like, jobs, but apparently they're like,

they're like destroying farms or something to make it. Oh, buying up the farmland for the data centers and the amount of water that it takes to run the data centers is bad. Yeah, because you need, like, the water to cool off the data. centers because they get very hot. They just spraying them with hoses.

There's not like a better system. Somebody said, why don't they just build these in like Alaska or Antarctica or somewhere where it's cold already? Yeah. I'm like, you know what? Honestly, I'm sure there's a reason why they don't, but it makes sense. I think that's part of

the Greenland thing. So they can build a shit kind of data centers? Yeah, but there's also like it's less expensive to transfer the data to like if your servers are closer to where your people are. Okay, that makes sense. Like I do a lot of web development and there's a thing called like, there's a thing called like a CDN where like, so any website you go, they have, they pay, they're, there are like servers

all over the world. And when you're like getting like an image sent to your phone, it's coming from a server that's like somewhere near you geographically instead. Coming from like Japan just is going to be a lot faster to physically travel. So if you send me like a, like a image or something, it goes to somewhere else first before it comes to me, like goes to a data center and then comes to me. Like if you were like right here, it wouldn't go straight to me to go to a data center then to my phone? Um, yeah. So the, uh, well, that, that's a different, uh, that's kind of a different question than the one I'm as, because it's, that does start by being host on your phone. But, okay. If we're doing iMessage, I imagine that like, that's being saved, like in the

cloud. So yeah, that is going to hit them first. Okay. Because, because that's being routed. Like, I'm not super familiar with that flow. To be fair, I feel a little exposed right now, but I brought it out because you're funny, not because of a data expert. Also, I lost track of where we were, like, 15 words ago. So I'm just sitting here like, yeah, the data center is in the CDM, yes, yes. Yeah, I did hear Hunter Biden talk, and it was nice to, like, really go through all my stuff and be like, there's nothing out there on me. Like, I am, I've Hunter Biden myself on this podcast where I've just talked about every last detail in my life. Well, dude, I feel like you can't really go wrong when the president's son was caught doing crack and, like, banging prostitutes and stuff.

Yeah. Especially when he was caught doing crack-banging prostitutes, everyone's like, this guy rules. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what can I really say you're doing out? Yeah. No, it's pretty great. Like, I wonder what the, I guess there's, like, other weird equivalents, like, Jay Edgar Hoover was a big cross-dresser.

Like, that must have been something. He'd be so popular right now for that. Like, Jay Edgar Hoover at a drag brunch? But he was, like, a piece of shit, right? Well, oh, yeah, he was, like, spying on everybody. He, he like, in heels. He's like, binoculars. I mean, he probably killed JFK.

Oh, shit. Interesting. Like, yeah, the, yeah, I mean, if you believe that, like, American intelligence was involved in his assassination, there's no way he didn't know about it. And he did, like, he called, like, him and Bobby Kennedy, he didn't like each other. And when he, when, when JFK died, you called him, like, yeah, you're, yeah, he's dead. And, like, basically, like that. Yeah. And just put lipstick on.

that bitch is dead yeah yeah but they also they hate each other too because like because JFK beefed with with national security

because they kind of misled them on Bay of Pigs yeah and they let him take the fall for it publicly yeah I know about that because of X-Men

yeah that's where you get your history knowledge you get your history information from Alex Jones and X-Men those are two yeah

Michael Good is he reads up on a scholarly sources Yeah, that's the only way to find it out. I wonder where he lies right now, because Alex Jones went like, he's kind of weirdly defending Trump for a huge fucking cell. I mean, maybe not at this second. I don't know where he's at this moment.

Yeah, because he totally sold out. It was just like, I think Trump was keeping the Epstein Lips, but then randomly, at some point he was like, okay, this is looking pretty bad for Trump. Like, eventually he was like that. And then I don't know where he is now in it. I got to tune into the program. I feel like a lot of those guys pulled back, like Dave Smith pulled back. like, yeah, like.

Oh, he stopped being so anti-Trump? Oh, no, I mean, in terms of being pro-Trump. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like all the comedy podcast guys, I think also pulled back pretty hard. Yeah. Some of them not hard enough. Some of them, they got to be like, you got to do an egg on my face, man, where you got to be like, okay.

Yeah, I was wrong. Tony Hinchcliff. Tony hasn't pulled back at all. He's still fully in the tank, right? I don't know. My conversations with him were, uh, hey, nice job. That was the only talk of him. throw in a Make America Great again

when you're hanging out on Tony Hill? No, I don't support it. Yeah, I think Dave Smith and I mean, I don't know how interesting this stuff is, but he's, but yeah, I'm not super in touch. It does seem like, like, Schultz at least, is kind of like, really my bad.

Like, who's, like, oops. And he had Zoran on. Yeah, that's a fair thing to do. Like, everybody's, like, mad when people flip flop. It's like, not, it's not really flip flop. It's, you learn from your mistake. Yeah, that's a good thing. And that's part of being a person.

Yeah, do you want them to, still be like, oh, I was right? Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's kind of, in fairness to some of the detractors, I think a lot of them are like, I don't know if I believe them. I think that they might be seeing like, this is where the winds are blowing. And so they're just saying it to look at it. Yeah.

Yeah. And I don't know, I don't know Andrew Schultz personally, so I don't know what his stances are. We were hanging out last week, and he was like, yeah. Yeah. Not for me. You guys playing basketball or something fun? We were just talking about how much we love black culture. Okay.

Yeah. He practices the voice when he's by himself. He's in the mirror at home. Braggling. Practicing walking. He did his Mount Rushmore for stand-up. And, like, I do agree. Black people are better at stand-up comedy than white people.

What was his Mount Rushmore comedy? He had, like, a bunch of names and did not name a single white guy, which I'm not saying, like, I'm not saying that, like, I think the Mount Rushmore is mostly black dudes but I think he probably had an intentional thing where he's like all right, all right. You can't like, no matter who you are, you can't not put Louis C.K. up there. Yeah, I think it'd be hard not to.

I think he's undeniably one of the greatest of all time. I would love if his list was like Paul Rubens, like, Emo Phillips. Just the widest, Chris Fleming. Gallagher. Yeah, yeah. Cameron Esposito. Some people are like weirdly inspired by people you wouldn't think.

Like I did like it is funny when you hear certain people like you know Jack Reichert? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do you know, yeah, I actually weirdly liked Dimitri Martin and Aziz Ansari a bunch when I first started. Well, I see Aziz. See a little of Aziz? No.

Dude, I saw Aziz. Manu did nothing wrong. He's in that now? No, I don't know. Yeah, I, uh, one time I saw Aziz, Kevin Hart opened for Aziz. That's what, what, that's crazy. Yeah, and it was like, you know,

you've seen him in Scary Movie 3 and 4 in Soulplane, keep it going for Kevin. And I was like, oh, that's the guy from Scary Movie 3 and 4. I didn't realize he was. He was going to be the next massive thing. Well, it's like Chappelle used to open for Greer Barnes.

Yeah, yeah. That's a huge flip-flop in their careers now, huh? Yeah. Yeah, that's a... You gotta be the right amount of alcoholic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough to be fun, not enough to destroy your career.

Yeah, that is, like, I don't know why anybody would not... If you're, like, a multi-millionaire, I don't know why you wouldn't just be drunk all at that. Like, I just feel like, I don't know. What else do you gotta fucking do? You know? Like, I did it all.

You're gonna make more money? You're like, chill out. Yeah, but I think that's kind of a chicken and egg thing, right? They're multimillionaires because they didn't get drunk all the time. No, no, no, I'm saying the ones that do. It's like, you get to a point where you're like, okay, I did it. Now it's time to let loose. Yeah, I think that's kind of why they get to stay there, you know?

Because they don't do that. Yeah. Because they have the mentality and the self-control to become multi-millionaires. But I don't know what's a mix, though, because then you get like John Mullaney. Like, there's a lot of... It's not a, you can't look at it because, like... I've heard Fallon is a big boozebag. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. He's drunk all the time. And I love that. Like, I don't know. That's inspiring. That makes him so much more endearing. Yeah. Because his show, he's a fringot on his show.

On the tonight show, he's the worst. But if he was just like a drunk dude hanging out. They can't hear it. Into it's a microphone. Let me whisper. It's like a dog whistle. The tone doesn't. Everybody's like, I don't know what he said, even though the micro was an inch away from his face.

That was actually a nod to Chappelle in his special. when he does he call jimmy no no no no but have you it's like a clip that people send all the time of chappelle where he goes faggart you know what I'm talking about that name yeah so that was actually a nod to shepil but anyway

dude if he was just like hammered on the tonight show that would make him so much more endearing I think well that's why it doesn't bother me because I'm like everybody hates him but I don't know he just plays the puppy dogs and stuff like that's why can't that guy exist people are just like ah you should it's fake and it's lame it's you know what I

I mean, if that's who he was, dude, you know who he, sorry, I don't want to cut you off. You know who he actually is? Have you seen love on the spectrum? No. You know, have you? I haven't know. There's a guy named Tanner. If anybody watching has seen it, there's a guy named Tanner on love on the spectrum,

he genuinely is who Jimmy Fallon is pretending to be. If they just got that autistic guy that everybody loves to be the Tonight Show host, then it would be like, yeah, shoot, that's who he is. It would be believable. Yeah, a guy who actually is interested in all these things. and isn't just fake. And it's just nice and genuine. Sorry, Dan, what were you saying?

Oh, yeah. There is, like, also tradition in late night, though, where... Because back when it was, like, Carson, people felt like it had... It, like, meant something, and these people were, like, kind of, like, cultural leaders. And that's kind of why, like, Hicks and, like, people would rail against Leno. Like, people really hated Jay Leno. And then Fallon's, like, the continuation of that, like, that kind of empty vapid. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. But I'm like... Yeah, I guess he should just do a Tonight Show of things he actually. loves. He's like, we're going to bring out a bunch of fucking naked chicks. And I'm going to be like, we're going to snort. Yeah.

The Tonight Show, they're doing shots out of stripper's butts. That would be a way more interesting show. You'd be like, that's the real joy. We never saw the real joy in his eyes. That's the real joy. He shouldn't have the Tonight Show. He should have the late, late show. Yes.

Yeah. Also, he should have just kept making rom-coms. He did, uh, how he was one and done. He made like one of the most banger ones ever with fever pitch. Yeah. I don't remember that one. The one where he's, it's him and Drew Barrymore, and she's, and the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, he's, that it's, that it's, it's making it hard to date him. That's so fun. That's so much more likable of a guy than who he is right now.

There are things like that that just ruin, like, it's so funny. Like, it's, it's funny. the things that you enjoy and then like whoever you're dating is probably like just done with. You mean like stand up comedy? Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you podcasting ruined my last relationship. You can find a direct timeline to

me podcasting while my ex was home and when we started breaking up. Because I'd just be like fart and come out your ass. And then I was like, that was a great episode. She's sitting here like fuck I'm going to have kids with this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was never any like, no, like maybe I should record this when

she's not home. Well, I tried to, but she's like, I'm not even listening. And I just knew, like, how would you not listen if your boyfriend's just talking for hours in the next room? Talking about snorting ketamine and shit. All right, pivot, pivot. So I really appreciate her. She's the light of my life. I'm so happy I break up podcast.

Because some people were like, oh, I know what I'm like, dude, I'm really happy that's out there. Because, like, I wasn't super negative. I was just going through. I was like, all of that information is just out there and all my feelings on it. Yeah. And works the other way, too, where people, like, I've known people have met girls because they've listened to their

podcast because they feel like, people feel like, oh, this is, they learn about you and then they, like, decide they like you. A lot more will decide they don't like you, but whatever. Especially what we talk about. Yeah, they don't now, some of them are weird, like, when comics get, like, divorced or,

I mean, everybody's going to know who I'm talking about, but then randomly, they're on stage, they're like, fucking husbands are, I don't want to quote a bit. I'm just quoted a bit. I mean, I don't feel like you can name them. They're two of the most famous comedians on the planet right now. Oh, I'm not talking about them. Oh, you're not talking about Tom's a Graham.

There was like another breakup where it was just like, dude, it was like really venting out. Oh, I know who you're talking about. Yeah. I'm thinking of one, but I don't know if it's the one you're talking about. Wait. Are the initials? No, no, we're not. Because I'm not shit talking.

I mean, because part of me is like, okay, it's great to get your feelings out there. Fuck if I have my phone, I'd pull up. Yeah. And especially. No, no, no, no, we're saying everything. Oh. This is the one I was thinking of. Oh, this is an old one in this.

I actually, I didn't know them that well. I actually barely know. Comic breakup? Yeah. Dude, comic breakups are some of the most awkward fucking things to be around ever. You know what's actually worse, though? A really gay comic relationship. What do you mean?

Like, I love you so much and I love you so much. And then all their bits are about how much they love that. Isn't it saying how gone you have to be that that's what a really gay relationship is. Yeah. Well, I just like two straight people who love each other very much. I actually had this conversation with a girl this morning. I was like, it's like 2008 gay, not in 2006 gay. And she was like, what do you mean?

I'm like, you know exactly what I'm talking about. No, I get like that too, though. I like, would you be like... There's two comics who I do like as people, but I think we all know them. And all their bits after they started dating, we're like, I love my person so much and we do this and it's so cute. And dating them is like this. it's like, oh, God, all your balls are gone.

Is there anyone who does that type of comedy where it's good? No. I feel like there's got to be one, though, because there's always one. Well, it depends on who you're asking, because I'm sure the women in the audience love seeing some kind of work there. I mean, that's not what I was asking. I was asking about it for a real man who knows what good is comedy is. Yeah, I feel like there's, listen, there's got to be a positive.

I love my wife. There was this one guy who was, I wanted to fucking kill this guy, really, but you ever just see a bit that like pisses you off to your core? Like, I mean, you just described it. I knew a guy who was doing like an ironic, um,

like, oh, a lot of old hack comics are like, my wife such a bitch. I'm the opposite. I love my wife. And he does a whole bunch of jokes about how I love my wife so much. Dude,

that inviureates me. Yeah. I saw almost exact same thing. I was at a show and this guy. You can just tell it was kind of like a little more, you know, granola hipsterie

and the guy's just like my wife's much more than me I'm a dumb dumb please love me and I'm like God I hate that I was like that's not vulnerable you're not being vulnerable

you're lying breadwinner streaming on Netflix yeah dude that's why I can you be the breadwinner guy and also go to the UFC fights at the White House like what I didn't see the

the breadwinner special but it's not a the movie. Oh, what's it? He made a movie. Um, uh, Nate Purgatsy made a movie about how he's going to be the stay at home dad, but it's a lot harder than it looks. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. He's somebody, I'm going to be honest. I know people like him. I've never liked. I think he's a, I think he's a great guy. I think he's never found him funny. I believe that. Yeah. Based on almost of your opinions. You know what it is? He's just his delivery style and his material.

is so boring to me. Honestly, that's probably the best. I will say that probably is the best example of a guy who loves his wife and that comes out in this comedy who I do find funny. I just, I need some character. I need some, you know what I mean? Some charisma. I get where you're

coming from. I think my problem is like edge. You don't want to kind of have an edge, right? No, like, uh, dangerous. They don't even have to be, like, edgy. Like, I really like Jim Gaffigan. Oh. And he's not edgy at all, but he has, like, character. and like delivery

you know what I mean like his wife yeah yeah but sometimes he can be an asshole which is good like yes he can sometimes but like not even like he's just like

fuck you but he's like up there you know he could say some really mean thing yeah honestly if hot pockets had feelings they would not dude

dude tosh is weirdly influenced by him I was in the three hours of Tosh one time and I was like oh there's a lot of like similar mannerisms yeah

I mean not material wise but like the way he's being silly and stuff bargatsy I feel like it's very like da nah nah nah nah nah I get that too. And it's just boring to listen to.

I'm too. I have like a fucking first grader's brain and I don't know if it's from nitrous oxide or something. But I have this sort of lack of I can't like, I don't know. Like I just want to watch fucking Spider-Man. Like it's like, I don't know. I want to see something or something just kind of like or like a punk rock document or something. People like talking about their wife and kids. Maybe because I don't have a wife.

kids. I just, I go, you guys are going to get divorced. It's going to happen. And then, or Tettamine and Hookers is way more fun. You're going to cheat. You're going to snap at some point. And I don't, I don't know why. That's why like, like a divorce thing. Like, okay, obviously Kanye, crazy. But, you know, seeing him go through that divorce, despite the Nazi stuff, I was kind of like, this is kind of cool to see a man unravel a little bit. I don't know. I don't know. There's a little more relatability to that. Then I know people who go through divorces and I'm like, this is, feels like a real person. Because I don't know.

Well, because we've all been there. We've all been heartbroken and unraveled, but most of us just kind of keep it quiet or keep it private. And so it's nice to kind of see somebody do it. And then you're like, oh, all right, I'm not crazy for feeling that way. Oh, other people feel that way.

Yeah. And I just, I wish I wasn't so biased with it all because I like, I don't know. Every time somebody's getting married, I can't like get out of this headspace of being like, we'll see how that works. it's fucked up. It's like I should not be this jaded.

That is, yeah, it's a little fucked up and jaded. But I also think like, like Tom Seguer and his wife, Christina, uh, they last name of possible pronounce,

but they like your, I think an 18 year marriage is a successful marriage. Like in my mind, I'm like, if you do it have kids together. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, I agree. Because it's like, it's just, but, but that, a successful marriage, it's like an oxymouric because it never,

it's just like never or people stay together and they like, they hate each other. And you're like, I don't, I don't know. It's just a weird. Like, I'm not like anti-doing it. It's like you do it and get divorced. But this kind of thing, like, we're going to be together forever.

It's like, it's just not going to happen. That's where I have a problem with... I've seen a couple successful ones like that, you know? I don't think I've seen it once. Well, it's because we're out on the East Coast. It's pretty normal in the Midwest, I think. Because there's fuck else to do. Is that the answer?

You just be basically Amish? You just, when you're living in a city like this where you have so many options of shit to do and people to do, I think that just kind of corrods America. marriage, whereas when you're living somewhere where it's boring as fuck, and the only thing you have to do is sit around and really get to know each other and hang out and spend time with each other, I think that is like, you know what I mean? That's a good answer.

So you build a more solid relationship. Whereas here, like, everybody's like, yeah, I work 60 hours a week and then I have to travel for meetings and like I see my wife like at night before I go to sleep and a couple times. We go on a date like once a month. And yeah, of course that shit's not going to work. It's a great point. So you kind of just got to go back to olden days to, you know, you know, you know, Yeah, we are living in sin.

All these blasphemers out here. Yeah. Yeah. I might as well address the Ouija board. So my roommate is sub-leasing right now, his place, and we're trying to progressively convince him that the guy who's staying here is a crazy person. So... Wait, does he not know?

I'm hearing something. It's Santiago's career. No. I love you, Sondi. It's a good guy. No, I love you got to do. It's just, it's fun to joke. It's always fun to joke about people who either missed the podcast or they, like, it's just, if they're not here, it's so funny because they're not here. You can just shit on them. Yeah, I love shitting on my friends and giving them a hard time, but when they're not here, it does feel a little like shit talky unless I'm giving you shit. Does that make sense? Yeah. So that's why I always have to clarify at the end, like, nope, I like, I like. I like. his person.

Yeah. As everyone go, stream Santiago. What's his special called? We'll be put out because he didn't make the episode.

I don't know what it's what's Santiago special called? Why asking me? Stream it. You can find him on Instagram, man. I'm sure it's on his page. Santiago is dead.

The Great replacement theory by Santiago. That great replacement. This is what happens if you're not here. We can just make up stuff about you. Stream white,

You're a wasted. So we're trying to progressively. So, you know, we started text for like, this guy's a little weird. He listens to a lot of Norwegian black metal, which is like some kind of satanic music. We're just trying to slowly drop the breadcrumbs. So my older mate Josh shaved his head, so we're like, yeah, he shaved his head, which is a little crazy. He's like asking to wear your clothes.

So we're trying to make it look like he's doing a satanic ritual to become Josh. And we just got to do it at a slow rate. So I said basically we're playing around the Ouija board and he got really mad that we weren't taking it seriously enough. Eventually we have red tape. We're going to build a pentagram and have like a doll of Josh and like a string going to hit. There's no way that gives it away, right?

Like you think he's going to buy that? Well, that's why we got to do all this, you know, I didn't want to buy a Ouija board. How long is this? Also, he could just listen to this podcast and figure it out. Is it sliding? Where do you place it, by the way? Does it start here?

I don't know, buddy. I think it starts here. All right. You want to try it real quick? Oh, you start in the middle Because it's got to go to yes or now Okay, I think you put your finger on it Dan Wix, you gotta join in

You just do it gently Okay You have to be it really gently Okay Are there any spirits in this apartment I'm gonna take that as a no All right, let's give it a second Are there any spirits in this apartment

Yes or no Are there any spirits in this apartment Yes or no This is literally the most still My finger has ever been Yeah Put it on as light as possible. Okay.

Are there any spirits in this apartment? Yes or now? Yes, this is bullshit. All right. You know what? I'm not going to lie. A part of me was like, huh?

Yeah, I was waiting for it. New Frank. So what's your roommate? What's his name? Josh. Josh. Everything you believe in is gay and stupid. Yeah.

It is. No. My girl's like, she's like, it's so weird because my girl sounds douchey, but we're in a like brief monogamous relationship. So I can't really call her my girlfriend. This girl's visiting from Ireland. So we're like monogamous for like a month and a half. Can't call her your girlfriend, but you can just say that you can't call her your girlfriend. Yeah.

Temporary girlfriend. I like that one because it just clears everything up, but it sounds so. I used to say fake girlfriend with this girl that was in a situation ship and I was, and she would get really annoyed by that. But she didn't want to be my girlfriend because I'd call her my fake girlfriend. We're going on our fake relationship. We're on some fake sex now. But she was like, oh, don't, don't, don't, we're going to find out this erection is fake. Give her a fake plan B.

It's all fake. But she's just like, she's like way too like, scared of that stuff. She's like, okay, it's a funny prank, but like, don't, don't actually use the Ouija board. And I'm like, fucking, it's not, it's made by Hasbro. Yeah. I think it started in China and then, like, A.D. And then, yeah, I don't know. It's like, I've done it in a legitimate haunted house where people were murdered and nothing happened.

Really? Yeah. You know what? I used to do them all the time in college because I had some friends that were, like, into that shit. And now part of me is wondering, all right, which one of these cock suckers was moving it and faking the whole time? Because they're in college. I was like, oh, shit.

I'm not moving it. Are you guys moving in? They're like, no, we're not moving it. I go, oh. I took Adderall in my hands are still. It's not, it's clearly not. It's the most still my finger has ever been. Yeah, damn.

People like to act like ghosts are like scared. I'm like, if they're scared, then we shouldn't be scared of it. Because it's like, you know what I mean? They're like, oh, if you're boisterous, like, you ever seen the ghost hunter show? It's like a Guido. There's ghost adventures, which is like a different one. This Guido's just like, fuck you come at me. Like, he's just yelling at the other.

He's like trying to egg on the ghosts. Yeah. Ghosts were going to be a problem. We would have found out by now. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Now, my biggest fear is that a ghost would kill me and make it look like a suicide.

That's how they would do it. They wouldn't be like, oh, there's blood of the walls. They'd be like, yeah, Michael wrote this letter here, you know, all this stuff. Right. Like, that would kind of be the... They'd make you step in front of the train. Yeah, that's where I think ghosts could do some damage. But like, I don't know.

The ghosts might take too much of your plasma. Yeah. It is funny that people think I'm dead right now. I've told you about this, right? Yeah, yeah. No, no, you haven't told me about this. So whatever week, the Madison Square Garden episode was recorded. It's like two weeks ago.

The show was on Friday. On Monday, they recorded an episode, and this kind of crackhead guy comes on. And he's like, my friend just did kill Tony. And he had a great set. And I just want to honor him. And he died right afterwards celebrating. He had a cocaine with fentanyl in it. You know, my friend Michael, I was going to start mumbling.

I guess the guy's name's Michael Head, who, you know, rest in peace. if it goes to Michael Head, no, I'm not going to Ouija pod. But he like he said that. And then Tony, a fucking fly went by. Actually, let me do it from my

point of view with all those details. So I'm jerking off and ignoring any comments on any of my things. And I start getting these RIP bro, RIP bro. And like, what happened? And then I see somebody shared like Tony Hinchcliffe in the episode saying like rest in peace,

Michael Good. I'm like, oh, did Tony just go on there and just like say fuck that guy, whatever? Like, he's gone for it. Or I thought he maybe roasted me or something. And then what happens? Is that the guy said Michael Head? A fly comes by and he smacks and he goes, oh, I just hit the ghost of Michael Good. And I think because you couldn't hear the crackhead, but you could hear Tony. I think my name was maybe flown his head or something. Like, it just came out. And then for three days now, Tony's thinking about you. He's thinking about me. I say keep your own name out. I'm out.

Keep. And you should run with it. We should, we should get a bunch of people posting RIP Michael Good. See, if the guy didn't actually die. I I would so do this. The problem is there's actual dead guy. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, but he should die. If we don't do this, he died in vain. Right, this is true.

You should benefit from his death. I know, I was hoping, like... Don't you think he would want you to be famous? This is true. If he can't, you should. Right? This is true, yeah. Yeah, this is a good point.

I'm going to contact his family and be like, can you pretend he didn't die? Wait, keep talking. Yeah. I hear you. You're saying... Wait, wait, what you say someone? Yeah, yeah, let's see this.

Okay, he's saying, let's see this. Let's try this. Okay. Let's put it here. Okay. Rest in peace, Michael Head,

comedian who died after doing Kill Tony. Say yes or no of whether it's okay for me to use your death to my advantage. Oh shit. Oh shit.

That's a yes. That's a strong yes. Come on. I'm going to have nightmares this week. It's going to be so funny when one by one we all start dying from suicides. And then the fucking, like, Ouija community can be, see. See? Yeah.

Michael Good becomes famous. See? See? I just hear, in my sleep, but you hear, meow, meow, meo, and then, and just red band soundboard. Oh, dude, what if you have fucking sleep paralysis tonight? And the sleep paralysis is Tony Hinchcliffe standing over. You're like, oh, you bombed.

You're terrible. You think it's okay to use other people's deaths for your advantage? I like it. I think it's spooky. I like spooky stuff. Extra spooky. I always tell people this is a lie I make about Tony Hinchcliffe. I say, you know, on Halloween he actually dresses up and scares people.

He just hangs out the mothership with like a mascot. He's like, boo, you probably don't expect that. that's believable enough. Yeah, the people are like, yeah. It's silly, but also has enough, like, hint of that could happen. Oh, yeah. That's another idea of thought of doing, to make myself famous. Fake celebrity rumors?

Yeah, I just go to, like, you know, New York Times or some article that actually give a shit. And then you'd be like, no, I have the inside scoop on Tony Anshcliffe. I did Madison Square Garden. He put us in cages before the show. It's like hazing for his stuff. Because I don't know if he would give him. and shit, but I'm like, this is a really, like, a funny enough rumor, like, he would take the crap service.

He might honestly, yeah, it's almost like an idea that I like enough where if you had someone that you could legitimately, and that's fear run this idea by and get his approval. Like, he might even not only not care, he might be like, this is rules, go for it. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah. And then I get the benefit and then I get to be like, no, and none of that happened. He definitely did not have us put apples on our heads and throw darts at it before every show. But it's so, like, I think it also, I would work the best because, like, one of the regulars, they're just like, okay, we're not going to believe this guy. He does a show every week. But I'm like a guy who's done it twice. I've only talked to him two times. People would, like, think, like, people think we, like, know each other. I'm like, he probably barely remembers. Well, he also don't need to know him that well to be put in a cage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He probably doesn't put people he knows well in the cage.

I'd like to think he buttons in the cage. Mom, get in there. be racist say racist stuff yeah I don't know what a weird yeah what a weird

it's very funny because people are like oh so you know lots of good things probably happens to do masquer I'm like actually I'm in a worse place

because I asked for all the spots last month so I'm actually getting less spots so and everyone thinks you're dead yeah people think I'm dead somebody was going to reach out to ring you on the road

and then they saw oh he's dead damn, I was going to help them out. Yeah, Jim Norton's like, I guess that guy died. Well, there goes the Netflix contract for writing up.

Yep. Everything's out the window. Oh, man. RIP, Michael Good slash head. Yep. That should be the title of the episode. RIP Michael Goodhead. Yeah.

That's the title. You wouldn't seem to school as me, too. Florida State graduate. Oh, really? Yeah. Maybe that's your alter ego that we're just now finding out about. Yeah.

There was a moment where I was like, did I die? And I'm like, and I'm like, just hearing about it in like a weird six sense way where I like,

don't know I'm dead. You go to high five someone and they walk through your hand. Yeah. Oh shit. What it's so believable too that I would have done Massagrard

and celebrated by doing cocaine. And then overdose. But like, people would be like, oh yeah, he for sure did that. Like that just all. Yeah.

That all checks out. Yeah. And then for me it makes me kind of like, I'm like, is this God give me like a close call? Like, hey brother, don't celebrate too hard.

You could die. You could do cocaine and die too. Yeah, but I don't do I just do ketamine, which for some reason I just trust is not going to have fentanyl in it.

Even though it's a horse tranquilizer? Yeah, it would make more sense to cut ketamine with fentanyl because it's like a downer. Sure. So I don't know.

But I don't even know how that I thought that thing was done. I thought the fentanyl cutting was like a very 20-21 thing. I mean, I'm not going to test it and find out. You should. Yeah, I should be the one

that does the Coke until I overdose. No, no. But you get a little fentanyl strip of test. Oh, I thought you meant like I should go be the guinea pig. No. I got to go to some cocaine and then when you finally die, well no. No, not do that.

That's probably what pledges and fraternities do now. They probably fed in all tests by doing a snort. They make the pledges snort first. Yeah, yeah. What was that thing? There was like a big fraternity that just got trouble. We're having like so much cocaine. Oh, I saw that. They called him like Pablo Pledge Scar. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think it was that

Penn State. Yeah, but they didn't give it an amount. It's not a I know it's $50,000 worth. That's like not even that much. Of Coke? No. I mean, like, it's more than I've ever seen in person. The most Coke I've seen is imagine like a brownie tray.

Okay. You're filled with Coke. Which I assume is like, maybe half a pound or something like that. It's a lot of Coke. Right, but not for like, they're like these big, like, you know what I mean? It's like $50,000. So like a gram's like, well, a hundred bucks. So I'm trying to figure how much that is.

Math. My phone's over there. so I can't do the math for you. Are you going to math? I'm pretty good. If a gram of Coke's $100 and you made $50,000, like let's take out the bulk buying all that. How much cocaine would that be?

If it's $100 a gram. $100 a gram and you made $50,000. Yeah. You just divide by $100,000. So that would be $5,000. $5,000? How many grams? $50,000.

So divide by $100, that's $500. So it's $500,000. Yes. How many? grams or a pound? That, I think it's, I can't remember the conversion on that. So there's 16 ounces.

There's 26 grams. In a pound. But yeah, when you go grams to pound, you're going, that's metric to Americans. That's a little more complicated. You have your phone on you? I don't know. Oh, no, your phone's recording.

My phone's charging. Yeah, look up how many grams in a pound. Because I'm thinking this seems like only a couple pounds of Coke. Only a couple pounds of coke. Look, look, it's an intense amount. But like, you know, what is a pound of Coke? look like visually.

I've seen a pound of weed. What does that look like visually? Oh, I'll say this. During COVID, I had a family friend who, this is a crazy experience of my life. I was super hungover. And then the guy went through some rough times. I go to his house and he opens his freezer and pulls out a pound of weed and goes, you know how to move this stuff?

And I'm just hung over. And I'm like, no, but I probably know somebody that does. And I'm like, this is so weird to, I don't know, see somebody. ask me this. Is, by the way, 453 and a half grams in a pound. Okay, it's a little bit more than a pound. That's like nothing.

Give me like a, with your hands, visually. What do you think a pound of Coke looks like? Probably like this. That by what? Like a square? Yeah, just like a brick. Yeah, that doesn't seem like that much. No, that's why I don't even know what this is a store.

Like, okay, like there was like a fraternity at our school that got trouble for traffic and coke, was probably more than, like, I just don't think, like, I don't know, like, there was a skier, this was the crazy, and there was an Olympic snowboarder who got, who was on the FBI's most wanted list. Because he was skiing. Yeah, exactly. I'm sure those fucking, uh, subpoenas were so complicated. Yeah. It's just all. Snowboarder was skiing. But that guy was like, it was crazy. It was like, fucking absurd, like a multi-million dollar thing. And you're like, that's interesting to me. I don't know. Also, how cool of your drug dealer to also be an

Olympian? Yeah. You know what I mean? like, hey man, can I hit you for a bag? Like, sorry, dude, I'm in Tokyo snowboarding. I made it to the semifinals. Like, that's pretty, you're going to buy drugs from anybody. That's the guy you buy drugs from it. I hope that's how they caught him. It was like a, like a James Bond escape.

Like he's like riding on a snowboard with like a gun shooting back of the DEA. Yeah. Does a fucking backflip in the air. Yeah. Once in my life, I occasionally am like, what if I just became a drug kingpin? And then I go, that's a terrible idea. I feel like qualifying for the Olympic. should give you a

pardon on any drug-related crimes. Maybe, I don't know. I just think that like, yeah, I couldn't. I remember one time my dad I was like really running out of money. He's like, don't sell drugs. I'm like, I'm not going to sell drugs. I was like, and he said something really funny. He's like, you know, yeah.

And I talked to him. I was like, oh, I know a friend though who's like a lawyer who's like, I mean, you probably would get away with selling coke because it's like you have no priors. It was like they probably in New York, they probably wouldn't really give a shit. It was like small amounts. And he's like,

yeah, but you make the real money from like taking him back from Mexico. I'm like, dad, why? What? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I was like, I was like, I was like, I'm scared to fucking. I was like, I'm at,

I'm like, I'll like, give him for free because I'm like, I don't want to sell a drug. And then like, you think some gonna go to fucking Mexico and just be like moving. Moving pounds of cocaine.

Yeah, I don't even know how you like, I don't know how you get started with the guy. then you got to move up to the next guy. I've seen enough movies that I would be terrified to sell drugs. I don't know. Yeah. I had a guy approached me in high school.

Like, hey, man, I got it on bulk. If you want to start selling, I'll supply for you and da-da-da-da. I'm like, nope, I'm good. I have to go to the NHS meeting after school. Yeah. Yeah. Were you ever do any drugs? You ever?

Not really. No, I've done hallucinogens a few times. And then like, and then just like weed and alcohol. but nothing in serious, not like Coke or I did like Coke one time, but barely. Yeah. How was that? I was pretty, I was completely still. You did Coke and just hung out.

I'm kidding. I did like a very little bit at Skankfest and like some rich guys sweet, but that was I figured like if there's a time to try, it's now. Yeah. Like some Bushwick bullshit where I'm going to like, oh, Dian Fentio. Right. Yeah. After you've watched a bunch of other people snorted already. Like, alright.

Yeah, Zach and Miko be the test subject. I don't know if I'd want him to be the test subject I feel like he could just die from doing it true yeah I actually know that would make him a great test of it actually I was thinking just like the pure weight would make it maybe make it like take less time to affect him but also his heart would go out easier so oh yeah yeah yeah fat guys old guys just can't be doing coke and they just like think it's fine and you're like if you're like I don't know dude if you're like above 40 it's like you really just should not do coke somebody was telling me they had a comedy show and it was all fat comics and I'm like that

I would go see like I just I'm assuming it's a fact that it was a fact A bad girl comedy show. And that's extra. That's really crazy. And I mean, it was run by two fat girls. That's crazy because they got to ask people to do the show. Yeah. And the title is fat girl comedy show.

When I was fat, I had like no idea I was fat. Yeah. It's one of those things. And then someone like calls you fat for the first time making fun of you. And you're like, I'm not fat. And then you look in the mirror for a bit or you see like a picture. You're looking at your pictures. And you're like, fuck, dude.

Yeah. I'm not a fat guy. I always. thought I was like, you know, whenever I was fat, I mean, I have like an absurd self-image that's very distorted. I'm more, I think I feel more shame for things I've done versus like who I am, like,

visually. I remember you telling me that you, like, before you lost all the weight, you would like send pictures of yourself shirtless to girls like, yeah, I look good. Yeah, and I would look, not like out of the blue but we were sexting. And then I was like, this is like a, you know, this is a little foreplay. And I look at it, it's just

a fat guy in the mirror. And I'm like, who the fuck? And then I angle it. Like, I'm like, there's like, you know, the lights are angled and I'm like, this is turning on nobody. Yeah. And even now it doesn't. It's just a guy with out of his shirt. I mean, I don't know. It's like, I think it only works if you're like super ripped. But like when I was fat, I thought I looked like strong fat. Like I thought I looked like dad bod, like kind of like, you know, you know when like something crazy like Henry Cavill's like gaining a little bit of weight. That's not to that extreme, but I thought I looked like that maybe.

You thought you looked like Henry Cavill. I don't have any cabble, but like, you know, like, I thought I looked like maybe like Seth Rogan and like Green Hornet where you like lost a little bit away, but you're like still a little thicker. Then I'm like, nah, I was just getting fat. But yeah, you went very far in the other direction for a second. Yeah. Dude, you looked Holocaust Survivor for a minute. Oh, people, like the best is I thought then I looked ripped and I was just starving and looked terrible.

Yeah, you looked like you were pale. You looked gaunt. I think two months after that is the best shape I'll ever be in. And it's good to know, you're like, first off, I'll never play Manus Square Garden again, and I'll never be in that good of shape. So it's a little sad feeling, but you go... But you did it. Yeah, I go, that's it.

So, you know, do I really have to work hard again? You know, I mean, look, having to be able to support myself with money would be good. But, you know... Yeah, but as soon as you got a couple million dollars, you would just become a drunk all the time, as previously stated at the beginning of this podcast. Yeah, there's no... I really do have fantasies of somebody just giving me a much of... of money. And I'm like, why, why would they? You know how irresponsible that would be of another

human being to give me money? It would be kind of fun to just chuck somebody really irresponsible, a bunch of money, and just see what they did. This is the Bamargera. It's like, basically what happened with that guy. Like, that would just be me. I'd be like, you know, I'd be going back home and like, fucking just like, we build the fucking water slide in the house. My mom's like, yeah, that's fucking guy. Yeah. Dan, what would you do with the shit to know money? Somebody drops $10 million on your lap tomorrow. I would, uh, um, let's see, I would, I would buy, I would buy property. I'd buy a wife.

From what country? I don't know. I would probably, honestly, I would probably pay somebody to help me research countries. That's fair. Who's the most docile? Yeah, but also, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of things. You've got to figure out what country they might respect you despite this is the way that you met. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good answer. What about you? You can buy an American wife for 10 million. you wouldn't even have to go for it And then she definitely wouldn't respect me What would I do if I had $10 million Tomorrow

Pay off all my credit cards that I've maxed out That's the first thing That's yeah first thing is credit cards I definitely wouldn't buy a new apartment I would try to see how long I could live in this apartment How long you could live shitty Not shitty but like in this apartment I think okay I'm staying in this apartment

Giving Pay my producer Who I owe a lot of money too. I mean, if you got 10 million, I think the dancers forever, you could live here. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, unless you're going to go, like, really retarded. It'd be awesome if you just kept getting roommates, too. It would be awesome. Two months from now, like, I don't know what happened.

I got $10 million. And it's gone. I'm telling you, I could spend it in a year. You would just, you just immediately rent out the garden and just... You'd rent out the garden for your birthday party and we do karaoke?

There's like, yeah. 15 people or. there. I'm like, I knew I would perform here again. Not the way I wanted. Mr. Brightsides on the jumbo. This guy's really a fucking retard.

That's what we did with $10 million. Just go back exactly to this the next day. Oh, that'd be so fun. It'd be so fun. Blowing $10 million in a night has got to be the most fun thing you could possibly do ever. Oh my God, yeah. Yeah, because also, especially if you don't have a concept of,

it. Like, yeah. Because you're like, I'm just, that's why I'm so fucked up financially because I've had negative $10. So I go, I look at everything in terms of negative 10. I go, I have $200. That's like so far from negative 10. Instead of saying I have $200. Like instead of only $200. You're like, bro, I've got more than negative 10 by a lot. Yeah. I'm like, I'm doing gold compared to where I was five days ago. Yeah. But we do, I do feel bad because I got to get dinner. We got to wrap this up. Thank you guys so much for coming on. I had a fucking blast. Where can they find you guys? Dandy good person. me on Instagram at Dan Wicks, Dan underscore Wix,

also TikTok, also check out RoastBowl.N.YC. Come check out of the show. We were at Grove every Wednesday, we're at the seller once a month. I'm doing, you know, trying to do a lot. And yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah, fucking hilarious guy, by the way. This is long overdue. Very funny. Check him out. Also, I'm going to

have Crespo on. I just didn't read the book. And I was like, I don't want to have them on without reading his book. Also hilarious. Zach, where can they find you? Just Instagram at Zachary Unlimited. Thank you. Sweet. Thank you. Thank you.