My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 204: Bait Kids

Episode Date: June 9, 2014

This episode now has the voice of John Roderick (of The Long Winters fame) at the beginning, middle and end, making it by far our most Roderick-ian episode yet. Suggested talking points: Jim Tendo, Causal Busting, Narc Club, Yoritos, Vermont Noise Scene, Booting the Drummer, Bone-Out, Go for the Butter Lion, WooHooing

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hey everybody, it's E3 time again. Heading out to Sunny LA to see the latest and greatest in video games. This is my brother, my brother, me and my wife from the modern era. I'm Justin, and the middle one's Travis and Griffin, but I'm Simistar.

I want to talk to our leading video game expert to get his predictions about where we're going to see. Oh, that's a big show. Travis McElroy, video games have come a long way since Backman, as I remember it. Maybe you could let us in on what we can expect from interactive entertainment in 2014 at E3. Well, the buzz is that they're going to make Pac-Man, but for girls. And what will the difference be? Just an ass with some fair amount of trepidation.

The Pac-Man will have female genitalia, and it will be visible. I always assume Pac-Man's mouth was a vagina this whole time. Is that incorrect? No, it is correct. It'll just be more blatant. Our fastest, most problematic episode today. So what else can we expect from video games? Well, do you remember the Sonic game for Dreamcast in which you could collect little animals

and they were in your memory card? Chows. They're going to take that, but turn it into a little standalone game. Standalone. In which you can feed the animals and clean up their poop and exercise them. So like a Tamagotchi. Like a what? Except they will die within seconds.

They're telling us we need to wrap up our segment. Any other quick rapid-fire predictions about the big show? I think they're going to make a new Mario game. That's probably. Now when you say they. Uh-huh. Video game people. The video game people.

The video gamesters. Jim Tindo. Hi, my name is Jim Tindo. I've been making Mario games for my garage for the past 30 years. And I'm not going to do a goddamn thing different. It's all I know. His original name wasn't Mario, it was Mark. My brother, Mark, who is a plumber.

Yes. I have a calendar. Each page is one year on alternating pages. There are pictures of Mario and Link. That helps me remember. How else do you remember what year I'm on? Guess what year this is? Santa star.

But we don't even do Santa star, I don't think. And when I say they, I just mean me, Jim Tindo. Jim Tindo, I make all of the video games you play. I want to help people. I don't like video games anymore. Me neither. I just think they peaked. Win.

Prince of Persia. The original one. Battletoads. Battletoads. Quest for Glory. I haven't played a game that has been as good as Quest for Glory since Quest for Glory. That's goddamn true. Yeah, that's accurate.

Let's not talk about this anymore. I feel like this is excluding, excluding, well, if not a majority of our audience, at least all the cool ones. Yeah, video games are a huge bummer. So let's move on to some helping. I work on a history ship. No ghosts. Sorry.

Now, to be fair, Joslyn, it does a historic ship. Not a history ship. Hop along on my history ship. We're going back to 1512. What's up in 1512? Nothing. It sucks. Hop on the boat.

Here comes the Time Dock. Oh, shit. We missed the Time Dock. Time to pay your fees to disembark. We missed the Time Dock. Now it's 1314. It gets worse as you go back. Now we're going to charge you all a premium for the smallpox vaccine.

That's how they get you on history time ship. That's how they extort you on the history ship. I work on a historic ship. No ghosts. Sorry. Prove that. And also that you can see and that have made them their presence known. I mean, let's qualify a little bit.

They're all on us. I also live in one of the state rooms that used to be officers quarters. The deal is that I live here for free as long as I agree to be the after hours security guard. The problem is I have a hard time kicking people off who snuck on late at night. I'm not a naturally intimidating person. I'm a young early 20s woman, usually very cheerful, sort of plumb. And I like nearly everyone I meet. What are some things I can do to scare trespassers so they'll get lost without putting up a fight?

And that's from scarcely scary sailing. Your last sentence is answered by your first one. Yes, a thousand times yes. You have to pretend to ghost. You got to ghost them. You have to ghost them. All you have to do, walk up in like an old timey dress and say, like, have you seen my child? And they will fucking run away.

Oh, God. Travis, you just put a chill up my spine. Yeah, right? A ghostly chill. You and me, I'm chillers. Have you seen my husband? Yeah, he's made me into lifeboats. Tropic chillers.

I'm cool. I ate some bad shrimp at the buffet. Oh, no, I've had the norovirus for three days. I don't have any fluid in my body or my bowels. Boop, I booped everywhere. The border lost my trunk. That's not ectoplasm. It's my pershing diarrhea again.

Oh, no, I've got to go by. Oh, I what if you what if you are too good is my worry and they stab you because they don't know how ghosts work and they bust you and they know they call the ghostbusters. Here's my question. OK, you're a very convincing ghost. Yeah. All right. The ghostbusters show up to bust you.

You tell them, oh, sorry, I understand a confusion. I'm a human pretending to be a ghost. Yeah. I'm ghost cat fishing. I'm ghost fishing. They say, haha, ghost oldest trick in the book. You don't think slime are trying that shit? We've tried this one.

We've seen this one many, many times before. You are a ghost. Buster makes me feel good. Add it up. And those proton beams, those don't just like make you twirl around and sparks shoot off of you. Those will laze you in half. OK, so we can all agree that there is a circumstance in which the ghostbusters have accidentally murdered people.

Almost certainly, almost. Somebody tries to break into the bus, bus in HQ late at night and Winston's jumpy. He's like, whoa, who's that? And then he opens his bedroom door blast. Oops. Oops. Sorry. I should have jumped on Winston, who is my favorite.

Yeah. Yeah. Justin, you want to explain that? Well, I just, I thought he might be near the front door. Makes sense. I don't know, because he was the last ghostbusters. So he was the last one. I'll say he got the shit out of his bed.

So he did his bed, right? Everybody else wants to be on the second floor above, so they can use the pole. You know, and they know immediately when they fucked up too, right? Because you kill the woman and then she's just there again, but in a different form. Now you do need to bust that, because she has been murdered in a horrible manner. Well, then it just goes down and the books is a preemptive busting. Yeah. That's a good point, Travis.

It's a causal busting. Not premeditated. Not premeditated. Accidental causal busting. So we hope you, you know what? You don't need to scare people off. Just be cool. Listen, honest to God, I've never snuck into anything ever,

but I can imagine that if I snuck onto something and somebody with a flashlight period were to say, hey, get off. I'd be like, oh, yep. Yep, yep, yep. Yep, you guys. Cursing. Cursing a lot is good, too. That one's on me.

I'm not supposed to be here and I recognize that I am a dork. Yeah, it seems weird that people wouldn't just like leave. I don't know. I would be so frightened. Is there anyone who tries to argue like, no, I'm supposed to be here. I'm on the list. I'm on the historic boat list if you could take a look. I just think you throw a good throaty curse at them.

And they're gone, so what's more scary if somebody shines a flashlight on you in a place you're not supposed to be in is like, hey, get out of here. Or like, hey, get the fuck out of here. You're gone. You've vanished. You're done. I'll eat your fucking eyeballs. They hired a Frankenstein.

Yeah. Yeah. No noise that scary could come from here. That they captured. They took the history ship back in time to when Frankenstein was. And they captured him. 1991. You all remember that, right?

You guys don't remember that. You don't remember that. You remember when Frankenstein had that hit song, I'm too sexy for my shirt, right? That's how you know. That's how you know you were a child in the 90s. You remember when Frankenstein was alive. It's one reason to know if you were a child in the 90s, Frankenstein killed your sister. You want a yahoo?

Sure. It's yahoo was sent in by fucking, who do you think, Drew Davenport? Guys, I can't really. You and Drew just have a direct pipe. I think we need to get Drew on the show to explain how he finds these goddamn gems, because they're all gems. And like, I'm not saying that everybody else is bad, but I mean, he's clearly running the game right now.

Spoiler alert, he has three questions on the show. I don't even need to say who's sent him in anymore. Anyway, Emerald member. Level 50. Now you just have to say when they weren't sent in by Drew. Level 61. Yahoo Shaman. He bought the expansion.

He broke past the level cap. Thank you. He hit the 100. He gets a mount. Thank you, Drew. It's asked by yahoo answers. Who's your KTI? Who asks, does jail make you a man?

If it does, I'm thinking of stealing something or hurting someone so that I can go there. I want to get bulked up and have a strong personality. So does it? So does it or not? I think we should strip the gender from this. Yeah, let's say it doesn't make you tough. Doesn't make you a grown-up, right? That's the question.

I guess if we're being very literal about it, does it make you older than 18? I think, of course, these are not the same class of people, but there is something to me about people who have been in prison or served in the military and that they've been in something that is unknowable to me. These are not an experience. You hope that I have ever had, will ever have, I hope. So that does make me see them differently. I don't know if grown-up is the word.

But here's my thing, because I've been trying to think where that perception comes from. And it's got to be just movies and TV, because every time I've watched an actual documentary or anything that actually shows real prisons and real people in the prisons, it just seems like it makes you sad. Yeah. But in movies, it's always like, oh, it made them, it toughened them up, made their souls all leathery, and you couldn't mess with them after that, because they'd been in prison.

But really, then you watch things and it's just like, I miss my friends. I don't know about that. Shawshank had maybe a few rough members in there. But most of the dudes in Shawshank, I would say are pretty pillowy. I mean, I guess that's true. Shawshank's more about like breaking people. It's more about, you know, like fucking Brooks and shit. And, okay, Brooks didn't come out tough.

No one at the supermarket that Brooks worked at was like, do not fuck with Brooks. Ah, damn, don't fuck with Brooks. Do not fuck with Brooks. He will sharpen a carrot in the stabby in the eyeball. Brooks was here, bitch. Stab, stab, stab. Yeah, that would be a way better movie. Man, that movie sucks.

Shawshank Redemption 2, Brooks was here. That movie could use way more produce violence in it. Do you guys think, I mainly just included this question, I ask if you guys think you would do good in jail. Because I sometimes think about it, and I think about putting myself in that situation, and I think about how I would thrive on like a strategic level, and I would like make the right partnerships and alliances

with the people that I needed to really help myself reign, but then I think, oh, I'm thinking of Survivor. Well, I think we have the closest thing we have to this is middle school. I was just about to say that. I was just about to say, I know we talked about this last week, but middle school is prison. I certainly adapted to that socioeconomic structure by graduating after three years.

You keep that head down. You don't upset the guards. You do your three years, you get out. I went to come back, middle clink, and it was not. I look back at my time at come back and think about how much I spent like, okay, you're like the football team, popular, cool kids. I want to make you laugh and make you guys not want to beat me up. I don't remember ever getting like beat up or.

It wasn't just that. It wasn't just that, was it? It was okay. So it seems like I have to sort of fit into a group and find a group. Well, I'm going to take a day and think about it. Oh, fuck, it's all the groups are closed now. Well, I guess I'm just, oh, you're all calling me pig boy. My new name is pig boy.

My new name is pig boy. That gentleman stole my super donut. Oh, how fun. Excellent. No, that is, that is fine. It's my fault for taking a day to think about the, what the, you know, role that I'm going to fill for the rest of my come back, middle clink career is going to be.

No, that's fine. No, that's my fault for taking a day. Yeah, that is, that is really true. I would constantly see people in groups or teams. And think, how did you get into that? How did you do this? Yeah, did you sign up for it? Was it a thing like you pay $10?

Did you all get pants at the same time? And you all looked at each other's wieners and you were like, well, this sucks. Should we hang out? We're going to do our own thing here, right? So we can watch each other's backs and not get pants. Did one footballman do like a running tackle and managed to get all six of you in his wingspan and pinned you to the ground

and peed in your hair at the same time? And you're just like, well, I guess we're friends now. The only group I ever heard about, and oh my God, I'm just remembering this story and in the context of the present day, it is very strange that at one point in middle school, I had one chance to get into a clique or a group of some sort. There was a young lady who told me about an organization that she was involved in where it was sort of like a youth group, except the main activity

was that they would take the youth around to try to buy cigarettes to see if they could. And that was going to be your clique. You were going to be part of fucking Narc Club? No, Narc Club apparently did like a ton of other cool shit, as I remember, like go to movies and have pizza parties. They tried to buy cigarettes and also drank a lot of beer. I am now that I'm like thinking about it in like in retrospect, maybe my like non-involvement with this particular club.

With the fucking honey pot society? We're bait kids. Come hang out with us, Justin. Hi, I'm the leader of this group. I'm John Kignones, and these are my bait kids. Come on, bait kids. To be fair, that does seem like the like first you go in and try to buy cigarettes, and then like next step, you go to a restaurant and see if you get carted.

And then third step, you're catching predators. We're going to knock up. Listen, we got a busy day of filming. We need to get you kids all around town. By the third show, though, like this, the criminal element in that town's college show, like, hey, watch out, bait kids are out. They'll pick up one of those bait kids. Bait kids are on the prowl.

I would like a glass of wine, please. Yeah, right, bait kid. Let me see your ID. I already got the call from Hector. You got it. Oh, you're right. You're right. This is convincing makeup.

Kignones will go to any length to fuck you over. I bet you actually are 16, and you got Jack disease, and you're legally a 16-year-old. That's the only Kignones I'll go to. Get out of here. Get out of here, bait kid. You wrinkly-ass kid. Wrinkly-ass bait kid with your old liver spots, and you're dying. You're dying.

And you're dying this. Oh, god, you're dying now. You're really- You're really throwing away before me, like the dude in Holy Grail. You're really selling this bait kid. You're turning to dust. You're turning to dust from where I am. You have chosen poorly.

You never know. I'm so sorry, bait kid. I miss you, bait kid. I wish you were still here, bait kid. Kignones rolls up like 15 minutes later. Time to move the next set. What did you do to my bait kid? He's ash.

He was my nephew, and he had Jack disease, and I loved him. This is the fourth old-ass bait kid this week. That bait kid nephew is going to make me rich, er, than I am. I'm already very rich. I'm Kignones. I'm 26. I recently started going to college again

after a dismal attempt at online education. I met this lovely young lady in my public speaking course that I really dug. And we have some great common footing. We're about the same age with similar interests. We both work full-time, and we go to school full-time. We started getting a little flirtatious during class, but then I found out her last name.

Turns out she is the niece of my stepfather's stepfather. Now, I'm no genealogist, but I think by marriage, that makes us double step cousins once removed. Hachimachi. Now I know it. She knows it, and the American people know it. Pump them brakes, or keep on truckin'. That's from maybe a mishap in Grand Rapids.

I can't, I can't, like... Is there, is there any blood there? The point, the point is not whether or not there's blood. I mean, it doesn't matter, right? Is that- That sounds so great. Like, I, er... Justin Tyler McIlroy.

Let me pitch this. Is the point, here's what I'm- Here's what I'm trying to get to here, guys. You are, you are wanting to move on, because you don't know if there's blood or not. I'm saying, is that the issue? This is the fuckin' Kobayashi Maruto, because I- What I'm saying is, it's not the issue,

because the issue is, you know, and your family knows. And that's the thing, it's like, okay, let's, let's draw a line down two, three years. Guys, really hit it off. You get engaged, day of the wedding. Are you on the groom's side or the bride's side, both? But that's so far off. What if it's love?

This is what I'm saying. I don't want to fall into this trap, but that's so crazy far apart. Like, you never would have met her, you know? Except you did. You did, though. You did meet her, though. You did.

It wasn't even at a, it wasn't at a family gathering. No. Fair. I guess you got points in that column. You didn't meet her by, just like, nature or God, or what have you brought you two together, right? Probably nature and God. What you're saying is God wants this to happen.

God wants this to happen, if that's true. Nature wants it to happen, Mother Gaia. Are you, do you like each other because you are related? Do you have a weird uncle that you both shared tender memories of before realizing that it was the same guy? Well, it would be your weird uncle, her like step-brother-uncle, step, it'd be your step-bruncle at that point. It would be your funky.

It would be your funky, funky, dunkey-unkey. My boy, just got married last weekend, mad props to Jacob Dunkel. I'm so, so proud of you. What's up, fungunk? What up, funky-unk? Thanks for the bachelor party invite. You piece of trash.

Just kidding. Human garbage. I hope you had a good time. All right, here comes another question coming right to your dough. My girlfriend and I just moved in together, neither of us have lived with a significant other for a long-term period, and we need advice about finances. What's the best way to keep track of how much we're spending

and divide it up evenly? Some other details. I work full-time and make a reasonable, but not excessive amount of money, and my girlfriend is preparing to go to med school next year. So there's an income difference between us, and that's from long-term and Louisville. This is a great question, because we have the opportunity to,

between the three of us, determine, like, this is like talking about sitting on the same side of the table, other side of the table, that kind of thing. How do you guys do it? I had to, by the way, do that. We went to an Italian restaurant yesterday, originally I did, and we sat at like a semi-circle table, and they put like all of our plates and shit together

at the end of the semi-circle. It was a waking nightmare. We were both just shuddering the entire time. We couldn't even, we couldn't eat. What do we do? Like, I don't, doesn't everybody reach a point where they just don't give a fuck about how the money's distributed anymore? Is that marriage?

Because I think I, I think I hit that point like way before marriage. We're like, we, it was even before we got like a joint checking account, or, or anything like that. It was just like, early on, you do it. Yeah, I think early on you, you fall into this trap of going like, well, I pay for the cable, and so you pay for the gas, and I'll pay for the thing. And eventually, like, after you've been together long enough,

all of your money is the same, because like, you're paying for dinner, or she's paying for the movie, or you're paying for, you know, whatever. And eventually it's like, listen, let's not keep track. This needs paid, you have money right now, and I don't, so you pay it. When we first got together, Teresa and I, like, I wasn't making a lot of money, because I was bouncing between part-time jobs. And so she like paid rent for like the first three or four months we were together. And, and that's a lot.

You know, it, yeah. But then eventually it just kind of balanced out, because then I started paying for groceries and started paying for, you know, stuff around the house. And eventually it all balances out in the wash, especially if you're together for like a long enough period of time. Eventually it's all gonna just even out to zero anyway. So, you know, what Teresa and I did is we went through and determined how much,

like, we spent on bills and rent and everything, and then opened a joint checking account, and then we deposited enough money in it to cover all those things, plus a little bit more. Auto debited out every month, so we don't have to worry about it, and we're both just feeding money into that account. That, that way we're just paying for it together. Kind of like rounding, like, like, you know how you, if you buy something from a store,

you know, you're round to the cents. Maybe the longer you're together, there's a formula where, you know, at first you would, you would round the, like, the buck, right? This was a $64 dinner. We each needed to pay $37 of it. And then the longer you're together, you round to such a bad job at that. Teen, no, that was pretty good. You round to the, oh, no, it'd be $27, wouldn't it?

Or $30, $32, it's not a big deal. Okay, anyway, and then the longer you're together, you know, you round to the teens. Like, you, you spent $40 on the movie, and tomorrow I'll spend $40 on dinner. And then after you've been together for a couple years, then you round it like to the thousands. You spent a thousand on rent. I spent nothing. Rachel and I are up to the bills.

To the billions. We're up to the billions, yeah. You spent a billion on that private jet. I don't know how much this cost. A billion. That's a billion round billion. And I bought three Bugattis. For 300.

I have it at a point where it's like, that is extensive. It's probably a billion dollars. Yeah. Oh, a Bugatti. It's probably $333, repeating million. Dollars, I would assume. You could probably get three of those bad boys for a clean bill. For a bug? Oh, for a bug?

For a Bugavinsky? Where are you guys at now as far, like, do you, do you think that once you're married, is the time to transition to like, it doesn't matter whatsoever? Or do you think that there's still a. A thousand percent. Because I think once you're married, especially once you're married, it hits a point.

And listen, if you're the type of couple that decides just to live together forever and marriage isn't important to you, this also includes you. Once you've made that commitment, there are people out there who do not believe in the institutional marriage. I'm talking to you too. Once you hit that point, like your, your survival and thriving in life becomes so intertwined that it's like, I will also pay for the gas so that you do not stall out on the highway later,

because that would also be bad for me because our lives are intertwined so deeply. I don't want to pay for this, but I also don't want to be married and or permanently tied to a, a, a, a bad person. Some sort of, some sort of person out on the streets. I can't have that. I have to keep you financially. I think to a certain extent. If you look at.

It's not like having a roommate. If you were, if your wife or husband or significant other can't afford to pay rent, but you can, there is no like, well. I'm very sorry, Mark. The bricks. Time to start looking for a new room at Gus, the old Jabberusky. Rachel, did you eat all those Doritos? I got those were my Doritos.

I labeled them. I paid for those with my money. We joke. Okay. I just made that goof, but like, well, I don't really give a shit about who spends what on what. If originally my god damn Doritos, I would probably be pretty upset about that because it's clearly not full.

I mean, they're Doritos. She doesn't typically eat those. I bought those because I knew she didn't eat them. And I got excited about Domitos is what they were. Fomitos. They were, they were yo Ritos in the Spanish sense. I, uh, I don't think there's a time when I feel more like a fat person than when I eat food that I did not realize was not communal marriage food.

But rather my wife's food, her food, and I ate it and I didn't know. And then I realized, I mean, you did, you did know. Hold on. How often does that happen? Just like if it's like, okay, a good example is leftovers. We're not super good at like leftover consumption. So sometimes I'll eat her leftovers and she, and I don't realize like, so I think I'm being a good boy, right?

Justin's good. You're cleaning out the fridge. Cleaning out the fridge and putting it in my belly fridge. We've taught, we talked about this like three episodes ago. Okay. I think we had different positions on it. So I guess we're still evolving as people. We grow.

We grow people. We change. We're growing. Let's go to the money zone. Hey, that's a pretty good intro. Okay. And a fart noise for color. How about this?

Might I invite you to the money zone? That was way better. You sound like a warlock. And you can't see me, but I did the full. No, I heard it. I heard it. I heard it. Okay.

I just want to make sure my blocking was good. I can't see so good because I'm getting old. And I'm, I've been hesitant about carrots. I'm been hesitant about going to the store, you know, because I don't, I don't want to let that hold up. Because it's the most humiliating fucking thing ever, trying on glasses. Yeah.

And the paps are outside waiting to snap a few pics of me. In my glasses. And then it'll be all over the gossip rags. Griffin, you wear the glasses. The last time you were in a glasses store, trying them on, do you not feel like just the, the stupid, I put them all on. Looking yourself in the mirror.

If you're like cleaning on your face. Making like, I like the, you know how we all do like a smile in the mirror that you do, that you like practice your smiles. So you look less like a creep and more like Sean from Boy Meets World. Let me, let me just mention real quick. This is an advertisement for a Warby Park. No, we're going to get to the advertising, but I'm saying. I know, but like, I want them to feel like they're getting their money's worth.

I go to. This is part of your ad Warby Park. I went to the glasses store and I had to like put on each pair of glasses and do that Sean from Boy Meets World smile. It made me look like the biggest fucking creep. I went, the last time I went and bought. Another vignette. Fantastic.

My wife, my wife was not with me. My wife was not with me and the number of times I put on glasses and looked at the employees of the store and said, does this look good? Like I was the most helpless human being. Like I clearly can't gauge my own appearance. You don't have to live like Travis Seymour because there's Warby Parker. Glasses shouldn't cost as much as an iPhone.

They've got fashionable, fashionable frames starting at $95, not just frames. I should mention they include the lenses to. That's an amazing deal for anyone who's ever bought in a store. $95 for frames and lenses. It's fantastic. I mean, what they do is they've got a home try on program. You can get five pairs of glasses and they're going to ship them to you. You pick the ones you like and you ship the rest back.

There's no obligation. It's free to ship them. It is not even a big deal. The only problem is that all the glasses come to your door and they're covered in caramel. It's not accurate. You have to clean all the caramel if we can put them on your face. They got them secondhand from that store that got washed over with that wave of caramel.

That's what they can sell them to you at discount prices. Warby Parker.com slash my brother. They don't. The caramel thing, was it true? It is basically true. But here, wait, before we move on, here's something that is true. That's very awesome. For every pair of glasses sold, they distribute a pair of glasses to someone in need.

So you're buying glasses for yourself and helping someone out at the same time. In need of caramel. One thing though, they don't check to see if the prescription matches. No, so they just hand them out. And people go, I don't need glasses. Like you're welcome. Shut up. You look like River's Cuomo.

You look awesome. Shut up. Separate this caramel. You look like if River's Cuomo is somehow coated in like he had caramelized. You're like the sticky-faced River's Cuomo, the developing world. Now wear your sunglasses. Rivers of Caramel Cuomo. If you go to warbyparker.com slash my brother,

you're going to get free three-day shipping. Really nice. And you should go, you know, check it totally out. Warbyparker.com slash my brother. Go now. Go. Go. Go.

Do it. Speaking of caramel, let's talk about Nature Box. Friend of the show. I think they're so excited. We've had a number of people do. Yeah. I'm finally trying it. That's exciting.

But at the same time, I want to go, what do you mean finally? We've been talking about this shit for like six months. What is it we said to you? I don't know what I said. How did we, how did we, okay. All right, guys. I'm looking at this month's new snacks. They are amazing.

What we got? Let me hit you with some of these new snacks. Sea salt pop pops. Pop pop. Whole wheat strawberry figgy bars. Okay. How about this? Dark cocoa num-nums.

Excuse me? Chocolate quinoa granola. You're selling the shit out of this, Justin. Because of your fun act, your fun accents that you're doing. Maple habanero pretzel pops. Whoa. Fuck. What?

I know. The praline pumpkin seeds. Are those good? Oh, God, it's amazing. The people at Nature Box asked me what snacks I wanted. They're going to send me a box. Like, I want all of them. You're getting free bows?

All these look amazing. I'll share them with you guys. Yeah, sure. Yeah, you sure fuck. Can't wait. Coffee kettle popcorn? Like, God damn you. So Nature Box, it's all healthy and stuff.

There's no GMOs, no trans fat, no hard fruit just corn syrup. And no HMOs. You can choose wherever you want to go to the doctor with naturebox.com. It's true, but you will never need to again. That's our guarantee. It's so fucking healthy. That's what's funny is you won't even need to go to Warby Parker because you'll eat the fucking snacks

and suddenly your eyesight will get better. Your vision's better. These are fashion Warby Parkers. I don't need them anymore. Check out my fashion Warbies. They'll send you a whole box of snacks. You can eat the whole thing in one sitting and call the newspaper and tell them you're in disaster.

Then take off your Warby seat so you don't have to look at yourself in the mirror. Take off your Warby seat so you don't have to see the pile of self-mess you've created and are now living in. Don't eat them all at once. You're healthy, but nothing's that healthy. Get one of the boxes that's for like eight people

and just slam jam them. If you drink water that much, you'll get water poisoning. Nothing is that healthy that you can eat the entire box of it in one sitting. Anyway. There's no caps. Those are pretty good. Naturebox.com.

Naturebox is healthy. You're going to go to naturebox.com. Ford slash my brother, and they'll give you 50% off your first box. You can spend that on buying another box, you disaster. Because you ate the first one. Under a different name.

Under a different name. My name is Bustin Lacalroyd. I love your salt caramel pop pops. Same address. The same address. The same address upstairs. I'm best friends and roommates. You can put apartment one and then apartment two.

And they'll never know. And then a race apartment one because there's a single family residence. But yeah, 50% off. You will really like these snacks. So stay full. Stay strong. Go to naturebox.com. Slash my brother.

That's naturebox.com. Slash my brother. I got a message for Brian from Sarah. Brian, happy 10th anniversary and one year ish until our wedding. Thank you for all the random hilarity you add to my life, not including introducing me to the McRoy family of podcasts. I'd fucking love the sound of that, by the way. Now I finally understand the random laughter coming from the kitchen

while you do dishes, wearing headphones. Also thanks for always doing the dishes. Love you. Ah, that's so nice. Man, should we expand our empire? So like the idea of the McRoy family of podcasts. I don't think about getting into like drug running in numbers. How would that help our podcast empire?

Oh, no, I just think like a family empire. You're just thinking. Like Warlock Empire? I haven't watched that show. Me neither. Okay. So, okay. Brian and Sarah, happy 10th anniversary.

Happy. Man, that sucks dick, doesn't it? That you guys like spend all that time. You racked up 10 years and after you get married, you have to start right back at one, right? Just like the Brian McKnight song. This next one is, well, let me pronounce this name correctly. Master Britt Brad Jamelson.

And that message is from Justin Steve. Justin Steve say, happy 25th one up birthday to he who gives good beard, great beer, and mad super boobs. What? What could you be talking? How does one give good beard? That is very confusing to me, Master Brett Brad. Is it Brad or Brad?

Brad is his nom de plume. Brad's his stage name. Justin Steve, they are. Please, Brett was my father. Call me Brad. Gosh, Brett 25. That's a great birthday. It says 25 plus one up, so I'm wondering if it's maybe 26.

Oh, he's going to be 25 for a while. Is that it? Is that it, Master Brett? Is that, is that what's going on? Well, happy birthday, Brad. Brett. No, Brad is 32. Brad's my older dad.

He was seven when he had me. Hey, Ross. Hey, Kerry. Hey, it's me, your co-host. Oh, yeah, we have a show, don't we? We have a show. Oh, no, Ross and Kerry. It's about undercover investigations of fringe groups.

Yeah, like the Tony Alamo Ministry's cult. Yep, that's led by a pedophile. He's in jail. He's in jail. Also, we became Mormons. We became Raylians, which is a UFO group. That's right. We joined the Ordo Templi Orientis.

Yes, the 9-11 Truthers. We got cupped. We got acupunctured. We got rakey. We've pretty much anything that you've heard of and been like, that doesn't sound quite right. We've done that. So you don't have to do it.

So if you want to hear about this and you should, then go to maximumfun.org. .org. We are taking a moment out from our regularly scheduled program. Every once in a while, on My Brother, My Brother Me, we like to welcome someone who actually knows anything about anything. None of the three of us fill that criteria.

But our guest today certainly does. John Rodrick is a musician. He is a podcaster. He is an author. He is a raconteur, a friend, a father figure to some, myself included. An herbalist. An herbalist, John Rodrick.

Welcome to My Brother, My Brother Me. Thank you, fellows. Hello. Are you actually an herbalist or is Travis talking out of his ass? No. Everything that you said about me is 100% true. That's also the name of John's autobiography. That's the full title.

Everything you just said about me is 100% true, the John Rodrick story. Arbalist secrets in the back, in the index. We asked the audience for questions for you, and we left it very open-ended. Because you're an open-ended man. Well. I think that's fair to say.

And we got a lot of, what would you say, Travis Duds? Is Duds? Well, now, see, this is the thing, guys. What you might think is a dud question, might either be, I mean, first of all, could be a coded message. Warning you about your intending death. Well, or. Or to activate you like my Manchurian character style.

Or it might be one of my agents checking in with me. Oh, sure. So what you might interpret as a dud could be something, just that you don't understand, too sophisticated. Or it might be a question that you think is a dud because you haven't heard my answer yet. That's true. It is just the spark that will light the fire of your intellect.

Yeah, you didn't have me. Travis, maybe you should read the worst one. You didn't have me on the show to try and get interesting questions from your dingaling readers. No. You had me on the show to answer questions from your dingaling readers. I guess they're not readers, are they? Some of them probably do read.

They just read the transcripts. Yeah. That's the way to really fill it in. That's how you get the comedy. I like to imagine what their voices sound like. It would just be like a sentence and then it would be sniffle noise and then another sentence and then sniffle noise. Justin opens bag of pretzels.

I try to get them all out, but fuck, guys, we are very nasally productive people. Poorly mass flatulence. Here's our first question for you, Mr. Roger. OK. I'm a musician. This is... Dear John, I am everyone who has ever asked you anything after.

This is not me. Right. This is another person who has. Justin is something of a musician, I would say. Let's listen. I can play you my Long Winter's Covers after recording. And you can pick the best one. Yeah, that'll be a separate episode where you play me your music and I...

No, I play me... No, I play you my version of your music and you tell me if you think I got it. And then you do our... And then you do our bits. OK. Then you do our bits. Classic. I'm a musician.

I make this noise, music boy. It fits well in the cliche of atonal ambient noise, although it's got a drive to it that's accessible. And I like to think I transcend the norm, but I'm just not getting heard. I know the music is all about the art of persistence. So do you have any tips on how I can sell myself? How to solicit venues for gigs?

How to get paid? Should I spam my poor Twitter following? More hashtags? That's from Amy Vibes in Vermont. What do you think? This doesn't sound very good, does it? I mean, just between us. Well, not really selling it.

You know, yeah, there's a lot of underselling language for sure. I mean, using the word cliché to describe your own tunes is... I don't know. I feel like that's maybe a cultural signifier. They don't want to seem like they're too hungry. I also, I think the term noise music, and I understand that it's a genre, but it's always sounded so pejorative to me.

Because that sounds like noise is what like your shitty upstairs neighbor calls the music that you produce if they're shitty enough. Right. The neighbor, not the musicians. But you know, just downstairs making some noise. Yeah, keep that. Oh, I play racket. I feel like noise music, though,

I mean, it's such a broad... It's like indie music. It's sort of a meaningless word. And it could... I mean, half the soundtracks these days are what you would call noise music. Right? I mean, what is the soundtrack to... What the hell was that movie with the...

About the... Meet Dave? About Goodfellas? No, Goodfellas. That was good music. No, the one about the goal or the oil miner... Extins is. And it's extin.

Existence. Existence. No, no, no. There's gonna be blood. There's gonna be blood. I swear to you, there will be blood. Yeah, that was a lot of noise. Yeah, it was all...

Tink, tink, tink. And it sounded like... It sounded a lot of like... That's what the... No, she blows. That's what an oil... Like an oil well sounds like, I bet, inside. Inside the head of an oil well.

Let me ask you this question from this question. Because now it's got me thinking. Yeah. Is there a certain truth to... If you start making music, right? If it takes off immediately, if people seem to like it right away, you know you've got something. But if after like a couple years, you're still going,

I just don't feel like I'm getting heard and it's growing. Is that like, you know, the world's way of going? Maybe it's not good. No, maybe you got no future in this. Not necessarily. I feel like what happens is that... I mean, anytime you've heard of a music scene, that scene is already over.

Or, you know what I mean? Like that scene is not accepting any new members. Right, that scene's full up. Right, by the time anyone has heard of a scene, it's like, sorry, too late to join that scene. But that's... For most musicians, that's all... You know, that's your reality.

You look at a scene and you're like, well, I kind of identify with that scene. I would like to be a part of that, but it's like no chance. Those doors are closed. Then why do people still make rock music, which is the oldest music ever? That's why it's called rock. It's as old as rocks.

It's that. I think what ends up happening is that... The way to get into... The way for people to hear your music is... It's very rare that somebody just makes genius music. And I mean, this is the fantasy, right? My ex-girlfriend used to say to me like, well, if your music is any good, you'll just make it.

And then people will come running and it's like, wow. Yeah, because you're going to play it super fucking loud. You're going to buy the biggest speakers ever. Right. You're going to just... I mean, her version of reality was that like, oh, somebody's going to hear you playing. They're going to be walking by your house

and hear you playing, and they're going to happen to be a record executive. Sure, kid. Yeah, exactly. I mean, isn't that true of everybody who wants to be an actor in movies or make paintings? All I need is for someone to see it. I'm a video game journalist,

which is sort of like the rock stars of fat people. Sure. And even that is like, you hope you're going to get discovered and you hope you make it. But I still tell people that if you work really hard at it and you're doing something really good, that the cream generally...

It's not really... Not what happened to you, though. Is that naive of me? Some dude saw you kill a can of Pringles, six ships at a time, and they were like, oh, buddy. Eat no more. You have made it.

I feel like what happens is anybody that makes it then revises their origin story and takes out all the parts of their origin story where they're like, well, you know, my mom really helped me a lot, and my dad gave me eight grand. And then I... And it turns out that I knew a guy who knew a guy

who knew a guy who got me on an elevator with a guy. Like, none of that is very interesting, and people mistakenly feel like they want to erase that part of their story because it exposes the degree to which you need a leg up, or it exposes their advantage, however small. That's why I like the voice. I mean, don't get me wrong,

there's a lot of reasons why I like the voice. But when I watch the voice every Tuesday night at 7.30... And then again Wednesday morning. I'll show you the video. And again Wednesday morning. I'll show you the message on view on it. Is this one of the advertisements that you, like, subtly put into the show?

Is this how you guys get rich? God, damn it. We're hoping to get free episodes. When you watch the voice... That's how we get paid. It's a barter system. When you watch the voice on Fox at 7.30... This is an exclusive class.

I watch... Nobody doesn't know where that Soul Patrol dude came from. He came from, like, Season 15 of American Idol. You know where he came from. You know his whole backstory. There's no guesswork. Well, so then it sounds to me like what she's asking there at the end is that she shouldn't be embarrassed to say, like,

hey, if you guys like this, make sure to tell your friends if you want to come see a show. I mean... The problem with that is that, you know, you cannot go out and personally shake the hand of 30,000 people and count that every one of those people is going to hear and love your music. You know, I feel like music has always and even in the internet future land that we're occupying now...

The shitty wasteland. The shitty wasteland. But the reason you hear about bands is that they are part of a community of other musicians and you like one and then you're drawn to see, like, who their friends are and who they associate with. And most scenes, if you think about it, most scenes are formed by bands that are, like, the reason they form a scene is that they are initially unwelcome anywhere else.

Right? You form a collective of other musicians who are struggling because you're living in a world where it's like, oh, I'm not invited into these other scenes. All I have are these other jerks who are right around me. You get an aisle of misfit toys thing going on, but then eventually it becomes, like, a continent of misfit toys. That's right.

And every music scene starts out as an island of misfit toys and most of the time those other bands, maybe they don't sound like you. Maybe, you know, maybe you're friends because you're just proximate to one another. But then a scene comes out of it and other people look at it and go, actually, there is a connective sound between these acts and it ends up being the next, it ends up being the next sound, you know. Maybe can you con people into thinking there is a scene, sort of like an emperor's new clothes type situation?

Oh, the Vermont noise scene? Oh, it's popping off right now. If you're not making Vermont noise, what are you even doing? It's just leaves rustling. I feel like everybody that wants to get into show business feels like there's some kind of chemtrails-based conspiracy that, yeah, it's all a con job, it's all like, how do I get my, you know, they're out there buying Facebook likes or whatever.

And I think it's much more likely that if you go to see bands that interest you and support your friends, like, I think you go see music, first of all, as the number one thing, you support other musicians and support music that you like. Like, all that stuff happens very organically and every successful scene I've ever seen has come up organically among a group of people that are going to each other's shows and share a kind of like-minded desire to perform a certain kind of music. And pretty soon, you know, you're putting on shows where it's like, I'm playing with my friend's band, I'm playing with my other friend's band,

you're not worried about penetrating the big show business, capital S, because you're making a little show business. And then the big show business comes looking for you. I've noticed, John, that you have not to this point mentioned put your music into an Apple commercial. That seems to work. That seems like the easiest thing. You're right. It seems like the easier thing. You're absolutely right. I should have started off by saying, first thing you do is get on an Apple commercial. Just get into one of those. I got another question for you.

Me and a close-knit group of friends formed a rock band. See? See? See what I'm saying? Next question. Right. Travis? Travis. Validates my viewpoint. Travis, go back into the files and get me something non-music-related as we talk about this next question. All right. Okay.

Me and a close-knit group of friends formed a rock band, but the problem is our drummer friend is super flaky and rarely shows up to practice. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but we'll never get out of the garage with him as our drummer. How do I politely give him the old boot? And that's from dropping the drummer in Utah, friend. You're in Utah. I feel like this question is based on another rock industry myth, and that is that you have to practice. Mm-hmm. You just get in a room.

You just say, like, this is our sound. Our sound. What's our sound? We make bad music. Get together. Blank, blank. That's it. That's our sound. Let's go smoke some weed.

Let's smoke a bunch of weed and see what happens. Start designing our logo. The number one thing- First, we start with fog hat covers, and we just cruise into our own sound. Perfect. The number one thing any band needs to do is get out a notebook of lined paper and start designing your logo. Because that is where you're going to get an Apple commercial, I'll tell you why. And make sure you have the proper-

Maybe your logo is you kicking the drummer out the door. Maybe you have a logo contest in the band and say whoever draws the worst logo is out of the band. Is out. And even if the drummer is a graphic artist. I don't get it. You know what? I used my 3D printer. I created this logo.

It's a building of us playing- Oh yeah, I like this guy's better. He drew us as like stick figures all high-fiving. You're out. Yeah, you're out. Sorry, bro. Sorry, he drew the Pearl Jam logo. John, I don't want to unspool this incredible answer that you just gave,

but does the Long Winters have a logo I don't know about? Maybe like an Eskimo shrugging? Like, what gives? You know, the initial logo was of a guy in a sort of an Eskimo style coat pushing a snowblower. And the snowblower produced a big cloud of snow cloud. And the Long Winters name was in the snow cloud. That was our original logo. And it dripped blood.

Yeah, that's right, that's right. It's not exactly giant. It's not exactly giant lips, is it? I mean- No, no, it's not. And that was the problem with it. If you look at the Nirvana logo, the first thing- Is that the one with the guns and roses in it?

No, that was the Alice and Chains logo. Nirvana logo is just the name Nirvana in some kind of font. And your first thought was- I think it was the Wingdings. Is it Wingdings font? It's not Comic Sam. It's an edgy fucking band, man. They invented a sound.

And we- You look at it and your first thought is, Nirvana is the stupidest band name in the history of band names. Like, it's- Right. It seems reasonable now, but when those guys from Aberdeen, Washington were like, we're Nirvana? Totally ridiculous.

Right. But it looked good. It was in a font that just looked right, and they put that same exact logo on everything they did. And that's why they took off. That's right. Look at them compared to the Long Winters. Yeah.

Who had some inscrutable Eskimo on there. You know? And it's just like, all right. By the time I got to Snow Cloud, you guys weren't even listening. That's true. I was thinking about the letters dripping blood. Yeah.

But in answer to this person's question, the number of bands I've seen that have believed that the integrity of the original lineup or the core group was paramount. And yet, and so they kind of willfully refused to acknowledge that one of the guys was not committed to being in the band. And that person was just committed enough that they would be willing to stick around

and thwart the band's ambitions time and time again until all was destroyed. Sure. That's a very common problem in collaborative work. Like this person doesn't love the band enough to recognize that they need to quit for the band to do well. I mean, that sounds like the saving grace to me. It's not saying, hey, our drummer sucks.

Like he's super committed. And he's always the first one at practice and last one to leave. But he's just dumb. Like you've got a great door opening to say like, hey, Bill, do you remember how you haven't been here for the last six weeks? Yeah, out. No, you shouldn't make him make him play a show with you.

Do like the actor's worst nightmare shit. Like get him on a stage, on practice. He doesn't even know the songs. You're playing like a slow ballad. He's giving you like a goon, goon, goon, goon, goon. And you're like, oh man, he's not going to want to even perform music anymore after this embarrassing night.

But to be fair, he's the drummer. So he's walking out going nail that perfect goon. Exactly. That is the problem. The drummer is going to be like, whoa, did you see my performance? That was amazing. I don't know. You guys must not have seen that thing you do,

because the way that it shakes out is that everybody instinctually starts playing with the drummer. Tom Hanks loves it. You're famous. You're huge. I guess it works either way. I mean, your point about not adhering to the original lineup, John reminds me of something I was reading about.

Just today, I was reading up on the band The Suite or Sweet. You may know from Ballroom Blitz fame. The Suite had four guys in it. Two of the guys died. The other two guys are now performing as individual suites in the US and the UK. They have franchise. They've splinter-celled.

They have splinter-celled the suite. And half the band is dead. The other half have basically asexually reduced. Right. Two half the members, twice the band. Sweet UK, Sweet US. That's not just resilient. That's creating jobs.

I mean, that's super common in rock and roll, right? I mean, what the hell is Creedence Clearwater revisited? It's the three guys minus the guy that wrote all the songs and sang them and played all the guitar parts. It's like if you keep swapping out members of Crosby, Stills and Ashton Young, which you don't even notice, you don't know any of these guys. Yeah.

Or the Commodores. How many original Commodores are there left? It's like one guy from the Commodores. His son, his son's friend, his son's friend's dad. One master general, one. Yeah, exactly. Like the postman, like the postman's dog. It's like it doesn't resemble the original band at all.

Doctor feel good. But listen, you got to fire the weak link. I mean, I don't want to introduce any strife into the My Brother and My Brother and Me Kit podcast. How do you start that conversation if we had, for instance, let's just role play if we had to have it with Travis. Let's just role play. Sure. Hold on.

Sure. Like you got a weak link. Yeah. What are you going to say? Hypothetical Travis. Don't worry. It's a hypothetical Travis. We're just picking. It's any one of us.

Let me do it. Here, I've got three names written on a piece of paper. I'm going to throw them into the air and catch them. I caught Travis. For instance, in this situation, what I would do is I would have like a guest expert come on the show. Interesting. That you kind of like better.

That's like funnier, quicker than Travis. We'd have to start doing that. But okay. Yeah. Sounds good so far. Right. And then after you establish a rapport where Travis just is kind of like trying to get a word in edgewise and can. Yeah. Wait, hold on.

Then it becomes just kind of clear to him that he's being. Maybe it's time to. How long do you think that would take? Maybe 21 minutes and 48 seconds ish you guys. I think I think you'd get the point pretty fast unless he's a drummer. John, we wish we could keep talking. Wait, I have one more question.

No, I don't. What? Yes, you'll like this. You'll like this. Okay. Okay. Real quick, Travis. Dear brothers and John Roderick, my girlfriend refuses to eat chicken unless it's been deboned.

No wings, legs, thighs, nothing unless the bones are out of sight. She tells me it's because the bones are gross and morbid. I tell her she is being hypocritical and she consider vegetarianism if she can't face facts. He's my girlfriend being hypocritical and how do I stop picking these dumb fights? And that's from Thanks, I Eat the Bones in Texas. And that is Subject Flying Roderick specifically.

John, have you done anything in your fucking life that would make people think that you're some sort of weird chicken expert man? As a matter of fact, yes. I am a chicken fingers eater. Are you a known? I have listened to alleged chicken fingers. I have listened to all of your albums back and forth.

I don't think there's a song on one of them called Yummy, Yum, Yum. I'm a chicken eater, man. No, no, I keep that part of my life separate. That's sort of, that's on the private premises. Got to have some for you. That's right. But I too share your girlfriend's sort of distaste. Not, I don't think it's gross exactly,

but like if I were given a plate of chicken tenders and next to it was a plate of like whole chicken parts. Mm-hmm. I prefer the processing because, you know, you take a chicken, you have to kill it. You have to pull the feathers out of it. You have to wash it and pull all its guts out. Then you have to chop it up.

Now, that's a lot of processing. I don't see what is so, I don't see why you stopped processing the fucking thing at that point. Yeah, you get to, you do feathers and then you're basically like, man, done. Keep processing it until it's just a pile of meat. But when you got bones, you know they're passing the savings along to you. Yeah, that's the thing. You're paying for that bone weight.

That's true. That's another thing. Like if I'm going to pay the extra, I want to pay for the processing of somebody taking all that meat, putting it in a little pile, breading it and deep frying it. I don't want to have to sit. I mean, I feel like eating chicken off the bone is the last vestige of like feral, like animal instinct that most of us get to experience.

You're sitting at your freaking desk all day in an Aeron chair. You go down to an air-conditioned garage and get in your Prius. You drive to your air-conditioned garage in your subdivision and then you're eating chicken off the bone and you think you're a wild man. And then you bury the bones in the backyard and shit by the tree. Yeah, and your girlfriend is some kind of wuss because she wants it to come to her like as a Totino's pizza roll, like fully processed. She wants chicken pills.

She wants someone from... What's a chicken company? Who does? Who's good about chicken? Dyson. Dyson. Dyson. Mr. Dyson rolls up, chews up the chicken spits into your girlfriend's mouth.

That's what you want. That's what you're asking for. You want chicken paste that is formed into the shape of little chickens, like they do at McDonald's. Yeah, or stars. Or dinosaurs. Dinosaur is fine. John, if you would like to spend more time with John Roger, and who wouldn't,

you have that opportunity. You can go to boatparty.biz and hop onto the Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival. John, what's that? Well, it is a... I was not aware how ad-driven this podcast was. It is all ads. For every time we mention boatparty.biz, we get a free vote. If you can talk about how delicious the Tyson chicken served on this boat

is going to be. So you show up on... How processed is it? You show up on the boat, the first thing that happens is, the first thing you see is some kind of animal. The original cruise I went on, it was a lion, sometimes it's a dolphin, carved out of butter, sitting in a bowl of ice next to a swimming pool. And I mean, that's your first impression.

I use your imagination from there. That is the degree of luxury you are experiencing on even the smallest cruise. And boatparty.biz, of course, is a major cruise property. Is it fun? Can we go back to the butter? I hate to stall out here, but is it functional butter or is this... Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Are you going to be the asshole? Is it just a timekeeping mechanism? If you're the guy who dips in first, are you the asshole? I think you just go after that butter and, you know, what ends up happening, I think, is they use that butter for the rest of the cruise. Like, if you're eating a scone on the last day of the cruise, it came from the dolphin tail. So I go...

Okay, so you go nose to tail. Yeah, I go right for the lion, right for the butter lion, and just dig right in. That's how you know you're on the boat. Is there any entertainment acts, or is it just looking at butter mostly? I will tell you, I've been on a lot of cruises, and the boatparty.biz last year was, I mean, it was absolutely a singular cruise experience. Freakin' hilarious. It's a small enough boat that there's a lot of interaction with the entertainment.

There's so much entertainment on the bill that you almost can't help but interact with them, because when you go into your state room, there's a chance that one of the comedians or musicians is actually going to be in there fluffing your pillow. Yeah, that's how Chris Fairbanks earned his ticket on board. We had such a hilarious time last year. The last night of the cruise, the entire... Like, all the performers all jumped in the swimming pool at about one o'clock in the morning. Eugene Merman was like first in, I think he had a bottle of brandy in one hand,

and maybe like a vape cigarette in the other, and he was like, everybody in the pool! I hope he got home all right. Oh yeah, he's fine, he survived. But like Boat Party.biz just added Todd Berry, who is I think going to be performing the Eugene Merman role this year. Of embarrassing himself in a pool. Yeah, although he will not have a bottle of brandy or a vape cigarette or get in the pool, but otherwise he will be the spark that ignites him.

In this extinguishable. Yeah, that's right. Now, John, we're not going to be on the cruise, so can you describe it again, but make it sound worse and shittier so it doesn't feel so bad? Let's see, the city of Nassau, Bahamas feels a little dangerous. It's a beautiful paradise, John. It's a beautiful paradise. I see right through you.

But yeah, it's a little bit, it has that shabby chic that is so characteristic of the Mediterranean. It was a valiant effort, but the whole thing is going to be magical. Last year on Nassau, I rented a scooter and drove to the other side of the island with a beautiful girl on the back, and we got caught in a brief warm rainstorm. So that we were both just soaked to the bone. Oh, it was so bad. That sounds like the day that Bill Murray talks about wishing he had instead of Groundhog Day and Groundhog Day.

Oh, no, wait, wait, wait. I got soaked and my iPhone got wet. Oh, no. So that now when I take it in to have it serviced, they give me the stink eye at the Apple Store, does that make sense? Is the phone still wet, John, from last year? It still works, but you know, they have some litmus paper in there that's like, oh, this phone is pregnant and you can't, it won't get fixed anymore.

And you get it wet after midnight. That's right. They're giving you the stink eye because your phone smells like the funnest thing that ever happened, and they didn't get to go. Well, what happened is it turned from a mogul into a gremlin, and now I have to deal with this fucking angry gremlin phone all the time. John Rodgerick, thank you so, so much for joining us on our show. It is a real pleasure.

Boatparty.biz is where people can go if they want to spend some time with you, personal time. Me and many other great performers. So many others, and you're on Twitter, of course. John Rodgerick, that's R-O-D-E-R-I-C-K. Is there anything else you would like to promote? Do we still announce being on Twitter as though it's something... That not everybody is already doing it. Let me check my notes here.

You're on something called Twitter? I just don't want people to have to look for you. I want them to just have a direct line to your feeds that they can follow. John Rodgerick on Twitter. You should listen to my podcast, which is called Rodgerick on the Line, which is not part of the Maximum Fun Network for reasons that are unclear to me, but I am just a lonely soldier in the world. We can't afford Merlin. His writer is crazy.

Believe me, I know. It's absinthe all the way down. But yeah, that's right. I do a podcast with Merlin Man. Yeah, I'm part of the general fabric of the American sub-entertainment business. And you will see me in your town at some point. You'll see him. Are you going to... I know you've been playing some shows up in the Pacific Northwest. So you plan on doing that more countrywide. Good question. Well, I'm going on a cruise.

Did I tell you about that? Right. Is that cruise coming to awesome fucking Texas? So you're going to park the boat in Lady Bird Lake? You know, why the hell is that called a lake? It's a fucking river. It's a... Well, I mean, it is a lake. It's closed off. You put a dam on a river, I guess you can call it a lake. It still looks like a river.

It's a fucked up river. But it's the slowest moving river. They couldn't call it Lady Bird fucked up river. This is the greatest podcast ever. No, we will come to Austin. We'll come to Austin very soon because, you know, Austin loves the long winters and we love Austin. We love you. Thank you so much for joining us, Mr. Roderick, John, if you don't mind.

Thank you, bros. Sure. And I think there's more show after this. So let's go back to the show. It's also us. Be just like this. How about a Yahoo? Quickie. This is who was sent by Drew.

Thanks, Drew. It's about Yahoo answers user. They've been deleted. They ask, do you ever get scared your parents might find out about Sims 4? I'm assuming they mean Sims 3 because obviously, Sims 4 is not yet. But I am very much looking forward to the new creative sim system with dynamic face dragging. Watch the trailer.

It looks great. This face dragging, it looks out of control. It has woohooing and stuff in the game. But I don't do that stuff except woohooing to make kids. I get scared. My parents might find out and I may not be able to play it anymore. That's why I limit my woohooing, kissing, hugging and touching. I tell my parents my sim is single and she's not ready to mingle.

When they ask who's the guy in the house, I ask them what guy they're talking about until they leave me alone. Jesus Christ. I only woohoo to make kids. I want to throw this out. When you first asked the question, Griffin, I was afraid you meant something like, I'm afraid my parents will find out about Facebook

and start using it and contacting all my friends. Well, yeah. Well, you don't want your parents woohooing on the side. You want to only know that they woohooed once. Yeah, to make you. That's the ideal. They could like somehow like genetically woohoo so that none of their sim bits actually touched.

That would be wonderful. You, while Griffin was reading this question, my connection broke up so I didn't hear it and I was going to stop and say something, assuming, but I decided not to, assuming that I would be able to assemble the question through context clues. That has become, that is becoming increasingly unlikely, it seems.

No, this will be fun. This will be like a board game. So I think, I mean, if I was a parent and I saw my kid woohooing and kissing, hugging and touching virtual boys or girls, I would say, I don't care if you're semi-single and not writing a mingle. I'm not interested in watching you do this because I have to watch everything you do on your computer

because if I look away for a second, you'll be abducted. Through the computer like in Captain N. You'll be sucked right into the screen. You'll be sucked in. Mother brain will fucking snatch you up. Also like several issues of are you afraid of the dark, I believe. Yeah, there's basically the plot of every other are you afraid of the dark. Yeah, I would be willing to bet that if this is a big enough

of a problem for this question asker, that their parents keep bringing this up, they're already pretty worried about it. Yeah. If it's enough that you have to constantly explain to your parents that while your sim is single, she is not ready to mingle, the parents are going, what the fuck is wrong with our kid? Can we all admit how we play the Sims right now for once and all and settle it?

We all start it like, oh, I want to start and I'm going to recreate the house I live in. Or maybe I'm just going to pick up some architectural studies and like test out what kind of crazy MCS or shit I can make. He was the guy who made all the buildings. And then maybe I'll make a boat or something. Or maybe I'm going to have a guy that's really good at guitar and he becomes the most famous guitarist on the earth.

That's what I'm going to do. And then 15 minutes later, you're trying to get your sim to fuck everybody in town, everybody. I feel like it is like a psychological test if you watch someone play Sims, they're either going to end up A, being the most boring, all-knowing, all-powerful being in the world. They're going to B, spend all their time trying to make their sims fuck. Or C, they're going to put walls up around a sim

and make them pee themselves and die. Yeah, right. I'm going to download the Celebrity Skins so they look famous. And I'll lock like greatest American hero in an MC Hammer in a room. And MC Usher. Yeah, an MC Usher. An MC Usher. MC Usher.

And then you make them all fuck. And then you put a fireplace in the room. I'll take care of them. That's what Kanye West, when you wrote the album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, that's what he was talking about. About Sims? It's about that.

Literally that situation we just described. MC Usher, MC Usher, MC Hammer, and the other one. Fucking in a fiery inferno. Can you make your sim look like a nun? Is that a possibility? I mean, you can and it'll just make it more scintillating when that nun breaks the habit, if you know what I mean. I mean, she takes all of her clothes off.

And she takes off her clothes, she's not a nun anymore. Come on, Griffin. I guess you're right. That's how it works. That's why all nuns stink like shit. It's true. You ever seen a nun just walk through the car wash? Man, I won't play some Sims now.

Yeah, I know, right? Do you guys remember Sims Online? I thought it was fucked up. Yeah, it was real fucked up, because that game was like the Sims. Everyone's trying to fuck. But guess what? There's people on the other end in real life, people.

Hello. Hello, how are you? Good to meet you. Oh, internet? Sure. Fuck me. I fucked you. We did it for real.

If you fucking the game, you fucking real life. The Sims Online, brought to you by EA. You're gonna love fucking the internet. It's like EverQuest, but it's gonna leave you bone dry. Folks, that's gonna do it for us. Thank you so much to, well, I mean, John Rodger. But we thank you every week. Right.

Double, triple thanks with sugar to John Rodger for joining us on this program. We haven't recorded that interview yet, so I hope he has lived to this point to actually record. Well, more likely, I hope we don't like fucking pee our pants. And then you can hear the pee in the recording. So thank you to him. Thank you to you for listening to the program.

You can follow John Rodger. We probably did the plugs, didn't we? Do you think? In the past? In the future? Our future selves? We should mention again to go to boatparty.biz. Think about it.

Think about it real hard, because it's gonna be a goddamn slam dunk. Thanks to people tweeting about the show, like Jesse, Don Chappell, Epinards and Caramel, so many others. You're all fantastic. And we haven't, I don't know that we've ever mentioned this, but if you'd like to get some more information

or see like pictures from live show and everything, check out our Facebook group. My brother, my brother and me. Go check it out. Yeah, we, hey, we have one of those. If you are going to be at our LA live show next week, week from fuck, in like four days, goddamn it. Please send us a question.

Let us know that you're going to be there, so we can call you out. And then let's get some Mad Bro grabs going afterwards. Let's get it going. Let's get it popping. And that's going to do it for us here. My brother, my brother, my brother, me, Griffin, you got a last question for us.

Got this final one. Please listen to the other Max Fun shows, too. Maxfunfun.org. So many good ones. All right, final question. This final Yahoo was sent by Zach Baum. Thank you, Zach. It's by Yahoo Answers user Erica, who asks,

oh, what is a marijuana nugget? I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. This has been my brother and my brother and me. Kiss your dad. School air on the lips. Thanks.

Maxfunfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Have you made vacation plans yet? The second annual Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival is ready to set sail this summer, and we want to see you on board.

Imagine amazing comedians, stellar music, and beautiful Caribbean views. It all takes place July 25th through 28th, all route to Nassau, the Bahamas. And frankly, we've impressed even ourselves with this lineup of bullseye favorites. You've got Moshe Casher. I was in an airport recently.

You ever you ever see somebody and you're just like, oh, so you're what's wrong with everything in the world? Kyle Kanane. Anybody else in here gets so drunk last month you had to call a cab just to take you to Wendy's? W. Kamau Bell. So complicated my feelings. Morgan Murphy.

I don't know if you guys know what a facelift is. When they take your face skin and they peel it away from your face and in that little space there, that's where they find your self-esteem. And besides them, Greg Barron, Chris Fairbanks, Karen Kulgarov, Natasha Legerro, Guy Branham, Tony Kameen, and Carol Kolb. Plus an awesome music lineup,

hosted by John Roderick of the Long Winters and featuring our pal Gene Gray. Come on, what else are you going to be doing? Don't miss the funniest weekend of your life. Get your tickets right now. Go to boatparty.biz. Yeah, that's right. Boatparty.biz.

The Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival. Comedy. Music. Shuffleboard.