Muscle for Life with Mike Matthews - Book Club: My Top 5 Takeaways from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Episode Date: August 8, 2022

These are my key takeaways and notes from Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages. “Can you recommend a book for…?” “What are you reading right now?” “What are your favorite books?” I get asked those types of questions a lot and, as an avid reader and all-around bibliophile, I’m always happy to oblige. I also like to encourage people to read as much as possible because knowledge benefits you much like compound interest. The more you learn, the more you know; the more you know, the more you can do; the more you can do, the more opportunities you have to succeed. On the flip side, I also believe there’s little hope for people who aren’t perpetual learners. Life is overwhelmingly complex and chaotic, and it slowly suffocates and devours the lazy and ignorant. So, if you’re a bookworm on the lookout for good reads, or if you’d like to get into the habit of reading, this book club is for you. The idea here is simple: Every month, I’ll share a book that I’ve particularly liked, why I liked it, and several of my key takeaways from it. I’ll also keep things short and sweet so you can quickly decide whether the book is likely to be up your alley or not. Alright, let’s get to the takeaways. --- Timestamps: 0:00 - Please leave a review of the show wherever you listen to podcasts and make sure to subscribe! 4:28 - Triumph Male & Female are 25% off this week only! Go to buylegion.com/triumph and use coupon code MUSCLE to save 20% on anything else you order or get double reward points! --- Mentioned on the Show: Triumph Male & Female are 25% off this week only! Go to buylegion.com/triumph and use coupon code MUSCLE to save 20% on anything else you order or get double reward points!

Hey, Mike, can you recommend a book for... Hey, Mike, what are you reading right now? Hey, Mike, what are your favorite books on... Well, I get asked those questions fairly often. And as an avid reader and all-around bibliophile, I am always happy to oblige with recommendations because I like to share books that I like. I like when people share books they like with me. I also like to encourage people to read as much as possible because knowledge benefits you much like compound interest. The more you learn, the more you know, and the more you know,

the more you can do, and the more you can do, the more opportunities you have to succeed. and the more you can do, the more opportunities you have to succeed. So if you are a bookworm on the lookout for good reads, or if you would like to get into the habit of reading or get more into the habit of reading, this episode is for you. In it, I am going to be talking about a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Before we get started, if you like what I'm doing here on the podcast and elsewhere, then you will probably like my award-winning fitness books for men and women of all ages and abilities, which have sold over 2 million copies, have received over 15,000 four and five star reviews on Amazon, and which have helped tens of thousands of people build their best body ever. Now, a caveat, my books and programs cannot give you a lean and toned Hollywood body in 30 days, and they are not full of dubious diet and exercise hacks and shortcuts for gaining lean muscle and

melting belly fat faster than a sneeze in a cyclone, but they will show you exactly how to eat and exercise to lose up to 35 pounds of fat or more if you need to lose more or want to lose more and gain eye-catching amounts of muscle definition and strength. And even better, you will learn how to do those things without having to live in the gym, give up all the foods or drinks that you love or do long, grueling workouts that you hate. And with my books and programs, you will do that. You will transform your physique faster than you probably think is possible, or I will give you your money back. If you are unsatisfied with any of my books or programs, the results, anything, for whatever reason, just let me know and you will get a full refund on the spot.

Now, I do have several books and programs, including Bigger, Leaner, Stronger, Thinner, Leaner, Stronger, and Muscle for Life. And to help you understand which one is right for you, it's pretty simple. If you are a guy aged 18 to let's say 40 to 45, Bigger, Leaner, Stronger is the book and program for you. If you are a gal, same age range, Thinner, Leaner, Stronger is going to be for you. And if you are a guy or gal, 40 to maybe 45 plus, Muscle for Life is for you. The premise of this book is pretty simple. There are three parts to it. One, there are different ways of showing love. Two, some people respond more positively to some ways than others. And three, relationships can only blossom when each person speaks the other person's primary love languages. That is, they love each other the

way that they most enjoy being loved. And specifically, the author posits five primary modes of expressing love. One is acts of service. So that would be doing things for your partner. Two is giving gifts. So giving things that symbolize thinking about or remembering the gift D. Three is physical touch. And that is not just sexual touch, but it would include that. Four, spending quality time. So that's giving focused attention. And five, words of affirmation, and that is giving compliments and words of encouragement. Now, Chapman contends, and I agree, that while all of us can find enjoyment in being spoken to, so to speak, in each of those languages, one or two of them in particular probably make us feel especially loved, make us feel the best.

And those are probably the one or two that we tend to use to show love ourselves and that we most request of our partners. Okay, so that's the nucleus of the book, so to speak. Now let's get to my top five takeaways. And the first one is, quote, being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love. And my note here is that my wife and I are wired differently in this way. My primary love languages are acts of service and physical touch. So I feel most loved when my wife does things for me that save me time or save me trouble, and when she touches me. But I don't care so much about gifts or compliments. My wife's priorities are different though. She is biggest on quality time and particularly quality conversation and words of affirmation. And it has really helped us to understand and to accept these differences and to consciously choose to show love in the ways that are most important to each of us, even if our natural inclinations are otherwise. She loves them as animals. She owns several. She rides them. And I am not interested in horses at all, aside from what they cost.

But if I want to make her very happy, all I have to do is suggest that we go do something related to horses, maybe go to the equestrian center that is nearby and watch a show that is happening, or even just go by the barn and say hi to the horses and pet them and feed them. She loves it. And I can't say I quite understand that, but I don't have to understand it. I just have to do it. Okay. The second takeaway is quote, love is kind. If then we are to communicate love verbally, we must use kind words. This has to do with the way we speak. And my note here is this specifically is something that I've had to work at because one of my biggest character flaws that I am aware of, at least, is in certain situations, not all of the time, not even most of the time, but in certain situations, I am quick

to say rude and offensive things. And my wife really doesn't like it when I say rude and offensive things. And so I've caused a lot of unnecessary upsets over the years. But I have improved here, partly through a conscious effort to speak more kindly, and partly because I've resolved other things in my life, work-related things mostly, that were souring my mood. And that is a circumstance, for example, where I am more likely to be sharp-tongued, I guess. If I am just in a bad mood and somebody around me does something that is mildly annoying or mildly stupid, I'm much more likely to say something. I'm not going to blow my lid and lash out. I'm not an angry person.

It takes a lot to really get my goat, but I am much more likely to react antagonistically. And so anyway, I have gotten better at not doing this, at just letting things go, even when I am not in a good mood. All right. Takeaway number three, quote, quality activities may include anything in which one or both of you have an interest. The emphasis is not on what you are doing, but on why you are doing it. The purpose is to experience something together, to walk away from it feeling like he cares about me. He was willing to do something with me that I enjoy, and he did it with a positive attitude. And my note here is this used to be a

strength of my and Sarah's relationship. We used to do a lot of things together and that created a lot of love in the relationship. But since having kids and starting a couple of businesses, quality activities have been pushed to the back burner and much more because of me than her. It's much more my fault than hers, really. And yes, that does happen naturally to everyone in similar circumstances, at least to some degree, right? Because we only have so much time and energy. But if I'm being honest, I have not given enough importance to bringing this back to the front burner with easy wins like date nights, anything related to horses, like I mentioned, short trips that we could go on, even if it's just within state and so forth. And I could say that I haven't had the time

and I could point to all of the things that I have kept myself busy with, mostly work, but that is like somebody saying that they don't have time to work out. Of course, they have time to work out. It's only a matter of priorities. And so I've chosen to give most of my time and energy to my work. And while this has paid off in many ways, it has also put a strain on my marriage. And so this is an area that I am working to improve in, specifically just being more open to taking opportunities to spend quality time together, even if that means working a bit less now and then, which objectively speaking will have no negative consequences whatsoever in my businesses. It's just not my default setting, or at least it hasn't been my default setting in a long time. And so it's always most comfortable

to just keep doing the things that you always do the way that you always do them and doing things differently can be uncomfortable. It's like skipping workouts now and then. Does it matter if you skip a workout now and then? Even skip a couple of workouts now and then? Is it going to negatively impact your physique or performance or health or anything whatsoever? No, of course not. But if you are like most fitness folk, it irks you at least a little bit when you skip a workout, even if you have a great reason to skip a workout. If you are like most of us, you like to stick to your routine. And of course, that is one of the reasons why so many of us are so successful in our fitness. We are very consistent and that is everything in fitness. That is everything in

many activities actually is we consistently show up and put in the work. But if we don't pay attention to our headspace, we can also become very inflexible, irrationally inflexible. Anyway, moving on to takeaway number four, quote, I have suggested three ways to discover your own primary love language. One, what does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language. Two, what have you most often requested of your spouse? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved. Three, in what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved. And my note here is if you are curious about your

partner's love language, you can just reverse those questions. So what do you do or fail to do that hurts them most deeply? What have they most often requested of you? In what way do they regularly express love to you? Fifth and final takeaway, quote, almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. My note here is give and take is the nucleus of any relationship really. And when somebody takes far more than they give, they have to pay what Adam Grant calls the taker tax, the gradual loss of respect and support caused by selfishness and disregard for others that can eventually cost people everything. Well, I hope you liked this episode. I hope you found it helpful. And if you did, subscribe to the show because it makes sure that you don't miss new episodes. And it also helps me because it increases the rankings of the show a little bit, which of course then makes it a little bit more easily found by other people who may like

it just as much as you. And if you didn't like something about this episode or about the show in general or if you have ideas or suggestions or just feedback to share, shoot me an email, mike at muscleforlife.com, muscleforlife.com and let me know what I could do better or just what your thoughts are about

maybe what you'd like to see me do in the future. I read everything myself. I'm always looking for new ideas and constructive feedback. So thanks again for listening to this episode and I hope to hear from you soon.