Mum's The Word! The Parenting Podcast - STACIE SWIFT: We All Have This Fantasy Of What Mum We're Going To Be

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

This week on Mum’s The Word, Georgia Jones is joined by illustrator, author, and all-round positivity powerhouse Stacie Swift for a conversation that feels like a big exhale.Together, they chat about self-kindness over perfection, how to let go of unrealistic expectations, and why creativity can be one of the most powerful forms of self-care. Stacie also shares her thoughts on the importance of finding joy in everyday moments, even when life feels heavy, and why joy isn’t extra, it’s essential.This week's episode is filled with practical reminders that you don’t have to be perfect to be doing a great job.A Create Podcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome back to Mum's a Word. I'm your host, Georgia Jones, and today I'm joined by the amazing Stacey Swift. She is an author, illustrator and joy seeker on a mission to help others find strength and joy amidst the juggle. Through her bright artwork, uplifting words and practical tools, she encourages self-kindness, resilience and the importance of seeking small, joyful moments. So, grab a cupper, get comfy, and let's jump in to a brand new episode of Mum's the Word. So Stacey, thank you for joining me. Thank you for having me. It's lovely.

We've had a slight technical issue this morning, so we're sat together a lot closer than we normally would do. But it's nice, intimate. It's friendly. Intimate. We've both had a bit of a shocker of a morning, haven't we? So this just added to it. I think it's quite nice, a bit of like moral support and... Back up.

Yeah, and it's raining and we're not happy about it. But hey-ho. So, Stacey, I've followed you for a very long time. Yeah, I have and you pop up on my Instagram. I would say exactly when I need to have a little bit of positivity, which is what you radiate on your Instagram page, which is fabulous. And I'm sure your gorgeous little quotes and little posts have helped so many people because sometimes all you need is to just have a little like, oh.

Yeah. I think also in an Instagram feed where there's quite a lot of heaviness and there's a lot of bad news out there. Yeah, exactly. So I hope that I can be a little bit of a break and a self-care reminder. And that's what I think is so nice. Like I follow people that bring that because you can watch the news and there's so much depressing and horrible and sad stuff going on. It's pages like you that can just like give a bit of lightness to life, can't say. it. So you're all about positivity over perfection. Absolutely. Yes. So tell me a bit more about

that. What does that mean? Well, I think I naturally want to seek out perfection. I have very highs of self-expectation. And I think when I became a mom, I had this fantasy version of what I was going to be like and how I was going to be this mom that ticked all these boxes. But real life just isn't like that. And so my oldest daughter is 10. And, over that decade, I think I've definitely had to lower my expectations, but also accept that there are going to be times that things go really well, there are going to be things that aren't in my control, and just all the ups and downs of being a parent and trying to navigate all of these different things that happen, that sometimes just doing the thing and getting through

it is absolutely fine and the best we can aim for. And so perfection isn't really an option a lot of the time for any of us. It isn't, no. Do you know, I'm, oh, it's been in my trap. I found that really difficult as well, because I think, like, before you have kids, you can have a bit of perfection. Like there is, you've got time to, you've got time to. And there's more stuff in your control, I think. Yeah, exactly. And I think, I think perfection is a lot to do with control.

Like, I think they go hand in hand. And if you control certain situations, control how tidy your house is or being on time or, you know, leaving the house in a lovely, clean day. And that goes straight out the window. Straight out the minute you get home from hospital with a baby, that doesn't exist anymore. Yeah, and it's really, really hard.

I think that change from being, you know, so in control of life to everything just kind of going out of the window. And it is, it's hard. So did your illustrations go hand in hand with you having children? So I studied the illustration at university, so I was always an illustrator. Right. So that was my thing. Was that your job?

Yeah. What did you illustrate for? So I illustrated a lot of greeting cards and art prints. So I kind of had my shop. I sold cards and paper chase and scribbler. Oh, that is amazing. It's a little drawing person in my studio. Yeah.

And then had Matilda and it was just much harder to find the time to pack up lots of orders. And I naturally then started taking on more commission work. Yeah. And I started working with an organisation who were focused a lot on mental health and well-being. And so this is quite a long time ago now and Instagram was kind of in its early days. And yeah, sort of went hand in hand. that I'd been promoting my cards and things on Instagram and then realized I wanted to start using that as an outlet

for sort of drawing the things I was feeling, a bit like an online journal, I guess, at the time. And it was a very different space then, so. But yeah, doing drawings and sharing the thoughts I was having and hopefully trying to be that little voice of support for other parents that were maybe feeling the things that I was feeling. And it kind of naturally evolved into what I do now. That's incredible.

And you've got like a positive journal. What is that? Tell me about that. I wrote, you are positively awesome. It's my book. Yeah. And then along with that, the positively awesome journal. So it's a guided journaling prompts, all illustrated pages that you can use for sort of dipping in and out of and practicing self-care. I love that. Do you know, because I, I've always been very, very interstationary. Like, I love, like, I think I've bought your cards in the past then. How long ago is it? You had a couple of cards in the paper purchase. So it would have been over. over 10 years ago now because it was...

Yeah, I mean, I was definitely in my card buying here. I still buy cards and just put them in a box. I do. I'm like, my nan used to have a box of cards and when she didn't have the right cards, it's like, dear granddaughter, she'd cross that out if it wasn't the right person. And then I was like, dear daughter. But I was like, genius idea, nan, I would also love to have a box of cards. And I feel like that's what I was aspiring to.

That's cute. Do you know, also, my mum has a box of cards and I... Peaked things. And then, if it's not quite right, perfection, out the window, just cross out. it out. I think it makes it quite cute if you're crossing it out, doesn't it? Yeah, and I do love a card that has like a positive quote on it

or just telling that person how awesome they are. There's a range and they're like little tiny cards and they have cute little sayings on them. Love them. Do you still sell cards then? I don't. I do have an online shop with Prince but I don't do cards at the moment. It's funny, my friend we travelled in this get together this morning and she was like

Stacy, you should make cards. I was like, I used to make cards. I think you should. And so now you've said it as well, so that's maybe the next thing I should do. The universe. If anybody agrees with me, can you write in the comments section, please? We want to know if you want to stay, bring her cards back. I mean, maybe I should. I think you should.

I think you should. Absolutely. So did you find doing your illustrations helped you with not striving for perfection? I think it's a really good creative outlet. It's sort of what I do for work, but it's also just what makes me happy. And it was something that I retained of myself and the things. that bring me joy and what I enjoy doing in amongst all of the demands of and how all encompassing is to have a baby and I've got three children now but being able to draw and sort of process my thoughts and feelings that way yeah is just a really good outlet for me

I think as well like sometimes for some people all it can take is just reading a little positive affirmation and it kind of can change their mindset a little bit and you've spoken about how, you know, as mums, we have this massive mental load. And actually, one of my friends, it was Izzy, it was my husband's, badmate's wife, Izzy Judd. And she did a post the other day. It was basically saying that she'd had a night away without the kids. And she realized how you're never off. No.

Even when you're asleep. Yeah. And it's so true. We don't. I wonder whether we actually. into that proper deep sleep as mothers. So I was saying this the other day, I went away for my friend's birthday, my friend's 40th birthday, and one of my friends, I'm really sorry if I woke you up snoring.

And I was like, it's not, like, you're not the problem. I just don't sleep very heavily because I'm listening out for my youngest daughter. Yeah, at all times. I'm always, like, poised to be up and ready and someone needing me 24-7. So I do think there's definitely something in that that you don't rest. Oh, my gosh. As deeply or as naturally as maybe we used to. Yeah, absolutely don't.

And I think as well, oh, it's like those phantom cries. You remember when, like, they were babies and you'd get in the shower and then you could hear. Oh, I used to get many vivid nightmares as well. And I've had a couple where I've, like, jumped up out of bed. And my husband's like, what's going on? And I thought, like, my daughter had fallen and that she was laying next to us. And I still sometimes get those, like, jumping up, screaming the poor man. Yeah, I'm exactly the same.

Like, as well, I've been, you've been away on tour for a while. And I sleep with the door wide open, the landing light of. Anything could happen. I'm like, I will not hear him if I go into this deep sleep. So I think for, because I'm absolutely exhausted at the moment. I was like, I think for the last month, I've just been in a heightened state of like in between sleep and away. Ready, just in case. Ready to go.

It's like I fight off, right, isn't it? So do you feel like, with all the like positive affirmations and things like that, do you think there's a place for those as self-care that goes along with? you know, normal self-care, like therapy or exercise. I talk about sort of like small joys and I think just having those moments in the day where you're recognising a need, you're sort of validating a feeling, you're realising you're not alone in something you're experiencing, even if that is just seeing a post in your Instagram feed

and amongst other things where everyone else seems like they're having a really nice time, I think it can be really grounding that there's someone else out there that's given a name or a picture or some kind of visualization to something you're experiencing. yourself. So I think obviously it's not going to solve all of your problems. Yeah. I probably think therapy is probably still a good idea but yeah, I do think curating your feeds or seeking out things that are going to make you

feel more upbeat and better is always a good thing. And you know you're the journal is there things in there to kind of like help you with your mental health and Yeah, so it's like building a self-care, tool care or even things like gratitude lists. There's a study that said if you practice sort of gratitude practice can make you 25% happier.

Oh wow. Oh, wow. Or there's the quotes to sort of cite properly but that's sort of a proven thing that you if you practice gratitude that can actually have a what does that look like then practicing gratitude how do you practice gratitude so i think noticing the things that are positive or that make you happy the little things that light you up or the big things i guess but taking the time to sort of mindfully either to think about them or log them or learn them um that over sort of a course of time that can actually sort of impact your mental health and your overall happiness by a large amount It's funny, isn't it really? Because like when you actually think about it, I would probably only ever think of the things that I've done wrong.

Yeah. You know, that I've done badly. Oh, God, that could have been better. Or I should have done that. Or, like, for instance, we've just chatted and I was like, oh, God, my morning. And then actually, like, maybe I need to take away from a stressful morning. What did go right though? Oh, well, I woke up with my alarm and I got a bit of work done this morning. And, you know, the tech wasn't working so well this morning. And here we are. And we've had a lovely chat. And it's been lovely to me. So there's been lots of things this morning that actually, I think we've both had a bit of an interesting start to a Monday. Yeah. Happy Monday.

Happy Monday, guys. But actually, when you do pick out those positive things, you realize there are more of them than maybe you realize in the first place. It's like that with to-do lists, I think, because I was saying on the other week on the pod that I was really beating myself up because I would write a to-do list. And then because it had so much to do, like, chore-wise, so, like, you know, putting the washing up, hanging out, fish washer, all those things.

And I wouldn't put those on the list. Yeah. Someone said to me, put it on the list. This is a to-da list when you've done it. I didn't make that up, but that's a way of sort of reframing. It changed it. Yeah, I can imagine. Genius.

Genius that go. To-da-list, I love that so much. And also, like, there's this, we talk about it a lot, but, like, the guilt of, being allowed to have that self-care. Like, recently, I decided that I would book a night in a hotel. That's literally one of my dreams? The actual dream, I had the best time. I mean, annoyingly, I had a late night because I met a friend

and had to be up really early the next morning because I was working nearby. So you didn't quite get the full experience because what I really wanted to do was laying a bath for about seven hours. read a book. But I did get that nugget of time where I slept in a big comfy bed, starfished, in it? No one asking you for anything.

No one asking me for anything. And I felt like my nervous system just calmed out ever so slightly from a mum. Yeah. From being mum. I'd just managed to relax a little bit. I mean, to be honest, I think it takes us about a week. So it was just lovely in the...

hotel I just had the best time and but the problem was I felt guilty about it and even more so I was a bit like I don't know whether I should post about this online or not because am I going to get judgment for wanting to have a little bit of a moment for myself what do you think I think there is always going to be someone online with an opinion because that is just the internet and whether that opinion is right or not is to be decided but I do think we shouldn't feel bad because that's not you're not asking a lot but I completely feel the same and I said that is like my dream I would love to go and stay away on my own yeah and just enjoy just being on my own and not having to do anything for anyone else just for a really short period of time yeah my husband's

like just go and book it so it's not there's nothing you should why don't you it's so I have a 40 before 40 list at 10 40 in January oh it's coming around and I decided on my 39th birthday that I was going to have a 40 before 40 list that was 40 small joys so just small and acts of little things that would boost me or lift me up that I could fit in sort of between school runs and jobs so it's not like go to the Caribbean because that's that's not going to happen in my life but you don't know that it's less likely than like achievable thing on your list sort of one of like staying away for the night someone lovely is on there yeah and coming on a podcast was on there right starting the

book that I wanted to write is on so all things that I put off because I'm like oh that's something that I want to do for me that it falls to the bottom of the do that oh my gosh like you'd up to the pipe. Yeah, all those things. So I was like, this is just going to be a list of little things that I would like to do for me. Correct. And that is on there and I haven't done yet. Okay, well, now, right, when you leave with a list of things I need to do. I want you to leave for the list of things I need to do. Yeah, I want you to leave and go and book it. While I'm designing my new card range. Exactly. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Right. So, I know what you need to do. I'm going to credit you as life changing. Yes. If you could just at me in the post you do,

when you're away and be like, thanks, Georgia. A little picture of me doing. This is because of you. Oh my God. Oh, Then I could have helped you with two of your 40 before 40. This would be a turning point. I completely get that it's really hard, though, to let yourself have those moments. It is, completely. And I think putting your name on it helped me. So saying that I was doing this because it's...

Giving it a reason. Permission now. Yeah, well... Because there's an excuse for it. And it's sad, isn't it, that we feel like we have to give ourselves permission to do things. Do you think the dads feel the same way? I don't think they... I don't think so.

Because Danny said to me the other day, bearing of mine, he's been on top of 18. he said um oh i've been invited to go on this trip and it's a trip away it's in november after i get back from tar and i was like mm-hmm mm-hmm okay and he was like but oh but i do feel bad and i was like what do you do you want to go though he's like yeah i would really like to go i'm like well then yeah then go um but i don't think they hit their thought process is the same i would really really like there to be like a study done into why the mothers, the majority of the time, this is generally speaking. I know some dads probably are the same. Why we have that mental load

so much more. I don't know if women are sort of brought up to be more people pleasing. I don't if we feel like that's our role to be that person that's nurturing everybody else and fulfilling everyone else's needs. Yeah. It's probably a bigger question than I have all the answers. Well, I know. I just really want there to be a study done so we can find out why. Or just to be able to, like, read people's minds.

I'd love to know what goes through in my husband's mind. Go and I. I think you know, from like the minute they wake up to the minute they go to bed, how many thoughts of things to do with childcare and looking after your kid and, like, the general running of the house goes through their brids?

I'm just like a different way, maybe a different, because I think I really focus on all the tiny, time like if I do this like we were talking about earlier sort of if you do one thing or you need to do this event or this activity there are 74 million other things that have to be lined up before you can get to that thing yeah and I think that's what moms I feel like between me and my friends we take on a lot of that so yeah or if like so if that happens on Tuesday then we need to have that for dinner on Wednesday and that person needs to have that uniform wash for Thursday and that's the thing that I think just takes up all of my brains back oh it really does and it's

exhausting. It is exhausting. Like, I think mental exhaustion is such a thing and I don't think we give it enough credit because someone will

like, oh but you've had a, you know, you went to bed at this time and you got up at this time you've had like a good seven, eight hours sleep and it's like, yeah, but my brain didn't stop.

No. I don't think my brain ever switches on. And as soon as your eyes open yeah, or ready to do the next the minute. The minute,

the second actually, in fact, that your eyes open because even this morning it was like, my alarm went off and I set my alarm early so that I can try and do a bit of work before then Cooper woke up and whenever you do that they always wake up really early yeah they know they know it's like if you've got something planned someone gets poorly yeah and I think it's quite

difficult for people that don't have kids to understand that as well like they're like why can't you get this done or why can't you uh I also think what do they do with all my time oh my right so having children I think I think maybe I relaxed more I actually relaxed and I don't really do that as much now. Well, I remember before I had kids, we would like, go out, like, have a boozy night out. We'd come back and we'd sleep into like, like, midday. I like to call that the good times. The good time. Yeah. There was good time. The fun times. It's different fun, different fun. Different fun. What little things bring you joy? What do you do to bring you, like, you joy personally? So I really think creative things. Yeah. I love, I love drawing. And it's

It's nice that that's a lot of my job is sort of drawing. So that I enjoy doing, but sometimes that does tip into work. So I have to be quite careful, but that's sort of, there's some balance there. But even things, like I live quite close to my children's school and so I work from home and there's no commute in between those two things. And sometimes I'm straight from one stress, like going out and getting everyone out the house in the morning, getting everyone to school and then straight back into working. Actually, what brings me joy is to take a little detour and go for a walk up to town and come back again.

I do exactly it's like I don't necessarily even need to do anything yeah like moot around the shop maybe or pick up some milk but I make myself have that walk and just take it in and it's like oh okay pause in the day a minute for yourself rather than straight into it yeah that is so funny because I do exactly the same thing it's like you need that brain break yeah yeah yeah carry on so that I think that's a joy that I've quite easily been able to build into what I do into your life yeah um I think things like making time to go out of my friends and I was saying I sometimes I'm so tired and I just, I don't have energy and can't be bothered to like put some makeup on

ready and go out of the house but actually once I'm there I'm like this is just what I needed I needed space to just be me and have a rant and have a glass of wine and I always feel better for going and doing the thing that I'm like, oh, can't be bothered.

Funnily enough, my best friend said to me this morning because I was whinging about how tired I was and she said to me she was like Georgie you need to learn how to say no at least need to learn to not have to do everything And I was like, no, I know that. And I'm at a voice note at the back. I said, I do get that.

But at the same time, I need to do the things that make me feel like me as well. I think there's a balance. There's some things that you probably could say no to. There are going to be so many things that you think if you just make the time to do that, even when it's a bit tricky. It's always when it's raining.

When it's raining and you're tired and you know you've got to put like something that's not an elasticated waste on, you're like, oh, can we just not? not do it but then you go you're right you go and then you have the best time yeah you've just got to remember that it got to dig deep down yeah i shared post a while ago about sort of in the hard times when you feel like you don't have any capacity for joy that that's actually really when you need it most because that's when you're sort of gleaning that strength from all those

little moments yeah giving you a little lift i saw you say something a while back about getting like you're finding your sparkle yeah it really resonated with me because i definitely lost mine and it was really hard trying to find what was going to bring it back and I think sometimes it's time as well sometimes you just have to like I don't know it all change like we're all changing all the time and what our kids need from us is changing yeah yeah so what worked a year ago

might not be the same thing that makes you feel sort of sparkly and happy nice it's so true and then you just beat yourself up about things as well because I do it all the time especially when I'm solo parent in Cooper and my patience is just so much shorter and then I feel guilty that's because you're giving so much more just don't have the reserves to have that same capacity for sort of patience and yeah that's like oh no I'm so close to the edge

yeah you're like I'm teetering it's like can I have another glass of wine tonight and that's when they're like I'm going to put on techno YouTube oh yeah yeah and then it's pushed you over the edge can you please turn it down mummy is overstimulated the amount of times that I'll go to bed and I'm like oh no I wasn't the mum I wanted to be today and I will lay there awake just sort of beat myself up over the sort of when I was too shouty or I lost my temper and I'm like I think I take great peace in knowing that I'm not the only one that we all do it we are all human and all human I sort of I've said this before but I think I find some sort of consolation in that it's good for my children to see that we're all sort of fallible humans yeah don't always get it. right, but I will apologise to them if I've been particularly short-tempered. Yeah. You know, I've not been as patient that I wanted to be, I will say sorry for being that

bird. It's good to show them that you can apologise as well for things that, like, you didn't necessarily want to do. I am, I now have started explaining to Cooper why mummy's being a certain way. So I'll be like, look, darling, mummy's just a little bit snappy because I'm really, really tired and I'm hungry because I haven't had my tea yet. Yeah. And because he'll be like, Mommy, can you read me?

another story and I'm like, darling, can I just go down and eat my dinner, please, because it's half past eight. Yeah. I'm so hungry and I'm so excited. But I think it's what maybe gives them the sort of emotional language and tools to be able to explain when they're feeling a bit irritable. Yeah. You know, not quite feeling 100%, then they might be able to say to your, you know, mommy, I'm, I'm being like this because I'm a bit hungry. Yeah, I'm a bit tired. And the school was really hard today. Yeah. Hopefully even in our not perfect moments, we're modelling good. Fingers cross That's what I'm hoping

She is Stacey She's taking the positive I'm trying Doing what she does best And finding the positive In that moment There's hopefully a nugget somewhere

There's a positive spin on things I love it And we're wrapping up We've come to the end But if you could share One bit of like Positive affirmation Just for the day

Just for the people listening today Oh wow You put me on this podcast I think Joy is not extra I think would be my affirmation for the day that it's not something that you do instead of or on top of that you should build it into your day

and you're deserving of it even when sort of life is a bit chaotic and messing you don't have to earn it that's lovely I'm going to take that forward with me today and I'm also going to go and write a 40 before 40 list because I'm going to go and do that I'm going to do my gratitude list there you go 25% happier when you've done that brilliant I'm going to be 25% happier by the end of day and I'm going to do my to-da-list, not my to-do list. It's been a productive morning after all. Look at us. That's all my fantasy. I knew I needed to speak to you today. You were the perfect guest.

But thank you so much, Tacey. It was lovely having you. Thank you very much for having me. That's a wrap on another episode of Mums the Word. Thank you so much for joining us today as we were joined by the amazing Stacey Swift. Don't forget to leave us a review, follow us on socials at Mumsawood underscore Pond. and subscribe to our YouTube channel where you can now watch our episodes in full just search Mums the Word.

Until next time, I'm Georgia Jones and this has been Mums the Word. And we'll be back with another episode, same time, same place next week.