My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 171: The Sweetin Furnace

Episode Date: October 11, 2013

Can we just think of Episode 171 as non-canonical? Maybe like, a part of the extended Brotherverse? Between Justin's Tandy 12 and Travis recording inside of an enormous actor's mouth, things are rough, tumble and raw. Suggested talking points: Throwback Quality, Future Spoilers, Baby Hair, JGL Casing, Baby Jelly Hands, Authentic Fieri Pubes, Pretty, Chameleon Nips, Ma and Pa McDonald's

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome to My Brother, My Brother Me, an advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your baby brother, Griffin McElroy. Guys, the government is shut down. Scrapping it together. Against all odds. Gum and twine over here, sticking it together with gum and twine. This is the worst conditions under

which we have ever recorded My Brother, My Brother. Let's break it down. Let's break it down. The daddy I made you an ashtray episode. You thought that we weren't going to have an episode. Maybe it would have been better if we didn't, but we got hungry mouths to feed, all right? So condition one. Condition one, my Macintosh computer made by Apple Corporation is dead. I am recording on a personal computer made by Bill Gates himself. I'm assuming in his college days because it doesn't have anything. Bill Gates sent Justin an email said, listen, Justin, I understand you need to scrap together a butt quality episode. I understand that this is something you need to do. So have this Tandy 12 for free. This is the 12th Tandy to

roll off the line. I try to install Java and a guy came by and poured coffee into my lap. Is the worst computer anyone's ever used? I am recording at work at the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company in the ladies dressing room. I am Skyping through my phone, recording onto my computer, and you may from time to time hear them recording, rehearsing of mice and men in the background. I am technically at work right now. So that's my cross to bear. Oh, also, I just got married. So that's really slowing me down. We should back up and explain that Travis just got married. And let's just say we were a little presumptive in the amount of free time we thought we'd have during Travis's wedding, I guess.

Yeah, I guess we had made plans to ditch all our family and friends and then just... Like mid ceremony. Like there's the homily, there's the charge, a couple of songs, the wine ceremony, duck out for a quick record sesh, and then the vows. Yeah, fully graduate style, fending the family off as we run away down the aisles together. And we did, but the episode wasn't that funny, so we scrapped it. Yeah, it was mostly Travis crying, like a little bitch. Travis, you want to... Sorry, should we... Let's keep painting a picture of this wedding. Travis, do you want to talk about how many little bitch tears you cried out?

I cried three. No, it was more than three. It was just three. I was the best man standing at riding shotgun. In the cockpit. I only recall three. He had me carry special tissues for him, and several times during the wedding he turned to me and be like, I'm sorry, I'm such a pussy. No, I had a really bad nose bleed. Yeah. And I needed the tissues so I didn't get... From his eyes. From his beautiful dress. With water. And my eyes were bleeding because I was crying so hard like a pussy.

Oh, I forgot to mention one of the things. I'm using a Battlefield 3 keyboard on my personal computer, and this is literally what it sounds like. Are you ready for this? Jesus, you sound like a hacker on CSI. That is literally... Enhance. Enhance. That is literally what it sounds like. So, taking them back to the good old days, the rock band microphone days of... I used to like those days because I could hold the microphone like SimBad, and if I had a good line, I could literally drop it. Here, if I drop it, I got to go back to Amazon and buy a new one.

These days. So, this is an advice show for the modern era where we help young people and old people, I assume, from time to time, navigate the rocky waters of life. And let's get into that right now. When my husband and I watch our favorite serial dramas, I prefer to let things unfold without trying too hard to guess what's going to happen next. My husband is the type who likes to guess what's going to happen out loud, and he's often right. His correct guess is, includes some key points in the Season 2 finale of Boardwalk Empire and the series finale of Breaking Bad, moments that would have been pretty jaw-dropping to a passive viewer like myself,

had he not already predicted what was going to happen. I asked him to quit sharing his spoilers with me and keep quiet till the show's over. He said they're not technically spoilers since he doesn't know what's going to happen. He's just guessing. There's more to this question, but I think we get the gist. That's from passive versus predictive in Portland. The thing is, there's two different ways he could be doing that. Teresa does this, but it's usually just out of fear and tension, where she says, oh, he's not going to die, you see? They're not going to kill him, are they? Versus, they're going to kill him.

These are still spoilers, though. I think if you guessed something correctly in the past, and it turns out to be true, you spoiled it. You did spoil it. It's a presumptive spoiler. I agree either way, because it's usually like, I always hate it when you're watching something you've already seen with someone who hasn't, and you can remember it being this huge reveal moment, and then that person being like, oh, he's going to fall down the stairs. You're like, just watch it. I have an alternative to suggest, for you to suggest to your husband. It was a cool move that I pulled once when some friends and I were watching one of the mini-season premieres of 24. I remember this. This is a baller move on your part.

This is a baller move. I had a feeling, and I got a little scrap of paper, and I folded it. I wrote a note on it, and I folded it, and I just showed everybody the note, and I put it down on the table, and then, again, here comes the spoilers if you haven't watched, and then when this incredible moment happened, I took out my scrap of paper that said, President Palmer will be assassinated before the first commercial break, and then he was. And then you dropped it on the table like the fucking finale of Rounders. Like, check my style out. I think you actually said, check my style out. Check this style. Check this dope style I have. I mean, but the other end to that choose-your-own-adventure is that you lay it down, and then

you just slowly reach out and pick it back up and eat it. Or you just slowly slip it into my mouth. Or you just fucking take it home, and it sits on your dresser for a while, and every once in a while, you look at it and just think about what a stupid idiot you are. I went through all that fucking trouble. That's a baller play, Justin. I'm not going to lie. But if it doesn't pan out, that's a cross you have to bear for the rest of your life. Like, knowing that you spent the time to, you put in even like a little stamp on the envelope, which seems excessive to me. That'll make him count it, though. Like, he has to be really sure before he opens his pen to write. Oh, that's true. His pen mouth. He's got to be his pen mouth to be absolutely

concretely sure that this is what is going to happen in the series, which might help to stave off his spoiling. Our dad used to be the worst. Or the best. Well, dad would like subconsciously spoil something where he wouldn't say anything. He would just go, ah, okay. Wait, hold on. What? What is it? No, just watch. I think I know. Just watch. And that was another level, because we could never prove or disprove the correctness of his theory. I might have just been doing that. Yeah, that might just be a dad move that dads can pull. I see what's happening. I think you should just keep your mouth shut. Just enjoy it together. Just enjoy the moments together. And then afterwards, he can say, that's what I thought was going to happen in my brain,

but I didn't say anything about it out of courtesy. My dad will still text me during Doctor Who. He's like, I know what's happening. Like, okay, all right, you live in another state now. You can't keep doing this to me. I'm my own man. I have a wife and a home. I'm a grown adult. Stop terrorizing me. You all want a Yahoo? Yeah. It sounds like, to us, just see, it probably sounds fine when you're listening to this at home. It sounds like Travis is being held in a Russian prison. It sounds like they gave him a pay phone to call his brothers. That is actually what we're doing for our honeymoon. It's a whole experience that you can sign up for and you spend a week in a goo log.

Travis actually was a founding member of Pussy Riot. He thought that he was signing up for some sort of rad party. But no. But no, he's, he was actually in a feminist punk band. Do you guys want a Yahoo? I asked you this and you said yes. This Yahoo was sent in by Drew Davenport. Thanks Drew. It's by Yahoo Answers user Mianna who asks, what can you do while you're pregnant to make baby be born with a head full of hair? That's it. Eat a lot of hair. Next question. I think that's pretty good. I think if you're going to eat a lot of hair and some sort of bonding agent, that is, that's a tricky needle of a thread because you're going to need something that's going to make it through your gully works

without stopping the shit up. But it still has to be cohesive enough to bond the hair together into some sort of fetus weight wig. The terrible risk that you're running there is that your baby will see it and it comes in with all the other food you're eating. Because it's a stupid baby, he's like, I want the same food. Do not have. I was going the other way where you end up with some food on their head. Or he has a taste for hair. He just loves to eat your hair. It's all osmosis down there in the early months of the formation of the feti, right? It's all osmotic, right? All osmosis Jones. All of these, this fucking osmosis Jones that's growing inside of you. It's just a big bag of translucent cells and shit. Anything can pass through there. You

got to be careful. If you eat a Frito and it goes down the wrong pipe, that baby is going to come out with Frito hands. Because your tummy doesn't know what's up. It doesn't know where to put things. By the way, Tim Burton, I don't know why you thought that Edwards' hands needed a follow-up, but Ricky Frito hands is not in keeping with your... I'll always remember. He was totally crunch-tastic. It's the best Christmas ever. You can probably just eat a bunch of hair and then nature finds a way. He'll figure things out in there. What about this? You just said a slogan of a thing. It's the pottery that grows. Yeah. We know what it is clearly, but how is this...

You're going to need to swallow... I think it was like mud with some seeds in it. And then with your belly hands smoothed onto the baby's head. So you're a little bit unclear just about the basic mechanics of the game. You got the belly hands in there and that's what puts the baby together. I think Travis has a fundamental misunderstanding of gullyworks. They put it together like in a factory. That's what daddy told me. You're saying that every woman's uterus contains a set of hands like the tunnel in the labyrinth that Jennifer Connelly falls down through and then the hands push the baby down,

but while the baby is in there, they put the parts together? That's why the dude says push and then the hands all push it. This is a horrifying... I never... Happy Halloween. That's the spooky twist of pregnancy. I never want anybody to be pregnant again now. That's the plot line to story of children and men. All the hands like fuck it.

Yeah, fuck it. We're done. We're on strike. They all got game boy adventures and they just stopped working. Is there a way that you can copulate? Because from what I understand, life obviously starts at inception. I mean conception. Life started when the movie Inception was made.

Life starts with conception. For that it was all amoebas and sun. More like life starts at deception. Yeah. Not trying to get my money or something. I think that there's a way to chop and screw and get the kind of baby that you want to get while you are chopping and screwing, if you know what I mean. I think that it's like how they say wait till there's a full moon and then have sex

upside down on a couch while saying ABCs. With a wolf man. With a wolf man and then that's how you have a strong baby. Mm-hmm. I think there's probably a method of copulation that you can exercise to make sure that you got a her suit child. You got to do it whilst on a treadmill and eating a plate full of angel hair pasta. No sauce.

That's quite the balancing act. Can it be on like do you want a hairy baby or not? That's how I prep for marathons. It can't be the same procedure. Oh, be careful. Be careful. You might get pregnant with a hairy baby. Man, pregnancy is the weirdest.

Once you're pregnant, it's probably too late to be Italian, isn't it? Because I think that that seems to be a pretty good method to hairy. I think by the point that you are conceived not by Italian people that ship done sailed. This was my fear. I was afraid you were going to say that. I don't think- But I had to take a shot. I don't think there's a way to remix it in the post.

But it's white. Don't worry about it. Fix it in post. Guys, I've been dating my boyfriend for about six months now. He came to me with a predicament. He wants to recreate his image, mainly his wardrobe, to look more adult as he prepares to graduate college in May. He is a relatively skinny guy and the clothes he wears right now are too big on him and make

him look a lot younger. He asked for my help, but here's my worry. I know exactly the look I want him to have. Kind of a Joseph Gordon Levitt vibe. But don't come on. Yeah, you and me both, sister. Come on. Yeah.

Yeah, if you figure that one out, let me know. How do I help him with his new wardrobe without seeing pushy and aggressive and like I really hate what he wears now? How could I get on that JGL grind? That's from Baggy in Boston. I mean, I have a real answer. Go ahead, Travis. Oh, great.

Here's my real answer. So what you need to do is to plug a video clip. He was just on Jimmy Kimmel. No, he was on Jimmy Fallon. No. He was on Jimmy Johns and Travis Sahn. He was on Jimmy Neutron, boy genius. He was on Jimmy Durranny's show from heaven.

This is fun. The talk show from heaven. So he was on Jimmy Fallon and they did like a lip sync off. Show him that clip. And while you're watching that clip, say like, God, that's an awesome jacket. And just like start and just do that every time. Man, look at those jeans shorts because he's wearing jeans shorts. He was wearing shorts and just like subtly

plant things like that, you know, and anytime you see something, rather than go, you should buy that jacket. Say like, oh, that's a that's a rockin' jacket. Oh, what a great guy. I think that looked really good on you. Don't you want to be him? Well, maybe don't take it that far. Travis has brought us a response to this question

from an alternate dimension where any man ever has picked up on subtexts or contextual clues. No, no, no. That's what I ever occurred. No, because what I'm saying is you're planting it in his subconscious so that when he goes shopping and he sees a jacket like that, he's going to go, oh, I like that jacket. He is not going to go out looking for that jacket. I know.

Absolutely not, Travis. I'm sorry. Maybe we have different methods of shopping. When I go into a men's clothing store, I'm running around like Dorothy when those trees are throwing apples at her. Okay, I'm just my anything I can get a grip on. I'm reaching through the darkness screaming at the top of my lungs, hoping against hope that I can find solid ground

where I'm not going to get anywhere. My entire MO is not WWJGLD. It is goddamn. I hope I don't embarrass myself in here. Let's just find let's just find the things. I'll go to Old Navy. I'll take in 10 shirts because one of them will fit.

And then I'll very hurriedly and embarrassedly just toss the other nine on the put away table that this is your problem now table and then and then skirt my way on out of there. And even that one even that one's not going to fit. It'll work on the sleeves. Definitely not in the neck and chest area. And that is why with that lack of self-confidence, you guys will never be married. Well, that's not true for Justin and almost certainly not true for me.

All right. I'm just saying some of us are a bit too chesty and necky to be a JGL. Well, that I mean, that's the thing. I would love to dress like JGL, but like frankly, I got this like barrel chest and start of a beer gut. Like I can't pull it off. I'm going to look like a fucking sausage that's broken through its casing. Yeah.

Travis will look like a carnival barker. He can't. He can't do it. Not again. It looked like a Joseph Gordon Levitt that is busted through its casing. It's horrible. We have another failed clone, sir. Oh, God.

We left him in the pan too long. God. That's the problem with our teasing old Joseph Gordon Levitt. You know, it sure looks great. It looks rustic, but it's always bursting through its casing. The sage-crusted potatoes come out really, really well, but the JGL, I don't know, unless you're using a thick casing. It all depends on how thick was your JGL grind.

Yeah. Yeah. If it's too fine, then it's like you're eating JGL putty. Too coarse and it's like a crunchy JGL putty. You got to split the uprights. This is why JGL's success late in life is a great indicator that nobody knows anything. Nobody knows it. You've been watching Third Rock from the Sun and looked at that little bastard and thought,

he is gifted. He is going places. He's not going to fall into the chasm where we keep all the other Jody sweetens and the like. He's going to bust right out and be his own man. I would know. I would know. Shuck him in the sweetened furnace.

Just throw him in there. Make sure his casing doesn't pop. But wait a second. Look through the window. He's untouched. It is Shadrack Meshack. I'd be shocked if it didn't go. And JGL.

I saw a fourth figure in the flames. Was it an angel? Kind of. Kind of. Did you see 500 days of summer? He dances like one. He dances like a fucking angel. Dresses like one.

Sings like one. My wife loves Josie. Who doesn't? He's my perfect little sausage boy. So good. I wish they hadn't janked up his face in the looper. In a looper. Yeah.

That should be a war crime. Yeah. Those people should. You wanted to talk about somebody who should be thrown in a gulag. It's the people who messed up. If I might bitch about looper for one moment. I've never seen a movie in which an actor played a younger

version of an older actor that's also in the film. And been bothered by the fact that they didn't look alike. Not how it worked. It looked more like they had put him and Bruce Willis into what will our baby look like generator. And then ancient 25 years. I think that JGL's look is so on point that Bruce Willis should have had a reconstructive surgery to look more like JGL.

Permanent JGL overhaul. I would have preferred that instead of making JGL look like a JGL BW hybrid in looper. If they had just made him look completely like old school Bruno like when he was recording music. You know what I mean? Back in the Hudson Hawk era. Hudson Hawk era fucking pot jazz BW.

Can we just can we just like Photoshop in just like CGI in Hudson Hawk into looper in place of JGL. And then maybe just also like CGI in like JGL just over in the corner crossing his arms and shaking his head. Yeah. I bet originally they made JGL look like music slash Hudson Hawk era Bruce Willie. But he just couldn't help but jam with himself.

Like every time he saw me I got to kill you. Come on. Got to kill you. But that'll kill me. You're right. Hold this saxophone. Let's jam. Let's just jam.

My yearly get together with some of my old friends is coming up. I'm excited to see them again. But one thing is different. One of them has a kid since the last time we saw them. I absolutely detest holding babies. But I'm sure the child will be passed around at some point. Is there any way to decline without making the moment awkward or should I just suck it up and play along pretending I'm

not screaming on the inside? That's from indisposed in Indiana. Just tell them legally you're not allowed to be within 300 yards of a child. Yeah. That'll go really, really well I think. Seems bad. That'll keep her from being awkward. You want to talk about being afraid of popping something outside of its casing.

What can you do during copulation to give your baby thicker, firmer skin? I feel like I can see through every baby I hold. And that's- I want to really build up my baby's kite. Yeah. I don't think that's too much to ask a baby shell. A strong exoskeleton. Here's what you do.

In the kitchen, you keep a tray of jelly. When the baby starts being passed around, you run into the kitchen, dip your hands in the jelly and say something like, just cook it up some jelly. I'm doing something in here. Doing something in here and then rush out when it's your turn and say, would love to. Love to hold the baby, got jelly on my hands though.

Can't at the mom because of the jelly. And I'm- Does it have to be jelly? Because I feel like there's a myriad of things that if you had on your hands, the parents would not want you to- If you got jelly in a baby's crevices, do you know how long you'd have to work to get all that gunk out? You know how many folds they have?

Justin, they have a spot- You're forgetting something though. This baby's probably already going to have quite a bit of jelly on it. This baby's already going to have a preter natural layer of self-jelly. That the parents are going to be like, I don't worry about it. It's just, you know, you're just going to add- We'll hose them down in the back. Yeah, we hose them every 10 minutes.

So like go ahead and get that jelly on there. Okay, all right, all right. It'll make it easier actually to see the other jelly that's already on this kid if you just go ahead and jelly them up. Like plot candy, basically. What if you bring them like a baby shower kind of present and you're like, hey, I got this for you. It's a baby suit of armor.

Are you worried about hurting the baby? Or are you just like, ew. I think it's- Don't get it. Who doesn't love holding beautiful baby? It's an embarrassment thing. How are you even supposed to hold- How do you hold a baby, Justin?

Let me critique it. How do you- How do you hold a baby? Fireman's carry. Like that. By their heel, like I'm going to dip him in a lake and give him a blessing. See, there's no right way to do it. Because there's only one right-

There's one right way to hold a baby. But that way- You throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier. No, no, no. You scoop them. You scoop them. And you scoop them right in your loving crevice of your arms. Right?

And you have to support the head or it falls off. If you do that to a stranger baby though, it feels like you're trying to steal it. It looks like you're trying to steal it. Right? And when you hold it like that, it looks like you're trying to supersede the parents and become the new parent.

And that's way too forward. Oh, okay. I've got an idea. And it'll force you to hold the baby, but for the shortest amount of time possible. Hold the baby and then go right into the Heisman. I guarantee those parents will take that baby back from you. Travis, I feel like you're being a little

devil make care with this baby's life. Heisman. Yeah, a little reckless. I like the jelly idea. I feel like there's something you could have on your hands at all times that would preclude- But like, what are babies' vulnerabilities? Like, what are babies weak to?

Everything. Maybe have some like raccoons on your hands. Okay. If you could cut your hands in raccoons, I think you'd be out of baby duty. Oh, bad schools. How bad schools on your hands? Can you cover yourself in bad schools?

Can you get another baby and say, this is my baby and I'm bonding, so I don't want to mess up the bonding process? Get another baby that has like tattoos and is smoking a cigarette. And then the parents will be like, well, I don't want my baby around that baby. A tougher baby.

You should be able to rent a tougher baby for a day. I'm really nervous to hold babies. I'm right there with her. Yeah, I really am. I super am. It really is. I still don't think I've mastered the hold yet. It's the same way I feel self-conscious

when using chopsticks. It's the same way I feel when using baby. You just need to hold the baby a couple of times. You know, you're not going to get better at it if you don't try. Yeah. No one has babies in Austin though, because like I've said before,

it's a nation of- The humidity. Of 18-year-olds. Also, yeah, nobody wants to get up on all these swamp balls. They're floating around down here. Do you want to make love? Uh, I don't know.

Hey guys, I have to get paid. Want to tell everybody about Warby Parker? He's a friend of ours that we've talked about a few times, and I've seen many of you getting into his wares. So, uh, if you haven't gotten on board yet, these are contemporary eyeglasses

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on these five pairs of glasses, show your family and friends. Don't worry, he'll wait. He'll just sit there. But he will not eat your food. He won't, he won't hold your baby. All right. He's not a friend of the family.

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for a super long time. I'm ready to throw these mother fuckers in the street. Yep. All thanks to the pressure provided by Warby Parker. Trev, how you've been married now

for a few days, how you've been spending your time with your new bride. We've been watching Hulu plus, like non-self. Oh shit. Really? Yeah.

Well, that's a great segue, Trev. Tell me about it. Well, Hulu plus, you watch all your favorite shows anytime, anywhere. So whether you're sitting in front of your Xbox or you're in your hotel room

the night after your wedding, making love, you can watch Hulu plus anywhere. Oh my god. It all streams in HD, right? That's what I've heard. That is correct.

And Hulu plus has a lot of your favorite shows like Saturday Night Live, Community and Family Guy. You can also check out, there's a original program like The Awesomes from SNL Seth Meyers

and Moon Boy, which stars Chris Haddad from Bridesmaids. They also have, you know, not just TV shows. They have films on there too. And it's only $7.99 a month.

And you can stream. Oh, that's ridiculous. I know. Like how are they possibly making money, except for the fact that I guess you don't use it up by watching the TV show.

So that's pretty cool. It's actually a non-profit, actually. So they're not making money. It's just everybody should be seeing Parks and Rec. So it's like a government-provided service. I'm amazed that they're keeping it afloat

despite the government shutdown. Here's better news. You can go try it free for two weeks when you go to huluplus.com slash mybrother. That's a special offer just for you guys.

huluplus.com slash mybrother. Please use that URL so they know that we are all powerful. And you know, any website you go to, just end it with slash mybrother

because you never know. Maybe we got a bonus for you. Guys, I got a message for Zoe from Alden who says, Happy birthday to the best sister and one of my best friends. Sorry, it's a little late.

My bad. Her birthday was September 25th. God damn, Alden. 10 years to buy a mile. Of course, part of that is because we're recording so late, but hey. Thank you for introducing me

to Mobim Bam by which I mean playing in the car until I gave in and started downloading and listening to it myself. Now, it's a favorite podcast of mine. Here's to another great year. I love you.

Man, I love when people do advertisements and they advertise us in the advertisements. It's like double. Yeah, that's gonna help build our brand. Double good for us. No kidding.

That's really great. Thank you to Zoe for being so considerate and helping to spread the word about our podcast to people who listen to our podcast. That's a free plug. Hey, you know what I like

to make my plugs out of? What's that? Cal manure. Farm wisdom. Farm wisdom. That sounds awful. Call and meet your uncle Jake at the Lake Farm was dumb.

I wish Jake would stop hanging out in places only to rhyme with him. So I was like, you want to go to Pizza Hut Uncle Jake? He's like, no, I can't. I'll meet you at cookie break where they fix your breaks.

So I don't want to go there. Not cookies? Not cookies? So wait, at cookie break they fix your breaks? They don't prepare cookies? I said cookie, cookie break. Cookie break.

I thought you said cookie break. Man, I wish I could have a conversation with Justin without him hearing ghost cookie words. Travis, are you okay? I am. It sounds like you're at the bottom of the ocean

and you're pushing, you're trying to bury your microphone in the silt. It sounds terrible over there. Do you guys want to hear some farm bullshit? Yeah, sure. We were told that this is farm bullshit and think of it like

Yahoo Answers version of farm wisdom. Uh, these are all actual superstitious suggestions for farmers from the Canadian edition of the Farmer's Almanac. Oh my god. Never think a person for giving you a plant

or it will die. In fact, the best way to ensure that plant slips that, that plant slips will thrive is to steal them. Wow, man. This is the official Canadian Farmer's Almanac?

It is endorsing larceny? Peppers should only be planted by a violent tempered person, a redheaded person, or a person in a bad mood. I don't think there's anyone in the world who's not in a bad mood

when they're doing chores. Travis, what is going on? Flax will grow tall if you show it to your buttocks. Flax. Okay, come on. No, this is true. Flax is fucking nasty.

Flax will trick you, too. Flax will be like, hey, I dropped some flax seed over there for you to harvest. It's on the ground behind me. Why don't you go ahead and pick that up, girl? Now this,

now this I have problems with. To cure a founder in a horse, cut three locks of hair from your private parts, place them between the halves of an apple or potato, and feed it to the horse. Okay.

All right. Yeah, okay. So Canadian farmers are basically witches? Is that what we're getting at here? And their plants are perverts. It's, it's, that's, this is why I can't,

I just have never been able to endorse the practice of eating Canadian produce. Because they're all second. And they're all full of pubes. Stop. You have two apples in your hand. You're like, um,

looks like my horse needs a snack. What is that founder? Let me just shove some pubes up in there. Wait, shit. Which apple did I put the pubes in? Do I cut the red wire or the blue wire? God, you work so hard to build a relationship with your horse.

Can you imagine the, the risking that bond, that eternal, like interdimensional bond by feeding it your own pubes? Maybe your horse is like, Hey, I've got founder. I don't, I still don't know what that is.

Ah, man, I've got a real bad case of founder. Hey, Mike. Hey, Mike, can I ask a favor? Make us, make us some of that bush. Mike, I got a weird question for you, buddy. I know we got a bond and I don't want to overstep my horse balance, but

make us, why don't you shave off a couple of sprigs? Make it a couple of sprigs of your zone. Can you imagine? Let me paint the horror story for you. This is the, the, the situation that everybody wants to think about.

It's three o'clock in the morning. What's that? Is that? Hey, hey, Doug. Did I, were you asleep? Hey, sorry, Doug. Listen, uh, my founders really flew. Really bad over here.

And uh, really would just. Walgreens is already closed. They had no bush at Walgreens. They were closed. And I just, I need to get a quick gnaw on your sprigs. Now, Mike, I can't help it. This looks like head hair.

And I appreciate it, but I feel like you're trying to dupe me, Mike. Doug, Doug, Mike. Mike, Doug. Mike, Doug. Thought we were boys. Thought we were boys. Couldn't spare a couple Pubos, huh?

I'll watch you in the shower. I know what you got going on down there. You got bush to spare, Doug. I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I mean. You got bush for days. Tuck some of them sprigs in a tater.

Hi, welcome to Denny's. Would you like to try our new sprigs in a tater? No. Welcome to Guy Fieri's restaurant. Guy Fieri's restaurant. Restaurant. Try our sprigs in a tater. Hey, what's up with these little hairs?

They're high lit on the end. They're high lit on the end. They've got goggles wrapped around them. Yeah, that's how you know. That's how you know it's authentic. Authentic Fieri cuisine. I'm Cameron Esposito, the host of Wham Bam Pow. This is an action and sci-fi movie podcast on maximumfun.org.

Talk about punching. We talk about car chases. We talk about arms, muscles that are on arms. And every week I'm joined by panelist Rhea Butcher. That's me. And of course, also Ricky Carmona. Oh, I'm all up in it. That's what's up.

The Afro Spokesman, we are going to give you all of the jokes and all of the happiness and all of the information that you need to watch action and sci-fi films to the fullest. Find it at maximumfun.org or you can subscribe on iTunes. I have been married for four years and my wife complained to me today that I don't tell her she is pretty anymore. I don't like saying the word pretty, and I can't say beautiful without sounding sarcastic.

What can I say to make my wife, what can I say to my wife to convince her I still find her attractive? That's from still sexy in Salt Lake. Hey, you need to start saying pretty. Just get over it. How's that? Does action speak louder than words? So the action you have to do is saying these embarrassing words

to let your wife know how. No, because it's true. You're so pretty. I don't know. It doesn't sound good. And I feel what they're saying. Like, you look so beautiful. I feel like a character in the room when I say that word.

Yeah, but the thing is, it ain't about you, dog. I feel stupid saying this. Okay, throughout time, that's like 60% of people in romantic stuff, but you do it because she wants you to. Here's what you do. You got to watch the season premiere of any season of The Bachelorette and listen to the adjectives that these fools drop. They're going to have so many different ones.

They are out of control. Surprisingly, no, there's only like two or three alternatives, but they drop them every other sentence. You look so stunning. Doesn't she look stunning? Look at how stunning she is. Look at how stunting she is. She's doing all kinds of sweet tricks.

Look how stunted she is. Look at how stunted. She could be like five, six, five, seven. Look at her little little nubby arms. Look how stunned she is. She's just sitting there, mouth agape. She's just lying there on the floor because she tried to steal a cop car. That was a terrible idea.

Look how stumped she is. That was a great riddle. I told her. Look at how stumpled she is. That's a word I just made up because I'm afraid to say pr- pr-ity. Just say pretty. Move on with your life.

Say pretty. Do you guys want a yahoo? Yes. This yahoo was sent in by Alan Black. Thank you, Alan Black. It's by yahoo answers user Andre who asks, Nipples tweaked. Why are guys tweaking my pecs?

Every since I've been working out, I've developed a lot of chest and pectoral development. Guys at the gym are tweaking my nipples and I'm confused as to what that means. Does it mean keep up the good work or something else? Oh, he's probably got a sign tape to his back. Tweak him. Tweak him, please. Tweak him. Tweak him.

I thank you. If I don't have, I haven't developed my chest and pectoral development much. When you do that, like do your nipples get like super beefy? How about they could? I bet that's an elk. There's probably that, you know, in all those muscle magazines, I bet that's one of the articles. Hey, Sam.

You know. Sam, I just want to say your pecs are rocking and your nips are super inviting. Your nips are like, they're round, like a peppercini. And they're, but they're like- They are winking at me. You know what I mean? The actual tipple is like plump, like a pencil eraser. And I-

I guess what I'm saying is daddy likes- I guess daddy likes- I have to find out what's up. I have to. Do you mind if I just get it? Like I've been trying to develop my own pectoral development and like, but my nipples are just doing nothing. And what's fucked up is that my pecs are getting so big and so ripped,

like two big juicy flank steaks. My nipples are the same size that they were six years ago. They're these little like nothing nubbins, you know what I mean? They look like little beady chameleon eyes on the tips- But I'm looking at yours. I'm looking at yours and you know what I- Yours is like Mount Everest. Perfect.

Perfect nipples. Round versus- Like Olympus rising above the Serengeti, am I right? Are you showing your nipples enough butts? Because I think that that could really help to encourage their growth. What are you talking about? Who planted your nipples? Were they redheaded and angry?

Show the nipples your buttocks. If you can figure out how to show your nipples your own buttocks, I think that you're- Well, I don't know how your strength training is going, but your flexibility training is out of control. I think I need to go ahead and take the biggest loser off my DVR subscriptions. I do not think I can watch this show anymore in Good Conscience. Here's the thing.

Yahoo! Questions asked here. Your problem was the first time one of these dudes tweaked your nipples, why didn't you react strongly? That is the unanswered question of this- You don't want to make a scene, though. What was your reaction? You're in a journal about this. Listen, this is going to sound weird,

but the next time Craig walks by, you have to tweak his nipples. The expression on his face is absolutely out of control. It looks like he's eating a sour warhead. How about another Yahoo? Since we're in- Yeah, rapid fire. This Yahoo is sent in by Ashley Berghardt. Thanks, Ashley.

It's by Yahoo answers user Jared who asks, Do people not realize McDonald's is not the only restaurant? Burger King, Wendy's, Taco Bell are all across the street. They were all dead on a night. There was a home football game and a car show at McDonald's. Had a long line and drive-through and standing room only in the lobby. We had customers angry because they had to wait longer than they wanted for their food, knowing how busy we were and short staffed.

There's those other restaurants, plus the car show and football game had concessions. I want a McDonald's register clerk that chastises you for eating there. Wow. Really, you couldn't have gotten some tacos at the game? Oh, wow. Okay. With the Panera across the street, you're here, huh?

More than that, I want to see maybe his boss is like roaming Yahoo answers and comes across this question. It's like, Hey, Craig, Craig, I saw your post. Do you not want us to hit goal this month? Travis. I'm a small business owner. So if you could just not capsize my investment, that would be fantastic. Listen, this Ma and Pa McDonald's, I've been trying to get it off the ground my entire life.

And I don't need you. I don't need you sabotaging. We have worked so hard to get here, build brand awareness and recognition. Do you remember we went through the whole litigation because we wanted to be McDonald's with an extra in and they wouldn't let us? Do you remember how angry everyone was when we didn't have hamburgers on the menu? Remember our struggles that we've had to overcome?

We had those seasonal bratwurst for a while and I said, Hey, what if we make this the whole thing? We became McDonald's bratwurst depot. And God, who knew that McDonald's was so litigious to its own branches? Folks, thank you so much for hanging out with us this week. We hope you've had as much fun as we have. I do want to let everybody know that Griffin brought me back toys from Japan and included on them in those toys was this button that I could press to make this happen.

And it's a button that makes a Japanese man talk. I'm sorry I didn't make better use of that during the program. I'm going to try to do better. I mean, the problem is that it's not particularly funny. Griffin, do the thing where you thank the guy for this stuff. I want to thank John Roderick and the Long Winters. I've been thanking him for every episode for maybe a hundred episodes, so I can't believe Justin cannot remember his name.

But I, John Roderick and the Long Winters. Who's he? I don't know. Thank you, Ron Roderick. I want to thank John Roderick and the Long Winters. I know the band name. God damn my aphasia. For these themes, I'm going to set a part show off the album,

putting the days to bed. It's a great band, great album. Thank you to everybody tweeting about the show, like Lindsey, Sarah, Ingram, Holly, L, Peacock, Ben Sherman, Michael Collins, Corinne McShane, Shmozie, Dead Yell, Corps Edo. I don't think that's her actual name. But thank you to everyone spreading the word.

Thanks for the short, kind of weird, maybe a bit unpolished app. Now that all the weddings and traveling are done for like two fucking months. This is a bonus. This is a bonus. I didn't know this was going to happen. Uh, yeah. Thanks for, thanks for sticking by us thick and thin.

We'll get it together. We just got to stop getting married for like a second. If we could just go one month of a wedding, that would be ideal. Just want to remind everybody to stop by Hulu Plus. You can mention thousands of hit shows anytime, anywhere. Get an extended free trial at Hulu Plus. We can go to HuluPlus.com slash my brother. That's HuluPlus.com slash my brother.

Check them out. They're really supportive of our show. We'd love them. Thank you. Thank you, Hulu. This final Yahoo answer was sent in by Tien Propst. Thanks, Tien. It's by Yahoo Answers user Hannah Kirkup.

Who asks? Using her real name. I have diarrhea. Should I go to college? My name's Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. He's been my brother, my brother, me,

kiss her dad square on the lips. And I want her.