Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - EMMA ARMSTRONG: The Naked Doula on Rewriting the Birth Story

Episode Date: July 6, 2025

In this inspiring episode recorded in April 2025, Kelsey Parker is joined by the incredible Emma Armstrong—also known as @TheNakedDoulaOfficial—for a deep and empowering conversation on all things birth, trust, and oxytocin.Emma shares the story behind her brand-new book The Fearless Birth Journal and unpacks why building self-trust and a strong mind-body connection is everything when it comes to labour and motherhood.Together, they explore the power of oxytocin, dismantling fear-based narratives around birth, and how to lean into your intuition during the most transformative journey of your life.Whether you’re expecting, a new mum, or just curious about conscious birthing—this one’s not to be missed.A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to Mums the Word. I'm your host Kelsey Parker and today I'm joined by the amazing Emma Armstrong. Founder of the Naked Do-La, Emma is a mother of two, a certified birth do-la, hypnobirthing practitioner and passionate pregnancy and birth advocate. Emma has turned her talents and experiences as a mother and professional into creating a fearless framework and movement empowering women and couples worldwide with accessible, fun and visually engaging education that redefines the birth experience. So grab a cuppa, get comfy and let's jump into a brand new episode of Mum's The Word. So Emma, thank you for joining me. comfy and let's jump into a brand new episode of Mum's the Word.

So Emma, thank you for joining me on the podcast today. I know, thank you for having me. Right, introduce yourself. Tell everyone, I've given a little intro on you, but tell everyone about you, what you do. What's your name and where you come from? So I'm Emma, I'm from Nottingham. I'm also known as the Naked Dula. I'm a mum of two gorgeous boys. Why are you not naked now?

Well, we haven't started properly yet. Give me a bit of time. Surprise! I always say to people, whenever I say, I'm the Naked Dula, but I don't get naked because it always like flags up. It's like, oh, what do you do? I'm like the Naked Dula

and they think it's something like a bit dodgy, but it's not. Do you know what the nakedness, the whole nakedness of it comes from? My wanting to be transparent and raw and honest and real. Because back then when this all started, I just felt like there was nothing like that. No one talked about vaginas. No one swore. It was all very beige. And I was like, we need some realness. So that's where it comes from. So Naked Dula Mum of two beautiful boys. I'm an author of two books the Fearless Birth book and the Fearless Birth Journal which comes out on Thursday the 17th of April and yeah, I

help women all over the world to have positive birth experiences and That might look different for everyone. It usually is different for everyone but my main sort of goal and what I want the message I like to get out is more about the connection to yourself and the confidence and your ability to make decisions that feel good for you because we just if we don't have that confidence and connection with ourselves and our babies we kind of have a meltdown. So I try and make that as easy and efficient and as positive as possible. I love that because I do feel like,

this is me in my opinion, here we are, Kelsey's here. I feel like everyone you actually speak to has the worst birth, everyone has a birth story and they put it out on Instagram or this is if they're an influencer or not an influencer. There's always a birth story and they put it out on Instagram or this is if they're an influencer or not an influencer. There's always a birth story

and I never talk to people that go, it was amazing. But it's because people don't knowledge themselves before and knowledge is power for whatever you're doing but I think we're so we're told so much information but I feel like it's misinformed information that we're actually told yeah and obviously I've had a little read yes of the journal and everything that you're talking about and even like like people don't obviously like talking about the vagina. Yeah. And probably don't even know parts of the vagina.

Literally. And you get to that end part of having a baby and people are like, oh, have you done this? Have you done that to your vagina? And people have no idea what you're even talking about, do they? No. I think it's because we're so disconnected as women. So we spend our lives being so disconnected from our bodies.

We're told that our periods are horrible. We're just like, we have all this guilt and this shame around our bodies and our sexuality and our self and then it comes to that part and we've already seen all the shit on tv, like friends, Rachel giving birth and like the movies and Hollywood and everyone's screaming, so by the time we get to that point we're like, oh my god this is so scary, we're disconnected and then we're like, oh what's the answer? And we're seeking validation from everyone else. So we literally hand ourselves over to the whole system, which, you know, I'm not against the system.

I've had two medical births, you know, absolutely not. Yeah. How were your births? How were my births? That is, well, that is, that is, that's the podcast in itself. I'll go onto that in a second, but we literally go into it

wanting to see cancers from everyone else and we ignore our own self and our own messages and everything that we need to listen to when it comes to making decisions for our birth. I'm all about connection with your body. I'm all about listening to your body and managing those sensations as naturally as possible. But sometimes that doesn't always happen.

And sometimes you can know all the information and still be like, do you know what that's the route you want to go down? Fine, do you, do you, but at least know the information beforehand. Because an epidural does, it does mess about with the connections in your body. You know, it can lead to more intervention.

It can lead to caesarean sections. Like medical intervention does lead to more medical intervention. That is how it is. For me, for my first birth, when I was pregnant with Charlie, I actually lost my mom to cancer. I was 26 weeks pregnant when it happened. And I was just like,

I hadn't even connected with my baby at all. I felt so disconnected from him. And I was just trying to manage this grief and connect with my baby. And I was dealing with to manage this grief and connect my baby and I was dealing with a court case from a job that I'd lost at 20 weeks pregnant I was kind of like this is shit you know and it turned out that I mean I know this is completely down to how tense I was in my body but he was breech and he just wasn't gonna move and I was like I don't know what to do and there wasn't

any I looked into a breech birth, like vaginal breech birth at the time. I wasn't confident enough with the people at the hospital to be able to do that. So I was like, I'm just gonna have a C-section. I'm gonna have the most euphoric, spiritual, incredible, pleasurable C-section you could ever imagine. And I went in there

and it was the most incredible experience. It was the most- But they do say that having, so if you're not gonna have any medical intervention, then go for the C-section. Actually for baby. Yeah. For trauma.

Do you know what, like I- Do you believe in all the trauma and everything that came up? Oh, do you know what, right? Are we on the same page as each other? Yeah, do you know what? This is the thing, right? Because, and this is like my personal,

this is like when I'm talking to people, I'm sharing things with the world, I'm all about you make the decisions for yourself. I'm not here to tell you what to do. I don't wanna tell you what to do. Even with my doula clients, like I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Like you need to make these decisions for yourself.

But for me, for my birth, it's either natural or a C-section. There is no in-between for me. There is no, I don't want no induction, I don't want no messing, we're not messing about. I had preeclampsia and I was so big and so swollen and in so much pain, but I didn't tell, I just got on with it, just didn't tell anyone.

Even on the day that they wanted to induce me, I'm still going to work. Yeah, what's the problem? Why is everyone like making a fuss? I I'm okay I know I look like Princess Fiona when she isn't older however I'm okay. Yeah but so with that again I didn't overthink it and Aurelia came really quick and it what I get my kidneys had gone into failure and shock not failure shock not shock and then with Bodie again I was the same as you Tom got diagnosed at I was 35 weeks pregnant and Tom with Bodie, again, I was the same as you. Tom got diagnosed at, I was 35 weeks pregnant, and Bodie broke his own waters because he was stressed.

He's like, get me out of there. But again, he then didn't come. He broke his waters and he didn't come. So then they had to then induce me and I tried everything. And do you know what? Now I've been at the birth of my best friend Rosie I've been there for her firstborn Tommy and Delilah she had her at home but Rosie is like she was a she's a bit of a false but I had to then go behind her and push that false as her

birthing partner because she went in and she basically got white coat syndrome and she didn't progress yeah so she went in and she basically got white coat syndrome and she didn't progress. Yeah. So she went in and she thought she was further on and they checked her and she was like one centimeter. Oh, don't get me started, yeah. So she said, I'm going home. They did not want us to go home. They were like, we think you've got preeclampsia. She was like, look, I've seen some were preeclampsia.

I have not got that. But she said, my heart rate is going through the roof because it's the white coat syndrome right now I don't want to be here. She really wanted a home birth, but for reasons she couldn't have a home birth with like Her family. Yeah, she had to go in but it was almost like the energy that was thrown at us for standing up for ourselves Yeah, too. Yeah is quite crazy Absolutely. And this is the thing when you're pregnant especially, like your intuition is through the roof, and this is not just talking about energy, but it's scientifically happening in our brain.

So when we're put in a situation where we feel like, even the littlest of thing could be the way someone looks at you, or just someone's energy when they come in the room, it can throw us off completely. So then what happens is we end up sort of retracting because the cervix can retract. It did, she stopped, everything stopped.

We went in there and she was like, Kelsey, everything stopped, she went, I need to go home. I said, I think you need to go home. I think you need to get in the bath. I think you need to connect with yourself again. And then we'll come back when you're ready. Which she did actually do, but obviously that took a lot of balls

for me and her to actually. And that's hard. To leave. Yeah, it's hard. To be like, yeah, we're not staying. And they actually asked me in there, obviously because it was two girls, was I her doula?

Am I her lesbian partner? It's like, what has any of it got to actually do with you? Yeah, what, yeah. Like, does it make a difference? Like, well, I think I'm a bit of a doula, so. Oh, absolutely. You can call yourself a doula now. Absolutely.

And this is the thing, it's so important to protect the energy when you're in that space because, and again, regardless of like what anyone's saying, what anyone's doing, like you have to do what's right for you and what feels right for you and what happens is the system sometimes does not trust women, does not trust what they're saying or their bodies, like how dilated you are has absolutely full call to do with how long your labor is

or whether you're established or not. Because you can just die like really quick. Oh, absolutely. I'm a quick one. So with Bodie, I was pushing and they were like, stop pushing, she needs an epidural. And Tom's like sat there, like just looking at me. And obviously he's just been diagnosed.

So he's heads all over the place. He's just like blank face looking at me. And I'm like, I actually need to push. My body's wanting me to push now. I said, I'm gonna have to get an epidural. Cause if I'm in this much pain, how could I sustain this? They're saying I've got another three hours in me.

Literally she left to go and get me an epidural, the nurse, another one came in, went, let me check you. She went, you're ready to go, let's do this. And I was like, I knew I was ready. I knew your body does it for you. We have to trust in our bodies, don't we? Absolutely, and I think this is the thing a lot of people don't realize is your uterus

is pushing your baby out. Like there's nothing, you're not, you know, having to actually physically force your baby out. Your uterus is doing that. You just need to work with your body. And the whole, you know, you've got X amount of hours left. A vaginal exam is great for some things. Like if you want to know where you are right at this moment,

but it cannot tell you how long you've got left. Yeah. You could literally go from four to 10 in a matter of 10 minutes. But also not everyone's cervixes are 10 centimeters. I mean, imagine everyone's cervix to be exactly the same. It's like, that's impossible. I just love when I have people like you come on here, Emma.

It's like, yes, because we are not all the same, are we? No, we're so different. And we're not all textbook and we're not all gonna do it the same. No. And that's why we need books like this for people to be more awake to everything. And do you know what?

It starts with this connection with your body. It starts with connecting back to yourself because if you don't know yourself, how can you do anything in life? How can you make decisions for yourself and your baby? But also this disconnection from our baby. Our baby has messages for us all the time. I have friends who have literally had messages

from their baby and I really truly believe when we connect more... Tell me, tell me, tell me. Telepathic visions and communication, saying what their name is. One of my best friends, she's actually had two wild pregnancies and two free births and her second... Does she have Instagram? Can I follow her? Yeah, but she doesn't post a lot. She doesn't post a lot. Can I watch them?

But she spoke about her second pregnancy with Forrest and she said that she literally could hear, like she was getting messages all the time and she was like, what is going on? She was so connected to her body and I truly believe that everyone has the ability to be able to connect with their baby in this way, but we need to connect more with ourselves.

We need to be comfortable. We need to have self-confidence. We need to just, even just day to day, just sitting for 10 minutes in silence or in nature. You know, what's your body saying? I always say when my clients say to me, or even people message me and they say, Emma, I don't know what to do.

This is happening and I've been told this. And I say, well, what is your first initial instinct? What is that instinct? Well, actually, I want to do this. Okay, do that then. Do what feels right for you. I think we get confused about what is intuition and what is like this fear and this anxiety.

And that's what we're sort of led by, you know? We're like, oh, fear making decisions. When actually we just need to go with that gut instinct because it's never wrong. Everyone has the ability to connect to themselves and receive messages and, you know, receive messages from their baby and their body. Like everyone has the ability to do that.

We're all just so far removed now. We are so far removed. And people think it's woo woo and it's crazy. It's not. It's not its energy, we're energetic beings, you know, like, it's just, it's like saying when you walk into a room and you're like, you feel like something's off, it's that. You know, how can you not believe?

How can you not know or believe in something that's literally, it's there? I know, but people don't believe in it. No, they don't. And I get so baffled, I'm like, they're looking at me like I'm crazy. Yeah. And you can think I'm crazy.

But you can't, I have so many things that even happen to me at home, like with Tom connecting to me all the time. And I'm like, how can I not believe it? Because it's real, being is believing. I still say about Father Christmas. Oh. Oh. You know what, this is the thing though.

I mean, I know we're here, but let's have a different conversation because I can tell you some wild, wild things. And I think people don't realize actually, because I talk a lot about, obviously the way that I talk about birth and stuff, and I do mention like spirituality in the book, but I don't really go into massive detail on my page.

I think because I think it's this whole thing about being seen as crazy, right? It's out there, it's bizarre, but yeah, I could tell you. I could tell you a lot of stories. I love them and I'm here for it. The thing is as well for me, that I actually did hypnobirthing with Tom for our first, Aurelia.

And I feel like the hypnobirthing actually prepared me for an experience not, it wasn't to do with the birth. It was actually for when Tom got ill. Because what you're taught in hypnobirthing actually set me up for even like asking the questions. Don't be afraid. I talk about it all the time on here. I'm like, ask the questions. Yeah. like you wouldn't just go and buy even booking a holiday just book a holiday and go oh yeah that that hotel looks nice you'd look at how far away is from the beach what's near it well look at planning your wedding yeah would you go or just let someone else plan it yeah whatever yeah yeah whatever yeah I wear Like you just, you wouldn't do that. You put so much effort into planning your wedding

and to planning these events. But people don't do that for birth. They don't do it for birth. They don't, because they bury their head in the sand. Why, are we all so scared? It is, it's this fear. It's the fear that's driven by it. It's this lack of connection to our bodies.

We're like, oh, I don't know, I'm out of control and this is what it's going to be like and everyone said it's shit. Start thinking for yourself. And this is what hypnobirthing does do because it sets you up for that mindset. And you're right, not just for the birth. This is like a long life skill. You know, when you're able to utilize the mindset work and to use your body and to be able to just connect with yourself and just even just breathing. I mean, people do just think

hypnobirthing is just breathing, it's not. It's so much more than that. But even just connecting to your breath and regulating your nervous system and just being able to be calm. When I had Charlie, my first, they were like, we've never had a C-section like this. Like you've, the amount of blood you've lost is like less than a vaginal birth. And that's because I understood and

I understand how it works. And I'm lying there. I mean, fucking Zen, I'm literally holding my mom's hand. Like I'm somewhere spiritual in this moment. I'm holding my mom's hand. She's with me. And then all of a sudden they're like, he's here. And I'm just like there and I get him and everything's so calm because I'm just like, there, and I get him, and everything's so calm. Because I know that if I panic, adrenaline's gonna start pumping, that's obviously gonna be pumping more blood. Like, this is how it works.

Our body's reactive. So yeah. But that's in every situation you're putting throughout life. Yes. Yes. And especially when you have to deal with shitty situations, you know, or things that are thrown in front of you. I would say that I probably dealt with my mum's death better than what a lot of people would deal with death.

But someone messaged me on Mother's Day. Yeah, someone messaged me on Mother's Day and they were like, you know, I'm so, I'm thinking about you. And I'm like, why? Because for me, I'm celebrating my mum. Like, I'm like, do you know what? I'm celebrating my mum's life.

And do you know what? I'm celebrating my mom's life. And do you know what? Her passing was such a gift because I'm now doing what I'm doing. I don't sit there and go, oh, cry every day and wish that my mom was here. I don't, because I know like I'm so connected to her and I know she's where she needs to be and I have the guidance and I have my life as it is now.

I think that's really hard for people to understand because obviously that's where I'm at with Tom. And I miss him. And if he could still be here, I would have him here with me being the father of our children. But that wasn't his path. So if that's not someone's path and then they're not here and they can't be here anymore and they've gone,

then I have to accept that and try and move forward. But it's, well, you can imagine the comments I get. Yeah. I get them like all the time and people can't, they go, oh my God, you're so strong, you're so strong. It's like, one, I've had no other choice and I can cope. So maybe I was sent this to happen to me

and I was picked to be Tom's partner because I am so strong. Yeah. And you can deal with it. And I can cope with it. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I think, I sit there and I think to myself,

gosh, I've like, I've experienced so much grief and so much death, but I wouldn't be who I am. I wouldn't be in that situation if I couldn't deal with it or I wasn't meant to learn from all the things that I've experienced. And that's just how it it is you move forward and you take something from that You know, and I think this is why I'm so even more passionate about this connection with ourselves because I just think it's the most important thing in the whole world and I just want women to just feel good in their bodies and be able to cope with life

No, not just birth, not just pregnancy, but with life. Feeling so connected to themselves that they're like, I can move through absolutely anything, you know? Because when you look at us with him, yeah, we do go through a lot, don't we? Fucking hell, yes. Do you have an insatiable fascination with the paranormal? Are you ready to dive headfirst into the eerie realms of the unexplained? Brace yourself for the supernatural world

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is your ultimate destination. Will you dare to join me? Listen to Paranormal Activity with me, Vette Fielding, wherever you get your podcasts from. All this stuff that's out there and puts that, that is put out there, it stays in our subconscious mind, you know what I mean? We start like thinking about all these things. I've kind of like really changed my relationship with like my cycles and just with like my body in general. Like I had body dysmorphia from a very young age like I was 11 years old and it was shit like I had anxiety to prep like for years I was on like you know prescription

medication for it for a long time I had a shit relationship with myself but now I just feel so connected this is what I want for women I want them to feel connected to the cycles and not be scared about those things because they're like initiations, you know? Now in my periods, I don't really get any pain. I don't really like struggle with them. I'm literally welcoming. I'm like, yes, thank you.

But I've never struggled and obviously I can't understand how other people feel because I think wherever I am, I'm actually so laid back and don't think about things. Like my periods have always been, Dom, this is even more information you're finding out about me here. He's like, fuck you now.

They've always been just like a couple of days, really like, I've always just skipped on and got on with it, but I think I just don't overthink. Yeah, yeah. There was something someone said to me about like self-worshipping. That they would, other people would go, but you've never experienced it. Yeah. Well, everyone experiences things differently,

but I do think there's a lot to do with like the mindset. I saw something, I mean, probably shouldn't say this, but I saw something the other day about, about like someone who's like over the top, like really overthinking things, having to be this, this, this, like the health thing that we've been talking about. And then someone who's just like enjoying life, they have a bit of a drink, they smoke.

And this guy's living longer than this guy because he's happy. He's happy and he's present and he's living life. Charlie and Georgia's dad was absolutely horrified because he's same, he likes to have a good time. But with George, when we was planning for him, I was like, right, we hadn't had sex in ages. And I was like, right, I said, I'm ovulating,

like, you know, let's go. So we obviously went, that was it, I was pregnant. Two weeks later, I knew it as well, I knew it. Like literally, I was like that, I was like, I know I'm pregnant, he was like, what you want about it? Spend like a day, I'm like, I know I'm pregnant. Like it's happened. And literally when I got the test, he was like,

are you joking, are you kidding me? But he's got the test, he was like, are you joking? Are you kidding me? But he's got two other boys, older boys. So he's got super sperm, you know? And he's living his life, he's living his life. But yeah, I think that sometimes we can overthink. So it's important, I think, to have the knowledge to know all the information and to be able to be prepared

and connected to your body. But actually, I have a friend who's really anxious. She's really ADHD brain in overdrive. I mean, I know, because I'm neuro-spicy myself. But for her, she really... We're all neuro-spicy. Literally. We need to be.

We need to be. Yeah, but she really likes control. That makes, that makes her feel safe, that makes her feel like secure, so she likes to plan things. If that's going to work for her and that's going to work better for her birth because she's going to be more calm, more grounded, she's going to understand then great, that's good for her, you know. Whereas if she'd have maybe left it and just gone into something which is going to make her feel really anxious, she's probably gonna have a shit time. When I actually sit back and look at all my friends, but everyone's had it to how they are as people,

which is quite funny when you sit back, the one that likes things now and had the caesareans. Yes. That's it, she's got the planned caesareans and that's it, and then my friend Sasha, she literally went in and then just had the baby. Yeah. But another friend of mine,

she was, her first birth was traumatic and she was so scared for a second. And she went to see my friend Evie, who is a healer. She had like a three hour treatment and we went to broad stairs and we did a lot of walking and literally the next day we messaged saying like, oh Holly do you want to come meet us for a coffee? I think I'm in labour. I love that.

Literally the next day she went in and had a fantastic birth but Evie told her, is that the power of the mind? Did Evie do something? No. Or? Do you know what? The relaxation. Evie told her, is that the power of the mind? Did Evie do something? Or, the relaxation? I think there's a lot of things here. I think obviously, yeah, the relaxation's great for the body, scientifically, oxytocin and all that jazz,

but- We'll talk about oxytocin in a little bit. Yeah, yeah, we'll get into that. But I genuinely believe that everyone should be having or looking into some kind of like room healing during their pregnancy. And I know it sounds crazy, but actually we hold so much in our womb, so much anger, all the fucking shit from before, trauma, like there's so much. And our womb is the home of our babies. And that literally just shape how our babies' DNA and genes are expressing themselves,

how they're being built. So what ever is going on in there, it's like the loss of someone during a pregnancy, that's gonna affect your baby. These things that Charlie do now and I'm like, I know that that is because I lost my mom. Like he'll wake up in the morning, I'm not in the room and he'll literally be screaming for me. He'll be like, I didn't know where he was and I'm always in the same place

Always downstairs in the living room. I'm never nowhere else. But it's like he's like I thought I lost you Yeah, all that's what my Bodie's like with me. Yeah, he Hates me going anywhere. I mean even on holiday. He'd gone off with my mom one way Yeah, and I'd gone like five minutes a different way. Where's my mum? Where's my mum? Where's my mum? Like his connection to me is,

but we have a really powerful connection. Same. But obviously it was that loss that we both experienced together and he was inside me. Yeah, and people don't realize that this is what's happening. And not something, you know, I'm not talking about spiritual stuff now, but actually scientifically, our generational trauma,

the things that we go through affects our baby in utero right now. Sometimes we can't help what happens, and sometimes we can't help, you know, stress and other things. But if we can just take some time, just five, 10 minutes a day, just to reconnect back with our babies

and ourselves and just allow ourselves to be calm, regulate our nervous system. That's actually going to make a world of difference. And then if you do, and if you are interested in looking into womb healing, go for it. Go for it because I'm absolutely. I think with everything though, research and do as much as you can. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And if you don't like 500 page textbooks like I don't, this is where my stuff comes in. This is perfect for me.

Absolutely, like illustrated, like easy to read. When Dom sent it to me, I was like, oh my God, I've got to like look at the book and read the book and I was like, yes. It's so colorful, it's so bright. This is the journal we're talking about, but it's got everything in here that I wanna know about. Hopefully everyone else will wanna know about this too.

And the Fearless Birth Book is exactly the same because I just, I couldn't stand, do you know what it was? When I was pregnant myself and all this sort of began and started, I literally couldn't stand reading pages and pages of like words. It doesn't work for me. I'm not very good. I'm a bit dyslexic.

The whole ADHD thing comes into it. I can't, I can't deal with it. I need the visuals. I need these pictures. Yeah, yeah. Also we will talk about her boobs. That is what I feel like my boobs look like right now. I love that.

Do you know what the diversity of my drawing, this is what I love. I love drawing the women. I love drawing the women. I love drawing the women. Did you draw these pictures? I mean, yeah, I illustrated the whole book. I illustrated all my stuff, yes. Oh my God, I didn't know that.

Yeah. That's so cool. Cool, cool, cool. It's cool, it's cool. That's amazing. I know. And then I'm in the process at the moment of actually creating an app for pregnancy and birth as well.

I've already got my app, but this is a new one to really bring in the meditations, bring in the MP3s, bring in all this like really connective information like into an app form. Also going back, like you've now triggered me. Yeah. That I went somewhere, I journeyed when I was having a radio and I was in Ibiza. I was

in my happy place. I was in Ibiza. And then when I came round, Tom was walking out the bathroom and he's crying his eyes out. And I was like, what are you crying for? I was like, one, I'm out of my happy place now. And two, like, you're not going through this. Like, I'm here doing what I would need to do yeah but he was an emotional wreck like he hit when we did the hypnobirthing the first thing he wrote down of what he was scared of yeah was me dying that was that that was our opening I was like wow I think you need to hit my birthing more than me yeah and he did yeah he actually did need way more than me because you

hit that's what you hear all those stories, they don't you, and you hear these things and you see things on TV. And I think that a lot of guys experience the same kind of fears, because they think you're gonna be lying down, it's gonna be like, you know, all this stuff going on. Yeah, let's talk about the oxytocin.

Yes. Tell everyone what oxytocin is. Oh, oxytocin, my most favorite thing to talk about because it is the hormone of love and bonding, connection, intimacy. So oxytocin, like it's having, even it's just having a conversation now. There's like oxytocin flowing.

It's social interaction. It's connecting bonding with your baby. It's the hormone that is very much present during sex and peaks orgasm. And it's the hormone that is very much present during sex and peaks orgasm and it's the hormone that drives your labor so it's basically the hormone that's making your uterus contract. This hormone is just fucking gorgeous but she she can be a little bit shy yeah and I'm I'm going to use an example like, because why would I not? So first of all, you know, oxytocin, sex, orgasms, people think I'm insane.

Some people, not all people, but some people think I'm insane when I talk about sex and birth and how they're both so closely related. They are so closely related. But they are so closely related. Takes it to have fun as well. Yeah, absolutely. You know, and during my pregnancy, like I was literally on it all the time. But they are so closely related. It takes it to have fun as well. Absolutely.

You know, and during my panxy, like I was literally on it all the time. I was like, give me orgasms every day. I'm training my uterus. I'm getting this oxytocin pump, you know, pumping. And if I feel like doing it in labor, I'm going to do it if it's going to help me. Like I'm going to have a good time, you know?

I'm really going to enjoy it. But so did you have sex during labor? No, you can't have sex during labor, but clitoral stimulation. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Yeah, it's amazing for you. I didn't, I didn't. But you've known people that have.

But I talk about it all the time, yeah. Yeah. Wow. And people do, people do. Like someone will message me and they'll be like, oh my God, I, you know, I, I, I always stimulate myself, like during labor and then my contractions, every time my contraction was coming, it felt so pleasurable. Yeah, then it being painful. Yeah because you know a contraction like if you a contraction is just like an

orgasm you know your uterus is contracting like it's the same type of thing but obviously we don't see we don't sort of see it like that you know and also you know people think that they just have to be the stimulation involved not necessarily because if you are in that state of euphoria and you're full of oxytocin, it's going to feel nice. Like when I was having my contractions with George, I was like, oh, my God, I was like, yes, I was fucking loving them. I was like welcoming them.

I was having the best fucking time of my life. But it's because we are fighting so many horrors out there. Like you're saying, you watch Hollywood films and you're like, everyone's like, screaming and you go onto the labor wall. Yeah, but this is the thing and then, so oxytocin is the thing that's driving your labor and then no one tells you about all these things

that are going to like then affect that oxytocin. That's why labor halts, stops. You get all this stress that happens. Is that why people say to have sex to bring on labor? No I think that's more, that's to do with like sperm and prostaglandins and softening the cervix. I don't think that's necessary. Not to get yourself going. Yeah, yeah, let's go for it. No I don't think some people feel a bit weird about that as well. I think men feel a bit weird about it but like I always say like imagine if

you were like gonna get intimate with your partner you know be really like have that making love moment with them you know and I don't know you decide that oh you know no one's looking like we're just together we're I don't know in the garden I don't know whatever whatever floats your boat whatever floats your boat, wherever you want to be, you know you're turned on, he's really like ready to go. But then imagine if the neighbors come and like they're looking over the lap. Oh, you're all right Kelsey, I'm just... We're just watching, making sure everything's all right. I'm just picturing so next door.

And then can you imagine if like then Brian down the road comes along and what's your partner's name? Will. Will. And he's like, Will, I'm going to let you know when it's time to push mate. You know, like, I mean, could you imagine being in that situation? Like you'd be dry as a bone, like he wouldn't be hard for very long, would he? You know, and it would be just so embarrassing. The same applies going to the toilet. Like have you ever tried to go for a poo in a public place? tried to go for a poo in a public place? It's... I hate pooing in public. It's like literally the worst. I need to be chilled. Yeah, you can't like, you're literally like, please just, please just hurry up, you know, and it's just not coming. Our body, the way our body reacts,

and it's the same during birth, it's the same hormone it works the same way so if we're in if we're in the hospital for example then people start coming in trying to open our legs and trying to do this and do is it any wonder then our body's like fuck this i don't want to i don't want to do anything i don't want to be in there but it's not safe it feels dangerous this is what messes with our oxytocin yeah you. You know, so we want the more oxytocin, the better. And we can do this by love, trust, safe, like affection, you know, being in a warm environment. Think about how the baby is in the womb.

I like to think about this as like the baby has the key because how are they in the womb? They've got nutrients, they're hydrated, they're trusting, they feel love, they're in a dark space. If you can recreate your birth space. They're having a lovely time. Yeah, having the best time. Like if you can recreate that space for your birth,

no matter whether that's at home, hospital, even in a caesarean, you can do the same, the things you can do. If you can recreate that, your oxytocin's gonna be flowing, endorphins join the party. They're like, they love to like fly in like the SAS flowing, endorphins join the party, they're like, they love to like fly in like the SAS,

I love to call them the SAS because they're literally like, right, oxytocin's here, like, they come in, bind to the end of your nerve receptors, they help with the pain. We have all these natural things to help with the discomfort of labor because it's not a pain that's inherently dangerous, we're not broke our leg. When you come into the end, you get that rush of adrenaline where it's that like transitional that's inherently dangerous. We're not not broke our leg when you come into the end You get that rush of adrenaline

Where is that like transitional stage where you're like, oh fuck like, you know, some people don't even notice it But then when the baby's born The levels of oxytocin will never be higher in your whole entire life and it's designed that way It's designed that way so you can instantly bond with your baby So that you know, even like the your partner is the highest oxytocin levels they'll ever have in their life and it's designed that way you forget about everything else you forget about it and during the process if you can just get into that mindset and that zone of going and working with the

body and you know what's happening because your uterus is just contracting nothing bad is happening your uterus is just contracting so how can you work with it? I think half the time people are like this tense. Well, that's like working against the muscle. Yeah, you're not going with it. You're not going with it. Like imagine being at the gym and you're on the stepper.

And then like you've got someone steps in front of you and you're trying to, it's the same thing. You know, you have to just allow the emotions to happen and go with it. It's all linked to science at the end of the day. With oxytocin and breastfeeding and everything, even I was saying before you came, that Aurelia was poorly the other day

and she was running temperature. I just got her in bed with me and we was doing skin to skin to actually like get the red of it. And then she woke up and went, oh, can I go back to my own bed now? Because she needed me and that mom and the skin to skin and then left.

Yeah, literally, I'm there with my homeopathy kit. I'm there with my homeopathy kit. Remember when you said earlier and I was like, yeah. Oh, I'm there and I manage everything. I actually do homeopathy kit. Remember when you said earlier and I was like, yeah, oh, I'm there and I manage everything like based around that. I only actually do homeopathy. Yeah, same. I only do that with the children.

Today she's like, can I have some arsenic and I don't feel that great. That's so funny. Isn't it great when you just know exactly what you need? You're like, oh, but you know, or someone will say, oh, I'm not feeling, my friends do this. They go, oh, I'm not feeling very well. Look, this is symptom, I'm not feeling, my friends do this, they go, oh, I'm not feeling very well. Let's this, this, this symptom.

And I'm like, you need some bionia. I'll be back in a minute, you know, and get you get out. Yeah, exactly. See, I love it. But obviously I had to go through the trauma of what I went through with Tom to change who I am and what I now do and my beliefs and just everything.

And it takes an experience, doesn't it? It does. I knew that I was always, I've always had weird things happen to me my whole entire life and I've never listened and I never tuned in. Yeah. Like even just meeting Tom,

it literally was love at first sight. I saw him outside a club and was like, I'm in love with him. But that doesn't happen for people. And for him to be in a band and everything just go, like we were meant to be together. Like soulmates drawn. But I've always had feelings and he's always had feelings. And I think we were both always on, we never found the path until we had to be thrown. Absolutely. I'm the same, like I've always experienced those things,

but it wasn't till my mom passed away that I really, things started opening up for me. And, you know, and again, you know, this is not about like, you have to choose this, that and the other, you know, go down your own route, do your own thing, do what you're doing, there's no judgment here. But for me, that holistic route, the spiritual route for me,

has been the most healing experience of my whole entire life. And it's helped me connect so much with myself that I can now write and teach and show other women how they can reconnect back to themselves and I think that's just fucking amazing. I think you're amazing. Thank you so much. Oh, you're welcome. You're so welcome.

I mean, we could be... Tom is another one that I could be here for like three episodes. That's a wrap on another Mums the Word. Thank you so much for joining us today as we were joined by the amazing Emma Armstrong. Don't forget to leave us a review, follow us on socials at mum's the word underscore pod and subscribe to our YouTube channel. Just search mum's the word. Until next time, I'm Kelsey Parker and this is mum's the word and we'll be back with another episode same time same place next week.