My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 202: Face 2 Face 7: Big Snapple

Episode Date: May 28, 2014

And here it is: The first of our three-show set at the People's Improv Theater in New York City. Thanks to everyone who came out, and to those who tried but couldn't. It's the thought that counts!

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sex-ford, but if there's a degree on the wall, I have to see it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool babies? Look at that. Look at that. What's up? Do you want the cheer wine?

Yeah, I said no. Holy shit. This guy, here, here, here, here, here. I hope you all feel bad about yourself. 20, 30 hours to be here today. Do you want to start the show, Justin or? My name is Justin McRoy, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McRoy.

I didn't know what I had to start with, I didn't know what I had to start with. This time for sure. This time for sure. Should we walk out of here? Yeah, we can. Welcome to my brother and my brother meeting of my show for the modern era.

I am your oldest brother, Justin McRoy. I'm your minimalist brother, Travis McRoy. Sweet, sweet baby girl from McRoy. Let me just jack into the matrix real quick. So thank you all for coming to our comedy advice podcast. You're here in New York, this is our first time to be with my brother. I'm going to be here in New York City.

Here on the big Snapple. I can't rule it out earlier, it's good, right? He is not joking. He was, I was so excited about it. I told everyone in our group. He was the word shopping now on the street. A couple hours ago. I mean word shopping, I mean, he said it once

and nobody laughed or responded to it anyway. Dog count, I swear to God. He says to, this is my, this is the dog count. This is the dog count? I should have said it was like the Greek chorus thing. There's the joke. We're walking and we have not heard the beginning of the conversation because we got split

by the intersection and we catch up with him and he says, hey guys, big Snapple. Just so you know, the beginning of the conversation was there's so much to do and see here in the big Snapple. So I didn't miss, no, well, I felt like you didn't really get it. So this is a, this is a randy audience, can I say? You guys are a little rambly.

You guys are very productive. And what's funny is I know you're not drunk because you all stood outside. I stood outside on the bar. Okay, there's a bar you guys could have chilled in and what I love is that you waited in line outside where it's like, I don't know, it's outside so that's not ideal.

And the reason that you were waiting in line from what we were told was because you wanted to get the best seats that you possibly could, which is great because it means you're like, you're fans and that's obviously very flattering but it also means that you're very polite and you understand like how lines work and you just throw yourself in a crowd

and you just fight each other. You must have been the worst when you got in here and realized that like there wasn't a single seat you couldn't spin on us from. Like, we're also just three dudes sitting at a table. So I don't know what you were afraid you wouldn't see. They weren't, they were afraid they missed our electric light show.

Blazers, can we, can we activate our RR? Can we cue the show for the, yeah. Yeah. Hey audience, oh man, I should have bought a ticket. So yeah, you didn't get a ticket because you waited a minute and a half. Again, you guys are crazy, thank you very, very much. Let's start doing the questions.

Okay, ready? Oh, by the way. Oh man. Jinx, Niagara can't talk, listen to me, this is too much. It's a shaggy show. They've just talked. We may, if we have time, we may do a couple of questions for people here.

So think if we have a billet, not on the ballot because we will give nothing about who, nothing about wanting to have sex with your friends, girlfriends, or dog, or car, or garbage in the back there. I don't know why you wouldn't have sex with garbage back there. Travis, read the question. Okay, great, great, great.

So these first couple of questions are from people that are hypothetically here. So feel free to like raise your hand. I won't be able to see you, but sure. I'm from the Midwest and since moving to New York, I've heard that Diamond Mountain Dew is a broke ass for trashy soft drink. Is this true?

Am I drinking a soda that will make me look trashy? That's from John Wagner. John, are you here? I'm here, I'm here. Over at the dog's bar, that's okay. Oh. Oh. John, whack, whack, now hold on, let me figure this

because it's like, what if he talks to you on this? Oh. I was like, shh, he can't think of you, wow. Well, she explains a lot, John. Oh. Is that like a Midwest? I mean, I know, Justin, it's your, like, I know you're big on Pleximax now,

but I know you're way into Pleximax. It is like, also. I was in the Diamond Dew for my own, when I was, this was like, actually caught me by surprise because where I, where we grew up, what I had associated Mountain Dew with was what the copious amounts of advertising I'd seen associated with, which is like extreme sports.

So I think if you're doing Mountain Dew, you're doing the Dew, you're probably shredding or carving thing with wind jamming. My friend, Michael Beth, I met him from college and he was from Ohio. Let's hear it for Ohio. Yeah. Dayton, more specific.

Oh, God. Who has any feelings about Dayton positive or nay? And we were drinking Mountain Dew and we offered him one. He said, oh no, my mother says- That's what he sounds like. Yeah, not a joke. Justin's not doing his thing. He sounds like Schmofilm's having a stroke.

Oh, no, my mother says that Mountain Dew is for Briars. Well, that's always so much funnier if you know Michael Beck, which nobody here does. Well, let's hear it for Michael Beck. Briars was another term that I was not familiar with, but it apparently means, you know, hill people. I heard a theory online that if you spill Mountain Dew or Diamond Dew on the sidewalk, the puddle that it forms,

no matter how you spill it or, you know, the weather effects that it might have on the spill, it will splash down in a perfect shape of the state of West Virginia. It's true of a line through the surf staff. Every time, perfect, two pan handles, the West coast. It's a coast that's on a river. Sure.

You don't want to throw a geography more, should we? Well, so my other question is the other side of that, is there a soda you could drink that makes you look like the classiest fellow? Is there a soda? Yeah. Like if you're drinking diet cheer wine, someone go like, how sophisticated.

I feel like, what about Jones? Jones, soda's eye something that- That's pretty him. Oh, I drink- No, you're right. That's what I know for you. They are small batch root beers. Is that a thing?

Yeah. Oh, microbrew root beers. Get out. Did I make that? I thought I created that by minds, I know. No. Jay Martium, do you guys want to have an answer? Oh, I'll still get it.

That was my answer. I think if you're wondering your questions only, it's three drinks. This Yahoo answer was sent in by Immel member and level eight, Yahoo Shaman, Drew Devonport. Thank you, Drew. It's by Yahoo Answers user, Bull's Cubs fan,

who asks, is a love seat called a love seat because people have sex on it? But I love how that question is. It would imply that they couldn't come up with a name and they like field tested it. Let's put two people on. Whoa. All right, love to see what it is.

We're going to have a box seat. That's the box over there. Sure. I don't think we can sell those at the Big Sandy Superz. Our brand expert wasn't even out of the room. Our brand showman, Skylar, hadn't even left the room yet before he started having sex on it.

What? Did they know each other before the race? No, the power of the sofa, sir. Edimalogic or entomologic, one of those two. Chicly speaking. Edimomically. It has to have something to do with it, right? Because it's, you can only fit two people on there.

Sorry? You can only fit two people on it. Two people? Yeah. One big person, three little people. Cheek and chart. So yeah, a million borrowers. What do we do with it?

I've been watching a lot of my 600-pound life, and I don't want you to say like they aren't people because you can only fit two people on one seat. That's fair, right? If you wouldn't want to, because they didn't say they were having sex, no, thank you, Chuck, please. I would rather not.

Oh boy. I don't think that would be a comfortable platform for bad experience. Well, do you think that started off as like they first, like said, hate two people, which of these would you choose to have sex on? And it was like a Goldilocks kind of thing, like they tried it in like a recliner and they're like,

oh no, no, no, no, no. And then did it on a couch, like how can I even reach them? They're so far away. And then they were like. They were trying to. I don't even know what to do with it. And then they got a whole scene and said, yes.

Yeah. This is it. They originally were trying to have sex on the couch. Oh, this is gonna be a fucking great reference. But everybody's from the Gallagher live stage show. But then they found all the Cheerios. It's all about the Cheerios. We can't have sex here.

Gallagher is touched this. I wanna have sex on this. And Gallagher's over there masturbating. Yeah. That's the y'all picture they've been in. That's it. That's why everybody in the first few rows has those plastic breasts.

That's Gallagher here tonight. Oh, Gallagher too is. Oh, that's it. No? Oh, no. No big Gallagher too fans? No. All right.

Next question. Yes. I recently decided to move in with a friend of mine and all seems to be going well so far. My issue comes from when we sign the lease. I come to the lease signing prepared to pay for my half of the deposit only to find that my roommate had decided to pay the entire amount.

My question now is, what do I do? My question now is, what do I do with the money I would have spent on the deposit? Am I required to spend it on stuff for the apartment? And if so, what should I spend it on? And that's from suddenly affluent in Astoria. Are you here? Right there.

Right there. All right. I mean, you're a thief and you just... I've never rented a New Yorker apartment but I imagine the deposit is like 14,000. But I mean, you gotta wait with it. Until now. Until like 30 seconds ago.

It was the perfect crime. It was the perfect crime and then it was the shittiest crime. Well, here's the catch. Your roommate will get that deposit back hypothetically and you will not get money back for whatever you want. So you need to think less about

what you're gonna spend your stolen money on and more about like, you can do all kinds of whack shit in this apartment. You need to start kicking holes in the wall, burn the carpet. You know what you need to do. You no longer have a horse in this race. Whatever the condition is, is what it is.

Oh, you get from the bunch of shelves. Repaint the wall and mix sawdust into the paint and get a nice textured look. Well, I'm on the property, brothers. The fucking shit up. Yeah. You didn't want to sell this again, did you? We're gonna put a really nice,

reclaimed IV up here, really supported. You know, really fucked this place up. Don't never get that up. You didn't pay any fuzz on that. Oh, you're still like, great, cool. No, you're fine. Yeah, perfect. This is weird.

We're gonna ruin it. We're gonna get bathtub on the ceiling. Yeah. Why not? Fuck it. Did that help? Finally, I moved. Well, really, you're not even gonna

attempt to help that gentleman. I mean, you, I would insist. Here's the thing. You are, you have entered into an emotional battlefield. For the next few months to years, but let's be honest, months of your life are gonna be about the struggle,

the power struggle between you and this person. You cannot see the victory this early. Here's what you did there. He's not gonna take a check. He's not gonna take a stack of cash nobody wants to outline around, but you gotta do it slowly or pay the step,

which I mean, anytime you see an open pocket, if you see his, he leaves his shorts out, whatever. George is not gonna fit a lot of money. You slip out, you slip out. No, no, no, no. Just like a George's fold. You slip one, you slip one dollar. He'll never know.

So I'm like, oh, oh, oh, dollar. Cool, I forgot. And then with the 800,000th dollar, which is what I'm assuming your deposit is, you have to present it like, and a fee. A fee. I think that's a great kind of payback

your fee, your fee fee. And it's also a great plan to slowly drive your roommate inside. Listen, yeah, if you wanna gaslight your roommate real bad, do that and move the furniture one inch. Are we talking singles only? Because that's like the whole apartment.

How about just quarters? And you put them right in the places, like underneath his shoe, inside his shoe, something like, what the fuck, what are you doing? Do we talk about, we didn't address this, but it's sort of germane. It happened to us earlier this morning,

and it was so crazy that we didn't talk about it, but we were getting on the elevator at a hotel, there's a dude waiting on the elevator, who had dropped a $50 bill on the floor, and like I pointed out like, hey, you dropped $50. That's the craziest thing ever, right? Like I wanted to chide him, like, that's $50. What kind of person are you that you can drop $50?

That was the third time I've ever seen one of those. I had one once, and like, duck taped it to my thigh. He should have felt the weight change from his pocket, like, oh, something's different, hold on, my boys. We can't be like a plastic case for like, like baseball cards. Also, if you drop a $50 bill, and someone is like, hey, you dropped your $50 bill.

You have to give it. Yeah, that was a terrible thing, right? Don't you expect a life like that? I'm not joking, you're just going to jump out and be like, you did it right, good. You pick the right answer. Why'd you do that? Explain your bravery.

Next up on Upward, that you won't believe that this man... One man, drop $50, you won't believe this other man's response. Because you won't believe this little boy's response. You dropped too many. His only child was a swiping. How about a Yahoo? Yeah. It's got the response, right?

Positive reinforcement constant. So it's sent by Evan Weston, thank you. Evan is by Yahoo, the answer is, it's not the first website. Oh, it's been suspended. But the question remains. They asked, posthumously, how do I make the garbage man fall in love with me?

I'm in love with him. I wait every Monday morning, and the first Friday of every month. That's kind of a fucked up trash collection schedule. The first Friday is for the big things. Oh, and that's bulk by companies. You've seen him use those big strong arms. Like that.

Go on. No matter how much garbage I put in there, he still picks it up with ease. I had thrown away 20 bricks, wasn't a problem. Yahoo, got it. How do I win his heart? You could start by not throwing away so much heavy shit. Yeah, you could start, maybe stop making every day

for this man a test of skill. One of me just buries all the trash in your yard and put an empty garbage can out there, and he doesn't pick it up, and he picks it up, and he goes, oh, it's empty, he looks up. He's like, you die in it, and you're like, well, it's me. Happy birthday. Do you want to move in together?

I have a buried pile of trash in my arms. Could you throw away awesome shit that's not expensive shit that he's going to keep? He's not a bribe. Well, he looks at it and goes, man, this person is awesome. Yeah, you have to find out who's... That does assume that your garbage man is coming to you going, well, hold on before I throw this away.

Let me fill the character profile. Let's make sure there's no awesome shit in here. Just count pasta. Thank you. You're like the entirety of X-Files on DVD. What a cool lady. With a barrel of money. His father had newly found this stage for the X-Files.

A book called How to Seduce a Garbage Man and give him everything about sexual. Crazy. I've never heard of this book. You could hide in the trash can. You could... You can hear the truck on the line. What's up?

And then you're wearing some sexy lingerie. In the trash can. He's not special for you, I'm garbage. You've got an Oscar to crown you. Garbage, I'm what you know. I want to be a part of the world. Look at this stuff, isn't it meat? The trash can after broke both of my...

What's the word again? Leg! We're not going to top that joke for the rest of the day. Is that the joke? No, I didn't. It was like 30 minutes ago. I thought we agreed in a pre-creditor we were going to save the little mermaid garbage can.

This is a question from a normie truck. Okay, let's see. I want to save that one. Let's go. Okay. This may be my favorite question we've ever received. Okay.

Sorry, everybody else here. All we all have questions is dump. When ordering a pizza online the other day, I accidentally typed in the wrong apartment number. By the time I noticed my mistake and called the pizza place, it was too late. The people on, son of a bitch.

The people in the wrong apartment took the free pizza rather than admitting it wasn't there. I know where these pizza thieves live. What are my options? That's from Cross List in California. Big thanks first off to Justin for grabbing the crunchiest food on the table. You could have gone banana and nobody would have known

and you went with kettle-cooked potato chips. What the fuck are these? What is a chocoroon? What is a chocoroon? Wait a minute. Time out of this question. What is a chocoroon? Sweet and crispy.

Yeah. Hold on a second. We need to take a quick break. Just walk under the McRoy brothers and eat snacks. Can we take chocoroons to the money zone? What? Yeah, let's go to the money zone. Wait, you're gonna wait and eat them together?

No. Oh, okay. Good thing. Chocoroons wait for no man. That's pretty good. It's way better than regular mushrooms. Regular mushrooms are not chocolatey or crispy. Yeah.

Okay, great. Bind them in the store and this has been the money zone. So back to chocoroons. No, back so someone stole this person's pizza. You're not this kid. Guys, we literally can't snap in to our show. Yeah, that's gonna do it. I'm 40 pounds overweight.

This is what's been stopping me the entire time. Wait. Time's not gonna get you in a one-two punch. If only someone had moved the snacks one inch out of my way. If Travis will push it out of reach, and I'll do cookie points, and then he'll be Bradley Cooper. Griffin's trying to suggest that I lost cookie points.

If you don't know cookie points as official currency, I eat perm for eating salad or vegetables. That you can exchange like Archie's tickets. Or cookies. Not cookies, he gives you the right ability to eat cookies. And Griffin tried to tell me today that just because I got a muffin... Which is a tall cookie.

A chocolate chip muffin that you tried to get. Yeah, it's a day in your cookie and you're like, whew, and making it grow. Actually, we've got an off-topic for 15 minutes. Alright, alright. Pizza thief. Pizza thief. Should you confront the person?

Absolutely. Do you know how many pizzas you have to give me about anybody, about anything? That's not a story on a day line about people who are using Find My Phone, the app on your phone, that you can find your phone with it. And people will get their shit stole, and then we'll find their phone,

and by which I mean the person who stole their phone, who would then kill them. Wait, hold on, hold on. The person finding their phone kills the person who took their phone, or the person... What he's saying is, someone steals my shit.

All of a sudden, I'm going to deputize myself. Now I'm the equalizer. I'm going to track down that fool and settle the score citizens arrest style. Pardon me, sir. Are you wronged me earlier? I demand silence, doctor. Please lie down on the ground until the authorities are...

What is that you have there? Is that a gun? That's interesting. So you're implying that you would be afraid of confronting this pizza thief? Right into the prison for stealing your pizza would kill you. A pizza costs five dollars

at Little Caesars. Do you think... Wait, hold on. Do you think it was an order to five dollar hot and ready to be bought to their home? What kind of life are you living like? Listen, I don't want nothing fancy, but I also do need it brought to me.

I'm a humble man. I'm taking a phone cost way more than a hot and ready. So why would you confront a person for pizza? Why would you just get another pizza? Just get another pizza. How about you just start ordering pizzas for that apartment? With a note saying, I think you need this more than I do.

And just really shame them about, like, clearly, clearly you're on some hard time. Y'all give pizza. Do you know what the best type of pizza on Earth is? Pepperoni's in shame. No. It's Fritza, which is free pizza. And you need to just appreciate the fact

that you are giving these people a wonderful and beautiful pizza. You can't give yourself. You really, that's a great point, Graven. You could pay for a pizza with money that someone else gave you. It would never be as delicious. Right. You're not taking a net loss, is what I'm saying.

Pay it forward and pay it forward the movie, which we reference a lot, but it's a fucking incredible movie. And you guys, which we will see at some point, our friends who will actually watch it. I saw it in the theaters. Kayla Jo Lawson buys three people, three pizzas, and then he gets stabbed in the stomach and dies.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. No, he really, yeah. Is the second one actually having it? Yeah. The pizza part? Why would that be a movie? They just stab a little kid? Yeah. Sorry, it was other little kids.

It wasn't like an adult stabbing a little kid. But yeah, he definitely gets stabbed in the stomach. What? Why? He was paying it forward and shit. Listen, some people don't want that. Some people are like, paying it backward. Seriously. How about you pay off the people that did shit for you?

Yeah. So they owe money? He tried to start, oh my god, are we gonna fucking go over the entire thought of this? Why would you say that? Well, I'm gonna pay it forward for Jo Lawson. So here's the kids. He was kind of stuck.

He stopped these bullies from picking on it with his friend. And it was the one he put off until the end. So he wrote his bike and said, I'm gonna get you. But then he just had a knife in his stomach. And Kevin Spacey was there. He watched the whole thing and didn't do any. Cool job, K-Packs.

I don't know how you return from that in this movie. How do you come back? It's the end of the movie, Justin. Fuck me. Well, then Kevin Spacey did. It's not like they did it. He gets stabbed and they're like, well, that sucks, Bailey. How did that happen?

As Haley draws when he was dying, he grabbed Kevin Spacey's shirt and said, pay it forward. And then Kevin Spacey stabbed the three bullies. One, two, three, time. And now, Haley Jo Lawson, you pay it, ah, fuck. Shit, shit is hitting the hospital.

I'm the worst dad ever. I want to say something to you. I have six podcasts to report today. I'm legitimately bummed out about this movie. I spotted here when I was like 11. That explains it a lot.

Can we get another whole other? Whole other subject. Is there another? Who was this? So, how did the first person say, I'm going to pay this for it? I'm not going to tell anybody to watch this.

I'm going to tell everybody this is in the theater. I'll pay it forward. He was kind of a very antagonist. It was one of those things where he gets stabbed and you're like, oh, it's okay. I get it. This is the Haley Jo Lawson that starts the pay it forward movement, right? Am I missing something?

We have to move on. We have to move it forward. Hey, everybody. We want to take a quick break from the live action to provide you with this important... It's not live, though, is it? Well, I mean, it was live when we made it. Now it's not live.

Now it's dead as fuck. It's dead as disco, Griffin, but we still wanted to take a moment for the Money Zone to tell you about Simple. Simple is the way banking should be. Take everything you know about banking and flesh it down the fucking toilet. I got Bill

info turd. Simple doesn't even use money. What does he use? Cookie points? It's the internet's premier cookie point transaction facility. Well, they don't actually use money for some stuff. You don't have to have a minimum balance.

There's no monthly fee. There's no overdraft charges. And you can use over 55,000 ATMs around the globe for free. You can deposit your checks also by taking a picture of them. I like that, but I'm bad with money.

Can Simple yell at me when I try to spend too much money on dumb shit? Hey, dummy, I want to help you reach your goals. It's like tough love. You tell me how much you want to save, and it'll tell you how much you can spend on fun shit. And you also might pay for the bills.

And save your money. Set one up for your max fund contribution, it says here. So you can just put that aside. Number two, a thousand. Maybe jack that up because you're so simple rich because you did simple, good. You can pay your bills super fast.

Is this a fake one that's going to take all the money that I have from me? I know why you would think that, but you're wrong. They're an actual real-ass company, and your account's FDIC insured, and they don't sell your data, and it's all very good. Now, the Simple.com is

popping off so hard that they have like a wait list to get in it, but you can skip. Sorry, we're full. We're full up. Oh, that's not right. We only got room for chicks. I know McRoy brothers, so I can get in for free. Oh, come on in then. Here. Simple.com

slash my brother. Let me do my bit. Let me do my bouncer bit. Okay, finish the bouncer bit, I thought it was done. Come on in then. Simple.com slash my brother. My brother, my brother, he's also supported by Squarespace. Yes, two different people listen to this and said, yeah, let's give them money

to talk about us. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create your own professional website or online portfolio. Listen, you've heard us talk about Squarespace a lot. They've been shopping and screwing it, improving it. They got new designs, new features, even better support.

They have beautiful designs for you to start with if you're a dummy and don't know how to website. If you're not a dummy and you do know how to website, you can take those designs and shop and screw them even more to create a bespoke website of your own bespoking. This sounds amazing, Griffin.

It is fucking amazing. It's expensive though, right? It's not expensive. It costs dollars a month. Eight dollars a month. And you get a free domain name if you sign up for a year with that. So do it. They have responsive design.

It'll work on all your products. You can start without a credit card and just do a free trial. Go to Squarespace.com and use the offer code MyBrother. That's all one word, MyBrother. And you can get 10% off your first purchase. That's Squarespace. Check it out, you dummy.

I got a personal message here to Lisa from Dawn. Dawn says, May 26, is our third or fourth wedding anniversary and... Pretty close. Pretty good job. And May 31 is Lisa's 28th birthday. Splitting the difference, aren't we?

Pretty quick instant. Happy birthday and happy anniversary from your sweet... Sweet husband. Your pup Jonas. Your kitty Blueberry. And your favorite trio of podcasting brothers. Travis, a sad lib, would really make her day.

Sorry, Travis is dead. He's not dead. Don't say that. Don't ever say that. Travis will never die. With his diet, he's got the secret diet that keeps you alive forever. Happy birthday, Lisa. I didn't even... Travis you. But I don't know who that fool is. Have you heard from him today?

No. I got a message to Henry and Ally from... Oh, should have read this ahead of time. Tilda Swinton's Pussy and Associates. Is that a callback? I hope you haven't talked about that. I never said that. Salutations. Yells wedding was the blast of blasts.

You two are simply the best two people that we know and we are so happy for you. Now go and get to work on growing your cat harem because Buddy told us he wanted friends. Here's hoping the goofball reading this pronounce your names goofily. How it's Henry and Ally.

How we can fuck up Henry and Ally. I fucked up the grammar of that sentence. I said how we can fuck up. So even I fucked that up, I can't fuck up that name. Yeah. Henry. Anyway guys, good job. Good job. Getting married.

Big thanks to everybody who came out to the live shows too. We're going to spread them out probably a little bit. It's the first one. They all went super well. I feel like we met everybody at all three shows and you were all super fucking cool. We'll have to do it again real soon because I'm turning the corner on New York City.

I actually think it's a nice place to be as opposed to just like a trap that you fly into and then you can't fly out of because it's the Bermuda Triangle. It's the Bermuda Triangle, yes, of cities. But actually it's pretty tight. It got real good Korean food there. Oh boy.

Another time. Anyway, thanks for listening. We'll get back to the live show now. This you have to answer with... Oh, I'm going to flop this name right up. You want to try this one? You never are in this position of having to try it. How do I know? Evika Folovic.

Better than nothing. Uh... It's asked by Dr. Wayne's user, Grand Duchess Anast. Who asks? Have you ever heard of the McDizzle at McDonald's? I have heard of it, and only one of my friends heard of it.

Do you know? I love the conversational y'all here is the best. Hey, did you guys know about this? But yeah, that's just typed on screen. This...this... This fucking y'all who nights mystery sent me down such

a rabbit hole. Because there are secret orders online who assure you that there exists a McDonald's secret menu. Much like In-N-Out, much like Pateri's and so many other chain fast food restaurants.

The argument is the conceit here that like among the absolute baseline level training that a McDonald's employee receives, there is another level that they have to come in on Saturday to learn the secret menu. You know what I mean? You can't get a pasta for sure.

I'm talking about taking your garbage food and making it into other garbage. Let's start with for instance... Make it worse. Uh... Was that Tim Gunn or Jean-Luc Piccoli? I couldn't tell you. We'll start with

the poor man's Big Mac. And this is a secret menu. What's the rich man's Big Mac? Burn. Take that. Uh... Oh man. The beginning sentence of that process is my favorite.

Who doesn't love Big Mac? A lot of people actually... But not everyone loves its price. Yeah. How much? 35 cents. So if you want to get something close to Big Mac without paying the full price,

what you can do is order a McDouble but remove the ketchup and pickles. Instead, ask for extra onions, let us an up Big Mac sauce. The taste is almost the same because if it's the absence of the sesame seed buns and a slice of cheese, you can get three of the secret

budget Big Mac for the price of a Big Mac. Okay, here's the thing. The face of the McDonald's employee when you go I want a McDonald's but hold on. Real big before you start making that Big Double. She just said I want a McDonald's. But hold on. Here's the thing, I want to chop it and screw it.

I'm talking about onions or the pickles. I'm just going to hand you this pre-made Big Double. You take this and you leave. And I go back. They may not be on to the game until you say

and Big Mac the sauce. It's like make sure you want this and do me those and Big Mac the sauce. You just have a few. I heard it's just thousand miles of dressing. How about the Mc...

Oh, this is fucking the worst. This one can't be more... This one can't be something that you just say. It has to be you're a piece of shit. And then you fucking sloppy-handed Guy Fieri

at the Sad McDonald's table like This is the McLand Sea and Air Burger. Captain Planet may have been a thing in the 90s, but this burger is like the powers of Captain Planet combined. I don't think Diarrheal is one of the elements of a

Imagine eating a hand burger, okay? And the chicken, sure. And the fillet of fish, sure. All in once. Fuck you. So yeah, Epic Burger is epic. There's a picture. It's the... Oh, God. Would anyone like to come up

and see the picture? No. How's this picture? Jesus Christ! Let's talk about the McCreep recipe. McDonald's has crepes? Ah, coming off of your... I'm not sure you're... I'm not sure you're pronouncing McCreep for...

Why? And then we went for some French breakfast. Why did you cut her McDonald's, then? I want some McDonald's, but I want some with an international flair. The McCreep is considered both a breakfast and a dessert. And a thing, over and over.

That exists. It's a secret mini-item of light and eat crepe, McDonald's style. That's how you always wanted to. You know, you guys have done such a great job with chicken and hand burgers. What I'm wondering is, maybe a crepe?

Just over some McDonald's hotcakes, because they're extremely delicious. I didn't make that up. That's on here. Someone thinks that in the world. It's alive. I'm sharing the streets. I'm writing to you right now. That's the person. Then, buy a yogurt parfait. Simply put the yogurt inside the pancake

and wrap it up like a crepe. Top the pancake with fruit, granola, and optional syrup. That's it. You have your own homemade, slightly eat McCreep. You laugh, but right now there's a guy at Taco Bell like, let me get my head down.

Guys, here's the thing. That doesn't make it a crepe. That makes it a fucking pancake with shit inside. That's a sloppy boy. That does not change it from a pancake. You do a crepe. It's just like a crepe. No. It looks like...

It looks like dump. It really does look like puke in a pancake. Welcome to our show, we talk about pictures you can't see. In painting work pictures, it looks like if you jammed a bunch of o's

and a hand grenade inside a vagina. It's like... Oh god! How's that? But now you know, but now you know. We can go on. There's a Mc1035, half breakfast, half lunch items.

It's... So just keep that in mind. Next time, just say I want a big McChicken. It's a triple down, basically. Alright, now wait, I have a question for you. How do you do o's and not address the McLizzle? I'm just...

I love that. It's not real. You guys want to take some audience questions? Sure, who has a question that's like good? Justin, do you want to point them out so just like the whole onus is on you? What? Do you want to point out the people, you want to pick them?

Sir, right here, come on down. Come on down. You're on your job count. I apologize, you're not going to get the best view of this gentleman, but we'll get you back. Oh, we're getting it. What's your answer? I'm Marco.

Marco, is this a good question? Is it going to bum us out? No, I don't think it's a bummer question. Oh, hold on, hold on. There was a second half of inflection. I don't think it's a bummer question. Last time we did a live show, people could all be like, oh no, it's great, it's great, it's great.

You still left me, man. Alright, Marco. Alright, so I'm the oldest support, and I've always gotten along fine with my siblings. I don't have a whole lot in common with them. They're more like super into sports. Yeah. But now we're all a little given to be grown-ups

and I feel like there are so many families that have so much tight sibling bonding. How do I get to be friends with my siblings? Easy, you've got to find financial incentives. Start a podcast and you get paid to do it. I mean, before we had the podcast, it was sports for us. Yeah, it's an almost 24-step. I have a question.

Is he a three-brothers? One sister, two brothers. Are all three of them into sports? My sister's, she's like a business school marketing kind of person. Just kind of like pop culture. Which one's your favorite? Which one's my best? I'll let you know.

She sounds like the best. Your brothers are into sports. So it sounds like I've figured out the problem. You're the odd dog. You've got to realign everything you think is worthwhile and valuable. You've got to stop liking the things you like and like the things you hate. But if you can teach yourself to do that,

you have given yourself the ability to like everything in the world. Love me. Should we cancel the show now? Was that it? Was that everything? You could get a really specific sports knowledge. I think that's a good, you pick one team. Highlight, like a really great highlight. If you get deep into a sports well that they have no knowledge of,

they will just assume you have a base level of sports knowledge. You can build off that. The onus that becomes on them, why aren't they in the highlight? Just like you. That's a great plan until the system's starting to try to watch a football game with them and they're like touchdown and like... Well this is a highlight. So basically Justin, your advice sounds like what you should do

is instead of alienating his brothers and sister, because he's not in the sports, he should alienate them by being into a sport they know nothing about. Or maybe... The numbers aren't in your favor right now. In this family game, you're losing 3 to 1. Maybe you pick a specific sportsman to get super into. And you try to inject him into every sports conversation.

Yeah, I mean, Jordan's great, he's no flick Rickle son, but... No flick Rickle son, no flick Rickle son, but... This man can hook a ball at a wall and another man will catch it. How does Highlight work? I just know the ball trial is extremely fast. Some about scoops and then like concussions. So my advice would be that the desire to want to be close to them and get along with them

seems to me that it would override everything else. And something like setting out and saying I'm going to make this work because it is important to me. I'm going to make it a priority is really all you need to do. Because everything else is just icing, you know. But the relationships between you and your brothers and your sister is something that if you say this is a priority and I'm going to make this work

and I'm going to stay close to them and become close to them, everything else is... Some relationships take more work. Some of them are natural effects that you just click with people. But if it's your family, it doesn't matter if you have to force it a little bit. I mean really, yes, I hate these two. But like you find the things and you know interests don't have to be what you have in common.

Sometimes it can just be like the common desire is wanting to get along. The common desire is wanting to be close. And then you build off of that and say like hey, I will go with you to see a football game and you come with me to see a weird live show where three dudes get up and talk about grenades and vaginas. Talk about you. Talk about you.

So, does that help? Yeah, thanks Mark everybody. Good morning. Yeah! Anybody else have a question? I saw that hand go up first right there. Yes, stand up. Yes, perfect, come on down. Oh boy, crowd circle down here please.

Oh, hello there! Here, raise your family friend Laura Frye. You don't have Laura here, raise Laura! Hello Laura. You are happily married. Is this sad or about poop or... So, we are headed to the beach. I love them in a few weeks and we have a great friend who we love.

But who's going with us? It seems to be one of those friends though that every story you say he possibly has one that talks about. Do we know who it is? How do we spend nine hours and not jump out of the car? Can you mouth his name to us if we know who he is so we just don't... Oh, like it won't come up. Oh, nobody from home.

Can you... Can you talk... Can you re-talk? Can you re-talk? Oh, cool story. That made me remember like another one. That's like even better than the one you told me just then. Like maybe...

And if he... Is that motherfucker? If he does not realize that he is being inception by the third or fourth time. Cool thing, Greg. You know what is so funny that you said that again. I said everything you said. Oh, shit. Tell your first story again. Like that reminds me of a story.

Can you drop your original one? Yes. But then he's going to do the same thing and then you will both die all day. Turn on some tunes. Turn on some tunes. Tell the most boring stories you can think of. Just really lob them like a slowball that I'm taught that. Like one time I ate a sandwich like million.

You got it. Don't put yourself in this situation. Do you have a car? Do you have a luggage rack? Can you put some peanut butter in this mouth? This is a lot of peanut butter. How much peanut butter does it take? So many people. How much peanut butter does it take a man to eat nine hours?

What's it? The cubic volume of a man's mouth? It's going to look a little bit like double tear in your back seat. Did that help? So much. Sorry? This guy who was sent in by Derek, it is by Yeah, no answers.

He's a Brandon Lampin who asks, Don't put your full name on it. Is it okay to trim my dog's pubic hair? Guys, can we be delicate about this guy? Can we just help, please? I just got a dog for my fiance and it is about five to six months old. Dogs get pubes at five to six months old?

A little intimidating. When she rolls over, you can see extremely long pubic hair. This dog has got a 70's. Is it okay for me to trim it or will it affect the dog? It will affect the dog, probably. It will affect the dog's gait, I bet. And their gentle, nude pubs. As you were dead in the kennel for a while,

and I know that your specialty was Okay, I was going to give them a fair warning. A spoiler warning because it's going to spoil your day. I squeezed dog buttholes. I was known for it. Fastest hands in the west. There's a gland. That's all that we need on that subject.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Time out, time out. There's a gland back there. It makes you stinky. Why would God do that? Why do they need that in their life? Hey, you know how many awesome things I gave dogs? Check this out.

Check this out. We're going to balance it all out. Put a thing in the butthole of people who got squeezed. Alright, so... Here's my question about dog pubes. I guess my question is... Talking about dog pubes now after that is like, weirdly refreshing.

Is this person's concern if they don't trim these pubes? It's entirely aesthetic. Like, okay, great. I just don't want people to judge my paws. Super long pubic hair. Is it? Okay. Have you seen Steve's dog pubic hair? Jesus.

Don't want to trim that shit. I got stuck on the rug. Does that... Does it... I guess my question is like, where does that region end and begin?

Like, is there a definitive, like, those are pubes? Definitely. That's tummy hair. Tummy hair stops here. Look at that bush! I think you have to put a bikini on the dog. And then brawl on the...

What? I guess the real question is, do you bleach their ass off? Travis, Pat, why? Why? We were all thinking of him. Nobody. We're seeing him.

We're seeing him. I got signal bars in here. They will be asked to leave. Raise your hand. That guy was giving up. Look, the smile this guy was giving us when he put it... I got air.

It's air to burn right here. Is there anybody else who's luck we can see in the eyes we can make fun of? That was pretty good. You must have, like, a weird look. Like, a weird look. Listen.

Why would hair grow faster than the hair on the rest of the body? Is there a breed where it's just like, just like a bushy breed, just like Chihuahua is like, you've got to maintain that shit before it gets out of hand?

If I get a feel like, okay, well, so, going with you were really trainable? Yeah. And Iranian, smart, but kind of standoffish? Yeah. And, like, a Yorkshire terrier?

Huge bush. Huge, crazy. Huge bush. Just know that. Go again. I think we're all set. Who here loves talking about dog bush? Yeah.

Zero. That's okay. Now, what are we thought? Fair enough. Do we have another audience question? Uh, one more time for one more. Have a look at the dog. Dog down.

Let's sit right there. All right, dog down. Come on down. Everybody give them some round of applause. If you haven't done anything in this area, dead air is like weird. What is your name? My name is Ryan.

Ryan. Pleasure. So, my younger brother is about to leave for college. Okay. I moved home since then. Okay. How do I deal with being basically the only child again

for the first time since I was five? Is there a wall between your bedrooms? Yes. Can't get out? Oh, look. Look who's down there. It's King Ryan. He's a mother like that.

And my brother, Ryan, here. What? Okay. Perfect. Hey, guys. Listen, hello. Ryan's going to do a little reworking of the house. He's going to take that wall,

clean the fuck out. And it's going to be like, King Ryan's going to clean it. Ryan, if I might suggest, you could also just totally regress. In fact, I'm the only child now. Take care of baby Ryan. Oh, it's soup time.

Oh, take care of me. I want ice cream. Ice cream, daddy. Ice cream. I'll have a dinosaur copy. Baby, I've had all the toys for the 24. I'm the baby girl of me. Like from the show Dinosaur.

From the show Dinosaur. From the show Dinosaur. Yeah, let's hear it. Dinosaur. For me, it was on the ABC family. Should we talk about the plot of dinosaur? I mean, the bit where we talked about the plot of pay-forward was such a joint hit.

Are you sad, Ryan? Just in general? No. I mean, what's your day-to-day happiness look? I mean, how does your brother leave me? Is it making you sad? Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.

Sort of now. I thought I knew it. I needed to know that first. So what's your question? What? Well, we'll do your question down for some. Let's pretend that some people might not have been paying super close attention to you.

Because they were thinking about a bit that they were going to do with you taking the wall down. And they didn't actually hear the question that you needed probably. This is kind of a thought experiment that we do so often in the show. So what would you say your actual question was? I could really boil it down.

What are some tips for being the only child? The only child? Could you pretend like your brother had died and you guys didn't talk about the horrible accident? Oh, right. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, what was that sound? Travis hitting the nail on the head? What happened? Pretend your brother died. He's dead now. Great comedy show, everybody. What are you doing?

Ironically, the idea of my brother dying is bringing me some relief at this point. Oh, yikes. Oh, man. But the other sign of that is when you pretend like he dies. But then he comes over from college and he's in the dead end, man.

Fire! It's recently a deposit you're making of a future miracle. Miracles are really just the reversal of lies you started believing. God, you were dropping some mohawk this day. Yeah, it's getting real in here. I think all of that helped.

Yeah, you're welcome. I'm pretty confident. It's like all of that. Yeah, hey, Darn. Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn.

Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn.

Hey, Darn. Hey, Darn. We talked about this before, we know what the fuck the needle is doing in this department. And they have like, they've done everything. And most of the people who are here

were people that missed out on tickets to the second two shows. And it's- We're doing more? Yeah. And it's gonna be like really exhausting, but we did it for you. It's just sort of your fault.

So I was thinking it'd be like a hand for us, just like for the other side of the world. I also want to know one thing that was shared, okay? Yeah. So, because you guys were standing outside like weirdos, you probably might have missed our merch table.

We've got some awesome new merch. I didn't want this up enough for us, but for you. Yeah. I don't want you. We don't know how to sell this online. Yeah. We don't know how the internet works.

But we've got brand new- I'll start with the coolest thing. It's a sweet-ass patch to be a fraternal order of brothers with an awesome horse in front of the moon. We've got button packs and these brand new beautiful tote bags. They pack your bags and move away tote bags. And we've got some really cool bumper stickers and everything, but more importantly, even if you don't grab anything on your way out, grab one of these postcards. And if you use the coupon code, I won't say it out loud, but use the coupon code.

Does everyone see the coupon code? Grab the postcard on your way out and it'll give you a discount on your order online. So make sure you grab that and hang out in the bar by a ton of drinks. It might be totally worth it for the People's Improv Theater to have us here. And we'll come out and say hi real quick. For like 30 seconds and then we have to do another show. Yeah, wee! That's your fault, remember?

Just for recap. I hate to interrupt you, live Justin, but you forgot to mention the thanks simple. It's me, Captain Kangaroo. Oh, interesting. Special guest. Yeah, special relevant guest, Captain Kangaroo. Sorry about it, chief. But thanks to simple.

Rebuilding banking for the ground up where you should be. Putting people before policies and helping you change fine clarity in your finances. I'm having a stroke, buddy. You can skip the wait list at simple.com slash my brother, Captain Kangaroo. Back to you, Jayman. Let's say, and I want to thank Saul Bones for opening up the show tonight. Thank you, guys. There's a lot about my body during that episode.

Yeah, me too. And that's going to be... I'm all warts under my shirt. I took my shirt off. I'm bristling with warts. I'm wrestling with anticipation. Big face to John Roderick. I want to introduce him.

He's the publisher of the album. I'm putting this fan special thanks to John Roderick. I'm going to walk. Fuck! I missed it. This final young dude answer was sent in by... I just wrote drew. I'm assuming this is your down the board.

Thank you, Drew. It's by young man's user, Ciso Altair, CEO, who asks, Who invented cranberries? I am Justin McElwain. I'm Travis McElwain. I'm Drew McElwain. It's been a pleasure. It's been a pleasure.

Thank you, Drew, guys, for the last.