Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - CAT SIMS: What Our Kids Are Being Taught Is Wrong!

Episode Date: October 19, 2025

This week on Mum’s The Word, Georgia Jones is joined by author, podcaster, and founder of Not So Smug Now, Cat Sims.Known for documenting the beautifully chaotic reality of being a 40-year-old woman, wife, and mum, Cat has built a platform that makes women feel truly seen, reminding us that however messy life feels, you’re never the only one.In this refreshingly honest chat, Georgia and Cat dive into:🧠 Why we need to talk more openly about the mental load mums carry🤝 The power of couples sharing the load at home💬 How therapy saved Cat’s marriage🩸 And why what our kids are being taught about periods is totally missing the markWith her trademark honesty and humour, Cat shares insights from her brand-new book The Mental Load Diaries, offering a voice of solidarity to mums everywhere.Real talk, real laughs, and a whole lot of “me too” moments.This is one you won’t want to miss.A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to Mums the Word. I'm your host, Georgia Jones, and today I am joined by the amazing Cat Sims. Kat is an author and podcaster, documenting the beautifully chaotic reality of being a 40-year-old woman, wife and mother, saying the things that the rest of us are too afraid to admit. She's also the founder of Not So Smug Now, an online platform dedicated to making women feel seen and to prove in that no matter how she see they feel about things, they are never the only one. Her podcast, You're Never the Only One, is now in its second season, and she's just released her new book, The Mental Load Diaries. So, grab a cupper, get comfy, and let's jump in to a brand new episode of Mums the Word.

Kat! Hi! Welcome to Moms the Word! Thanks for having me. Me and Kat friends, guys. We're friends. wouldn't know it though judging by our WhatsApp

I've just been told off she's been told off it's been cricket been cricket and she was like what have you been messaging me on as if like I've been sending carrier pigeon that you'd missed I just checked you know I'd actually receive them and yes yes I have

so this is a public apology that's what we like to hear yeah I'm giving you a public apology live on mum's the word cat Sims I'm ever so sorry I didn't All right, you had a lot going on. I did, and I will be better. Okay, good.

Okay. Right, you heard it here first. Yeah, you heard it first. That's a contract, okay? Yeah. So, Cat, welcome. Anyone that doesn't know you, just tell us a little bit about you. Who are you?

Where'd you come from? What's your name? Where do you come from? Oh, Silla. I am, Kat. I'm not so smug now on Instagram and TikTok, and I've been flogging this horse for a long time. I'm not one of these that rode in on the TikTok lockdown train. You know, you're an OG.

I'm an OG. I was here, 2014. So I've been doing this for 11 years. I'd like to say only making money on it for five years. So, you know, you've got to put in the work. Graffed. I'm a grafter. I'm a grafter.

I'm a northerner. But yeah, I'm very, very passionate about, first of all, bringing joy, making women especially laugh and just being as honest and relatable as I can be, just to make women feel a bit more seen and heard. because I just think sometimes we get kind of a shit deal. Yeah. I think one of the things that I fell in love with about Cap, before I actually even knew her,

was how honest you were. I love honesty. Yeah. And you just said it how it was, even if, and I remember I used to watch some things you'd say and I'd be like, ooh. God, that's brave. And then I'd be like, also, round of a plot.

Well done, because we're all thinking it. Yeah, totally. We just don't say it out loud. Yeah, and I think that's, for some reason, I was never given that, like, boundary, that internal sort of electric fence that most people have where they stop, you know, before they get themselves into trouble. And I've sort of decided to try and make that into, make it work for me. Yeah.

So, like, things like admitting I'm an alcoholic, admitting an addict, admitting, you know, that I love my kids, but I don't love the job of motherhood. And there definitely times when, you know, I want to put them out by the bins. you do have to know how to take me there are people who make it their job to do the opposite to be deeply offended to be deeply offended

but actually I just think that if I can make one person go I can't believe she said that out loud I relate so hard to that that's it my job's done I think we had a big conversation about it when I first met you of like I think I would just spent the whole time going

exactly yes yeah that's how I feel yeah I know what you mean I get it Yeah. Well, we bonded as well because we're both married to musicians. Yes. And that is a really tricky, niche relationship to be in. And there's not many people that you can talk to about how hard it is living with somebody who's either home all the time or away all the time. And then doing that with kids.

Yeah. And then, you know, you're far more in the public eye than I am. But like even that sort of stuff, it's so nice to be able to talk to somebody about stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. And I think we did bond over that. Yeah. It's funny they're home all the time or away all the time. It's really funny because when they're home all the time, you're a bit like, you're in my way.

And when they're away all the time, you're like, I need some help. Yeah, yeah, because there's no balance. There's no balance. No, it's extremes. They're either always there or they're not there at all. Yeah. And actually, when we talked about how actually it's not, you can sort of get used to that, it's the transitions, it's them just before they leave and just after they come back.

Yeah. And I remember, I think it was you too. they talked about how after they'd been on tour as a band, they would hire a house for two weeks and they would all live in that house together for two weeks. No staff, no managers, no talk, nothing. And they'd decompress and they'd have to cook their own meals and fill the dishwasher and do their own laundry

so that when they went back into the house, they weren't, you know, they didn't suffer from twat flu, which is essentially what, because, you know, they came back from tour and hand and foot. Yeah, and they have forgotten how to function like human beings. Because Jimmy, both our husbands, when they're away, because what happens is they stay in hotels, their washing is done. Their bedding is changed, like, you know, every day.

Cars just turn up at doors. Cars turn up at doors. They have catering every single day. They get fresh, their beds made, turn down service. And all those things, because that's their job, you know. But then that's it. It's like, we can't be those women that are the maids of the house. You know, the housekeepers.

I'm not staff. We're not staff. No. We're not staff. Yeah. So it does take and it definitely took us a while in our marriage to figure that out because it's always been that way. Yeah. I think now we've sort of got it down but you know, then lockdown happened he was around all the time and then I got used to him being around all the time and then he started fucking off again and I was like, this is a lot. So it's a constant, you know, it's a treadmill trying to keep on top of a marriage when you're married to musicians. Yeah. And it's that it's the logistics for me. Yeah. So I actually messaged one of my best friends this morning because she also was she just sent me a meme of a little cat being like hello so cat it's not just you

okay it's not just you great good tonight it's my best best great girls as well I just messengers back and I was really honest I said look I'm so sorry but I'm just trying to navigate the fact that I'm going to be on my own for the next two and a half months yeah and I'm just trying to work it all out and I'm a bit overwhelmed so I'm really sorry I've not got back to you so what is he about to go on tour yeah you see like Like, that is really hard. And it is that leaning into it. It is because I'm terrified in the run up to that.

I know that when he's gone, I'll be all right. You'll be fine. And you get into a lovely routine as well, don't you? But you don't want to do it. No. And I'm like, Mom, Dad. And we're from the north. Our families are up north or, you know, not able to look after the kids.

And that's tricky. Like, everyone talks about their village and I have a village. Just my village are really far away. Yeah. Yeah, no, yeah, exactly. It's not really a village. It's more of like a, you know, country. Yeah, I've got a country.

Yeah, I've got a country. Yeah, it's not easy. Where I have to get a very long, long, long, long. I love it. I love it when we're home for whatever reason. And I'm like, right, I'm working these days. And Jimmy's, you've got the kids. He's like, fine.

And then something might come in for him. And he's like, well, can you not do? I was like, hang on, it's not how it works. No. You're on your own with the kids. I'm already out at work. I've, you have to figure this out. Yeah.

He's like, but I'm like, no, what do you think I do when you're away and I get work in? Do you think I just panic and sit down and cancel everything? You know, I find, like I call in the other moms. I go, can you pick them up? Can you have a sleepover? Can we do this? Can we do that? Put them in after school club, like, figure it out.

Yeah, exactly. Stop using, stop borrowing my brain. That's it because our brains are so full already. And up to the brim, I am a majority of the time. And to the point where I've definitely questioned, am I going through. early menopause? Is it just because my brain's full? I mean, you're probably, you're too young for menopause. I don't know. How old are you 30? I'm 30. I'll be 30 to 9 end of this year. No, you're not. Don't you? 39 soon? Yeah. Yeah, in December, I'll be 39. So I'm 40 next year.

So I'm kind of teacher in there. But I have to say that, I mean, that's sort of why, wait till I segue this in, like a, you know, shovel it in, like with a sledgehammer. That's why I sort of wrote the book. The mental load diary. There she is, everybody. There she is. Kat Sims. Such a pro. I couldn't figure out how to manage my resentment and my, at times, like, hatred for my husband, rage, like, seething hot rage and still love him. But he was so resentful that he wasn't picking up any of the slack.

Yeah. Like, and it took me so lot. I mean, it took me sobriety. It took us loads of couples therapy. It took years and years and years for me to sort of figure out a way that works for me. but I had to accept that he as a man, whether we like it or not, and obviously this won't apply to everybody, but it is generally true,

was not groomed in the same way that we were to manage this stuff from the moment we splashed down earthside, right? So it's like I was a girl, I tended to look to my mum for the blueprint of how to exist, and I saw her doing all of that stuff, right? Jimmy was a man, he tended to look to his dad for a blueprint, and he wasn't doing any of that stuff. And also Jimmy's mum probably did the stuff for him.

Yeah, of course, exactly, right? So it wasn't ever in his radar, whereas by osmosis, it was given to us. And then I also saw my mum because they're a generation, and I love my mum and she's, but, you know, they're a generation where we weren't talking about our feelings. You know, we were like slamming doors and tutting and sighing and I'm fining and having massive rows when it all got too much. So I learned that as well. And it took me ages to realize that even though my feelings are feeling like unsupported and

and appreciated were valid, the way I was expressing them wasn't helpful. No, because they're not mind readers. No, telepathy is not a viable form of communication. It really isn't. And we do need to learn that because I think we just expect our hoofs and our eye rolls and our silent treatment. Yeah, yeah. And they'll understand exactly why we're feeling that way. And even more than that, we're often guilty as well of going, of like equating that to love.

Like, if he loved me, he'd know. if he'd love me he'd ask me what's wrong and it's bollocks it's like what's what I call the rom-con this idea that like we've seen all these movies and love is a guy who just knows what she's thinking turns up at just the right time with flowers and cuddles and rips your clothes off and has sex on the kitchen counters

after the kids have gone to bed you know and if you've not got that then somehow that's not a healthy or good relationship it's fucking nonsense it just is nonsense and I think that me learning how to communicate, me learning to get more realistic about what a good relationship is and then me and this is the hardest, learning to just not be a control freak. Do you think a lot of women struggle with passing the control of it? Totally. And I get it. I get it. And I think I'm a control freak. Totally. And listen,

men need to step up. There's no doubt. But I think that conversation is one that's been had really loudly. I think the conversation that's not been having that I tried to have in the book is, but we need to own our part in it as well. And it's not about criticizing. It is, there is a reason why we are so reluctant to let go of control because that's where our value as women lies in society is if we can run a great house and look great and have great kids and do all of that. Like if you just do the work thing, you're a weird.

God forbid you're a weird. Yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? You don't care about your kids. Right, you've got to do that bit. If you're not doing that bit as women, we don't have much value in the world. It's almost like the patriarchy we're like, Well, yes, okay, look, you can go out and work,

but none of your duties at home must slip. Uh-huh. Like when your kid goes, can I do gymnastics? You're like, yeah, but your grades can't slip. That's what it's like. And so now there is, it's really difficult for us to hand that over, but we have to. And also we have to be okay with the fact that it might not be done like we do it.

Yeah. Done is better than not done. I think that was something I had to understand. Yeah. It might be done. It might not be right. Those socks may not be folded the way that I want them paired together. However, it's been done.

And it's a conscious effort. Like, I have to sit with the discomfort of knowing those socks are not right. Yeah. And I have to go, this is, this is, like, first of all, what is wrong with me that I am feeling really itchy about the fact that the towels are folded wrong? Yeah. And he's, and he's made the bed in a way that is not quite perfect. It doesn't look like a hotel bed.

It doesn't look like a hotel bed. Like, the cushions that we've put on the floor, because we're going to sleep, they need picking up and putting back on the bed. You know, like, I get that it's weird because what use of those cushions. Like, I get it, but they look pretty and it's important to me. I had to let go of all of that. and it's not comfortable but what I did realise

is the sky doesn't fall and what was more important to be right or happy and actually I started to choose being happy not having the fight not picking the knit if you like what do you know what I mean? Did you feel like it was therapy

that made you realise that then because you went to couple's therapy didn't you do? Do you feel like that is what made you realise or was it more you had your own little epiphany? I think therapy definitely helped and I felt very uncomfortable with therapy. Did you?

Did you never done it? Well, I'd done, we'd done couples therapy once and I sort of cheated at it really because Jimmy's really lovely, he's much nicer human than I am and so he's like really able to take accountability for all his bullshit and I'm not great at that

and so in the first sort of round of therapy I was like, see, he's even admitting it is what I have to deal with, right? And it was really gaslighting. and not nice, very addict-e behaviour. Were you still an alcoholic at that point? Yeah, I was still in, yeah, it wasn't sober. And then when I sat him down and said,

I'm done, we're separating, I've booked a flat and all the rest of it. And he was like completely blindsided by it. He said, just try it one more time, couples therapy one more time. And I really didn't want to. But I thought as well, I want to be able to look at my kids and go, whatever happens, I tried everything. Yeah, right? And if he can say to the kids, well, your mom refused to go to therapy,

I don't want that. So we went back and I don't know what changed but I think maybe it's because we had that gift of desperation it really was divorce or not and I think I just started to get a bit more honest and you know I wasn't good at being vulnerable and that's what admitting you've made a mistake is right it's vulnerability and if you're somebody who for whatever reason has grown up like I did feeling like I was on my own the only person I could rely on was myself it's really hard to admit that you've fucked up. Yeah.

So it took me quite a long time to figure it out. But really, I think therapy helped us in that not only did she force me to be less of a twat, but she also validated my feelings. Because I remember talking about, you know, the plates that he just leaves on the counter above the dishwasher and not in them. And I was expecting her to go, for goodness sake, does it really matter? Yeah. And what she said was, well, you don't feel very kept in mind, do you?

She could, she could explain why that, why that annoyed you. And she gave me language. that wasn't combative it wasn't you've not done this or what you know it was yeah i don't feel very kept in mind yeah so we use that phrase over and over again we still use it to this day and therapy really sort of started to allow i suppose it gave me the safe space to trust jimmy in a way that i hadn't really ever trusted anybody yeah and i could say i'm sorry i mean i still listen i still have to like stretch and carb load and gird my loins if i have to apologize to my husband it's like the hardest thing in the world.

Anybody else, fine. My kids, I'm like, easy. Jimmy, I'm like, I can still probably count on one hand the amount of times I've apologised first. Apologising is hard. It's really hard. It's really hard.

And that's okay, but you still have to fucking do it. You do. Sometimes I have to put your big girl pants on and just go look. And I have to have a word with myself. I'm sorry. Yeah. And you know, actually, deep down, you do feel better when you do it.

If you know you're genuinely wrong. Yeah, of course. And you say sorry, you nine times. out of ten you're not met with a response of well you're a dick yeah you met with i appreciate that yeah yeah yeah yeah totally and it makes the world a nice to play and you're like oh it's just the act of i've just evolved like it is it's a moment of evolution that i resist it every time yeah because you know i don't whatever it is so it was a case of me really because as much as i could point to all the problems that jimmy had and did and you know and he did yeah at the end of the day i really had to get it

into my head that that wasn't actually any of my business. Like, I wasn't going to change him. No matter what I said and did, all I could do was decide how I was going to react and manage what was given to me. Yeah. And hope that he kind of did the same thing. Right, he took responsibility for his bullshit

and I took responsibility for mine. And once we figured that out, it's just started working. Yeah, was it a bit of a game changer? One you both accepted your responsibilities in parts of this relationship. Yeah, if we focus on keeping your own side of the street clean, than what's going on on his side of the street.

And it doesn't mean that I couldn't point stuff out, but it was like, I felt hurt when you did that. Yeah. Like, I don't know if that's valid or not, but that's how it felt to me. You had a better way of speaking to one another. Whereas what I would have done is you were a selfish twat. Yes.

Do you know what I mean? And then everyone is instantly going to put their wall up if somebody said that. So nobody's going to win then. No. And it doesn't mean we don't still do that. I mean, occasionally we slip. Of course. And we lose.

No one's perfect. Progress not perfection. But it really did And a lot of it was just sort of me Not fighting everybody and everything Like that fight or flight That I've lived in that sort of survival emotionally And just realising that everybody wasn't out to get me

Or find me out Pick fault in you Yeah or catch me out You know Was a game changer So that was a lot of what the mental load diary is about It's not a self-help book Because I'm an expert on nothing

So what is the mental tell us about your book What is the mental? So basically it's like a comic, a funny, dark, deeply honest, not as honest as I would have liked it to be because the publishers made me take some stuff out. Why? Deep, I'll come back to that. Deeply honest, like memoir of, I guess, me finding a place in the world

as a woman, a wife and a mother that didn't make me really fucking angry. Right, okay. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, right. That constant resentment that we had, it's like, why am I in this position? So it's a story of you. Yeah, it's more of a memoir than anything else.

So it's a story of like my childhood and what I grew up seeing and how I brought that into the relationships and what happened with Jimmy and the kids and about the addiction and all of that stuff. Was your life growing up a tricky one? Listen, I had great parents. It wasn't awful in a way that a lot of people have awful lives.

But I was an only child and I had a mum who was an alcoholic and a dad who worked away a lot and very privileged. I went to private school, did all of that, but I had brothers and sisters from my dad's first marriage down the road that didn't want anything to do with me. I was on my own a lot and then I went to boarding school at 11. Like it wasn't that it was abusive in any way, but I think I felt incredibly lonely. I think I felt very alone. Yeah, alone.

And then when I went to boarding school, I remember getting there. and just being so, everybody thought I'd be fine. And then after a week, I just got so homesick. And I cried and cried and cried through. Like, I woke up crying. I went to sleep crying. I cried through every lesson. And like, for the first three weeks, everybody was so supportive.

And then after that, they were like, you're really boring now. And I was like, I get it. And it went on and on and on. And at February half term, I came back to school after that. And for some reason, I'd stopped. I was all right. And I remember saying to the therapist at the time, after that I was okay. I don't think you were okay.

I think you were like those Romanian orphans that stopped crying. because nobody came. Oh, cat. And I was like, ooh, that was it. Like, you, that's when you're, I spent six months begging, like, I'm not happy, help, I want to come home, I'm miserable. I was, like, distraught. And it was almost at that point, it just went straight up.

And so overcoming that, you know, asking for help was never something I was great at, obviously, after that, because when I asked my, well, you didn't get it? It didn't come, right? You know, and so it was. really, while it wasn't, you know, it wasn't awful in a lot of ways, there's definitely things that informed my, I suppose, my inability to be emotionally open. And that's a really lonely and isolating place to be. And I think we do talk a lot about those really tragic stories of childhood and trauma and all the rest. And they're really important to hear. But I also think

it's important for people to know that even though their life looked great, you can still. You can still pick up trauma that informs your behaviour in a really negative way as an adult. Like, you know, sometimes you feel like unless you've got a really sad story to tell, then there's no room for you to speak about it. And I just wanted to, I suppose the book is about making space for that as well and going, you know, I was very lucky in a lot of ways, but also you see it a lot. Like, I've seen it with friends and things click when you, when you realize, and it might be the smallest thing that's happened in their past. Like, for instance, me with maths, I can't, I have a block with maths because a teacher when I was a little girl

stood me up in front of the class and called me a stupid girl. So now, I know if I really put my mind to it, I probably could do it, but it's like a shutter comes down and I just go, no, I can't do it. And I want to cry. So you know, and you want to. So trauma response. Oh, yeah. And I get that. I get that, not with maths, although I totally understand maths. But it is like if I'm being told off, If I feel like I'm being told off or I've been caught out making a mistake, I will, it is a trauma, I burst into tears, I'm inconsolable. Yeah. Because it is like, unless I am perfect, nobody will love me.

Like, that was love. It was achievement, right? So when I did really well in swim meets or at school, got scholarships or whatever, then I got all the praise and love and attention. But it wasn't the kind of family, because it was the 80s and the 90s. It wasn't the kind of family where they just hugged you and told you, you were special. You know, it wasn't that. And it didn't, they were lovely.

And I love my parents. They did the best they could with. the tools they had, right? But it definitely informed my sense of value, which was you're valuable to people and you're lovable if you are achieving. Right. Yeah. And if you're successful. Yeah. Which is then, of course, why becoming a mum for the first time completely kneecap to me because like you can't control that. I can't be successful at that in the way you can be successful at other things. Like I can't just plan, prepare and work really hard, read all the books and then I'm going to waste it. And then you try and be successful at it because you're putting that pressure on

yourself because it's that control and then when it doesn't work that way you then feel like just a massive failure don't you because you're like well i'm not doing a good job yeah and that was on so many levels so it was on like a personal level i'm only really acceptable if i'm achieving and then it's on that female level which is as a to be a mum is like your inherent natural state right and if you can't do that then you're not just a shit human but you're like you're a shit woman yeah yeah do you know i mean so it's so it's I found, I think that's where I really struggled with motherhood. There was nothing I could do to control it.

And all I wanted to do is fix it and I couldn't. And nobody ever said, just fucking chill out. Don't try and fix it. It's nothing too fixed. You're smashing it. Like the end. Does you're doing your best? Just get through to the end of the day.

No cares. Nobody gives a shit. You're actually not that important. Exactly. It really doesn't matter to anyone else. And what I've learned now, and if you're a new mum listening, you've got a baby and you're like crying and breastfeeding, you've got crack nipples and mastitis

and you hate your life and you want to put her out by the bins like I get out of bin there but also just know this like you really have to go out of your way to harm a baby do you have to decide to do it

like if you are doing your best your baby's fine it doesn't matter how they're sleeping or where they're sleeping or what you're feeding them if you are doing the best that you can you're a good mum and your baby's fine like you really have to make a decision

to go I'm going to harm this baby I'm going to really fuck her up I'm going to drop her down the stuff Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I mean, you know, those dark thoughts can be there. Yes, yeah. We've all had intrusive thoughts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you don't do it, you're all right. You're all right. You're doing fine. And it is that simple. Yeah. And I, and I wish somebody had sort of said, just lower your expectations. This kid is not going to be at music class banging in drums in a rhythm. Yeah. And it doesn't matter if you don't make it to all those after birth classes like MCT, what a load of bollocks. Somebody will make a fortune if they do a proper antinatal class. Yeah. That is like. legit. Yeah, should we do it? Shall we? But there'll be no marmite in nappies. Oh God, no. There'll be no knitted boobs.

No. No. There'll be a really graphic image of a vagina just asking him and birth. Labelled as well. This is what it, yeah. Because I didn't know. I'd been calling my vagina. No, I'd been calling my vulva a vagina until I was in my mid-30s. Oh my God. I remember I went through it with my sister because she's a doctor in obs and guine. And I think I said it to it on this. She's like, George, that's not correct. And I was like, hmm, what? I know, when somebody was like, the vagina's inside,

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activity with me, Yvette Fielding, wherever you get your podcast from. I'm going to confess this and all my friends are going to laugh their heads off. This is a social cut down coming in right now. Are you ready? Tell me. I thought you weed out of the same hole that your tampon went in. Well, listen, that is not a stupid thing because I did know that there were three holes. But I also, I was like, I don't under, like, I've looked. Where is it? I don't know where that third one is.

Yeah. I mean, fortunately, I've never had to know. Like, I've never had to catheterize myself, which is useful. But I genuinely think if I did have to do that, I'd be stuck. Oh, so. But the only reason I found this out is because I had a conversation. with one of my best friends. And I was like, why, though?

When you have a tampon in, doesn't it get, doesn't all the wee absorb into the tampon? Why doesn't it catch the wee-wee? Yeah. I was like, surely we should have to change them every time we got to toilet. My best friend was like, Georgia, you do know you don't wee out of that hole.

And I was like, oh, no? Yeah, brand new information. I was literally, I was in my 30s. But this is not your fault. This is because there is a misogyny in all sorts, like, in female health and female health education where they do not, for some reason, think it is necessary for girls to know the proper name of their parts.

And we had that talk at prime. You know, Cooper's probably not quite old enough yet. But when they go into year four, I think you get sat down, you get all brought in to parents to have the sex education, PSHE talk. They tell you. They tell you what they're going to teach. Yeah. So that you can decide whether you're going to keep your kids in the class or not, which I think

is wild that you get that option. Honestly, like I just think it is ridiculous. You need to know your body parts. Anyway, so they put these documents up on the slideshow, whatever, and it's like, this is the boy parts, this is what we're going to use to show them, the boy parts with all the labels, this is what we're going to use to show them,

the girl parts with all the labels. And, um, I mean, you can imagine I'm like every head teacher's worst nightmare. And these things are up and it's like, on the boys, it's got like testes, penis, foreskin, the whole, everything's fucking labelled. Yeah. And on the girls, only the bits that are relevant to reproduction are labelled. So it's only, it's got a uterus, fallopians,

ovaries. Oh no, uterus and womb is the same thing. I learnt that as well. Yeah, I didn't know that until literally three years ago. I think I just learnt that now. And I saw I put my hand up. Jimmy's like, babe, I'm going in. He's like, what is it? And I said, why is the vulva not labeled? Why is the clitoris not labelled? Like, why are these words not on here? These are not dirty words. These are not naughty words. These are the parts of a girl's body that you have chosen not to label. like why they sort of haven't done odd a bit and then the next thing they did was they said well when we teach periods we're going to separate the girls and the boys and we're going to have a girl teaching a female teacher teaching the girls about periods and we're going to have a male teacher teaching the boys about periods well my hand went right up again good oh my god do you want to come to school I love nothing more like and I said sorry what we're doing and this we're going to separate we think the boys will be more comfortable I said I'm not interested in making boys comfortable. This isn't about whether they should be comfortable or not. This is periods. Yeah. Like if we're telling them that we need to make them comfortable, then their

assumption is that they're going to be uncomfortable. Like let's just fucking get them all in a room. Just get them off. Get on with it. Let's get a woman to teach everybody about periods. Because we have a man. Yeah. Not the men with the willies. Yes. Let's not just talk about oh, you lose an egg and you shed and you bleed for five days and you don't die. Let's not just talk about the biology of it. Let's talk about get a woman in there and get a talking about how. how it can make you feel and the emotions and the way that it affects you. Because boys do not understand that they go to bed and every morning they wake up feeling the same. And we go to bed and every morning, especially now, I'm perimen.

I have no idea how I'm going to feel. No. I'm no idea. My body's going to feel. That time in the month. My brain's going to work. You've literally no idea. Like sometimes I'm like, I've got to felt fine this month. Other times it's like the world's ending.

Yeah. And there's no way of predicting it. And there's no way of knowing it. And it blindsides you. And I was like, we need to get better at this. Oh, my God. But there's just not, it's not there. It's not set up for women.

No, it's not set up for women. Health isn't set up for women. You know, and then they're complaining that birth rates are falling. I think we're down to like 1.14 kids per, which is like the lowest it's been ever. And they're like, I wonder why that's happening. I'll tell you fucking why. There's no fucking childcare. So what you're saying is, so basically having a baby means moms are at home or they're poor.

Yeah. Yeah, or they're paying to go to work. Yeah, basically, isn't that the new statistics? It's like technically we're, the way it is at the moment is we actually are making no money whatsoever from going to work. I think it's like as a day in beginning of October where from that point on women are working for free. Yeah. That's because of the pay gap, right? But then you add in just the lack of support and choice and willingness to hire women and willingness to take women back off maternity leave.

Like we are kneecap to everything, you know, every single level. And I do not blame Gen Z for going, I don't want to do that. Fuck that. I'm not having a baby. Because as much as a dad might go, I'll take on 50-50, great. Maybe you do take on 50-50. But when you walk back into the workplace, you're far more welcomed than a one minute who's come back off maternity leave.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, and let's face it, if we're talking about the mental load, he's not walking into work going, must get that kid some new school shoes. And I must make sure the beds are changed because, you know, Nana flows coming, not flow, that's period, isn't it? But like, I don't know, I'm still in the periods. But like, it's just, there's just this complete unwillingness to see the nuance around this,

which isn't just let's fund more child care. Yeah. Let's do this. It's like women are kneecap to every once you've had a baby. We're screwed. We're screwed. And it's just so frustrating. Oh, it starts in the fucking classroom when they're not teaching them about the vulva because

apparently it's not important. I'm so glad you've mentioned that because that needs to change. like we should start a petition or something because it's hideous but the fact that a foreskin is mentioned yet a clitoris isn't not that they're the same thing on different people on you know a girl and boy

but you know what I mean that our side bits aren't mentioned the only bit that's mentioned for us is the bit that make babies that's not fair no it's not fair no wonder nobody can find a fucking clitoris do I mean like nobody's

there's women who can't find their own clitoris Yeah. This is... It's a crisis. Listen, at this point, I'm about to have a hot flash, and everybody's... I'm going to combust, but it is a crisis. Can I ask a quick question?

Yeah. Is it hot flash or hot flush? So I think both were... I actually think hot flush might be UK and hot flash might be American. Right. But sometimes I use them both into chain and dribbly. Yeah, right.

Thank you. But yeah, you're welcome. This has been a lesson to that. I suppose to say, every day's a school day. Every day's the school day. So, yeah, it's been a busy. It's been busy. And talking to...

And talking to... about the mental load, because you talk a lot about the mental load. Yeah, I do. Just to give a brief idea of what this mental load is. Oh, mental labour, even. Yeah. What, like, how would you describe mental labour? It's all that shit that happens.

Basically, if you're a bloke and you're listening to this, all that stuff that just happens in the house that, like, you know, when, like, kids' birthday parties are organised and presents for them, mates are bought and presents for your mother are bought and the beds that you get into bed and you go oh the sheets have been changed and you're open your drawing you're like great there's fresh boxer shorts there and stuff and the kids teeth aren't falling out because they've been to the dentist every six months. And the snacks are replenished. Yeah the snacks are replenished and there's food in the fridge and the kids aren't walking around in shoes that are

too small for them and you know all of that stuff that's what's going on and it isn't just the case that the to do list in your head is exhausting but it's the constant remember of that to-do list that we take on and you don't and it is it's like anything it's like motherhood it's like whatever you until you have done it you have no idea how draining and mentally exhausting and damaging actually it is and I think that we need to give men a little bit of grace in that they haven't like you know they haven't been brought up to see it but men do need to take responsive it's not their fault but they do now need to take responsibility for getting on board with it and understanding it and women also need to be open to teaching because I hear a lot you know

why do I have to write a list you know I might as well it's just another thing on my to do list like I get it I do get it but at the same time I sort of look at our generation as the cycle breakers and I think it is our responsibility to help our partners understand what this really is. looks like and what it really feels like so that our kids can see them doing that yes so that our kids don't have to write the fucking list yeah right exactly and it i do it in a different way like i'll write a whole list of everything i need doing and then on a saturday morning i'll just put it on the table i'll put my initials against the things i'm going to do i'll leave on the table and i'm like right everybody initials and the kids will put their initials next to things like it's a really good idea

pick up the dog poo whatever and yeah all right it might not all get done it might not all get done brilliantly, but at the very least, they have visually seen all the shit that needs to happen. I'm going to start this. It's really good. It's really helpful. Because as well as a boy mum, I think that is what, and Kelsey actually said it to me once, she was like, don't do everything for Cooper. Because he's just learning exact same things that, you know, our generation has learned,

which is the mums do everything. Yeah. And I was like, God, you're so right. And I do it because he's my little boy and I love him and I want to just look after him. but actually the amount of times he's had a snack and he just leaves the wrapper on the table and I, without even thinking about it, just go along, clear it up, put it in the bin.

Yeah, and it's really hard line to bounce because you don't want to be a nag. No, and also sometimes you do need to be a nag. You need to go through. What I found is that you do need to go through a period of like really highlighting everything and it's tedious and you're like, I hate the sound of my own voice. But I mean, I woke up this morning and I went,

this is kids. I went to like straighten the cushions on the sofa and I lifted up a cushion there's a whole load of half-eaten raw pasta. Oh nice. Spaghetti. Just like there in a pile. So do you know what I did? I knew exactly who it was. It was Bo, my youngest. Yeah. So I took it. Neum and shame. Yeah. And I woke her up and I said, put out your hand. She put her hand. I put it in a hand. And I went, that's what you left on the sofa this much. She did it with dead skin off her feet the other day as well. So I gave her that too. I am. I think we all need to. to be a little more cat sims actually i'm going to tell i'm taking a lot from this pod honestly honestly listen i just got to a point where i was like i cannot i'd rather just work hard

for now and get the benefits later i'd rather be difficult like we've got they have to do chores every morning if they don't do them they don't leave the house if they're late they're late like i am religious about it and also as well i feel like once you've made that list especially if you did it a little whiteboard the list never really changed that much. No, it's like what Paloma Faith says. You know, she's like, she goes, lads, if you notice your partner doing the same job every day, it means it needs to be done every fucking day. It's so true. Don't wait to be asked. Just fucking do it. But it's like the bins go out on a Tuesday every week. Yeah. But why is it only my mind that remembers the

bins have to go out on Tuesday every week? Well, just don't remind him next time. Yeah, but, but Well, then you screw yourself because there's no room in the bin. Yeah, easy said than done because my bins are full. Yeah, and then I, that's when I have a tantrum. For the fuck, why do I have to fucking say every fucking week? It's like, he gets annoyed because the kids don't know to put their shoes on every morning. He's like, we do this every morning. I'm like, I could say the same fucking thing to you.

Yes, pock-hell black. But yeah, it's, you know, and it's not easy. It really isn't. But I think there has to be an acceptance that you're doing it for a greater good. Uh-huh. And also an understanding. that generally you've probably not married a wanker. Yeah.

Like, they're not doing it to fuck you up. No. It might feel like, if they are, you know, you might have married a wanker. But it might feel like it. But genuinely, I do think that it's our lack of communication on both sides that is the real problem rather than they're so fucking useless. Yeah. I think it's learned.

It's all learned. It's all learned. A lot of that communication is learned. And you're right in the fact that our generation, we are massively proving that we are cycle breakers like in a lot of different areas like there are so many times where I'm like oh my God this is on us

this is our generation and that might mean that we have to sacrifice the result like we don't get that maybe that's for the next generation and we can be pissed and angry about that or we can be like do you know what this is just part of it like women did things in the previous generation

and in fact our girls are going to have to do things because women are behind Like we are always going to have to fight for our place in the world in the way that a man doesn't. And so this is our job and, you know, it was the suffragettes, it was whatever it was before, you know?

And I think this is our job and I think that once we get to a point of going, do know what, it might not be ideal. But if I do it now, it might mean that my daughter doesn't have to do it or my son does do it. Does do it. Does do it.

Yeah. Or isn't a twat. Then I think that that's, you know, that gives us the purpose. And it also helps you and your husband go, look, we've got to do this. Because if we, fuck this up they're going to be messed up yeah it's so true though yeah and so it you know

it gives you like a little challenge then you know cat you're gonna change a world today i feel like you've you've preached did i just solve the mental load i think you did she did and she got a book about it so so go so go not that it's stocked in waterstones in holborn just so you know yeah don't try and go to waterstones in holborn for any kind of book because i did today and there was none yeah um so cat where can we buy your book though you can buy on amazon i know everybody hates Amazon but actually for authors especially for young new authors that aren't you know Amazon really helps yeah it's really important those charts really helps so Amazon if you want to signed copy you can do it on my website not so smugnail.com it's all right if you don't it's fine

it's cheap to get it from Amazon but otherwise you can get it it it is stocked in bookshops just not that one and maybe it was just sold out and maybe I let's let's go with that it was sold out yeah the one copy that they had it's probably been sold out um So you can do, yeah, anywhere really that you can get buy books. And you have a podcast. We do. Tell me your podcast. So it's called You're Never the Only One.

I co-host with a wonderful, wonderful friend of mine, Emma Nicolay, and season three launched on September the 3rd. There you go. So if you haven't listened. Get listening. Get listening. Yeah. But don't not listen to this one. You could just do both, okay?

Yeah, yeah. You've got to do this one first and then that one. Make sure you subscribe and follow. But yeah, I mean, you can find, and obviously Instagram, it's not so smug now and TikTok and all of that. But honestly, just the more I can talk about the mental load and how it nearly destroyed my marriage and my mental health, the better, really. Yeah. If you want a bit of honesty in your life, which I think we all really need, go and give Kat Sims a little follow, a little watch. She's well worth it.

Thanks, darling. It has been wonderful having you. Oh, thank you so much for having me about time as well. And I promise I'll text you back. Yeah, you better. All right, Don. Thank you. That's a wrap on another episode.

of Mums the Word. Thank you so much for joining us today as we were joined by the amazing cat sims. Don't forget to leave us a review, follow us on socials at Mums the Word underscore pod and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can now watch our episodes in full. Just search Mum's the Word. Until next time, I'm Georgia Jones and this is Mums the Word. And we'll be back with another episode, same time, same place next week. Thank you.