My Brother, My Brother And Me - MBMBaM 224: Pubic Snakes

Episode Date: November 3, 2014

This episode isn't exactly a Halloween Spooktacular, but that doesn't mean it's not terrifying. We dip into unconventional horrors, like flushing food down the toilet, as well as the intimate grooming habits of mythological creatures. Suggested talking points: Souvies, An Erotic Nightmare, October 32nd, Spooketti, Sitting Ones, Toilet Food, Relationship Evidence, Die-athalon

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mentioned only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby? Hello everybody, welcome to Birthday Boys, a special birthday podcast for the three birthday boys of my brother and my brother me. My name is Justin McElroy, and it is my birthday on Saturday. My name is Travis McElroy, and it's my birthday on Saturday. Griffin. Hi, it's hi, I'm Griffin McElroy, and my birthday is cancelled for just the rest of my

life. No more birthdays for me. Is it your birthday on Saturday, Griffin? No, my birthday on Saturday. It's my birthday on Saturday. The McElroy brothers have their birthdays on Saturday. I like to think that when the two of you have birthdays, the world birthdays with you. Well, yeah, except it's not actually their birthday, so they don't get anything. You aren't going to get gifts, right Griffin? Daddy actually still sends me presents on your guys' joint birthday. Really? I'm going to have to have my people talk to his people. My birthday people. Griffin, I heard you went to Japan, and I think the question on everybody's mind that everybody's been wondering about and has been asking about is,

did you get us any birthday presents there? I got you travel presents. Your birthday presents will be American-made, American-bought, and American-owned. Oh my god, this is such a good transition into our first question. Okay, we haven't said anything funny yet, so should we keep trying? Why start now? Why start now? Here's our first question. I recently traveled to South America for a little over a month ago. My family member sent pretty nice gifts. Normally when I travel, I give Suvis. Oh man, oh wow, I was not ready for that part with a little bit of neologism. I give Suvis soon after I come back with candle nights fast approaching. I'm considering wrapping them and giving them as presents. Is this tacky? This is from Classless in Canada.

I'm actually into it because it kind of feels like you were thinking about this so early. I prepped early for your Christmas present. I was super prepared. I would say there's a caveat, though, and that caveat is it depends. I got you this $3 magnet, but because I got it from out of the country, it pretty much covers Christmas. Has anybody ever gotten you an intercontinental, is that right? Yeah. A global gift that you were like, you just blew me away. Or I feel like I'm trying to couch your guys' expectations for the Japanese presents that I got you. But I always find it very difficult to buy things overseas that I think is like, this is so dope. They're going to love this. You have a lot more restrictions there. I mean,

you're handing the person a thing and you're basically saying, guess what fit in my suitcase? Yeah. Right. Guess what? I didn't bring you back like authentic samurai armor. Right. You're trying to spread a lot of needles. It depends on also how far apart your travel and candle nights is. Because if it's, man, I don't know, if it's like nine months, it's like, you could just give me that nine months ago and then got me extra presents. That's what I'm talking to you guys about. Do I ship you guys this shit now and then get you some real American, true American presents? Or do you only want half of the presents because that seems like a pretty easy choice to me? I mean, I want double the presents. Right. Do you want to let me off the hook for having to

figure out what the fuck you guys are into? Like what stuff you desire as humans now? How about you just like start buying presents and we'll tell you when to stop. Just open your wallet. We'll wave you off. In fact, if you just want to give me your credit card information, I've got a wish list a mile along on Amazon and I will take care of it. Well, I mean, it is also your birthday. So I could just, man, we're talking, we're getting into triple present territory and I'm not made of money. I'm made of flesh. Can't buy things with flesh. This isn't Hellraiser. I would say that like you can do souvenirs as presents and you know, if you're saying they're a supplement, a present dressing, a present condiment. Exactly.

I'm a person who likes to do like three or four gifts per person for Christmas. So like you can swap that out and as long as it's like a gift you would normally give them. Does that make sense? Like if it's something where it's like, I didn't just get this because I got it from another country. I got it for you because it made me think of you and it's like a specific present I bought for you. Not just like, I buy you a Nova Scotian flag. Like if it's like, well, does Nova Scotian? Yeah, fine. They don't have, they do not have a flag. I'm sure they have some sort of flag. Something like, welcome to Nova Scotia. Nova Scotia is for lovers. It's just Ellen Page giving a thumbs up. I think that the nice thing about giving it during

candle nights is that you spare yourself the awkwardness of the person not having a reciprocal gift. Like, oh, that's the worst. You got me this from China. That's cool. I was in Logan County and I have a half a Gatorade left. Well, no, that's not the scenario. The scenario is next time you go on international travels, you know, you got, we have friends who spent the summer in Africa and when they came back, they brought us like shirts that they had made for us. Like out of these like beautiful fabrics that were like sized to fit and all looked super dope on us. And it's like, thanks guys, we will never, ever be able to feel okay. But there's nowhere we could go and nothing else we could, right. I got you a BMW. I went to Germany and I got you

an authentic, that's where those are made, right? I got you an authentic Swiss Rolex. I think this is why everyone, before your friends leave for an international trip, you should just remind them what kind of weird little tchotchkes you collect. If you're like shot glasses, just know it's easy. I'm going to take this weight off your shoulder. Just give me like a shot glass. Just give me a shot glass. I collect, you know, nail clippers from around the world. Just that's it. Don't worry about it. Having a collection is really a gift that you give to other people. I mean, that is the most beautiful thing you could do is have a collection because now anytime anybody is like, um, hard up, let me just get Justin a

full motion video Sega CD game from wherever country I'm at and I'll just bring that home for him. No problem. That's their whole fucking trip. It's like, what are we doing on Wednesday? We're in, we're in Sydney, Australia. What are we going to do on Wednesday? Well, we got to find a fucking video game store, a used video game store that is very well stocked. I hear there's a back alley vendor. He's got the full motion videos right next to the mob. They've got to be NTSC format, which is going to be very difficult to find here. And it looks like the only one he does not have is double switch. Do you think they call it another shrimp on the Atari?

No, why would it? It might do that. This Yahoo was sent in by Ryan Berry. Thank you, Ryan. It's by Yahoo Answers User G who asks, I had a wet dream. I was being chased by a bear. Bear. Wait, what? There's no additional information. That's all you get. Damn it. Oh, God, the bear is going to eat me. And also, why am I coming? Oh, God, I just, I love cake, but you know what, bears don't know, safe horns. That's true. No, I can't imagine. It's a pretty good defense mechanism. The bear's like, whoa.

I'm going to go. You said duck tails, so I'm going to back off. No, duck tails can't be our parental password to know that an adult is down and also be safe for rough stuff. Do you think it's possible that this person doesn't know what wet dream means? And like, they got so scared that they wet the bed and then they woke up and were like, I'm a man. Oh, they woke up covered in honey. It wasn't a dream. It wasn't a dream. By the way, this is posted in Yahoo Answers section titled Dream Interpretation. So, you know that's all that we're doing for the next episode.

Our special Dream Interpretation episode. Did anyone try to interpret this particular nighttime journey? Well, Yahoo Answers user Jamie did say, well, there's such a thing as an erotic nightmare, which, by the way, is the new subtitle of my brother, my brother and me. An erotic nightmare for the modern era. Even though I never had one, what others are saying is correct. Besides, when you dream or have nightmares, you're in REM sleep, in which you will normally have an erection anyway. No fucking way is that true, Jamie. How were your Zs last night? Good.

I got down to like REM level four was hard as a rock the whole time. Hey, let me ask you guys, did you guys ever have wet dreams? Is this a ring up? I'm asking you too, did you ever have wet dreams growing up? I was so worried about having a wet dream. I was very proactive about making sure that would be a biological impossibility. Wet dreams. Do you guys ever have a wet dream? I don't want to talk about this. Hey, you brothers. Hey, my brothers. Hey, my biological brothers. Did you guys, when you were growing up, did you ever have come out of your wet dream while you were sleeping? Do you ever have nocturnal emissions, brother in so mine?

I feel like the very idea of wet dreams should be a thing that like people sort of just just like bury in their backyard and never speak about. Like wet dreams is not a thing you post on Yahoo Answers and say like, I dreamed about a bear eating me. And also, apparently I was super into it. Oh, see, I didn't even consider the possibility that the bear caught and ate you. If that's the case, maybe you're into VOR. He might be into VOR. Do you know what? Something I learned last time we talked about VOR.

Our listeners really love it when I talk about VOR. It's like listening to Conan O'Brien talk about video games. It's like something you think that this person doesn't know about. Guys, I know all about VOR. Not that it's my particular cup of tea. I just find it very fascinating. And you know what else is weird? When you talk about VOR, that's an ASMR trigger for me. Oh, what is that? ASMR? Is it like this gentle speaking?

Yeah. And like ASMR videos, I've gotten really into them lately, you guys. Yeah, me too. And when you have ASMR, you get tingles. Griff, you ever get that tingle when like you're getting your hair cut or like you're getting measured maybe for clothes and you get that like tangle in the back of your head? And then you wake up and you come. No, well, no.

No, it's not like that. I just find it so fascinating the things that give people voters. Do you want to try to, hey, you know what we should do? We should do an ASMR section. Okay. See, here's how you do it, right? You just, you're going to talk like this and you say like, hello and welcome to my clinic.

I'm going to be your pretend doctor. Let me check. Just lie back and I'm going to massage your scalp. This is my partner. What is your practice? Why are you ASMR Batman? My practice is where's Valkyrie? I'm fine.

Valkyrie. This is my partner, Dr. Travis. Patrick McElroy. Hey. He's going to take. Hey, guys. I'm here to talk to you. I don't think that was ASMR.

I'm going to rub your head. Rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub, rub. I'm rubbing it. This is the telling me to rub your head. Scalp, scalp, scalp, scalp, scalp, scalp, scalp. Can I try? Can I try to do it? Yeah, go for it, Griffin.

Hey, everybody. This is Griffin coming at you with my soothing ASMR. I did an arm fart. What age of person is appropriate to be listening to their ASMR video? Sometimes when I'm on the ASMR creep, I find myself accidentally listening to a video of a person that might not be 18 years old. And then I have to say to myself, uh-oh, do I need to pump a break? Is this the guy who answers question you're reading or Justin the answers question?

This is a Justin answers special Justin Knights mystery for you guys at what age? Because you know who has free time to talk quietly into a microphone, 15 year olds. So I'm saying, is it okay to listen to an underage ASMR video? No, fucking of course not. I didn't think so. I'm going to say right here that ASMR is not inherently sexual. So yes, it's fine. What is it?

Yes, yeah, you know what actually the 100% is. What? Because you're gleaning a very intimate sensation from those videos. You did not know what ASMR was fucking threat. You just went zero to judgey in like three minutes because you didn't know what ASMR was and now you decided it's sexual. Classic. If not sexual, what is it?

It's just like a pleasant relaxing thing. You know what else is? Wet dreams. Yeah. Nice relaxing wet dream. You ever wake up from a wet dream just feeling like you just like guzzled down a fresco? I feel like a million bucks and also sticky. Thank you very much subconscious.

I enjoyed that quite a bit. This seems like one of those segments that people are going to tweet at us and say, listen, I'm usually down with anything. But that prolonged segment where you asked your brothers what wet dreams they had may have been too much even for me. What's up, you cool babies? Well, we only have like six boundaries left. And I it's like sweeps week.

You know what I mean? We're in the heat of fall pilot season. We got to compete with the fucking flash somehow. Tell me about your jizz nightmare. Tune in this week. Your jizz autosies. Look at fucking utopia. Utopia is going to be canceled in two weeks and the world will mourn the loss of something

that they never knew that they should love. We could fall down the same pit if we don't keep it spicy. Are you talking about the reality show utopia? I'm talking about the shit reality show utopia that nobody but you and I are watching. It's amazing, right? We can't get started. OK. We probably can't go down a utopia rabbit hole, right?

No. OK. But did you watch the new episode? And aren't they kind of ruining it with confessionals? I didn't watch this week's episode. We have a special like topical, like timely. Are you ready? This year Halloween falls on a Friday.

I'm excited to be able to celebrate the holiday on the weekend. What the fuck are you doing? I'm reading a question on my own man now. Don't hold me back, dad. What are you? You move out to fucking count now your hot shot LA. Travis, we love it. I'm tired of this.

I'm tired of you. Big timing. So you can go to In-N-Out Burger whenever you want. And I do. So it's so it's 10 o'clock there. I'm done with this. Do you want to read? Go ahead.

Let's hear your LA infections. You take the four or nine. Halloween falls on a Friday. OK. California. Do you guys remember? OK, you ready? Yeah, I guess.

I only do one thing on this show, but I guess I'll just slide it over. This year Halloween falls on a Friday. I'm excited to be able to celebrate. No, you. OK, you take it. I don't want to. I'm done with that now.

I don't do that anymore. Now Justin's doing Yahoo's and I just fucking kick it. This year Halloween falls on a Friday. I'm excited to be able to celebrate the holiday on the weekend as I love dressing up in costumes. Would it be socially acceptable to go out on Saturday night in costume as well? Oh, sure.

October, October 32nd. Sounds good to me. I don't want the party to end, but I also don't want to be the only person there in costume. Trick or Trouble. Hey, good news. You will be. You will be the only person.

Although I don't know. I mean, October 32nd is becoming an increasingly popular day for people to dress up in costume. I don't know about you, Griffin. I didn't understand a fucking word Travis just said. Where was the inflection? The heart, the energy, the passion. He didn't he didn't fuck up reading like a word

that was three syllables long, which is I don't know. I've just become so accustomed to the sound of your voice, I guess it's there is no there is no day that brings more of a tonal shift to your life. Maybe January 1st rival set. But like November 1st is such a momentous thing. It's like, all right, we're done with those bullshit holidays. Time to get down to that sweet stuff.

The temperature plummet's like 30 degrees overnight. The fall the fall leaves start a fallen. All the pumpkins turn to ash. And it's like it's fucking go time. It's fucking turkey time. Have you guys think it's weird? I was thinking about this for the first time this year. I have a jack-o'-lantern on my porch now.

I still carve. It seems like a lot of people aren't into that anymore. I don't see a lot of those anymore, but I still carve. And I have it there. And I was thinking about how I need to get rid of that. And then I was thinking like, don't pumpkins kind of weirdly straddle the line between like Halloween and autumnal? Like if I turn this bad boy around,

can it just be an autumnal decoration to a rots, of course? Well, and then it's just like a commentary on life. Think about it. Think about it, people. I get this question because like, so we'll take 30 seconds to talk about the fact that Griffin and I both dressed up as Bob Belcher from Bob's Burgers this year.

What the fuck, by the way? What the fuck? I'm almost certain I told you that I was doing that before. No, we haven't spoken in three weeks. And our wives were both like, no, it was great. And it was totally cute. And our friend, Brad, be our dress up too. So we had this weird like, are you?

Yeah, I am. Did you? Yeah. But so I've got a full beard and Bob has a mustache. So I like debated all day. Like, do I shave down for one night? And it seems like all of this work, all this money you spend on costumes

and time-spending costume together and everything like that, for maybe like six hours of enjoyment. And then you're just done. Like it's not a thing like you're investing in for the rest of the year. Like you're- I beg to differ.

I actually bought a wig that I think I'm gonna get a lot of use out of, sexually. I didn't mean to say that last word again. I keep doing that. I keep adding in the, meant to think the last words, but then I say them out loud. God damn it. The mustache too.

God damn it. I was kind of depressing. This was the first year in like a long time that I haven't gotten like a Halloween costume together. It's always hugely stressful because Sydney and I burned like Wayne and Garth way too early in our relationship. And we should have hung on to it for a while longer.

So it's always good to rotate through though. Every seven years you can do the costume over. You think I can revisit it? You think it's time? Yeah. I'm looking forward to five years from now when I can do Marty McFly again. We all are.

I thought you were team and T. I was, but it was really just a T-shirt and a mask. I mean, it was fine. It just wasn't for a party. Like a lot of times at the Halloween party I'm straddling that line between like, are people gonna get this? And does it bring-

Do I think it's personally entertaining? One year I was six-stringed samurai from that hit indie film, six-stringed samurai. And I walked around the neighborhood in just like a suit with a sword because that's like the whole bit. And nobody got that one. So that was not a good costume.

I thought that was a failure on my part. Yeah. I mean, we've all shot the, shot the cannon indoors like that. This was actually the first year I think ever where I was known for, well, I don't know. The year the movie kick-ass came out, I bought a kick-ass outfit, but it was really tight. And I had to wear jeans underneath it

because my dick was just like, Hey guys, happy Halloween. Oh, cute costume. I'm Griffin Stick. You can see me like I'm just out there. And the mask didn't fit over my giant head. So I'm not maskless. And so I just basically look like a sex pervert

who is really dumpy from the waist down. What were we talking about? I did, I did, I did, yeah. Speaking of this exact situation last year, right around Halloween time, but it is not Halloween, a Halloween related story, I was directing a production of, it's a bird, it's playing Superman.

And the young man who was playing Superman, who also is a listener of this program, hi Drew, he was- Drew Davenport? No, Drew Edwards. He was playing Superman. And he was trying to figure out what, how the situation down there-

needed to be sort of curtailed or restrained in some way. And he tried several options and was asking me for feedback. And so I was in the unavailable position of trying to tell a 17 year old how much of his dick could be showing. Did you ask one time? Did you ask him to describe

his different experiments using ASMR? You fucking weirdo. Start again, whisper, please. One of my friends asked me to ask you what the best solution was when my friends did that. What was the best solution? He asked his name is George. Some sort of like weight belt, I think.

It ended up being like the thing, it was like compression shorts that you do for sports. Compression shorts. Was one of the options he had lean into it? Yeah. That's not for the moms. Tuck a few fake dicks down there

and they won't know which ones. Which ones, right? This is the old decoy dick. The old Cthulhu's beard. You guys want a Yahoo? Yes, please. This Yahoo was sent in by Level 45,000 Yahoo Answers user,

or Yahoo Answers Shaman, Drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew. It's by Yahoo Answers user Kelly45712 who asks, What are some cute Halloween names for spaghetti, French bread, and salad? What are some cute Halloween names for spaghetti, French bread, and salad? Okay, wait, so like, Sheenie.

I'll give you an example. This is Yahoo Answers, the best answer, which I certainly will not debate. Yahoo Answers user, double, says for spaghetti, Spooketti. That's what I was gonna say. That's really good. It's really good. What about French witch's hair?

That's pretty good, too. Are we talking about, like, you're trying to trigger, like, oh, put your hand in there. It's like, it's eyeballs. It's great. It's what it is. It's great. It's cool.

It's always grapes. Some Medusa Bush. That was gross. I'm sorry I said Medusa Bush, everybody. But you think about it. Probably snakes down there, too, right? Okay. No, no, no.

Are you asking me right now? Yeah. If Medusa has snakes from here that she would have tiny. You asked me about my night jizz. I'm asking you if Medusa, Travis, you'll get one later in the show, Justin, I'm specifically asking you if Medusa has snakes down there.

If the carpet matches the snakes. I have always thought of Medusa as someone who's down to clown 24-7. I'm assuming she keeps it shorn. Maybe just one strip of snakes, or maybe snakes that are trying to run. Just snake blood, one special high. Maybe she shapes it into the shape of a plane

and is like, get it? My name is Dennis. I made the cut, literally. I'm the one pubic snake who's here every year. I'm so lonely. French bread, double says, could be dead man's finger or dead man's finger slices. It's too small for a finger.

It's more like a butt cheek that you cut off. Maybe like a toasted butt cheek. Dead man's loafer. Cut a man's butt cheek off, and this is the butt cheek I toasted it at. It's car keys, Italian. What if you called the French bread salad, because that's spookier than bread is, I think.

Pretty good joke, Bazooka Joe. Keep him coming. What would the salad be then? Because what's worse than a spooky salad? It's pretty good, I guess. I mean, no, that wasn't my intent. Don't just clarify. You mean a spooky name for a salad.

You just call it a salad with scarits. I like that. Tom's scarits? Tom's scarits. What about with 1,000 dialand dressing? And blue cheese. Wait till you decide. Blue cheese.

Blue cheese. Blue cheese. Obviously, blue cheese. Blue cheese. I meant blue cheese. Blue cheese. Of course, blue cheese. So are you the money zone?

I think so, actually. You guys have heard of TV, right? Wait, what? Have you guys heard of TV? Like shows episodic in nature? Like tuberculosis? No, like short movies, TV. I guess so.

I got something better than TV. TV sucks is for old people. Just found out TV existed. Hold on. Yeah, can you fucking slow your roll? Sorry, I let it go already. TV's last gen and next is Hulu. But Hulu, you guys remember Hulu?

Remember? No, what is Hulu? Forget Hulu, because now there's Hulu Plus. God, you're asking us to forget a lot of shit right now that we literally just heard about. It is an internet streaming service. It's got all the current season episodes, the favorite shows like Modern Family,

The Daily Show with John Searra, and every episode of some shows like South Park, and which is just in Hulu Plus. If you want to get that whole South Park canon, that's the place to get it. Now that you've brought up Hulu, and I've done research on it in the last 0.5 seconds, they also have lots of originals and exclusive content.

So the second season of East List High, which season one and two are up, so that's like a full two days. You're welcome. You can also watch The Hot Wives of Orlando, which is a parody of The Real Housewives, starring Casey Wilson, Kristen Shaw, Angela, like pretty much the greatest.

Angela Kenzie, it's an amazing cast. They just added all three seasons of Burning Love, which is fucking the best and funniest show on television. You should definitely be watching that. Also A&T and Cycle21, Boyz still in the house, Booch Tooch. Booch Tooch. Boys are not out of the house.

Boys, they cannot evict these boys. They can, however, put all of the contestants in a haunted asylum and take pictures of them while people chase them with chainsaws and knives and shit. Quit the version to just like wag my finger at the producers of A&TM. Some of us plan our weeks around it, so when you drop a recap special,

and I have set an hour of my Friday night aside for your program, not cool. And when you fucking tease the week before at the end of the episode, that the next week's episode is going to be a very, very special episode where they tackle Adam's unsafe drinking, and then you follow that up with a fucking recap.

When I say I'm on A&TM recap, the only thing I can assume is that one of the contestants they expected to die did not. They budget for one to die every year, and it did not come to fruition. I mean, they did get that one guy out who left, and I said, you know what? I said good riddance.

I think we all know what guy I'm talking about, and his behavior was unacceptable. I do not accept it. Get the fuck out of here. Oh, wait, you're already gone, because you're a fucking joker. For $8 a month, you could be having conversations just like this,

but you don't have to pony up that eight bucks right now. I know we're going to give you a two-week free trial of Hulu Plus. Go to huluplus.com slash my brother. That's all one word. Huluplus.com slash my brother, and get two weeks free of Hulu Plus. Go.

Talking to myself out. Can I just say one last thing on the subject, though? Yeah. Can you make it snag-related? Just really quick. I thought that that dude's beard weave was looking a lot better. I'm not, that's not a joke.

It started to look a lot more natural. I don't know what fucking witchcraft they used. I too thought Denzel's beard weed was starting to look better. Two words, people. Beard weave. Two more words. Free snacks. We're going to give you free snacks from Nature Box.

Those are delicious snacks that are wholesome snacks that don't have a lot of weird stuff. They don't have- How artificial has come and gone. You've eaten your fun-sized candy bars, your nerds, your nerd ropes, your nerd chains, your Tootsie Roll Pops of all flavors. Time to purify.

These snacks have no artificial flavors or colors or sweeteners. There's no trans fat. There's no high fructose corn syrup. They're wholesome. You can feel good about giving them to your family or to trick-or-treaters. Loose.

Give them a handful. Give them a handful of loose choco-nom-nom. All loose dark cocoa almonds or loose sweet potato fries or loose peanut butter-nom-nom. Maybe slightly warmed from sitting in the palm of your hand. That's sweet and savory and spicy snacks. We ran out of Halloween candy this year

because we completely under- it's our first year Halloween in this new house and we totally underestimated how many trick-or-treaters were going to come. We ran out of candy. And so we started handing out these rice crackers that we brought back from Japan. Like, enjoy kids.

You're going to have a real multicultural experience. You're welcome from the Macaroys. So you can get a free box of these snacks and really get in there and try them out. Go to NatureBox.com slash my brother and you'll get a free trial box of delicious snacks. Stay full, stay strong. Go to NatureBox.com slash my brother

and you'll get a free trial of delicious snacks. Here is a message for Corey from Julia, Tim, Emo, Kate, Trevor, Robert, Elijah, Lydia, Lydia, Jason, Mari, Will, Katie, Gary, Evan, Cole, and Ev. They may have run out of space. But I'm assuming there's another one. Okay. Here is the message for Corey.

Happy birthday, Corey. Bazinga, you motherfuckers. I think that's trademarked. So we're going to go to prison. I think it's Bazinga. But Junjos, we couldn't afford that adult teen baby costume you wanted, so we got you the next best thing.

You're our favorite Cali boy, whose sexy swag will take him far. We know you've got to go fast, so we'll keep this short. Grab yourself a boat drink and give buckaroo some of your fuzzy hugs. Love ya, sad and grossest voice. Sugar love.

Oh, see, I thought it was going to go more like the direction of the dude from Men in Black. I have a second message here. And this one's from Corey. It is just from buckaroo. And buckaroo says, that's right. We love you so much. We got you two messages from the brothers of McRoy.

We got your back through thick and thin. I think this entire commercial break, apparently, from your woodworking to your cooking, you've given us a lot. So here's to you, Milady. Tip, tip, tip. May the... I don't know what any of this means.

I'm just hanging in there. May the rest of your year be filled with primo-goofs, dog kisses, and good times. And don't forget, Shrek is love, Shrek is life. Oh, hell, Shrek. Oh, hell, Shrek. Thank you, Shrek. Oh, man, that's fantastic.

There's a lot. What a lucky boy that Corey is. Probably the luckiest. Can I just say one thing? I do wonder how Buckaroo got their own message while Julia, Tim, Emil, Kate, Trevor, Robert, Elijah, Lydia, Jason, Mari, Will, Katie, Gary, Evan, Colin, Ev had to go fucking splitsies like 14 ways on the first one.

Yeah, pretty hard to figure that one out. Unless Buckaroo is their hive mind name. In which case, that's pretty sexy. We are Buckaroo. We are all Buckaroo. I am Buckaroo. I'm going to force Buckaroo into some sheep and make him run off a cliff.

What's up? My name is Jasper Redd, co-host of The Goose Down, along with the lovely Kimberly Clark. And we want to invite you into the comfort and groove of our podcast that encompasses the arts and entertainment. You can check us out at maximumfund.org. Also available on iTunes. My brother is older than me by nine years,

and he has been my role model since I can remember, as is typically the case with an older sibling. He's a firefighter. He was briefly a pro kayaker. He's a carpenter. I'm feeling inferior. Like, as I read this, he's a dog from drowning. Cool.

He basically matches all the criteria for being a true American hero, except he told me yesterday after talking on the phone that he's recently started sitting down to pee. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. His reasoning is it's more sanitary, and you get to relax for a few seconds. Should I still look up to him, although I can't help,

but picture him sitting on the toilet to number one? Well, this new image of I have of him past, should I be concerned? That's from Standing Strong in Columbus. While in Japan, I sat down for every number, for any number, because then Turlets do some really great shit. You can get a soothing spray, which I always felt a very silent judgment from my wife every time

that I exercised that option, because you know, like, you know, no door is thick enough to keep that sound out. That's true. That's a very specific noise. It's a very specific noise. There's a motor involved, but there's also deodorizers. There's all kinds of great stuff that you can get down there.

It's a wonderful device. And I gotta say, I kind of dug it. Kind of liked it. There's very little guesswork involved. There's very little triangulation that you gotta do. If anyone else was in a career where they had to target something, right, if you had cut your finger as a chef as many times as I have been caught peeing on the floor,

you would have lost your privileges by this point. I have almost certainly lost my right to stand up to pee. I think I've abused that privilege to a point that is beyond the pale. I feel like it's a weird stigma to be like, oh, you sit down? And it's like, yeah, why? Why is that?

I have a question for our question asker. How did that conversation come up? Do you record a podcast? Because that's the only reason I talk about peeing with my brother. Hey, that's pretty great. I went grocery shopping. Did you stand up or sit down and you pee today? I'm pretty sure that the person didn't mean to phrase it this way.

But they said he told me yesterday after talking on the phone, I know they meant that like they learned this while talking on the phone. But I like to imagine they mean literally after talking on the phone, the brother was like, oh, facts coming in. Check the facts. One more addendum. I always sit down to have wet dreams. That's not true.

Do you guys want a yahoo? This yahoo was sent in by Jacob Locker. Thank you, Jacob Locker. It's by Yahoo Answers user heartbrokenkid. Heartbrokenkid asks in the etiquette subcategory, flushing food in the toilet. So my boyfriend was raised to flush food down the toilet. And of course I wasn't.

I told him- Sounds like your parents are doing some A-B testing. I told him I do not approve of that and all the reasons why it is wrong and not safe. But he continues to argue with me about it. I told him if we move in together, I do not want that going on and says it's our place I'm allowed to and I don't care. What should I do? I told him with all the petty stuff I put up with you,

you can't do that simple task. Yes, I know actually researching people do this, but he is the first I met. It's gross and as bad as what's already going on in the toilet. That's debatable. You don't know what I'm capable of in there. Sometimes when we do these yahoo answers, I upset myself because I don't just disregard it immediately.

I sit there and go, well, hold on. Are we talking about such and such or such? So like I'm listening to this question and saying like, are you talking about like he finishes eating and there's some leftovers on the plate and rather than like go to the kitchen, he walks into the bathroom and scrapes his plate in the toilet. Are you talking about like, oh, he dropped some goldfish crackers on the ground and rather than go to a trash can,

he was next to the toilet and just threw them away. I just googled it. It is a thing guys. I'm reading a blog post now called a case for not throwing food in the toilet. Why do we need a case? Why do we have to get fucking litigious about this thing? It's against God's law. So wait Griffin, I hate to ask you to sacrifice yourself like this,

but tell me more about what you found from Google. Here's an argument for a case for not flushing food in the toilet. Flushing food creates clogs. Yeah, dog, when you put your fucking heaps of spaghetti in the toilet, it's not going to work anymore because it's not a garbage disposal, it's a toilet. You also run a terrible risk of flushing food down the toilet, walking out of the room. It doesn't flush properly.

You come back in two hours later and think, what the fuck did I do? Fuck, it stains full of dude fingers. I have done that before with I'll empty out like the last of a Coke or something like down the end of the toilet while I'm cleaning up and I won't flush it because that seems like a waste. It's not pee pee or anything. And then I'll come back in an hour and think, oh my God, what has happened to me? Do you think that that's a gateway drug to putting food in the toilet, Justin?

It might be the first step. So yes, in terms of what a gateway drug is, I also have to call out on Friday. I went to use the bathroom and saw a giganto thing of hair that had been pulled from the hairbrush that my wife had tossed into the toilet and not the trash can, which is right next to that option. That she had one thing that can definitely clog if you put enough hair in it and then a trash can. And she went for the thing that you could definitely clog.

So I had to get into the pee water to fish the hair out to put in the trash can because I can't afford a plumber right now. I got a baby. My name is Dave Berry. Yeah, Jesus Christ. I've been Ray Romano. This has been my stand up comedy podcast. I guess I just don't understand unless you're eating in the bathroom.

Why is this more? Done. Is that what you're saying? I can't possibly stop. I couldn't possibly splooge. I can't understand why you like why you sit there and go, I know this is this is the best option. This is what I want to do to the point where your girlfriend says like,

hey, when we move in together, don't do that anymore. And he's like, don't try to change me. I mean, what's the fucking, what is the fucking argument? I pay rent here too. And if I want to put my leftover steak in the in the toilet, I will. The craziest thing here is the pushback really, because I think we're all waiting to get busted for whatever we're doing in the bathroom. We're all assuming that we're doing it wrong anyway.

And if someone's like calls us on any specific thing, we will instantly change. If someone if someone kicked in the door like, no, you're supposed to wipe side to side. I'd be like, fuck, 27 years have been doing this wrong. God damn. I like that there's a part of this answer question that's like, and with everything else I put up with, I ask for this one thing and get pushed back. What else is this guy doing that this is the minor petty thing? He's cheated on me 96 times.

He sold my dog for weed money. That's cool. I've made my peace with that. He sold my weed for dog money. He sold my weed for dog money and did not make a clean profit. Putting the Bisco brand vanilla wafers into the toilet. That's all I'm asking. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now.

Things are going great, but there's one issue that people keep bringing up to me. Only about three photos of myself and my girlfriend together currently exist. We just aren't big picture people. And I don't even have a decent photo capable, decent photo capable camera or phone readily available. Should we be taking more photographs? I'm going to assume they met photo capable phone as opposed to a photo capable camera.

Because I think that's pretty high on the list of features. I also want to say you could probably have just said decent camera. Is this a camera? I guess. But anyway, camera or photo capable phone readily available. Should we be taking more photographic evidence of our relationships continued existence or am I getting worried over nothing? Pictureless in Pennsylvania.

This is actually something I've been thinking about a lot with like the baby I've been taking. I don't know how many pictures you're supposed to take of your baby. I take a lot of pictures of my baby. But a lot of times I'll recently I've been thinking about like stuff will show her as she gets older. And like I don't have any pictures from my honeymoon. I don't think like I don't think we took any pictures.

Here's the thing is also like Teresa and I until we got married. There were only in existence like two printed out photos of us. And I think what it is is we live together. We've lived together for almost our entire relationship. And like we see each other every day. So it just never occurs to me like there's no photos of us because we're like together. But like my friends that like live all over the country. Then I sit there and go, ah, it's nice to look on this picture of my brother.

So I don't see every day or my friend Justin who I don't see every day. My friend, you know, you look at a picture of us every day and just like I have a picture of you two right by the front door so that every time I leave the house. I think about you guys just look and you think you just think your thoughts about us. Yeah, picture is a trap. It's the you and Griffin I think on like a subway or something and some kind of train together. And like you're leaning forward and it's a very cute picture of both me and I just look at it and I kiss it as I walk out.

And I say, where do you kiss it? I kiss it square on the face. Slow down. Okay, both of you, I will. And I kiss both of you on the face and I take turns that who's going to be the first when each time I do it. And then when I come home and say, I'm sorry I let you down again. Get him next time.

Tomorrow for sure. And when I say leave the house, I walk down to the corner and just stand there for 30 seconds and you guys will think I'm trying to do something out here. Anybody want to put me in a movie? Tomorrow for sure. There hasn't been a single movie filming on my block yet. We love it. But I'll get it.

I'll get it for you guys. I'm not going to get you. Griffin, do you know that I tried to get Travis? I tried to get Travis to go to Utopia so he could be on that show. Oh, fuck Travis. He would have been great. You can visit. Oh, yeah.

You can visit Utopia. And here's the thing about you. Okay, we can't. I'm sorry. We can't. We can teetery on the edge. Super quick. Super quick.

Utopia is a reality TV show about people trying to forge a new community together. It's amazing. But they let people visit, right? And they film it because they're filming 24 hours a day. This is a situation that is bizarre to me because people have come in and inserted themselves into the romantic lives of these people. There's a gentleman who's a beekeeper who just came to sell them some bees and ended up on the show.

This seems very treacherous to me in California where people could drive from LA. And if you are crazy enough, if you do something noteworthy, you will end up in the TV show. That seems like irresistible. Yeah. I don't understand why there aren't more people just getting buck wild in that place. Yeah. I imagine the waiting list has to be pretty long at this point.

How many pictures? Like, okay, but see, I'm going to the other side of this is like, what if you walked into someone's house and they just had like 30 pictures of themselves and their partner just like as soon as you walked in the door. And they were all like from like different poses and different outfits. And they're like, this is our documented love. Well, nobody has that. That's what I'm saying.

So like how many pictures do you need? Like I say that like if you're in a long term committed relationship, you've been dating for about a year now, like you're fine because the next thing that happens, I mean, really not to freak you guys out, is you get married and then they document the fuck out of it and then you're good forever. And that's it. You super get that one. Yeah.

Like you super definitely 100% get that one. To the point where it is weird if you don't, like people will comment if you don't document the shit out of your wedding. So it's like, okay, great. Now, Teresa and I went from having two pictures of us to having like 200 pictures of us. And it's like, okay, we're good. I actually get keep a reserve of those that you guys have not seen. And and every like five years or so, I'll drop another 20.

And we'll all remember, we'll all talk about it. Oh, it's so cold, but the food was so great. It was the most beautiful wedding I went to that year. Well, I mean, yeah. There were other winners. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. I think it's a tricky problem because it's not something that you can do anything about. It's a, other people have to take the pictures of you.

You cannot, you can't, well, we just got back from our honeymoon. We took almost no pictures. I mean, we didn't take pictures of ourselves at all. We had to get other people to do it. It was occasionally only be occasionally incredibly awkward, because once we climbed to the top of the mountain and asked a gentleman, we did not know to take the pictures. And then he stood there for a while when we waited for the couple who was taking pictures

at the sightseeing point that we wanted to get her picture taken at. And eventually after about 30 seconds or so, the man said, my tour group is gone. That was a pretty cool time. It's like, that's what I'm talking about. That's, that is the kind of social issue I run into whenever I try to get people to take pictures of us. Yeah, I think you're good. I don't think this is the thing you want to force or try to make happen.

Or else you're like, you might as well just like hire a photographer and say, like, hey, would you do like a session with us and take photographs? Could you have an open marriage and the third person is a photographer? There you go. There you go. I really liked our wedding photographers. Did you really, really like them? I've seen them at a couple other weddings.

Like open marriage like them? I've seen them at a couple other weddings and they remembered us. So I'm just going to put that out there. Okay, just play it cool. Don't rush it. Yeah, I hope they're not listeners. Statistically speaking, they're probably not. On November 30th, I'm headed down to Cosimo, Mexico

to attempt my first Iron Man triathlon. That's 2.4 miles swimming, 112 miles cycling. Oh, so this person's full of shit. Because that's the thing I've been good to do. I've been training hard, but I'm still nervous. It'll be grueling. No shit. The race will take 12 to 16 hours to complete.

What are you doing? Do you have any motivational phrases or race tips I can use to get through the day? Not so far. Every edge I can get. That's Chris from Arlington, Virginia. Carve it. Carve that race's butt. Okay, you have to do one of the three of these.

Doing all three is unthinkable. You have to do one of the three of these, which would you guys pick? You know, I would say not swimming. No, fuck no. It seems like a thing that if you get exhausted in the middle, you die. You die. You would die in it. I would definitely die if they're running too.

I think the cycling, I would be, I would get very sick. How much of this downhill? I don't know, but it's 112 miles downhill. I think I could do it. That's the one thing about 112 miles in your cycle. You can take some breaks for coasties in there. You can get some coasties and try to like reacclimate. And you are sitting.

So that's nice. It's also just occurred to me that I really hope that this whole triathlon is like a circle or also when you finish, it's 16 hours later and you're like a full three hours drive away from where you started. How do you get back? Maybe the best we can provide in terms of motivation is just telling you that it's impossible. And so with every step you take, know that you're defying both us and the laws of nature and physics.

So this is your friends and my brother, my brother may be telling you it cannot be done. Can't be done. No one, you're going to, no one's crossing that finish. No one man has ever finished an Iron Man challenge before. You know what's funny about that? It would be way harder to do if you were Iron Man. Like really hard, especially the swim. I don't think you make it 30 seconds into swimming if you're Iron Man.

You would have to have a super strong bicycle to hold up the weight of the suit. And then you're going to run and like you're not allowed to use your blasters. Like you have to run. No thrusters. I saw that note. Yeah. Running, you're going to leave a bunch of holes in the ground because your suits really heavy. Shouldn't this be called the Iron Person Triathlon?

It absolutely should be called the Iron Person Triathlon. Or it should be called the Iron Imaginary Person Triathlon because nobody can do that. 12 to 16 hours. I had a 10 hour flight that I sat through. I took two naps and I watched the Amazing Spider-Man 2. It sucked dick. And when I got off the plane, I was exhausted. It can't be done.

How much money would you guys pay to participate in a triathlon? Now hear me out. All the triathlon is, is it's on an undisclosed location that only the quote participants are told about. You get to hang out in like a bunker for 12 hours. Then they spritz you down with water and you get to come out like real sweaty and be like, I did it. You do it.

You do a half mile of cycling. You do 120 feet of the watermelon crawl. And then they will give you a certificate that says like, I definitely did this. And then you get a bus ride back. That's the third leg. And back the 120 feet. Super impressed. Everybody gets a participation ribbon and you get like,

you get like a photoshopped picture of you like running through like the ticker tape at the end. No, you won't. It's photoshopped because you can't even run like four feet. It's, it's, it's going to be, it's going to be your head on the body. You actually just lay down on a bed and raise your arms above you and look exhausted. And then they remove the bed and stand you up. And stand you up. They photoshop you next to Usain Bolt.

He's got his arm around you. This guy can run. There's a speech bubble in the photoshop. This guy's a, this guy's a running fiend. Everything I know about running, I learned from Steve. The one condition I would need if I was going to do it to an Ironman triathlon or an Iron person triathlon, if you like, is that I, at the end, I would need there to be complimentary pizza and pop.

If I got like halfway through and I knew that waiting for it at the end was complimentary pizza and my choice of soft drink, I think I would be able to push through to the end. I'm going to sweeten the deal and motivate. Here's the motivation for our listener. At the end of the race, there's complimentary pizza and pop, but there's not enough for everybody. And I heard they were running out. And you're racing against, and you're racing against a bunch of hungry boys. Here is my no bullshit offer to you, Chris from Orleans, Virginia.

If you complete the Ironman triathlon and you send us a picture of you completing it, along with your mailing address. No Usain Bolt photoshop, shitty bullshit. No bullshit. If you finish this race, I will send you a complimentary third delivery, complimentary pizza and two liter of your choice of soft drink. I am guaranteeing you free pizza and pop from my own wallet delivered to your door. If you complete the triathlon, believe me, you'll have earned it.

Free pizza and pop. There's the motivation again. And let's push it even further. We will extend this offer to the first person who sends us this. And it has to be. I need you to have a sign like holding a sign. It's like MB and BAM and date it because I don't want some old Ironman triathlon photo. I want a new one.

The first person to complete an Ironman triathlon and send us a picture with something denoting it as for us, I will send you complimentary pizza and don't do your own Ironman triathlon. It has to be an official event. Don't just like while you're listening to this episode, like I gotta go and start swimming. Don't just start swimming. You need to be in water at the end. You will be lost. I can guarantee you that.

All right. So that's going to do it for us here on my brother and my brother. We hope you had a good time. Got some fun news for you. If you didn't hear in the last episode or on our various social media channels, we are doing a live show in Huntington, West Virginia, our hometown at Huntington City Hall, December 21st at 7 p.m. with Sawbones, the medical history podcast I do with my wife, Sydney. We are going to do a live recording called My Brother, My Brother Me,

Home for the Candlenights, a Holiday Spectacular. You can get tickets to that. Yeah, they're super cheap, 15-buck ticket. And you can get them at mbmbamcandlenights.brownpapertickets.com. We've had some people ask like how far is reasonable to travel in from. And I mean, I'm not here to answer that for you. You got to look in your own heart. But I know that there are people flying in for it.

There are people driving out. I know we have sold tickets from as far away as Chicago. Lindsay and Davin that work at Max Fun Friends, they have bought tickets and they live here in California with me. Oh, shit. Yeah. And so I will say like it's going to be a great show. It's going to be super fun.

We're really excited to do it. So I think anybody who comes is going to have a great time. We're going to find some things to do in Huntington either before or after or maybe both. There's a lot of places that are closer than you would think. Lexington is two hours away. If you're in Morgantown, it's about three hours. Pittsburgh is four. I think people in Morgantown, West Virginia, know how far away they are from Huntington.

Fair enough. Louisville is three hours. Nashville is like five, I think. We have some people coming from Nashville. The tickets are selling faster than we expected. We're not sold out yet, so that you still have a chance to get them. But do not wait. Make sure you get them, especially if you're planning to like travel in and you're making

those travel plans now, go ahead and get your tickets before they sell out. And sending questions. Some travel recommendations. I put some up on my blog, Justin McRoy. What is it? JustinMcRoy.wordpress.net, I think, or wordpress.com, where I recommended some things to do in Huntington while you're here. There's also an event page on Facebook where I posted that link and you should go say that you're

going to come to the show and you can see that and make plans and meet up with people. There's a lot to do here. There's a lot of fun stuff going on. So I think it's going to be a fun weekend. We're probably going to plan some other stuff around that event. If you want to send anything to the West Coast HQ, it's PO Box 341769, Los Angeles, California, 90034. If you want to send something to me, it's PO Box 54.

Huntington West Virginia 2S706. We got one from Jason and he sent us his band's album. The name of the album is Endless Dicks. I got a repurposed birthday card from Mary. There we go. And we got, I got some games from, I'm going to look that up while Justin talks about something else. Okay, I will talk to this about our Facebook group. It's at, just search for my brother, my brother, my mate.

It's there. You'll find it. It's not hard, but it's a booming community. Full of people that love you. Also, I want to say a big thanks to Nature Box. You can get great tasting, wholesome snacks. Go to naturebox.com slash my brother. Sign up to get your own free sampler box of those snacks.

I want to thank John Rodgerick in the Long Winters for the use of our theme song into departure off of the album, Putting the Days to Bed. It's really, it's fantastic tunes, man. We got, I, this is what I got. I got a Shakespeare role-playing game and a slash fiction role-playing game from Games by Playdate. So at Games by Playdate, send us those and they look really cool and I can't wait to play them. They also made the Sawbones game.

Did they send you one of those? Ooh, really? Yeah. Sawbones card game. It's fun. Travis, we got a YouTube channel. It's youtube.com slash nbmbam. We have a new cartoon up there about Scarecrow's that you should go watch

and Travis making bits for you to go. If you could subscribe to that and then just like send the link around to your friends. And if you are adult swim and you want to make our cartoon into a TV show, just go ahead and do that and just send us a check or whatever. Also, I want to say I'm sorry the housekeeping is so long these days, but we just got a lot of irons in the fire because we love you and we want to keep doing stuff for you and with you and just having a great time. Sorry about that.

If you want to skip it, it won't hurt my feelings, but you shouldn't because you never know what you might miss. Like New Merch at maxfunstore.com. That's just more housekeeping. That's just more housekeeping. You might miss more housekeeping. What's our featured Max Fun show of the week? Our featured song exposure, it's so, so, so good.

It's Rich K. Sherway who busts out the different parts of songs with the bands who did them. Did an episode with Anamanaguchi on the song Prom Night. It was fucking fantastic. And Anamanaguchi talked about this group called Capsule that Rachel and I got really into over in Japan. Kind of want to make it. I love the, I love the long winter theme song we have now, but these J-pop tunes are so fucking fresh. So check that out.

I may do my own podcast that has capsules theme song and I talk about four all day. And I think that there's a very specific audience that would get very into that. So anyway, yeah, go listen to Song Exploder. It's great. They talk about music parts in Vore. Excellent. That's good deal for us. I think we're probably fucking done.

Yep. This is finally a who was sent in by Drew Davenport. Thank you, Drew. It's by Yahoo Answers user Jay Rock who asks, How come people laugh when they see someone with a wallet chain, but they cry when they lose their wallet? Just a macaroon. I'm Travis Macaroy.

I'm Griffin Macaroy. This has been my brother, my brother, me. Kiss your dad, score on the lips. Yeah, yeah. And the girls didn't wanna just say a night like that. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

Listener supported. Hi, I'm Julie Sabatier, host of Destination DIY. It's a show about people taking matters into their own hands, and we're really excited to be bringing it to maximum fun. You know, having that experience of, I can do that makes me feel like I can almost do anything. Here at Destination DIY, we like to push the do-it-yourself envelope beyond crafts and home improvement.

So tune in to hear the stories of makers, builders, inventors, and all kinds of creative people. You can essentially build a do-it-yourself space program today, and now, luckily, I'm part of that. Check out Destination DIY at MaximumFun.org, or wherever you like to listen to podcasts.