Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - MILLIE MACKINTOSH: Why I Don't Even Think About Drinking Now

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

This week on Mum’s The Word, Kelsey Parker is joined by former Made In Chelsea star, author, and mum Millie Mackintosh for an honest conversation about motherhood, identity, and change.Millie opens up about why every child needs to be parented differently, and how becoming a mum has taught her a whole new level of patience.She also talks candidly about her book Bad Drunk, why she chose to stop drinking, and why she has no plans to return to alcohol.It’s an episode about tuning into your children as individuals, making big life shifts without apology, and giving yourself permission to evolve as a parent.A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to Mums the Word. I'm your host Kelsey Parker. Today I'm joined by the amazing Millie Macintosh. Millie is a former Made in Chelsea star and since TV she has gone on to become a content creator, wellness advocate and an author of the bestselling book Bad Dr. Bunk, which was co-written with Dr Ellie Cannon and shares her experiences of going alcohol free. So grab a cup her get comfy and let's jump into a brand new episode of Mums the Word. So Millie, thank you for joining me today. How are you? Thank you for having me. It does actually feel like a hot summer's day in here. Yeah, I was like, why did you not pack your bikini, Millie?

I was like, because it's really hot in this studio. So freezing. My cheeks just get redder and redder and I watch this back and I'm like, why do I actually just look like a cherry? Yeah, if I look like I'm really glowing, then it's just like that's inspiring. No, your makeup is on point. How's life been treating you so far into? 2006. I felt like January I thought at the beginning of the month

I was like I'm going to get off to like running start I'm going to do all the things I want to do and then I've just felt like hibernating really. Yeah. Do you know what? I think it is weather as well. Yeah. Yeah. I find this time of year mentally quite hard because of the like the darkness and the lack of sunlight. I always kind of get that like January blues.

Even after you've picked the kids up from school you get back you've got like an hour. of light and then it's dark. And you haven't got the Christmas stuff set up. It's not cozy in your house anymore. Oh, you take the Christmas lights down. It's just a bit sad. And then my daughter's nursery didn't reopen.

So that's been really fun. What do you mean? Something's gone on. We don't know. Well, and then for sure. It's being investigated. So we have had no nursery. What?

Yeah. But then I've tried to just reframe it and think I've had so much time with her this month. Then she'll be at school. Yeah, you're like every day. I've had so. Very much time with her. This has been great. There's been a lot of iPad, not going to lie.

Well, mommy gets work done. Well, yeah. The juggle is the balance. Me and my friends having this conversation this morning. You just get it done. I do think at a certain age, see, I've had to ban iPads. Really? They are banned from my house.

Completely. The only time they get them is if they are going on an airplane. And with that, I've downloaded films. My littlest one, he could sit on it all day long, not face him. Aurelia, next level, comes off it, is absolutely hideous. She says that it does funny things to her brain. Because she's at the age where she can actually tell me now. She goes, Mom, it does funny things to my brain.

I'm like, well, yeah. So she can't sit. She's, I think she's like a dooms cry lord as well. She's just there flicking, flicking. Yeah. But I think if it works for you and you need to get work done, then you do. Normally it's no iPads like you said unless it's a travel day, like a long car journey, train journey or a plane.

they don't even see them and they're like put out of sight so they can't access them but if it's something like you know one of them sick and you've got to work or like you know nursery doesn't open

then yeah but then I'm also like looking and what she's watching being like okay that's slightly educational or there's some learning games on that I'm like you're allowed to do those ones so I have put some like parameters around it but I agree like too much TV I've fallen into the trap

before in the holidays of just suddenly I'm like, what am I doing that, eating all their meals on the sofa in front of the TV? Just because I want them to eat. I think it's so easy. You fall into this trap. Over Christmas, definitely. So, Aurelia is my problem, child. So is fun.

Well, she's just everything she does. Like, so she's been watching TV. She's found, like, the Disney Channel. Yeah. Well, actually, like, obviously Disney Plus. And she's watching Sam and Kat. You know, Ariana Grande. Yes.

But now, after she's, you know, she's watching. watching it, she then morphs into them people, so I said, you know, so she's really rude at the weekend, so now she's on TV ban. So TV ban is like the only thing that really works. Yeah. If I need to pull it out, we do do it sometimes and it does work. It does work. Yeah, she's like, I'm on a TV ban.

I'm like, yeah, I know you're on a TV ban. She went to me, what am I going to do tonight when I get home from gymnastics? I was like, maybe do your spelling sometimes tables. You know, there's lots of you to do some calories. Yeah, there's lots for you to do. She was like, yeah. Obviously, normally she'd come in, this is her only night that she actually has a little bit of time. And she'd watch TV.

Not tonight, right? We used to let them watch YouTube kids, and we've completely banned that because, again, like, noticed the behaviour was so bad after watching it. And they were obsessed with a show called Nastia. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And it's like, this girl, like, she's like, it kind of been quite annoying to her dad and the dad's got, it's just weird. When you watch that, when you watch the stuff, do you not think? Do you not think? What's the fault behind?

it like especially from the dad I'm like it's weird I get they're making so much money so much they are making so much money but I'm like it's so weird that's one that goes to the ice cream thing but they're like and they don't really talk but then it's kind of got like that mm-mmy in the background yeah and oh it makes me so uncomfortable and I want to if they are making something I want to sit with them and watch something that I don't find really annoying as well yeah all day long I'm like let's put a nice film on so I find if I say to them like let's watch this they'll be like, no.

So I'll just go into, like, we've got two rooms with TVs. I'll go into the one that they're not in, sit down with a nice cup of tea and put on what I want them to watch. And then they end up coming in to me. And then I haven't been, I haven't kind of suggested it. No, because they literally are magnets to you, aren't there? They just follow around.

And they'll just come and find me and they'll be like, oh, what are you watching? And then they'll end up watching it with me. I've just got Little Mermaid on. So we did that with, I did that with Inside Out at the weekend. Yeah. Because someone had said to me, have you seen it? And I hadn't, and I loved it.

Yeah, it's really good. I was like, I'm learning about my emotions. Yeah, how do I feel? What emotion inside me saying that? I know. And I need to have watched it too. Yeah, I haven't seen. Oh, there you go.

So, let's talk about your relationship with alcohol. So I know you've been really, really open. And do you know what? I read an article. I don't know when you did this article. Okay. Maybe it was like last year. Yeah, probably when my book first came out.

And I was actually like so emotional reading your article. because it was about you at, I think it was at boarding school. Mm-hmm. And I just, like, felt you because I'm like, so many of us have actually been in them situations where you just get blackout drunk and you actually think what happened. Yeah. No, no memory. No memory.

Yeah, my relationship with alcohol was kind of, yeah, pretty toxic from the first time I ever got really drunk. How old would you say? When I first got really drunk, like, 13 14. We all were, weren't we? We all were, and it was so normalised.

Oh, yeah, all of it. Just, I mean, I look back and some, I guess sometimes it was fun, but I was always the one that would kind of take it too far,

never knew my limit, could never moderate, could never really, just never really handle it, would get very bad hangovers even as a teenager when often people, you know,

maybe could just, get up the next morning and feel fine. I feel like... You're literally describing me as a person. Maybe I need to give up alcohol because that is me and I can't bear to be... I will throw up all day and I'm like to people... You don't understand like it's not worth me drinking

because... It just depends how you tolerate it. I will throw up from literally the moment I open my eyes all day. Nothing will settle my stomach. I would rarely throw up. I would feel sick though. But what the whole day? But I would be more how it affected my mental health. Yeah. And just having that kind of anxiety, anxiety feeling of just dread and doom and what did I say?

And just like having regret from something that happened when I was drinking and then the drama around it, like looking for your phone. Like who are these random people that I made friends with? Like what did I do? Like what happened in that four hour period that I can't remember? See, for me, I'm like, there's these like the devil and the angel, right? Because Olivia Ratwood said something yesterday and I was like, I do understand what she's saying. Because she said to Pete, he was like, are you going to curb the drinking? She was like, no, absolutely not.

She was like, I want to be that person that goes out, gets absolutely so drunk, does the wildest things. And then you've got the story. She said, because when you die, she was like, no one's going to be like, oh, just remember that person that like didn't do that? Which I can really relate because I have done some wild stuff being drunk. and I have got the funniest stories. Yeah. And, you know, even with Tom, my husband, that when he, when he passed away,

like the stories we now talk about are the, like, oh, do you remember when Tom did that? Like, and they are sort of like when we went out drinking. And, you know, you were probably around the same time as me. It was, we used to go to Mahiki every weekend. And, you know, my Mahiki stories. Yeah. Are just wild.

So now you're a parent. Obviously, Olivia's not a mum yet. And I do think that for me, you go, I couldn't even think to drink and be a parent the next day. Like how drunk I used to get and wild and probably the whole world to see my boobs and whatever else. But I am quite a free person. So yeah, I'm sorry.

I'd probably be like, yeah, the same, definitely flashed my boobs to get shots when I was younger. Oh, God, yeah. Oh, God. Like, I just just do it for fun and be like, oh, I signed the other day. Like, I remember I have an argument with Tom and I just stripped like naked in the street and was like, I just wanted to be naked because I'm so. sad that we're having this argument and my friends go put your clothes on put your clothes on like you just do wild things when you're drunk but being a parent I think hormones like we were

saying before I think it puts a it shifts things for sure it shifts things and I mean parenting with a hangover it's just not even worth it it is hell like just that and if you're not a parent but obviously majority people listen to this you will feel us you will know how we feel because I just think I just can't now and I feel like when I do go out, do you get the comments now you've stopped drinking? I guess people know your story though, but do they go, oh that's boring? You're boring. I don't really get that.

You're not going to have anymore, no. I'm having two glasses of wine. Obviously, you completely. I wouldn't even be out with someone that would say that to me. My circle is so tight. I just wouldn't be at a table with someone that was even kind of questioning it. Yeah. But you've been through so much, but I think when you're,

you've like not been through that and you're just opting. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just, I'm going to drink two wines tonight. Yeah. And they're like, why? Why are you just having? Yeah, I used to find that really hard when I was still drinking but wanted to cut

back, wanted to moderate, was trying to change my relationship with alcohol. And as soon as someone would say, come on, just have another one. I'd be, oh, okay, always. And then that's it. And then that would be it. But because you had that relationship with alcohol. Yes. And now I understand also, I found out I have ADHD.

Yeah. And that makes you so much more likely to have an issue with alcohol. Because it's just actually the way your brain is wired. You are seeking dopamine. You want that next drink. You want to kind of maintain that feeling. You want to quiet in the noise inside your head. So one isn't really going to cut it.

Like you have one and then you just want more and more and more. Yeah. You're chasing that feeling that the kind of first drink gave you. It is the feeling. It's the buzz. It's the dopamine hit. And I don't think people. people realise that you get that from alcohol, especially obviously being ADHD.

Yeah. You get it even more. And I think when your brain is on overload, it then goes, oh, I need what. But it feels like such a relief because your brain is so busy all the time. But so many thoughts and often people with ADHD are more likely to have anxiety and depression. So alcohol is, in the moment, it feels like soothing all of those things, making you feel calm and making you feel more relaxed, making your head just a quiet, happier place to be but then the payoff is just yeah it's I mean it just wasn't worth it like

it was just so painful the next day and not even the next day I would get hangovers that lasted like a week sometimes so I had a big weekend like drank maybe Friday, Saturday and Sunday then I'd be it the rest of the week and then you'd be back doing it Friday Saturday Sunday again that was that was kind of the cycle I got myself into so I was like I can go you know the week days without drinking. I don't have a problem. People would say that to me as well. You'd be like, you know, you drink too much or you did something stupid. You did something stupid the other night, but you don't have a problem. And this, people kept saying this to me, you don't have a problem. And it really made me feel that if I did have a problem, it wouldn't be okay. Yes. So,

how long have you not drunk for? Um, three and a half years. That's so good. I don't really think about drinking now and that I, I don't feel tempted to drink. I was always so, retired in the evening when I was pregnant and then my bedtime just never forgot any later since I was pregnant. I've been going to bed at 9pm for like 6 years. What asleep? Go to sleep. Yeah. At 9. What time do you wake up? What time do I wake up? I often wake up before them so I wake up around 5, 5.30. Yeah. And then they wake up by me any time from sleep. But that's a really good cycle and routine you're in. But I like that. I think if you know, I know what works best for me but I am also an

early bird. Like naturally, my chronotype is like go to bed early, wake up early. So I naturally don't find that too difficult to do. I love going to bed. I love it too. I love it. I love it. I like an early dinner. Like I heard like Winnith Paltrow talking about this on a podcast the other day. And I was like, that's literally me. Like if the restaurant opens at 5.30, I will be there at 5.30. I will be the first person in the restaurant. Like, like lovely. Perfect. Have your dinner. Have my dinner. And you're like at home. And you'll be like in bed at like eight PM if you want to. Or like at least you get home and you've got times to be like your whole bedtime routine

and then it doesn't affect your bedtime. But that's like mum's who brunch really. It's the best thing, isn't it really? It's like a little brunch. I get invited to dinners at start after 8pm and I'm like, sorry, no. I can't again? I can't. You can't even think of that, can you?

No. Like 8 o'clock, boy, when I work that, I'm going to be at least till 10, like pushing it. Yeah, they're going to be eating my main course at like after 9pm. And it makes you feel a bit sick. God, we really are their mum's down. Look at them. They used to go to behiki and be fun and now look at them. Oh, we can't eat.

No, I am. It sits on your stomach, doesn't it? And I find that if I eat that late a night, I can't sleep. Do you eat with your kids? Yeah, we eat at five. We eat about six o'clock, six half six, dinner is done. I eat at 5pm and then I'll have like a snack maybe once the kids are in bed. Yeah.

For like seven. They do say that's the best time, don't they cut off food then? And then I'm like nothing else after that. How old was your oldest when you? your eldest when you started, when you stopped drinking? My eldest was two. Yeah. And my youngest was six months.

So how did you notice the change in your parenting after you stopped drinking? I mean, they were babies. So they were kind of at that such a young age. But I think it made me become a much more present parent, a calmer parent, and kind of less reactive. So I think I've also just been learning as you know, as you go through motherhood, you go through the different stages. as you kind of learn as you go along in terms of like how to parent

and what kind of parent you want to be. But it's helped me regulate my emotions more. And then like your kids are unregulated, but they learn from you. So if you've got unregulated children, unregulated adult, it's just going around in a cycle of like triggering each other. Unregulated people. Yeah. Of chaos, yeah.

What sort of parent are you? I'll tell you the kind of things I do and then you can tell me. Okay, I'll put you in the box. because I don't I don't really know I like to say I'm a conscious parent Yeah So I validate the feeling

Yeah I try to hold the space Yes Let them have the feelings Yeah Without reacting So I don't try and just squash it I don't say be quiet

Stop crying Go to your room Yeah I just go okay It's okay And we'll get on the level But what if they've done something really naughty They've done something really naughty

she go get to your room now if they've done something really naughty it's like okay sometimes it's like giving them a warning and then if the warning doesn't work then you're like okay it's like TV ban straight it's TV ban

yeah sometimes literally separating them into the kids into separate rooms if they're like physically fighting trying to like kick and punch each other just having to like actually that is siblings you know sometimes having to actually remove them to another room

or take them outside or something just so you're kind of changing their environment to get them to calm down a bit Yeah. You know, there are sometimes slam doors and I've had it. I hate you. Yeah, you've got, and you've got girls. But if they storm off, I remember storming off a lot as a child and just, you know,

or being sent to my room and just being so angry, but then just being left and then like sitting in that feeling. And I don't want them to have that. So if they storm off, I go and I don't like them be on their own. I do think it's your personality type as well, though. Okay. Me as a child, right? I used to do all the right, that's it. I'm going to leave this house.

I hate you all. Someone's my room. I'd forget. I'd just had that massive row with everyone. I come back to her and says, right, they go. Oh, I wouldn't forget. I would like, stay in it. I let everything go.

I think that's how I can deal with life. But I literally just let it go. Like even with partners, I have it out. Say what I've got to say and then I'm done. I don't hold grudges. I don't soak. That's amazing. Like, yeah, I don't, so, and I feel like my daughter is just like me.

Oh, my oldest is literally me. She's the same as me, so she'll do the big tantrum, go upstairs, and then she'll come down, she'll be like, all right, did it, you just told us you hate us and whatever. I just like, yeah, no, I don't care. Bodie, oh my God, he, he's a sulker. So with him, I wouldn't let him go and sulk and be in his room. No, I have to go and, like, break them out a bit. So if my oldest goes off and has a big meltdown,

Like sometimes even if it's, I think she's highly sensitive. So if I've told her off, say she hit her sister or she did something mean and I kind of maybe raise my voice at her. She'd run off and I can hear her crying and say, mommy doesn't love me, mommy doesn't love me. Yeah. So she, if I tell her off, the way she reads that is like, I've done something wrong and mommy doesn't love, mommy, daddy don't love me. What's that, aren't she?

Taurus. Oh, Taurus. Taurus. I'm Leo. So I just always kind of go and try and talk it out with her. Yeah. And I often sometimes have to make her laugh or like use distraction. Like, you know, I've got something I've got to tell you.

Like, I've just sort of like the secret I need to tell you or something. And she like can't resist and she'll like have to. She's like, okay, go. She's like, okay. Tell me the goss. Tell me what it is. But I don't, I don't know. What kind of parent are you?

I don't really know. I wouldn't. I'm definitely. Depend on the day. Depend on your cycle. Yeah. I'm definitely not a gentle parent. But I don't think with my children.

I could gentle parent them. They're not them children. I speak about their feelings a lot and we are very open. So I think people would probably be quite shocked when they came into my house because we talk about absolutely everything and there's not really, like with what Aurelia asked me, Millie, I think you'd be like your job would be the floor. Really? Yeah.

Because she's just, she's just beyond her years. And Bodie just, he sits back. He listens to everything. He's really quiet. But I don't parent them the same And I don't think you can parent children Because if I am stricter with Aralia She actually will listen to that

And I feel like she's got a teacher at the moment But she's really soft with her And I'm like, that's not the way forward Because if she can smell a little bit of weakness Or she thinks there's a little bit of weakness But with Bodey, you have to be a bit softer with him Yeah And like even if, so with him

I said we said the other day he does swim lessons And I went, oh, my aunt said to him, if you point your toes a bit more when you swim, what do you mean point my toes? I'm a really good swimmer. Like, he cannot take any criticism either. So with him, I have to really be like, you're amazing. But if you did point your feet a little bit more, you know, you'd be faster in that pole. You could not give him any negative.

You have to find the way to say it. Yeah. So that's what I just think kids are so different. You have to understand. Yeah, exactly. The child. The child and how to parent that child for their needs. And you know what?

even in years to come these children will hit their 20s or however old they're going to be and they will still even if you did parent in the same and you all live in the same house and whatever else they will still see how you parented them completely different

to how it was how your mum thinks that she's parented you your probably take on that is completely different I'm sure so what she thinks and it's how you see them parent the other children have you got siblings I've got younger sister Yeah, you probably think that she was treated completely different to you.

Yeah, how the oldest child is definitely treated different. I think they learn, I think parents. They learn from the end. I definitely think. But then again, then you look it in, and me and my old brother are completely different. Again, you couldn't parent us the same. But I was the difficult one. Was she?

Yeah. Was she like the dream child, your sister? She's like the highlight. Probably compared to me. I don't think I was difficult when I was like young, young. Do you think you might have got difficult when drink came into the mix? Yeah, but I think even slightly before that, I think also being undiagnosed with ADHD. Yeah.

Now I understand that I didn't know at the time. I found school quite difficult, so I was kind of wanting to rebel against anything I could. No. I think school just needs to have a shift in itself. My daughter just made both of them, they just keep being like, why do I have to go to school, mommy? me like why? I'm like I get it I hated going too so I feel bad sometimes I'm like oh I'm like why do you have to go to school and then I'm suddenly I'm like Google like homeschool are you a homeschooled are you a homeschool parent so me and my friends saying we'd love to homeschool

we just couldn't do it I feel exactly that but I actually would love to homeschool them if it was what they wanted but even when my daughter's nursery didn't be open I was like it's fine I'll just you know you'll be high school I'll just like homeschooler I'll just you know whatever they're doing at nursery, we'll just do it at home. And then I was like, I can't do that because I also need to work. Yeah. Yeah. And I don't think I've got, like, parenting is teaching me patients, but I definitely do not have enough patients to teach children. And that's when you think of these teachers that you think, I salute them. I salute them with other parents. I salute them with the children. Like, I salute teachers because I think it's hard work. And you know, I think

more and more children have got ADHD now. So a classroom which is designed for children to sit, learn, not have run around sessions when that's what they actually need. If you've got them up every 40 minutes and let them run around the field and come back in, they would be different children. But they have that to contend with now because I would say probably, what would you say, a quarter of the class now probably is ADHD. Yeah.

For sure. More and more of people finding out that they... We don't have a diagnosis. But I think Sienna maybe is. Aurelia all day long is ADHD. Because Sienna is me. She can't sit still, she can't. But then my youngest, my Aurelia,

is so fussy in particular about things. And then I don't know where that falls, but somewhere on a spectrum for sure. Like, it's, she is so attached to, like, I know maybe this is all kids, but she gets so attached to just, like, one thing, one particular outfit. And it's that outfit every day for, like, a month.

month and she will barely eat any food. How old is she? Like, she ate pesto pasta that is like her safe food. That's like all she'll really eat. That's the only green thing that she eats. She's for. But then she just might have a fear of food. She might just like that set, like.

Yeah, I can't get her to go out of the buggy. I can't get rid of the buggy. She just wants to be in the buggy. She gets so upset. She's not good for the life to walk. She'll literally like lie on the floor and cry and cry until you give in and just be like, okay, we'll take the buggy. And she like, love her.

running around when she's like at the playground. But do you reckon the buggy's her safety? Yeah. Oh, I know. I mean, to be fair, I would love to be pushed around in a buggy. Yeah, it's comfortable. Why not? And when we did just go in our last holiday, I do feel like Aurelia, I took the buggy for the evening.

Yeah, when they're tired. You know, if she wanted to sleep, she's never going to sleep in the buggy. But then she'd actually be pushed around it. And I was like, you're in like, year one at scores. Like, you can't be pushed around in your buggy? I was like, if your friends saw you, what would they think? She doesn't care. She's like, I don't care.

Yeah. She's like that waving at the crowd. Hi! I mean, why not? They're loving it. So she has her heartset on Prince Louis. She's asking how old's Prince Louis? So she might marry a royal.

There go, you've heard it here first. She's like, how old's Louis? I'm like, he's a bit naughty as well. They could be like the... Has she had like boyfriend and stuff at school or anything like that? Yes, she has her boyfriend. Well, we actually had drama when she first started in reception. Because she got a boyfriend.

I went away on a copperfield trip. Yeah. Yeah. So my mum had her for a week. First week she's gone in. She's called on this boyfriend who's actually one of my friend's sons as well. Yeah. Then she turned around.

I don't want to be my boyfriend anymore. Nan, you need to go in there and tell him, tell the teacher that he's not my boyfriend. My mom's like, I'm not doing that. She literally kicked off. She's like, you need to go in there. So the rule is no boyfriend. Good rule So if you say to her

I'd have a boyfriend She's like No speak to my nan My nun says no Because my mum was mortified She was like how can I go into the class And tell the teacher She's only been here a week

That she just want This poor little boy Who's gorgeous To not be a boyfriend anymore She's like Oh yeah So that's where we're at with boy We've had a boy not be very nice

Yeah But then write like a love letter She asked me to read the letter to her Because at this point she still couldn't read And so I read it to her And then I was like, darling, what do you want to do? And she was like, just put it in the bin. I was like, good girl.

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So I started talking about my decision to not drink alcohol about six months after I started. I just needed a bit of time to kind of find my feet with it and feel confident to start talking about it. And I started sharing my story on social media. And I just was amazed by the response from people. And it really helped me actually to just connect with other people who felt similar to me, lots of like new, lots of parents as well, especially like new mums and just people that had struggled with their relationship with alcohol for years and people that had already stopped drinking and were kind of saying like keep going.

And I just realized there was this amazing community of people that I wanted to connect with. so many people saying thank you for speaking about this. It's really helping me. I think when you're in something like that, the support from other people actually drives you. You can't do it on your own. No one will ever understand that until you're in it. Even for me, for grieving, like the support I get from that community is like massive.

So this, people are, and you're, especially for drink, because it could be something that you could go back to. Because you've got these people supporting you, they're lifting you and they're raising you. you're like, I can do this. It really helped me keep going. And then a book publisher got in touch. And we're like, we love what you're talking about.

We really think that you should do a kind of sober curious book. And it kind of came from that. I just started working with a ghostwriter and we're just literally like word vomit, like everything from my past. And we would just have these sessions where she would kind of interview me. And I would just talk and then she would kind of write it all up and then I would edit it. So that was the kind of approach. it was quite collaborative but it was really cathartic difficult at times I did a lot of

therapy alongside it because it was definitely opening up some wounds and things from the past that I hadn't actually dealt with and there were things I had to decide like did I feel that I could keep them in the book some things came out but it was very honest did your parents know a lot of the stories mm-hmm they were they shocked when they read the book there was definitely some difficult things in there I mean that would be difficult for anyone's parents to read. So I obviously had to talk to them. They maybe have some conversations that I wish I'd had a long time ago.

It kind of forced me to have those difficult conversations because I had to tell them before the book came out. I didn't want them to obviously find out from the book. Here you go, there's the book, read that, and then you know everything that I went through. But that's the thing with also trauma when you've gone through trauma, like some of the book, that if everyone could write a book and release their trauma,

because you've actually just got that down on pen and paper and then everyone's experiencing that with you as well. Again, you feel supported and lifted. But we all carry this trauma and I think that, you know, the drink and how you actually suppress traumas as well. Yeah. It's quite dangerous, isn't it, for people? So actually, when you're stopped, what I always say with the drink,

that actually, from a spiritual level, I don't know if you're very spiritual, really. I am. But they say that when you actually drink or you do drugs, it's actually spirit leaves the body. Really? That's why people do it because you're actually, and what you do is you open yourself up, people are like, oh, look it comes with arms. And you actually let the spirits in. So you're letting bad stuff, bad energies in.

And that's why bad things happen under the influence of alcohol and drugs, because you're actually leaving spirit, but you're letting dark spirits come in. I haven't heard that. I love that. So there you go. So obviously, from a drink and spirit. Because it is spirit, isn't it? You're having spirits. Yeah. You're releasing yourself to the spirits. My producer just gone, oh, here she is.

Here she is. It's definitely very damaging on a spiritual level. On, you know, physical level, on mental health, like in terms of mental health, it affects everybody differently. And I didn't want to write the book and shame anybody who drinks and enjoys drinking. that is totally fine. I have no issue with anyone drinking. I'm not trying to come after peaceful and take their alcohol. It's the individual. It's how you, you personally cope with alcohol. Like, I know people that can sit there and drink, my mum being one of them, my mum could

drink and drink and drink. You wouldn't even know she's drunk. She doesn't affect her. Nothing ever happens to her. She's just that person that can, she might feel a bit eased herself. I can't, I'm the person. I drink, everyone's like, you just turn into sometimes a bit of a dick. Well, that was me. That's why I called the book Bad Drunk, because that's the type of drunk I was. You know, when you think about people... People are saying it as well, God, she's a bit of a bad drunk. Yeah. Like, you think about people, you know, think about a group of friends that you know, when they go out drinking, there'll be some of them that you said, like your mum, can drink quite a lot. They don't really change. No, she's just literally like that. She might be a bit bubbly, a bit more, a bit louder. But their personality doesn't fundamentally change. And they know when they've had enough. They know when to stop. They know when to maybe switch.

torture, they're not going to be black out drunk, like unconscious in a taxi, like having to be, you know, taken home. And then there are the ones that will just, you know, have one or two, and then that's it. They're just kind of off on one, you know, don't know where the night's going to go. There's normally some kind of drama. You might end up crying, might end up arguing someone. You might end up losing a shoe or your bag or your phone or just something that just causes some kind of chaos and that sadly was me it wasn't me every time I drank but it was pretty likely that it would happen what was like your final I've got to stop drinking now like what was the final event was it like a big blow up with someone was it was a wedding and weddings would

were normally a bit of a shit show because it's a big social occasion so my social anxiety would be really bad and then I'd be drinking to try and tame the anxiety and and it would often all just go a bit wrong. Because, you know, there's like alcohol, unlimited alcohol. Yeah, like quite long periods of kind of standing around or sitting at a table when someone's topping up your glass. And also having awkward conversations. Yeah.

And you might not know the people you're sat with and then you're drinking, drinking, drinking, next thing you know you've kind of lost control of it. I was at this wedding. This was about a week before I stopped for good. And I'd really, like, had talks with myself about how I was going to moderate. I've had so many good intentions to not get really drunk. at this wedding and you know by the end of the champagne reception that had all gone out the window and I thought it was having a great time but then at some point during the dinner I don't really

remember much after that so you know it's kind of like lost control and was a really bad drunk was you know really emotional was crying was like losing things was being I think I was just that annoying drunk person at a party that people just don't want to be around and I feel so embarrassed like thinking about that and the next day I just I felt so so, I'm so hung over but so embarrassed

and had so much shame and anxiety and I just can't I can't keep doing this I had like, you know my kids were really young I'm a mother like this is not how I want to be acting this is not a true representation of who I am that person I was last night that's not me I don't want people to think of me like that And then about a week later, I was on holiday and I had a massive panic attack after a night of drinking.

And that was my last night drinking because after that panic attack, I was like, okay, I can't. That was my final day. And in the panic attack, I thought I was dying and thought I'd never see my kids again. It was like, probably the worst panic attack I'd ever had. like we were really far from a hospital and I literally was kind of everything was going black and I thought it was hyperventilating I thought I couldn't get any air in I thought I was dying it sounds really extreme but if you've had panic attacks it's like it feels like it's happening yeah and after that was like I'm never gonna drink again and that's been three and a half years

so good not obviously that that you've actually yeah you've done it it was it was a lot of years of kind of knowing this isn't working for me anymore. It took me a long time to get to a pace of actually being like, okay, enough is enough. Even though for a long time I'd been thinking, okay, this really isn't working for me anymore. Interestingly, when I was pregnant, I felt so relieved because no one could pressure me to drink. No one could twist my arm. No one could say, come on, don't be boring, just because you're pregnant. So that I actually was like, wow, I've got a valid excuse.

A valid reason not to drink. And then something really clicked when I suddenly realized, I don't know. need an excuse to not drink. I can just tell people. I can just not drink. Like I can choose that for myself. But I do think it's learnt behaviours as well. Like how do you feel now on a holiday? Yeah. You know like that and like you're saying you know that you're going to go to a wedding and it's going to be a boozy one. Yeah. How do you feel now? What's your, what do you feel like when you're walking into them situations now? So on a holiday, I would say I'm a lot less anxious now. because I'm not like drinking every night and waking up, hung over.

I still, I like to set myself like a kind of routine, like at home, I thrive in a routine. So when I travel, if I'm on holiday or I'm away for work, whatever I'm doing, it's like still getting up, meditating, exercising, first thing in the morning before I've kind of done anything else. So I've just kind of had a bit of time to myself. And if I'm with people that are drinking on holiday, I might just excuse myself from that. if it's difficult if it's something like travelling to a wedding

or going to a wedding I kind of allow myself to leave at any point if I need to I mean okay if it's like your best friend and you're a bride's maid you know you're gonna try

you're there you're there but I had a really close friend's wedding this summer and you know I think I left at like 11pm and you know because you are genuinely tired especially you go bed at 9 o'clock

so that's it yeah I was I was exhaustive the next day because obviously when you do drink you can keep going for longer because you're still chasing that buzzer going oh yeah and you've kind of got the sugar and it is and it is sugar you've been more and more sugar yeah but i won't be the last one at the party anymore no i'm fine with that i think some people can stop drinking or have never really drunk

and they might still be on the dance floor till three and that's amazing that's just not me like i do still like dancing but i'm like can it be in the day yeah can we have daytime dancing My cousin's 23 and she's stopped drinking. Not because she's ever been a bad drunk. I think for her she feels like she's quite, she's really slim. She, her body just can't handle it. And she's just all about her health. Do you think they're young a generation?

They're really health conscious. They're so health conscious that she's just like, I'm like, do your friends not give you a hard time? She's like, no. Like how good is that an understanding? Because I feel like when we went out. No one would understand if you didn't drink. I do think, though, that we were the binge drinkers.

Like you're saying, you didn't drink all weeks and I haven't thought you had a problem, but at the weekend, you were having the drinks. Having the drinks till they passed out. Yeah. You know, the house part is you go to and you turn up with the wine and you're thinking that actually used... Like wine in a box. But you're thinking you can actually drink that amount of alcohol, you can't.

I look at them now and I'm like, why did I think that I could do that? Yeah, the damage we've done. But we were that, and do you know what, We was actually having this conversation the other day, me and my friends, that they've got social media. We didn't have social media back then. We would take a camera out and it would actually be like a disposable camera. Yeah, and it would actually be how wild the pictures could possibly be.

Now, they are posing, they're aesthetically pleasing the pictures. They're not wearing the same outfit every time they go out. I would have like a key wardrobe and be like, they're my staple outfits and that's what I'm wearing out. Like we would re-wear clothes. They don't re-wear clothes. So true. And they pose and it's all about looking good, having your hair flick, doing whatever. Like, I would hate to be, okay, maybe we have to cause some damage, you know.

Just a bit. Just a bit of damage. But I think their mental health is going to be more damaged. Because of social media. We might physically damaged ourselves. You can be addicted to social media. Yeah. Well, they say that your phone, your phone is the most addictive thing that you probably do.

You're probably a phone addict. I'm about to go on a digital detox. Are you? Yeah. What are you doing? Tell me about it. I'm going to India tomorrow. And I'm going to do a detox and lots of yoga and like Ayurvedic food.

Wow. I'm really excited. But yeah, you're kind of not allowed your phone most of the time. I mean, in my room. But you won't want to be on your phone because you'll be around people and talking and even now. Like, you know, now you're talking to me. Actually, you might turn around and go, no idea how you want to be in my phone. But when I'm talking to people, I'll be around.

I couldn't even think about my phone. Yeah. And I'll go to my phone in a second. Have it away. Like, if you're like at a meal or something, not having it on the table. I hate it. If you're having a conversation with someone, they've got their phone face up. And they're talking to you whilst like, you know, looking.

And they're just like, they're talking to you. They're like, their eyes are on the phone. They're not listening, aren't they? I hate that. I mean, look, sometimes it's necessary. You're like, okay, waiting for something from the school or like, you know, there's certain situations. You're like, okay, I kind of just need to know something comes in. But if you're having, like, a proper conversation.

But even now, look, the school. But the school's ringing, I ain't picking up. Yeah. Because I wouldn't even know. Exactly. But normally my phone is glued to my hand. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm probably the worst.

I'm a phone addict, but... I think we all are. It's so hard not to be. And especially our jobs are run through the phone. So they're 24-7. Yeah, because your work is on your phone. You wake up. You're like, oh.

Do you set any rules around that? I'm really trying to be good. What's the way? I'm just trying to just put my phone to one side. But then I think it's so hard from like... I sleep with it on airplane, Yeah, do you? And what I like about that is when I wake up in the morning,

there's not all the, like, notifications on the screen. So I'm just going to go to bed. You turn their airplane mode on and it's up. I try. I don't turn it off straight away. I'll kind of, so maybe for the first half an hour of the day. That's so good. I don't turn it on.

If I'm up at like 5.30, I don't need to be, like, answering anything. No, you don't. Life is just really tough. And I think if you can try and move your phone out, and I did buy a, like, an old-school alarm clock. Really. So then to be like, right, I can't make the excuse that my phone is the alarm. Because they say that you should actually just take your phones out of the room.

She's in a different room. For radiation? Yeah. I've got those like stickers all around my house that like absorb the Wi-Fi and stuff. Millie's on my page. I don't feel as mental. Oh, no, I'm really into all of that. Oh, I've got it yet.

I don't use a microwave. No, I don't use microwave. No. Oh, Millie, come on again because you're on my page. I love it when people are on my page and they don't think I'm absolutely mental. I get it. Yeah, and I was watching the Kardashians the other day. And Courtney's got something in her house.

Courtney's very into all of that. But I looked and it was like 15 grand, this thing that she had. And I was like, oh yeah, I can't really thought that. I mean, it's insane. Some of that things. That is like blocking every frequency, bad frequency. I've got all the phone protectors. I've got this program that has been programmed to my house to set like a really nice frequency in my house.

Oh, I love that. Yeah. And then do you have all the, like, do you have all the biohacking gadgets? Okay. Okay. It's going to be like a whole other episode. I'm like, yeah,

well, I've just started showing my people that watch me because I feel like I've been gatekeeping for quite a long time. People probably listen to this pod don't think I'm gatekeeping, but from an Instagram perspective, I haven't been telling people what I've been doing,

but now I think that, you know, everyone's not eating the ultra-processed foods anymore and whatever else. I'm going to showcase that more. But obviously, I've been doing this for years and years. When Tom got diagnosed with brain tumor,

and someone saying Chu, he has got at the top, well, we didn't even get prognosis, but when you go home and Google it, he had six months to live, you are doing everything in your power to go, what else can I do? Oh, it massively worked me up, because I was like, they're so,

especially they only said to me that they would give him chemo and radio therapy, that's it. So I was like, right, there's got to be more out there. So we did everything. He used to wear a bracelet to block frequencies, bad frequencies,

and, you know, I don't, yeah. frequency is a lot to save the power of the frequency. I know. It's fascinating. Thank you so much for coming on. I mean, we could talk all day. We could talk all day. I mean, I feel like you have taught so many people, some wonderful things, and yeah, go and get the book. Yeah, bad drunk. You can go and get it. You can listen to it from audio, get it in paperback or hardback.

Thank you. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. That's a wrap on another episode of Mums the Word. Thank you for joining us today as we were joined by the amazing Millie McIntosh. Don't forget to leave us a review, follow us on socials at Mums the Word underscore pod, and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can watch this in full. Just search Mums the Word. Until next time, I'm Kelsey Parker and this has been Mums the Word. And we'll be back with another episode, same time, same place next week.

Thank you.