Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - 'I'd Rather Be Cut Open Than Push' Holly Hagan-Blyth & Kelsey Parker on Birth Fears, Grief & Geordie Shore

Episode Date: May 10, 2026

This week on Mum's The Word, Kelsey Parker is joined by the brilliant Holly Hagan-Blyth, host of Cbeebies Parenting Helpline and former Geordie Shore star, for an incredibly open, funny and moving conversation that covers everything from pregnancy confessions to navigating life's hardest moments.Holly, who's pregnant with baby number two, opens up about full-blown nesting mode (she panelled her entire front room in an hour and a half), why she's choosing another planned C-section, and the very real, and very specific fear, that's kept her away from natural birth.Let's just say it involves pushing, pooing, and a husband who hasn't heard her fart in ten years.The pair then dive into the story behind son Alpha Jax's unforgettable name, the baby name shortlist for number two (Alessia Wild Bloom, anyone?), and why the name they've actually chosen might surprise everyone.The conversation takes a deeper turn as Holly speaks honestly about losing her sister six months ago, the frustration of being told how grief is "supposed" to hit, and why showing up and being strong doesn't mean you're not grieving. Kelsey shares her own reflections on loss, anniversaries, and how her children have been her greatest source of purpose.They also look back at Holly's Geordie Shore days from walking into the house at just 18, to nine pairs of eyelashes held on with hair glue, to the audition answer that had producers rubbing their hands together.Plus, the realities of the influencer world, why four million followers doesn't automatically mean business success, and how a Club biscuit addiction led Holly to discover nervous system regulation and her true passion in fitness and postpartum wellbeing.It's honest, it's hilarious, and it's a reminder that none of us have it all figured out.Grab a cuppa, get comfy, and join Kelsey and Holly for another episode of Mum's the Word.A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to Mums the Word. I'm your host, Kelsey Parker, and today I'm joined by the amazing Holly Hagen Blythe. She joins the pod for a deeply honest chat about motherhood, loss and life after big changes. Holly opens up about navigating grief after losing her sister. We'll talk about growing families, Holly introducing baby number two, and how life has evolved since Holly's jeweled. sure days. So grab a cuppa, get comfy and let's jump into a brand new episode of Mums the Word. Holly, welcome. Thank you. How are you? I'm good, thank you. I'm a little bit tired, but I mean, who isn't tired at 33 weeks pregnant? No, you shouldn't be tired. You should be up running marathons. Marathon next week. You should be doing that, Holly. I'm really disappointed. I did. I panelled my front room yesterday.

Did you? Yeah. I'm in that stage. Are you in nesting? I'm nesting. Are you? Yeah, I panelled the front room in an hour and a half. Corked it, everything. We hung up a mural in my son's bedroom. I just get this like DIY energy. Yeah, and don't you just sometimes just look at your house and think, my house is shit.

I hate my house. I actually hate my house. Why do I hate my house so much? And then you have to change everything all at once. Will's like, just calmed it. I don't know. Why are you going to change at the house? I'm like, no, I don't know.

There's something about it. I just don't like. But I think when you're pregnant, it's even worse. It is because you just want everything done before. the baby's actually here because then you're like, I'm just going to have no time. And also, really now, it could be any time now, couldn't it really? Well, this is the thing. Everyone's saying, have you packed your hospital bag? I'm like, honey, no, that'll get packed like the day before. What happened with Alpha Jacks? So, I had a plan section. So I went

and you're doing the same? I'm doing the same. Say it? Yeah, of course. So I had a great experience. So 39 weeks I was booked in with Alpha Jack. Yeah. So I just packed the night before and then went in the next day, had my little appointment. Was you nervous? I wasn't. I wasn't nervous because I've had a few surgeries in my town. Oh, have you? What surgeries did you have you have? How long have you got, honey? I'm really shocked. I don't think we've got enough time to go through them all today. But I've had so much surgery. I was very much like, this is going to be an absolute breeze. And honestly, like, it was. You could you say after? It's like, could you just give me a little I would? Oh, I would love to. I mean, it was NHS, I don't think they would.

Can you just? Can you just stitch up the abs for me, please? I've heard they do that in America, you know. Oh, of course they do. They do everything in America. Absolutely. So it'll be very much the same this time, but she did say, if you start going into labour, what do you want to do?

I was like, still, please, cut the baby out. Why? I can't imagine. There's things in this life that I want to experience, right? Yeah, but why not a childbirth? Pushing a child out of my vagina.

Yeah. My large children, I have big babies. How big was Alfa Jax? He was 8 pound nine at 39 weeks. Okay. So it would have been about a 10-pounder. What could have been about a 10-pounder?

out. I don't know. Holly, you've got it in you. His head was out of split from back to from. What, are you scared? I'm terrified. But why? So you're not scared. See, this what blows my mind for it. I know, I know. You're not, you're not scared to have a C-section. Nope. But you're scared to give birth. Yeah. Well, it's, that's what we, we're put on this earth to birth. I don't know why. That is the one thing that you were actually sent here for. I know. I don't know why my mind does that. From the vagina. This thing, I just think, being sore from the stomach. is easier than being sore from a place I need to use every day. But you're not sore for that long.

It's just literally, with childbirth, what's something you've done that I can, like, relate it to? That, like, I could never tell you what the pain felt like. Like, it's one of them lived experiences that you just forget. Because why do people go and have more kids? Well, this is the thing I don't want. You know, 21 again, and she's still going, and she's 22. I don't know how many she's got now.

She's got grandchildren, she's got the lot. Why would she just keep going back? I know. It must be a feeling that some people really enjoy. But you've not done the feeling. You're scared of the feeling. Maybe in my next lifetime. I'm going to breastfeed this time, though.

No, I know, and I'm so proud of you. When I saw that, I was like, I'm going to message me. I'm so proud. I can't do more. She's coming onto the park, so I don't need to. I can't breastfeed and push. You can do it all. One or the other.

It's a bit too much to me. We are women and we can do it all. Some can. I think maybe if you're just going to say, labour, just go with it. It's like if you actually went into natural labour, that's a sign from the universe. To be fair, you can do it.

I did always say I would never want to be like induced and if it did kind of happen naturally that's the best way to go. And I do say, because obviously I am the doctor here, that you are better off natural or C-section. Yeah. The induction and stuff just don't do it people. I've heard a lot of negative stories about it and that was always my biggest fear like going over so far

and then having to have an induction. When you could just like had it at home? Oh, but I'll also tell you why I can't push because I'm scared of pooing. I've got a really big fear. But you'd never see it anyway. Even if you pooed, right? You'd smell it.

You wouldn't. You wouldn't. Kelsey, I'm telling you now. It's all going on. You're telling me that surgery don't smell if your actual skin and flesh being out. My husband does not hurt you fart in 10 years. Well, he's never heard you fart.

I've never farted once. I'll tell me what do you do to fly. Well, to be honest. Have you ever let, like, just a cheeky one out? Yeah, by accident. I've been so embarrassed. Why? I just, just who I am as a person. It's a natural bodily function. So honestly, through pregnancy, obviously, you know, you get a bit more windy than you usually would in, like in normal life. I'm not a very windy person from, from that area anyway. I'm a bit more of a burp. But were you burp in front of him? Oh, yeah, I burp. But why not a fart? I just couldn't. I just can't do it. I just can't. I just can't. What about pooing? Oh, no, no, no, no. I can't even poo anywhere except my own house. Even my downstairs toilet, I won't poo in that. Has to be my own, like, it's a bit strange.

Yeah, I do have set poo places at, like, people's houses. Like, if I go to my mum's, I always go to her on the side. If I needed a poo on a night, I'd go home. Would you? Yeah, like, I just can't do it. So knowing that I'd have to push in from a midwife. But what if you were like, was, even now that you are a parent. Yeah.

Because I get it. I used, I never would poo at school. I mean, I love this talk, because. like reverted to poo now. We've got for a childbirth, then now we're at poo. I couldn't poo at school. Yeah.

Like, you know, when people just like, just poo anywhere, I'm like, I just don't know how you actually just do that. No, I would get a bad belly. So, so he's, so when you're on holiday, what do you do? You know, sometimes you have those awful toilets where it's like literally glass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's just a little curtain thing and I'm like. It's when you first meet someone. So this is to tell you what I do. And you always book hotels like that, don't you? when you first meet someone. It's like, oh, a nice little studio.

And then you're like, oh, shit, I need to go the time up. So I wait till he goes to the gym. And then I'll poo in that time. Oh, we'll go down. How do you time you poo? I'm used to hold me. She is a private poo. There we go.

I'm used to hold it in for all these. Daily Malayette, like Holly the pro pooher. Oh, sometimes I'll say, right, I'm actually desperate. Will you go and sit on the balcony and put your music on and just not listen? This is 10 years in. I just can't. But I think he just poo's all the time. Doesn't actually.

Oh, you wouldn't care? No, no, no, he doesn't care. It's just me. Has someone giving you a poo phobia? Who's giving you the poo phobia? I don't know what it is. I've had this since I was a child. I used to hide behind the sofa.

And I've never got over it. Right, she needs some healing on pooing. I need to therapy. So you won't actually give birth because you're worried. It's actually not you being in control. That's what you're scared of. I won't push properly because I know I'll feel like I'm going to poo because everyone says that when...

What's that deep feeling? But it is a different feeling to pooing. It is a different feeling. Trust me. I just like, if you're coming out. Like, what's happening? Don't worry, honey. Your ass is hanging out instead.

Don't worry. I'd have the aperture roll anyway, so I wouldn't know. Oh, I love this conversation. So I was just saying before the pod that I was watching your Insta story. No, Insta, I think it was a real, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was baby names. Yes.

And I was literally cracking up because I was like, they're really extreme baby names that you had. I think they're really normal. comparison to our dad. No and it was your partner and his face he was like every time he said it was like what he was like I want to go that name what I'm not doing that but like I know children of with those names no I know and honey he was like so offended by honey he was like I could not have a child called honey and I was so normal that is really normal that was a normal one that was a normal one I had honey we had a lessy a wild bloom wild with a why though

We had, I liked Octavia. Yeah. I didn't put Delta on there, but me and my mom really like Delta because obviously we've got Alpha Jacks, so we could have Delta something. Yeah, that actually goes. Which would go. We had Miley, another normal name.

Yeah, I love Miley. And the name that we've actually chosen is very normal. Yeah, well, that's what we just said. I was like, their names are quite extreme. Yeah, I think people are going to be shocked. They'll be like, oh, it's a very common name. I would say it's more popular in a merit. and it's not common now.

Should I guess the name? Gess away. Riley. No, but don't guess anymore because I'm scared. I can't lie. Oh, okay, I'm going to do it after. You only got six weeks away. Oh, I know, but I just love baby names.

I know. What made you come up for Alfa Jacks? So I always like the name Jacks. Yeah. And it started to get really, really popular. And I was like, I do like A names. I really like an A name. And I was just going through.

for an A name for it. It's actually not an A name. To people, I was going through all the names and things and I was like, going through words. So I was like, oh, alpha. And I was like, Alpha Jacks. And I was like, kind of sounds like Albert. But a bit, a bit cooler. I was like, I don't really know any alphas. And then I thought, I don't know any alphas. No. And then it, we did feel like we were kind of putting a big, a big bit of pressure on him for his personality, because obviously if you name's alpha jacks, it's quite, it's a strong name. Yeah. So I was like, well, I'm quite confident, your confidence, so the child's probably going to be quite a confident. And he's really shy. And he is, he is alpha jacks. Like, he pulls his name off so well.

What do you shorten that to? I don't. You just, we call him Alpha Jacks every day. Well, I call him Moomin. Right. I just call him Moomin every day. I'm like, Moomin. Moomin, my little I don't know why, but that's what I call him. And then Jacob does as well. But if we're calling him by his name, we just say, Alpha Jacks. Once you see it a few times, it rolls off the tongue. Shortened it though.

Like, I've gone really long names and then, not really long names, but longer names, and then mine are Ray and Bo. Yeah. And Ray and Boe. Yeah. We'll call him AJ sometimes, but. Yeah, and it's something that he's got the option of being like,

he could be Alfie, could be AJ, could be Jacks, like. We've given him a name that he can have, like, the world is his oyster of what you want to choose. Because don't you think men love to give, like, a nickname and chelten names? 100%, but men tend to go for their, like, surname. So my husband, he goes by Blythey with all of his friends. So Alfa Jackson will probably just be Blythe with all of his friends

because that's all he was ever known. I called him Blythe for like the first year of our relationship. You said, is that not your name? Well, I can barely say it. Holly Hagen Blythe. So I'm Mrs. Blythe, now. That's it. You are.

Right, let's talk about grief. Yes. Something that me and you have experienced. Yeah. I hate to say it. How are you? I am good. I'm good.

It's actually her six-month anniversary today. I can't believe it. It's been like a long time, but it's also gone really fast. That's exactly how I always feel. Isn't it strange? I feel like it's like Tom had his four-year anniversary. in March, well literally a few weeks ago. And that's the same for me.

It's been four years and I'm like, how much has happened in my life in four years? But then it feels like yesterday that I was there in the hospice with him. And you just think how, and also like how or why. And then I think the anniversaries, because you've not obviously had the first. We've not had like the first one yet, no, obviously. And people go, oh, the first is the worst.

I just think, don't you feel like everyone? and just tries to put everything on you as like, do you know what I mean by that though? Yeah. That's really bad of me explaining on the podcast. No, I know exactly what you mean. They just say stuff. They'll be like, oh, it won't hit you too after the funeral. I mean, we spoke about this before when we've done the pod.

I know. And it's so frustrating because when I would kind of show up online with my being strong and my strength and everything, people would like message me. I get the sentiment. They'd be like, oh, make sure you take some time for yourself and you grieve properly because it'll hit you in six months or it'll hit you when this. happens and I'm like and they're like oh it did for me it all hit in after six months and I'm sat there panicking because I've never gone through grief before thinking when is it going to hit me?

And I'm thinking oh my God I'm going to have a mental breakdown. I'm not going to be able to work. This is going to happen and I'm like and I had to just remind myself that I'm not them and that the way that I deal with things just because I'm showing up and being strong doesn't mean that I'm not grieving. I'm just finding different ways to grieve and my outlet is completely different because I've got children and I've got a family to support. And that is my driver. I'm not going to let this ruin me. I'm not going to let this turn my life upside down

because there's already lives that have been. Yeah, consume you. And your sister wouldn't want that. No. But also, I think what people forget to remember is Instagram, TikTok, a podcast. It's a minute. It's a minute on your life.

It's like, yeah, okay, even that video you're posting of the baby names. That's like two minutes of your life that you've sat there and done that. Your life probably, Alford Jacks probably ran around and done something else afterwards. You know, there's so much more. And I just think people online just look at them like a few minutes and you're like, are you actually joking? Yeah. I had someone messaged me the other day going and please get help. Your eyes.

Your eyes say it all, Kelsey. You need to see someone. I actually like messaged them back and I was like, sorry, who are you? Sorry, who are you for one? But also I was like, one, they're just my eyes. I was like, I have worked on myself so much. But because I don't come online and go, guys, I've really worked on myself today,

I've done this today, I've touched this crystal or done that. Do you know what I mean? Like, I've taken this remedy. Like, I'm not coming on telling you. Doesn't mean it's not happening behind closed doors. Yeah, 100%. And they just think because you are positive and you are strong and obviously we are very similar

the way we've actually gone through grief, people just can't believe it. And I think it is hard for people to fathom that it's not just sadness all of the time and that there's other emotions that come with it and there's like, there's acceptance with all of the other things that you have as well.

And when you haven't lost someone to that degree, you know, let's say somebody's lost their grandparent who was old and, you know, that's a natural occurring thing. if you haven't been through like a traumatic loss, I think it's very difficult to understand how people can actually get through that because the one thing that I hate seeing is like,

I don't know how she's due that. I would never be able to. Well, I hope you never have to find out. Yeah. Because you don't know what you're capable of until you are putting these situations. And I tell you, these situations bring out a strength in you that you never knew you had

and I see it with you and I'm sure you see it with me. And I remember I'd never been through anything when I was watching your journey on social media. and I thought, oh my God, how is she doing that? And now I get it, I understand exactly how you're doing that. Because you do just have to put two, like one foot in front of the other and continue because we are only here once. 100%.

And imagine if you wasn't living your life and you was having a mental breakdown. I'm not saying that if people are carrying on like that. Of course, yeah. That's how they're coping with it. But ultimately, would your sister want you to be like that? Never. She'd never want you to be like that. Never.

And I talk to her every day and I say, I'm like, don't worry about. me, I'm gonna be fine, you go and look after your mom and dad, like, I'm all good. Apparently she spends a lot of time at my house anyway, because it's the fun house. How is your mom and dad, are they okay? They are not okay. It's hard, especially for that generation as well, who, you know, their day-to-day lives are just, you know, they go to work, they lived for her, they didn't really have much outside of just being her parent for 19 years. And they've had a lot of support from family and friends. like the people that they've got around them is absolutely amazing and it's brought everyone closer together.

They're at a point now though when they're thinking about having to go back to work. They've been off for like six months. My mom's going to go back at the end of June. My stepdad's just started going back. And for me, I'm like, look, it might be good for you to be back into a routine because I know that if I wasn't busy every day,

I probably would break down. And if I didn't give myself a purpose every day, I would think about it a lot more. It is purpose. Whatever that purpose is. Yeah. And I think it's just hard because for me, I'd love to be able to say to them,

never go back. Like, I can keep yours off and, you know, but I don't know if that would be any good for them. You're not helping them by doing that. Exactly. Because life has to continue. Yeah. And it's so tough.

Yeah. And, you know, for me now, I've actually lost a baby. Yeah. But I didn't have a baby for 19 years. So obviously my feeling is completely different, but I just can't imagine. from your parents' perspective

of losing a child like that and even for Tom's parents, how they feel on the anniversary and stuff. Like it's just so tough losing your child. Yeah. And I think no one could ever fathom that I can't. Like I look at my son and I'm like, oh my God, like how would I cope?

And I still can't relate to my parents in that way because yes, I've lost a sister. But my day-to-day life hasn't changed at all. I can go through my day and still think that like, oh, she's just at work and she's doing her own thing. until I actually sit and think about it. Their house is quiet now, and it never was. So I think that's the thing that is killing them the most.

But they have a lot to be happy with, like with their grandkids and Alpha Jax. I mean, if it wasn't for Alpha Jax and the new baby coming, I honestly don't think that they would be here. And they've said that themselves. They're like, I actually don't know if we would have wanted to continue in life. They would have been suicidal probably, had they have not had people who depend on them

because they know that I don't depend on them now. I'm a lot older, I've been moved away for such a long time, but to know that now they're needed because their grandparents gives them that sense of purpose. Yeah. Kids do. Kids are incredible and I always say it that I would not be where I am now without my kids.

It's hard, but they're brilliant. Oh yeah, it's really hard. It's really tough and training and everything else, but it's magical and amazing at the same time. And also watching my children be resilient and get through life. And, you know, life has thrown them so much at a young age and they can get through it.

So, like, for your parents and I think that my children are proof that you can and there is stuff where, you know, there is a life for them. They just need to find what life looks like now because it just looks so different to what they ever imagined. and I think that was the same for when I lost Tom. I was like I had the perfect family. Yeah, the plans. It was taken away from me,

but what does my life look like now? And we all sit back and we all judge people, don't we? People do it. But we're only here once and you have to just live your life the best you possibly can because your sister's shown us, hasn't she? But tomorrow isn't promised? It's not. And I think that's such a good way to think about it

because there is no other option for me. Like, do you feel like you were in that place before or losing your sister has taken you to a different level of like, well, I know spirituality for you as well, but for life? Is it given a different perspective on life now for you? 100%. I think I've always been quite a positive person

and I've always worked really hard and I've always, you know, done what needed to be done. But I think I didn't realize, the strength that I had until she passed. And I used to get told all the time, I obviously, I've been on a TV show for a lot of years and people used to say, oh, you're so strong for being able to get through all of that. And I'm like, am I? Like, I just didn't really have a choice. And then once it came to my sister passing and I was like, oh shit, maybe I am strong. Like, maybe I can deal with really, really difficult things and not break. And I think, you know, everyone's so different.

but I think for me I was just, I was scared, like I say, that I was going to break. But then I was like, no, this is who I am. And I used to think, oh, I had really bad mental health when I was younger and I didn't think I could cope with certain things. But now I'm just like, I can cope with anything that life feels like me. Yeah, and looking at you and you say, oh, I've, I had bad mental health when I was younger. I mean, I can see the poo problem with that might be a bit of a mental health problem.

However, like, I would never say that about you now. Knowing you now, obviously I didn't know the Holly that was, that had mental health and struggled. Would you say more when you did Jaljee Shure? 100%. I would have panic attacks all the time. I would have really bad social anxiety. Do you think that could have been like actually, do you know when like drinking that much alcohol? Yeah, I mean, alcohol would have definitely played a part. I mean, alcohol.

Because now, don't you think, like, even when you have a drink? It's around. Well, you've not drunk for a long time. I have not. But you just think, oh my God, like I now, wake up and I'm going, oh, what did I say then? Oh, why did I say that? My anxiety is so bad. When I was younger, I didn't actually care. I was like the wild one and I didn't care and did whatever. Yeah, 100%. And I think, but anxiety, like alcohol and that's got such a massive

part to play. Yeah. And I mean, we were drinking for like six weeks every night on the spin. Sometimes it was twice a day. I don't know how you did it. I don't. I don't know how we're all still gone and still actually turned into like respectable humans. You can, you can, you can, cope with it. You can. But that younger generation, like, now don't really drink and go out like we used to. Thank God, I mean, they are missing out on a lot of great memories, but also there's camera phones

now. So it's very much... We didn't have that, did we? I mean, well, saying that, you was actually followed around on a TV show. True. However, that was a very, like, extreme... Yeah, situation. But it's like, going out on a normal night out before that, we only had... I think we had a Blackberry. I mean, the pictures on a Blackberry

aren't that incredible. And you used to get the BBM pins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I be BBM? Can you be BBM? And then literally would take a phone, we'd take like a camera out and upload that album to Facebook.

Oh, you'd just run around the club trying to find the club photographer. Yeah, but I take a picture of me, take no picture of me. Have I got by this tomorrow? Can you post it? However drunk you were, you had no choice whether it went up to the public or not.

That was our first, like, experience of, you know, that kind of thing. But nowadays, it's like, everything gets filmed, everything gets put online. Everything can ruin your job, like your career, your life. So it's different. Do you have an insatiable fascination with the paranormal?

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So when you started on Jol D'Ey Shore, what was like, was Instagram about then? So, Twitter was just popular then, so we got given our first Twitter accounts. I don't think I actually got, Instagram until like 2013. We started in 2011. Does that scare you as an influencer person?

Like the TikTok, the TikTok, that Twitter just like sort of, I know it's still going, but it just sort of like disappeared and obviously there was a new thing. Does that worry you? For me. Asking for a friend. For me, I think obviously TikTok came about later on. So I then started getting into TikTok. So I'm always like, I'm not like, I'm not like.

super late to the party, but I was quite late to the party with TikTok. Oh mate, I'm massively late to the party. If you want to throw away TikTok, you can, sometimes at deep pace. I wasn't really like, it started off as like a dancing app, didn't it? And things like that. So I've never been like one of the early adopters to any of these things. But there's always something new. Yeah.

Every now and then there's something new. But I think the way that the world's gone, like we started off making money from like club appearances. And, you know, I think the first thing I ever got was like a free phone case. and someone said, I'll send you it for free, and you just put it on your Twitter, and that's all we need. And I'm like, what, you're going to give me a free phone case? This is amazing.

And then it just kind of snowballed from there, but I think the influencer economy is so big right now. But I think it's changing in a way that, you know, you'd come off Love Island, you'd have all of these deals, for example. Yeah, it's not like that anymore. It doesn't happen anymore, and they are mainly focusing on more micro-influencers who have a better reach, who have better communities.

and for me I've got 4 million followers Do you think any of them give a shit about the business that I have in fitness? None of them are. So people think that I can start a business and all of a sudden just have so much success because I've got 4 million followers and it's hard, like they don't follow me for that.

I have to now try and garner this new audience that are actually interested in the thing that I do that is my long life career and it's so hard. I do think that is tough though, isn't it? Us influencers. that obviously when you do have a love and a passion and you try and introduce that

and then you're like oh and then you get on the board. Nobody cares about that. Why don't you care? Because I really care and if you follow me then surely you want to follow that about me. No, they don't care.

They just want to follow to be nausey. And that's it. So you think you've got four million people following you just to be nice. Just to be nice. I've got such a small portion of those people are actually like my ideal client for business and that's really hard

because it's like that's my passion, like fitness and post-partum and all of that kind of stuff and nervous system regulation. Like, I love all of that. And I'm like, oh, people actually don't even realize they're dysregulated. So I need to teach them that they're dysregulated first and then they can find me and be like,

oh, now I know what she does and what she can help. But at the moment, it's still hard. So I mean, it's... Do you reckon you got into that because of the mental health you suffered? To be honest, I'll be very honest. I couldn't stop eating biscuits. And I had like a club biscuit addiction.

I'm so glad when he came on this podcast. Honestly, the son wrote that I had a 35 year addiction that I was battling and all of my friends were messaging me like, oh my God, are you okay? Like we never knew. What's a bulbans? It was club biscuits, yeah, the orange ones. Club biscuits?

That's so random. Do you think? Is that not like a staple UK household biscuit? I'm not going to orange clubs in my house. You can have to go and get some of the video. The mint ones are good as well, but the orange ones are top to you. So how many would you eat of them a day? I was eating like five to seven of those a day and I was like...

Well, one half to the other, just like Bosch or like throughout the day. It wasn't that bad, maybe two at once. It had a wrapper on it so it made me feel a bit, you know, you have to open it first. So I'd never really do like... Yeah, if you actually are going to the tin. It makes you think a little bit. And I realised when I was having this biscuit that I was like having a deep breath. So I'd have the crunch.

and it would like regulate me in that moment. I didn't know the word for it then. And then when I started learning more about ADHD and I've got an attentive ADHD and I started looking into it and apparently that crunch is quite regulating and I was like, oh my God, I'll get it. Every time I'm stressed with work, I'll go to the fridge,

I'll get a biscuit and I'll feel for a moment calm and I had to learn, well, okay, how do I become calm without the biscuits? How do I get that feeling without having to constantly eat rubbish all of the time? And that's when I started... How can I cut the... club.

Seeking it out and understanding that actually I'm dysregulated and I'm using this as a crutch. And that's where it all came in and then I did a course on it. And I was like, everybody needs to know this. But no one actually really understands that they're dysregulated yet. They just think they're snappy little mothers. Do you know what? I'm so into everything like this. And my stepdad says that I just try and diagnose everyone all the time.

But I'm not even about like diagnosing people because sometimes I think you just got actually live your life. You know, we've all got quirks. We've all got things going on. You know, it might be the fact that you don't want to poo. It might be the fact that, I don't know, what do I love to do that's really random? Like, we all have our little things that you go, oh, that's like you meet something. You go, that's a bit weird that they like to do that. But that is life.

But I do think I've been watching the Tyson Fury. Oh, yes. And when you watch him, he obviously says that he has got the bipolar and that. And you can see it because he is. For him it's not even about money. Like that boxing is not about money. He does not care that he's getting paid $23 million or whatever he just got paid. For him it's actually going out there and having, it's that endorphing that he's getting of people, you know, going, Tyson, Tyson.

Like that's what he loves. And it gives him the focus and the purpose training for that fight. Like you can so see it. And my stepdad's got stuff going on. And now I feel like his new nickname could be Tyson. But it's like he was. but he won't accept that. Yeah.

Like sometimes you have to accept and go, right, that is a problem for me. Yeah. And I think it's very hard because it's like sometimes you don't know why you need certain things. So then people just kind of assume, you know, it's about the money, it's about this, it's about that. And until you actually look deeper and find the language for it of what it actually is that you need and what you actually crave it, then you can start to seek it out in other places because I've watched two episodes of that documentary. And you can see that his family are obviously worried about, you know, the long-term effects that fighting's going to have on him. And but for him that that isn't a priority.

The priority is going out there and get in the buzz. Yeah, 100%. But it's like how can you find that without the fight? Yeah. But the thing is what I think makes life really tough now is that the world throws us all this stuff. So you know, like even on the phone. the phone tracks what is giving us a hit. We are getting the hit when we're scrolling.

And then it's going, oh, you like that? Right, I'm going to give her more of that, give her more of that. Yeah. Do you ever go on Instagram to like just do your own content that you need to do? But all of a sudden you're in a scroll and you're like, I've lost half an hour of my life. Yeah, and I'm like, no, no, no. Stay focused. Stay focused on what you are meant to be doing.

I don't this morning. I was meant to do some posts and stuff. I didn't. Yeah. I went, my brain just goes off. I'm doing that job, then I go off to that job and do-da-da-da, I'm going to get in trouble by Aurelia because I was meant to send a video into her teacher

because her homework was to make like a little video diary. My friend was like literally cracking up. She was like, well, obviously you're going to have the best video diary, aren't you? Because you literally film her all the time. It's going to go and be like, this is what I did in the Easter holidays. Oh, like a little vlog. Yeah. Oh, that's cute.

And I actually made her like, was it good? But I've got to send her to the teacher. But literally, she's outside the school gate like, Mom, when you get in the train, make sure you send the video. It's 10 5 minutes now just to send it. So going back, so you feel like mentally you are this different person to... How old was you when you were into Georgia? I was 18. I'm coming up 34.

When you look at 18-year-olds now, but do you just think... Children. Oh my God, how did I actually do that at 18? I think how on earth was I allowed to do that at 18? What did your parents say? So my mom was scared. Like I wasn't allowed to mention it in the house because she was like, oh my God, she knew I was like,

bear in mind, I never brought any lads back to my house because I had a younger sibling. She was only five at the time. So I was the same. I was never allowed anyone to stay. I never brought anyone back. I hid everything, which you did in those days. You were never honest with your parents.

Honestly was not the best policy. My mom always knew though. She's like, now she goes, do you what, do you not think I knew? were you up to or something? Oh, mine didn't. I was really good. Really?

I heard it so well. I've only started telling her things in my 30s, obviously trying to now relate to my sister's story and things like that. And then I start telling her more things and she's like, I never knew. I never had to worry about you. I said, Mom, you did? You really had to worry about me.

Yeah, but when you watched the show, did she not think she didn't have to worry about you? Well, she felt like I was protected on Jordy Shaw because we had producers there, we had security. Like, she didn't have to worry about, you know, me engine up in her gutter somewhere because we were looked after. We were taken home. Exactly. So yeah, being God, that person who walked into the short 18, I just think, how was I allowed to do that at such a young age? Because I was very young. And like even mentally, like I'd lived in a really small town, like Middlesbrot's not, you know, I'd barely been to like the big city of Newcastle to go out. That was like a treat. So even just little things like that, I didn't really have the experience that I probably needed. Don't get me wrong. Would you never change. But everyone was the same age, weren't they?

No, so I was the youngest at 18. Yeah. Next was two 20-year-olds. Then it was one, Sophie was 21. Everyone else after that, Vicky was 23. And then the lads, Greg, was like 27. Yeah. Weird.

How did you actually get the costume for that? So I, very old school, seen a newspaper clipping. So all you black and white newspaper clipping that said they were doing a UK version of Jersey. Sean. Now, I was obsessed. I was obsessed. I wanted to be the J-Wow. I ended up the Angelina. You was not the Angelina. I was if you watched back series one, I was the Angelina. But listen, it's all good. We paved our way after that. Yeah, but for Angela, she went back for the reunion. Yeah, she did. I didn't think I'd get it because I wasn't from Newcastle.

So I thought, this is a Newcastle thing. I'm not going to get it. I'm not from Newcastle. If there's a girl like me and she is from Newcastle, she'll just get it. So I went through all of these different auditions and I mean apparently from the first one they knew it was me. Or did you sound that first audition? I said everything that I didn't realize they wanted to hear that just wasn't fake. You'd think people go into these auditions thinking, I'm going to say this, I'm going to say that and that's definitely going to get me on TV. I was so naive to the whole situation.

I was just myself. But myself at that time was an absolute menace. So I'm like, oh yeah, I've got a boyfriend, but he'll let me get with other people. I can laugh about it now, but like, what? Like, what are you even saying? Like, why would you let you get with other people? Well, I'll be on a TV show, let me get with other people.

We had a free pass when we went on to Magaloff. Like, it's fine. Did you? Yeah, I was like 17. Yeah, it wasn't really your boyfriend. You was basically. This is how young the relationship was that I think people forget.

Like, you cheated on your boyfriend and I get that and that was awful and I would never ever do that again after that. And I never did. However, it was such a young relationship. And also, I think when you see the boyfriend, world through your eyes at 18, 17, 18, you are completely different to now when you are a married woman. Exactly. Expecting another child with a child already. I know. And I think, you know,

I wasn't given a lot of grace back then, which I completely understand. But people now who watch it when they're older, they're like, oh my God, like I didn't like you when I watched it the first time. But now I get it as an adult because I've been through more life experience and I now understand. And I think it was just a different shore of, it was like the first show of its kind really that shored those types of things. I don't regret it, but I don't think 18 year old should be on TV. I'm glad I was allowed because of what it's done for you, what it's done for me. It was meant to be. It was meant to be, but I hope that no 18 year old ever has to go into a situation. But also now the world's a different place, even though it's not that long ago, the world's different place. Like what you're saying, I think the people that, you know,

go on to Love Island, they go into the interview to know exactly what to say to, yeah. 100%. To tick the boxes to go, oh right, okay, that's what they're looking for. You didn't because there was nothing like that around then. You're like, look, I love, do you want me to go and punch someone? Yeah, I'll punch him. And I think about, oh my God, no, you cannot do that.

I think about what the producers must have thought when I'd like left that interview, there must have been rubbing their hands together. Like, she's going to come and cheat, yes. Everyone's going to want to watch this. Like, she's an absolute mess. Like, this is going to be amazing. And I was.

Were you going out lots then? I went out all the time. I was going out Mondays, sometimes a Tuesday, yeah, Monday, Tuesday was the night. Thursday was the night. The best night to go out. Never go out on a Friday and then sometimes a Saturday. Yeah.

Yeah. And I was working throughout all of that though as well. That's what I look back at and go, oh my God, I used to like wake up, go out to like three, four in the morning, have three hours sleep and get up and go to work. How did I do it? With your stamps everywhere and your wristbands.

And you're like, oh, did you have a good night? And you absolutely sunk of smoke on whatever else. Because that's what everyone did actually smoke everywhere. And hair spray. Yeah. It was such a good time. You had the big hair, didn't you? I had such big hair.

I genuinely thought I was responsible for like the damage in the ozone layer because I'd go through like a can of hair spray night. It was really bad. But that won't, even now when you look back at what we actually used to wear and stuff. Awful. And my mom used to tell me, she'd be like, Holly, you can't go out in that. You look awful. And I'd be like, you're just jealous.

I look great. How many eyelashes did you wear? Nine pairs. I don't, how? Well, that's what the producers. Look at you now. You haven't even got anything. I'm so bare.

I'm just such a natural beauty. She's just like, you know, bare beauty now. I know, honestly, if you'd have seen me back in the day. But did your mum used to say, like, come on, calm down on the nine eyelashes? 100%. But I used to say that to my sister as well. I'd be like, once you transition out of this phase of getting those big eyelashes, you were going to come into yourself.

And your eyes must have been like the strongest eyelids ever. They're just doing a constant workout. The worst of it was, I wouldn't change them for a month. I'd just lane them every night. I wouldn't take them off. And I'd put them on with hair glue. And I still do, if I'm going to wear a lash, I still do wear hair glue.

What do you mean? It's like Bond glue. It's like, so all the drag queens wear this glue as well. And we've been using them because for, you know, who I've owned an dance school as well. We have got these ones that go on like, they're like diamonds. Right.

We put here on the kids' heads. But Aureli is going to do. school today with like glue all there because it doesn't come off. It's like a wig glue isn't it? Yeah, yeah. It's like a weft glue and it's like latehets. You used to put nine eyelashes on with hair glue and keep them on for a month.

Yeah. How? I don't know. I was just... How did nine go on like... You know this clean girl era was like the opposite of that? I was like dirty girl era. That was our era though. Yeah, it was like the cashier era. No, and it was like you literally, the hair was like literally looked like you've just been... Dried to through a hedge.

No, well, I was going to say It just had sex. They just had sex look. I'd be like, yeah. So I used to back home it right up. Yeah. And literally just looked like, oh yeah,

I've never been brushed it for like six weeks. So it was like the trend though to look a bit dirty. Yeah, it was. And there's definitely people on the TV that sort of like, I used to love really random, Diana Vickers when she was on.

Oh my God, the hair. Always wanted for her. She usually just always had the scruffy hair and like, yeah. Duffy, like. Mm-hmm. I loved Kesha.

I wanted to be Kesha. Yeah, Kesher. Yeah, it was like that sort of dirty sort of look. The dirty girls in here, the dirty girls. Oh, there was such good times though then, wasn't it? Everything's a bit more serious now, and it is a shame. Life is just too serious now.

Everything you do is just so serious. Like what you're saying, I'm okay. I'm even going back to grief, I'm okay with this, but no, you can't be because it's got to be something. Everything has to be something now, but life is just for living. Yeah, exactly. And I think that is like the whole thing we're pushing through this podcast is life is for living, be you, be happy. And have a wonderful birth.

Hopefully. From the vagina. You're going to jinx me now. I'm going to go on a live next week. She's going to go out. I can feel her. I can feel it in my bones. Give me a cold.

I'll be like, right, this is what you got to do. You're going to have to help me because I don't know what I'm doing. I know what I actually if I live closer to you I would offer my services to come and be your doler yeah I would I'll come with you oh thanks and they'll be like right you're not pooing you're not pooing you're fine just keep pushing you're not pooing oh I couldn't even if someone is even looking at my bum hall I'd be so scared okay maybe one did poo but

my other friend didn't did not poo see I just she didn't poo at all I can tell you that now okay and she actually had no partner present I was the partner so well that's fine I think if my friends were that it'd be all right yeah maybe maybe you can come in after once the poof smells gone through. Anyway, thank you so much. Oh, thank you. Honestly, that was just such a lovely chat and it's so nice to see you again.

That's a wrap on another episode of Mums the Word. Thank you so much for joining us today as we were joined by the amazing Holly Hagen Blythe. Don't forget to leave us for review. Follow us on socials at Mums the Word underscore pod and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can Watch our episodes in full. Just search Mum's the Word. Until next time, I'm Kelsey Parker, and this has been Mum's the Word. And we'll be back with another episode, same time, same place next week.