My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 208: Face 2 Face 9: Grunt Art

Episode Date: July 7, 2014

Here it is: The last show of our three-show set from the People's Improv Theater in New York City. Apologies again about the audio, and double, super apologies for all the talk about knuckle-penises.

Good evening, side audience. Hello, other people. My name is Clint McElroy. Anybody named McElroy is going to get a big round of applause. We're going to be starting the show in just a second. I wanted to kind of prime the crowd a little with some very important Mbim-Bam trivia. Just to kind of see who's been paying attention. First of all, anybody listen, has listened to all 201 episodes? Rest of you get the hell out. So you'll know these answers. Alright, first of all, which McElroy brother is deathly afraid of spiders? Travis, give yourself ten points. Number two, what is early onset Jack disease? Early onset Jack disease. That's right, when you have a 175 pound child in the womb, security

in the womb. Row one, C2. Question number three, and this now we resort to animal. Which business, which animal was the subject of the business name suggestions? Steve Rats, your mother is sorry. Jindy, exactly. Number four, which animal has received the most Mbim-Bam references? And finally, who is Pumi Hart McKinley? She was the warrior of the world. So maybe she gave birth to Granville cat, but these are the midwives. Ladies and gentlemen, his brother, his brother and him, Justin Travis and Griffin McElroy. The McElroy brothers are not experts, and our advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's an expert, but there's a degree on his ball. I haven't seen anything. Also, this

show isn't for kids, which I only mentioned, so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool babies? The McElroy brothers. The McElroy brothers. The McElroy brothers. The McElroy brothers. We've used that before. It's just so great, and it works so hard on it. I didn't want it to just be in one. Hello everybody, and welcome to My Brother, my brother, me and my show for the modern era. I am your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middleest brother, Travis McElroy. Your biggest brother, Griffin McElroy. I just took a bite out of a cupcake and it expressly says, poor Sydney. Who got a seat? This is taking for the cupcakes, whoever.

No one's going to mess up, all right? Secret cupcakes. Secret cupcakes. Look, you're a non-poison. What the fuck are we doing? This is so many podcasts. I really, I don't remember if anything I've said has ever not been recorded. Speaking of which, let me start recording. Oh no. No, we got it on the sixth other recording device. I'll just say everything again. The cupcakes are dead. I don't know the shit about the question-asker, because that's, Goddamn. I think my favorite thing is when he asked about who was deathly afraid of spiders, that like three people in the tent, Justin, got so harshly shouted, it's Travis! This guy. Well, thank you everybody for coming tonight to this late, late show.

This was the original. It used to not be the late show. It used to just be the show that we were doing. You guys were on board from the beginning and I'm reaching for that. That's what you got. So what you're going to have now is like live, unfiltered, unadulterated, Nogwork brothers. There's nothing. No kidding. I mean, we've done half the work that Justin has done tonight and I already feel like just keeling over that. So this is probably going to be the worst red show that we've ever done. You've always kept me going the entire time. My second only is to my right-hand side, my dog, Patrick!

So, time is up. We will not look or talk to Sarah Maynard. We asked everybody that arrived on time, Sarah Maynard. I don't know any word of you. So what do we do in this podcast? Yeah, yeah. Is this the medical history one or not? Okay, Travis, how about, okay, you've never listened to our show before. What are you doing here? It's possible they can't hear for saw bones.

Ass. It's an advice show. We'll try to help people who ask us questions and questions we find in the auto-answer service and we turn them out and we like into wisdom. So let's do that right now. I believe we have some questions for people who are actually physically here in their needs space. We should also mention, oh, do we not have another microphone that we can use? Yeah, we do right here. Okay, we'll get comfy.

Yeah, we may give people on stage to ask questions. So think about what you might want to chat about. But listen, let me be extremely fucking clear about it. You are playing a dangerous game. Because first off, I'm drunk. I don't have any Jameson ginger ale for the first show now. I don't have any more. But I believe in a higher power.

Dear Jesus, I haven't talked in a while. That's the one thing, but like, don't make it a bummer. Don't make it about poopy. If you're going to ask us a question over here, just don't ruin the entire show with your question or we will save the show and you will not like the sacrifice we have in order to get back on the rails. Believe me. Chas, questions?

This question comes from Jeremy Franklin. Are you here? Woo! Is your girlfriend here with you? Yep. Great. Terrific. She's about to get revealed. My girlfriend stinks like butts.

Whoa! No. How dare you, sir? So Jeremy actually says, my girlfriend has just moved in with me and it's going great. Except she has no sense of bed geography. She's constantly rolling over on top of me. Sleeping diagonally so there's no room for me or kneeing me in her sleep. How can I train her to sleep like a normal person so I can get good sleep?

I don't think the two of you sleeping in the same bed is going to be a problem. I understand this question, guys. I have these instincts. When my wife gets out of bed earlier than I'm going to, I will instantly reorganize in a diagonal position. I do not know why there is something about the luxury. My body is covered by bed space no matter what. My body is covered by bed space but there's something about the fact that I'm absorbing

an entire bed. Yeah, no. It's about the denial of comfort to your pregnant wife that is so depressed. She's already up. She's got to get up early to make my room. Do you want me to do this? These are my dreams and I just sleep in separate beds. In separate rooms, separate houses.

I haven't seen my wife in two years. I have a theory that if you don't have this problem with your significant other, you're in the problem. Because I think in every relationship there is blood. That's like, look around the bed, look for the sucker. If you don't see the sucker, you're in. Right. I am a straight up princess in the peace sleeper.

I am a delicate flower. Justin and Sydney are coming to learn this because we're showing you a hotel room here. I built an exoskeleton of pillows around myself. I got two under the head, one between the elbows and one between the knees. I need four pillows. We had six in the room. As soon as you got there, you were like, oh man, it's going to suck for two of you guys. So I think I'm in trouble.

That was actually a really hard call we had to make last night. We were staying at the garden by the house. Oh, the garden, you know. It's not on 28 between six and seven anyway. So we're staying there. We realized that we had four people in the room. We had six pillows. That's not going to fly.

Especially since my wife doesn't have her special S-shaped pillow. Snoop. Snoople. That she needs for breakfast. So I said, we're going to need some more pillows over here. So I called the front desk and they said, how many pillows do you... Did you call them? I called because you can't talk to people like...

Like a girl. Like a girl. Yeah. There was a call and they said... Also called to cancel dinner reservations tonight. And then Justin asked, were they mad? And he said, they were pretty mad. I was not psyched about it.

They're called to cancel dinner reservations. We need more pillows. This is your thank you letter. And they say, how many? And I think we had this road of panic because it's like... Ideally like ten. How many? How many can you...

How many you got? How many did you get? I don't know. I started the negotiation. It won't work out. Exactly. I don't want to make the first offer. You make the first offer.

I wrote a number down on this piece of paper. Send a man out to reflect on it. What were we talking about? Bad sleepers. People are bad at sleeping. See, I'm bad at sleeping. I tend to be the one who flails around. And then I also wake up from flailing around.

So the number of times like, I've hit my wife in my sleep. In my sleep. In my sleep. And then I've woken up immediately like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. Was that real or did I dream that? I'm a horrible person. What do you have here? Yeah, you have here?

Yeah, this Yahoo. Do you know what that held? No. See, I do a cinnamon Jacob locker. Thank you, Jacob. It's five. Yahoo answers. Hold up.

Meowchul. Who asks, would you consider the Tim Allen grunt art? I can assume you're from a military. Like an actor, which is considered an artist. And two, wait, I just want to make sure we're on the same page. So on the count of three, everybody can give me a Tim Allen. This is going to be fucking awesome. One, two, three.

I just want to say, I love the people that only get one. I've never heard Tim Allen's voice. Explain that. And raise your hand if I'm right. I think some people were doing this multiple times. And some people were doing the questioning grunt art. He has the breathy. The breathy.

Excitable. And they all thought it was kind of like you just found out the disappointment you're rocking in. I don't think he ever had it. I think he did. Where like Wilson would say something. Wilson. Yeah.

That was how fire was going on. You know, he would say, when Wilson would say something, really keep you going. It was like reflected. You're right. No, he was going to say nasal grunt. He said, art will agree or disagree. It's more artisanal. I feel like it's a, I feel like Tim Allen's a comedic artisan.

But I don't know if I would say it's an art. It's a work of art. I mean, it's a piece. It's a, it's a, it's a piece. It's a creation. It's an effort. Do you think he's like crafted it? Like he stood in front of the mirror and went like, oh, no.

Oh, wait. Come on, it's something. Hey, hey, sweetie. Is this funny? Just imagine, I want you to imagine that TJ just broke a window with a slingshot. And I walk into the house and I see the wind on him. I'm very disappointed in TJ. And when I see him, I make this noise.

It's sort of like a zombie having a stroke. The ring's going to start at $10. I'll tell you what was fucking hard on that show. Were all the wipes, all the transitional wipes between the scenes. Ah, same. I don't know. Can we all talk about how that was the only show literally in existence to ever do? I guess Point Meets World actually did get a little bit creative with it's shit.

Early like season one through three. And then they fell off and they went straight to Cross Dissolve. I miss like a lawn mower eats up the scene. It's so fun. I think we have a grandest kids' reel of those Q-tips. Let's watch that all together. Now we know what we just said. It's on the USB drive.

Like the best bit ever. It's like with a very good bit. But the macro I'm going to explain that later. Is it art? Absolutely. Yeah. Next question. Okay.

Hey, brothers. Hey, Travis. No, that's it. Okay. I recently decided that I want to move out of my mom's house. The problem is that it is expensive to live anywhere around where I live. And I am currently paying for schooling. So there's not a whole lot for me to offer.

My brother has offered for me to live with him. And he said we can discuss the details later. But I was wondering what I could do to pay rent without paying cash. If you put quotation marks around the word pay, then it gets gross. Buying groceries and driving him around since he can't drive himself are the only things I've thought of. If you could offer some suggestions, that would be great. And that's from moving on up to the cheap side.

Here. Alright, right on. Backrub's on demand. Backrub's on demand. Yeah, I'm a backrubist who lives with me. We're also brothers. And that's how he pays me with backrubs. That's the reason Wilson never came up and behind his wits

is because he had a brother back for up to six years. He was constantly getting it back on whatever he saw. Because he had somebody that you hired with rent professionally to rub your back. I think you would have somebody do it at full time, right? Yeah. Eventually the meat would be... And by full time you mean every waking torture hour at this point. Can I get a drink real quick?

No, absolutely not. You tend to turn and release themselves. Uh, Jesus. I don't like anything as much as I like having one. So, like, it's really tough. I mean, you could make him a picture butt bit. Money would probably... You could make him a vision board, like inspirational master guys can have together.

You could make him a new way every day. It would have to be figure out, like, the blink of time you could get away with not paying rent and, like, his frustration peak and be like, vision board, got you a new one. Oh, damn, that is pretty inspirational. You can hang out for four more days. Stay here. It's like a dream come true with this guy.

Good luck. I will have the picture this morning. How about a, uh, answer? You want to...? Yeah. This one was sent in by Jeff Danielson. Thank you, Jeff. And thank you to everybody who sent in the answers.

There were trillions. Which was exhausting. And weren't all of your dad's report, but they were mainly... They were mostly your dad's report. He's gained two levels. And y'all have shaman dumb since we started this morning. Uh... Is he here?

No, he just said to him, no. Uh, thank you, Jeff. It's by y'all who answers, user Fabricio. It's just a name guy. By laughing at it, that's racist. Fabricio has a 4% on y'all who answers. We've only recently become aware of the fact that y'all who answers has like a rating system for users.

We had somebody who had a 1% in the last episode and, god damn, they didn't earn it. I don't think that there's like a rating system you can have for like, you're a more worthwhile user of y'all who answers. You're the smallest piece of shit on this website. Fabricio asks, does emotion count as an ingredient when cooking? And no, yeah, no details.

No further question. Um... I mean, they say like, Does that go the other way? That was like, I put a little more than that. Someone was really fucking angry when they made this chili. I mean, taste it. I don't know why, when I read a recipe online,

the internet or book, where they have in the list of ingredients, like, an intellectual love. And that's a legal document. Hold on, do you read a recipe on the internet guy? That's legal. I was saying, some of us build a shopping list and some of us maybe are confused when we see love?

Love? I don't know. What am I love? I was trying to make some cupcakes or what. So you suggested that if you had a recipe for turkey chili and you went to the store and bought it and then followed the instructions with a lot of love in there and then you cooked it and it came out and the whole time it was strawberry pie,

you would be like, I'm pressing charges. This just falls advertising. It clearly said chili at the top. I was curious when I put strawberries in it, but okay. I'm saying ingredients list is a legally binding document and I showed this book like great. I see a little extra love here. You want to think, girl, I love them.

You really showed them. I know, right? If I want to put some extra love in it, you know how I show my love? I made you this. But if what do you care if I had a motion or not, you're still full. If you blow a kiss in your turkey chili, don't I got to taste it?

Can you taste a kiss in a turkey chili? I love having built-in punch lines. I think that's like the crux of home improvement. You can actually build like three, fours of your show with like hilarious whites. You get that fence number bitch in there, it's literally four times. You have Tim, you get a room and you get three more

so I know what I'm saying. Get some discouraged gloves from Patricia Heaton. You cast Richard Porn as the most... Richard Porn. Thank you, I thought so. Well, I didn't think so obviously. Thanks dog-dound! Stop it, okay?

This is the only thing they have. They know the difference between the moms and everybody loves Raymond and... Oh, they've heard this. Give it dog-dound. Travis, read a question please. Great. You're killing me. Go faster.

Go faster. How could you not be... I've been working as a waitress at a 24-hour café for almost two years now. Congratulations. Thank you. I've learned ways to handle potentially awkward situations. You work every time. I've learned ways to handle potentially awkward situations like tables that are drunk

or openly fighting. But I still haven't found a way to manage declined credit cards that isn't totally uncomfortable for everyone involved. Is there a tactful way to say that a card was turned down, especially for people who are obviously on dates? And that's when we cough it up in Austin, Texas. Yikes.

I think you broke... You broke! You ain't got no money! I think you just have to make the noise that the audience collectively made from this. And just hear them. You don't have to fucking explain. They know they don't have... They know they just gave you a piece of plastic

that represents zero dollars. Here's my card. What you're saying is if you put the card in the table you lean in gingerly to the ear and say, I tried. God, can you print out...

Can you have pre-printed out like letters from the governor? You're not allowed to take credit cards from his bank and then bring it back to them with the letter. Like, check the letter, man. Sorry. All you gotta do is say, I think something's wrong with our machine. The cards don't work. It works for everyone else, but you...

At least you didn't have plausible deniability on your dingo. Your fucking machine. Yeah, but every person on a date... It worked when I spent $500 earlier on candy. I'm just trying to envision a circumstance of which you're out of money, but also pretty happy on your date. You got candy waiting on them? No matter how else the game goes,

got room full of candy. So you know how a date has to be going where you'll be sitting that thing? Oh, this is it. I don't know if that came out. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I think so, too. Uh, I don't know if that came out.

I'm gonna have peppermint spin wheels. You have picked the bummerest candy ever to be excited about. I'm an 80-year-old man. I got those where there's a rich group that's going to take it to those. So we're going low. Like, four-hound glasses.

This is how we fuck as we're done the day. I'm 40 bucks away. I can't think of candy. I'm like... I literally passed up in my head. Mary Jane's. Deco Wafers. I have no teeth.

I'm an empty vessel. No, that doesn't cheer. Why are you talking about that? Somebody brought the cheer. We've gotten shit every show, which is bananas. This has been the most exhausting day of our lives, but also the best

because we keep getting nice shit from everybody. And every show we like receiving things. We have attributes. We have attributes. Oh, these goofs. Woof, woof, woof. I'm exhausted for past me. Audio quality is not great.

It's not super great. And apologies. This is the last one, though. This is the last New York live show that we did at the pit. Thank you, the pit. I wish we had done better recording the audio. There's a new live show coming up, the LA live show that we recorded.

Jesus. A month ago? Jesus. Yeah, well, like three weeks ago. The end of the second week. We'll probably throw that up later because Justin has a child and probably won't be super funny for a while. When the child of destiny is born.

Yes. All these jokes, though, talking about all these jokes has gotten me pretty hungry, I would say. So you're not really reinventing the wheel with this live show money zone interruption. All right, you go ahead, tough guy.

Guys, it's time to think outside the box or inside the box. Time to think outside the bun. Inside the box. Okay, just like that, you're both sued. Those are both copyright infringement. Nature box. Live moss. Nature box.

Is nature box? Nature box does not have fast food inside it. Nature box. Nobody does it like Sarah Lee. Well, that's a little. That's a little on the nose. Listen, you're looking at your diet and you're looking at your tummy

and you're saying I need to not snack as much. You're thinking is killing me, Roger. It's not. Or maybe you're like me and you say, listen, let's be honest, you're never going to stop snacking so much. You're never going to stop. So maybe you swap out the Oreos. Have you ever thought that maybe you need to snack more

but with good shit instead of the bad shit that you're currently eating? If so, you can go to Nature box. They're going to send you a box of snacks that they make healthy for you. They're low on sugar. You know, some don't have gluten in them.

There's no trans fats or high fructose corn syrup. It's like good stuff for your body. They're high in flavor. Low in guilt. Low in guilt. High in flavor. Low in guilt. See, that's fucking. Nature box, you are welcome. Take that to the bank. Dark cocoa almonds,

baked sweet potato fries, delicious. Peanut butter nom nom's. I got some chocolate quinoa granola. Whoa, that sounds crazy. Very good. And this is a weird thing, but you know what I love most? One of the things I love a lot about Nature box. They come in like individual, you know,

resealable packets. So it's really easy to just like, oh, I've got to run off the door. I'm going to grab these, you know, barbecue sunflower kernels and take them with me to the beach. It'll last you. It'll last you. You get one, you get a box a month

and then like that's, those snacks will last you on one. Live with that. So right now, if you go to Naturebox.com you can get 50% off your first box. Naturebox.com slash my brother all one word. And you can get 50% off, which is a really, really good deal.

Yeah. For a snack subscription service that you've been dying to try. This is the moment. Tons of people have tried it from our listener base and a lot of them have liked it. All right, listen, I got to be straight with you guys. I don't understand this new advertiser we have.

I'm hoping Griffin can explain it to me. Well, that's because your simple Promethean brain can't understand the logic of computers. I've been learning. Wasn't Prometheus the one who brought computers to human beings? To the people.

That's right. No, that was data. That was data from Star Trek when you traveled. I remember that episode. In time. Here's a fact for you ChuckleFucks. Coding has become the most desired job skill of 2014. Whether it's HTML.

Whether it's CSS. That stands for Cascading Style Sheets. ChuckleFucks. Yeah, I maybe know a thing or two about these subjects. I've been trying to learn it in my brain. It's very difficult because I don't understand like maths or

sciences. But one month is a website that will help you learn these very, very complex methods, maths and sciences in a very straightforward way. For instance, one month HTML is the easiest way to learn how to

build websites. Here's how it works. You have 30 days roughly about a month. It's debatable, but roughly the length of one month. And you do 30 minutes a day. And then starting from scratch, knowing nothing like you idiots do know

nothing that is. You got me. Now reel me in. You will build an actual website from scratch starting from day one. And you'll be welcomed into a community of more than 12,000 other students learning each other, helping each other

touching each other. It'll teach the stuff that you need if you're wanting to apply for a web-focused job like HTML and CSS. You get video tutorials. You get hands-on exercises and training. And by the end of the class you will have three

projects including an online portfolio, a blog template, and a landing page. Which is like basically everything you need in this digital era. That's amazing. And if you already know HTML they have other classes too. For other stuff. Other coding

things. Maybe jQuery. Maybe Ruby. Maybe Python. I have no idea. Did anyone teach you how to use Facebook? Yeah, they do. Rails is good. They have one called Facebook for me, Moz. And it teaches you the difference between a wall post and a comment

and a private message. Join right now at onemonth.com slash my brother. You get 25% off. Wow. Do something good for yourself and for your life. Get it together. Get your shit together. And do it for a 25% less than it would normally cost you. By going to

onemonth.com slash my brother. That's amazing. This is not a joke. I will actually probably do this. There are some good resources to learn how to do this online. But a lot of them aren't super comprehensive. They'll give you the groundwork and then back off from there. This one sounds pretty

thorough. So I'm going to give it a check out. So this next message is for Professor Will. It's from Wendy's and Snickers. No, it's not from Wendy's. It's not from the restaurant Wendy's. It's from all Wendy's. No, Wendy's plural. Not Wendy's possessive. It is from the Wendy's.

They say congratulations on completing your PhD. We can now officially call you Professor Meet Vodka. You are a wonderful husband, rescue dad, and academic. We are excited to be there for your next steps and hope this message from our favorite brothers is the graduation surprise

you always dreamed of. Love, Wendy, and Snickers. And I think Snickers is a pet. She mentioned to rescue dad. It's their pet Snickers bar. Yeah. Do you just love candy so much you've adopted candy? That makes sense. I saved you candy. Unless it is the fast food chain

and the popular candy bar coming together. You've been a customer of ours for a long time. We're really proud of you, Professor Will. Now enjoy this tiny hamburger. Rescue dad was my favorite short-lived Saturday morning cartoon from the early

90s. Rescue dad. It's just like a dad with a mustache and like a construction helmet. And he would get himself into thorny situations to extract children from those situations. The weird thing, you never saw his own kid. He would talk about him a lot. He didn't have.

He would look wistfully and take his wallet. No trust me. Trust me on this. I am a dad. That's why it's not weird that I'm here at the playground or the kindergarten. I've got my own kid, so it's totally cool. And let me grab you. Rescue dad. Let me shoot the rhino attacking you.

Thank you rescue dad. I got another message. This one is for David. Let me give you a parachute. Look in my eyes. We're going to get through this together. Tell me about your dad. I'll tell you about my kid. Alright, do you trust me? Do you trust me? My kid's name is Daniel

or David or something. D. Something D, I think. Anyway He's 26 now. Jump out the window. You could do this. Can I do my message for David? I feel like rescue dad is stepping all the way. David, this message is from Kristoff who says,

Happy anniversary to my beautiful husband. It's been an amazing four years and I am looking forward to at least four more. Not to put too fine a point on it. You are best husband, the best husband. Okay, hold on. You are best

husband, the best husband. So best husband is like a nom de plume. Thank you for your support and love. I'm a very lucky man to have such a loving and gorgeous husband. I don't even care that you are an adult teen baby. I still love you. That's no joking matter. It's a very serious

very serious issue. We did miss this anniversary by a couple weeks. Their anniversary was June 17th. So apologize, but you knew what the fuck you were getting into. We did it in under a month. That's our cutoff.

We did get it in the 30 day realm. In my cutoff we needed that after a month you have to change your anniversary. Your anniversary. Listen, I'm kind of in love with that word now. I love me a portmanteau. I did too. A portmanteau.

Yeah, for men only ladies. Sorry ladies, you wouldn't get it. You don't understand two words jammed together. Anyway, we got more live shows, so gobble it up. Turkeys? Turkeys.

I'm so excited for this yahoo. It was sent in by Emerald member level 13 Shaman and your devil. It is by Japanese user bowlscubsfan who asks

Do you think the clock has sex at noon and midnight? Imagine it. Think about it. Think about it here. The big hand is on top of the little hand. What do you think at noon and midnight

they have sex? Also, I'm incredibly stoned. I'm seriously stoned. It's so grumpy. Look at that clock. Look at that clock. I'm fucking in pants, yeah. Awesome. I am around. Do you think digital

clocks are just like, oh, what's the point? I can't even ever become 69 because it's not how time works. This is the problem with the Internet of Ages. It was a time when you would just be smoking weed with a friend and you would lean over and say, hey, have a good night in the Internet of Sex

and you'd be like, hey, I'm just pretty good looking at this. It's pretty good. Now you're friend session. You got to put that on the Internet. You're robbing everybody alive if you don't put this on the Internet. You're right. I do have a good Internet. That's the Internet. I gotta know.

I gotta be answering it. I'm dumbest and after we decided to put it in the show I had to sit there and think if there were times when the hands also touched at the noon and midnight and it was it was a crazy logic puzzle for a four year old.

18 people in this audience are thinking about it right now. Nope, just me. Okay. You want to get someone down here? Yeah. Who's feeling it? The first hand to be down there. Oh, okay. We got time. Yes.

Come on down. Remember the metrics. He's not down here yet. Keep clapping. Keep it coming. Hey, you guys, how was your day? Just put the folks at home. I was not an early morning. My name is Matt.

And my question is I started a new job in December and, you know, trying to get my foot in the door I wrote up a really interesting cover letter where I mentioned that I played Dungeons & Dragons and that's what got me the interview. That's terrific. So you're just here to brag? I'm just here to brag.

So I'm a touristy. It's the one place I can brag about when I'm 18G. Okay. Which editions do you prefer? Which editions do you prefer? We are not doing this. So it was cool. It's great, whatever. When my job started if somebody would come into the office

they would be like, that's Matt. He's our Dungeon Master and it was funny for a while. Now there's certain expectations. We're getting more professional people in and the joke is sort of lost its punch to me. Yeah. My way is how you bring it back.

Do I suck it up and just accept it or what can I do to get a nickname I'm proud of? Matt, you've got to lean into it so hard. You won't have the best nickname ever! He's our Dungeon Master, trying to go Hello! Welcome to the office!

Ha ha ha ha! Welcome to the office! Well met. Do you have those TPS reports, Matt? Ah, no. Role furnishing! I fucking need them right now. Do you play with the dudes that you work with?

No, but the guy who was looking through resumes said, oh, I used to play with my older brother when I was young and that's why your resume stood out. Can I tell you something? I'm sure you're doing a good job. That's a dumb reason. You are massively unqualified but I see here...

Matt, do you know what this economy is like? Yeah, there are people who would be happy to have a job where everyone introduces them as the office poop master. You know what this economy is like? You should just be kind of leading stars who have a job. I'm turning my brother, my brother to me,

my brother, my brother and my dad. Because I'm a dad now, that's why I'm the second to like this all the time. We are here for a really big moment at turn in the show where I turn heel and red style. I just give you a little shit. So anyway, where I was like,

oh yeah, you know what this economy is like? Buy a staff. Buy a staff. Keep it at your desk. Have a bunch of skulls with like candles on top of them or it's melted down over it. You could be... I found this working a lot of jobs. You can be such a character in the office

that they often will forget the work part. You become so essential as part of their daily routine things they see, things they interact with. You can just not do the work. We can't fire that guy. The Dungeon Master?

He's not proud of his master. I love that guy. Now what does he do? He does... He's great. Did you ever Dungeon Master when you played D&D? That's why I got it.

Oh, each egg. What's great is you want to play your cards so that eventually you get introduced like this. So you got to play your guys like this. You want to get into that eventually they say, this is Matt. He's the Dungeon Master.

In a really like shameful and bearish way they're like, don't talk to Matt. Don't talk to Matt. What do you just make himself unapproachable? Yeah, make yourself awful. Terrific. You seeped me a venture. You found me once more.

Congratulations. This is my rat. You can have rats in here. It's an office bill. It's not a rat, it's my familiar. Stop it. Stop it. So, does that help?

Absolutely. Great. Thank you. All right. I was sent in by Reed Carpenter. Thank you, Reed. 33%, not bad. Still a failing grade.

Green asks, is it possible to eat a salt shaker? Is it physically possible for any human being to eat a salt shaker without assistance like breaking it up beforehand? As in, actually putting a whole salt shaker in your mouth

chewing it up and swallowing it. Oh my god. Wait, it could be. Good. When we find these questions, what circumstance made someone go? How about the fucking coolest like business power move ever?

We're going to acquire your company for half the price that you asked for. No, you're not. Oh, okay. Yeah, I guess you got a good point. Yeah, can we have the... I think you can do it slow like when we want human teeth. Okay, interesting.

Oh, no, I won't have anything. I'm having salt. And chicken glass and... There is someone in this country who is having a very grim standoff with a salt shaker. I mean, some guys like that won't do that. You listen to me.

I don't like you. It's only in the home way. All right, that's the internet about ways you can feed them. That's what I'm doing. Before this time is through, one of them is going to eat the other. I'm bigger, and I got that

from the internet. I just love that the question is not is it recommended to eat the salt shaker? Listen, I'm not looking to cheat by breaking it up ahead of time. I know I could do that and that would be cool. Can I break it with my teeth?

It probably thinks the salt would be the worst part. All that salt? Wait, not the glass shaker to the metal top. There's a dude who like ate an airplane. There's like that dude that was on Guinness and he ate all... Or maybe it was Ripley's Believe It or Not and now I'm saying it all out.

I think Dean King pulled the fast one. I think Dean King pulled the fast one. Can I have another question? Yeah, sure. About two months ago I was promoted to a new position at my job. I love my job and the trust my bosses put in me. But the truth is

I often feel like I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. Not only do I not have any previous job experience in this field but it's not even related to what I went to school for. I started almost completely cold. I like to think I'm a fast learner and my bosses seem happy with my work so far

but I still get overwhelmed. I worry about earning the respect of my more experienced co-workers. How do you deal with imposter syndrome? And that's from Sheep and Wolf's Clothing on Wall Street. Who's that? Who's that?

I just heard suck from the darkness. Alright. Hey, what's up? You know what it is, right? You gotta fake. You gotta fake big. You gotta go in one day and say, listen boss, I'm gonna put this on.

I know I've been a fuck up for a while now, for a good life for two months. I know everybody in the office suspects that I don't know what I'm doing. I'm 12. I know what you're saying. You look like an adult. Here's this fortune telling machine, right?

I know it doesn't start adding up. I remember the giant piano. You remember I danced in the giant piano when I was 12? I'm 12 years old. You can't get mad at me. You came with fire.

Because I'm the legal that you hire. I'm 12 and you've got a lengthy court battle. A healthy 7th package? I don't know what 7th is. I'm 12. That's rough, that's good. Can you ask for a different job?

Can you do that at a job? Just like, I don't know, you got anything easier? Can I try boss? Boss would be cool. Boss seems cool. Let's trade these. I'll be boss. You'd be whatever my job is. I'm not entirely sure. What if the twist is like the boss's like,

I don't know what your job is. When someone asks you to do something just look at them and go, how would you do it? And then when they say, I agree. I'm going to do the same. That's pretty much what I've been doing. Thank you. Can you show me one time?

Can you show me one more time? I know I said that last time. Susan, you're a surgeon. I'm 12? You should have said something about your beginning a long time ago. Many failed surgeries again. Maybe because she was robbed of so many years

jumping from 12 to whatever age she is now. She wants to rob others of it. It's like dark. It's like, fuck me! It's like dark big. Big saw. He was never fixed. I don't think he would have gotten it.

What's wrong? You didn't have a childhood? Yeah, me neither. It's not big. Started with your art. It's not big. Do you have a question for what? Should we get a live one? Yeah, get a live one.

I saw you in your hand first, come on out. Yeah, we, yes. No clapping. We're going to have a short walk, so we don't need to cover anything. What's going on? Hey, where are you? Steve.

Steve's head's around. How are you, Steve? So, every morning I ate my breakfast at the same deli that's right down the street from my work. And there was this sign that's for like a smoothie with red bull in it. And I can't decide whether this is a great idea

or the absolute worst idea. So, brothers, I'm really curious, is it how early is too early for soda? Steve, how early is too early for diarrhea? We're in glass houses right now and it's like, we just did five hour energy drinks backstage before we came here. Travis, later on we said, okay, you can move that down,

Steve. Your comfort is important to me. Your art, yes. We were, I realized at what time was it? It would have been about eight o'clock when we were eating dinner. I realized that, like, I have been

meaning to take a five hour energy shot all night. And I'm not, not, not staying awake any longer than I have to today. So, I can't have, I can't come to the shows over at 11 or what have you and then still be awake for another two hours

because I took my five hour energy. And Travis says to me, oh, that's fine, that's fine. Okay, here's the thing. For a long time, I've always wondered if you do half of a five hour energy drink do you get two and a half hours of 100% energy or five hours

of, like, 50% energy? So, we consulted a physician that was married to me and he said they remain up. Don't do any percent of any energy for any amount of time.

But, Steve, I think that is a really rough way to get your day started. Not the actual effects of it, but it's fucking gross. It's gross. It's super gross.

Can you start your day with that? What if you come to depend on it? Then it's like, oh, that's Steve. He drinks a rental smoothie every week. Oh, that's Steve's morning slop. He has to slop that down his gullet or else he just can't get started.

Steve's a little sweaty. He didn't have his glopas. Don't talk to me until I have that in my glop. And what if that deadly shuts down? You'll die. What else is in this smoothie? I think it's, like, strawberry, banana, and kiwi.

Why are you saying those ingredients, like, they're gross? It's like, kiwi, it's gross. It's definitely red boy. That's the good part. Some kind of fruit? Are you still calling it carbonated shit? Carbonation is, by its very definition,

not especially smoothies. Listen, smoothies are kind of, like, freestyle, like, remixes anyway. I've thrown celery in smoothies. What? You can do anything. Wow, put it behind bars. A vegetable?

No. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't fucking do it. You should stop other people from doing it. Everybody, Steve. You like this one? Travis likes this one, so we'll do that. It's by the Answers user.

No! It's too perfect. No! Okay. Did Darth Vader... Did Darth Vader still have a penis after the accident? Some terminology

to clear up. What really an accident? Like, oh, he had the higher ground and he went for him. He got his legs done. I guess the lava was not intentional for either party. But if you were wondering,

that's why he was yelling, No! No! I think if they have, like, the cybernetic parts for, like, all of his burn to a body, then, like, I saw a bicentennial man and they fucking perfected that shit. You're saying...

You know, what you're telling me is... Bicentennial man and Star Wars exist in the same universe. Right? So, a different canon. What you're telling me is that if Darth Vader were to, in one flourish, remove his copies, you would see behind it

a separate... Robin Williams penis from Bicentennial. Perfect, one-to-one. Because, listen, they've perfected that technology, but they don't want to risk, like, chopping and screwing it too much. So, it's the same. You get the same model across, and you can get it in the back alley.

Wait, is it the same mechanical penis? Are you saying... Are you saying... Bicentennial man dies if the camera... It fills us the way to the right. It's a penis. I hope somebody was taking pictures of that

out of contact. That's exactly it. For those of you who are listening at home... Justin stood up and very loosely pointed to his bathing suit region. To my Bicentennial boss. To his... Bicentennial man?

Is that one of the... I'm gonna stick with Darth. What? Sorry. Uh, does Darth Vader have... I don't think the Empire would have any use for Darth Vader. Okay, but here's the thing. If not,

he comes up off the table. As in his little suit with a palpatine, and he's like, okay, great. What the hell is this? So... So, I'm just gonna be inside. Why are you in the screen? The good news is I can't drink.

But I'm just gonna be in the suit. All right, then. So, I'm still angry all the time. I can't stop thinking about... Because you think about it, because we're thinking about it. So, by the end of this episode, it's just gonna be a recurrent string of

a million penis and it's like... This is something I'm actively thinking about, though. Because I bet... No. Hear me out. No! I bet it's a lot like his knuckles. But just one. But just one. There wouldn't be four. I don't know more.

Is the show done? Yeah, I think we might be done with the show. Yeah, never. I'm gonna keep thinking about Rob Williams penis online. Let's do another. Do we have any more? What about the... What about the... The tuxedo one?

Guys, just wait. You're gonna love this question. Guarantee. It's very good. Two years ago. Two years ago, I bought a tuxedo from my wedding. Through an online vendor. It didn't fit right and wasn't made to be tailored. So, in desperation, I just bought a second one from the department store.

Now I own two tuxedos. Like, I'm some kind of big shot. I haven't had much luck selling it online. So, what can I do with a second, slightly ill-fitting tuxedo? And that's from Saratorial in San Fran. Does anybody... Quick poll. Does anybody in here own... Aw, tuxedo? There's like five.

That's not a lot of tuxedos. This is what I want to understand. Did they not have renting tuxedos where this guy lives? What kind of life are you living that you're like, I'm gonna use this often enough. That I need it. That sounds awesome. I wish I was living here...

Well, not really, because I don't really like anything that I've ever been to where I had to wear a tuxedo. But I'm sure that you enjoy the subsequent design. There's no judgment for me. I think you're gonna need to wear the smaller one and hulk out. What if you wore the smaller one underneath the bigger one? And you imagine the fight that would happen. He has worn a hulk out.

He's hot. Sweat tux. I respect him, tux. Could you build... Could you build robotics into it? And make it like the... If you are back into Robin Williams... No one's gonna ever back into Robin Williams' penis.

That guy's really taking a beating this time. No, I was making a... Anything else? I was making a super great Jackie Chan's the tuxedo. Jackie Chan, Jackie Chan. Jeff, I love you. He has a magic tuxedo. It's been a really long time since I've punched it. Can you tear one up and use it to fake, like, disasters?

Like, you walk into a room in a regular one. You switch, come out into the destroyed one. Like, wow, do not go in there. Woo! It's been true. It's been true. I was like, tuxedo. Anything else? It's been a weird day, you guys. Yeah, it's been a long day.

What other movies have tuxedos? Is this my name? Uh, I think he should be done. I think we don't... Have we given him... More blood! Say more blood, negotiator. No tuxedos in that. Have you ever noticed how many movies there are

without tuxedos in them? What's the name of you? Uh, this has been My Brother, My Brother Me. We hope you've had a lot of fun. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you. Thank you to Michael, Kevin, Ryan, everybody from the People's Improv Theatre.

They have done everything. We are like babies that they have nurtured all day. We have no idea what we're doing. And they kept us alive. They are wonderful. They have been our heroes. Thank you so much to you, fun people. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And also, I enjoy your friendship.

And thank you to our wives and our dad for being supportive, being in the show. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I say thank you to our wonderful people. Um, big thanks to Saabos for just like, she's the first star in our film. Uh, on your way out the door, make sure to stop by the merch table. We have a bunch of new merch.

Dude, this makes me uncomfortable at the time. I know. It was made just for the show. Um, eventually we'll be online for sale, but you got the first crack at it. We got awesome patches, uh, button packs that you guys are going to dig. Awesome new tote bags. Packed bags, new way back in.

On your way out, if nothing else, grab one of these postcards. It'll give you a coupon code for 20% off if you order stuff online. So it's really great. Make sure you grab it. Short meet and greet before we fall down. Bye. Um, so, come see us after the show.

Thanks to, uh, to, I guess, DMX and Sean Rodger. Come along when there's some of these for our theme song. Uh, ex-go and give it to ya. Chopped and screwed by Griffin McElroy. Uh, and also, it's a departure off the album. I'm putting the days to bed. Thank you. Thank you, DMX. I'm calling for highway.

Welcome to New York City. Woo! Woo! Ah, boy. Good jokes, guys. Just to jump in real quick, just want to remind everybody to go to Nature Box. We can get great tasting, healthy snacks. Get in shape for summer with

healthy treats like BBQ Kettle Kernels. 50% off your first order. Go to naturebox.com slash my brother. It's naturebox.com slash my brother. Y'all are really going to love this, this closing goof. We really, uh, we really take it to the bridge here. Get ready. And that's gonna do it for us.

We're gonna have a final, you know, final episode by Thomas Anderson. Thank you, Thomas. It's by Yahoo Answers user Victor who asks, does the hologram of Michael Jackson performing last night have a soul? Oh! I'm gonna have to be back, girl.

I'm Travis. I'm gonna have to go back. I'm gonna have to go back. I'm gonna have to go back. I'm gonna have to go back. I'm gonna have to go back. I'm gonna have to go back. Thank you.

Thank you.