My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 214: Face 2 Face X: Craigslist Croutons

Episode Date: August 25, 2014

We did this live show in Los Angeles a few months ago, but that just means the goofs have ripened and fermented for peak flavor. We'll be back with your regularly scheduled fraternal advice next week! Suggested talking points: Fancy, Shumwaying, Sexy Wii Bowling, Great Job Robber, Dirty Truth or Dare, Truck Bed Contagion, A Puzzle of Flesh, Creating a Human Life, Horse Cons, Super Neutered

You're not fucking Bono sit down in the chair that's how Bono starts his shows as he runs up in high-fives I know one thing about Bono I assume Bono doesn't get winded Randy crowd hi everybody hello my computer to get the get the yahoo is ready get the yahoo oven preheated to 350 Travis you want to tell me what popped up as soon as I typed in my password that would be Reba McIntyre's fancy that's right it's on Spotify premium playing my nose super nervous all of a sudden are you guys gonna be cool you gonna be dicks are you guys cool I don't know which one I don't know

yeah wait wait wait hold on welcome to whom my brother my brother mean advice show for the modern era I'm your oldest brother Justin McElroy I'm your middle-aged brother Travis McElroy I'm a sweet baby brother oh shit thanks for listening everybody I'm the sweet baby brother Griffin that'd be a tight stinger every time he said dope shit it'd be like that's our outro music we'll do a show first and then we'll just try we'll come back around we'll come back around don't worry keep it keep the finger on the button though because you don't know it starts to go bad we are we will fucking eject that let that be a

warning to you sorry we haven't we haven't been to you in a while I guess we haven't been to Los Angeles proper like ever we have we've performed a couple times like Arrowhead which is LA adjacent I guess yeah I mean it's like five hours away so not like super adjacent depending on people here hate Lake Arrowhead who is booing it's like the beautiful artificial lakes on the top of mountains no thank you it's perfect just like I imagine heaven to me I give you free lots of bacon there is is anybody else here living in mortal terror of the fact that the Los Angeles Kings just won the Stanley Cup

and oh sorry spoilers I guess were you waiting no I mean it's ugly spoiler you're gonna cross the threshold this building it's gonna be a nuclear wasteland outside you like I guess we won sweet except my you know my entire neighborhood is destroyed but everything else is totally I am not worried as much about hockey fans riding they seem like a good I guess it's a good they seem like a polite kind of chilled out people to me they're just so happy people are picking it I forgot to griffin's got a slam I need my gummy berry juice so but between between the World Cup happening and the LA Kings

winning somewhere there is a man with very specific sports days who's very happy tonight it really feels like the superstar like finally you know what this feels like the start of something I think we're finally gonna get the attention we deserve so this is a is it raise your hands everybody here for the first time never show before that's awesome fantastic welcome to you're wearing them my brother my brother me t-shirt how did that happen fucking into that we're gonna get him up here later I want to learn I did it about that man I I want to unfold his story I did it when I I did it when I saw live for the

first time so don't feel bad got so I I wish I'd seen live those bullshit you know what I was gonna say I was gonna say a national concert I've been to today Matthews band but you know I was into that no lie so this is an advice show where we take your questions your queries and turn them acne like into wisdom we might have some questions from the audience here so if you want to try to cook something up in your head that is real and a problem we can not a bummer not a bummer so help me God no we are nice people talk to us about we'll answer your bummer questions off the air I guess fun party but not on the show I

know no like those are for us only they're for comedy adults only and they need to be handled carefully with precision so you're not ready for that trust us Travis how about a question okay great I don't these were also asked by people here correct yeah let's see this is I won't read the I won't read the person cuz it's the tagline I have a lot of vivid weird dreams that more often than not contain people in my day-to-day life naked and they're like on top of me and cool stuff that's on it's implied yeah okay in my day-to-day life doing something I think is worth mentioning to them my question is this

is it socially acceptable to tell people that I've dreamt about them or say you were in my dream last night or will I be giving everyone I know the willies by doing this and that's from I've even done it to Justin whoop hachimachi you know we try do you want to do you want to raise your hand if you're here and you did this we try to terrible terrible thing I don't see a hand somewhere in the void can you howl like oh like no no no it's way it's better could you come down and explain your dream about Justin it's way better graphic detail it's way better for the podcast if I have to do then if I don't know what you look like

and I know you're just out there waiting that's that's super cool for my stress levels I appreciate it that way I can look at every face and wonder is it them and then look at some other faces and think well maybe it's them very flattering there is no level of innocuousness of this subject matter of your dream it could just be like me you and Alf eating a hot dog and then and then I would immediately think and then we had a crazy Alph three way and it was totally awesome that was the part of the team that you didn't tell me about but I know that you dreamt about fucking me and Alph at the same time yeah because here's

the problem as soon as you broach the subject you were in my dream last night right the person here's we had a wobbly we had a wobbly H with Alph and it was totally great it was a lowercase it's having sex without two in the snout and one's left out yikes sex with Alph I want you guys to know there's no time to pal have some sex with Alph that's a new teen trend it's called shumwaying yikes no fucking of course not under no circumstances there's a reason that dreams only happen in your head and it's cuz it's for you yeah well unless you Travis Travis tells you tell a lot I love you you're my brother yeah totally

totally totally yeah totally no they yeah totally like totally like sure I remember a lot of them just because of the like the great story they go on in there that beautiful head of yours all the great great dream stories if any of you want to hear my dreams later don't me know how about a yahoo yeah who answer fucking answer that like hey help her keep your shit to yourself I mean it's not acceptable it's and I know it's not creepy I know you're not dream I haven't said to them that's people are gonna it implies in policy no question no it's inappropriate ever just don't just stop dreaming stop stop dreaming let

your dreams die I'm 33 it ain't hard gang come on this yahoo was Senate this yahoo was Senate by Drew Davenport who is here tonight Drew Davenport stand up and come to the stage ladies and gentlemen keep it going I want five uninterrupted minutes of applause come here get the fuck out of it ladies and gentlemen through an emerald level yahoo answers shaman finally yes this is what sounds like when doves cry Drew thank you so much for saving our program time and time again he's he's a lot taller than I thought he was gonna be man if I was as tall as you do I would have no time for looking for answers I'd be too

busy beating ass everybody give it up for Drew fucking Davenport you'll I notice when beneath my wings Drew Davenport Drew Davenport if it weren't for Drew Davenport the production time that I would put into this show would be like like 20 minutes more a week and that but that's a lot that's a lot for me thank you if you're listening at home he was eight feet tall he was eight feet if he was an inch yeah as broad as a bull we there's a service called yahoo answers and we dig into it for you three new people and by wait no I'm gonna keep talking to them I want to win them over your business I have I want to win the

new business we we try to answer them to the best of our abilities when I say we find them I mean Drew Davenport yeah almost exclusively exclusively Drew Davenport thank you Drew Davenport this yahoo answer was asked by a suspended account why were they suspended you asked how could I make wee bowling sexy so my girlfriend and I have a habit of trying to make simple something remotely sexy so like they're not trying super hard you're making that girl cheese orange you get a ball out does anyone have any clue how we can make something like we bowling sexy also I do realize this is a ridiculous question that they

should just like fucking have like a like a some sort of script on yahoo answers that immediately puts that at the bottom of a question I'm just about putting Doritos in your butt like yeah that's pretty ridiculous what about this I got an answer we bowling what if you play we bowling okay damn with your balls out okay stop don't fucking salt my game Travis you play we bowling and why you're playing it hmm but the kids debate the kids right and so you tell me you play we bowl here comes here comes to say and I don't want to win and watch quiet shit while you're playing it what are you doing you have to say so

that is gonna throw off your handicap yeah no question about it well hot for TV sorry keep that a bowling handicap it's a thing it's a thing I guess like bumpers we are bumping something yeah genitals like you like your genitals yeah those genitals that's what we're doing in the yard talking about your genitals you bumping your I saw some rocket loot being tossed around that would probably be integral well I mean you gotta be yeah you'll smash that TV to fucking bits there's nothing sexy about breaking your television that'll kill the mood when you're doing that though do you use

protection by which I mean use the weemote wrist strap on your wiener no on your fucking wrist Travis you fucking degenerate no now I know listen I said degenerate I'm not here to pass judgment if you know it's like I'm twerk do you like him squeeze you like him worked whatever it pleases you like him we moted I guess okay I guess I'm trying to be really accepting it's my new thing for 2014 sorry 2013 no sorry 2014 forward there we go yeah that was a test and find the true fan yeah that's a that's a motto we've really subscribed to yeah well we did some live shows this year we've been doing I guess that's

true can I I can I give you a sneak preview because I'll forget about it sure what I was thinking for next year yeah 20 splifty sure he's so bad what won't he say like drugs oh okay got you yeah I'm gonna a regular a non-yahoo yeah great this one also comes from hopefully someone in the audience can we call these Google questions that might be fun I mean they're all Gmail sorry go ahead no let's talk more about web platforms all right blitz team yeah got it read the question come on how do I prepare myself to be robbed terrific we should all actually be thinking about this legitimately I have many examples

of this but one time my cousin jumped out of the bushes and scared me my knees locked and I fell over like a fainting goat it was very embarrassing what if this happens when an assailant tries to jump me with a knife I want to stay in my ground and at least seem threatening how do I get tougher and less scared of people jumping out and surprising me and that's from neither fight nor flight in the fourth round did you actually fucking manage to get in the fourth row because that was nailed it god damn a location right there that's not as a cold shot what's your sorry what's your name JP no you're fine see how you're

bad as you thought it was gonna be hey everybody if you see JP later after the show just give him a little spook that's it we got to toughen you up we're gonna toughen you up this immersion therapy got a lot of gauntlet that's how the dare devil guy started people just kept spooking him and spooking him and spooking him and then he went blind he did go blind from the spooks not from no it's like I spooked you too hard I spooked you too hard I'll be your friend forever my name's foggy Nelson back story origin one guy thank you sir in terribly is it I would throw this out JP a knife what also I think fucking break

you of saying let me throw this out okay it's the last thing I do holy shit thank you I can't believe can we like come up with some sort of audience response like some sort of like no no camp I was taught by my parents and I see my brothers were too that when accosted make yourself small potential robber yeah you seem as non-threatening as possible sure you say yes of course sir yes here you go or madam let's not be sexist yeah sir or madam who was robbing me at this moment here are all my belongings thank you and congratulations this is some great I hope you enjoy them more than you have bested me I'll be a listen

I'll be a good sport in this regard you have won this encounter and let me let me also congratulate you on your choice of targets you have couldn't you have done very well and then you lay on your back and pee all over yourself to show submission out of curiosity what can I do better in the future to prevent myself from being such an obvious here's I'm gonna slide this comment card across the table if you can fill that out before you leave I appreciate it experience was I was I not robbable robbable or very robable JP you gotta get diesel that's the only there's the only one kind of person

that's not afraid of other people drew Davenport okay there's two drew your dad apart Lou for and the Lou Frignos of the world he's super I would fold those two categories sort of in together yeah he is for Rignan you're drew for Rignos through Frank right get drew for Rigno diesel and then no one will mess with you they'll come for Rigno and then it's such the battle of Titans between the two of you we actually should like if you could not mess up the curve because we need as many people sort of like looking like obvious targets forever is possible yeah I try to look I try like so tough I've only been robbed once and

you could do the tactic which I employed which worked out like super well for me which is to lie about the things that you have this is a risky gambit I will be honest this is not this is not this is not a goof Griffin was working at Game Stop when he was younger guy comes in and says give me all the ps3's you have points of gun at Griffin and me mr. mr. brand mother fucking game stop I see veins no fucking skin in the game whatsoever says we don't have any also so you know the only thing protecting this ruse was a door behind Griffin which and behind which was a giant pyramid of PlayStation 3 right oh

those ps3 another fun part of that story is I didn't I wasn't allowed to open the register without making a sale because GameStop had never taught me how so they said open the register and I said let me get my manager and expose her to this robbery let me pass along this cool Sunday I'm having and share it with a friend come have a portion of my cool Sunday manager you know what this encounter needs witnesses yes I'm out of the yahoo sure sure sure sure man I'm glad I'm not dead me too in a way yeah we never would have been able to do the show we would have it just would have been missing some yeah this yahoo is

sitting by Nat Steinsolt's maybe here I don't know there's a lot of people who have the Los Angeles and no I guess not thank you that's by yahoo answers user Romario who asks my manager is it actually not a bad segue my manager is a female and she pees so loud how do I tell her that's annoying how could that how often does that come up how thin are those walls how I guess close are you why don't you dismiss yourself from the region do you work in a food cart maybe that's what's going on you can't get out maybe he's a bathroom attendant okay so wait just to be clear he whoa the fiction was so bad that it gave Justin he's a

bathroom attendant who has a boss that comes by just to see how they let me test and see what you did let me ruin your work Robbie fuck you clean up on I'll meet you listen how loud listen how hard I can push this out how bad could this possibly be spolier bad enough that he says annoying not like gross or like it makes you it's annoying there she goes maybe the man maybe the manager has maybe the manager has some sort of cool like peak equals and she can pee out listen stick with it and she

can now we're going so she can like pee out the rhythm to Gangnam style it's like Gangnam style Gangnam style really it's 2014 Keagle another song I know it's not a jukebox but you got to teach that thing another song she doesn't know where to find another one of those player piano spools Travis liked it I don't love that joke I don't understand why you would stay close by just you know what's gonna happen maybe it's like looking at a car accident like he doesn't want to there are a lot of variables I'm gonna see how fast you can get done today a lot of variables of play off three seconds sure we're talking about distance to the

tour light we're talking about thickness of the walls of the turlet zone we're talking and we're talking it to be fair like give this guy the benefit of the doubt the general loudness of like holy like wow likes like synths around like holy shit I feel like all you have to do and I take a bolder man than me but when she comes up like hey hey can you okay are you okay I'm worried about you this could be the start of the worst moonlighting style well they won't leave I've ever heard we've been dance around this for a while listen UP super loud though it's really loud and really short like it just like like it falls out of

you done it's it sounds like somebody over turning a bucket and I'm worried about you and then you come out real wobbly legs yeah and you're frowning but kind of laughing I can't tell you think about it I hate it I hate it so I hate what happens in the bucket no he's darling I hate it darling you're the worst manager but this is the best job and frankly I can't fall asleep without that noise anymore so I guess I guess I guess I guess what I'm saying to answer your question Reverend I do how about a regular how about a normie you're right I can read it I'll read it

I just pictured her being in the old goof goof so hard I broke Travis dear brothers ice cream trucks never pass where I live ever so sorry this is a problem all right ice truck and ice cream trucks never pass where I live ever today I heard one outside and I booked it out the door he was driving away from me but I finally caught up with him well done good work when I'm those things don't drive especially fast but still kudos to you I suppose human land speed you earned your dilly bar when I bought my eye how old am I how when I bought my ice cream the ice cream guy just gave me this

incredulous face and seem to be annoyed that a 20-ish year old would be so what should you know your age right I'm guessing yeah but like I left on a door step he's it's good storytelling he's not like forcing omnipotence and omniscience onto the ice cream truck driver would be so excited about an ice cream truck am I too old to be excited about ice cream trucks or was the ice cream guy just a downer and that's from vexed and Ventura question for you audience vexed and Ventura you here hey welcome how if you're an ice cream driver and it's 2014 and you're in LA how good is business that you can fucking get

judgy on people I don't know it feels like you should go do you want anything else yeah please let's see if anything else cold that I could sell cuz I'm fine okay let's do a quick poll the audience this is interesting in the last let's say three months has anybody seen an ice cream truck that was stationary and selling its product anybody just quick show a hand stationary okay more than I thought better question better question I know I'll be the first to admit that I fucked up with my judgment I haven't seen a stationary ice cream every time it's just like slowly call it five miles an

hour it's like any and I'm not talking by the way I want to clarify not talking about a food truck no no no ice you know what I'm talking ice ice cream I'm not talking about our keys and all like it's going over corners in it and that's what you sound like food truck drivers I guess I don't know what the ice cream truck like environment is like here but I know what it's like in Cincinnati when you see said ice cream trucks is the paint peeling and the pictures faded and it looks like they just killed and sometimes they've got and sometimes they've got like Pikachu on it and it's like hey guys let me just like call Nintendo

real quick yeah you didn't like go through the right fucking channels to get fucking Pikachu to sell your iced wares I would I would feel uncomfortable and only because I would be so worried that I would come up from vector a yeah and sort of like in my periphery out of nowhere would be a kid on vector B and we would arrive at the same time and you would force the issue like I was here for you know I was here first right hold on I got sorry gents we got one push-pop left looks like you're gonna have to wrestle for it sweet I would just you're really little and I'm really big you just want to give it to me I would

grab their head and just push it below the windows so the guy couldn't see them until I was done purchasing my novelties you guys noticed that the only people on fucking earth that call them novelties at the grocery store they used to confuse the hell out of me when I was a kid what's a novel just say ice cream shit we all know what you're talking about you don't get fucking fancy Kroger you sell big K don't fuck with me do you want to know these and you know not yeah good question well yeah who yeah who nights mystery I actually just had some the problem don't that I want to do so we were we were

supposed to have some merch and it didn't come and so I wrote a little apology and an explanation as to why the motel isn't here and I would like to read it for you now sorry that there is no merch tonight here's what happened we ordered a slushy amount of the jankiest stuff posters tote bags banana hammocks boners frosted nuts everything but the shipment was delayed by a flock of slurping sponges those driving butts got in front of the bodacious penis hat filled with our merch merch that was supposed to go to you our moist puppies

so from the bottom of our nipples we apologize love the pickled Macaroy brothers thank you you know the funny the the funny thing about listening to that a nothing B do you notice how no one was really like there was sort of an initial like hi this is gonna be so great and then like fucking nothing from the UVR remember how you didn't laugh at all for the past 45 seconds it's not I will be signing copies of this later the one he has and others he can scribble out a fun gag where like I'd like say my beer like oh this makes me so mad I'm gonna say my beer me beer left me just started a helmet give me some of your

angry orchard just yeah who listen I can't go on this yahoo was sent by Josh Williams Josh are you here if anybody wants to bring us another beer no don't I don't want to do that oh but one of its line please don't do that thank you Josh it's by yahoo answers user super tiffster who asked I need extremely dirty truth or dares every time I pick a yahoo or rather Josh Williams or drew Davenport since yahoo to me I always hope like is this gonna be the next work that's I think this one might we can never think of any help that's fine kind of basic not a lot we

could do we could do a few I'm not as interested in that as I am about what the helpful the helpful folks on yahoo that's funny that you say that because yahoo answers user big wave girl 2006 has a few helpful suggestions it's worth pointing out this user is definitely definitely suspended holy shit to like the ninth level of yahoo hell I'm not making this up this is the actual order in which these were sent in number one truth questions number one ask a girl if she were a guy which girl in the room she would date do the same to a guy okay all right

sure interesting number two do you swallow or spit that's for girls for boys what's the fastest you have see you in what the fuck you just gave escalated who would you date in the room to how fast you come hey no not just how fast what's the fastest not the average I don't mean I don't want a median of come times I want to know the peak of the what do you clock out at I want to know your curve breaking come times that's what I need I want to know what's breaking the bell curve of your jacket and then way over here off the line

30 seconds is this an outlier I don't know Malcolm is it how about number 17 have you ever skinny depth okay good number 25 which guy planes you think has the longest penis those are actually kind of connected like well let me find out well let's do 17 25 will be answered very quickly or which girl do you think would give the best pj cool big wave girl cool which girl do you think would give that seems so like I'm gonna go with Susan she's just a hard worker seems like she'd really commit she'd give it her all I worked with her on a science project last year and she didn't knock you up till it was done I'm gonna go with Susan ladies can I sorry Lydia ladies can I just ask

everybody uh uh sitting in the circle to just yodel for me okay interesting oh some surprises here I'm gonna have to go to the leaderboard this is a great one let's go to the leaderboard mo he gets a piece of that radical rock okay guts let's talk about guts uh how about number 11 who who who has the biggest ball you've ever seen left or right does not matter there's a lot of nuance to this to number 11 because they add funny since it can be told literally but someone will take it sexually I could be talking about a medicine ball no you couldn't not enough a trillion years could you be doing that but god how badly do you want to play through the day with that guy is a wait hold on hold on do you have genitals

or medicine ball in a board just want to clarify super quick point because what if somebody in this circle had one ascended ball and one crazy huge descended ball like wow like wowzers like wow an egg yolk in there like wow like crazy an egg yolk yeah because it would be like you know you look at an egg yolk and it's just like one thing sort of suspended it in another thing I tried to think of something more organic yeah that's what I'm talking about that's a good stuff right there what's your name because this is like the fourth drink that you bought for for us what's your name here we go here it comes I'm Jenny and that's John Jenny and John famous forever they saved the jokes get the goo juice flowing um it is what is harder than watching that guy slam

beside her nothing I would crush this on my head that's tall you know what would happen then I get lacerations you want to jump to dares number 17 play one round in your underwear cool number 23 stick your finger in your ass and then lick it I would like to go back to truth I regret stick your finger in your ass and then call your mom and apologize you terrible person we don't we didn't even invite you to that one that seems like how do you end a truth or dare game I dare you to put your finger in your butt oh god damn it Steve oh are you gonna do it no that was me leaving but now I feel on the spot they pay like they they pay like 24 dollars how much would you pay to watch a grown man how much would you pay don't don't we're gonna hold

you motherfucker's hostage how much would you pay to not let my brother lick his butt guys I'm saving for myself he's a broken man credit where credit is due these are fucking extremely dirty number 21 masturbating to a shot glass real thing someone said on yahoo yahoo masturbating to a shot glass for me I don't know much Griffin but is there not a second half of that there number three why would you okay no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no back out back out my issue with the question answer is not that they did not generate some extremely dirty truth or dares it's a question of editing once you've created these masterpieces

of dirty truth or dare how do you leave something like who would you like to kiss the problem with the great you know what separates a good super dirty truth or dare creator from a great super dirty truth or dare creator is being able to separate your wheat from your chaff I try to I dare you to separate your wheat from your chaff and then lick it and then lick it and let us watch no others I mean there's there's fucking 60 of those and they keep jumping back and forth to like kiss whoever you want in the room to number 30 this one's a partner dare have a blow job race fuck I'm picking the guy who I think is gonna come fast us get over here 30 second Jake this is a different game this is truth or dare or eyes wide shut we love it we love it it's true

it's true oh my god are you okay oh no the mutation started much earlier than we expected hey hey everyone Justin welcome welcome back to the podcast this is the first time I've done anything sort of that even resembles uh work or well not work what is contributing to society in other ways than like forming the next great generation yeah of humanity what generation is your baby and is it like are we up to like omega she's 32 bit epsilon okay your baby your baby do it and then don't it's what I'm saying you are not ready it's what I'm saying uh person listen just because we uh I'm not here doesn't mean I don't need money I have a mouth to feed and uh you know what I'm gonna be feeding my baby oh that's right nature box she is not ready for

I'm just saying to the nature box offers a delicious catalog of delicious healthy food stuffs she's probably not ready to chew down on some dark cocoa almonds I think you're not ready because I am I have teeth I have human adult teeth oh but you don't like a lot of sugar and you don't like trans fats and you don't like high fructose corn syrup that's all right okay then you're ready for nature box they've got delicious snacks uh that you go on you pick the ones that look good to you they have I mean an insane amount of of different varietals varietals are snack are any of them pre-chewed like don't get them wrong pita butter nom nom delicious baked sweet potato fries fuck yes but your baby's not going to be able to enjoy these

in the way that they're meant to be enjoyed for another like three years or so okay I'm gonna hit you with a few that they have okay and you can tell me if it's appropriate for the baby okay baked sweet potato fries no um yogurt covered pretzels oh actually that one yeah okay that baby's babies love pretzels breast milk guzzlers that's sounds actually that sounds all right that would be okay if you can I order those do can I order those or am I going to be put on some sort of watch list uh if you go to naturebox.com you can get 50 off of your first month's box you go to naturebox.com slash my brother that that is the key thing you can't get that original address you go to naturebox.com slash my brother one word and you can get 50 off your first month's

box try them a ton of our listeners have and they've really really like them they very much enjoyed them we get emails all the time like I'm full and healthy I'm full and healthy brothers thank you um once you have managed to get your body it's me the moment you went by I'm Adam Sandler the moment I live under the ground I'm Adam Sandler of the moment man you've just it's like falling off a log isn't it juice comedy is easy parenthood is hard that's my new book me and Irma Bombecker co-writing it it's coming out Dave Barry Justin McRoy presents comedy is easy parenthood is hard and on the front it's me in a smoking jacket he's behind me juggling a baby we are we are changing our schedule now we are only gonna

record one episode every nine and a half months you're gonna keep having babies and then we're gonna fucking get you on here for that prime material that prime time here's a joke I wrote about fatherhood last night okay I don't know why everybody's in such a hurry to teach their kids to talk because it makes it so much harder to frame them for farting that's pretty good thanks I'll be honest that's about exactly what I expected perfect okay well that's that's about where I am in my life right now um I guess if you want jokes maybe better than that you can probably find them on Hulu um Hulu plus to be specific um it's like Hulu it's like the Hulu reviews on your computer only you can do it anywhere anytime at your whim whenever you don't

don't shackle yourself to your macbook um you can you can get on your Roku your Apple TV your sex box whatever you want and just watch Hulu on the go um they got current season episodes of your favorite shows like modern family they got daily show at John Stuart they have every episode of shows like South Park which is only available on Hulu plus um you can you can do it how you like oh fuck Justin Griffin I have the best news ever tell me and it's germane to Hulu plus because that is where I enjoy it okay tell me what about this entertainment you're enjoying well you know how the house has seemed very um empty lately the house has seemed hollow that's what everybody's saying people are always saying the house seems very hollow and I think it's just because like

for a few months now there haven't been any boys in the house boys the hell was shit is right back where it needs to be cycle 21 boys are back in the house for America's Next Top Model fucking Corey so tight he is now a judge well not a judge but he's like a host he was a super sweet dude who in the first episode they were like boys on one side girls on the other side boys picked a girl and walked in the stairs and he walked towards the girls he was like no this will not do and he turned around and he got himself a boy and they walked down the stairs and you're telling me he's back he's back and he's a fucking judge he's a he's not a judge he's a host so like he'll talk to them be like oh man I've been there you guys look fucking amazing he's like super

sweet super supportive anyway boys are boys are back in the house cycle 21 check it out Hulu plus um it's only 799 a month that's a great deal that is a good deal but the better deal is we can get you two weeks free two week free trial it's longer than usual one week free trial we're gonna give it to you that extra week just go to huluplus.com slash my brother uh and you'll get that two week free trial and it's good for us because they know that we sent you and they will continue to support my brother my brother and me so it's uh and my infant daughter and and Justin's infant daughter and my infant niece same person same person it's the same one uh I want to give a uh a very happy message to Johan it comes from Candace, Chris, Noah, Rachel and Olivia

they say hey Johan congratulations on finally being legal we're so proud of you for everything you do in terms of hard work and training as well as being a stellar guy in general this fucking sounds like code this sounds like they're hinting around some secret government skunk works are they activating Johan's wetworks protocol we honestly couldn't ask for a better friend and that's in quotation marks and italics and underline and there's a bunch of upside down triangles in it so we hope that a special shout out yeah it's maybe the Illuminati uh we hope that a special shout out from the brothers macro make your day happy 18th birthday we love you you think you know has anyone ever made a porn called Illuminati like the word naughty and it's like a bunch of like

people in robes and maybe some of them are lizards and they fuck I would watch the hell out of that yeah of course you would from an academic kind of perspective yeah and also your uh stone mason happy birthday Johan we're very proud of you so proud you're living so right got another birthday from for emily brunston you have a birthday for her I have a birthday for her to offer her please accept this birthday Emily brunston's from avatall and julian uh avatall maybe a veto it's a lovely name um I'm I'm sure however however you interpret it you can't mess that one up you can't talk that name up avatall any way you say it it's beautiful happy birthday dumplings dog sending this message is cheaper than buying people off to ensure that madmen

ends in a flown orally like you richly deserve instead of measuring the next year in love which is weak and filthy may you measure it in delicious dips corgis and days at the office without a visit from probot the probing robot and I think there was a series of I would I would I would I would assume in jokes there I think they're not no probots other thing probots a thing or yeah you said uh is that a there's a robot that just like gets in there and like make sure everything's okay what about corgis those are fake those are fake okay I knew that there was something something messed up in there uh happy birthday emily we hope it's a great one um yeah we're very very happy for for you that you it sounds like you have a pretty sick life sick in a good way

taking a good way should we do some like housekeeping thank you all for we got so much amazing feedback for for the adventure zone the the dnd episode we did last week um we're we're going to figure out a way to continue doing those not I think I mean based on what you talked about not on on the mabin bam feed as it were you think this is all safe to talk about yeah I think so this is our plans as they stand right now not not a mabin bam thing but maybe a separate thing maybe maybe we seem to like it we're figuring it out um so so yeah thank you all for the the feedback in the there's actually in the facebook group which I don't know if you've been on there recently has been like popping off go go check it out well we're usually pretty quick about

letting people in it's a closed group so haters can't just hop in um sometimes spammers spammers to sell glass to get in and like take them out though um but yeah there's actually a lot of really good feedback on like what we could do better some good ideas for like what a dnd podcast could be so thank you all very very very much for that hope you're enjoying the li live show is a hoot um we're figuring out our our plans for next year we're gonna do here spoiler we're gonna do a shit ton of live shows in 2015 um basically all over this beautiful nation of ours so look forward to that um do you think we'll be back we'll probably be back next week right I would imagine yeah um my baby can't hold my attention for that long that's true um especially with all these

fucking dad jokes I am cooking up for you yeah no you're you're in heat right now we can't waste dad joke heat we can't waste a second of this all right well we're gonna get back to this show but thank you all for being so wonderful and uh yeah more more episodes more regular stuff next week god bless god bless hashtag bless hey girth and you can tilt your mic down a little bit if it seems like you're really having to get up on it just like angle it there we oh it's only here we go well who's laughing oh like a dick thing oh like a dick thing oh like a dick oh like a dick thing guys it was a dick thing great no it was actually very good well done another question when did we start hey let's take a question from the audience we yeah what should we start it's got like a great

question this you got to be quicker on the draw uh drew davenport do you have a question sorry fuck everybody else drew davenport get back up here all right girth has a glass he doesn't get to keep the can too come on now I need a we got a conservative rations we're in a right everybody it's drew davenport you yeah there you go angle it up you giant man yeah and turn it a little bit so you can yeah look at us now now my god now look at me now me only go ahead let's drew it's just me and you open your heart and let us climb inside drew uh this is from a conversation I had on the way here with a girlfriend terrific is it okay to put groceries in a truck bed and drive home oh no it's

no wait wait what groceries yeah if it there's super if it's a lean cuisine a lean cuisine is a little like self-preserved little like pocket of amazing food if you put like a head of lettuce in there it's going to be gone by the time you get home just the microbes in the air will just dissolve yeah if you've got like a dense food sack of potatoes sack of potatoes that's okay um the flowery foods an artichoke paper towel roll out how roll is done flowery foods except flower because if that burst back there that's your week that's your whole week that's your week you're you're and no longer driving you're making a roux do you own a truck she owns a truck she owns a truck it's her truck don't well don't I think she gets to call the shots here drew some

drew away are you pro or against oh I'm pro you want to put the you want to put your food out in hold on just so I'm clear if I took all the food that you have in your house and I somehow held it in my giant arms and then I ran down the street at 55 miles an hour for I don't know 45 minutes and then I came back to your house and I said eat all this now you would be like mmm yum yum give me some can we wait hold on whoa whoa can we jump back to 30 seconds ago when we loved drew I love drew and I want to keep him food safe and food smart everything and there's got E coli it's got bird flu it's got bird shit on it it's probably got birds it's got live birds in there you got bad kids the birds you got birds plastic bags you tie up that's not yeah that's that was a problem

whole time drew you really uncorked it did you see that uh that virus we thought of bags that virus movie where Gwyneth Paltrow got like fucking wrecked in like the first 15 minutes and they were like guys don't worry just like get some plastic grocery bags and just like wrap that around your shit for like like 15 minutes and the movie was like a half hour long because like that fixed it that did it that was the that was how that movie ended super quick don't even think about it tell me the dirtiest thing you've ever put in your truck bed go I don't have a truck okay the dirtiest thing that your girlfriend's ever put in a truck bed help him dearest he's he's bombing a carcass an animal carcass an animal carcass I just assumed you'll be gear

hunter i'm stigmatizing oh god what everything okay when was this give me a rough timeline when was this okay so for six months you've been eating couch craigslist food you've been eating the ass of the person you bought the couch from on craigslist is that okay imagine the dirtiest this salad is like crazy it tastes it's not you I detect the hand of craigslist it's not good but it's not bad imagine it was cheap imagine the dirtiest stranger you ever met reached underneath their couch and retrieved a hot pocket yeah they then handed that hot pocket to you and said here's stupid eat this eat these and eat these craigslist futons yeah absolutely this is great I'm so excited about eating this that you've retrieved for me that's your that's been

six months for you that's six months I hugged I fucking hugged you earlier that was a bond of trust I hugged you trusting that you didn't have craigslist mouth and that's where we are these are all hypotheticals oh well then it's totally well then I guess I did then we're fine I guess we're cool good job everybody right you're damn true damn important fucking savior of the podcast where did that full anger uh regular question here we got a real last question Korean are you here Korean can we keep the chatter down in the audience maybe for us we're just we're just we're trying to not you're trying to do a show up here Korean Korean okay okay she's here raise your hand Korean you

don't have to come down now you're you don't have to wait yeah it's just coming this one oh no okay you're no no come on out Korean yeah you're halfway here at it we don't want to know this is a good way just stand stand in the aisle for the whole time no come here come up to the microphone I'm fucking with you is a Korean this is one of those questions that you did not give us nearly enough details okay Travis go Korean right this is perfect because she's like five feet away so just move your mouth up and down Korean it's Travis right this will be great I teach in an art school and I hate all my students let's not say hey let's make a pact not to say Korean's last name how can I not hate my students super best Korean I have to say Korean's in a bad situation because

if you want to not curry favor with me here's the number one thing you do you give me art and then you ask me what I think of it you know the only art I like Wayne's world of movie I am like and Wayne's world the movie related art and so the if you want to give me a framed cell from the original cut of Wayne's world I'll be into that can you give can you give us an age window to imagine imagine here with I teach at a private college oh okay so like adults yeah not like six year olds at which point you go yeah this is quite like adults you can go no shit yeah can can we get some detail on what it is is is it is it a class no come on uh actually I do I do teach life drawing okay okay so is that kind of why you hate them because there's obviously like some dudes getting

there's like some some future jerk material do they woo do they woo like they're on the the fucking set of say by the bell I'm pretty sure of you yahoo you are asked to leave Korean's feelings on you as a person there's not a full strike policy no I'm pretty sure Steve Bush keep it down I'm sorry I'm sorry I need this I just get so excited when I get excited I want to see a neat bush are we close I'll be honest we have many conversations in the beginning of class where I have to tell them like you know if there is an erection or a fart or I'm sorry no I just did the thing that you hate probably and then yeah that's because you know what I love is that you said erection

which is like such a proper way or a fart that's that made me so happy Korean if you can make farts not funny I'm going to name you the president of magic I will follow you around like and be fishers of men yeah right exactly we I will win people to your cause because you are a wizard I tell them that farts are funny and that's okay if you need to laugh like just leave the room and laugh have you ever had any smart ass any smart ass students to try to fake the fart like on a monopoetically brap yeah you've done really great work on the chest muscles here Brett you've done you're really coming along I just do you did make it say far with five Rs in like the shading is spectacular and the font was like a stinky green cloud and that

was I'm not gonna lie like it was a good stinky green cloud it's just this subject matter of it was troubling Brett I mean the most troublesome poses are when the model decides to do like Captain Morgan like a look at my tank yeah or well it's actually typically women that take that pose men like to do like yeah the touchdown dance the touchdown dance I'd like to do that the cover I'm up is that a pose I like to do the stay in the hallway and refuse to come in the room I'm scared I changed my mind that a pose I do the you can keep your $25 I do the why can't they just paint my jeans while I'm wearing them also why don't students need to get good at painting I do the aren't jeans are too I've seen a lot of dong paintings I haven't seen a lot of good

jeans paintings I don't think Van Gogh had a jeans face let's tackle that subject next let's cross boundaries together with these dungarees so is that okay we've been talking about dicks for like 30 minutes now what is it that you actually don't aren't so crazy about is it really dongs and like erections there's just a lot of like you know people don't want to be enthusiastic about things yeah and that makes you hate your students as a teacher and I think that crosses all real quick they're paying to be there right yeah that's gotta be fresh good work everyone yeah great job we go higher education I um I could see how that would be frustrating I would say though crim it might be a case of them just not want I would be so terrified to just do it wrong

or have people think that I looked at the naked person wrong yeah or looked at them too hard or too hard I would be constantly averting my eyes you would probably get a very disengaged vibe from me I would think yeah if I was in your class and you brought in a naked man to draw that I would draw him yeah I would make it I would make it fleshy and smooth like a kindle down there because I wouldn't know that's a thing no I would call that the kindle okay I wouldn't know if that's if I was supposed to draw a dick and if I did then you'd be like Chris I'm very disappointed in you especially if it's like just kind of a stick figure man but a very precise detailed dick so maybe it's not that your students are really dead on right maybe it's not I can pick that out of

like a lineup sure maybe it's a less of a case that your students aren't maybe your students aren't aren't hold on let me figure out the sentence structure okay I think I've got it maybe your students are enthusiastic they're just scared that they're gonna paint a dick and you'll be very disappointed and so maybe you need to be very explicitly clear about what it is that they're supposed to draw like yeah just say like if you want to go like bathing suit area out up and down start there if you want to really explore the space and do what feels comfortable you if you want to draw a dick I'm not going to be disappointed in you Griffin great job some teaching tips thank you Corrine

got one a yahoo answer yeah I'm into that this yahoo answer was sent by Alan Black thank you Alan Black ah very prolific contributor so that's about yahoo answers user slick ninja 360 who asks should be pretty good would it be illegal to go into the middle of a forest and build a maze forcing people to traverse it upon entry I guess yeah I guess that's pretty good upon entry the entrance would close it would have spikes on the walls tops to keep them from escaping I was also thinking of having booby traps and things like that once they find the exit they could leave I don't know about illegal but logistically it seems like an issue yeah you're gonna have to have some fucking motorized gate or like a magical it grows over when they walk through

like in pans labyrinth magic moss I will say if we can't fix gun laws but we have been thorough enough to figure out our forest maze laws I'm gonna be very disappointed in our nation if you if if you own the land and this is troubling because I'm agreeing with the top yahoo response to this but if you own the land you can build a maze wherever the fuck you want I don't know that you can corral people into that that's right you're on it you can leave a trail of peppermints there's no guarantee this is the beetle fill thing about it if you force people to do it highly illegal yeah if you offer people the opportunity do you want to come in profitable yeah do you want to I can't like I just bought a house and I feel like I have total agency over it I do not think I

can invite friends in and then lock the door and then swallow the key and say I will let you out as soon as you solve my puzzle of flesh and then I would show them my flesh puzzle here here's the funny thing about luring I would bet is the flesh puzzle you're doing that's my balls yeah okay it's your balls I would bet that 80 to 90 percent of the people in this room if you stumbled upon what you were guaranteed to be a solvable forest maze that would lock you in and you would you would fucking die if you couldn't solve it if that's a big if griffin how many of you would say all right yeah I'll tackle this bitch this is everything I've ever trained for yeah this is what everybody raise your hand beyond if you stumbled upon a pans labyrinth this is serious okay there's

a lot of people you would risk your all those years of playing professor latent games are finally going to pay off you're going to solve this shit Sherlock Holmes I think Goblet of Fire yeah Goblet of Fire game it was so good you play it in your head where you go I would have gone left yeah I would have slain the basilisk that's what you sound like that was in book one dick two oh shit keep it to yourselves what um what would lure you into okay what would lure me into a forest maze the seeing the opening of a fucking forest maze right you got it what if it's risk of your life though I don't want you know what the fourth verse of Tim McGraw's live like you were dying directly references I went into every forest maze I saw I think I heard a pan flute beckoning me in

but there was golden bloons at the end spite traps weren't scared me why have you ever heard that song have you ever heard the song I'm not great with melodies that's actually I was singing the harmony I thought someone would join in what else we got let's do another audience question yeah how about another uh oh fuck there's something about people in me in the front row it's very come on up you're on the front yeah we'll do a front a front wait you raised your hand hold on hold on no no you can come up it's just you raise your hand you can't say shit when we pick you shit me you you walked into this forest you volunteer time to get out what's your name my name is Linda Linda no bummers

Linda no bummers no bummers here we go no bummers should I have another baby what for dinner hey come on come on how many are you how many how many you have two I have two kids and they're nine and 14 boy or girl what come on you fucking chill hey everybody you don't know Linda's deal leave some for the rest of us Linda boy or girl 14 year old boy trying to show the highlight team or something come on and my new husband doesn't have any oh see yeah well two people was you a second ago and now you have this new information like it's a noodle scratcher is your is your hubby like uh gung-ho about it does he want to have a kid he's very pleased to make me happy sure sure but you gotta do it are you into it no come on stop it are you are you

are you into the idea I mean that's ultimately like the only it's literally the only sure isn't it nice though they got the 14 year old the baby said that's true I mean that's still that's not a bad yeah it's not a bad boy like you don't get that like Justin six me three Griffin like three months old there wasn't like Justin you got this don't you're shoving a cold kid cuisine down his throat oh he died a great work six year old I guess you did the first time my baby said I was 12 years old and I microwaved a pot because I was trying to make rice pudding from a recipe for book for kids he went funny in my defense a recipe book for kids should have clarified the proper cookware it's all same they'll know right yeah they'll know no no no it's it's it's

already went to print bucket it's 1992 oh no right uh I mean you do you want like a pros and cons list like pros like that this could be like the super successful kid this one you might not have had the super successful kid you might not have the the bill gates yet I don't know anything about your other two children they might be very bright but they might not are they losers are they are here they're brilliant okay well they're not here linda be cool then it feels greedy to me linda feels feels a little greedy what if you're what if the third one's your ender oh my god what if the reason they've been so great so far is because you have exactly enough energy to raise two great kids what if at this point you're dividing your labor so you're gonna get three our parents had

two at one point and they were awesome they were going everything was going so well hey if it weren't for me the show we called my brother and me and we'd have some Nickelodeon would be very litigious in that regard that's decided then um oh yeah you have to have me terrific linda there is literally not a single piece of information I need to answer this question that I would feel comfortable ask you I literally cannot get any of the facts I need to solve this problem for you and let and just to clarify once we answer this it is binding yeah yeah we are literally deciding the existence of a human being right now will you name that child after us oh shit by which I mean the brother's okay the baby the baby the movie dot org dot org hashtag I say you put the hashtag at the end of

the web address right that's how that wait okay linda do you want to do it do you want to do it look at me look at me look deep within your eyes be honest look at all three of us in the eyes of all six eyes six eyes all the same time linda do you want to do it I want you to decide no fuck that come on I'm not going to push it out of my body linda oh I did it yeah I wish I could for you because linda love to feel what it's like linda we live in the world anybody have a coin yeah linda our level involvement with with our child will put most dead beat dads make them look like heroes like we are not going to be involved in the racing of this child whatsoever I am not tying myself to an answer on this show okay well you ask linda I'm thinking of a number between one and two

guess it two it was two that means you have to have the baby congratulations linda show the baby I feel pretty weird about that one I just created a human life I am unto a god all right what else we got guys how long we've been going we've been going for three and a half hours feels that way so do you want a yahoo yeah yeah yeah we got a couple more we got one come on these people waiting for a show we're gonna give them a show we just created a human life what the fuck else do you want more fart jokes we just created a person you guys need to get your priorities straight this yahoo was sent by charlene thank you char or charlene uh it was asked by yahoo answers user Kayla who asks does this seem like a good power

point to show my parents convincing them to help me get a horse click click slide one horses are awesome click click hey your joke is exactly what's in the bit title what I want most in life sure yeah no what everyone wants the most in life really for being honest next slide content wait time out we talk about horses a lot go on sorry newbie your new just cheer when everyone else does I don't think we talk about them more than like anyone should normal people like people normally talk about horses they're pretty great animal right they're pretty majestic the best pretty solid next slide contents asking them to stay silent during the presentation mom's dad's mom that shit turn your fucking cell phone off it's business I worked on this for a

half a fucking hour can you close pinterest for a second for like a second pause frozen next Amanda close pinterest next some photos of horses along with words all caps a horse so just fucking laying down the foundation that's good the ground the equestrian groundwork in case you were not aware click click exhibit a exhibit a a horse four legs hose what if that's all it took oh that's a horse okay oh shit that's basically the coolest thing I've ever seen of five thousand dollars and then five thousand dollars a year yeah totes totally yeah uh next telling them how I've changed and I'm responsible enough to take care of our I killed the last horse listen I know I fucked up last year listen that broke bad I know I fucked up with dad's

little dumpling last year and then I know that I fucked up the year before that with dad's little dumpling junior wait wait the junior was predicated upon the fact that this horse was in fact going to die and also preceded its dad it was a time traveling feature horse no one is a special horse listen we had to act fast to buy that special special time traveling horse what was the name again I forget already daddy's little Dublin so much it's a good name I've changed though and I can do it next supplies and costs I've done my research check out this excel spreadsheet does this get your blood pumping the next one's my favorite uh next money saving tips and ideas mom dad you've been

listening extra Diane do you need all those clothes I need a horse real bad for the third time we could cut our food budget click click in half baddies uh next we're spending so much on oats our oats budget could no that's my mistake that is not a typographical error our oats budget will drastically increase I believe it may have been uh the bottleneck in the last two horse experiments come to think of it in retrospect uh uh uh upon further reflection our oats supply was was that issue next next missy little Dublin junior next uh explaining the benefits to owning a horse then a pros and cons chart I put together I bet the cons list is pretty fair cons too great too much main too smooth will eventually die in six months sorry dad sorry about this our yard

is full uh next showing one horse I really want and that would be perfect for me then two others that would work great for me and I want so and they'll always know they were second and always horses have a a sixth sense for that stuff uh next alas I know I guess they'd be their fifth sense because horses don't have thinking yeah or taste they eat some dumb shit salt what do you want dulled great no good choice just salt then fantastic excellent selection Tom Calico perfect you're just gonna lick a big block of salt fantastic do you want that over a potato no just salt's great thanks thanks I'm good here this is gonna give me running energy terrific great work horse idiot stupid next get a job get a job horse salt fiend what's your sodium like next a last

side note and telling them I don't want to hear anything about this topic until next week so that they can talk about it with each other and then look at the power point and think and whatnot do not yeah what the fuck we're drowning up here we're drowning in sweet sweet cider do not rush to judgment mom and dad I'm gonna yeah I think that's a fucking huge power that's a huge last slide click click stay silent after the shut your fucking mouth keep your phone silent and also keep your fucking mouth shut not until next Tuesday that would be horse day to me click click for a week good night you say that and we laugh at that that's gonna be just enough time for that sweet idea to ferment well because night one is like can you believe can you believe she did that shit for

the third fucking time like we would even do that next day you were right we should have another kid this one's a bust this one sucks then maybe three days later it's like you know what I'm thinking about it and we had some good times with that horse and then the next day it's like no it died and then the other one died like super fast what are we thinking right and then by the seventh day that's when god rested what were you talking about this seems foolproof to me it's pretty solid if you have a foolproof plan for getting a horse and you've been sitting on for this long I'm very upset with both of you you gotta let me in on that stuff how about another answer Travis question how about I think how's the show going should we do one more

from the honest yes we show yeah somebody far back because I want yeah sorry sorry nobody back there has their hand up that's fine anybody else no I see you yes lady there yes come on down the farthest back person we could see yeah oh no we'll give JP oh JP I'm sorry sorry about the prices for the TV hello thanks my name is Jeannie and hello my question is so I have a cat who peas terrific we all do oh that's me that's me but go on and because of that I can't have a couch and I'm 20 something so whatever hold the fucking phone one second but does your cat be dissolved couches yeah it's great it's like a big long chair Jeannie was it was a Jeannie yeah I would like to have a couch someday not a dream you should announce it public yeah I would like to have a kind of the

perfect sitting platform I'd like to solve this whole couch thing one day have you thought about finding a cheap couch that you can buy a wholesale that you can treat like a burner and you can have a burner couch that will last you for a month until the smell starts to overtake your your boot well yeah a lot about buying a box your cat could pee in yeah ooh let's workshop this I want to hear the end game of Griffin's plan where you have a couch designated for your cat to pee in basically well no you would also do a little bit of sitting in it from time to time maybe a bit of lounging who gets stuck sitting in the baitcalf when you watch you have to tape put a line of tape down the middle say cat that have is yours that's yours never mind be cool when you watch

orange is the new black what do you even fucking do do you stand up and look at the tv like you're saluting it that's what you you're shaking your head yes I stand up and look at the tv what's your jam sometimes you just lays down on the hardwood floor it's your yoga ball what's your sitting game like uh so wait oh my god okay so your cat won't pee in my chair it needs a lot of room to express itself is it like an inflatable plastic chair I wish I had one I considered it you can sit again like a plastic if you thought about a plastic couch this is such a nice furniture set yes from Spencer's gifts it came with the plasma ball it looks super great it came with all the novelty greeting cards with bikini babes on them jeannie how old is your cat um she is two but I'm so used to

having because I had cats before ornery pee cats yeah jeannie I got bad news two is real young yeah that's a lot if you had said 13 I would have said stick it out stick it out and then Travis that's a plumber I mean I'm just saying you got like another 13 years of pee soaked couch yeah maybe it's time for a more permanent solution let the cat explore the world yeah maybe that's an outdoor cat from now on cats cats can't talk and the only way they can ask for freedom is by peeing on your couch maybe that's cat saying I think I can do this on my own I caught a whole more bound on cinemax last week and that seems like something I could super get into please open the door or I'm going to keep peeing what's your favorite thing because I guess it was couch I read your

journal about wanting a couch someday and I went out you made me feel guilty because I have two couches I have three couches in my house and you make me feel like I'm living some sort of life of extreme luxury that I don't deserve does it not use the litter box what's going on with your cat's whole deal is she mad at you maybe she's mad that you don't have a couch get a dog because those never pee anyway yeah that's isn't that why you have them neutered yeah yeah that's exactly it do you want this water spot non cool I got neutered so I don't even need fluids in my whole body no so I misspoke super neutered yeah let me just get in there go deep take it all just get in there with an ice cream scoop and really just like why is your cat crying oh she's not crying

super super super neutered she's I pee it's basically eyes longs firm and that's about it it's about all that's going on in there she's very agile though so that's I guess the best I don't know what else to tell you buy a couch and just yeah it's no I mean it is definitely your problem buy a couch in every room and you will have at least a while where she hasn't found one yeah she'll probably get in the jam of p on one and maybe you could put that in the bubble do you have any bubbles can you put like I asked you a question whether or not you have bubbles what about a tarp okay jeannie you don't have a lot of things you want yeah jeannie you have a lot of super achievable life goals that are meant to that I think that's going to bring you a lot of happiness

how are you feeling today jeannie like super fulfilled I met like two of the biggies today it's going good with one trip to ride aid oh yeah I got a ride aid couch it was great we should probably start moving I feel like we've done our job hey listen uh thank you all guys holy shit thank you so so so so much you guys are fucking amazing uh we don't have anything to sell you we had an accident Travis's salad was not just a super fucking funny bit uh we don't have we don't have anything because the post office fucked us again uh but there are shirts there's max fun shirts there's max fun uh uh canteens out there what are these what are these called now and jeans is that an out no it's made out of metal it's a water bottle it's a fucking water

bottle whatever uh we we we do have some stuff and we'll be hanging out out there after the show to say hi and take oh bless you you okay thank you all so much for coming out thank you very very much uh please be careful out there I'm genuinely concerned that it's going to be like rough fucking mad max um so so be careful don't let anybody steal your fuel sorry to interrupt past us uh but want to say thanks to nature box we can order great tasting healthy snacks get in shape for the summer well I mean for the early fall and late summer with healthy treats like bbq kettle kernels and get 50 percent off your first order go to naturebox.com slash my brother uh usually the way what happens at this point is we thank john roger thank you john roger in the long winters

for the use of our theme song and set apart throughout the album putting the days to bed fucking great great dude we got to chat with him last week that was nice a super cool guys thank you to uh the amazing maximum fun network for having thank you amazing and thank you to Jordan Jesse Jordan Jesse did a fucking great job another round of applause for Jordan Jesse go and for Janet Barney thank you Janet Barney thank you everybody you guys are so fucking great you know what that final y'all who wait how about a round of applause for yourselves oh yeah give it up hey and how about another round of applause for Jude Davenport bringing the fucking heat yeah weekend week out Griffin hit me this final y'all who answer was titted by let me think about it

jude davenport yeah it's by y'all it's in the arts and humanities section it's asked by monies who asks who was john candy what did he do why is he important my name is just a macaroy i'm travis i'm gonna macaroy this has been my brother my brother me kiss your dad score on the lips now you can play the outro music this is the point or not it's cool yeah maximum fun dot or comedy and culture artist owned listener supported hey feeling lonely my name is jesse thorn my name is jordan morris do you want to listen to a program where two good friends get intimate with amazing guests like maria bamford rob

cordury and other comedy superstars jordan jesse goh is here for you every week we'll spill our guts for you and then make some jokes jordan jesse goh free at maximum fun dot org