My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 206: Hodor Hoarders

Episode Date: June 23, 2014

Happy Solstice, everybody! Oh, don't worry - we definitely know what the solstice is. And like, its significance, and its observations and ... just like, all the things about the solstice. Suggested talking points: Solstice, Pump Island, Marry a Billy Joel, Old Friend Management, Dank VelJohnson, Travis' Special Underwear

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Welcome to the Solstice. I knew it, that's what I was gonna do. It's my brother, my brother, and we special summer solstice episode. As we dance amongst the fairy rings, the sky hangs high with the brightness of a lunas, the sun beams down on us from its highest position, lightning bolt, lightning bolt,

lightning bolt, and lightning bolt. Let's all start fucking. My, there's only three of us here, it's hugely creepy. I'm the oldest traveler, Justin McElroy. I'm the middlest and nakedest to Travis McElroy, I'm free. I emerge from the mist one, I emerge from the mist two, I emerge from the mist three. Hi, my name is Griffin McElroy, I'm a level 14 troll, Berzerker, and I, sorry, I hate to, one of you guys buffed me while I was emerging from the mist, which is LARP rules like 101, you gotta wait for me to be summoned before we can begin our encounter. I actually have an enchanted mirror of Conchlangrung, and it helps me to see you from the mist.

Have you had those new, those Fritos Conchlangrung? They're so good. They're buffalo blasted. Delicious. I did just watch Monster Camp again, so I am like coming hot and fresh off the, like, that glow that you get after you watch Monster Camp. People watch Monster Camp, I think you have to like rent it on Amazon in some video or something like that, it's an important movie, and it's one of those movies that you watch it, and you're like, this is a crazy world, I know nothing about it, I never will, look at these, look at all these people, and then also

you feel like, could I maybe like, could I maybe dip in? That is the great dark secret of Monster Camp, is that you will watch it. You were the monster the whole time. You were the monster the whole time, you were watching this movie with your significant other, and your, your wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend will be watching it and laughing, and you'll be laughing inside you, there's another you that's not laughing. Not laughing at all. There's another you that says maybe I could dip in.

It's weeping with a fantastic longing. I want our listeners to know that I felt like that goof was general enough that I can't imagine we were making fun of any specific group, right? No, I think we were mostly making fun of ourselves. Yeah, I felt that way too. Because of our distinct lack of knowledge of what the solstice is, what it does, it's- Don't you take this as an opportunity to educate us, either, dear listeners. I'm on to your game.

You can educate me. I like learning stuff. I'm not afraid to learn and expand and grow as a person. I'm done with that. I feel like I have to, with a, with a child so close, I feel like I have to cauterize myself as a human. I have to like- You can't grow anymore.

I don't want to grow anymore, because that would be confusing for them. So I basically just have to cap it off here. Well, and then it's all like- The Giver. The Giver and ignorance and just waiting, I guess. Well, and then you start to pass on your memories to the child as like what it's like to sled and what the color red looks like. Right.

And how cinnabons taste. And where the baby hole in the wall is, where you put the bad babies. Giver. Dark book. Is it dark book? Dark, dark book. We won a newberry, then. Yeah, did it win a newberry?

I believe it won a newberry. Can we get to the comedy already? I'm dying inside and outside. I have noticed that the way I shake hands with people may be a little off. I have a firm grip, but I tend to counter the other person's pumps with trying not to pump at all. Instead, I flex my shoulder and arm. So while the person is trying to move their arm up and down, my arm stays completely still. Yeah, pump that shit.

Just try and pump that shit, idiot. Pump it. I imagine the other person encounters some unexpected resistance to an otherwise routine bump or two. Brothers, how am I supposed to be doing this? You know how you're supposed to be doing this. That's from wrestling in Winchester. Now listen, my brother, my brother, me listeners.

Before you start laughing too hard, I've shaken a lot of your hands. You're a wonderful people, kind, generous. Oh, I love your spirit. So many of you came up to the LA show. We met so many, so many beautiful hearts. Sometimes you're bad at handshakes. I've shaken a lot of your hands. Some of you could pick up a tip or two.

That's all I'm saying. I always just assume that it's like, not because I've done this before as well, like if you're standing on a line for something or you're waiting and you know that handshake's coming, like if somebody just encountered you at random and was like, hey, and you shook their hand, you would nail it, you know, 100%. But then when you have time to think about it and you're like, I'm about to shake this hand, it's up and down, right? No, wait, hold on.

Be proactive about it. Wait. If you're waiting in line to like after one of our live shows and you want to shake our hand and like that's super cool, go ahead and like get your hand ready. Do a little bit of pre-pro on that hand to make it perfect for us. Maybe breathe into it a little bit to get it to the ideal temperature for me. That's 96.5, a little bit cooler than normal. I like a nice little handshake.

Definitely not warmer. Definitely not wet. Definitely dry that hand right off. I'm not sure which handshake I find more upsetting. On the one hand, you got the one that feels like their arm was like somebody filled up a Jell-O mold that shaped like an arm and then just kind of attached it to a person as if I wouldn't notice. I don't like that handshake.

But I think what I find even more upsetting is like the super firm alpha dog, like don't try that fucking pick up artist bullshit with me. I can win that one. So I like that one. Yeah, Travis has like extra knuckles inside of his hand. His hand is like, I don't know, it's bristling with knuckles on the inside. The one I, the handshake I dislike the most is that one where you go over the handshake and their hand closes like a second too soon, like some kind of awful claw game.

They grab like your fingers instead of like your palm. Yeah, and then they get embarrassed and try and back out. And it's like, don't back out. Just like, fix it. Just fix it. Just fix it. Back out now. This is what I'm going to remember you buy, finger grabber.

Handshake is like making love. There's no standard for it. You have to breathe the other person's energy. Yeah. You have to see where they're going with it. You can get crabs from it. You can get all kinds of stuff. This person is playing a dangerous fucking game because if you ever meet your counterpart in

this world and you guys go into shake hands and then both of you just grab hands and stand perfectly still, you are holding hands at that point. That is cease to be a handshake. You are holding hands. If that's your boss, that's a whole idea. We got to call HR into the room. HR, please witness this. This is just a shitty handshake.

We're not holding hands in the office on office hours. Okay. But here's this. I can, I get this a little bit. You don't pump your non-pumper. No, but I, I, there's something to me that's always seemed so calculated and forced about the like handshake, pump, pump, pump. Done.

There's something about like just a grab and kind of like a, almost like just a flex is all the pump you get where it's just like grab and like you're just kind of flexing your arm and then you break off and that's it. You go into the, you don't go up and down. You go like in and you hit. Yeah. You're locking like Voltron. It's kind of just like a putter that like a putter there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which I kind of dig that way more because it's much more of just like an acknowledgement of like now our hands are together and now our hands are apart and there was no kind of extraneous motion in there.

I kind of dig that. Maybe. But that said, if the other person starts to pump, you don't just like, don't leave them standing alone on Pump Island. You've got to fucking send them a raft. I want to ask one other quick favor. Since I know that this only applies to like people who do meet and greets after their live podcast.

So this won't be widely useful, but I'm using our show as like a megaphone for my own wants and desires. When you're at a thing and someone says, hi, I'm Justin McRoy and you say, yes, I know, that's incorrect. Wrong. You whanged it. You whanged it because I know, you know, we're playing a game here. You and I, we're going to meet each other.

It's an introduction. I want to know you as a human. You may not believe that, but I do. I want to know each and every one of you. I wish I had the time after live show to have a nice 20 to 22 minute chat. With each of you about your life and learning and living. And I want to get to know you. So please say your goddamn name to say, give me your name.

Please give me something to work with. And I cannot stress enough. We love all of you. Please don't ever stop shaking your hand and talking to us and being friends because we need you very much. We need you. Can I say one thing that our listeners did fucking nail and are consistently very good about?

I was at the LA live show and after you do like a live podcast or whatever or a panel maybe, you know, or even like a wedding thing that, you know, that you're going to like shake a lot of hands afterwards. So I was in that mode, right? Like, I know I'm about to go shake everybody's hand. I had to pee super bad. The show had just ended. There were, and I was like, I got to hit the bathroom.

I walked into the bathroom. There's four people who I know were just in the podcast watching my podcast show. I peed. I washed my hands. I left. Not a word was uttered to me. Nice. Like I was not there.

And I was like in my head thinking, you sons of bitches are crushing this right now. Let me get out this door and I'm going to praise you heartily because you are playing this so well. And I'm I'm so happy. What they could have, what were they going to do? Hey, man, great. Hey, I hate to interrupt you. I just want to let you know it was a great job.

Thank you. Hey, my good, good. Hey, my good, good P boy. What are you going to do? You got your dick betwixt your fingers. Just want to let you know. You have to hide my heart in your hand. I use all five.

What the hell? Like a crow's beak. Well, now I've got to think about it. Hold on. Yeah. Now you now I've have to think about it. And I'm mad at you for making me do that. Y'all want a yahoo?

Hit me. This yahoo is sent in by Drew Davenport, Emerald member, fucking diamond member, forever friend. Guys, if you weren't at the LA live show, you missed Drew Davenport. Like, us fucking ascending the throne. Here's some fun facts about Drew Davenport. He is 13 feet tall. Why is a bull?

He is a mountain of a man and a jovial one to boot. And you know shit has a natural glow about him that's blind. He's got a beard you could hide a fist in. He's got a lot of stuff, a lot of great assets. Thank you, Drew, for all the good times. And the bad times. And the bad times. Yeah, just thanks for being there.

Just thanks for your unfair weather friend. This is asked by yahoo answers user Derp, who asks, Becoming Barney in school wear. What? So I have the perfect, neat, slim fit blazer. Trousers, shoes, tie, belt for school. I have just recently been addicted to how I met your mother. Why the finale?

Why? And Barney. New version. And Barney is my idol. I was just wondering, I'm in high secondary school, but I am known for being the suit guy. But I feel like I lose this in school. How should I dress, act, and talk to become like Barney?

Or in other words, become legend, wait for it, fuck you. Let's do this question. All right, Derp. Barney is a fictional character. He's a fictional character. I want to be Robinson Caruso. Did I say Caruso? That's not his name.

He's a caricature of a person. In real life, no one would like that guy. No one would, no one even likes him on the fucking show. He's a punchline. That's, that's the thing. He's a goob. He's not, he's not a real person. You already fucked up if you're in high school and you're the suit guy.

The suit guy is not a thing you want to be in high school. Now that said, if you're in high school and you wear a suit, good for you. I don't think anyone should ever be identified as the blank guy. No, not good for you, Travis. You said a bad thing. Don't wear a suit. No, I don't want to judge. Listen, if somebody wants to wear a suit, if someone wants to wear a Spiderman costume,

if somebody just wants to like rule out the school. No, incorrect. No, you're doing it. Are you done with this? I'm done with the idea that people in high school should be making choices about their identity and everybody should just passively be okay with it. Listen, you're still in your formative years, okay?

There's still a chance for me to help you. You wear a suit to weddings and funerals. Stop it. Stop doing this. You can wear a nice pair of slacks and a polo or a button down. If you want to elevate your fucking like Jinko style, I get it. I get it. Go for it.

But there's a minute. What if I want to wear a tear-away pants and a button-up dress shirt? You mean like you did every goddamn day in high school? Just as an example. Can I ask you a question real quick? Because that was not a joke. You wore tear-away pants basically around the clock. Were you getting so much trim that you needed to have that fucking mic?

First of all, I wore them maybe once a week and it was because I was in fucking show choir and had to pants. On pussy day. They were comfy dance pants. Gotta be at the ready. Minutemen. Minutemen assemble. My balls, get out of here.

I like that Travis's answer about meeting them for show choir was actually an implicit answer to Griffin's question about how much trim. Because that is zero. No, not enough. I don't know. I was in show choir because my girlfriend was in show choir. And you put on that sequel invest and you saying we built this city and just- We built this city was the year before me, Griffin.

My year was- Things, Scott, damp. We did more of like a Billy Joel kind of style. It just got 10 times better in the erotic department. I'm going to hope against hope that you were doing that because it was in that the few years that Billy Joel was married to one of Huntington's native daughters. And you were hoping that maybe he would come by. See, Justin, I live my life every second hoping Billy Joel comes by.

So here's- With just his body, not like him driving into your office when- No, God, no. Here's a fun side story, okay? Billy Joel marries- Have to have told this story before. No, I don't think so. Okay, so Billy Joel married Katie Lee who is somebody that I knew a little bit.

We did some shows together back in the day in the outdoor theater. So he married Katie Lee who then goes on to- She hosts the first season of Top Chef and she's done some of the cookie shows, whatever, that was after this. So Billy Joel marries Katie Lee and the interesting thing about this is that it starts this weird pseudo paranoia in Huntington that at any given moment, Billy Joel could show up to something. And it's more of like an expectant thing.

Like a child whose parent has abandoned them. That every time they're at the science fair or something, they have that back of their head fantasy that maybe they heard about it and their erstwhile father will show up. It was sort of like that with Billy Joel for a while. Anytime like a large house sold in Huntington, the room room meal would fly. Oh my God. And it was purchased by Dr. William Joel Onnery.

And it was his- That was his home. That's where he was going to live. There was a bar on- There was a bar on here. That bar on 4th Street that used to be Club Echo, it peaked at Club Echo, but it would like rotate every maybe year and a half to become a different bar. In the height of that fever, it became C&O Piano Bar.

And I think it fucking became that. Like expecting that maybe the Joelster would cruise on through a piano bar. Hey, well, I had just happened to know a piano man. Uh-huh. Billy, just keep driving. Billy, just well just once. No, we're going to Chickadees. Stop it.

What could have hurt? We're going to Stumblers 2 still stumbling. We can't stop and see an O Piano Bar. We left your tab open before we went to see a movie at the Camelot, and we said we'd be back, and now we have to go back. A lot of really great references. Another question. Yep.

Years ago, my two best friends who were dating had a wickedly ugly breakup, which resulted in me having to choose sides. I sided with my homeboy and broke contact completely with the other. It's been six years and emotions have subsided, so I decided to bury the proverbial hatchet and just make peace. Now she's inviting me to hang out, as if nothing happened when I don't even really know this person anymore. Should I just accept that I open this Pandora's box and jump back into things,

or should I go with my gut and tread carefully? That's from critically confused in Cranberry. Oh, I feel some real advice coming on. It's been a while. Uh-oh. I know, it's just like this is a thing that everybody I think has to deal with. It's like a combined thing of having to choose sides when your friends break up is already pretty awful,

and it's unfair, and it's something you shouldn't have to do, but we all have to do it at some point. It is that combined with the latent awkwardness of, I haven't seen this person in years, do we like making the catch-up call to somebody that you used to be really good friends with, and then you haven't talked to, is always like in your brain before you do it, like the most going to be the most fucking uncomfortable thing ever, because you have to ask them, like, what are you?

What are you? Well, let me counter that, though, because I think that it's my, I think the ideal way to do it is you kind of fake it till you make it kind of thing. No, because... No, well, hear me out. Where you jump in like, you know, you just spoke the day before, and then things kind of shake out where it's like, okay, great, I'm noticing that this is different, and this is different, and they like this now,

instead of like, let's sit down and have a 30-minute intensive conversation about what's different in our lives. No, I think that's what you've got to do, and I think that's worth it, because you can't just be like, you sit down, hey, hey, it's good to see you, you too, should have done this a while ago, yeah, sure. So how's work? Like, no, I've been in grad school for three years,

you fucked that one up, next. How's Jimmy? Jimmy's astronaut now. Jimmy's in space. I don't see Jimmy anymore. He's with the space, man, now. He's with space, Jesus, now. How's your dog?

Dog died. Next, keep it up. Do you want to, I hear the good, I hear it. Wait, are you saying that that's the ideal? Like, that's what you have to do? No, I'm saying that's what you get when you fake it, when you, until you make it, that's your strategy. I sit down and I say, let's just like fucking hash it out.

Then you sit down and play Mario Kart 8, and like, you don't talk about shit, you don't know the answer to it. And then they leave and it's like, oh fuck, I forgot to ask anything about you, because I don't know anything about you. I guess our whole relationship, we have to be playing Mario Kart 8 whenever you come over now, shit. That's kind of weird to me in this question. I don't, you said it's been six years and emotions have subsided,

so you decided to bury the proverbial hajj and make peace. Where does your homeboy figure into this? What is his, like, did you ask his blessing before burying this hajj? I don't think you need to. Six years is a long fucking time. Six years is a really long time. How bad were these emotions at six years? Yeah.

I mean, it could not be, it couldn't be, it could just be like, you stopped hanging out with this person, and when you do that, like, they left your mind's eye, and you didn't like think to do that. I'm saying, it's always worth it to like, to try and reconnect with a person. Like, it's always so great, because then you have like, one of your old friends is back. It's always like, the best thing ever is just like broaching that subject is always really rough. I think you have to be like really open about it, like,

hey, we lost touch and that sucked. Let's just like, just run through it. Let's, this hangout is going to be us like fucking getting through the past six years, and then the next time we hang out, it can be just like, what did you do this week? You will honestly, you will be surprised how quickly you can wrap up the important things in six years. It's easy. And like, they're doing it, they want to do it too.

I'm with you guys on this. They don't know what you've been up to. Like, they're in the same boat. Well, because in any relationship, communication is key, right? Like, that's the thing. So I changed my mind because here's the thing. If you really are going to re-establish a true friendship with this person, and you were best friends before this all shook out,

and now you're looking to like rebuild that, I think it's perfectly just filed. We'll be like, hey, I feel like, you know, we really grew apart in that six years, and we lost contact. So what's up? But, you know, let's, let's catch up. I would find it so flattering. I would find it so flattering that like, you want to put in the effort to like, like this relationship meant something to us at some point.

Like, it really means a lot to me that you want to like work to, to get us back to where we were. Like, I don't know, man. I think it's, I think it's super, it's super nice. And it's something like I'm, I'm dishing it out, but like it's something I struggle with. I've been going to a lot of weddings this year and like reconnecting with like my, literally my oldest dearest friends that I'm just like such a shithead about,

you know, calling once a month or so. I think the more that you do it, I think, I feel like that's a big part of becoming an adult is like realizing that everybody that you were friends with in school coming up have also become adults. And it's so fucking cool to like talk to them and see like how you guys have, how you guys have developed. The last things broke bad. But most of the time they're not gonna be weird.

The nature problem with these conversations. This is why it's such a, like, this is why a lot of times in my life, I will avoid these conversations because I'm so afraid of saying to the person like, so how is this person that I sort of kind of remember from your family and they're dead. And like that's, I can't even process that like, this is not a goof. Like I'm, I worry enough about that that I will actually avoid conversations like this because I am so paranoid about, I think it's honestly just like looking stupid

because I don't think people would be like upset, angry at you. Like I'm just worried about looking dumb in front of a person and saying like the stupidest thing. But juice, isn't that like a litmus test where the person's like, they're dead. And you're like, okay, so is this friendship. Like where that person is going to judge you for not knowing this thing because you haven't spoken to them. It's less about them judging. Anxiety isn't really rooted in like,

socially anxiety, isn't really rooted in the realities of the situation. Because almost with all of these, like the worst, like people are usually very sort of like, generous and kind about conversation. That's the thing you have to like, concretely remind yourself of, but, but you know, it's not really rooted in the realities of how they're going to react. It's like, it's just, that's just the paranoia. Start general. Like I, I start with like, so what are you like, what are you doing now?

Like where do you live? That's a good one. Like where do you live and what do you do there is a good way to like start out. And then like you get your feet wet from there. Don't start with who and your family died this year. Yeah. Like that's and don't and try to say general. I think don't ask like, are you still really into deep blue something

because I seem to remember you being very into that band. Sure. And what if their answers? Yes, I'm a groupie for them. Hi, they let me in the band. I'm in the band. I hand job to all, all of them yesterday. Could you just throw out like, how's your family and then let them fill in the blanks

as they feel comfortable with? That's like, as opposed to like, well, as opposed to like, how's your dad doing? How's your brother who had all those risky tendencies? Keep it, keep it real, keep it real, real general, I think. And how are the people in your life? That's going to like, whatever they tell you is probably going to be a pretty good indication of who they are. And then you can move on from there.

But it's, it's, it's hard and it gets harder the longer you go without talking. But man, like I never get off a phone call with one of my friends that I haven't talked to in a few months without feeling like fucking awesome about it. Yeah. You're right. If I need to just get over it, just do that more. Just because it really feels kind of like finding a time capsule. We were like, oh yeah, there's all this awesome stuff I forgot about.

Yeah. And you think, I think this is one of the problems with like, I've really turned a corner on Twitter and Facebook. I kind of think they're the fucking worst now. And I think it's because like you follow your friends on there and you see pictures of like the food that they eat in the vacations that they take and you think like, man, I really know what this guy's up to now, but you fucking don't. Like you got to call them and you need to like actually have a human conversation with them

and then you will, and then you'll know you trick it. Social media is like a way of tricking yourself into thinking you're staying in really good touch with their friends. But really you're just like a creepy voyeur of the meals that they eat. Well, but I will say this. I think the one thing that Facebook really does well for me is even if it's not deep, it at least keeps in my mind's eye like, hey, you haven't talked to Jordan in a while. And it's like, oh yeah, you know what?

You're right. I haven't. I don't know. It gives me an opportunity to just like, you can, if you see someone coming up that you know they haven't talked to in a long time, you can sort of hide in their periphery as you check their Facebook. And then there is also that get, get a few sort of ground things. Grounders, I call them.

Yeah. A few easy ones you can ask about because yeah, then you always have the, hey, I saw on Facebook that you just got a new puppy. How's that going? And then you've got fucking weird things. I don't know how to say that. I would say no, don't say that out loud. No, that seems like, hey, I know we haven't talked in six years,

but I looked at, oh, I still watch your every, but isn't that completely socially accepted at this point that people look at your Facebook all like, hey, the reason I follow you on Facebook is so I know this shit. No, but I, But it's not like you're NSA hacking them, like they put a picture on. Hey, I, yeah, I prismed you and it looks like you're really happy with that new man. I guess it might be naive of me to say this, but I would like to think that if you were close with this person, they, they might be feeling the same thing and saying like,

hey, I don't want this to be awkward, but it's been so long since we talked. Let's just like get down to it. I mean, I would like to think that would be the best way to approach it. I know that's completely different from how I started. Yeah, we changed, we changed minds together, Justin. Yeah, but it's like, you know what? Just like be real. And if they were really your friend, and if that's really a connection you want to rebuild,

then rebuild it. And sometimes that takes work and sometimes that work is. This is Gary. This is going on too long. I love you. I got it. I got it. It's taking forever.

It's just that I miss you guys. Get it. I feel like we never talk. We get it. We just never talk and I miss you Justin. We get it. We get it. What have you got to do?

We get it. Okay. I get your whole thing. I get it. You're just wrong. We just did like 30 minutes on that question. We were wrong the whole time and you didn't say anything. I just got, I got bored enough that all I just did.

I just feel like you're wrong. I feel like no right answer should take that line to explain. I feel like the easier, the simpler answer is usually the right one. Isn't that what Occam's razor is? Yeah. I think Occam's razor is from harrys.com. Check out harrys.com for all your shaving needs. Bitch, we're not doing, they didn't pay for that.

Edit that out. Bleep that. No, I'm just using a harry's razor right now. So I thought about it. Can we talk? They're not bad. They're pretty good. Can we talk about the companies that did give us money

to talk about the product? Problem with doing ads for major companies is that you get all this money and you don't have anywhere to put it. It is such an issue. I deal with it every day. I deal with it every day. We insist that all of our payments come in quarters. Yeah, have you seen hoarders?

It's kind of like that. Have you seen the show of hoarders? Have you seen quarter hoarders? What's the show called? Quarter hoarders. You seen quota, quota, hoda? Quarter hoarders. It's called hodor hoarders.

I got all of these piles of hodorers. What do I do with them? Well, you can put them in simple. You can go to simple.com and put your giant men. To bother all your giant men at simple.com, the way banking should be, they're rebuilding banking from the ground up. If you don't, that you can spend without stress. If you don't know if you haven't enough hodores in the bank, you can spend them.

Simple is the only other word that hodor knows. That's how good a product it is. That's how good it is. Save automatically. You have a goal. I want to have a thousand hodores by the end of this year. Simple will tell you how many hodores you need to save. It'll do it for you.

It'll put it aside for you. That's good because these hodores are just burning a hole in my pocket. You can actually deposit hodores from your phone. Now, here's the way that works. You take a picture of it and then they scan it and they say, okay, that one counts and then you burn it. Yeah, you burn that hodor in your account. He's going to be scared of the fire and the technology.

The whole process is not going to be great for the hodor. But you've got to digitize them. You got to. It's just like Tron. There are instant free transfers between your different simple accounts for when you forget to pay your roommates for that Cheetos bag. I think it means bag of Cheetos. It says bag of Cheetos.

Okay, so in our copy, it says that Cheetos bag. I'm assuming we're talking about a bag of Cheetos and not selling collectible Cheeto wrap. I've got a weird packaging economy you and your roommate have. Was this copy that simple sent us or is this Travis's own input? Travis? No, this is their copy. This is the copy they sent us.

When you have to pay your roommate for that Cheetos bag. What is there? Okay, the banking solution they've come up with is arguably the greatest banking solution on earth. They've solved banking. They fixed banking, but it sounds like their whole situation at maybe their home life is not so great. There's sales that says pay your bills fast before your hot pocket is done microwaving.

Yeah, and they've also imagined a sort of odd post-apocalyptic bubble future that's only in your apartment where Cheetos bags are currency. That'll be two Cheetos bag and three pop tops. Sorry, man. That's how we do it in the wasteland. What are you talking about the wasteland? This is Barbersville. That's why I call my apartment.

It's the wasteland. It's a post-apocalyptic bubble universe. It's my roommate and I haven't talked in six years. Can I cut you a rent check for my part of the rent? Uh, your money's no good here. Your American currency. You can go to the bank, by which I mean the Kroger's, or you can exchange your American currency for Cheetos bags.

Thank you very much. Don't bring the Cheetos around here, though. The actual Cheetos I'm highly allergic to. Simple is a real bank. It's FDIC insured. And you can go to simple.com slash my brother to skip the wait list. Otherwise, you have to wait to get in,

but that's not going to happen. You're going to go to simple.com slash my brother. And simple. That's the way banking should be. Listen, we joke, but go check it out. It really is like an amazing shit. It really isn't. It's an amazing.

It's an amazing shit. You know what? You know what I don't need? Advertiser dollars, apparently. Guys, this is not a joke. I'm very hungry. And I would like... Did you eat that bagel yet?

No, I'm looking forward to that bagel. It's a reclaimed wheat. Or reclaimed... It's a reclaimed grain's bagel. Can I tell you the problem with that, Griffin? It's going to give you a fat ale. It is. It goes straight to the 80s.

It's going to go to the 80s. My Trader Joe's reclaimed grain bagel. It's going to go straight to the 80s. You know I bought that thinking it was going to be real tasty? What did they reclaim those grains from? From an old school. From an old, old shutdown school. Ah, fuck.

We left so many grains behind in our old school. You can make a living just like demolishing buildings and returning those grains to Trader Joe's. And getting all the grains out of them. Yeah, sure. They give you a dollar per pound of grain. That's a good, good deal. Or you could just fucking go to naturebox.com

so you can get in shape, get blasted, get tiny for the beach. Your enemy is the vending machine. That's all prepacking. You got to kill the vending machine. You have to destroy the vending machine to get strong. It's easy. Nature Box makes eating better easy. They're going to send you great tasting snacks right to your door.

You know what? I've been eating a lot of French toast granola lately. That's very good. So good. It slipped my mind and I forgot to fill out my order so they just sent me five surprise snacks. And they're the fucking best. Got some sea salt pop pops.

How are those pop pops? They are so fucking good. It's like a mixture of the toasted kernels and slightly popped popcorn. The flavor is really subtle but still good. We got some cheddar onion sunflower seeds. Peanut butter nom nom's? Okay, so they're just like making,

they're like making like fudge fudges. But the peanut butter nom nom's are these really soft kind of cookies. Oh, they're incredible. They're really, really great. They're all healthy. They don't sound healthy. You talk about, I don't know, pop pops doesn't sound healthy. It is, I promise.

There's no trans fats, no fructose. Get all that fructose out of there. You'll even find snacks that are gluten conscious and do not contain GMOs. No GMOs. If that kind of thing is important to you. It should be. You're poisoning your body with GMO.

Well, it is. If it is important to you, it's on there. You look up in the sky and you see all the chemtrails. GMOs are just chemtrails that you eat. Yeah, okay, that's fine. I just think it's anti-science to begin. Oh, come on. That's just me.

No, I have it personally. But I don't care one way or the other because I don't care about things because I'm dead inside. You should care about chemtrails, absolutely. You should care about chemtrails. Who is chemtrails? Try NatureBox.net. 50% off your first box.

By going to naturebox.com. That's a pretty big savings if you want to try this. It's like half off. It's like almost half. And there's different sizes of boxes too with different amounts in them. So if you're one person, if you're a family, it goes both ways.

And those things last, man. I was really worried that Theresa and I, we like snacks. I was afraid we'd burn through them. It pretty much balances out so that once a month you get the box and then you're just about ready for a new one when they do want to arrive. And they stay fresh for a while. They do.

Yeah, yeah. I've been eating that French astronaut for a while. Anyway, naturebox.com. That's my brother go. I got a message for Jennifer Spies. You think it's Spies? Yeah. Not Spies.

I want to go with Spies. It's way better. Jennifer Spies. From Michael. Feel. Can we just get some... Whatever happened to like Johnson? Hi, my name is Jeff Johnson.

That's easy. My name is Jack Johnson. My name is Jack Johnson. I'm public health. Here's a message. It's for Jennifer. Happy birthday, Jennifer. This is what the money I got from drilling screws

out of asbestos-filled ceiling tiles went towards. So I hope it's worth it. Wow, wow. Probably not. Sorry about your lungs. I love you. Michael, wait. Just be like, hey, this is what I did for you.

I love you. Happy. And I hope this shows up in an episode, at least within a month of your birthday on June 13th. This is pretty close. Yeah, about a week and a half afterwards. Happy birthday, Jennifer. Happy new lung day, Michael.

Because... Sorry about your messos. Sorry about your whole thing. Sorry about your miso. Sorry about your miso soup. Sorry about all that stuff. I took a quick look to see if I could find Jennifer on Twitter.

I don't think this is her. The username is atjen equals drink. And drink is in all caps. And her last tweet was from June 8th. And she says, if we can't say... And the N word is here. Oh, OK. You can't say yee-haw, LMAO.

Hashtag passion. Hashtag crystal keg. Wow. It's a pretty good tweet. I don't think that's our Jennifer. That doesn't sound like our Jennifer. It doesn't sound like our Jennifer, does it? No.

That's not the Jennifer I know. She would never use that kind of... Oh, this Jennifer also asked, where can I buy you sex toys? And she should know if she listens to our program where she can do that. I don't think that extreme restraints... No, yeah, they don't have an exchange program.

They don't have... They can't give you store credit for your salty dildo. No. It is not a one-in-one-out kind of thing. Although they do have a product called the one-in-one-out. Right. So, happy birthday, Jennifer. Happy birthday, Jennifer.

Please don't be this terrible a person we just found. But you aren't. I know you aren't. No, you're not. And don't go tweet at that person, please. Yeah, everybody don't tweet at that person. They've got enough going on in their life. They have a lot of terrible stuff.

This next message is for Hannah. And it's from Becca, aka Bex. And Bex says to my big sis, Hannah, it's been an amazing 20-forward for you. Congrats on your PhD, your new job, and your impending nuptials. You're the best sister in the world, even if you did use to call me Chubby Laboo.

I'm sad you're moving away. But I can't wait to visit you in Austin, where I fully expect you to become BFFs with Griffin. Keep killing it. And that's from Chubby Laboo. I already have. Chubby Laboo, says. I have like one BFF already.

And like, it's very serious to me, you know? I'm not like a run-around sue. I have the one BFF and I, you know, I keep that. It's your BFF for Rachel. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're hesitated. No, yeah.

Of course, my wife. My wife. You guys remember where we're at? My wife. No, but Austin's great. You're going to really like it. I'm too shy to talk to. So that's from Bex to Hannah.

And then we had one to Jennifer from Michael. Thank you guys for both telling everyone that you love them and supporting the show. If you'd like to get a message on the Money Zone, then go to MaximumFun.org forward slash Jumbotron. And you could do, you know, birthday message or happy anniversary. You could also, if you have a business

and you would like to help us make people go to your business, then go to MaximumFun.org forward slash Jumbotron. That's what that is. Y'all want to y'all know? Probably not make fun of your copy. We might. No, we might. No.

We only make fun of like big business copy, like independent things. Yeah, because we're alternative. We're alternative. We're all. You know what, here is a fucking fact for you, dear listeners that will shock you. And there has never been an advertiser

that has pulled their advertising from our show. Nope. And I think we keep pushing it just like we keep walking the line because I think we kind of deep down want that eventually. Like we want that to happen. We're trying to be controversial. Like we really are. I don't think they listen.

That's where I'm at. Some kind of like weird shaming thing where they're like, we do deserve. Fuck us advertising as a masochism, apparently. Sure. Hey, Ross. Hey, Carrie. Hey, it's me, your co-host.

Oh, yeah. We have a show, don't we? We have a show. Oh, no, Ross and Carrie. Oh, no, Ross and Carrie. It's about undercover investigations of fringe groups. Yeah, like the Tony Alamo Ministries cult. Yep.

That's led by a pedophile. He's in jail. He's in jail. Also, we became Mormons. We became Raelians, which is a UFO group. That's right. We joined the Orto-Templi Orientus. Yes.

The 9-Eleven Truthers. We got cupped. We got acupunctured. We got rakey. We've pretty much anything that you've heard of and been like, that doesn't sound quite right. We've done that. So you don't have to do it.

So if you want to hear about this, and you should, then go to maximumfun.org. This Yahoo was sent in by Tanner. Thank you, Tanner. It's by Yahoo Answers user Naomi, who asks, I got baptized, then smoked weed a day later. And this happened? I got baptized on Wednesday, then smoked some weed.

Well, Reggie, is that like a brand of nickname? Is that like a strain? Hold on. I'll look it up. You guys go on. I'm on that Reginald. On Thursday. On that Val Johnson.

I'm on that Reginald Val Johnson. On Thursday, I've smoked, OK, fuck, this question. No punctuation. I got baptized on Wednesday, then I smoked that sweet dank Reginald Val Johnson on Thursday. I've smoked before, so it wasn't new to me. And then it says Indy, which is like maybe a typo. Maybe they meant to say NBD, like no big deal.

So at first, I was feeling good, just chilling. Then like 40 minutes later, I got in the car and was going to drive home. But everything went right, then black. And then another Indy, I couldn't see. I drove over a curb and got really dizzy and threw up. After that, I was a little high and felt pretty much sober. But that had never happened to me before.

I've smoked way more than that before and not long ago from that day. So I don't know what happened. Any clues? Just to clarify, Reggie is like regular street grade weed. That sucks, because Reginald Val Johnson is far from a regular street grade actor. No, he is definitely top quality.

He is that is dank-kush, prime-kush. Is this person's theory that had they not been baptized, this wouldn't have happened. But because they were baptized, Jesus looked down and said like, oh, smoking weed, eh? Can't do that, Jay. No, no, no. You got unsanctified waters.

And that will blend with that good, good Reginald cannabis inside your body, that dank-dank-kush. And it's going to create a chemical reaction in your body that is going to be a fucking visceral experience. Oh, so it's like it's a cross, like bong water and holy water together going to fuck you up. Not like Jesus was like, no more weed for you. No, I mean, there's a purely scientific reason for it.

Sanctified water plus Val Johnson, tight, tight smoke in your lungs. I feel like enough time passes between the introduction of the fact that this person got baptized and the end of the question that it almost takes on sort of a check-offs gun veneer so that you don't, you aren't actively thinking about it and maybe that's the twist. It's like, it gives you long enough to sort of forget about it and then so when it pops back up, you're like, oh,

that makes perfect sense. So maybe this question, I sort of literally did not remember the baptism part and when people circle back around on it, oh, actually, now that you mention that, baptism. I've forgotten. I call that trope Burke's Law because that was every episode of Burke's Law. Well, they fucking show you, they give you all the clues that you need to solve the mystery.

It's right there at the beginning. Especially if you're 75. If you're 75 years old, you're going to figure it out. It is slylocked fox level difficulty. We can agree that this person had an embolism, right? I don't think that that is what happened. I think that I am a huge advocate for, not a huge advocate, I don't actually.

For smoking weed and driving. I support, no, I support the, no, I, no, no. I support the legalization of marijuana pretty broadly. These are helpful reminders, I think. I think is a, is a helpful reminder that not just the smart people get to purchase legal weed. There are going to be some people that get baptized and then get super Reggie high the next day and then think,

you know what? I'm going to motor on over to a destination of my choice in a car, a heavy one too, a real heavy car, the heaviest car I can find. I'm just going to get, get to driving and the heaviest car I can find. Should I take a little high, but I mostly over puke, puke. Should I take the smart car? Nah, I'll go with the Hummer. Is it possible that the original Veljansen was,

was laced with a little Urkel? I'm on that Urk. I'm on that Jalilio. I mean, just like a 5% Urk mix. You know what I mean? Just enough that you're like, yeah, I feel fine. But then you introduce like a bunch of moving objects in your rear view mirror and suddenly blackout, puke, puke, puke.

You said you were selling me the Reggie. This is, this is fucking Richie. This is bullshit. I paid top dollar. Richie was a character on that show. Little Richie. Yeah, he was the little kid. He was the littlest Richie.

Guys, is it cool to like, when he got baptized, did he not be like, as part of this ritual, I promise to you, Jizo, that I'm not going to do as much weed smoking. I'm going to give you like a 24 hour window of just like, blissing out on these holy waters. I don't think Jesus gives too shit the other way. I guess not. But this guy obviously thinks that there's a connection there

because he has smoked this Reggie on the Reg, on the Reg. So like, this has never happened to him before. And he seems like the kind of person that smokes a lot of weed. He seemed like an informed scientist. He's taken notes in a complex journey. Which is what makes me think that this reaction transcends science. I don't know, guys. I think there might be a little, I think there,

I think he might have gotten touched by an angel. This week on Divine Intervention. Maybe. I've watched that show, by the way. Makes you think. Have you listened to Mabimbam? Yeah, that podcast makes me think. And that's why I like it.

I wonder if this person got to the end of writing this question and thought, what am I doing? What am I doing here? I don't think there's even a question. What am I doing? I think this is more just a weird story I'm telling. I feel like I'm telling a weird story. I don't know what the response would be.

Or who could respond to. And I have to get ready for work as vice president of the United States. I got another question for you guys. I'm getting married next May. While planning the celebration has been a breeze, my fiancé and I have hit on one point of conflict, whether to have a wedding cake or go non-traditional to have a wedding pie. If I can get you brothers on my side,

maybe my big day will have that extra berry filling to put it over the top. That's from Fearfully Frosted in Philadelphia. Now you can't see this at home, but the F from Fearfully Frosted has been translated to replace the P.H. in Philadelphia. Oh, that's fine. Can I tell you something, Chuz? I love the way that you say the word fiancé.

You sound like John Malkovich's character in Rounders. When you say like trying to say fancy. Yeah. Fiancy. Fiancy. Chick, chick, chick. Splash, splash. Let's all simultaneously do our KGB impressions.

Chick, you give some man's money. That was my favorite. I. We're a cake family. Damn it. Maybe on Seattle's flight. Um, this, this used to be like the big point for, I feel like we had, again,

have to have talked about this on the show. Like, we used to have like brutal fights about whether cake or pie was better. Um, I feel like, I feel like wedding traditions in our generation have been all both phased out at this point, don't you think? I think that the idea of doing something because it's traditional is, is the wrong reason to do anything. If you're saying I want pie and my fiancé wants cake, that's a much different discussion than we both want to have pie,

but he's worried about breaking the tradition. I actually feel like the converse, the conversation about whether or not to have cake or pie at X event is more important than the conversation as to whether or not it's important to wedding. Just the general question is the, is the thing you need to be worried about. Whether cake or pie is more delicious. Right.

And we can't get into this. Let me, let me throw this out. Both. Yeah. What, have a groom's, a groom's pie. Yeah. You know, at our wedding, we did like cheesecake bites because we love cheesecake and that was the way we went with it.

And then, and it was kind of that. Well, but that's not what I would have guessed. Well, here's the point of the story is that we were worried about it going in. Like, is this weird? Cause we're not going to have like, you know, the traditional like three tiered cake or whatever. And then it was one of the things that people talked about most of like, I love that.

That was so cute. And it was so you guys and blah, blah, blah. Well, it's functional too. And I have to worry about like fucking like waiting my turn to get like a person who didn't want to be there to like cut me off a big old chunk. Is the chunk too big? I can't eat all this, but I have to also feel guilty.

Is it too small? And I have to go wait and fucking lying again. And yeah, we just set out like cake plates on each table with cheesecake on them. It was, it was pretty brilliant if I say so myself. But if you guys want to do pie, do pie. If you want to do cake and pie, do cake and pie. If you want to do a pie cake, shut up. That's not a fucking thing.

If you want to do ice cream cake, if you want ice cream cake at your wedding, fuck it. That sounds awesome. Go to DQ, throw them on the table. Go to fucking DQ and get some blizzards. And then so you want wedding blizzards? If you want wedding chicken strip baskets, go for it. They got that Texas toast.

I, as part of my vows, will now feed you a dilly bar. I gotta say, Trevor, I drove your, uh, your cheesecakes to the event. That was my contribution. Is I went and picked up your cheesecakes and I don't know. That I've ever been so excited as when I had four cheesecakes stacked up in my passenger seat and knew that I was going to be able to hit those home. I never, ever get that excited about cake. Nope.

Ever. No. They were good, too. They were good, man. That was our special, like, you know, the, the wedding party table. We got cakes from Cheesecake Factory. I will say, I will say that kicking it at Cheesecake Factory on Sunday morning, the day of the morning of my brother's wedding, which was kind of a weird experience for me.

I was the most dressed up anyone's ever been inside of Cheesecake Factory, ever. Felt a little bit out of place, a little bit of fish out of water. Was that before or after I made you drive back to my house to get my special? Travis made us get his special wedding night underwear and I had to look at them. I had to get them. I had to get them from the underwear spot where he kept all of the things and I had to get it and I touched them to. He had to acknowledge that they existed.

I had to, I had to, okay, here's the order. I learned about them. I said, that's terrible. Then I learned that I would have to retrieve, touch, no, feel, believe, hold, grasp, acknowledge, become. Embrace, absorb. And now you guys are doing that at home. They were silky as fuck.

No, they were silky and they were black and they were kind of just a little bit sheer, just a little bit sheer. Just like I'm a little bit dead now. I acknowledged that they existed. I had to touch them. And my balls went into them. Thought about Travis, thought about Travis's balls, how they would feel inside of them. Had to acknowledge the moment where Travis decided to get special wedding underwear,

then go to a store, possibly with his bride to be, had to think, had to learn a lot about Travis's. It was more of an impulse buy. It was a lot more of an impulse buy where I looked at it and said, you know, that's going to feel real good. Had to learn a lot about Teresa that I didn't know. And the things that she prefers, there, around there, terrific, best wedding ever. Here, let me rewrite all of my best man's speech because I have new fucking subjects

that I need to address. I'm going to go pop up behind the music for a minute. Don't say pop up. Pop up video behind the music. I bought the wedding underpants, not for a sexy bent, but because I knew the silky, smooth material would prevent any chafing day of, which I didn't want to deal with as I'm walking down the aisle. I need the cobalt on you, Travis.

The decision to buy special sexy wedding underwear may have been an impulse buy. The decision to send your brother to go get your special wedding underwear was intentional. Okay, that was intentional and it was malicious. It was a combination of because I knew that if I didn't, I would think about it all day. Because that's the way my brain works. Like, oh, well, I might want to rather I think about it all day. And then to all life. It was funny to me to make Griffin.

Yeah, it sure was, I guess. Your kids in here, man. You sit here wherever you want to go get your special wedding underwear. Let's finish the show. I have to go purge. Thank you so much for listening to my brother, my brother, me. We hope you've been having a good time listening to it. Just like when we were making it, we had a good time.

Thank you to people tweeting about our show like Ryan Lynch, Patrick Doan, Frida Zink, Sam Tepper, Matt, Wade Rocket, Blue Delinquente, I think. Whoa. And many others. That was beautiful. Thanks everybody. Good luck to our friend, Danielle Corsetto, who's setting off across this great land of ours. Hopefully she'll take our podcast along the letter.

Entertainer. I want to thank a few people that sent us some stuff to our PO box. It's PO box 5400 West Virginia 25706. Courtney Salazar sent us some snack bars. And I've been enjoying those. My wife had one for breakfast just this morning. Kind of good. Tell me about them.

They're good. They're good. They're kind. So like the cranberry almond nut type things. Thank you for the beautiful postcard to Boy It in the Beltway. Sent us a lovely note about how much our show has meant to her. And another one from Renee along those same lines. So thank you so much, Renee.

That was lovely. We got a and she graduated. So congratulations from the University of Baltimore. Congratulations, Renee. Sorry, we couldn't be there for your special day. I got another beautiful postcard from Adam and Shelley. It is of a little boy peeing. Okay.

From the Netherlands, I believe. Is that what they're into over there? And then thank you to, I believe this is Jeffrey, for a postcard from Hawaii that just has some sort of island woman in a thong in front of a waterfall. And it says paradise on it. Awesome. You definitely know the way to our heart.

And thank you to Terry and Andy for a copy of their book, The Complete Monster Exchange Program. They thought we would get a kick out of it. So they sent it along. So thank you so much for that. Thank you. Lovely gift, Travis. You and Buttercup also got a gift downstairs though.

I'll get it for you next time you come in. So thank you to whoever sent that along. That's mysterious. Thank you to everybody who came out to the LA Live Show. It was amazing. And sorry for the audio quality of the New York Live Shows. We had to kind of throw it together last minute. Let me try to fix it up as much as we can.

James Gowdy complained about that. And then I was joking around with him. And now he like, I think he's legitimately mad. I tried to apologize. James, if you're listening, he's not listening. He's done. He's not listening. He's done listening because I pissed him off.

I did mean to. So I'm sorry to him. But yeah, we're still going to parse those. Or I said that last weekend. It didn't make sense. We're spreading them out a little bit. I'll be out of town on July 4th weekend. We're doing our like fucking show planning on the air now.

So maybe we can drop one then. And then Justin's going to have a baby in like God, like a month and a half. So I imagine we'll need one for that. We're in talks and planning to do more live shows. So if you weren't able to make it out to the LA one, we're doing so many more in 2014, 2015. Where do you live in the country?

We're going to be there probably. We will come to there. We will come to that. We will take your money. We will spend it probably on Reggie. Yeah, so tight. Seriously, thanks everybody for coming out. It was a very, very wonderful evening.

Thanks also to John Rodgerick in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song and to Departure off the album Putting the Days to Bed. Are boat party tickets still on sale? I feel like they're like in the final stages. They take the final stages, but you can actually get them for cheaper. You use the coupon code. Middleist?

No. No. Coupon code last minute. Sexabunga. For 50 bucks off. It's till Wednesday. Go to boatparty.biz. You are not going to want to miss this.

I really, really want to. If I had more vacation time, I would be there in a fucking heartbeat. If I wasn't taking my honeymoon this year, I would definitely, definitely, definitely be going. It seems amazing. And we want to say thanks to Naturebox for continuing to be an amazing supporter of the show.

If you haven't gone to check it out, what the fuck are you waiting for? Go to naturebox.com slash my brother and you'll get 50% off your first order. Go now. Also thanks to Simple, who's rebuilding banking from the ground up and basically has just revolutionized bank.

They've solved bank. They fixed it. They put people before policies and it's really just an amazing idea. And there's a huge wait list that you can skip if you go to simple.com slash my brother. So go check out Naturebox and go check out simple.com. Also, if you haven't taken the chance

to listen to all the other amazing Max Fun shows, then you need to do that because I love them. They're very good. I listen to them all the time. I've spent the last three days listening to episodes of the Goose Down, Oh No, Ross and Kerry,

Wham Bam Pow, Lady to Lady, One Bad Mother, Jordan, Jesse Go, Bullseye. Yup. All right. Throwing shade. Sure. Stop podcasting yourself.

Yeah. I feel like I'm missing some. Oh, and Sawbones. Sawbones, which if you like the dulcet tones of Justin McRoy or even if you don't, don't worry, Sydney's there and she'll she'll make it all worth a while. Yeah.

But check out these amazing shows. Just go to maximumfun.org and all of them there. Oh, Judge John Hodgeman. I knew I was missing one. Well, you forgot a lot. Anyway, damn it. But there's tons. Go check out maximumfun.org.

You're going to find something you love. Okay. We are done. This is the end of the book. This final Yahoo is sent in by Justin Long. Thank you, Justin Long. It's by Yahoo Answers user Addison May who asks, Memory Foams, do they record dreams?

I'm Justin McRoy. I'm Travis McRoy. I'm Griffin McRoy. I'm your brother, my brother. Me kiss your dad, score on the lips. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

Listener supported. Have you made vacation plans yet? The second annual Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival is ready to set sail this summer and we want to see you on board. Imagine amazing comedians, stellar music and beautiful Caribbean views. It all takes place July 25th through 28th,

en route to Nassau, the Bahamas. And frankly, we've impressed even ourselves with this lineup of bullseye favorites. You've got Mosha Kasher. I was in an airport recently. You ever, you ever see somebody and you're just like, oh, so you're what's wrong with everything in the world. Kyle Kanane.

Anybody else in here gets so drunk last month? You had to call a cab just to take you to Wendy's. W. Kamau Bell. So complicated my feelings. Morgan Murphy. I don't know if you guys know what a facelift is. It's when they take your face skin and they peel it away from your face

and in that little space there, that's where they find your self-esteem. And besides them, Greg Barron, Chris Fairbanks, Karen Kulgarov, Natasha Legerro, Guy Branham, Tony Kameen and Carol Kolb. Plus an awesome music lineup hosted by John Roderick of the Long Winters and featuring our pal Gene Gray.

Come on, what else are you going to be doing? Don't miss the funniest weekend of your life. Get your tickets right now. Go to boatparty.biz. Yeah, that's right, boatparty.biz. The Atlantic Ocean Comedy and Music Festival. Comedy. Music. Shuffleboard.