Muscle for Life with Mike Matthews - Motivation Monday: The Great “Work-Life Balance” Dilemma

Episode Date: April 2, 2018

This episode is part of a weekly series that I have dubbed “Motivation Monday.” (Yes, I know, very creative of me. What can I say, I’m a genius…) Seriously though, the idea here is simple: Every Monday morning, I’m going to post a short and punchy episode that I hope gets you fired up to tackle the workouts, work, and everything else that you have planned for the week ahead. As we all know, it’s one thing to know what you want to do, but it’s something else altogether to actually make yourself do it, and I hope that this series gives you a jolt of inspiration, energy, and encouragement to get at it. So, if you like what you hear, then make sure to check back every Monday morning for the latest and greatest installment. Want to get my best advice on how to gain muscle and strength and lose fat faster? Sign up for my free newsletter! Click here: www.muscleforlife.com/signup/

This episode is brought to you by me. Seriously though, I'm not big on promoting stuff that I don't personally use and believe in. So instead I'm going to just quickly tell you about something of mine, specifically my fitness book for men, bigger,, Leaner, Stronger. Now, this book has sold over 350,000 copies in the last several years and helped thousands and thousands of guys build their best bodies ever, which is why it currently has over 3,100 reviews on Amazon with a four and a half star average. So if you want to know the biggest lies and myths that are keeping you from achieving the lean, muscular, strong, and healthy body that you truly desire, and if you want to learn the simple science of building the ultimate male body, then you want to read Bigger, Leaner,

Stronger, which you can find on all major online retailers like Amazon, Audible, iTunes, Kobo, and Google Play. Now, speaking of Audible, I should also mention that you can get the audiobook 100% free when you sign up for an Audible account, which I highly recommend that you do if you're not currently listening to audiobooks. I love them myself because they let me make the time that I spend doing stuff like commuting, prepping food, walking my dog, and so forth, so much more valuable and productive. So if you want to take Audible up on this offer and get my book for free, then simply go to www.bitly.com slash free BLS.

And that will take you to Audible. And then you just click the sign up today and save button, create your account. And voila, you get to listen to Bigger, Leaner, Stronger for free. All righty. That is enough shameless plugging for now, at least. Let's get to the show. It's Monday. I like Mondays.

You want to know why I like Mondays? Because that means it's motivation time. Mike here, of course, back with another episode of the Most Full Life podcast, a Motivation Monday episode. Let's start with a quote. This one comes from Alexander Smith. He said, a man's real possession is his memory. In nothing else is he rich. In nothing else is he poor. I very much agree with that, which is why I would very much recommend doing things to improve your memory. Check out, for example, the NBAC game, which is scientifically proven to improve your memory. All right, so let's get into the episode itself. And we're going to talk about work-life balance, which is something that I am asked fairly frequently about because people see that I obviously keep a lot of plates spinning and

wonder how. Well, the answer is very simple. One, it's not just me. I have a very hardworking team of people, friends that really do whatever is needed to help make sure that the show goes on. And two, I work a lot of hours. I don't work as many hours as I did a couple of years ago because now I have two kids. And a few years ago, let's say three or four years ago, I had just one and he was younger. And so at that

time I was working probably 65 to 75 hours per week. And now I'm probably averaging, let's say 55 to 60 with the occasional 65 thrown in now and then, depending on what's going on, especially these days, because I'm on multiple deadlines for multiple book projects and digital course projects and Legion related stuff. Things are a bit hectic right now. So, you know, like my weekends are mostly just working at this point, and my weekdays are pretty much all just working. And that then, of course, brings us to the next question that I am often asked, which is, how can I work that much without burning out? How do I manage that? How does that play out in terms of work-life balance? And there's no secret here. It's very simple as I don't have a very balanced life, clearly, without much work. Where's the time? I still have to sleep,

unfortunately. And I'm okay with that because I actually think that you have to have an imbalanced life to achieve great things. And obviously, my focus right now is on my career. I'm trying to achieve great things in my career. I'm trying to build several businesses and sell millions of books. And there's a three to five year plan that I am working on realizing. And to do that, it just requires a lot of time. And that means that I'm going to have to imbalance my life to get there. I'm going to have to sacrifice something. So what I sacrifice, for example, is free time or personal time. I go to the gym for about an hour, five days a week. So I do have that time. That's definitely personal time. I also spend that time to work on my German, which I'm learning. It's a good use of my rest time. Previously, I would just read while I'd be resting in between sets. Now I work on my German and I'm making good progress. But beyond that, you know, maybe I have a little bit of wiggle room on the weekends. But if I'm taking time away from work on the weekends, it's usually just spend time with my family. And I spend some time with my family every every weeknight and that's about it. So I'm not really hanging out with friends. I don't have any hobbies

outside of reading, which I do early in the morning. I wake up at five 30 and I hop in my infrared sauna for at least 30 minutes and I read during that time. So I get at least 30 minutes of reading in per day, but I'm also usually putting in some extra time at night, maybe another 30 minutes, and then also some audio book time. And then I have my German, which I do while I'm resting during my workouts. So beyond that, there are no other hobbies right now that I'm giving time to. And I don't hang out with friends really. I work out with a friend and I have some friends at the gym. So that's kind of also my friend time is at the gym working out together. Most of that time is working on German. But then once that's done, I get that done first. So that's probably about 30 minutes, maybe 40 minutes of my workout is when I'm resting is spent working on my German. And then there's, you know,

20 or 30 minutes that I'll just kind of shoot the shit with my friends. And yes, that is an imbalanced life. Is it sustainable for the long-term? For me, honestly, probably yes. I think I could probably continue like this for the rest of my life without any real issues. I think though, if I were to do that, I would be missing out on other things that life has to offer. That's for sure. But I think I'm strange or unique or whatever in that regard that I get a lot of personal satisfaction out of doing things that I feel are purposeful, that I feel have a clear purpose. I know why I am doing this and work, of course, provides that.

this and work of course provides that and it also for me provides that flow experience right where i can really apply myself to something really focus all of my attention on it really concentrate on it become absorbed in it lose track of time make progress get feedback improve my skills and so forth i just really enjoy that process. And of course, work is a very easy way to tap into that. That said, a work-life balance lesson that I have learned over the years is it's okay to let your life become very imbalanced, but you have to be aware of where the imbalances are and how imbalanced things are, or it can rebound negatively. So for example, I've experienced this in my relationship with my wife because like I had mentioned earlier in this episode, years ago, I was working even more than I am now and I didn't give her that much time. There would be

extended periods of a few weeks where we really wouldn't spend that much time together because I would just be working. And we do fit very well together because Sarah is not a needy person and she very much understands why I'm working hard and she's very much supportive of that. Obviously, it's in her own self-interest, but she also knows how much my work means to me, how much I enjoy working and what the bigger picture is, what we are working toward as a family. However, you can only neglect a relationship for so long before it just begins to strain at the seams. And so I've had to learn that lesson a few times where I'll just let things get too imbalanced. I'll get too immersed in my work for too long and really not come up for air for anything. And so now I'm better in that regard where I am. I'm okay with severe imbalances in my personal time and in my social time. I don't really care about those areas and there's no one, like I don't get mad at myself and my friends understand. I work, really my friends are the people I work with.

Those are the people that, you know, I spend the most time with, which I guess there is a, there is some overlap there. However, when we're at the office, we're really working. We're not just kind of shooting the shit and working a few hours a day. All of us are working intently and sure there are little breaks here and there, little interactions, but it's not the same. It's not the same as like going out and really just having fun or hanging out or, or being friends or, you know, cultivating a friendship, but I'm okay with those areas

becoming severely imbalanced because of course they understand. And again, it's in their self interests to have me work as hard as possible because then that then that ripples out to affect their lives positively. But my relationship with Sarah and my kids, that's where I've learned to be better in just sticking to a schedule almost of making sure that I'm consistently putting time there and allowing that to go by the board because I don't really want to reap that whirlwind because it comes inevitably. I've seen it multiple times with people that I've known over the years who are very successful in their careers and very dedicated to their careers, but who really didn't pay attention to their marriages and their families at all.

And eventually lost them, not literally, but divorce and then the kids leave and then they're left with all their money and all their success. And of course, later in life, I've spoken with people who looked back and said that was probably one of the biggest mistakes they made was allowing their family to disintegrate for the sake of their personal and professional goals. And especially when they could have just taken some time away from those things and put it in their families to prevent the collapses. And they would have, in the end, probably achieved the same amount of personal and professional success, maybe just a little bit slower. It would have taken 20% more time, but they would have had the people they love to be there and celebrate it with them. So anyways, I don't want to go down that road. So I am better these days with making sure that I don't sacrifice everything on the altar of work and productivity.

I don't mind sacrificing most things, but there are some things I do not want to sacrifice. Now, usually when I talk about this kind of stuff with people, they wonder why I enjoy working so much. Is it just because of the sense of purpose or is it more about the material things? And while there's no question that I'm driven by a pretty simple desire just to be helpful to others and do things that are useful to others. And while, of course, I like money and I like nice things just as much as the next person. I'd say that those factors alone don't really comprise the full why for me. And some people think maybe, oh man, there's just a darker side. Is work an existential reassurance or maybe a hedge against emptiness as Tim Kreider wrote

about? Or maybe I'm just trying to avoid other areas of my life or numb some kind of undesirable feeling or fill voids or no, no, no. He's just really addicted to busyness in the same way that other people are addicted to alcohol and sex. And I really don't think it's any of those things. None of that really resonates with me, but the nature of self-awareness being what it is, it's kind of hard to, I guess, rule all of them out altogether. I don't desire just to be busy for the sake of being busy. And I really don't have any kind of gaping wounds in my personal life that I'm running away from. And I really don't care about looking or sounding important or interesting to other people. I can happily enjoy my time away from work, but I am generally looking forward to getting back at it. And why is that? Well, an answer that I've come across that at least makes sense to me is expressed in a Let, oh, let me never falter. No, there is no empty dreaming.

Low these trees, but bare poles seeming, yet will yield both food and shelter. In other words, I just like making stuff. I just like making stuff happen. I'd say if I'm addicted to anything, it's to seeing my ideas and plans manifested in the real world and to seeing them work as I had anticipated, at least partly. Of course, plans never go as planned, but you can go into something with a vision of what something could be. And to bring that into reality is just fun. That's more thrilling to me than walking my dogs or riding my bike or watching movies. And the fact that other people also find my ideas helpful and are willing to pay me for them just makes it all the better. And that for me, I think is really why I like to work. I like being able to look at something

physical, real and working and just know that I did that. And so that's why I work a lot more than I play. I don't believe in TGIF. I don't check my calendar for upcoming holidays. I just mostly work on holidays. And if I don't, there'll be family days. I don't fantasize about getting away from it all, which makes me think of a Seth Godin quote. He said, instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don't need to escape from. Richard Branson said something similar. He said, if you hide under the covers because you can't face another day of the same old grind, you clearly need more change in your life. If you leap out of bed precisely because today everything is going to be different and something is sure to surprise you, then you're halfway there already. And in my experience, as far as burnout goes and using ideas about work-life balance as a hedge against burnout,

as a shield against burnout, this usually just boils down to laziness. The people that I've known that cared the most about that were the type of people that, you know, if you send them back a couple hundred years, they would complain non-fucking-stop about the work conditions. And they probably would just wind up starving to death. Because whatever you think is too much is what becomes too much. If you want an excuse to underachieve, then simply decide that you are exhausted by 5 p.m. every day. Tell yourself that you couldn't possibly do more. You have to go home and hit the

couch and put on Netflix, or you have to go play Xbox. And sure, you're going to find plenty of sympathy among friends and peers, and you will be absolutely right. If you haven't set up for yourself goals, purposes, and plans that really compel you, that challenge you, that interest you, then mental and physical lethargy are just inevitable. Napoleon Bonaparte once said that sometimes death only comes from a lack of energy. On the other hand, if you have something worth working toward and you decide that 80 hours of work per week is not going to be exhausting, in fact, it's going to be invigorating, it may actually become invigorating. And I've experienced this in my own work,

which has gone from me by myself, writing a book to recruiting Jeremy, where it was just me and him working together to now 20 something of us. I don't even know the final number because not everyone is here in the office. And along the way, the nature of my work changed quite a bit. It went from spending a lot of time creating content, researching, writing. I guess recording podcasts came a little bit later. In the beginning, it was really just researching and writing, which is something that I've always enjoyed and always will enjoy. Over time, that kind of turned into being more of a manager and more of an administrator running the business, managing the people.

There was a point where even I was feeling a little bit demotivated, I guess. I still would just put in the time, put in the people. And there was a point where even I was feeling a little bit demotivated, I guess. I still would just put in the time, put in the hours, I guess, because I have good self-discipline and self-control and I don't really care about my feelings, at least in the context of work. If I know that something needs to get done, it's going to get done regardless of how I feel about it. But the long story short is I've learned that I don't like running a business. I don't like managing people. I like working and I like working with highly competent people on interesting projects, but I'm not really interested in becoming a great chief operating officer. For example, I'm not that into taking something that's working and just figuring out how to make it more efficient, how to get more output from less input.

Of course, I know those are very valuable skills and that's why now I have other people in my businesses that do these things. But I just realized that it's that type of work that I can do it because I'm pretty good at learning things and I'm pretty good at doing things if I set my mind to them. But I don't really enjoy them. Not in the same way as I enjoy writing or researching, which I am just naturally drawn toward. And so that's why I decided to offload all those types of jobs onto other people and get back to the work that not only I enjoy the most, but that I also think is the highest

and best use of my time, which is stuff like this, recording podcasts, creating content, recording podcasts, recording videos, writing books, writing articles. And that shift has really reinvigorated me. And getting back to this point was also enjoyable, even though I had to do a lot of work that I didn't particularly enjoy. Now I had a purpose for doing it. I knew why I am working through this and putting all this stuff in place so I can get back to the stuff that I do enjoy more and that I think contributes more toward our bigger goals. I think it's more important that I'm writing books, writing articles, recording videos,

recording podcasts, then managing the day-to-day details, managing logistics and the people of the businesses. Now, if I felt differently about that, if I felt that the best thing I could be doing was managing the businesses, then I probably would actually feel differently about the work. See, part of the problem for me was it felt like there wasn't a good reason for me to be doing this stuff, that I really actually should be doing something else, again, to get to where I want to be over the next three to five years. I have some big goals I want to achieve and running the businesses and getting stuck in the day-to-day would probably mean that I don't get there. Or if I did end up getting there despite that, it would have been by a lot of luck. And so anyways, bringing this back to

work-life balance, what I think the crux is you have to find your balance. And that means you have to reconcile your ambitions with your time, with your actions. If you're like me and you have a strong desire to make good things happen in your life and the lives of others, and if you don't do enough of that stuff, then your life is going to feel out of balance. I think that leisure time and idleness has value for sure, but I also kind of look at it like a medicine. If you take too much, it just makes you sicker than you were before you started taking it. On the other hand, if you're not really concerned with all of that and your ambition is more just to have a good time, relax, play, then I don't see

any reason why you should even feel compelled to stay busy all the time or feel guilty for not working as much as the next person. Just because you could burn your candle at both ends doesn't mean that you have to. Makes me think of a Bob Dylan quote. He said, what's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. So in the end, you really just have to decide what do you want to do? Do you want to make stuff happen or do you want to luxuriate? And if it's the former, then just go do it. And who cares what other people think? People love to criticize and disparage what they don't understand and also what they wish they had, what they envy. Hegel said that to be independent of public opinion is the first and formal condition of

achieving anything great. I think that's very true. And especially these days where the hive mind is getting stronger and stronger and it's becoming heresy to think a thought that isn't in line with the cultural orthodoxy that we're all supposed to accept unquestioningly and worship. If on the other hand though, you do just want to take it easy, then I would say embrace that and be resolute in your idleness. Spend time with the people you love and be very careful with your obligations. Don't saddle yourself with too much responsibility. And I guess just generally live for yourself. I mean, to me, that sounds like a terrible life just to be a zero, a nothing.

And it's also kind of ironic considering that we wouldn't be able to do that if we didn't have a world full of the inventions and creations of the group of people who sacrificed everything to put them there, but not everybody is going to join that group. this episode and found it interesting and helpful. And if you did, and don't mind doing me a favor and want to help me make this the most popular health and fitness podcast on the internet, then please leave a quick review of it on iTunes or wherever you're listening from. This not only convinces people that they should check the show out, it also increases its search visibility and thus helps more people find their way to me and learn how to build their best bodies ever too. And of course, if you want to be notified when the next episode goes live,

then just subscribe to the podcast and you won't miss out on any of the new goodies. Lastly, if you didn't like something about the show, then definitely shoot me an email at mike at muscleforlife.com and share your thoughts on how you think it could be better. I read everything myself and I'm always looking for constructive feedback. So please do reach out. All right, that's it. Thanks again for listening to this episode. And I hope to hear from you soon. And lastly, this episode is brought to you by me. Seriously, though, I'm not big on promoting stuff that I don't personally use and believe in. So instead I'm going to just quickly tell you about something of mine, specifically my fitness

book for men, bigger, leaner, stronger. Now this book has sold over 350,000 copies in the last several years and helped thousands and thousands of guys build their best bodies ever, which is why it currently has over 3,100 reviews on Amazon with a four and a half star average. So if you want to know the biggest lies and myths that are keeping you from achieving the lean, muscular, strong, and healthy body that you truly desire, and if you want to learn the simple science of building the ultimate male body, then you want to read Bigger, Leaner, Stronger, which you can find on all major online retailers like Amazon, Audible, iTunes, Kobo, and Google Play. Now, speaking of Audible, I should also mention that you can get the audio book 100% free when you sign up for an Audible account, which I highly recommend that you do if you're not

currently listening to audiobooks. I love them myself because they let me make the time that I spend doing stuff like commuting, prepping food, walking my dog, and so forth so much more valuable and productive. So if you want to take Audible up on this offer and get my book for free, then simply go to www.bitly.com slash free BLS. And that will take you to Audible. And then you just click the sign up today and save button, create your account and voila, you get to listen to Bigger, Leaner, Stronger for free.