My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 196: An Old, Rotten Boat

Episode Date: April 14, 2014

This episode pivots like a world champion boxer, changing effortlessly between subjects like credit tips and Sam Elliott's favorite full-motion video games. It's all finance tips, finance tips, finance tips and then BOOM -- a deep dive into Double Switch. Suggested talking points: The Sunday, Exquisite Delight, CreditBros, Nerd Parents, Bike Shorts, Buffett v. Chesney

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everyone, welcome to my brother, my brother Meenad Vaisio for The Modrin' Era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. I'm your babyest brother, Griffin McElroy. The countdown is on in just seven days. What's in seven? Ford. 20. Oh, I get it. That's the weed number. Countdown to weed day. It'll be nice when everyone's

finally allowed to have some weed for once. Is it bad that 420 this year falls on a Sunday? It's also Easter. Not only off Sunday, it's the Sunday. It's the most Sunday ass Sunday there is, Easter Sunday. It's a very Sunday. I think you would feel bad about blazing it. Hey, what if you saw the Easter Bunny and when he came down to your chimney, he was like, are you going to blaze one? Because it's 420 and you were like, yeah, I am. And then he took off the Easter Bunny head and he was willing Nelson the whole time. That motherfucker loves eggs. I haven't weeded ever. Dad, stop listening. In a long time, I haven't had weed. But when I did, I used to make things out of starbursts. I used to smooch them. Well,

you could smooch them together and there's a picture on Facebook a long time ago. I may have removed it at this point of me and I made a horse out of starburst. Yes, that infactuation began a long, long time ago. And then I'm just sort of putting my mouth over it as it stands triumphantly on a table and I would party on that. So I think about this convergence of like a day of the year where starbursts are deployed in massive numbers. And then also you get to chief on some gangadank on the side. If you think about it, I mean, it really is a perfect pairing of the two holidays because it's the only time in which you're going to be fulfilled eating peeps. Well, it's a miraculous, it is actually a miraculous confluence. Like,

it should always land on the same day. Do you guys remember that one year, that ecstasy day, which everybody knows is the 51st Tuesday of the year. And Christmas were at the same time. And it was just like the lights. That plant has lights in and around it. I get super, super quiet when I, when I X out. So everybody make sure you get your candy and then get your candy for 420 because it's coming. And you know that I'm going to celebrate it like I do every Easter watching Mythbusters with my wife's grandparents. When are they going to do an Obamacare episode? I am in need of some witty responses to people I've just met. The problem is that I have a

highly unusual name. So much so that I've had to pull out ID to prove it's actually my name. And when I meet new people, I usually get a comment or compliment about how they like my name. It's always been awkward for me. So recently I've started responding with thanks. I got it for my birthday. It gets a good response. I like that. I know this line will get old after a while. So please, brothers, I need some comic genius to come up with new responses. This is fancy. Yes, it's my real name. Can you beat them to the punch? Like when you say, like, my name's fancy. So this is your one chance. Don't let me down. Yeah. I mean, that is, I think probably the joke all three of us were

planning on. I decided to execute it faster. I mean, yeah, you're at worse. And without any sort of real punchline, it's more. Isn't that song about a prostitute though? It could be applied to all manner professions. I always thought it was more like a sort of a Geisha host situation. But yeah, fancy was offering the girlfriend experience. There's no sex exchange that's never made, that's never writ large, that there is sexual favors exchange. She says, just be nice to the gentleman fancy and they'll be nice to you. I assume she means to offer the girlfriend experience in some sort of Japanese host bar. It also says, don't give up the butt fancy, though, in the second. Not to the fifth date. In the second bridge, it says,

here's your one chance. Fancy, don't give up that butt. And then that's in the live edit, not in the studio version. In the earlier EP, in Reba's first EP, there was a lot of anal. Don't give up the butt for less than three big. Three big. Three big. That's $300. That's not very big. I can think of way. Three large. What? No, three large is 3,000. Three big is 300. What's three huge? Three million. Three is three. It's $3.

That is not a fancy price for a butt. When you tell people your name is fancy and they doubt it, can you say something like, oh, it's short for fancerson? Can you correct yourself and be like, oh, I'm sorry, I meant Nancy. And then just walk away. It's short for Nancy. My name is Fnancy. It's an F apostrophe N, like a Lovecraft name or something. Can you clarify afterwards, you know, like the catch-up? Fancy style. You're a fancy style catch-up.

Fancy catch-up. Yeah, you don't ever want plain style catch-up. It's just red water. Fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy. It's a fun name to say. Ooh, Griffin, you've just made me think of something. Maybe just say your name so much that it loses all her meaning. Oh my God. And they can't know where I guess you. And when you sit there and go, it's fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy.

You could become the president. And then they walk away and you lose face. You could become the president of our United States of America and then that name would be sort of the same concept, like the name would be so normalized at that point because it's like, you know what I mean? There had to be an uptake of like Barak's. Yeah, or like Barack Obama. At the very least, when somebody names a kid Barak, it's not like the Mortal Kombat fighter. Like, no, that's Baraka. Stop it.

Here's your together. Here's your one chance, Fancy. Don't let me down. Okay. I don't know what to tell Fancy. This is tough. I really like saying it. I know I do too. Fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy, fancy.

Okay. Which episode of our brother or brother of me should I start with? Try 196. They say fancy over and over again for three minutes. What if, okay, here's what you do. Tell them your name is Fancy. And when they're like, Fancy, say, well, that's my middle name. And I go by that. And then they say, what's your first name? And I want you to say exquisite.

I'm exquisite Fancy Delight. That's my name. Sounds like a cat food brand, but isn't it? It's a name for me. It's a name for me. I got it for my birthday. And then they'll be too busy laughing. I'm a 20 year old Australian man.

And I recently got my first credit card, having been using debit to pay for things since I was 16. Growing up, I have seen friends and family get into all sorts of nasty trouble and don't want this to happen to me. What is some advice you can give me to avoid poor spending decisions and build my credit rating without being swallowed by debt? Much love, credit concern in Sydney and hotly much. Have you ever come to the right place?

For, I mean, don't make, don't pay this all out to be like fucking debtors. We didn't all fall in that Venus flag trap. Two of the three of us are really bad at credit. Um, here, let me break this down for apparently the question asker and my two older brothers. If you have $5, you can spend $5 on your credit card at the very maximum. Probably don't because you'll probably need some of that money for other things. But if you just have the five, then don't spend six.

Here, here's, I was taught this by my wife where she is much smarter than me. And here's what you do. You put an auto debit on your credit card for like a phone bill or your gas bill or your electric bill and then an auto debit at the end of the month on your credit card to pay it off with your debit card. So a bill that you are already going to pay with your debit card, you pay with your credit card and then you just pay that off at the end of every month. Don't, if you have an open account, don't, uh, don't close it.

If you, if you have a card that you're not going to use anymore, don't close the account. Just leave it open because again, that's more available credit that, which is good for you. Travis's suggestion. Well, really, let's be honest, Teresa's suggestion is a good one. I use that for some subscription things just to keep the, uh, keep the credit rolling.

Here's a helpful suggestion from Travis, from my life experience. Buy, invest in hams. Don't invest in hams, Travis. When you, when you charge things to your credit card, remember that you owe the credit card people money and don't forget to pay it for months on end. That's great. That's a, yeah, that's a great advice.

Remember to pay your credit card bill. Don't forget. Don't fuck up because. Don't be a fuck up. Don't be a fuck up because I, that's what I did. I like, I did live the first. Can you drop 25 years of my life? Just not believing that it would catch up.

No, I completely agree. I was trying. I was taking that like Tim McGraw song, literally. Like I was spending. It wasn't even out yet. And it wasn't out yet. I was still like, I was investing in the production of that record. Like that's how bad it was.

Like, yeah, I'll pay for you to make a CD, Tim. What's it called? Live like your diet? I approve. I was, I mean, I got in really bad trouble. Like with credit card and I ran up a huge bill and then I couldn't pay it. And it seemed like, uh, this is how to get you because they've, they extended. Basically, I signed up for a credit card.

This is how fucked our country is and me. I'm not going to take the blame for this. I signed up for a credit card at a Reds game to get a free hat. And my parents are like, I guess, and I was 16. Okay, sounds like a lot of people fucked up in this situation. Yes, everybody had to ruin the rest of your life. Yeah, sure. Cool hat though.

Great hat. Is it snapback? By the time I was in college and working, uh, 15 hours a week at Best Buy. No big deal. Sorry, 15 hours a week at Babbage's. Why do you need a credit card? You have all the money in the world. Well, good news.

My credit limit was extended to $5,000. I literally believe that there was, there were two guys in like at working at Chase. Like, I look at this dumb shit. I bet if I jack it up, he'll, yep, he did. He did it. He did it. So he filled it up again. He spent more.

Oh, he went over. He just bought a $30 bag of Doritos. What a dipshit. I hate this guy. No, I had a huge, I mean, it got to the point where like the, the, the interest was building fast and I could pay it off and I eventually had to get like alone. They're bankruptcy. Oh, no, not bankruptcy.

I had to get a loan to pay my shit so I could finally pay the shit off. I had to do that like, that like meet them in the middle thing where they're like, well, we're never getting our money out of this guy. So just like be smart about it and believe me. Like if you're listening to this and you're in like a scenario where you think it's never going to catch up with you because like that's for adults. It's an adult issue. Like you will eventually be an adult.

I promise you if that's how it works. And now that I have monitoring on my credit score, I really get into it because like my credit score is decent now because like I'm watching it all the time and like seeing, oh, cool. I'm up a little bit. Here's, here's the other important thing. Hey, young listeners who are just starting off on the road to good credit. It takes like one fuck up, one like mispayment, you know, one collection thing and then like

seven years to build that back up. I lapsed on a on my student loans, which I didn't even need because I had the promise scholarship. Everything was paid for except for my video games and shit. And I was like $7,000 for free. Fuck. Yeah. Fuck.

No. That was a bad move. I did not go well for this guy. Does anybody do any of the three of us have better credit scores than our wives? No. Rachel beat the shit out of me, which sucks because when you go in for a home loan, they go with the lowest persons. And so Rachel was like, did her credit test and was like, oh, 1450.

I didn't even know it could go that high. It's better than I did on the SATs. I just got a red frowny face sticker that says no, no, no. I literally when I called. So after I paid off my car and I needed, I think the car is broken. I needed to buy a new car. I called the credit union that I had gotten my first car loan with and said, like, hey, I'm interested in buying a car and I want to see if I can.

And my representative just laughed and went, no, no, no. Here's how stupid this stuff is. I'm sorry about this completely unfunny 10 minutes you've all listened to, but maybe somebody will get something out of it. When we went to buy a house, I had like this horrendous, horrendous credit history. Right. And I was working. I didn't even have like a full-time job.

I was basically a contractor with AOL. I didn't have like a salaried position. Right. And I had $6,000 that I spent on nothing. And I mean, nothing in college. This $6,000 with debt had student loans had all this shit. And a terrible credit history. But I was still better than Sydney because Sydney had over $100,000 in med school loans.

Right. And it's like, if you as a bank could just make the next logical leap, you would see that she is probably a much more sound investment than myself. Or maybe they assumed like this jerk spent $6,000 on Pringles and beef jerky. So she must have spent $100,000 on Pringles and beef jerky. And not all the goddamn doctor knowledge that she put inside her fucking skull. Just don't please. Don't spend any money.

Don't spend any money for any reason. Just make wise decisions and always be working towards the goal of having good credit. Yeah. Or just get on Mint. What are we talking about? Just get on Mint. They'll take care of all this shit for you. It's the best website.

Man, how long until we get our show on Saturday mornings on NPR, telling people about finance and shit? We're gurus. We're credit gurus. Credit gurus. How about a Yahoo? Yeah. This Yahoo was sent in by Mike Burroughs.

Thanks, Mike. It's by Yahoo Answers User. Happy, who asks, why are most people's parents so dorky? So throughout the years, I meet people's parents. I must say that 99% of them are very dorky. Where did these people grow up? What did they grow up around? They just look so out of place in my situations and events.

For example, when I get invited to weddings, I see a beautiful girl getting married and then see her parents and I go, what in the world? She came from those two? It just doesn't match up. Even with friends, I have met their parents. They are very, very dorky. You look at them and then you say,

how in the world did this guy end up with such dorky parents? He's got a point. Like most fucking parents are big nerds, though. Dork patrols, you know what I mean? Absolutely true. But you know what, guys? I am four months away-ish. Less.

God. Like, yeah, about four months away from the birth of my daughter. Okay. And I have to tell you the reason that parents look the way are dorky is because if they're anything like me, I have gotten to a point where I'm just out. Just don't get- I'm just out of the-

What you see as a dorky and out of touch parent is a person who is just out of the game. Which game are we- Which game? The game. Done keeping up with it. It's a running joke, right? Though, when you get married or you get into a serious community relationship,

you let yourself go a little bit, right? Because it's like, oh, I found the person. I have to imagine it's like that with kids, but 20 times that of like, oh, I'm never going to be cool again. Bye, everybody. I don't think it's- I don't think it has anything to do with weight, though. I think it's just like you don't-

No, I'm not saying parents are fat, I'm saying. How come all parents are super fat? I'm saying that you reach a point where just like you are sort of preternaturally drawn to lighter shades of jeans. You are just going to wear lighter and lighter and lighter jeans. You know what I mean? I kind of feel the- Like a pale Robin's Egg blue.

I feel bad for the people that are in the game constantly having to be in the game. For me, I married a beautiful, intelligent doctor, right? I am Garth Brooks and I have had my platinum records. I am now in my Chris Gaines phase where I just kind of do what the fuck ever, because who cares? I already- I'm already out the game. Except Chris Gaines. Chris Gaines looked super good, though.

He also was non-existent. He looked super great with a little bit of rough and his emo hair. I'm just saying- what I'm saying is that I'm out. I'm done. I might get back in to see how the game's going, but like there had to be- For me, there was a moment of like- And it's been constantly reinforced. Because I would be- when I was a younger person, I would think,

how are you older people like not into this thing? Like you're missing out on so much. And now I have a 13-year-old sister-in-law who will get into stuff like Snapchat, right? Or Instagram. Or- Whoa, Riley's on Snapchat? She's not- I don't think she's actually on Snapchat. But anyway, that's Service Guy Bad Rap.

Anyway, she's on Instagram or whatever. And I'm just- I think for me, the moment was Pinterest. I decided that like, I don't know what that is. And I'm not gonna know what it is. And I'm not willing to find out. And I'm not willing to find out so like the game can keep going. And I'm just gonna be back here. Like I finished my rounds.

Now it's somebody else's turn. But you have to realize though that like that idea of like, what are you into now? Okay. And like giving back into check and see how stuff's going. That's what this question asker is talking about. That's the nerd shit. That's the Pinterest.

Let me just pin my kids. Hey kids, got some pins for you. Push, push, push, push, push. That's what you do. You push pins into your children. That's a Pinterest? To punish them. To punish.

For Snapchatting. For Snapchat. I caught you Snapchatting. Come over here. Got some dumb tags. Not the tags again. I'm gonna put them on the bottom of your shoes. Turn you into a little Ben Vereen.

That's how I punish my children. I'll turn them into unsuspecting tap dancers. It's just trust me on this that like grown-ups parents are not as bothered by how out of the game they are as you. Like you would not go out of the house in pants up to your belly button. They don't care. They're out. But that's not every parent.

Here's what I can't wrap my mind around. I feel like right now, in this moment in time, for at least the next four goddamn months before Justin ruins this whole dynamic that we have going, I feel like the three of us are not nerds and we're not super like trying to be super cool. We are at this very comfortable medium. We are at this very like nice mid-zone between those two extremes. Our density is such that we're floating on the oil but below the water. But below the water.

That cool ass water and that nerdy stupid oil. We're somewhere in the middle there. I don't think once you become a parent, you can maintain that equilibrium. You go either like, hey Kent, or like Harry Styles, like fucking one way or the other. And I'm terrified of that. Yeah, I've always been so cool. I'm worried. I'm not saying you're cool.

I'm not saying you're cool. You're kind of a fucking dweebo, but you're not a huge dweebo. You know what I mean? We're the goddamn day walkers of coolness. And like, I don't think parents can maintain that shit. They either try super, super hard. And I've met some cool ass parents. Or they become fucking Rick Moranis in My Other Dad.

What's that movie called? My Other Dad. Got it in one. I love, you know, every so often, whenever we do these questions, it's always weird to me like the one detail that really sticks in my mind from the question. And in this one, it's 99% of parents he meets. Because that means this dude's met at least 100 parents. And 99 of them were dorks.

Yeah. Otherwise, he's like cutting people in half, or he's judging people like a quarter of them was pretty dorky, but the rest of it was okay. Dan said some cool shit once. I'm going to bump that down to 99%. I just, I feel like that once I have a kid, I'm going to try to be as uncool as possible. But not in an aggressive way. I want to be cool in like a constant, steadfast, reliable way.

Like I'm like, you can always trust Justin to say something dorky. To say, no, not to say something like, I am just going to like crystallize. And maybe like we have people who have done that in the world, like celebrities, for example, who have crystallized exactly where they are. And then the world comes back around. They find them again. Look, I have a great example for you, Sam Elliott. Sam Elliott got to 1973 and he's like, well, this is me.

This is who I am. This is where I get off. I'm going to trap my whole spirit in a magical painting. Okay, Sam Elliott. I'm just going to live here. I'm going to keep the stash exactly like it is. And it's 1973 and I'm going to stay right here. I'm going to get a Mantis alien monster to freeze me in his crystals.

Now, maybe I'll meet y'all down that trail. Maybe I won't. But I will be exactly here. See you guys in Ghost Rider. I will check you all in Ghost Rider. He is the proverbial ribbon that we tied around a tree in the forest. Like, where are we? Oh, there's Sam Elliott.

Sam Elliott is our constant. He is our constant. I'm saying that Sam Elliott got off. He was like, well, this is working for me pretty good. I'm just going to hop off here. And then we come back around. Big Lebowski comes back around. Pirce and Wreck comes back around.

We all come back around and say, hey, is Sam Elliott still? Yes, he is. Yes, he is. He's still exactly right there. He's cool again. That's going to be me, I think. Eventually, maybe in 2040. You feel comfortable just go ahead and throwing out

that you are going to be the Sam Elliott of the future. You're comfortable saying that you right now, you are cool with forever. No improvements, no tweaks, no changes, no chopping, no screwing. What I'm saying is that if society gets to a point in 2040 where they're like, you know what we need? We need to find a chubby guy and a night trap teacher. That'd be cool.

I'd be like, well. If only someone had locked that down 30 years. Lock that down. And then they'll be going through like microfiche. And they'll find like an old newspaper clipping of me like, this guy, there's no way he's still, he is. He's been waiting here with his friend Sam Elliott and his daughter who loves him just the way he is.

Hey, Justin, why don't you throw wire head Ned into the Sega CD? Problem, Sam. Hey, Sam, you want to listen to some new music? I absolutely not. Don't go against our bargain. Listen, you know the rules of staying in my lodge. Basically, it's basically full house. If you evolve, you have to leave.

Stagnation is the word. It was the wash word here at Sam Elliott's Stagnation Lodge. I only want to listen to live slide guitar and watch you play full motion video games. Justin, we got any more of that good sass, Marilla? Let me check the cooler. Have you figured out which kind of TV dad you're going to be? Like on the TV dad spectrum, where you're going to land?

I hope you go Carl Winslow. I was thinking Carl Winslow. I'm going to go Breaking Bad, I think. Oh, Justin. I'm sorry. Got to get that paper. I'm a guy in my 30s who got into cycling a few years ago as a way to stay fit and keep busy.

I've really grown to love it, and I try to do it as much as possible. Problem is, I want to incorporate this activity into things I love doing, like getting coffee or visiting the local micro brewery. In order to do this, I would have to go to these public places all sweaty and clad in my lycra shorts. Am I good?

Am I allowed to both stay fit and drink beer among non-cyclists? Or do I have to leave the luxurious lycra and clicky clacky shoes at home? Uh-oh. His parents have been dishing out some thumbtack punishment. As from a sweaty cyclist in St. Catherine's, Canada. My inclination of this is to say, fuck it. Okay.

Well, because like, if you get, okay, so it would go like this. You ride your bike down to the coffee shop, you roll in, somebody sit in the corner, judges you for being a cyclist. They're judging you for like being fit and enjoying an outdoor activity that's healthy for you. I think it depends, like if you did this in Austin, I think people probably wear lycra shorts here, sort of recreationally.

So I wouldn't sweat it as much. I mean, you will, you will sweat it. And I don't understand how you're cool with that. Like I'm good for you, good on you, getting fit, riding. I can't understand how you can be so cool with your shorts comfort game being so, so, so off. I don't own, I don't own non-cargo shits because like, I need it, you need it, you need to breathe.

It's not even breath, it's like, I just need my whole zone to exist in like a safe spot. You know what I mean? Here's the thing, here's the thing. Shorts are comfortable and easy to wear. And if they're not fit in that description, they ain't shorts. They ain't shorts, they're dick prisons or vagina prisons. There's physical comfort, but there's also like emotional mental comfort.

You know what I mean? Lycra is emotionally, physically, spiritually, economically, unsound materials to wrap around your zone. I see someone, when someone arrives at the same place as me when they're cycling, I just, I can't help myself. I just feel really, I feel really envious, but also perplexed. Like where, like I don't understand any of that lifestyle. Like, where do you, where do you put your bike?

Where did you, where did you get a bike? How do you get your bike over the curb? That's the thing I could honestly never master. What do you do? How did, where do you put it? How, what if somebody steals it? You're stuck, you're stuck. Well, I live here now, I guess.

I live here. God damn it. I'm a ghost. I don't know how anybody gets into the biking lifestyle, but it seems like really, I don't know, it seems like cool. Like Dave Lavener, our buddy Dave Lavener from the Hairless Spatch, he rides his bike like everywhere. Every time he shows up, I feel bad.

I start to, it's like self doubt. I'm like, I don't know. I, I guess I could have, could have ridden a bike. I don't have one, but if I had one, I guess I could have ridden it. I didn't need to drive. He rolls up like sup, I got here for free and I lost a pound. You did that, you did that coming here? You just did that getting, like I got here and it cost me $45 in gas

and I got fatter. Cause of course I'm going to eat those combos I left in the glove compartment. My big fear about biking everywhere is what if I get to a hill? Cause then I would have to, I'd have to call a cab. You need a Google Maps. The word has like traffic. It can be like, this has a four degree incline. Like, ah, fuck.

Find alternate route. This will take you on a toll road and it'll take you four hours longer, but there's no hills. But it's flat all the way. Flat a hundred percent of the way. Oh man. I wish I could bike. I really do wish I could bike cause like, I don't know, it's like a two wheeled horse.

You get that freedom that wind in your hair and like, I love that shit. But like really how do you get it up on the curb? You could do that sweet mover. You kind of skid to a stop and slide sideways and gravel sprays out into the nerd's face. Right. I will have to do that every time I get to a curb because I don't understand how people get there. The dad tried to teach me that shit when I was like seven years old. He's like, yeah, you just lift up on the handles and you do like a little backwards butt scoot

and the wheel just goes up and over it. I'm like, okay, let me give it a try. Fall dead every time. So dead. So dead. And like I could do that when I'm seven years old with my goddamn rubbery bones. I'm all brittle now because I can't drink fucking cow's milk. That is another thing.

I'm at a point, I don't know how it, I got to this point in my life, but like I'm at a point now where a fall could be tragic. It could be game changing. Not just tragic, like for you physically, health wise, but also tragic. Like if you see a seven year old crash on a bike, first of all, it's awesome. Yeah, hysterical. Second of all, second of all, you look at me like, look at that scrappy kid. He's probably right into a softball game.

If I fall on a bike, I will be laughed at for a year. What were you doing on a bike? I'll end up on a fucking- Or worse yet, everyone will rush to your side in a very concerned manner. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sir, are you okay? I could deal with that. I would be embarrassed by that. If I fell here in Austin, I would end up on like the front page of a zine.

I would be laughed out of town on a rail, that they would put me on because they wouldn't trust me with bikes anymore. There are so many like bike literate cities that if you fuck up a bike here, if you fuck up a bike in a super bike literate city, your bike ability will be revoked, and you will have to get on a razor scooter, and that won't last long either. The Huntington has a bike lane now? Just the one on one street? No, I mean, downtown there's a lot of bike lanes, and the way people have decided to use that

is that drivers just get super luxurious about opening their doors when they get out of their car. Oh, this is fantastic. I might be gonna look. I got room to breathe. Whoosh. Whoosh. Now we're gonna check. Oh man.

Let's go to Mighty. Who we got a message for? This message is for Chris, and it's from Esme, which is an awesome name. And Esme says, you are my best pal and ultimate co-host of Four Star Dog. Having you in my life and my pack makes me one lucky gal. Here's to ultimate laughs to our old and shriveled. What is Four Star Dog? Is that a podcast?

Did they just sneak in? Some advertising. How could you do this, Esme? It's not popping up. Maybe it's an underground. Maybe it's on the deep web. Esme, I'm gonna look that shit up. I will be very cross.

I mean, we said it and did it. It's been broadcast. It's been a Silk Road podcast. Oh my God. I got a message for Jeff from Steve. Steve says, happy birthday. You definitely have a birthday sometime this year. I hope this message reaches you in time,

which is an unexpectedly sort of intense for a birthday message. But anyway, thanks to you and Caroline for being great friends and introducing me to Mbim Bam. That's the name of our show. How did you have a fucking problem saying that? You've all set back my dissertation hundreds of hours. I hope life is good in Chicago. Here's to more beer, more trivia, and more tennis in 2014.

Two of those things are awesome. Two of those I was into. So happy birthday, Jeff, whenever that happy day should occur. And how about weed tennis? How about a little bit of weed tennis? How about weed tennis? Ah, puff, puff, serve. So guys, did you notice how puff, puff, serve?

Thank you. Thank you. Travis always has a secret joke in there that's like super funny. That really does happen every week. Well, we miss it completely. Someone tweets something at us like, what? That's hysterical. What was it last week?

Somebody tweeted and I was like, fuck, that's good. And then they were like, yeah, Travis tweeted, said that out loud to you during the show. And you fucked it and you missed it. It was the pan-pian-man. Listen, when you said as much shit as I did, we were talking about the Billy Joel station. It said it was called the Piano Mandate.

And Justin and I were just like, well, here's our joke. Piano Mandate, that's hysterical. Okay, good work. Thank you. Because there's a channel that plays all Billy Joel, so it's okay. Still hasn't changed, by the way. Thanks, Series XM. Really made me believe in myself.

Did you guys notice how I was on time? Yes. In the show today? I can't, that's okay. Did you notice that? I was a little late, but I wasn't as late as normal. That's because I was grabbing a shave before. And normally I do the wet shaving thing.

It takes me like a hundred years. And today I tried a kit from harrys.com, which is, they give you, they're a supporter of the show. They deliver a better shaving experience for just a fraction of the price. I got this great. It's a great razor, a lovely tube of shaving cream. Some really funny shaving instructions and backup razor.

Can you explain the funny shaving instructions? They're funny. I mean, it's funny. It's humorous. Like in a funny way. It's a funny, it's a funny shaving instructor. I don't know, what do you want? I usually don't jam on like just like, you know, razor.

Because I have a very sensitive skin and it tends to break out if I just use like a regular razor. But that thing was dope. Like the razor we got from harrys gave me such a smooth shave. It was very gentle on my delicate skin. It's convenient and get it online for 15 bucks. You get that kit that we got. It's in a really pretty box and it includes a handle,

three blades and shaving cream and ship right to their door. It's three German engineered blades. So you know that they are made of hard metals because that's what that's what Germans. That's what Germans love. It was started by one of the co-founders is Jeff, who was the guy who started the show Warby Parker. He knows Warby Parker, I guess.

Your whole face is going to one day be catered to. This is by Jeff. Jeff has opened up a septum piercing salon that you can just go to and get that eyeball replacement. Jeff's my face guy. Jeff Jeff Jeff does my face. I got Susan who does my shoulders. And I want to be clear here.

This is a shave kit for everyone. My wife enjoys that as well. So everybody go check it out. It really is a pretty sweet set and you're going to love it. Harry's.com and you use the coupon code mybrother. And that's going to give you get this. This is really good. Harry's going to be $5 off your first purchase

for all our listeners. My brother is that code. It's all one word. And the web address is harrys.com. So go get your shave on. I love how many of these righteous organizations have been supporting us lately. I do miss the freedom that extreme restraints afforded us

in being able to choose our own extremely hackable promo code. I forget where we left where we left that. I forget what the last one. It was sexabunga. Ah sexabunga so good. So so much viral promise. Moving on to once you're smooth shaven. You want to tell people about it.

How Twitter. No too short Facebook to grandma. Tumblr. No one knows what that is. Maybe a website brought my smooth face.com. My smooth face.com. A square space joint. Can I use secret to tell everybody about my smooth face

and then they won't know who has it. But they will know that one of their friends is enjoying a very smooth face. And they'll start going around touching the faces of all their friends like nope it wasn't Roger Griffin. While I register that domain can you please tell everybody about Squarespace. Squarespace is a platform that allows you to make a website

which sounds intimate intimidating doesn't have to be because they have really beautiful designs that you can sort of kick things off with. And then you have all the style options that you could ever need or want. And then you can chop and screw it. And if you have a problem with that because maybe you're not so good at the deep web

you can contact their support team which they have available 24 seven. And you can make a logo using their logo generator for your website or a favicon maybe. And it's just eight dollars a month. And that includes a free domain name if you sign up for a year. So Squarespace it's it's really good.

They've been a good supporter of the show and we've heard from a few people who made some some good looking websites. It's got responsive design so it'll work on any device. And you can start a trial with no credit card and start working on the website. Just go to Squarespace.com and use the offer code my brother all one word.

That's my brother all one word to get 10% off your first purchase. Your first purse. Your first purse. And yeah. Maybe you want to do like first purse.com. Listen guys. Tell some first person.

Please I just got my smooth face. I can't go get first purse too. Listen the web sucks. But Squarespace is going to let you fix it. One one website at a time. That's not the tagline that they gave us. But it's the one that I'm giving them. It's the one we deserve.

It's the web is not great lately. I don't know if you guys been keeping up with it. All of my sites are their posting schedules. It becomes so erratic. Home Star Runner doesn't update enough. They did update it. Earlier this month. They deployed the first update in like nine years.

God I missed Home Star Runner so much. Hold on just one second. I'm setting up the forward here. Okay. Are you really setting buying. Just had to grab it real quick so nobody tries to steal it. What's the web address.

What's the URL. My smooth face.com. Try it. And it redirects my brother and my brother and me. What's up. Try fart patrol. That one redirects to my brother and my brother. That's a pretty good game.

Try but slammers. All right. Go Justin. Okay. But slammers is a different thing. Just super quick. I want to remind you guys that the second annual Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival is brought to you by Maxfun.

It's coming around. It's it was a lot of fun the first time. So you're doing again. You're assuming because you didn't. I assume I didn't. Particular. An ethical adventure. Yeah.

But there are ships going to set self import cannibal for three nights in the Bahamas. July 25th through the 28th. And it's going to have Moshe Kasher, Chris Fairbanks, who's like hysterical if you haven't met the guy. Kyle Canane is going to be there. He's hysterical. He's the one that almost murdered us.

With laughter. With laughter. Natasha Likero, Morgan Murphy, who is also hysterical. John Rodgerick of the Long Winters. Like from the use of our theme song. It's departure of the album. But days bed that John Rodgerick. He's going to be like there on a boat

where you just talk to him. NBD. God damn that makes me so angry. All right now, pub quiz, shuffleboard tournament. Lots of fun. So OK, go to boatparty.biz right now and get your tickets. It's going to be like pretty much the best. So go do that right now.

I feel like we've been like able to keep it pretty cool if we like meet people at like Max Funcon and shit like that. Like people we really admire. I don't think I could lock it down for Rodgerick. I do not think I do not. I think it would be like a reprise of when Justin and I met John Hodgman and you embarrassed me just so, so bad. I did.

I did a great job. You did a really good job of taking a picture of us over and over again in a dark bar with flash on over and over and over. It's so funny. I treasure that picture. It's number one in my camera roll. Never get rid of it. And I'll leave you with it every day.

Hi, my name is Rishikesh Airway and I have a podcast called Song Explorer. In each episode, a musician takes apart one of their songs and piece by piece tells you the story of how it was made. You get an inside look into the creative and technical process and a unique view of a song by hearing just the drums or just the guitars or say just a world it's a piano.

If you're a fan of music, if you make music or if you just like to learn how things are made come check it out on maximumfun.org. Thanks. Yeah, please. Um, this Yahoo was sent in by Ira Ray. Are you Ira Ray? Who wants to know?

Thank you, Ira Ray. It's by Yahoo Answers user Mike B. Who asks, who will take over for Jimmy Buffett? So I'm a huge Jimmy Buffett fan. I just love his layback style. That makes you wish you were on a beach with a couple coronas and a boat. So hold up.

Hold on. Hold up. Don't one second, my dude. You're on a beach. You're on the beach. You're on the loamy sands. Kicking back a cup, dual-fisting coronas. And then somewhere there's a boat just like.

I think it's one of those things where it's like the boat has washed up onto the beach and it's flipped over. Maybe like there's a permanent crab crawling on the boat. It's just you on a beach, some babes, some Ronas, and an old, old rotten boat. Old, rotten boat full of sailor skeletons. Since his style is so unique and hard to match, I was just wondering if anyone had any ideas

on who will take his place when he stops making music. Probably Stephen Colbert. Has anyone tried to match his styles? I'm pretty sure every musician ever just heard that. I was like, I don't, not really interested in doing that. I actually think there's a, you could make a compelling case for Kenny Chesney. As a, as a, as a suitable, like, like where,

if you look at the Kenny Chesney, like career path, I think Kenny Chesney could take you down, like down that road. He's obviously more country-inspired. Right. Because I'm not in the Jimmy Buffett. I'm not going to like argue that with you right now. But what I will say is that he has had a lot of tracks that are in the milieu, if I may, of, of a Jimmy Buffett.

I mean, obviously he's got the novelty hits. She thinks my tractor's sexy. Sure. Yeah. Don't mind if I do. But I mean that, but I mean, has Jimmy Buffett ever written a non-novelty hit? Yeah, Jimmy Buffett has a, he's a, he's a storyteller

and his, his stories, and I'm not going to, I'm not going to let anybody who only knows Margaritaville sit here and fucking dump on me. Son of a, son of a sailor. Son of a, son of a sailor. She's burger and paradise. Yes. Son of a, son of a sailor.

It's not a novelty song. It's a song about growing up. Jesus. I'm saying that if Kenny Chesney ever drank a Corona or a Margarita, he would age super fast and die, like the bad guy in Indiana Jones and the last crusade. I think if anything slipped between those sweet country lips other than a Bud Light,

if he drank a Bud Light lime, he would have seizures for two days. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to hit you with, I'm, I'm right now looking at Kenny Chesney's greatest hits too. Okay. These are like just some of the tracks on Kenny Chesney and tell me if you're not getting a Buffett vibe.

Out last night, young summertime, beer in Mexico. Oh my God. When the sun goes down, no shoes, no shirt, no problems, the good stuff. I'm a live duet with Dave Matthews. Especially that last one is super. Hold on. I have to buy that last one on iTunes real quick,

just so I can listen to it and make fun of it. You know, it's really easy. Sorry guys. Kenny Chesney is a slightly more country influenced, slightly younger Jimmy Buffett. But I think when you have a track called no shirt, no shoes, no problem. Yeah.

You're setting yourself up. Is that a cover? Is that a Buffett cover? I buff it. Buffett actually called him after like, hold on there, buckaroo. Hold up. I got to check my song list because that might be one of mine.

I ain't ready to kick it. I might have already done that one. I just think about like if I'm kicking it in a hammock on a beach, with a boat, with an old, old rotten skeleton filled boat. And then I hear like a steel guitar. It's going to bring me out of my vibe a little bit. I'm saying thematically. Yes.

This the the idea is espoused in Kenny Chesney's works. The man has certainly the man has a Christmas album called all I want for Christmas is a real good tan. After he published an hour that title, he had to get a fucking DNA test to make sure he was not Jimmy Buffett's son legally. You're saying if Jimmy Buffett committed a heinous murder, then Kenny Chesney could be convicted of the crime.

Have you guys seen the looper? Oh, I'm just saying is that possible? Oh, man. I mean, there's only one solution, right? We have to cut off Kenny Chesney's hands. And then we will see if Jimmy Buffett responds. The man released a CD called Just Who I Am, Poets and Pirates. OK.

Oh, this is a fun game. You should set up a game where you just read like song titles. OK. And then we have the answer gets Buffett. This is great. This is great. OK. Hold on a second.

All right. So we're back here is the game. I'm going to tell you titles of songs. You're going to tell me if it is a Jimmy Buffett song or Kenny Chesney song. Are you ready? Yes, I am ready. Can I use the Internet? What?

No, you cannot. What are you talking about? No. Here we go. Great fruit, juicy fruit. Definitely, definitely Jimmy Buffett. Chesney. It is Jimmy Buffett.

Ah. Guitars and Tiki bars. Definitely 100% Jimmy Buffett. Buffett. Sorry. That's Kenneth Chesney. Damn it. Kenneth, Kenneth.

Fuck me, Kenneth. Here we go again. Sherry's Living in Paradise. If it has paradise in it, fucking Jimmy Buffett owns a trademark. No, it's it's Chesney. And I bet it's actually about someone being dead. That's Kenny Chesney. God.

Here we go. Should I guess? I'll guess Chesney on the next one. OK. This is an easy one. OK. Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes. Definitely Jimmy Buffett.

Correct. Correct. That's Buffett. That's a good one. I twisted it on you because you thought you were going to trick me because I said I was going to guess Chesney. Pencil thin mustache. Chesney?

Buffett. No, that's Jimmy Buffett. Fuck me. Damn it. I thought there's no way Jimmy Buffett would sing about such wispy facial hair. Brown eyed girl. Jimmy Buffett.

No Van Morrison, but good try. OK, just a couple more because this is a slam dunk game. Last mango in Paris. Chesney? See, I'm going to say Chesney because that sounds so much like a Jimmy Buffett song. That is actually James Buffett. That fucking dick. He all he has to say is the name of a food and a place and it's a song.

He's like the Elvis Costello of putting food in places. OK, I'm going to hit. We're going to go to the lightning round. You ready? Yes. Ready for the lightning round. How has this not been the lightning round the whole time though? This is the lightning round.

Are you ready? Lightning round. And here's the thing about the lightning round. You guys have to agree. You can't just each pick at everyone. You have to agree on it. The lightning round will be categorically slower. Slower.

Here we go. Life is good. Buffett. I'm going Chesney. Oh, fuck me. God damn it, Travis. When are we going to get together on anything? Come with me.

Come with me on this, Gryffin. I'll go with Travis on the Chesney Express. Kenny Chesney. Yeah, they call Travis. Soul of a sailor. See, that sounds so. But wait, Buffett. OK, Buffett sucks ass, right?

We can agree on that. Buffett's terrible. He's not a good musician. I don't think he's so bad, though, that he would release a song called Son of a Son of a Sailor and then also, unless it's the fucking sequel. Here's a sequel to my last joint hit. Also about to.

Great. You guys are wrong. But anyway, go ahead. Go ahead with your wrongness. Let's see what's Buffett. Buffett. It's Kenny Chesney. God damn you, Justin.

You can't. Alec Trebek isn't like, are you sure about that answer, Pussy? You sure you want to go with that one, Pussy? OK. Stupid. And then they changed. He's like, I just got you.

Turn out the light and love me tonight. Kenny Chesney. That's got to be Chesney. That's Kenny Chesney. Yes. Boat drinks. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm not a tune. Boat drinks. Not a track. Boat sipping. I'm going to go trick question. All right. This is the point at which Griffin edits in

a little bit of Boat Drinks. Boys in the band ordered Boat Drinks. By Blue James Buffett. No. From the album Volcano. Sunshine Coconut Women. All right. That was the Sandy Butts.

Beachball Corona Hour. I just really, what I, what I point out is. Poetry swaying, beach babes playing. Point out is that James Buffett is the shittiest. That's going to do it for us here on My Brother and My Brother and Me. Advice show for the modern era. We hope you've had as much fun as, as we have here. Thank you to Squarespace and Harry's.com for their, for their stewardship.

And make sure to go check out BoatParty.biz. Yeah. BoatParty.biz. Go get your tickets to that. Big thanks to everybody who bought tickets to the other show that we had that went up. I know not everyone still got tickets to go. I really hope that people like honored requests not to buy tickets if you already had tickets to the other one.

Because like to me, it was fucking crazy how fast they sold out. If we see you at all three shows, we will humiliate you. We'll embarrass you. We'll memorize the faces at each show. And we will humiliate you in front of everyone. And then we will have you escort it. No, we won't do that. That's going to be a very fun, very long day for us.

I guess apologies to the people who bought tickets to the last show. Because you're going to be getting a snickle fritz at that point. That's going to be the one where we're drunk. Yeah. That's going to be the punch-drunk, you know, spaghetti-geddon style. Don't promise people spaghetti-geddon if we can't deliver spaghetti-geddon. Spaghetti-geddon too. Somebody get a spaghetti between the four o'clock show and the nine o'clock show.

That's what we're going to be getting in your pockets, you dirty guards. If everyone, if all 150 people bring a pocket full of spaghetti, we could probably eat a whole table full. And listen, if you come out to me thinking you're cute and try to hand me spaghetti from your pocket, I will fucking rabbit punch you. She will black out and spend our show that you paid good money for in a coma. That's my promise to you, the listener. Don't do that.

But sorry if you didn't get in. We'll do more shows up there. Listen, we fucking, we slept on live shows for a while. Um, I, like, I guess we were kind of busy, but like, we're, we're, we're, I feel like we don't play the, we're just three guys card very often, but we don't know fuck all about planning live offense. So like, you need to understand that when we do shit like this, it is a crazy, crazy thing of us getting like super, super outside of our comfort zone.

So like, it's, it is a, it's a big undertaking for us to even do like a couple of these things a year, but we're trying to do more of them because we know we fucked up and didn't get out to see you guys. So we're going to do more of it. Also, if you know somebody who wants to be our manager, who's like professional at it, and who will do it for free. He'll do it for free. You guys are like, I'm not kidding.

I would, I mean, if we could take time off work and like if we had a tour manager, like I would do, I would do a week or two with you dudes. Why are we having like a meeting about this right now? Okay, everybody, turn off the podcast for a minute. Turn off the podcast for a minute. So fellas, I'm thinking we could do like a straight down the east coast, start in Boston, go down. Yeah.

End in Vera Beach, Florida. Mexico. Oh, sorry. Vera Beach. Yes. We have a lot of listeners in Vera Beach, Florida. I have a boat that washed up there. I've been meaning to get back to it.

It's full of old skeletons. It's full of skeletons and weird crabs. Yeah. So, listen, oh, if you, if you have questions for the live show, if you're going to be there, start sending them in now. Because we'll need a fuckload of them. Yeah. Because we've got to do three fucking shows that day.

Just make sure that like if you're going to be at the 130 show or the four o'clock show, or the 930 show that you put that in the subject line, so we can do it when you're actually there. And if you want to be nice and offer your, you know, if you had tickets to more than one show and you want to offer them up to people who didn't, that would be great. Sell them for 300. At a premium, at a premium price.

Yeah. And mark out value there. I'm saying like $7,500 you could probably get. And there also is going to be like standby at the theater, I think, if you go by before the show. I would be very, very, very careful to like, I don't think it's going to be a substantial amount. And like, there were a lot of people who didn't get tickets.

So like, definitely if you want to try for it, go for it, but it is not a lot. We, by any stretch, we promise that we are going to, we are going to come back very soon. We underestimated the number of people who would want to see us. And that's a good problem to have, but it's, that doesn't, you know, it doesn't make it better for you. So we promise we will, we will come back very soon. Now that we know how many of you want to see us and also maybe we'll have somebody

who can actually like help us and knows anything at all about anything. I want to thank we already did it, but John Roderick in the long winters for the use of our theme song into departure, which is on the album, Putting the Days to Bed. Seriously, guys, get that, get that album. Thanks to everybody tweeting about the show, like Scotty Mo, Ryan Lynch, Michael Winsall, Nick K, Matt Volk, Alexander, Strauss, Blistopher, Josh, James, Chris Letty, G-Tour, Amy Wozny. Thank you so much to all of you for, for tweeting about it.

Use the MB&M hashtag when you tweet about our show. You can follow us at mbmbam. And check out all the other shows on the Maximum Fun Network. There's so many, man. And we seem to just keep adding more every day. So go check it out. Not every day. I'll be fucking crazy.

No, every day. We've got 6,000 shows on the Maximum Fun Network right now. Go listen to Song Exploders, new Jimmy Buffett episode, in which Buffett like breaks down all of the complex layering that he did on his song, Beachball Fantasies. Beach Son of a Spirit of a Beachball Fantasies, the sequel. And that's going to do it for us. Beach Ball's bouncing.

Sandcrab's pouncing. Do you have a last question? This is shittiest beach ever. Just kidding. Every beach is great. I'm Jimmy Buffett. Have a pineapple. Eat this pineapple off my pocket.

Eat this pineapple off my body. Okay, Gryffindor, last question. Each. That has to exist, right? This last. Probably, yes. This yasu. This yasu.

This yasu. This yasu air. This yasu air effect. This yada yahoo. This yahoo knight's mystery was sent in by Alan Black. Thank you, Alan. It's by Yahoo Answers user Cassandra, who asks, What if an alien weapon caused you to switch bladders with Taylor Swift?

What? I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad. Square on the lips. I am so proud to be an American and to be hosting Throwing Shade with you.

I am proud to have really deep brown eyes. Well, this is actually supposed to be, you know this is supposed to be a thing so that people listen to our show. So I've just been so busy this week. Oh, okay. But I'm very happy to be here. The podcast is called. It's called Throwing Shade.

You're the co-host. Right, so Throwing Shade, we talk about. You're the gay co-host. I'm the female co-host. I always forget. We're friends in real life. And we talk about lady and gay issues. And we talk about them in a way that is really disrespectful.

Yeah. If you love the world and hate yourself. Please listen to Throwing Shade. Yeah.