My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 181: Boycar

Episode Date: December 30, 2013

We sure hope you've been diligent in your dirt-digging, because 2013 is hours away from being behind us. Don't be scared -- we're here to guide you through the new year with a new, highly brand-able slogan. Suggested talking points: Professionalism, Walk-thru, Second Day Darrell, Little Sister, Sky Bevs, 2014, The Check List

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello and welcome to my brother and my brother meeting, advice show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your babyest baby, Griffin McElroy. A lot of times people ask, because how do you guys record the show? How do you capture the magic? How do you capture it? It seems like you're in the same room,

and I have to convince them. No, in fact, we are in separate rooms, separate states, separate time zones, separate states of mind and general levels of professionalism, I guess is fair to say. Preparedness? Yeah, I think that's probably... Listen, some of us got waylaid on the way to recording because they stopped to be a good Samaritan because the woman's car died and they pushed it single-handedly into a parking lot. Now, let me tell you something, Travis, because you told that story, but you also said that you straight up forgot. Oh, no, also that too. It's not like I was on my way home to record. Okay. I was just on my way home to definitely forgot. You definitely... For sure forgot. Definitely forgot. But then I turned on my computer and it

worked perfectly right away. Yeah. Justin's downloaded far too much World of Warcraft porn. They found on an internet website, like did you point out World of Warcraft characters? Yeah, you could put anything into Google. For a long time I thought there were more rules, but you can type whatever in it. You can pretty much type whatever you want in there. My computer has been waylaid by the fine folks at Comcast. They try to convince me today that below one megabyte of downloadable speed is not bad, not too bad. My thing, like my story is that I was here on time with the computer that worked perfectly, so I guess it's not as fun or relevant. But, Griffin, you also have all those dark spots on

your soul. I do have those, but those don't really... I guess they come through in some form in the recording sesh, but otherwise I am fucking Stevie Wonder in here in terms of professionalism and preparedness. That's my secret to a good podcast. As long as one... You know nothing about Stevie Wonder's professionalism. You have no idea. 33.3% repeating of the podcast performers have that Stevie Wonder level of professionalism and preparedness. You're in for a good epic. Yeah, that's all it takes. We can be a third on our game and still... Hey guys, I got two shoulders to carry both of you over. One for each shoulder. Brother, my brother, me. One working computer and two working shoulders.

It's a show of the year here. Travis' computer works, but the fucking scheduler app on his iPhone does not, apparently, or is watch. Which was it, Trav? You're watching the app. I don't own a watch, Griffin. Boom, Shackalaka. You took him downtown. Anyway, we're not here to complain about us. We're here to complain about you. How about you? Can I be here to complain about us? Yeah, I mean, you can complain, but let's make it a post-show sort of situation. I got a lot of things on the docket. We'll talk about it in couples counseling. Okay. Triples. Triples counseling. Here's our first question. Is it okay to walk up to a drive-thru window to order my food? I don't have a car, but I'm off and walk around town

where many drive-thru chains are located. Would it be weird if I were to use the drive-thru windows on foot or maybe on a bike or something? In our town, the lines are usually longer than the lines at the window, and I don't want to have to go through all the trouble of buying food inside the restaurant when I'm leaving immediately afterwards. Am I being weird? That's from walking in Wisconsin. Listen, I don't want to poke a hole in this, but it won't work. A lot of places won't serve you. No, no. I mean like physically, physics-wise, there's a weight sensor that alerts them that there's a car there that you're just not going to be able to trigger. This person's super fat. You don't know?

Okay. They love fast food, but they're also been walking, so I don't know. Maybe just carry some like barbells with you and just slam it, thaw style on the ground. That would also help you burn off the hardies. I don't think that's a way to entreat service. I don't think slamming barbells. Bring me burgers. I don't think that you're going to be, if you went with like a group of friends and you all pretended you were an invisible car, they'd probably feel bad enough for you to throw you some chicken nubs. Yeah, like a, like a, like a mine car. You could be like a post-modern art car. Okay, but mine car's not going to set off the weight thing, is it?

Well, if you all stand on each other's shoulder, then jump up and down real quick. Yeah, like you're in a car. What are you talking about? I mean, you just got to concentrate the weight into one spot. I think the question, are you being weird? Yes. Yeah. Yes. But does that mean it's bad? That's for cars. Try to imagine this in your, in your head. You've walked through this little scenario, but I don't think you fully considered the part where you're in line with other cars as a person, like slowly walking up as the line scooches forward and you're standing there, like you're a car. What's important is that you have to do that thing where it looks like

you're sitting down in the seat with your hand on the steering wheel. And then when somebody pulls up too close to you, you got to spin around and start yelling at them silently and like waving your hand at them. And it's probably important. It's probably good to say like, and kind of bounce a little bit so they know the car is still running. Won't the illusion be like cast off though, once the person behind you inevitably tries to run over you? No, you're in a smart car. I guess like, they're very tiny. They're very tiny. Can you go through a drive-through? Very tiny. Can you go through a drive-through on a Segway? What if you went through on a bicycle in which you built a cardboard car around and no one can

tell the difference? If the concern is being weird, I think you've firmly veered into that territory. Go on to one of those bikes and stacked on top of another bike. That's not a thing. Yes, it is, Justin. Someone's welded a bike frame on top of a bike frame and it's like two bikes frames tall. That's a thing. Another solution is you go to the Taco Bell, you get some spicy sauce, drain that in your mouth, and then you'll turn into a hot rod, like that one cartoon. Are you talking about Turbotine? Yeah, yeah. It's been like 140 episodes since our last Turbotine reference. Welcome back, Turbotine. It's a Candle Knight's Miracle. That's a franchise.

That's a franchise. Talking about Turbotine again. That is a franchise that has just itching and raring and roaring for a reboot. Gotta get a turbotine. Shia LaBeouf cast him in that. That's what I'm saying. He's obviously shown his prowess at being in movies where cars turn into other shit in vice versa. So you think you want to see Shia LaBeouf? I don't want to pigeonhole LaBeouf, but I think that in the light of recent controversy, we should try and get the kid back in the picture. He wants to get into a family-friendly picture, like Turbotine 2000.

But here's the thing, Shia, tips from us to you. You need to make sure to call that thing Turbotine and you need to make sure to license the Turbotine license from whoever does own that. Don't just write a movie. Call Boy Car about a boy that eats hot sauce and turns into cars. Yo, I'm back with another Shia LaBea Ridge. It's called Boy Car. It's called Vroom Boy. Apparently Shia LaBeouf, whenever you dig it into this hot water. And by the way, I love Shia LaBeouf. I think he's great. Whatever he's doing.

Even Stevens, Transformers, that one Seagull roast music video where he got his dick out. I'm a big fan of all of those things. Do you think when that stuff broke bad with Shia, fellow even Stevens star beans, thought it maybe it was time for beans to send in, time for beans to make his play at the big show? Travis, if you don't stop sending us fucking pictures of giant bicycles. It's bikes on top of bikes on top of bikes. Yeah. Travis, I'm quitting the show. You said it wasn't a thing. I'm with school, you son.

Yeah, well, I love this school. Welcome to Travis McRoy's school for audio podcasts. Here's where listeners come to be educated about things they can't see. You guys going Yahoo? Poor for four. Don't do this thing, by the way. No, don't do this. Just go inside and wait in the line. Just go inside and wait in the line.

I feel bad. Just go inside and wait in the line. Is it weird that we choose a rando celeb to beat up on every week? And I genuinely don't like that part of the show. I feel like of all the ones we've done, though, Shia LaPuff, he's still got a lot of power behind him. I feel the worst about Shia LaPuff, though, because he's like, he's already getting it from like all sides, like front, back, left, and right.

We should pick someone who's like on top, who's like a darling and be like, fuck you, Jennifer Lawrence. But here's the thing. No, you watch your mouth. She's America's sweetheart. Exactly. I feel like with Shia, what's good about that is we didn't want to be timely with making fun of Shia. So we waited until the wound might conceivably have started to heal.

And then we go back in. We start digging. Oh, is this a fresh scab here? Let us just check this out. I feel kind of terrible, and I will for the rest of this. Shia, if you're listening, we're sorry. We love you. You need to see us.

This is why we can't build a celebrity fan base, because everybody's a friend of everybody. Yeah, because we've made fun of everybody at this point. Do you guys want to hear this one? Yes, you do. This one's soon by Jacob Harrison. Thanks, Jacob. It's by Yahoo!

And it's your choice. Chris, who asks, how can I write a review for a McDonald's employee? I went to my local McDonald's today, and one of the employees really stood out from the rest of the team. He was extremely kind. And we actually had a conversation. His positive energy really brightened my day. I was hoping to tell his manager how good of an employee he is,

so that maybe he could get a raise or something. But I don't want to tell the manager in person. Does anyone know if there is like a writer review section on the McDonald's website? I prefer it to be anonymous. Also, would that be possible? Awesome. Listen. Also, does anyone know if I can do this for Chipotle?

He doesn't. He doesn't want to get bogged down. It's a sort of single white female situation where this employee becomes obsessed with him and his kindness. I laughed. And I'm sorry I laughed because... We've had this experience. Everybody's had this experience.

It is the, it is almost... The fact that matters is like, dude working at McDonald's, fucking kudos. Awesome for you that you're going out of your way to make the dude coming in to McDonald's have a good day and you're smiling and it's great. I laughed because what's your day like in which it was made because that guy at McDonald's really took the time.

Who the fuck are you? No. You're telling me that when you have this experience, to me it is as bad as when you go to McDonald's and you have a really shitty experience with the employee and you know like, there is no recourse. There is no way that I can inform this person. No, I'm sorry.

What world do you live in in which you do not walk out the doors in your life? Clean slate style was a brand new day. I can't remember the faces of people I've seen in the McDonald's. Well, that's because you're so bad. The person that I am inside the McDonald's is not the person I was before or after. He's more full and feel yucky. If you meet a stranger, and that's stranger, regardless of what the circumstance is,

but especially if they have overcome the adversity of being like in McDonald's the whole day. Like we've talked about how horrible it is like crossing the threshold of a fast food restaurant. These people do this for 10 to 12 hours a day, right? If you meet somebody like that and you have a great convo with them who has overcome the adversity of McDonald's to have like a really great convo with you.

Then it's just two ships passing. You move off into the night. You have a nice moment. You had a nice moment and you eat your McDouble in your silent piece. But this is why Travis, people like you are where things never get better. Right. Because you don't get kudos for being nice and what's the point? Because the other side of that is I also accept their right to be shitty to me

because they're stuck in a McDonald's. This is the thing though. If we started expecting more from minimum wage employees, then we'd have to start demanding to pay them more. And then the whole rising tide and ships. There's a lot of nautical references going on right now. But listen, Travis, I don't think you're measuring your life in love. I don't think if you have this experience with a person.

600 burgers. If you have this experience and you don't walk away from it, talking to, you don't tell Teresa when you get home. Oh, the McDonald's guy said something really nice about my jacket. Like, what are you fucking doing? No, because that requires me the other thousand times to come in and like, they're really snotting to me and McDonald's again. Well, that's what I say.

I feel like judging from the experiences I've had with other McDonald's employees at our local, like my McDonald's, like my Mickey D's, you, if someone said, hey, this guy was really nice to me, you would probably be fire for messing up the curve. Yeah. The people at my McDonald's are openly hostile. Like they have embraced their situation. And this may surprise you a lot of turnover at that McDonald's.

And a lot of apple turnovers. Turnovers. Thank you. You guys suck. But here's the thing is like, that's their right. Like I figured that's like, that's the McDonald's tip. You know, I don't give you extra money. So yeah, you can be really snotty to me because I'm the one in there ordering the ranch.

This is what I'm saying. But Travis, this is what I'm saying to you. And follow me here. Follow me with this. What we've accepted, what your rationale that you've accepted is. Well, these are really terrible jobs. And so the people at them have a right to be hostile. And I can see there's a certain logic to that.

I think that's fair. But what you're denying is the fact that what we've done is basically create a system where people are in jobs that are so bad that we have built for ourselves several unpleasant experiences that we are going to have every day. Imagine if we were like paying people decently and they actually were like really gave like copious shit about their job. Thank you, Joseph Stalin. I agree.

We should pay everyone better. We should all be on an equal level. That's just not the way the world works, Daisy Mae. It sounds like Travis wants every restaurant to be Dick's last resort. It sounds like Travis just wants people to shovel shit. And what is shocking to me is that you get like angry when atop the pile of shit, the shit king, the person who survived like 147 hours style and has climbed through the shit to come up and say, Travis, that's a cool guy.

Hey, I really like your jacket. No, no, you're wrong. Here's why you're wrong because I think that's second day Daryl. What do you see? He's been working there for maybe two weeks. It doesn't matter how much money they make, how long they've been there. They said something nice about your jacket, the last thousand. When you compliment second day Daryl, when he's at the top, it's just going to make

him look worse when he's at the bottom. Daryl used to be so well connected with the other with the other employees and with the customers. Everyone used to love your performance. And now you just glare at everybody. What's wrong? You got to measure life and love, Travis. You're not.

Don't draw attention to second day Daryl. Say, say. I agree with Griffin on this one, Travis. I think you're not measuring life with love. I'd go out of my way to be friendly to everybody who is currently working a job when I encounter them because I feel like that can help buoy their spirits. And I think if enough people do that, then you get charged up with positive energy and you can start unloading that into people that come in.

It's a whole cycle, Travis. What was that sound? Was that a cash register? Because Justin has paid that shit forward. I think I didn't see the movie. Hey, brother, you don't have a smile today? Why don't you borrow one of mine? Can I say something, Justin?

I hate you both so much. Can I say something to you right now, Justin? Tell me. I'm loving it. I hate you. Just your attitude. Like, I'm loving it. I hate you guys so much.

They should change the slogan then. I've seen you interact with fast food employees. I'm loving your attitude. That's a new slogan. I get accused of being too friendly with people. I'll use first names. I'm a real sweetheart. They don't appreciate it at McDonald's.

I will say that. You're not allowed back in your McDonald's for a while. My carefree attitude does not seem to be winning me any friends there. Maybe they do. Maybe I inspire them to go get a different job. Because like I said, I do not see the same person twice. Ever since we were kids, I've always had a bit of a crush on my best friend's little sister.

She's two years younger than me, while my best friend is the same age as I. My best friend and I have been friends since we were toddlers, and our families are pretty close. We're practically siblings. In high school, I never paid much attention to little sister. But now that we're both in university, she's grown up rather than just being the kid's sister.

I don't make things awkward with the big sister, nor our families. On the flip side, I don't think she has much interest in me anyway. Do I even have a problem? This person had a crisis of confidence, like midway through the question. Oh, shit, because I misread that at first and thought that they were saying that the big sister had no interest in that.

No, big sisters in quotes, as if to say the little sister that grew up. Oh, no, I think big sister is the little sister's big sister. I think the best friend is also a sister. Man, this shit's getting complex. Finish the question. So I know there are other fish in the sea, but if I did want to pursue her romantically, what would be a safe way to do that?

That's from foolishly overcomplicates things. Well, you are doing that. And you are overcomplicating it. That is a thing that you've done. I mean, if you don't, it's all about pros and cons. You gotta weigh them jelly beans. Boy, it means world style. You're saying that there's a big risk.

It could possibly upset your friend, who's been like your best friend, nay, a sibling your whole life. And you don't think that the little sister likes, has is interested in you like that anyway. Like, yeah, I would probably just sit this particular one out. Let me, I would say that if you don't know by now, like you've been almost siblings,

almost a member of this family since you were toddlers, and you are uncertain about this situation, that's a pretty clear sign. But I'm not, but I'm not sure. Sometimes it doesn't click with you until you realize the person has interest in you. Sometimes that can get the gears turning. Yeah.

But I'm like, I never saw it that way. Let me mull that over. Let me flip the script though, Justin. What I'm saying is if you're not certain enough, if you have to ask us, it's not worth it. Because I think that goes both ways. I'm not saying if you're not certain that it's a mutual thing.

I'm saying if you are uncertain, it doesn't sound like it's worth it. Don't fucking say that out loud though, because then nobody will send in questions or a show anymore. Like, if you have to ask us, then no is the answer 100% of the time. It seems like in this circumstance,

you've got a lot to lose for something that you're not prepared to fight for. Or. But this is the bore. Bore. Way of life. Bore is the new unless. Bore.

But or. Maybe it's true love in this. It's like your life mate and life partner. And all of us are married now, so we're all on team life partner. So I mean. This could be like a Harry Met Sally thing. You got to fight for it.

Got to fight for it. But Harry did when he met Sally. Love means having to fight every day. Quote, Harry Met Sally. That was my favorite. I'll have what she's having. True love for the rest of my life. I don't think you're jeopardizing the familial bonds

by asking somebody out on a date. I mean, if they say no, whatever, that's the end. If you go on a few casual dates, and you know, it doesn't pan out, I don't think there's any danger in that either. Like, I don't think that that's going to be this like permanent. Let me.

Thing that you can never overcome. Let me ask this. Do they need to run it by the older sibling that they are like best friends with? Once you uncork this, this bottle is so tenuously corked right now. But would you rather, would you rather they just go and ask for the date?

I would rather you just take the cork and you push it so, so hard down in that bottle. So we're in agreement that it's not worth it. I don't think that there's any problem, but there's no risk. I'm saying there's not a risk. Like, there's not a risk of asking somebody out. Like, that's not a problem.

I think it's a problem if you're like, if you date for, for, you know, years and you have a terrible falling out. Yeah, that might create some awkwardness, but I have a saying I just came up with that it's better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all. That doesn't make sense.

Yeah, but what if you ask out little sister and older siblings like, hey, did you ask out my little sister? Also, when you lose shit, it sucks, Justin. It sucks like a, it sucks like a bunch. Have you ever lost your keys? Have you ever lost your keys? I love those keys in the car that they go into.

But man, they're gone, fuck. I think you guys are not being very romantic right now. Who better to build a life with than somebody you've already shared in the younger years with? How beautiful is that? All right, here, let's play this game then, Justin. Start bouncing off literally any scenario.

Any scenario where you try to make this rainbow connection happen and I will tell you why it is the worst. Okay, I'm ready. I'm ready to play the game. Okay, begin. You, let me finish my first scenario first and then you can tell me, okay?

All right. You ask her out, you go on dates, you have. Assuming she says yes, so like already, poink. Okay, so. That was me poking a hole right in it. You fall in love, you get married, you have beautiful kids. Poink, poink? Like, who's to say maybe you're shooting blanks?

Like, there are so many, there are so many holes in this juicer. Let me fill this out. You can't live that way. Let me write this dialogue. Hey, do you want to go on a date? You're like my sibling. I'm going to tell my sister about this.

Oh, tell sister, you did what? Bye. And you're not getting those records back, you look. You're definitely not getting those records back. And now you're out, your Omen Brothers records. They were rare. What is the problem though with, what is the problem with,

why should it even be an issue that you ask my sister? You want your records back. Here's a, hey, here's a. I think you're confusing your metaphors. Here's a new mantra that I just came up with. Make new friends, but keep the old and definitely don't try to fuck them. Don't, because they're gold and you'll lose them. And you shouldn't fuck gold.

You shouldn't fuck gold. It loses its value. I actually, Travis suggested something, and normally I would never say this, but it was a decent idea. I think if you're, if you're close enough friends with the older sister, then I think that it, it couldn't hurt to just run up by them and see like, hey, they're not going to. Has they ever mentioned,

have they ever mentioned like in a romantic context, like, hey, he's looking pretty good. He's looking like. I think you're saying it's like, hey, would it bother you if I asked your sister out? And they're like, yeah, it would. Like, okay. I don't think they'll do that though.

Okay. I think you're putting them in a position where they can't say no. Well, but then, you know what they don't get to do? Complain later. They do. Because you want to fuck their sister. I'm not saying you ask for permission. I'm saying you float it.

Spitball. Mm-hmm. Hey, sisters are getting pretty good. Well, I don't think you should turn into some kind of weird. You know, it's looking real good and honest. Your sister. You're not growing up. I don't think you have a position.

Oh, not so little anymore, is she? I don't think you want to position it. Look at them cards. Hachimachi. I don't know what got into you guys. Make the dog want a bag. He what? What was the last thing?

What? What did you say? Why are we, why did, I don't understand why floating it by her older sister. To see if she's ever thought of you in that context or what she thinks. Like why that has to become like bargaining for her. Like, well, looking, I like the hammies on her. Well, what, first of all, I don't know what hammies would be, but also like. Why are you making my hamstrings, you perv?

Why? Why are you checking out her little sister's hamstrings? But also like, once you do this. Now he met her hamsters. Once you do this. Once your lifelong friend, Ne Sibling, knows that like, you have been eyeing her little sister in that way in any context at all. It is going to be, if she also thinks it's like a familial bond,

that's going to creep her right the fuck out. Listen, I am always on the side of like, just ask her silly, but. I'm telling you that there are certain situations where I think that can be very, very, very counterproductive. Would it be as weird if it was. Her brother that was your friend, if it was like you and a dude and you were asking out his little sister, or if it was reversed and it was like two girls wanting to ask out like an older brother.

I don't think gender plays any role in this. I think it's all about siblings. I want personally, for me, I don't know if everybody feels this way. And I'm not even sure like I feel this way at this point in the podcast, but I wonder my siblings to be happy before the show started at least. And if you think that your friend could make your sibling happy, at least in like a dating sense early in a relationship, I don't see why it would be such a terrible crime for you to want to ask them out.

Real talk, real talk. Oh, finally. Here's what I think. Can't believe you've been holding back until now. This has been very intense show. I imagine this is what Mark Marin show. It's because we're all quietly very angry with the other two people. For the lack of professionalism and preparedness that I have come to expect

over the past 180 episodes from you two. Okay, so real talk. Okay. You need to analyze within yourself if this is a passing fancy because this is a girl you know who now is hot, or if you really have some real feelings that you're willing to like risk. Something for. And then step two, I think you definitely need to float it by the older sibling. Yeah, but I just haven't figured it out yet.

Like I'm pretty good at figuring that kind of stuff out. And I haven't figured out yet how you broach that without sounding like a bridge. You just say like, hey, I don't want it to be weird, but I'd like to ask your little sister out. Is that okay? I guess frankness is the best course of action. Because then they go, no. And you go, okay, cool, then never mind.

And if they say yes. Then no, they say no. And then you want it more than anything you've ever wanted in your life. Then it's the sweetest fruit. I'm changing the name of this show to Gross Aruni. That is how I feel full time right now. Gross Aruni. That's actually Mickey Bruni's little sister that I wanted to ask out.

And he wouldn't let you because he was stalking her. And then she was all I wanted. Oh, you can think about that Mona Lisa smile. She was 86. She was 86 years old. She looks good though. Hmm. Hey, so good.

You all look good. Drop me a store. Gross Aruni. Like a dog on a bag. I knew things. He said it again and I didn't hear it the second time. Like a dog. I hate that guy.

I don't know who the guy is. You don't like that guy? I don't like that guy. Like a dog want a bag? Yep. Nailed it. It doesn't make sense to me. Well, just mull it over.

Speaking of begging, we need some money. So let's get the money. Is beg one of the words he said? Trap news message four. This is for Christian Ridley. Griffin, who's this message from? It's from Jacob Ridley. Justin, what is this message?

To my brother Christian. Happy to my brother. Okay. Okay. The brother's name is Christian. Okay. To my brother Christian. God bless you.

The brother Christian is speaking in the colloquial sentence. Happy late birthday. Merry late Christmas and happy new year. I hope you enjoy your top three favorite brothers reading message from your fourth favorite brother. Well, that's a tough one to admit. Thank you. Thank you, Jacob, for being me.

Obviously, it's the first step. Thanks for introducing me to Mbem Bam. And I hope this makes up for my previously lacking gift giving history. From Jacob, the obvious golden child. Oh, they are the last man at Jacob. Lot of truth in this, Jacob. Fourth favorite brother, first favorite son. Is there any metric for how about we fuck this up?

And how much we miss his birthday by? Hey, we didn't miss his birthday. No, this, I think I actually think we're right. I think we're right in the sweet spot. It says, Merry late Christmas and happy new year. We're like on the money. This is Jacob went into it saying, oh, I don't miss this. If you, if you give to ask us to tell someone a message for you,

you might as honestly, you might as well put it in a bottle and chuck it into a well, but that's the liability. Jacob, future reference, don't include that you were late. Yeah. Let us take that hit. That's what we're here to do. Take a load off. You say, happy birthday two weeks in advance.

And then buy it whenever. A lot of time when someone has, that we claim that we miss someone's birthday by weeks, we are literally getting a telegram from the person as the show is going on. Wait, there's just in. Oh, we fucked up. Oh, we should charge extra for fuck up mail. Yeah.

Let's just dig in the fuck up mail bag. Got a message for Tim Reinhardt from Ed. Ed says, dear Tim, dear, I'm going to add dearest, dearest Tim. My dearest Tim. To my dearest Tim. I write to you from the front. Happy holidays to the biggest and pretty much only other Mbam fan.

Oh, fuck. Thanks, man. Just you too. Thanks for screwing you too, pal. Just a cold love. Ed and Tim out there in the cold, lonely oblivion. This is a gift for everybody, it seems. Thanks.

Thank you for turning me on. Thanks for sharing this shitty unpopular show with me. Thanks for turning me on to Mbambam while we were roommates. Hopefully this message makes it during the holidays. Ah, squeaked in there. Yeah, we did. This is normally more than I would spend on you. So this also counts as your birthday present.

Happy birthday, Tim, from your cousin, Ed. You know, normally I would think that someone was just inserting a sick burn, but I think that we would probably get a little kidding on the square there. This was fucking. This is one of the best Money Zone spots we've ever had, because it was deprecating in first, second, and third person, which I really appreciate it.

But no one came away from this unscathed. There was a little bit of something for it. It was the Dick's Last Resort of Jumbotron spots. Speaking of Dick's Last Resort. Oh, it's Extreme Restraints. The magic is back. Oh, man. ExtremeRestraints.com is your adult super store for everything

you can fuck and stick in holes. God, it feels good to curse again. I did miss it during the Candle Nights spectacular. As much as we enjoyed doing that one Candle Nights episode where you had to talk about extreme restraints in clean ways, like, you really got to, like, get into the filth to really paint a word picture. But what's your 2014 going to be like?

Because let me suggest this. Maybe you should just, like, fucking get it. Yeah. Are you getting it? Maybe you should mix it up a little bit with a size matters penis and larger. This thing, you put your penis in this and it's like sending it away to boot camp.

It is going to come back a changed penis. I'm just saying, spice it up. Yeah. Spice it up, put your. Right now, you a little white rice. Yep. You need to throw some sriracha in there before it's discontinued. Do they have sriracha lube or something?

I bet they do. I bet they do. It seems sriracha, everything is happening right now. You could actually just use sriracha sriracha lube. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. This is the reason that we have a disclaimer at the beginning of the episode saying

they'll do anything these chuckle fucks say. Just throw, just throw some sriracha. I burned my dick and he burned his butthole. It, it, it, thanks, I'm a bin band. That'll be two billion dollars. Uh, go to extremestrace.com to buy things with the coupon code sexabunga and save 20%, but stay for the oddly confrontational pictures

of naked people holding sex toys. A lot of these people are staring directly at you, challenging your own preconceived notions about what sexual pleasure means. I highly recommend the picture of the gentleman and the hollow, hollow stainless steel anal plug. He's holding it saying, are you man enough? And the answer is I don't know.

But there's only one way to find out in there. Yeah, go to extremestrace.com. 2014. Are you man enough? Are you man enough or woman enough? Cram it. Cram it. 2014.

Hey, are you cram enough? Are you strong enough to be my cram? Extremestrace, that's the new coupon code. Sexabunga gets hacked. We will change it to, are you strong enough to be my cram? Got a real cram going now. Welcome to the space cram. It's your chance.

Get up up, plug, at the space cram. All right. I love extremestrace and I would never do anything to hurt them, but can we open up our own sex toy store called Space Cram? Here's what we sell. You ready? One of those thick plastic cased VHS tapes of Space Jam.

And we say in the product description, put it in your butt maybe. We sell sex toys and organizational tools. Sergio Diaz plays in a band called Os Mutantes. His life was changed the first time he heard Elvis Presley. The great thing in the world, it is to discover. I mean, there's nothing better. I'm Jesse Thorn.

My show Bullseye is about discovery. We help you find the best music, the best movies, the best books, and we talk to the people who make them. It's Bullseye from maximumfun.org and NPR. I'm stuck in the runway. I'm super thirsty. Do you have any suggestions for sweet beverage cart hacks like your subway hacks?

I want to get as much refreshment as my ticket allows me to. And that's from Thirsty Dude. They have to keep giving you drinks. They have to keep giving you drinks. If you tell them you're parched and you press the little button and say, I'm parched, they'll bring you something. I don't think, I think it's going to be water though. I think after the initial beverage.

That's my favorite. Sometimes you get on those little jumps where it's like a 45 minute flight and they come on and go new to the short flight. We're just going to be doing water. And it's like, oh, I feel like it's really, this is a loophole, you guys. Like you have to do better in service,

but you're just in the last one. Yeah, you can't get up there. You can't be like, I'll have a Bloody Mary. And I'm like, that's the whole flight is that you, they prepare the Bloody Mary for you. That seems sorry. Like a mojito and the next three hours of your life. I actually don't like when they don't have a beverage cart

because then they're just like coming to you and ask. To me, I feel better about asking if you already have the drink there. If you got to walk all the way up to the moving plane to get my soda, I can usually just wait. Yeah. And you feel pretty guilty about that. I feel bad about it.

And there's something about how you're supposed to, if you order Diet Coke, they'll just give you the can because there's something about the altitude. Like Diet Coke takes so long for the head of the Diet Coke to go down that it takes them forever to pour it. And it's sort of like a economy of scale thing at that point. So they just give you the can so that you can pour the rest of it yourself.

Isn't that a thing? I feel like that's a thing. I mean, the best hack is to hope that your seatmate falls asleep and that you don't know them. And then you just order their drink for them. They'll say, like, I would like a Coke and they would like a ginger ale. And then you just fucking drink their drink.

I like that you lean enough into the roos that you'll drink two different drinks. You don't want to eat the same thing. Well, yeah, you don't want to make it seem like you I'll have two Diet Cokes, uh, ones for him. Do you guys ever feel like, and we are dangerously stepping close to the airplane food joke line? We may have actually stepped over it already,

but I think this is useful information. I have a real problem with, and maybe it's just because I always get seated at like the very, very, very back of the plane, but I always get the drink and then they give it to me and I have to put the tray table down, which I don't like doing because I have like, you know, I'm playing Animal Crossing down there. I'm, you know, I'm jerking off or something.

You're jerking off playing Animal Crossing. I'm doing both at once. I'm like, I don't like having the tray table down, but I always feel like they come give you a drink. You have about 45 seconds and they come to get out of the trash. Like, no, wait, oh, wait. Can you come back in like 15 minutes or just like, how long it takes to me to crush a whole can of Diet Coke?

No, 45 seconds is like, yeah, huh? So I guess I'd better toss this now or like, go the rest of the plane right at my tray table. That's why you got to give the beverage and then run down the aisle away from them drinking it. I like, I actually am equally irritated by the opposite situation where maybe I missed that first pass and then I finished my drink like right after

and then for the next 15 minutes, this cup is my life. Yeah. This is everything that's happening right now. That's why you got to tuck it in the little sack in front of the little satchel. Yeah, but then you look like a dirty boy for whoever you're sitting next to. Oh, yes.

Are you going to leave that there? That's where I have my, I leave it there every time though. Me too. That's where I have all my entertainment. Oh, that's dangerous. You get up and get, you know, you catch a connecting flight to Dallas and then you catch another connecting flight back to Austin and like, oh, shit, my iPad is in Nashville.

Idiot. I got a pretty good beverage hack for you if you want to get the most out of it. Get their like expensive seats that you can get in the front of the plane. And man, those motherfuckers are thirsty up in first class. I tell you what. Boy, howdy.

They needed their drink, they need their drink while the commoners are still getting seated. They have to have a drink. They can't wait for you to get to your seat. They have to have a drink right then. They were so fucking thirsty. Winter, I flew back from Scotland. We did the like priority plus or whatever

and it was like only 80 bucks extra and like you get complimentary beer and wine. This still doesn't sound like it makes up for 80 bucks. For nine hours? Yeah, man. You just gotta like really power through. I guess if you fucking work for it, if you- You gotta really commit.

Yeah. You gotta have nothing left to lose. I guess that's kind of a weird thing to think on your honeymoon, but sure. Well, you got a nine hour flight, man. Who are you trying to impress? This is the most special honeymoon ever, baby. I just feel like we have nothing left to lose.

Look, look, look, look, look. My favorite moment, we were flying back from your wedding griffin, we were on this flight and it had been delayed. And it was like a crazy thing. And this dude was on the flight with us, who was clearly drunk. Like he reeked of booze and like fell asleep as soon as he sat down on the plane.

And the flight attendant woke him up as she was coming back through and was like, can I get you a drink? And he was like, wine. And she was like, well, well, I mean, that costs money. And he goes, oh, oh, nothing. And fell immediately back asleep. The frequency.

And that man is my favorite, man. That's a good guy. Can we talk about 2014? I feel like by this point, we've come up with a catchphrase. And I feel like we're sort of slacking that we haven't done that yet. That we haven't, like, well, sort of like, so to review. 20 does. 20 does.

Getting it in 20 does. And then we had 20 dirt. 20 dirt, dig it out, get it out. Get it out. Now we're in 2014. I want to hit you guys with this. What do you think about 20 Sporting, where we get into sports and deep?

Let me throw this out. 20 Forte. What's your specialty? Oh, that's not bad. The problem is you said. That's actually not bad. I'm kind of into sports already. Yeah.

That's something. 20 Forte is about a challenge to you and find out what makes you special. Gain some confidence in the thing that makes you you. Let me bounce mine off you. I'm feeling really good about 2015 already. 2014 might be all right, but I think 2015 is where we are really going to cash in.

What if this was a year of preparation? What if this was like 24 to 5? I like 24 to 5. And you just like, maybe you get in shape for the big, big moves you're going to make in 2015, which is going to be like a fucking killer stellar year. I honestly, Griffin, I, and I know that I've probably thought this before,

but to me, 2015 sounds so goddamn futuristic. That'll never happen. It'll never happen. There's no. I mean, the way that Obama is running this country, you're probably not so far off. Just like. Let me hit you guys with this.

2014. I mean, that certainly has its merits. I think the problem. There's nothing to go along with that. Can I hit you guys with another one? Just 20 fart. And mine was just Travis's. What about this?

Oh, no, see, we missed this because I was thinking 2014. Yeah. That works better with 13. I think we covered that. My problem with Forte and Fortify is that they both presume a lot about the person. Like, we don't know who's in a rebuilding year and who's not. It's not a rebuilding year.

It's not a rebuilding year. You have, you might have the shit already. You got, you got a font file, that stuff. It's like, okay. It's like, if you're playing, you know, the risk, you, you take the country, you take the territory, right? So you've got it. And now it's about just shoring up.

Shoring up your resources right there to the borderlands. That is what I'm saying. Maybe you've already got some shit. Every year can't be a growth year. No. You're going to overstretch your bounds. No. We are going to need to really sort of pool our resources.

As a community, as the Mbem-Bem nation, we really need to like get together and huddle around for warmth and just like get ready for 2015. I don't want to paint like a bleak like picture. Because 2015, we have a light at the end of the tunnel. It's 2015 and it's going to be fucking incredible. What if it's just 20 forts and it's just the year of building a lot of blanket forts?

That would be, that would be charming. My worry with Fortify is that we've been talking about how we need to do live shows in 2014. And I'm worried if we go ahead and proclaim 14 as a year of basically turtling and hoarding resources and stuff, we'll use it as an excuse to not do that. No, no, no. Because we have this fan base already

and we are going to start losing these motherfuckers. I mean, the bleed out, I don't know if you guys have seen our numbers, the bleed has already begun. The only way we're going to keep them is if we get, put some fucking FaceTime on the books. That's what I'm saying. Griffin, this, let me throw out the opposite and just go with 24-word.

Oh my God. Oh Travis, that is visionary. 24-word. But you're kind of like usurping my grand, not so grand vision. This is about momentum. This is about acceleration. This is about moving forward.

24-word. If you don't do 24-word, you can't get to where you need to be That's what I'm saying. to experience 25-word. I like that. I like that message better. That's what I'm saying, you gotta move forward. By the way, let me get this out of the way right now.

Gotta be 20-grifteen. It's gotta be 20-grifteen. If we do make it there, it's going to be a great one. That's going to be all about grifteen. And what you guys can't see is there's that can motion that goes along with 24-word. And it's like a hand swooping for 24-word. You're reaching out.

Is 20-grifteen, like grift, like you're fucking over other people or is it like for me, like for me? Both. I don't really grift that many people. I'm missing a great opportunity. Well, you will in 20-grifteen. I probably will. Yeah, in grifteen, you're going to get it.

You're going to get real. So move forward, move forward with your grifting abilities. Maybe learn some sleight of hand. You don't do enough three-card Monty. I've told you that before. And you're forged an identity. This is the time to do it. How was your ledger main?

Is it okay? Speaking. I'm going to say we stick with 24-word now, unless something better comes to us. I like 24-word. Me too. I like the optimism of it. We got it out in 2013 this year.

We got out the dirt. Now it's time to move forward, move on away from the dirt. I do, speaking of live shows, I think I know a pretty good place to do one. And that's wherever Tim and Ed live. That seems to be a hotbed of a big fandom. I think they just live on a frozen lake. That's what I picture.

Yeah, that's probably accurate. That's probably the only scenario in which there are two Mbam-Bam listeners is if there's a frozen lake somewhere. Not just like, I don't know, maybe the entire state of Montana, or maybe like 26 other states like Montana. Basically every state that's not California

or Texas or New York. Thanks, California, Texas and New York. You were really keeping us afloat. Thanks, guys. By the way, maybe tell somebody about the show this week if you could. Maybe we could get three strong listenership in Utah and Montana and the Dakotas, the Badlands.

We are. Tim and Ed, that's your mission right now. Yeah, just tell anyone else that Tim and Ed knows. We are bone dry in the Badlands. We've got to get that stuff wet. I got another question. I'm a lover of knowledge. And I spend my time researching science,

tech and culture topics. I sometimes cannot contain my excitement about these things and add them to conversations with my family. My older brother has become annoyed with this and repeatedly says, you've got too much time on your hands. What does that even mean?

Sisters between insult? Is he telling me to stop learning? Do you think I should continue sharing things I learn or stop? That's from Jonathan, who isn't going to come up with a non-deplume. He's happy just being Jonathan. 24 word. How is that applicable at all?

I think it means your brother can go fuck himself. Okay, no. So maybe your brother needs to go 20 backward on his head. I'm just saying that what it sounds like to me is, listen, learning and growing and like being interested in random facts is like one of the most beautiful things in the world to me. So that idea of your brother getting annoyed with it,

it seems to me like maybe it's just not his scene. But there ain't nothing wrong with it. You don't do what this dude is doing. I'm not saying, you don't have to stop obviously and you should definitely keep learning. But there's a time and a place for that kind of stuff. And there are circles of people who enjoyed that kind of heady discussion.

And if your brother's talking about how his kid did at a soccer game, he doesn't want to hear about the origins of the sport. You know what I mean? Like he just wants to talk about his kid. It sounds to me like what you need to work on, Jonathan, is the beauty of a sequitur. Travis, you cannot be the one.

You cannot be the suitor. No, listen, because I know it's not a strength, but God knows I've come miles from where I was when I was like 12. But like, I have locked it. That's just not like a super high part of clear. Well, you know, you got to take it where you can get it. I am so much better at metaphors than I was

when I was a baby. Well, I've got friends that like know really interesting, amazing things about pop culture and science and all this stuff, but they don't wait for the prior conversation and they don't wait for a window to open up. They just say it and that's always going to fall flat. You know what I mean?

It's always going to seem really out of place and out of nowhere in a way that no one's going to jump to engage with it. Jonathan, the whole point of communication is to express ideas, thoughts, emotions, opinions. And it doesn't seem like as far as trivia goes, your brother's really, I don't think he's really into getting it.

So you got to wonder, like, if you are do, like if you're making these, these, these little ball moths for a specific reason, because if it's to entertain, delight, inform your brother, then like he is not into it. He is, I would think it would be better to remain quiet, confident in your own personal knowledge, and then wait for like a nice cocktail party or maybe a pub trivia where you can really

let that flag fly. Do you say I think you just nailed it? Where I think the thing is, are you doing this for their benefit or for your own? Are you saying it to prove how intelligent and the stuff you know, or because you think that this is a thing that will in some way, you know, improve their enjoyment of the thing

that they're talking about? Because I think it's like anything else where you're talking about making friends or relationships of any kind is it's being interested in them. So are you doing this to turn the attention to yourself or to continue on their moment of conversation? Dale Carnegie's dead, right? Yeah.

I'd have to imagine it this way. He gave too much of himself to be able to continue. I was just thinking about like royalties. Oh, okay. No, we're good. If it's been over seven years since he died, the trademark on his thoughts and ideas. No, we're safe.

Okay, good. Griffin, do you have a Yahoo answer question? Yeah, sure. What do you deal with? Sure, I have a Yahoo. This one is sent in by Postmaster. That was their Gmail name. It was probably not the general.

Thanks, Postmaster. It's by Yahoo Answers user MrCandy. Oh, who asks? Prior to a date, what's on your checklist? Oh, God. Well, last time I was on a date, the Pope was Polish, but usually this is how I start. Why don't you like leave the jokes to us?

I know that like you didn't know that your Yahoo answer was going to be on the podcast. You should have a sale. You should have probably just assumed. Physically, this is a checklist. Physically, wash car, inside out, and full gas tank. This guy's like a doomsday prepper. Eat a big sandwich because when I'm nervous, I get hungry.

Excuse me? Sorry? Eat a- One more time, say it one more time. After finished detailing the inside of his car and filling up the gas tank, eat a big sandwich because when I'm nervous, I get hungry. Wait, what?

And to avoid eating like a pig in front of the date. Shouldn't it be when this person's hungry, they get nervous and that would be the thing they worry about? I just picture them slamming a foot long sub and checking it off a list. Checking it off a list. Oh, shit. I got crumbs in my car.

Got to go back to step one. He's really in touch with his body because like he's nervous about getting hungry because he gets hungry when he's nervous. That seems endlessly sort of cyclical to me. Yeah. I think this is a very fat man. Maybe when he eats a sandwich, he gets like, he's like George Clooney.

He's like, he turns into the smoothest dude ever. Oh, it's not a spicy sandwich though. Oh, but then he gets that moment where he's sitting at dinner and you just hear like, I hope it's like, I've got to go. I hope he didn't eat a spicy sandwich though because then he will be a very not nervous car. Detail myself.

Third, third transformative car. The third item on the checklist, which again, for context's sake, has clocked in below detailing the car and filling the gas tank and then eating a big sandwich. Third, personal hygiene slash shower slash plus teeth, etc. So that one, I guess it makes sense. You want to brush your teeth after you fucking eat a big sandwich. Washed and pressed clothing slash polished shoes.

Makes sense. Carry a handkerchief in case we sit by a fountain, bench, etc. and wipe excess water or humidity, etc. Wow. Turn phone on silent mode. That one's probably all right. Okay. Maybe you want to turn it on airplane.

You just go the extra mile in case you get like, I don't know, a snapchat. This is okay. They're okay. Those are just the physical notes. The mental notes include action items like, don't use bad language. Don't stare at her boobs.

Yep. That's a physical sir. Uh-huh. I guess that's true. Listen rather than talk. Don't think about staring at her boobs. Check. Listen rather than talk.

Try to be funny but not too much. If anything annoys you, act cool and get pissed later at home. God damn it. Can't believe that. Fuck. Stay away from alcohol. One can look like a fool or something inappropriate because slips one's mouth.

Safety if driving her home. I guess there's some pretty good arguments there. Well, and yeah, and apparently this guy is always one synapse fire away from staring at her breasts. So yeah, maybe avoid the sauce. Wait, in all of this, in all of these, some of them very down to earth things, can we remember that this is a big sandwich guy?

I just want to keep that in the forethought of your mind that this is the guy afraid he won't be able to resist eating a big sandwich. Never ever look at another woman. Whoa. Eyes on the sandwich, Bob. My sandwich is down here. Hey, Jared, why don't you slow the fucking roll?

Step 10, bring big pants to show her how bad I used to be. Big pants will come in handy if you transform in two car. Don't want to be naked, car. Step 11, cover your car, dick. Don't smoke near her or at all if she doesn't smoke. Yep. Have a backup plan. Two choices for food and entertainment venues.

Own a copy of the movie, the backup plan. Finally, backup cash in case of an emergency. I'm telling you this dude is a doomsday preparer. I'm telling you this guy is a bunker that he built himself. This guy has an axe that turns into a chair. Here's the thing. If you just like change the context of all of this, there's nothing weird about it.

A dude being like, hey, here's some advice if you're going on a big date. But there's something about saying like, I have a checklist that makes it crazy. No, the problem I have with this gentleman is that a large majority of his checklist should just be applicable to being a person in the world. Why do you have to remind yourself not to be the worst, the pit?

Don't look at another woman ever. You never know what you'll do. Yeah. Maybe it's a Medusa. Oh, no. You're stone. Man, but don't cut this guy too much slack because there's three pretty crazy things on here.

The fact that he feels sandwich guy, the fact that you guys pointed out sandwich, the fact that he fills his fucking gas tank before he goes on any date ever is like crazy to me. When you just know how much gas you have in your car and if you're close to empty, you fill it up. Also, there's a very specific checklist there where his gas gauge is broken.

Plus his favorite sandwich store is three hours away. I have to go. I'll be back in six hours. I'm very nervous. Have you guys have been on dates, right? Yes, to my knowledge, yeah. I know it's been a while. You'll marry creeps.

But have you ever had a backup plan? Like, what if Shony's is full? I didn't even think about that. Is there still a Ponderosa's open? You show up to Shony's and there's an hour wait and you're like, god damn it. I should have planned something else. That never happens, right?

Well, and then you get really mad about it and you fly off the handle right there in the Shony's waiting area. No, you don't. You bottle that shit up and you take it home. You get angry at home. Punch a wall. Fuck, damn, Shony's.

Fuck, I need a drink. Damn you, Shony Bear. I'm also sort of a couple with the idea of this gentleman as like sort of the date tour guide. It matters very little what the lady in the situation wants to do on said date because he's got a full itinerary with backup plans and contingencies.

Also, this is a conversation this person has on every date. What's, is your food not good? You haven't touched it at all. Oh no, I ate a big sandwich before we came here. Oh, cool. You're a crazy person. You know we were going to dinner. You knew we were going to dinner, like a nice place.

And if this person gets married, is this applicable for every, this person's been married for six years. He's a very sweet husband. He takes his, he has date night twice a week. And that means he fills up his gas tank twice a week. And he goes to like this big expensive French bistro that he had to get reservations for months in advance and he shows up.

It's like again, you did it again, Donnie. You ate a sandwich again, Donnie, at home? Let me tell you something. Sweet Donnie's problem. Hey, you're assuming he's taking her through a nice French bistro. Why not just like have some fucking saltines, Donnie? Why you gotta slam jam a big sandwich? Yeah, I hope this does continue into his married life

because it'll make impromptu dates all the more fun. Yeah, if this is like a surprise, or surprise dates I think, because this person would just collapse under the pressure, I feel like. I would be willing to bet that all of Donnie's dates are surprise dates. No. Oh boy. Do you want to do something this afternoon? I don't have time to get to the sandwich store.

I can't, I can't, my gas tank's half empty. Hi, I have, hey, I'm America's sweetheart Jennifer Lawrence Donnie, I just met you at LAX. I think you're a cool looking dude. I've got two and a half hours to kill. Let's go to Chili's to go and hang out because I think we could have a real connection with you and like we could like, I could take you with me to Hollywood Boulevard

and we could live the rest of our lives out happy. What do you say, Donnie? I know that you have time to kill. What do you say? Like, I don't know. I've got like a half tank in the car back at home. I've already looked at two women since we've been talking. I've got a small sandwich.

I had a small sandwich, bro. This has been our comedy advice show. My brother, my brother, me. We hope you've had a good time listening to it. Listen, don't be like Ed and Tim. Share the show with people you care about. I think they're going to share it. We have guilted them into sharing the episode.

But you should be like Ed and Tim in that if you want to do a birthday message or some kind of shout out on our show in which you admit that you don't know anyone else that listens to our show, just go to maximamfund.org forward slash jumbotron and they can set you up with everything there. Thank you to people tweeting about the show

using the mbmbam hashtag. We certainly appreciate when you guys do that. Let's see, we got Bombs Fall, Rap Uncle, Vladimir, Alonzo Duralde calling us out on our lack of knowledge about Grace Jones. Sounds about right. Sounds about right. She's great.

Right. She's just like. She's great. In that one instance of the Peewees Christmas special it's a bit weird. Maribeth, Joshua Cummings, Megan McCaffrey, Schmoozie, Kellen, Elsie, so many others. Thank you so much.

I sure appreciate it. So once we're passing out the thank yous, why don't I shoot one to John Roderick in the Long Winters. For the use of our theme song, it's a departure off the album Putting the Days to Bed. Terrific album. I'm sure a lot of you guys got that as Candle Nights stocking stuffers.

Please note that for Candle Nights you use lady stockings. This is silk stockings. Lady silk stockings. You can't get a lot in there but you can get a CD or a jump dry. Also make sure to check out all the other wonderful Max Fun shows. Wham-Bam Pow, Wonderbound Mother, Bullseye, Jordan Dressy Go.

Stop podcasting yourself. Make sure to check out Saw Bones, a misguided marital tour through Something Medicine or whatever. Yeah. Kind of got away from you. Yeah, it's good. I'm on it. Justin's on it.

Full disclosure. Justin is on that podcast. Full disclosure. Also everybody be really careful on New Year's Eve. Drive safe and don't drink and drive. Don't drink. And watch out for other drunk drivers out there. Don't drink.

You might say something bad. You might look at another woman. You might turn into like a hot rod. If it's a spicy drink, sure. They have those. You guys want that final Yahoo? Yes, please. Hit me.

This one's sent in by Kristen Campbell. Thanks, Kristen. It's about Yahoo answers user Laura who asks, Where can I buy the smallest rice cooker? I'm Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. You're Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me.

Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. Justin, what are you doing? I'm strapping a chicken to my arm. I heard there's some plague out west. So I just wanted to get out ahead of it. Justin, if you'd ever listened to our medical history podcast, Saw Bones, where we talk about everything from treponation to bloodletting,

you would know that that is a ridiculous idea and it will never work. Saw Bones. I haven't caught it. Saw Bones? Yes. It's every Friday on the Maximum Fund Network and we record it together. A doctor or something? Yes.