My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 176: Wizard Beard Decade

Episode Date: November 18, 2013

HOW DID WE GO A WEEK WITHOUT KICKING OFF THORWATCH 2013? Of all the times we have failed you -- and boy, have there been many of those times -- this is arguably our worst slip-up to date. Suggested Talking Points: Thorwatch 2013, Attorney Beards, Maid in Manhattan, Local Shark Tank, Ted Christiandad, Subway Hacks, Grindr Diaries

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? It's familiar, but not too familiar, but not too not familiar, it's a new craze. And good girls, do you wanna just say, hey I wanna, just say, hey I wanna. I still think that sound needs some, I still think you guys haven't mastered that sound. Welcome to 2013 Thor Watch, 2013. More like 2014.

2013, get your hammer and start pounding us, where my brother, my brother, me. Jesus Christ. Thor Watch, 2013, I'm Justin Thor McElroy. I'm Thor Viss McElroy. And I'm, I'm just, I'm just plain old Thor. Guys, there's not a lot of excitement in the air. This time around, I feel like as much as there was the last, the last Thor Watch. So I think that the three of us should just keep it low key. Well Griffin, I don't know what movie theaters you've been sitting in the lobby of, but at my local movie theater, as I sit there and I listen and people are talking about Thor.

Yeah. Justin, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. We've had complaints and we would like it if you would just stop sitting in movie theater lobbies for hours on end. Just yelling Thor, anybody? Anybody for Thor? Like are you giving out tickets? I should stop standing by the roof and clucking my tongue disapprovingly every time someone purchases a ticket for gravity or any other film that isn't Thor, The Dark World. You should also, you should also stop breaking into the, the projection rooms and killing projectionists and replacing all of the movies in the theater with, with Thor. Thor 2 and Thor Classic. I just love Thor. I know, but that's murder, that's murder is what you're doing,

is what you're doing there. I know it's a lonely life that a projectionist leads and that they, you know, don't have anybody that will miss them. But that's how you get phantoms. But that's how you get phantoms of the, of the Thor theater. I, this year, this time Thor is taking on his biggest opponent yet. All climbers. And he is, I don't think that's- teaming back up with Loki, his brother, who's also another handsome god, and the two of them are really going to take it, take a moment. How's Natalie Portman doing though?

She got really fat. She's incredibly fat. It's the weirdest twist in the movie is that she's really fat. Does she, I mean, and not like an actress Natalie Portman, she's in like a shallow how suit. And I think it's, I think the message is that she missed Thor so much, she, etc, etc. I don't think that's a good, I don't think that's a good message. I don't think the message of, as soon as her, her god love left her, she just, she tried to feel the force. She just bonded up. Well, this is also the same film that taught our children that hammers her toys. So I, I don't know that you should look to it for guidance. This is my brother,

my brother, and me as you certainly gathered. It's a Thor watch 2013 special episode, all about Thor, but it's also an advice show. So before we get back to the God of Thunder, let's, let's get right into the advising. Dear brothers, I was just recently accepted into the Pennsylvania bar, which means I'll finally be able to start looking for jobs as an attorney. Man, my morning voice is like really good. Can we point out that we're recording this at like an ungodly hour? You're so welcome, everybody, because I got a, I got a, I'm going on vacation, so we got to bang it out early. Tell everybody what you're doing, fucking nerd alert. I'm going to London. You hear that,

Doug? I'm coming to London. And he's gonna fuck you. I want to fuck you, Doug. No, I'm coming to the, okay, we're going to go to the, the new Punch Chunk show. We're going to go to the Dr. Who, Celebration. But somebody's staying at my house, so don't even try it. Crooks. I would, some, something about the bar. There's an issue, however, as I'm full-blooded Greek man and I am slightly overweight. That's the way it's written. There's like four- Like the Sega theme song? Slightly overweight, which means for me, I wear a beard almost constantly, is full. It is luxurious, but it is generally kept manageable and not at all frightening or homeless looking. My question is, when I go to fancy lawyer interviews, should I shave the beard and go with my fat to baby face?

Or should I keep the beard? Is it professional to go to interviews with the beard? Well, it making potential employers jealous. I have had wildly differing opinions from actual lawyers, and I was wondering if you, brothers, would be able to light the way to my path to full-time employment and adulthood. In grace and favor of the Lord, Pilferess Pleeter in Pittsburgh. It's not 1952, like beards have had a huge resurgence. I don't think they're low class at all. But among which communities has that resurgence truly found purchase? Hipsters. Well, there's that, but there's also like- Greek lawyers. Slightly overweight Greek lawyers. It's a big upturn. Yeah. I've been reading the

trades. I feel like when I think about most of my bearded bros, they're party daves. They're like- Let me throw this out. Psychiatrists. I guess. I think you can get into psychiatry with a beard. Travis, you have a beard right now, right? Yes, it's glorious. It's glorious. I mean, it's not its full lushness, but I don't think you let it get there anymore. Well, I'm going to. I'm going to build, because people don't usually do this, but I'm going to do no shave November, but I'm going to do wizard beard. If you're going to do no shave November, you should probably should have kicked it into high gear a couple of weeks ago. Well, I'm actually going to do a wizard beard decade.

It's not as fun a portmanteau, but what charity are you raising money for in wizard beard decade? A wizard beard for kids. So this is a charitable organization that just really needs to get some beards on some kid faces. Basically, I have to grow my beard out 12 inches, and then they cut it out and then glue it on a kid. Whether he wants it or not. I saw that bat kid thing yesterday, and I think it's so, so sweet that they did that for that beardless kid. You know, he doesn't have a beard, but he can be Batman. You just took the nicest, you just took literally the nicest thing I've ever seen happen in my lifetime, and you twisted it. You used it for comedy purposes. You just took the efforts of over 10,000 kind-hearted

volunteers, and then you took it and you put your butt on it. Comedy. What is comedy? Lots of people have wondered throughout the ages as it happens. It is apparently tragedy. Tragedy plus 16 hours is what it is. Plus your butt. Put your butt on things. I wanted to point this out to you guys. This is going to be a very, very specific, very, very local joke. You know how there's a weird recurring billboard in every town? How does this person own all the billboards? For Austin, it's this guy named David Comey, the attorney that rocks. He looks like the dude from Battlefield Earth. He does look exactly like John Travolta in Battlefield Earth. That's right, Travis. He

also looks like unfrozen caveman lawyer. He's got these really, really gross dreadlocks. The pubiest pube-beard I've ever seen in my entire life. His face is on every billboard. He made some choices. I think if you can manage your shit, move to Austin. Maybe you can be David Comey, the more demure bearded lawyer. I think as long as you keep it slim and trim, beard-wise, you're absolutely fine. Yeah, if it looks like a cultivated zen garden on your face, then your beard is appropriate for any situation. Austin, maybe shave your basketball number into it. I can't. I don't think we should. Limit your appeal. Yeah. Are you talking about like it would be so rich and full that you could like sculpt it like a topiary into a number? That'd be pretty

dope. Okay. You want a Yahoo? Please. This Yahoo was sent in by Julie Kinn. Thanks, Julie. It's by Yahoo Answers user Julia Family Account. Don't even trip. If you look for Julia's personal account, you're going to find some shit. This is her G-rated stuff she can share with the husband and the kids. Julia Family Account asks, what's a good time to watch Made in Manhattan? Anytime. I'm on Jennifer Lopez movie kick and I can't figure out a good time to watch what some of my friends consider one of the best romance movies of all time. What is the perfect time to watch? Also, where can I rant it? Julia. Julia. Julia, that last part. Sweetheart. Go take a big drink of water, but keep the water in your mouth and spin around,

spitting wildly, and some of your water is going to land on a copy of Made in Manhattan, either on a device that has Netflix on it or just on the DVDs. I'm pretty sure everyone owns that one. I think actually if you go to Netflix and you search and you type in MAID, space IN, space MA, it just comes up, no, I'm not going to let you because I care about you. It'll come up. Actually, Julia Family Account, it's 3 p.m. on a Sunday. This is not the right time to watch Made in Manhattan. This isn't your moment. We have unlocked it. Maybe try again on Saturday, get some of your girls together, maybe get a bottle of naked, and let's get this train rolling. I think the best time to watch it is when you've recently had some sort of

tragedy. Heartbreak or tragedy? No, not a loss of a family friend, but a loss of love. When your heart is breaking and you think that there's no goodness left on this earth, that is the moment for Made in Manhattan or also if you just want to masturbate to Matthew McConaughey. Either one is fine. Sure. For me, I don't know about you guys, those two events are not mutually exclusive. Wow, that is an excellent point. Typically one is, in fact, they're almost always paired, like in Napoleon. You know, I think the perfect time to watch Made in Manhattan is during a bachelor party and tell your friends that you got a real hot and sexy movie to watch, boom, Made in Manhattan. You think that that is what's going to set this party off?

You think that's going to set a bachelor party on fire? Well, you know, a bachelor party, sometimes it can be all about like the debauch, you know what I mean? More like the debauchiller party, but then maybe you just need something to remind you like how lucky the groom is to have found love in this crazy mixed up world. You're saying, Travis, that maybe you just need a cool down. Yeah, a bachelor party cool down. It's an effective time to watch Made in Manhattan. Oh, you shouldn't make it like that. The Dickens book from Lost that Desmond didn't want to read until like he knew he was about to die, so he would save it for like the last moment of his life. That's what you should do for Made in Manhattan. Oh my God. It should be your death movie. Like,

the fucking asteroid's coming. It'll be here in, it'll be here in 110 minutes, like Perfo. Perfo. This is going to be great. This is the moment I've been waiting for my entire life. And then the tape is jammed. There would have been time now. I had all the time in the world to watch Made in Manhattan. The government has got, the NASA has figured out a way to stop the asteroid, but it involves shooting every copy of Made in Manhattan into the asteroid's heart and blowing it up. Not my copy. I'm sorry, the event has failed. Someone has flipped a copy of the backup plan into the missile. They put it in the Amaray. They put it in the Made in Manhattan Amaray as if we wouldn't notice, but the media are noticed. The media knows. We're all going to die.

Thanks, Julia family account. Hey brothers, I'm a 20 year old university student putting myself through school who's not digging it that much. And I just received the news that I were receiving $35,000 to $50,000 unexpectedly. This is a life changing amount of money for me. Wow. Yeah. On a custom 12. I haven't told anyone yet. I intend to keep this short. Is it worth it to seek out advice or should I just go ham and follow my dreams? Is this $35,000 coming from a Nigerian prince? That is a good question. Are you getting, this is important because you haven't finished school yet. So maybe you haven't picked up the brain skills required to figure out whether you're getting fucked or not. But are you getting fucked? I mean,

I don't want to pry, but where do you unexpectedly get $35,000 to $50,000? Doesn't matter. We got to focus on what to do with it. Here's what you need to make peace with right now in your own heart and mind. This money is transient. You're not going to be able to hold on to this lumped cash. Oh, fuck that. No way. You go live in the woods. You go pick up a trade skill and live in the woods. You can live off $50,000 for the rest of your life. Get off the grid. What? No, real talk. Here's what you need to do. You need to take that $35,000 to $50,000. You need to put it in a savings account and then forget about it for like 15 years and then, boom, one day. Oh, shit. We've had, you know, I need a down payment on the house. My car exploded.

I know Paul. He's not going to live 15 years. He's got to make this money now. He's going to die? He's going to die. I didn't want it to be like this when I had a permission. This is how you tell me about Paul? I cast the bones last night and I saw in them that Paul is going to die. Man, I bet Paul loaded up this episode and did not know what he was doing. Paul was so hypothetically young in 15 years. I just hope he's not one of these guys that stockpiles episodes and watch it. I'll get to that one. No, I've listened to a lot of sockets. If you know Paul, if you know anyone named Paul, just want to read out. Burn him a CD with some of your favorite episodes, but especially this one. Paul, you

should dip into this. Wait, unless. Unless. Unless this is like the ring. Oh, and fuck me. Once Paul listens to this episode, that's when the timer starts on it. Oh, it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy because you said 15 years, 15 years or now, like Paul's just going to start living recklessly. No, Travis, Travis obviously has not seen the movie. I think it would be like one Paul listens, one Paul listens to the movie and the only way that they can save themselves is to have another Paul listen to it. Guys, this is not only totally horrifying. This is going to be the greatest like promotional campaign we or any other media thing has ever been associated with. Oh, are you or anyone you know named Paul? It's limited to just Paul's. Yeah. Our Paul growth

is going to be our lips and it's going to be like your top demographics are New York City, California and Paul's Paul's that very, very scared Paul's on a very tight timetable. Gosh, I was looking at the bones again and I misread them and I think everybody's going to die. Uh-huh. The bones say especially people named Paul because like he's got to get the ground swell started somewhere and I think Paul's going to die super hard. Paul should feel a sense of immediacy. Paul's get three days before they die. But Travis, Douglass's, Hanks, Marie's, Susan's, Alyssa's are actually fine. Alyssa's are okay. When the shit hits the fan, they are going to be the only ones left standing. Everybody else you're going to die if you don't share the show with someone.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to find out like this. Okay, jump back to Paul. What should do with this money? Paul? Okay, here's the thing. Imagine the comfort, the brain comfort you could live in knowing that you at all times in your life have like a $50,000 question. That would be pretty sweet. Yeah, right? That's a good point. Yeah. But you know, you know, it'd be great though is if you also bought like a thousand PlayStation 4's. That would be sweet too. That would be pretty cool. And then it's kind of handed them out to people like Oprah. Yeah. Do you say Oprah? Well, to each his own. No, it's not. She has her, she has a pretty preset way of like doing her name. I don't think it's not up to interpretation. Every Oprah's got a little

hope in it. Seven days ticking. Can you, can you, should this person drop out of school? That's it. It sounds like that they are asking for us to give them permission to drop out of school. No, no. What you need to do is have your own local shark tank where you have business owners come over. But you only give out loans of like $1,500. Yeah. $1,500 is the max. You play hard ball. You, you listen to their pitch about their, I don't know, whatever, lemonade stand or whatever they want to make. And then you get them in debt to you like back. Hey, man, man, hey, I will invest I was down to one point five percent in your company. Hey, man, I was down to big lots yesterday and they had this, they had this Cavaliers windbreaker suit and I would, I would really

like to get my hands on that. It was $35. What do you say, Dave? What do you say? What do you say, Paul? Well, listen, I, I, I, you know, I love the cabs. I love wind suits. But the, the, the valuation is way off on this. It is not this whole wind suit is not worth $35. What I'm going to give you is $10 for 50%. I guess I can get the other 25 from, I guess, I can like pay some driveways or something, but I would really lack the 35 to just, I'm just, someone's going to just scoop in and snatch it up. You know what I mean? I can offer you 10% on the, the wind suit. I can give you like a pant leg. All right. We got a deal. Mark Cuban comes and he's like, I'll do it. I'll do it for free. That guy doesn't help fucking anything about business.

Yeah. Paul, get your head in the game. Get your head in the game. Your, your objective with this money is to get as many halves of windbreakers as you can. And I think you can really stretch it if you, if you do it that way. I would, well, don't stretch the windbreaker because it's a very, now it's very fragile fabric. It's very fissile, very fissile material. I would watch the fuck out of the local shark tank. I would watch the fuck out of it. It doesn't even have to be Austin. It can be anywhere. I would watch it to death. Just somebody get that together for me. Thank you. Do you guys want a Yahoo? Mm-hmm. This Yahoo was sent in by Eric. I do. I do. I shouldn't have spoken for Travis. Thank you. I will allow it. This Yahoo was sent in by Eric Bakuber or

Bakuber. Or Bakjiball. Or Bakjiball. Thank you Eric Bakjiball. It's by Yahoo Answers user with gothic skaterboyloves. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's me. Uh, it's asked by Travis who asks, Christian dads, would you let me date your daughter? So already like not off to a great start. Yeah. Not, not super good. Well, I'm meeting my girlfriend's dad this summer and I have reason to believe he is very religious. So yeah, here's some questions he might ask and how I will answer. So everybody put your put yourself in the shoes of Ted Christian dad. Mm-hmm. My name is Ted. My name is Ted Christian dad. What is your goal in life? Answer. Well, I'm planning to get a band and try to get discovered

making post hardcore and maybe even make my own clothing line. But if that doesn't work, maybe you already blew it. Trying to major in music. Okay. All those are bad. Go on. Those are all bad answers. Did you try to find the worst answer you could possibly find? There wasn't a single good word in there. The band thing? Really? They may be, maybe he's a progressive, Ted may be an extremely progressive Christian dad. You don't know Ted. That's what I'm saying. Keep an open, keep an open Okay. All right. Are you a Christian? Answer. I'm not sure about that. I'm only a teenager and still trying to find out who I really am. And I think one can't know whether they're Christian or not until they truly know who they are. Can't argue with that. I'm sorry, Skaterboy loves.

Could you say that one more time? I couldn't hear you over the sound of me puking in my mouth. Listen, he's trying to figure shit out. Skaterboy loves based on his profile picture. I'm guessing 15, 16 years old, which 15, 16 year olds, don't put pictures of yourself on the internet. You're not ready for that. He's trying to figure some shit out and there's no shame in that. He's putting himself out there because he's obviously fallen very deeply in love. Well, then when Ted Christian dad says, Hey, are you a Christian? He should be like, nah, pops. But he doesn't. No, that's what I'm saying. We need to get through this because you guys are making me angry with your prejudgements. My personal add to your point, Griffin, 15, 16 year olds that shouldn't put

anything on the internet, not just pictures. No, exactly. Some internet tough guys will come along and make fun of you. Yeah. Unless the thing that you're putting on the internet is you like falling off a table or like, I don't know, setting your hair on fire or something. That's pretty good. That's good stuff. My personality, check this shit out, sweet, funny, sensitive, the kind of guy that would put your daughter first and risk my life to keep her safe. What's up now? You fucks. You two fucks, Justin and Travis, specifically you two. Trying to shame this guy. Trying to put something. Could you read that one more time? Could you read this one more time? Sweet, funny, sensitive, the kind of guy that would

put your daughter first and would risk my life to keep her safe. Huh. That's weird. You guys seem a lot more quiet during that answer. Don't seem like you have a lot of. Oh, sorry. I was distracted. I was watching Made in Manhattan on my computer. I think that that's very sweet. And I think that that's all a father wants to hear, unless. Unless. Unless he is so deeply into Jesus that you have defined him by how deeply into Jesus he is. It seems to me that that is going to be a real deal breaker for him. What? I don't understand your point. If the kid is not into Jesus, he's not, he's not going to be down with him. It would be like if it would be like if I had an ice,

if my dad was really, really into ICP and so much so that if you were. And our dad is definitely, definitely a huge. So imagine the truth. The truth. And this dad is so deeply into ICP that when you talk about other people, like that is how you identify him. He's an, he's an ICP dad. If you come in, you're like, I don't know if I, I've taken Violet J into my heart yet because I'm still got a lot. He's going to be like, Sure. You were, you were unaffected. You were unaffected at Juggalo church camp. You were not moved to come down to the fire and make a dedicated.

If you're not down with the clown, then you're not down with Stephanie. Now please go. We're painting Ted with a really, in a really negative light though. I don't think that Ted is the kind of dad that is like this single faceted. Let me tell you this kid's mistake. I think he's, I think he's, I think he maybe, maybe he plays. His name is Ted. I think Ted, Ted plays in the band at like a kind of a progressive church. He's got a lot of news boys covers. Yeah. A lot of DC talk. Like I think, I think he's kind of hip. Like I think he knows, I think he knows what's up. He was like the first guy listening to switch foot. Like I think he knows what's up a little bit.

So let's say he enjoyed the rest of development. He felt some of the material was a little blue. It was a little blue, but a lot of it was good natured family fun. Political views. I don't have any Gothic skater boy loves. I mean, I guess he's just walking a little path on 15 to 16. That is the exact right answer. I don't know. I don't have any money. Here's Gothic skater boy loves problem. What's that? He's, he's painting too good a picture. You know what I mean? When you say to a dad, I'm sweet, good natured kind. I care about your daughter. It's like, listen, you're 16. Yeah. What's the shit? What aren't you telling me? I think what he means. You're saying every 16 year old harbors a dark passenger. I mean,

they have something. I'm saying what he needs is something that skews the attention away from the whole, I don't know if I'm a Christian thing and take it to like a shoplift. You're telling me that sweet funny sense of the kind of guy that put your daughter first and would respond like you were safe. That doesn't make up for that fact. Also, he's not saying he's not a Christian. He's saying he doesn't know. I'm saying you need to skew away. You need a mistake in the prayer rug, right? Cause only God is perfect. So you need some fatal flaw, something that says like, it's like, when you go into a job interview and they always ask, like, what's your biggest sweetness? Right? You need some type of music I listen to. Well, I listen to stuff like Pierce

the Vale, Sleeping with Sirens, Hawthorne Heights, My Chemical Romance of Mice and Man, Red Jump Suit, Apparatus for all of those. Make up a bunch of bands and then Christian Ted won't know. I, a data. Remember, bring me the horizon. Plus, I listen to a lot of brony music. Oh, there it is. There's the flaw in the prayer rug. I listen to the price is right losing theme song exclusively. That's the only song I listen to. Brony music is a genre. I bet it's good. Is it just songs from that out there? I bet it's energetic. Justin's just trying to get ahead of the fucking like wave of emails that we're going to get. We got to take a stand against something sometime, guys. We're walking the middle road just like fucking Gothic Skaterboy loves.

I'm not judging you bronies. I don't like that there's a specific genre of brony music. I think that is weird. I love your video game music that chip, chip, chip, chip tune. That is it. But that's an exclusive. First of all, that shit's dope. There is, that's an entire medium though. I don't think, I don't think brony is like kind of a lifestyle in it, like based on that show. I think brony music would be cool to write because if you get into a pinch, first off, there's so many my little ponies. Finding a rhyme is always easy. Secondly, if you're like, I ate a butter tart, you know that you're just going to be able to dip into your bag and pick out like flutter heart. Yeah. Or are you just, I, what? Wait, hold on. How are you this familiar

with this universe? I actually made that one up. That one came from my, your own flutter heart? From my own flutter heart. I made up flutter heart. So it may not be real. Don't make me, don't make me get it. Quick quiz hot shot. Name three my little ponies right now. This is what I'm saying to you. That, that's not a good quiz. You're trying to. No, I started it with quick quiz hot shots. You're supposed to answer without thinking. That was probably good. A quick quiz hot shot. Three my little ponies right now. Long face. Sweet stuff. Kirsten. I knew you were a brony. Those are the three, those are the three most popular, least well known, my little ponies. How I dress. Most of the time I wear skinny

jeans and banties with a beanie in vans. But most other times I might want to go with a different look. So I wear stuff like hipster glasses, fedoras, v-neck and skinny jeans. Duh, you should have stopped after I don't have political views. Why, why, why, why did he feel the need to include skinny jeans in both scenarios? No matter what he's wearing skinny jeans. Do you? But sometimes I don't feel like wearing skinny jeans. So I just wear skinny jeans. Do you do drugs or drink? Well, no, I don't. I have better things to do than get higher drink. Like dog based on your other answers. You wicked don't. Like so far it sounds like you super don't.

Yeah. Why not just answer that question? I would if I had any idea where to get it. I don't know how to get it. I mean I'm a 16 dog. But I don't know where the window is because I'm 33 and I don't know how to get drugs at all. I don't need to have any. If you live in Austin, Texas, let me just send me a Facebook message or something. I don't think anybody in Austin does weed. Yeah, that's probably true. Interest, music, tattoos, sleep, Facebook, piercings, vans, warp tour. Okay, so according to the answers I give would you let me date your daughter? Justin, final answer? Kirsten. Travis? Yes, I would require her to. Okay. I want to make a point about about skater,

Gothic skater boy loves. Is that what it is? That's right. I think, I think he is not a person, but I think he is. He's an idea. No, he's a conceptual demographic created by a marketing department. Griffin, can you tell me about the things he likes again? Music, tattoos, sleep, Facebook, piercings, vans, warp tour. So someone turned a hot topic store into a sentient human being and asked, can I date your daughter? I know you're a brand. You're not even a person. You're a brand. What do you like? A Super Mario mushroom tease, novelty dice, where the girl's kind of pouring milk over her boobs. Things with sloths from the Goonies on it. Old Nickelodeon television show logos. Started leather bracelets. Can I date my daughter?

Can I date your daughter? Here's what I'm into. Black light posters, things that make fart noises. No Spencer's gifts to get out of there. Those little plasma balls. Can I date your daughter? Things I'm into. Little glass of unicorns, tiny pewter figurines, engraved flasks. Travis, I love you, but I don't think Excalibur is a chain. I was actually going for things remembered, but thank you. Can I date your daughter? Things I'm into. Pretzels, cinnamon pretzels, pretzels with hot dogs in them. Sweet pretzels, savory pretzels, spicy pretzels. Well, you can date my daughter because you're her aunt. Oh, that's good. Does everybody have a store at their mall like Excalibur? Like, is that a thing?

Can you explain what fucking Excalibur? There are four people getting this deep cut. This is a store that sells, okay, I actually think we've talked about it before. Really? But it's been a while. It's got loads of glass figurines. It's got like a lot of pewter dragons, a lot of that. A lot of glass figurines, a lot of ornaments, and on the back wall is just filled with swords. Like I don't... I'm like throwing stars and like katana. Ninja weaponry, and then in the front, so like decorative chaches. A lot of Marilyn Monroe, a lot of James Dean, then on the back wall, swords. That's Excalibur. Chaches in the front, murder in the back. I didn't want to tell you guys this, but Excalibur closed.

I know. It turned it, but it turned it into a yogurt place. Like the yogurt out front, and then just ninja weapons on the back wall. Yeah, they couldn't get the swords off the wall. Apparently those were for decoration. Let's go to the money's on. Griffin, who's the... Who's our first person? I don't know. It's for Sam Ludwig. Who's it from? Griffin. Oh god, I don't... Travis. From Will Ludwig. Stumpers. Go to the head of the class. Hey Sammy, I didn't get you a present you can grab with your hands, so here's one you can hear with your ears. Now hurry up and get a PS4 so we can play some games. This episode brought to you by PlayStation 4. Crash Bandicoom

5. Grab the wave. We got another one to Laurie Renner from Halstead Hal Larson. Travis, read it. Laurie, happy birthday. If you're in Denver, wait, hold on. If you're in Denver, I hope this message finds you well. Having fun and getting a badass tattoo. If you're back east with me, then I'll see you shortly. I love you so damn much. I don't think there's anyone else who could have road pizza with me on the way back from West Virginia so we can get our Pokemon in time. There was a lot of things I really liked in that last sentence. That last sentence was one of the best sentences ever crafted. Congratulations. Hal and Laurie came to my show. Oh cool. Yeah, they came all the way out there. They're good people. This is a message for Laurie,

so I hope she really likes it and I hope she has a great bee day. Tweet at me if you want to trade a battle. Please do. Guys, I'm so hungry. Well, it's like seven in the morning. Go eat breakfast. I got those mid-afternoon munchers. No, it's not mid-afternoon. No, you don't have those at all. I got those right now. Okay. I got mid-afternoon munchers and I don't know what to do. I'm cranking Are you going to eat like some cheesecake or like some really fatty cookies? Then cheesy blasters? I went to the cheesecake machine. It didn't accept my 20s on my Cougarans, so I can't get anything from the cheesecake machine. Even if I did, it would, you know, just make me fat. What's on this side, Jace? Nature box. Nature box. Greatness awaits. Griffin,

tell me about Nature box. Nature box is a box that has great tasting and healthy snacks in it that you send, that you get sent to your door through internet and then from your door, it all goes in your mouth and you can taste good. It's got bags. It's nature stuff, so it's like rabbit. Shut your fucking idiot mouth. Some alfalfa sprouts. No, we're talking French toast granola, salted caramel pretzel pops, dark cocoa almonds, and more all designed to leave you full and healthy. If they can leave me healthy, I will buy their entire stock. Guys, yesterday I had vanilla macaroon granola. Shit, that sounds good. That took me to flavor town. Anyway, go to naturebox.com. You put together your own box using whatever snacks you want. If you

use the promo code, mybrother, two words, capital M, capital B, mybrother, and naturebox.com, you can get 50% off your first box. You can stop your addiction to vending machines and you can get a handle on your life at 50% off. If you get any choice snacks, let us know. Yeah, pass those over to us. So go to naturebox.com. You get great healthy snacks, 50% off your first order. Go to naturebox.com and use the promo code mybrother. Normally when I'm eating, I like to stare at a wall in silence and just listen to myself crunch or chew. Yeah. But sometimes I like to mix it up with a little bit of television. Okay. When I do that. Okay, thanks. Do you want to read the next ad? But I have my house lead shielded from TV signals. Okay. And I think cable is run by the FBI.

Kind of. So I can't watch traditional television, but there's a good news because I reason off my neighbor's Wi-Fi and I can get into Hulu plus. Okay. That was a lot of stuff you just did there. It streams in HD, even with even if the Wi-Fi signal is coming through two walls, you can still. One of which is made out of tin foil. There's they got everything. Saturday Night Live, Community, Family Guy. Actually, those are the only three shows they have. That's not true. I think the service is going to grow from there. They're not original series like The Awesomes and Moon Boy starting Chris O'Dowd from Bridesmaids and also Thor, The Dark World, Twist, Turn Back Around. I'm there yet. Stop.

You're the shittiest at this. Chris, I'm just saying Chris O'Dowd is in Thor, The Dark World. Oh, really? So if you catch Chris O'Dowd fever from Thor, watch 2013. Then get checked. Then get checked. Get Hulu. For only $7.99 a month, you can stream as many TV shows as you want, but they don't need your money up front because you're a friend of us. You're cool. You're with us. You're going to go to huluplus.com slash my brother and you're going to get, that's all one word together, huluplus.com slash my brother and get two free weeks. Sergio Diaz plays in a band called Os Mutantes. His life was changed the first time he heard Elvis Presley. The great thing in the world, it is to discover. I mean, there's nothing better.

I'm Jesse Thorne. My show Bullseye is about discovery. We help you find the best music, the best movies, the best books, and we talk to the people who make them. It's Bullseye from Maximumfun.org and NPR. Subway hacks. Throwback. Throwback to last week on the subject of subway hacks. Real quick, we'll just knock this out real quick and we'll move on. One way you can hack a subway is when you order a pizza sub, you can get a double cheese for free because if you look closely at the picture in the menu, there are enough pieces of cheese poking out the sub is supposed to be made with double cheese.

From there, you can argue that it's false advertising if they don't. Also, if don't forget, the subway always has Parmesan cheese under the counter no matter what they say. It's always there, even if they don't ask you if you want to under the sandwich and BC Canada. Why is everyone trying to fuck everyone else all the time? Excuse me subway man. I know you've got Parmesan cheese down there. My brother, my brother and me told me I didn't know that could make cheese demands because I've never eaten anything where the cheese looked like it looks like in the pit. It always looks like a fucking like it's just been broiled by like artisanal French onion soup and it never ever ever actually

looks like that. It's never caramelized. What kind of cheese would you like? Brie please. Brie, I know you have. Okay, we have we have white cheese. We have white or yellow. I know you've got Brie back there motherfucker. Don't even try trip. Stingy on the monster. Do this next one. I'm a gay guy in my early 20s who occasionally uses Grinder, the gay focused dating app. Thanks. Thanks guy. We are we are we are hip to Grinder. All right. To get my bang on and to pass the time on the bus on a board. Question is this, is it appropriate to message a friend you know if you see them on Grinder? Not an attempt to get it on just in like a I see you there type away. Hey,

I have several friends message me like this and I find it uncomfortable. I'm out and I have no shame using Grinder but it still feels like an invasion of privacy. Should I get over myself or should I be allowed a semblance of privacy while looking for sex things? That's from covert in Canada. PS I once saw my middle school math teacher at Grinder looking for young hot power bottoms. I did not say hello. Then you fucked up. Then you fucked right up. Hey, Mr. Phillips. You there. Who wouldn't want to just blast Mr. Phillips for the story of it? Here's the problem covert in Canada. No, you don't get any privacy because you're on a website. Like you're not just like minding your own business. Edward Snowden over here.

Yeah. No, I'm just saying like it's it's not a privacy fit. You can't be like I'm on this thing putting it out there. Yeah. Oh shit. Somebody found you're saying you're saying that Grinder should be like the men's room. It is a men's room for men. It's a men's room for men only. No, it should be like the men's room where you know other people in the men's room but you really should try not to acknowledge that you're both using the bathroom at the same time. Is that what you're saying? I guess but how do you say that to your friends who like put you on blast and like, hey, I see you on there. How do you say like I recognize that but could you pretend not? The goofs that everyone does about Grinder, those are on point, right? Like I don't have

this preconceived notion that is wrong about Grinder about it just being like a fucking free-for-all fuckfest, right? That is what that is. It's intended purpose, right? You're saying it's not like a relationship building that we're not taught. There's just site specific. Like if you're on Grinder, you're there to get down, not to start a relationship. Yeah. I don't know. I haven't used it myself. They haven't sponsored us once they do. Oh, shit. They will be all over that. I think it's a little touch and go. I think it's a little touch and go. No, that's a separate website. There's no equivalent. There's no metaphor I can use for this because there's no like room, there's no like place that you go to fuck. Like

that you would see your study buddy in and then they'd be like, hey, sup, I'm here to fuck too. I see you trying to fuck. Cool. Me too. I don't want to fuck you. I just wanted to point out that we're both here to fuck, but not each other. I mean, there is a metaphor, Griffin. It's like going to any club ever. It's like when people go out to try to meet someone at a bar or anything, it would be like walking up to someone you know and like, hey, you trying to have sex with someone tonight? Me too. What's up? Like, hey, that's not cool. But it's like it would be yes, but like to to the hundredth degree. It's like, but it's a fuck club. It's specifically a fuck club. It's like I'm reading the description. They learn more section of grinder and I have not seen the word

relationship pop up once. There is no mention of finding your forever love here. It's all about here is literally what it says. Zero feet away. Our mission for you. Grinder is different because it's uncomplicated. Wink and meant to help you meet guys while you're on the go. It's not it's not your average dating site. You know, the ones that make you sit in front of a faraway computer filling out complex detail profiles and answering invasive psychological questions. No fucking math. Mr. Phillips knows the fucking score. I want to blast a hot young butt. That's what do you what do you like? What kind of movies do you like? Well, made in Manhattan. Also, I want to blast a hot young power bottom and I want to really blast it if it's one of my

students. So be it. So be it. I don't know. Come what may. You know, I think it's beautiful. Me, me too. I think it's great. I wouldn't want someone putting me on blast though. That's the thing. That's the question. I think it's great if you want to use an app to find people and hook up. It's 2013, man. Be safe. Be safe. Be safe out there. The weird thing is person A that's like messaging person B and like, Hey, I saw you on there. We're both doing it. Yeah, you're also putting yourself on blast. It's like I was also just trying to touch and go. It's awesome. It's like opening your eyes during prayer, basically. If you saw me do it and you were there too. Grinder. It's like opening your eyes during prayer. Yeah.

Let's use the coupon code, my brother. My brother to get one free blast. Just kidding. They're all free. Have fun. Have a blast from the McRoy brothers on Grinder. If you see us on there, say, Hey, say sup. We don't have to fuck. But just a little acknowledgement wouldn't hurt. And don't tell our wives. Do not tell our wives. Holy shit. Holy moly. Guys, thank you for listening. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. My brother, my brother, me. We hope you've had a lot of fun. Thank you to people sharing the show, like a recovering cat ninja, Aaron, Todd, Allison, Eru, Michael, Anino, uh, Zussie, 12. I don't know. Crystal Whalen, Steph Terry, Nathan Smith, Julie Van,

not Shannon Brown, Brian Durkin, Cuckoo Coochoo. You're just making shit up now, aren't you? No, these are all actual real, real ass people that have have been tweeting about the show. So you can, you can go follow all of them. Yeah. And don't forget to go. Don't forget to go check out Nature Box and use the coupon code and my brother to get 50% off your first order. And while you oh, and yeah, good. Check out Hulu plus all the wonderful shows, both original and some of your favorites on there. It promo code my brother get the first two weeks free. Go watch the anti M 2.0 finale. Uh, shit goes right off the rails. Shit gets a little tazy. I want to thank John Rodgerick in the long winters for the use of our theme song,

it's a departure off the album, putting the days to bed, got a lot of tweets this week from people buying that album. And I can't, I just, that's such a good idea. It's such a great album. So go pick that up. You can find it at any fine music retailer, like CD now.com. Um, also apologies for the short episode. Justin's about to leave town. We're trying to get it in under the wire. The next one's probably gonna be a little bit late because you're not getting back until like late, late, late next week, right? If I come back. If he comes back, if he doesn't hop in the TARDIS and just go in and join. And Griffin, last question. One last one. Make account to keep you safe in Europe. Um, this Yahoo was sent in by Krista Whalen. Thank you,

Krista. It's by Yahoo Answers user LoveLazy who asks, is it possible to make toast in a microwave? Please. I am craving toast, pregnant and at work. Oh, Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother, my brother and me. Kiss your dad. Go around the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. My name is Dave. My name is Graham. And we're both the hosts of Stop Podcasting Yourself, which is a podcast from Canada. In fact, we've won the best podcast in Canada two years in a row at the Canadian Comedy Awards. Sounds made up. It does sound made up. Even as I was saying it,

I'm like, did that really happen? Here's the thing. Stop Podcasting Yourself is a very positive show. Yeah. About two people who hate absolutely everything. But we love you and you listening through all this program. Ah, the people have already fast forwarded through this part of the program. Anyway, thanks. We're Stop Podcasting Yourself and you can find us at Maximumfun.org.