My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 167: Monday Morning Duffy

Episode Date: September 9, 2013

This week's episode is a return to form for MBMBaM, as we explore in-depth the exploits of our favorite TGIF actors, and then talk about Pokemon for 15 straight minutes. (Pokemon is the new Horses/Ghosts.) Suggested talking points: Terrible Things, Imaginary Volleyball, The Cape, Jackson Galaxy, Disciplinary Pizza, Duffycast

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome to my brother and my brother meeting, advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy. I'm your middle brother Travis McElroy. I'm your baby's baby brother Griffin McElroy. We spoke on this last week. I wanted to update everyone in our listening audience. Refresher, correction, retraction, and updates.

Updates. Start with an update. We spoke last week about unusual animal pairings and how they always start off with negligence. I found this new one on CNN that I wanted to mention to you guys. Dallas Zoo brings in puppy to calm down cheetahs. Yeah, no. Does it mean because the cheetahs chase the puppies and wear themselves out? They get so tired eating puppies. I'm gonna lay down and take a nap. Can you imagine that puppy? Like, are you sure this is... I've only been alive for like two months. Are you sure this is cool? Because those look like giant cats, which I'm already not crazy about that whole genus. Listen, in this economy, I'm really happy for the work. So thank

you first and foremost, but hard out there for the contract. I'm looking at the contract here, and it says that there is a significant chance I'm going to be, if I read this correctly, consumed. Consumed wholesale. Is this... I know I'm a puppy and my reading skill is not so great. So can you confirm or deny that this says the puppy will be consumed guaranteed? So I'm sorry to that puppy. I'm also sorry too. And God, I can't... This is... This is the website for CNN. Stubs the Cat Alaska Town Mayor Maldby Dog. God, they just can't... They just can't let a cat get ahead, can they? If I can... Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, JFK, the government will take down any leader

that they don't agree with, and now Stubs the Cat has been mauled by the opposition dog. It's a fucking terrible world out there. Let's all go around the circle and talk about the most terrible thing that is happening right now. Travis, Justin, we know yours. This is this mishmashing of unlike animals. It's a shame, said Ashley Kearns, who works at the pizza shop in the small town 110 miles north of Anchorage. He's the mayor. It's not a joke. I know it's ridiculous, but the town is run really well. This is the fucking Libertarian dream. I know. Cats in power. No laws. Legal weed. Cabinet for everyone. I'll tell you my thing. Tonight,

Carrie Underwood is going to perform the NFL Sunday night football theme song. The song has been waiting all day for Sunday night, which just seems like an impatient child would say. There are so many things you can do during Sunday day that are great, but she's replacing Faith Hill like they won't expect us to fucking notice. Like they want, oh, a pretty blonde country singer. That must be Faith Hill. She's looking good. It's your model, huh? It's a fucking crying shame. I'm sure she'll do a great job, but what else does Faith have? Her and Tim are on the outs, I think. Do you guys want to hear some good news? I thought I explicitly said only bad things, though. Can you frame the good news in a bad way?

Yeah, so they're remaking Robocop. What the fuck, but also Michael Keaton's in it, so he's not dead. Michael Keaton is alive, and he's in Robocop. That's got Michael Keaton. Let's help. You know, I'm tired of hurting people. I want to pick their spirits back up and help them out. So this is an advice show, so let's do that. I'm about to start announcing girls volleyball games. What are some calls I can give to pump up the crowd? And that's from priming to pump in Castle Rock CO. That's Colorado, right? It's Columbus. They're in Castle Rock, Columbus. This is so important. I'm so glad to see you can't just start pumping people up unless you yourself have pumped yourself. I think you have to be pre-pumped to pump a crowd up, and then by

the end of it, you should be just deflated. I think Dale Carnegie said that, didn't he? Yeah. He said you can't expect people to pump you if you don't pump them in exchange. This is a circle of pumping. Can I recommend that you kick off every volleyball game with a new custom theme song from Faith Hill, who now has a lot more time in her schedule, like waiting all afternoon for Thursday evening at the JC? She has to change some of the words or else Carrie Underwood. Wait no, wig for bump set spike. Ooh, that fucking god damn. Auto-tune that shit when we are halfway there. And just getting Faith Hill. That's the only other thing. And Faith Hill, yes. Well, I think if we

auto-tune you enough, we can make you sound like Faith Hill. When you say calls to pump up the crowd, does that mean like you're saying to them like get pumped or like your reaction to exciting things that have just happened? Maybe it's in there in some sort of dictatorial city state where like they just shout commands over a megaphone and then everybody else has to like stand or clap in compliance. Killer shot. Now it's time for government-mandated push-ups. Jump rope for heart or else. Jump rope. Jump rope will detonate the tiny bomb installed in everyone's heart by the government. It's Kim Trails, guys. This is like basic 101 shit. Loose change. You guys know about Kim Trails, right? They're fucking everything. They're everything and everywhere. I feel like

the only thing you can do at any sports event anymore is play the theme from Space Jam. Like when they're talking about we got a new jam going, welcome to the slam, like that's going to get people so, so pumped. Maybe, but there are many sports where slamming and jamming aren't the operative verbs. Either it's very little slamming and or jamming and like water, no, but actually there's probably some jamming, but I don't think there's any slamming a water polo. I think it's mostly just like trying to try not to drown and throwing. So try not to drown and then you throw the ball. Quad City DJs could do a different theme song for every sport. Highly. Just stay the fuck, stay safe. It's a very dangerous sport. It's a very heavy ball. It travels very quickly. Just scoop it up and

then tighten your pants. They have tight pants and highlights. I'm not familiar. I don't think you can tighten pants when you have hook ends on, although that'd be really fun to see. If someone's pants fall down on the fucking highlight court, you're done. You're done. Oh god. I need a fan in the audience to jump down and help me. Time out. Time out. You just, if that happens, you start using your scoops to dig in my grave because he is dead. Wait, do the fans have to wear scoops too? I've never seen highlights. Everyone wears the scoops in case they need to get called in. Everyone wears a mitt, like a baseball game to catch foul balls. You wear the scoops so that you don't die in the crowd. What about like, is it teen school volleyball or is it raunchy

beach volleyball? That's an incredibly important distinction to take. Okay, so let's do for both because I'm going to say for the high school teens, say stuff like, get on your feet and cheer for these girls potential. Yeah. I would love to be at that game. They have bright futures ahead of them and whatever career they choose. Yeah. And the other one is volleyball. Juggabugs. The juggy one sparked the other juggy one. Who? Militant. Keep an eye on it. Here comes the jug cannon where we shoot distant body jugs at the crowd. It's a health code violation. That's why you signed a waiver. W-w-w-w-w-waver. Maybe. Maybe. I'm on board. Maybe you set the volleyball on fire somehow.

Whoa. Or- Could you do what bowling alleys do and just make it like extreme cosmic volleyball and like make the net glow in the dark and like the ball glow and everybody's got like war paint on. Hey, what happened? Gentlemen, I think we've extended our plan beyond the reach of what you can accomplish as an announcer at the game. I mean, you can demand that the ball be set on fire all you want from your shitty booth, but I don't think anybody's gonna listen to you. What kind of high school- Wait, whoa, hold on. What kind of a high school volleyball court do you think this is or are they having an announcing booth? I think yeah, it is a fucking- fold out is the lunch table that has been poorly converted. I think the way you get people pumped

up is you shout these suggestions of ways to make the sport more awesome. Like put some boomas out there with um yeah clap if you like. That was a beautiful buzz. That spike. Now imagine if it would have been glow in the dark. Am I right people? Leave your suggestions on your way out. What if this volleyball court was in a rancor pit from Star Wars? Like what are you talking about? Demand that the audience imagine these things. Like you don't have to make it happen just and now for the next time things with the hitting we're all gonna imagine it's on fire. Get on your feet. Let me paint you a picture with my words. Griffin, how about a yahoo? Yeah, sure. This yahoo is sent in by Julie Ken. Thank you Julie Ken. It's by yahoo answers user Casey Cherry who asks

what to wear with a black cape? I bought it ages ago so I can't really find a picture for you. It has one tab fastening like and then there's a pic of what a cape fastener looks like. No, it doesn't have a collar. It doesn't look right with anything other than tank tops but it's getting colder and I want to find something warmer to wear under it. What would be the best color thing to wear with it? Now um this is not a Dracula costume cape. It's just it's just like a black maybe wool cape. There is not a single word in that question that doesn't hurt my heart. It only looks good with a tank top. That person they're a human on the same planet you yourself live on listener that recently maybe not so recently because they apparently can't find the

cape that they said desperately want to wear to take a picture of it. That person stood in front of a full-length mirror with a black cape and a fuchsia tank top and adjusted their top hat and thought yes this is a look. Now okay let me go further with this picture with words. Imagine like one of those movie montages where the people go to try out new looks for like the nerdy guy and like he keeps coming out of the dresser room and they're like no we're like yeah but it's just a string of him standing quietly in front of the mirror cape and sweater no no cape and winter jacket no cape and tank top yeah I found it. Cape and smaller cape that you wear on the front they call that a bib. A bib. Jacob it's a bib. Cape and school marmed dress yes no not oh so close.

Boy that could really spice up your visits to Red Lobster though if you told everybody you're wearing a front cape or just trying to avoid getting butter on you. If you can't afford a nice high quality cape from from Nordstrom Rack you just when you're done consuming your crab butter mass then you just flip that sloppy bib flip that sloppy bib put it on your back and you got a you got a floppy grease cape. You're gonna fight so much crime so much crustacean crime. I would be afraid of of a person doing that to be fair. It's the buttery mass get out of here get out of here. Everybody run his hands are like cheddar bay biscuits he's gonna grease us up. Can that be a YouTube meme like the kids who go to the through like McDonald's and they grab the ice cream cone

from the wrong end or like a thing that you do to just like totally freak out yeah it's like a kid thing that kids do on YouTube they order ice cream from McDonald's and then like they hand the the cashier hands them the ice cream and they grab it by the ice cream it freaks people shit out like it's a pretty good goof but like I think that the food service industry needs to be tormented I guess. If we like podcast wide agree that grabbing the ice cream by the ice cream part is a quote pretty good goof yeah I think that explains a lot about the quality of our show over the past few months. I listen I'm all about shattering expectations and that's what these people are doing one scoop at a time. I think you flip that bib around people are gonna be confused

they're gonna talk to the difference. I think I'll go to really take at the right officer saying oh thank you so much could I get some extra bibs to take home with me I think that would be enough to really just I don't know frighten the waiter or waitress. I'm doing something and I don't want to get into it but it involves a lot of clarified butter. Let me put it discreetly I'm a sloppy boy. Real sloppy sloppy poppy. I think you can there's a way to make a fucking cape work for you I think there's not everybody right? Do you think everybody can pull off a cape? Not everybody no and like let's just let's just shadow the illusion that tank tops can fit tank tops don't go with anything you wear them because it's so hot and humid outside and you don't want

anything on your arms or your shoulders or your pits that is the only context that you wear a tank top you don't say. Griffin I know that you live in Austin have you crumbled to tank top? I'll never wear a fucking tank top although I see due to due that we're like the full blown rastafarian like neck cut down to their ball sack and I'm like god you look so dry you look so dry and so comfy and I'm sitting there my stupid v-neck t-shirt. There is I think there are very few clothing items actually you know what maybe this is why the cape and the tank top work together so well is that they are both items with an extremely high risk reward I mean if you can nail the tank top look it's of the cape what is the what is the surprise okay but think think about this way

it lets you blend it in the shadows if you can if you are wearing the cape there is a 99% chance that just your king dipshit but if you nail it oh my god forget about it you're the mayor you and that cat are co-mayor Justin I just need to know real quick what would nailing it in wearing a cape entail Travis the odds against nailing a cape as an ensemble choice are so narrow that I myself like if I could just sit here and tell you how to make a cape work I wouldn't be on a podcast I'd be fucking gallivanting on the Riviera wooing heiresses like I feel like the one the one chance for it to quote be nailed is if you're wearing the cape you're getting picked on by some bullies or people make you fun of you but then a cry rings out from the alley you rush in save

a woman from a mugger or something a fucking superhero and then it's like you know I then wearing the cape is justified for about 30 minutes but other than that I cannot envision a circumstance in which you are wearing a cape and somebody looks at you and goes yes justified if you could emerge from the shadows I bet you could sneak a lot of hoagies into a football game here comes count hoagie smell like onions and roast beef count hoagie and his dream code of many sandwiches there was ham and salami and cheddar and fish and cheese and mustard and there's a little show tunes humor for you how about a new question so I'm a 21 year old guy in college and I just adopted my first pet

it's a cat named Leonardo Decadio he's cool but he's extremely bitey all the time when he's happy when he's sad when he's playful whatever he bites the crap out of you he's only six months old so I'm hoping he'll grow out of this but he is huge for his age so he hurts a lot more than he means to should I just start discouraging him when he bites will he grow out of it is it possible my cat is just an asshole that's from Tim Mcvicker Tim if you wanted to start discouraging your cat from bite like what is your reaction right now oh you got me and I'm gonna throw this out and hear me out all cats are assholes now I know somebody at home just threw their headphones off their head

I love cats and I and onto a cat and onto a cat you gotta listen to this shake come here listen this guy is espousing some real heinous shit about your entire species he said you are all assholes they are but just like you have lots of friends that are assholes they're lovable assholes and they're great but yeah cats are assholes can I can I can I have a suggestion um because I have a very large very violent cat that attacks me on the reg um and I have found a surefire way of dealing with it and it is stop being such a fucking pussy baby he's got his teeth are little he's got little six month old kitty teeth oh he bites my skin oh no bitey bite no hurts ow band-aids I would rather I was gonna rub it on my baby kitty bites I can't touch one of my cats

got two cats one was fat just chills the other one you can't touch them can't can't uh can't pick her up not kidding can't even look at her I have I have literally never had any physical contact with this fucking cat this cat is is a goddamn hologram for all I know Justin has invented some sort of clever hologram cat technology that is I can't you can't do it the cat and a cat has a sweet deal because the cat's like okay you know I'll eat oh and I'll eat your food no probes oh you want a pedo nope nope nope nope I also want to throw out there Justin it's very possible that CJ is also very spookable but where's she gonna go yeah she's she she would just waddle waddle away I still catch her pretty I'm still panicked uh what am I gonna do in the in adding

insult to injury the small cat the spookable one Melia she will like literally if CJ lies down for a couple minutes the cat will like envelop herself into CJ she'll use CJ like a parka and just wrap herself like okay on ton so it's not physical contact yes exactly Travis she'll climb into CJ's fat and control on herself like a pacific like a yager from pacific rim yeah but but no a human who controls like money and food and has invented shit yeah no no no I can't be sullied by your fucking hands that invented the cotton gen and the steam engine yeah your species blows the species hasn't done shit the Egyptians are so fucking dumb why do they worship you guys you don't do shit here's the problem here's the problem when your cat starts biting you and and you go like

no do you know what your cat's gonna do it's gonna look at you like you're fucking idiot yeah because it's gonna look at you like uh yes I don't care these words mean nothing to me it's not a dog like you yell at a dog the dog's me like I'm so sorry I feel you need to get really that was a breach of etiquette and I'm I listen that's on me dog that's on me you need to pick up your phone and you need to dial 411 and just shout help me Jackson Galaxy into the phone and then Jackson Galaxy is gonna come you guys know Jackson Galaxy right I don't Jackson Galaxy the cat behavior specialist the cat whisper this guy he the guy that looks like a fucking rock star uh I guess if that's what your definition of a rock star is let me let me rephrase is he the guy who looks like a

failed basis he looks like yes he looks like four different bases all rolled together he's got don't be disturbed when Jackson Galaxy shows up to your house with his crazy wraparound goggle glasses and his anthrax beard and his mutton chops and his his Michael Stipe bald head like a frankin basis he's a frankin basest but I tell you what he will take your cat from a zero to a four not to a hero cats can't be heroes but to our cats have a pretty good deal uh we have an understanding now where if they do something bad what I do is I spray them with the spray bottle of water that I keep next to the couch at all times like some sort of alcoholic father but I spray them with the spray bottle and then they know immediately they go to Sydney and start rubbing on her to indicate their

wetness at which point I get in trouble for spraying the cats so it's a whole it's a whole circle we have worked out it's really great um on the real though do you know what fix my cat sorry putting that motherfucker outside it's hard up there isn't it pretty soft pretty sweet you've gotten here huh no no I think it's outside time I think someone's forgotten I think someone's forgotten about the giant metal dragons that live outside have fun what we did is we just started putting a harness on the cat like we were going to walk her but we just put the harness on her and she just immediately like lays flat on the ground and doesn't move and then you take the harness off and it's like this weird kind of force field of like it just completely cancels out all of her

willpower and soul we actually had one of those for Travis from ages three to seven team uh I people got pissed off at me when I instagrammed and vine pictures of my cat in the harness and a leash as you're training it to go outside like cats are supposed to do that like yeah I guess what dogs probably aren't either like it's just like we do that with them like I don't think dogs like a dog in the wild you never see like a hyena in a harness yeah dogs aren't like oh restrictions cool no they're like I just because I'm not an animal who likes to run and play yeah um you gotta you all gotta watch this fucking Jackson Calixi show you think your fucking cat is terrible this cat will like there are cats on that show that will like bite a man's sleeping balls and then

as he sits up the cat is on its face like a face hugger from aliens and will like kiss up his nose then he leans into your leans into his ear and says I stole your identity you're asleep I stole your credit score there are episodes of that show that are like the goddamn exorcist where Jackson Galaxy like Jackson Galaxy is dead because one cat like threw him down a flight of stairs my cat won't stop espousing hate speech oh yeah I've seen this before come here and put you outside my cat's a tiger no yeah you're right it's a it's a literal tiger this is this is an unsafe my my advanced team should have picked this up yeah my cat is floating in the air

and is transparent and keeps keeps trying to scare my children like oh you got a ghost cat we've seen this before don't worry about it don't worry about it this is just a matter you need a bell um and a spray bottle where do you keep your protoplasm my cat keeps walking around on his hind legs and doesn't have any fur and talks uh that's a top that's a top yeah you had that you remember when you had a baby a few years ago that's what that's what they evolve into yeah and next up Charizard um hey uh my cats aren't gone by their own god damn food god knows so let's uh go to the money's now Warby Parker is a new concept in eyewear he's uh uh an eccentric uh eyeglass scientist

who uh will sell you uh glasses at a really affordable price right I feel like saying scientists he's he's a glasses robber baron yeah he he runs the glasses industry on the internet he all the glasses have anti-reflective anti-glare coating for no additional cost and they've got this cool he there's not a they it's one man really in a warehouse of sunglasses I don't think this is true it is true his name is Warby Parker it's a man in beautiful glasses in a cape yeah a cape the one the one condition in which you can sport a cape is if you live and work in a warehouse full of sunglasses and glasses Warby Parker will come to your door open up his cape and sell you the glasses hanging from his cape like the guy from resident evil

but it's weird because he's not wearing anything else underneath got a lot of nice glasses strange yeah uh you get uh five pairs of glasses shipped to you try them on see what your folks think not all of the same time you look stupid uh and then you choose the one you want to the others back in a prepaid envelope uh you can you got 10 days uh wait before the uh glasses show up and sometimes it's faster than that and for every pair of glasses you buy you they give a pair to somebody and and who knows maybe next time you'll be the one who gets the free glass maybe you'll hit these kids maybe like you'll see a downturn in your life and you'll be like well i'm so glad i bought those glasses back when i had a job and loved ones do you think you could you think you

could ask Warby Parker when you buy one to say listen hold on to that free pair things have not been going great and i'd like to catch that in later um if i am in need it doesn't it doesn't say this in the list of things in this advertisement but clean your face before you put on these glasses clean your face like the bridge your nose and your cheeks just like we'll do a quick wipe before you put them on and because it's like four of those bad boys are going back you know they got uh non-prescription sunglasses from 95 bucks and prescription polarized sunglasses from 150 so visit Warby Parker dot com order your prescription glasses sunglasses to reading glasses and enter the code my brother and you get your new glasses within three business days

Warby Parker dot com and just enter my brother and then you get your glasses and you can see good start but what do you look at answer your kids nope what are they doing what have they done smile of a child no god no absolutely not no you want to turn on some television boys in the house oh a ntm 2.0 justin got deep down in it i need everyone to start a twitter campaign for us to be best pals with that dude cody cody cory cory or cody or cory or cody there's one of those on the show boys i've been watching on hulu plus uh so with a ntm or anything else on hulu plus there's lots of good stuff snl community modern family south barb ham okay so many others uh you can stream it from your tv or on your phone or your tablet don't don't look at your kids look at tv

on hulu it's only eight bucks a month seven ninety nine all right eight bucks i mean seven ninety nine let's say bucks we're on here seven ninety nine and uh they got movies too it's no big deal just watch whatever you want uh and here's the best news you ready you can try hulu plus free on us we'll pay for it we don't actually pay for it do we out of our out of our own pockets that explains why i have nothing why i'm destitute now go to hulu plus dot com slash my brother and you can try two weeks free no big deal mbd um i wish i i thought i just typed in that address is hopefully i was hoping there'd be like a picture of us like maybe with pop thumbs up oh you made it a picture of us that we don't remember anybody taking of just me in my window this is just a

picture of me sleeping what's going on hulu hey uh boys in the house a ntm 2.0 the game done changed get on there get your free trial and get up i saw more than two people on twitter say i just got hulu plus because of griffin's description of cori or codie on a ntm fucking changing the fucking game and i think that i am missing a huge opportunity for marketing and just like describing shit that i saw on television hulu plus dot com forward slash my brother get your free trial and then they know that you listen to us and bend to our whims which makes us more powerful i have a message an important message from mark and alissa and the message was sent by travis now not our travis i know that's confusing because there's more than one i know uh travis is mark travis is

mark's brother um and travis says to mark and alissa happy being married now i don't know if that means that travis is married and he's a caveman and he's saying that he's happy i think he's talking about happy being happy uh sorry i missed your many changes sorry i missed your wedding but this should make up for the card i didn't send i love you and wish you the best forget toilet seat down some fights mostly am happy you double communicating you know no helen like i know helen you know see helen when she happy at home helen get nervous in big group helen has a problem remember alcoholism disease

oh kind spirit occasionally mislead helen she's mother of me children helen um she is pterodactyl happy wedding happy wedding mark and alissa but we're very happy for you sorry that travis missed it maybe he'll catch you on the next one what hi i'm jesse thorn the host of npr's bullseye and i'm jordan morris another guy jordan and i have been friends for a really long time and we co-host the comedy podcast jordan jesse go together jordan what would you say jordan jesse goes all about well uh it's about

funny stories um crazy ideas swearing so basically nothing yeah nothing but we always have fun and funny celebrity guests from the worlds of comedy television music everything i think you're actually gonna like being radio friends with us yeah check out jordan jesse go online at maximumfund.org or free and itunes are your favorite pod catcher uh you guys want a yahoo answer question a yahoo nice mystery mm-hmm i think it's yahoo mystery night this yahoo mystery night was sent in by uh alex rich thanks alex it's by yahoo answers user mark who asks cool one or two word quotes okay uh that's it uh i have some from yahoo answers user marix which i think is just

marcus spelled wrong uh who responded with some real dozers know thyself be yourself love yourself wait hold on these all seem along a similar vein carpe diem sure um i am your what finish your thought finish the thought marcus don't resist marcus whoa uh here's discover is that a quote nope to quote to quote benjamin franklin discover discover what ben shit the shit all the shit i did dream no explore just breathe just dance got speed be honest fuck you fuck you marcus it's like country music lyric generator just copy and paste in a random order stay true what's hey guys one hey guys hey guys hey guys bloody hell

oh god you marcus um all great terrific quotes from popular media and history here's what i've been trying out marcus time is that working just your name and then the word time assuming your name is one word um i i'm confused by the parameters of this question i'm because it says two word quotes but it seems like all marcus did was list two words paired together yeah i would love to be so fucking fresh that i could just i could be cemented in history for just dropping a handful of syllables on somebody like you remember what griffin mackroy said discover cowabunga bart simpson or the or the turtles kiss my and then a new paragraph grits and is a joint i think that's an e e coming spell it's kiss my question mark and then inside of

colin's and asterisks gray and then where's it say ts it's at the bottom it's at the bottom it's on the next page it's on the next page and it's backwards street it's like a choose your own adventure you have to turn to page 53 to see the ts uh pootie tang pootie tang corn dogs country space jam space jam email upset burgers what are you just saying what are you you're just saying i see at this way two word quotes no context the world's your oyster whatever you want but they're not let's keep going until we run out disciplinary pizza you're just saying a word that doesn't make sense

in the context of food and then a food griffin the first role then provis say yes oh sorry so my quote is say yes um banned arguments uh keenan and and that's somebody who forgot what kel's name was that's a quote from somebody talking about the nicolodian show but he couldn't remember what kel's name was free right now free pizza griffin are there any other people trying to answer this question someone said what and that was vinnie barberino john tripolta from welcome back codder i don't remember him saying that i think this is just like a coder file just like trying to spread his seed as far as you can possibly go oh my god i forgot the best one oh how rude oh that's see that's fucking on point have mercy like let's just do let's just uh fucking full house

quote cut it dead wife that was in danie's i love when daddy tanner would be in like a down moment dead wife dead wife that episode where like everybody left the kitchen to go get pizza and danie was left alone and just quietly looked into his dream mother dead wife that was a great half hour of comedy um how about uh my rippers and that's jesse he's talking about someone asks who are the other members of your band he says oh my rippers he didn't say oh because it's just two words meth please and that was uh jody sweeten because she is it too soon to joke about her it's too soon to joke about not soon enough actually no one's gonna get that comet's dead comet never died he lives on in our hearts sagget chop and that was when bob sagget

great fight when yeah when did you guys ever notice how there were like a crazy amount of fight scenes in tgif shows fucking fucking step by step did one like literally every third episode patrick i think patrick duffy had like a something in his contract was like i need to do i actually don't think that's a joke griffin i think that Patrick Duffy because you're right and you could tell because the camera because this was a multi-camera comedy that the camera would just pan out this very odd angle that it never really takes where you see how small the set actually is because it's basically just looking at dead on and you could smell like oh man patrick duffy is about to beat some ass it really was it like every time they went to a bar every time there was a scene

in a bar you're like oh duffy's about to do some whoopens i feel like that happened a lot in like there were always people challenging people to something and like it's every time there wanted to be a lesson about like what it really means to stand up to a bully or like use your brain the answers there was one fucking episode where urkel in family matters like there was a rope climbing challenge and like the one of the jocks challenge and do a rope climbing competition like everyone had happened to them in high school it was very relatable and so to win urkel fucking built a jetpack what jim t shirt Travis what is the relevance of this anecdote no i suddenly just started thinking about that's fucking cheating what are we teaching our children

yeah yeah it's like that one physical prowess out the window just fucking cheat in these fucking teens sitcoms the writers were eventually like well the the the challenges of high school are getting kind of boring let's have them beat the shit out of each other can we get duffy in the mix that was a weird crossover episode where uh kory fought Patrick Duffy Patrick Duffy that's a quote that Patrick Duffy would say we can say his own name because he's a pokemon Patrick Duffy Patrick Duffy Duffy Patrick Duffy Patrick Patrick Patrick Duffy Duffy use chop Duffy Duffy use acting Patrick Duffy Duffy hasn't learned this game Duffy only has room for four moves he knows chop chopping chop they're saying Patrick Duffy chop eat drugs and walk

just forget jumping over the general league forget that skill you don't need it anymore duff he refuses you never know okay fine boy that's a fucking bitter pill when uh you do not get the cat the call to uh reunite in the new iteration of Dallas that's gotta be bitter when uh even Larry Hagman's getting the call brink of death's door and then proceeding through death's door Larry Hagman gets the call to be on the new Dallas and you Patrick Duffy the the phone is quiet quiet is all get out he's busy writing his one-man stage show he wouldn't have time for it anyways you guys wouldn't understand the life of a professional actor but he's pretty busy and he would have turned him down if they called him anyways do you think every time Patrick Duffy's life is taken in

turn for the worst which i imagine has pretty much just been constantly since i step one off the air that he's just waiting to like wake up and it was all a dream and he just like steps out of the shower and he's like Patrick Duffy and his wife is like no it's still it's still like a dough creature still real life Patrick Duffy it's still real life oh Duffy have you guys seen and this is gonna one of the earliest uh one of the earliest like internet sensations was uh Patrick Duffy and the crab are you guys familiar with this yeah this this had bypassed me for a long time but there is a series of videos if you look out there on the internet about Patrick Duffy and his life with a stuffed crab puppet named the crab like in one episode

the crab teaches Patrick Duffy about facebook and ringtones they watch top model together yeah this is a thing you get in one episode the crab dares Patrick to eat a dime that that's just a thing you can watch on the internet now is Duffy gonna make a comeback i feel like Duffy's like right on the edge i feel like he's on the cusp and i feel like we're doing the Lord's work with this podcast this this Duffy centric app if Patrick Duffy were a pokemon what type would it be because i would say fighting maybe psychic oh i was gonna say water based why is he water based because he he's able to elicit tears with the power of his acting i guess that's true i would say electric because his fucking performances

since is there a sexual uh gen like genre of pokemon yeah he's a sex type sexual based power sex type you sex tornado Duffy Duffy Duffy Duffy Duffy here use a bowl of cereal sadly you don't know fucking Duffy why don't you get off Duffy's job Travis listen we i'm sorry i thought that we had this thing going and oh yeah but it was coming from a place of like fun and respect for like his work and you were like oh he's and then i paint a picture of him sadly eating kashi and suddenly yeah it's not okay well it's disrespectful is what i was saying like what it hey trav can i ask you a question uh-huh what the fuck have you done i watch step by step yeah always okay you're a fucking you're a fucking monday morning Duffy is what you are

this has been our Duffy based podcast my brother my brother and me it's not uh always like this we promise so tell someone about the show it's going to be from now on though from now on it's very heavy on the Duffy uh thank you so much you say it's not like this but i feel like every third week we pick like who's a celeb that's kind of falling out of favor oh uh fucking squinto from from third rock zagary zagary squinto zagary squinto expecting that for a while god we're fucking bullies for people who have had like careers that like all three of us combined have eclipsed us completely and totally i'm just saying it's a we're getting mean guys we're getting mean we tend to pick people who aren't going to fight back that's the thing though fucking Duffy

will chop us apart Duffy will chop her you're about griffin you're about griffin yeah i got chopped he got chopped apart Duffy's gun him for the other Duffy heard about the shift and he said he chopped his entire body off this is the great paradox of my brother my brother me though if one of these people were to uh in any way acknowledge our existence oh forget about they'd be the king of the podcast yeah they would they would actually just seed my shares to Patrick Duffy he could take over my portion of my brother my brother and me uh this has been our advice podcast thank you to people tweeting about the show like a foster Lucy Osborn uh Sean Wesley Matthew Carson's uh Ryan Hubbitt's Grace McGeosh uh Chris Van Patten Claire uh Jonathan Cole using

the mbmbam hashtag if you do that if you wouldn't mind sharing our sample or spit.ly forward slash mbmbam 2013 is our is our new one out there uh and uh we hope you can share that with a friend also wanted to remind you guys thank you to hulu plus where you can binge on thousands of hit shows anytime anywhere support our show get the extended free trial of hulu plus go to hulu plus dot com forward slash my brother hulu dot hulu plus dot com forward slash my brother while you're there watch the Patrick Duffy biography it's 45 minutes long so the first result that came up are you fucking kidding me why didn't we lead the show with that so people could watch it instead of listening to this i'll edit it and i'll put at the very beginning hey everybody you're listening

to my brother my brother me go watch this fucking Patrick Duffy doc and people give me that that's 45 minutes long that's confusing but yeah i think i'd like to learn everything about Patrick Duffy in less than an hour no problem not a big deal i want to thank John Roderick in the long winters for the use of our theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed it's great album duffy sings a verse on seven i believe i can't think i thought it was sky's open sky's open yeah that was uh duffy sings that one part that's like Patrick Duffy because he is a pokemon just to be clear he's a pokemon uh and uh that's gonna do it for us griffin do you have one last question real quick real quick real quick sorry um if you would uh like to send out a personal message for

someone uh whether it be a birthday an anniversary um you know just wishing them congratulations or good luck on something yes all the things that you might want to say to someone i mean i could keep going if you want to tell me have nice shoes or that you really like they're tasting music or if you want to say hey i'm sorry i ate the last cupcake or anything like that you can go to uh maximumfun.org forward slash jumbotron and buy them a personal message you could also while you're there buy a a commercial message if you have a business or a website or something else that you would like to uh have us talk about then go there or if you work for someone who would like to sponsor the show like warby parker or hulu plus um just go to maximumfun.org forward slash jumbotron and you

could support this show that you love so much and give us money to buy more awesome things like what what awesome thing what was the last awesome thing you bought well just looking around the table i've got my personalized mug here i've got a tie-dye t-shirt and a bag of grippo spicy popcorn so i feel like i'm living pretty high on the hog griffin uh this final yahoo is sent in by alex rich thank you alex is by yahoo institutions or hector who asks hi i'm hector guerrero lara and i wanted to know at what age do i tell my son the truth about santa i'm just a macaroon i'm travis macaroon i'm griffin macaroon it's been my brother my brother and me kiss your dad square on the lips

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