Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - RUTHANNE: What Dealing With Endometriosis As A Mum Is Really Like?

Episode Date: May 11, 2025

In this heartwarming and candid episode of Mum's The Word brought to you by Love To Dream, Kelsey Parker is joined by the incredibly talented singer and songwriter, RuthAnne.Together, they dive into the making of RuthAnne’s viral hit, The Vow, and discuss why Kelsey chose this beautiful song as her wedding anthem.The conversation takes a deeper turn as RuthAnne opens up about her personal journey with endometriosis and how it has shaped her life and music.Plus, RuthAnne gives us an exciting sneak peek into her upcoming album and book set to launch later this year. Tune in for a raw and inspiring conversation about love, pain, and creativity!A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to Mums the Word. I'm your host Kelsey Parker. Today I'm joined by the amazing Ru-Fam. She's a singer and a prolific songwriter who's worked with the likes of One Direction, Britney Spears and Martin Garrix. She's mum to two girls and she'll be releasing her brand new solo album as well as publishing a book all about songwriting later this year. So grab a cuppa, get comfy, and let's jump into a brand new episode of Mums the Word. This episode of Mums the Word is in partnership with Love to Dream. Everyone tells you swaddling is a game changer for the newborn sleep,

but getting it right in the middle of the night, well that's a whole other challenge. My thoughts on swaddling are, I think that it is fantastic to swaddle your baby. I think they've been inside you, and they're all tight and cushioned and lovely, and I think they wanna be like that

when they're out of the womb. So I love to swaddle and I've swaddled both Aurelia and Bodie. I think the reality of midnight nappy changes and re-swaddling struggles are hard work and that's why I love the Love to Dream Swaddle Up solution. It's not complicated, there's no wrapping, it's just a zip-up swaddling for an easier night's sleep. I love the Love to Dream Swaddle Up solution. It's no complicated wrapping, it's just zip-up swaddling for an easier night's sleep. sleep. Guys I can't take this seriously because Rufan is my best friend and she's on my podcast! Okay this is what I get everyone to do. Oh God. Sing. No, take it.

Oh my god. You used to say sing or you won't be famous. That's what you used to say to me all the time. Yeah, I always say to her sing or you won't be famous. Cut me a scene. I just had to just brag about Rue Fan, be like, my best friend's Rue Fan, like she'll sing for you. Don't worry, I'll get her here and she'll sing for you. Tell everyone who Rue Fan is. What are you? Who are you?

What have you done? That's such a loaded question. Loaded. Introduce yourself basically. Oh, oh God. I guess I'm a singer-songwriter. Why are you guessing? You are. I am a singer-songwriter. I'm Irish. Yes. I'm a mom. She's really famous in Ireland. Favours in Japan. No I'm a mom of two beautiful girls. I'm a wife. I am your

friend. I don't know like I'm a singer-songwriter. I think a lot of people might know me for either people would know about me through songwriting for songs I've written for people or they might know some of my own. So I've just said a few people you've wrote for, but can you tell everyone? And tell me your hit. Not the name drop. The name drop. I always, I wave for everyone, like people, when you're out with me and you say to people,

oh, you know she'd written this song. Okay guys, I'll do the first one. And this is what I used to you say to people, oh you know she'd written this song. Okay guys, I'll do the first one and this is what I used to always say to people, I'd be like, do you know Jojo? Yeah. And then we're like, you know Jojo? So Rufan, at the age of 18. 17.

17, sorry, 17, she wrote A Little Too Late for Jojo. Yeah, yeah, too little too late when it came out. Too little too late. I said a little too late. What came out? At least you did the right song I've been in interviews where they've gone Oh you wrote that get out right now and I'm like, no, that's a great song And no, I wrote too little too late Yeah when I was 17 that kind of like kicks that in my songwriting career and then I guess I've written

Other songs people might know like the Britney one work, can I curse on this? Yeah. Work bitch. You better work bitch. Been in the gym, that's probably played and God what else, like Slow Hands with Niall, a few with Niall, so nice to meet you, Slow Hands, I've done more with Niall on his first album, Seen Blind, yeah, a bunch with Niall on his first two albums.

Oh my God, oh, In the Name of Love, Martin Garg's Vibra XA, I forget you see. She's just had a massive hit out with Ellax. Ah, I forget you see she's With Ella Henderson, yeah alibi Did that was so funny with alibi? So, oh my god, this song is like a little bit like repetitive for me And then I think I said it to Kelsey and she was like, you do know That's so funny because I feel like we cheated a bit because I'm like, we have a sample in it,

but I thought it was really clever what we did. And I think it was amazing. When it got nominated for the Brit, I was like, wow. So that was amazing. And then, yeah, I guess that's why I do. I've written more songs, but I'm not gonna go on and be like, oh no no. She's wrote loads.

She's wrote loads. I'm so proud of her. Aw. But a big song that you have wrote. Yes. And performed yourself. Yeah. And there is a massive, massive TikTok hit.

Oh, yeah. Is what? The Vow. The Vow. The Vow. A lot of people, some people might be like, what song is that? But I feel like you've probably heard it through,

like Molly May and like Love Island, Molly May, Tommy. Well, do you remember when it went on Slough Island and we were like, what song is that? But I feel like you've probably heard it through like Molly May and like Love Island, Molly May, Tommy. Well, do you remember when it went on Slough Island and we were like, oh my God, this is gonna blow up. Yeah, it literally played for like four minutes during, like, you know, when they do the ball scene when they're on the gowns and it was Molly and Tommy's year, it was that season. And I was just sitting watching it in my friend's house.

I had no idea. What year was that? That was 2019. And I literally was on the couch watching it and then we heard it and I literally was like, I thought my phone was playing. And I was thinking, why is the vowel playing? And then I was like,

ah! And it was like so exciting. And my phone just started blowing up and it like, yeah, got to number one in Ireland and started going up the UK chart. And then every year since I've released that song, it's gone viral at some point and it's charted. And then when I sang it for,

I think the biggest moment for it was when I sang it for the engagement for Molly May and Tommy's engagement. Then that went like, it was just behind Dua Lipa and the iTunes chart number two. And then it went into the UK official top 40. And I'm an independent artist, so we don't, it's not big label machine machine it's very independent so to see the song just grow has been amazing because it's really the people that have made

the song what it is and people like Molly May and for giving it that platform. I think you just need to rewind a bit with Molly May and Tommy. I'm sorry. Sorry Molly May but this one's for you it's my song. Well listen. I had it in 2018 when I got married. In 2018, you had it the year after in Love Island. Listen.

This is my song. People get very territorial about this song, let me tell you. Because I also sang it for Rachelle and Myra, they're around me, like, people do, people always say to me, but it's my song, but it's my song. No, I don't care about any of them. I did sing it for you and Tom. I don't care about any of them, Rufan. I sang it for you and Tom first in 20...

When was that? 2018. 2018. When I first released it. So you were the first wedding and I don't sing it for... Like I'm very... I don't sing it for anybody. So I sang it for you but I...

And I got really emotional singing it because you guys were just staring at me and I remembered just at the end being like, I will love you. Like I literally was trying not to cry because it is so emotional when you sing it for people that you know you love and that you know. Anyway, you say we were both staring at you. He was crying behind me. He was crying. He was emotional. He was crying.

I was not. Yeah, you kept it together. I kept it together like I always do. Yeah, Tom was the emotional one. So emotional. But obviously the vow has just gone everywhere, hasn't it? Yeah. I feel like you even get married if you're having the,

if you're not having the vow right, that you're wedding. It is mad because I get videos almost every day of weddings, like all over the world, engagements, gender, I mean, honestly, it's like that's even funerals I've gotten sent, which always, or even moms singing it to their kids. Like it's really one of them songs that people have just taken into their lives. And have made their own. Well for me now, obviously when I do listen to the vow, it makes me so emotional.

Yeah. It's... But obviously Aurelia absolutely loves it. It goes, can we have the vow again? I'm like, are you actually winding me up? Yeah, it would take you back to that moment. Oh, it just hits a place. And it actually is in our video, our wedding video.

I know and Tom, when it came out, sent me like lovely messages about The Vow. He always loved that song, didn't he? It was always... It's out, The Vow! It's just the love that you can have for someone is in that song. Yeah, which is mad because at the time when I wrote it, I was so, you know what I was going through. I was heartbroken. I was single. I thought like I woke up in the middle of the night

and wrote the lyrics, and I literally thought, this is the cheesiest thing ever. Like, I didn't think they were good. It's so crazy now when people say how much the lyrics mean to them, I thought they were cringy. I was like, oh god, I can't write love songs, this is so cringy, but it's because I was so heartbroken

and I didn't have that love in my life in that way, but it was like, I was thinking of my parents who are like 50 years married this year, and I was so hyper-opened and I didn't have that love in my life in that way. But it was like I was thinking of my parents who are like 50 years married this year, and I was thinking of trying to burn her. And I was like, I was thinking of them and going that unconditional love that you have. And I guess I was kind of trying to manifest it and what I wanted to have. And so when I brought it in the studio the next day and I just said, I don't know, this is good. And the producers are married.

And one of them was like, oh, that's like a vow I would have said to my wife. So I was like, oh, we'll call it the vow. And then I remember even being frustrated singing it because I was like, I'm not in love. Like I can't sing this song, I did it there. But, and now I look at the impact it had on people's lives and how much it means to them.

And I'm like, oh, I'm so glad that I finished writing it. And then I put it out. But that must be the craziest thing to be a songwriter and just come up with these ideas and concepts and just be like, is it good? Is anyone gonna like this? And I guess, you know, there was times with Tom in the band, like one of their, I think their second biggest selling song

is a song that he didn't like that much. I'm not going to say the song. Because when they played it to me, I was, are you putting that out? Lovely song. But it absolutely smashed it and it had a connection. A connection, yeah. And you don't know. And you don't know. Do you worry about that as a songwriter?

Not anymore. I think when I was younger, everything was like with song, everything in my career felt like, oh, this is so important. But I think, I don't know, now I'm just a bit more like, this is what I want to say. Like, and I think with The Vow, I went in and I was like, I want to do an Irish Celtic chant that's like soulful. And the producers are looking at me like, this was seven years ago and I'd be like, what? And, but I think when you're just brave enough to just take the risk and just do what you like, and for me, especially with songwriting, I'm always just thinking of the best song. I don't care about radio, I don't think about hits, charit positions honestly, I care more about that when it's coming out and I get that

nerve of like oh is anyone even gonna hear it. So when you're actually writing it you're not thinking is this gonna be a hit? Because all the best songs I've written all the time. Because all of them have been his, you know that worry in the world. No, no, no because all of the times when I've not thought about it is when I write the best song because I'm just like purely in the moment and being inspired so I just have to not think about it and just write what I feel. What would you say have been your top three best songs that you've write that you love the most? That I love, like whether they're here or not, The Vow is definitely one because that

means a lot to me because my first single as an artist and after an industry telling me you're not an artist you're just a songwriter, you're just a songwriter even though, don't get me started on that, even though without us there are no songs. So I think that means a lot to me and then I think Jojo means a lot, Tojo song means that to me because it was my first kind of like big hit and big break in this shit and it's one that like even now it still has such a following. People love that song and they know that song. And it feels like one that if I'm ever somewhere and someone's like, oh really you're a songwriter?

Like what have you wrote that I know? It feels like, all right, you wanna play? And then I say that song and they know it. So I feel like that's an evergreen. And then what other one? I guess In the Name of Love was kind of, is one that I love personally because I was writing it about like being broke in LA and like I was writing

to the music industry being like, please just give me something, a sign to stay in the industry. That was that for me what that song is about. And she had a massive sign and that was it. And that's been my first billion stream songs. I think that those billion streams yeah I don't have a billion pounds but I have a billion streams

yeah I was gonna say where you been hiding this money no no no we don't make that as songwriters and but yeah no those are probably three of my favorites and then some from my new album are gonna be my favorites too so what actually made you get into songwriting I love how you're asking this and you already know my new album are gonna be my favourites too. So what actually made you get into songwriting? Love how you're asking this and you already know. I know, I just wanna, basically all I'm doing is picking my best stories of our friendship.

That's great. And then being like, can you tell everyone else the stories that I love? Okay, I love that. What made me wanna get in songwriting? I think I just grew up in a house of song, like my mum and dad walking in my dad's air guitar into cream and my mum playing me Garth Brooks and Leonard Cohen and Carole King and then my sister playing me Lauren Hill and Alicia Keys

and I think I was just surrounded by so much music, there was instruments in the house and I just was obsessed with singing as you know, they would put me up on tables and Burger King and I would just sing Mariah Carey for everyone. But how did you know you could song write? So the thing is... What happens as a songwriter? Like how do you go I can do that? Well I guess it goes in stages so I think when I was six I was very young my dad gave me like a two track tape recorder and a mic and we're talking like you know a long time ago and I just started writing songs what I started to do was I would take songs that were out

and I would re-lyric them for Mother's Day. So I'd be like, you know, I'd take an old song and be like, you're the best mother, you know, like how kids do. And then- We have got a few re-lyriced songs that we've done ourselves. Well, do you know what I mean?

I love a good re-lyric. So I was like, I started doing that. And then I just started writing my own songs. My first one was called, He Lied To Me. So I was like, I started doing that and then I just started writing my own songs. My first one was called He Lied To Me. I would just watch, probably... Please tell everyone what He Lied To Me was about. Was that... Oh no, that wasn't. He Lied To Me wasn't EastEnders. No, no. What was He...

He Lied To Me. I actually don't know that was about me. He Lied To Me. And I just repeated it. He broke his promise. He broke his promise. And it would get louder and louder. And my parents were like, for three minutes, it was just the same lines. My parents were like, well, who lied to you

was their first question, obviously concern. I was like, oh no, it's just something I watch on TV. Cause I had two older sisters, so I was watching like stuff I shouldn't be watching younger. And then I wrote, my baby boo was about a scene in, I think it was EastEnders. Yeah, in Omer and Trevor. Yeah, the domestic abuse thing.

So when I wrote that, my mom like really, I was a bit older, I was about 14, maybe 13 or 14, and she sat me down and said, who's, like, what's this about? And I was like, oh, it's about like the little Mow and Trevor and the thing, and when he mashed her face, like, you know, there was that really iconic scene and really emotional scene, and my mom was just like,

oh thank god. I definitely was very emotional child and I think for me songwriting was the way that I got out what I felt and it was always a way of like expressing how I felt and also it would make my mom and dad so happy. So I think they were never pushy about it, but I could see their eyes light up whenever I'd sing or play a song I'd written. And to be honest with you, it became a way, I had no idea if I was good or not, but when I'd get up on a table and sing an Elmer Iotune, they'd give me money for sweets.

And when you came from a poor, like I was not from a rich family, it was like I got all me and my friends sweets with the money that I sang. So I didn't know I was good people would just always react So and I was so confident I would get him like yeah and singing hero and all at like 10 and people give me money and I'm like, alright I'll sing for you if you give me I'll do this again. I had no idea. I was good at all

I just knew it was what I wanted to do. I think you do know don't you? Yeah, the path your paths aligned for what you're meant to do. 100%. Like my mum would always just say to me, and I love my mum for this, and my dad, they would say, this is your gift. Because I'd be like, what do I do with this? Like, you know, this, my mum would say, this is your gift. And I'd be like, okay.

And she'd go, everyone gets a gift. Very incanto. Everyone gets a gift and this is yours. And I would say, what do I... Everything's a gift that keeps on giving. And I'm yours and I would say, Ruth is the gift the gift is on giving. And I'm like, so what do I do with the gift? And my mom would say, you just share it. You just share it with people and you just, you'll make people feel something and you'll make people smiley, you'll make people cry.

And I think that's always then what I've led with then is like, okay, well, this is my gift. You know, like you walk into a room, this is mine is singing and writing. What's the walk into the room? What do I do? Light up that room room? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like light up the room or you just have, everybody has that gift and some people have it in different ways and mine was always this. And so that was what I always just did. Do you think your parents were scared to put you into this industry that they had no idea about because they didn't, did they really?

No, they had no clue. They definitely scared, but they had this unwavering belief. There's not a lot of parents that, they definitely wanted me to get my exams. That was the deal. It was like, you've got to have your education to fall back on. But when it was like, we want to take her to LA and write with her this manager they had this just unwavering belief in me that like even sometimes I didn't have myself because I would call them sometimes when I'm broke I'm getting the boat like I'm coming home and my mom would be like no you believe in yourself like you can do this like they my dad and mom believed in me so much that I think that helped me they but they weren't

pushy they were just very encouraging because I think there is me. But they weren't pushy, they were just very encouraging. Because I think there is that fine line. Yeah, I never felt pressured. It's worked for Kris Jenner. She's pushy and look where they are now. And I'll be a little Kris Jenner to my little Lily-May and Monroe, you watch. Because that's what I was gonna say,

would you be scared now if, I guess, for us though, we have been in this so we can advise better. Yes, with me managing her, like a little Billy, the way that the mom, Billy Eilish's mom and with me managing her, I would be fine. But knowing me at 17 going off into LA and being kind of in Hollywood and that, yeah, no, I would definitely have to be there with her. I would be protecting her because there's definitely, I definitely went through a lot during those LA years as well, as a young teen and everything.

But I think, again, we know so much more now. I think we're more aware. Yes. Your parents would not have been aware. No, and there wasn't like the Me Too, like all that stuff hadn't even happened yet, the Me Too movement and, you know, yeah. But I was a very young 17 year old,

so me going to Hollywood, I had never been to America or anything. So just being put in that atmosphere and that culture was like, whoa, I'm from Ireland, where we just sit around in pubs and sing. This is a whole nother ball game. So I had to learn a lot. I always call that like my college songwriting years

because I had to learn a lot. Hollywood did go through a head-to-head crisis. I did have a bit of an American accent for a while, which was not good. Do you think I still do? I feel like you do still have a bit of an American accent for a while which was not good. Do you think I still do? I feel like you do still have a touch. Yeah, well I lived there for eight years. We had the best time, didn't we?

Yeah, we did. You came with me to LA with Gemma, we would go out and then obviously you were there with Tom, you did the reality show there with Tom. What was that called again? The Wanted Life. The Wanted Life. Sorry. I mean, we had so many amazing times. That was like where we had our 20s really.

Yeah, in America. In America and here in your flat. It's so, here I'm like. I would stay with Kelsey and Tom whenever I'd come back from America. Yeah, what's funny now is Arragia's like, mom, have you been to America? Cause she's watching all like this,

these TV programs on Netflix. I'm like, yeah. Mommy had a lovely time in America. We had a time. We had a time. There were so many amazing memories. Someone came on the pod the other day and they were saying that they didn't really like LA and I was like, OK, I get certain sites that you don't like about it. I said, but I had the best time in LA. Yeah, I think with LA, it's like there's two very different sides of it.

There's the rich Malibu mansion lifestyle the Hollywood of it all and then there is that homelessness and yeah exactly but when you were on the wanted in the wanted hotels it was a great life it was a fantastic time. In the Mandarin. We went to Saddle Ranch. Every night. We went to Saddle Ranch a lot guys. Boring. Yeah. Okay, so I want to know about the new song. Yeah, The Way I'm Wired. The Way I'm Wired explains everyone. No, I'm gonna get emotional already. Okay, just hold it together.

Yeah, hold it together. Only because you know what my journey has been with my health the last eight years. My song The Way I'm Wired, I actually wrote it when I was, I'd been flown out by an artist to write at this camp, like an A-list artist. And I was sick with the cold and everything, but I landed and had a really bad endometriosis flare-up. And it was like having to send that text that I've had to send a million times,

being like, I'm sorry, I can't make it. I'm too sick to show up. And I've been, when you've been flown there and someone else's, you know, money and you're being in this lovely hotel and I literally was hotel bed bound for two days. Cause explain what a writing camp looks like. A writing camp is when you like go in with a,

with an artist and there's a few rooms and the artist is in with you for a bit and they pop around the rooms or they can stay with you in the room and you're writing for their album so it's a really like intimate private thing that they like invite you to. It's a bit of a big deal. It's a bit of a big deal and I think there's been lots of opportunities that I've lost because of my health since I've gotten sick and so

it was just I was like I was sitting on the bed and I was like I'm so sick of being sick and tired I'm so sick of being that friend that's always sick, always, you know, oh, Ruth is sick again and cancelling again and so I literally threw tears on the bed. I could barely even sing or talk but I just wrote the chorus and I just came, I just sang like, oh, forgive me, it's just the way I'm wired. I don't even know where that really came from. And then I was like, I'm never going to finish that. I just needed to like, that was me like wallowing, having a moment. And then I was like, right, she has a lot of them. You know what I'm saying? But I am the type of person that I wallow and then I get up and I do some about the next day. Like I never really stay down in

those low moments. Like I get up and I do something. But in that moment, I needed to just get that out. That moment in time when you're having that endo flare up or anyone who's dealing with chronic illness, you know exactly what I mean. When you're in that moment, everything just feels like it's very low and dark and horrible. So then about a month later, same thing happened again and I had to cancel on another artist

and it was the producers that I'd written the vow with. And I said, I've got to write about this. So when I went in with them next, I said, I've got this chorus. This is very vulnerable for me. I was nervous writing, like even saying the words out loud. They were so like, no, Ruthanne, this is so good.

This is so important. I was like, I need to write a song about this because it's such a part of my life now and I'm sick of trying to just put on a brave face but I need to just be honest. And also there's so many women out there that suffer from endometriosis, polycystic ovaries. Yeah, PCOS, adenomyosis, which is another thing. I have both. And just like chronic

illness is such a big thing in the world today, like lupus, Lyme disease, MS, like there's a lot of illnesses, inflammation of the body, there's a lot going on right now. And even I can see from just the snippets, I've posted the amount of people coming to me with their stories and so I really wanted to raise more awareness for endometriosis because women's health conditions I mean there's loads of health conditions that need obviously brain tumor same thing just underfunded you know under researched and I still think that if it was a man's disease that we'd be a bit further along with the research because

there's just there's to not know what causes it and there's no cure. Like just it's just like that's just mad. And I feel like, prevent and get me started. You know what I mean? I know. Yeah. And and so I just feel like it's too important. And I feel like any type of platform I have the minute I got diagnosed, because I've been gaslit for years of like, you're fine.

Your scans are fine. your tests are fine. Everything was clear. There was no because you can't always see it in a scan. But I knew something wasn't right because I was like, well, I've been in this body for 30 years, like I know that there's something not. You couldn't feel something was wrong with you. I knew when I was, you know, when you're good and knowing you're not. And I just kept fighting to get the answer and I just wouldn't stop.

And I think that once I got diagnosed and the surgeon came in from the surgery and said, you've got like the worst stage four, you almost lost your bowel, like I cried. And I thought, I'm never shutting up about this. I'm gonna scream this because the fact that I only found out the word endometriosis when I was in my thirties is shameful. And the fact that teenagers are not educated

about their menstrual health and their bodies and to know we're kind of thought, especially in Ireland, we were thought like, look at a boy and you'll get pregnant. And then you start trying to have kids and you're like, why am I not pregnant straight away? Oh, actually, there's all these things that can be going on in your body that you don't know about. So for me, it's like the more that I can raise awareness about this, and that's what the

song is for. And the video features all endo warriors from all over the world. That's amazing. Yeah, so. And it's just spreading that awareness, isn't it? And shouting from the rooftops. And I think if you've got a message,

you've got a platform, then you have to share what you've learned. 100%. And it's like you with the brain tumor, it's like you become almost an expert. Like obviously when that first happened, then you're researching, I've become an expert in this. I honestly feel like I know more than and a lot of endo-warriors would say the same. You go in with more knowledge than the doctors sometimes because they're going wait what and you're saying all these things. I became so obsessed with

wanting to know everything about this condition and and how to live with it and what I can do, like natural remedies that I can help, like anti-inflammatory eating and meditation and all different things that can help this. And for me, it's like, I want to pass that on and I feel like music is how I express myself. So to write a song about it, I honestly want it to be a song that, and I really, my nerves about releasing it were about like, I don't want people being like, oh poor you, like sympathy, it's not about that. Anyone who knows me knows that like,

the last thing I do is ask for help. She absolutely loves sympathy. No! I'm like the least, like, I'm like, get on with it. Like, I don't need sympathy, right? But I need- But she'll message you all the time asking for sympathy. No, please give me sympathy.

No, honestly, I did, I was nervous, I'm nervous still, like, to put it out because of honestly, I was nervous. I'm nervous still to put it out because of I don't want it to look like, to be a victim thing, because I'm not a victim. But I don't think people perceive that now. I hope not. I think, because where people have got platforms and they're talking about these things,

I don't think people look at it like that. Good, because we shouldn't. We had Olivia Bowen on here and she was worried about talking out about losing a twin. Yeah. But it's just raising awareness and the conversations that we've actually had on our social media has been absolutely incredible. So again, I think you coming on talking about this opens the conversation and we'll have so many people be like, I've gone through that. I've had this. I'm so happy that Rue fans released a song. Yeah, because the thing is, is that I want the song to be,

if you're in the bed and you can't get out of bed and you have to send that text being like, I'm so sorry that I'm sick again, I can't make this event. You can just send them this song and go, this is how I feel. And in a song, this is what it is, the lyrics, everything, this is what it is. And that's why I wrote it for us is so that people can have the words to say when sometimes you don't

have the words to say. And do you know what's even funny is that becoming a mom and even becoming a mom the second time and going through some post-partum stuff, when I was listening back to The Way I'm Wired, I could actually relate my post-partum stuff to that song too. And I was like, oh wow, it's not just, there's so many things that you feel as a woman or as a man that you go through that this song can relate to. Do you have an insatiable fascination with the paranormal? Are you ready to dive headfirst

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listeners. Like you, whether you're a seasoned paranormal enthusiast or just starting to dip your toes into the waters of the supernatural, Paranormal activity with me, Yvette Fielding, is your ultimate destination. Will you dare to join me? Listen to Paranormal Activity with me, Yvette Fielding, wherever you get your podcasts from. As you know, this episode of Mum's The Word is brought to you by Love to Dream. One of the biggest things on my mind as I prepare for my baby is sleep routine. I think we're so hounded now on social media about sleep routines and getting a sleep coach that it's actually really, really on my mind and also that I think the fact that Will hasn't

done this before and I've got to get Will into some sort of sleep routine with the baby. So to make those first few months easier, I've already been talking to Will and trying to get him prepared for those sleepless nights. However, I do feel like he is a really deep sleeper, so he might not even wake up in the night and he might not even hear the baby crying and it's gonna be all me. And that makes me dread the sleepless nights. I think I've got to get myself back into that newborn stage of sleepless nights. I saw a mum at swimming and her baby was only two days old and she was like the baby's doing really well. It's sleeping like every two hours. I was, oh my god, I've got to go back to that It's gonna be sleeping every two hours in the night and I'm gonna be up

So yeah get prepared for the midnight content from Kelsey whilst I lay awake breastfeeding a baby I think what helps a newborn sleep better is if you are relaxed the more relaxed mummies the more relaxed baby will be. I think just roll with it and go with the flow and feed on demand basically with baby. And that's why I love the Love to Dream Swaddle Up. It helps babies settle faster by allowing arms up positioning which is scientifically proven to calm babies. The thing is with Rufan, she likes to be in control of everything. I do. And when she's out of control, she doesn't cope well.

No. So she had everything under control with Lily May and it was... Just about. Yeah, but you did. Yeah. She was like your textbook perfect baby. And then Monroe came, she was like, hang on a sec, why have I not got another textbook one?

And then you felt out of control and you can't feel like that. No, I like to be in control. I like to be like in control and I think. Because you've controlled your career since you were. That's what they say. And your life and where you're buying, what house you're living in, everything you have control.

And I think when things come out of your control, like your health and having babies. I'm like, wait, I'm not in control of this. Like, I don't know what's going on in my body. I don't know. Like, I mean- Sorry, there's still got to be something I can pay to make this better.

Well, for 100%, I am that person who's like, right, problem solve. Who do we need to get in? Like, let's get in. She will get the best specialist, the best person. Well, my endos I am that person who's like, right, problem solve, who do we need to get in? Like, let's get in. I am like- She will get the best specialist, the best person. Well, my endospecialist like say, but this is the thing. I'm like, all right, let's go.

And, but yeah, that is exactly what happened to me. With Monroe, it was like, you know, she had reflux, which I think anyone out there who has any type of like sick babies, colic, reflux, anything like that, it's not the newborn phase that you see on Instagram with the like newborn snuggles and they just sleep and then they eat and then they sleep. It's like, no, they're screaming, they're in pain,

you're sleep deprived. But if you see that on Instagram, that's not true. They're showing you about 10 seconds of their life. Exactly, because we all know it's not like that. But- It's in subversive reality all day long. But I think that like for me when I had Monroe, it was like, wait, like I give, I also, as well as love and being in control, I also give 100%.

So I'm 100% here. If I'm your friend, you're getting 100%. If I'm at work, you're getting 100%. Lily May got 100%. And then I'm going, how do I give Monroe 100% and Lily May 100%? Like, I'm gonna, how do I give Monroe 100% and Lily May 100%? Like I'm gonna have to split myself. How do I split myself?

How do I? I think that's what you actually struggled with too. The giving. The giving enough to both of them. Cause you'd given Lily May so much and it was like, but now I've got to actually give part of me to another human. How am I going to do that?

And you love them. And it's just like, and I guess I was, and the other thing was that overwhelm love them, and it's just like, and I guess I was, and the other thing was that overwhelm of it all consumed me of just like, why, like the questions I was asked, why can you not handle this? Loads of people have loads of kids. You know, Kelsey has two kids, she could,

and I was, and again, I was like, why are you such a loser? That you, I would see moms out with the two kids, and I couldn't go out on my own with them. I needed someone like- But you were overthinking and I couldn't go out on my own with them. I needed something like- But you were overthinking everything. You got into your own head. And I think when you get into your own head, you can't think rationally.

No, I was frantic. Whereas I'm probably such a laid back person that I don't overthink anything. Yeah, whereas I was, it was my dad said to me, I had gotten her asleep, right? Cause you know what I'm like with the naps. And I was still up here, frantic. Like, why is she? And my dad goes, she's asleep now. Like you, you're, but you're still up here. And I realized I could not come down the anxiety.

I was also having crazy thoughts. And if you've ever had postpartum anxiety, you're just everything, everything could hurt them. Like you're moving everything away. I'm like a I'm like a hazard system. Everyone thinks that that is actually normal but you have to rationalize it like you have them weird thoughts when you have a baby and you think I'm like when you're walking down the stairs. They're walking down the stairs. What if I just whacked the head the baby's head from the door. It's never going to happen but it's got to be something to do with our hormones. 100%. That creates them wild thoughts.

Wild thoughts, and just even just like, you know, I just was having crazy thoughts about someone getting hurt or just all the things that you worry about with babies. And I think it was so heightened with Monroe. And then it was the guilt of like, Lily May. You you know there was things I always did with her every day and then it was like I was feeding Monroe and I couldn't do those things and not being able to lift her up because I'd had a c-section it was just all of that there was the mom guilt of like I'm gonna lose my bond with Lily May now obviously

Monroe was seven months now and you know everything is everything has calmed down but for those first three months, like this might be controversial, but I don't really enjoy the newborn phase. I'm going to be honest, like I love it in the way of like, you know, yeah, and they smell great. And it's just and you've got this, but I find it really difficult because it's when they can't really give you much back. You don't really know what's wrong with them.

You're trying to guess. And again, my high achieving, you know, control like to know what's going on is like, can you just tell me what know what's wrong with them. You're trying to guess. And again, my high achieving control, like to know what's going on is like, can you just tell me what's wrong? And trying to figure it out. And the thing is babies can. And so, and I find that really hard. And they're not being a routine.

I'm such a like routine person. So when the three months comes though, that is when like everything started to get better. And I did go get some help because for me it was like I needed to talk to someone. It got a bit out of control. But it wasn't as hard as your friend and I think I actually spoke about it on this podcast, I think I did bring you up. I was like anything that I'm saying to you, you're not listening to me.

100%. Like literally I might as well actually spoken to the screen behind me because you wasn't listening to any of us. And it was like, you just need to calm down. You need to calm down. You've got this. We can all help you. But you actually, because like your dad said, you were on site. That's the thing. It was like there was no one and nothing that could settle my anxiety or the overwhelm I was feeling. No one could say anything.

Also, do you know, like, obviously I believe in frequencies and when you're vibrating at that, you was actually vibrating to everyone around you because you would have been vibrating that two-month row. Oh yeah. Who was like, actually I can't settle because she's just off her edge. So 100%, she was-

And uptight. She was feeling, she obviously had really bad acid reflux and so, but there was times where I was like, I was panicked and I feel like she's on my chest. Of course she's gonna feel that for me. But what was really interesting was the minute that I started to really admit that what I was going through. Because I think as a mom as well,

you feel you're weaker when you're not being strong, right? As a woman, we like to be strong. But actually, there was actually some strength I found in just going, I'm struggling. Like, I'm actually struggling. Like, saying those words like, I'm not coping well, I'm struggling. To friends, to everyone, like, everyone could hear it in my voice, like, I was not coping. Yeah, we all knew. Do you know what I mean? But it was when I said it out loud, just going like, there's something wrong with me, like this is not normal.

I'm at the extreme now of this. The normal anxieties that we have about like the stairs, I was at the extreme of that. I was at the extreme of overwhelm and I could not cope. And that needed to be said. And when I said that and I kind of rallied everyone around me and got that support of just like, I'm not coping, I need help and I got some help.

The minute I started to calm Monroe, calm down and she is the happiest baby. And obviously we got the medicine for reflux and everything, there was a lot of factors, but I could tell she just became, when I was calmer and when the naps weren't as big of a thing. Because nap anxiety is a big thing that I think moms don't always talk about with each other. But I think sometimes we forget,

like of course we want the baby to sleep, but I wanna have a cup of tea and have a break. I want the nap to me. I also do think some people over talk it and your child is not the same as anyone else's child. So don't sit with your friends, don't talk about the sleep. Yeah, the sleep. And just talk about what's going on in EastEnders.

Yeah, the sleep can become an obsession. The nap. Or listen to Mum's The Word podcast. Yeah, well, exactly. Listen to this. But as in, and I think that for me, once I started to really calm and it wasn't a big deal if she didn't, oh, she didn't do a full nap, like just get her up, get on with the day. For me, that was so foreign. But then when I started doing that and I realized, oh, like I always thought if one nap goes wrong the whole day is ruined and she won't sleep. And then when I was shown and my husband would always say to me. But you did the whole sleep training thing. Yeah I did the sleep training thing. For people that don't do the sleep training,

you're not worrying about like, yeah, look Ruth, my third's just gonna have to come everywhere with me. Well this is the thing. The amount of activities we do and where we go. Yeah. The baby's just gonna have to get on with it. And this is the thing with Monroe with Lily Mae you've got one so it's easier to like but when Monroe was like oh and she's amazing she naps in the boogie she's on the go more and I just thought when I started to let go of it. But there was a point where we were going just put the baby in the buggy the baby will go to sleep. The baby does not sleep in the buggy. The baby does not sleep in the buggy.

You don't understand Kelsey the baby does not sleep in the buggy. Well Lily Mae never would. Lily May was always, I loved, she was like, had FOMO. She wanted to look around. So I think as well, it was like comparing them and then going, well, actually, Monroe was a whole different baby. And in a way, it's been such a blessing having two

because the second experience is so, they're different people, they're different babies, they have different rhythms. They are both sleep trained. That's just the way that I think every mom, from my lifestyle and where I'm at, I need the babies to be able to be minded by people. So I like to have them in a routine

that is easy for my mom to follow, anyone who's minding them to follow. So for me that- You do know your mom has had three children though, don't you? She always says that as well. Bernard can cope. Don't you ever put my little darling down.

She does not need to stick to your I know but I do find people like it as well because they know okay You do this to me. Because Ruth's the only person to have kids. My mom did an amazing job with us, but yeah for me It's like I have the routine But she is a lot calmer because I'm calmer and I am like if the routine goes goes out the window that day Like it's not a big deal if someone says, oh, she didn't like it's like, okay, that's fine.

Like, it's fine. And I think before everything, it was so overwhelming. It was like, it had to be perfect because I'm a perfectionist. And I think so anyway, yeah, the postpartum thing has been crazy this time, but I'm out of it now and I'm doing so much better. And my problem was Tom with Aurelia. Tom was the problem. He had a bit of postpartum. Oh my God. He was just driving me insane.

The anxiety. His anxiety and the pressure he was actually putting on me. I was like, you need to chill out. Yeah, he was like, but I feel like Tom was always more emotional. He's emotional. He was emotional. And he was like that with everything. And he just. No, and he wanted everything to be perfect. He's like, sorry, this baby's not like that with everything and he just. No and he wanted everything to be perfect so he's like sorry this baby's not following a book. No Tom, babies don't follow books.

But you know what I love that Tom, Tom was one of the only people, you know when you're having kids yeah and you haven't had one before. Yeah. There's sometimes people don't tell you like. What the shit? Yeah they're like, oh it's gonna be so magical.

Like and then when you have the kids, you meet up with them again and they're like, yeah tired isn't it be so magical. Like, and then when you've the kids, you meet up with them again and they're like, yeah, it's hard, isn't it? Why don't you tell me, but Tom, I remember being in your new house with him and him going, I'm just gonna tell you, like the first, and he even said it to Ollie, because obviously Ollie and Tom are best friends

and they work together and everything, but he would tell Ollie, like, mate, it's gonna be hard. Like the first 12 weeks are gonna be really hard. Like, and he told us that, he was like, it's gonna be really difficult, you're not going to be sleeping. Like they're going to be crying all the time. And I appreciated that because it scared me a bit, but I was like, do you know what, when it happened, I was like, thanks for the heads up Tom, because a lot of people, it wasn't until we had them that they were like, oh yeah, welcome to this

life. But also I do think when you do tell people, they don't listen, you think, yeah, we're right. Like, you know, this is gonna be tough. People go, oh yeah. It might have been for you. Yeah, exactly. I'm gonna have an angel baby that just like does everything I want

and I'll be bringing it everywhere and they won't cry. But I was really appreciative because Tom was like, nah mate, it's time. She said it twice, Kelsey. She said it twice. It's my favorite word, she says. Go and say it. Appreciate.

Sorry. Who says appreciate? Say it. Appreciate. Appreciate. Any Irish people out there, say it appreciate sorry who says appreciate say it appreciate appreciate any Irish people out there is it appreciate or appreciate I have always had appreciate I love you anyway my new one is archive archive I say archive apparently and I've been yeah you know when you say I was saying something the other day oh I'm gonna archive this photo and I found one yeah you are chiver there and she was looking at me really weird and then I went watch because it's archive and I was like oh yeah yeah yeah it's archive and then I said it again I was like I say archive there's loads of words that I say

wrong it's baby brain just baby brain blame the baby brain no she's been saying appreciate appreciate I can't even do it appreciate appreciate so what does 2025 look like for you? What are the plans? What other songs can we expect on the album? I mean I'm very excited for the album. I feel like I've been waiting a long time for this. How many years have I actually been waiting for this new album? I haven't released new music since 2021 because the Vow has been kind of the gift that keeps. But no, I'm really excited about this album actually because I feel like I really listened to my listeners and the album is really a lot of my music has been used for people's moments and so the album is called

The Moment and it's really all different moments that we all go through in motherhood being you know being mothers and being women and womanhood and just life the human condition and all the different moments between like love, last grief I mean mean, I did write a song about Tom, which you haven't heard yet. I've not heard it. Am I ready for it? Like yeah, do you know what? I tried to write a song for him that wasn't like real ballads and like sad. It's almost like talking about him in such a positive way and all his little things. I think you'll smile at those things. I think some of it was inspired by the eulogy and so I actually took some of the lines from there but

it was an emotional one for me to record. I was crying recording it. It was hard for me to get through recording it. Yeah I think it's a good one for anyone who's gone through grief. I kind of was trying to put myself in your shoes. To how you feel. To how you feel because obviously as a singer, you'd sing a song for your friend, but I was more trying to think of like in your shoes as well as my own grief at losing him.

So I just hope you like it. But yeah, that's on there and then there's- I actually did the Paul Brunson podcast the other day and I don't think I could have mentioned you anymore because I was like, when we sent the text to Tom. Yeah, yeah. I know, I was like, oh. You always need a songwriting best friend

because they're so good with words. Yeah. I'm not, I would have just probably text. No, remember we said, my heart, what was it? My heart will be breaking. My heart is breaking with you. My heart's breaking with you, but being without you, I need to take the steps to fix my heart.

Yeah, yeah, that it'll break either way. Either way, it's gonna be, being with you is breaking my heart, and being without you will break my heart, but I need to move on from this. And then he just wrote back saying, okay. And you were like, why did you make me write? He's just writing.

I'm like, just let it sit. Just let it simmer. And Tom was that person who just needed to let go. He's like, oh my God, she's actually mugged me off so bad. And then the night, because when you said it on the pop part, that night when you were literally holding my hand, he's gone, are you coming to the club?

And you were like, no, I'm not coming. And you were like holding my hand, and I thought, oh, she's gonna hate me for this, but I just kept saying, do not go. No, it was the best thing I ever did. He's got to feel like he's lost you, fully lost you. He can't have his cake and eat it too. But it was like the 360, because obviously we wrote that message to him when I needed

to break up with him. And then when it came to writing my eulogy, I literally turned up at your house and was like, we need to write a eulogy. It needs to be amazing. And I need you to help me. But also we need to record it here because I cannot get up and do this. I know. And I think it was, we were like six or seven hours.

Yeah. But it was like going through all the stories. It was actually quite nice. It was like therapy. It was like therapy, yeah. It was going through all the stories from like the beginning, it was picking the best of Tom

and getting the best stories out there. Like it was amazing. I mean, it was a beautiful moment. A beautiful moment at the funeral, yeah. I do enjoy it when the press actually still write the eulogy I'm like do they yeah it was a good eulogy it was absolutely fantastic so Ruth thank you so much yeah the album is I also when is the album out so the album is coming out in October but there's gonna be a single like every six weeks

oh amazing if you love the vow there's something very special coming with that song so that song will be on my album but perhaps a new version of The Vow. A new version of The Vow? What? Yeah so exclusive for you I'm not saying anymore. I've also written a book. Tell us about the book. I've written a book about how to write hit songs and navigate the music industry. And this is actually Rue Fan's words. Yeah, yes. Fully her.

Fully me. There's no ghost writer in this. I did ask if there was a ghost writer and they were like, no, we don't do that. I was like, oh no, yeah, no. Don't need to go through all of this. I've never heard of a ghost writer, no. I am, yeah, all of it is me.

It's really what I've, it's the book I wish I had. So it's like, it's the guide. It's like the Bible of like everything you need to know about the industry how you get a manager How to understand record deals and the psychology of a writing room the dynamic in a writing room how to write hit songs all My biggest tips of life. I just think that's so great because actually You're meant to know these things You know like yeah, you're meant to know but obviously you don't know because you've not experienced it. Yeah, and you have to. You don't want to ask someone being like, oh so Ruth I've got a writing session. What will this look like for me? Exactly. I mean if you've

got a record deal you would ask, I'd bring someone to be like, what does my record deal look like? Yeah, but a lot of the time we all go into it quite blind and we're just kind of acting like we know and I was obviously 17 and I feel like it took me years to really go, oh, this is how you navigate this thing. And I want to do some dos and don'ts. Well, of course, I failed. I did a lot of dos and I made a lot of mistakes. Like, you know, I do lots of dos and don'ts.

I learned. Don't fall in love with every person you meet. That should be the top one. Don't think you're writing a song and that you were really like... I'm like, you know, when the actors fall in love with each other on the set. But yeah, no, I learned so much in those years and I kind of want to help people, you know, know... Because you go to music college sometimes and I think you learn how to write songs, but... And there's books on how to write songs, but is there books that really teach you how to navigate the music industry, how to manage it all and how to get the best out of it for you? And I think I'll help people. If I had this book, I think I'd be on a yacht somewhere in the

South of France. I think I'd be way more successful. Because you just say yes to people, there's times in your career where I've gone, please don't say yes to that. And you go, okay, I'm going to say yes to it. Yeah. Cause at the time it was like, you need to take every opportunity. And now I've learned a lot about the power of saying no and the power of trusting your gut. And so I think that it's really all the things I've learned because I've been around the biggest

and best in the industry. And I realized that I was soaking in so much of that. And then when I was writing the book, it was all just coming out so fast because I was like, oh my God, I really am just writing what I've learned. And so it ended up being an amazing process because I started, I was like, oh my God, I really am just writing what I've learned. And so it ended up being an amazing process because I started, I was like, how do I write a book?

I'm not an author, but I'm a songwriter. So I just kind of applied some of the same things in songwriting, but I really was just very honest about my time and I talk about the boys club. I talk about being a woman in music and how to navigate that and the tools of being sometimes the only woman in a room and everything like that and the Safety and sessions and all that type of stuff. So and really Scott start if you've got to have good banter

You've got to have you gotta be Irish. Yes, the main thing she has got the banter if there's banter Yeah, but as in like yeah You just I just give a lot of tips and I think it'll save people a lot of time and also in the book There's case studies on songs and I've interviewed the biggest and the best writer-producer in the world and you get their perspective, you get the stories behind some of the biggest songs in the world. So yeah, I'm really excited for it to come out. I mean, I just feel like I need another two-hour session on this because there's so much we can cover. But those that have just discovered Ruth,, Anne, my best friend, Ruf Anne, my best friend,

I'm really annoyed that you've just discovered her now because, you know, I've been listening to this music since I was how old? Oh, I mean like 18. I actually love when new people discover it. I love discovering. No, why don't it annoy me? Really, does it? If I'm like, I'm sorry, but don't just jump on the bandwagon now.

I'm like, jump on the bandwagon. She wants everyone to to jump on I'm like I've already got my roof and t-shirt Me and my daughter and my son are there like we are the top thing is I think yeah You've been a day one I think that like with artists these days though It does take it takes a minute like look at chaperone look at Sabrina Kat like they've been around. How long has Sabrina Garland been around? I mean 10, 10, 12 years. And then it just pops, just one thing. Chaperone, yeah. And the thing is, it's like you're always building

these connections with followers and listeners and everything like that. And I think for me, I'm just quite chill about it. It's like if the songs are gonna reach people, they're gonna find people. And if people wanna connect with my music as a songwriter or connect with me as an artist, just come connect.

I'm just like, whatever. I'm just gonna do what I do. And whether you know me or you don't know me and you're listening to the podcast and you're like, this girl, I don't have no idea who she is. Go listen. If this is your first time hearing who Rue Fan is,

go listen because she's amazing. Thank you so much. Maybe why she's my best friend. You're so good at interviewing. Oh thanks. Because like we don't normally like do this. So you're very good. Thank you. She told me I was good at my job too. So make sure you keep listening to the podcast.

That's a wrap on another episode of Mum's The Word. Thank you so much for joining us today as we were joined by the amazing Rufan. Don't forget to leave us a review, follow us on socials at at mums the word underscore pod and subscribe to our YouTube channel. Just search mums the word until next time. I'm Kelsey Parker and this has been mums the word and we'll be back with another episode. Same time, same place next week.