My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 213: Flavorizer Overload

Episode Date: August 11, 2014

Throw on a pot of gumbo and crank up the Flavorizers, because this episode came to play. Suggested talking points: Drumgate, Auntie Lame, Pee Dance, Roommate Auction, Squirt Magic Squirt, Comic Retirement, Dilbertverse, The Jimmy Buffett Criterion Collection, My Perfect Dakota, Apology Date, Air Taster

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody and welcome my brother, my brother, me, and advice show for the modern era. Attention, I have breaking news. I'm joined by my middle brother, Travis, and my youngest brother, Griffin. Say hello gentlemen. Just hello the word hello. Hello. Hello. I have breaking news. Last night, Travis was at a party where he played a steel drum. Were you taking now live

on the scene to Travis McElroy? It was just as majestic as you would think. I felt like I was playing outside down turtle. It was lovely. I played a couple chords, and then they played Waston Away in Margaritaville. It was transcendent. It was a two-man steel drum band because one steel drum is not enough, and they were able to do harmonies. Travis, we have eyewitness accounts from the scene of the drum that you did in fact rattle out the theme song to Rugrats. Is that true or false, Travis? Can you confirm or deny? Listen, I was in a haze of tequila at that point, so I may or may not have rocked it out, but I was not trying to. I don't know why you're trying to hide this from us. I don't know why you're trying to fucking sweep this under the rug. We take you now

live to our analyst, Orb, who is a horse, former race championship horse. Orb has just heard this news. Orb, you've been processing this this morning. Of course, we're still trying to get all the pieces of this story about Travis playing a steel drum last night into place. What is your initial reaction to this tournament? Orb can be played like a steel drum. He does not prefer it. So you have personal connections to this instrument? Orb is two steel drums, turned to face each other. Let me ask you this, Orb, where does Travis go from here? Jamaica. Continuing our coverage of Steel Drum Gate 2014, we go live where Travis has prepared a statement.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have decided to step back from my steel drum career and just spend some time rebuilding my family right now. This has been very tough on us and especially on them, and I feel out of respect. I must not play the Rugrats theme song ever again. Breaking news, we're hearing reports from multiple sources that what Travis actually played was an upside down garbage can and that he was actually confused. We're getting texts in. This is a scandal, but we are hearing reports that have tied his recent resignation from steel drumming to the fact that he did in fact hit an upside down trash can with two chicken legs, not a steel drum, as we are initially informed. Griffin, if you heard any more updates from

your sources, I see you kind of pounding away on your blackberry there. What are you hearing? We have an analyst here, Chet Chorson, who is doing some body interpretation of Travis's statements. Chet, what do you think? Sounds to me like you fucked the steel drum. Sounds to you like he fucked the steel drum. Yeah, I mean look at him. Um, yeah, I mean, I guess I get it. I guess I'm confused about the physiology. Think about it. Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. So obviously Travis is not owning up to this at this time. We are going to continue to monitor the situation. In the meantime, we return you to my brother, my brother and me already in progress. Friends of ours really enjoy entertaining at their apartment.

My fiance and I are regularly invited for board games, chatting and on occasion dinner. My problem is our apartment is far less presentable and because of this, we do not host very often. We've taken to bring a six pack or two with us to make up for our lack of reciprocity. Are we good? Or should we make a bigger effort to host for our friends? That's from Hospitality Hot Mess in Hyde Park. Well, hold on. We've got a question later. I'm going to tie this question in now and go ahead and read it. Okay. I'm in college and because of that, I'm a pretty social person. I have a decent amount of friends and I'm usually either hanging out with them or someone is at my apartment. However, when people are over at my house at some point in the evening,

I usually hit a point where I just want them to leave and have a long time. The problem is, I never know how to gracefully kick them out. How do I tell my friends that I'm ready to be done with social time without sounding like a jerk? That's from semi-social awkward at Purdue. Is there a buzzer you could buy and activate? I just feel like these connect so well because when I host, I love hosting and then there hits the point where it's like, and I'm done. And I want you out. Okay. Goodbye, everybody. And that's usually about 8.30. I feel like that's part of finding your group of friends though. I have a group of friends that are perfect at this where just when I'm ready for sleepy time, they bounce. How do they know though? Do you think

maybe you're more obvious about your sleepy time signals than you think you are? I mean, I do come out my onesie footy pajamas. You know, you joke. I did that once. I had people in my house and then it was like, well, I gotta go to bed now. And I came out my pajamas. I spend a lot of time thinking about issues like this. I tend to worry about making sure I had enough sleep before that I can handle the situation, that I won't be the first one to be sleepy. So I'll do like a five hour energy or something. I think you take a nap. I'll take a possess in the afternoon, that kind of thing. I think you just have to keep, you have to stay ahead of the game. You can't collapse. You can't be the most drunk person there. You can't be the

most drunk, can't be the sleepiest. Can't be the handsiest either. I don't like going to Daryl's house. He's very handsy. You have to be so normal when you're hosting a party. You have to be right in the middle. You have to stand in the center of the room and try to like maintain a neutral baseline. Exactly. That's true because I'm more of an iconoclast. I think of myself as really the anti-mame of our family. You know, throwing a Christmas celebration in July, whimsical hats, a donkey in the living room. Just anti-justin. Justin's having another donkey show at his party. I think of myself as that. But you have to level yourself out when you're hosting because people need to know that they're safe and cared for. They don't want anti-mame. They want

anti-normal. Yeah. Anti-lame. Anti-lame would have been a better thing. Yeah. Well, we'll fix it in the past. Y'all want a yahoo? Yeah. This yahoo was sent in by close personal friend of mine, of the show Drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew. It's by Yahoo Answers User. Innocent but deadly. Oh, spicy. Who asks, is it okay to do the pee-pee dance at work? I was really consumed with the task at hand and didn't want to interrupt it by going to the restroom. Before I knew it, my bladder weighed three pounds. All the excess pee was killing me, so I finally decided to use the restroom. I crossed my thighs, tightened them while hopping. I work retail on the store level,

so customers as well as co-workers saw my pee-pee dance. One co-worker told me to stop, and after taking a huge leak in the restroom, I did. Was that normal? Well, I think it is normal for your pee-pee dance to stop after you take a huge pee. Yeah. It's much weirder if you do it afterwards like a celebratory touchdown dance. This person was carrying three pounds of urine, and what I can only assume to be like maxed like a half-pound bag. Well, you don't know. Well, I mean, without weighing the bladder first, you can't be sure that some of that three pounds wasn't. Maybe they just have a really fat bladder. Maybe the other. Yeah. A lot of flat bladder. I love me. Fat bladder.

Girl. Mama Sita. That's what that song all about, that bass is all about. And Cobra Tabana is about that too. Being proud of your bladder. And what's Lola? She was a show girl. Fat as bladder in the lab. Everybody give her a hand. She would merengue. You didn't hear the sloshing. Okay. What fucking thing could you be doing in a retail store level job that you're like, I cannot walk away from this. I will risk prostate and bladder problems to finish putting these price tags up. The avatar actually looks like a woman. So no prostate problems. No prostate problems probably not. I've worked several retail jobs. I always took it as a tiny vacation when

it was time to pee, because no one's going to say no. No one's going to be like, get back to work because we're not working in a gulag. You got to pee, you go pee. Maybe they're piss three pounds down your leg. Maybe they're selling a pee be gone, a special pill that makes us say you never have to pee again. That would be very embarrassing for them and your place of business. Have you guys ever, I don't think I've ever done a pee pee dance of like, I don't think that actually, I don't think there's any physiological implications. I've done a pee sprint. Yeah. Well, that's every time for me. pee every time, every time for me. And it's, it's an emergency. Have I done a pee pee dance?

You know, I used to pee pee whenever I needed to, like a big boy. But now I, uh, I've been sort of holding off a little bit until I just can't take it anymore because that I miss that movie theater. You know that post tantric tantric peeing that you do after Lord of the Rings. And you think it's almost over and then it isn't, but it's close enough that you missed all the pee times on the run pee app. Yeah. Um, and so you just have to push on through. Uh, I missed that kind of pee. I wish I had that kind of pee more regularly. You know, when you have to pee really bad and then suddenly just strangely, the feeling just goes away for a little while and then comes back. That's the scariest. Yeah. With that P go. I'm going to give us, I'm going to allow

us maybe one more minute of this. Um, but, um, I've ruined myself working from home for seven years now, uh, because I'll just go, I'll just go even when I, maybe I don't even really need to. It just like sounds like a good thing to do. I'll just go in there and do it, which has, which has reduced the iPhone game you're playing at that point, which has reduced my ability to not go to a span of about 20 minutes. So your flange is loose. My flange, my cap, my resistor, uh, is, is, is barely non-existent at this point. But again, like, I don't do a pee pee dance because I'm a fucking adult and I know my fucking body at this point. And I always know where the bathroom is. So I don't let it get to that point. Come on,

I feel like a pee pee dance would just be more pressure in odd places than I would want. I, I feel like the best thing I can do is just sort of stay zoned, stay focused, straight line, get my mindfulness right, breathe in, breathe out, healing, cleansing light, and just wait for what till it presents itself. Until it's time. I don't know. Why ever, whatever reason this guy had, I don't know. I'm 33. I pee when I want. Yeah. Sometimes when I don't want. If I want to pee, I body, if I want to eat Captain Crunch one morning, I do. I don't. Sometimes I sneeze really hard and I pee a little bit. I gotta say being 33 sounds awesome. Pretty cool so far. I bought a cereal that had s'more in the name today.

I had no one. You can't do that until you're 30. No, man. Stop me. The, I thought the Lorraine lady would say like, are you sure you want to do this? Can I check your ID? Can I see your ID? Nope. 33. You're right. Okay. Well, I thought you were, I thought you were starting a new question and that there's just somebody else who had done this and not you. And then I found out it was you. And then our relationship changed in a subtle, almost imperceptible way. Yeah. Irreversible. Irreversible and imperceptible. Do start a new question though. I do not want to talk about PP anymore. Yes, you do. You're just afraid people don't want to listen to you talk about PP anymore. We'll do a new podcast for that. I was living with my girlfriend.

I don't want to know people who had listened to that podcast. It's dirty. It'll be a PP and Dungeons and Dragons podcast. PP Dinty. Here it is. I was living with my girlfriend in another roommate for just under a year. When we broke up, she moved back home and my roommate and I moved into a new place together. Now roommate is moving out and he is claiming ownership of some of the various items my ex left behind. He claims that since we were all roommates before her, and I started dating, we should split the booty equally. I claim her and I shared things. I claim her and I shared things when we started dating and anything she left behind is mine. Also, a lot of stuff in our place is actually his, so I don't think he needs any extra crap. Am I crazy or should my ex's

stuff be mine now? That's from Canadian custody battle. This is some ghoulish shit. I was living with my girlfriend and another roommate. He lived with his girlfriend and they had another roommate. Him and his girlfriend broke up. She left behind a bunch of stuff. The roommate, they're moving out now and the roommate wants some of the ex-girlfriend stuff because they were roommates. This is what is ghoulish. Does this person have extra claim on the things that this roommate left behind? Which is totally fair. When a roommate leaves and doesn't take their shit and expresses new interest in taking their shit, congratulations. Now you have things, but does the person who actually dated the woman get... And if I'm reading the question

correctly, they started dating after they all moved in together. We were all roommates before her and I started dating. That's a rookie mistake, by the way. I almost feel like you should have to give the non-dating roommate everything because you fucked up so grandly. That is correct. If nothing else, even if it had gone super well, you did put roommate in position of being like permanent third wheel. So maybe he gets that box set DVD. You know what I mean? Maybe he gets all of F-Troop. She left her F-Troop box set and roommate wants it. What are you going to do? Split them up. You take season one. He takes season two. That doesn't make any sense. Just give him the whole box set. You're both going to be missing integral parts of the F-Troop crew line. You want

to know how it ends. You want to know where it begins. It'll just be a mess. Yeah. Can you have a... Okay, let me hit you with this. Each of you has $500 of monopoly money. You invite a third party over. It's Jeff Probst. It's Jeff Probst. He's the X. And then he does a survivor style auction. You don't know when it's going to stop. You don't know what the items will be, but you get to bid on the X's thing. So that way you can get the things that you need the most, like maybe rice for the camp. You know what I like about that, Justin? That not only is like a practical idea. That sounds fun. Yeah, it sounds like you'd have a great time. Probst probably wouldn't have a great time auctioning off his own goods to his ex-lover,

but... You know, just so Teresa and I move into Los Angeles, and I had an idea pop in my head of like, you know, it would be way more affordable if we got like a two or three bedroom apartment and then got a roommate. And then I couldn't think of anything weirder and I'm sure that people out there do it and I'm not trying to throw shade, but the idea of like a married couple finding like a roommate was really weird to me. Yeah. Is that crazy? Oh, you're going to get a lot of applicants that show up like, hey, my name is Tom. Yeah, I have a great job in the city. I'll be able to you guys into cuckold. Also, I don't like washing windows. I really like living with you guys. I'm really getting into the swing of it. Okay, let's watch a movie.

I was at a party last night and a friend of mine was showing us how Tinder works because I asked because I've never seen it before. And one of my other friends instinctively saw a picture of a guy and thought he looked cool. And so they liked him, which is how Tinder works. You either like or dislike them. And if you both like each other, you get a notification and you have a match. And so he did it because the guy looked cool without having any additional info information. Holy shit. Is that why it's called Tinder? Because you get a match? Oh, that might be it. That's pretty good. And then they matched and then we clicked through below the jump there to read some additional info. And he is, he's married and he travels on

business a lot. Business with a capital B, he said. And he's into, he is into cuckold. He is into making fantasies come true. He's into, he's into quote, he's into quote, teaching women how to squirt. Fantastic. Thank you, Roger, very much. And he finished out his mog by saying that he is into nail clipper play. That's a new chestnut that I'm going to throw into a volcano. But he's making dreams come true. That's pretty cool. Wait, he's making fantasies come true for unsuspecting people. Could, and he travels a lot. Could this be Ty Pennington from Extreme Home Makeover? Oh, is it? Is that possible? This is a capital B. It was actually Jareth, the Goblin King. Squirt, Magic Squirt. My comic book collection is getting quite large and I'm running out of

space to start all my singling. Oh, Justin, what the fuck did, what did we do yesterday? I can't, we can't say. We can't talk about it. Many of them I only read once and then store it in a long box. I want to go all digital, but I don't know how to tell my comic book shop that I don't need a pull list anymore. That's from Colin. Colin is describing I think the biggest problem with comic books. I really like comic books as like a reading experience and I hate everything else. I hate paying four dollars. Yes, that's the word. For five minutes of something and then a lifetime of guilt. Ironically, I find that I feel the same way about going into a comic book store, the same way I feel about going into a high-end like Ben's fashion store, where it always seems

like it's going to be a cool, fun, like let's find, and then it's like, oh yeah, no, wait, all this stuff costs way too much money for me to actually buy it. Cool. And so, but I guess what confuses me about this question is, isn't that the point of comic books is owning, is like having a collection of them? No, I mean digital, digital comics are taken off in a big, big way. Really? I'm sure that, I mean, I think your best bet is to just ghost and maybe they'll think that you're dead or something, because I think you calling and saying, hey, I am actively, actively contributing to the erosion of your whole thing here. They're not going to take that. You know, better, hold on. Tell them you're going on an extended vacation, so not to do the pull list,

and you will call him when you get back in town, so he can start pulling the comics for you again, and then just never call him again. So lie, lie, lie real good. Well, so that way, because if you just ghost, he's going to keep pulling. I mean, ended up with this huge like stack and be like, where's Colin? I guess just call, call the comic book store and say, hey, this is Josh Richardson, stop pulling my comics by and then hang up really fast. He is proud. Your comic book dealer is probably already a little panicked about the advent of digital comics. If you call and say, listen, I'm going all digital, you're only going to keep him up at night, provide him with more anxiety. If you don't call and leave no

inclination of your, of your indication of your whereabouts, he's going to think you're dead. Um, can I read a Yahoo? That is a nice segue here. I feel like we didn't help Colin at all, but yes. I mean, I, we did our best. Uh, this Yahoo is written by Drew Davenport also. Thank you, Drew. It's by Yahoo Answers user Dr. Quantum who asks, I want to read Dilbert. Where should I start? I've never, I've never read Dilbert, but a friend of mine, first of all, what? I've never read Dilbert, but a friend of mine usually talks about it and I think I'll like it, but he couldn't tell me where is a good place to start. Thoughts?

You could start at the death slash rebirth of Dilbert Ark. Oh, sure. After, after Dilbert Civil War. Uh-huh. I love, I love the 11th Dilbert. Uh, I mean, you never forget your first Dilbert, but the 11th Dilbert provides a great jumping off point, I think. I also really liked the brightest Dilbert, darkest Dilbert miniseries. Yeah, that was pretty good. Dilbert, there's Dilbert Ultimatum. That's pretty good. The Dilbert Amalgam where he mixed with Garfield. That was a pretty good one. I like that one a lot. I don't like the crossover shit. Okay. No, I don't like the Dilbert Avengers. There's like amazing Dilbert. There's Ultimate Dilbert. There's Extreme Dilbert. Dilbert 1999.

There's Tilbert, there's Dil, there's Dilbert Teens. And that's, there's Pigbert. There's Pigbert. There's Zombie Dilbert, which is like, obviously Marvel was just fucking having a field day with that one, huh? You gotta take, I think the best place, I think you go back to the beginning. I think you go straight to always postpone meetings with Time Wasting morons. See if you can find it in the original printing. It's got a better cover. And then from there, you go to Dogwort's Clues for the Clueless. It's the third book, but in a way, it's the second. Yeah, yeah. And then Shave the Whales. Motherfucker. Still pumped from using the mouse? Is it, is another good jump to golf point?

And maybe do some readings, do some, do some readings Scott Adams. Maybe read some of his big ideas. Yeah. And then kind of figure out where you're at after that. Okay, so here is the game. Are you ready? Yeah. I am going to read either the name of a Dilbert collection. Oh, Jesus. Or the name of a Jimmy Buffett song. It's always that then. Okay. Breathe in, breathe out, move on. That's a Jim James Buffett. Okay. When body language goes bad. Oh, damn. I'm going to go Dilbert. I'm going to say James Buffett. That is Dilbert. Correct travels. Congratulations. Positive attitude. Oh, shit. Is Scott Adams a pen name for Jimmy Buffett? I'm going, I'm going Dilbert. Positive attitude. I think that's actually Jim Buffett.

That is Dilbert. Yes, son of a bitch. Dear Jimmy Buffett. Dilbert. Yeah, I think it's Dilbert. Sorry, that's Jimmy Buffett because his name is in it. I thought it was the Scott Adams love letter. Oh, this is a good one. This is a good one. You're ready? The Dilbert principle. Margaritaville. Okay, let's get the money's in. I'm just throwing out the it's five o'clock somewhere works for both. Yeah, as far o'clock somewhere would be an excellent Dilbert book. So does dog Brits Clues for the Clues. It was dog Brits Clues. And a pineapple smiled nearby. You went a little Randy Newman. I have been. Here's some truth. I've been struggling with anxiety for the past few months.

And part of the that is that I try to stay in a pretty positive place. And as a result, I have listened to exclusively Radio Margaritaville on Sirius XM for the past three months. I mean exclusively. We're talking tear off the knob. You're in Jimmy's hands now. I guess I'm not comfortable with you. Take the wheel of my car. Not really comfortable with you drinking and driving. That's what I have to say. It's Jimmy Buffett is drinking for your ears. I yesterday I here is the point that we have reached not to be clear. Radio Margaritaville is not just Jimmy Buffett tunes, although wait a few minutes, one will come on is songs hand selected by Jimmy Buffett. I hope I mean that's what they say. I don't know. He probably has assistance. There's

probably a different Jimmy Buffett in every town like Santa Claus. But I described to Sydney yesterday and as we drove to the mall for the entire 15 minute duration of our transit to the mall on Friday, I described an imaginary Jimmy Buffett collection that I would like to construct a box set of all the tunes that I need for mental health. Just to let you guys in on the collection. The second disc is all different versions of Margaritaville live just with different. It's your beach time prescription. It's a beach time prescription for good feelings. Here's the kicker. You ready? The first disc, guess where it kicks off with? Margarita. I know you're thinking Margaritaville. That's the second disc. No, you launch with

I Will Play For Gumbo. No one sees that coming then straight into boat drinks. I certainly would not see that coming because I don't know the fucking song. I don't know the tune. Just for the people at home, rather than our typical money zone music, I'm going to request that you put in the chorus of I Will Play For Gumbo. Now, see, every time you do that, I have to go to Amazon. I have to buy the fucking dollar, not that you'll need it, because you'll be so into this fucking tune. Is he going to hear it? Is he litigating? Here we go into the money zone. Uh, once you're full up on gumbo, you need something to counterbalance that. And the best way to counter the best side is- What pairs well with gumbo? What's the best

pairing for gumbo? It's anything from Nature Box. They have delicious snacks. Literally, any of them can be put a top gumbo for a crunchy or chocolatey or chewy or saltier sweet. Big gumbo tips with Justin. Literally anything that comes in a bag can be put a top gumbo. That includes dishwasher tabs, kitty litter. I actually don't know what gumbo is. Teeth. A bag of teeth. Nature Box has delicious, delicious, delicious snacks that are natural. They got no trans fats, no high fructose corn syrup, and there are some that are low in sugar and have no gluten. And they ship them for free? You don't have to worry about that either. What are you guys rocking? Because there's some, I know there's some staples for you guys. Not

that they don't, you don't get a big bag of staples, but that'd be great. I would highly recommend the French toast granola. That's very, very good. You put some milk on that, your day's going to get started really, really right. And if you're like me, I love like the salty like chip kind of stuff. They got sea salt pop pops. So good. They also have some Santa Fe like corn stick stuff. So good. So if you try Nature Box right now, we can get you 50% off your first month's box. Just go to naturebox.com slash my brother. All one word and you're going to get 50% off and that box is going to last you a super long time. Because they have different options, different sized boxes for different sized family. There's something that's

going to fit. I promise you their snack selection gets bigger and bigger like every day it seems. There's going to be something there that you're going to like. It's real tasty. So go to naturebox.com slash my brother. All one word and we'll get you a half off your first box. Don't be a deal. That sounds like a great deal. No need to thank us, but if you want to, we're on Twitter. So here's the thing. You've probably tried Hulu. I mean, it's been around, I think since the interview. Can you not start with, so here's the thing. So here's the thing. Lean in. You sound like you sound like fucking Linda LRB, like sitting backwards on a chair. Hey, let's wrap. You've all tried Hulu, right? You're all cool kids and you think you've tried Hulu and that's fine and you're awesome.

Well, here's the thing. You think you're cool, but you haven't tried Hulu Plus. Hulu Plus is that new shit. Travis, that is a smart pantsuit you're wearing right now. Thank you. It makes me feel sexy and confident. You both. Hulu has everything, man. They have current season episodes of shows that are on right now, like Modern Family, Daily Show with John Stewart. They have every episode, like deep back catalogs of shows like South Park, which is only on Hulu Plus. You can also find stuff like we, you know, Teresa and I watched Parks and Rec on there, Bob's Burgers, tons of stuff. The profits on there. That's one of my favorite shows basically ever where you're fit. You have a failing business and my boy Marcus Lamones comes into your

failing business and he says that this place sucks, but I want to make it awesome. And you're going to give me half. And for the next week, you have to do exactly what I say. You scumbag. And by the end, they fall in love with them. Yeah. By the end, they're like, you were so right. Or sometimes he just dips. Sometimes he's like, Hey, I think you're embezzling. So I'm going to go and then credits. It's a, it's a great show. It sounds very good. I'm going to check that out. It's not everything. You can use it on a smart TV, Roku, Apple TV, any gaming device, basically Xbox, PlayStation, whatever. You can do it on a phone and train on Charlotte at the urinal. That's a good look. That's a great look. You're going to be there for, for, you know,

23 minutes plus ads. So it's going to be hard to get comfortable, but chase your bliss. And not only that, they've got original stuff you can't find anywhere else. Like the awesomes created by Seth, the Seth Meyers. It's about a misfit group of superheroes cartoon. You're going to love it. All 10 hours heads of season one. And I think, yeah, so season two just premiered. So it's a great time to go check it out. It's only eight bucks a month. You'll get your shows wherever you, wherever you need them, but we can give you a two week free trial. If you go to whouluplus.com slash my brother, all one word. Normally the, the trial is one week. We're going to give you a second one in case you're really dragging your fucking heels on this. So make sure

you go to whouluplus.com slash my brother so that it counts towards us and makes us look so good. From Laurie. Laurie. Laurie says, I'm so happy you said yes. So happy you said yes. And then I beat you to it. And I got to do the asking. I told you that road trip to West Virginia would only be the first of our adventures together. I love you so much. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you. That's from Hal. Well, it's from Laurie to Hal. But I think it's also a little bit from Hal. If you really look inside your heart. Laurie came, they came to see Superman. Did they? My show's Superman. Yep. They sound, they sound super sweet. So she asked him for his hand, it sounds like. Apparently his hand. I don't know what she doesn't specify. So maybe it's just like

they wanted, she wanted to go see Transformers Rise of the Fallen and he was like, yeah, I'm glad you asked and said it to me. I'm glad you asked. Because I would be embarrassed to ask that of you. And then while they were there, I was probably married them. Surprise. Surprise. So congratulations, you two. I'm so happy and I'm glad that you're in love. I got another message from Ian, Alex and Rebecca. Three ways split there for Jessica. And her last name's here, but I don't think that's your name. Hi, Mbem-Bam. Because our amazing big sis, Jessica, is now happily engaged to her incredible man, Jake. We thought she deserved a shout out on her favorite podcast. And I don't know why I make them sound like they're from

fucking here. I'm sure you guys are great. Sorry. Despite her leaving us for a kick-ass new life in Nashville, we love her all the same. Congratulations, Jessica. I'm your encouragement. Oh, no. Ian's melting. We'll miss your bunches. Love your wee siblings. Oh, man. Uncle Joe, he is a moving kind of slow at the junction. Petticoat junction. That's so sweet. Love is in the air. Kind of sound like nerve, everybody in the club getting married. Love this. Love this. Man, I hate to be an unmarried person right now. Am I right, guys? Oh, come on. Don't, don't drop that. Why? Why are you throwing shade? Bikini season. Volleyball time. Hot dogs and hamburgers. Get ready to the Olympic dive.

Fourth of July. Are you ready for rollerblading ring time? That's right. It's Aaron and Brian from Throwing Shade, if you didn't know from that very clear intro. We take a look at issues involving ladies and gays and we treat them with much less respect than they deserve. So watch out, punks. So, hey, download us and take us to the beach while you're doing your summertime fun. How about a Yahoo? Or did we just... It's me. I'm ready. We just did Dilbert, but there's some important topics in here. This one's sent in by John Gelnik. I believe that's how you pronounce his name. Thank you, John. I'm just gonna be more confident with that shit. It's asked by Yahoo Answers user.

Fucking things not popping up. It's a weird name. What's your fucking... I can't... He has no name. He has no name. This is unprecedented. Okay. Well, it was asked by some Yahoo Answers user. I'm gonna assume they were just deleted. The phantom of Yahoo Answers. Can we assume that if we reach the singularity, the first thing the AI will do is destroy Yahoo Answers. It's too helpful. I hope so. I also hope that about the rapture, about the super volcano eruption. I hope that about everything. That it's the first against the law. This mystery user asks,

what would your reaction be if a stranger asked you to briefly watch their child? Say in a store or waiting room while they slipped away briefly to use the restroom, pay, etc. It does seem like a setup for like a... I don't know, jackass or like... Well, not... Is candid camera still a thing? Well, that would be both a terrible jackass and a terrible candid camera. It would be... I mean, this is this is Junkie Yonez. Junkie Yonez does this on the weekends for fun, I think. He just asks adults to watch. Does this say something about us as a people now? That... I don't know how it hit you guys non-jokey style. My immediate reaction was, I would say,

well, no. No. No, I don't want that on me. No, thank you. Remind me, Griffin, does it say like, given circumstance where they are, what's going on? They're going into the changing room of, say, an H&M, and they have their child with them, and they say, sorry, can you watch him just for a minute? Do you know what makes this okay? What? If you had your own kid with you. No, great. Now I'm too, too deep. Now I'm outnumbered. Perfect.

How old's the kid? I'm thinking, like, stroller age. It says 16 years old. No, because then... Can you give this kid a part-time job? Do I get back? What if that other kid, like, fucking made a shiv out of Pokemon carbs and stabs your kid? I'm saying, I wouldn't... I would double not trust another kid, another, like, probably flea-infested child near my perfect human specimen. There's no way. No way on earth. My perfect Dakota.

And let me throw out this situation. Hey, can you watch my kid? I'm just going to duck in here real quick. Two hours later, they still haven't returned. Now you're stuck with this extra kid. Yeah, that's, I mean, that is the, what would you do? That's, that's Kinyonesa's game. Is how long can we make a person own a child? I mean, I think the only rational response is to find the next person you see

and ask them if they will watch your kid. It's basically like the ring of kids. Like you, you, you ask them to watch the kid and then it's their, their problem. That's what that song, it takes a whole village to raise a child is about. Is, I'm going to H&M. Can you watch this little thug for a second? And then you're like, sure. Hey, sorry. I'm gotta go run to Blockbuster. Blockbuster? Yep. Sorry. Can you watch this?

It's closing in five minutes. It's closing. Also kids, kids aren't allowed in it because most blockbusters are infested with coyotes at this point. Can you, I'm going to the coyote run, the feral run Blockbuster. Can you watch this kid? Yeah, sure. I guess I was about to go to Dippin' Dots. Dippin' Dots! That's great because it's the highest claim of the future in a video store with a pack.

I haven't been to a fucking mall since 1996. I'm going to hit up this orange Julius. Oh, shit. That was going to be mine. You beat me to it. Yeah. I, but like I'm serious. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. And everybody on Yahoo responding to this question is like, nope, nope, not a chance in hell. No way. No, never. And does that mean like, have we as a culture, like, is this like part of the mounting evidence that we are just fucked?

Because I think back in like the fifties, this probably happened all the time. Like, hey, it's so, it's where you see a lot in the fifties, like just general adults using the fact that they're adults as like carte blanche to yell at kids. Like you think about that these days, like, if another adult yelled at your kid, that would be crazy. But you see that all the time in ye olden days. But like also just giving absolute responsibility of your child to a human that you just fucking ran into at Sam's Club.

So a couple of days ago, I was at a, I was at a food cart and I was also working a show. I was doing sound for the tour and I ordered my food and it was taken forever to come out. And it was really coming down to the wire. Like I had like three minutes to get back to my table and run sound when the show started. And this woman next to me said like, oh, do you have to get back over there? And I was like, yeah. And she was like, okay, well, if you want to go, I'll just bring your food to you. I'll, I'll grab your food.

Okay. And I said no. I was like, no, I'm good because I didn't trust her with my grilled cheese sandwich. Can we just take a second and just appreciate the moment? This moment. I want to live in this moment forever where Travis is just equated his ownership and consumption of this grilled cheese sandwich to the protection, to the protection of your human life that you created.

What my point is times that by a million. Okay. So you reckon does that make it, does that make it more likely for me to say like, Hey, could you just hold on to this baby for a second? I, I know like I don't trust people with my grilled cheese. I ain't going to trust people with my baby. Anybody that would entrust their child to another person is a rogue agent. They are off the reservation as far as society.

That person is capable of anything. And where, where does that leave the kid? And I think that it becomes doubly true if the person volunteer, like if there's someone standing next to you while you've got your baby and you're trying to like take care of something, like if you need me to watch your kid for you while you go do that, I understand. And it's like, Oh no, you're going to take my baby. You're a baby taker.

Yeah, it's no, somebody, if someone offers, that's no, that's unacceptable. I recently moved to a new city. I've joined a popular dating website and have been meeting and getting it with a variety of interesting people. I'm pretty sure, sure dudes are attracted to my, I don't give a heck, bad attitude. Say that's, that's excellent. However, the two times I've gotten genuinely excited to meet someone, I flubbed the first encounter with my nervousness and awkward conversation.

And then drunkenly texted them apologies afterwards. Oops. Yep. Yeah, that sounds like bad attitude. All right. That's, I don't give a heck, bad attitude. You're capturing that spirit perfectly. Oops.

How do I learn to play it cooler in the face of serious relationship potential? That's from old school crazy in Oregon. So if I'm, okay. So when they, when she doesn't care, she kills it. She does great. And then when she actually cares, she's getting real uptight. When she, when she meets a nail clipper enthusiast. Someone who's going to make her fantasies come true.

Uh-huh. Someone who's, who's got bad attitude with a capital B. Just say Ty Pennington. Ty Pennington. So when you meet Ty Pennington, you get a little bit awkward and, and then drunkenly text apologies, which in any circumstance ever, is never a good call. Never, never. Well, when you're, when you're drunk, texting anything to anyone for any reason is a bad idea.

Unless it's help. Unless it's whoops. Please help me. I like, yeah. Cause you're compounding it at that point. If you have an awkward date, that's fine. If you text them afterwards like, sorry, I was so weird. Then that's, you've just, you just took it to the next level.

Especially if you interpreted it as awkward, but they didn't. And they thought it was like a perfectly good time. And then you're like, so, so I was so awkward. And they're like, this person's crazy. Here's the reason you gotta play a cool hot shot. Because if you do apologize for acting weird, whether or not you acted weird, you've just seated all the, your territory in the relationship. You've already given your prospective future husband the, the ball as it were.

It's in his corner now. So you can't ever apologize unless you've been with someone for six years. Mm-hmm. Correct. Hold on. Yes. My wife and I haven't been together for six years. Then you haven't hit that wall yet.

Good. You haven't had to apologize yet, right? Yes. So you said, I just hit six years, and I hadn't apologized it lasted 36 hours. I'm suuuuup. Okay. If you're really excited about the date, and you know that you have a tendency towards like getting awkward in the conversation, why not pick a first date location that,

that inherently has something you could discuss about? So like go see a movie and then go to dinner or go see a movie and then go to drink so you can talk about movie or go to dinner somewhere like you know where they cook right there at the table or something interesting to talk about shut up wait there's endless covers can you believe this meat can you believe the steam I did another cool thing with the knife I was trying to think of a place I was trying to think of a place where they do something interesting but wouldn't also be like terrifying if it went bad I hope it doesn't throw the

shrimp at me I don't know if I can catch the shrimp oh no here it comes well I did it I'm really enjoying this date because well you should try it too it's real fun you get a little bit of shrimp grease on your chin but otherwise I love you I love you I think I'm sorry I'm not usually like this and then they leave oh god what was that what was I doing that whole time I was doing a weird voice the whole time I've got to email them and say I'm sorry I have to shoot them a quick physical letter just a quick voice rail don't tell me not to do it chef at the table I'm doing it I'm just gonna leave five or six voicemails

while you're sitting next to me hold on the whole time you're just being pelted with shrimp just be geek just be confident in yourself and your ability y'all any ahu yeah this yahoo is sent in by Ira Ray are you Ira Ray who wants to know thank you Ira Ray it's by Yahoo Answers user they've been suspended fuck me there's a bloodbath this week they ask would people eat less if air had a flavor would people eat less if air had a flavor isn't this basically what vaping is I guess so but imagine that every everywhere like you walk into a room and you're like like a like a cat who like

so wait different okay this is I have two questions one does different air in different places have a different flavor yes I'm not oh god what a nightmare that I mean I guess air does have a flip hold on let me think about that whoa are you saying that maybe air has had a pronounced flavor and you're desensitized to it no I'm saying air probably has a very subtle flavor that you have a very like air yeah I mean there's particles and atoms and molecules and shit we're tasting it you're only ever tasting air like you're constantly tasting air right and that's what I'm saying like I don't even write so the taste of air has

become your de facto there is no taste I'm not tasting it right if we could morph it right if we could chop and screw that flavor so when you walk into my house baby back ribs right because I love that song from the Chili's commercials but maybe I walk into Travis's house that would also probably be ribs no I think garlic mashed potatoes oh god I mean that's a good thing to eat but it's not a good thing to air taste no but see but that's the question does it smell like that no does it that would be that that would be the super fucked up thing is that it wouldn't smell like taters it would only smell is an

essential component of taste the two would have to work in concert you only think that because Neil deGrasse Tyson told you that yeah he's full of lies it doesn't I mean maybe he's not fall lies but not everything he's not gonna hit them all you know I'm saying actually I would probably be like something like a Skittle or a Mike and Ike I feel like most people would go sweet over savory yeah I think so too but you don't want to like ruin you don't want to ruin a meal if I if I forget to turn off the flavorizer in the room and then like I serve up some lasagna but I have the Skittle still going that's gonna be a

bad eating experience what I mean that's the question is it like uncontrollably smells like it tastes like that or is it like you have a knob next to your thermostat that you turn up the flavorizer oh do you want to you want a little bit more Mars bar okay okay oh my god Tom wake up wake up did we turn the flavorizer off if we get home and our home spaghetti spaghetti spaghetti you would open up the door and just like I'm not gonna be able to taste real spaghetti for a week your way to the flavorize oh god all the flavorizers on level two oh Jesus

invite the way neighborhood dogs in to eat some of the spaghetti air they would die they would fucking die I'm gonna stay at my mom's her house tastes like split pea soup oh Jesus would people eat less though probably not you can't fucking stop us no if anything they would eat more yeah they would be like well now I want spaghetti yeah I actually do this to myself with the senses all the time well I'll put in a nice berry tart yeah who's making berry tart no one is well now I have to and then you drink the liquid to get that flavor it burns my tongue candle yeah that's how 50 shades of gray ends thank

you so much for joining us for our comedy podcast my brother my brother me is what it's called is the name of it there's sometimes people shorten it to MB and BAM happy birthday to our pop-pop happy birthday daddy happy birthday love our daddy so much and thank you to people tweeting about the show like memorial names Michael Balaces Louisa Herron Shuri Sarah Dennis Matthew Olson David payas Wyatt May Justin Gray turned our stupid no-p shirt into a into an actual t-shirt burning to build is his Twitter handle go back and find that was like five days ago thank you to iTunes for putting us on their featured page

yeah we were on like the front page of iTunes podcast for a week it was fucking awesome thank you yeah that was cool just thanks to everybody who went and rated and reviewed and subscribed and all that stuff this week to our show on iTunes jumped us way up the charts and you guys are really really wonderful and we love you yeah I want to thank John Roderick in the long winters for the use of our theme song it's a departure off the album putting the days to bed I have a to get my microphone up to like mouth level I don't own like a mic stand so what I use is the the box for one Christmas at a time the John Roderick

and Jonathan Colton album right and so like the entire time I'm recording I'm looking down at a cartoon illustration of Joe co and John Roderick Joe row so it's like a guardian angel watching over us making the goops happen and we want to say thanks again in nature box for sponsoring the show and get in get in shape for summer well it's already summer now so get in shape for fall I guess fall into good shape nature box calm just go to nature just go to nature box comm slash my brother you'll get 50% off your first order yeah I see people signing up for it and tweeting about it and it's

wonderful go check it out you'll love it make sure you try their sister company flavor box which is just a box you open and then you get like a blast of flavor it's they're still trying to figure out the pricing model and I think that's gonna do it for us right oh also we we put up so some of our more classic bits that people really love these don't call them bits aren't classic goofs that's a better and classics okay so P bums and Jeffrey some some stuff that people requested put those up on YouTube so if you're looking for something to share with someone you can share a sampler bit.ly forward slash

it's Mbembe I'm 2013 is that correct yes anyways just go to our YouTube page and check out all the videos there and then share with all your friends and we love you listen all the other max fun podcast to Jordan Jesse go judge on hundreds stop podcasting yourself bullseye I was called it bonesaw can you consider changing the name of saw bones to bone saw is ready there's a lot of really great content that you're just gonna love consuming is there new saw bones this week yeah probably I mean we record it tomorrow on Monday so okay let's say yes you guys are fucking troopers yeah man yeah what are the

hell is we gonna do that's a good point so we mentioned that like once you guys have a baby like we're gonna go on a fucking freestyle jazz Odyssey you know I don't know what's gonna happen yeah all right it's gonna be good on our dad talking for now no we're gonna keep releasing stuff here on my bin band but it's gonna be out outside the box we're gonna be thinking outside the bud so yeah look for me fun please look forward to it anyway that's we're done we're done yeah we're done thank you final yahoo answer by Drew Davenport thank you Drew it's by yahoo answers user bulls cubs fan who asks I think we've had a

bulls cubs fan one before bulls cubs fan asks has a question on yahoo answers ever turned you on yeah I'm Justin McRoy I'm Travis McRoy I'm Griffin McRoy this has been my brother my brother and me kiss your dad school where on the lips maximumfun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported hi everybody I'm Justin McRoy and I'm Dr. Sydney McRoy every Tuesday we bring you solvones a marital tour of misguided medicine a show about all the dumb weird terrible ways that we've tried to fix each other over the years you know some light summer listening maybe you want to hear about yogurt enemas or why

we tried to eat mummies for a while or why drinking cholera diarrhea sounded like a good idea that and so much more is waiting for you every Tuesday right here on the maximum fun network with solvones a marital tour of misguided medicine